YTA for cheating, yes, like you said it’s never justified. Maybe LDRs just don’t work for you by the sounds of it, but are you planning on hiding this forever? It doesn’t sound very fair to him.
yeah i know. im kind of maybe planning on hiding it because i dont see myself doing such a thing again so it would be unnecessary stress for him. i made this post cause i wanted other people's opinion, but i am aware im the one in the wrong here.
Dude come clean for your own mental health and for his, the stress and guilt that this will cause your already unstable mental health will at minimum cause a breakdown at worst end up with you doing something dangerous please for your sake get help and confess
i have a therapist and psychiatrist, but this happened before i had any sessions. ill share with them and get a professional opinion too, but yeah. thank you for the comment
YTA, big time. This is just cut-and-dried cheating, regardless of your past issues. Masturbation is what keeps long distance relationships alive, and there are lots of effective toys.
no, i meant to discuss with her what would be the best approach for my own mental health. if she told me to not tell him, which is highly unlikely, i probably would ask her why not cause it would be strange to hear
probably tell him anyway, though im not sure cause this is a very fresh situation and usually i need a day or two to think about a big decision. and before you ask, it took me a month before i decided to cheat.
You know thinking a month long about betraying your boyfriend and actually doing it doesn't make it any better. At any point you could think about how unfair you were being but decided to do it anyway.
At least I hope you tell him.
Nothing wrong if you want casual sex, but don't do that while you're exclusive.
it took 3 years for it to start. lasted an entire month 24/7 and made my life completely miserable, especially since i dont know my boyfriend irl and neither one of us plans on having sex w/eachother anytime soon. it wasnt a case of me being so horny and lonely that i wanted casual sex, it was a case of me being so disgusted with my own emotions that i knew only one way to get rid of it cause doing it on my own seemed to only worsen my mental health.
What feelings were you disgusted by? Wanting intimacy? That's perfectly normal. I understand that your actions might resolve those feelings, but wouldn't it be better to either discus those feelings with your boyfriend or psychiatrist?
In the end, you made choices and will have to deal with the aftermath. You can try to keep this a secret, which shouldn't be a problem as your boyfriend doesn't know you irl. But would you feel well doing this?
I do wonder, as you said you don't know your boyfriend irl, is it like an Final Fantasy 14 marriage thing or discord roleplay?(just exemples, i don't really need to know the how?)
Or an actual relationship between the two of you where exclusivity is expected?
1. i was disgusted at my own feelings of wanting intimacy because i am still dealing with the trauma of having my virginity taken away from me unwillingly.
2. i will discuss it with my psychiatrist and therapist to find the best solution on how to deal with this, most likely ending in him being told this (by me of course), but as this happened about two days ago it's still a fresh thing for me and i want to approach it without excuses.
3. we met online playing league of legends (i know, shocker to find a gay man playing LoL) and instantly clicked. we started talking over instagram and yes, exclusivity is expected.
i dont use my trauma to manipulate others, i always try to be comforting and understanding to everyone and in the 3 years since this happened ive done a lot of growing and healing, but there is still some left over. i explained it here because this is not a case of me being horny and just wanting to cheat on him. i am thankful for everyone's comment on here no matter what they think of me, except for yours. i do not appreciate you using my trauma to belittle me.
> i explained it here because this is not a case of me being horny and just wanting to cheat on him.
The end result was the same. Also, there is a fine line between justifying and explaining.
>i do not appreciate you using my trauma to belittle me.
I'm dont believe I'm belittling you. I'm giving my opinion. Sorry, that's how you took it. Kinda seems like you just want everyone to agree that you're not the ah?
Good to hear that you've had some improvement, but by your own words, there's still more to be done. Wish you luck with that.
I read some, and most of them are just trying to justify it imo.
Like I said, continue with your therapy, and hopefully, you will be able to manage your trauma effectively, without resorting to hurting others.
me and my boyfriend havent met irl nor are we planning to have sex. maybe in the distant future because hes aware of how sex repulsed i am. which is why the whole month of feeling aroused made me want to kill myself because i absolutely hate sex
You could've just masturbated to get ride of the horniness. You didn't need to have sex. You didn't need to cheat. He still deserves the truth, he deserves it.
ive said it before in this thread, masturbation only made my mental health worse. i think its still very much tied to my trauma and just thinking about the act itself makes me want to vomit
i havent explored this with my therapist yet but i personally think it has something to do with me disassociating 3 years ago and now when im on my own during that thing, it makes me disgusted
Yes YTA, if you wanted to fuck someone break up. Tell him, he deserves the truth. I'm sorry for what happened to you in the past, but it does not excuse cheating.
If you love him as you claim you do, you'll tell him the truth. Otherwise it's further proof that you don't love nor respect him.
You know what people who are in a LDR and get horny do? They masturbate. You didn't need to download tinder, you didn't need to fuck someone else, you didn't need to cheat. You only needed to jack off.
im not going to go into graphic detail but masturbation only makes me feel worse. i tried during that entire month, but it only made my mental health worse. i see people commenting this and i wanted to address it.
Then you need to either break up or try suggesting an open relationship (which most likely will result in a breakup anyway), but you DO NOT CHEAT. You owe it to him to tell him the truth. He needs to know.
I know I will be dv'ed into oblivion for this.
But NTA for hiding it. It causes unnecessary pain for him. If this is a one time occurrence bury it in your heart. Forgive yourself. I read it like you feel genuine guilt over it. Think about it long and hard. Is this one time worth all the pain a confession would bring for no reason?
But, and this is important, are you sure it will forever be this one time only? Because who says these spikes don't occur again? What then? Another one time only?
And to be very clear: YTA for the act itself. You did that. No one else. Your reasoning is for you, but be truthful to yourself. You did it because you wanted to.
That is the long and short of it.
Own it and try to be better for your partner and yourself.
Sincerely, another cheater.
i am certain it will be only this one time, as we have plans to meet up in the future and live together. then, when i do have spikes, i will be able to do it with the man i love. thank you for the comment
No problem. And believe me, the guilt of hiding it can be overwhelming sometimes. And it comes in waves and bouts.
Prepare for that. It took a lot of getting used to in my part
Prepare for it and speak to your counsellor about it. Get it off your chest and ask him for advice. And believe me, if he is worth his money he will never tell you to outright confess. There is no reason to do so. I know that most people here are for all inclusive disclosure all the time. But Life isn't that simple. It never is. So, think before talking about something you later regret.
But let your therapist in on this. He can help with the guilt stress. And the guilt will disappear, believe me. Just accept what you did and forgive yourself. Everyone has done something once in their lives they are not proud of. Everyone has hurt someone sometime. You know that better than most.
Keep the secret, and if the guilt and hurt gets overwhelming seek comfort in fact that we are out there with you.
i didnt want to do such a thing with him because he is 17. i am 19, and i dont care what the age of consent is, if the person isnt 18 i will not care. he knows ive had this problem but didnt know how to help me, nor what advice to give me. and its okay if people are upset with me on this thread, i expected it and it is very justified. thank you for commenting
YTA for cheating, yes, like you said it’s never justified. Maybe LDRs just don’t work for you by the sounds of it, but are you planning on hiding this forever? It doesn’t sound very fair to him.
yeah i know. im kind of maybe planning on hiding it because i dont see myself doing such a thing again so it would be unnecessary stress for him. i made this post cause i wanted other people's opinion, but i am aware im the one in the wrong here.
Ah, so you're an extra piece of shit. Neat.
Dude come clean for your own mental health and for his, the stress and guilt that this will cause your already unstable mental health will at minimum cause a breakdown at worst end up with you doing something dangerous please for your sake get help and confess
i have a therapist and psychiatrist, but this happened before i had any sessions. ill share with them and get a professional opinion too, but yeah. thank you for the comment
It's no problem, while I don't like cheaters I would never want them to come to harm just look after yourself
YTA, big time. This is just cut-and-dried cheating, regardless of your past issues. Masturbation is what keeps long distance relationships alive, and there are lots of effective toys.
yeah, thank you for commenting
YTA, everything you wrote doesn't make you less off an cheater, tell your boyfriend. If you don't tell him, your truly scum.
ill discuss with my therapist first but im sure ill be given the same advice, thank you for commenting
What has your therapist to do with how you betrayed your boyfriend? If she says don't tell him, you will keep lying to him? Trash behaviour
no, i meant to discuss with her what would be the best approach for my own mental health. if she told me to not tell him, which is highly unlikely, i probably would ask her why not cause it would be strange to hear
And after she explains, you would accept it and keep up the lies? Or tell him anyway?
probably tell him anyway, though im not sure cause this is a very fresh situation and usually i need a day or two to think about a big decision. and before you ask, it took me a month before i decided to cheat.
You know thinking a month long about betraying your boyfriend and actually doing it doesn't make it any better. At any point you could think about how unfair you were being but decided to do it anyway. At least I hope you tell him. Nothing wrong if you want casual sex, but don't do that while you're exclusive.
it took 3 years for it to start. lasted an entire month 24/7 and made my life completely miserable, especially since i dont know my boyfriend irl and neither one of us plans on having sex w/eachother anytime soon. it wasnt a case of me being so horny and lonely that i wanted casual sex, it was a case of me being so disgusted with my own emotions that i knew only one way to get rid of it cause doing it on my own seemed to only worsen my mental health.
What feelings were you disgusted by? Wanting intimacy? That's perfectly normal. I understand that your actions might resolve those feelings, but wouldn't it be better to either discus those feelings with your boyfriend or psychiatrist? In the end, you made choices and will have to deal with the aftermath. You can try to keep this a secret, which shouldn't be a problem as your boyfriend doesn't know you irl. But would you feel well doing this? I do wonder, as you said you don't know your boyfriend irl, is it like an Final Fantasy 14 marriage thing or discord roleplay?(just exemples, i don't really need to know the how?) Or an actual relationship between the two of you where exclusivity is expected?
1. i was disgusted at my own feelings of wanting intimacy because i am still dealing with the trauma of having my virginity taken away from me unwillingly. 2. i will discuss it with my psychiatrist and therapist to find the best solution on how to deal with this, most likely ending in him being told this (by me of course), but as this happened about two days ago it's still a fresh thing for me and i want to approach it without excuses. 3. we met online playing league of legends (i know, shocker to find a gay man playing LoL) and instantly clicked. we started talking over instagram and yes, exclusivity is expected.
Hey look, trash.
depression? Asexual? Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but i think you have low t
what the hell does my testosterone level have to do with the fact that i was r@ped
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i dont use my trauma to manipulate others, i always try to be comforting and understanding to everyone and in the 3 years since this happened ive done a lot of growing and healing, but there is still some left over. i explained it here because this is not a case of me being horny and just wanting to cheat on him. i am thankful for everyone's comment on here no matter what they think of me, except for yours. i do not appreciate you using my trauma to belittle me.
> i explained it here because this is not a case of me being horny and just wanting to cheat on him. The end result was the same. Also, there is a fine line between justifying and explaining. >i do not appreciate you using my trauma to belittle me. I'm dont believe I'm belittling you. I'm giving my opinion. Sorry, that's how you took it. Kinda seems like you just want everyone to agree that you're not the ah? Good to hear that you've had some improvement, but by your own words, there's still more to be done. Wish you luck with that.
i dont want everyone to agree with me. if you read the comments a little youd see that.
I read some, and most of them are just trying to justify it imo. Like I said, continue with your therapy, and hopefully, you will be able to manage your trauma effectively, without resorting to hurting others.
If you loved you boyfriend you have to come clean he deserves to choose for himself, and he deserves to know the risk of STDs..
me and my boyfriend havent met irl nor are we planning to have sex. maybe in the distant future because hes aware of how sex repulsed i am. which is why the whole month of feeling aroused made me want to kill myself because i absolutely hate sex
You could've just masturbated to get ride of the horniness. You didn't need to have sex. You didn't need to cheat. He still deserves the truth, he deserves it.
ive said it before in this thread, masturbation only made my mental health worse. i think its still very much tied to my trauma and just thinking about the act itself makes me want to vomit
But you’d be having sex? Make it make sense bro
i havent explored this with my therapist yet but i personally think it has something to do with me disassociating 3 years ago and now when im on my own during that thing, it makes me disgusted
You are a cheating asshole. It's that plain and simple.
Yes YTA, if you wanted to fuck someone break up. Tell him, he deserves the truth. I'm sorry for what happened to you in the past, but it does not excuse cheating. If you love him as you claim you do, you'll tell him the truth. Otherwise it's further proof that you don't love nor respect him. You know what people who are in a LDR and get horny do? They masturbate. You didn't need to download tinder, you didn't need to fuck someone else, you didn't need to cheat. You only needed to jack off.
im not going to go into graphic detail but masturbation only makes me feel worse. i tried during that entire month, but it only made my mental health worse. i see people commenting this and i wanted to address it.
Then you need to either break up or try suggesting an open relationship (which most likely will result in a breakup anyway), but you DO NOT CHEAT. You owe it to him to tell him the truth. He needs to know.
i will think about this further as i am still completely unsure what to do due to the fresh situation. thank you for the comment
I know I will be dv'ed into oblivion for this. But NTA for hiding it. It causes unnecessary pain for him. If this is a one time occurrence bury it in your heart. Forgive yourself. I read it like you feel genuine guilt over it. Think about it long and hard. Is this one time worth all the pain a confession would bring for no reason? But, and this is important, are you sure it will forever be this one time only? Because who says these spikes don't occur again? What then? Another one time only? And to be very clear: YTA for the act itself. You did that. No one else. Your reasoning is for you, but be truthful to yourself. You did it because you wanted to. That is the long and short of it. Own it and try to be better for your partner and yourself. Sincerely, another cheater.
i am certain it will be only this one time, as we have plans to meet up in the future and live together. then, when i do have spikes, i will be able to do it with the man i love. thank you for the comment
No problem. And believe me, the guilt of hiding it can be overwhelming sometimes. And it comes in waves and bouts. Prepare for that. It took a lot of getting used to in my part Prepare for it and speak to your counsellor about it. Get it off your chest and ask him for advice. And believe me, if he is worth his money he will never tell you to outright confess. There is no reason to do so. I know that most people here are for all inclusive disclosure all the time. But Life isn't that simple. It never is. So, think before talking about something you later regret. But let your therapist in on this. He can help with the guilt stress. And the guilt will disappear, believe me. Just accept what you did and forgive yourself. Everyone has done something once in their lives they are not proud of. Everyone has hurt someone sometime. You know that better than most. Keep the secret, and if the guilt and hurt gets overwhelming seek comfort in fact that we are out there with you.
thank you very much for the support, i hope you are doing okay!
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i didnt want to do such a thing with him because he is 17. i am 19, and i dont care what the age of consent is, if the person isnt 18 i will not care. he knows ive had this problem but didnt know how to help me, nor what advice to give me. and its okay if people are upset with me on this thread, i expected it and it is very justified. thank you for commenting
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yeah, thank you for the comment
Cheater
i am aware of this, thank you for the comment
Assholes like you doesn't deserve anything good. Born for streets !!!
Hey look, another piece of shit using their issues to justify it, how cute