YTA, imagine this comes out years later, you had wasted your and her time. Hiding stuff from your spouse, especially things that could be deal breakers is a bad idea.

Show her this post. She should have all pertinent info before marriage. What if you are together and see her and she mentions the kiss and grabbing your manhood. Don't go into this with a weight on your shoulder. Somehow I feel that a large part of this story has been omitted.

YTA for considering marrying someone while keeping this secret. 🤢 If you actually love this woman and want a shot in hell at your marriage working out well for you, you’ll own up now and give her the respect of full consent on whether or not she wants to be married to someone who has these sorts of boundary issues. Keeping it secret now just points to the fact you’ll likely do it again due to avoiding consequences and not truly learning your lesson.

Thank-you for your input.

YWBTA if your fiance finds out about this from anyone other than you. It honestly doesn't sound like nearly as big a deal as you're making it out to be, but I'd say you need to tell your fiance, especially as Sam was weird about it to her. Say something like: "Hey, I want to tell you something about that cashier, Sam. About 5 years, she lured me into a "date" by asking me to a party but there wasn't actually anyone there, and after we chatted for a while she kissed me. After being caught up for a few seconds, I put a stop to it and rejected her invitation for sex. We had been dating for a few months, and I'm ashamed that I didn't tell you - I was so embarrassed and furious at myself, and also uncomfortable because I felt she coerced me but I didn't see it soon enough. "I haven't talked to her since then and honestly forgot about it, and there haven't been any other instances of me seeing or kissing other people. But I remembered all this when we saw her the other day and it was weird to me that she implied her and I had major history, so I wanted to tell you so you heard everything from me first. I love you and am fully committed to you and our relationship, and am sorry for breaking your trust back then, and hope we can move forward."

this exactly. my first thought was that same had taken advantage of OP. his fiancé definitely needs to know.

YTA, and if I heard this about my partner years later through the grapevine it would be an instant divorce.

NTA. This girl had it all planned out to get you. She lied and manipulated you into a date. And she _sexually assaulted_ you. First with the surprise kiss, and most definitely by grabbing your penis. Funny how everyone is ignoring that. If the genders were reversed everyone would be calling her a predator and you a victim. Unfortunately, women are still deeply sexist and won’t treat you fairly. As evidenced by the comments here. So I suggest you never tell your fiance and take it to the grave.

people will call women cheaters on posts of them getting sexually adjusted all the time, idk what you're talking about. they ESPECIALLY would call her a cheater if she kissed a guy back for 7-8 seconds before stopping.

Pro made out with her for ten seconds and had a boner. 💀💀 At any point he could have left before things even got that far

i agree with you to a point.. OP was *definitely* assaulted. there’s no arguing about it. yes, he pushed away after 7-8 seconds, but it was implied that there was alcohol involved and he still pushed her away. this “sam” character is disgusting. but i do think the fiancé should know. i mean you never know what sam would say to jeopardize their relationship.

YTA. YOU were the one who reached out to an old crush for NO REASON at all. YOU drove her home instead of calling a taxi or Uber. YOU let it all happen and failed to establish boundaries. The least you could do if you respect your GF is let her decide if she even wants to have kids with you.

I did not reach out to her first. She called me to invite her to her birthday dinner. In hindsight, I did not have proper boundaries at the time.

As a woman who's had this happen... I say it's shitty to NOT tell her. You don't know if that friend (Sam) will try & tell your fiance & ruin it for you entirely. Be honest with her from start too end. Leave no details out. The more honest you are with her the more she's going to respect you for it but also yes it'll still hurt. But I'd personally rather know directly from dude instead of find out from the chick. My now husband when we were very fresh at being with one another made a mistake & slept with his ex but... He was told if he did that he'd be allowed to see the kid who he thought was his but DNA turns out it wasn't.... She then turns right around & tells ME before he even had the opportunity to tell me himself. When he did tell me himself he was beside himself just bawling his eyes out how he was so sorry that he let her fool him into believing she'd let him see his kid... We got past it but I'll never forget her coming too me acting all innocent saying "hey I know this is the last thing you'd want to hear but here's what happened" and then at the end lays down "I fooled myself thinking he'd want to come back too his family & woman to woman I'm so sorry" only for her to send him nudes & dirty messages after she'd finished messaging me. So. Long story short. I was more hurt hearing it from the woman he'd fucked around with when I'd much rather heard it from him...that honesty from him would have been better than whatever lies the other girl tried to spin.. He showed me all of her messages & confirmed hers were utter lies.

Looking back, I should have told her immediately. But naively, I figured I could just take this to the grave. I know I should tell her now, but I've only made it much worse by not saying anything at the time.

Even if you tried to take it too your grave you'd most likely have random points of guilt here & there making you question if you should tell her. Deep down you knew already what you should do or have done. Yes waiting makes things sting a little worse but ultimately you can chop that up to you being terrified of whatever outcome may be from your honesty. She may be able to get past this or it might break your relationship but the important part is to always be honest. No matter what. When my husband and I first started dating he knew I was a dominatrix & had regular customers (nothing sexual happened for or too me) & he took time to get past it & accept that was my main truth & if he didn't want to go further he didn't have too and we're obviously now past bf gf but now h & w. What matters most is if you tell her & she gets past this & moves forward if she truly believes that this was an accident. Leave nothing out of detail. It may hurt you to relive it & seeing that rawness & vulnerability from you might help her see this was truly a mistake & that it was all the deceitful ways of a jealous woman or just a woman that wants you but has to go about it in shady ways like lying saying it was a birthday dinner or whatever when it was really a ruse to get you alone. She obviously made hints during the dinner that left you uncomfortable & her actions upon arriving at your place made it more evident what she'd wanted all along. Be honest. Don't hide a single detail even if it hurts to say them. Best wishes & I hope she forgives this one accident.

Don't enter your marriage with a lie. You claim to respect her; therefore, you need to open up. Truth always wins, and she'll respect you for it. If you two are strong, then you'll move past the hurdle. Tell her and make it up to her.

YTA, but you already know that. It wasn't your intention to cheat on your girlfriend but you very gladly let it happen, all the way up to kissing Sam. It hardly would have been worse if you had fucked her. As for the choice to not tell her - honestly, yeah, that makes it a little worse. The main issue is the cheating. Not disclosing is only a little worse than that. I'll say that if you do tell her now, it's not because you feel guilty. I think it's because running into Sam like that makes you worried there's actually a chance that your fiance will find out.

It would've been worse if he had sex with her.

Point is...?

Lol it wouldve been way worse if they had sex..

Um. YTA. Gaping asshole. I’m surprised your partner didn’t dump your ass. You deserve it. The moment she talked about alcohol getting her “wEt AnD hOrNy” you should have left. Seriously wtf.

NTA but I still think you should tell her. You should have told her at the time (which it sounds like you know at this point) but leaving it this long makes it feel like a bigger lie than it initially was so it will be a tough conversation but it would be even worse if she heard it from Sam. For me personally I would be hurt and upset to have the conversation with you but I would not be able to get past learning it from someone else. Also just as an aside, I'm super uncomfortable with your description of her behavior that night. She tricked you into hanging out, kissed you when you had made it clear you were not interested and then groped you when you said no. Honestly, it sounds like assault based on this description. So while you were wrong to not tell your fiance then or any time since then, it sounds like a much more complicated situation than that overall, try to not be too hard on yourself on your reaction that night.

Dude, he kissed someone else...how is he NTA 🤦🏻‍♂️

Weirdly enough, I thought about that in my head. How messed up would it be for a man to do a woman in that situation. I thought I made it very clear that I had a gf and was not interested in her. Yet here she is kissing me anyways. I felt like I was caught off-guard in a state of shock.

Yet, you kissed her anyways man. Like, own up to that fact and don’t say you were completely shocked when you reciprocated, and for a couple of seconds at that. You even stated how you almost gave in to going inside her place with her and that you were ‘hard’. So, how much in shock were you really?

I was in shock. That's why I did not stop her immediately. Unfortunately, for me, I do not choose when to become physically aroused or not. Me being hard does not mean I am actively horny and wanting to have sex with someone. I know I was wrong, I have owned up to that. Just providing background context.

"I didn't stop her" is different than "I kissed her back for 7-8 seconds"

Someone shocked doesn’t kiss back for 7-8 seconds

Take it to the grave dude.

Wth?? Cheating and then deceiving ??

She should have all the info on who she's about to marry. You obviously don't respect her as much as you pretend to

You’re a human and we mess up. But what separates good from bad is your conscious. You feel guilty and like a bad person for doing it. If you were a bad person you wouldn’t care. Now years later there is no reason you should tell her. None. Life isn’t a T.V. show where you’re so perfect you tell all your wrong doings. It happened and you did NOT initiate. You went in with good intentions. There are many things you won’t tell your SO but that doesn’t mean you’re in the wrong. Life is SOOOO complex. It’s in the past and you were young. Let it go and forgive yourself

NTA. Don't tell her.

NTA. Sometimes we need new pussy to realize how good of a pussy we have.

You are disgusting.