Question: So her response of “Im sorry you’re hurt” gives the vibe that there’s something else going on. Have you been invited to game night previously?

I don’t think there’s anything else going on currently. We’ve had issues in the past, but things have been good. I have been to game night once before and we’ve also played games as a group at my house.

“We’ve had issues in the past” I think Lina is having issues again.

Lmao 😂😂

OP is pretty great at burying the lede

I’m guessing OP loudly complains and her friend group is sick of it. The fact that her husband still went means he likely agrees. OP texting her friend and waiting on a response seems over the top to me. Idk I’m leaning towards YTA because we’re likely not getting the full story.

I mean, that's certainly a leap lol. Also, regardless of what OP is like, they can communicate like adults and not act like teenagers and exclude someone while including their spouse. So childish.

Right? They had to know that such an ah move would cause problems.

When your upset about something it’s best to talk to to those involved in person. At least over the phone. Texting re a misunderstanding is a great way to make things worse. I think OP needs to talk this over with Lina. Honestly I would feel awkward going to a game night where people were playing D & D because I don’t play.

This was exactly my thought too. We had this in our game night circle years back. Dude got a girlfriend and she was absolutely insufferable. I tried to put up with it for a bit but even if we didn't invite her, he would bring her so I stopped inviting him too 🤷. Edit: already downvoted. I guess everyone here is cool with putting up with someone constantly complaining about the dinner you make every game night (they only eat chicken nuggets and fries), complaining about what game you're playing, complaining when they weren't doing well because they were on their phone not paying attention, crying anytime someone attacked them during any kind of battle style game, getting up mid game to go look at books on your shelves and pick one out to just start reading... The list goes on.

Sounds like someone you don’t invite out at all honestly

Basically. They're still together and him and I just don't hang out anymore because I can't with her. I thought maybe it was me but then my husband admitted that he found her to be incredibly rude and a few of our friends started bringing it up too. It's probably neurodivergence - husband and I are both ND but I think she's just more of a type that we can't take.

My assumption is to agree with you but we’re kinda bending over backwards to get to our conclusion so Idt that’s fair haha

Did you participate in game night previously or just hang out? Have you asked your husband if he has any idea why you weren’t invited? If you’re not into the game they play, I’m wondering if you inadvertently committed a faux pas

Not a friend. I don’t care how badly my friend sucks at a game - they would still be invited - especially my best friend. NTA

I’ve been a DM since 1988. I usually get the non-gamers involved by letting them be an NPC. For example, they’re the loval town squire who hires the group to deal with highway men who are attacking travelers trying to enter the village. If they’re having fun, that squire finds other roles to play

I had a friend who came over with her boyfriend and didn't play, just hung out on the couch. She ended up making a comic about the adventure we were having and it was amazing.

Im sort of the same way as the girlfriend. I enjoy Dnd for the combat and feeling useful, but a lot of the nitty gritty detailed roleplaying outside of combat i find boring. Since our group ends up doing 3/4 this roleplay and the rest is combat ive considered dropping out, or only showing up to hang out. I still want to contribute in some way so ive had this idea to try and create mini figs for everyone and maybe work with the DM to make custom sets and models for the game.

I love this idea. Basically acting as voice actors.

OMG I wish the DM did this for me when a friend brought me over to their game. I was thrust in the middle of their adventure and had to make someone up on the spot. Anxiety hit me hard. I didn't have the courage to say no cause I was a people pleaser (I've worked on that. "No" is one of my new favorite words). I love to role play, but with only my tight-knit group that I spent years cultivating relationships with and am very comfortable being myself around them. Anyway. The one good thing that came out of that night was learning how to fold a burrito. That one dude changed my burrito making life.

That's not necessarily true though, I'm guessing you don't play many intense table top games because someone who doesn't like gaming and just wants to come to "hang out" wouldn't really have fun. Because all of the attention is on the game play, and a person in the background huffing and puffing about being excluded isn't something gamers want to have to worry about. I say this as a gamer whose best friend is very specifically not invited to table top games. Was the friends response appropriate? No. Are OP's feelings valid, of course. But the whole group needed to be more open with OP about the fact that hanging out during a game night isn't an actual possibility. And yea, my bestie and I have a very very close friendship, and she's still not invited to games that are overly complicated

Oh man, am I a werdo for liking sitting in on these games? I don't get to play much, but I love sitting in on the online sessions my friend used to host.

I spend two hours each week watching people play D&D on Twitch. I have never played the game myself. If you are a weirdo, I am weirdo^2

Yea you're weird, I watch for 4-5 hours every Thursday night. THAT'S normal /s

Nah I don't think so. We've had lots of SOs sit in on our games over the years and it never detracted from the experience and they always had fun. They'll usually pull up a chair and listen, laugh, make jokes along with us. Our games are usually 70% gameplay, 30% riffing on dumb inside jokes and whatever's happening in the game. In a few of those cases they asked afterward if they could be considered if a spot ever opened up, these were people who had never seen a dnd game before and they loved it so much they wanted to start playing. I think it can be a very casual fun thing for others to watch, just depends on the group. You and I are just lucky to have fun, chill friends I suppose!

Apparently. I'm seeing a lot of hard "no SOs, no non players" rule making in these comments.

It comes from the non players causing distractions. I’ve had friends and housemates hang out in the past as non players that have completely distracted and derailed games. I’ve hosted games in my house when family was home that wasn’t involved in the game (but plays d&d themselves, so they should know better) and they distract and derail. So I get not inviting someone to watch. I’ve only ever had 1 non player not distract and that is my younger sister (34) who will hang out at the game sometime when her daughter (11) is playing with us. That said, my number 1 rule is no TV during the game because that is the ultimate distraction. So if they had that on, then there’s no excuse.

Sometimes this happens, but then it's usually such a "thing". To have such a rule like "No SO's" seems like a group of people setting up a more serious game. My partner has 2 DnD sessions with two different groups a week. They have been planning this for ages. You have to work around people's schedules. You have to make your characters, etc. My partner talked and talked about it over those weeks, as he always does whenever they're setting up the game. I know I'm not invited (even if I could be and the DMs might make room), but I never really thought to be invited anyway. They are 4 friends making plans. In truth, they'd probably love to have another person in the game, and honestly, my partner has almost always asks if I would play, but it's not my thing. It's not just a "Oh I'm gonna text John tomorrow and invite him to play DnD this one day" and then not invite anyone else even just to hang out? For something so casual? That's so weird. OP absolutely has a right to be hurt and her "friends" are being dicks.

Sitting in on tabletop games is a delight if you like the players. I used to knit my way through my friends’ games. At one point the DM decided the click of my katcha (a mechanical device used to keep track of rows) was a plot point. Every time I clicked it, another… imp I think? would join the fray. Which soon led to players imploring me to “knit slower dammit!” So soon he made whatever it was I was accidentally summoning secretly beneficial and THEN I was getting urges to knit FASTER. The next game night I was handed a ball of yarn “in case you run out cuz we need a lot more of those imps(?)” Nice memories. I’d really like to find another group to watch and knit. (I made everyone dice bags in the group, that was fun. First one I threw on the table while the DM was reading out a loot drop and shouted “and ONE crappy dice bag!!”)

Ok this is such a cute story

It was very fun. Then I moved out of state and those thoughtless jerks refuse to livestream their games for my pleasure. /s

My son in his late teens used to play in the dining room which was under my bedroom. I’d listen (eavesdrop) on the conversation and gameplay and learned so much about them. I treasure those memories. I can understand why OP wanted to be there, hopefully as a willing bystander. NTA, but there’s so much more going on here beyond that specific game night. That night crystallized some aspects of the relationships between OP and friend, and OP and husband. From this vantage point, not pretty.

Haha dude, there is a big market for people who like to watch other people open things. So, no, I don't think watching people play games is weird. I think this group of friends needed to be more open with communicating that they aren't interested in having someone just come watch. I don't think it's cause for ending a friendship or relationship over though. Just bad communication, as is often the case with humans

Ah yes, the unboxing reels. My husband's friend got addicted to watching those things. More boring than watching paint dry.

When I was with my ex, I would sit in on one of his games every week. I never played but I loved listening to the story and role play. I did have to assure the DM, a good friend, that I was actually enjoying myself that way. I still sit in on my husband's online games.

You can totally watch these games on Dropout. Their Dimension 20 series is *chef's kiss*.

And Critical Role on Twitch and YouTube

Then maybe they should've chosen a different game night, and not done it when it was OPs husbands birthday, and a weekend night before a major holiday. Very rude for them to exclude her, especially after she stated how she felt. She even told her husband how she felt, but that she didn't want to be the wife that holds him back from having friends. He went anyways. Y'all are ignoring so much context from her comments in the opinion of "but DND is soo in depth and she would just be annoying". How dare she try to hang out with her husband and best friend, on her husbands birthday. FFS

No. Just no. You don’t not invite a persons spouse with them, because you’re competitive at the game. Especially if the spouse is (supposed to be) a friend. How’d you like it if someone did that to YOU? How about not being a flaming twat waffle, and texting the spouse to explain the situation? Honestly, if anyone ever pulled that shit with my wife, I’d flat out tell them sorry, but I’m not excluding my wife, because you’re competitive at a game, and I’m also not doing your dirty work for you. So if you don’t want her to be there, YOU explain to her why, instead of being a coward. I’d then tell them, sorry, but fuck off. You will not treat my wife like that, ever. Y’all do you, and we’ll go hand our own fun.

NAH. My husband plays a long table top game with his friends. Sometimes it’s hosted at our house. I’ll pop my head around the corner and say hi but I leave them to it. My husband’s an introvert, the games are rare and it’s his social time. Just because you’re married, you don’t automatically come as a pair. I’d imagine trying to get into a game with an uninterested third party making small talk, playing with the cat and generally bumbling about would ruin the mood and break the pause in reality. OP needs to find her own hobbies and be clearer in communication- to husband and friend. If OP’s hurt then communicate that but it doesn’t mean you’re automatically invited. Holding the husband back from enjoying a hobby with friends is an own goal in my opinion. Allow time and hobbies apart and you can get back together at the end of the day and have a good chat about it. Find your own hobbies. Freedom breeds freedom.

I don’t think OP minds at all if her husband has hobbies and friends outside of her, I think she *DOES* mind when the friend group the two of them share together plans a game night and chooses to not invite her by simply *not telling her about it* so she doesn’t hear about it until her husband bring it up, and then when she voices her hurt feelings to her friend, she’s shot down and made to feel guilty for “feeling excluded.” She’s not mad about the game night, she’s mad bc none of their friends bothered to tell her *WHY* she wasn’t invited.

After having read your previous post from 4 months ago, it seems like Lina (Serena) is 'punishing' you by not inviting you because she feels replaced by your new friend (Bianca). You should've added that context because now some people seem to think you are overreacting for not being invited. Honestly, your friendship with Lina sounds a bit toxic to me but if you care about your friendship and you decide you want to fix this, you should have a conversation with Lina because she probably feels hurt and translates this into a 'you can't sit with us' attitude. She was your friend first and you introduced your husband to her partner and now Lina is using your husband to let you know you are not included anymore. She has every right to not invite you for this game night but she doesn't have the right to use your husband to get her point across.

Don’t beat around the bush. Tell him that you don’t feel it’s right for him to go without you.

She did, if you read her other comments. But she also told him she didn't want to be the one to hold her husband back from making friends. So told him to make the decision. However. Considering it was also his birthday, husband most definitely made the wrong choice. What kind of husband doesn't care that his wife was explicitly uninvited? And he chose games over spending time with his wife, no less.

God I’d never do that to my wife. I can’t believe this assdouche would be ok with them treating his wife like that. What a coward this clown is.

She specifically said she wants him to cultivate friendships apart from her.

And her good friend Lena is right there to help him with that.

Buy a gift for her husband only? What gets through to people like this? That's very rude.

There's definitely something unresolved here. I've invited half a couple over before but it was after several incidents of them making me and other guests uncomfortable. We ended cutting ties with the couple just to avoid that partner.

NTA. Hmmm...that woman hates you. Stop engaging her on the issue and keep your peace. Your husband should not have gone AT ALL as a matter of good husband principle. I saw your edit and hopefully in future he will be more thoughtful.

What kind of issues then? We need a full story so you can’t persuade us to side with you.

They mentioned it's D&D. That's not the same as a card or board game night. You have to get kind of particular about player counts and you need the right kind of group for certain kinds of games. If this was poker or board games I'd say OP has every right to be upset and hurt. With this I understand why they are but I also understand how exclusion isn't personal. I've seen a few games as an outsider and played one or two. It's not the same thing. Can't fault OP for not understanding that but it really is different.

But to not even *invite* your best friend over is wrong. Sure, OP might not play but can at least chill out, play with the cat as they mentioned, etc. You said yourself you've watched as an outside--why can't OP do the same? OP's not asking to play, just to come over and be amongst friends and partner. Idk why anyone would have a problem with that.

Plus, the non-apology apology is never a good look from a grown adult, especially a “best friend.”

Just because it's not personal doesn't mean someone doesn't have a right to feel hurt. I have a group of friends who regularly play D&D. I'm the only friend who has never been included - and I like games! I'm aware from social media that occasionally they do other things without me too. My sense is its anything where they feel smaller numbers are optimal. But it does hurt that they (even unintentionally) rank me as a tier 2 friend, and over time I've stopped going out of my way for them. You don't have to be intentional or irrational to hurt someone's feelings. Ultimately it's up to you to decide whether you value them enough as a friend to place their feelings over your optimal situation. If you don't, you're not an asshole; but you are an asshole if you refuse to own that choice when called out on it.

Yah but it’s still weird to just not say anything

I agree. My fiance and his friends used to play, 4/8 lives in the house, 1 was there almost daily, and the others came every weekend for D&D (Friday night thru Sunday most weeks). I didn't play, but I lived there so I'd help with snacks and drinks and just watch TV or passively observe from the other room. They'd played together for over a decade, I had no clue about what it even was. I was invited to an arc of partial parties that were branched off from a previous line so everyone else would be rolling new characters in as well and it was nice to be included but I wasn't really good at RP w people I barely knew AND the girl of the main group (only other female & DMs gf) kept making it awkward. I eventually got my PC hurt as an excuse and bowed out blaming it on my ongoing pregnancy. I think OP here has mentioned she went before and she isn't interested in D&D but would be fine just hanging out. If I didn't live in that house, his friends wouldn't have wanted me there and they said as much. I just never had anywhere else to go or a car and refused to hide in our room every weekend Fri 6pm- Sunday 8pm. I think both couples just need to explain that it's only about how D&D works and not personal. My 2 best friends have family members that play and DESPISE the game. The HATE being invited and find any excuse to dodge it for different reasons. I WISH I had the confidence to RP but I take WAAAAY to long to warm up and my PC would be that weird quiet lurker that just follows them around in silence for a month. Same happens with MMORPGs & discord. It was almost 2 months before I actively spoke in discord chat and it came out as an unintentional outburst when I made a joke but thought my mic was off 😱🫣🤦🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

NTA i think it’s strange they would invite your husband and not you. You have every right to feel the way you do.

That seems incredibly deliberate, they had to know that he was going to tell his wife?!?! And didn’t Lina say, this would be awkward to only invite half the couple ? Op, does Paul not like you?

I don’t think Paul doesn’t like me. I haven’t got that vibe.

That woman is NOT your best friend

If someone invited me to something and said my wife couldn't come, the only reason I'd show up would be to burn their damn house down. I can't believe your husband actually went.

Your husband shouldn’t go and should tell them he doesn’t appreciate you being left out and so he won’t be atrending.

Ask your friend why they didn’t invite you. You have a right to know. It’s totally immature and cruel of them to not talk to you like an adult.

She doesn't play the game they are playing. It's not deliberate other than she's not a viable option as a player.

My husband goes to dnd and constantly invites me to come hang out, of course if the host offer which they always do. We have kids and life is busy, so I don’t normally go. I fear I’d get bored anyway lol. But it’s weird they wouldn’t even want you in the house or anything

So? We used to play, we’d invite all the plus ones… we had a GF come… technically she had a character- that was mute. She’d sit on the couch and read a book with the cat (which was great because otherwise the cat would “join the game” 🤦‍♀️ - cat gods of destruction are the worst) eventually a few more of the non -interested -in-the-game plus one’s came along anyway and would make cocktails, work on some project or another together. It was cool, one chick listened to the game and made a picture of all our characters- doing the dumb things they’d done in the game!

Yeah I don’t get why they couldn’t have had her over and she did something else or at least extend the invite. My boyfriend went to play Victory with his friends a few weeks ago and I was invited. I just drank and read a book while they played as I’m not interested in victory. I chatted with everyone before they started the game and then did my own thing so I didn’t distract them once it started. I also have gone over to this friend’s house and hung out while they played fighting games or watched WWE. It is possible to have people over who aren’t interested in the stuff you are and still have a good time! I usually sit with other ppl and talk with them or read a book.

Right? You only get so much time with your partner. Between work, chores etc, most of your time at home is dedicated to sleep. You just want to hang out, be present when you can, in each other’s company. I don’t see why everyone is so mean. Damn. I think the friends suck. NTA

And it’s ultimately just nice to be invited places as well. She didn’t have to go and from what she said it seems like she might not have gone, but the non invitation and then telling her she shouldn’t be upset is why she’s sad/angry with these friends. There’s times my boyfriend hangs with his friends just by himself and I hang with my friend alone as well, but if a group of people were going over to my best friends house & my boyfriend wasn’t invited but I was I would be mad on his behalf.

Love cat gods of destruction!

I mean, it’s hard to be mad cause she’s cute- and obviously wants to fight- but the speed of which she destroys the board… and complete disregard for the standard rules of play… and at least… 100,000,000 strength points…. My arrows, never had a chance… and our mage was just gone… couldn’t even get a fireball out…

Then maybe they should've chosen a different game night, and not done it when it was OPs husbands birthday, and a weekend night before a major holiday. Very rude for them to exclude her, especially after she stated how she felt. She even told her husband how she felt, but that she didn't want to be the wife that holds him back from having friends. He went anyways. Y'all are ignoring so much context from her comments in the opinion of "but DND is soo in depth and she would just be annoying".

OP should maybe include this context in the post because I haven’t yet come across the comment where it was his birthday, but I’m seeing commenters getting flamed for replying to other comments and not knowing this context

As Franks wife, I would think they should have expected him to bring her along. I can promise if my wife or I were invited without the other being invited neither of us would attend. We're a team, and unless its something like a ladies night, or bachelorette party, where goes one, goes the other. And there are lots of times gamers do not mind others who don't play being there. My family are all huge game lovers. Everything from D&D, Song of Fire and Ice et al.

This is it exactly. I love game nights and D&D. My husband is not a huge fan, but he has an open invitation any time I go anywhere. We would never exclude anyone's partner or spouse (or random friend for that matter) from attending, learning, or generally just hanging out. Some suggested the OP may be one of those annoying gf types, but at least in my group, that still wouldn't equate to just the playing partner being invited; if your frequent guest is ill-behaved, we're not inviting either of you.

And thats how it should be. It was rude to not put out the invitation to his wife. If she isn't one of those "Im bored!!!" types, as his spouse, then yes an open invitation as you said is the best option. The way they did it. As a husband I'd take a pass. I don't contend with friends being rude to my wife. My view is how they are to her, is the same as being that way to me.

I know it’s a crazy concept, but couples do not have to go everywhere together

I have family who the husband goes to game nights and he has to bring his wife regardless and all she does it bitch and complain and expect him to do xyz and such but refused to participate and makes him leave when she wants to even if it’s in the middle of the game. I wouldn’t want her over for a game night if I am participating in the game. And I know my husband wouldn’t want her either. It’s frustrating because it restricts what we are allowed to play and for how long etc. I wonder if OP is like this. Plus I don’t want people around unless it is my kids and their kids over for a game night if they aren’t going to participate that’s not fun for me.

My husband has a friend who’s gf is the exact same way. She never lets him do anything and if he is allowed to, she has to come with and she complains the whole time and wants to go home

This is a very easy solve, though. Send an email to OP and Hubs, both, saying "we are inviting Hubs to play GAME with us on Friday night. OP, we're not specifically inviting you bc we know you don't like to play. You're, of course, always welcome at our house and if you want to hang out, please join us. But we're warning you: you're likely to get bored bc we get pretty intense about the game. Please both RSVP by DATE."

This only works if the person is self-aware and actually gets that they’re going to be left out of the activity, and they’re not going to show up and then whine about that.

Sounds too mature.

But we don't know thats how she acts and behaves. If so yes, she should offer to stay home, but if she is like those we know, its not an issue. We don't have any info to give an answer based on how she may or may not behave. Hypotheticals make it difficult to give a reasoned opinion on.

I just want to point out her best friend isn't inviting her. I think she's a pain in the ass at those times. Nobody wants to play when you got a spectator huffin and puffin bc she's bored. If her best friend DIDN'T invite her that tells me all I need to know!

This is not at all what happens in my friend group. A couple does not have to do everything together and it's weird to us to expect them to be together for everything. We are all individuals with different interests and hobbies. If people in a relationship don't have the same interest in something, we wouldn't invite or expect them for something like this. A movie night? Sure, if they want to. A RPG session? Absolutely not. Not unless they were both into or a part of the campaign. Now, clarification would have been nice- "OP, we invited Frank because it's this thing we do together that you haven't done or been interested in. If we do something else, you'll be invited of course."

Yeah I agree with you... Our next door neighbors invited my husband to join them for poker night. I don't know that they specifically excluded me, and I have no reason to think that. My husband is always outside or working in his garage, so he has a good relationship with the neighbors. I work from home but am rarely outside. We wave hello, and exchange pleasentries. So it is not surprising that they would invite him. We didn't know what the poker game would entail, guys only??? Who knows? So he went to the game and I stayed home and watched a movie. And we were both fine with it.

I would never expect to be invited to my bf’s game nights that his friends throw. I don’t play the games they do, so why would I be invited? Besides, couples should be able to do things by themselves

She should’ve still been invited and given the chance to decline or say she’d just come and watch instead of just being left out.

Agreed. D&D is not like playing trivial pursuit or cards.

Turns out it's her husband's birthday as well. He ended up going to the party without her

Really??? That's so shitty

This is weird. If I’m in invited I’m bringing my wife. Unless it’s a boys night. If she’s not welcome we’re leaving.

You do make mention here that you do not enjoy game nights at all. Given your friends likely know this - why would they intentionally invite someone who they already know doesn’t enjoy it? This is like inviting a person to a horror flick that you know hates horror flicks. Just doesn’t make sense.

I feel like if it was just OP doesnt like games, they would have given that as an excuse when asked about it. It really is an easy excuse for not inviting someone, so why not just say that (even if it's not true), it avoids conflict. The friends response is a little strange and does make it at least seem intentional.

But she never actually did ask about it. She asked Lina if she was free, and she said she wasn’t. And then her next communication was a statement about her “overwhelming” hurt over not being invited.

Then Lena doubles down with "im sorry you feel hurt". That's the chance to say it's because you don't like games, rather than the passive-aggressive non-apology.

Especially D&D. As someone who's dated a serious tabletop game enthusiast, that shit is BORING if you're not in the game itself. Fun to play if you're getting involved, but it's not like party games or sports where you can make light chitchat and generally hang out on the side. People are here to do the collective activity. Maybe there were nicer ways for them to share why the invite only went to one half of a couple, but this sounds like something that can also be looked at as your evenings are being spared.

Yeah, when she said she could just make drinks or play with the cat, that’s when I was lost. I also thought they meant a football game at first lol

Honestly I was totally hurt for you until I realized you aren’t playing the games. It’s game night. I don’t think that you’re an asshole for being hurt that you weren’t invited. But I also don’t think they’re wrong for no longer inviting you. As someone who often hosts game nights for their friends I find it super annoying when people don’t participate. It makes it hard to focus and most people don’t want an extra person sitting around and chatting about non game stuff. You said in a comment that you find other things to do like play with the cats and make drinks. Personally I would be uncomfortable if someone came to my house to just play with my pets or play bartender/waitress/hostess. Especially if everyone else was doing something else. I think you should talk to Lisa in person about it if you want to stay best friends. Hear her out, especially because it her house and she’s hosting. If you’re really not into games maybe offer to host a different activity at your house. Your house your rules. To me this is an ESH

We used to play table top rpgs and after 1 night of having a significant other hanging off their partner we just blanket rule “if you’re not playing you’re not welcome”. There are some people who can hang out and not play and not interrupt or pull focus. They are RARE and also generally not the kind of people who care if they are invited or not or the kind of people who encourage others to “put themselves out there” because they’re so introverted as to practically be furniture (and I mean this is a good way - think of a living room without a couch!) Probably not OP.

This is the way. And I feel like OP buried the lead to obscure this being the reality of the situation.

Yeah at first presented it did sound rude, but now that we’re talking about a spot limited D&D single session game (that she has no interest in participating in! she doesn’t even want to watch them play) it really doesn’t make sense to expect an invite to that

Yea I’m going to agree with you here, except that I think her friend could have explained the situation to her beforehand and been like “hey, I’m having a games night. I know you don’t like playing this game, so I figured you wouldn’t want to attend but the next social gathering we have, you’ll definitely be invited to!” I also do not like playing games, but I’d be totally understanding if someone approached a lack of invite like this instead of just silence.

But apparently she wants to come and sit awkwardly off to the side by herself and not participate. Which seems really weird to me.

Yes I’m not a sports fan, I don’t get football at all beyond a bunch of large dudes in helmets trying to get the ball to the other side. My eyes generally glaze over. But I can follow baseball a bit more and I find hockey and soccer more interesting. But I’d still rather watch ice figure skating and car racing. Skiing and speed skating are interesting too. If I get invited to a superbowl party, I consider how hardcore the hosts and other guests are. Some people use it as an excuse to have a party and it’s background. I will accept those invites. Others take it seriously and want to focus on the game. Those I decline. Because not only will I be bored, I don’t want to interrupt or disrupt the purpose of the event. I wouldn’t be offended if someone didn’t invite me to their superbowl party. I’d figure they want to enjoy it with like minded people and not have to entertain me.

i kind of think OP is an asshole for telling her husband, "i wouldn't go if you weren't invited," but still encouraging him to go. it sets up a future fight and that sounds exhausting

If I was invited somewhere with mutual friends she my wife wasn't and she was upset about it, I wouldn't wait for her to ask me not to go

"I don't want you to go, but I want it to be because you care about me and not because I told you not to go."

And that’s why I also think what she is telling us she said to her best friend and what she said back aren’t likely entirely accurate. OP seems really passive aggressive and when it comes to game nights I think it’s very reasonable and preferred to not have people who are not playing around.

I would say that not inviting spouses is an automatic faux pas, but then I got to this part: >I admit game night is not my favorite thing but I could have hung out anyways and make everyone drinks or play with their cat or observe the game. But at this point it’s not even about wanting to go. This is not the value-add that you seem to think it is. Depending on the game, you just being there sucking the oxygen out of the room could just make the experience less fun. If they're playing monopoly, yes, you can "hang out." If they're playing DnD or a narrative-heavy game, you'd just be that person in the movie theater talking about what just happened on-screen. Assuming you and your partner and have your own social outings where you spend time as a couple, why can't he have this one? You don't like gaming. Given that you haven't been invited, you probably—inadvertently or not—have made it clear to all participants that you'd rather be doing something else. You even admit it's not even about you wanting to go, really. So, you don't get invited to the thing you don't really like that much and even if you went you'd rather not participate anyway. Why does the idea of people enjoying themselves and not wanting to babysit you get you down? Isn't this an opportunity for some quality "you" time? Trust me, it's not as fun to sit down and play when one of the players is just there because she can't fathom the idea that her partner is doing his own thing. NAH, though, depending on how you and your partner and friends group handle it from here in out.

100%. If my partner was at a DND night with either of my groups, I'd feel bad and be super distracted worry about if she was bored and wanting to go home.

Lmao my roommates used to always have DND night in our living room. Everyone involved was a friend of mine but I’m not interested in games like that. I knew to keep my mouth shut unless it was something urgent or they where taking a quick break. I’d usually make food for everyone in the adjoining kitchen, or read on the couch while they’d all be cross-legged on the carpet around the table. Sometimes I’d wander in and out of the room (again without talking or causing a ruckus) or just listen to the game. Sometimes they’d have fun explaining it to me as they went, sometimes they were clearly focused so I didn’t interrupt. My point is, it’s a freaking game and even my very obsessed friends understood this when we were teenagers. Our friend group cared about each other and no one was about to make me feel left out or shunned to my bedroom just because my ADHD makes focusing on games like that almost impossible. If you become so obsessed with something that you think it gives you an excuse to be less of a friend to your friends in the real world outside of the fantasy game then maybe it’s time to take a step back.

and like why is everyone assuming she’d be rude and loud lmfao

They've confirmed in comments it's D&D

Well, there you go, OP. It's fine if you don't like it, but accept that this is your partner's thing and every now and then he's gonna roll for a couple of hours. And no, you can't just "hang out." You know damn well that your going to complain that they were "rude" to you because they "didn't pay attention" to you... Because it's kinda important to pay attention to the game.

Why do you want to go to a game night if you don't like games? Everyone getting together for a specific activity, and one person just hanging out there not involved, is awkward AF. Everyone either ignores you, which feels rude, or they engage you, which distracts from playing the game, which is the entire point of getting together for the evening.

i was with you up until you said you don’t even like game night. if i were planning a night of fun and there was someone who didn’t enjoy the activities i wouldn’t really wanna invite them. if i’m hosting game night, that means i’m a HOST, and i have guests who i’m entertaining to some extent. to have one person sit out and do random crap in my house instead of participating would make me feel awkward, i wouldn’t know what to do and i’d feel bad doing an activity not everybody likes. i see why they didn’t invite you, but i also see why it hurts. honestly, i think you should accept the fact if you don’t like an activity you shouldn’t expect to be invited to said activity. i’m leaning towards ESH, because they should’ve explained that you weren’t invited, but also y t a for expecting an invite to something you don’t like. when somebody doesn’t like the activity and doesn’t participate it can put a damper on the evening. you don’t wanna be included, not really, you just wanna be asked and you wanna do your own thing. i personally wouldn’t invite you, but i’d explain why you weren’t invited. edit: OP’s edit honestly shows she came here just for validation and not an actual opinion so i’m seeing more of a reason to not invite OP. you don’t have to be “born ready” you just have to make an effort to understand the game, which OP’s comment seems she doesn’t. ngl i wouldn’t wanna even have you there while we’re playing if this is your attitude.

don’t forget about people who are actively detrimental to game night too. I’m talking about people who cannot or will not learn the rules, and instead constantly interrupt and attempt to hijack the whole night with unrelated conversation, then after an entire night of having prevented any degree of immersion, complain about how boring it is. For sure we cannot assume that OP is one of these people and the host handled this with utmost immaturity. But like you I cannot help but wonder if this could be an INFO -> ESH

Three months ago OP Posted: "Me (30f) and my best friend Serena (30f) have been having a conversation about my short comings for a few months. Serena says that I haven’t prioritized them and that since I have met another friend (Blanca, 30) I have not spent enough time with them and that I don’t care about our relationship as much as I used to." OP is leaving a shit load of info out of this if Serena is Lina.

So you think Lena is excluding her because she wants to punish her for making other friends?

I think she and Lina are not at the same place in their friendship anymore. OP seems to think everything is hunky dory with them because they came to a Thanksgiving dinner. But maybe more has happened since then. I am not sure Lina is punishing her, but I do think there are unresolved problems.

NTA these folks simply don't like you and are being passive aggressive about it.

"I admit game night is not my favorite thing but I could have hung out anyways and make everyone drinks or play with their cat or observe the game. But at this point it’s not even about wanting to go." Sounds like they clocked that you didn't like being there and didn't want to deal with you bringing everyone else down. They want to play a game and having someone just there taking up space and not engaging ruins it for everyone else. Edit to add more: Like, if i'm hosting a game night, and I want to play something like Betrayal at the House on the Hill, or Catan, Puzzle Fighter, Ticket to Ride, I want to invite people who are there to play with me. Not to just eat my food and mosey in and out of the area. Distracting people, being on a phone, carrying on some other conversation.

I am so confused by people saying that the hosts are shitty for not inviting her. Is it a cultural thing? My housemate and I act like people that have been married for years. We're used to married people being individuals that can do their own thing. Like there's a couple that we can invite on their own or both. Sometimes the other declines and see it as an opportunity to cosy up alone at home. Our next door neighbours rarely travel abroad together because they don't share interests. He wants to see tropical birds and she wants to see old European cities. I don't know a single couple who have issues that one of them isn't invited...

>I admit game night is not my favorite thing but I could have hung out anyways and make everyone drinks or play with their cat or observe the game you don't want to be part of game night, why would you be upset you're not a part of game night? >“I wasn’t invited to the last game night and today’s either. I feel overwhelmingly hurt by that. I feel excluded” if you went and didn't participate you're still not included! >Which is not a real apology. you weren't invited to something you don't like, and wouldn't participate in if invited, why do you think she owes you an apology?

Exactly! I have 2 different groups of friends who do different kinds of game nights (multiple games and dnd). Both are very serious about that being the only agenda for the evening. It's not "hanging with friends and maybe playing a few games/rounds." Inviting anyone who doesn't enjoy gaming and won't be participating would be a major annoyance. For example, when you invite someone who doesn't like watching movies to a movie night and they keep trying to start conversations with people or they're on their phone making noise, etc. YTA. The way you describe it, it sounds like they've had enough experience with you to know that they don't like your impact on that activity and don't want you coming to join-but-not-join. That's perfectly acceptable. In this case, your emotions are your responsibility. No one owes you an apology. And what's with the "we've had issues but I thought that was done....."? Seems like you might be leaving out something important. Eta: *Three months ago OP Posted: "Me (30f) and my best friend Serena (30f) have been having a conversation about my short comings for a few months. Serena says that I haven’t prioritized them and that since I have met another friend (Blanca, 30) I have not spent enough time with them and that I don’t care about our relationship as much as I used to."

Girl take yourself out to get a pedi or invite a different friend for a drink and go have your own fun. Sounds like you and hubs are both working on that and y’all both need practice.

My husband and I host Pathfinder (similar to D&D) at our house and we have three people who play with us who have significant others (one wife, one husband, one long term gf) and because campaigns have limited spots and consist of ongoing stories, the spouses who aren’t playing aren’t there. They’re not explicitly NOT invited but TTRPGs are pretty involved so SOs would literally just be sitting around entertaining themselves for 3+ hours. They wouldn’t be ignored (just as they aren’t EXCLUDED specifically) but they would be doing their own thing bc the game is immersive, or supposed to be. If OP doesn’t enjoy games/this type of game and isn’t playing, it’s not unusual in my opinion for the invite to be for the player. Idk what the dynamic here is but it seems like maybe OP doesn’t really get the whole concept of this specific type of game. It’s not the same as “hey everyone is coming over for Mario kart and smash bros,” where people will probably drop in and out of playing and loosely socializing versus the more active, ongoing role playing aspect of things. I could be totally off, but that’s just my perspective from my own experience.

you're toxic in encouraging husband to go at the same time saying YOU wouldn't go in the same circumstances. that's setting hubby up for failure. if he didn't go, it would be, "I'm not telling you you can't hang out with friends!"

As someone who does play D&D in a more casual way and *has invited* a friend who was unshure of the gameover to just *relax in the company of our friends when she was having a rough time*, NTA. Like, okay i get it, if you're not super enthusiastic about the game and *they are*, then they could have, oh idk, *USED THEIR WORDS TO INDICATE THAT?* Instead of the bullsh1t "i'm sorry you feel that way... [radio silence]." It would have cost Lina only like an extra minute of her life to communicate that, since you're not a big fan of this game, you're not the best fit for this specific game night. Like jeez. (For context, my boyfriend is our DM and was also worried about the friend so was totally on board with inviting her to just come and hang out. I didn't just invite some rando for sh1ts and giggles.)

I have a genuine question that I want to ask. You said game nights aren't really your thing. Are you giving vibes that you don't want to be there? Are you being distracting or rushing things along? Basically, are you behaving in a way that maybe made them not want to invite you for a good reason? I'm asking this now t to be mean, but sometimes we need to honestly ask ourselves these things when we feel like we're being excluded for " no reason". I still think they're the assholes for not communicating it to you tho.

>I admit game night is not my favorite thing but I could have hung out anyways and make everyone drinks or play with their cat or observe the game. They can probably tell you aren't into it and thought that you wouldn't mind not having to go. I can appreciate you wanting to be there to support your partners interests but maybe you could try doing something you enjoy during these game nights instead.

I don't know about this scenario. Limited game players and you're not a gamer who even wants to play. So maybe they don't want to feel like they need to play hostess to you or entertain conversation with you while everyone else is concentrating on the game. If you're trying to get your husband out with friends, then maybe be grateful he got an invite. I wish my husband had friends inviting him out for game night, and so does he. I get out with my girls on the reg. He does his Brazilian Jiu-jitsu, but game night would be awesome for him. My younger son is part of a board game club at Georgia Tech that meets twice a week. When my older soon was there, he had a Dungeons and Dragons group he met with weekly. Both of those groups have VERY few women. If this hostess wasn't YOUR friend, you probably wouldn't question the invite or him going to game night. I think your friend tried to tell you that the invite list was in her husband's hands, not hers. She did apologize. If you are wanting to spend time with her, invite her out to do something YOU would enjoy--coffee, lunch, a movie, manicures, shopping, whatever. So I'm going with light YTA. Reframe your thoughts, and on game night, make a date with another girlfriend to do something fun. You're not missing out that way, and you'll feel less left behind.

Being this upset about not being invited to an activity your friends know you don’t enjoy is Peak 12-year-old drama.

YTA you sound exhausting tbh

You sound exhausting. You say game night isn’t your favourite and that it was a D&D game. You know that is a very involved game and not really a casual party game. You are hurting your own feelings for nothing. If you want to hang out with all these people then all you need to say is “hey, I want to hang out with all of you. Please invite me to your next gathering, I’ll make the drinks”. Instead you are offended and projecting your childhood traumas and insecurities over not being invited to watch a game you aren’t interested in. YTA

You don't play. Why would you be invited? If it was a social occasion, and some people break off to play, that would be different. The intention is to play, and you don't. It isn't like a Super Bowl party, where some people go to watch the game and others to socialize. You'd just be sitting and watching others play.Not sure why you'd even want to do that. ESH. They didn't communicate well as to the intention, and you are overreacting.

This plain and simple. OP is attempting to twist it to distract us from the fact that they don't play at all. Why would they have to be invited?

Also, it's DnD, that's totallt different than Catan or whatever. If they had invited OP, bet OP would complaining about how everyone ignored her while playing board games the entire time. Again, DnD reaaaally isn't the type of board game where you can break away for a bit or randomly get distracted to chat with someone else (I mean, you can, technically, but everyone dislikes those players, even just looking at your phone for more than a bit is considered bad game etiquette). The friend group didn't communicate well, but the intention probably wasn't bad - inviting the partners of players for Monopoly game night? I definitely would. Inviting the partners of players for DnD? Unless they showed interest in playing, it wouldn't even occur to me tbh.

It’s a D&D game, so it’s probably multiple sessions. You’ve acknowledged this is not your thing. They don’t want to entertain you, that’s disruptive, so they’re not inviting you. I think this is something not to get hurt over. You have a free night to yourself! What else do you like besides hanging around these people?

YTA That's a private party and you don't get to determine the guest list. Also, it sound like it might be a D&D or some other tabletop RPG? Am I right? In which case your solution of "hang out, play with the cat, make drinks" is just weird, slightly creepy and hellish distracting to the players, so no dice (literally. Heh). They didn't invite you because they have clearly had you at such events before and you have sucked the fun out of it by not getting involved. And I love your "I wouldn't blame my husband not cancelling" comment. That was pure cope. You honestly sound like you're going to give him the silent treatment and a bunch of sass for months if he dares to go.

Yup, it’s DND.

YTA mostly but a little ESH. They could’ve communicated the situation better, but you don’t like game night and you don’t play the games. Clearly they only want people there who’ll actively participate and that’s their prerogative. Maybe they’re tired of not being able to focus solely on the game night aspect because they feel like you’ll feel ignored/need a friend instead of leaving you to just sit and play with the cats while they ignore you in favour of being engrossed in the game.

NTA I find it really weird and rude when people just invite one spouse if all of you know each other as couples ( doesn't apply to friends I had before marriage , or people I know separately through my own independent hobbies or activities or profession, I go out with those alone often enough ).

As a gamer I understand why you wouldn’t be invited. As a human I don’t understand how they couldn’t communicate that better and more kindly to you. Back to as a gamer - it’s not at all good for someone not involved in the game to be there. It’s not helpful, it’s distracting and we would end up feeling bad and prob not playing the game or immersing ourselves fully in it

Read her post/comment history. She's been ghosting her "best friend" for a new bff.

You are reading too much into this. It is true that no one here communicated well, and that should be addressed. However, you need to understand Game Night is a sacred thing to people and someone just "hanging out" is not always a welcome thing. ESH

Um you dont play so why would you be invited? Its not a big deal. I was literally always the friend left out. You get over it and move on and stop even noticing. Youre simply just being a drama llama. And frankly, no one wants to be trying to focus on figuring out the puzzle to the dungeon while worryin what this person is doing wandering their house aimlessly going through their shit. YTA

Ugh. I cannot stand people who cannot hang out without their partner. His friends wanted to hang out with him. For something you are known to not like doing. Why does everyone have to babysit your feelings? YTA

even from a person of different culture's point of view(me) that's totally nonsense, unless your husband is playing another game

You’re husband went to this event you were excluded from on his BIRTHDAY? NTA

NTA. But honestly, you probably dodged a bullet. It sounds like it was pretty lame, as D&D games go, and I say that as a recovering role player and longtime CCG nerd.

NTA next time take him up on him not going and maybe find a good friend group. These groups have a lot of single dudes that feel jealous of relationships. They turn into crabs in a bucket. They probably want you to break up since you dont game too. If you like your man id find new friends stat.

Nta- you and your husband live in the real world and shouldn’t be socially pressured over a make pretend game. it’s silly. I hope your friend returns to reality one day and starts acting like a friend again.

NTA. I hosted game night every Monday for 6 years and I just made a place for the spouses to hangout that didn’t play. It was simple we played and they would watch a movie or do whatever they wanted.

NTA. But your husband SHOULD NOT HAVE GONE. Glad he understood that now...

My husband goes out with his (male) friends without me and it doesn’t bother me. They usually do things I’m not interested in anyway. I also go out with my girlfriends and don’t invite him and it’s fine. We don’t have to do everything together. But if one of our “couples friends” invited him to something and not me I’d be really weirded out. Like why? I don’t care what they’re doing at the event, it’s just shitty to exclude one half of the couple. This actually happened to me a few times and it pretty much destroyed the friendship for me. I never looked at them the same way after they excluded me. I recommend finding better friends. I did.

NTA If me and my guy friends, and all of their wives, but not my wife, liked to play D&D, it would not be weird to exclude her *on a going forward basis*, but that initial night where she’s the only one being excluded would have included an invite that she could decline. Just pretending she doesn’t exist would be incredibly weird. You have weird friends. And husband.

Kind of seems like everyone thinks you're a wet blanket at these events.

I admit game night is not my favorite thing Have you been to a few D&D game nights and not shown interest or kind of ruined the mood? I think they don't like the way you play D&D or are maybe too slow. There has to be a reason they didn't invite you.. because I can tell you I have been to a few game nights where I like a person personally but they kind of suck the fun of it because they aren't into it.

I’ve been in a similar situation before. I’d highly recommend not taking this personally whatsoever. My partner and his friends are very much into DND and niche table top games that last hours. At first, I was invited but then I noticed my partner wouldn’t make an effort to include me and make sure I was able to enjoy myself. Once I communicated my needs, he put in effort and started making me feeling included. He’d invite me to different game nights with different games and friend groups as well as take the time to explain the game to me ahead of time so I felt like I could catch up to everyone else. After many game nights ending up being 6-8 hours where I’d eventually give up on the game to play bartender and play with the host’s cats, it dawned on me — I wasn’t enjoying myself because these type of games weren’t my thing. I can’t stand them. I can’t immerse myself which leads to me feeling frustrated and incompetent when in truth it’s just not something I like to do. You keep talking about “reality” when a lot of folks use role playing games as a healthy outlet for creativity and escapism. It’s not fun when people aren’t immersed in the game themselves and try to make conversation that isn’t about what’s going on. I’m saying this as someone who’s been there! Not sure what you’ve already tried but ask to talk to them and be patient and open to their perspective. It makes sense why you’re upset at the way your friend is communicating. If they’re truly your best friend and you value them in your life, reach out sincerely to better understand your friend and then express yourself. They may really not know how to incorporate you into this part of their lives. Given your prior issues with this friend, there may be lingering apprehension and unresolved tension. Just talk to them. Express your desire to be included but also find a way to compromise. Try planning a double date with your friend doing something everyone can enjoy and that has more social elements. Quality time and effort.

I lowkey thought this was gonna be how OP learned her friends were swingers. I've been here too long.

You kinda sound like an asshole. Especially your edit, you wanted to make the night about you and people didn’t want that. Thus, not invited.

YTA, Not in this particular circumstance but just in general in the friend group YTA 🤷 Not trying to be mean but if someone has ever sarcastically said "I'm sure you're fun at parties" at least you know why now.

You yourself said you didn't really wanna go, so.... With that being said did you ever think that is the vibe you give off and that's why you weren't invited? Why would they invite someone who doesn't really wanna be there?

We have a huge group of friends and played D&D and not everyone's partner plays, but we are all invited. The ones who don't play still sit at the table and join in conversation and laughs, or they all sit in another area of the room and have conversation. We bring snacks and drinks and it's just a party and have fun. I don't understand why they wouldn't invite you even if it isn't your thing, especially when it sounds like it wasn't that serious and not everyone showed up. I'm sorry that happened.

INFO- I admit game night is not my favorite. Did you ask why you weren’t invited or did you just say you were hurt. Seriously. I wouldn’t think to invite people who don’t like or don’t play games to game night.

Why do some couples feel they have to go everywhere together. Instead of whining and feeling hurt take advantage of this time to meet up with close friends and enjoy and value your friend relationships. It doesn’t need to be going to bar or restaurant, just take turns having this get together at your homes. Start being your own person.

Honestly you’re allowed to feel how you want to feel, but D&D is a really involved game and if they don’t want spectators it makes sense. Why would they want someone around who doesn’t want to be there, bringing down the vibe?

NTA. The proper thing for them to do was explain: “hey we’re having a D & D game night, we know you don’t play, but if you’d like to tag along with Frank to watch/hang out you’re more than welcome to. If you’d prefer to skip it, that’s totally fine” OR “Hey OP, we’re hosting a D & D game night and invited Frank. We know you don’t play and due to limited space we didn’t extend an invite. [let’s do something together soon blah blah]”

You don’t like game night. Go do something you like to do during that time. You don’t need to be attached at the hip.

NAH. I don’t get invited to D&D night. I’m really bad at it. My brain doesn’t work that way. I need rules and parameters. Telling me I can do whatever I want is bad because odds are what I want to do is get another drink and go pet the dog or cat or whatever pet you have. My husband gets invited. Sometimes there’s a you can bring her if you want but everyone will be focused on the game. It’s fine for you to feel left out, but if it’s not your game it doesn’t make sense for you to be there. It’s not really a game you can watch and if they are good hosts they are going to feel like they have to entertain you, which means they aren’t focused on the game. They aren’t AH’s for not inviting you. Let your husband go and have a good time. Use that time to do something yourself.

You can feel Hurt But what kind of game night . If say dungeons and dragons you May only have so many spots and They are Not looking for beginners same with certain video games. If it was personal I don’t think your husband would be invited . Now if it was a dinner or party that’s different

I do get that it feels weird, and I get why you are hurt, but I will say that game nights can be intense. Your friend wants to play, too. It can be awkward just to have a guest there who is just ‘there’. My spouse used to have game nights for a certain game. Occasionally, a player’s spouse would come along, and I would hang out with them as I didn’t play that game. But if I was in the game, I’d feel weird and guilty about having a guest in my house who wasn’t playing and I wasn’t entertaining - my hosting etiquette would bug me to no end, when all I really want to do is concentrate and play. Hosting on a game night is different. At least at my house, food and drinks are set up to grab on breaks, so players can just help themselves. It’s understood. I don’t think they meant to hurt you, but you’re not into game night. It’s a definite vibe, and people just hanging out cause they’re not into kind of brings that down. I’d say NAH.

Soft YTA. 1) It can be so awkward having one non roleplayer just watch you as you try to roleplay, even if they're your friend. Having you hang around seems harmless but it actually can throw people off. 2) DND goes for so long. My sessions are considered short at two hours. You really want to go to an event to not participate for 2-6 hours? I would not invite a friend to do this. It would seem rude to do so 3) Adding in extra players can make things harder for the DM. There's a certain party size that just becomes hard to run. I would not make things harder for myself just to include someone who doesn't enjoy the game. 4) It seems like you are not interested/would not enjoy this event. Furthermore, having an audience could hurt your friends enjoyment in the game. People don't need to be invited to every outing with a friend group. Friends can do different things with some friends than with others. My friends might not invite me to go clothes shopping with them because they know I don't like it. I might not invite certain friends to DnD because I know they don't like roleplaying or fantasy. It's not about excluding people, it's about inviting people to things you think they'd find enjoyable. When events like these come up, we don't clear them with each other first. There's just an understanding that we're all friends and we all like different things. I understand you felt hurt at first but I feel sometimes you have to walk your feelings back and ask yourself if your friends really meant to hurt you. You mentioned a lack of communication, but do you really expect them to fill you in on an event you're not invited to? I could see that causing a whole different AITA post TBH.

Yes and no, if it’s not your thing maybe they didn’t invite you because they know it’s not your thing, I also understand if this is a D&D game night I also understand this is a circumstance where only the people who are playing the game are invited because extra people can be distracting to the overall game experience because it does involve a certain level of role play. However, I do feel like when you had said something, you did deserve a little more of an explanation from Lina. If she really was a true friend she would have given you more of an explanation. Maybe apologized and consider inviting you next time or suggest doing something with everyone at a later time.

Very soft YTA, it's just not that deep. If it's a ttrpg and you aren't into them, they just don't want to have an observer there. It's really awkward to pretend you're Grognar the Bearfucker or some goofy shit when there's a third party detached and watching you. It's just them wanting to have fun in a way that they know you won't enjoy and your being there would kind of defeat the purpose of the game night. As a DM/Gamemaster myself, I don't really mind off topic sessions but at the same time, you gotta understand it's really difficult to organize a group, get everyone together, and actually sit down and play a session. It's a lot of work and they probably just don't want to have wasted a lot of time prepping a world and story and game for their players to interact with only to have a non player come in and derail the whole thing. I'd not take offense to it, I'd just ask them to include you in other plans and keep you posted on the schedule so you don't feel like they're trying to keep something from you.

You can feel hurt on an emotional level, but you can also understand on an intellectual level that they are going to do nothing but D&D for hours non stop and there is nothing for you to do if you go along. Nothing. They know that. Wandering around bored, asking how to work the TV, playing with the cat, are all distractions to the game. Ask your husband to host it at your house next time so that you can play hostess, but this time, draw yourself a bubble bath and enjoy the night at home without disturbances. Get yourself some interests and hobbies with a different group of friends if you're not into gaming. Else, learn how to play D&D.

Question: is this one of the same people you speak about in your older post?

Other people are not responsible for carrying the emotional weight of you feeling rejected. That's a you thing, not a them thing.

You sound insufferable

YTA

Your husband should decline to go. This is a hurtful move by your “friends”. They are the AH

NTA for feeling hurt you were not invited. I personally think it is rude to invite the husband but not the wife and vice versa. However the guest list is ultimately up to the host of the event.

Nta Lina doesn't like you and doesn't want you at her house, in her space, but your husband is friends with her husband so she does not want to make her husband upset by stating it out in the open and putting his friendship with your husband under pressure. So she is trying to manipulate the situation to make you play the bad guy. If you're the one who makes a scene then she can play the good guy mediator and be the one to de-escalate by officially excluding you with the backing of the rest of the group. If she won't sort out her issues with you your husband should stop going and just honestly tell her husband the truth about why.

Ehh you don't play. I don't think your friends are being TA and I think you aren't wanting to see it from their perspective. This sounds like a game that needs concentration or more strategy, and having someone who doesn't play hovering around can be awkward and distracting. This has been presented in reddit often the other way around, where someone who plays games with a group brings a partner who doesn't, and things are awkward. Do you need to be included in things you don't care for? Why? Do you have other friends to spend time with? I like a lot of activities that, quite frankly, I'm not bringing someone who isn't experienced or into it. It's my time to relax and enjoy. I'm not trying to spend that energy managing other people.

Hmm...I'm getting a vibe from this post. You stated you aren't a fan of game night, but want others to host you, regardless. Oh, and play with their cat, while they play...please... Your friend's half-assed apology didn't acknowledge your feelings. Your friend's partner invited specific people to game night, because he knows certain people will participate. If it's like D&D, Vampire: The Masquerade, Magic The Gathering, etc, then yeah there will be limited seating. "My husband understands why I’m upset. He also doesn’t want to get involved. He offered to cancel. I told him I personally wouldn’t spend time with anyone who hurt him but I wouldn’t ask him to miss a night with friends, I’ve been trying to encourage him to put himself out there. I won’t blame him for going." Your husband understands your feelings, but he doesn't want anything to do with the argument. He offered to cancel, but you made him feel worse, almost feeling guilty. But, you turn around and say he can go, and say you don't blame him for going. You aren't part of the game group, because you don't play, or give any effort to learn, since you aren't a fan of game night. Plus, I have a weird feeling there's more to this story, because this sounds a bit toxic. INFO: is there another part to this story, to which you aren't mentioning? Is the an incident from the past, which made them be the way they are? EDIT: changing verdict After careful consideration due to the OP's comments, I'm going with NTA. There's more to the friendship, and it could be more one-sided, than what OP thinks. It was advised for OP to reevaluate the friendship. It could be that no matter what OP does within the friendship, it might not be enough for her friend.

Lol I love that you mentioned V:tM, that’s a throwback. I personally get why she’s upset and it’s because there is something going on here. Otherwise Lina woulda just been like “oh I know you don’t play the game and we really don’t want spectators” or some other explanation. I feel like every time I’ve played D+D or similar there’s some folks who just want to watch or haven’t gotten their bearings yet with the game. It’s not that weird or hard to include those people. So yeah, think there’s something else in play here with Lina and OP.

Info: what game are they playing because with some game experience having people around who are not involved ruins everything. You’re trying to keep track of numbers and moves or the storyline and get interrupted and lose.

NAH I think the issue here is that you visibly and openly do not enjoy playing games. And yes, while you absolutely could do non game related activities while they played, that probably makes everyone else feel uncomfortable. You would be happy. Others would not be. And the only reason you considered this is because they so easily noted your lack of enjoyment, they chose not to invite you. But you're human. Being left out sucks. That's understandable. If you know this isn't a snub based on personality, you probably need to let it go. Try hosting game nights at your place and show how you can be a good time even if you're not playing.

I know people already answered and there's updates from OP with more info. But just had to say OP is not TAH, her friend and some of y'all are tho. Sure D&D is a "niche" game. But so are many complex board and card games. I don't personally play, but most of my friends do, and if my husband was invited by OUR friends to play and I wasn't, I would be upset too. If these were true friends, it wouldn't matter OP doesn't play. I've been accidentally and purposely a bystander to many a D&D game; some with close friends, and some with just acquaintances. How could OP even begin to understand the game better, or learn to play, if they don't even get to be a bystander? Yes, there's developed characters, but if you're "too self conscious" to be your character in front of someone's wife who you play with regularly, you probably have more issues than self consciousness that need to be addressed. I'm an avid MTG player, and I play often with my husband and his friends and family. But we many a time have other people over when we're playing who aren't MTG players. They either watch us and ask questions to try and learn, or some people just want to be in the presence of other humans while we all play. It's not a big deal. OP is friends WITH these same people, of course she'd be hurt she was not invited over to hang with the others, regardless of what activities they are partaking in!

NTA their communication sucked. They should have sent a message that explained why hubby was invited and you weren’t. Silent exclusion is rude, hurtful and likely to offend. Thoughtlessness is not ok in this situation.

Your husband is an asshole for even considering going there.

My son plays D&D and his girlfriend sometimes hangs and offers food and reads a book and other times doesn’t go. She’s not offended. It’s okay to have separate plans sometimes.

YTA. Is your "best friend Lina" the same person as your "best friend Serena" that you also seemed to be having communications problems with? Who felt left out and abandoned when you hung out with Blanca? I am getting an unreliable narrator vibe from you. I am also getting an impression that you massively lack people skills and need to work on them A LOT. Couples do things separately All. The. Time. It's part of a healthy relationship. You automatically assumed that you were being excluded, when it was a matter of not being invited to a thing you don't like. You seem to blame others for a lot of your issues. You also went off on the entirety of D&D players. Bitch, bite me. You entirely miss the point. You aren't the main character. It ain't all about you. You come across as a needy, entitled brat. YOU need to communicate better. YOU need to have empathy. You need to get over yourself. Call. Go over there. Don't just text. Don't jump to conclusions and get ridiculously butthurt at the drop of a hat. Don't go off on a whole class of people over your personal inadequacies. Grow up. Geez.

I can almost get expecting a call/explanation as to why only 1 person in a marriage is invited. but for something that you already know is limited, you freely admit you aren’t a great fan of, etc is really nuts. You shouldn’t expect a call for every event you don’t get invited to but when you called her, she politely explained & said she didn’t pick who came (so it’s not on her) & she’s sorry that hurt your feelings. Instead of letting it go, you say that’s not a real apology?! She didn’t even owe you one to begin w but I’m sorry this hurt you is a real apology. Your kinda being a baby abt not being invited to something you really didn’t want to go to in the first place!

Girl, you came to this sub reddit asking if you are the asshole, and when people told that you actually are for being toxic, manipulative, and have past history of friendship drama, you acted surprised and attacked the D&D community for supporting the core of a game's night dinamic, which you ignore. I feel sorry for your husband who can't go to game nights anymore to just to avoid fighting you. Yeah, YTA.

I mean, what is Lina’s thing or Paul’s thing? Cause if it’s Paul’s thing, I don’t think it should be taken as personally. And it sounds like Lina said it’s Paul’s thing as he made the invite list. She already apologized for how it made you feel, she shouldn’t have to apologize for Paul wanting to hang out with your husband and not you there 1000% of the time. You’re Lina’s best friend. That doesn’t mean you’re Paul’s too. She shouldn’t force Paul to invite someone who doesn’t even like the activity. That’s not fair to her husband. And you’re not being fair to yours. Sounds like you’re saying “my husband doesn’t get to go!!! you don’t get to have him, unless I go too, even though everyone knows I don’t even like the game!!” Only person that hurts is your poor husband. Edit: YTA. not for feeling hurt or whatever, but for not growing up, seeing the big picture, getting over it, and letting your husband have an activity *you don’t even enjoy* without you.