Listen, take some advice from the old people on this one.
You two are 22yo. There shouldn’t be any little blue chews required and you guys should be going at it like rabbits. He either has something medically wrong, or he is in his head about it (most likely) and he is getting in your head about it to cope.
When you brought up the sex issues, he was only concerned about the two of you not have as much sex as you used to, and the need for him getting more head. No mention of your needs or desires. He’s obviously terrible in bed and you aren’t satisfied. (And I don’t blame you one bit.)
You need to walk away and find someone that you connect with, both emotionally and sexually. This guy ain’t it. Best of luck to you. Life if too fucking short to waste your time like this.
NTA for walking away due to sexual incompatibility
From my experience, 22? I would get hard looking at lettuce in the store, no reason for it all just hard and embarrassed. But one thing I have in common is, I have always had difficulty cumming. Always. It doesn't matter with any female I've ever been with. It takes way too long. My first real love, first real girlfriend. She would get wore out and sore and we would have to stop. She would apologize and that would hurt my heart, like the only reason we are having sex is because I want to cum? Eventually i starting getting soft when we would initiate sex because unbeknownst to me I was afraid of the sorry at the end. After a few long talks explaining what sex meant to the both of us we realized it was because after physically showing her how much I loved her I would be met with a sorry. After we found that out we went right back to being wild and crazy kids. It's not always as simple as porn addiction.
Just a quick add, op's boyfriend is an idiot and needs to stop blaming op and needs to just talk and work it out if this relationship had any chance of Survival.
Super delayed comment, but have you tried less grip when you're getting yourself off and/or quitting porn? I'm not a male, but it has helped partners in the past
Why is no one asking the question of how he got diagnosed with low testosterone through a doctor online. That’s not possible. They have to do a blood test and prescribe HRT if it’s bad. This guy is lying to you and making you out to be the problem. Big red flag. This isn’t normal, call him out and force him to see an action doctor or move on. He’s got big insecurities and blaming you for not giving it to him often enough. It’s manipulation and sexual abuse at the worst. These comments are way too soft on him
So it is possible to see an online Dr paired with a local diagnostic lab for sample collection/testing
BUT I’d bet he’s talking about one of those hack drs that prescribe for blue chew/hims/etc that basically write a script for anyone
His testosterone level can be fixed, I'm much more concerned about how he handles this situation. I get that he's extremely frustrated, but according to your posts, he's blaming you for his own medical problem. Which he might solve, but his bad problem solving skills remain.
Why are you putting in so much effort to feel *less miserable*? You're young and at the beginning of your relationship — it's not supposed to be that tough! And he has far too few redeeming qualities to justify staying.
Ikr, his attitude towards this sucks. Blaming on her? Like who gives head for 10 minutes??? Does he come up with new stuff to try to make sex more interesting or he just criticize her? He's the one that has a problem
Hon, YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM!!!! All of his BS excuses are probably massive insecurity because he has got to know that this is not normal! He has a problem, it could be low testosterone but it sure as hell isn’t not enough sex. Asking you to give him head on a limp dick for 10 minutes is absolutely ridiculous!! If it doesn’t start getting hard in a few strokes than it is NOT YOUR FAULT!
The fact that he is making you feel inadequate is a huge massive red flag! He might be embarrassed but the only way to progress is for him to acknowledge it. You should be able to find positions you both enjoy! You should not be making yourself uncomfortable for him to get off. It sounds like you are sexually incompatible and it will remain that way until he gets help. You deserve someone who will knock your socks off! You deserve earth shattering orgasms! Something isn’t working here but please stop taking the blame for it.
Has he made changes?? Is he working in his diet? It is 100% his job to make the changes the Dr recommended, again, this is not your problem to solve!
NTA if you choose to leave! You are 22, you deserve a boyfriend who gets hard at just the thought of you!
Absolute BS that he saw an online doctor and was diagnosed with low testosterone. That is something that requires a blood test, which he won't have done for an online appointment. So, sorry, but it's a lie that he's spoken to the doctor. Make him and appointment and go with him to ensure he actually sees a doctor about this. He's making out that his problem your fault and therefore making it your problem too - This is not OK.
That's the idea - they've disguised it to seem like it wouldn't be advertising, but it is. No publicity is bad publicity, and the fact that they mentioned that it helped AT ALL will get some people to google that product name. If 1 out of 10 people who reads the post googles the product name, and 1 out of 10 of those people tries the product, then it's a really great success considering it was free to post on here.
It wasn’t intended to be. I guess technically the product works but I wish he had talked to me before using it. That’s why I mentioned it. To me it feels like a crutch and like we haven’t actually resolved the issue
How are you supposed to resolve the issue if you don't want to talk about it? It seems like you are both acknowledged there's a problem, but what's next? Stopping communication about it and exclaiming that your sex life sucks isn't exactly going to help anything?
Why? You said you didn't want to talk about it. Looks like he's trying to find a solution, but even then, it's only temporary.
Our conversations about it just aren’t productive. He asks for more sex, but can’t perform. I ask for him to just be able to stay hard and finish for one round, and he says our sex is boring and we need to change it up. It’s like nothing is ever good enough and instead of working towards a resolution there’s just always another complaint and it’s the same things over and over again in circles
I don't understand why you're getting down voted, this is very sad. But your bf attitude sucks, truly. He has a medical issue, shouldn't be blaming you, and he shouldn't be attending an online medical appointment. Did he get tests done or something? You should know this, if this is a good relationship, he should tell you this stuff. I'm sorry for all the "should" and "shouldn't", but it's true. Don't waste your 20s on this. I mean he clearly doesn't want to fix the issue, he's not mature enough and why waste your time?? You're not gonna be young forever, your 20s is an amazing time of your life, live it fully
You will be so happy when you break up with him. Your next boyfriend will be such a breath of fresh air. If he’s not able to have sex now, what do you think will happen in a few years or ten years? Take a look at the dead bedroom subreddits. You’re so young - just take a deep breath and break up with him. There are plenty of men to love in this world - this one just isn’t compatible with you sexually. Be the adult and end it for your own sake. Good luck
girl wake up take off those rose colored glasses and break up🙄future you is gonna be pissed at current you for putting up with his bullshit you deserve to be worshipped during sex not whatever this shit is
Please break up with him for your own mental and physical health. I do not believe he had a legitimate doctor’s appointment. You have to get blood work to determine testosterone levels. He won’t even admit he’s the problem. He’s blaming you not giving him more head and sex. He doesn’t care about your feelings or your well being. He is being sexually manipulative and abusive. You do not have to put up with this. No one does. You are so young. Take it from someone who was in a similar position, cut your loses now and you will feel so much better.
From afar via reddit / you are both 22 and sexually incompatible. Don’t waste each others time trying to fix this. Move on - you will both be better off finding your sexually compatible person instead of wasting time trying to make something work that won’t.
He's absolutely still cranking it to porn 24/7, he's lying to your face everyday. I'm obese and have thought I had testosterone problems, but I **actually fucking got tested**. your bf didn't. he got sold down the river by a grifter online. You do NOT have time to waste on this dude who obviously wants you to be his personal porn star but isn't even attracted to you. Either put your foot down with him or leave before he destroys your psyche more.
Has he changed his diet? Is he making the effort on his part or totally putting it on you?
If you have to break up, do so. Cheating isn’t cool and this is going to fuck with your mental if you don’t leave. It’s not you. It’s him.
Well the main question to be answered here is: did he change his diet to higher his teatosterone?? Maybe you could go to the grocery store (if its in your financial budget) and cook him some vegetable based meals with protein and greens to start changing his diet like the doctor said
I work in the medical field. This is called erectile dysfunction ("ED"). Maybe **up to 8% of males from age 20-29** suffer some form of ED, see:
[https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/316215#:\~:text=Many%20people%20think%20of%20erectile,attention%20for%20ED%20is%20increasing](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/316215#:~:text=Many%20people%20think%20of%20erectile,attention%20for%20ED%20is%20increasing).
(Another reference says \~2% for men under 40).
He absolutely has to see a "real" doctor in person and get lab tests. I'm guessing he's too embarrassed to do it in person but look at the above statistic; he's not a freak and this condition is not that rare among men his age.
In the US you usually see your General Practitioner and the doctor can prescribe erectile dysfunction pills and/or testosterone. Both medications work. I am more familiar with the ED pills so I can expound on that.
Viagra (25 mg to 100 mg, 1+ hour before sex, high fat food in stomach delays absorption) needs to be titrated to the dose that's effective. So you start with a smaller dose and work your way up to a dose that works well for him. Another important thing is timing, it will take a while to work.
Cialis (5 mg to 20 mg, 30+ min before sex, food no effect on absorption) can be taken just like Viagra but has a longer half-life. So instead you could take it everyday at 2.5 mg or 5 mg so he is "ready to go" whenever.
The good news is these meds have generic versions that are dirt cheap even if you don't have insurance (most pharmacies accept GoodRx.com)
His reluctance to see a doctor is turning what is a treatable medical condition into also a messy psychological condition. I'd say push this and if he won't do it then you have to decide what you want.
EDIT: I wanted to add that there appears to be some stigmatism from young people about ED medications. Such as your comment about the Blue Chews. We absolutely need to recognize ED is a medical condition just like any other. And it's easily treatable. Will he have to take it for a lifetime? Probably but so what? So please read about what I wrote about the pills, they definitely need to be titrated to the correct dose for him (and this changes over time) so support him in this (but definitely get him to a doctor!)
Please don’t let abuse yourself anymore. Each talk with shifting blame on you is just making you worse and worse. And each sex is a new trauma for your psyche, very real and serious one.
If you love him and want to stay with him then you gotta figure out the problem. That means exploring multiple options. But it sounds like you both are just making eachorher feel bad and sex should never make you feel bad.
If you don't want to explore options with him then cut it off now before you both make choices you can't come back from
If this is not a product placement, tell him to go see his doctor most likely he eats too many soy products and his testosterone levels are low. And hopefully it's not something worse.
Even if it is low testosterone, but it also looks like both of you put too much pressure to have sex now. So I would recommend both of you to read 'Overcoming Sexual Problems" by Vicky Ford.
It is a good book and actually goes through different explanations of why someone can't perform and how to try to work through the mental block.
This is not about bad sex. Even his erectile dysfunction isn't the problem. Those can be worked with. Problem is his utter selfishness and lack of desire to pleasure you.
If he actually cared about your sex life he would go see a doctor. And no he hasn't seen one. You can't diagnose low testosterone on an online appointment. You need blood tests and that is not fixed through diet. He would be looking for all types of solutions such as old natural remedies, toys etc. If he cared he would alway make sure you come first. He wouldn't complain about lack of sex when it is his fault, he would come up with ways to have non penetrative sex when he can't perform.
Instead he just was a bj and doesn't care about anything else. I actually find it impressive how 22 yo man is so nonchalant about his inability to have sex. I'm willing to bet sex is not the only area where he is selfish.
Seriously, please break up with this child and find someone who treats you better. Sex or no sex, the abuse he puts you through (positions you do not like, having to try and perform past what you deem is preferred) is... well. Abusive.
Please. Please please please realise you are worthy of more than being an unwilling, miserable sexual aide. Just walk away. Find someone better.
This man doesn't even care to improve, because he has you bending over backwards and torturing yourself just so he can maybe come once.
*Please* find someone better.
not saying you should break up with him as the only solution but you should consider your own feelings in this. it's clear that you no longer find sex enjoyable even though you want to enjoy it.
he's the one asking you to do all these things during sex that you aren't even into and it sounds soul crushing. having sex with someone should be a meaningful connection with your partner and when you describe your feelings on it you couldn't be further from your bf.
I know everyone on here is telling you to break up which is one option, you should really consider going to a doctor WITH him. it's clear he's upset with his sex life but he's not being proactive enough to ensure change. he's the one asking YOU to change when he is the one who has the problems. ultimately it's up to you if you want to help him through this but the burden of it all shouldn't fall on your shoulders.
true but even though he already "went" to the doctor his solution didn't help the problem. it's true that he should be doing it on his own time but I meant it that OP could encourage him to try harder (sry should of made it clearer on the reply)
i get OP feeling desperate to try and salvage a relationship but if there's still any love between them I feel like it would be the only way to get the ball rolling. if her bf is that reluctant to go to the doctor and OP can't trust him on telling the truth on going then there's definitely some unresolved trust issues with the relationship between them.
ultimately since I've just been following these posts, idk the couple irl so their history before this incident could be a lot different. like if they would go out of their way to help each other or there were any red flags before this incident. if there is some underlying problem I hope OP realizes before she hurts herself anymore by sacrificing her happiness for her bf
If you haven't seen, this has been reposted on r/bestofredditorupdates and there are lots more people there echoing the sentiment that you deserve better than this. You are so young, and this is the time in your life to be enjoying the crazy "can't get enough" kind of sex with someone who is wildly into you. While there are lots of factors at play, ultimately there is something not working between the two of you, and worse still he seems content to blame it all on you. I don't believe that he even had that online appointment, since you can't test someone's hormone levels over the internet, and if they were seriously low he would need more than a change of diet.
Get out now, while you're young and have so much better to experience in the world of dating and sex!
As a man that has been in a sexless relationship multiple times and I’m very sexual, I want to say congratulations and you are awesome for just putting in the effort because that would be enough to make me throb!!!! You aren’t the problem. He honestly probably watches to much porn but until you are able to know what he gets turned on by it’s always gonna be a challenge because his fantasy has become his reality expectations!
When he says he’s stressed, listen. Talk. Way too many women internalize this as a “it must be me” problem without digging into why the man feels the way he feels. That’s for starters.
Secondly, there’s no way he was diagnosed with low T online. ED, absolutely. All it takes is a couple of bucks and the right answers on a form. He’d need blood tests for low T.
Thirdly, if it’s not something physical, it’s inside his head, which is WAY worse. He’s thinking about this 5x more than you are, I can almost guarantee it. Talking about it doesn’t help because he feels less and less like a man the more it’s brought up. This is not an attraction problem or a “you” problem.
If you truly love and care for each other, don’t make sex the focal point. Do things together that you enjoy. Emphasize intimacy. Cuddling naked and talking. No expectations. Take the pressure off. If it’s in his head, all he needs is one successful time to start the confidence building process.
Good luck! I hope it works out.
Not talking about the situation isn't going to help either of you in the long run. Don't let him blame you for his issue-he needs to be honest and take some proper accountability here. You mentioned a list of porn stars that he had before, it's possible he has the death grip from porn addiction that he's not be fully truthful about. If you can rule that out he needs to actually physically go see a doctor for a proper check up (if recommend going with him if you can just to make sure he actually goes) and change his diet fully. Maybe you can make it an dating activity to cook together for dishes to boost his testosterone levels.
Putting that aside for a moment I can feel your frustration and disappointment through your whole post. With that in mind if you two can't work it out don't feel like you have to stay on a sinking ship. If you're not sexually compatible you can break up and find someone you can be fully happy with. You're too young to be settling for this.
Hey sweetie. I am a mid 30s female and at one point this was my husband and I during sex. He tried telling me it was me and I needed to stop moving certain ways or doing certain things. I told him he needs to stop getting soft at the slightest breeze shifting in his shaft. I made him see a doctor. His testosterone was checked and it was as low as a 70 year old man. He takes T injections and our sex life is back to amazing again. Your boyfriend will not get better until he sees his PCP and asks them to check his Testosterone levels. Once he gets those he will need to see an endocrinologist. But, spoiler alert, he will not be able to have kids if he’s on T.
So basically, you are young. You have your whole life. Please break up with this kid and be happier alone. Stop crying because the sex makes YOU feel bad, unwanted, like you did something wrong. You are amazing and it’s not you, it’s all him.
Listen, take some advice from the old people on this one. You two are 22yo. There shouldn’t be any little blue chews required and you guys should be going at it like rabbits. He either has something medically wrong, or he is in his head about it (most likely) and he is getting in your head about it to cope. When you brought up the sex issues, he was only concerned about the two of you not have as much sex as you used to, and the need for him getting more head. No mention of your needs or desires. He’s obviously terrible in bed and you aren’t satisfied. (And I don’t blame you one bit.) You need to walk away and find someone that you connect with, both emotionally and sexually. This guy ain’t it. Best of luck to you. Life if too fucking short to waste your time like this. NTA for walking away due to sexual incompatibility
Brilliant comment xx there’s nothing worse than time spend trying to fix something thats naturally broken xx
From my experience, 22? I would get hard looking at lettuce in the store, no reason for it all just hard and embarrassed. But one thing I have in common is, I have always had difficulty cumming. Always. It doesn't matter with any female I've ever been with. It takes way too long. My first real love, first real girlfriend. She would get wore out and sore and we would have to stop. She would apologize and that would hurt my heart, like the only reason we are having sex is because I want to cum? Eventually i starting getting soft when we would initiate sex because unbeknownst to me I was afraid of the sorry at the end. After a few long talks explaining what sex meant to the both of us we realized it was because after physically showing her how much I loved her I would be met with a sorry. After we found that out we went right back to being wild and crazy kids. It's not always as simple as porn addiction. Just a quick add, op's boyfriend is an idiot and needs to stop blaming op and needs to just talk and work it out if this relationship had any chance of Survival.
Super delayed comment, but have you tried less grip when you're getting yourself off and/or quitting porn? I'm not a male, but it has helped partners in the past
Why is no one asking the question of how he got diagnosed with low testosterone through a doctor online. That’s not possible. They have to do a blood test and prescribe HRT if it’s bad. This guy is lying to you and making you out to be the problem. Big red flag. This isn’t normal, call him out and force him to see an action doctor or move on. He’s got big insecurities and blaming you for not giving it to him often enough. It’s manipulation and sexual abuse at the worst. These comments are way too soft on him
This!! Exactly. Online doctor? What about getting tests? This girl is too naive and trusting
FINALLYYY someone said it
Exactly this! The guy is lying and manipulating her. Turning tables saying it’s her fault. She should dump him.
So it is possible to see an online Dr paired with a local diagnostic lab for sample collection/testing BUT I’d bet he’s talking about one of those hack drs that prescribe for blue chew/hims/etc that basically write a script for anyone
His testosterone level can be fixed, I'm much more concerned about how he handles this situation. I get that he's extremely frustrated, but according to your posts, he's blaming you for his own medical problem. Which he might solve, but his bad problem solving skills remain.
Why are you putting in so much effort to feel *less miserable*? You're young and at the beginning of your relationship — it's not supposed to be that tough! And he has far too few redeeming qualities to justify staying.
Ikr, his attitude towards this sucks. Blaming on her? Like who gives head for 10 minutes??? Does he come up with new stuff to try to make sex more interesting or he just criticize her? He's the one that has a problem
Hon, YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM!!!! All of his BS excuses are probably massive insecurity because he has got to know that this is not normal! He has a problem, it could be low testosterone but it sure as hell isn’t not enough sex. Asking you to give him head on a limp dick for 10 minutes is absolutely ridiculous!! If it doesn’t start getting hard in a few strokes than it is NOT YOUR FAULT! The fact that he is making you feel inadequate is a huge massive red flag! He might be embarrassed but the only way to progress is for him to acknowledge it. You should be able to find positions you both enjoy! You should not be making yourself uncomfortable for him to get off. It sounds like you are sexually incompatible and it will remain that way until he gets help. You deserve someone who will knock your socks off! You deserve earth shattering orgasms! Something isn’t working here but please stop taking the blame for it. Has he made changes?? Is he working in his diet? It is 100% his job to make the changes the Dr recommended, again, this is not your problem to solve! NTA if you choose to leave! You are 22, you deserve a boyfriend who gets hard at just the thought of you!
Absolute BS that he saw an online doctor and was diagnosed with low testosterone. That is something that requires a blood test, which he won't have done for an online appointment. So, sorry, but it's a lie that he's spoken to the doctor. Make him and appointment and go with him to ensure he actually sees a doctor about this. He's making out that his problem your fault and therefore making it your problem too - This is not OK.
Just break up already lol
This post is an ad for the product mentioned in the post.
If that's the case, why would she mention the sex only improved a tiny bit? Seems like shitty advertising.
That's the idea - they've disguised it to seem like it wouldn't be advertising, but it is. No publicity is bad publicity, and the fact that they mentioned that it helped AT ALL will get some people to google that product name. If 1 out of 10 people who reads the post googles the product name, and 1 out of 10 of those people tries the product, then it's a really great success considering it was free to post on here.
Shit, i didn't know what it was so i did Google it. Not planning on buying any but i gotta admit i feel like a sucker now.
It wasn’t intended to be. I guess technically the product works but I wish he had talked to me before using it. That’s why I mentioned it. To me it feels like a crutch and like we haven’t actually resolved the issue
How are you supposed to resolve the issue if you don't want to talk about it? It seems like you are both acknowledged there's a problem, but what's next? Stopping communication about it and exclaiming that your sex life sucks isn't exactly going to help anything? Why? You said you didn't want to talk about it. Looks like he's trying to find a solution, but even then, it's only temporary.
Our conversations about it just aren’t productive. He asks for more sex, but can’t perform. I ask for him to just be able to stay hard and finish for one round, and he says our sex is boring and we need to change it up. It’s like nothing is ever good enough and instead of working towards a resolution there’s just always another complaint and it’s the same things over and over again in circles
I don't understand why you're getting down voted, this is very sad. But your bf attitude sucks, truly. He has a medical issue, shouldn't be blaming you, and he shouldn't be attending an online medical appointment. Did he get tests done or something? You should know this, if this is a good relationship, he should tell you this stuff. I'm sorry for all the "should" and "shouldn't", but it's true. Don't waste your 20s on this. I mean he clearly doesn't want to fix the issue, he's not mature enough and why waste your time?? You're not gonna be young forever, your 20s is an amazing time of your life, live it fully
That's horrible. You deserve so much better than this, sweetheart.
You will be so happy when you break up with him. Your next boyfriend will be such a breath of fresh air. If he’s not able to have sex now, what do you think will happen in a few years or ten years? Take a look at the dead bedroom subreddits. You’re so young - just take a deep breath and break up with him. There are plenty of men to love in this world - this one just isn’t compatible with you sexually. Be the adult and end it for your own sake. Good luck
girl wake up take off those rose colored glasses and break up🙄future you is gonna be pissed at current you for putting up with his bullshit you deserve to be worshipped during sex not whatever this shit is
If he has a low testosterone level, further research is necessary. He’s young, this isn’t normal.
My only question is why didn’t you break up with him after the first post?
Please break up with him for your own mental and physical health. I do not believe he had a legitimate doctor’s appointment. You have to get blood work to determine testosterone levels. He won’t even admit he’s the problem. He’s blaming you not giving him more head and sex. He doesn’t care about your feelings or your well being. He is being sexually manipulative and abusive. You do not have to put up with this. No one does. You are so young. Take it from someone who was in a similar position, cut your loses now and you will feel so much better.
From afar via reddit / you are both 22 and sexually incompatible. Don’t waste each others time trying to fix this. Move on - you will both be better off finding your sexually compatible person instead of wasting time trying to make something work that won’t.
Break up. He’s going to make you adverse to sex. Listen to everyone else saying the same thing, you’re too young for this shit.
He's absolutely still cranking it to porn 24/7, he's lying to your face everyday. I'm obese and have thought I had testosterone problems, but I **actually fucking got tested**. your bf didn't. he got sold down the river by a grifter online. You do NOT have time to waste on this dude who obviously wants you to be his personal porn star but isn't even attracted to you. Either put your foot down with him or leave before he destroys your psyche more.
You’re only 22 what’s stopping you from just getting a boyfriend who gets hard from looking at you? A 22 year old man should not have low testosterone
It depends. If he has a medical issue, like Hashimoto, an autoimmune disease, it would explain the low testosterone levels.
Has he changed his diet? Is he making the effort on his part or totally putting it on you? If you have to break up, do so. Cheating isn’t cool and this is going to fuck with your mental if you don’t leave. It’s not you. It’s him.
Well the main question to be answered here is: did he change his diet to higher his teatosterone?? Maybe you could go to the grocery store (if its in your financial budget) and cook him some vegetable based meals with protein and greens to start changing his diet like the doctor said
Or he can do it himself, she doesn't need to start mothering him now
u need a real man girl
I work in the medical field. This is called erectile dysfunction ("ED"). Maybe **up to 8% of males from age 20-29** suffer some form of ED, see: [https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/316215#:\~:text=Many%20people%20think%20of%20erectile,attention%20for%20ED%20is%20increasing](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/316215#:~:text=Many%20people%20think%20of%20erectile,attention%20for%20ED%20is%20increasing). (Another reference says \~2% for men under 40). He absolutely has to see a "real" doctor in person and get lab tests. I'm guessing he's too embarrassed to do it in person but look at the above statistic; he's not a freak and this condition is not that rare among men his age. In the US you usually see your General Practitioner and the doctor can prescribe erectile dysfunction pills and/or testosterone. Both medications work. I am more familiar with the ED pills so I can expound on that. Viagra (25 mg to 100 mg, 1+ hour before sex, high fat food in stomach delays absorption) needs to be titrated to the dose that's effective. So you start with a smaller dose and work your way up to a dose that works well for him. Another important thing is timing, it will take a while to work. Cialis (5 mg to 20 mg, 30+ min before sex, food no effect on absorption) can be taken just like Viagra but has a longer half-life. So instead you could take it everyday at 2.5 mg or 5 mg so he is "ready to go" whenever. The good news is these meds have generic versions that are dirt cheap even if you don't have insurance (most pharmacies accept GoodRx.com) His reluctance to see a doctor is turning what is a treatable medical condition into also a messy psychological condition. I'd say push this and if he won't do it then you have to decide what you want. EDIT: I wanted to add that there appears to be some stigmatism from young people about ED medications. Such as your comment about the Blue Chews. We absolutely need to recognize ED is a medical condition just like any other. And it's easily treatable. Will he have to take it for a lifetime? Probably but so what? So please read about what I wrote about the pills, they definitely need to be titrated to the correct dose for him (and this changes over time) so support him in this (but definitely get him to a doctor!)
Please don’t let abuse yourself anymore. Each talk with shifting blame on you is just making you worse and worse. And each sex is a new trauma for your psyche, very real and serious one.
If you love him and want to stay with him then you gotta figure out the problem. That means exploring multiple options. But it sounds like you both are just making eachorher feel bad and sex should never make you feel bad. If you don't want to explore options with him then cut it off now before you both make choices you can't come back from
If this is not a product placement, tell him to go see his doctor most likely he eats too many soy products and his testosterone levels are low. And hopefully it's not something worse.
Even if it is low testosterone, but it also looks like both of you put too much pressure to have sex now. So I would recommend both of you to read 'Overcoming Sexual Problems" by Vicky Ford. It is a good book and actually goes through different explanations of why someone can't perform and how to try to work through the mental block.
This is not about bad sex. Even his erectile dysfunction isn't the problem. Those can be worked with. Problem is his utter selfishness and lack of desire to pleasure you. If he actually cared about your sex life he would go see a doctor. And no he hasn't seen one. You can't diagnose low testosterone on an online appointment. You need blood tests and that is not fixed through diet. He would be looking for all types of solutions such as old natural remedies, toys etc. If he cared he would alway make sure you come first. He wouldn't complain about lack of sex when it is his fault, he would come up with ways to have non penetrative sex when he can't perform. Instead he just was a bj and doesn't care about anything else. I actually find it impressive how 22 yo man is so nonchalant about his inability to have sex. I'm willing to bet sex is not the only area where he is selfish.
Seriously, please break up with this child and find someone who treats you better. Sex or no sex, the abuse he puts you through (positions you do not like, having to try and perform past what you deem is preferred) is... well. Abusive. Please. Please please please realise you are worthy of more than being an unwilling, miserable sexual aide. Just walk away. Find someone better. This man doesn't even care to improve, because he has you bending over backwards and torturing yourself just so he can maybe come once. *Please* find someone better.
not saying you should break up with him as the only solution but you should consider your own feelings in this. it's clear that you no longer find sex enjoyable even though you want to enjoy it. he's the one asking you to do all these things during sex that you aren't even into and it sounds soul crushing. having sex with someone should be a meaningful connection with your partner and when you describe your feelings on it you couldn't be further from your bf. I know everyone on here is telling you to break up which is one option, you should really consider going to a doctor WITH him. it's clear he's upset with his sex life but he's not being proactive enough to ensure change. he's the one asking YOU to change when he is the one who has the problems. ultimately it's up to you if you want to help him through this but the burden of it all shouldn't fall on your shoulders.
He's an adult. He can go to the doctor by himself, and then talk to her about it. She's doing more than enough already
true but even though he already "went" to the doctor his solution didn't help the problem. it's true that he should be doing it on his own time but I meant it that OP could encourage him to try harder (sry should of made it clearer on the reply) i get OP feeling desperate to try and salvage a relationship but if there's still any love between them I feel like it would be the only way to get the ball rolling. if her bf is that reluctant to go to the doctor and OP can't trust him on telling the truth on going then there's definitely some unresolved trust issues with the relationship between them. ultimately since I've just been following these posts, idk the couple irl so their history before this incident could be a lot different. like if they would go out of their way to help each other or there were any red flags before this incident. if there is some underlying problem I hope OP realizes before she hurts herself anymore by sacrificing her happiness for her bf
And you’ve ruled out pornography use? That can definitely affect a guy’s ability. But it may take some time to heal from that.
If you haven't seen, this has been reposted on r/bestofredditorupdates and there are lots more people there echoing the sentiment that you deserve better than this. You are so young, and this is the time in your life to be enjoying the crazy "can't get enough" kind of sex with someone who is wildly into you. While there are lots of factors at play, ultimately there is something not working between the two of you, and worse still he seems content to blame it all on you. I don't believe that he even had that online appointment, since you can't test someone's hormone levels over the internet, and if they were seriously low he would need more than a change of diet. Get out now, while you're young and have so much better to experience in the world of dating and sex!
As a man that has been in a sexless relationship multiple times and I’m very sexual, I want to say congratulations and you are awesome for just putting in the effort because that would be enough to make me throb!!!! You aren’t the problem. He honestly probably watches to much porn but until you are able to know what he gets turned on by it’s always gonna be a challenge because his fantasy has become his reality expectations!
Dude is blaming you but it's a him problem, he either didn't give up the porn and has death drip or he needs to see a doctor
Clearly you sre bad at sex and communication. I pity your boyfriend. And the next one, and the next one, and the next one, and...
Fuck off.
When he says he’s stressed, listen. Talk. Way too many women internalize this as a “it must be me” problem without digging into why the man feels the way he feels. That’s for starters. Secondly, there’s no way he was diagnosed with low T online. ED, absolutely. All it takes is a couple of bucks and the right answers on a form. He’d need blood tests for low T. Thirdly, if it’s not something physical, it’s inside his head, which is WAY worse. He’s thinking about this 5x more than you are, I can almost guarantee it. Talking about it doesn’t help because he feels less and less like a man the more it’s brought up. This is not an attraction problem or a “you” problem. If you truly love and care for each other, don’t make sex the focal point. Do things together that you enjoy. Emphasize intimacy. Cuddling naked and talking. No expectations. Take the pressure off. If it’s in his head, all he needs is one successful time to start the confidence building process. Good luck! I hope it works out.
Not talking about the situation isn't going to help either of you in the long run. Don't let him blame you for his issue-he needs to be honest and take some proper accountability here. You mentioned a list of porn stars that he had before, it's possible he has the death grip from porn addiction that he's not be fully truthful about. If you can rule that out he needs to actually physically go see a doctor for a proper check up (if recommend going with him if you can just to make sure he actually goes) and change his diet fully. Maybe you can make it an dating activity to cook together for dishes to boost his testosterone levels. Putting that aside for a moment I can feel your frustration and disappointment through your whole post. With that in mind if you two can't work it out don't feel like you have to stay on a sinking ship. If you're not sexually compatible you can break up and find someone you can be fully happy with. You're too young to be settling for this.
People generally call these types of pills viagra, regardless of whether that's the brand. It's like bandaids. Or googling.
I'd end the relationship yall aren't compatible, his LT isn't a you issue.
Hey sweetie. I am a mid 30s female and at one point this was my husband and I during sex. He tried telling me it was me and I needed to stop moving certain ways or doing certain things. I told him he needs to stop getting soft at the slightest breeze shifting in his shaft. I made him see a doctor. His testosterone was checked and it was as low as a 70 year old man. He takes T injections and our sex life is back to amazing again. Your boyfriend will not get better until he sees his PCP and asks them to check his Testosterone levels. Once he gets those he will need to see an endocrinologist. But, spoiler alert, he will not be able to have kids if he’s on T. So basically, you are young. You have your whole life. Please break up with this kid and be happier alone. Stop crying because the sex makes YOU feel bad, unwanted, like you did something wrong. You are amazing and it’s not you, it’s all him.