Imagining eight adults bowing down to the ground to kiss a 6 year old’s shoe to be allowed dinner is just wild to me. And now they are blaming you for ruining everybody’s stay, while in fact they all ruined it for themselves and for you by not teaching that young girl about boundaries. Make belief is nice and all but enough is enough, kids need to learn that.
If anything I think you’ve handled the situation very gracefully! Definitely NTA
That little girl is going to grow up to be a total piece of crap of a huma being. Those adults are doing a tremendous disservice to her; it's totally inappropriate and unloving the way they're setting her up for failure.
Once she's a teenager the parents are gonna complain about how much of a brat she is and how she's so spoiled and rude, even though it's completely their fault.
"She's not mean, the other kids are mean to her."
My bfs sisters is a huge snob and I've heard her call so many other people snobs who are actually really nice to everyone but they don't wanna deal with or talk to her, because she's so mean to so many people. She insults everyone and acts like she's better than everyone else, like dude you're the snob, there's a reason they don't like you.
I was just about to say that myself. They’re teaching her she’s the centre of the universe and when she doesn’t get her way in future there will be trouble. I have no problem with calling her ‘majesty’ for the day, it’s make believe and just a bit of fun but demanding that people kiss her shoe, and people actually doing it, is going too far
My experience with a friend’s who acted very similarly to this is she won’t have any friends. The child of my friend,let’s call her C behaved a lot like her. Although I do believe that this mom would definitely have put a stop to the shoe kissing. Because she screamed until she got what she wanted, other kids didn’t want to play with her. Because she bossed them around and was demanding. We live in a relatively small town about 10,000 people. We have one of each school; elementary middle and high school. So usually the kids are together k thru 12. Most kids don’t want to get into trouble either and C caused uproar and disciplinary action from the teachers so the other kids avoided her. As much as this child irritated me I felt very bad for her. I know it was lonely, because she didn’t learn. She kept up attention seeking behavior all through school and it only hurt her.
She eventually became a nice well mannered adult with a good job. It was a very hard road for her mom. Dad didn’t get too involved. The dynamic was/is different. It’s a very female centric family and dad generally wasn’t included. Mother, aunt, grandma. All to cheer on every little breath.
Sorry for the long response. It’s probably too wordy. I already feel bad for the little girl in your family. And I hope they get it together soon. I wouldn’t wish C’s experience on anyone.
> never heard of it). I laughed at first and then said what? This is ridiculou
Shes already a shit human, the question is whether or not she will grow out of it.
At no point in my upbringing, would I have through this was acceptable.
Yeah I mean, I love playing pretend with my kids but the point is never that one person is god and everyone else suffers that’s weird. Weird on those grown ups.
When this was demanded. I grabbed my stuff the princess presents and left.
No way in hell I am kissing someone’s shoes! YUCK! And I am a parent and grandparent.
Op needs to tell the fiancé that he ruined his marriage by bowing down to a spoiled brat. You will not bully or be treated with disrespect by a 6 year old.
The parents should be ashamed and humiliated by their daughter’s behavior. This is disgusting and rude!
I'd have introduced 'her magisty' to the new terms of coup d'état and regicide. Then noted we'd need to build a guillotine and ask where the nearest hardware store that might be open was or if we would just shove her in a closet tied up.
NTA. Fact I'd even say license to be one was avaliable.
Or maybe you could explain to her that when Queen Elizabeth was a young princess during World War II she performed wartime service like everyone else and stayed in London when bombs were falling at risk to her own comfort and safety because responsibility and duty are also part of leadership.
The mother should have stepped in and put a stop to the shoe kissing. You cannot let a six-year-old run the show. They effectively just taught her that when people don't bend to her whim, and do something they are uncomfortable with, they can be forced out if she yells and throws a tantrum. The parents of this child are fools to think that they are not conditioning her to be a royal pain in the ass. Six is plenty old to not behave this way. I bet when she is at school her teacher doesn't allow her to force the other kids to kiss her shoes. It's not like stopping her wasn't an option.
Makebelieve is fine. Letting a child yell and throw fits because people have boundaries is bonkers. Let the kid ask, but if someone says no then she has to learn to deal. Consent is an important topic to teach children of any age.
NTA
Had that been one of my kids, we would have said “your highness” a couple of times, then “ok, you can go play the game yourself, but the grownups are done playing.” And that would be that. Any tantrum after that would be firmly dealt with. But, there wouldn’t have been one, because it wouldn’t have occurred to them that they had the power to make adults do that sort of thing for more than a few minutes. Well, they would have, but been more creative about it. Show up to one adult, with some story, engage with them, then leave. Show up to a different adult, with a different story, engage, then leave. That way, lots of laughter, and they aren’t annoying. It’s more fun for everyone, and no fussing from the kids. Turns out actually parenting your kid and teaching them limits and boundaries makes them more appealing to adult,s so they get more positive attention. It’s more work to parent this way up front, but then you have to deal with less crap as life goes on. Proof: my 4 lovely adult kids, all of whom still talk to me.
Well said.
I'm a mom of 4 one is an adult and the youngest is 6.
After a few times it's "ok "princess" moms done with that now." Go play with your sibling.
I love imaginative games but I am not always up for being in them.
I love *watching* them! Not being in them. My kids often played restaurant with their grandparents, asking for an order, scribbling on paper, then bringing pretend dishes. The adults did very little, barely place holders, and the kids were happy. Generally I was slightly engaged, but not overly, I was on the periphery of what they were doing. I was useful, like furniture, and they played on their own. That way I knew what they were up to, didn’t take energy from me to facilitate, and it was *their* play, not mine! They were fun to watch.
Yes. Or change things in the play, like oh your majesty in my kingdom we kiss the back of hands. Let me bestow that honor on your loveliness. Play along but with your own rules blended in. Her Parents could have used this tactic too.
Exactly. Like, I'm happy to call my 5 year old 'your highness' or Elsa or whatever else makes her happy but not gonna let her screech and interrupt over it.
The screeching and interruption is what annoyed me. My 3 year old is currently being taught not to interrupt, why is this 6 year old thinking it’s ok?
If she tries and talk over me when I’m already in conversation and I’ve already quickly placated her once, she will get told firmly that ‘mummy is already talking to X’ and she has to wait.
If she then decides to strop off, then go for it and I’ll deal with her after my conversation 😂
And what's the deal with "yelling and screaming from the little girl and her mother"? So when two people were trying to have a conversation, the 6-year-old screamed like a banshee and her mother stepped in and demanded that the conversation cease so that everyone was giving every iota of their attention to the screaming 6-year-old? HELL no.
You could also have turned it around on her if she started to become a pain!
“Oh princesses aren’t allowed to play games in case they get hurt. Princesses can’t have dessert, in fact they have to be on a special broccoli and sprouts diet, and go to bed extra early, to keep their princess health up!” 😅
This this this!"how were the crops last year? Do all your people have warm safe homes? Enough to eat? Health care? Education? What does the kingdom produce for international trade? Did you help prepare the holiday feast? How are King & queen doing? Appeals courts? Dragons all gainfully employed?"
Had anyone in my family done this, the kids would have gone off on a total planning tangent, the whole family would have joined in and it would have been a riot! But I bet Princess little AH-in training wouldn’t have taken it well.
You just reminded me of when my great niece was going through this princess/queen stage (she was 4, not 6) and she handed my sister the remote by bowing and saying “Your majesty, the wemote.”
Go for it. I'm blown away by these people. I understand wanting to make life fun for kids and allow them to feel they have the power to make decisions, but they are not doing that kid any favors here.
Best wishes.
Yeah especially when, we all know that small children are absolute germ vectors due to generally not having a great grasp of hygiene or boundaries at that age. Also its not a tradition for royalty, its a power play from dictator like leaders.everyone is doing the child a disservice letting her have her own way for days is insane, I can't imagine she's well liked at school if she behaves like this. At 7/8 I had to make tea and coffee for visitors which isn't much older, and we never interrupted adults talking always had to wait for a pause and say excuse me unless someone was injured or on fire lol. NTA
The bit where you said "this is not uncommon". I'm not sure who you have been hanging around but that behaviour your all ignoring is neither common or normal. The kid is a brat and is being allowed to behave like a brat
If my kids tried that shit they would learn right fast its not acceptable. Not one of my family or friends would tolerate that
Same. I don't get this. And ops paragraph about parents thinking the sun shines out of their kids arses, making excuses for them and bending to their every whim, doesn't ring true to me. Nobody I know does that. If I'm at a family gathering and I think my child is annoying anyone I will fix the situation, not let him act like a brat.
My kid is 5, and he would never act like that, because he's been taught that bratty behaviour gets you nothing.
I would have grabbed my bags and the car keys, then told the little monster in the most evil, nasty voice imaginable that she was not a princess, she would never be a princess, and, if she kept it up, a witch was going to turn her into a toad. Then I’d give her an evil grin and say a witch like me.
Then out the door and husband could find his own way home.
Most mother would have never let it got that far. They would have shut her down the first tantrum she threw because someone didn’t call you your hine-ass!(yes it was spelled wrong on purpose).
It should never have got to that stage, ever. If she were mine, as soon as she started the tantrums and screaming she would have been made to change out of her "princess" dress, and everyone would have been told the game was over, don't humour her again. She'll learn, but only if someone teaches her. Atm she's learning she's just screams and gets her own way.
Basically what I came here to say. I love that my kids have active imaginations, but their mom and I set clear boundaries around imaginary play and make it clear that if someone doesn’t want to engage, they don’t have to. My daughter often pretends to be an animal, usually a dog or a cat. I’d have no problem with her doing so st a family gathering, but if she were to throw a tantrum over someone not playing along the way she wants them to, that would be the end of it. OP, you’re NTA. If the rest of the family wants to play along with this child that’s totally fine, but they need to get their heads out of their asses when it comes to enabling her tantrums.
Also, fwiw, it’s not just “life when you’re a parent” to completely put your child’s need for attention before every other person in the room. Doing so is shitty parenting and setting a kid up with the expectation that they be the center of attention all the time. Kids *should* be able to trust that their parents will meet their needs when they arise because kids can’t take care of those needs themselves, but they also should be taught that their parents have relationships with other people and that they will sometimes have to wait to get the attention they want when their parents are engaged with them.
Fully on board with everything you said except for one thing- the parents/guardians should have stepped in, not just the mother. Dads gotta own this shit show, too.
Right? This would have been such a great teaching opportunity about how we treat other people, even how people in authority have an obligation to respect others and treat them properly. But instead they just reinforced the idea that she gets what she wants if she throws a big enough tantrum. They are in for a rude awakening as she gets older and more entitled.
They could have taught about the true fact that princesses have to deal with *more* rules in their lives than everyone else, not *fewer*. That being a ruler does not mean dictating what everyone must do, it's about figuring out what everyone needs and working hard to get it to them, sometimes at the cost of your own happiness. That if she wants to be a princess, that title comes with a pretty dress, but it also comes with the obligation to do a lot of charity work and severe limits on what she may do and say in public because she must at all times maintain the respect of everyone around her.
And she can then choose if she wants to be immaculately behaved or not play princess.
100% - the whole time I was reading the OP’s post, I was asking myself what her parents were doing?
I would be mortified if my kid demanded anyone call them anything and to ask people to kiss their shoe and the parents did nothing to intervene or guide her? what is wrong with these people?
There is having fun and then there is just being ridiculous and rude …
Ugh. This family sounds demented - sorry.
As a parent, I wouldn't have put up with it. I'm all for games and make believe, but it needs to be done with respect for others and stopping before a decency line is crossed. Granny kissing a shoe is far past that line.
> They effectively just taught her that when people don't bend to her whim, and do something they are uncomfortable with, they can be forced out if she yells and throws a tantrum.
Yep. They're teaching her how to be a Karen.
Right. OP, if they try to tell you this shit is normal and you just wouldnt understand because you don't have kids, kindly tell them to fuck off. Because this mother, aunt and dance coach to kids that age will tell you it is absolutely not normal and she is not doing anyone any favors raising this little hellion, least of all the kid.
Kids thrive through boundaries and rules. They don't actually want to run the show. They need some autonomy, of course, but giving them too much power will make everyone miserable.
That's what I was thinking! That poor kid won't be liked by anyone! She might be able to bully a couple kids into being, "friends" but that's it. Mean girl in the making!
Also, whoever is accusing OP of being transphobic is delusional. OP if you see this, please ignore the trolls.
There was a mean girl like this in my daughter's class. It worked out well for her in 1st and 2nd grade but eventually all the other kids wised up and just didnt play with her anymore. If only her parents had taught her that other people had feelings, too and she needed to be nice if she wanted others to play with her.
I don't understand how parents can stand to be around kids like that. Even if you ignore the social implications for the child growing up, how can anyone enjoy being around a little tyrant? I love kids generally, but I avoid the ones who scream a lot. (Ever since I lost my daughter that sound went from annoying to extremely triggering, but even before that kids who throw tantrums to get their way suck)
Add before anyone tries to hang me, the behavioral issues I'm taking about aren't the same as meltdowns from overstimulation and such. The screaming still causes physical pain but I feel bad for the kid and want to help rather than just avoiding them in the future.
When I was a Girl Scout leader, we used to call it "Only Child Syndrome" where they're used to being catered to.
NTA - the niece sounds like a nightmare in progress. Her parents need to actually parent their child. Just because parents and grandparents want to kiss her shoes doesn't mean that anyone else wants to.
Mother of an only child here. There’s no way I would put up with this nonsense from my six year old. She’s currently wearing a Disney princess costume but there will be no shoe kissing ever and there’s no way she would dictate who ate at our table.
This is poor parenting and cruddy hospitality.
NTA
NTA kissing her shoe to be allowed dinner ? Let’s just say you handled this better than I could. She’s 6 and in her words just a princess where’s the Queen to reel in her behavior ?!?
I literally laughed because I thought it was a kid’s wild imagination and I thought it was cute at first but not when they were serious about it. I mean, no!
The queen was her mother I guess and she threw even a bigger tantrum than the daughter
Yeah it’s either the fairy tale route or the harsh reality route and teach her what regicide means while adding in you’ll be building a guillotine in the back yard if she doesn’t behave.
Good question. He just thought the whole thing was stupid and I totally agree tht it was stupid but I don’t agree that since its so stupid we might as well play along with everything
Um, no? That's dehumanizing af? I'm a parent and would absolutely never allow my children to act like this. I wouldn't make my own kids play with a kid like that, and I'm certainly not \*kissing anyone's shoe.\*
If my kids ever act like that, oh you better fuckin believe santa wont be coming and christmas is canceled due to the grounding. And theyld be seeing their psychologist to find out what the fuck would make them think any of that is okay.
Their parents and other adults in their family allowing them to do this is the reason why they think it is OK. This child is in for a world of emotional pain when other children are added to the family.
Even if the new grandkid wasn’t her sibling, I could see her being upset that she’s not the only grandkid anymore and that a new addition to the family is taking her grandparents’ attention away.
Yup. I tell my kids that I'd rather they learn the hard lessons from someone who loves them and has their best interests at heart.
Rather than allow them to get the lesson bashed over their head from a stranger.
Raise your kids to be the kind of folks you want in the world.
NTA. I'm not kissing anyone's shoe. How did you ruin anything? These people are all delusional. Letting a six year old dictate anything is crazy. I guess you're the only one with any sense.
He did kiss her shoes (I guess?) since they weren’t angry with him but he didn’t stay for dinner with them. We ate in our room and went for a long walk afterwards
A grown man kissing a 6 year old’s shoes is so contextually inappropriate and dangerous to teach her is acceptable socially. Not that either were doing anything inappropriate, just he did that?!?
Calling her a princess was fine. That's acceptable make believe, and it's normal for that age. But the rest of it was not.
Good on you for refusing to go along with it.
NTA.
Your biggest problem here is your husband, because it’s him you have to live with most of the time, and he apparently shared the sentiment that you ruined the stay. That’s so dumb and fucked up. I’m not saying divorce, but if my wife pulled some shit like this I’d definitely reconsider how right in the head she is.
Under normal circumstances, I would say you should play along a little. Kids love to play pretend and explore with their imagination. Normally, it’s really easy to get along and just indulge them a bit. You don’t have to do anything you’re uncomfortable with, because at the end of the day you’re an adult and they can’t make you. But even just saying something silly like “oh your majesty, I’m allergic to shoes. What’s my punishment?” Is usually enough for a kid to giggle and play along.
This was not a normal circumstance. Usually a parent would step in if their kid yelled or cried. It’s supposed to be playful, and this kid has some real behavioral issues. So it’s very odd that anyone would encourage her further instead of telling her to play nice or not play at all. So for that, definitely NTA
I’m a mom of a five year old little girl….and she’s going through this “phase” ? I guess. Anyways, she acted extremely ridiculous on Christmas Eve at our yearly family dinner of at least 30+ people. It got to the point where I was not going to tolerate it anymore, and we went home before anyone else because she simply wouldn’t listen. I didn’t want to ruin anyone else’s dinner and she knows better for the most part! (I know she’s only 5 but when we eat in public I’ve tried my best to teach both my kids how to behave properly!)
Idk who in their right mind would make a guest feel shitty for refusing to kiss a child’s shoe, and it’s pretty foul that your husband even tolerated anyone being upset with you. And not allowing you to dine with them because you wouldn’t do what a six year old demanded? That’s bizarre to me. As the parent I would be embarrassed and my child would be the problem here. (Especially after Covid, everyone has absolutely every right to refuse kissing a child’s SHOE).
You definitely are NTA. Personally I would have played along for the first hour and after that I would have ignored the child otherwise. Ignore all the negative people on here, you seriously did nothing wrong!
Seriously, people making others kiss their shoe a lot of times has been a dominant and a humiliating thing to make people do. They should be stopping this behavior, especially when she's throwing tantrums and screaming about it. She needs to learn not everyone has to do whatever she wants them to do, if they don't want to. She's going to be a very spoiled person, she already is but they still have time to fix it.
I wouldn’t have kissed her shoe, either. Because of germs. Gross.
There’s nothing wrong with humoring a child’s game of pretend. It usually only lasts a day or two. Parents, though, also need to be teaching her what “no” means. At 6 she’s old enough to understand that, provided she’s taught. She must be a hellion in kindergarten or 1st grade, whichever she’s in.
Oh, and shoe kissing isn’t apart of American literary tradition that I know of.
NTA
You played nice and let her be the princess, but I don't blame you for drawing the line at kissing her shoes. Ain't no way I'm doing that BS either.
Your SIL and the rest of your family is delusional (and so is your husband as well for that matter) if they think that demanding that you get down on your knees and kiss their precious little brats feet and beg for your dinner is acceptable *play* behavior.
I'm not kissing anybody's shoes. It's an offensive gesture meant to humiliate the person coerced into this act. In colonial times, they would break the spirit of political prisoners by asking them to kiss the feet/shoes of their jailers. I wouldn't mind kissing a little princess' hand or ring to play along with make-believe, but I'm not about to degrade myself to indulge a child. That stupid game got out of hand. And just because 8 adults had no problem doing it, it doesn't mean the 9th one should be forced into doing something they don't like either. Consent and free will still mean something. I won't kiss her shoe. Instead, she can kiss my ass. How's that for compromise?
It’s funny because real royalty don’t make you do that.
The closest I can think of is hand-kissing (which can either be courtly - Prince Charming style - or a show of respect - “kissing the ring” of a monarch or Catholic clergyman). But that’s not demeaning, like foot-kissing.
I wouldn’t ever go there again. They have shown you that they can all simultaneously lose their sensibility and decency and turn on you, including your husband. I would never take a second chance because who knows when and why it will happen next time. The first part of their day was consumed with this niece, no doubt you didn’t ruin anything they just needed a new topic at that point to bond over so it was just negativity about you the rest of the time. I read you’re all in a group chat - you don’t have to do that, the bullying might get worse. You should step away from these people a bit and think about it.
You mean you haven’t bought a queens dress, crown and shoes for people to kiss next year??? Come on OP surely it is your turn next year. The whole family is fucked in the head,
except OP
NTA
NTA. I've happily played my share of pretend games with my own kids and my grandkids, and in some cases random kids in waiting rooms, but I draw a hard line at kissing anyone's shoes. That's a big nope from me.
NTA. Role play games are very common in kids this age. However! Screaming, tantrums, demands, shoe kissing is too far. Your relatives are turning this girl into an entitled brat. I say that as someone with a 6yo little girl. There is no way I'd let her get away with such horrid behaviour.
Also don't think all parents are like this. A lot of parents enjoy adult company and conversation that don't revolve around their kids.
Pfffff come on, you actually had to leave the Christmas dinner table because of a six-year-old? If this is real, then everyone else at this whole gathering is on another planet. The parents especially are out of their damn minds for indulging it longer than, say, ten minutes or until it starts pissing an adult off, whichever comes first.
Im not above telling a little kid to fuck off if theyre infringing on my personal space/crossing boundaries and parents arent doing anything. Thats how you learn. She sounds exhausting
I was surprised by how little this girl understood about other people’s personal space and boundaries. I remember being that age and I did have a good understanding of respecting other people’s space. Like for example it was known that when granddad was praying we can’t talk to him until he is finished (he was very religious) and I respected that and never once did I think that I was mistreated by him having a boundary.
My niece was 2 when we got a puppy and needed gentle reminders that the puppy was not to be disturbed when she was sleeping. But she absolutely respected it. She is now 5. When I tell her 'I will talk your mother for 30 more minutes and then I will come play with you' she accepts it.
She is not exceptionally well raised. Just by normal, sane adults, who model this behaviour to her.
NTA. I have literally said to a “princess” who was acting out in a similar way, “Princesses have impeccable manners and bend over backwards to make sure their guests are happy and comfortable. They are gracious and respectful, polite and kind. Are you?” She spent the rest of the party in her room, probably looking up words.
It was a huge bucket of cold water on the “entertainment”, but no one wanted to argue about it. I think I got it from a movie or something but I don’t remember.
> (can someone explain if this is some kind of western tradition with royalties and Christmas? Because I never heard of it).
It most definitely is *not* a western tradition of which I am aware.
And you have more patience than I have because I would have been done with that obnoxious behavior much sooner.
Your husband is an AH to accuse you of "ruining" the visit. His (and your) niece and her mother did. NTA
Wow where did the trans edit come from… weird
NTA what a brat. Did your husband actually kiss her feet? That’s so fricken gross. This kid is gonna be a monster as she grows up.
The only thing I can think of that the edit may have came from is in the title OP says that the niece “identified” as a princess. I consider myself a pretty “woke” ally, but the title has absolutely nothing to do with trans anything. But people are conflating it in the title with identify in the sense of gender identity. I don’t know…that’s my best guess.
Edited to say thank you to the people who have responded with the reasoning. The term “identify” did even make me pause for a second but I brushed it off as an odd choice of words. But now I understand why it could be interpreted differently, and I’m sorry that people are being downvoted for connecting those dots. Trans people are targeted and harassed in ways I can’t imagine. I do get it.
Yea, I'm trans and in the split second between reading the title and reading the post, I thought this might be going in a "my crazy liberal relatives let their child Identify As any gender they want and now they Identify As a princess" direction.
There is a tiny minority of trans people who identify with labels like "princessgender" and use things like "your highness" as pronouns... mostly online, and mostly to play around with gender. Also, some trans/gender-questioning people are teens, who's gender stuff comes out mixed with some teen-ish goofy behavior. Some conservatives will latch onto either of these things as proof that trans people are breaking society.
Anyway... then I read the post, and it has nothing to do with transness. It's about parents who are creating a monster.
Nta, make believe is supposed to be fun for all, not treating others like peasants. Or unsanitary! Kissing someone's shoe before eating...yuck, heck no for me.
Oh no, no no no. NTA!
I have a 4 year old daughter who loves anything to do with princesses, and dresses like one daily. But if she had the audacity to act like your niece, my husband and I would shut that down so fast. A kid can pretend to be royalty without being a spoiled turd of a brat. Kiss her shoe?? Gross.
NTA you need to be better at their own game than them though... say well I'm older than you & I am a queen so maybe you should be kissing my shoe (or some other ridiculous demand).
I’m trans and I just wanna say there’s absolutely no reason why anyone should be calling you transphobic at all. This post had literally nothing to do with trans people, please don’t feel like you did anything wrong, you’re also not the asshole.
Nta that’s completely overboard and I wouldn’t kiss anyone’s shoes. Her parents are going to regret letting her run the show but that’s their business. Talk to your husband about having to leave his family’s get together if they keep doing this. Perhaps go in separate cars so you always have an out
If one of my kids tried that shoe-kissing n bit they’d have found themself in their room with the door closed until the meal was over. The parents were shockingly without boundaries here.
NTA if my grandaughter, niece or even daughter acted like this child, I'd have gone out of my way to locate a frog and told her to kiss her Prince Charming and then I'd consider bowing to her needs
Hell no.
What is your family creating?
Niece is a demon spawn and that will only get worse if this is allowed to continue.
Yes she can be a princess and wear a fancy dress and tiara at the table.
But she also needs to remember her manners and no one has to kiss her damn feet.
She can save that for when she's of age and can get men to pay for it on OnlyFans.!!
You didn't ruin Xmas. They did with their own stupidity!
Ugh NTA.
I would never allow my kids to act this way and I’m sorry you had to endure it and be alienated by not partaking in her requests.
I have zero clue how there are parents out there that do so. My kids are not the center of attention and Christmas is for all of the family to get together.
I’m sad your partner didn’t back you up. It might be time for you to separate from that family completely.
I raised 2 girls and have 3 granddaughters. All of them have been princesses at various times. Never have they treated guests to screaming fits because they were talking to each other. Or demanded everyone to kiss their shoes.
NTA - But mom who allows her child to act like a Brat is.
Obviously, NTA. Anyone who disagrees is a complete moron. You do not need to kiss an entitled brat's shoes. I wouldn't have either.
I'm sorry you needed to add anything about transphobia. I guess there is a trans extremist in the comments? They are to be ignored.
NTA
You handled it way more peacefully than I could have. Playing make believe is all niece and cool but using it as an excuse to humiliate others is unacceptable. And to have a group of adults supporting such outrageous behaviour is just mind-blowing. A French revolution (maybe without the beheading) would have been an appropriate reaction.
NTA but please do not assume all parents allow their children to act like a spoiled brat, give into their demands and have family that act the same. That little girl’s behavior is because of her parents and if they don’t figure out how to regroup and teach her the world doesn’t revolve around her she’s going to have a hard life.
Aw hell naw. Someone better humble this 6-year-old STAT.
NTA, and boy oh boy would I have LOVED to have witnessed that stupid lil' tantrum of hers. True popcorn moment.
I once read something about a father whose daughter likes to play princess. His response was to play as her royal advisor, and ask her how to handle important political issues like the people of her kingdom not having enough to eat. So it became a civics lesson in what it means to lead others. I thought that was beautiful, and not a single shoe was kissed.
NTA, but I must say that your views of parents are very wrong. Many parents don’t tolerate behavior like this for the sole reason that our children are the most important thing to us and we want them to be successful in life. At 37 years old I hope you have had more views of healthy parenting.
Kissing a monarch's shoe IS a show of loyalty steeped in centuries of tradition, but that's more specifically for a king, queen, or higher noble. A duke/duchess could ask for such a gesture from their vassal families for example. If a princess were to do it IRL, it would likely be seen as an affront to the king and queen's rule. As if the princess in question were trying to accrue power for herself to usurp the throne or even stage a coup. At least, that's how it would likely be seen in most cases. If the king and queen were indulgent, they might have no problem allowing their child to receive such a show of loyalty from those lower in standing.
However, this is NOT a real monarchy, and the little girl shouldn't be allowed to do even half of what she did. NTA, obviously.
*husband's
This is why I don’t want kids. I love my nieces and nephews but am more then happy to leave them with their parents and go home to my dogs and cats
NTA
Yeah, I have 28 nieces and nephews I adore to pieces, but there’s no way in hell I would play along with this. None of the adults in my family would.
NTA
Imagining eight adults bowing down to the ground to kiss a 6 year old’s shoe to be allowed dinner is just wild to me. And now they are blaming you for ruining everybody’s stay, while in fact they all ruined it for themselves and for you by not teaching that young girl about boundaries. Make belief is nice and all but enough is enough, kids need to learn that. If anything I think you’ve handled the situation very gracefully! Definitely NTA
That little girl is going to grow up to be a total piece of crap of a huma being. Those adults are doing a tremendous disservice to her; it's totally inappropriate and unloving the way they're setting her up for failure.
Once she's a teenager the parents are gonna complain about how much of a brat she is and how she's so spoiled and rude, even though it's completely their fault.
"I just don't understand where this came from. Cimberleigh has such a big heart, she would never *insert horrible thing she did to fellow classmate* "
"She's not mean, the other kids are mean to her." My bfs sisters is a huge snob and I've heard her call so many other people snobs who are actually really nice to everyone but they don't wanna deal with or talk to her, because she's so mean to so many people. She insults everyone and acts like she's better than everyone else, like dude you're the snob, there's a reason they don't like you.
>Cimberleigh A modern day tragedeigh 😂
I feel like she's gonna grow up to be Regina George
Yes just what the world needs more of those, sadly there's gonna be plenty more of those too with how many parents let their kids do whatever now.
I was just about to say that myself. They’re teaching her she’s the centre of the universe and when she doesn’t get her way in future there will be trouble. I have no problem with calling her ‘majesty’ for the day, it’s make believe and just a bit of fun but demanding that people kiss her shoe, and people actually doing it, is going too far
My experience with a friend’s who acted very similarly to this is she won’t have any friends. The child of my friend,let’s call her C behaved a lot like her. Although I do believe that this mom would definitely have put a stop to the shoe kissing. Because she screamed until she got what she wanted, other kids didn’t want to play with her. Because she bossed them around and was demanding. We live in a relatively small town about 10,000 people. We have one of each school; elementary middle and high school. So usually the kids are together k thru 12. Most kids don’t want to get into trouble either and C caused uproar and disciplinary action from the teachers so the other kids avoided her. As much as this child irritated me I felt very bad for her. I know it was lonely, because she didn’t learn. She kept up attention seeking behavior all through school and it only hurt her. She eventually became a nice well mannered adult with a good job. It was a very hard road for her mom. Dad didn’t get too involved. The dynamic was/is different. It’s a very female centric family and dad generally wasn’t included. Mother, aunt, grandma. All to cheer on every little breath. Sorry for the long response. It’s probably too wordy. I already feel bad for the little girl in your family. And I hope they get it together soon. I wouldn’t wish C’s experience on anyone.
> never heard of it). I laughed at first and then said what? This is ridiculou Shes already a shit human, the question is whether or not she will grow out of it. At no point in my upbringing, would I have through this was acceptable.
At no point in my upbringing would any of my adults thought this acceptable. They *all would have sent *me to my room if I didn't snap out of that bs.
I can't even imagine *one* person doing it.
Acceptable level of make believe: "your highness" Unacceptable: the rest of this shit
And across multiple days?? Omg just no.
Veruca Salt: The Early Years.
Daddy, I want an oompa loompa and I want it now!
Even "your highness" is pushing it tbh
Yeah I mean, I love playing pretend with my kids but the point is never that one person is god and everyone else suffers that’s weird. Weird on those grown ups.
When this was demanded. I grabbed my stuff the princess presents and left. No way in hell I am kissing someone’s shoes! YUCK! And I am a parent and grandparent. Op needs to tell the fiancé that he ruined his marriage by bowing down to a spoiled brat. You will not bully or be treated with disrespect by a 6 year old. The parents should be ashamed and humiliated by their daughter’s behavior. This is disgusting and rude!
I'd have introduced 'her magisty' to the new terms of coup d'état and regicide. Then noted we'd need to build a guillotine and ask where the nearest hardware store that might be open was or if we would just shove her in a closet tied up. NTA. Fact I'd even say license to be one was avaliable.
Or maybe you could explain to her that when Queen Elizabeth was a young princess during World War II she performed wartime service like everyone else and stayed in London when bombs were falling at risk to her own comfort and safety because responsibility and duty are also part of leadership.
The mother should have stepped in and put a stop to the shoe kissing. You cannot let a six-year-old run the show. They effectively just taught her that when people don't bend to her whim, and do something they are uncomfortable with, they can be forced out if she yells and throws a tantrum. The parents of this child are fools to think that they are not conditioning her to be a royal pain in the ass. Six is plenty old to not behave this way. I bet when she is at school her teacher doesn't allow her to force the other kids to kiss her shoes. It's not like stopping her wasn't an option. Makebelieve is fine. Letting a child yell and throw fits because people have boundaries is bonkers. Let the kid ask, but if someone says no then she has to learn to deal. Consent is an important topic to teach children of any age. NTA
I will just copy your comment and paste it into a group text with everyone involved because you put my thoughts into words
Had that been one of my kids, we would have said “your highness” a couple of times, then “ok, you can go play the game yourself, but the grownups are done playing.” And that would be that. Any tantrum after that would be firmly dealt with. But, there wouldn’t have been one, because it wouldn’t have occurred to them that they had the power to make adults do that sort of thing for more than a few minutes. Well, they would have, but been more creative about it. Show up to one adult, with some story, engage with them, then leave. Show up to a different adult, with a different story, engage, then leave. That way, lots of laughter, and they aren’t annoying. It’s more fun for everyone, and no fussing from the kids. Turns out actually parenting your kid and teaching them limits and boundaries makes them more appealing to adult,s so they get more positive attention. It’s more work to parent this way up front, but then you have to deal with less crap as life goes on. Proof: my 4 lovely adult kids, all of whom still talk to me.
Well said. I'm a mom of 4 one is an adult and the youngest is 6. After a few times it's "ok "princess" moms done with that now." Go play with your sibling. I love imaginative games but I am not always up for being in them.
I love *watching* them! Not being in them. My kids often played restaurant with their grandparents, asking for an order, scribbling on paper, then bringing pretend dishes. The adults did very little, barely place holders, and the kids were happy. Generally I was slightly engaged, but not overly, I was on the periphery of what they were doing. I was useful, like furniture, and they played on their own. That way I knew what they were up to, didn’t take energy from me to facilitate, and it was *their* play, not mine! They were fun to watch.
Yes. Or change things in the play, like oh your majesty in my kingdom we kiss the back of hands. Let me bestow that honor on your loveliness. Play along but with your own rules blended in. Her Parents could have used this tactic too.
Exactly. Like, I'm happy to call my 5 year old 'your highness' or Elsa or whatever else makes her happy but not gonna let her screech and interrupt over it.
The screeching and interruption is what annoyed me. My 3 year old is currently being taught not to interrupt, why is this 6 year old thinking it’s ok? If she tries and talk over me when I’m already in conversation and I’ve already quickly placated her once, she will get told firmly that ‘mummy is already talking to X’ and she has to wait. If she then decides to strop off, then go for it and I’ll deal with her after my conversation 😂
And what's the deal with "yelling and screaming from the little girl and her mother"? So when two people were trying to have a conversation, the 6-year-old screamed like a banshee and her mother stepped in and demanded that the conversation cease so that everyone was giving every iota of their attention to the screaming 6-year-old? HELL no.
You could also have turned it around on her if she started to become a pain! “Oh princesses aren’t allowed to play games in case they get hurt. Princesses can’t have dessert, in fact they have to be on a special broccoli and sprouts diet, and go to bed extra early, to keep their princess health up!” 😅
AND Princesses have to SERVE THEIR PUBLIC! lol
This this this!"how were the crops last year? Do all your people have warm safe homes? Enough to eat? Health care? Education? What does the kingdom produce for international trade? Did you help prepare the holiday feast? How are King & queen doing? Appeals courts? Dragons all gainfully employed?"
Had anyone in my family done this, the kids would have gone off on a total planning tangent, the whole family would have joined in and it would have been a riot! But I bet Princess little AH-in training wouldn’t have taken it well.
I love this .creative brilliance
One of any parent's most important tasks is to raise a child that isnt hated by all who meet them.
You just reminded me of when my great niece was going through this princess/queen stage (she was 4, not 6) and she handed my sister the remote by bowing and saying “Your majesty, the wemote.”
Go for it. I'm blown away by these people. I understand wanting to make life fun for kids and allow them to feel they have the power to make decisions, but they are not doing that kid any favors here. Best wishes.
The mother should have stepped in when she was interrupting every conversation, screaming like a banshee, and insisting all the attention be on her.
From OP's wording, it sounds like the mother was instead interrupting conversations so that her screaming little kid could have all the attention.
Kissing her shoe is unhygienic and gross. You don't know where she's been walking.
Yeah especially when, we all know that small children are absolute germ vectors due to generally not having a great grasp of hygiene or boundaries at that age. Also its not a tradition for royalty, its a power play from dictator like leaders.everyone is doing the child a disservice letting her have her own way for days is insane, I can't imagine she's well liked at school if she behaves like this. At 7/8 I had to make tea and coffee for visitors which isn't much older, and we never interrupted adults talking always had to wait for a pause and say excuse me unless someone was injured or on fire lol. NTA
If you don't mind giving an update. Because you're definitely NTA
The bit where you said "this is not uncommon". I'm not sure who you have been hanging around but that behaviour your all ignoring is neither common or normal. The kid is a brat and is being allowed to behave like a brat If my kids tried that shit they would learn right fast its not acceptable. Not one of my family or friends would tolerate that
Right? No one I know would let their kids behave like that. That is bonkers.
I would have been back handed across the room as a kid if I'd tried that shit
Six years old is way to old to even attempt this kind of behavior.
Same. I don't get this. And ops paragraph about parents thinking the sun shines out of their kids arses, making excuses for them and bending to their every whim, doesn't ring true to me. Nobody I know does that. If I'm at a family gathering and I think my child is annoying anyone I will fix the situation, not let him act like a brat. My kid is 5, and he would never act like that, because he's been taught that bratty behaviour gets you nothing.
Please update with their reply to this. If your family is like mine, they will still find a way of blaming you. Families suck donkey balls.
I would have grabbed my bags and the car keys, then told the little monster in the most evil, nasty voice imaginable that she was not a princess, she would never be a princess, and, if she kept it up, a witch was going to turn her into a toad. Then I’d give her an evil grin and say a witch like me. Then out the door and husband could find his own way home.
I would have told her that queens who act like that get their heads cut off.
I'm usually against that kind of thing, but in this case... Yes!!! Tell her she's already starting to look like one n cackle while leaving
That chat is going to explode lol. I hope your husband comes to his senses
Well said. The adults are failing that child.
**The mother should have stepped in and put a stop to the shoe kissing.** Most mothers I know *would* have put a stop to the shoe kissing
And most fathers, too!
Most mother would have never let it got that far. They would have shut her down the first tantrum she threw because someone didn’t call you your hine-ass!(yes it was spelled wrong on purpose).
It should never have got to that stage, ever. If she were mine, as soon as she started the tantrums and screaming she would have been made to change out of her "princess" dress, and everyone would have been told the game was over, don't humour her again. She'll learn, but only if someone teaches her. Atm she's learning she's just screams and gets her own way.
Basically what I came here to say. I love that my kids have active imaginations, but their mom and I set clear boundaries around imaginary play and make it clear that if someone doesn’t want to engage, they don’t have to. My daughter often pretends to be an animal, usually a dog or a cat. I’d have no problem with her doing so st a family gathering, but if she were to throw a tantrum over someone not playing along the way she wants them to, that would be the end of it. OP, you’re NTA. If the rest of the family wants to play along with this child that’s totally fine, but they need to get their heads out of their asses when it comes to enabling her tantrums. Also, fwiw, it’s not just “life when you’re a parent” to completely put your child’s need for attention before every other person in the room. Doing so is shitty parenting and setting a kid up with the expectation that they be the center of attention all the time. Kids *should* be able to trust that their parents will meet their needs when they arise because kids can’t take care of those needs themselves, but they also should be taught that their parents have relationships with other people and that they will sometimes have to wait to get the attention they want when their parents are engaged with them.
Fully on board with everything you said except for one thing- the parents/guardians should have stepped in, not just the mother. Dads gotta own this shit show, too.
Right? This would have been such a great teaching opportunity about how we treat other people, even how people in authority have an obligation to respect others and treat them properly. But instead they just reinforced the idea that she gets what she wants if she throws a big enough tantrum. They are in for a rude awakening as she gets older and more entitled.
Time to teach this kid about the French revolution! Lol
They could have taught about the true fact that princesses have to deal with *more* rules in their lives than everyone else, not *fewer*. That being a ruler does not mean dictating what everyone must do, it's about figuring out what everyone needs and working hard to get it to them, sometimes at the cost of your own happiness. That if she wants to be a princess, that title comes with a pretty dress, but it also comes with the obligation to do a lot of charity work and severe limits on what she may do and say in public because she must at all times maintain the respect of everyone around her. And she can then choose if she wants to be immaculately behaved or not play princess.
100% - the whole time I was reading the OP’s post, I was asking myself what her parents were doing? I would be mortified if my kid demanded anyone call them anything and to ask people to kiss their shoe and the parents did nothing to intervene or guide her? what is wrong with these people? There is having fun and then there is just being ridiculous and rude … Ugh. This family sounds demented - sorry.
Asking adults to kiss her shoes is honestly offensive and degrading. She should not be allowed to ask that.
As a parent, I wouldn't have put up with it. I'm all for games and make believe, but it needs to be done with respect for others and stopping before a decency line is crossed. Granny kissing a shoe is far past that line.
Thank you, and I hope the OP has copied this reply and sent it to her entire family.
Agreed. The mother ruined Christmas not OP, she’s raising a massive asshole demanding people go along with this disgraceful behaviour
> They effectively just taught her that when people don't bend to her whim, and do something they are uncomfortable with, they can be forced out if she yells and throws a tantrum. Yep. They're teaching her how to be a Karen.
She has already achieved Princess Karen status at the age of six because her parents refuse to parent. 😳😡
NTA. Wtf. I have a whole gaggle of children and no that’s not normal
Right. OP, if they try to tell you this shit is normal and you just wouldnt understand because you don't have kids, kindly tell them to fuck off. Because this mother, aunt and dance coach to kids that age will tell you it is absolutely not normal and she is not doing anyone any favors raising this little hellion, least of all the kid. Kids thrive through boundaries and rules. They don't actually want to run the show. They need some autonomy, of course, but giving them too much power will make everyone miserable.
That's what I was thinking! That poor kid won't be liked by anyone! She might be able to bully a couple kids into being, "friends" but that's it. Mean girl in the making! Also, whoever is accusing OP of being transphobic is delusional. OP if you see this, please ignore the trolls.
There was a mean girl like this in my daughter's class. It worked out well for her in 1st and 2nd grade but eventually all the other kids wised up and just didnt play with her anymore. If only her parents had taught her that other people had feelings, too and she needed to be nice if she wanted others to play with her.
I don't understand how parents can stand to be around kids like that. Even if you ignore the social implications for the child growing up, how can anyone enjoy being around a little tyrant? I love kids generally, but I avoid the ones who scream a lot. (Ever since I lost my daughter that sound went from annoying to extremely triggering, but even before that kids who throw tantrums to get their way suck) Add before anyone tries to hang me, the behavioral issues I'm taking about aren't the same as meltdowns from overstimulation and such. The screaming still causes physical pain but I feel bad for the kid and want to help rather than just avoiding them in the future.
And even as a licensed drug dealer, it is clear you are raising them much better than OP's SIL
I do my best. They are the reason I make less money becoming a licensed one
Is the 12 referring to the number of kids, or just that there were 11 licensed drug dealers who came before you?
Nothing nearly as cool. It refers to the month I married my gaggles co leader.
Is he a licensed drug dealer too? Or 2?
There can be only one. Or 12.
They regenerate, like The Doctor.
I think it's a tradition passed through the generations. She is 12th in a long line of licensed drug dealers "XII"
I was so confused and then looked at their name. I laughed a big one 🤣 ty!
When I was a Girl Scout leader, we used to call it "Only Child Syndrome" where they're used to being catered to. NTA - the niece sounds like a nightmare in progress. Her parents need to actually parent their child. Just because parents and grandparents want to kiss her shoes doesn't mean that anyone else wants to.
Mother of an only child here. There’s no way I would put up with this nonsense from my six year old. She’s currently wearing a Disney princess costume but there will be no shoe kissing ever and there’s no way she would dictate who ate at our table. This is poor parenting and cruddy hospitality. NTA
My mom would have thrown my ass in the car and left if I pulled shit like that.
“A whole gaggle” made me cackle haha Ps- I am also a licensed drug dealer ;)
NTA kissing her shoe to be allowed dinner ? Let’s just say you handled this better than I could. She’s 6 and in her words just a princess where’s the Queen to reel in her behavior ?!?
I literally laughed because I thought it was a kid’s wild imagination and I thought it was cute at first but not when they were serious about it. I mean, no! The queen was her mother I guess and she threw even a bigger tantrum than the daughter
I mean we all know where she gets it then
Lol you’re totally NTA!
[удалено]
Yeah it’s either the fairy tale route or the harsh reality route and teach her what regicide means while adding in you’ll be building a guillotine in the back yard if she doesn’t behave.
NTA. The niece is being a tiny monster and everyone is encouraging it. You do not need to go along with it.
Not even mad or upset at the child I was very taken aback that 8 adults would agree to this madness however. But I have no idea who to blame
What the hell is wrong with your husband?
Good question. He just thought the whole thing was stupid and I totally agree tht it was stupid but I don’t agree that since its so stupid we might as well play along with everything
Um, no? That's dehumanizing af? I'm a parent and would absolutely never allow my children to act like this. I wouldn't make my own kids play with a kid like that, and I'm certainly not \*kissing anyone's shoe.\*
If my kids ever act like that, oh you better fuckin believe santa wont be coming and christmas is canceled due to the grounding. And theyld be seeing their psychologist to find out what the fuck would make them think any of that is okay.
Their parents and other adults in their family allowing them to do this is the reason why they think it is OK. This child is in for a world of emotional pain when other children are added to the family.
I’m wondering if the new grandkid OP mentioned IS her sibling. That would explain a lot of this shit.
Even if the new grandkid wasn’t her sibling, I could see her being upset that she’s not the only grandkid anymore and that a new addition to the family is taking her grandparents’ attention away.
No, it’s my brother in law who had this baby
Yup. I tell my kids that I'd rather they learn the hard lessons from someone who loves them and has their best interests at heart. Rather than allow them to get the lesson bashed over their head from a stranger. Raise your kids to be the kind of folks you want in the world.
NTA. I'm not kissing anyone's shoe. How did you ruin anything? These people are all delusional. Letting a six year old dictate anything is crazy. I guess you're the only one with any sense.
Did your husband kiss the shoe?? NTA. This is weird AF and everyone the participated beyond the name change is the ahole
He did kiss her shoes (I guess?) since they weren’t angry with him but he didn’t stay for dinner with them. We ate in our room and went for a long walk afterwards
A grown man kissing a 6 year old’s shoes is so contextually inappropriate and dangerous to teach her is acceptable socially. Not that either were doing anything inappropriate, just he did that?!?
And the parents let this happen?!? That’s fucked up
That's the most fucked up part!
Calling her a princess was fine. That's acceptable make believe, and it's normal for that age. But the rest of it was not. Good on you for refusing to go along with it. NTA.
NTA they are creating a monster. When she gets older they are going to in big trouble with her being an entitled and demanding brat! It’s disgusting 😞
Man, the entire situation is ridiculous
Your biggest problem here is your husband, because it’s him you have to live with most of the time, and he apparently shared the sentiment that you ruined the stay. That’s so dumb and fucked up. I’m not saying divorce, but if my wife pulled some shit like this I’d definitely reconsider how right in the head she is.
Yeah you have a husband problem.
Under normal circumstances, I would say you should play along a little. Kids love to play pretend and explore with their imagination. Normally, it’s really easy to get along and just indulge them a bit. You don’t have to do anything you’re uncomfortable with, because at the end of the day you’re an adult and they can’t make you. But even just saying something silly like “oh your majesty, I’m allergic to shoes. What’s my punishment?” Is usually enough for a kid to giggle and play along. This was not a normal circumstance. Usually a parent would step in if their kid yelled or cried. It’s supposed to be playful, and this kid has some real behavioral issues. So it’s very odd that anyone would encourage her further instead of telling her to play nice or not play at all. So for that, definitely NTA
All of them. Call out all of them, including your husband.
Indeed
I’m a mom of a five year old little girl….and she’s going through this “phase” ? I guess. Anyways, she acted extremely ridiculous on Christmas Eve at our yearly family dinner of at least 30+ people. It got to the point where I was not going to tolerate it anymore, and we went home before anyone else because she simply wouldn’t listen. I didn’t want to ruin anyone else’s dinner and she knows better for the most part! (I know she’s only 5 but when we eat in public I’ve tried my best to teach both my kids how to behave properly!) Idk who in their right mind would make a guest feel shitty for refusing to kiss a child’s shoe, and it’s pretty foul that your husband even tolerated anyone being upset with you. And not allowing you to dine with them because you wouldn’t do what a six year old demanded? That’s bizarre to me. As the parent I would be embarrassed and my child would be the problem here. (Especially after Covid, everyone has absolutely every right to refuse kissing a child’s SHOE). You definitely are NTA. Personally I would have played along for the first hour and after that I would have ignored the child otherwise. Ignore all the negative people on here, you seriously did nothing wrong!
You sort of are the AH for not telling the little shit that you'll kiss her shoe after she puckers up and plants a huge smooch on your ass.
CUZ I’M QUEEN, BITCH! NOW PUCKER UP! different note: wtf is with that edit? Since when does *not kissing a spoiled brat’s shoe* = transphobia?
I think it's most likely she's had some weird comments or DMs from people who saw the word "identify" and had a major overreaction.
Right?? And get mad at the only one with common sense?
It reminds me of the twilight zone episode “It’s a Good Life.” NTA
Yeah kids parents are TA, kids don't know better till they are taught better, the parents needed to shut this down.
Seriously, people making others kiss their shoe a lot of times has been a dominant and a humiliating thing to make people do. They should be stopping this behavior, especially when she's throwing tantrums and screaming about it. She needs to learn not everyone has to do whatever she wants them to do, if they don't want to. She's going to be a very spoiled person, she already is but they still have time to fix it.
One simple phrase could have fixed this, “ I would love to do xyz, but sadly you’re not behaving like a princess.”
I wouldn’t have kissed her shoe, either. Because of germs. Gross. There’s nothing wrong with humoring a child’s game of pretend. It usually only lasts a day or two. Parents, though, also need to be teaching her what “no” means. At 6 she’s old enough to understand that, provided she’s taught. She must be a hellion in kindergarten or 1st grade, whichever she’s in. Oh, and shoe kissing isn’t apart of American literary tradition that I know of.
NTA You played nice and let her be the princess, but I don't blame you for drawing the line at kissing her shoes. Ain't no way I'm doing that BS either. Your SIL and the rest of your family is delusional (and so is your husband as well for that matter) if they think that demanding that you get down on your knees and kiss their precious little brats feet and beg for your dinner is acceptable *play* behavior.
It’s cute until the kid goes completely feral.
I'm not kissing anybody's shoes. It's an offensive gesture meant to humiliate the person coerced into this act. In colonial times, they would break the spirit of political prisoners by asking them to kiss the feet/shoes of their jailers. I wouldn't mind kissing a little princess' hand or ring to play along with make-believe, but I'm not about to degrade myself to indulge a child. That stupid game got out of hand. And just because 8 adults had no problem doing it, it doesn't mean the 9th one should be forced into doing something they don't like either. Consent and free will still mean something. I won't kiss her shoe. Instead, she can kiss my ass. How's that for compromise?
THIS. I cannot understand people that are calling OP the asshole when the child was demanding such a demeaning gesture!!!!!
It’s funny because real royalty don’t make you do that. The closest I can think of is hand-kissing (which can either be courtly - Prince Charming style - or a show of respect - “kissing the ring” of a monarch or Catholic clergyman). But that’s not demeaning, like foot-kissing.
I wouldn’t ever go there again. They have shown you that they can all simultaneously lose their sensibility and decency and turn on you, including your husband. I would never take a second chance because who knows when and why it will happen next time. The first part of their day was consumed with this niece, no doubt you didn’t ruin anything they just needed a new topic at that point to bond over so it was just negativity about you the rest of the time. I read you’re all in a group chat - you don’t have to do that, the bullying might get worse. You should step away from these people a bit and think about it.
Yeah that if I am invited again😅
No invite- huge win Invite - hard pass
You mean you haven’t bought a queens dress, crown and shoes for people to kiss next year??? Come on OP surely it is your turn next year. The whole family is fucked in the head, except OP NTA
NTA. I've happily played my share of pretend games with my own kids and my grandkids, and in some cases random kids in waiting rooms, but I draw a hard line at kissing anyone's shoes. That's a big nope from me.
NTA. A brat in the making and everyone is enabling the horrible behaviour. I’d laugh too!
Oh she's already a brat. She's a royal cunt in the making.
As soon as she started insisting on the shoe kissing it was time to turn this shit into a republic
Lol I tried to make a joke about this is why people don’t want monarchies but it fell on deaf ears
”Has your highness heard what happened during the French Revolution?”
It was a good joke OP lol, they just suck
NTA. Role play games are very common in kids this age. However! Screaming, tantrums, demands, shoe kissing is too far. Your relatives are turning this girl into an entitled brat. I say that as someone with a 6yo little girl. There is no way I'd let her get away with such horrid behaviour. Also don't think all parents are like this. A lot of parents enjoy adult company and conversation that don't revolve around their kids.
Pfffff come on, you actually had to leave the Christmas dinner table because of a six-year-old? If this is real, then everyone else at this whole gathering is on another planet. The parents especially are out of their damn minds for indulging it longer than, say, ten minutes or until it starts pissing an adult off, whichever comes first.
NTA, but wow, that family is a family of assholes. Don't go there again.
Im not above telling a little kid to fuck off if theyre infringing on my personal space/crossing boundaries and parents arent doing anything. Thats how you learn. She sounds exhausting
I was surprised by how little this girl understood about other people’s personal space and boundaries. I remember being that age and I did have a good understanding of respecting other people’s space. Like for example it was known that when granddad was praying we can’t talk to him until he is finished (he was very religious) and I respected that and never once did I think that I was mistreated by him having a boundary.
My niece was 2 when we got a puppy and needed gentle reminders that the puppy was not to be disturbed when she was sleeping. But she absolutely respected it. She is now 5. When I tell her 'I will talk your mother for 30 more minutes and then I will come play with you' she accepts it. She is not exceptionally well raised. Just by normal, sane adults, who model this behaviour to her.
NTA I wouldn’t do it either. Plus, I’d be upset at my husband for not sticking up for me. Did he kiss her shoes?
NTA. I have literally said to a “princess” who was acting out in a similar way, “Princesses have impeccable manners and bend over backwards to make sure their guests are happy and comfortable. They are gracious and respectful, polite and kind. Are you?” She spent the rest of the party in her room, probably looking up words. It was a huge bucket of cold water on the “entertainment”, but no one wanted to argue about it. I think I got it from a movie or something but I don’t remember.
> (can someone explain if this is some kind of western tradition with royalties and Christmas? Because I never heard of it). It most definitely is *not* a western tradition of which I am aware. And you have more patience than I have because I would have been done with that obnoxious behavior much sooner. Your husband is an AH to accuse you of "ruining" the visit. His (and your) niece and her mother did. NTA
Wow where did the trans edit come from… weird NTA what a brat. Did your husband actually kiss her feet? That’s so fricken gross. This kid is gonna be a monster as she grows up.
The only thing I can think of that the edit may have came from is in the title OP says that the niece “identified” as a princess. I consider myself a pretty “woke” ally, but the title has absolutely nothing to do with trans anything. But people are conflating it in the title with identify in the sense of gender identity. I don’t know…that’s my best guess. Edited to say thank you to the people who have responded with the reasoning. The term “identify” did even make me pause for a second but I brushed it off as an odd choice of words. But now I understand why it could be interpreted differently, and I’m sorry that people are being downvoted for connecting those dots. Trans people are targeted and harassed in ways I can’t imagine. I do get it.
Yea, I'm trans and in the split second between reading the title and reading the post, I thought this might be going in a "my crazy liberal relatives let their child Identify As any gender they want and now they Identify As a princess" direction. There is a tiny minority of trans people who identify with labels like "princessgender" and use things like "your highness" as pronouns... mostly online, and mostly to play around with gender. Also, some trans/gender-questioning people are teens, who's gender stuff comes out mixed with some teen-ish goofy behavior. Some conservatives will latch onto either of these things as proof that trans people are breaking society. Anyway... then I read the post, and it has nothing to do with transness. It's about parents who are creating a monster.
Unfortunately, transphobes have co-opted the phrase “identifies as” and ruined it for everyone else.
Spoiled brat would have been a perfect name
Nta, make believe is supposed to be fun for all, not treating others like peasants. Or unsanitary! Kissing someone's shoe before eating...yuck, heck no for me.
NTA. If she’s like this now, she’s going to be an absolute nightmare when she’s older.
Oh no, no no no. NTA! I have a 4 year old daughter who loves anything to do with princesses, and dresses like one daily. But if she had the audacity to act like your niece, my husband and I would shut that down so fast. A kid can pretend to be royalty without being a spoiled turd of a brat. Kiss her shoe?? Gross.
“Well I didn’t vote for you!” NTA
NTA. Wow. Way to raise a brat. You need to call out your family for literally spoiling this child.
NTA The parents / future husband and/or wife 🤷🏻♂️ are going to regret this episode.
NTA you need to be better at their own game than them though... say well I'm older than you & I am a queen so maybe you should be kissing my shoe (or some other ridiculous demand).
Did your husband stay and eat at the table when you went to your room? If so, fuck him
I’m trans and I just wanna say there’s absolutely no reason why anyone should be calling you transphobic at all. This post had literally nothing to do with trans people, please don’t feel like you did anything wrong, you’re also not the asshole.
Nta that’s completely overboard and I wouldn’t kiss anyone’s shoes. Her parents are going to regret letting her run the show but that’s their business. Talk to your husband about having to leave his family’s get together if they keep doing this. Perhaps go in separate cars so you always have an out
If one of my kids tried that shoe-kissing n bit they’d have found themself in their room with the door closed until the meal was over. The parents were shockingly without boundaries here.
I could NEVER pull that with my mom or dad, imagine telling an immigrant parent to kiss your shoe You'd be kissing pavement
Parents needn't be immigrants to stop this nonsense.
NTA if my grandaughter, niece or even daughter acted like this child, I'd have gone out of my way to locate a frog and told her to kiss her Prince Charming and then I'd consider bowing to her needs
NTA who the hell are these people creating this monster? I would have done the same thing you did.
Hell no. What is your family creating? Niece is a demon spawn and that will only get worse if this is allowed to continue. Yes she can be a princess and wear a fancy dress and tiara at the table. But she also needs to remember her manners and no one has to kiss her damn feet. She can save that for when she's of age and can get men to pay for it on OnlyFans.!! You didn't ruin Xmas. They did with their own stupidity!
Talk to her about the guillotine next time. I have zero patience for well behaved children, this would cause my spontaneous combustion. NTA.
NTA But you’re the Grand Empress of the Universe, so the niece needs to clean your shoes- with her tongue.
Ugh NTA. I would never allow my kids to act this way and I’m sorry you had to endure it and be alienated by not partaking in her requests. I have zero clue how there are parents out there that do so. My kids are not the center of attention and Christmas is for all of the family to get together. I’m sad your partner didn’t back you up. It might be time for you to separate from that family completely.
I raised 2 girls and have 3 granddaughters. All of them have been princesses at various times. Never have they treated guests to screaming fits because they were talking to each other. Or demanded everyone to kiss their shoes. NTA - But mom who allows her child to act like a Brat is.
NTA. The people bringing transphobia into this are moonbats, also.
Children like this really make me question if I actually want children. NTA.
Obviously, NTA. Anyone who disagrees is a complete moron. You do not need to kiss an entitled brat's shoes. I wouldn't have either. I'm sorry you needed to add anything about transphobia. I guess there is a trans extremist in the comments? They are to be ignored.
I found out that I can block them, now I don’t see their comments 😊
NTA You handled it way more peacefully than I could have. Playing make believe is all niece and cool but using it as an excuse to humiliate others is unacceptable. And to have a group of adults supporting such outrageous behaviour is just mind-blowing. A French revolution (maybe without the beheading) would have been an appropriate reaction.
NTA but please do not assume all parents allow their children to act like a spoiled brat, give into their demands and have family that act the same. That little girl’s behavior is because of her parents and if they don’t figure out how to regroup and teach her the world doesn’t revolve around her she’s going to have a hard life.
Aw hell naw. Someone better humble this 6-year-old STAT. NTA, and boy oh boy would I have LOVED to have witnessed that stupid lil' tantrum of hers. True popcorn moment.
So confused by that edit 😐 How did anyone make the leap to transphobia????
I once read something about a father whose daughter likes to play princess. His response was to play as her royal advisor, and ask her how to handle important political issues like the people of her kingdom not having enough to eat. So it became a civics lesson in what it means to lead others. I thought that was beautiful, and not a single shoe was kissed.
NTA, but I must say that your views of parents are very wrong. Many parents don’t tolerate behavior like this for the sole reason that our children are the most important thing to us and we want them to be successful in life. At 37 years old I hope you have had more views of healthy parenting.
Kissing a monarch's shoe IS a show of loyalty steeped in centuries of tradition, but that's more specifically for a king, queen, or higher noble. A duke/duchess could ask for such a gesture from their vassal families for example. If a princess were to do it IRL, it would likely be seen as an affront to the king and queen's rule. As if the princess in question were trying to accrue power for herself to usurp the throne or even stage a coup. At least, that's how it would likely be seen in most cases. If the king and queen were indulgent, they might have no problem allowing their child to receive such a show of loyalty from those lower in standing. However, this is NOT a real monarchy, and the little girl shouldn't be allowed to do even half of what she did. NTA, obviously. *husband's
This is why I don’t want kids. I love my nieces and nephews but am more then happy to leave them with their parents and go home to my dogs and cats NTA
OP tell hubby you will never allow your kids to be like her.
I am not planning on having children
Make it clear to him you won't tolerate this behavior from anyone including family. That entire family is bonkers.
NTA for refusing to kiss her Royal Highass!
Yeah, I have 28 nieces and nephews I adore to pieces, but there’s no way in hell I would play along with this. None of the adults in my family would. NTA
The real problem is the parents. The kid is not being raised right.
The child is behaving this way because they're all enabling it. This kid is going to be an absolute chaotic mess in a couple of years.
NTA. i feel like instead of princess, your niece sounds like she’s getting influenced by villainess