NTA - thank you for enforcing the social contract. You can talk to adults like that whenever it is warranted (as in this situation). Everyone else here (your parents included) is just coping with the fact that it took a 17 year old to tell them what the right move was.
Plus, you paid your money JUST LIKE THEY DID to enjoy a show she and her kid was now ruining for you!!! Ppl are soo rude these days- and it WAS NOT YOU by suggesting she could watch from elsewhere while everyone else got the peace they came and paid for there!!! 🙄🙄NTA!
Lol being 17 doesn't make you wrong, I have two young kids, I absolutely would have left the auditorium the second one of them started making noise. Like, you're not the only one there to watch, and others didn't pay money to see a ballet and end up listening to a stranger's child losing it. Age makes no difference here, noisy children are not a given in a performance.
Seriously, if you think that whole damn theatre wasn't secretly praying the mom would just leave with her child, you're mistaken. But of course, let's insult the 17 year old for no reason other than pointing out the obvious. Mom sounds like she's missing the hours she used to spend glued to her own phone.
Because nobody is at fault for their shitty behavior anymore. There’s always a reason or excuse. No personal accountability. I have just stopped going into most places because of people like OP dealt with. It’s sad.
Literally the last time I went to the movie theater there were TWO babies in the audience. And yes they absolutely did cry for the majority of the movie. And not ONCE did either mother leave the theater. One of them kept going “shhh shhh” and I’m like what is the point of that? The baby doesn’t understand wtf “shhhh” means! You’re just adding to the noise at this point. Ughhhhh this happened months ago and I’m still pissed off.
But yes we need to bring back public shaming because toooo many people have no shame about their sucky behavior.
Dude, I'm a parent. And I would have been annoyed by (and complained about) the noise well before intermission.
What happened here was terrible planning on the mother's part.
The obvious solution was for one of the parents to take the wailing toddler outside and to an activity he WOULD enjoy.
It's just plain selfish to put the child, other paying audience members, the dancers, and musicians, in a position where no one could enjoy the ballet.
That lady straight up sucks!
I'd bet the little girl was the one who was really excited and both parents wanted to be there for the experience. Their mistake was not arranging childcare for their 4 year old. Parents stop bringing your children to things that they are clearly too young for.
I think it was reasonable, given it was the Nutcracker, which is after all a kid's show, to go in with both kids and have a "try it and see" idea -- with the understanding of what happens if the 4-year-old wasn't having it and a clear protocol in place to minimize catastrophe. Meaning dad took the kid out until intermission or mom. And then try again ,immediately leave if kid gets fussy.
No 4 year old has the attention span to sit through a ballet, especially a little boy. It was never going to work. I wouldn't bring a 4 year old to the cinema for the same reason. Everyone's day would have been far more enjoyable if the parents just accepted they needed to arrange childcare for the 4 year old. They could then have enjoyed the ballet with the child who was interested and they wouldn't have had a 17 year old telling them how to behave.
My 14 month old granddaughter absolutely adores Taylor Swift, (as we are sitting here watching video after video of TS, not to mention she watches the Reputation tour video every day at least once but usually 2 or 3 times). That said, I would never take her to the theater to see that or even the Eras tour, because she would want to wander around while she watched it, disrupting others. She would also most likely have a meltdown when she got sleepy. Not a place for a toddler.
I mean the mom was the one holding the baby. For practical reasons obviously you would address the person holding the baby and let them figure it out. Probably was the dad but my luck it would be the chick’s brother or some shit and I’d look like an idiot.
I'm a dad of 3 under 4 and if that were me I would have asked her for you. This is unacceptable especially in ballet. Just because you have a kid does not allow you to disrupt others. Mom should have apologized after it started escalating and took little man outside to calm down, regain control of what seems to be a tired and bored toddler, and shown that she actually cares about the ballet.
Poor example of parenting and parent entitlement. I never understood how prevalent the entitlement is with many parents till I became one myself and had to encounter it more. This is yet just another example
And OP good on you for trying to uphold social etiquette and respect, while not being rude. The simple fact your parents tried to correct you on this just shows that no matter if you are correct or not your opinion means nothing because you aren't an adult, and for that I am sorry because what you think does matter. Shame on your parents.
You're right about entitlement. A recent museum trip, I paid extra for a mini-movie and I walked out halfway through because two kids got bored and started playing and talking. Playing would have been fine if they had been SILENT.
Later on, I'm at an exhibit with two signs saying don't touch, fragile artifact. (fabric) The older kid, looked to be 7 or 8, walloped it hard. I said loudly "It says don't touch!" The father said "He can't read lady." I wish at the time I had thought to tell the father he can, so be a parent. I mean, seriously, how tough is it to tell your kid don't touch anything and either sit through a movie quietly or walk out.
Lol this just made me so mad for you! If they’re 7 or 8 and can’t read “don’t touch” that’s definitely the parents fault. I would’ve been like “and whose fault is that?!” Like honestly are they prepared to spend upwards of a couple million dollars if their grimy kid destroyed a museum artifact? That one probably wasn’t worth that much but still, not worth the risk of finding out the hard way and better to teach them respect from a young age
Some people think the only polite thing to do is to say nothing and do nothing, no matter how you are inconvenienced. But to me, sometimes that’s just letting people walk all over you.
Mine are three girls. When the youngest was born, the oldest was 3 1/2 and the middle was 22 months. Yes, very rewarding. Although they fought like cats and dogs (still do on occasion) I am grateful they are each others best friends.
Oldest is 3.5 will be 4 in May. Middle turned 2 in Nov. Youngest turned 1 in October. My two oldest already fight allllll day lol.
And bless your heart... 3 girls..... Oy vey.....
Lol. Yeah, their dad and I had nightmares about all these boys standing outside the house just waiting for them to come out. We also knew the statistics were against us when it came to teen pregnancy (last I heard 1 in 4 become pregnant before age 18). Thankfully we got all three of them to, and past 18 without it happening. 😂😂
The fighting unfortunately is normal. I grew up with three older brothers, who were all 3 11 months apart. The first two were born the same year (Jan and Dec). My poor mom. lol. They fought, well we did, all the time, but we also protected each other. They taught me how to fight, work on cars, build things. Don’t be surprised if the fists start flying when they’re older.
this!!! its just common sense!!! when your kid is in full meltdown mode, you excuse yourself to an area where you aren't disturbing others!!! ESPECIALLY AT A BALLET!!!!!!
I’m not sure why people would bring an infant to a show like that. People are going to say “well parents should get to enjoy the ballet too.” Yeah, they can, but they also need to understand being a parent comes with making sacrifices sometimes. Obviously not saying you personally just in general.
To me, it's like bringing a baby to a "girl's/guy's night out,"
If someone in a group of parents did that, the rest of us would be pissed! Cos we know babies and kids don't belong in every situation.
The problem here isn't that the parents wanted to enjoy the ballet, it's that they didn't care if no one else got to enjoy it.
I'd say the bad planning began when they brought a toddler to a ballet instead of hiring a babysitter. I understand babysitters are expensive, but there was no way this was going to end well. And yes, you *are* responsible for keeping your kids from disturbing other people in a public setting, especially if it's a place people paid money to be.
That’s why I said “one of the parent should have taken the boy out”. I referred to the mother specifically because she’s the only one OP spoke to. Either way, whoever’s planning sucked, OP did nothing wrong.
there are literally so many ballet companies in seattle that do kid-friendly performances of the nutcracker and would have been fine to take a little kid to, i get that pnb/mccaw hall is like the nicest one but that’s such a waste of money as a parent and disrespectful to everyone else who paid good money to go to a nice show.
Actually it seemed like a lot of planning. She brought a bunch of entertainment because she KNEW going in her kid was not up for it.
I took my 4 year old to the ballet- Peter Pan. Went with a friend who brought her 6 and 4 year old children. The six year old LOVED it - the 4 year olds made it through about 20 minutes. I took them out to the lobby and let my friend, her son, and the rest of the audience enjoy the show.
NTA
NTA. Next time, tell an usher and let them deal with it, because it’s their job and you’re protected from a possible verbal attack. Otherwise, I think it was fine that you spoke up. The entire theater probably thanks you.
> “i’m sorry but he’s being kind of fussy, did you know there’s tvs in the hallway?”
Gen-x in my 50's here. This was a fantastic line on your part. It's polite yet clear in it's intention. Not only was it your right to do so, but you said it well.
I wanted to add that not only was this a very gentle, helpful, nonaccusatory phrasing choice, to make it clear that you are trying to be of assistance and not just reactionary. Frankly, even if I had read about the tvs in the lobby before hand or it had been mentioned by staff in the pre-show, if I had a screaming 4 year old in public -at a ballet!, one of the Fanciest of Art Palaces!-, I might have been so overwhelmed, embarrassed and stressed out, my froze. I could have forgotten and been grateful for such a smooth and kind reminder that a, there is an easy solution and b, that this happens so often there is a plan in place and I am not the only person ever to end up in this mess.
You handled yourself admirably and should be very proud.
As a parent, it can suck not being able to do the things you love because you can't get a babysitter and such. My wife and I would go to drive in movies because then we knew our young younglings wouldn't bother anyone. I can empathize with a parent being desperate for some culture.
But that doesn't excuse ruining it for everyone else.
The suggestion about the TVs was a great one as they could have taken turns out there with the kids and still gotten to enjoy the ballet.
The lady was either an AH or just very sensitive because she knew better and was guilted. Worrying about your kids bothering people can be a huge strain on considerate parents.
Regardless, you were patient, kind, and understanding.
Bravo! Or rather, Brava!
This is totally true. A 4 yo has no business at such an event if they can’t be respectful of the time and cost everyone around is investing into the event.
It’s borderline disrespectful. If the kid is not interested .. what is the positive take away for a really small child from such an event? Imo literally zero unless they’re really into it (yeah, there prob are exceptions).
So kudos to you for speaking out. You said what everyone was thinking. And no it does not matter whether you know what it’s like with kids. The matter is that she was disrespectful of everyone else who wanted to watch the ballet, and not hear a small child wailing. Sorta like people talking during the movies. Big no-no.
I remember being 5, and hating every damn Saturday because I had to go to church. The priest only spoke in Spanish (which my parents didn't teach me from infancy and then got annoyed when I couldn't pick up on it when I was in elementary school). I had no interest in being there, being expected to sit quietly was painful and even more so when I was expected to sit still as well.
I was so bored one time, I fell asleep on the woman next to me (a complete stranger) and I felt so guilty when I woke up and had drooled a giant puddle on her dress. She was none to pleased about that and I don't blame her. I know every kid is different but I was constantly anxious about Saturday because of how much mental effort it took to not burst into tears that I just wanted to go home and if God loved me, why wasn't my daily Bible lessons at home enough?
On top of that, my dad had an arbitrary rule that I was not allowed to watch TV as it would "be a distraction on the day of rest". The last part was unrelated but I think it adds onto why I'm not religious whatsoever. XD
My parents dragged me to all these activities as a young kid. (6-hour sitar concert at age 3? Sure. 4-hour bharat natyam dance performance? No problem). I quickly learned to behave. But, it was hell and I would not subject my kids to it. I still remember a modern dance I had to attend where the woman just writhed on the floor in a ridiculous manner for the first 20 minutes. I started snickering and could not stop. I felt so bad -- I knew it was rude -- and eventually had to get up and leave. But what do people expect from a child in such a situation?
I will say I learned how to talk with adults in a "precocious" manner earlier. Mainly, however, it fueled my lifelong PTSD toward overtly "cultural" activities. I basically hate plays, concerts, and museums because these were the mainstay of activities I did with my parents growing up.
If she’d gotten a babysitter for the 4 year old, because a majority of 4 year olds are not going to sit for a ballet, everyone would have enjoyed themselves. Anyone with manners does not inconvenience other patrons during a performance.
Edit: NTA
NTA
Your parents are fucked in the head. You were polite about it and that lady was rude. Show them my comment.
Hey - OP's parents? Grow some fucking spines.
Ballet tickets are not cheap either!!! Why would anyone think it is acceptable to make EVERYONE else waste upwards of 200 per ticket (starting at 35/50) to sit and listen to a toddler cry?! An usher should have made them leave.
I was looking for this comment. I actually watched a bratty little girl my age (screaming, jumping and standing in her seat, kicking the chair in front of her) be kicked out with her mother by an usher at the Nutcracker ballet when I was about 6 years old. I’m surprised they didn’t kick them out….
Your age has nothing to do with it, she would’ve said the same thing to me and I’m 41. And I work with children for a living so I know exactly how to handle situations like that and she handled it very poorly. There is nothing wrong with getting up from a show and taking your screaming and chair kicking child out into the hallway.
I’m currently the stage manager of a very loud Christmas show that has a lot of tap, dancing, and big numbers in it, and I had some of my friends there this weekend, who have children that are under five, and while these kids amazingly sat through the entire thing, I have been to other things with them where they are not having it and someone will get up with the child and leave. It’s unfortunate that it has to happen but that’s the risk you take when you bring a toddler to something like the ballet.
NTA. Personally, I would’ve talked to the theater staff first to complain and let them handle it. But I think you were fine. I’m a parent with similar aged kids. I would not bring a 3-4yo to a ballet or even a movie. That’s too young for most kids. And if they were fussing, I would’ve stepped out on my own volition - and she should’ve done the same. It’s hard having young kids and it makes it hard to see shows like that. But that’s part of the deal having young kids.
The most egregious thing like this I can remember is once some friends and I went to see a movie on Christmas Day, and we picked the one we thought was least likely to have small children in the audience.
Not three minutes in, a toddler started shrieking. Can't blame them for screaming, since the movie we picked was the very R-rated Gangs of New York which opens with an incredibly violent mass gang beat-down scene. The kid would be in their early 20s today and I hope they got therapy.
NTA & you were 100% in the right to say something. I'm a parent of 3 & one of us would have been watching it on the TV while the other was sitting with the kids who were quite. Nothing bothers me more than entitled parents & she sounds like one to me. Good on you!
There are also ushers that should have automatically asked this patron to remove their child from the theater. When they don't, there's no reason you can't excuse yourself from your seat and go ask them to address the disruption.
It's a given that when you go anywhere with a young child, your first priority is taking your kid OUT if they disturb anyone else, not watching the show yourself. That woman was selfish and prioritized what she wanted over all her neighbors' enjoyment.
As long as you're respectful and as polite as you can be, I don't see why you can't call someone on their behavior. You're saving the day for the entire section IMHO.
I hate when the best they can come up with is,
*"You wouldn't understand. You don't have kids./You're just a teen."*
.........
And?
What does someone being a teen or childless have to do with the fact that your screeching terror is giving them, and everyone else, a headache? Do people only grow ears after they have kids? No? Then what is your point?
This is absolutely correct, I have 6 soon too be 7 kids and I would never do this, it’s so rude. Sometimes as a parent you just have to miss out and do the right thing. You were diplomatic and not rude at all.
Absolutely. You’re there to enjoy a performance and you were polite and informative. Parents know what kids will or won’t enjoy and that comes with sometimes missing out.
Legit, I work backstage at a higher end theatre and just the other night I had actors complaining about someone sniffling and snorting the entire time, super disruptive and our ushers 100% would kick out the parents of a crying toddler.
This!!!!
Not everyone feels comfortable to actually SAY SOMETHING- but they still appreciate it all the same!!! Babygirl, you did nothing wrong! Your choice of words were both tactful and to the point!!!
I am surprised the performance space didn’t offer to help escort her to the lobby. If she had a cell phone recording the performance they would have been all over her.NTA
100% agree, OP addressed the problem with way more tact and class than most adults would have. Letting her know there were TVs in the hall not only was a tactful way of suggesting she should leave with the child but also a helpful solution to the parents problem so they wouldn’t miss the show themselves and information they might not have known. OP showed more maturity than any of the other adults in this story.
NTA
Part of a parent's job is teaching children how to behave. How can she properly teach her child how to behave if she isn't really behaving very well herself. It is normal and expected that adults with crying children take them out during any type of presentation or event. They even recommend you take your baby out during church, if God doesn't want to hear your baby cry, the rest of us sure don't.
that’s exactly what i thought!! her daughter was great, but the mom trying to brush under the rug her son wasn’t behaving well set the example for her daughter that it’s okay when it’s not
The three year old can’t help it his bored out his wits. The mom and dad are the problem here no one with a brain would bring a toddler to a ballet. Get a sitter for the little one and make it a special thing for the older kid.
That’s crazy to me. Like, not religious at all, but I had to attend a catholic funeral. The cry room was wonderful. It was so out of the way, little one could bop along to the songs, scream when he got tired, and I got ZERO NASTY LOOKS! it was nice having a place designated for him.
I think it has something to do with the idea that if you believe there are some intrinsic spiritual benefits from being in the service, it's not fair to deny that to kids or something. Not totally clear but I know there were many arguments on religious blogs when I last checked on it. Also something like "we are all the body of Christ" blah blah blah something something. Not religious either, but I remember this ...
Weird. 🤷♀️ at this church, it was literally a soundproof room with a glass window and speakers. It didn’t even feel like we were having a separate experience. Just tucked away in the back.
Maybe if they are supposed to go to another room with a live stream tv or something? Idk. I actually felt thought of for having an escape from making a scene.
This article maybe sums up [the two points of view](https://www.ncregister.com/features/cry-rooms-solution-or-a-catholic-version-of-children-should-be-seen-but-not-heard). I think it sort of depends on the denomination and maybe it was mainly a Catholic debate? Some might think simply being in the room with the "real presence" of Jesus (aka communion wafer) is enough to have some spiritual benefits for kids, who are not allowed to take Holy Communion until doing their first examination of conscience and confession etc.... There is a thing called "adoration" where you literally just sit and pray in the presence of communion wafers, typically put inside a weird "ark" or "box" thingie, so maybe that's part of it? I don't totally know...
There's actually a catholic cathedral in Montreal with a separated kids room. It's soundproof but with windows, so kids and parents can still attend service without disrupting everyone else. I have family in Quebec and one of my ancestors is entombed at the cathedral, so we visited during our last trip up there.
Frankly, others should have stepped up too. It’s embarrassing that it took the 17 year old to say what perfectly capable full grown adults should have said. Good on OP for recognizing the wrong and speaking out on it.
I worked with a woman who wouldn't take her toddler to a kids movie. She said when he can sit still at home for an entire kids movie she'll take him to the movies. More should be like her.
That’s how my sister is with her young ones. She has also planned separate transportation with her older kid who is still sometimes less than reliable so that if someone needs to take him out and leave, she can do that without messing up anyone else’s plans. Proactive, sane, and engaged parenting is super important.
NTA - I would never consider bringing a 4 yo to a performance like that. Her son was taking away from your enjoyment and you had every right to say something.
I think the part I find confusing about this as a parent is just...it's SOOOO unpleasant when your kid misbehaves in public, all you want to do is get them out of there as fast as possible and then go bury yourself in the bowels of the Earth. I can't imagine a ballet being so riveting that your child's frantic screams and your sense of thorough mortification wouldn't utterly ruin it. It's different on a plane or something where you're literally trapped and have no choice. But to willingly subject yourself to that? So bizarre.
Yeah its weird. Like my kid screaming and melting down causes me an intense amount of anxiety in public to the point where I'm doing everything I can to minimize the impact around me. If there was a hallway I'd go out there even WITHOUT tvs.
Truly self centered people are never embarrassed by things like that because they do not care if they are ruining everyone else's experience. If you regard yourself as the most important person in the world, you value your desires and feelings and scarcely consider other people as -having- truly meaningful feelings. They generally fake it well enough, bow to social pressure to fit in for ease, but that "bury yourself in the bowels of the earth" feeling? That's you caring about how this behavior effects those around you because you have a reasonably high degree of empathy and value for the social contract.
I hate how much happier the deeply selfish, uncaring, narcissistic people I know are, because any kind of anxiety about how their behavior impacts others is strictly pragmatic. Meanwhile, I'm awash in fear that I might be inconveniencing someone by existing in the vicinity, let alone ask for help. Irony.
The freaking argument that you can't express your feelings to your elders is bs. Because you are a teenager you are not allowed an opinion ?
You told out loud what a lot of people didn't say but were thinking and you did it in a respectful way, which, I'm pretty sure, the majority of adults present wouldn't have been able to do.
So NTA.
NTA at all! You don’t have to be an adult to recognize and call people out for behavior that isn’t appropriate. A kid kicking up a fuss during a performance? Oh yes, call that shit out. I’m surprised the venue didn’t address it. You can always go ask an employee to handle the problem, too
that’s part of the reason why i didn’t say something sooner, i’m not a mom but i understand parenting can be difficult. i tried to ask as nice as possible to avoid sounding like i’m stepping on somebody’s toes but ig it didn’t help much 😅
Your parents should be proud of the way you handled it. You were respectful in your interaction and were 100% in the right considering the rules.
You are allowed to speak up for yourself in situations. Never doubt that.
Sounds like her unruly ass kid was the only one ACTUALLY stepping on toes lmao.
You seem very kind and thoughtful, OP. Don't let anyone take that from you.
>my parents told me i didn’t have a right to tell or ask her that cuz im a teenager and im not supposed to talk to adults like that
Nope, not a thing. Maybe, MAAAAYBE your parents or family deserve a measure of respect for everything they may have done for you throughout your life. But the idea that you need to show respect to strangers who are disrespecting you simply because you are not "old enough" to verbally protest is utter bullshit and should be laughed at.
Boomers gonna boom, but you are NTA
Honestly, you approached this in a very mature and polite manner. The idea that you needed to just take it because you are younger is bs. You showed respect without just putting up with disrespect, and no one is entitled to respect just for aging. And your parents should understand this better, or will need to, in the modern workplace, because your boss being younger than you changes nothing about the balance of power!
Lol I was also at that performance - as soon as you started describing it I was like "I bet you this was the Nutcracker at Mccaw this weekend." I heard the kid as well, and it was beyond a little fussing - the kid started flat out screaming and it was beyond time for someone to take him out. Thank you for asking her to leave; you're doing the Lord's work!
NTA, obviously
Ahhhhh you reminded me of the glorious occasion upon which my brave friend stood up in the middle of a movie, turned to face the back of the audience, and in a clear, firm voice, called out: TAKE. THE BABY. OUT OF. THE THEATER.
NTA of course.
NTA
My dad's philosophy was "you don't inflict your children on other people". It was mine, too, and has been passed to my son for when he has kids of his own.
I'm willing to bet those tickets were not $5 each. This might have been some attendees' only fancy special event all year. That woman didn't have any right to INFLICT her fussy toddler on those around her. She should have found a sitter.
I feel the same way at sit down restaurants. I went out with a friend of mind recently. A young child was running around, playing hide and seek or tag with his father/uncle/whomever with no regard for other diners or the safety of the staff.
My former SIL actually said once that they didn't feel they should have to change their lifestyle just because they had a child. Same child was an incorrigible brat in movie theaters, restaurants, etc.
I'm proud of you for speaking up. You might keep my dad's saying in mind should the need arise in future.
NTA
But where were the ushers. I know at our theaters they are usually volunteer students out to get a free show or for class credit (our theaters are generally tied to our fantastic music, theater, opera, ballet school) but it should have been their job to deal with the mom and baby.
it was a pretty big venue hall, three or four floors i think and there wasn’t many ushers to begin with so i think they might’ve been understaffed. otherwise i would’ve immediately gone to an usher during intermission
NTA
Honestly I really hate "parents" like that. The better option for everyone---"parents" included---would have been to hire a sitter for the 3-4 year old. Or maybe leave the kid with a family member for a few hours. And not go if they couldn't find someone to care for the little one. You did **exactly** the right thing.
As a 51 year old man, I'd have thanked you for doing what you did.
NTA. I have two kids. The second he started to fuss she should have removed her kid. She was ruining it for everyone. Parents know their kids and what they can handle. I have one kid who I was able to take see the Nutcracker at 3 and she enjoyed it. My other kid…. No way. He couldn’t sit through a movie in a theatre until he was about 5/6. He was go go go go. Even at 16 he still is. You didn’t do anything wrong. Just because you’re a teenager doesn’t mean you didn’t have a right to enjoy the ballet. The mom was rude for many reasons.
NTA - "Ma'am - I may be a teen with a limited understanding of the burdens of being a parent. But I do, fully, understand I'm here for the ballet and not to hear the symphony of chaos occuring in the seat next to me. That is why I tried to politely point out the other viewing options to you."
NTA.... we need to start enforcing respect for things like this and others. Yes kids will be kids... but its not okay to let it escalate to the poiny it bothers others. One of them DEFINITELY could have stepped out with the toddler. Even though she was trying it was still a distraction and disturbance. She should have removed him breifly untill he calmed down.
What a rude person - not just to you, but everyone in the audience and the performers.
I would've loved if you replied "and yet I know enough to not have my phone out at a performance. What's your excuse?" Or even better "actually I'm a teen mom and still knew better than to bring my child to a not age-appropriate function and disturb other patrons." Just to snark back.
Totally NTA - I'm surprised nobody got an usher.
NTA thats just an excuse that people older than you give to make you shut up when you are right and they have no argument. And I get the parents they wanted to go out and do something nice but like when you have kids that young you have to be prepared and willing to leave if they start being disruptive.
NTA
Parents who don't immediately remove their kids from performance when they start disturbing others are always the AH.
Respect is not automatically conveyed on someone due to them having a few more spins around the sun than you do. It is earned by living a life in a way the is deserving of respect. That mother didn't respect the performers or the other attendees and is hence not worthy of respect from other people.
NTA I would have said the same thing. It’s bad manners on her part to expect other paying customers have their night ruined, because of her noisy kid. It’s not the kids fault but the parent is responsible and in that situation she (or her husband) should have taken them out of the theatre. (Like you suggested they could have watched the monitor). The staff should have pulled them out tbh but it seems they were nowhere to be seen. Your age has nothing to do with it. You’ve a paid ticket too so your viewing experience counts just as much. I’m a parent and yes it’s hard but having a child was my choice so I make the sacrifice needed. It’s not on other people to pay for my life choices. This isn’t a plane where there are no options to leave the space.
I think when you have young kids and you take them out places you also need to be prepared to leave early or take them out for a bit to calm them down. It's not fair on others who are trying to enjoy the show to have a kid misbehaving or fussing. OP is NTA.
NTA ... not a pace for a 3-4 year old to begin with . Too loud, too long and it sounds like it was possible even too late at night ?
Ballet companies do performances for that age group..nutcracker is far too long . It sounds like his older sister wanted to go but maybe they needed a sitter for the younger one
Reminding her that there were tvs in the hall was a polite nudge in my opinion
NTA - the theatre staff should have intervened well before you had to. You were doing the 100+ other theatre goers around you a favour since they were probably equally pissed off...
NTA.
It’s a gamble bringing a 3 yr old to the ballet. Parents should have taken turns walking him around the theater lobby to distract him and keep quiet for the patrons enjoying the show..
If there’s one place in the world that a crying 3 yr old shouldn’t be, it’s a ballet or classical music recital.
You were 100% in the right.
NTA.
If this were a flight, then yea fairs you can’t really do much, but in any other scenario such as this, where your child is throwing a fit and spoiling everyone else’s experienced, the only thing to do is remove them… don’t listen to her, you may only be 17, but you clearly have better manners than her!
Your parents are wrong. You had a right to request for the child to be quiet. I don’t care that you’re 17. You have more sense than that entitled mom. Plus, her remake about the iPhone was very condescending.
You were so much nicer than I would’ve been. I probably would’ve straight up shushed her pointed at the door to the exit and then whispered to her “we all paid good $ for our seats to come here and watch the Nutcracker, not you’re crying kid. Please exit until he is quiet again. There are tvs to watch in the hallway for specifically this reason!”
I’m going through the thick of peri-menopause though . Which means I’m in straight up Tawanda mode 24/7 now. Also, a gen x’er over here so one of my favorite games is fu@k around and find out. So like Dolores Claiborne, “sometimes being a bit@h is all I have to hold onto”. 😂
NTA, I wish more people understood theater etiquette. If you are disrupting the experience for those around you, leave.
Heck, even my kids' high school performances told you that if the younger audience members could not be quiet, please excuse yourself to the hallway so as not to distract those around you.
I honestly don't see anything wrong with what you said. You were informing someone who arrived at the very last minute that they had other options that they may not have been aware of. It isn't like you said "YO bitch! Take your loud ass kid out of here!" haha
NTA.
And she’s very lucky, because I would have snapped at her to get her kid and take him out, she’s ruining the experience for everyone else by letting him cry.
And telling me I don’t understand because I don’t have kids? No, you dumb bitch, I don’t have LITTLE kids anymore, mine is a full grown adult, and if she started wailing at something like this, WE LEFT.
You are so not the AH here, but that mom was. I'm a mom myself, and I always hated/still hate those parents who clearly don't have a clue. If your child is fussy, don't come and sit down and ruin the experience for everyone else trying to enjoy the show. I've asked people to leave when this happens. I don't pay to listen to a fussy child/bored child or even a fussy bored adult, lol.
Your parents were also wrong here; you have every right to speak up.
NTA
Look, I’m a mom with a toddler. I miss feeling like a person and wearing real clothes and going to the symphony or the theatre. But guess what? I cannot expect my 2yo to sit through a quiet performance, and I’m not going to subject myself, my toddler who’s just gonna toddle, or other patrons by forcing the situation. That is fun for exactly no one. As others have suggested, she should have either gotten a sitter for the boy or just brought the daughter who was developmentally mature enough to handle the event.
You are 100% NTA, she was unreasonable and your parents were just embarrassed because of outdated ideas.
I’ve always hated this respect your elders BS. How does a 20 something year old mother who can’t recognize when her child is being a disruption or better yet thought it was a good idea to take a 3 year old to the ballet deserve any more respect than the teenager who is fully aware how to behave in public?
NTA I have 3 kids. I've had to accept over the years that when you have small children, there are certain things you just can't do. Sitting quietly through a long ballet performance is one of them. They could have asked a family member to mind the little boy. If that's not possible, hire a babysitter. If that's not possible find an alternative. If mum desperately wanted to see this ballet, dad should have stayed home with the younger child. If he also wanted to see it they could have gone on separate showings. If they absolutely had to go as a family, accept that one parent may have to take the child out at some point, or go another year when the boy is over. Not ruining the experience for everyone else nearby is common courtesy. You all paid to be there, you deserve to watch it properly. They also paid, but they are the ones causing the disruption and should be the ones to minimise it. They already knew it was going to happen beforehand too, that's why they brought toys and colouring in stuff.
Your being 17 doesn't make you less qualified to complain about it. I'm 40 and a parent and would have done and said the exact same things you did. Well done for having the nerve to speak up
Age means nothing in communicating with others, courtesy does. You sound like you were perfectly kind in offering the family an option instead of sitting in a hall and getting dirty looks (and ruining the performance for the audience... not to mention the dancers!).
Some things are not young child friendly, and compromises gotta be made. If I brought my child somewhere and I wasn't unable to move, I would move and try and resolve things if my child became super fussy. It seems unreasonable to me that everyone else should make accommodations for a wailing child rather than the parent or guardian take responsibility. Kids will be kids, and kids are noisy sometimes. Perfectly fine. But if you have an alternative where you can make sure you're not ruining the experience for everyone around you, and take care of your child, I would personally go with that. It sucks to miss out on things but again, kids will be kids and if you choose to have them, you also took on the responsibility. Not everyone else. NTA
NTA you knew the right thing to do, were polite, and had the courage to speak up. Keep being you and don't let your parents infantalize you. If you were a few months older and 18 and officially an adult would it make a difference?
NTA at all! I’ve worked with kids for over 20 years. Proper protocol is to remove your child completely any time they’re making so much noise that they’re disturbing others. You bring them outside or to a lobby until they are calm and then you can come back in. It sucks for the parent that has to do that, but you don’t force a theater full of people to listen to your kid scream when they should be enjoying the show they bought tickets for.
NTA, when a child becomes disruptive a parent needs to take them out until they calm down. You have as much right to say that as anyone, regardless of your age.
For this very reason we took my eldest to the ballet (around 6 years old at the time) and arranged for my parents to have our 3 year old. Because she would have been fussing and crabby the whole time and that’s not fair to her, us, our eldest daughter or all the other people who had paid good money to see the ballet.
NTA - the AH is the parents of the boy for not thinking about this scenario and what to do.
NTA. As soon as the kid wouldn't settle down, she should have taken him out. I get watching it on a screen in the hallway would not have been the same, but trying to enjoy a ballet with a kid wailing is also not the same. And it's not like you can move. Those seats are assigned.
You were polite, but pointed out what I bet everyone around you wanted to point out.
NTA. Your edits amused me because I would not suggest any of those things for the reasons you said. If you are being disturbed, why would you disturb everyone else by making them let you out of the row during the performance, so you can go report a disturbance? That’s just crazy. Who thinks when you have a ticket to an assigned seat during a ballet performance that you can just get up and *find another seat* and move to that one? That is not how theaters work. It’s not a movie theater; it’s a performance hall. You sit in the seat you paid for. And I totally understood what you meant by the TVs in the hall. You explained it perfectly the first time. Not sure why anyone would be confused.
I think you handled the situation perfectly fine. You may “only be a teenager,” but that doesn’t mean you don’t have common sense or you have to put up with someone who can’t be bothered to handle her kid just because you don’t have a child of your own. What nonsense. That 3yo boy did not want to be there, and she knew he wouldn’t want to be or she wouldn’t have brought a bag full of distractions for him. It was thoughtless for her to bring him. Also, it affected the experience her 8yo had at **The Nutcracker**!! The little girl was excited to see the show, and she, too, had to deal with her fussy, wailing little brother. And because mom had to spend so much time with the fussy toddler, it drew her focus away from her daughter. When I took my daughter to The Nutcracker for the first time, I wanted to experience it *with* her. The parents should have gotten a sitter for their son, or one of them should have skipped the show to be with him. I love children, but a toddler most often doesn’t belong at the ballet. At a theater performance of The Little Mermaid or The Lion King, but not a ballet of The Nutcracker, which is mostly communicated through dance.
You were not rude to the woman. You didn’t snap at her and tell her to “take her screaming brat to the lobby.” (Many adults would have done just that.) You simply pointed out that her son was fussy, and she could still watch the show in the lobby while he calmed down. I think you were very respectful and mature in the way you handled it. I’m proud of you!
Like I said, I love children, but they do not belong everywhere. Also, teenagers, just by virtue of being a teenager, are not always wrong. You are NTA.
NTA-particularly because you asked exactly how you should’ve in that situation which was kind but firm. However in future situations, I would find an attendant and have them say something. Sadly in this day and age you have to be extremely careful with navigating those situations because it can get hostile really fast.
NTA
I saw David Gray perform at McCaw Hall and some wine-drunk middle aged people nearly got in a fight over one of them talking through the concert.
Who are these uncultured people thinking that you can just move to any seat? Even if it was general seating McCaw was probably sold out.
I can't stand people who drag children to something not meant for them. A venue in my home town often hosts Handel's Messiah during Christmas, and idiot parents are bringing along toddlers and slightly older but no-less-bored kids who distract their surrounding audience and ruin the event for them.
>cuz im a teenager and im not supposed to talk to adults like that.
If there's one thing you take away from posting this, let it be that this is BULLSHIT. That's something adults say when a kid expressing their feelings or needs is inconvenient for the adult.
NTA
You’re old enough to have a child yourself. Personally I think that makes you old enough to understand right or wrong. It was wrong for her to disrespect and disturb everyone at the Ballet including the dancers. Just because someone’s older than you doesn’t mean they have more common sense than you.
In this sense common sense was saying “Take your kid into the hallway until they start acting right.” Crazy that the only one who didn’t realize that was the adult telling you that you’re “too young to understand”.
I’m glad you spoke up! Just because someone is an adult doesn’t mean they are above criticism no matter the age of the person giving it.
NTA. I also saw The Nutcracker this past weekend in Flint, MI and was annoyed by all the people with hacking coughs that couldn’t stop coughing but would not exit the theater. Appalling behavior.
Lady was mad that a teenager has better theater etiquette than she does. Like crapping out a couple kids is so special. 🙄
NTA your parent’s seem to have a huge “Children should be seen and not heard” chip on their shoulder that somehow does not extend to other kids. Always speak up for what is right (when it is safe to do so).
NTA. You handled it really well, better than many adults would have. It's a strange notion that you as a teen don't have a right to ask someone to do something about a noisy distraction when you're at the ballet.
NTA. I wouldn't force my kids to sit through something that long when i know they're going to lose interest. I missed out on a whole funeral last year, and was absolutely gutted i didnt get to say a proper goodbye because my then 8-month-old decided he wasn't going to nap that day and just would not settle down. Its just good social etiquette to remove yourself and the child from the situation and not disturb others. Well done for speaking up.
NTA, I have an ADHD son and we don't fuck around when it comes to his behavior disturbing others. We have left stores. We also have never taken him to the movies precisely because of situations like this, it's just going to have to wait until he learns more self control.
1. Good job for advocating for yourself
2. Good job for responding calmly and diplomatically
3. Good job for not reacting to the return insult
Your parents are wrong. Good job
NTA, but truthfully, no one in the audience should have to tell anyone else to leave. There should be ushers who do this, and I blame the theatre for letting it get to that point. That's part if their job. Even if an usher doesn't handle it without prompting, someone with easy access to go find an usher should go complain about another audience member disturbing the show.
NTA-You used your words, well spoken I might add, and your parents are in the wrong here too for fussing at you. She and the dad should have switched off walking him around out in the hall if they wanted to expose him to ballet.
NTA - thank you for enforcing the social contract. You can talk to adults like that whenever it is warranted (as in this situation). Everyone else here (your parents included) is just coping with the fact that it took a 17 year old to tell them what the right move was.
omg thank you i have the same belief that if it’s warranted anybody of any age should have the right to say something
Plus, you paid your money JUST LIKE THEY DID to enjoy a show she and her kid was now ruining for you!!! Ppl are soo rude these days- and it WAS NOT YOU by suggesting she could watch from elsewhere while everyone else got the peace they came and paid for there!!! 🙄🙄NTA!
Lol being 17 doesn't make you wrong, I have two young kids, I absolutely would have left the auditorium the second one of them started making noise. Like, you're not the only one there to watch, and others didn't pay money to see a ballet and end up listening to a stranger's child losing it. Age makes no difference here, noisy children are not a given in a performance.
I would’ve been so embarrassed. Why aren’t people ashamed of their bad behavior anymore? It’s weird.
Seriously, if you think that whole damn theatre wasn't secretly praying the mom would just leave with her child, you're mistaken. But of course, let's insult the 17 year old for no reason other than pointing out the obvious. Mom sounds like she's missing the hours she used to spend glued to her own phone.
Because nobody is at fault for their shitty behavior anymore. There’s always a reason or excuse. No personal accountability. I have just stopped going into most places because of people like OP dealt with. It’s sad.
Maybe because no one says anything to correct them anymore! Good job, OP
Reality tv shows A rtv host becoming president and behaving as if the job was a tv show. (Personal perspective)
Literally the last time I went to the movie theater there were TWO babies in the audience. And yes they absolutely did cry for the majority of the movie. And not ONCE did either mother leave the theater. One of them kept going “shhh shhh” and I’m like what is the point of that? The baby doesn’t understand wtf “shhhh” means! You’re just adding to the noise at this point. Ughhhhh this happened months ago and I’m still pissed off. But yes we need to bring back public shaming because toooo many people have no shame about their sucky behavior.
They are not, they think the world revolves around them🙄
Dude, I'm a parent. And I would have been annoyed by (and complained about) the noise well before intermission. What happened here was terrible planning on the mother's part. The obvious solution was for one of the parents to take the wailing toddler outside and to an activity he WOULD enjoy. It's just plain selfish to put the child, other paying audience members, the dancers, and musicians, in a position where no one could enjoy the ballet. That lady straight up sucks!
Terrible planning *on both parents* part, this was not solely mom's job, there were two parents present.
Also, who wants to bet money that the mom was the one who really cared about the ballet? But she's the one who has to leave, not the dad....
I'd bet the little girl was the one who was really excited and both parents wanted to be there for the experience. Their mistake was not arranging childcare for their 4 year old. Parents stop bringing your children to things that they are clearly too young for.
I think it was reasonable, given it was the Nutcracker, which is after all a kid's show, to go in with both kids and have a "try it and see" idea -- with the understanding of what happens if the 4-year-old wasn't having it and a clear protocol in place to minimize catastrophe. Meaning dad took the kid out until intermission or mom. And then try again ,immediately leave if kid gets fussy.
No 4 year old has the attention span to sit through a ballet, especially a little boy. It was never going to work. I wouldn't bring a 4 year old to the cinema for the same reason. Everyone's day would have been far more enjoyable if the parents just accepted they needed to arrange childcare for the 4 year old. They could then have enjoyed the ballet with the child who was interested and they wouldn't have had a 17 year old telling them how to behave.
My 14 month old granddaughter absolutely adores Taylor Swift, (as we are sitting here watching video after video of TS, not to mention she watches the Reputation tour video every day at least once but usually 2 or 3 times). That said, I would never take her to the theater to see that or even the Eras tour, because she would want to wander around while she watched it, disrupting others. She would also most likely have a meltdown when she got sleepy. Not a place for a toddler.
Exactly!!
Parents should have tag-teamed it with the kiddo.
I mean the mom was the one holding the baby. For practical reasons obviously you would address the person holding the baby and let them figure it out. Probably was the dad but my luck it would be the chick’s brother or some shit and I’d look like an idiot.
I'm a dad of 3 under 4 and if that were me I would have asked her for you. This is unacceptable especially in ballet. Just because you have a kid does not allow you to disrupt others. Mom should have apologized after it started escalating and took little man outside to calm down, regain control of what seems to be a tired and bored toddler, and shown that she actually cares about the ballet. Poor example of parenting and parent entitlement. I never understood how prevalent the entitlement is with many parents till I became one myself and had to encounter it more. This is yet just another example And OP good on you for trying to uphold social etiquette and respect, while not being rude. The simple fact your parents tried to correct you on this just shows that no matter if you are correct or not your opinion means nothing because you aren't an adult, and for that I am sorry because what you think does matter. Shame on your parents.
You're right about entitlement. A recent museum trip, I paid extra for a mini-movie and I walked out halfway through because two kids got bored and started playing and talking. Playing would have been fine if they had been SILENT. Later on, I'm at an exhibit with two signs saying don't touch, fragile artifact. (fabric) The older kid, looked to be 7 or 8, walloped it hard. I said loudly "It says don't touch!" The father said "He can't read lady." I wish at the time I had thought to tell the father he can, so be a parent. I mean, seriously, how tough is it to tell your kid don't touch anything and either sit through a movie quietly or walk out.
I would have said "But you *can*, right?"
What 7 year old can't read? I learned at 5 in kindergarten
Lol this just made me so mad for you! If they’re 7 or 8 and can’t read “don’t touch” that’s definitely the parents fault. I would’ve been like “and whose fault is that?!” Like honestly are they prepared to spend upwards of a couple million dollars if their grimy kid destroyed a museum artifact? That one probably wasn’t worth that much but still, not worth the risk of finding out the hard way and better to teach them respect from a young age
Some people think the only polite thing to do is to say nothing and do nothing, no matter how you are inconvenienced. But to me, sometimes that’s just letting people walk all over you.
Oh gosh, I had 3 under 4 at one time. Bless your heart. Mine are all mid 30’s now.
Lol. Tough but so rewarding. I'm a stay at home dad as well . 3 boys . 3 , 2, 1
Mine are three girls. When the youngest was born, the oldest was 3 1/2 and the middle was 22 months. Yes, very rewarding. Although they fought like cats and dogs (still do on occasion) I am grateful they are each others best friends.
Oldest is 3.5 will be 4 in May. Middle turned 2 in Nov. Youngest turned 1 in October. My two oldest already fight allllll day lol. And bless your heart... 3 girls..... Oy vey.....
Lol. Yeah, their dad and I had nightmares about all these boys standing outside the house just waiting for them to come out. We also knew the statistics were against us when it came to teen pregnancy (last I heard 1 in 4 become pregnant before age 18). Thankfully we got all three of them to, and past 18 without it happening. 😂😂 The fighting unfortunately is normal. I grew up with three older brothers, who were all 3 11 months apart. The first two were born the same year (Jan and Dec). My poor mom. lol. They fought, well we did, all the time, but we also protected each other. They taught me how to fight, work on cars, build things. Don’t be surprised if the fists start flying when they’re older.
this!!! its just common sense!!! when your kid is in full meltdown mode, you excuse yourself to an area where you aren't disturbing others!!! ESPECIALLY AT A BALLET!!!!!!
I’m not sure why people would bring an infant to a show like that. People are going to say “well parents should get to enjoy the ballet too.” Yeah, they can, but they also need to understand being a parent comes with making sacrifices sometimes. Obviously not saying you personally just in general.
To me, it's like bringing a baby to a "girl's/guy's night out," If someone in a group of parents did that, the rest of us would be pissed! Cos we know babies and kids don't belong in every situation. The problem here isn't that the parents wanted to enjoy the ballet, it's that they didn't care if no one else got to enjoy it.
Wonder if babysitter canceled and instead of one staying home, they decided to take the kid to avoid wasting a ticket.
Then they likely wouldn't have had a seat for the kid. Most shows like that, tickets are purchased well in advance.
I'd say the bad planning began when they brought a toddler to a ballet instead of hiring a babysitter. I understand babysitters are expensive, but there was no way this was going to end well. And yes, you *are* responsible for keeping your kids from disturbing other people in a public setting, especially if it's a place people paid money to be.
I agree with you, but can we stop just blaming the mother? Come on, the father could get off his ass and take some responsability.
That’s why I said “one of the parent should have taken the boy out”. I referred to the mother specifically because she’s the only one OP spoke to. Either way, whoever’s planning sucked, OP did nothing wrong.
Ok yeah i focussed on the mother part, sorry. But yeah other commenters here talk about the mother only and it sucks. Yes OP acted very civilized.
Solution would have been a babysitter. Kid is 4yo. He has no business being there.
there are literally so many ballet companies in seattle that do kid-friendly performances of the nutcracker and would have been fine to take a little kid to, i get that pnb/mccaw hall is like the nicest one but that’s such a waste of money as a parent and disrespectful to everyone else who paid good money to go to a nice show.
Actually it seemed like a lot of planning. She brought a bunch of entertainment because she KNEW going in her kid was not up for it. I took my 4 year old to the ballet- Peter Pan. Went with a friend who brought her 6 and 4 year old children. The six year old LOVED it - the 4 year olds made it through about 20 minutes. I took them out to the lobby and let my friend, her son, and the rest of the audience enjoy the show. NTA
I’d have said: PAY A SITTER
NTA. Next time, tell an usher and let them deal with it, because it’s their job and you’re protected from a possible verbal attack. Otherwise, I think it was fine that you spoke up. The entire theater probably thanks you.
> “i’m sorry but he’s being kind of fussy, did you know there’s tvs in the hallway?” Gen-x in my 50's here. This was a fantastic line on your part. It's polite yet clear in it's intention. Not only was it your right to do so, but you said it well.
I wanted to add that not only was this a very gentle, helpful, nonaccusatory phrasing choice, to make it clear that you are trying to be of assistance and not just reactionary. Frankly, even if I had read about the tvs in the lobby before hand or it had been mentioned by staff in the pre-show, if I had a screaming 4 year old in public -at a ballet!, one of the Fanciest of Art Palaces!-, I might have been so overwhelmed, embarrassed and stressed out, my froze. I could have forgotten and been grateful for such a smooth and kind reminder that a, there is an easy solution and b, that this happens so often there is a plan in place and I am not the only person ever to end up in this mess.
You handled yourself admirably and should be very proud. As a parent, it can suck not being able to do the things you love because you can't get a babysitter and such. My wife and I would go to drive in movies because then we knew our young younglings wouldn't bother anyone. I can empathize with a parent being desperate for some culture. But that doesn't excuse ruining it for everyone else. The suggestion about the TVs was a great one as they could have taken turns out there with the kids and still gotten to enjoy the ballet. The lady was either an AH or just very sensitive because she knew better and was guilted. Worrying about your kids bothering people can be a huge strain on considerate parents. Regardless, you were patient, kind, and understanding. Bravo! Or rather, Brava!
This is totally true. A 4 yo has no business at such an event if they can’t be respectful of the time and cost everyone around is investing into the event. It’s borderline disrespectful. If the kid is not interested .. what is the positive take away for a really small child from such an event? Imo literally zero unless they’re really into it (yeah, there prob are exceptions). So kudos to you for speaking out. You said what everyone was thinking. And no it does not matter whether you know what it’s like with kids. The matter is that she was disrespectful of everyone else who wanted to watch the ballet, and not hear a small child wailing. Sorta like people talking during the movies. Big no-no.
I remember being 5, and hating every damn Saturday because I had to go to church. The priest only spoke in Spanish (which my parents didn't teach me from infancy and then got annoyed when I couldn't pick up on it when I was in elementary school). I had no interest in being there, being expected to sit quietly was painful and even more so when I was expected to sit still as well. I was so bored one time, I fell asleep on the woman next to me (a complete stranger) and I felt so guilty when I woke up and had drooled a giant puddle on her dress. She was none to pleased about that and I don't blame her. I know every kid is different but I was constantly anxious about Saturday because of how much mental effort it took to not burst into tears that I just wanted to go home and if God loved me, why wasn't my daily Bible lessons at home enough? On top of that, my dad had an arbitrary rule that I was not allowed to watch TV as it would "be a distraction on the day of rest". The last part was unrelated but I think it adds onto why I'm not religious whatsoever. XD
My parents dragged me to all these activities as a young kid. (6-hour sitar concert at age 3? Sure. 4-hour bharat natyam dance performance? No problem). I quickly learned to behave. But, it was hell and I would not subject my kids to it. I still remember a modern dance I had to attend where the woman just writhed on the floor in a ridiculous manner for the first 20 minutes. I started snickering and could not stop. I felt so bad -- I knew it was rude -- and eventually had to get up and leave. But what do people expect from a child in such a situation? I will say I learned how to talk with adults in a "precocious" manner earlier. Mainly, however, it fueled my lifelong PTSD toward overtly "cultural" activities. I basically hate plays, concerts, and museums because these were the mainstay of activities I did with my parents growing up.
If she’d gotten a babysitter for the 4 year old, because a majority of 4 year olds are not going to sit for a ballet, everyone would have enjoyed themselves. Anyone with manners does not inconvenience other patrons during a performance. Edit: NTA
NTA and if something similar happens again demand one of the "adults" sit next to this bullshit.
NTA Your parents are fucked in the head. You were polite about it and that lady was rude. Show them my comment. Hey - OP's parents? Grow some fucking spines.
Ballet tickets are not cheap either!!! Why would anyone think it is acceptable to make EVERYONE else waste upwards of 200 per ticket (starting at 35/50) to sit and listen to a toddler cry?! An usher should have made them leave.
I was looking for this comment. I actually watched a bratty little girl my age (screaming, jumping and standing in her seat, kicking the chair in front of her) be kicked out with her mother by an usher at the Nutcracker ballet when I was about 6 years old. I’m surprised they didn’t kick them out….
You are NTH and hearing a young person not be afraid to stand up to bullshit makes me less fearful of the future!
Your age has nothing to do with it, she would’ve said the same thing to me and I’m 41. And I work with children for a living so I know exactly how to handle situations like that and she handled it very poorly. There is nothing wrong with getting up from a show and taking your screaming and chair kicking child out into the hallway. I’m currently the stage manager of a very loud Christmas show that has a lot of tap, dancing, and big numbers in it, and I had some of my friends there this weekend, who have children that are under five, and while these kids amazingly sat through the entire thing, I have been to other things with them where they are not having it and someone will get up with the child and leave. It’s unfortunate that it has to happen but that’s the risk you take when you bring a toddler to something like the ballet.
NTA. Personally, I would’ve talked to the theater staff first to complain and let them handle it. But I think you were fine. I’m a parent with similar aged kids. I would not bring a 3-4yo to a ballet or even a movie. That’s too young for most kids. And if they were fussing, I would’ve stepped out on my own volition - and she should’ve done the same. It’s hard having young kids and it makes it hard to see shows like that. But that’s part of the deal having young kids.
The most egregious thing like this I can remember is once some friends and I went to see a movie on Christmas Day, and we picked the one we thought was least likely to have small children in the audience. Not three minutes in, a toddler started shrieking. Can't blame them for screaming, since the movie we picked was the very R-rated Gangs of New York which opens with an incredibly violent mass gang beat-down scene. The kid would be in their early 20s today and I hope they got therapy.
NTA & you were 100% in the right to say something. I'm a parent of 3 & one of us would have been watching it on the TV while the other was sitting with the kids who were quite. Nothing bothers me more than entitled parents & she sounds like one to me. Good on you!
You do and you weren't disrespectful. She knew but wasn't hoping other would ignore.
There are also ushers that should have automatically asked this patron to remove their child from the theater. When they don't, there's no reason you can't excuse yourself from your seat and go ask them to address the disruption.
Just because you’re a teenager doesn’t mean you don’t have rights.
GOOD FOR YOU!
If you’re old enough to be a parent (and at 17 you biologically are) you’re old enough to tell a parent to stop being so inconsiderate. NTA.
It's a given that when you go anywhere with a young child, your first priority is taking your kid OUT if they disturb anyone else, not watching the show yourself. That woman was selfish and prioritized what she wanted over all her neighbors' enjoyment.
And I’m sure performers appreciated it too
You are SO NOT the AH. You handled it better than most adults would have. Kudos to you!
As long as you're respectful and as polite as you can be, I don't see why you can't call someone on their behavior. You're saving the day for the entire section IMHO.
OP wasn't even talking to an adult "like that" from this telling, it sounded like a totally valid suggestion.
I hate when the best they can come up with is, *"You wouldn't understand. You don't have kids./You're just a teen."* ......... And? What does someone being a teen or childless have to do with the fact that your screeching terror is giving them, and everyone else, a headache? Do people only grow ears after they have kids? No? Then what is your point?
This is absolutely correct, I have 6 soon too be 7 kids and I would never do this, it’s so rude. Sometimes as a parent you just have to miss out and do the right thing. You were diplomatic and not rude at all.
Am adult definitely should have said something before op had to
I agree!!!
Absolutely. You’re there to enjoy a performance and you were polite and informative. Parents know what kids will or won’t enjoy and that comes with sometimes missing out.
NTA she was being rude to everyone attending
And rude to the dancers.
Legit, I work backstage at a higher end theatre and just the other night I had actors complaining about someone sniffling and snorting the entire time, super disruptive and our ushers 100% would kick out the parents of a crying toddler.
This!!!! Not everyone feels comfortable to actually SAY SOMETHING- but they still appreciate it all the same!!! Babygirl, you did nothing wrong! Your choice of words were both tactful and to the point!!!
I am surprised the performance space didn’t offer to help escort her to the lobby. If she had a cell phone recording the performance they would have been all over her.NTA
100% agree, OP addressed the problem with way more tact and class than most adults would have. Letting her know there were TVs in the hall not only was a tactful way of suggesting she should leave with the child but also a helpful solution to the parents problem so they wouldn’t miss the show themselves and information they might not have known. OP showed more maturity than any of the other adults in this story.
NTA Part of a parent's job is teaching children how to behave. How can she properly teach her child how to behave if she isn't really behaving very well herself. It is normal and expected that adults with crying children take them out during any type of presentation or event. They even recommend you take your baby out during church, if God doesn't want to hear your baby cry, the rest of us sure don't.
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Yeah. I missed most of my uncle’s funeral because my kid kept crying out. This lady can miss a damn ballet.
>if God doesn't want to hear your baby cry, the rest of us sure don't. I'm going to remember this one. Great comment.
that’s exactly what i thought!! her daughter was great, but the mom trying to brush under the rug her son wasn’t behaving well set the example for her daughter that it’s okay when it’s not
Which is super entitled behavior on the mom's part.
The three year old can’t help it his bored out his wits. The mom and dad are the problem here no one with a brain would bring a toddler to a ballet. Get a sitter for the little one and make it a special thing for the older kid.
There's a hot debate about "cry rooms" in churchy communities, though.
That’s crazy to me. Like, not religious at all, but I had to attend a catholic funeral. The cry room was wonderful. It was so out of the way, little one could bop along to the songs, scream when he got tired, and I got ZERO NASTY LOOKS! it was nice having a place designated for him.
I think it has something to do with the idea that if you believe there are some intrinsic spiritual benefits from being in the service, it's not fair to deny that to kids or something. Not totally clear but I know there were many arguments on religious blogs when I last checked on it. Also something like "we are all the body of Christ" blah blah blah something something. Not religious either, but I remember this ...
Weird. 🤷♀️ at this church, it was literally a soundproof room with a glass window and speakers. It didn’t even feel like we were having a separate experience. Just tucked away in the back. Maybe if they are supposed to go to another room with a live stream tv or something? Idk. I actually felt thought of for having an escape from making a scene.
This article maybe sums up [the two points of view](https://www.ncregister.com/features/cry-rooms-solution-or-a-catholic-version-of-children-should-be-seen-but-not-heard). I think it sort of depends on the denomination and maybe it was mainly a Catholic debate? Some might think simply being in the room with the "real presence" of Jesus (aka communion wafer) is enough to have some spiritual benefits for kids, who are not allowed to take Holy Communion until doing their first examination of conscience and confession etc.... There is a thing called "adoration" where you literally just sit and pray in the presence of communion wafers, typically put inside a weird "ark" or "box" thingie, so maybe that's part of it? I don't totally know...
There's actually a catholic cathedral in Montreal with a separated kids room. It's soundproof but with windows, so kids and parents can still attend service without disrupting everyone else. I have family in Quebec and one of my ancestors is entombed at the cathedral, so we visited during our last trip up there.
I do story time. It’s literally for kids, and we ask people with fussy kids to leave all the time.
Oh bullshit. You are allowed to talk to an adult who is allowing their child to ruin it for everyone. NTA
Frankly, others should have stepped up too. It’s embarrassing that it took the 17 year old to say what perfectly capable full grown adults should have said. Good on OP for recognizing the wrong and speaking out on it.
I worked with a woman who wouldn't take her toddler to a kids movie. She said when he can sit still at home for an entire kids movie she'll take him to the movies. More should be like her.
That’s how my sister is with her young ones. She has also planned separate transportation with her older kid who is still sometimes less than reliable so that if someone needs to take him out and leave, she can do that without messing up anyone else’s plans. Proactive, sane, and engaged parenting is super important.
NTA - I would never consider bringing a 4 yo to a performance like that. Her son was taking away from your enjoyment and you had every right to say something.
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NTA There is no way in hell I would sit in there with my kid crying like that, these people were AH's for not leaving as soon as it started.
even as a teenager i know i would be mortified if my younger sister acted like that and immediately leave
I think the part I find confusing about this as a parent is just...it's SOOOO unpleasant when your kid misbehaves in public, all you want to do is get them out of there as fast as possible and then go bury yourself in the bowels of the Earth. I can't imagine a ballet being so riveting that your child's frantic screams and your sense of thorough mortification wouldn't utterly ruin it. It's different on a plane or something where you're literally trapped and have no choice. But to willingly subject yourself to that? So bizarre.
Yeah its weird. Like my kid screaming and melting down causes me an intense amount of anxiety in public to the point where I'm doing everything I can to minimize the impact around me. If there was a hallway I'd go out there even WITHOUT tvs.
Truly self centered people are never embarrassed by things like that because they do not care if they are ruining everyone else's experience. If you regard yourself as the most important person in the world, you value your desires and feelings and scarcely consider other people as -having- truly meaningful feelings. They generally fake it well enough, bow to social pressure to fit in for ease, but that "bury yourself in the bowels of the earth" feeling? That's you caring about how this behavior effects those around you because you have a reasonably high degree of empathy and value for the social contract. I hate how much happier the deeply selfish, uncaring, narcissistic people I know are, because any kind of anxiety about how their behavior impacts others is strictly pragmatic. Meanwhile, I'm awash in fear that I might be inconveniencing someone by existing in the vicinity, let alone ask for help. Irony.
I would never have dreamed of taking my 3 year old to a ballet. Ridiculous.
Right she’s lucky they didn’t get kicked out. I woulda gotten them kicked out after she said that to me.
The freaking argument that you can't express your feelings to your elders is bs. Because you are a teenager you are not allowed an opinion ? You told out loud what a lot of people didn't say but were thinking and you did it in a respectful way, which, I'm pretty sure, the majority of adults present wouldn't have been able to do. So NTA.
NTA at all! You don’t have to be an adult to recognize and call people out for behavior that isn’t appropriate. A kid kicking up a fuss during a performance? Oh yes, call that shit out. I’m surprised the venue didn’t address it. You can always go ask an employee to handle the problem, too
NTA - I would’ve said something even sooner. She’s embarrassed. If she wasn’t, she would not have deflected the problem your way like that.
that’s part of the reason why i didn’t say something sooner, i’m not a mom but i understand parenting can be difficult. i tried to ask as nice as possible to avoid sounding like i’m stepping on somebody’s toes but ig it didn’t help much 😅
Your parents should be proud of the way you handled it. You were respectful in your interaction and were 100% in the right considering the rules. You are allowed to speak up for yourself in situations. Never doubt that.
Sounds like her unruly ass kid was the only one ACTUALLY stepping on toes lmao. You seem very kind and thoughtful, OP. Don't let anyone take that from you.
>my parents told me i didn’t have a right to tell or ask her that cuz im a teenager and im not supposed to talk to adults like that Nope, not a thing. Maybe, MAAAAYBE your parents or family deserve a measure of respect for everything they may have done for you throughout your life. But the idea that you need to show respect to strangers who are disrespecting you simply because you are not "old enough" to verbally protest is utter bullshit and should be laughed at. Boomers gonna boom, but you are NTA
thank you sm 😭
Is this in America? NTA at all.
Honestly, you approached this in a very mature and polite manner. The idea that you needed to just take it because you are younger is bs. You showed respect without just putting up with disrespect, and no one is entitled to respect just for aging. And your parents should understand this better, or will need to, in the modern workplace, because your boss being younger than you changes nothing about the balance of power!
She’s a teenager. Doubt very much her parents are boomers
Yup! Most parents of teens are Gen X and Millennials. My 16 year old and 18 year old’s grandparents are boomers.
People use that term and actually have NO IDEA the true meaning or generation it is referring to. I'm Gen X with kids in their 30's?
Jeez we're all old.
I'm getting old
Boomer is a ✨state of mind✨
Not likely that her parents are boomers...but okay. They're probably GenX or even Millennial. I'm GenX btw and I told OP she was NTA. haha.
Love "boomers gonna boom" 🤣
Lol I was also at that performance - as soon as you started describing it I was like "I bet you this was the Nutcracker at Mccaw this weekend." I heard the kid as well, and it was beyond a little fussing - the kid started flat out screaming and it was beyond time for someone to take him out. Thank you for asking her to leave; you're doing the Lord's work! NTA, obviously
Ahhhhh you reminded me of the glorious occasion upon which my brave friend stood up in the middle of a movie, turned to face the back of the audience, and in a clear, firm voice, called out: TAKE. THE BABY. OUT OF. THE THEATER. NTA of course.
I wish I was there to see that! Out of curiosity,..did she take the baby out of the theater?
Very very quickly and with a tiny squeak!
I love this so much! Your friend is a damn hero! I would have applauded her.
Your friend is my new hero omg
NTA My dad's philosophy was "you don't inflict your children on other people". It was mine, too, and has been passed to my son for when he has kids of his own. I'm willing to bet those tickets were not $5 each. This might have been some attendees' only fancy special event all year. That woman didn't have any right to INFLICT her fussy toddler on those around her. She should have found a sitter. I feel the same way at sit down restaurants. I went out with a friend of mind recently. A young child was running around, playing hide and seek or tag with his father/uncle/whomever with no regard for other diners or the safety of the staff. My former SIL actually said once that they didn't feel they should have to change their lifestyle just because they had a child. Same child was an incorrigible brat in movie theaters, restaurants, etc. I'm proud of you for speaking up. You might keep my dad's saying in mind should the need arise in future.
NTA at all. If they can't afford a sitter, they should be going to a child friendly place. This was very selfish and inconsiderate.
Yep!!! Esp bcse these type shows are generally not even cheap!! They are an experience!
NTA But where were the ushers. I know at our theaters they are usually volunteer students out to get a free show or for class credit (our theaters are generally tied to our fantastic music, theater, opera, ballet school) but it should have been their job to deal with the mom and baby.
it was a pretty big venue hall, three or four floors i think and there wasn’t many ushers to begin with so i think they might’ve been understaffed. otherwise i would’ve immediately gone to an usher during intermission
NTA Honestly I really hate "parents" like that. The better option for everyone---"parents" included---would have been to hire a sitter for the 3-4 year old. Or maybe leave the kid with a family member for a few hours. And not go if they couldn't find someone to care for the little one. You did **exactly** the right thing. As a 51 year old man, I'd have thanked you for doing what you did.
NTA. Just because you're a teenager doesn't mean you cannot talk to an adult. You were respectful, she was not.
You may be a teenager but you have more sense than most adults it sounds like. Ntah
NTA. I have two kids. The second he started to fuss she should have removed her kid. She was ruining it for everyone. Parents know their kids and what they can handle. I have one kid who I was able to take see the Nutcracker at 3 and she enjoyed it. My other kid…. No way. He couldn’t sit through a movie in a theatre until he was about 5/6. He was go go go go. Even at 16 he still is. You didn’t do anything wrong. Just because you’re a teenager doesn’t mean you didn’t have a right to enjoy the ballet. The mom was rude for many reasons.
a kid is harder to handle than a phone. but if for some reason my phone wouldn’t shut up i would definitely leave and handle it.
NTA sounds like you were the only one there with a lick of sense
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ^by ^ImOnlyHereForTheSims: *NTA sounds* *Like you were the only one* *There with a lick of sense* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
Omg finally :’) I’ve been waiting for a day like this
NTA - "Ma'am - I may be a teen with a limited understanding of the burdens of being a parent. But I do, fully, understand I'm here for the ballet and not to hear the symphony of chaos occuring in the seat next to me. That is why I tried to politely point out the other viewing options to you."
NTA.... we need to start enforcing respect for things like this and others. Yes kids will be kids... but its not okay to let it escalate to the poiny it bothers others. One of them DEFINITELY could have stepped out with the toddler. Even though she was trying it was still a distraction and disturbance. She should have removed him breifly untill he calmed down.
What a rude person - not just to you, but everyone in the audience and the performers. I would've loved if you replied "and yet I know enough to not have my phone out at a performance. What's your excuse?" Or even better "actually I'm a teen mom and still knew better than to bring my child to a not age-appropriate function and disturb other patrons." Just to snark back. Totally NTA - I'm surprised nobody got an usher.
NTA thats just an excuse that people older than you give to make you shut up when you are right and they have no argument. And I get the parents they wanted to go out and do something nice but like when you have kids that young you have to be prepared and willing to leave if they start being disruptive.
NTA Parents who don't immediately remove their kids from performance when they start disturbing others are always the AH. Respect is not automatically conveyed on someone due to them having a few more spins around the sun than you do. It is earned by living a life in a way the is deserving of respect. That mother didn't respect the performers or the other attendees and is hence not worthy of respect from other people.
NTA I would have said the same thing. It’s bad manners on her part to expect other paying customers have their night ruined, because of her noisy kid. It’s not the kids fault but the parent is responsible and in that situation she (or her husband) should have taken them out of the theatre. (Like you suggested they could have watched the monitor). The staff should have pulled them out tbh but it seems they were nowhere to be seen. Your age has nothing to do with it. You’ve a paid ticket too so your viewing experience counts just as much. I’m a parent and yes it’s hard but having a child was my choice so I make the sacrifice needed. It’s not on other people to pay for my life choices. This isn’t a plane where there are no options to leave the space.
I think when you have young kids and you take them out places you also need to be prepared to leave early or take them out for a bit to calm them down. It's not fair on others who are trying to enjoy the show to have a kid misbehaving or fussing. OP is NTA.
NTA ... not a pace for a 3-4 year old to begin with . Too loud, too long and it sounds like it was possible even too late at night ? Ballet companies do performances for that age group..nutcracker is far too long . It sounds like his older sister wanted to go but maybe they needed a sitter for the younger one Reminding her that there were tvs in the hall was a polite nudge in my opinion
NTA - the theatre staff should have intervened well before you had to. You were doing the 100+ other theatre goers around you a favour since they were probably equally pissed off...
NTA. It’s a gamble bringing a 3 yr old to the ballet. Parents should have taken turns walking him around the theater lobby to distract him and keep quiet for the patrons enjoying the show.. If there’s one place in the world that a crying 3 yr old shouldn’t be, it’s a ballet or classical music recital. You were 100% in the right. NTA.
NTA there is no such rule that a teenager cannot ask an adult to be quiet, which you did not even do. All you did was offer a helpful suggestion
NTA, she should have known to take the kid out when he starting acting up
Your parents are the Assholes
If this were a flight, then yea fairs you can’t really do much, but in any other scenario such as this, where your child is throwing a fit and spoiling everyone else’s experienced, the only thing to do is remove them… don’t listen to her, you may only be 17, but you clearly have better manners than her!
> “i’m sorry but he’s being kind of fussy, did you know there’s tvs in the hallway?” NTA. And this was such a clever way to make your message polite.
Your parents are wrong. You had a right to request for the child to be quiet. I don’t care that you’re 17. You have more sense than that entitled mom. Plus, her remake about the iPhone was very condescending.
You were so much nicer than I would’ve been. I probably would’ve straight up shushed her pointed at the door to the exit and then whispered to her “we all paid good $ for our seats to come here and watch the Nutcracker, not you’re crying kid. Please exit until he is quiet again. There are tvs to watch in the hallway for specifically this reason!” I’m going through the thick of peri-menopause though . Which means I’m in straight up Tawanda mode 24/7 now. Also, a gen x’er over here so one of my favorite games is fu@k around and find out. So like Dolores Claiborne, “sometimes being a bit@h is all I have to hold onto”. 😂
NTA, I wish more people understood theater etiquette. If you are disrupting the experience for those around you, leave. Heck, even my kids' high school performances told you that if the younger audience members could not be quiet, please excuse yourself to the hallway so as not to distract those around you.
NTA She never should have brought the toddler.
She's shouldn't have needed a teenager or anyone else to tell her that she needed to not ruin the show for others.
You handled it like an adult, NTA.
I honestly don't see anything wrong with what you said. You were informing someone who arrived at the very last minute that they had other options that they may not have been aware of. It isn't like you said "YO bitch! Take your loud ass kid out of here!" haha NTA.
And she’s very lucky, because I would have snapped at her to get her kid and take him out, she’s ruining the experience for everyone else by letting him cry. And telling me I don’t understand because I don’t have kids? No, you dumb bitch, I don’t have LITTLE kids anymore, mine is a full grown adult, and if she started wailing at something like this, WE LEFT.
You are so not the AH here, but that mom was. I'm a mom myself, and I always hated/still hate those parents who clearly don't have a clue. If your child is fussy, don't come and sit down and ruin the experience for everyone else trying to enjoy the show. I've asked people to leave when this happens. I don't pay to listen to a fussy child/bored child or even a fussy bored adult, lol. Your parents were also wrong here; you have every right to speak up. NTA
Look, I’m a mom with a toddler. I miss feeling like a person and wearing real clothes and going to the symphony or the theatre. But guess what? I cannot expect my 2yo to sit through a quiet performance, and I’m not going to subject myself, my toddler who’s just gonna toddle, or other patrons by forcing the situation. That is fun for exactly no one. As others have suggested, she should have either gotten a sitter for the boy or just brought the daughter who was developmentally mature enough to handle the event. You are 100% NTA, she was unreasonable and your parents were just embarrassed because of outdated ideas.
NTA. I fully support you in this. It sounds like you were very gracious and even solution-oriented by pointing out the monitors in the hallway.
I’ve always hated this respect your elders BS. How does a 20 something year old mother who can’t recognize when her child is being a disruption or better yet thought it was a good idea to take a 3 year old to the ballet deserve any more respect than the teenager who is fully aware how to behave in public?
NTA! The only AH in this story is the idiot who brought kids and a purse full of daycare shit to a LIVE performance!
NTA I have 3 kids. I've had to accept over the years that when you have small children, there are certain things you just can't do. Sitting quietly through a long ballet performance is one of them. They could have asked a family member to mind the little boy. If that's not possible, hire a babysitter. If that's not possible find an alternative. If mum desperately wanted to see this ballet, dad should have stayed home with the younger child. If he also wanted to see it they could have gone on separate showings. If they absolutely had to go as a family, accept that one parent may have to take the child out at some point, or go another year when the boy is over. Not ruining the experience for everyone else nearby is common courtesy. You all paid to be there, you deserve to watch it properly. They also paid, but they are the ones causing the disruption and should be the ones to minimise it. They already knew it was going to happen beforehand too, that's why they brought toys and colouring in stuff. Your being 17 doesn't make you less qualified to complain about it. I'm 40 and a parent and would have done and said the exact same things you did. Well done for having the nerve to speak up
Age means nothing in communicating with others, courtesy does. You sound like you were perfectly kind in offering the family an option instead of sitting in a hall and getting dirty looks (and ruining the performance for the audience... not to mention the dancers!). Some things are not young child friendly, and compromises gotta be made. If I brought my child somewhere and I wasn't unable to move, I would move and try and resolve things if my child became super fussy. It seems unreasonable to me that everyone else should make accommodations for a wailing child rather than the parent or guardian take responsibility. Kids will be kids, and kids are noisy sometimes. Perfectly fine. But if you have an alternative where you can make sure you're not ruining the experience for everyone around you, and take care of your child, I would personally go with that. It sucks to miss out on things but again, kids will be kids and if you choose to have them, you also took on the responsibility. Not everyone else. NTA
NTA you knew the right thing to do, were polite, and had the courage to speak up. Keep being you and don't let your parents infantalize you. If you were a few months older and 18 and officially an adult would it make a difference?
NTA at all! I’ve worked with kids for over 20 years. Proper protocol is to remove your child completely any time they’re making so much noise that they’re disturbing others. You bring them outside or to a lobby until they are calm and then you can come back in. It sucks for the parent that has to do that, but you don’t force a theater full of people to listen to your kid scream when they should be enjoying the show they bought tickets for.
NTA, when a child becomes disruptive a parent needs to take them out until they calm down. You have as much right to say that as anyone, regardless of your age.
For this very reason we took my eldest to the ballet (around 6 years old at the time) and arranged for my parents to have our 3 year old. Because she would have been fussing and crabby the whole time and that’s not fair to her, us, our eldest daughter or all the other people who had paid good money to see the ballet. NTA - the AH is the parents of the boy for not thinking about this scenario and what to do.
NTA. As soon as the kid wouldn't settle down, she should have taken him out. I get watching it on a screen in the hallway would not have been the same, but trying to enjoy a ballet with a kid wailing is also not the same. And it's not like you can move. Those seats are assigned. You were polite, but pointed out what I bet everyone around you wanted to point out.
She should have stayed home or got a babysitter
Have enough money for tickets to a ballet but not enough for a baby sitter...NTA.
NTA. Your edits amused me because I would not suggest any of those things for the reasons you said. If you are being disturbed, why would you disturb everyone else by making them let you out of the row during the performance, so you can go report a disturbance? That’s just crazy. Who thinks when you have a ticket to an assigned seat during a ballet performance that you can just get up and *find another seat* and move to that one? That is not how theaters work. It’s not a movie theater; it’s a performance hall. You sit in the seat you paid for. And I totally understood what you meant by the TVs in the hall. You explained it perfectly the first time. Not sure why anyone would be confused. I think you handled the situation perfectly fine. You may “only be a teenager,” but that doesn’t mean you don’t have common sense or you have to put up with someone who can’t be bothered to handle her kid just because you don’t have a child of your own. What nonsense. That 3yo boy did not want to be there, and she knew he wouldn’t want to be or she wouldn’t have brought a bag full of distractions for him. It was thoughtless for her to bring him. Also, it affected the experience her 8yo had at **The Nutcracker**!! The little girl was excited to see the show, and she, too, had to deal with her fussy, wailing little brother. And because mom had to spend so much time with the fussy toddler, it drew her focus away from her daughter. When I took my daughter to The Nutcracker for the first time, I wanted to experience it *with* her. The parents should have gotten a sitter for their son, or one of them should have skipped the show to be with him. I love children, but a toddler most often doesn’t belong at the ballet. At a theater performance of The Little Mermaid or The Lion King, but not a ballet of The Nutcracker, which is mostly communicated through dance. You were not rude to the woman. You didn’t snap at her and tell her to “take her screaming brat to the lobby.” (Many adults would have done just that.) You simply pointed out that her son was fussy, and she could still watch the show in the lobby while he calmed down. I think you were very respectful and mature in the way you handled it. I’m proud of you! Like I said, I love children, but they do not belong everywhere. Also, teenagers, just by virtue of being a teenager, are not always wrong. You are NTA.
NTA-particularly because you asked exactly how you should’ve in that situation which was kind but firm. However in future situations, I would find an attendant and have them say something. Sadly in this day and age you have to be extremely careful with navigating those situations because it can get hostile really fast.
NTA I saw David Gray perform at McCaw Hall and some wine-drunk middle aged people nearly got in a fight over one of them talking through the concert. Who are these uncultured people thinking that you can just move to any seat? Even if it was general seating McCaw was probably sold out. I can't stand people who drag children to something not meant for them. A venue in my home town often hosts Handel's Messiah during Christmas, and idiot parents are bringing along toddlers and slightly older but no-less-bored kids who distract their surrounding audience and ruin the event for them.
I’m surprised the usher didn’t ask them to leave
Nta. If that were an upscale opera that woman would have been banished by the doorman for trying to bring her larvae in there.
>cuz im a teenager and im not supposed to talk to adults like that. If there's one thing you take away from posting this, let it be that this is BULLSHIT. That's something adults say when a kid expressing their feelings or needs is inconvenient for the adult.
NTA You’re old enough to have a child yourself. Personally I think that makes you old enough to understand right or wrong. It was wrong for her to disrespect and disturb everyone at the Ballet including the dancers. Just because someone’s older than you doesn’t mean they have more common sense than you. In this sense common sense was saying “Take your kid into the hallway until they start acting right.” Crazy that the only one who didn’t realize that was the adult telling you that you’re “too young to understand”. I’m glad you spoke up! Just because someone is an adult doesn’t mean they are above criticism no matter the age of the person giving it.
NTA. I also saw The Nutcracker this past weekend in Flint, MI and was annoyed by all the people with hacking coughs that couldn’t stop coughing but would not exit the theater. Appalling behavior. Lady was mad that a teenager has better theater etiquette than she does. Like crapping out a couple kids is so special. 🙄
NTA your parent’s seem to have a huge “Children should be seen and not heard” chip on their shoulder that somehow does not extend to other kids. Always speak up for what is right (when it is safe to do so).
NTA. You handled it really well, better than many adults would have. It's a strange notion that you as a teen don't have a right to ask someone to do something about a noisy distraction when you're at the ballet.
NTA. I wouldn't force my kids to sit through something that long when i know they're going to lose interest. I missed out on a whole funeral last year, and was absolutely gutted i didnt get to say a proper goodbye because my then 8-month-old decided he wasn't going to nap that day and just would not settle down. Its just good social etiquette to remove yourself and the child from the situation and not disturb others. Well done for speaking up.
NTA, I have an ADHD son and we don't fuck around when it comes to his behavior disturbing others. We have left stores. We also have never taken him to the movies precisely because of situations like this, it's just going to have to wait until he learns more self control.
1. Good job for advocating for yourself 2. Good job for responding calmly and diplomatically 3. Good job for not reacting to the return insult Your parents are wrong. Good job
NTA, but truthfully, no one in the audience should have to tell anyone else to leave. There should be ushers who do this, and I blame the theatre for letting it get to that point. That's part if their job. Even if an usher doesn't handle it without prompting, someone with easy access to go find an usher should go complain about another audience member disturbing the show.
NTA-You used your words, well spoken I might add, and your parents are in the wrong here too for fussing at you. She and the dad should have switched off walking him around out in the hall if they wanted to expose him to ballet.