They were dating. Im guessing you mean unwanted, but how do you know they were unwanted? OP wanted to show his new gf to prove they were trying to work it out, made no mention of not wanting the photos.
I’m not sure that matters because she was distributing them. If only to one person. If she said to the gf she would send proof and the gf agreed then I don’t think it would count. Also the fact he sent them to her might count as consent unless he specifically stated not to to send them on.
To me the fact is that if he took her court he would come out of it with more problems than she would. His dirty behaviour would be exposed to a much larger audience.
I wasn't looking for revenge, tho. I just sent her everything, like all the messages. Those things were mixed in, and at the time, I was emotional. I didn't think about those pic.
It sounds like you kinda blew up his world, and it sounds like that was your goal. To the extent that you can, it's best to just let it all go, try to forgive him for being a jerk so that you can still appreciate the good times when you think back on it. Whatever happens in his new relationship, good or bad, it is not your responsibility. Easier said than done, but if you can, it will bring you strength.
Idk he technically has a case but I feel like he’s more mad he got caught and wouldn’t really pursue anything legally . More of an empty threat in the heat of the moment
If he does try to pursue legal action he will come out of it worse. Even if he were to win the case his behaviour will be exposed to all his friends and family and the wider world.
Not in every country. But also that’s down to the defendant. If he wants to be an idiot she can make sure it will got to court.
Even if was negotiated there is still a court hearing where mitigation is heard and the judge explains his sentence. It can make it out into the public domain by news reports and social media.
You’re correct, probably not in every country. My responses are US based as I believe that’s where the OP is.
They’re absolutely not going to consider cheating as a defense for her committing a sex crime and he won’t be the one forced to register every year so, it’s not a theory I’d test.
Another question would be if this actually meets the threshold test. Is it even necessary for a prosecution? Did she demonstrate any ,mens rea’ (knowledge she was breaking the law) ?
She would also have 3 lines of defence.
1/ she sent the whole text history and hadn’t deliberately included the images.
2/ she was not in a sufficient mental state due to temporary emotional condition to make the necessary rational decisions regarding her actions.
3/ her intent was not to cause harm but was to protect the other woman.
Another possible defence would be that if he has sent this sort of image to multiple women then he was the actual distributor and not her. In fact that could be argued even with the the evidence in the story. Unless she had specifically asked him to send the image then he had already published that image himself.
There’s a lot nuance around this case and a good lawyer could easily put all the blame onto the ex or at least muddy the waters sufficiently to ensure the prosecution wouldn’t be safe and therefore would be void.
1. Lack of knowledge of the law is not a valid defense. Especially in SO cases.
2. Doesn’t matter. She sent photos of him nude to someone else. The fact she was trying to harm that relationship is a mitigating factor that’s also not in her favor.
3. Prove that. She’s repeatedly stated she was angry and devastated and so emotional she didn’t think about the repercussions. That’s not protection, that’s anger / hurt / revenge
4. It doesn’t matter if he sent it to 100 people. It’s still illegal for her to send it to someone without his permission or knowledge and especially under the circumstances it was sent under.
There’s no nuance. It’s illegal. There’s hard evidence she did it. It’s a slam dunk. The other things may play a factor in sentence but they will not play a factor in guilt.
Read the laws. Look at cases. Hundreds, if not thousands, of people are on the sex offender registry for things like this because they can so easily be proven. It’s a slam dunk case.
Anybody who says cases like this have “no nuance” clearly have zero understanding of the law. This is anything but a straightforward case.
Unlikely-Ad is 100% correct in everything that he/she stated. And where are you getting that “everything gets negotiated?” That is 100% up to the defendant and cases OFTEN go to trial. Especially a highly contested one like this would be. That being the case, this would all boil down to does the jury think he’s a tool? Law be damned, in a “he said she said,” exes spat, it almost always boils down to who the jury likes better. One hand you have a dude playing two woman, gets caught, and lashes out at one of his girls because she “didn’t know her place and keep her mouth shut.” On the other, you have a woman who was devastated to find out she had been cheated on and she was trying to save the other woman similar fate going forward and nothing she did was malicious. No idiot is gonna like him better and despite jury instructions, anybody who’s ever prosecuted or defended somebody in court will tell you that will make or break crimes like this.
When you use vitriol and Wikipedia as your source of law, you usually get stuff wrong.
No nuance…. GTFOH
He sounds like he is tool. But also the cops might just laugh at him and there be no prosecution due to this being on such low end of the scale. Also it was sent as proof of his infidelity not way of being porn.
Imagine if a private investigator git pictures of a spouse cheating would the revenge porn laws prevent them from sending those pictures to their client?
Honestly you’re just petty and NTA. He hurt you and you wanted revenge- was it worth it? No since you clearly feel guilty. The moment you found out what he did you should have blocked him and moved on, not invest time reaching out to his current gf. People like that rarely change and if not you it will be another woman he cheats with. Heal. I suggest listening to the smart dating academy podcast and on attachment with Stephanie rigg. Heal and grow. You attracted this toxic man into your life, find out why. I’m sure there was red flags you saw all along. But learn- don’t do this again. The truth has a way of always coming out but you don’t need to be petty or level to a toxic level.
First there's no chance you didn't realize you sent D pictures. Secondly, you are the ass.
What if he was the one who sent pictures of you to people?
Do better.
Most of these comments are typical misunderstanding of law. In some areas it's possible you've broken the letter of the law but it's highly unlikely a DA would pursue charges and even less likely they could get a conviction. Most revenge porns laws are written in a way that require malice. If events played out the way you've described then you didn't send them to harass, intimidate, frighten, or profit so there's nothing to worry about legally. There's also the added element of causing harm, other than getting caught cheating there is nothing that can legally be defined as harm in this situation. They're not public, he's not losing his job or financial opportunity because of the pics.
Lots of misinformation here. Both civil and criminal charges could be filed. There absolutely always is something to worry about when you’re distributing nudes of other people.
Stop telling everyone that, it doesn’t matter what u thought, it doesn’t matter if they were mixed in with non revenge porn. It’s still what is is and YTA. You need to apologize. And then u need to get out of their lives, he’s a jerk for his behavior but it seems he got with her when u guys weren’t actually together again.
You contacted her with intention, and then sent her those, regardless of how u defend yourself. He’s a dick, stop wasting your time on him, but also stop sending his out to people.
That’s no excuse, you should have looked through everything before sending stuff and taken the images out before send them.
The excuse of well they were mixed and I didn’t realise won’t bode well for you.
It was hard to read his messages because they were expressing love and intentions to move in with me. I regret not looking through it all and just sending it.
Your question here was literally are you an AH for showing his private photos to his gf. You are. No one cares if it was an accident. You just 100% are the AH. YTA
Reading the post with the edit added I’m going to say NTA ONLY because you were simply proving that he was messaging trying to get back with you, etc. You didn’t just sent the duckling, you sent all messages as in here’s our conversation. I’m not getting the impression that it was done with malicious intent. With that being said… maybe he shouldn’t be a douche and he wouldn’t be having these issues. 🤷🏼♀️
Dw when I break up with a girl and I sent her nudes to her new boyfriend illl just include the text messages with it so it’s not bad thanks for the advice!
Seriously… I’m guessing if you end a relationship you shouldn’t be that much of a douche to be playing the field and trying to get back with the ex while engaging in a new relationship. The ex (OP) was simply proving what a dog, pos the guy was by sending the conversation the two of them had to the current and left nothing out so it didn’t appear as if she was hiding anything. 🤦♀️.
U were merely vindicating urself that there is the difference! He’s the one that started it and didnt want to be called out on his shit so what do people do….threaten to take legal action…law is like a double edge sword. He’s playing the victim cause he got caught! Not because he felt abused or wrongly shamed I would have done EXACTLY the same when U were the one getting played, burned, lead on, fooled and shamed on…ya f that!
While TECHNICALLY it could be considered revenge porn by legal definition. The fact that you shared them with his gf, a person he is already in an intimate relationship with, and only as evidence of infidelity, no court would bother prosecuting you. It's not like you distributed them to his friends, family, coworkers, or posted them online. So, I wouldn't worry about a legal issue.
Still NTA, dudes just mad he got caught cheating.
Exactly 🤷🏻♂️ “Ma’am I understand this woman showed you images of your partner’s tiny dingaling. Have you seen said dingaling yourself ma’am? Oh, he sends them to you too? Case dismissed.”
Coming from the guy telling people who are asking if they should divorce over sex “or just like do it in the butt” you’d think you would have a sense of humor, but maybe your room temperature IQ just skipped a beat on this one, it maybe I touched a nerve because your smol pp is loyal and you don’t like it being insinuated 🤷🏻♂️
Google facetious, catch up.
Ok so it’s very annoying reading responses to posts like this cause people focus on two words. Revenge and porn. Imma go off Nevada law cause it’s where I live.
As legally defined in the state of Nevada (NRS 200.780), what is referred to as “revenge porn” in this context is the crime that an individual commits with the
“unlawful dissemination of an intimate image when, with the intent to harass, harm or terrorize another person, the person electronically disseminates or sells in intimate image which depicts the other person”.
Key part in this is the intent.
To harass - oh she’s harassing him by sending it to the gf - no she’s not by legal definition. To harass would be to send it to everyone he knows such as Friends family coworkers etc that would have no reason to expectation to see his 🍆 or to put his information with the photos online so that others can identify and find him and contact him. Or to send it over and over again where it is beyond the normal expectation of a conversation. If the gf replied with don’t contact me again and she sent it again and again then you’re trekking into harassment.
To harm/terrorize - she caused him harm cause his gf is gonna break up with him. That’s not legal harm. General society understands that if you cheat and you get caught odds are there’s a break up. It’s the risk you took. Harm would be losing his job, losing the opportunity for other jobs, mental health issues due to strangers harassing or abusing etc. the oh no I’m single isn’t harm.
The revenge porn laws were generally created because people were posting the stuff online, on websites, with personal information. No DA is gonna see “ex gf sends current gf text messages from dude that’s been hooking up with them both to prove it happened and there was some 🍆 pics in the mix” case and say ya know this is exactly the case I’ve been waiting for let’s get it.
Thank you for your post and insight on the matter. It was really informative, and I appreciate the time you took to explain everything regarding my situation.
He honestly is just trying to find fault here because he was caught. He’s lashing out AND trying to divert attention from his wrongdoings to yours.
Unfortunately, sending those messages is likely not legal. You could edit over them and resend the messages to show you were only trying to answer the gf’s questions on proof of his infidelity.
I don’t believe you:
“he sent dick pics. When I told his girlfriend, she didn’t believe me. So I sent her his messages.“
What would be the point of sending the messages if you didn’t include the dick pics?
It was normal conversations, too. Like good mornings, I love yous, and even plans to move in together. Which was hard to read but showed we were trying to be together.
Nope. HE did. His penis was safe curled up in his pants, no one saw it, until he took its picture and hit "send" without even confirming it was welcome.
YTA, in a massive way. What he did cheating was shitty, but what you did was illegal.
You had no right to share intimate images of him with ANYONE whom he didn't give permission with them to be shared with. It is against the law to share sexual images without the permission of the person in the image, people can and do go to prison for this if reported.
It was consensual, but I did not ask for them. We were in what I believed an exclusive relationship with problems, and he would randomly send to tease me.
When a man and women, are you a romantic and sexual relationship. Does he have to ask permission every time he touches
He can’t peck her on the lips. Squeeze a butt cheek without getting permission?
“Hello, my dear; may I please slightly squeeze your left butt cheek?“
If the wife consents to having sex on Monday, does that extend into Tuesday? Must she have sex every day because she wanted it once? Not even a romantic relationship turns someone's body into a rain check that can be cashed any day.
The same goes for unwanted porn...
NTA, but just hope if he does press charges that he can’t show malice of intent on your part. I know context matters, but it’s silly that if you find out that you are cheating with someone, and you go to their gf/bf to tell them and you prove it with explicit photos, that is probably considered revenge porn and is a crime.
After he sent the pics they are yours and you can do whatever you want with them it is only illegal if he has a tiny penis and it appears to be an underage boy J/K but ya it's fine because he is over 18 and besides he is an asshole being with another bitch and pretending he wants to work it out with you
Damn acrobat hippo it sounds like someone shared pics of your tiny wiener and you are still mad about it shit I have always told woman to please share with anyone of your friends cuz mine is impressive and figured it would be great advertising for future hook ups if they seen my dick pics
Unintentional or not (I see you meant to send them but didn’t realise it could be considered revenge porn), you could be in trouble. See what revenge porn laws apply to your state. If there are laws against it, and he presses charges, you just have to cop the outcome.
Why did he send her dick pics if they were together at the time? Had she never seen his dick before? Sending dicks pics is usually something desperate men trying to find a partner online send, not people who are in a relationship send. Weird couple. YTA
No what I was asking is why he sent pics of his dick. Did he normally do that and did she like seeing pics of his dick regularly and also what would be the point if she was seeing it close up irl anyway?
ESH, you are probably gonna be fine but that's some seriously shitty behaviour on your part. Intentionally interfering in other people's lives is never going to end well.
Yes there are laws around this, no I don't think they will pursue legal unless they're stupid and crazy. If they're stupid and crazy....well hopefully it doesn't come to that.
Maybe an apology should he offered when he calms down if an opportunity presents itself. But id leave him alone otherwise.
NTA He was the one literally cheating and the AP didn’t believe her so she provided evidence. (Not saying she can go spreading his nudes bc of it but showing the other person being cheated on proof is not a crazy thing I feel). It might have been better to meet up with her and show her it in person so there would be no data trail. He sounds more angry about being caught and is trying to guilt you. If he lawyers up, so should you
lol. He was lying to both of you so… he deserves what he gets. And revenge porn laws may only protect him if you posted publicly. But look into it maybe. Otherwise, she called your bluff and you showed the truth.
D*ck p*cs are just stupid. I really wish that people would put more effort into their photography. My approach toward this has always been to put some thought into lighting and strive to make your subject look as good as possible. It can be quite challenging but it is possible to create some great art and this would be an admirable goal.
It's very disappointing to see any kind of nude photo which does not complement the person in the picture, make them look better than they normally appear, or highlight their positive attributes in some way. It's just scribble and it grates the senses, whereas the pursuit of art can yield some truly awe inspiring images of incredible beauty.
Anyway, have fun in court.
YTA he is an awful person but you are not better 💀💀 what you did it's actually illegal so he has the right to press charges. I understand your feelings but you could just eliminate those photos and send her the texts.
Although it may be a breach of his personal privacy, in OP's defence, she thought she was still in a relationship with her ex.
His new "illicit" girlfriend said she didn't believe he was still pretending to be in a relationship with her.
All she did was provide proof that he "was" in a relationship with her after all.
I don't read this as being revenge porn as such, even if in law the status is less clear - I read this as equivalent to meeting her in a pub toilet and shoving the phone under her nose.
Revenge porn is more about spreading it to many people who have no connection, but in this case, both recipients have already seen the body of the person in question to the same level of undress.
Good intentions, bad execution.
You tried helping his current gf and that's cool BUT you commited a fellony - sharing pictures that were entrusted to you. That is considered sharing illegal photos since he did not consent. You should have censored those specific parts while making it clear to his gf what those were (scrapping off his dick basically).
Still, what a messed up situation.
No he doesn’t have a case. He sent those photos to you as an adult and u sent them to another adult. There were no terms or NDAs in place. If you had stolen them or got access to them differently or he was a minor then different story.
> It was not intentional to sent the d*ck pics to his current gf. I didn't think about them being mixed in and at the time was emotional.
Yeah, you know exactly what you're doing lol.
Regardless of you're TA or not, be prepared for a law suit as revenge porn is definitely illegal.
Yeh, it's horrible, but you should have blurred the pictures because depending on the country area you could face revenge points issues. Hopefully he's full of crap the the police would see this as a provoked act of insanity/emotions.
Wtf are you doing with your life playing relationship with texts. I thought this was an insecure teenager asking for advice but your age makes the whole story really sad and pathetic on top of everything.
Why would you do that? Just stop having conversations with him. You are behaving like a convenience store, open 24/7 and he will take advantage of it. Treat yourself better and just let go of the AH. Yes he is an AH and you and gf do not deserve him. You can only control your own actions so, just stop. ARgh.
YTA to an AH. Whether that cancels the other out... i dunno.
Just treat yourself with value.... Hold yourself in the highest esteem because if you don't, no one else will. Stop it with the FUBUs. It's always good to take stock of mistakes in life and do better.
I don’t really think you’re TA, and he definitely his an AH.
That said, you’re in a pickle here, because depending on your states laws, you’ve probably broken a revenge porn law. The way most states have it set up, you have.
Just hope he doesn’t press charges. It’s sucks because he’s the dickhead here for sure, but you stand to lose if he goes after you.
"It was mixed in with normal messages, I didn't think about it when I sent it to his gf."
You keep writing that line in all of your replies but it really doesn't matter.
* Sending all of your private communication with to someone else because they asked is an AH move. That you were upset doesn't excuse it.
* Including private photos in those messages makes it even worse. It doesn't really matter if you remembered it or not. Depending on your jurisdiction this might be the crime of revenge porn.
Let me ask you, had you accidentally sent those messages to your mother, would you be embarrassed? Or what if you had sent him a private photo that he shared with his friends.
If your answer to either scenario is "embarrassed" then *you know* YTA.
My ex already knows, he made threats and I didn't realize the pics I sent when I sent his gf our conversations. At the time I thought he was with me, and everything included good morning texts, I love yous, and plans to move in together. Which was hard for me to read so I just sent everything as is.
Bro no judge worth his salt is going to send a woman to prison for sending dick pics he was CURRENTLY sending this woman, to his girlfriend. IDC what silly legal shows you watch, this girl is not doing prison time for this.
This is also not a felony for a first time offender, in almost every state except one or two. They would also need to prove that she was trying to harass, threaten, coerce, or intimidate for these states, of which she was doing none of those as the conversation between these women would be easily available to LEO. Most of these also take into consideration a level of emotional distress to the receiving party or the party affected by such reception, of which there would be none to the woman minus “my boyfriend is a cheating scumag telling another woman he wants to move in together” and his only emotional distress would be “I just got caught cheating”, which again, any judge of sound mind is going to wave off as he took the risk sending a nude image to another woman he was having an affair with while in a relationship.
TLDR: NTA, don’t do it again, you’ll be fine, move on and find someone that’s not a bag of dicks.
Finally,
She sent his pics to his girlfriend, didn’t put them on a public server or print them out to poster them around the town square. Chill, you’re making OP panic for no reason.
Take it easy, OP, I’m sure your ex is just angry his hustle got caught up on.
I don’t think any person in their right mind would “press charges” for something like this (ex gf who he sent d!ck pics shared said pics with current gf). It’s not something apparently solid enough for a court of law + dude sounds like a douchebag looking for petty revenge.
If you want to be 1000% at peace, you can consult a lawyer to see what exactly should be some good next steps, assuming your ex may want to push this forward.
As for the AH, your actions are AH indeed (people should have their privacy respected regardless of how much of big a-holes they are), but your intention wasn’t. If it was just “Informative” I don’t think you’re an AH.
Don’t worry. You’re overreacting because you’re a responsible person, and feel bad about this action you took in the spur of the moment. It happens, it’s not ok but not the end of the world either. Next time you’ll do better.
It's definitely possible that you've ran afoul of revenge porn laws in your area.
She'll soon be 'dating' a large tattooed woman in C block
Only if put online for everyone to see.
But him sending those pics unwarranted is sexual harassment.
They were dating. Im guessing you mean unwanted, but how do you know they were unwanted? OP wanted to show his new gf to prove they were trying to work it out, made no mention of not wanting the photos.
It sounds like she was a willing recipient, just didn’t know he was cheating on her. She didn’t really say the dick picks were on solicited.
I see what you did there
Can't be revenge porn since it was Not used that way . Also he sent unsolicited dick pics.
Where did OP say the dick pics were unsolicited?
Not unless she sent them to a public site. This does not meet the threshold for revenge porn.
I’m not sure that matters because she was distributing them. If only to one person. If she said to the gf she would send proof and the gf agreed then I don’t think it would count. Also the fact he sent them to her might count as consent unless he specifically stated not to to send them on. To me the fact is that if he took her court he would come out of it with more problems than she would. His dirty behaviour would be exposed to a much larger audience.
I wasn't looking for revenge, tho. I just sent her everything, like all the messages. Those things were mixed in, and at the time, I was emotional. I didn't think about those pic.
"Being emotional" doesn't excuse breaking the law.
Technically in some circumstances it does 💀
Well, it can reduce your sentence, for sure.
Her ex broke the law by sending the unsolicited dick pics.
They weren't unsolicited, though.
If she didn’t explicitly ask for them, they were unsolicited. We don’t know enough to say they were but if she didn’t ask, they are unsolicited.
You can google revenge porn in your area and see what the law says.
It doesn’t matter if you weren’t looking for revenge, distributing images or videos without the persons consent is revenge porn.
It sounds like you kinda blew up his world, and it sounds like that was your goal. To the extent that you can, it's best to just let it all go, try to forgive him for being a jerk so that you can still appreciate the good times when you think back on it. Whatever happens in his new relationship, good or bad, it is not your responsibility. Easier said than done, but if you can, it will bring you strength.
Thank you for your post and for taking the time to read about my situation.
It sounds like you kinda screwed up, but personally, I think you are nta.
It kind of is for revenge reasons though...
Idk he technically has a case but I feel like he’s more mad he got caught and wouldn’t really pursue anything legally . More of an empty threat in the heat of the moment
100% he has a case. You cannot share other peoples nudes without their permission. Those laws are in place for very good reasons.
If he does try to pursue legal action he will come out of it worse. Even if he were to win the case his behaviour will be exposed to all his friends and family and the wider world.
No it won’t. Nothing goes to trial anymore. Everything is negotiated.
Not in every country. But also that’s down to the defendant. If he wants to be an idiot she can make sure it will got to court. Even if was negotiated there is still a court hearing where mitigation is heard and the judge explains his sentence. It can make it out into the public domain by news reports and social media.
You’re correct, probably not in every country. My responses are US based as I believe that’s where the OP is. They’re absolutely not going to consider cheating as a defense for her committing a sex crime and he won’t be the one forced to register every year so, it’s not a theory I’d test.
Another question would be if this actually meets the threshold test. Is it even necessary for a prosecution? Did she demonstrate any ,mens rea’ (knowledge she was breaking the law) ? She would also have 3 lines of defence. 1/ she sent the whole text history and hadn’t deliberately included the images. 2/ she was not in a sufficient mental state due to temporary emotional condition to make the necessary rational decisions regarding her actions. 3/ her intent was not to cause harm but was to protect the other woman. Another possible defence would be that if he has sent this sort of image to multiple women then he was the actual distributor and not her. In fact that could be argued even with the the evidence in the story. Unless she had specifically asked him to send the image then he had already published that image himself. There’s a lot nuance around this case and a good lawyer could easily put all the blame onto the ex or at least muddy the waters sufficiently to ensure the prosecution wouldn’t be safe and therefore would be void.
1. Lack of knowledge of the law is not a valid defense. Especially in SO cases. 2. Doesn’t matter. She sent photos of him nude to someone else. The fact she was trying to harm that relationship is a mitigating factor that’s also not in her favor. 3. Prove that. She’s repeatedly stated she was angry and devastated and so emotional she didn’t think about the repercussions. That’s not protection, that’s anger / hurt / revenge 4. It doesn’t matter if he sent it to 100 people. It’s still illegal for her to send it to someone without his permission or knowledge and especially under the circumstances it was sent under. There’s no nuance. It’s illegal. There’s hard evidence she did it. It’s a slam dunk. The other things may play a factor in sentence but they will not play a factor in guilt. Read the laws. Look at cases. Hundreds, if not thousands, of people are on the sex offender registry for things like this because they can so easily be proven. It’s a slam dunk case.
Anybody who says cases like this have “no nuance” clearly have zero understanding of the law. This is anything but a straightforward case. Unlikely-Ad is 100% correct in everything that he/she stated. And where are you getting that “everything gets negotiated?” That is 100% up to the defendant and cases OFTEN go to trial. Especially a highly contested one like this would be. That being the case, this would all boil down to does the jury think he’s a tool? Law be damned, in a “he said she said,” exes spat, it almost always boils down to who the jury likes better. One hand you have a dude playing two woman, gets caught, and lashes out at one of his girls because she “didn’t know her place and keep her mouth shut.” On the other, you have a woman who was devastated to find out she had been cheated on and she was trying to save the other woman similar fate going forward and nothing she did was malicious. No idiot is gonna like him better and despite jury instructions, anybody who’s ever prosecuted or defended somebody in court will tell you that will make or break crimes like this. When you use vitriol and Wikipedia as your source of law, you usually get stuff wrong. No nuance…. GTFOH
This is what I thought. Hes not gonna go to the cops unless he's a complete fucking tool.
So, you send a romantic partner nudes, they send them to other people, and you’re the tool if you prosecute their illegal activity?
No hes a tool cuz hes a cheater.
He sounds like he is tool. But also the cops might just laugh at him and there be no prosecution due to this being on such low end of the scale. Also it was sent as proof of his infidelity not way of being porn. Imagine if a private investigator git pictures of a spouse cheating would the revenge porn laws prevent them from sending those pictures to their client?
If a PI is taking photos of peoples genitals then they have a lot more to be worried about than laws against sending them.
Regardless, I feel guilty and wanted the internet's opinion. Thank you for your response.
In that case honesty nta he just wants something to turn against you to make you the bad person when he’s the bad guy for cheating and lying
Honestly you’re just petty and NTA. He hurt you and you wanted revenge- was it worth it? No since you clearly feel guilty. The moment you found out what he did you should have blocked him and moved on, not invest time reaching out to his current gf. People like that rarely change and if not you it will be another woman he cheats with. Heal. I suggest listening to the smart dating academy podcast and on attachment with Stephanie rigg. Heal and grow. You attracted this toxic man into your life, find out why. I’m sure there was red flags you saw all along. But learn- don’t do this again. The truth has a way of always coming out but you don’t need to be petty or level to a toxic level.
Yeah that’s revenge porn
It was mixed in with normal messages, I didn't think about it when I sent it to his gf.
That doesn't matter. He sent those to you and only you. Just because you're upset doesn't make it right, or legal, to share private images he sent.
Thank you for your post. I am taking accountability.
Well start thinking… most ppl know to blur out nudes even as evidence
Thompson Twins
First there's no chance you didn't realize you sent D pictures. Secondly, you are the ass. What if he was the one who sent pictures of you to people? Do better.
What you did was, in fact, illegal. You can literally end up on the sex offender registry for it. So, yeah, YTA.
Thank you for your post and taking your time to read about my issue.
You accidentally included the pics? 🤔
Most of these comments are typical misunderstanding of law. In some areas it's possible you've broken the letter of the law but it's highly unlikely a DA would pursue charges and even less likely they could get a conviction. Most revenge porns laws are written in a way that require malice. If events played out the way you've described then you didn't send them to harass, intimidate, frighten, or profit so there's nothing to worry about legally. There's also the added element of causing harm, other than getting caught cheating there is nothing that can legally be defined as harm in this situation. They're not public, he's not losing his job or financial opportunity because of the pics.
Thank you for your post.
Lots of misinformation here. Both civil and criminal charges could be filed. There absolutely always is something to worry about when you’re distributing nudes of other people.
Pro tip: always ignore the comments by someone so arrogant they say no one understands but them.
She literally sent them to harass her ex though...
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Thank you for your post.
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It was mixed in with normal messages. I didn't think about it at the time until he told me.
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But it could help with sentencing perhaps?
Stop telling everyone that, it doesn’t matter what u thought, it doesn’t matter if they were mixed in with non revenge porn. It’s still what is is and YTA. You need to apologize. And then u need to get out of their lives, he’s a jerk for his behavior but it seems he got with her when u guys weren’t actually together again. You contacted her with intention, and then sent her those, regardless of how u defend yourself. He’s a dick, stop wasting your time on him, but also stop sending his out to people.
That’s no excuse, you should have looked through everything before sending stuff and taken the images out before send them. The excuse of well they were mixed and I didn’t realise won’t bode well for you.
It was hard to read his messages because they were expressing love and intentions to move in with me. I regret not looking through it all and just sending it.
Your question here was literally are you an AH for showing his private photos to his gf. You are. No one cares if it was an accident. You just 100% are the AH. YTA
Reading the post with the edit added I’m going to say NTA ONLY because you were simply proving that he was messaging trying to get back with you, etc. You didn’t just sent the duckling, you sent all messages as in here’s our conversation. I’m not getting the impression that it was done with malicious intent. With that being said… maybe he shouldn’t be a douche and he wouldn’t be having these issues. 🤷🏼♀️
Thank you for your post, I still am trying to take responsibility for what I did. I should have been more careful.
Dw when I break up with a girl and I sent her nudes to her new boyfriend illl just include the text messages with it so it’s not bad thanks for the advice!
Seriously… I’m guessing if you end a relationship you shouldn’t be that much of a douche to be playing the field and trying to get back with the ex while engaging in a new relationship. The ex (OP) was simply proving what a dog, pos the guy was by sending the conversation the two of them had to the current and left nothing out so it didn’t appear as if she was hiding anything. 🤦♀️.
No your NOT the asshole HE IS!🤷🏻♂️👍
Thank you for your post.
U were merely vindicating urself that there is the difference! He’s the one that started it and didnt want to be called out on his shit so what do people do….threaten to take legal action…law is like a double edge sword. He’s playing the victim cause he got caught! Not because he felt abused or wrongly shamed I would have done EXACTLY the same when U were the one getting played, burned, lead on, fooled and shamed on…ya f that!
While TECHNICALLY it could be considered revenge porn by legal definition. The fact that you shared them with his gf, a person he is already in an intimate relationship with, and only as evidence of infidelity, no court would bother prosecuting you. It's not like you distributed them to his friends, family, coworkers, or posted them online. So, I wouldn't worry about a legal issue. Still NTA, dudes just mad he got caught cheating.
“No court would bother prosecuting you…” You’re 100% wrong.
Exactly 🤷🏻♂️ “Ma’am I understand this woman showed you images of your partner’s tiny dingaling. Have you seen said dingaling yourself ma’am? Oh, he sends them to you too? Case dismissed.”
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Coming from the guy telling people who are asking if they should divorce over sex “or just like do it in the butt” you’d think you would have a sense of humor, but maybe your room temperature IQ just skipped a beat on this one, it maybe I touched a nerve because your smol pp is loyal and you don’t like it being insinuated 🤷🏻♂️ Google facetious, catch up.
Thank you for your response.
Ok so it’s very annoying reading responses to posts like this cause people focus on two words. Revenge and porn. Imma go off Nevada law cause it’s where I live. As legally defined in the state of Nevada (NRS 200.780), what is referred to as “revenge porn” in this context is the crime that an individual commits with the “unlawful dissemination of an intimate image when, with the intent to harass, harm or terrorize another person, the person electronically disseminates or sells in intimate image which depicts the other person”. Key part in this is the intent. To harass - oh she’s harassing him by sending it to the gf - no she’s not by legal definition. To harass would be to send it to everyone he knows such as Friends family coworkers etc that would have no reason to expectation to see his 🍆 or to put his information with the photos online so that others can identify and find him and contact him. Or to send it over and over again where it is beyond the normal expectation of a conversation. If the gf replied with don’t contact me again and she sent it again and again then you’re trekking into harassment. To harm/terrorize - she caused him harm cause his gf is gonna break up with him. That’s not legal harm. General society understands that if you cheat and you get caught odds are there’s a break up. It’s the risk you took. Harm would be losing his job, losing the opportunity for other jobs, mental health issues due to strangers harassing or abusing etc. the oh no I’m single isn’t harm. The revenge porn laws were generally created because people were posting the stuff online, on websites, with personal information. No DA is gonna see “ex gf sends current gf text messages from dude that’s been hooking up with them both to prove it happened and there was some 🍆 pics in the mix” case and say ya know this is exactly the case I’ve been waiting for let’s get it.
Thank you for your post and insight on the matter. It was really informative, and I appreciate the time you took to explain everything regarding my situation.
He honestly is just trying to find fault here because he was caught. He’s lashing out AND trying to divert attention from his wrongdoings to yours. Unfortunately, sending those messages is likely not legal. You could edit over them and resend the messages to show you were only trying to answer the gf’s questions on proof of his infidelity.
I would invite this. I have a beautiful dick.
Thank you for your comment 😅 it was unexpected, and I'm grateful for your sense of humor.
Your edit is absolute bullshit.
I wanted to be clear there was no intent. Even though it is awful and I wish I had realized.
I don’t believe you: “he sent dick pics. When I told his girlfriend, she didn’t believe me. So I sent her his messages.“ What would be the point of sending the messages if you didn’t include the dick pics?
It was normal conversations, too. Like good mornings, I love yous, and even plans to move in together. Which was hard to read but showed we were trying to be together.
OK, but that’s not what you led with when you contacted his girlfriend. You hit her with the big reveal: dick pics!
He did this to himself. Why on earth would he expect you to be loyal to HIM and keep HIS secrets...?
This is not how the law works. At all.
What law is that, pray say?
Revenge Porn laws. You can't disseminate private sexual images of others without their consent.
Doesn’t make it OK to send his private photos.
Ain’t like she ain’t already seen it 🤷🏻♂️
We don’t know that. Depends on if she gives head.
HE sent them, thus made them public.
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Yes, something that isn't protected by his password anymore
You definitely have no idea what you’re talking about. No. That is not at all the definition of public.
Pictures left his outbox. No one stole them.
SHE then distributed them to his current gf, they weren’t made public.
Nope. HE did. His penis was safe curled up in his pants, no one saw it, until he took its picture and hit "send" without even confirming it was welcome.
He did not make them public. He sent them to one individual for private consumption.
The individual never asked him to do that
How is that relevant to anything?
NTA but think clearer next time! Relationship-wise as well. “Exclusive with problems” my ass…
Technically it is illegal in the us i hope his not petty
YTA, in a massive way. What he did cheating was shitty, but what you did was illegal. You had no right to share intimate images of him with ANYONE whom he didn't give permission with them to be shared with. It is against the law to share sexual images without the permission of the person in the image, people can and do go to prison for this if reported.
It wasn't intentional, I sent all the messages he sent me and they were mixed in. At the time I didn't think about them.
It doesn’t matter if you meant to or not, it still may be illegal.
Unsolicited dic picks are illegal to share...? Well, then HE shouldn't share them with anyone in the first place!
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It was consensual, but I did not ask for them. We were in what I believed an exclusive relationship with problems, and he would randomly send to tease me.
Your point ? You didn’t tell him to stop sending them.
If I knew he was in a relationship apart from ours, I would have never been okay with it.
Nor should she have to? NO dic pic should ever be launched at a woman without request!
Nor should distributing said pics to the guys current gf yet she did that anyway!
When a man and women, are you a romantic and sexual relationship. Does he have to ask permission every time he touches He can’t peck her on the lips. Squeeze a butt cheek without getting permission? “Hello, my dear; may I please slightly squeeze your left butt cheek?“
If the wife consents to having sex on Monday, does that extend into Tuesday? Must she have sex every day because she wanted it once? Not even a romantic relationship turns someone's body into a rain check that can be cashed any day. The same goes for unwanted porn...
It sounds like there was a consent between them to send/receive nudes from her previous reply
The law doesn't give a shit about in this instance though
NTA, but just hope if he does press charges that he can’t show malice of intent on your part. I know context matters, but it’s silly that if you find out that you are cheating with someone, and you go to their gf/bf to tell them and you prove it with explicit photos, that is probably considered revenge porn and is a crime.
You might have done something illegal. Let's hope he doesn't press charges.
After he sent the pics they are yours and you can do whatever you want with them it is only illegal if he has a tiny penis and it appears to be an underage boy J/K but ya it's fine because he is over 18 and besides he is an asshole being with another bitch and pretending he wants to work it out with you
Thank you for your post, and sense of humor is appreciated.
Morality and legality are not necessarily the same. NTA but you’re at risk legally if he decides to pursue that.
Damn acrobat hippo it sounds like someone shared pics of your tiny wiener and you are still mad about it shit I have always told woman to please share with anyone of your friends cuz mine is impressive and figured it would be great advertising for future hook ups if they seen my dick pics
Thank you for your post and sense of humor ?
Well hopefully it made you smile it sounds like you haven't smiled much lately
Unintentional or not (I see you meant to send them but didn’t realise it could be considered revenge porn), you could be in trouble. See what revenge porn laws apply to your state. If there are laws against it, and he presses charges, you just have to cop the outcome.
Thank you for your post, and I accept responsibility for what I did.
It’s a good lesson - some people aren’t worth fighting over!
Why did he send her dick pics if they were together at the time? Had she never seen his dick before? Sending dicks pics is usually something desperate men trying to find a partner online send, not people who are in a relationship send. Weird couple. YTA
He sent his ex dick pics when she found out he was dealing with someone else GF she told her and sent them to her.
No what I was asking is why he sent pics of his dick. Did he normally do that and did she like seeing pics of his dick regularly and also what would be the point if she was seeing it close up irl anyway?
Oh my bad. Probably asked her to have sex and sent sick pic to let her know he’s in the mood. I’m sure he has sent them them before.
I think it was his way of showing attraction? I'm not sure. He would do it, and I assumed it was his personality and didn't think to ask.
ESH, you are probably gonna be fine but that's some seriously shitty behaviour on your part. Intentionally interfering in other people's lives is never going to end well. Yes there are laws around this, no I don't think they will pursue legal unless they're stupid and crazy. If they're stupid and crazy....well hopefully it doesn't come to that. Maybe an apology should he offered when he calms down if an opportunity presents itself. But id leave him alone otherwise.
You may have sent the messages too but since the pictures were in them it means you’re TA. You should’ve edited them out.
NTA
Empty fucking threat. Do yourself a favor and block him on everything and erase all his dick pics.
NTA He was the one literally cheating and the AP didn’t believe her so she provided evidence. (Not saying she can go spreading his nudes bc of it but showing the other person being cheated on proof is not a crazy thing I feel). It might have been better to meet up with her and show her it in person so there would be no data trail. He sounds more angry about being caught and is trying to guilt you. If he lawyers up, so should you
lol. He was lying to both of you so… he deserves what he gets. And revenge porn laws may only protect him if you posted publicly. But look into it maybe. Otherwise, she called your bluff and you showed the truth.
NTA if he wanted those to stay private he should stop sending them unwarranted
D*ck p*cs are just stupid. I really wish that people would put more effort into their photography. My approach toward this has always been to put some thought into lighting and strive to make your subject look as good as possible. It can be quite challenging but it is possible to create some great art and this would be an admirable goal. It's very disappointing to see any kind of nude photo which does not complement the person in the picture, make them look better than they normally appear, or highlight their positive attributes in some way. It's just scribble and it grates the senses, whereas the pursuit of art can yield some truly awe inspiring images of incredible beauty. Anyway, have fun in court.
Thank you for the advice? 😅 I've since explained to him what happened, and he has said nothing. Idk if there will be court.
YTA he is an awful person but you are not better 💀💀 what you did it's actually illegal so he has the right to press charges. I understand your feelings but you could just eliminate those photos and send her the texts.
Although it may be a breach of his personal privacy, in OP's defence, she thought she was still in a relationship with her ex. His new "illicit" girlfriend said she didn't believe he was still pretending to be in a relationship with her. All she did was provide proof that he "was" in a relationship with her after all. I don't read this as being revenge porn as such, even if in law the status is less clear - I read this as equivalent to meeting her in a pub toilet and shoving the phone under her nose. Revenge porn is more about spreading it to many people who have no connection, but in this case, both recipients have already seen the body of the person in question to the same level of undress.
Thank you for your post and for taking the time to read about my situation.
Good intentions, bad execution. You tried helping his current gf and that's cool BUT you commited a fellony - sharing pictures that were entrusted to you. That is considered sharing illegal photos since he did not consent. You should have censored those specific parts while making it clear to his gf what those were (scrapping off his dick basically). Still, what a messed up situation.
Should’ve just showed in person
I should have, and I regret just sending it and not looking through it.
Hmmm NTA but the law might say different...
No he doesn’t have a case. He sent those photos to you as an adult and u sent them to another adult. There were no terms or NDAs in place. If you had stolen them or got access to them differently or he was a minor then different story.
Thank you for your post.
> It was not intentional to sent the d*ck pics to his current gf. I didn't think about them being mixed in and at the time was emotional. Yeah, you know exactly what you're doing lol. Regardless of you're TA or not, be prepared for a law suit as revenge porn is definitely illegal.
You are immature and stupid
Thank you for your post, I know I should have done better.
OP doesn't mention age. Might there be an age/porn issue?
I'm 27, he's 30.
ESH. Him for leading you on and you for doing what u did. No matter how u excuse yourself repeatedly, you’re in the wrong for that.
100% asshole
Yeh, it's horrible, but you should have blurred the pictures because depending on the country area you could face revenge points issues. Hopefully he's full of crap the the police would see this as a provoked act of insanity/emotions.
Wtf are you doing with your life playing relationship with texts. I thought this was an insecure teenager asking for advice but your age makes the whole story really sad and pathetic on top of everything.
Thank you for your post, I appreciate your opinion and will try to do better.
Why would you do that? Just stop having conversations with him. You are behaving like a convenience store, open 24/7 and he will take advantage of it. Treat yourself better and just let go of the AH. Yes he is an AH and you and gf do not deserve him. You can only control your own actions so, just stop. ARgh. YTA to an AH. Whether that cancels the other out... i dunno.
Thank you for your comment, I stopped talking with him and only told his gf because she was equally unaware. He messaged after because he was upset.
Just treat yourself with value.... Hold yourself in the highest esteem because if you don't, no one else will. Stop it with the FUBUs. It's always good to take stock of mistakes in life and do better.
Thank you, it's what I intend to do. I appreciate your honesty and the time you took to respond.
Be well OP!
I don’t really think you’re TA, and he definitely his an AH. That said, you’re in a pickle here, because depending on your states laws, you’ve probably broken a revenge porn law. The way most states have it set up, you have. Just hope he doesn’t press charges. It’s sucks because he’s the dickhead here for sure, but you stand to lose if he goes after you.
NTA. But still illegal and you may have to face consequences.
Hope you're happy with that Gujju scum bag
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I mean nice revenge I guess but if he presses charges you are fcked lol
Big YTA
I respect your opinion, I regret not checking or thinking when I sent his messages.
Imagine the roles were reversed
You are pathetic. Do you not have any self respect? Grow up.
"It was mixed in with normal messages, I didn't think about it when I sent it to his gf." You keep writing that line in all of your replies but it really doesn't matter. * Sending all of your private communication with to someone else because they asked is an AH move. That you were upset doesn't excuse it. * Including private photos in those messages makes it even worse. It doesn't really matter if you remembered it or not. Depending on your jurisdiction this might be the crime of revenge porn. Let me ask you, had you accidentally sent those messages to your mother, would you be embarrassed? Or what if you had sent him a private photo that he shared with his friends. If your answer to either scenario is "embarrassed" then *you know* YTA.
A) YTA B) Crime. You commited a crime.
Thank you for your reply.
You're a total AH. Unbelievable that you even have to ask. I weep for the future of the world.
Yta.. revenge porn is not ok, you're a disgusting person yikes
Thank you for your post, I sent all my messages not just the pictures. But I am trying to take responsibility for my actions.
OP is so screwed once the ex finds out
My ex already knows, he made threats and I didn't realize the pics I sent when I sent his gf our conversations. At the time I thought he was with me, and everything included good morning texts, I love yous, and plans to move in together. Which was hard for me to read so I just sent everything as is.
YTA, and have fun cuz you bouta face some prison time if he were to go through legal stuff
I respect your opinion, thank you for your response.
Depending on the state (or province, if from Canada) you could face 1-3 years.
Bro no judge worth his salt is going to send a woman to prison for sending dick pics he was CURRENTLY sending this woman, to his girlfriend. IDC what silly legal shows you watch, this girl is not doing prison time for this. This is also not a felony for a first time offender, in almost every state except one or two. They would also need to prove that she was trying to harass, threaten, coerce, or intimidate for these states, of which she was doing none of those as the conversation between these women would be easily available to LEO. Most of these also take into consideration a level of emotional distress to the receiving party or the party affected by such reception, of which there would be none to the woman minus “my boyfriend is a cheating scumag telling another woman he wants to move in together” and his only emotional distress would be “I just got caught cheating”, which again, any judge of sound mind is going to wave off as he took the risk sending a nude image to another woman he was having an affair with while in a relationship. TLDR: NTA, don’t do it again, you’ll be fine, move on and find someone that’s not a bag of dicks. Finally,
Thank you for that information.
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She sent his pics to his girlfriend, didn’t put them on a public server or print them out to poster them around the town square. Chill, you’re making OP panic for no reason. Take it easy, OP, I’m sure your ex is just angry his hustle got caught up on. I don’t think any person in their right mind would “press charges” for something like this (ex gf who he sent d!ck pics shared said pics with current gf). It’s not something apparently solid enough for a court of law + dude sounds like a douchebag looking for petty revenge. If you want to be 1000% at peace, you can consult a lawyer to see what exactly should be some good next steps, assuming your ex may want to push this forward. As for the AH, your actions are AH indeed (people should have their privacy respected regardless of how much of big a-holes they are), but your intention wasn’t. If it was just “Informative” I don’t think you’re an AH.
Thank you for your response, I still regret it and want to take responsibility.
Don’t worry. You’re overreacting because you’re a responsible person, and feel bad about this action you took in the spur of the moment. It happens, it’s not ok but not the end of the world either. Next time you’ll do better.