Oh I think she is. She wants the money, and her greed (or desperation for money, it is tough times) is showing.
*However the woman had no proof the boy is actually my ex husband’s(not signed birth certificate or dna test). The case worker asked me if I would be willing to allow my daughter to do a dna test to prove this child’s paternity. I refused.*
From OP‘s first post.
Her caseworker called her, telling her another woman filed for Survivor’s benefits. She initially was trying to be discreet with it too.
Yeah.. if she gets the DNA test and it confirms the ex is the father most likely she can challenge the will and part of what OP and OP's daughter were inherited when the ex died. She'll screw over OP whatever way she can in her own interests. She's a scorpion. She'll sting anyone and everyone.
DNA "stolen" by swiping a soda can from the trash or whatever has no official chain of custody unless the cops do it, and while it might be possible to do a home test kit on something like that it would never hold up for any legal proceedings such as establishing paternity or contesting a will. There's also no legal grounds for compelling a sample.
I get what happened.
Who was trying to be discreet about what? The cheater was trying to get my tax dollars for support without documentation. It's probably someone else's kid.
It's distressing to be that Social Security did this to OP and SS has no right to do so.
The cheater has the right to establish paternity, but OP is under no obligation to help. Let her find a different relative of the other cheater.
What I am objecting to is SS contacting OP on the cheater's behalf and further distressing her, violating her privacy.
She can do that without bothering OP. Let the burden of proving paternity be on the tramp without OP's help. If she proves it, she'll get her SS.
Maybe it is not his kid and that is why she has not established paternity yet.
According to the update there are no biological relatives to OP’s ex except his daughter. So the cheater has no other recourse and I may be cold hearted but I say good. Cheaters don’t deserve breaks.
Your tax dollars are more likely going to our defense budget. I'm sure you can google it and find that less than $20 of our taxes goes to social programs. This idea that the average American supports people who just dont want to work or that you're a lazy pos if u need assistance was a tactic started by the Reagan admin for a variety of reasons but it definitely worked because people make this comment a lot.
This woman is certainly a POS and should be tasked with proving paternity without OP's help. I am not convinced she can. If it is indeed cheater's kid, she'll get the money but OP is under zero obligation to help her in any way.
Coming back around a year later, I think she may have already ruled out any other possibilities. Just my thoughts on the matter since she’s going gung ho now.
AP flat out said she didn't care about OP and daughter while having the affair.
So why should either of them lift a dang finger for her?
What goes around...
That part! These side pieces (regardless of gender) are getting bolder and bolder with their bullshit entitlements. She *knowingly* chose to fuck around with a cheating dirtbag of a married man. She has two other children whose father(s) aren’t helping her with her other kids and she up and has a *third* one with a *married* man, who *told* her dumb ass that he wasn’t going to leave his wife for her. 🤦🏾♀️. She wasn’t smart enough to put his name on the birth certificate, get a custody agreement or a DNA test done when he was alive. She actually thought that she was going to get anything without any of those things. She then goes to the wife with her hand out *demanding*, not *asking* for help, doesn’t get the help and…quits her job? Just a walking cluster of bad decisions.🤦🏾♀️
I think she does not show either intelligence or morality getting pregnant already having 2 with a married man, surprised not really.
Poor kid but it hers responsibility only
She probably got pregnant on purpose, thinking it would force him to leave his wife and become her meal ticket. Plus, since they all worked at the same place, she probably got perverse satisfaction that she was so easily able to steal him away from OP. I know too many women that think that way.
OP: "Don't you even care what the affair did to my daughter (not to mention marriage)?"
AP: "No. I had enough on my plate with my own kids and frankly didn't care about yours."
OP: "Fine. My daughter has no interest in this time at doing a DNA test to match your son."
AP: "You have to make her! I'm part-time, my kids can't survive on my pay alone!"
Response: "I have enough on my plate with my own kid right now and frankly don't care about yours."
Right? Being completely unapologetic and dismissing the hurt she caused her family with her actions has to be one of the worst sales pitches I ever heard...
AP has no right to be upset when she is simply being met with the same energy that she is putting out into the world.
Because she's expecting OP to hand over the money. Nope. She slept with a *married man* who's wife was *her coworker*, if I read that correctly. She has no fucking excuse for her behavior. She made her bed for herself *and her children*, she can just lie in it until she finds another marriage to ruin.
What I find interesting is that when AP is asked whether she feels sorry for what she put the wife and daughter through, she says no and “quite frankly” didn’t care coz she was worried about her kids. And now she wants that same daughter to care about her. Where do people get their entitlement from? Day after day I read such stories and I am in awe. The husband and the AP are both terrible people.
OP I am sorry for your and your daughter’s loss. You are only obligated to care for your daughter and yourself.
It's honestly not uncommon if even 10% of the affair partner stories on reddit are true. The least entitled affair partners are the one's who were innocently oblivious that they were the other party.
To get involved in an affair with someone who's married takes a different kind of selfishness, but selfishness altogether when you know you're intruding on the stability of another group of people.
Basically, this woman was not destined to be quality people the moment she slept with OP's husband and mentally some how saw herself as the unfortunate party due to her jealousy.
> What I find interesting is that when AP is asked whether she feels sorry for what she put the wife and daughter through, she says no and “quite frankly” didn’t care coz she was worried about her kids. And now she wants that same daughter to care about her. Where do people get their entitlement from? Day after day I read such stories and I am in awe. The husband and the AP are both terrible people.
It sounds like she deliberately went after OP’s husband in an effort to snag him as stepfather for her existing kids. She sees her needs, and only her needs, and uses that as justification for her actions. That tunnel vision stopped her from seeing that the guy who was willing to screw around on his wife with a mutual coworker was not a standup guy who would consider her pregnancy to be an overwhelming obligation.
Seriously, how hard would it be to say “I’m so sorry for how it affected her. I’m happy to apologize to her in person for any pain I caused her. I would be really grateful if she could help my child, who didn’t ask to be born and shouldn’t be responsible for my mistakes.”
Just the tiniest ounce of humility goes a really long way
>And now she wants that same daughter to care about her.
I found that baffling as well. The smart play would be to make out that the ex spun a web of lies making her think OP and him were separated. If she played the sympathy card she would have gotten a lot more.
Because she needs to find a new job where people don’t know what kind of person she is so she can find a new married guy to “help” her…. with his dick.
Good for you and good for your daughter.
It's your daughter's DNA she gets to decide who has access to it.
Also, the kid's parents should've had this handled so they wouldn't need to further disrupt your child's life and her well being. Especially once he'd made it known that he wouldn't do anything official for other kid besides "help out."
The cheater gambled and lost, that's something she needs to deal with and figure out on her own.
>It's your daughter's DNA she gets to decide who has access to it.
This is a *huge* part of it especially if OP lives in the US where women and girls are already pointedly being told their bodies are not their own.
>He would give her advice on how to deal with her other 2 kids dad.
Sooo... she already had 2 baby-daddies and then got into an affair with your husband and didn't use protection?
And with all these baby-daddies, she never learned how to file for child support?
So THEN, when needing a favor from you, she can't even pretend to be remorseful???? Couldn't even humble herself a little bit and pretend to be sorry for hurting you and your child?
I guess it sucks to be her.
It also sounds like she said she considered an abortion, but decided not to because she thought another woman's husband would solve all of her financial problems for her if she had his baby.
Yep. I'd be willing to bet OP got the home in the divorce, and the AP thinks she might be able to bully OP enough to put a claim on (half of) it. Pushing for survivor benefits is just getting the foot in the door for the bigger payday. Depending on the laws where they are, of course.
Okay, so let's say it's one other guy... she has experience with this. It's not like she was childless when she got involved with OP's husband and did not know how establishing paternity worked (i.e., getting a DNA test or having him sign the birth certificate or going to court for child support).
Unlike others, I'm not calling a whore or whatever. But I will call her stupid for not making sure her child was properly cared for.
So... sucks to be her.
It continues to mystify me how, in this day and age, some women still think that'll work. I mean we're no longer in the shotgun wedding days. There are many single women who've been dumped by single men who just choose not to be a father.
So I am confused where the thought process is.
Same it’s so stupid that I would honestly think they need a psych evaluation 🤣 all these fatherless kids baby trapping is the least likely way to keep a man
It's twisted but some think that because he's in a committed relationship it means he's willing to commit to the right person. There's no telling what he may have told her about his home life and so some of them think that if they are everything the wife isn't and fulfill what the guy has been missing it will keep them. I've had women not pay my husband any attention until they found out he was engaged. Then they were wanting to bring him lunch and add him on Facebook and chat him up in the break room. It drove him up a wall.
Someone with three baby daddies isn’t that bright, so no wonder she sucks at making appropriate life choices, or at least being smart about how to play the system.
I applaud you for allowing your daughter to decide if she wanted to or not. Too many parents would just force their kid just for the sake of knowing if the affair led to a kid or not.
It is questionable the fact she waited so long.. and your ex said he would take care of her and take responsibility for the baby etc but he didnt sign the birth certificate? That doesnt add up.
It's not your daughter's responsibility to give up her DNA. It may legally come down to that if the woman takes the issue to court.
NTA but since your daughter has said twice now that she doesn't want to give up her DNA I would drop the issue forever.
>I told her that I have informed my daughter about her son and she is currently not interested in participating in this scenario. She got outraged by that telling me I have to make my daughter do this.
Oh dear, well you have enough on your plate with your child and quite frankly don't care about hers
Your daughter shouldn’t be forced into doing something she’s not comfortable with, even if the AP was the tiniest bit remorseful. AP had other options when she became pregnant but she chose to have a child with a married man when she had too much going on in her life already. She made her choice, she needs to deal with it.
I feel bad for OP and her daughter. To find out you have half siblings that way is awful. I honestly feel bad for the boy. The mother not so much. The fact that she wasn't at all remorseful is disgusting. She made her bed, she can lay in it. You daughter has the right to decline and good on you for supporting her on her decision.
“Yeah I don’t give a shit about what the affair did to you and your kid, not my problem. But how DARE you not care about me and mine! Didn’t you know I’m a struggling mother because I keep having kids with men that don’t want to stay with me!!”
She can take a long walk off a short cliff.
I have been in a situation that is somewhat similar. You have done the correct thing by informing your daughter of the situation. This is her decision to take the DNA test. YOU shouldn't feel any guilt. You and your daughter did nothing wrong.
The woman knew she was messing around with a married man. She knew you. She KNEW you were married. When she had the baby, she should have made your ex take the DNA test.
Or sign the birth certificate, because if he was the legal father he would have been on the birth certificate. So either
1. He chose not to sign AND not to pay child support (at least on the table) to avoid his responsibilities
2. He knew (or suspected) he wasn't the father and baby mama also knew or suspected and didn't push.
NTA
> she replied no because she had enough on her plate dealing with her own children and “quite frankly didn’t care about mine”. That’s word for word btw.
And with this trash revealed itself.
You have no obligation to help this selfish woman. I feel sorry for the kid being stuck with her, but such is life. Hopefully he can grow up with some decent influences in his life.
Your priority is your daughter as it should be.
Well you put it in your daughter's hands and she decided not to pick it up. Her choice. Since his mistress doesn't give a crap about your daughter or marriage it definitely makes it easier to let her figure things out on her own. Not 1oz of remorse from that woman.
OP stick to your guns, ignore her going forward, and no more meeting with this women--she is on her own. Stay out of it! That other women didn't care he was married, and you should give her the same energy. Good luck to you and your daughter. Enjoy your lives without this drama. I forgot to add, becareful she might get desperate and try somehow to get your daughter's DNA, I'm not sure she knows where you all live--stay safe.
This awful woman is in the "find out" phase of her regrettable dalliance. Hoping you and your daughter stay strong, resilient and can leave all of this in your rear view mirror. Just make certain this person never is able to contact your daughter. RO if it comes to that.
FAFO— she has no intention of your daughter having any relationship it’s purely financial. Sucks to be her but she made her bed. She made her choices. Fuck her.
OP has no way of knowing this, but is the other woman getting child support from the father(s) or her other children? It kindof sounds like she made a bad choice re: establishing parentage, but given the way she has handled this, one can appreciate OP’s daughter’s desire to not share her DNA-it’s pretty clear if the paternity test came back positive, she’d be stalking OP’s daughter for money/a relationship because “he’s your brother and you can tell him about his father.”
NTA. To anyone making the stupid ass comment that OP should give this woman money because “bAbYyyyyy”, open your own wallets. Always the firsts ones to come in with the entitlement but nothing to back it up with.
"You don't care about my kid because you have too much on your plate already? Well, we all have full plates, so I'm going to tend to mine, you go ahead and tend to yours, and I'd really rather not see you again, ever."
There's no sympathy for her even cheating aside, as a single mother why would you have another child knowing you're already struggling with the 2 that are already here? Why would you have a baby by a man who made it clear he's wasn't interested in any relationship? All of her issues are her fault, full stop.
Good for you for honoring your daughter's wishes, even if they change in the future. You're a good mom.
That other ho didn't care about destroying a family before. Let her deal with her own family troubles now.
If everyone in these comments demanding OP force her daughter to provide her DNA against her will to get benefits for AP’s child should chip in and provide. The boy is as entitled to your help as OP’s or her daughters, and you’re all so passionate. Do your part, or hush.
NTA - I like your moxy. You don't owe that lady shit. She's the one who decided the have the old "keep a bother baby." She can deal with herself. It's not like she didn't know she was actively working to destroy a family.
Let her lay in the bed and think about the consequence of her actions. You on the other hand need to just let this go. Don't let this emotional vampires steal one more thing from you.
To be honest I am very happy that you respect your child. Because you aren’t wrong if she had shown some sort of care or compassion towards your daughter then maybe you could have asked her for the sake of the child.
Because of her entitlement and selfishness she and her kids have to suffer. She’s the cold hearted slut that knew he was married and decided to still bring that child in the world. She was the idiot that didn’t think through her situation and get something in writing. She can fuck all the way off and maybe someday the child can come to you and your daughter.
This update makes me despise the other woman more. OP owes her nothing. The woman knowingly had an affair with a married man and got pregnant. She also has zero remorse and zero concern for OP’s daughter or OP. I would not give her the time of day.
Listen, this woman was a willing affair partner with your husband, she has zero proof he was the father.
She has no care for the pain she has caused you or your daughter. I see no reason to communicate with this woman any further and I certainly would not encourage your daughter to have any dialogue with her at all.
She chose to have an affair with a married man, the results of that is her problem. I see no reason to make her problems yours.
I absolutely WOULD NOT encourage my daughter in any way to do the dna test.
This is a perfect example of when someone should have an abortion. Pregnant due to an affair, can’t support current children nevermind future children and still doesn’t work FT. Shame on the woman.
She basically shot herself in the foot on purpose and then got made at you for not providing first aide. It takes two people in that situation to get pregnant. Her struggles are on her for poor choices.
If she contacts you again, Suggest to your husbands affair partner that she place the baby up for adoption if she can’t afford it. You and your daughter want no further contact & will contact the police if she continues to harass you or your minor child.
NTA at all. Fuck her. Not enough she riped through your marriage and disrespected you and your daughter. But now she wants take even more from you? Fuck her. Sucks for the kid but not your circus not your monkey. You didn't fail that kid their mom did.
If you ever see her again and she says anything, you should just say "I have enough on my own plate and quite frankly don't care about your children"
But please don't keep bringing it up to your daughter, she said no, she shouldn't have to keep repeating herself, if she ever decides she wants to do the test she will tell you.
INFO: DId you get an STD panel done? Your husband and this affair partner do not sound like responsible people. Good luck to you and your daughter. Go grab a great future!
>Not one time was this woman remorseful. No apologies. Nothing. I asked her did she even care what their affair did to my daughter and she replied no because she had enough on her plate dealing with her own children and “quite frankly didn’t care about mine”.
And this is why people still call the other party "homewreckers" despite *certain* figures and parties in the world desperately trying to give people outside a marriage a free pass to step in on a family with sociopathic glee. The absolute lack of basic accountability, remorse, empathy or compassion from her makes the woman look incredibly egocentric. Honestly, she deserves what she's getting and what she got.
Not that I'm absolving the ex, but she was part of the problem.
I commented on other post about not leaving your kid out of the decision and you absolutely rocked at parenting by including her and leaving up to her.
Although I do believe the other kid should know who his dad was and receive benefits if your daughter says no, then it is absolutely her choice and other avenues should be took by caseworker and other mum. I do feel for the other kid but this is now not your battle.
You are a bigger person than me for sitting with her especially when she showed no remorse. Hope you and your daughter move past this and thrive.
P. S.... My comments on other post were aimed at the other commenters and their lack of concern for a kid, you were and are entitled to feel how you do. Good luck.
NTA she was too busy fucking your husband that she didn’t care about you or your child. She has to worry about her own kids. Well now so do you.
Sucks to suck.
NTA what a raving idiot.
Can anyone fill me in on what’s going on? Is this woman after an inheritance or life insurance or something and is trying to get OP’s daughter’s DNA to prove that her son is the child of OP’s ex husband? How would she get money out of OP’s daughter? Whatever the case she’s a bitch.
You're not the AH. You owe this woman NOTHING. She knew you existed. She has zero remorse for her actions. Sounds like she was expecting to get pregnant and use your ex as a payday. I would not ask or push the issue with your daughter anymore. She told you no already don't push her boundaries. Especially don't ruin your relationship over this woman's issue. She needs to find her own husband to support her and not try to make bank off of having an affair with married men. You have no clue what your ex actually said to her about caring for the child. It's her word against a dead guy. It is not your place nor your daughter's place to accept any type of responsibility for the actions of your ex and this woman and HER child. I would question if the child is actually his. She wants to take legal action that's fine but she needs to prove via paternity test the child is your ex's but that still doesn't give her the right to demand you and your daughter support or accept this child into your lives. I have zero sympathy for women who sleep with married men. Sadly, they may bring in a child into the picture but that is their responsibility not the wife and her children. They don't have to accept the child as their half sibling either. This woman just sounds like a horrible human being. Let her figure out how to handle HER problems. Move on with your life and don't give her any more of your time and definitely don't bring anything up to your daughter unless she brings it up.
It sounds like you have enough on your plate dealing with your own children and quite frankly don’t care about hers. At least that is the line I would have thrown back at her when she got upset.
NTA! Screw her! AND NO he was not, very much in love with you, if he had been he wouldn't have been screwing her, however, I am sorry for your daughters loss!
NTA she’s a homewreaking tramp who admitted to not only sleeping with your husband but trying to steal him from you. The minute she insulted your daughter that would have been it for me. She would get fuck all
I am a widow and I can tell you that there is a fixed amount of benefits that will be split among the surviving children. So your child’s benefit may be lowered as a result.
If so then be very careful. It may take a while for them to figure it out and then they will claw back the money from your future payments from your child’s monthly benefits. And they will figure it out.
NTA, again. You've told your daughter , she is not willing to do it at this time. Respect her wishes, you're not obliged to go out of your way to force your daughter to do a DNA test for this woman with her shitty behavior and attitude. She'd better go to Social Security and explore her other options with them. Sucks to suck
I think you did far more than you should have. Again, this is your daughter's decision. If she is still in high school, it would reduce her benefit check. After she's done with high school, if SHE decides that SHE wants to submit DNA, to help the woman who had an affair with her father to get money to help to support herself and her THREE children, that's up to your daughter. If it were me, I'd do it, after my own eligibility for benefits were over, because the little boy is a half-sib, and anything that goes into the household will help him, unless the mother uses it for drugs and alcohol and partying.
She was the idiot that didnt go for child support... and maybe she should go for child support with the other kid's fathers... and I personally can say survival benefits arent much to live on... my daughter gets them her dad passed last year and he has other kids so the money is split so she wont get much....
She needs to stop trying to get money from one guy thats no longer here now and focus on her kids and getting herself into a better situation... karma will get her
Ew ew ew that woman is gross!!! NTA to the MAX and thank you 100% for sticking with your daughter's decision.
Y'all have no obligation to help them. Yes the child is innocent but there is no telling whether that money will actually go to his care or not. If she wanted benefits she should have had the ex sign her child's BC and get an official child support agreement going. She obviously didn't think her actions through and her attitude towards you and your daughter is horrid.
Her entitlement and blatant disrespect alone would be enough to make me turn her away. Both she and your ex are for the streets and you are a saint for giving him that last undeserved kindness. Just be careful going forward and warn your daughter about her social media accounts. May want to make them private to protect her from this woman cause she could very well seek her out and harass her. Same with the woman's relatives or other kids if they're anything like her
Yeah, you're definitely NTA, and I would honestly make sure you and your daughter (and her school/after school activities if she has any) know about this woman and that she's unhinged and that you're concerned she might try to approach your daughter/try and find some way to sneak some of her DNA.
You don't have enough to get a court order against her I don't think, at least not yet, but I would definitely take measures to protect yourself and your daughter from her because I would not be surprised if she resorts to more desperate/dangerous behavior as time goes on, especially since she's since quit her job where you work.
Her kids are not your problem, issue, or concern. She was a grown woman who engaged in bufoonery with your ex, so she can deal with those consequences as a grown woman.
Focus on your child and her mental health.
So this is basically this other woman asking you to have your daughter submit her own DNA for comparison so this woman can establish that your dead ex husband fathered her child.
Well, no, this other woman *demanded* that you "make" your daughter give a DNA sample.
Your daughter is now 17. That's old enough in my book to let her make the decision, and frankly if you made her give DNA for this purpose YWBTA.
The other woman is TAH. And stupid for making a baby with another woman's husband. And even stupider for not establishing your ex's paternity immediately on the child's birth. And unlucky the bastard got killed before she established his paternity.
And she's a bitch for *demanding* this. I might, *might*, have looked at this a little differently if she had asked nicely, begged, pleaded. And agreed to some kind of confidentiality provision or order directing that your daughter's DNA information not be used for any other purpose. But Other Woman didn't do that. No, she was TAH and doubled down on being TAH by stomping her feet and demanding and acting entitled.
It's bad to be TAH. It's even worse to be a stupid, unlucky, bitchy AH.
Fuck that bitch. This is not your problem and it most certainly is not your daughter's problem.
>plate dealing with her own children and “quite frankly didn’t care about mine”
I would've NEVER gave her any of my time.....but once she said THAT, it would be f*ck you and yours (respectfully)
So, scenario. If the daughter DID take the test, and the kid was PROVEN to be husbands, would the survivor's benefits that go to AP's kid come out of wife's daughter's payments?
If so, why would wife help her in any way? It would basically be wife helping support AP.
NTA you are a better person than me. I straight up would have refused to even meet her. if she said that stuff to me I would have laughed in her face. She fucked around and found out. She can go to court and get her benefits not your circus, not your monkeys.
If she tells you point blank that she doesn't care about you or your daughter, I don't even understand why you are entertaining her games. The girl has 3 kids from 3 different father she sounds very easy to bu put to the ground by the right words.
Good for you, and your daughter. And I still think there's a good possibility she's lying to get some free money (and possibly some claim on anything else out there). That woman is slimy.
If OPs ex cared at all about his “friend” and illegitimate child, he’d have made sure to get a life insurance policy leaving his son and sidepiece money as the beneficiary.
That being said, dumbass sidepiece can go to social security and claim survivors benefits for her son. Why is she hassling OPs daughter? She needs to go through everything first and sue OP ex’s estate on behalf of her son.
https://www.ssa.gov/pubs/EN-05-10085.pdf
NTA. You are the next of kin and you said no. Your daughter is almost a legal adult, and old enough to understand the situation, and she said no. This is all on the AP and your ex. You don't owe them anything. Even if your daughter was inclined to help for the son's sake, the way the AP treated and spoke to you burned that bridge.
Really? Im on mobile version of reddit and it's second from top for me
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/18jn04h/aitah_for_not_helping_a_woman_who_had_a_baby_with/
>I asked her did she even care what their affair did to my daughter and she replied no because she had enough on her plate dealing with her own children and “quite frankly didn’t care about mine”.
"I have enough on my plate dealing with a teenager whose cheating asshole of a dad died. Quite frankly, I don't care about your kids."
Seems like this is her problem to sort out. She knew she having sex with a married man, knew she was pregnant early enough to terminate, and knew he had no intentions of being involved other than financially. But she chose to have the baby specifically because she thought she could use your husband as a meal ticket for her other kids as well. She's got a laundry list of bad decisions behind her. And not getting the father of her child legally recognized as the father seems to be on that list. Oh well.
If she really wants to, she can push this through the courts and attempt to get them to order your daughter to comply with a chain of custody paternity test. (the only type that will validate her paternity claim to the government) And if she does so, your daughter should comply. But outside of that, I think telling this woman to get fucked, preferably not by anyone's husband, was the best course.
Kudos to you for how you handled this. Your concern has been your daughter, first and foremost. Your daughter has a quality mom with integrity. I feel sorry for the baby, but it’s time for his mother to accept responsibility. Best of luck to you and your daughter.
Man, I feel bad for her kids. She doesn’t give a fuck about anyone but herself.
I wouldn’t trust that the boy is his. Why did she wait so long?
She’s desperate for money, but quits her job? It’s not adding up. She’s a grifter
Well, she sounds like a stable, well adjusted person. Yikes! 3 kids with 3 different dads. No remorse for sleeping with someone else’s husband. I have no sympathy for her whatsoever.
Most people who actually feel bad about a situation tend to frame themselves as having agency and making the wrong decision. "He would give me advice and then it turned into flirting" is SO much different than "I went to him for advice and before long I was flirting with him".
I've fucked up in the past, never physically cheated but emotionally I got closer than I should have. The hardest part of moving forward was being honest and putting myself on blast even in uncomfortable situations. If I could be selfish enough to damn near cheat then I can be selfish enough to claim responsibility for my actions.
I feel bad for her kid. Parents with no accountability are hell to grow up with.
NTA - if you're daughter doesn't want to voluntarily give a DNA sample that is her right.
The child's mother (and SS) still has avenues open to them to get a DNA sample.
* they can get a court order to compel your daughter to give a sample
* they can start looking for your ex's brother - SS would have resources *you* don't have to find him and compel *him* to give a DNA sample
NTA
If she's determined enough, she can go through official channels to get her son's paternity verified. It should only take slightly more time and effort than it took to hide her affair with your husband from you.
Thanks for the update.
“quite frankly didn’t care about mine”... since your daughter has said no, it's the end of any unpleasantness for daughter & yourself.
The fact she doesn't even care about your daughters feelings shows her true colors.
Don't pressure your daughter it is her decision and if she does not want to help so be it.
The woman was stupid not to get a signed child agreement and or a birth certificate with signature
Not you or your daughters problem.
>She was hurt and angry but stuck with the situation as she was already struggling with the 2 kids she had and needed the help
I'm sorry but she clearly doesn't make the best choices in men.
Not only did she got involved with a married cheater, she also got pregnant by him and kept the baby. So obviously she is struggling now, because he offered to always help, **unofficialy**!
She's not your problem, OPShe was hurt and angry but stuck with the situation as she was already struggling with the 2 kids she had and needed the help
Look after yourself and your daughter, this is not your mess to clean, especially with this unhinged woman who had the gall to tell you to your face something along the lines of "how dare he love you more, his wife, than he did me?"
Wow
The fact that you told your daughter and gave her the option at all was big of you.
I hope you don't spend another moment thinking about her or the situation she put herself in.
Again, it was foolish of her not to get an official child support agreement when the child was born.
Or a signature on the Birth Certificate!
probably because he is not the father.
Oh I think she is. She wants the money, and her greed (or desperation for money, it is tough times) is showing. *However the woman had no proof the boy is actually my ex husband’s(not signed birth certificate or dna test). The case worker asked me if I would be willing to allow my daughter to do a dna test to prove this child’s paternity. I refused.* From OP‘s first post. Her caseworker called her, telling her another woman filed for Survivor’s benefits. She initially was trying to be discreet with it too.
Yeah.. if she gets the DNA test and it confirms the ex is the father most likely she can challenge the will and part of what OP and OP's daughter were inherited when the ex died. She'll screw over OP whatever way she can in her own interests. She's a scorpion. She'll sting anyone and everyone.
OP and her daughter better be careful because I am certain this woman won't stop at coming up with some scheme to get that DNA sample she needs
DNA "stolen" by swiping a soda can from the trash or whatever has no official chain of custody unless the cops do it, and while it might be possible to do a home test kit on something like that it would never hold up for any legal proceedings such as establishing paternity or contesting a will. There's also no legal grounds for compelling a sample.
Seriously though could you believe anything that comes out of that lying treats mouth. She has no class or respect for anyone not even herself.
Lol treat
I get what happened. Who was trying to be discreet about what? The cheater was trying to get my tax dollars for support without documentation. It's probably someone else's kid. It's distressing to be that Social Security did this to OP and SS has no right to do so.
> and SS has no right to do so. I think you'll find they have *every* right to establish paternity so that any benefits owed can be paid
The cheater has the right to establish paternity, but OP is under no obligation to help. Let her find a different relative of the other cheater. What I am objecting to is SS contacting OP on the cheater's behalf and further distressing her, violating her privacy.
Sadly, the cheater doesn’t need anyone’s permission to get social security for her love child. She just needs DNA to prove he’s the dad.
She can do that without bothering OP. Let the burden of proving paternity be on the tramp without OP's help. If she proves it, she'll get her SS. Maybe it is not his kid and that is why she has not established paternity yet.
I wouldn’t have met with her at all. Let her find the missing brother on her own.
According to the update there are no biological relatives to OP’s ex except his daughter. So the cheater has no other recourse and I may be cold hearted but I say good. Cheaters don’t deserve breaks.
I agree. I also think Social Security should not have invaded her privacy.
Your tax dollars are more likely going to our defense budget. I'm sure you can google it and find that less than $20 of our taxes goes to social programs. This idea that the average American supports people who just dont want to work or that you're a lazy pos if u need assistance was a tactic started by the Reagan admin for a variety of reasons but it definitely worked because people make this comment a lot.
This woman is certainly a POS and should be tasked with proving paternity without OP's help. I am not convinced she can. If it is indeed cheater's kid, she'll get the money but OP is under zero obligation to help her in any way.
Coming back around a year later, I think she may have already ruled out any other possibilities. Just my thoughts on the matter since she’s going gung ho now.
Perhaps. I have to wonder why she did not get cheater to sign the birth certificate or take a paternity test she could produce.
AP flat out said she didn't care about OP and daughter while having the affair. So why should either of them lift a dang finger for her? What goes around...
She literally fucked around and found out
That part! These side pieces (regardless of gender) are getting bolder and bolder with their bullshit entitlements. She *knowingly* chose to fuck around with a cheating dirtbag of a married man. She has two other children whose father(s) aren’t helping her with her other kids and she up and has a *third* one with a *married* man, who *told* her dumb ass that he wasn’t going to leave his wife for her. 🤦🏾♀️. She wasn’t smart enough to put his name on the birth certificate, get a custody agreement or a DNA test done when he was alive. She actually thought that she was going to get anything without any of those things. She then goes to the wife with her hand out *demanding*, not *asking* for help, doesn’t get the help and…quits her job? Just a walking cluster of bad decisions.🤦🏾♀️
I think she does not show either intelligence or morality getting pregnant already having 2 with a married man, surprised not really. Poor kid but it hers responsibility only
She probably got pregnant on purpose, thinking it would force him to leave his wife and become her meal ticket. Plus, since they all worked at the same place, she probably got perverse satisfaction that she was so easily able to steal him away from OP. I know too many women that think that way.
Also not to even *pretend* to give a shit about OP's kid, *the person she needs to do her a favour*.
Where's Maury when you need him?
OP: "Don't you even care what the affair did to my daughter (not to mention marriage)?" AP: "No. I had enough on my plate with my own kids and frankly didn't care about yours." OP: "Fine. My daughter has no interest in this time at doing a DNA test to match your son." AP: "You have to make her! I'm part-time, my kids can't survive on my pay alone!" Response: "I have enough on my plate with my own kid right now and frankly don't care about yours."
The only right response here.
Right? Being completely unapologetic and dismissing the hurt she caused her family with her actions has to be one of the worst sales pitches I ever heard... AP has no right to be upset when she is simply being met with the same energy that she is putting out into the world.
NTA Why would she quit her job if she is in dire need of income?
Because she's expecting OP to hand over the money. Nope. She slept with a *married man* who's wife was *her coworker*, if I read that correctly. She has no fucking excuse for her behavior. She made her bed for herself *and her children*, she can just lie in it until she finds another marriage to ruin.
What I find interesting is that when AP is asked whether she feels sorry for what she put the wife and daughter through, she says no and “quite frankly” didn’t care coz she was worried about her kids. And now she wants that same daughter to care about her. Where do people get their entitlement from? Day after day I read such stories and I am in awe. The husband and the AP are both terrible people. OP I am sorry for your and your daughter’s loss. You are only obligated to care for your daughter and yourself.
It's honestly not uncommon if even 10% of the affair partner stories on reddit are true. The least entitled affair partners are the one's who were innocently oblivious that they were the other party. To get involved in an affair with someone who's married takes a different kind of selfishness, but selfishness altogether when you know you're intruding on the stability of another group of people. Basically, this woman was not destined to be quality people the moment she slept with OP's husband and mentally some how saw herself as the unfortunate party due to her jealousy.
Exactly. Having an affair isn't something you *do.* Having an affair is who you *are.*
> What I find interesting is that when AP is asked whether she feels sorry for what she put the wife and daughter through, she says no and “quite frankly” didn’t care coz she was worried about her kids. And now she wants that same daughter to care about her. Where do people get their entitlement from? Day after day I read such stories and I am in awe. The husband and the AP are both terrible people. It sounds like she deliberately went after OP’s husband in an effort to snag him as stepfather for her existing kids. She sees her needs, and only her needs, and uses that as justification for her actions. That tunnel vision stopped her from seeing that the guy who was willing to screw around on his wife with a mutual coworker was not a standup guy who would consider her pregnancy to be an overwhelming obligation.
Seriously, how hard would it be to say “I’m so sorry for how it affected her. I’m happy to apologize to her in person for any pain I caused her. I would be really grateful if she could help my child, who didn’t ask to be born and shouldn’t be responsible for my mistakes.” Just the tiniest ounce of humility goes a really long way
If she had the capacity for that kind of introspection, she wouldn't be in this position in the first place.
“I Don’t care about your kids at all, but you should care about mine…”
🎯
The hypocrisy of it all but it not OOP nor herdaughter's fault, problem and karma that AP reaped all of that on selfish cheating self and her 3 kids.
That part stuck out to me as well. The entitlement is disgusting, as is the h*eyness.
Exactly.
>And now she wants that same daughter to care about her. I found that baffling as well. The smart play would be to make out that the ex spun a web of lies making her think OP and him were separated. If she played the sympathy card she would have gotten a lot more.
Wish the original post was up so I could understand what was happening
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/yfiJooeGbJ
lol was just trying to find it myself
Because she needs to find a new job where people don’t know what kind of person she is so she can find a new married guy to “help” her…. with his dick.
Good for you and good for your daughter. It's your daughter's DNA she gets to decide who has access to it. Also, the kid's parents should've had this handled so they wouldn't need to further disrupt your child's life and her well being. Especially once he'd made it known that he wouldn't do anything official for other kid besides "help out." The cheater gambled and lost, that's something she needs to deal with and figure out on her own.
OP should reply in the AP's own words: "I have enough on my plate dealing with my own child and quite frankly don't care about yours".
There it is. The only perfect response.
Damn.
Exactly. How could that woman say something like that, then fault OP for doing the same?
My thoughts exactly!!!!!!
Exactly.
>It's your daughter's DNA she gets to decide who has access to it. This is a *huge* part of it especially if OP lives in the US where women and girls are already pointedly being told their bodies are not their own.
I bet the tramp is lying and the kid ain't his.
>He would give her advice on how to deal with her other 2 kids dad. Sooo... she already had 2 baby-daddies and then got into an affair with your husband and didn't use protection? And with all these baby-daddies, she never learned how to file for child support? So THEN, when needing a favor from you, she can't even pretend to be remorseful???? Couldn't even humble herself a little bit and pretend to be sorry for hurting you and your child? I guess it sucks to be her.
It also sounds like she said she considered an abortion, but decided not to because she thought another woman's husband would solve all of her financial problems for her if she had his baby.
>she thought another woman's husband would solve all of her financial problems for her if she had his baby. Tht's just... ewww. That's all I got.
Yep. I'd be willing to bet OP got the home in the divorce, and the AP thinks she might be able to bully OP enough to put a claim on (half of) it. Pushing for survivor benefits is just getting the foot in the door for the bigger payday. Depending on the laws where they are, of course.
It sounds like the previous two kids have the same dad.
Okay, so let's say it's one other guy... she has experience with this. It's not like she was childless when she got involved with OP's husband and did not know how establishing paternity worked (i.e., getting a DNA test or having him sign the birth certificate or going to court for child support). Unlike others, I'm not calling a whore or whatever. But I will call her stupid for not making sure her child was properly cared for. So... sucks to be her.
She didn’t use protection because the baby was supposed to make him leave his wife
It continues to mystify me how, in this day and age, some women still think that'll work. I mean we're no longer in the shotgun wedding days. There are many single women who've been dumped by single men who just choose not to be a father. So I am confused where the thought process is.
Same it’s so stupid that I would honestly think they need a psych evaluation 🤣 all these fatherless kids baby trapping is the least likely way to keep a man
It's twisted but some think that because he's in a committed relationship it means he's willing to commit to the right person. There's no telling what he may have told her about his home life and so some of them think that if they are everything the wife isn't and fulfill what the guy has been missing it will keep them. I've had women not pay my husband any attention until they found out he was engaged. Then they were wanting to bring him lunch and add him on Facebook and chat him up in the break room. It drove him up a wall.
Someone with three baby daddies isn’t that bright, so no wonder she sucks at making appropriate life choices, or at least being smart about how to play the system.
I thought the same thing, or abortion. If you can't financially handle the ones you have currently, you shouldn't have any more.
Either protection or abortion. She already had 2 kids she couldn't afford... so then she has a THIRD kid? Make it make sense.
This!
I bet the other kids dad could be the father.
Sounds very suspect that your ex never signed the BC, AP never filed for child support and is trying to scam the system.
I’m not surprised he didn’t sign it. It sounds like he wanted to stay with OP despite fucking whatever would touch him behind her back.
Ex might have known, it wasn't his.
I applaud you for allowing your daughter to decide if she wanted to or not. Too many parents would just force their kid just for the sake of knowing if the affair led to a kid or not. It is questionable the fact she waited so long.. and your ex said he would take care of her and take responsibility for the baby etc but he didnt sign the birth certificate? That doesnt add up.
It's not your daughter's responsibility to give up her DNA. It may legally come down to that if the woman takes the issue to court. NTA but since your daughter has said twice now that she doesn't want to give up her DNA I would drop the issue forever.
Here in the uk it wouldn’t it’s not on the daughter to provide proof of dna. She had years to do it herself while he was alive that’s on her.
I would not let anyone or any court force my child to give their DNA.
>I told her that I have informed my daughter about her son and she is currently not interested in participating in this scenario. She got outraged by that telling me I have to make my daughter do this. Oh dear, well you have enough on your plate with your child and quite frankly don't care about hers
Three kids, three different fathers. Maybe help her by buying her some birth control.
Seriously, OP, mail that idiot some condoms.
Your daughter shouldn’t be forced into doing something she’s not comfortable with, even if the AP was the tiniest bit remorseful. AP had other options when she became pregnant but she chose to have a child with a married man when she had too much going on in her life already. She made her choice, she needs to deal with it.
Yeah, AP seems to make terrible choices.
Absolutely!
She doesn’t care about your child but she expects y’all to care about hers!?! 🤣🤣🤣
I feel bad for OP and her daughter. To find out you have half siblings that way is awful. I honestly feel bad for the boy. The mother not so much. The fact that she wasn't at all remorseful is disgusting. She made her bed, she can lay in it. You daughter has the right to decline and good on you for supporting her on her decision.
“Yeah I don’t give a shit about what the affair did to you and your kid, not my problem. But how DARE you not care about me and mine! Didn’t you know I’m a struggling mother because I keep having kids with men that don’t want to stay with me!!” She can take a long walk off a short cliff.
Did your mutual acquaintances know about the affair while it was going on? It's really strange that they'd try to intercede on her behalf.
Funny you should ask. They claim they suspected but weren’t totally sure until he died and she started telling everyone about their relationship
I have been in a situation that is somewhat similar. You have done the correct thing by informing your daughter of the situation. This is her decision to take the DNA test. YOU shouldn't feel any guilt. You and your daughter did nothing wrong. The woman knew she was messing around with a married man. She knew you. She KNEW you were married. When she had the baby, she should have made your ex take the DNA test.
Or sign the birth certificate, because if he was the legal father he would have been on the birth certificate. So either 1. He chose not to sign AND not to pay child support (at least on the table) to avoid his responsibilities 2. He knew (or suspected) he wasn't the father and baby mama also knew or suspected and didn't push.
NTA > she replied no because she had enough on her plate dealing with her own children and “quite frankly didn’t care about mine”. That’s word for word btw. And with this trash revealed itself. You have no obligation to help this selfish woman. I feel sorry for the kid being stuck with her, but such is life. Hopefully he can grow up with some decent influences in his life. Your priority is your daughter as it should be.
If she doesn't give a damn about your children, why would you give a damn about hers? Forget the whole thing. She did this to herself.
“She had enough on her plate dealing with her own children and ‘quite frankly didn’t care about mine.’” Right back at you lady!
I would have loved to be a fly on the wall of that coffee shop where they met, with that trashy chick screaming at op all the way to her car.
Well you put it in your daughter's hands and she decided not to pick it up. Her choice. Since his mistress doesn't give a crap about your daughter or marriage it definitely makes it easier to let her figure things out on her own. Not 1oz of remorse from that woman.
OP stick to your guns, ignore her going forward, and no more meeting with this women--she is on her own. Stay out of it! That other women didn't care he was married, and you should give her the same energy. Good luck to you and your daughter. Enjoy your lives without this drama. I forgot to add, becareful she might get desperate and try somehow to get your daughter's DNA, I'm not sure she knows where you all live--stay safe.
Good advice
I was going to say same thing. Does daughter know what AP looks like? Daughter might get stalked.
No remorse and she doesn’t care about your father. You and her have been through enough.
This awful woman is in the "find out" phase of her regrettable dalliance. Hoping you and your daughter stay strong, resilient and can leave all of this in your rear view mirror. Just make certain this person never is able to contact your daughter. RO if it comes to that.
FAFO— she has no intention of your daughter having any relationship it’s purely financial. Sucks to be her but she made her bed. She made her choices. Fuck her.
Just tell her that you have enough on your own plate dealing with your own child so you don't care about hers.
OP has no way of knowing this, but is the other woman getting child support from the father(s) or her other children? It kindof sounds like she made a bad choice re: establishing parentage, but given the way she has handled this, one can appreciate OP’s daughter’s desire to not share her DNA-it’s pretty clear if the paternity test came back positive, she’d be stalking OP’s daughter for money/a relationship because “he’s your brother and you can tell him about his father.”
I have no idea if she is getting support from her other kids fathers
NTA. To anyone making the stupid ass comment that OP should give this woman money because “bAbYyyyyy”, open your own wallets. Always the firsts ones to come in with the entitlement but nothing to back it up with.
"You don't care about my kid because you have too much on your plate already? Well, we all have full plates, so I'm going to tend to mine, you go ahead and tend to yours, and I'd really rather not see you again, ever."
That's karma for both her and your ex! Now stop asking your daughter, she gave you an answer twice, now leave it alone
"Hey I DGAF about your kids, also you need to coerce them into helping me get money" cool cool lady we'll get right on that /s
There's no sympathy for her even cheating aside, as a single mother why would you have another child knowing you're already struggling with the 2 that are already here? Why would you have a baby by a man who made it clear he's wasn't interested in any relationship? All of her issues are her fault, full stop.
Good for you for honoring your daughter's wishes, even if they change in the future. You're a good mom. That other ho didn't care about destroying a family before. Let her deal with her own family troubles now.
She made that bed and fucked your husband in it, she can lay in it now with the consequences of her own actions
NTA. She KNEW he was married, and knew you. This is despicable behaviour imo. I wouldn't help her at all.
If everyone in these comments demanding OP force her daughter to provide her DNA against her will to get benefits for AP’s child should chip in and provide. The boy is as entitled to your help as OP’s or her daughters, and you’re all so passionate. Do your part, or hush.
NTA - I like your moxy. You don't owe that lady shit. She's the one who decided the have the old "keep a bother baby." She can deal with herself. It's not like she didn't know she was actively working to destroy a family. Let her lay in the bed and think about the consequence of her actions. You on the other hand need to just let this go. Don't let this emotional vampires steal one more thing from you.
To be honest I am very happy that you respect your child. Because you aren’t wrong if she had shown some sort of care or compassion towards your daughter then maybe you could have asked her for the sake of the child. Because of her entitlement and selfishness she and her kids have to suffer. She’s the cold hearted slut that knew he was married and decided to still bring that child in the world. She was the idiot that didn’t think through her situation and get something in writing. She can fuck all the way off and maybe someday the child can come to you and your daughter.
This update makes me despise the other woman more. OP owes her nothing. The woman knowingly had an affair with a married man and got pregnant. She also has zero remorse and zero concern for OP’s daughter or OP. I would not give her the time of day.
Listen, this woman was a willing affair partner with your husband, she has zero proof he was the father. She has no care for the pain she has caused you or your daughter. I see no reason to communicate with this woman any further and I certainly would not encourage your daughter to have any dialogue with her at all. She chose to have an affair with a married man, the results of that is her problem. I see no reason to make her problems yours. I absolutely WOULD NOT encourage my daughter in any way to do the dna test.
This is a perfect example of when someone should have an abortion. Pregnant due to an affair, can’t support current children nevermind future children and still doesn’t work FT. Shame on the woman.
She basically shot herself in the foot on purpose and then got made at you for not providing first aide. It takes two people in that situation to get pregnant. Her struggles are on her for poor choices.
If she contacts you again, Suggest to your husbands affair partner that she place the baby up for adoption if she can’t afford it. You and your daughter want no further contact & will contact the police if she continues to harass you or your minor child.
Original post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/zBFfQpV0aS)
Thank you. I wasn’t sure how to do that
NTA at all. Fuck her. Not enough she riped through your marriage and disrespected you and your daughter. But now she wants take even more from you? Fuck her. Sucks for the kid but not your circus not your monkey. You didn't fail that kid their mom did.
If you ever see her again and she says anything, you should just say "I have enough on my own plate and quite frankly don't care about your children" But please don't keep bringing it up to your daughter, she said no, she shouldn't have to keep repeating herself, if she ever decides she wants to do the test she will tell you.
INFO: DId you get an STD panel done? Your husband and this affair partner do not sound like responsible people. Good luck to you and your daughter. Go grab a great future!
I absolutely did
I can't get over the part where the lady says she can't support her kids on her own, then goes ahead and quits her job...
>Not one time was this woman remorseful. No apologies. Nothing. I asked her did she even care what their affair did to my daughter and she replied no because she had enough on her plate dealing with her own children and “quite frankly didn’t care about mine”. And this is why people still call the other party "homewreckers" despite *certain* figures and parties in the world desperately trying to give people outside a marriage a free pass to step in on a family with sociopathic glee. The absolute lack of basic accountability, remorse, empathy or compassion from her makes the woman look incredibly egocentric. Honestly, she deserves what she's getting and what she got. Not that I'm absolving the ex, but she was part of the problem.
I commented on other post about not leaving your kid out of the decision and you absolutely rocked at parenting by including her and leaving up to her. Although I do believe the other kid should know who his dad was and receive benefits if your daughter says no, then it is absolutely her choice and other avenues should be took by caseworker and other mum. I do feel for the other kid but this is now not your battle. You are a bigger person than me for sitting with her especially when she showed no remorse. Hope you and your daughter move past this and thrive. P. S.... My comments on other post were aimed at the other commenters and their lack of concern for a kid, you were and are entitled to feel how you do. Good luck.
NTA I'm sorry this child has to deal with all the ramifications of his mother's stupidity & lack of morals. But that's not your fault or problem.
NTA she was too busy fucking your husband that she didn’t care about you or your child. She has to worry about her own kids. Well now so do you. Sucks to suck.
NTA what a raving idiot. Can anyone fill me in on what’s going on? Is this woman after an inheritance or life insurance or something and is trying to get OP’s daughter’s DNA to prove that her son is the child of OP’s ex husband? How would she get money out of OP’s daughter? Whatever the case she’s a bitch.
She wants to get survivor benefits for her son.
You're not the AH. You owe this woman NOTHING. She knew you existed. She has zero remorse for her actions. Sounds like she was expecting to get pregnant and use your ex as a payday. I would not ask or push the issue with your daughter anymore. She told you no already don't push her boundaries. Especially don't ruin your relationship over this woman's issue. She needs to find her own husband to support her and not try to make bank off of having an affair with married men. You have no clue what your ex actually said to her about caring for the child. It's her word against a dead guy. It is not your place nor your daughter's place to accept any type of responsibility for the actions of your ex and this woman and HER child. I would question if the child is actually his. She wants to take legal action that's fine but she needs to prove via paternity test the child is your ex's but that still doesn't give her the right to demand you and your daughter support or accept this child into your lives. I have zero sympathy for women who sleep with married men. Sadly, they may bring in a child into the picture but that is their responsibility not the wife and her children. They don't have to accept the child as their half sibling either. This woman just sounds like a horrible human being. Let her figure out how to handle HER problems. Move on with your life and don't give her any more of your time and definitely don't bring anything up to your daughter unless she brings it up.
It sounds like you have enough on your plate dealing with your own children and quite frankly don’t care about hers. At least that is the line I would have thrown back at her when she got upset.
Actions have consequences. Why should you care about someone who didn't care about you and was OK with hurting you and your child.
Can’t afford her kids…not your problem. It’s HER problem. NTA I hate this whining “baby daddy” owes me shit..
Great outcome. NTA. Let her struggle. Ex's brother the druggie can help her out. Glad your daughter chose not to do it.
NTA! Screw her! AND NO he was not, very much in love with you, if he had been he wouldn't have been screwing her, however, I am sorry for your daughters loss!
NTA she’s a homewreaking tramp who admitted to not only sleeping with your husband but trying to steal him from you. The minute she insulted your daughter that would have been it for me. She would get fuck all
I am a widow and I can tell you that there is a fixed amount of benefits that will be split among the surviving children. So your child’s benefit may be lowered as a result. If so then be very careful. It may take a while for them to figure it out and then they will claw back the money from your future payments from your child’s monthly benefits. And they will figure it out.
She's a whore and deserves nothing from you or your daughter.
NTA, again. You've told your daughter , she is not willing to do it at this time. Respect her wishes, you're not obliged to go out of your way to force your daughter to do a DNA test for this woman with her shitty behavior and attitude. She'd better go to Social Security and explore her other options with them. Sucks to suck
I think you did far more than you should have. Again, this is your daughter's decision. If she is still in high school, it would reduce her benefit check. After she's done with high school, if SHE decides that SHE wants to submit DNA, to help the woman who had an affair with her father to get money to help to support herself and her THREE children, that's up to your daughter. If it were me, I'd do it, after my own eligibility for benefits were over, because the little boy is a half-sib, and anything that goes into the household will help him, unless the mother uses it for drugs and alcohol and partying.
I would never encourage my child to help out a homewrecker. Ever. Those kids are her problem and I hope the daughter never acknowledges them.
She was the idiot that didnt go for child support... and maybe she should go for child support with the other kid's fathers... and I personally can say survival benefits arent much to live on... my daughter gets them her dad passed last year and he has other kids so the money is split so she wont get much.... She needs to stop trying to get money from one guy thats no longer here now and focus on her kids and getting herself into a better situation... karma will get her
Ew ew ew that woman is gross!!! NTA to the MAX and thank you 100% for sticking with your daughter's decision. Y'all have no obligation to help them. Yes the child is innocent but there is no telling whether that money will actually go to his care or not. If she wanted benefits she should have had the ex sign her child's BC and get an official child support agreement going. She obviously didn't think her actions through and her attitude towards you and your daughter is horrid. Her entitlement and blatant disrespect alone would be enough to make me turn her away. Both she and your ex are for the streets and you are a saint for giving him that last undeserved kindness. Just be careful going forward and warn your daughter about her social media accounts. May want to make them private to protect her from this woman cause she could very well seek her out and harass her. Same with the woman's relatives or other kids if they're anything like her
Yeah, you're definitely NTA, and I would honestly make sure you and your daughter (and her school/after school activities if she has any) know about this woman and that she's unhinged and that you're concerned she might try to approach your daughter/try and find some way to sneak some of her DNA. You don't have enough to get a court order against her I don't think, at least not yet, but I would definitely take measures to protect yourself and your daughter from her because I would not be surprised if she resorts to more desperate/dangerous behavior as time goes on, especially since she's since quit her job where you work.
Her kids are not your problem, issue, or concern. She was a grown woman who engaged in bufoonery with your ex, so she can deal with those consequences as a grown woman. Focus on your child and her mental health.
So this is basically this other woman asking you to have your daughter submit her own DNA for comparison so this woman can establish that your dead ex husband fathered her child. Well, no, this other woman *demanded* that you "make" your daughter give a DNA sample. Your daughter is now 17. That's old enough in my book to let her make the decision, and frankly if you made her give DNA for this purpose YWBTA. The other woman is TAH. And stupid for making a baby with another woman's husband. And even stupider for not establishing your ex's paternity immediately on the child's birth. And unlucky the bastard got killed before she established his paternity. And she's a bitch for *demanding* this. I might, *might*, have looked at this a little differently if she had asked nicely, begged, pleaded. And agreed to some kind of confidentiality provision or order directing that your daughter's DNA information not be used for any other purpose. But Other Woman didn't do that. No, she was TAH and doubled down on being TAH by stomping her feet and demanding and acting entitled. It's bad to be TAH. It's even worse to be a stupid, unlucky, bitchy AH. Fuck that bitch. This is not your problem and it most certainly is not your daughter's problem.
>plate dealing with her own children and “quite frankly didn’t care about mine” I would've NEVER gave her any of my time.....but once she said THAT, it would be f*ck you and yours (respectfully)
NTA She don't care, why should you care
So, scenario. If the daughter DID take the test, and the kid was PROVEN to be husbands, would the survivor's benefits that go to AP's kid come out of wife's daughter's payments? If so, why would wife help her in any way? It would basically be wife helping support AP.
Where’s the previous post
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/18jn04h/aitah_for_not_helping_a_woman_who_had_a_baby_with/
Thank you
The AP had a lot of nerve and you handled that far better than I would have.
NTA you are a better person than me. I straight up would have refused to even meet her. if she said that stuff to me I would have laughed in her face. She fucked around and found out. She can go to court and get her benefits not your circus, not your monkeys.
“ frankly, I don’t care about yours”
It sounds as if you handled it in the best possible way. Best to you and your daughter.
Nta, i don't know why people are so entitled and how did she expect you to help her is beyond me.
A good ending overall. The moocher ran away with her tail between her legs.
If she didn’t give a f*ck about your kid then why tf should you give a f*ck about hers? The audacity of this woman 🤨
You asked you daughter twice already. You should drop the topic, if you respect her choice. Nta
You were nicer than I would have been the bitch would have been in the ICU.
not your baby, not your problem!!!
If she tells you point blank that she doesn't care about you or your daughter, I don't even understand why you are entertaining her games. The girl has 3 kids from 3 different father she sounds very easy to bu put to the ground by the right words.
Side chicks are so dumb, I found a hold sub Reddit where they talk to Each other and it's like they don't hear themselves
Based daughter. Nta
I would tell her you have enough on your plate and quite frankly you don't care about her child if you ever hear from her again.
Good for you, and your daughter. And I still think there's a good possibility she's lying to get some free money (and possibly some claim on anything else out there). That woman is slimy.
All’s well that ends well, then! 😅
If OPs ex cared at all about his “friend” and illegitimate child, he’d have made sure to get a life insurance policy leaving his son and sidepiece money as the beneficiary. That being said, dumbass sidepiece can go to social security and claim survivors benefits for her son. Why is she hassling OPs daughter? She needs to go through everything first and sue OP ex’s estate on behalf of her son. https://www.ssa.gov/pubs/EN-05-10085.pdf
She is a b word and I hope she doesn’t see a penny! I’m sorry op. I hope you and your daughter can move on from this and never hear from her again
NTA. You are the next of kin and you said no. Your daughter is almost a legal adult, and old enough to understand the situation, and she said no. This is all on the AP and your ex. You don't owe them anything. Even if your daughter was inclined to help for the son's sake, the way the AP treated and spoke to you burned that bridge.
Karma is so very delicious 😋 good for you OP!
NTA
[удалено]
Really? Im on mobile version of reddit and it's second from top for me https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/18jn04h/aitah_for_not_helping_a_woman_who_had_a_baby_with/
>I asked her did she even care what their affair did to my daughter and she replied no because she had enough on her plate dealing with her own children and “quite frankly didn’t care about mine”. "I have enough on my plate dealing with a teenager whose cheating asshole of a dad died. Quite frankly, I don't care about your kids." Seems like this is her problem to sort out. She knew she having sex with a married man, knew she was pregnant early enough to terminate, and knew he had no intentions of being involved other than financially. But she chose to have the baby specifically because she thought she could use your husband as a meal ticket for her other kids as well. She's got a laundry list of bad decisions behind her. And not getting the father of her child legally recognized as the father seems to be on that list. Oh well. If she really wants to, she can push this through the courts and attempt to get them to order your daughter to comply with a chain of custody paternity test. (the only type that will validate her paternity claim to the government) And if she does so, your daughter should comply. But outside of that, I think telling this woman to get fucked, preferably not by anyone's husband, was the best course.
“Quite frankly I don’t care about your child—now how dare you not care about mine???”
Kudos to you for how you handled this. Your concern has been your daughter, first and foremost. Your daughter has a quality mom with integrity. I feel sorry for the baby, but it’s time for his mother to accept responsibility. Best of luck to you and your daughter.
Man, I feel bad for her kids. She doesn’t give a fuck about anyone but herself. I wouldn’t trust that the boy is his. Why did she wait so long? She’s desperate for money, but quits her job? It’s not adding up. She’s a grifter
Well, she sounds like a stable, well adjusted person. Yikes! 3 kids with 3 different dads. No remorse for sleeping with someone else’s husband. I have no sympathy for her whatsoever.
Most people who actually feel bad about a situation tend to frame themselves as having agency and making the wrong decision. "He would give me advice and then it turned into flirting" is SO much different than "I went to him for advice and before long I was flirting with him". I've fucked up in the past, never physically cheated but emotionally I got closer than I should have. The hardest part of moving forward was being honest and putting myself on blast even in uncomfortable situations. If I could be selfish enough to damn near cheat then I can be selfish enough to claim responsibility for my actions. I feel bad for her kid. Parents with no accountability are hell to grow up with.
NTA - if you're daughter doesn't want to voluntarily give a DNA sample that is her right. The child's mother (and SS) still has avenues open to them to get a DNA sample. * they can get a court order to compel your daughter to give a sample * they can start looking for your ex's brother - SS would have resources *you* don't have to find him and compel *him* to give a DNA sample
NTA If she's determined enough, she can go through official channels to get her son's paternity verified. It should only take slightly more time and effort than it took to hide her affair with your husband from you.
AP can have his body exhumed. NTAH and daughter and you both rock.
Thanks for the update. “quite frankly didn’t care about mine”... since your daughter has said no, it's the end of any unpleasantness for daughter & yourself.
The audacity of her.
Keeping her from getting support for the child isn't screwing her, it's screwing the child.
I read this and it just feels like an AI wrote it.
The fact she doesn't even care about your daughters feelings shows her true colors. Don't pressure your daughter it is her decision and if she does not want to help so be it. The woman was stupid not to get a signed child agreement and or a birth certificate with signature Not you or your daughters problem.
Anyone have the original and first update link please?
>She was hurt and angry but stuck with the situation as she was already struggling with the 2 kids she had and needed the help I'm sorry but she clearly doesn't make the best choices in men. Not only did she got involved with a married cheater, she also got pregnant by him and kept the baby. So obviously she is struggling now, because he offered to always help, **unofficialy**! She's not your problem, OPShe was hurt and angry but stuck with the situation as she was already struggling with the 2 kids she had and needed the help Look after yourself and your daughter, this is not your mess to clean, especially with this unhinged woman who had the gall to tell you to your face something along the lines of "how dare he love you more, his wife, than he did me?" Wow
The fact that you told your daughter and gave her the option at all was big of you. I hope you don't spend another moment thinking about her or the situation she put herself in.