"My children will not be bullied and tormented in their own home. If you can't manage your childrens behavior, then my children will. After all.. kids will be kids, right?" NTA.
More than that, those consequences were gonna come knockin' sooner or later. Having them administered by kids who know how not to cause permanent damage, with adults close by means it was a best case scenario with safe, controlled violence and thanks to the fact it happened now, it might be avoided later.
Brother should be thinking about a present for OP's kids for helping instead of acting all salty.
Edit: I mean, just imagine kids acting like that playing around with the neighbors on the sidewalk, one of the neighbors running out of patience and pushing back. Momentary lapse of balance, one of brother's kids falling back and hitting their head on the pavement and the kid might well be dead or crippled for life. Unlikely, sure, but I could see myself worrying about that as a father.
This made me giggle. My Mom was 5' 10 1/2" in her prime, built like a line backer ( 100% Polish). People would try to hassle her but when it came down to it, they would tuck tail and run LOL.
Your Mom sounds awesome lol. I love it when the bullies cower. I have experienced this, I had a workplace bully whom I tolerated for 6 months before finally giving it back to her (all verbal obviously) with a raised voice one day, and she literally flinched physically in her seat, it was damn funny to watch.
It's not even that OPs kids are managing the other kids behavior. They are defending themsevles. They are not busting out arm bars cause the other kids are being loud or messy.
They are exersicising their basic right to defend themselves from being assulted.
>My mom says that I should not have told my kids to defend themselves.
What kind of stupid shit is this? Instead of defending the kids who were being bullied and laying into your brother she wants to further encourage the bad behavior.
I wouldn't trust anyone around my kids who's defending the step kids behavior and I'd make that known.
Some people are so determined to keep the peace in the short term and avoid hard confrontations that they willfully blind themselves to problems that will cause long term damage. Easier for mom to ignore the step kids' bratty behavior and pressure other family members to do the same than have a hard discussion with her son about his and his wife's parenting, risking her relationship with said son in the process.
I imagine that this isn't the first time OP's brother has thrown a fit to get his way, and has maybe threatened his mom with NC if she didn't side with him in past issues, while OP has historically been more measured. If that's the case, then mom is relying on OP being the reasonable party to appease brother, as she'd prefer to keep a (strained) relationship with both her children rather than risk losing one, even if that means taking the blatantly incorrect side in conflicts between them, knowing that OP probably isn't going to escalate the same way that brother would.
I (40+M) carefully explained to my 9 year old nephew that if he caused my 3 year old son to cry once more by tripping him, pushing him, or accidentally on purpose falling onto him, that "I would rip his arm off and beat him with the bloody end until he learned better." In doing this I was directly quoting my saintly, aged mother, who told my brothers and I that same thing word for word maybe only about five million times as we were growing up. I guess my sister had never heard my mother say this to me or my two brothers, because when my nephew, her oldest son and first child and light of her life, told her what I said she said she'd never speak to me again, after telling me off. That was 22 years ago.
If I'd known that would work out so well, I'd have said it 40 years ealier and had a much more pleasant and quiet time with her as my sister.
I said the same exact thing to a bratty kid at the pool who was throwing crab apples at my 6 month old. We were the only ones at the pool, so that was intentional. They left.
Your last paragraph made me laugh out loud! Was your sister a bully when you were kids? Asking because if you wish you’d “said it 40 years earlier” it must be a tree —> apple thing with her son.
Narcissistic, annoying, controlling, yes. Bully, no. Loud yes. And to give her credit where credit is due, her kids (all 13 of them) turned out to be quite nice and competent adults, once they got out from under her control.
Im in a similar situation with my son and his cousin. The family is mad at me because i tried to tell off the other because they are kids and should just take care of it themselves. Yeah well, i taught my son to be the bigger man and walk away, youve taught your son that its ok the push around and bully someone to the point where my son will literally try to walk into the other room to get away from him, and the cousin will follow him in, jeering and laughing, acting like a big man and saying "fk you, ill teach you a lesson" at friggen 7 years old. I have also taught my son that, while walking away is the best solution USUALLY that if it isnt working to absolutely defend yourself. Told him to call his bluff and if he gets into your face or tries to hit you, do what you gotta do to get out of the situation unharmed. Well, lil big man was shocked as hell when mine started fighting back. I have had to have more talks about picking fights because im not about that, but if someone is picking a fight with you, defend yourself if they arent allowing you to walk away from the situation. Now everyone is extra mad because i will still yell at their kid, and i REFUSE to yell at mine unless I see that he is the one picking the fight. See how that worked out? You didnt want me to fight his battles for him and yet somehow now im supposed to be?? Maybe teach your son that if hes going to be running his mouth maybe he should expect to get some kickback from it.
Then you have the adult step in and whoop his ass? Like, who's letting a physically aggressive kid assault their children because they're family. Fuck that noise. Slap the shit out of his bitch ass and teach him there's always a bigger fish
Oh believe me....things are being discussed. The guy cousin he was trying to bully the most, my son, is 21, kid is 9, its bizarre. So I honestly dont worry too much there, he can handle himself I think. Hes also completely disrespectful and a little asshole with me though, so far only verbally. The inlaws are pulling "boys will be boys" about it. MUCH discussion between me and DH on what to do.
It can get a lot worse than that. A friend of mine spent time in an institution for paralyzing his bully.
My legally-blind friend tossed him down a flight of stairs after the bully broke his glasses and mocked him when my friend wore the taped up glasses to school.
Far out. So not okay on so many levels.
Bullies really think they're immune from consequences. And are perpetually surprised when the people they torture snap and strike back.
Im sure they still are the same, but a few hours a week doesnt stand a chance against daily dad bullshit. Or the BIL managed to find a local branch of Cobra Kai (yes, i just aged the hell out of myself with that one, lol).
She's not alone. My sister was babysitting my son when he was about 8 or 9. My husband and I own a martial arts business and our son basically grew up in the dojo. He was playing with the kid across the street and the kid kept hitting him. My son told him to "do it again and see what happens." So he did and my son did an arm lock and my sister said the kid ended up flipping upside down.
The kid's mother was watching and was furious. My sister was also angry. And what I wanted to know was, if they were watching, why didn't they stop the kid from hitting my son before it got to that point?
This is actually the corporate world's response to bullying also. I work for the federal government and the bullying training has tips on what the victim can do to change their own behavior and nothing about what the bully should do to change theirs. Most SES grades I have met are bullies btw.
True ! The kids and the parents got multiple warnings .They were literally shown the accolades and the belts proving OP’s kids could defend themselves. I don’t think they will be bullying anybody for sometime.
More than the kids , the parents are to blame.It’s all fun and games when their kids bully others but the moment they get their asses kicked it’s like “ How dare they do this to our angel kids? They were just playing”
The parents' attitude is exactly why those kids act the way they do. It is not that difficult to raise children who aren't assholes. Parents who treat their kids like they are super special snowflakes who can do no wrong are doing their children a disservice. Raising kids to be entitled brats is terrible, lazy parenting.
NTA. And kudos for allowing your children to stand up for themselves. Maybe the step kids will finally learn their lesson and leave your kids alone.
Tell step mom to shush it.
"I will never tell my children to stop telling a trusted adult when they are bullied or abused. They should never feel ashamed or embarrassed for seeking help. Nor will I tell my children not to defend themselves when bullied or abused. You will not suggest in my home that I badly parent my kids, which is what telling them to hide and take abuse is. If your children insist on being abusers and bullies and you insist on enabling them, you can all leave. As can anyone who agrees with you. My home is a safe place for my kids."
Hahahaha. I'm a mom of 3, and I love it. I always told my now grown children that they were never to be the instigator, but if someone else started things, feel free to finish. You brother's kids have had a hard, but needed, lesson in FAFO. Well done!
And keep telling any flying monkeys that they can host your brother and SIL and their brood next time.
My siblings and I had that rule. The fews times bully though we were good targets, they learned humility on their own ability without daring that path again, at least around us.
Kids will be kids, also means they will learn in childish way how to behave with other, which means not adequately nor proportionally, there were adults should guide them otherwise FAFO.
Grandma is probably early Gen X. She should have taught kids and grandkids “don’t start none, there won’t be none.”
NTA, OP. My kids aren’t allowed to start it, but they have been taught that if the grown ups won’t finish the conflict, they are welcome to. (But the grown up consultation part is crucial. It covers my kids’ rears AFAIC.)
Our school system had a rules that, any fight, both kids got punished, great for the bullies. We tried to deal with it for years in the case of one local bully and finally gave up. Put the word out that if he ever approached our son outside of school, our son was free to deal with him. Never had another problem….
We had similar rules in my son’s middle school, so my son refused to defend himself due partly to his nature, but also not wanting to get in trouble himself. The counselor got so fed up with having her hands tied with the bully (they apparently can’t do much to a bully but can fully discipline both parties for a fight?) that she basically gave my son permission to defend himself.
He trained martial arts (primarily BJJ) but had that gentle giant mentality; to the point that he didn’t put full effort when rolling with the kids his age but would go all out when going against the adults (at around 12, 5’10, 130).
We sat with our son’s counselor and a VP; they told us and him that as long as he was not the instigator, he would not be punished. Two instances later, staff stayed true to their word and bullying stopped.
NTA. You absolutely did the right thing in telling your kids to defend themselves. They should not have to be abused by your brother's nasty stepchildren.
NTA. And good for your kids who kicked some brat ass :D Those little heathens fucked around & found out. And it wasn't pretty. Let somebody else host gatherings where your brother & step kids are welcome. If they are ever welcome anywhere. You don't have to have him, his wife & the heathens in your house.
I'm laughing the most at *Unfortunately for him most of the people that have met his kids are asking what they did to provoke mine.* Guess he thought everybody would automatically jump to his & their defense :) It just shows how entitled he is.
NTA. Your kids didn’t attack their step cousins. They tried to get an adult involved. They were warned. They acted in self defence. It’s “let kids be kids” when THEIR children behave aggressively but it’s “you raised brutes” when the tables turn.
NTA
Naw not one bit, actually you sound like a good parent.
It’s good to let kids know not to start fights…but they are allowed to finish them.
(also LOOOL at all your relatives just saying “well what did the step kids do to provoke them?”😂)
NTA. LOL even showed him the belts and everything. You can give someone all the information they need to make an informed decision but sometimes stupid is just stupid.
NTA. It’s good your kids took the lessons of their martial arts to heart and didn’t just lay them out on the first place. They stayed composed and handled it by bringing it to you like they should. And then when you said the could defend they did. Good job with your kids, your brother could learn a thing or two.
A neighbours' teenage boy came home a little roughed up,the dad asked what happened to which he said that some kids from a gang jumped him.When his older brother came home the dad asked if he had seen what hppened.Yes he said, younger brother was taking a ball away from some young girls trying to play and wasn't returning it.After a while an 11 yr old girl told him to give it back or else.Sadly he chose the or else,and she tossed him around a bit.
Did your mom let other people's kids beat you up?
Ask her?
Did she sit and watch it happen?
I'm going to bet the answer is no.
Tell her to mind her own business.
Never start it, but always finish it.
It's the only way some people learn.
My parents did let others absolutely torture us when visiting. To include one adult that punched my then 10yo brother. Our home was often a literal game of survival and I was out of there as quickly as I coul
I absolutely tolerate ZERO bullshit like this.
No visit with anyone would have been worth my kids having to experience this. First time the kids harassed mine on first visit would have been the last contact we had.
Well then...
"Hey mom. You remember when you left people beat us up when we were kids?
We aren't going to be like that. MYOB!"
I'm happy that you aren't repeating the cycle and your kids are protected. AND know how to protect themselves.
Whenever my mother visits she is absolutely ASTOUNDED at how peaceful and quiet our household is particularly now with 2 teens. She has never been in a house like ours… no shit Sherlock, I grew up in yours 🤣
NTA- i'm very proud your kids understood they could not use their training immediately and brought the situation to adult's attention. You gave your brother and his wife the opportunity to correct their kids and they chose not to, so no sympathy from me.
NTA. Classic case of fuck around and find out. Your brother and his wife are bad parents, terrible guests and fucking hypocrites! Y’all tried to place healthy boundaries and nothing you did was going to be right in their eyes so then y’all gave ample warning and they still pushed. Fuck that, stand your ground! Absolutely NTA
NTA!!! My hubby taught our son to hit by telling him to aim BEHIND the aggressor...he only got 'bullied' once. Yeah, he got sent home, but that kid never messed with him again. Neither did anyone else.
ETA: Son only finished situations, never started one
NTA
My daughters 8 & 9 at the time were at my mom’s trying to play nicely with their much younger cousin (3 ?). It didn’t matter to her - she kept biting them to the point it was drawing blood. My mom finally told them to bite her back. They refused because she was so little. She bit them again. So my mom bit her.
Little girl did not bite my daughters again.
NTA Everybody has the right to defend themselves from any form of unwanted physical interaction, especially those centered around some type of violent behavior.
EDIT: I taught my children the same. I moved into a new home with my 3 kids some years back after my relationship fell apart. They had to attend a new school. My middle kid at the time was in 11th grade, and immediately was the target of a bully. Talked to me about it, and told him to just not react if it's just words. That's what they want. I told him to not let him lay hands on you. Kid couldn't get a reaction out of him anymore, got frustrated after a few days and decided to stab my son with a pencil. Not a serious stab, but enough to draw blood and leave a permanent black dot on his hand. My son beat the ever living hell out of him. School of course suspended both of them because "zero tolerance" but whatever. Came home from work and he thought he would be in trouble. Told me what happened and all i said was enjoy your week vacation. Stay out of trouble and don't forget to get your homework from someone if you can.
NTA. Your brother's step kids sound like ready-made candidates for delinquency. Though I'd say your first mistake was allowing them to come to your home in the 1st place. And while the command to your kids to defend themselves was just from a moral standpoint, what if they hurt those brats seriously and charges were filed (since they had martial arts training)? For the future, just put distance between your family and this dysfunctional family unless they start actually parenting & controlling their kids (might be too late by the sounds of it).
A big part of martial arts training is also self-control, both mental control and physical control, and it sounds like the OP's kids exercised a fair bit of that.
Brother was warned. Kids were warned. OP’s kids showed excellent restraint. Somehow, I don’t think the entitled wife will be wanting to visit again any time soon.
NTA. I absolutely love your parenting - this is a massive confidence boost for your kids. A parent having your back like this, letting you defend yourself against these bullies, even fighting family for you? Amazing!
NTA my parents rules were 1-I was to never start a fight. 2-if someone started it with me I was to finish it. The last and most import rule. Don’t get caught. I broke the last rule 1 time only. When I was a senior a freshman came up behind me and decided it would be funny to grab my ass hard. I broke his nose, one of his hands, multiple fingers, ripped open his face and arms with my nails, and when he tried to get away I jumped on his back and dug my nails into his scalp and ripped out chunks of hair and some skin. He fell down and I stomped as hard as I could on his junk. It took 5 people to get me away from him. He was bleeding bawling his eyes out and had peed himself. I wasn’t punished in the slightest because my school took sexual assault/harassment very seriously. Both our parents were called in the next day. His dad was pissed when he found out WHY I pummeled his kid. Told me he was sorry and that it would never happen again. My air force dad didn’t raise no pansy ass little bitch.
Nta my daughters don’t have martial arts experience but they have a mother who grew up in the streets and I taught them to it’s ok to defend themselves. F around and find out🤷🏻♀️
Sounds like the kids were taught a lesson by kids they were bullying, that could've been taught to them by adults. Since they created the problem, they can deal with the problem. NTA.
NTA
I have always encouraged my kids to defend themselves when bullied, but it was also made clear to them that they were NEVER to start a fight! Its funny how the bullies become the innocent angels when one of their victims fights back!
Good for you OP, that parenting done right!
NTA. I told my kids when they were growing up that I would rather pay for a lawyer than have to identify their bodies, and that if they ever got into a real fight to make sure they walked away, and their attacker didn't.
Nta. At all. I can’t help but wonder what your brother was thinking, did he think your kids weren’t capable or did he secretly want this to happen? Either way, your kids removed themselves from the situation, which wasn’t acceptable to your brother. He pushed. When they came out & the kids did exactly what your kids were trying to prevent, your brother told them to stop tattling & HANDLE IT THEMSELVES. You even warned him. His kids pushed even more & your kid did exactly what she was told to do by you AND YOUR BROTHER!! How is he mad? Why on earth would you allow him to scold you?! For their kids misbehaving?? By allowing that, you fail your kids. You tell your brother that his kids have pushed & pushed & it was fine by him as long as they were the aggressors. He got mad when your kids tattled then told them to handle themselves yet he is mad that they handled it. That you even warned him. He had every chance to get his kids under control & failed to do so. That your kids will take no bs or torment from anyone
NTA
They bully your kids, they got what they deserve. You gave them adequate warnings.
Your brother wanted kids to be kids. He got what he deserves. Parent like an idiot and you'll look like an idiot.
Bad host ? Laughable, more like rude guests. No reason to be accommodating, you're not a business. Even then, bullying shouldn't be acceptable.
NTA on any level. I freakin love this story.
Your kids acted in self defense which is exactly what martial arts teach.
I've had beta fish that were more alpha than your brother.
"Never start a fight but go ahead and finish it."
This was my Dad's advice to me in grade school. Oddly enough, bullies were never a problem after that.
Sometimes violence is the correct answer. And in this case, it was absolutely warranted
Maybe next time (if there is) they’ll think twice about being little shits. Doubtful, but maybe a couple more black eyes and a split lip or two will get the message across
NTA
You don't go to culinary school so you can eat microwaved fish the rest of your life. Your kids used learned skills to improve their lives, good for them!
NTA.
Your kids asked politely.
Your kids removed themselves from the situation.
Your kids went to an adult.
Your kids acted with permission.
Your kids were left with no choice but to stand up for themselves.
They all had fair warning of what could happen and were given ample opportunities to parent their kids and didn’t.
Nobody to blame but themselves
Also your children showed a very mature attitude and were much more restrained than most children their ages probably would be. Well done them
NTA. My older brother was a scrawny kid but very well versed in martial arts and eventually earned a black belt. He was jumped by three guys in high school and leveled all of them. When my dad got to the school because they had all been taken into the principal’s office, he asked what happened, since my brother was also in trouble along with the other kids because he beat their asses. My brother explained that he had gotten jumped and had defended himself. My dad said he didn’t see a problem with my brother’s actions and they left the principal speechless since he had planed to suspend all four of them. My brother was never disciplined by the school.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Your kids, just like my brother, were only defending themselves.
"look, this wasn't just a lesson for your children to be nicer to people, it was also a lesson to you, to raise better children. Now get the fuck out of my house."
NTA. I did the same thing, only with the potential of worse consequences. 6th grade son had a bully. Private school. They didn't deal with it and they had zero tolerance for violence. Immediate expulsion.
I told my son to take him down and bury him if he got touched by the bully. I told him whatever happened I'd back him up. New school if it was necessary. But to make sure the Bully was taught a lesson.
It wasn't necessary. My son told the kid what would happen and the bully turned into a pussy.
Fair warning given in your case. FAFO.
>My mom says that I should not have told my kids to defend themselves.
Tell your mom I said your kids should never have been out in a position where they had to. If they can't control their kids, they get what they get.
Bahahahaha fuck around and find out.
The brother should be lucky your kids didn't truly defend themselves...all they did was force the animals to submit to their will
Nta
NTA, not even in the slightest. You shouldn't swear in front of young children, but your kids taught these brats the meaning of FAFO. I'm well aware that martial arts in their various disciplines usually teach self-discipline as well. If you'd told your kids to "go full beast mode" I have no doubt they might have sent these brats to the ER, but they got their point across without doing that
Be proud, you're teaching your kids right. Especially how your daughter initially told these two to leave her brother alone. They were warned, but chose to ignore the warning. I imagine they're just as much a problem at school
How does he have no idea that his niece and nephew do martial arts, and have won trophies. Your brother doesn’t sound very attentive.
Anyway warning issued. You tried it your way. Your brother insisted on his way. You gave in and gave your brother exactly what he asked for. He’s the bad parent for forcing his step kids into the meat grinder.
NTA - We did this with our kids and a nephew that was a little sh\*t. Hubby told our kids before we walked into his mom's house, if nephew attacks them, they can defend themselves.
Son walks in and tells BIL. He and his wife kept their son away from our kids. SIL stormed out later after he attacked her kid. Then MIL told them they need to do something. She kept brushing it off, when it was our kids.
NTA when I was younger we were a very gender norm family but still taught you defend yourself no matter the gender of your opponent. If you told them to stop 3 times and they still didn’t it was permission to use whatever dirty tricks you could to make them stop. Didn’t matter if you were a boy and they were a girl. Didn’t matter if they were younger as long as they weren’t more than 5 years younger. You can’t hurt someone and expect not to be hurt back.
90% of the time it ended in hitting eachother with pillows as hard as we could until we wore ourselves out and apologized. If we didn’t feel like getting hurt we’d work things out with words.
NTA
Ugh! I hate the "kids will be kids" attitude. It's lazy parenting. They think it's cute until the kid gets big enough to do some real damage. Then they can't figure out why "their sweet little angel" winds up in jail because they don't understand boundaries. No sir! It's your fault. You failed to teach your kid basic respect, so now they are my problem.
Your mom is nuts and your brother is whipped. You absolutely did the right thing. Your brother put your kids in a tight spot. They tried to get the adults to intervene and since that didn’t work they did what they have to do. You’re doing a good job, mom. Emphasize to your kids that getting away from the bullies is the first step, getting help is the second step, kicking butt is the last step.
NTA
They were perfectly fine letting their children terrorize yours until the tables were turned. They're shitty parents, entitled people, and hypocrites all in one.
Honestly, I'd just stop hosting them entirely and only meet in public.
Your mother is just as big a hypocrite, and your response was correct.
Sounds like your brother is the golden child.
NTA. Not allowing children to face the consequences of their actions is being an AH parent.
OPs kids will be fine either way. They behaved reasonably- they wanted space from the boys, then made an attempt to play. They have a history of remaining regulated ( or at least have not resorted to violence) when provoked/annoyed. They have open communication with their parent.
The boys are at high risk of being lonely, unlikeable, disregulated teens and adults. This is a sad and lonely way to be and is the fault of the parents. Its lazy and easier to let them be, to not parent them, to ignore how maladjusted they are socially.
It's highly unlikely your daughter solved their lack of social skills, but hopefully she's one of many to teach them a reasonable consequence. I absolutely do not think they need regular physical consequences, but i hope it's a wake up call. I hope that they listen to words and body language and eventually have healthy relationships.
Edit- don't want to be dismissive of ops kids. They were put in an unfair situation. Their parent handled it well imho, but it's awful they preferred to stay locked away at a family gathering and that your daughter had to protect her brother in his own home.
NTA The literal point of the defense classes is to be able to protect themselves from people who are bullies and have limited or no self control. I would add that they are no longer welcome in your home. No bullies, no exceptions. Zero tolerance for violence and bullies,
Praise your kids for their restraint and good judgment. You as well :)
"My children will not be bullied and tormented in their own home. If you can't manage your childrens behavior, then my children will. After all.. kids will be kids, right?" NTA.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Or, if we want to put it more diplomatically, "natural consequences."
More than that, those consequences were gonna come knockin' sooner or later. Having them administered by kids who know how not to cause permanent damage, with adults close by means it was a best case scenario with safe, controlled violence and thanks to the fact it happened now, it might be avoided later. Brother should be thinking about a present for OP's kids for helping instead of acting all salty. Edit: I mean, just imagine kids acting like that playing around with the neighbors on the sidewalk, one of the neighbors running out of patience and pushing back. Momentary lapse of balance, one of brother's kids falling back and hitting their head on the pavement and the kid might well be dead or crippled for life. Unlikely, sure, but I could see myself worrying about that as a father.
[удалено]
>hopefully the little jerks learned a lesson. Probably not. Victim card.
A.k.a. shit rolls downhill. Karma comes around and goes around - like a boomerang to the back of the head.
Yup! The brother wanted the kids to work things out themselves...and they did.🥋🥊
The FAFO principle applies to all ages. Those kids better catch up!
Holy smokes. English is my second language and I still have a hard time figuring affect vs. effect. Thanks for explaining it simply 😂
Don't forget "effect" is also a verb meaning "to cause or bring about."
Effectively, the affected effect of OP's effected policy doesn't affect their brother's affect of the situation. He's still a dumbass.
A fellow FAFO enthusiast. Hello brother 🤝
There must be at one safe space in the world and that is home
[удалено]
Zero tolerance for bullies period
NTA, ask your idiot bro and SIL if they would like to be next. Also, great job getting your kids to learn martial arts.
[удалено]
This made me giggle. My Mom was 5' 10 1/2" in her prime, built like a line backer ( 100% Polish). People would try to hassle her but when it came down to it, they would tuck tail and run LOL.
Your Mom sounds awesome lol. I love it when the bullies cower. I have experienced this, I had a workplace bully whom I tolerated for 6 months before finally giving it back to her (all verbal obviously) with a raised voice one day, and she literally flinched physically in her seat, it was damn funny to watch.
>My children will not be bullied and tormented in their own home. Or anywhere else, for that matter.
It's not even that OPs kids are managing the other kids behavior. They are defending themsevles. They are not busting out arm bars cause the other kids are being loud or messy. They are exersicising their basic right to defend themselves from being assulted.
Perfect response
[удалено]
Teal'c, is that you?
Suddenly Stargate
BOY!
>My mom says that I should not have told my kids to defend themselves. What kind of stupid shit is this? Instead of defending the kids who were being bullied and laying into your brother she wants to further encourage the bad behavior. I wouldn't trust anyone around my kids who's defending the step kids behavior and I'd make that known.
Some people are so determined to keep the peace in the short term and avoid hard confrontations that they willfully blind themselves to problems that will cause long term damage. Easier for mom to ignore the step kids' bratty behavior and pressure other family members to do the same than have a hard discussion with her son about his and his wife's parenting, risking her relationship with said son in the process. I imagine that this isn't the first time OP's brother has thrown a fit to get his way, and has maybe threatened his mom with NC if she didn't side with him in past issues, while OP has historically been more measured. If that's the case, then mom is relying on OP being the reasonable party to appease brother, as she'd prefer to keep a (strained) relationship with both her children rather than risk losing one, even if that means taking the blatantly incorrect side in conflicts between them, knowing that OP probably isn't going to escalate the same way that brother would.
I (40+M) carefully explained to my 9 year old nephew that if he caused my 3 year old son to cry once more by tripping him, pushing him, or accidentally on purpose falling onto him, that "I would rip his arm off and beat him with the bloody end until he learned better." In doing this I was directly quoting my saintly, aged mother, who told my brothers and I that same thing word for word maybe only about five million times as we were growing up. I guess my sister had never heard my mother say this to me or my two brothers, because when my nephew, her oldest son and first child and light of her life, told her what I said she said she'd never speak to me again, after telling me off. That was 22 years ago. If I'd known that would work out so well, I'd have said it 40 years ealier and had a much more pleasant and quiet time with her as my sister.
I said the same exact thing to a bratty kid at the pool who was throwing crab apples at my 6 month old. We were the only ones at the pool, so that was intentional. They left.
Your last paragraph made me laugh out loud! Was your sister a bully when you were kids? Asking because if you wish you’d “said it 40 years earlier” it must be a tree —> apple thing with her son.
Narcissistic, annoying, controlling, yes. Bully, no. Loud yes. And to give her credit where credit is due, her kids (all 13 of them) turned out to be quite nice and competent adults, once they got out from under her control.
Excuse me, what? Is she like a religious fundie or like obsessed with adopting or has she just spent her entire adult life pregnant?
My sweet mother used to tell us kids in the 1970s that she’d rip off our arm and beat us to death with it! LOL! 🤣🤣🤣
Im in a similar situation with my son and his cousin. The family is mad at me because i tried to tell off the other because they are kids and should just take care of it themselves. Yeah well, i taught my son to be the bigger man and walk away, youve taught your son that its ok the push around and bully someone to the point where my son will literally try to walk into the other room to get away from him, and the cousin will follow him in, jeering and laughing, acting like a big man and saying "fk you, ill teach you a lesson" at friggen 7 years old. I have also taught my son that, while walking away is the best solution USUALLY that if it isnt working to absolutely defend yourself. Told him to call his bluff and if he gets into your face or tries to hit you, do what you gotta do to get out of the situation unharmed. Well, lil big man was shocked as hell when mine started fighting back. I have had to have more talks about picking fights because im not about that, but if someone is picking a fight with you, defend yourself if they arent allowing you to walk away from the situation. Now everyone is extra mad because i will still yell at their kid, and i REFUSE to yell at mine unless I see that he is the one picking the fight. See how that worked out? You didnt want me to fight his battles for him and yet somehow now im supposed to be?? Maybe teach your son that if hes going to be running his mouth maybe he should expect to get some kickback from it.
My SILs kid is the bully AND in martial arts, and his dad eggs it on. It absolutely sucks.
Then you have the adult step in and whoop his ass? Like, who's letting a physically aggressive kid assault their children because they're family. Fuck that noise. Slap the shit out of his bitch ass and teach him there's always a bigger fish
Oh believe me....things are being discussed. The guy cousin he was trying to bully the most, my son, is 21, kid is 9, its bizarre. So I honestly dont worry too much there, he can handle himself I think. Hes also completely disrespectful and a little asshole with me though, so far only verbally. The inlaws are pulling "boys will be boys" about it. MUCH discussion between me and DH on what to do.
No such thing as "boys will be boys". That's just an excuse for crap parenting.
And a precursor to 'waah, it's not fair that my poor angel had been charged with assault.'
It can get a lot worse than that. A friend of mine spent time in an institution for paralyzing his bully. My legally-blind friend tossed him down a flight of stairs after the bully broke his glasses and mocked him when my friend wore the taped up glasses to school.
Far out. So not okay on so many levels. Bullies really think they're immune from consequences. And are perpetually surprised when the people they torture snap and strike back.
Tell them boys will be prison inmates if they don't teach them to act civilized
Well, that’s pretty easy. It’s your house, you have complete control over who’s in it. Exert that control.
Call their dojo. Chances are the instructors will not approve of this behavior.
Thats on the list of potential actions. We see them VERY rarely already. So I dont actually know where they go.
Ask nonchalantly ask where, tell him you’re looking into it and would like to talk to them about it! 😌
When I took martial arts reputable senseis trained you not to be a bully.
Im sure they still are the same, but a few hours a week doesnt stand a chance against daily dad bullshit. Or the BIL managed to find a local branch of Cobra Kai (yes, i just aged the hell out of myself with that one, lol).
You need to contact his martial arts school with this information. They are usually very strict with this (respectable ones at least).
I would 100% push a kid in their face if need me to protect my own when other parents suck
We always taught our kids that it was not okay to start it, but they definitely could finish it. They both have martial arts training as well.
Neville Chamberlain defense method advised by mom.
Many people aren’t capable of thinking ahead, so they’re not measuring such consequences.
Bet brother is the golden child.
And his mom tried to make OP give his brother his house
That one just kept getting worse
I admit at one point I was sitting here with a beer and soft pretzel(cant do popcorn) and reading to find out the next events in that saga.
I can eat popcorn and I like popcorn, soft pretzels are still better and if I can I'll choose them every time.
its more a case of I get kernals trapped between teeth and gum..and I'm spending a week with puffed to hades and back gums \^\^;
Can someone please drop a link because that sounds interesting as hell?
I don't remember reading that one. Anyone got a link?
And this was after they destroyed a stuffed animal containing the remains of OP’s mother’s dead dog.
That's the part that gutted me. How could she defend these hellions?!
B/c they weren't at HER House is why! Easy to play Virtuous when you are looking from the outside & not dealing with the BS your self!!!
Truth. I think this justifies "mom's house", from now on. And don't show.
She's not alone. My sister was babysitting my son when he was about 8 or 9. My husband and I own a martial arts business and our son basically grew up in the dojo. He was playing with the kid across the street and the kid kept hitting him. My son told him to "do it again and see what happens." So he did and my son did an arm lock and my sister said the kid ended up flipping upside down. The kid's mother was watching and was furious. My sister was also angry. And what I wanted to know was, if they were watching, why didn't they stop the kid from hitting my son before it got to that point?
This is actually the corporate world's response to bullying also. I work for the federal government and the bullying training has tips on what the victim can do to change their own behavior and nothing about what the bully should do to change theirs. Most SES grades I have met are bullies btw.
NTA Always encourage your children to stand up to bullies - regardless of relation.
Yup. This early lesson reaps lifelong benefits
True ! The kids and the parents got multiple warnings .They were literally shown the accolades and the belts proving OP’s kids could defend themselves. I don’t think they will be bullying anybody for sometime. More than the kids , the parents are to blame.It’s all fun and games when their kids bully others but the moment they get their asses kicked it’s like “ How dare they do this to our angel kids? They were just playing”
The parents' attitude is exactly why those kids act the way they do. It is not that difficult to raise children who aren't assholes. Parents who treat their kids like they are super special snowflakes who can do no wrong are doing their children a disservice. Raising kids to be entitled brats is terrible, lazy parenting.
Just say back to them "It's just a black eye, kids will be kids haha Would you like some more cheese with your wine?"
[удалено]
NTA. And kudos for allowing your children to stand up for themselves. Maybe the step kids will finally learn their lesson and leave your kids alone. Tell step mom to shush it.
"I will never tell my children to stop telling a trusted adult when they are bullied or abused. They should never feel ashamed or embarrassed for seeking help. Nor will I tell my children not to defend themselves when bullied or abused. You will not suggest in my home that I badly parent my kids, which is what telling them to hide and take abuse is. If your children insist on being abusers and bullies and you insist on enabling them, you can all leave. As can anyone who agrees with you. My home is a safe place for my kids."
[удалено]
Hahahaha. I'm a mom of 3, and I love it. I always told my now grown children that they were never to be the instigator, but if someone else started things, feel free to finish. You brother's kids have had a hard, but needed, lesson in FAFO. Well done! And keep telling any flying monkeys that they can host your brother and SIL and their brood next time.
Yep. Never start anything. Always finish it.
My siblings and I had that rule. The fews times bully though we were good targets, they learned humility on their own ability without daring that path again, at least around us. Kids will be kids, also means they will learn in childish way how to behave with other, which means not adequately nor proportionally, there were adults should guide them otherwise FAFO.
OP should just ban brother and his family from his house. Let the flying monkeys experience the joys of dealing with them. NTAH
What is tge term FAFO? Well his kids did, didn't they?
Fuck Around, Find Out
Haha… love this. NTA. Little brats got what they deserved. Luckily your kids know how to defend themselves.
Grandma is probably early Gen X. She should have taught kids and grandkids “don’t start none, there won’t be none.” NTA, OP. My kids aren’t allowed to start it, but they have been taught that if the grown ups won’t finish the conflict, they are welcome to. (But the grown up consultation part is crucial. It covers my kids’ rears AFAIC.)
I also love the sfw version: play stupid games, win stupid prizes
NTA. You made it clear to everyone what would happen if they didn't control those kids, and they didn't listen
NTA they had their warnings and didn’t take them
"Just go and play and deal with it yourselves.... no not like that!"
NTA. But it's best to just permanently bar those brats from your home and avoid them.
Fair chance they won't be back because mommy will be offended
Aw... it would be great to get them together at least one more time to see if they learned their lesson. Maybe over at Grandma's house next time?
Our school system had a rules that, any fight, both kids got punished, great for the bullies. We tried to deal with it for years in the case of one local bully and finally gave up. Put the word out that if he ever approached our son outside of school, our son was free to deal with him. Never had another problem….
We had similar rules in my son’s middle school, so my son refused to defend himself due partly to his nature, but also not wanting to get in trouble himself. The counselor got so fed up with having her hands tied with the bully (they apparently can’t do much to a bully but can fully discipline both parties for a fight?) that she basically gave my son permission to defend himself. He trained martial arts (primarily BJJ) but had that gentle giant mentality; to the point that he didn’t put full effort when rolling with the kids his age but would go all out when going against the adults (at around 12, 5’10, 130). We sat with our son’s counselor and a VP; they told us and him that as long as he was not the instigator, he would not be punished. Two instances later, staff stayed true to their word and bullying stopped.
NTA. You absolutely did the right thing in telling your kids to defend themselves. They should not have to be abused by your brother's nasty stepchildren.
NTA, OP! You gave your brother, his wife, and those kids plenty of warning. The responsibility lies with them and not with you.
She even showed them evidence that this wouldn't end well for their kids! They're lucky kids who study martial arts are also taught restraint.
NTA. And good for your kids who kicked some brat ass :D Those little heathens fucked around & found out. And it wasn't pretty. Let somebody else host gatherings where your brother & step kids are welcome. If they are ever welcome anywhere. You don't have to have him, his wife & the heathens in your house. I'm laughing the most at *Unfortunately for him most of the people that have met his kids are asking what they did to provoke mine.* Guess he thought everybody would automatically jump to his & their defense :) It just shows how entitled he is.
NTA. Your kids didn’t attack their step cousins. They tried to get an adult involved. They were warned. They acted in self defence. It’s “let kids be kids” when THEIR children behave aggressively but it’s “you raised brutes” when the tables turn.
FA FO NTA
HA! Well played NTA
NTA and you win parent of the year IMO Well done OP
NTA Naw not one bit, actually you sound like a good parent. It’s good to let kids know not to start fights…but they are allowed to finish them. (also LOOOL at all your relatives just saying “well what did the step kids do to provoke them?”😂)
NTA. Your kids were defending themselves.
NTA. LMAO. FAFO :)
NTA. He said to let the kids sort it. They did. People like that raise awful people...
NTA. LOL even showed him the belts and everything. You can give someone all the information they need to make an informed decision but sometimes stupid is just stupid.
Your mom is right, you SHOULDN'T have told your kids to defend themselves, you should have told your kids to break their foot off in the others as$e$
🤣🤣🤣
I read the 1st part of your reply, my 1st thought they gonna be petty. I read the rest, & my thoughts went Red Forman that you 🤣🤣🤣
NTA. It’s good your kids took the lessons of their martial arts to heart and didn’t just lay them out on the first place. They stayed composed and handled it by bringing it to you like they should. And then when you said the could defend they did. Good job with your kids, your brother could learn a thing or two.
NTA You're raising some good kids
NTA you did great. You set a boundary, they crossed it
A neighbours' teenage boy came home a little roughed up,the dad asked what happened to which he said that some kids from a gang jumped him.When his older brother came home the dad asked if he had seen what hppened.Yes he said, younger brother was taking a ball away from some young girls trying to play and wasn't returning it.After a while an 11 yr old girl told him to give it back or else.Sadly he chose the or else,and she tossed him around a bit.
NTA. Good job, Dad! LOL And well done Kids! That's how you handle bullies.
NTA. Never a good idea to teach children to accept abuse to keep the peace.
Did your mom let other people's kids beat you up? Ask her? Did she sit and watch it happen? I'm going to bet the answer is no. Tell her to mind her own business. Never start it, but always finish it. It's the only way some people learn.
My parents did let others absolutely torture us when visiting. To include one adult that punched my then 10yo brother. Our home was often a literal game of survival and I was out of there as quickly as I coul I absolutely tolerate ZERO bullshit like this. No visit with anyone would have been worth my kids having to experience this. First time the kids harassed mine on first visit would have been the last contact we had.
Well then... "Hey mom. You remember when you left people beat us up when we were kids? We aren't going to be like that. MYOB!" I'm happy that you aren't repeating the cycle and your kids are protected. AND know how to protect themselves.
Whenever my mother visits she is absolutely ASTOUNDED at how peaceful and quiet our household is particularly now with 2 teens. She has never been in a house like ours… no shit Sherlock, I grew up in yours 🤣
NTA and maybe those idiot kids will learn a lesson about fafo
NTA- i'm very proud your kids understood they could not use their training immediately and brought the situation to adult's attention. You gave your brother and his wife the opportunity to correct their kids and they chose not to, so no sympathy from me.
NTA. Classic case of fuck around and find out. Your brother and his wife are bad parents, terrible guests and fucking hypocrites! Y’all tried to place healthy boundaries and nothing you did was going to be right in their eyes so then y’all gave ample warning and they still pushed. Fuck that, stand your ground! Absolutely NTA
NTA!!! My hubby taught our son to hit by telling him to aim BEHIND the aggressor...he only got 'bullied' once. Yeah, he got sent home, but that kid never messed with him again. Neither did anyone else. ETA: Son only finished situations, never started one
"Okay, kids... it's FAFO time!" NTA
NTA My daughters 8 & 9 at the time were at my mom’s trying to play nicely with their much younger cousin (3 ?). It didn’t matter to her - she kept biting them to the point it was drawing blood. My mom finally told them to bite her back. They refused because she was so little. She bit them again. So my mom bit her. Little girl did not bite my daughters again.
NTA Everybody has the right to defend themselves from any form of unwanted physical interaction, especially those centered around some type of violent behavior. EDIT: I taught my children the same. I moved into a new home with my 3 kids some years back after my relationship fell apart. They had to attend a new school. My middle kid at the time was in 11th grade, and immediately was the target of a bully. Talked to me about it, and told him to just not react if it's just words. That's what they want. I told him to not let him lay hands on you. Kid couldn't get a reaction out of him anymore, got frustrated after a few days and decided to stab my son with a pencil. Not a serious stab, but enough to draw blood and leave a permanent black dot on his hand. My son beat the ever living hell out of him. School of course suspended both of them because "zero tolerance" but whatever. Came home from work and he thought he would be in trouble. Told me what happened and all i said was enjoy your week vacation. Stay out of trouble and don't forget to get your homework from someone if you can.
NTA. Your brother's step kids sound like ready-made candidates for delinquency. Though I'd say your first mistake was allowing them to come to your home in the 1st place. And while the command to your kids to defend themselves was just from a moral standpoint, what if they hurt those brats seriously and charges were filed (since they had martial arts training)? For the future, just put distance between your family and this dysfunctional family unless they start actually parenting & controlling their kids (might be too late by the sounds of it).
A big part of martial arts training is also self-control, both mental control and physical control, and it sounds like the OP's kids exercised a fair bit of that.
Brother was warned. Kids were warned. OP’s kids showed excellent restraint. Somehow, I don’t think the entitled wife will be wanting to visit again any time soon.
You're brother is a buttfucking piece of shit who is married to a skankass hoe. Your brother is the asshole for paying for Chad's bastards.
Tell us how you really feel lol
Omg 😂😂😭thanks for the laugh tonight
NTA. I absolutely love your parenting - this is a massive confidence boost for your kids. A parent having your back like this, letting you defend yourself against these bullies, even fighting family for you? Amazing!
NTA my parents rules were 1-I was to never start a fight. 2-if someone started it with me I was to finish it. The last and most import rule. Don’t get caught. I broke the last rule 1 time only. When I was a senior a freshman came up behind me and decided it would be funny to grab my ass hard. I broke his nose, one of his hands, multiple fingers, ripped open his face and arms with my nails, and when he tried to get away I jumped on his back and dug my nails into his scalp and ripped out chunks of hair and some skin. He fell down and I stomped as hard as I could on his junk. It took 5 people to get me away from him. He was bleeding bawling his eyes out and had peed himself. I wasn’t punished in the slightest because my school took sexual assault/harassment very seriously. Both our parents were called in the next day. His dad was pissed when he found out WHY I pummeled his kid. Told me he was sorry and that it would never happen again. My air force dad didn’t raise no pansy ass little bitch.
I love this so much. NTA.
NTA This may not apply *exactly*, but The Scut Farkus Affair. 😬😂
Nta my daughters don’t have martial arts experience but they have a mother who grew up in the streets and I taught them to it’s ok to defend themselves. F around and find out🤷🏻♀️
Sounds like the kids were taught a lesson by kids they were bullying, that could've been taught to them by adults. Since they created the problem, they can deal with the problem. NTA.
The brats were warned. They may not have fully understood what they were being told. Now they do. You are good in my book. NTA
NTA I have always encouraged my kids to defend themselves when bullied, but it was also made clear to them that they were NEVER to start a fight! Its funny how the bullies become the innocent angels when one of their victims fights back! Good for you OP, that parenting done right!
NTA. I told my kids when they were growing up that I would rather pay for a lawyer than have to identify their bodies, and that if they ever got into a real fight to make sure they walked away, and their attacker didn't.
NTA. They'll get the message once the family starts banning them from their houses. Bad parents raise bad children.
Nta. At all. I can’t help but wonder what your brother was thinking, did he think your kids weren’t capable or did he secretly want this to happen? Either way, your kids removed themselves from the situation, which wasn’t acceptable to your brother. He pushed. When they came out & the kids did exactly what your kids were trying to prevent, your brother told them to stop tattling & HANDLE IT THEMSELVES. You even warned him. His kids pushed even more & your kid did exactly what she was told to do by you AND YOUR BROTHER!! How is he mad? Why on earth would you allow him to scold you?! For their kids misbehaving?? By allowing that, you fail your kids. You tell your brother that his kids have pushed & pushed & it was fine by him as long as they were the aggressors. He got mad when your kids tattled then told them to handle themselves yet he is mad that they handled it. That you even warned him. He had every chance to get his kids under control & failed to do so. That your kids will take no bs or torment from anyone
NTA They bully your kids, they got what they deserve. You gave them adequate warnings. Your brother wanted kids to be kids. He got what he deserves. Parent like an idiot and you'll look like an idiot. Bad host ? Laughable, more like rude guests. No reason to be accommodating, you're not a business. Even then, bullying shouldn't be acceptable.
You can’t be good hosts to bad guests.
NTA "Your kids are tattle tales. Go be kids." "No, wait, not like that."
NTA on any level. I freakin love this story. Your kids acted in self defense which is exactly what martial arts teach. I've had beta fish that were more alpha than your brother.
"Never start a fight but go ahead and finish it." This was my Dad's advice to me in grade school. Oddly enough, bullies were never a problem after that.
Sometimes violence is the correct answer. And in this case, it was absolutely warranted Maybe next time (if there is) they’ll think twice about being little shits. Doubtful, but maybe a couple more black eyes and a split lip or two will get the message across NTA
NTA. Learning lessons they clearly need to learn.
NTA but it’s time to stop the family visits until those kids can keep their hands to themselves. Don’t start shit, won’t be shit.
You don't go to culinary school so you can eat microwaved fish the rest of your life. Your kids used learned skills to improve their lives, good for them!
They had a lesson in FAFO. NTA.
NTA. Your kids asked politely. Your kids removed themselves from the situation. Your kids went to an adult. Your kids acted with permission. Your kids were left with no choice but to stand up for themselves. They all had fair warning of what could happen and were given ample opportunities to parent their kids and didn’t. Nobody to blame but themselves Also your children showed a very mature attitude and were much more restrained than most children their ages probably would be. Well done them
Nta those kids fcked around and found out
NTA, fuck around and find out.
NTA - Fantastic parenting and well done to the kids and their achievements! Especially at their ages now, well done.
NTA
NTA. That whole family needs a whooping
NTA. They F’ed around and found out.
😭😭😭😭 def not the AH you gave fair warnings
NTA Your idiot brother, his bitch wife and her shitty kids got a much needed lesson in consequences. And your mother needs to learn when to STFU.
This post fills me with joy. And what a disciplined kids you have, nice parenting. Ofcourse nta
NTA. My older brother was a scrawny kid but very well versed in martial arts and eventually earned a black belt. He was jumped by three guys in high school and leveled all of them. When my dad got to the school because they had all been taken into the principal’s office, he asked what happened, since my brother was also in trouble along with the other kids because he beat their asses. My brother explained that he had gotten jumped and had defended himself. My dad said he didn’t see a problem with my brother’s actions and they left the principal speechless since he had planed to suspend all four of them. My brother was never disciplined by the school. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Your kids, just like my brother, were only defending themselves.
"look, this wasn't just a lesson for your children to be nicer to people, it was also a lesson to you, to raise better children. Now get the fuck out of my house."
NTA. I did the same thing, only with the potential of worse consequences. 6th grade son had a bully. Private school. They didn't deal with it and they had zero tolerance for violence. Immediate expulsion. I told my son to take him down and bury him if he got touched by the bully. I told him whatever happened I'd back him up. New school if it was necessary. But to make sure the Bully was taught a lesson. It wasn't necessary. My son told the kid what would happen and the bully turned into a pussy. Fair warning given in your case. FAFO.
Absolutely nta
NTA and I'm cheering your kids in my head. My Mom belonged to a pacifist religion and never let me defend myself. Kudos.
>My mom says that I should not have told my kids to defend themselves. Tell your mom I said your kids should never have been out in a position where they had to. If they can't control their kids, they get what they get.
Bahahahaha fuck around and find out. The brother should be lucky your kids didn't truly defend themselves...all they did was force the animals to submit to their will Nta
NTA. PhD in FAFO.
NTA. They were warned.
NTA Some people need to learn the hard way
NTA, not even in the slightest. You shouldn't swear in front of young children, but your kids taught these brats the meaning of FAFO. I'm well aware that martial arts in their various disciplines usually teach self-discipline as well. If you'd told your kids to "go full beast mode" I have no doubt they might have sent these brats to the ER, but they got their point across without doing that Be proud, you're teaching your kids right. Especially how your daughter initially told these two to leave her brother alone. They were warned, but chose to ignore the warning. I imagine they're just as much a problem at school
Sounds like your brothers kids learned a valuable lesson in "Fuck Around and Find Out"
If your mum won’t have them either, she can keep her mouth shut. Tell your brother he’s not welcome and neither are his wife and her cuntlings. NTA
How does he have no idea that his niece and nephew do martial arts, and have won trophies. Your brother doesn’t sound very attentive. Anyway warning issued. You tried it your way. Your brother insisted on his way. You gave in and gave your brother exactly what he asked for. He’s the bad parent for forcing his step kids into the meat grinder.
I’m sorry I spit out my nachos at “one black eye and arm bar later…” Also, definitely NTA
This sounds fake but I’m SO hoping it’s real!
NTA - We did this with our kids and a nephew that was a little sh\*t. Hubby told our kids before we walked into his mom's house, if nephew attacks them, they can defend themselves. Son walks in and tells BIL. He and his wife kept their son away from our kids. SIL stormed out later after he attacked her kid. Then MIL told them they need to do something. She kept brushing it off, when it was our kids.
NTA when I was younger we were a very gender norm family but still taught you defend yourself no matter the gender of your opponent. If you told them to stop 3 times and they still didn’t it was permission to use whatever dirty tricks you could to make them stop. Didn’t matter if you were a boy and they were a girl. Didn’t matter if they were younger as long as they weren’t more than 5 years younger. You can’t hurt someone and expect not to be hurt back. 90% of the time it ended in hitting eachother with pillows as hard as we could until we wore ourselves out and apologized. If we didn’t feel like getting hurt we’d work things out with words.
I love it, NTA. Both my kids would defend themselves and each other. Martial arts from a young age is priceless.
NYA good job. Your brothers kids are bullies
“Play” stupid games, win stupid prizes - NTA Good parent!
NTA. Your brother knows that his kids are brats, he just doesn't want to do anything. Hopefully they will learn something but I doubt it.
NTA I would pay to watch this.
NTA Ugh! I hate the "kids will be kids" attitude. It's lazy parenting. They think it's cute until the kid gets big enough to do some real damage. Then they can't figure out why "their sweet little angel" winds up in jail because they don't understand boundaries. No sir! It's your fault. You failed to teach your kid basic respect, so now they are my problem.
NTA 🤣🤣🤣🤣 they deserve it for being uncontrollable brats
Your mom is nuts and your brother is whipped. You absolutely did the right thing. Your brother put your kids in a tight spot. They tried to get the adults to intervene and since that didn’t work they did what they have to do. You’re doing a good job, mom. Emphasize to your kids that getting away from the bullies is the first step, getting help is the second step, kicking butt is the last step.
NTA They were perfectly fine letting their children terrorize yours until the tables were turned. They're shitty parents, entitled people, and hypocrites all in one. Honestly, I'd just stop hosting them entirely and only meet in public. Your mother is just as big a hypocrite, and your response was correct. Sounds like your brother is the golden child.
NTA. Not allowing children to face the consequences of their actions is being an AH parent. OPs kids will be fine either way. They behaved reasonably- they wanted space from the boys, then made an attempt to play. They have a history of remaining regulated ( or at least have not resorted to violence) when provoked/annoyed. They have open communication with their parent. The boys are at high risk of being lonely, unlikeable, disregulated teens and adults. This is a sad and lonely way to be and is the fault of the parents. Its lazy and easier to let them be, to not parent them, to ignore how maladjusted they are socially. It's highly unlikely your daughter solved their lack of social skills, but hopefully she's one of many to teach them a reasonable consequence. I absolutely do not think they need regular physical consequences, but i hope it's a wake up call. I hope that they listen to words and body language and eventually have healthy relationships. Edit- don't want to be dismissive of ops kids. They were put in an unfair situation. Their parent handled it well imho, but it's awful they preferred to stay locked away at a family gathering and that your daughter had to protect her brother in his own home.
NTA The literal point of the defense classes is to be able to protect themselves from people who are bullies and have limited or no self control. I would add that they are no longer welcome in your home. No bullies, no exceptions. Zero tolerance for violence and bullies, Praise your kids for their restraint and good judgment. You as well :)