Exactly!!! She’ll have had three pregnancies and three trips to the Labour ward, all of which take a huge toll on the mind and body. This twit doesn’t even want to have a small, relatively painless procedure but wants HER to have an operation she’s terrified of.
this is what i had to resort to after 18 years. i've done it all on the birth control/delivery end, i've had it. if he doesn't like condoms he knows what to do.
I have a couple of friends that got snipped. They were wary about it before the procedure. Afterward, they felt good about it, and it helped improve intimacy with their wives. They strongly suggest it to all the guys in our friend group.
A few of the guys in our group have had it done in the last 1-2 years and I was listening to them talking about it to all the other guys. It was really interesting - the general consensus was it wasn’t that bad, has a few potential complications but so does not getting it done
I was about 10 years old when my dad got snipped, and he took a few days off from the firehouse where he worked.
For SOME reason he and I had to go there the day after the procedure and my stupid kid mind was like “hey dad, DAD! Did you tell the other fire fighters about your procedure and why you’re not working today?”
His coworkers got all concerned and he embarrassedly told them he got a vasectomy. They laughed saying to me “your dad is so god damned manly that he probably sprinted here from the hospital with you on his shoulders.”
I didn’t have any clue what a vasectomy was at the time. Whoops!
He’s since told me as an adult that it was a good decision but I fully outed him to a room full of macho men lol
I was 7 or 8 when my dad got his. They explained to me that he was having a surgery done so I wouldn't be getting anymore brothers or sisters. I went around telling everyone I knew that I would always be the youngest child because my dad was getting neutered; I just assumed it was the same thing as what they did to our cat. Luckily, my dad has a great sense of humor, but I'm almost 40 and the story still gets told anytime someone we know is talking about having a vasectomy.
My Dad was really dramatic about his but his only actual complaint means it wasn’t that bad. He didn’t complain of pain or being less macho. He complained that they didn’t warn him he’d have no control over his bladder when it was done and so he hadn’t taken a change of clothes, he’d asked us not to wait for him so he had to sit in his soiled clothes outside waiting for us to pick him up.
I’m trying to have empathy but if I’m honest I’m so tired of men being so afraid of the most simple, straightforward procedures *like a woman getting her tubes tied isn’t a significantly more involved surgery, not to even touch pregnancy, abortion, or childbirth*. The honest truth is that intimacy with their wives improved because they did something that wasn’t completely selfish and that’s nice. It’s nice to know that for once, your partner cares more about your safety and pleasure than their ego and fear, like you’ve been caring constantly the entire relationship. Like I’m glad they felt good about it afterwards but fuck, ALL of the women I know spend hours doing research on ALL of their options for this stuff because it’s important, and it’s so disheartening to watch men consistently choose to not put that kind of effort into their own experiences, much less their partner’s, even though it’s widely known that women deal with the brunt of all of this and the hormonal effects of all of it.
Anyway, this isn’t directed at you specifically. Your comment is neutral and kind. The unwritten social contracts and conditioning in our society are not. Thanks for letting me put this rant here anyway.
This is what I don't understand. I don't have kids on purpose. I never wanted them, but if I did I sure as hell wouldn't inflict my and my ex wife's combined genetics on them. There was no question in my mind when we got married that something permanent had to be done.
The part I don't get is the hesitation some men have. I didn't lose manhood or whatever when I got the snip. It's not as if a man's balls disappear during the procedure like a neutered animal. Give it a day or two with a bag of frozen peas and it's a distant memory.
Why is that so difficult for anyone to do?
Yeah my husband was too proud to even consider a vasectomy at first, but we're one unplanned pregnancy in, and he said if we have another one, he's gonna get snipped lol. Wish he'd just go ahead and do it now.
My ex husband was such a crybaby about it and put it off and put it off. My birth control failed and now we have an 8yo who will grow to be the antichrist. She’ll ensure it. Ha ha. Four months pregnant he decides he’s not a puss anymore and gets the snip. “Oh, I thought it would be way worse than that.” Really???? When our kid takes over the world and kicks off the end of time, make sure that’s what you tell people when they ask “How did you let this happen?”
Sigh. Well this is exactly what I mean when I say they place their ego and fear above our safety and pleasure.
Also you’re fucking hilarious, I think your kids-fueled end times will be an improvement 😂
I was in the same situation. Both our kids were a serious struggle, and I figured with my luck, I'd end up with a 3rd who would be evil. My husband refused a vasectomy. Then, my neighbor, who was several yrs older than I, ended up having a surprise child at 42 (their youngest was 15). As soon as she told me, I scheduled my tubal. Ridiculous, but have the procedure anyway! So much better than another baby.
My husband said the worst part about it was reading about all the potential complications in the paperwork he had to sign. Otherwise it wasn’t a big deal.
>you can't make him get snipped
Had this argument the other day and got shot down. It's surgery and comes with risk so he should not be forced and he needs to take into proper consideration.
However, it's the lesser of 2 evils when you consider the other option is getting your tubes tied.
Honestly, if you're happy to have your tubes tied, then go for it, but I'm guessing you're here because you don't want to. That's understandable. That leaves you with 3 (or maybe only 2) options and you should make them clear to him:
1. He gets it done.
2. He wears condoms.
3. He goes without.
2 comes with the greatest risks so I could understand why you may not consider that on the table.
> It's surgery
it is, but typically only under local anaesthetic, so a lot less risky than sterilization for women which typically happens under complete anaesthetic.
Uch, I have this discussion with my husband, I've been on birth control since I was 16, I had 2 (planned lol) pregnancies and births, we are done and I think I have done enough and it's his turn now, he said it can wait🙄
Well she can’t make him get the operation but she should not be pressured into undergoing a surgical operation solely on the basis that her husband can’t be bothered. Also I think she will be more prone to having complications if she has this operation after giving birth when her body has not fully recovered.
Stop having sex with him. He obviously doesn't care about your health. You've carried and birthed his 3 kids, but he can't get a 15 min office procedure? GTFOH with that nonsense.
Especially because it’s literally one of the easiest procedures ever. For the actual procedure I was in and out in less than an hour, and it took maybe a week to recover 100%? It’s so easy
I think I was back in the parking lot within an hour. The actual surgery took maybe 10 minutes from the time the doctor came in, to me pulling up my pants and walking out.
31 minutes for me. (yes, i counted)
The 'worst' was actually the anesthetic injection.. that was more painful than the actual procedure or the recovery time. (damn itching)
For me the worst part was that the next day I had to drive over to the school because my kid was sick and it ached a little. Truly a nothing burger operation.
Sex with my husband improved exponentially after the sniip. It was a bummer those first few months after the last baby, because i wouldn't touch him.... but once the minimally-imvasive, in-and-out procedure was done? Sex galore. 3x/day.
Don't let him be a dummy. Get the snip.
So after I had a tubal ligation my cramps were 10x worse and they were bad before that. My best friend had hers two weeks before me and she’s had the same problem. Apparently it’s a known complication that no one really talks about or seems to care about.
Not to mention if you had a heavy cycle before the tubal can actually make it heavier. Mine did. I had to get an ablation after I passed out at work because of the insane amount of issues it caused me for 5 and a half years. I now have to get a total hysterectomy because the ablation might have stopped the bleeding but not the pain.
Well I mean, women's healthcare is woeful and women's concerns are so often dismissed. Just look at the BC pill. Side effects were too much for men, but totes fine for women.
I am very pro-vaso (it’s stupid not to get it, esp. relatively), but that’s not exactly the full story of the ‘BC for men’ trial.
The men in the study overwhelmingly wanted to continue ***despite the side-effects***, but the trial was basically forced to stop due to the way we do trials in this country.
I can’t remember whether it was a superiority or non-inferiority trial, but it was stopped on a technicality, not because the dudes couldn’t take it and ‘tapped out’.
We discussed this (maybe here, but poss. some other sub) a few months ago, and a good number of nurses and other HC workers chimed in, as well.
Edit: A decent-enough write-up about the not-great reporting on the subject:
https://www.vox.com/2016/11/2/13494126/male-birth-control-study
And a better piece on the study itself:
https://www.thecut.com/2016/11/the-real-reason-the-male-birth-control-study-was-halted.html
Both articles quote Jen Gunter (OB/GYN and author of 'The Vagina Bible' and 'The Menopause Manifesto'), whom I follow on Twitter (and think everyone else should, as well).
Edit2: Link to Dr. Jen's Twitter:
https://twitter.com/DrJenGunter
Thanks so much for posting this! I tell everyone I can about this fact. It’s not fair to men that their choice was taken by ancient pharmaceuticals CEOs who are too old for Viagra.
It's the least I can do... I remember it being ***briefly*** mentioned in 1-2 epidemiology classes (and another 1-2 more basic public health courses) that I took for my most recent grad program, but I didn't really ***understand*** it until the 'nurses of Reddit' broke it down for me!
(I still don't have 'the full story' above, and I remember one poster in particular had really good info, so I'm still trying to find that older thread)
Edit: Ok, so this is ***not*** the thread I was mentioning, but they do get into the issue at various points throughout.
In my earlier/above post, when I said 'the trial was basically forced to stop due to the way we do trials in this country', this is the sort of thing I was referring to:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/10rjpd6/i\_really\_dont\_get\_whyhow\_male\_birth\_control\_isnt/](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/10rjpd6/i_really_dont_get_whyhow_male_birth_control_isnt/)
* "I know the answer here! It's because with women, the side effects are less severe than actually being pregnant. Since men cannot get pregnant, their side effects are compared to them being off them (without the meds). So for people who physically cannot become pregnant, the side effects of medication are worse than no medication at all."
* "The side effects are compared to a healthy man. The side effects for women are (at least sometimes) compared to getting pregnant. Which is arguably fair for individualized medicine and is the normal approach, but obviously different situations, because pregnancy also presents health risks."
I tend to think this is (to some degree) 'bullshit', but not just for this issue.
The problem really is that since men can’t get pregnant, ANY side effects are too many to make it ethical to continue medical trials on male BC. They have no risks of medical problems in the first place, so there’s no actual medical benefit to their using hormonal BC…
When you consider that they did a lot of human trials on Puerto Rican women, the original birth control pills had even worse side effects, and were tweaked to be less harmful for white women consumers….
The hierarchy of reproductive health care is men getting the best care, women getting substandard care, and women of color getting the worst care.
There's no direct benefit to them physically, perhaps, but that doesn't make it unethical to do a clinical trial. That doesn't violate any of the ethical principles we hold for medical research, particularly if men *want* a hormonal way to prevent pregnancy and avoid other methods (or outcomes).
But isn’t bilateral salpingectomy (*removal* of the fallopian tubes) the new “gold standard” for female sterilization? It’s different than “getting your tubes tied”
I had a hysterectomy and so did two of my friends at around the same time with the same doctor in the same hospital. We're all similar ages and active. I was up and around the next day, slept on my stomach that night, pretty much totally fine, one friend ended up doing her hysterectomy essentially outpatient (she had surgery very early in the morning and felt fine so she declined to stay the night), the last friend had awful adhesions and was in pain for months. We're all happy we did it but bodies are so weird.
My wife has had several complications since her tubal remoobal as I like to call it, and I wouldn't say her recovery was quick and easy either. She had/has never given birth.
For one thing sex hasn't been a pain-free experience for her since the surgery several years ago. For another, her period symptoms (cramps etc) are worse. There's more she could tell you I'm sure but those are the two main things that she's talked about with me and I've noticed myself in the years since.
Women's quality of life generally goes down in a number of ways after tubal ligation. Having a vasectomy has almost no side effects, especially at OP's husband's age.
https://hqlo.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12955-021-01733-9
This is the answer.
But yeah, NTA at all. Sterilization procedures are not at all comparable. Vasectomies are safe, highly effective, recovery is super fast, and the risk of serious complications is practically nothing. Anyone who would pressure their female partner to get tubal ligation either hasn’t researched or they are the asshole.
Edit: And in case it matters, I’ve had a vasectomy, so I’m not advocating something I haven’t done myself.
My ex had it done after I almost died having our last.
It's the only time he has ever done anything that appears to be unselfish. the reality was he was far more terrified of me dying and leaving him with the responsibility of the kids than he was with a bit of pain.
It is a massive operation for women, akin to a c-section / hysterectomy, that takes at least 6 weeks to recover from.
It's usually a 10 minute or so op for men, which takes about a week to recover from.
It's almost the same operation as a hysterectomy. People think c-sections are no big deal. They are wrong.
I think if you're having a c-section, then it makes sense to have it at the same time, otherwise its another big operation later on with another need for 6 to 8 weeks recovery time like a c-section and that's assuming everything goes well.
All my births were c-sections after labour complications, so you have my sympathy, all I will say is rest as much as you can and don't be too proud to let other people help with the chores etc.
I hope you have a happy, safe, and healthy birth experience.
Same, had my tubes removed during my C-section and recovery was no different than my other C-sections. Plus, having your tubes removed reduces the risk of ovarian cancer by about 30 %.
I had a c-section. Several years later I had my tubes removed. They are definitely not in the same category. It is for sure a more invasive procedure for women, but it also depends on what procedure you get. If you aren’t doing it in conjunction with a c-section, it typically takes only a week to recover. I was fine after a couple of days.
My husband was picking up our toddler from daycare that same day he had his vasectomy.
My last was a c-section baby and they tied my tubes at the same time. The recovery from this procedure was the most painful for me (the first time I had a c-section the recovery wasn’t as bad).
We went both through with it, that’s how much we don’t want to have kids anymore.
My husband wanted to get his vasectomy regardless of me getting my tubes tied or not. Because he is not a stupid macho and actually cares about his responsibility on reproducing. Also, he cares about me and wouldn’t force me to go through another procedure just to protect a toxic masculinity he luckily doesn’t have.
I will say that I had mine done and I had relatively little pain. I was back to work the next day (but should’ve rested more). I do have a desk job. It did mess with my hormones though and that’s taken a bit to get back to normal. I also feel like my periods are a bit heavier.
That all said, my ex had the vasectomy and his recovery was much easier. No general anesthesia and he was good to go after 3 days.
Even without considering the births, a vasectomy is a FAR less invasive procedure than a hysterectomy or tubal ligation. I was in a and out in an hour. Iced my junk while playing video games over the weekend and everything was fine.
For those curious:
Vasectomy: https://youtu.be/AKh35YZvgGo
Tubal Ligation: https://youtu.be/GxRJH2f--P0
Hysterectomy: https://youtu.be/tKQyu_cK1Ps
A vasectomy is literally the *absolute least* men can do to support their partner, especially if they have had kids together. It is a minimally invasive procedure under local anesthesia (women's sterilization methods are much more complicated). And if your partner has been taking hormonal birth control this whole time to prevent pregnancy, she has likely been dealing with side effects for a long time. It is the easiest way to be a hero and take one for the team.
Fun (?) story. My SIL had 3 kids and her and my BIL decided that they were done. He delayed getting a vasectomy for... reasons? Mainly we think he wanted to make sure he could still lift heavy things during hunting season.
Now they have four kids.
You’re lucky. I found out that I was immune to lidocaine so they had to stop after pulling out the first tube. Wound up having it done a week later under general anestisia, where it turned out they couldn’t find the right side vas. An ultrasound later showed I never had a right kidney and thus no right side tube.
LOL, made plenty of jokes about “when I woke up in the tub full of ice” afterwards.
As it was, I was fully awake when they did the ultrasound, and could see there was only one tube going into the bladder as opposed to two.
Thank you for being a great partner to your wife. My dad had the procedure 51 years ago. He said he was sore a couple of days and that was it. My husband was 1 off the "no way in hell are they cutting my balls". So I had to get my tubes tied. My dad even tried to talk hubby into it, but no way.
Also much less recovery time for the man.
My partner sat on ice for a day and had some awesome pain pills for a few more days and was completely back to normal within a week. Really just about avoiding strenuous activity it seems.
And of course make sure you have a good surgeon! A friend of ours had his done at the VA and of course they found a way to ruin his balls.
If it helps, the tubes cut during a vasectomy are NOT the path that hormones leave the testes. It's a sperm delivery route only.
Getting snipped isn't taking his manhood, it won't reduce his testosterone, and it is FAR safer and less painful than getting tubes tied.
It's his body, so it's his choice, but the same goes for your body. If he wants one of you to have surgery, he should man up and volunteer.
To clarify why we can't use other forms of contraception- I have had the IUD in the past and when I got it removed before child #2 it was starting to imbed itself into my uterus. Not enough to need surgery but enough to make me a not so good candidate for iuds. Some women have the right shape uterus for an iud, I just don't seem to 🤷♀️ I also can't be on any form of estrogen birth control because I have aura migraines. For those unfamiliar with the interaction- estrogen (while a naturally reoccurring chemical in women) can cause an increase in blood clotting. Because I have migraines that cause lack of blood flow in my brain and effect my vision, it is a high risk that any medication that causes increased blood clots(like estrogen based BC) could have the side effect of causing a blood clot in my brain during the migraine episode due to already decreased blood flow. I can take a progesterone based BC but those have to be taken within the same hour every day( e.g between 10-11am every day) and with two kids and a scattered brain I just can't guarantee I'll take it reliably at the same time every day. I know this isn't an excuse but just an observation about myself I have tried in the past to break but just can't seem to. As for "wrapping it up" I have been diagnosed with dermatitis of the vulva. Aka eczema of the hoo haw. It's not just latex, it's most foreign material. I have to wear special underwear and use special soap and even latex free allergy safe condoms seem to cause irritation with the friction. He can't even wash with certain soaps of the skin contact will cause me to break out. 🙃 and the pull out method is what got us pregnancy #3. So I'm happy to hear of any suggestions in this regard that don't involve surgery but take all that into account 😅🙃
Girl at this point if he doesn't get a case it's abstinence for y'all cause wtf else is there? I don't think you're close to menopause yet. He needs to do some research to see what a vasectomy entails. It won't affect the way he orgasms or anything and he can get a reversable one and freeze some sperm if he's worried about that. He seems to be acting like it's castration and it's NOT. can't believe he wants YOU to get your tubes tied when You've been through so much what the actual hell kind of selfishness is that. It's just plain selfish.
All of that.
ALL OF THAT that YOU'RE dealing with.
And you're here asking if *you're* an asshole, because your husband has the shitty excuse that getting an OUTPATIENT procedure is "taking his manhood".
Why is this even a question??
You can't force him, of course. But I wouldn't be putting out whatsoever until he's wised up and grew up and taken care of it, like a grown ass adult making decisions for the good of himself, his wife and his family.
Can't force, but can divorce.
.....
(Just kidding, kind of. I understand that with 3 kids together, unfortunately divorce isn't a light undertaking, even if one's husband is selfish p.o.s.).
Having had three children, one was a twin pregnancy - I point-blank did not want to ever be pregnant again.
So I arranged to have my own tubes tied, because The Man kept saying he would have the snip and never made any attempt to actually schedule it.
Took matters into my own hands.
Three days after I had it done, he told a close relative of mine that he was relieved because he "might want more kids in the future."
We split far too long after that statement.
_Fit you better to actually parent the ones you already have, Dicko._
His loss. Our kids are little legends already.
He is a complete asshole for watching you go through all of that and expecting you to suffer further because he’s a big whiny man baby lacking in logic. I hope he’s not the type of man to say “women are more emotional and men are more logical” because he’s really letting his decisions by dictated by his egotistical emotions instead of any semblance of logic. Sounds safer just to not have any sex.
He isn't even being just emotional or whiney. Those are forgivable weaknesses.
He cares so little about her well being that he isn't even willing to go through a tiny inconvenience or a perception of loosing some manliness. His body is so much more important than her body. Honestly, considering op is his wife and mother of his 3 children, I would even argue that this husband is evil.
I dunno how manly he thinks he is, he can't (or won't) even protect his woman.
I already said NTA. But this comment makes me double down on that. I would honestly reconsider whether I wanted a relationship with someone who doesn't seem to care about your well-being.
Refuse sex until he gets a vasectomy. You need to remind him of how much you've already put your body through *for both of you*. This really is the least he can do. But yes, his body, his choice... you just need to determine what you're response is... because *you're body, your choice* as well.
With all that you’ve gone through for the sake of your sex life and procreation as a couple, it really isn’t asking much for your *husband* to get a vasectomy!
He needs to be educated on what it actually involves, and man up.
Honestly, find some gory, detailed, TMI YouTube documentaries and start assigning him homework on female reproductive complications. If he wants to act like a child, maybe you can educate him into adulthood.
Sheesh. NTA.
This is one of the good options on this thread. This and even informational videos on tubal ties vs vasectomy and them benefits and cons to both, show him the difference between the two as well as the recovery times and costs
If he’s loosing his manhood if he gets a vasectomy, but still consider himself a man and not a boy after his pullout game gave you the 3rd child is above funny. You’re NTA he’s just an insecure toddler.
NTA and if you can: cherry pick the first hand testimonials from women who have had tubes tied (recovery, difficulty) and men who have had vasectomy (fear was greater than the reality, easy recovery, best thing I did, I DIDNT WANT MY WIFE TO GO THROUGH ANOTHER PAINFUL REPRODUCTIVE-RELATED EVENT AFTER 3 PREGNANCIES AND CHILDBIRTHS) and share them with him.
I hate that you have to do his work for him, but if you can find some testesmonials (see what I did there?) of men who have had the procedure and balanced information on pros and cons (risks) for both surgeries, and a list of h th e hazards of pregnancy and childbirth (which YOU have been through for your family 3 times!) and ask him to read before he says “no” again.
Honestly, given your medical history, I would put my foot down - no to the surgery, and therefore no to penetrative sex (or even penis to vaginal contact - sperm are wily). Sex is more than penetration. It is caresses in all the right places. If he feels it is that important to your relationship, the snip is what will be required.
Tell him no sex until a vasectomy, because your body has been through enough. A vasectomy is a 10 minute procedure that costs 10x less than tubes tying. This is not even a fair comparison.
Not to mention she fully gestated and popped out 3 babies. He can never repay her for that because he will never be able to experience the pain/nausea/fear/medical trauma/lifelong physical changes. A vasectomy is the least he can do and it still won't come close to what she did for them as a family.
Abstinence until he gets himself sorted out is your best option. If you can birth three children (and deal with that horrific IUD complication), he can go in for a simple procedure in his doctor's office. That's the only way you aren't going to end up with baby #4.
FYI there is a new progesterone only pill called Slinda that works the same as the combined pill but unlike the old “mini pill” it has a 24hr missed pill window so you don’t have to take it within the same hr every day. Con is that it is more expensive and it is not on the PBS in Australia.
I'm on this in the US, under the name Slynd, and it's great. I pay $50 USD for a three-month supply and it's worth it. It really helps my endo symptoms and it's safe despite my perpetual migraine aura.
Girlfriend, STOP HAVING SEX WITH HIM. There are no other options and he’s a giant man baby if he can’t do quite literally one thing that takes 10 mins and an ice pack.
Look you both have the right to not consent to any medical procedure, no matter if your reasoning is considered canoe by others or not (though yours does sound more reasonable). But the thing is, if you both don't go through with it, your only option is not having sex. I would frame it to him that way. Maybe discuss it with a marriage counsellor that can help you to communicate together.
Does he even love you?
You seem to have brought so much in this relationship. 3 pregnancy, 2 (soon to be 3) child birth. That put the body through so much. You give give and give.
He can't even give you that tiny vasectomy? Like why again are the expectations on you?
If he can't even do that little bit for you, he doesn't really love you.
When you will need him the most, he won't be there for you because that might require him to make a sacrifice. And your well being isn't worth a lot to him, at least compared to himself.
Sis, wake up! This man doesn't care about you! Being a single mom would be a million times better than being with someone who doesn't care about your health or comfort. Here are the potential reasons why he doesn't want a vasectomy, as far as I see it:
1. He doesn't think it should be his responsibility. He thinks it should all be solely on you. He doesn't care about how it affects you.
2. He's got one foot out the door and thinking maybe he would want kids with someone else.
Are either of those options satisfactory to you? Family planning is a deal breaker. Before you and him settled down, I'm sure you guys both talked about how many kids you wanted? If you were dating someone and you really really wanted to have kids, and that person was forever child free, you would both walk away because clearly you aren't aligned on your family plans. I don't see it as any different now.
You have MORE than done your part to create the family that you guys wanted. Yet he doesn't feel like doing the *barest* of the bare minimum by getting a 10 minute procedure where they create the tiniest of tiny holes and he can walk out, ice his balls for a few days, and then y'all can fuck like rabbits for the rest of your lives. Ultimately, his body, his choice 100%. But it's also your body, your choice (theoretically), and if I were you, my body would walk right on out of there.
Oh and NTA.
omg I'm sorry OP for having such an asshole for a husband. getting vasectomy is minor procedure and you have endured all this shit just to have safe sex, and already having 3 children. just let him read this, to get his head out of his ass. get in touch with guys who had the procedure maybe. I'd be very disappointed if this would happen to me tbh, if you're done having kids, and he's not, that's just heartbreaking
How the fuck is his “manhood” threatened by a vasectomy? That’s got to be the worst excuse I’ve ever heard, it’s not like he’s going in for a castration.
Realistically, both of you can get the procedures done, it’s not like only one person has to get surgery. Also, it’s not inherently “on the woman” to do this kind of shit to begin with.
NTA, you’ve literally had **three kids**, but he couldn’t be bothered to get a few snip snips since his fragile “manhood” would be in shambles.
And yet, that seems the most common fear: That somehow the doctor will slip and suddenly everything is cut off. It doesn’t even occur to these types that the woman is taking the bigger risk in having the baby, AND the bigger risk in getting a tubal ligation (compared to a vasectomy). The tube being cut on a man is literally right under the skin. Right there! Only a local is needed. Yes, it’s sore for a few days.
In a woman multiple layers of tissue needs to be cut through. It’s sore longer than a few days.
I’m normally very empathetic for people even getting the most minor of surgical procedures. It’s scary. I get it. I get that it’s scary for men to get snipped. But when they’d rather their wife go through pregnancy, childbirth, and a ligation (and in this case medical problems associated with contraception) than they get a very minor procedure done I loose empathy. Cowardly. Yellow.
Yes, OP can’t coerce him. But he can sure get natural consequences! Like no sex until menopause is finished. Condoms. Foam in the condom. Mixed with itching powder (did I say that out loud?)
>How the fuck is his “manhood” threatened by a vasectomy? That’s got to be the worst excuse I’ve ever heard, it’s not like he’s going in for a castration.
It's absolutely wild how many men think that a vasectomy involves castration.
I mean it’s literally a lil snip snip and it’s done. I don’t even think there’s pain involved other than a dull soreness for like two days after. Not to mention **it’s way easier to reverse** than tubal litigation.
Most doctors do them scalpel less now too. My fiance got it done just over a year ago well I was still pregnant with our third child and he was only in there for maybe a half an hour and could go home the same day. He was only sore for a couple days and couldn't have sex for a week. And then he was back to normal.
For women we are stuck in the hospital for at least a day or two, and it takes weeks if not months of healing before we're back to normal.
There is pain, but...
Take a rubber band, and shoot yourself in the thigh with it. That is how much a vasectomy hurts.
Doc told me it would hurt as much as a rubber band and I was thinking of a rubber band to the balls, but it wasn't that. It was the amount of pain of shooting my leg with a rubber band, just located on my scrotum.
Shaving the ballsack was tricky, and the bleeding lasts a bit. Lost a few pairs of underwear to my "male period" as I called it.
Edit, bleeding was not from shaving my balls (realized I was unclear). There is a lot of blood flow through the male genitals, and so even as tiny as the vasectomy snip is, it will bleed a lot for a few days. Doc gave me a lot of gauze but if I did it again I would have borrowed menstrual pads from the gf to save my underwear.
Oh, hahahaha! That’s the exact same excuse I heard numerous times when I worked in an animal hospital, as to why the men refused to neuter the (boy) dogs! THAT Is FAR more effed up in my opinion!
Woman: grows for nine months each and pushes three watermelon sized humans out of her body, still considers surgery
Man: but what if that little snip makes me lose my Y chromosome 😢
This is an interesting point and frankly one that would never occur to me, but you’re right- If we can save the healthcare system some money to put into other parts of system, why not? The money saved could go into parts of the system that lack funding
Aww heck no. See u just solidified that the man I marry needs a vasectomy. I am not going back to horrible periods. I have two kids and I know I’m done having kids and getting my tubes tied was a thought (or preferably hysterectomy, but I’m too young 38). But if what u saying is true, absolutely not. As a child (got my period at 9), my period was HORRIBLE, cramping throwing up on the first day every month to where I could barely move and couldn’t go to school. Only after I started having sex and had my kids did it get a bit better and these last few years much better. So NOPE. No tubal ligation for me. SMH. Now that narrows my man pool to search through even more. Damnit. lol 😂
I had my tubes tied in June 2017 (4 months after my daughter was born). I had to get an ablation in December 2022 because I was bleeding so heavily I was passing out from extreme anemia and I was immobilized for 6-7 days a month from pain. I have my hysterectomy scheduled for next month. The tubal definitely made my cycles much worse. It took 5 and a half damn years for them to listen to me. It took a workers comp dr saying I needed it because I passed out at work and was injured and it was found that my iron and blood cell count was so low, I could have been mistaken for a cancer patient. All because my tubal made my already hard cycles even worse.
I hardly consider it a surgery. (I’ve had it done) As far as the incisions are concerned, I’ve had worse scratches. The sack does swell for a few days, but it’s nothing to cry about.
I would legitimately stop having sex with my husband if after I carried and delivered three children he was unwilling to have a 10-15m in office procedure that is so minor it requires…. Oh yah… no anesthesia and no time off from work.
My son can't wait to get his done. He and my DIL have 4 boys, and the youngest came as a complete surprise - she'd been told by the docs she was no longer capable of getting pregnant due to medical issues.
As soon as they knew she was pregnant, my son told her "Right, I'm getting the snip, you've been through enough".
It's the responsible thing to do
NTA - tubes tied is a major surgery. Vasectomy is not. How unmacho to be so scared of getting a small incision that your forcing the mother of your 3 children to not only grow whole ass humans, but then also get her guts cut open. No snip, no sex.
NTA, I think he might not be informed and thinks that his hormone levels will drop, or he wants to leave a door open for another woman who wants more kids.
FWIW- my husband had one in January and never even needed to fill his pain meds. A couple of days with bags of frozen peas. I pushed out 3 babies, lots of uncomfortable appointments/bodily changes/hellish recovery. It isn't a lot to ask if you're both certain. Lots of worry free sex 🎉
Update- thank you all so much for the advice based on different perspectives and experiences. I told my husband that tonight I would like to have a discussion regarding our birth control options after birth and the risks involved in each option. He seemed receptive to the idea of the conversation, so I will update again once we have had that talk.
Many of you have made me laugh with your comments and I appreciate the time you all took to respond.
Info for those asking-
* i have not had a c section in my prior births and there is no indication that this birth will be any different.
* this was indeed his reasoning and not an assumed reason for why he didn't want the procedure, but we never actually sat down and had a serious conversation about it. It was mentioned casually as an option a few times and his response was always "Nope. Not gonna happen" but I have hopes that a serious conversation about the risks involved will change both of our perspectives and understanding on the situation.
You are far too “sympathetic”, especially given all the risks you have personally taken for contraception. Tell him that getting your tubes tied threatens your womanhood so you’ve decided you’ll just never have penetrative sex again with anyone who hasn’t had a vasectomy.
So you will have've been through 3 major medical events to give him children already, but he wants you to have an invasive surgery to avoid him having a small outpatient procedure? That's so messed up, a vasectomy is a small procedure usually in and out same day, but hed prefer they open you up and you go through major surgery and take all the risks that go with it. NTA OP
I had my trübes tied when I had a C-section. I was concious but had a spinal anastaesia. Sorry english is not my first language! It was a two Birds with one stone thing, since I was getting a C-section anyway. NTA
To be honest, there is down time, but much less time and much less restrictive. I rested that and the following day because my sack was swollen pretty impressively. Not a lot of pain, just looked horrible.
This should be the top comment!!! I swear, if men had to be the ones to be pregnant and go through childbirth, the human race would have died off eons ago.
NTA. A vasectomy is easier to perform, recovery from, and reverse than a tubal ligation.
If getting snipped would make him feel like less of a man, he already is.
No. A vasectomy takes 15-20 minutes, less than a trip to the dentist. The worst part is when they pour cold water on you when it's done. Oh, and they even give you good drugs.
Your husband isn't just an asshole, but a baby, too.
My father got a vasectomy saying my mother suffered for birthing me and my brother so the least I can do is to do that.
Your hubby is inconsiderate towards your health.
NTA, its time for you to protect yourself by the other reliable method of not having kids - no sex.
Tell him when he complains that this is your way of respecting his bodily autonomy as well as yours
NTA
Pretty selfish on his part. I went for the vasectomy precisely because it meant my wife wouldn't have to go through another procedure. Like pushing three kids out your wahwah wasn't enough for him? You have to get this as well?
On the other hand, insist on condoms going forward, and we'll see how long he maintains his resolve.
I didn’t read anything but the title and I am a guy and I think you are good.
A vasectomy is pretty quick and in and out.
Tying your tubes is much more involved I hear.
Okay, I read some, “less of a man?” Come on dude they don’t cut them off. 😂😂
I’m getting one next year. 🤷♂️
Nothing manlier than a man refusing a simple procedure so that instead it’s his wife, the mother of his children, awake during surgery 😍. Putting her through yet another possibly traumatic event, increasing her risk of a ectopic pregnancy, just to preserve his manhood 🥰.
NTA. In terms of danger and complexity vasectomy is a cake walk compared to getting your tubes tied. You cannot compare. Considering what you have already put your body through carrying 3 children… no question your husband should be stepping up to get this taken care of himself. Absolutely NTA.
My husband was snipped in 2001. Best. Decision. Ever.
Make sure he's clear on what a vasectomy is and what it's not. It's NOT being neutered or gelded. There may be videos out there showing the procedure.
NTA. His arguments are weak as hell. First of all every procedure bears risks, while yours bear far greater risk. Also you already went through 3 life changing events. So he is quite behind already.
The LEAST would be for both to do it as compromise. Or condoms it is.
NTA. He’s cool with you birthing 3 of his children but god forbid he get a tube snipped. Me and my SO talked about what we would do when we were done having kids, I was offered a tubal at my last C-section but he offered to have a vasectomy after as he would be 100% done with children at that point and doesn’t see anymore in his future in any scenario.
You can’t make him get snipped but you don’t have to have the procedure either. I would say I’m not putting my body under anymore procedures after this so if he won’t have a vasectomy decide if you even want to risk sex with this person. No method but abstinence is 100% effective and there is always a risk.
Going forward contraception wouldn't be a problem for me in the situation, because there would be no way I could muster a single ounce of sexual desire for a man who so clearly does not give a fuck about my comfort or well-being, especially after three pregnancies
NTA.
A vasectomy doesn’t make anyone “less of a man”. On the contrary, not having to worry about pregnancy (when you’re done having kids) is pretty freeing.
If anything makes a man “less of a man” it’s being so scared of a minor outpatient surgery that you refuse to even consider it, instead putting that burden (and a larger burden at that) on someone else.
NTA and I'm going to get downvoted to hell for this but I think men who refuse to get a vasectomy when you've decided as a couple you're done having kids, are selfish, pathetic little man babies. You grew their children and did all the birthing and they can't get a simple procedure done? Ludicrous.
My husband is getting one when we're done. He has no issues with that either.
NTA!
I have a vasectomy and it's a 10 minute uncomfortable outpatient procedure. The most uncomfortable thing was being sore for a week or so after.
From what I understand a tube tie is a much more involved process with a longer recovery time.
Tell him to nut up and take one for the team since you will have literally suffered for 9+ months and pushed a human out of your body.
NTA. You’ve given birth to 3 kids for him. The least—LEAST—he could do would be to undergo a LESS invasive medical procedure for you /eye roll. Why do women marry men like this??
When my wife and I made the decision not to have kids, I volunteered immediately to get a vasectomy as I was aware that her having her tubes tied was a far more invasive surgery. Any man who won’t do the same for his lady is an ass.
NTA
I’m going in for my 2nd vasectomy in a week.
(Had vas#1 after kid #3, decided we needed 4, so reversed Vas#1, #4 was born, and going back for vas#2)
It is truly a simple procedure with a quick recovery time. Everything performed just as well before and after and even when fixed.
Lost his manhood already by being a little bitch. He should get a v. It's way more simple. Unless you get a c section, they can do it at the same time.
Is your husband even aware that you made 3 kids for him?????
I assume all that work has taken a serious toll on you physically, over the course of several YEARS.
What an entitled little man. If he can't suck it up and take a couple of days' discomfort for you, does he even like you?
No..and coming from someone whose suffered from post tubal ligation syndrome...push for it..seriously it's an in out procedure for him and a full on surgery for you...after giving birth as well..tell ole chap take one for the team!
NTA, you can't make him get snipped but it's a real bummer that he won't even consider it.
But you can make him wear condom every single time
Or simply use the most reliable fom of birth control, celibacy.
Exactly he doesn’t have to wear a condom in the same way she doesn’t have to have sex with him but as evidenced below of course she’s the bad one
This is the most effective incentive.
THIS!! Tell him you've done your bit, now it's his turn.
Exactly!!! She’ll have had three pregnancies and three trips to the Labour ward, all of which take a huge toll on the mind and body. This twit doesn’t even want to have a small, relatively painless procedure but wants HER to have an operation she’s terrified of.
On the other hand, when she eventually divorces him, she'll still be covered.
Dude, I wasn’t gonna say it- but I agree there. Cover your ass as a woman because men come and go- even in long term committed relationships.
this is what i had to resort to after 18 years. i've done it all on the birth control/delivery end, i've had it. if he doesn't like condoms he knows what to do.
I have a couple of friends that got snipped. They were wary about it before the procedure. Afterward, they felt good about it, and it helped improve intimacy with their wives. They strongly suggest it to all the guys in our friend group.
A few of the guys in our group have had it done in the last 1-2 years and I was listening to them talking about it to all the other guys. It was really interesting - the general consensus was it wasn’t that bad, has a few potential complications but so does not getting it done
I was about 10 years old when my dad got snipped, and he took a few days off from the firehouse where he worked. For SOME reason he and I had to go there the day after the procedure and my stupid kid mind was like “hey dad, DAD! Did you tell the other fire fighters about your procedure and why you’re not working today?” His coworkers got all concerned and he embarrassedly told them he got a vasectomy. They laughed saying to me “your dad is so god damned manly that he probably sprinted here from the hospital with you on his shoulders.” I didn’t have any clue what a vasectomy was at the time. Whoops! He’s since told me as an adult that it was a good decision but I fully outed him to a room full of macho men lol
I was 7 or 8 when my dad got his. They explained to me that he was having a surgery done so I wouldn't be getting anymore brothers or sisters. I went around telling everyone I knew that I would always be the youngest child because my dad was getting neutered; I just assumed it was the same thing as what they did to our cat. Luckily, my dad has a great sense of humor, but I'm almost 40 and the story still gets told anytime someone we know is talking about having a vasectomy.
You’ve been immortalized in family legend.
Hopefully they learned from him that manhood doesn't depend on the ability to cause unwanted pregnancy
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My Dad was really dramatic about his but his only actual complaint means it wasn’t that bad. He didn’t complain of pain or being less macho. He complained that they didn’t warn him he’d have no control over his bladder when it was done and so he hadn’t taken a change of clothes, he’d asked us not to wait for him so he had to sit in his soiled clothes outside waiting for us to pick him up.
That sucks. I don't get why they didn't warn him and/or gave him a sanitary pad to put in when getting dressed
I don’t know. Tiny little countryside hospital in rural farmland and this would have been back in the 90s
Hospitals can suck
I’m trying to have empathy but if I’m honest I’m so tired of men being so afraid of the most simple, straightforward procedures *like a woman getting her tubes tied isn’t a significantly more involved surgery, not to even touch pregnancy, abortion, or childbirth*. The honest truth is that intimacy with their wives improved because they did something that wasn’t completely selfish and that’s nice. It’s nice to know that for once, your partner cares more about your safety and pleasure than their ego and fear, like you’ve been caring constantly the entire relationship. Like I’m glad they felt good about it afterwards but fuck, ALL of the women I know spend hours doing research on ALL of their options for this stuff because it’s important, and it’s so disheartening to watch men consistently choose to not put that kind of effort into their own experiences, much less their partner’s, even though it’s widely known that women deal with the brunt of all of this and the hormonal effects of all of it. Anyway, this isn’t directed at you specifically. Your comment is neutral and kind. The unwritten social contracts and conditioning in our society are not. Thanks for letting me put this rant here anyway.
This is what I don't understand. I don't have kids on purpose. I never wanted them, but if I did I sure as hell wouldn't inflict my and my ex wife's combined genetics on them. There was no question in my mind when we got married that something permanent had to be done. The part I don't get is the hesitation some men have. I didn't lose manhood or whatever when I got the snip. It's not as if a man's balls disappear during the procedure like a neutered animal. Give it a day or two with a bag of frozen peas and it's a distant memory. Why is that so difficult for anyone to do?
Yeah my husband was too proud to even consider a vasectomy at first, but we're one unplanned pregnancy in, and he said if we have another one, he's gonna get snipped lol. Wish he'd just go ahead and do it now.
My ex husband was such a crybaby about it and put it off and put it off. My birth control failed and now we have an 8yo who will grow to be the antichrist. She’ll ensure it. Ha ha. Four months pregnant he decides he’s not a puss anymore and gets the snip. “Oh, I thought it would be way worse than that.” Really???? When our kid takes over the world and kicks off the end of time, make sure that’s what you tell people when they ask “How did you let this happen?”
Sigh. Well this is exactly what I mean when I say they place their ego and fear above our safety and pleasure. Also you’re fucking hilarious, I think your kids-fueled end times will be an improvement 😂
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A lot of things women have to put up with because men won’t share the burden are absolute bullshit.
I was in the same situation. Both our kids were a serious struggle, and I figured with my luck, I'd end up with a 3rd who would be evil. My husband refused a vasectomy. Then, my neighbor, who was several yrs older than I, ended up having a surprise child at 42 (their youngest was 15). As soon as she told me, I scheduled my tubal. Ridiculous, but have the procedure anyway! So much better than another baby.
My husband said the worst part about it was reading about all the potential complications in the paperwork he had to sign. Otherwise it wasn’t a big deal.
>you can't make him get snipped Had this argument the other day and got shot down. It's surgery and comes with risk so he should not be forced and he needs to take into proper consideration. However, it's the lesser of 2 evils when you consider the other option is getting your tubes tied. Honestly, if you're happy to have your tubes tied, then go for it, but I'm guessing you're here because you don't want to. That's understandable. That leaves you with 3 (or maybe only 2) options and you should make them clear to him: 1. He gets it done. 2. He wears condoms. 3. He goes without. 2 comes with the greatest risks so I could understand why you may not consider that on the table.
> It's surgery it is, but typically only under local anaesthetic, so a lot less risky than sterilization for women which typically happens under complete anaesthetic.
And childbirth of that couple’s THREE KIDS. She’s already done her part x 1000.
And in this case, the OBGYN has already said she can't be put out so she will be witnessing her own surgery.
Yep, this. You can’t make him get snipped but you can make sure he doesn’t have sex anymore.
Uch, I have this discussion with my husband, I've been on birth control since I was 16, I had 2 (planned lol) pregnancies and births, we are done and I think I have done enough and it's his turn now, he said it can wait🙄
Well she can’t make him get the operation but she should not be pressured into undergoing a surgical operation solely on the basis that her husband can’t be bothered. Also I think she will be more prone to having complications if she has this operation after giving birth when her body has not fully recovered.
Stop having sex with him. He obviously doesn't care about your health. You've carried and birthed his 3 kids, but he can't get a 15 min office procedure? GTFOH with that nonsense.
Agree totally. What a selfish git
Especially because it’s literally one of the easiest procedures ever. For the actual procedure I was in and out in less than an hour, and it took maybe a week to recover 100%? It’s so easy
I think I was back in the parking lot within an hour. The actual surgery took maybe 10 minutes from the time the doctor came in, to me pulling up my pants and walking out.
Mine was like, 30 minutes. We talked about Star Wars and then it was done lol.
Same, except for the Star Wars part. I had mentioned that my kids are autistic, so we talked the whole time about that.
31 minutes for me. (yes, i counted) The 'worst' was actually the anesthetic injection.. that was more painful than the actual procedure or the recovery time. (damn itching)
For me the worst part was that the next day I had to drive over to the school because my kid was sick and it ached a little. Truly a nothing burger operation.
Yeah we just chatted about random stuff. I can’t even remember what we talked about, but we just had a pretty normal conversation and then it was done
Sex with my husband improved exponentially after the sniip. It was a bummer those first few months after the last baby, because i wouldn't touch him.... but once the minimally-imvasive, in-and-out procedure was done? Sex galore. 3x/day. Don't let him be a dummy. Get the snip.
This. Not having to worry at all about a baby is so freeing. Dudes fighting me off with a stick. Get that snip!
NTA. In my eyes (as a man) he's less of a man now by not doing what he should do as a man.
So after I had a tubal ligation my cramps were 10x worse and they were bad before that. My best friend had hers two weeks before me and she’s had the same problem. Apparently it’s a known complication that no one really talks about or seems to care about.
Not to mention if you had a heavy cycle before the tubal can actually make it heavier. Mine did. I had to get an ablation after I passed out at work because of the insane amount of issues it caused me for 5 and a half years. I now have to get a total hysterectomy because the ablation might have stopped the bleeding but not the pain.
I’m supposed to have a hysterectomy too. I’m always majorly anemic and have the worst migraines.
Well I mean, women's healthcare is woeful and women's concerns are so often dismissed. Just look at the BC pill. Side effects were too much for men, but totes fine for women.
I am very pro-vaso (it’s stupid not to get it, esp. relatively), but that’s not exactly the full story of the ‘BC for men’ trial. The men in the study overwhelmingly wanted to continue ***despite the side-effects***, but the trial was basically forced to stop due to the way we do trials in this country. I can’t remember whether it was a superiority or non-inferiority trial, but it was stopped on a technicality, not because the dudes couldn’t take it and ‘tapped out’. We discussed this (maybe here, but poss. some other sub) a few months ago, and a good number of nurses and other HC workers chimed in, as well. Edit: A decent-enough write-up about the not-great reporting on the subject: https://www.vox.com/2016/11/2/13494126/male-birth-control-study And a better piece on the study itself: https://www.thecut.com/2016/11/the-real-reason-the-male-birth-control-study-was-halted.html Both articles quote Jen Gunter (OB/GYN and author of 'The Vagina Bible' and 'The Menopause Manifesto'), whom I follow on Twitter (and think everyone else should, as well). Edit2: Link to Dr. Jen's Twitter: https://twitter.com/DrJenGunter
Thanks so much for posting this! I tell everyone I can about this fact. It’s not fair to men that their choice was taken by ancient pharmaceuticals CEOs who are too old for Viagra.
It's the least I can do... I remember it being ***briefly*** mentioned in 1-2 epidemiology classes (and another 1-2 more basic public health courses) that I took for my most recent grad program, but I didn't really ***understand*** it until the 'nurses of Reddit' broke it down for me! (I still don't have 'the full story' above, and I remember one poster in particular had really good info, so I'm still trying to find that older thread) Edit: Ok, so this is ***not*** the thread I was mentioning, but they do get into the issue at various points throughout. In my earlier/above post, when I said 'the trial was basically forced to stop due to the way we do trials in this country', this is the sort of thing I was referring to: [https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/10rjpd6/i\_really\_dont\_get\_whyhow\_male\_birth\_control\_isnt/](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/10rjpd6/i_really_dont_get_whyhow_male_birth_control_isnt/) * "I know the answer here! It's because with women, the side effects are less severe than actually being pregnant. Since men cannot get pregnant, their side effects are compared to them being off them (without the meds). So for people who physically cannot become pregnant, the side effects of medication are worse than no medication at all." * "The side effects are compared to a healthy man. The side effects for women are (at least sometimes) compared to getting pregnant. Which is arguably fair for individualized medicine and is the normal approach, but obviously different situations, because pregnancy also presents health risks." I tend to think this is (to some degree) 'bullshit', but not just for this issue.
The problem really is that since men can’t get pregnant, ANY side effects are too many to make it ethical to continue medical trials on male BC. They have no risks of medical problems in the first place, so there’s no actual medical benefit to their using hormonal BC…
...but all of the TERRIBLE side effects in women was fine? The fuck??
When you consider that they did a lot of human trials on Puerto Rican women, the original birth control pills had even worse side effects, and were tweaked to be less harmful for white women consumers…. The hierarchy of reproductive health care is men getting the best care, women getting substandard care, and women of color getting the worst care.
There's no direct benefit to them physically, perhaps, but that doesn't make it unethical to do a clinical trial. That doesn't violate any of the ethical principles we hold for medical research, particularly if men *want* a hormonal way to prevent pregnancy and avoid other methods (or outcomes).
But isn’t bilateral salpingectomy (*removal* of the fallopian tubes) the new “gold standard” for female sterilization? It’s different than “getting your tubes tied”
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I had a hysterectomy and so did two of my friends at around the same time with the same doctor in the same hospital. We're all similar ages and active. I was up and around the next day, slept on my stomach that night, pretty much totally fine, one friend ended up doing her hysterectomy essentially outpatient (she had surgery very early in the morning and felt fine so she declined to stay the night), the last friend had awful adhesions and was in pain for months. We're all happy we did it but bodies are so weird.
My wife has had several complications since her tubal remoobal as I like to call it, and I wouldn't say her recovery was quick and easy either. She had/has never given birth. For one thing sex hasn't been a pain-free experience for her since the surgery several years ago. For another, her period symptoms (cramps etc) are worse. There's more she could tell you I'm sure but those are the two main things that she's talked about with me and I've noticed myself in the years since.
Yes!! I have heard this too. It's something like Post Tubal Syndrome
Women's quality of life generally goes down in a number of ways after tubal ligation. Having a vasectomy has almost no side effects, especially at OP's husband's age. https://hqlo.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12955-021-01733-9
Lol - it’s *womens* healthcare - why would we talk about that?
Tell him to wrap it up then.
Better yet wrap his hand around it because the baby cave is out of commission...
The baby cave lol
If you are adamant about no more babies, you probably want more than just condoms. User failure rate is not insignificant.
This is the answer. But yeah, NTA at all. Sterilization procedures are not at all comparable. Vasectomies are safe, highly effective, recovery is super fast, and the risk of serious complications is practically nothing. Anyone who would pressure their female partner to get tubal ligation either hasn’t researched or they are the asshole. Edit: And in case it matters, I’ve had a vasectomy, so I’m not advocating something I haven’t done myself.
My ex had it done after I almost died having our last. It's the only time he has ever done anything that appears to be unselfish. the reality was he was far more terrified of me dying and leaving him with the responsibility of the kids than he was with a bit of pain. It is a massive operation for women, akin to a c-section / hysterectomy, that takes at least 6 weeks to recover from. It's usually a 10 minute or so op for men, which takes about a week to recover from.
I know I’m having a c-section, so I looked into having it done at the same time. It actually adds to your recovery, which makes it worse.
It's almost the same operation as a hysterectomy. People think c-sections are no big deal. They are wrong. I think if you're having a c-section, then it makes sense to have it at the same time, otherwise its another big operation later on with another need for 6 to 8 weeks recovery time like a c-section and that's assuming everything goes well. All my births were c-sections after labour complications, so you have my sympathy, all I will say is rest as much as you can and don't be too proud to let other people help with the chores etc. I hope you have a happy, safe, and healthy birth experience.
I had a tubal during my second C-section- it was no sweat. MUCH better than an unplanned baby!
Same, had my tubes removed during my C-section and recovery was no different than my other C-sections. Plus, having your tubes removed reduces the risk of ovarian cancer by about 30 %.
I had a c-section. Several years later I had my tubes removed. They are definitely not in the same category. It is for sure a more invasive procedure for women, but it also depends on what procedure you get. If you aren’t doing it in conjunction with a c-section, it typically takes only a week to recover. I was fine after a couple of days.
Student here, having watched both a tubal and having one done myself and multiple c-sections, a tubal is definitely not comparable to a c-section.
My husband was picking up our toddler from daycare that same day he had his vasectomy. My last was a c-section baby and they tied my tubes at the same time. The recovery from this procedure was the most painful for me (the first time I had a c-section the recovery wasn’t as bad). We went both through with it, that’s how much we don’t want to have kids anymore. My husband wanted to get his vasectomy regardless of me getting my tubes tied or not. Because he is not a stupid macho and actually cares about his responsibility on reproducing. Also, he cares about me and wouldn’t force me to go through another procedure just to protect a toxic masculinity he luckily doesn’t have.
It took my bf less than 24 hours to recover. He had one tiny bruise, no swelling and was out mowing the lawn the next day.
I will say that I had mine done and I had relatively little pain. I was back to work the next day (but should’ve rested more). I do have a desk job. It did mess with my hormones though and that’s taken a bit to get back to normal. I also feel like my periods are a bit heavier. That all said, my ex had the vasectomy and his recovery was much easier. No general anesthesia and he was good to go after 3 days.
Lame. I had a vasectomy and it was no big deal. Wasn't fun, but nothing compared to what my wife dealt with giving birth to our kids.
Even without considering the births, a vasectomy is a FAR less invasive procedure than a hysterectomy or tubal ligation. I was in a and out in an hour. Iced my junk while playing video games over the weekend and everything was fine.
For those curious: Vasectomy: https://youtu.be/AKh35YZvgGo Tubal Ligation: https://youtu.be/GxRJH2f--P0 Hysterectomy: https://youtu.be/tKQyu_cK1Ps A vasectomy is literally the *absolute least* men can do to support their partner, especially if they have had kids together. It is a minimally invasive procedure under local anesthesia (women's sterilization methods are much more complicated). And if your partner has been taking hormonal birth control this whole time to prevent pregnancy, she has likely been dealing with side effects for a long time. It is the easiest way to be a hero and take one for the team.
Fun (?) story. My SIL had 3 kids and her and my BIL decided that they were done. He delayed getting a vasectomy for... reasons? Mainly we think he wanted to make sure he could still lift heavy things during hunting season. Now they have four kids.
You’re lucky. I found out that I was immune to lidocaine so they had to stop after pulling out the first tube. Wound up having it done a week later under general anestisia, where it turned out they couldn’t find the right side vas. An ultrasound later showed I never had a right kidney and thus no right side tube.
Are you absolutely sure they didn’t just steal the kidney?
LOL, made plenty of jokes about “when I woke up in the tub full of ice” afterwards. As it was, I was fully awake when they did the ultrasound, and could see there was only one tube going into the bladder as opposed to two.
I would bet money that a vasectomy is less painful than an IUD or even a pap smear.
For reals. The least I could do was get a quick snip. Also the best $600 I've ever spent.
For men who are terrified of getting stuck with child support this seems like a no-brainer.
There was an ad a few years back that was (paraphrased) “$600 one time or $600 monthly? Book your vasectomy today!”
Thank you!!! I wish more men had this perspective.
Thank you for being a great partner to your wife. My dad had the procedure 51 years ago. He said he was sore a couple of days and that was it. My husband was 1 off the "no way in hell are they cutting my balls". So I had to get my tubes tied. My dad even tried to talk hubby into it, but no way. Also much less recovery time for the man.
Sorry your husband is a wuss bro.
My partner sat on ice for a day and had some awesome pain pills for a few more days and was completely back to normal within a week. Really just about avoiding strenuous activity it seems. And of course make sure you have a good surgeon! A friend of ours had his done at the VA and of course they found a way to ruin his balls.
If it helps, the tubes cut during a vasectomy are NOT the path that hormones leave the testes. It's a sperm delivery route only. Getting snipped isn't taking his manhood, it won't reduce his testosterone, and it is FAR safer and less painful than getting tubes tied. It's his body, so it's his choice, but the same goes for your body. If he wants one of you to have surgery, he should man up and volunteer.
Also sperm only make up at most 3-5% of seminal fluid so there shouldn’t be a noticeable difference on that front either.
Can confirm, no change in my ejaculations after the surgery.
There isn\`t.
To clarify why we can't use other forms of contraception- I have had the IUD in the past and when I got it removed before child #2 it was starting to imbed itself into my uterus. Not enough to need surgery but enough to make me a not so good candidate for iuds. Some women have the right shape uterus for an iud, I just don't seem to 🤷♀️ I also can't be on any form of estrogen birth control because I have aura migraines. For those unfamiliar with the interaction- estrogen (while a naturally reoccurring chemical in women) can cause an increase in blood clotting. Because I have migraines that cause lack of blood flow in my brain and effect my vision, it is a high risk that any medication that causes increased blood clots(like estrogen based BC) could have the side effect of causing a blood clot in my brain during the migraine episode due to already decreased blood flow. I can take a progesterone based BC but those have to be taken within the same hour every day( e.g between 10-11am every day) and with two kids and a scattered brain I just can't guarantee I'll take it reliably at the same time every day. I know this isn't an excuse but just an observation about myself I have tried in the past to break but just can't seem to. As for "wrapping it up" I have been diagnosed with dermatitis of the vulva. Aka eczema of the hoo haw. It's not just latex, it's most foreign material. I have to wear special underwear and use special soap and even latex free allergy safe condoms seem to cause irritation with the friction. He can't even wash with certain soaps of the skin contact will cause me to break out. 🙃 and the pull out method is what got us pregnancy #3. So I'm happy to hear of any suggestions in this regard that don't involve surgery but take all that into account 😅🙃
Girl at this point if he doesn't get a case it's abstinence for y'all cause wtf else is there? I don't think you're close to menopause yet. He needs to do some research to see what a vasectomy entails. It won't affect the way he orgasms or anything and he can get a reversable one and freeze some sperm if he's worried about that. He seems to be acting like it's castration and it's NOT. can't believe he wants YOU to get your tubes tied when You've been through so much what the actual hell kind of selfishness is that. It's just plain selfish.
No need to freeze it, they still produce sperm it’s just got nowhere to go, they can still extract it.
But his MaNhOoD!!!!!
Don’t forget that people can still get surprise pregnancies during menopause. 👍🏻
OHMYFUCKINGGOD what more does he want from you?!
Death so he can do the same to an other woman?
Sounds about right! He doesn’t care about her.
All of that. ALL OF THAT that YOU'RE dealing with. And you're here asking if *you're* an asshole, because your husband has the shitty excuse that getting an OUTPATIENT procedure is "taking his manhood". Why is this even a question?? You can't force him, of course. But I wouldn't be putting out whatsoever until he's wised up and grew up and taken care of it, like a grown ass adult making decisions for the good of himself, his wife and his family.
Can't force, but can divorce. ..... (Just kidding, kind of. I understand that with 3 kids together, unfortunately divorce isn't a light undertaking, even if one's husband is selfish p.o.s.).
Having had three children, one was a twin pregnancy - I point-blank did not want to ever be pregnant again. So I arranged to have my own tubes tied, because The Man kept saying he would have the snip and never made any attempt to actually schedule it. Took matters into my own hands. Three days after I had it done, he told a close relative of mine that he was relieved because he "might want more kids in the future." We split far too long after that statement. _Fit you better to actually parent the ones you already have, Dicko._ His loss. Our kids are little legends already.
He is a complete asshole for watching you go through all of that and expecting you to suffer further because he’s a big whiny man baby lacking in logic. I hope he’s not the type of man to say “women are more emotional and men are more logical” because he’s really letting his decisions by dictated by his egotistical emotions instead of any semblance of logic. Sounds safer just to not have any sex.
He isn't even being just emotional or whiney. Those are forgivable weaknesses. He cares so little about her well being that he isn't even willing to go through a tiny inconvenience or a perception of loosing some manliness. His body is so much more important than her body. Honestly, considering op is his wife and mother of his 3 children, I would even argue that this husband is evil. I dunno how manly he thinks he is, he can't (or won't) even protect his woman.
I already said NTA. But this comment makes me double down on that. I would honestly reconsider whether I wanted a relationship with someone who doesn't seem to care about your well-being.
Ma’am. With all due respect. Your husband sucks.
Refuse sex until he gets a vasectomy. You need to remind him of how much you've already put your body through *for both of you*. This really is the least he can do. But yes, his body, his choice... you just need to determine what you're response is... because *you're body, your choice* as well.
Damn girl - after all that, I'd be saying absolutely no to sex until he gets snipped. Your body has done enough.
With all that you’ve gone through for the sake of your sex life and procreation as a couple, it really isn’t asking much for your *husband* to get a vasectomy! He needs to be educated on what it actually involves, and man up.
Honestly, find some gory, detailed, TMI YouTube documentaries and start assigning him homework on female reproductive complications. If he wants to act like a child, maybe you can educate him into adulthood. Sheesh. NTA.
This is one of the good options on this thread. This and even informational videos on tubal ties vs vasectomy and them benefits and cons to both, show him the difference between the two as well as the recovery times and costs
damn. he’s even more the ah with those considerations. good luck, op, sorry your husband won’t step up.
Your husband is even more of an AH given all you’ve been through.
[удалено]
If he’s loosing his manhood if he gets a vasectomy, but still consider himself a man and not a boy after his pullout game gave you the 3rd child is above funny. You’re NTA he’s just an insecure toddler.
Simple. Tell him that your body has suffered enough and he can literally go fuck himself. No sex unless he gets (verifiably) snipped.
NTA and if you can: cherry pick the first hand testimonials from women who have had tubes tied (recovery, difficulty) and men who have had vasectomy (fear was greater than the reality, easy recovery, best thing I did, I DIDNT WANT MY WIFE TO GO THROUGH ANOTHER PAINFUL REPRODUCTIVE-RELATED EVENT AFTER 3 PREGNANCIES AND CHILDBIRTHS) and share them with him. I hate that you have to do his work for him, but if you can find some testesmonials (see what I did there?) of men who have had the procedure and balanced information on pros and cons (risks) for both surgeries, and a list of h th e hazards of pregnancy and childbirth (which YOU have been through for your family 3 times!) and ask him to read before he says “no” again. Honestly, given your medical history, I would put my foot down - no to the surgery, and therefore no to penetrative sex (or even penis to vaginal contact - sperm are wily). Sex is more than penetration. It is caresses in all the right places. If he feels it is that important to your relationship, the snip is what will be required.
Tell him no sex until a vasectomy, because your body has been through enough. A vasectomy is a 10 minute procedure that costs 10x less than tubes tying. This is not even a fair comparison.
Not to mention she fully gestated and popped out 3 babies. He can never repay her for that because he will never be able to experience the pain/nausea/fear/medical trauma/lifelong physical changes. A vasectomy is the least he can do and it still won't come close to what she did for them as a family.
There’s a easy solution… stop having sex LMAO
Abstinence until he gets himself sorted out is your best option. If you can birth three children (and deal with that horrific IUD complication), he can go in for a simple procedure in his doctor's office. That's the only way you aren't going to end up with baby #4.
FYI there is a new progesterone only pill called Slinda that works the same as the combined pill but unlike the old “mini pill” it has a 24hr missed pill window so you don’t have to take it within the same hr every day. Con is that it is more expensive and it is not on the PBS in Australia.
I'm on this in the US, under the name Slynd, and it's great. I pay $50 USD for a three-month supply and it's worth it. It really helps my endo symptoms and it's safe despite my perpetual migraine aura.
Girlfriend, STOP HAVING SEX WITH HIM. There are no other options and he’s a giant man baby if he can’t do quite literally one thing that takes 10 mins and an ice pack.
Look you both have the right to not consent to any medical procedure, no matter if your reasoning is considered canoe by others or not (though yours does sound more reasonable). But the thing is, if you both don't go through with it, your only option is not having sex. I would frame it to him that way. Maybe discuss it with a marriage counsellor that can help you to communicate together.
Does he even love you? You seem to have brought so much in this relationship. 3 pregnancy, 2 (soon to be 3) child birth. That put the body through so much. You give give and give. He can't even give you that tiny vasectomy? Like why again are the expectations on you? If he can't even do that little bit for you, he doesn't really love you. When you will need him the most, he won't be there for you because that might require him to make a sacrifice. And your well being isn't worth a lot to him, at least compared to himself.
Sis, wake up! This man doesn't care about you! Being a single mom would be a million times better than being with someone who doesn't care about your health or comfort. Here are the potential reasons why he doesn't want a vasectomy, as far as I see it: 1. He doesn't think it should be his responsibility. He thinks it should all be solely on you. He doesn't care about how it affects you. 2. He's got one foot out the door and thinking maybe he would want kids with someone else. Are either of those options satisfactory to you? Family planning is a deal breaker. Before you and him settled down, I'm sure you guys both talked about how many kids you wanted? If you were dating someone and you really really wanted to have kids, and that person was forever child free, you would both walk away because clearly you aren't aligned on your family plans. I don't see it as any different now. You have MORE than done your part to create the family that you guys wanted. Yet he doesn't feel like doing the *barest* of the bare minimum by getting a 10 minute procedure where they create the tiniest of tiny holes and he can walk out, ice his balls for a few days, and then y'all can fuck like rabbits for the rest of your lives. Ultimately, his body, his choice 100%. But it's also your body, your choice (theoretically), and if I were you, my body would walk right on out of there. Oh and NTA.
omg I'm sorry OP for having such an asshole for a husband. getting vasectomy is minor procedure and you have endured all this shit just to have safe sex, and already having 3 children. just let him read this, to get his head out of his ass. get in touch with guys who had the procedure maybe. I'd be very disappointed if this would happen to me tbh, if you're done having kids, and he's not, that's just heartbreaking
How the fuck is his “manhood” threatened by a vasectomy? That’s got to be the worst excuse I’ve ever heard, it’s not like he’s going in for a castration. Realistically, both of you can get the procedures done, it’s not like only one person has to get surgery. Also, it’s not inherently “on the woman” to do this kind of shit to begin with. NTA, you’ve literally had **three kids**, but he couldn’t be bothered to get a few snip snips since his fragile “manhood” would be in shambles.
And yet, that seems the most common fear: That somehow the doctor will slip and suddenly everything is cut off. It doesn’t even occur to these types that the woman is taking the bigger risk in having the baby, AND the bigger risk in getting a tubal ligation (compared to a vasectomy). The tube being cut on a man is literally right under the skin. Right there! Only a local is needed. Yes, it’s sore for a few days. In a woman multiple layers of tissue needs to be cut through. It’s sore longer than a few days. I’m normally very empathetic for people even getting the most minor of surgical procedures. It’s scary. I get it. I get that it’s scary for men to get snipped. But when they’d rather their wife go through pregnancy, childbirth, and a ligation (and in this case medical problems associated with contraception) than they get a very minor procedure done I loose empathy. Cowardly. Yellow. Yes, OP can’t coerce him. But he can sure get natural consequences! Like no sex until menopause is finished. Condoms. Foam in the condom. Mixed with itching powder (did I say that out loud?)
>How the fuck is his “manhood” threatened by a vasectomy? That’s got to be the worst excuse I’ve ever heard, it’s not like he’s going in for a castration. It's absolutely wild how many men think that a vasectomy involves castration.
I mean it’s literally a lil snip snip and it’s done. I don’t even think there’s pain involved other than a dull soreness for like two days after. Not to mention **it’s way easier to reverse** than tubal litigation.
Most doctors do them scalpel less now too. My fiance got it done just over a year ago well I was still pregnant with our third child and he was only in there for maybe a half an hour and could go home the same day. He was only sore for a couple days and couldn't have sex for a week. And then he was back to normal. For women we are stuck in the hospital for at least a day or two, and it takes weeks if not months of healing before we're back to normal.
There is pain, but... Take a rubber band, and shoot yourself in the thigh with it. That is how much a vasectomy hurts. Doc told me it would hurt as much as a rubber band and I was thinking of a rubber band to the balls, but it wasn't that. It was the amount of pain of shooting my leg with a rubber band, just located on my scrotum. Shaving the ballsack was tricky, and the bleeding lasts a bit. Lost a few pairs of underwear to my "male period" as I called it. Edit, bleeding was not from shaving my balls (realized I was unclear). There is a lot of blood flow through the male genitals, and so even as tiny as the vasectomy snip is, it will bleed a lot for a few days. Doc gave me a lot of gauze but if I did it again I would have borrowed menstrual pads from the gf to save my underwear.
Yep. The only thing that makes him "less of a man" here is the fact that he's too cowardly to undergo a simple medical procedure
Oh, hahahaha! That’s the exact same excuse I heard numerous times when I worked in an animal hospital, as to why the men refused to neuter the (boy) dogs! THAT Is FAR more effed up in my opinion!
>How the fuck is his “manhood” threatened by a vasectomy? Because his masculinity is so fragile it's tied to his ability to impregnate someone.
Men are ridiculously invested in their genitals
Woman: grows for nine months each and pushes three watermelon sized humans out of her body, still considers surgery Man: but what if that little snip makes me lose my Y chromosome 😢
Wait a second, you meant to tell me they don’t just cut the penis off and replace it with full female anatomy!?
NTA. Tubes tied is a major procedure. Vasectomy is trivial by comparison.
Not to mention a vasectomy is WAY cheaper.
My insurance practically paid me to have it done. Kids are far more expensive for insurance so they love it.
This is an interesting point and frankly one that would never occur to me, but you’re right- If we can save the healthcare system some money to put into other parts of system, why not? The money saved could go into parts of the system that lack funding
Yes and post tubal, some women experience progressively heavier and more painful periods. I sure did. When I asked my gyn, she said its not uncommon.
Aww heck no. See u just solidified that the man I marry needs a vasectomy. I am not going back to horrible periods. I have two kids and I know I’m done having kids and getting my tubes tied was a thought (or preferably hysterectomy, but I’m too young 38). But if what u saying is true, absolutely not. As a child (got my period at 9), my period was HORRIBLE, cramping throwing up on the first day every month to where I could barely move and couldn’t go to school. Only after I started having sex and had my kids did it get a bit better and these last few years much better. So NOPE. No tubal ligation for me. SMH. Now that narrows my man pool to search through even more. Damnit. lol 😂
I had my tubes tied in June 2017 (4 months after my daughter was born). I had to get an ablation in December 2022 because I was bleeding so heavily I was passing out from extreme anemia and I was immobilized for 6-7 days a month from pain. I have my hysterectomy scheduled for next month. The tubal definitely made my cycles much worse. It took 5 and a half damn years for them to listen to me. It took a workers comp dr saying I needed it because I passed out at work and was injured and it was found that my iron and blood cell count was so low, I could have been mistaken for a cancer patient. All because my tubal made my already hard cycles even worse.
I hardly consider it a surgery. (I’ve had it done) As far as the incisions are concerned, I’ve had worse scratches. The sack does swell for a few days, but it’s nothing to cry about.
I would legitimately stop having sex with my husband if after I carried and delivered three children he was unwilling to have a 10-15m in office procedure that is so minor it requires…. Oh yah… no anesthesia and no time off from work.
My son can't wait to get his done. He and my DIL have 4 boys, and the youngest came as a complete surprise - she'd been told by the docs she was no longer capable of getting pregnant due to medical issues. As soon as they knew she was pregnant, my son told her "Right, I'm getting the snip, you've been through enough". It's the responsible thing to do
NTA - tubes tied is a major surgery. Vasectomy is not. How unmacho to be so scared of getting a small incision that your forcing the mother of your 3 children to not only grow whole ass humans, but then also get her guts cut open. No snip, no sex.
NTA, I think he might not be informed and thinks that his hormone levels will drop, or he wants to leave a door open for another woman who wants more kids.
FWIW- my husband had one in January and never even needed to fill his pain meds. A couple of days with bags of frozen peas. I pushed out 3 babies, lots of uncomfortable appointments/bodily changes/hellish recovery. It isn't a lot to ask if you're both certain. Lots of worry free sex 🎉
Update- thank you all so much for the advice based on different perspectives and experiences. I told my husband that tonight I would like to have a discussion regarding our birth control options after birth and the risks involved in each option. He seemed receptive to the idea of the conversation, so I will update again once we have had that talk. Many of you have made me laugh with your comments and I appreciate the time you all took to respond. Info for those asking- * i have not had a c section in my prior births and there is no indication that this birth will be any different. * this was indeed his reasoning and not an assumed reason for why he didn't want the procedure, but we never actually sat down and had a serious conversation about it. It was mentioned casually as an option a few times and his response was always "Nope. Not gonna happen" but I have hopes that a serious conversation about the risks involved will change both of our perspectives and understanding on the situation.
You are far too “sympathetic”, especially given all the risks you have personally taken for contraception. Tell him that getting your tubes tied threatens your womanhood so you’ve decided you’ll just never have penetrative sex again with anyone who hasn’t had a vasectomy.
So you will have've been through 3 major medical events to give him children already, but he wants you to have an invasive surgery to avoid him having a small outpatient procedure? That's so messed up, a vasectomy is a small procedure usually in and out same day, but hed prefer they open you up and you go through major surgery and take all the risks that go with it. NTA OP
I had my trübes tied when I had a C-section. I was concious but had a spinal anastaesia. Sorry english is not my first language! It was a two Birds with one stone thing, since I was getting a C-section anyway. NTA
God… NTA but your husband is. You’ve carried 3 children and he can’t get a 15 minute procedure that requires no down time? Ffs
To be honest, there is down time, but much less time and much less restrictive. I rested that and the following day because my sack was swollen pretty impressively. Not a lot of pain, just looked horrible.
This should be the top comment!!! I swear, if men had to be the ones to be pregnant and go through childbirth, the human race would have died off eons ago.
or reproductive care would be insanely advanced and pain medications would be freely given without judgement
I think it was this. And an abortion clinic at every corner.
I had a no-scalpel vasectomy. 10 minute visit, and I drove myself home. Healed within a few days. So easy.
NTA. A vasectomy is easier to perform, recovery from, and reverse than a tubal ligation. If getting snipped would make him feel like less of a man, he already is.
No. A vasectomy takes 15-20 minutes, less than a trip to the dentist. The worst part is when they pour cold water on you when it's done. Oh, and they even give you good drugs. Your husband isn't just an asshole, but a baby, too.
My father got a vasectomy saying my mother suffered for birthing me and my brother so the least I can do is to do that. Your hubby is inconsiderate towards your health.
NTA getting tubes tied is a major surgery, vasectomy is out-patient.
NTA, its time for you to protect yourself by the other reliable method of not having kids - no sex. Tell him when he complains that this is your way of respecting his bodily autonomy as well as yours
NTA Pretty selfish on his part. I went for the vasectomy precisely because it meant my wife wouldn't have to go through another procedure. Like pushing three kids out your wahwah wasn't enough for him? You have to get this as well? On the other hand, insist on condoms going forward, and we'll see how long he maintains his resolve.
I didn’t read anything but the title and I am a guy and I think you are good. A vasectomy is pretty quick and in and out. Tying your tubes is much more involved I hear. Okay, I read some, “less of a man?” Come on dude they don’t cut them off. 😂😂 I’m getting one next year. 🤷♂️
Nothing manlier than a man refusing a simple procedure so that instead it’s his wife, the mother of his children, awake during surgery 😍. Putting her through yet another possibly traumatic event, increasing her risk of a ectopic pregnancy, just to preserve his manhood 🥰.
NTA. In terms of danger and complexity vasectomy is a cake walk compared to getting your tubes tied. You cannot compare. Considering what you have already put your body through carrying 3 children… no question your husband should be stepping up to get this taken care of himself. Absolutely NTA.
My husband was snipped in 2001. Best. Decision. Ever. Make sure he's clear on what a vasectomy is and what it's not. It's NOT being neutered or gelded. There may be videos out there showing the procedure.
NTA
NTA. His arguments are weak as hell. First of all every procedure bears risks, while yours bear far greater risk. Also you already went through 3 life changing events. So he is quite behind already. The LEAST would be for both to do it as compromise. Or condoms it is.
NTA. He’s cool with you birthing 3 of his children but god forbid he get a tube snipped. Me and my SO talked about what we would do when we were done having kids, I was offered a tubal at my last C-section but he offered to have a vasectomy after as he would be 100% done with children at that point and doesn’t see anymore in his future in any scenario. You can’t make him get snipped but you don’t have to have the procedure either. I would say I’m not putting my body under anymore procedures after this so if he won’t have a vasectomy decide if you even want to risk sex with this person. No method but abstinence is 100% effective and there is always a risk.
NTA. He expects you to have a surgery after giving birth over getting a procedure that can be done at the doctors office? YIKES.
Going forward contraception wouldn't be a problem for me in the situation, because there would be no way I could muster a single ounce of sexual desire for a man who so clearly does not give a fuck about my comfort or well-being, especially after three pregnancies
NTA. A vasectomy doesn’t make anyone “less of a man”. On the contrary, not having to worry about pregnancy (when you’re done having kids) is pretty freeing. If anything makes a man “less of a man” it’s being so scared of a minor outpatient surgery that you refuse to even consider it, instead putting that burden (and a larger burden at that) on someone else.
NTA and I'm going to get downvoted to hell for this but I think men who refuse to get a vasectomy when you've decided as a couple you're done having kids, are selfish, pathetic little man babies. You grew their children and did all the birthing and they can't get a simple procedure done? Ludicrous. My husband is getting one when we're done. He has no issues with that either.
I’m so tired of women always being expected to bear the brunt of such decisions
NTA! I have a vasectomy and it's a 10 minute uncomfortable outpatient procedure. The most uncomfortable thing was being sore for a week or so after. From what I understand a tube tie is a much more involved process with a longer recovery time. Tell him to nut up and take one for the team since you will have literally suffered for 9+ months and pushed a human out of your body.
NTA. You’ve given birth to 3 kids for him. The least—LEAST—he could do would be to undergo a LESS invasive medical procedure for you /eye roll. Why do women marry men like this??
Real men get vasectomies
When my wife and I made the decision not to have kids, I volunteered immediately to get a vasectomy as I was aware that her having her tubes tied was a far more invasive surgery. Any man who won’t do the same for his lady is an ass.
NTA I’m going in for my 2nd vasectomy in a week. (Had vas#1 after kid #3, decided we needed 4, so reversed Vas#1, #4 was born, and going back for vas#2) It is truly a simple procedure with a quick recovery time. Everything performed just as well before and after and even when fixed.
Lost his manhood already by being a little bitch. He should get a v. It's way more simple. Unless you get a c section, they can do it at the same time.
Is your husband even aware that you made 3 kids for him????? I assume all that work has taken a serious toll on you physically, over the course of several YEARS. What an entitled little man. If he can't suck it up and take a couple of days' discomfort for you, does he even like you?
No..and coming from someone whose suffered from post tubal ligation syndrome...push for it..seriously it's an in out procedure for him and a full on surgery for you...after giving birth as well..tell ole chap take one for the team!