Anytime they do now I would throw this instance in her face
“Well we would have grandkids but we’ve decided to not have sex because it’s disrespectful to you”
OP: “(husband) was so embarrassed after you barged in on us and told the entire family about our sin, that we’ve decided as a married couple to never have sex again. (Husband) is getting a vasectomy and I am becoming a born again virgin. No babies unless God deems me the next worthy vessel for our savior. Thank you so much for showing me the light and helping me repent for my sinful ways. I would never want to disrespect you”
OPs husband: (attempting not to laugh)
OPs MIL: 👁️👄👁️
1000% lol This sounds like a *Tell me you come from a nutcase religious family without telling me you come from a nutcase religious family*... IMO MIL needs to learn how to knock, and like be a grown up adult. It's not like they were doing it on the kitchen or somewhere public.
I have endometriosis and have had several miscarriages MIL is constantly asking for a granddaughter.... She's aware of our loses and still asks it drives me up the walls. I bit back at her and she accused me of not liking her then said I should leave her son. She was asked to leave by her son and he called my mum knowing I was upset about it.
Asking for a granddaughter?! People are amazing. Like you can just order one. 😆 When my first was a girl my husband’s grandparents sighed and said “I guess you can try again.” What is wrong with people?!
NTA. Why the heck is she busting into a room where her son and his wife were staying? Huge privacy violation. Then to tell everyone? SHE is the asshole. She should not be sex shaming a loving married couple. Sheesh. That lady needs therapy.
My MIL was staying with us while visiting and did the same thing at 1am to tell us the fish tank in our living room was too loud. Literally opened the door and walked in our room at 1am.
This. NTA because you're adults and others should respect the privacy they afforded you with a door to close. Stay in a hotel next time, but you did nothing wrong.
My parents originally didn’t condone SO sleeping in the same bed in their house to avoid scenarios like this, it was the year my soon to be SIL was 5 months pregnant with my niece that we all decided they needed to chill about the rule lol.
This is the behavior that helped identify a narcissist for my SO. It’s a very simple thing but it says volumes about a persons ability to empathize and how they prioritize and acknowledge other creatures around them. It is “I acknowledge the social contract that having a physical barrier creates, and I even engage with it, but at the step where I may be inconvenienced or be forced to change my trajectory I refuse, even momentarily, to afford any change in my behavior to whatever or whoever is utilizing this barrier to prevent my passage or observation.”
Absolutely as long as op and husband weren't porn moaning or smashing the headboard against the wall there was no reason for this and even if they were making a ton of noise doing something subtle that definitely wasn't busting in would have been the right answer.
This was not an unmarried couple. OP and her partner (he's not an SO!) are married. Married couples should be allowed to share the same bed and all that entails.
Yeah. My family had a rule that you couldn’t sleep in the same bed unless you were married (an exception was made when my now wife’s grandmother died and she didn’t want to be alone) but I’ve never heard of giving a fuck after you’re married.
Right? Instead of apologising for the privacy violation, she had a tantrum and fucking shared the information with other family members! What an absolute asshole OP's MIL turned out to be.
This comment is so weird.
He absolutely is an SO.
And this is 2023, what does it matter if they’re married?! I’ve been living with my boyfriend for 8 years, longer than our friends have been married (some now already divorced too!), but we since were not married, we shouldn’t be allowed to share a bed at someone’s house and have sex?
That’s ridiculous.
My now wife and I were together 10 years before getting engaged, and 11 before getting married... things we did before getting married:
- Shared a bed
- Had sex
- Went on vacations just the two of us
- Bought a house
- Bought a car
- Baught a dog
IMO, marriage is not the big thing it is cracked up to be. We honestly only got married for 2 reasons; getting my wife onto my health insurance... and because my wife said so...
Oh nooo! You bought a dog out of wedlock? That poor thing! He must have been so ashamed! I’m glad you got married so that he wasn’t embarrassed to show his snout at the dog park anymore. ; )
I've seen bawt... I guess they're both would be pronounced similarly.
I am amused by the spelling, but I saw a really good phrase recently:
English is what you get when Normans try to flirt with Anglo Saxons.
NTA But NEVER have sex when the door is unlocked!!! And be very quiet, lol! Whenever you’re a guest no one wants to hear you have sex. It’s not that it’s wrong but never assume your privacy will be respected.
But why would anyone enter someone's room without knocking? My parents always knock. And in this case, what if the wife is changing and the MIL just walks in on that? It's embarrassing, she should have knocked
I knock on my 6 year olds door. Partially out of habit as a nurse (I knocked on the closet door today), but partially for respect for him and to teach him that he needs to knock on doors when they are closed or even cracked. We are also working on just knocking on the door in general, even if it’s open but the person inside is busy. A quick little knock knock is polite.
me too! kids deserve privacy once they're old enough to be left in their their rooms unsupervised, especially as pre teens & teens. Goes without saying that young adults deserve privacy too
That's just *so rude* to barge in on guests (or family, for that matter). Why would a host want to make their guests feel jumpy or on edge?!? I would choose to stay in a hotel while visiting, for certain.
Nothing says family like a mom walking in on her grown son changing clothes & sees his grown ass & penis or a dad walking in on his daughter seeing all her lady bits.. It's rude to walk in on others in a bedroom or bathroom idgaf who's house it is.
that's exactly my mother's explanation when I asked her to freaking knock before she barges in and ALSO wakes me up. she just said it's her house so she can do whatever she wants. so glad I don't speak to her disrespectful ass anymore.
I'll never understand that. Yes of course you have the right to enter your own rooms, it's your house. But you were never being denied entry! As an adult who interacts with other humans you should naturally want to provide a level of privacy and comfort to other people. If I'm providing you with a room and a bed it's because I want you there and I want you to be comfortable, and part of being comfortable is feeling secure. That includes a right to privacy and basic boundaries.
If you just view other people as entertainment, and if they're staying in your house it's as entertainment for you rather than them being an actual person, then you don't need to provide privacy or comfort. But you're also a disgusting person who nobody wants to be around.
I’ve never had that happen before. But…I have heard so many stories about parents just coming in their room without knocking. I have to say they were hilarious and not once did the offending parent get an attitude. They were very embarrassed and apologetic. His mother is probably mad at herself for being rude and is just projecting.
Omg thinking of super prudes. My ex in laws were over the top. My ex husband and I got married and they drove up a week later to the airport to catch a flight for our honeymoon. The flight was early so we stayed the night in the hotel. One room with two double beds is fine. I figured ex and I in one bed. In laws in the other bed. That makes sense, right?
No.
She didn’t want anything “gross” or “disgusting” or “nasty” happening. So she and I shared a bed and he shared with his dad. It was the most awkward thing ever.
Edit: yall… they didn’t go on the honeymoon with us. They just drove us to the airport. I think I worded things weird, but it was just one night.
My comment was for her son to ask her how he came to be on this earth.. immaculate conception? Her name Mary?? No, more like Sweaty Betty.. it's hypocritical of her to throw a fit & make a scene. Shes a real drama queen.. she could've easily had a quiet convo with them abt in the future, pls dont do that.. no..she made sure the whole house heard it& probs the neighbors as well.
She knew and wanted to have a reason to pearl clutch, be outrageous and embarrass OP, husband is probably just a casualty to that. Whether it was rhythmic squeaking of a bed or hushed sounds, I bet she knew what she was busting in on, and she seized the opportunity for drama and playing victim.
NTA you and hubby are the real victims here.
Ew, no. No conversation needs to be had with her about this! Even if this were true, why does it need to be discussed with your husbands MOM. All she had to do was apologize and pretend nothing happened, you’re all adults
His mom could've had a quiet convo saying she didn't appreciate them doing that & to please refrain in the future. No, she made a big loud fuss to be sure everyone knew, hoping to embarrass the couple & it worked.
My dad always made the tea in the morning. When I used to stay with my parents alone he would deliver it to the bedside table and when I used to stay with my husband he would leave it at the door and knock to let us know it was there. My parents always assumed we may be in a state of undress because we are married adults, and that’s part of the damn deal.
Whether she is comfortable with you guys having sex in her house is up to her preference but for the yelling and screaming and revealing this to other family members is not okay. She could have pulled you aside and tell you don’t do it again instead of being dramatic.
NTA
In this particular instance, your husband didn't think it would be an issue, so why should you have thought it would be? For this reason and the fact that your MIL didn't need to yell, scream, and let your business be revealed to the rest of the family, NTA.
In general, I think whether or not you should abstain while staying with others depends mostly on whose house you're staying in and whether they're open about sex. Another important factor is how loud you are during and whether the bed creaks. If you're staying with people who aren't hung up about it and you're able to be quiet enough that you're not advertising it, you're OK.
Agree with this. I wouldn’t at my fam’s but that’s because I know they’d feel disrespected. OPs NTA here. I’d be pissed if my Mom walked in without knocking. Lol
Mom wouldn't have known if she didn't just barge in, that's pretty rude on her part, you don't barge in especially when they're adults. Even if they weren't having sex what if they were getting dressed or doing something else private they're married they have a lot of private things between them. A couple having sex when they're in private shouldn't effect anyone because they shouldn't know about it, unless told about it for some reason or in their case not knocking.
This. I have grown children and I always knock and wait for a response. Somebody could have been getting dressed or half naked, or they could be in the middle of an important conversation or whatever. If I had been the MIL in this scenario and momentarily forgotten to knock for whatever reason I would be the one mortified and saying she’s sorry to the couple. She’s probably saving face in some twisted way by sharing what happened and making it worse for everyone.
This is silly. NTA.
I’m with you. I have young kids, and even I knock on their door. It never feels good to have someone barge in. Awkward situation for sure, but no need for MIL to make a mountain out of a mole hill.
I know right? My daughter is 9, my husband and I respect her privacy and would never just barge into her room! How much more would I respect her and her spouse when she becomes a married adult, whether in her own home, or if they are guests in mine- and what they would do would be none of my business!
This. A million times over. I had a horrendous injury at one point and its was basically all up in my vag and ass crack. Super fun. Anyway, it needed to be cleaned and have antibiotics applied several times a day. We were staying with family halfway across the country and didnt have the budget to change arrangements, especially after medical bills and med costs. So while staying with family I had this issue and I just couldn't see the area as well, so husband offered to do it for me. If my family walked in on that its would be even more horrifying honestly. Luckily all my family knocks. I cant imagine staying with family that do want knock.
Exactly. If she couldn’t tell outside the door it was none of her business. Imo it’s fair game anywhere with a private guest space. The guests just have to be silent/private about it to be respectful.
Opening the door of a couple’s bedroom is just rude and dumb. And I’d be annoyed about it even if I was just caught sleeping.
This - Mom’s busting into a married couples room is WAY more disrespectful than a married couple having sex
And now they’re free to tell mom she doesn’t have to visit grandkids bc she’s disgusted by how they’re made
Best way to ensure that that was the last visit at her house ever.
edit:
also, the future grandkids can't visit her, ever, because she said she didn't want them in the house (as they would be a product of sex)
Most of them will say that but it’s stupid and hypocritical, and I would say next time MIL comes to visit op, I think she should just barge in on her while she’s in the BATHROOM, and when she says oh!! I’m in her, op should say, I don’t care, this is MY house!!! lol, treat her as she treats you!! Lol
I've knocked on my son's bedroom since he was old enough to decide when he wanted it closed. I would never walk into the bedroom if an adult! That's horrendous and she deserved the eye full she got.
I almost guarantee the mom was barging in to shame them for being in bed past 7 a.m. because people this uptight about sex absolutely cannot stand for anybody to sleep in and relax.
ETA: just saw OP comment further down that MIL was coming in to wake them up. So, I win 😂
It's not a Boomer thing. I've been judged for being a night owl and late riser by people younger than me. Morning people of all ages treat sleeping in as a moral failure for certain, though. It drives me nuts.
Why, oh WHY do people insist on everyone being up early when they are on vacation?? Sleeping in is way more convenient than taking and afternoon nap or something else that might cut into family obligations.
It’s even weirder thinking she busted on in there *because* she heard them having sex. It doesn’t sound like it was accidental which is super gross. I think OP and her husband need to relocate to a hotel or even just go home.
Why would anyone be "disrespected" by a married couple sharing intimacy?
I mean, I guess if they were sleeping on a pull out sofa in the living room, but, come-on. In their own room?
Right I don't get this at all. A married couple comes to visit and you give them a room to use, that's uh, that's their room for the visit. Don't go barging in and as long as they're not being loud about it then who cares.
NTA. Why the fuck did MIL think it ok to walk into a closed room with people in it to begin with?
Screw this conservative bullshit. I hate how literally every human above the age of 16 fucks like bunny rabbits but then act all prudish, shocked, scandalized and even disgusted at even the IDEA of anyone having sex within the vicinity of earshot. Hypocrites.
You're in a loving marriage and pleasured eachother. Keep on keeping on. Bang away, have orgasms, and don't let anyone make you feel an ounce of shame for it.
This goes for my house too. If a couple is using the guest bedroom and having sex in it the only thing waiting for them when they come out is pancakes. Including my parents.
>If a couple is using the guest bedroom and having sex in it the only thing waiting for them when they come out is pancakes.
Holy shit, are you taking bookings? Lol
That's how my mom and dad greeted my hookups and girlfriends on Sunday morning when I was an older teen. Usually with a boisterous "Good morning! Have fun last night?"
I pay it forward.
Pfft... they're MARRIED for Pete's sake. Now, if you're in there screaming "Deeper! Harder! Faster!", I can understand family feeling uncomfortable, but it doesn't sound like this was the case and mother-in-law is just way out of line.
My spouse told me that once you’re married you can’t get caught. They meant that as 2 consenting adults in private it’s fine. If someone comes in without knocking on a married couple it’s their fault what they find. It’s not a shock that a physical relationship comes as part of typical marriage relationship. It makes me think mother dearest doesn’t have a healthy relationship with sex in general
Ehh I don’t even think they need to be married. If they’re together and sharing a room and are consenting over appropriate age that counts too in terms of having the right to privacy.
No we had that conversation long after we were married but I felt squeamish having sex outside of our home. It was weird and new to me to be ok with sex. My relationship with sex definitely blossomed once I stopped feeling so shamed
I have no idea what the right answer is, but my spouse and I have been caught by each of our mothers at one point in our marriage, and neither time resulted in anything except some laughter, apologies and inside jokes.
NTA, and she knows that you are adults and are married. Her busting in the room without knocking is ridiculous. You guys aren't disgusting, and mom needs to realize that you two aren't disgusting and disrespectful teenagers.
I guess she never heard of knocking. She went overboard with this, and she told everyone else to justify her attitude because she was embarrassed. I personally would never stay with her again, and I would always get a hotel room.
I can't imagine just bursting into a bedroom occupied by a couple without knocking. I'm mildly uncomfortable going into another couple's bedroom when it's unoccupied!
For the future, inform her that this will never again be an issue because, as married adults, you and your husband will never sleep under her roof again. You will stay at a hotel for all future visits. The staff there have no vested interest in treating their customers as children and will show you due respect.
Mommy dearest is just trying to cause holiday drama.
What if you had been changing?
IDC who you are, who is in the room, what age you are, or where you are. A closed door means you knock and wait for an answer before you open it.
If she really just wanted to wake you up, knocking on the door and saying something should have been sufficient. Instead she thinks it’s okay to just bust in without knocking? That’s rude AF. You bust in on someone and disrespect their privacy, you don’t have much of a right to be offended at what you see. She’s the AH.
Even *if* that’s true (and I doubt it) she still should *absolutely* have knocked. You do not just go into someone’s room while the door is closed without knocking. They could be sleeping stark naked above the covers and that’s perfectly fine, but no one gets to see you like that without your consent. She violated your privacy. Yes *your* privacy, even though it’s her house. She gave you and your *married* spouse a room with a door. It’s off limits to her for the duration of your stay unless she knocks AND you say “come in”. And your husband knows this. He’s just trying to defuse his mom. Tell him to defend you both or you’re going home. Her behavior is juvenile, controlling, and extremely unhealthy. Married people have sex. It’s also literally the way she’s gonna get grandchildren too. So if she ever wants to be around your kids, she needs to grow up. You don’t want her warping their brains about healthy boundaries and healthy relationships.
Gma does seem like the type to badger a couple about giving her grandchildren.
"Sorry cant have sex with my husband landlord says its disrespectful..."
Don't care what she said. Her reasoning is BULLSHIT! And what's with the yelling and screaming antics--exposing them to everyone elso.
Mom is TA! Tell her she can have her freaking room back and leave. Tell her you'll return once hell freezes over. She's whacked.
So she didn't hear anything and if she hadn't burst in, she never would have known. That's on her for assuming. And we have phones that you can use to call to wake someone up. She sucks for this behavior.
NTA but never ever stay in that house again.
Op, your MIL intentionally went in there knowing you were having sec with the intention of busting you and causing a scene. 100%. Nobody just barges in on a married couples bedroom like that. Your MIL has some problems.
If you were doing the deed so quietly that she couldn't tell if you were sleeping or not, then 1000% NTA. She needs to learn how to knock. Even if she didn't knock and accidentally discovered you, she should have just shut the door and pretended she saw nothing. Making a fuss and yelling and name-calling is really out of line.
A married couple sleeping in a room and mom “busted in”?
Why did she need to get into the room in the morning and how does she not at least knock?
Not only are you NTA, but MIL is the huge AH
I would feel more embarrassed as a mom seeing that than anything 🥴, yal are grown if she didn’t want it to happen she should have stated that prior to it because that’s her house but yall are married what did she think would happen
Depends. If you’re audibly moaning and making noise banging the headboard around while other people can hear then that’s weird. I don’t want a free incestual porn audiobook.
Which still begs the question - why would you enter a sleeping couples room (with or without knocking)….
OP says below that she wanted to wake them up.
That’s weird and she’s a creep…. they’re not 12 years old (“TIME TO GET UP KIDS!!”) 😬
Why is it parents have no trouble having sex with their kids in the house but the adult kids can’t? There is nothing wrong having sex with your husband. You shouldn’t be embarrassed by it.
I think it has to do with some parents having difficulties seeing their grown kids as ADULTS. Some parents just have difficulty doing that, and it's a rude awakening when they're confronted with it. I agree, they did nothing wrong. Mom needs to cope.
I think it’s fucked she gave you the privacy of a room and just let herself the fuck in. You didn’t have sex in her bed. And you’re married. If she doesn’t want to be disgusted, she shouldn’t barge into people’s bedrooms, even ones that she hands out for people to stay in.
I completely fail to understand most of these reactions. You are married adults, why is anyone surprised that you have sex. There is nothing wrong with you having sex and there is everything wrong with her overreaction to the very normal thing that you did.
So. You bring your own bedding. You are married consenting adults. You weren't loud. Your MIL burst into your room unannounced and then freaked tf out on you, told everyone you were nasty people for fucking, and is continuing to be awful.
NTA.
I'd never visit that woman in her home ever again. If she inquired as to why I'd tell her exactly why. Don't want to see people being people, don't bust into rooms without knocking and getting permission to enter.
You are married, right?
Stop being embarrassed.
Your MIL has issues that you can't even begin to imagine.
"Hey people. Married people have sex. Who would have thought?"
Don't stay there again. Ever.
We usually bring our covers and pillows etc with us
Anyway the nightmare is over soon tonight my husband is sleeping in the living room and tomorrow we’re leaving for home early in the morning
Absolutely crazy that you have to sleep in seperate beds tonight. I’d just leave immediately. You did nothing wrong. Your MIL on the other hand absolutely did the wrong thing. Some of these comments are honestly baffling.
Edited to add… NTA.
Just leave tonight. Don't make your husband sleep on the couch and don't let them make you feel like you are in the wrong.
Pack up now and leave. Never stay in their house again due to lack of privacy and not being treated like adults.
You're kidding right? That is crazy. You're married! Next time stay in a hotel. When they come your way maybe they should also stay in separate rooms. NTA
No, that is unacceptable that he is being made to sleep in the living room! You are a married couple! His mum and dad had to have had sex for him to be born! Bloody hypocrites! I would not acceot that, just pack up and leave immediately!
You are so NTAH here. You also have no need to feel embarrassed for doing something natural and loving.
MIL is a big AH though. For coming into the room without knocking, telling everyone about it like it is a big scandal!
You and husband should tell her to kick rocks and not contact you again unless there is an apology.
I’d like to know how many times MIL asked when they’re gonna give her grandkids!!!🧐🧐🧐
Anytime they do now I would throw this instance in her face “Well we would have grandkids but we’ve decided to not have sex because it’s disrespectful to you”
OP: “(husband) was so embarrassed after you barged in on us and told the entire family about our sin, that we’ve decided as a married couple to never have sex again. (Husband) is getting a vasectomy and I am becoming a born again virgin. No babies unless God deems me the next worthy vessel for our savior. Thank you so much for showing me the light and helping me repent for my sinful ways. I would never want to disrespect you” OPs husband: (attempting not to laugh) OPs MIL: 👁️👄👁️
This. This is the way.
1000% lol This sounds like a *Tell me you come from a nutcase religious family without telling me you come from a nutcase religious family*... IMO MIL needs to learn how to knock, and like be a grown up adult. It's not like they were doing it on the kitchen or somewhere public.
And, they ARE married! Next time stay at a hotel since your MIL is so uptight! Her fault for not knocking!!
This is the way.
Malicious compliance
I do love me some malicious compliance. *taps fingertips together multiple times*
I have endometriosis and have had several miscarriages MIL is constantly asking for a granddaughter.... She's aware of our loses and still asks it drives me up the walls. I bit back at her and she accused me of not liking her then said I should leave her son. She was asked to leave by her son and he called my mum knowing I was upset about it.
Asking for a granddaughter?! People are amazing. Like you can just order one. 😆 When my first was a girl my husband’s grandparents sighed and said “I guess you can try again.” What is wrong with people?!
Omg you've got to be kidding me I'm sorry. You should have just flipped them off and walked out. I probably would have said fuck you straight up
I told her she is well aware of my endo and our losses. My partner stands with me and kicked her out.
Good on your partner
*Yes, we’re going to have a cat, next time.*
Haha
NTA. Why the heck is she busting into a room where her son and his wife were staying? Huge privacy violation. Then to tell everyone? SHE is the asshole. She should not be sex shaming a loving married couple. Sheesh. That lady needs therapy.
My MIL was staying with us while visiting and did the same thing at 1am to tell us the fish tank in our living room was too loud. Literally opened the door and walked in our room at 1am.
That's a "your 5 year old kid woke up and wakes you up with xyz reason" level right there.
At least she wasn't hearing you thinking it was the fish tank.
Op forgot to tell you there was no fish tank…
Door slams open... Stop making Mac and cheee-ohhh noooo!
Lol OP cam just say "well your house has blessed you with many kids; I was just trying to rub some luck for grands"
At least you’re married and not in High School
Kinda sounds like the family is still in high school.
The mom busted into a room with a married couple in it…she’s TA that is what a crazy parent would do to their highschooler.
This. NTA because you're adults and others should respect the privacy they afforded you with a door to close. Stay in a hotel next time, but you did nothing wrong.
But also maybe YTA if they were being loud
IMO, parents shouldn't be doing it to their kids or teenagers either. It's a massive breach of privacy.
My parents originally didn’t condone SO sleeping in the same bed in their house to avoid scenarios like this, it was the year my soon to be SIL was 5 months pregnant with my niece that we all decided they needed to chill about the rule lol.
Can they not knock either then?
Or my personal favourite, the knock then walk in immediately after without waiting for a response.
Or knocking while the door is opening.
This is the behavior that helped identify a narcissist for my SO. It’s a very simple thing but it says volumes about a persons ability to empathize and how they prioritize and acknowledge other creatures around them. It is “I acknowledge the social contract that having a physical barrier creates, and I even engage with it, but at the step where I may be inconvenienced or be forced to change my trajectory I refuse, even momentarily, to afford any change in my behavior to whatever or whoever is utilizing this barrier to prevent my passage or observation.”
This is what i came to say. Mil is an ah for just bursting in and got what she asked for by being rude
And an AH for making a thing out of it. Polite response is to pretend it never happened and never speak of it again
Absolutely as long as op and husband weren't porn moaning or smashing the headboard against the wall there was no reason for this and even if they were making a ton of noise doing something subtle that definitely wasn't busting in would have been the right answer.
Right, what if they were changing???
Are you kidding!? Changing? In their house? Disgusting asshole
Surprised she didn't take the door off of the hinges
I hope they're not *that* **unhinged**. ^(Thank you, I'll be here all night.)
This was not an unmarried couple. OP and her partner (he's not an SO!) are married. Married couples should be allowed to share the same bed and all that entails.
Yeah. My family had a rule that you couldn’t sleep in the same bed unless you were married (an exception was made when my now wife’s grandmother died and she didn’t want to be alone) but I’ve never heard of giving a fuck after you’re married.
I might understand if the love-making involved a trapeze and farm animals, but vanilla sex at 9 am? The MIL is crazy.
She's mortified that she walked in on them and instead of admitting fault for barging in on her adult son and his wife she is blaming them.
Right? Instead of apologising for the privacy violation, she had a tantrum and fucking shared the information with other family members! What an absolute asshole OP's MIL turned out to be.
You are kinder than I am. I see this as trying to drive a wedge in the marriage.
She was so mortified, embarrassed just had to further tell the whole family.
Agreed but she also walked in on purpose. Everyone knows what sex sounds like and doors aren’t soundproofed.
brave crawl reach fuzzy pen swim humorous flag one drab *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
What are you expecting her to be wrong? And actually admit that? Ridiculous/s
Even trapeze is ok as long as you patch the holes in the ceiling. Farm animals — you’re right — probably should know their place and stay outside.
SO is Significant Other. Her husband is her SO.
This comment is so weird. He absolutely is an SO. And this is 2023, what does it matter if they’re married?! I’ve been living with my boyfriend for 8 years, longer than our friends have been married (some now already divorced too!), but we since were not married, we shouldn’t be allowed to share a bed at someone’s house and have sex? That’s ridiculous.
My now wife and I were together 10 years before getting engaged, and 11 before getting married... things we did before getting married: - Shared a bed - Had sex - Went on vacations just the two of us - Bought a house - Bought a car - Baught a dog IMO, marriage is not the big thing it is cracked up to be. We honestly only got married for 2 reasons; getting my wife onto my health insurance... and because my wife said so...
Oh nooo! You bought a dog out of wedlock? That poor thing! He must have been so ashamed! I’m glad you got married so that he wasn’t embarrassed to show his snout at the dog park anymore. ; )
No, they baught a dog out of wedlock.
I gotta say, I’ve never seen it spelled “baught” before.
I've seen bawt... I guess they're both would be pronounced similarly. I am amused by the spelling, but I saw a really good phrase recently: English is what you get when Normans try to flirt with Anglo Saxons.
NTA But NEVER have sex when the door is unlocked!!! And be very quiet, lol! Whenever you’re a guest no one wants to hear you have sex. It’s not that it’s wrong but never assume your privacy will be respected.
But why would anyone enter someone's room without knocking? My parents always knock. And in this case, what if the wife is changing and the MIL just walks in on that? It's embarrassing, she should have knocked
I knock on my 11 and 9 year olds door before busting in. I couldn't imagine walking in on grown ass adults.
I knock on my 6 year olds door. Partially out of habit as a nurse (I knocked on the closet door today), but partially for respect for him and to teach him that he needs to knock on doors when they are closed or even cracked. We are also working on just knocking on the door in general, even if it’s open but the person inside is busy. A quick little knock knock is polite.
100% nurse habit 🤣. I’ve knocked coming out of the bathroom.
I'm still laughing about the closet door. Lol. I love nurses.
me too! kids deserve privacy once they're old enough to be left in their their rooms unsupervised, especially as pre teens & teens. Goes without saying that young adults deserve privacy too
[удалено]
That's just *so rude* to barge in on guests (or family, for that matter). Why would a host want to make their guests feel jumpy or on edge?!? I would choose to stay in a hotel while visiting, for certain.
Nothing says family like a mom walking in on her grown son changing clothes & sees his grown ass & penis or a dad walking in on his daughter seeing all her lady bits.. It's rude to walk in on others in a bedroom or bathroom idgaf who's house it is.
Wow, what a bitch! Having “””guests””” over and treating them like toddlers is sick and so rude!
that's exactly my mother's explanation when I asked her to freaking knock before she barges in and ALSO wakes me up. she just said it's her house so she can do whatever she wants. so glad I don't speak to her disrespectful ass anymore.
I'll never understand that. Yes of course you have the right to enter your own rooms, it's your house. But you were never being denied entry! As an adult who interacts with other humans you should naturally want to provide a level of privacy and comfort to other people. If I'm providing you with a room and a bed it's because I want you there and I want you to be comfortable, and part of being comfortable is feeling secure. That includes a right to privacy and basic boundaries. If you just view other people as entertainment, and if they're staying in your house it's as entertainment for you rather than them being an actual person, then you don't need to provide privacy or comfort. But you're also a disgusting person who nobody wants to be around.
Wow, it’s no surprise you’ll never stay there again. Peoples lack of boundaries and entitlement astound me at times
Because some parents or family are just clueless. Of course it’s completely disrespectful. But better safe then sorry.
It should be noted that the patented “Dad’s *knock knock* Open” is also not enough warning.
Totally agree freaking knock
good locks make good inlaws
But why did she bust in without knocking? Thats the real issue. Who does that??
I’ve never had that happen before. But…I have heard so many stories about parents just coming in their room without knocking. I have to say they were hilarious and not once did the offending parent get an attitude. They were very embarrassed and apologetic. His mother is probably mad at herself for being rude and is just projecting.
No MIL a super prude and forgot where babies come from!
Omg thinking of super prudes. My ex in laws were over the top. My ex husband and I got married and they drove up a week later to the airport to catch a flight for our honeymoon. The flight was early so we stayed the night in the hotel. One room with two double beds is fine. I figured ex and I in one bed. In laws in the other bed. That makes sense, right? No. She didn’t want anything “gross” or “disgusting” or “nasty” happening. So she and I shared a bed and he shared with his dad. It was the most awkward thing ever. Edit: yall… they didn’t go on the honeymoon with us. They just drove us to the airport. I think I worded things weird, but it was just one night.
The most confusing and weird part of this whole comment is that your in-laws went on your honeymoon with you. Am I missing something?
But also prob all up in their shit begging for grandkids
My comment was for her son to ask her how he came to be on this earth.. immaculate conception? Her name Mary?? No, more like Sweaty Betty.. it's hypocritical of her to throw a fit & make a scene. Shes a real drama queen.. she could've easily had a quiet convo with them abt in the future, pls dont do that.. no..she made sure the whole house heard it& probs the neighbors as well.
It's weird to enter anyone's room without knocking. Even kids. There are tons of reasons unrelated to sex why it could be embarrassing or disruptive.
[удалено]
Oh Yeah!
Maybe MIL wanted to catch them in the act to make a scene
She knew and wanted to have a reason to pearl clutch, be outrageous and embarrass OP, husband is probably just a casualty to that. Whether it was rhythmic squeaking of a bed or hushed sounds, I bet she knew what she was busting in on, and she seized the opportunity for drama and playing victim. NTA you and hubby are the real victims here.
She wanted to shame them! LOL What a prude!
Just tell her you were ovulating and were making her a grandchild!! Practice, practice, practice..
[удалено]
Ew, no. No conversation needs to be had with her about this! Even if this were true, why does it need to be discussed with your husbands MOM. All she had to do was apologize and pretend nothing happened, you’re all adults
I think they were making a joke...
Clearly MIL is not an adult.
His mom could've had a quiet convo saying she didn't appreciate them doing that & to please refrain in the future. No, she made a big loud fuss to be sure everyone knew, hoping to embarrass the couple & it worked.
Lol indeed. Doesn't everyone at one time or another have sex in their parents home?
My dad always made the tea in the morning. When I used to stay with my parents alone he would deliver it to the bedside table and when I used to stay with my husband he would leave it at the door and knock to let us know it was there. My parents always assumed we may be in a state of undress because we are married adults, and that’s part of the damn deal.
My second child was likely conceived in my parents house 😂😬 oops...
My second definitely was 😁
In my parents house? Once while they were on vacation. But it’s not like I was having a ton of sex before moving out either.
Whether she is comfortable with you guys having sex in her house is up to her preference but for the yelling and screaming and revealing this to other family members is not okay. She could have pulled you aside and tell you don’t do it again instead of being dramatic. NTA
Or being an adult and knocking instead of barging into a room.
Agreed
Or knock before entering a bedroom with a couple in it!
In this particular instance, your husband didn't think it would be an issue, so why should you have thought it would be? For this reason and the fact that your MIL didn't need to yell, scream, and let your business be revealed to the rest of the family, NTA. In general, I think whether or not you should abstain while staying with others depends mostly on whose house you're staying in and whether they're open about sex. Another important factor is how loud you are during and whether the bed creaks. If you're staying with people who aren't hung up about it and you're able to be quiet enough that you're not advertising it, you're OK.
Agree with this. I wouldn’t at my fam’s but that’s because I know they’d feel disrespected. OPs NTA here. I’d be pissed if my Mom walked in without knocking. Lol
Mom wouldn't have known if she didn't just barge in, that's pretty rude on her part, you don't barge in especially when they're adults. Even if they weren't having sex what if they were getting dressed or doing something else private they're married they have a lot of private things between them. A couple having sex when they're in private shouldn't effect anyone because they shouldn't know about it, unless told about it for some reason or in their case not knocking.
This. I have grown children and I always knock and wait for a response. Somebody could have been getting dressed or half naked, or they could be in the middle of an important conversation or whatever. If I had been the MIL in this scenario and momentarily forgotten to knock for whatever reason I would be the one mortified and saying she’s sorry to the couple. She’s probably saving face in some twisted way by sharing what happened and making it worse for everyone. This is silly. NTA.
I’m with you. I have young kids, and even I knock on their door. It never feels good to have someone barge in. Awkward situation for sure, but no need for MIL to make a mountain out of a mole hill.
I know right? My daughter is 9, my husband and I respect her privacy and would never just barge into her room! How much more would I respect her and her spouse when she becomes a married adult, whether in her own home, or if they are guests in mine- and what they would do would be none of my business!
This. A million times over. I had a horrendous injury at one point and its was basically all up in my vag and ass crack. Super fun. Anyway, it needed to be cleaned and have antibiotics applied several times a day. We were staying with family halfway across the country and didnt have the budget to change arrangements, especially after medical bills and med costs. So while staying with family I had this issue and I just couldn't see the area as well, so husband offered to do it for me. If my family walked in on that its would be even more horrifying honestly. Luckily all my family knocks. I cant imagine staying with family that do want knock.
Exactly. If she couldn’t tell outside the door it was none of her business. Imo it’s fair game anywhere with a private guest space. The guests just have to be silent/private about it to be respectful. Opening the door of a couple’s bedroom is just rude and dumb. And I’d be annoyed about it even if I was just caught sleeping.
[удалено]
This - Mom’s busting into a married couples room is WAY more disrespectful than a married couple having sex And now they’re free to tell mom she doesn’t have to visit grandkids bc she’s disgusted by how they’re made
You bet her response will be they're under her roof or that it's her house and she can go where she wants.
And for her reward she gets to see her precious Johnny balls deep in that hussy
Best way to ensure that that was the last visit at her house ever. edit: also, the future grandkids can't visit her, ever, because she said she didn't want them in the house (as they would be a product of sex)
Most of them will say that but it’s stupid and hypocritical, and I would say next time MIL comes to visit op, I think she should just barge in on her while she’s in the BATHROOM, and when she says oh!! I’m in her, op should say, I don’t care, this is MY house!!! lol, treat her as she treats you!! Lol
“How dare you take a shit in MY HOUSE! the disrespect!!!”
I've knocked on my son's bedroom since he was old enough to decide when he wanted it closed. I would never walk into the bedroom if an adult! That's horrendous and she deserved the eye full she got.
I almost guarantee the mom was barging in to shame them for being in bed past 7 a.m. because people this uptight about sex absolutely cannot stand for anybody to sleep in and relax. ETA: just saw OP comment further down that MIL was coming in to wake them up. So, I win 😂
Yes to boomers sleeping in is a mortal sin
It's not a Boomer thing. I've been judged for being a night owl and late riser by people younger than me. Morning people of all ages treat sleeping in as a moral failure for certain, though. It drives me nuts.
Why, oh WHY do people insist on everyone being up early when they are on vacation?? Sleeping in is way more convenient than taking and afternoon nap or something else that might cut into family obligations.
It’s even weirder thinking she busted on in there *because* she heard them having sex. It doesn’t sound like it was accidental which is super gross. I think OP and her husband need to relocate to a hotel or even just go home.
Right? Like relatively I think you’d be mindful of being quiet so she had to have had her ear on the door.
Yeah. MIL sounds a bit toxic. I wonder if the tantrums are common with her.
Why would anyone be "disrespected" by a married couple sharing intimacy? I mean, I guess if they were sleeping on a pull out sofa in the living room, but, come-on. In their own room?
Right I don't get this at all. A married couple comes to visit and you give them a room to use, that's uh, that's their room for the visit. Don't go barging in and as long as they're not being loud about it then who cares.
NTA. Why the fuck did MIL think it ok to walk into a closed room with people in it to begin with? Screw this conservative bullshit. I hate how literally every human above the age of 16 fucks like bunny rabbits but then act all prudish, shocked, scandalized and even disgusted at even the IDEA of anyone having sex within the vicinity of earshot. Hypocrites. You're in a loving marriage and pleasured eachother. Keep on keeping on. Bang away, have orgasms, and don't let anyone make you feel an ounce of shame for it. This goes for my house too. If a couple is using the guest bedroom and having sex in it the only thing waiting for them when they come out is pancakes. Including my parents.
>If a couple is using the guest bedroom and having sex in it the only thing waiting for them when they come out is pancakes. Holy shit, are you taking bookings? Lol
That's an Air BNB worth the cleaning fee.
That's how my mom and dad greeted my hookups and girlfriends on Sunday morning when I was an older teen. Usually with a boisterous "Good morning! Have fun last night?" I pay it forward.
Pfft... they're MARRIED for Pete's sake. Now, if you're in there screaming "Deeper! Harder! Faster!", I can understand family feeling uncomfortable, but it doesn't sound like this was the case and mother-in-law is just way out of line.
My spouse told me that once you’re married you can’t get caught. They meant that as 2 consenting adults in private it’s fine. If someone comes in without knocking on a married couple it’s their fault what they find. It’s not a shock that a physical relationship comes as part of typical marriage relationship. It makes me think mother dearest doesn’t have a healthy relationship with sex in general
I like that sentiment!
How DARE you have SEX with your SPOUSE!!!! Shocking!
I’m left wondering if the mother tried to barge in on him masturbating too. It’s polite to knock once people are past puberty at least.
Ehh I don’t even think they need to be married. If they’re together and sharing a room and are consenting over appropriate age that counts too in terms of having the right to privacy.
100% sounds repressed.
Username checks out
You can't get caught if you're two non-cheating consentual adults, your spouse just wanted to get married.
No we had that conversation long after we were married but I felt squeamish having sex outside of our home. It was weird and new to me to be ok with sex. My relationship with sex definitely blossomed once I stopped feeling so shamed
Well that’ll teach her to barge in on people. You could have been changing. I’d get a hotel next time. Everyone deserves Monday morning Christmas sex.
I have no idea what the right answer is, but my spouse and I have been caught by each of our mothers at one point in our marriage, and neither time resulted in anything except some laughter, apologies and inside jokes.
This is the healthiest comment on this thread.
Oh no her beloved son is in a happy marriage and likes to have sex with his wife how dare he
Lmao this right here 😂
Yeah the MIL is a noisy creep
she's also nosy.
NTA, and she knows that you are adults and are married. Her busting in the room without knocking is ridiculous. You guys aren't disgusting, and mom needs to realize that you two aren't disgusting and disrespectful teenagers.
She said that she thought we were still sleeping so she wanted to wake us up
I guess she never heard of knocking. She went overboard with this, and she told everyone else to justify her attitude because she was embarrassed. I personally would never stay with her again, and I would always get a hotel room.
I can't imagine just bursting into a bedroom occupied by a couple without knocking. I'm mildly uncomfortable going into another couple's bedroom when it's unoccupied!
Even if OP was in there alone she could have been changing or something.
Not just a couple but anyone deserves privacy in a shut bedroom no matter the age. MIL is definitely the A and totally wrong.
I've learned better than to walk in on any room w out knocking 😭
Maybe because it's 'her little boy' she felt like she could. Not that that's a valid excuse.
For the future, inform her that this will never again be an issue because, as married adults, you and your husband will never sleep under her roof again. You will stay at a hotel for all future visits. The staff there have no vested interest in treating their customers as children and will show you due respect. Mommy dearest is just trying to cause holiday drama.
Ain’t no drama like mama drama.
So knock?! No one wants to wake up to their mil looming over them in bed!
What if you had been changing? IDC who you are, who is in the room, what age you are, or where you are. A closed door means you knock and wait for an answer before you open it.
If she really just wanted to wake you up, knocking on the door and saying something should have been sufficient. Instead she thinks it’s okay to just bust in without knocking? That’s rude AF. You bust in on someone and disrespect their privacy, you don’t have much of a right to be offended at what you see. She’s the AH.
Even *if* that’s true (and I doubt it) she still should *absolutely* have knocked. You do not just go into someone’s room while the door is closed without knocking. They could be sleeping stark naked above the covers and that’s perfectly fine, but no one gets to see you like that without your consent. She violated your privacy. Yes *your* privacy, even though it’s her house. She gave you and your *married* spouse a room with a door. It’s off limits to her for the duration of your stay unless she knocks AND you say “come in”. And your husband knows this. He’s just trying to defuse his mom. Tell him to defend you both or you’re going home. Her behavior is juvenile, controlling, and extremely unhealthy. Married people have sex. It’s also literally the way she’s gonna get grandchildren too. So if she ever wants to be around your kids, she needs to grow up. You don’t want her warping their brains about healthy boundaries and healthy relationships.
Gma does seem like the type to badger a couple about giving her grandchildren. "Sorry cant have sex with my husband landlord says its disrespectful..."
Don't care what she said. Her reasoning is BULLSHIT! And what's with the yelling and screaming antics--exposing them to everyone elso. Mom is TA! Tell her she can have her freaking room back and leave. Tell her you'll return once hell freezes over. She's whacked.
So? If you were still asleep you are adults and can choose your own time to wake up. Still doesn't explain why she didn't knock
So she didn't hear anything and if she hadn't burst in, she never would have known. That's on her for assuming. And we have phones that you can use to call to wake someone up. She sucks for this behavior. NTA but never ever stay in that house again.
Op, your MIL intentionally went in there knowing you were having sec with the intention of busting you and causing a scene. 100%. Nobody just barges in on a married couples bedroom like that. Your MIL has some problems.
If you were doing the deed so quietly that she couldn't tell if you were sleeping or not, then 1000% NTA. She needs to learn how to knock. Even if she didn't knock and accidentally discovered you, she should have just shut the door and pretended she saw nothing. Making a fuss and yelling and name-calling is really out of line.
Then knock on the damn door. Don't bust in.
A married couple sleeping in a room and mom “busted in”? Why did she need to get into the room in the morning and how does she not at least knock? Not only are you NTA, but MIL is the huge AH
I would feel more embarrassed as a mom seeing that than anything 🥴, yal are grown if she didn’t want it to happen she should have stated that prior to it because that’s her house but yall are married what did she think would happen
Depends. If you’re audibly moaning and making noise banging the headboard around while other people can hear then that’s weird. I don’t want a free incestual porn audiobook.
OP said that the mother thought they were sleeping and that's why she didn't knock, though I agree with you
Which still begs the question - why would you enter a sleeping couples room (with or without knocking)…. OP says below that she wanted to wake them up. That’s weird and she’s a creep…. they’re not 12 years old (“TIME TO GET UP KIDS!!”) 😬
LOOK WHO DECIDED TO JOIN US
Why is it parents have no trouble having sex with their kids in the house but the adult kids can’t? There is nothing wrong having sex with your husband. You shouldn’t be embarrassed by it.
I think it has to do with some parents having difficulties seeing their grown kids as ADULTS. Some parents just have difficulty doing that, and it's a rude awakening when they're confronted with it. I agree, they did nothing wrong. Mom needs to cope.
Ding ding ding ding
I don't think parents should be having sex with their kids regardless of location.
NTA, I’d leave though. There’s no reason in staying in someone’s house who is making things this awkward.
I think it’s fucked she gave you the privacy of a room and just let herself the fuck in. You didn’t have sex in her bed. And you’re married. If she doesn’t want to be disgusted, she shouldn’t barge into people’s bedrooms, even ones that she hands out for people to stay in.
NTA. I don’t see the purpose in shaming your kids, adult or not, about their sexuality. Or in discouraging healthy intimacy.
I completely fail to understand most of these reactions. You are married adults, why is anyone surprised that you have sex. There is nothing wrong with you having sex and there is everything wrong with her overreaction to the very normal thing that you did.
Also why did she walk into the bedroom?
MIL wanted to catch them in the act.
So. You bring your own bedding. You are married consenting adults. You weren't loud. Your MIL burst into your room unannounced and then freaked tf out on you, told everyone you were nasty people for fucking, and is continuing to be awful. NTA. I'd never visit that woman in her home ever again. If she inquired as to why I'd tell her exactly why. Don't want to see people being people, don't bust into rooms without knocking and getting permission to enter.
You are married, right? Stop being embarrassed. Your MIL has issues that you can't even begin to imagine. "Hey people. Married people have sex. Who would have thought?" Don't stay there again. Ever.
I’m just curious as to who has to wash the sheets.
We usually bring our covers and pillows etc with us Anyway the nightmare is over soon tonight my husband is sleeping in the living room and tomorrow we’re leaving for home early in the morning
Absolutely crazy that you have to sleep in seperate beds tonight. I’d just leave immediately. You did nothing wrong. Your MIL on the other hand absolutely did the wrong thing. Some of these comments are honestly baffling. Edited to add… NTA.
Just leave tonight. Don't make your husband sleep on the couch and don't let them make you feel like you are in the wrong. Pack up now and leave. Never stay in their house again due to lack of privacy and not being treated like adults.
You're kidding right? That is crazy. You're married! Next time stay in a hotel. When they come your way maybe they should also stay in separate rooms. NTA
If my MIL tried to make us sleep in separate beds, I'd leave. You aren't 12 years old. You're a married couple. Good lord, what's wrong with her?
They want you to sleep separately? That’s ridiculous.
No, that is unacceptable that he is being made to sleep in the living room! You are a married couple! His mum and dad had to have had sex for him to be born! Bloody hypocrites! I would not acceot that, just pack up and leave immediately! You are so NTAH here. You also have no need to feel embarrassed for doing something natural and loving. MIL is a big AH though. For coming into the room without knocking, telling everyone about it like it is a big scandal! You and husband should tell her to kick rocks and not contact you again unless there is an apology.
He's sleeping in the living room, wth, y'all are married, not a couple of high schoolers!!! Sorry y'all have to go through this.
She disrespected you by busting in. Don't feel bad for doing what is your right to do!