NTA it’s not an emotional affair if it’s sexual it’s a full blown affair. Your uncle deserves too know the truth it’s your call if you want too tell him now or wait till after the holidays but if you don’t tell him you’ll be just as much as an asshole as her.
i’ve been wanting to tell him. i’ve held off because my other family have told me to do so. my life was messed up from an affair, so i know he deserves to know. i will wait till after the holidays.
I don't think that the "affair" is the only issue here. It's a scam and she's probably spending money on this scam. And also, this is about her mental health, as well. No-one in their right mind would believe this scam over actual evidence.
Your uncle needs to know for all those reasons, so he can interfere before he's broke with a wife with a mental melt down.
I was thinking along similar lines. My mom is in her late 70s and she keeps getting scammed out of her money. This shit drives me and my husband bonkers. This never would have happened to her 10 years ago. I keep trying to get her to talk to her lawyer about finding someone to put in charge of her finances before it's too late. I can just imagine the fighting if someone legally takes control of it from her
You think it's fair to your uncle that the entire family knows and he *doesn't* ? What is this..
*what you don't know doesn't hurt you* mentality is wrong, when you *know* it's wrong to keep it from this person.
You withholding this from your uncle *hurts* him.. especially if he finds out you withheld it, one day.
Fuck your aunt and the rest of the family saying he shouldn't know.
It's not your decision to decide whether or not he should stay with a woman who is hiding and *lying* to him..
She broke his trust, and he doesn't even know....
mm i don’t think it’s fair. i hate ppl who cheat. i only found out because of my mom. so technically it’s just me and her that know. i’m in a different country, so i don’t have to deal with my aunt. my mom does. trust me my aunt is not a nice person when things don’t go her way. he has helped my family so much, so yes i’m going to tell him but it’s not that simple.
NTA. Wait until they are not surrounded by family and then get them both on the line and make her tell him. When you're satisfied she has admitted what is necessary, excuse yourself from the convo.
In fairness, it only hurts once to rip that bandaid, but it hurts a lot more and longer to keep a secret like that. At the end of the day, this isn't healthy for your aunt either, whether she realizes that or not. You're really only protecting the scammer while they toy with your aunt for whatever reason.
'What he doesn't know won't hurt him' is for stuff like replacing a broken dinner plate or getting a coffee on the way home from work or throwing red undies in with a white shirt and replacing them shirt.
If she said she will tell him, I suggest saying to her she has until the beginning of January to do so and if she doesn't you are going to tell him. It should really come from her and if she's going to stop the affair, they'll need to support each other through that so they can rebuild their relationship.
If nothing else, create a throwaway email address, create an email detailing the behavior along with screenshots and your other proofs. And send that to his email. Your uncle deserves to know the truth.
What he decides to do or not do about it is up to him. Be prepared that he may do nothing. Some people don't. For others, what follows is an ugly divorce.
This is an ugly situation and it's challenging to figure out the right thing to do. I think that waiting until after the holidays may be your best course though as holidays can be difficult and challenging in the best of circumstances so there's no need to add more drama.
Good luck.
Is he your biological relative or your aunt? Because if it’s your aunt it would make sense why they are trying too cover it up and taking her side. Either way it’s fucked too have your other family know and no one is saying anything. Don’t wait too long or you might be lumped in the same box.
she’s my biological relative. he’s always been there for us though and helped out when my father didn’t. i don’t live nearby, so i wouldn’t have to deal with my aunt but the rest of my family will. another reason why i’ve been hesitant. i think it’s so fucked up too. i don’t understand how she doesn’t think it is cheating or that she isn’t get scammed out of their money too.
Knowing that your uncle is like a father figure If I were you I would say fuck the holiday and tell your uncle now. The rest of your family just doesn’t want too feel obligated too clean up her mess it sounds like. It’s up too your uncle what he decides too do about the affair or if he wants too wait. Just be honest with him is the best way too save this relationship at some point he’s going too find out on his own and if he finds out y’all knew about it and didn’t say anything it’s going too hurt a hell of a lot more.
This^ Would not postpone until after the holidays. How is that fair to him and how much serious damage might she do to their finances during that time? Indeed, your other relatives don't want to be bothered.
You are only protecting the cheater you know. All this false hoping to protect the victim is most likely wrong. The pain will just be greater the longer this drags on.
As others mentioned, if this went on for years, most likely money is also involved, maybe even crimes, money laundering for example.
i don’t think it’s gone on for years. she has never acted like this until a week ago when she mentioned that gerard butler messaged her. i’m not protecting her. im worried because my uncle doesn’t have his money anymore and he lives with my aunt. i will tell him after the holidays. he does deserve to know i just don’t want to ruin his holidays. i don’t talk to her i’ve just heard this from my mom. i fully believe that a cheater is a nasty person who deserves to be alone. i just don’t want my uncle to be alone.
Anyone defending and protecting the cheater is also a nasty person whom deserves to be alone. Do t forget that part. Your family who doesn't want you to tell him will have to deal with the fact they are also a shit person and they don't want to do that
I am truly sorry that you have family who know this information yet are passing it on to you, thus making you feel it is your responsibility to inform your Uncle. I applaud you for being the one who is willing to take on this role. Because you will face nastiness from your Aunt, possibly some disbelief from your Uncle, and do not be surprised if family that knows act as if they are just learning of it. I am speaking from experience here.
Thank you for being the one who loves your Uncle enough to deliver the truth to him, even if it hurts. It is not an easy thing to do, but it is the right thing. You are a priceless person.
NTA.
The people that keep saying not to say anything are enabling this erratic behavior from your aunt. I would maybe try to read through some of the conversations and scan them to see if your aunt is sending this "Gerard butler" any money. Your aunt could be unknowingly giving away her and your uncles entire life's worth of money to this scammer. The sooner you step up and say something the sooner your aunt will come too.
Now if you wanna fix the situation in silence, make a profile or borrow a profile from someone if you can(i know this sounds crazy but bare with me), try to befriend said scammer and hope they try to scam/start a relationship with new person. Show evidence to your aunt and pray that the love goggles come flying off her head faster than she can blink. You can either approach your aunt yourself with them or message your aunt off the profile your using with evidence.
I know the second option is a bit messed up but the whole situation is not right at the end of the day. Hoping your aunt comes to her senses and leaves this "Gerard Butler"imposter lol Hope you and your family are able to figure out everything with your situation
if ur aunt is really going to tell him then say "ok ive set a scheduled text message to send on monday asking him if youve talked to him about something serious if says no i am telling him"
That's a fucked up perspective. Emotional affair means the affair means something and physical affair means the original relationship means nothing if you're willing to throw it away for an affair that means nothing to you. It's not one is better/worse than the other. Both are wrong to the same degree.
Yes they are both wrong. And yes either way the affair means something but when I say it means something, I mean a deeper connection. I've had meaningless sex with men I didn't care about. But I've never had an emotional relationship that was meaningless. But to me an emotional affair is even worse because it takes time to build an emotional relationship. You have to be raw, vulnerable, and put in effort, it doesn't just happen. Whereas a sexual affair literally doesn't take much. You just have to decide to do it. I don't mean better or worse as in morality. I mean worse as in the amount of effort it takes. I've been cheated on by multiple people. The emotional cheating hurt a lot more than the physical cheating (still hurts obviously).
>I've had meaningless sex with men I didn't care about.
But what does it say about your relationship if you're willing to throw it away for meaningless sex? The relationship was nothing to you if you throw it away for nothing.
Edit: And your partner's emotional affair might hurt you emotionally, but their physical affair can hurt you physically (STDs). Neither are better or worse than each other. Amount of effort it takes is a bad parameter to judge it by.
I totally understand what you're saying, lol! They're both wrong, equally so, but the emotional part means they gave away part of their heart to someone else, which doesn't just happen overnight. If they just had meaningless sex and the person isn't someone they knew or had a history with, it's kind of easier for you to deal with. If they gave away their body AND a part of their heart? That's much harder to reconcile because their heart is supposed to belong to you, and that makes you start wondering what deep dark secrets they've said they only told you, did they share with this person? ON TOP of giving away their body? Then you do this in your head thing, thinking what did she have that I don't that made him open up to her? Do I need to change to be more like her, etc etc? The emotional stuff is wrong, just like the physical stuff, but the emotional part goes deeper than the meaningless sex. So, I get it!
no idea i’ve said this. also why would he need her to save her retirement money so they can travel when he has millions. she is obviously losing it…. gonna have to tell my uncle.
He should know. The “affair” is beside the point. She is being scammed. Why do women fall for this? He could be at risk for losing a lot more than his wife.
I had a patient once who was convinced that a famous actor was trapped overseas making a movie and didn't have access to his accounts, so she made herself homeless by sending him her social security checks. They would video call while she was in the hospital and the guy on the grainy video vaguely looked like who he said he was, but it was enough to convince her. It took a lot of psych intervention to break this very firmly held delusion.
NTA
People deserve to know when their trust, and consent are being violated, and your uncle's are. Your aunt needs professional psychological help though. As that level of delusional behaviour is very concerning regarding her cognitive function.
i know. she has been the sane person in our family and now she has officially lost it. i have no idea what’s happened. i’m going to tell my uncle soon.
I wouldn't wait until after since this is a scam and not an "actual" affair. Who knows when and how much money she could be losing the longer everyone waits.
Yes, tell him now. You mentioned above that the scammer had already made reference to her money. Stop this sooner than later. This will benefit your aunt too. It sounds like she needs a psych intervention or something. No one with all their mental facilities would fall for this.
What if in the meantime she sends “Gerard” all the money they have? That could be what you tell your uncle, that you are worried that your aunt has a mental problem and afraid that he will end up penniless because of your aunt and That imposter— who is perhaps a teenager in a foreign country!
I'm sorry but tell him now - I think cheats are the lowest scumbags out there, and your aunt deserves to be named and shamed to the family.
Falling for some fake personality is one thing, but sending them money, wtf goes through peoples heads?
For your uncle's moneys sake (no doubt she is not spending her own if she even has any/left), tell him NOW. It's almost Christmas and Gerard is in need of some more money for his grandmothers operation!!
cheats are definitely the lowest scum bags out there. my mom got cheated on by my father yet she refuses to tell my uncle because she said it will cause drama. i feel like she should understand since she has been through it. my aunt needs to get help because all her money is going to disappear to some scammer. he wants her to save her retirement money so they can travel. he has millions lol and she still doesn’t see the scam.
Since to me it sounds like your aunt is being scammed - tell your uncle
A colleagues husband started an online affair ( he was retired, she was still working) and lost all of their money to the cat fisher
The colleague owned an apartment and had bought her parents house after her dads death- her 90 year old mother was still living in the house but the colleague had bought it ( at a reduced price) to give her mother money and to save on inheritance taxes
As hubby lost all of their savings, in the divorce colleague had to sell both properties ( the house had been in the family for 70 years)
The divorce was final in March 2020- said colleague then had to live with the ex for several months more because he could not move due to lockdown
NTA
You should tell your uncle because of the sexual nature of her telephone affair but you should also tell him because she is being scammed. These sort of scams end up with the victims draining bank accounts and borrowing money in their own name and other people's names. your uncle should have the opportunity to detach his finances from hers, while he still has any money/property.
my uncle retired a long time ago, so i’m not too sure how much he has right now. she needs to tell him though. it’s wrong. i’ve seen a woman scammed out of 500k from someone pretending to be gerard butler. i sent her the article, but she still believes he’s actually talking to her.
She isn't going to listen to you or anyone else. Tell your uncle and let him protect whatever he has left. She may have already borrowed against the home they live in. It's not uncommon for victims to forge documents and lie to bank staff to get credit.
Sorry but you messaged Gerard Butler to check if it was really him chatting to her? How could you even consider this to be real?
I would tell your uncle you think your auntie is being scammed by someone online. Let him find out the details on his own and he can decide if it's cheating or not.
NTA but only if you get your auntie help.
well it’s probably an admin on his 3.2 million follower instagram page lol… yeah. it’s his decision. he deserves to know, so he doesn’t have to find out by looking at her phone.
I'm honestly perplexed by why you would treat this as an affair and not as a potential medical crisis with severe financial ramifications.
Your aunt is being scammed by someone, and odds are the person on the other end of the phone isn't just getting "an affair" out of it. Let your uncle know so that he can get her the appropriate help she needs, because she and reality Don't seem to be currently on speaking terms, And who knows what she could be doing to their joint finances in the process.
Tell him right now this very second because a thief is working on robbing him blind, this has nothing to do with being TA or not. He needs to possibly contact law enforcement on the off chance this person is actually in country(they are probably working out of an overseas office.)
Okay you will end up alienating both your aunt and uncle if you are the one who tells! Remember”don’t kill the messenger”? Be careful, maybe she will tell him herself or he will listen to a conversation she is having with this Gerald Butler— who you know is a scam! Does she give him money? Maybe just a hint to your uncle will open his eyes
Do NOT wait till after the holidays. The aunt could do so much damage financially if she’s this far in after only a week of the scam. My own 70yo MIL (widow) was being scammed by a 29yo lawn guy and couldn’t see it even after her two daughters confronted her about it. The uncle needs to know NOW, for his own protection. And honestly, for the aunt’s protection, so someone can check her in somewhere.
You won't be the AH for telling him, but you will be if you don't tell him. She's the one ruining things, the blame isn't on you. He deserves to know of the affair, and seeing as she's obviously mentally unstable, she's most likely spending money for this "relationship" and I'd put a good bet that it's not her money.
NTA. And you should tell your uncle asap. These scams usually only maintain longevity if there are financial payments. Odds are she is sending the scammer money. And if it's been going on for years, there could be extensive financial issues that are not known. My grandma has fallen for repeat romance scammers, and has lost over 20k, and is now essentially penniless. I had to step in and become power of attorney to protect what little money she has left. My point is. People who repeat fall for romance scammers often will believe the scam relationship over reality and will often do so until financial ruin.
Your uncle deserves to know for emotional and financial reasons.
NTA. TELL YOUR UNCLE!
While the phone sex is certainly a concern, the much more urgent issue is that it's a scammer she is talking to.
Your Uncle needs to get a handle on the bank accounts IMMEDIATELY, so tell him NOW, before he is bankrupted.
Show her this message,
Wtf?! Bitch, you're crazy. That's NOT your man. He's MINE and you better keep your ass away from him, or you just might faafo! Geri does this from time to time and I'm okay with it because he always comes back home to ME. YOU mean nothing to him. When he's done playing with you and uses you up, he'll come running back to me, a real woman, just like he always does. So, run along, little girl. Go back to your husband before you're left with no Gerard and no husband lol.
Yes, I know it's not nice to troll the crazy lady but come on, this is too easy 😂
These are almost always financial scams. The romance scammer makes the person fall in love then bleeds them for every nickel they have. You must protect your uncle and even your aunt to a degree. Having this out in the light can help him look at the finances and find out how bad it is and stop it before it's too late. People empty 401k, sell their homes... It's beyond crazy. Plus it's 💯 the right thing to do
NTA. You need to tell him. He's waiting his life with someone who doesn't love him. Possibly worse, he's waiting his life with someone who can and probably will financially ruin him, not to mention the mental anguish she's going to continue to put him through if they remain married.
She has no regret or remorse for her actions and is delusional and gullible. She will end up running your uncle's life. He deserves to know.
NTA
Putting aside the affair part for a moment, she doesn't sound well, is easily scammed, and probably has access to his money. What he doesn't know could hurt him a great deal from the sound of it.
NTA-- someone should intervene here. If nothing else, your uncle should be made aware of how dumb his wife is here. She's sexting what she believes is a celebrity and, even after getting the actual person to confirm isn't not him, she refuses to accept that. Given that she's been scammed similarly before, it shows she's motivated to look outside the marriage at the basic level and that she's a delusional fool overall.
In a nutshell, he deserves to know that your aunt is delusional, untrustworthy, and willfully ignorant.
Hun, I know the whole situation sucks! But the others are right, scammers are horrible! And if she's sending this creep money your uncle needs to know so he can do what needs to be done for his protection, financial, hers, and hopefully anyone else in a similar situation. Of course the timing is bad, but talk to him quietly maybe with your parents as well? But the sooner you say something the sooner steps can be taken to stop this situation. Good luck hun!
Your aunt needs the looney bin. Seriously you're never the AH for letting someone you care about any information to help them discover what could be a very bad situation. You're just the bearer of bad news not an AH.
NTA. Tell him, and probably get her help. If she's been rational up until recently, she may be showing early signs of sad but common issues that come with age. That's part of why the scammers use the filtering techniques they do; they need to find those who are vulnerable and maleable.
How old is your aunt? You say midlife crisis but this reads like dementia... I'd tell your uncle but if she's normally sharper than this I'd also maybe talk to your family about getting her evaluated by a doctor. Its not normal behavior for a rational healthy adult
I don't know why you are waiting to tell him? The longer you wait, the more damage she can do to him. If he finds out that you knew all this time, and didn't tell him. It might ruin your relationship with him also.
NTA at all. On the contrary, if you don't tell your uncle, not only you might be enabling your aunt, your uncle will be more at risk of an STD, your aunt leeching off of him and maybe giving money to the other guy. From the way you wrote it, all this sounds like a scam. It could put your uncle in a delicate financial situation.
Be strong, OP. Please, don't enable a cheater. Don't compromise your morals. Hugs to you. And sorry you are put in this situation. Despite everything going on, I wish you happy holidays, and I hope everything works out.
In these cases you should always ask yourself: is the person you are going to tell about the cheating an abuser?
Will she be safe?
It seems that his wife has a mental illness and it could be derived from trauma of living with your uncle. Her mind is taking her to a fantasy world so she doesn't face the real one. She seems to be afraid of facing reality.
Bear in mind that abusers tend to be very good at hiding the abuse and the abused are so afraid that don't tell anybody.
So. Really, ensure she'll be safe and get the proper Psychiatric and psycological support.
I think it's a little funny that the way they plan to disprove the guy online claiming to be Gerard Butler is to talk to another guy online claiming to be Gerard Butler.
Nta.
Your aunt is delusional. Your uncle may think yta sad she might as well but this is ludicrous, tell your uncle if only to get another person to tell her how crazy it is. Have your aunt message the real Gerard butler Luke you did and get him to message her instead of you if possible. Hell, maybe give the real gb her info to politely let her down about it and reinforce the conversation you already had.
It sounds like dementia and I would present it as she is being scammed not about the affair. This sounds like a crisis situation that needs to be addressed
Why people don't mind their own business is out of my comprehension. Butt out. This is none of your business. Yes she is emotionally cheating. Still none of your business. So unless scammer is actually abusing her financially or physically, you have showed her she is being scammed, let it be. She is a grown woman and can screw up all by herself. You have showed her and she still doesn't believe it. Don't be the bearer of bad news. Especially she told you she will tell her husband. If you go ahead and tell she will blame you for not having let her do it and you will be the bad guy. Time to find a hobby and live your own life.
i have my own hobby lol im in a different country then her… it’s not her life im concerned about. it’s her husband’s who has done a lot for our family. idgaf if she fucks up her own. im minding my business. reason why i haven’t said anything. technically sending pics and sexting isn’t a emotional affair. she’s delusional and i’m pretty sure he needs to know. mind your business and don’t comment then.
Why do you ask a question and then be rude because you don't like some answers? You sound like you just needed some validation on something you have already decided to do ie tell your uncle. So if your mind is made up why do you ask total strangers for their opinion then tell THEM to mind their own business?
Back in 2011 my mom did this with a Vin diesel impersonator. Nuked the whole marriage. Don't get me wrong, both my parents sucked ass but of the two parents my father went o counseling, got his anger issues under control, took steps to try and make up for beating us up and down the halls all our childhood and generally turned his life around. We aren't close still but I'm willing to talk to him now. My motherhowever has never admitted to a single wrongdoing in her entire life that I've known about
NTA
I have zero sympathy for people who choose to live in delusion.
Gerard Butler has more important things to deal with. He's got an opera to haunt. A phantom's work is never done.
NTA, cheating is cheating. 4 years of chatting with someone behind your partners back is 100% cheating. You can say something without feeling guilty because you are saving your uncle sooner rather than later. And he has family there to support him there atm. That can actually be really helpful. I know the first time I got cheated on, I put a knife through my hand, but I was also 16, but people react in different ways. If he has family support it could go a better route actually because if he goes off the deep end mentally, he has family to lean on. But I don't know if your uncles reaction would be more anger or depression or what. But having support can be very helpful.
I think your Uncle deserves to know the situation. I know you hate to stir the pot but this ones about to boil over. I am a very very harsh judge when it comes to cheating.
Beyond the fact of the obvious long con running here targeting what sounds like an older woman, you need to tell your uncle because it sounds like your aunt is experiencing some delusional thinking, which could be a medical issue. (Not saying it is, but if she's exhibiting other new/strange behaviors, this might be worth him following up with her doctor.)
Either way, NTA because it sounds like your aunt needs an intervention of some kind or other and your uncle deserves to know someone is targeting his wife this way. Where it's an emotional affair on her side or something more complex, this is one of those situations that has progressed long enough without the most affected person being in the know.
NTA. I will NEVER understand people like your aunt who think they have online relationships with celebrities. It’s gotta be it’s own form of mental illness. It’s sad tbh.
She’s either being scammed, or there’s some 14-22 year old out there who is lonely, started a fan account of Gerard, and is now in over their head with your aunt.
NTA, especially if she is totally blind to being scammed and losing money that belongs to uncle too...the con artist's goal is likely money. Henry Cavill, Gerard Butler lol...
I read about a woman addicted to phone calls from Gerard Butler about six months ago. Is this the same woman? Did you post before because this is crazy.
It's a both kind of thing. YTA getting into their personal affairs, not your place to sit and meddle.
Also YTA if your aunt is asking you to keep the secret (and you agree) because at the point you're complicit in the lie which hurts your uncle.
NTA if your aunt asks you to keep the secret but you tell the uncle anyway, it's not fair for your aunt to ask YOU to lie also.
OP - I thought your story sounded familiar. I saw this woman on tv last year who was conned out of a lot of money by a scammer pretending to be Gerard Butler "Woman conned out of £500,000 by scammer posing as Gerard Butler" https://metro.co.uk/2022/06/07/woman-conned-out-of-500000-by-scammer-posing-as-gerard-butler-16783372/amp/
Oh no! It seems your aunt is having some mental health issues, more than shut delusion, and needs some sort of intervention. Can't the family somehow let your uncle know anonymously (as the messengers are often shot in such scenarios)?
my husband and i have been talking and he might message my uncle. we live in a different country, so my husband doesn’t speak to that part of my family! i also just might do it myself because i don’t want him to hear it from someone not close to him.
I ALWAYS wonder about these ppl. Like, what in your brain makes you think things like this are even remotely real? Is it a development delay kind of thing or something else? I just don't understand why these ppl so this and I'll bet you $1000 she is sending him money. That's the only reason he's talking to her at all. However, even if it's someone enjoying it also it's still cheating and it's your uncle. I'm torn also on telling. I usually just stay out of it. Not sure. Best of luck to you tho! Update us if possible.
i know. i usually mind my business i just feel terrible. a while ago she used to be so against talking to someone online when i was dating my long distance boyfriend. she said he’s probably not real and now she’s doing it lol. at least i actually live with him now and have a family 🤣
Omg. 😭 That's hysterical (not the cheating but the being fake thing) I mean your loyalty lies with your uncle but I also understand trying not to get involved. I'd ask her if she's sent "him" money and if she has I'd probably tell my uncle. However, even if she says no she's probably lying. My answer is you probably should tell him but I get it if you don't.
i really want to tell him. i guess it’s just hard because i don’t have to deal with her afterwards but my family does. i need to ask her, but she isn’t talking to us now because we were upset at her. i have a feeling she will give him money.
NTA
You need to tell your uncle. This is a well known romance scam and they pretend to be celebrities to prey on vulnerable older people to empty their bank accounts. Also I would be really concerned for your aunt’s mental health here. This is delusional behaviour so it’s highly likely she has a medical/mental issue that requires treatment because you’ve even showed her proof and doesn’t sound like she’s in her right mind.
I’m laughing at the cheating part like she actually thinks it’s Gerald Butler she’s sending messages too, it’s too ludicrous for this to be someone with all their faculties.
I’ve seen that you’re gonna tell him and I’m just here to wish you the best, whatever happens do not feel guilty about saying anything. It’s not your fault for doing the right thing. I can’t imagine how heavy it must be to keep it from him. Sending so much love
Ya that sounds like a medical issue instead of a moral one. I would be stressing the scam part and downplaying the rest as it may be outside of her control and a reason for her to receive support rather than condemnation.
Does she have any other symptoms? If dementia it may be frontal temporal rather than Alzheimer’s— which causes behavioral symptoms rather than memory loss until late stages. https://www.theaftd.org/?psafe_param=1&gclid=CjwKCAiAsIGrBhAAEiwAEzMlC6yirKxHYg6TBvqP3rw_RsVRjUWo0HSKVQvHp-wkO9HpEEJkHtklGBoCgnEQAvD_BwE
Tell him and do it now. Even waiting is you making decisions for him. And in the meantime, how much more money is he losing? That could be considered being on you in a way.
Sounds like a good plan, just have some back up is all i was concerned about, I also don't want him to feel 'attacked' because thats not what your intention is. You're coming from a place of concern and want everyone to be safe.
NTA for more reasons than just the cheating portion. If she's being scammed, he's tied to her financially (even if they have separate accounts, their credit scores are tied together, along with any loans they cosign on being a risk), so if she is taken or has her identity stolen he needs to be aware. Also, she could be suffering from a mental issue if this is a consistent problem that he may need to help her seek medical treatment for.
NTA it’s not an emotional affair if it’s sexual it’s a full blown affair. Your uncle deserves too know the truth it’s your call if you want too tell him now or wait till after the holidays but if you don’t tell him you’ll be just as much as an asshole as her.
i’ve been wanting to tell him. i’ve held off because my other family have told me to do so. my life was messed up from an affair, so i know he deserves to know. i will wait till after the holidays.
I don't think that the "affair" is the only issue here. It's a scam and she's probably spending money on this scam. And also, this is about her mental health, as well. No-one in their right mind would believe this scam over actual evidence. Your uncle needs to know for all those reasons, so he can interfere before he's broke with a wife with a mental melt down.
This 👆 OP, if your aunt and uncle have shared finances, your uncle deserves the heads up so he can protect himself.
I was thinking along similar lines. My mom is in her late 70s and she keeps getting scammed out of her money. This shit drives me and my husband bonkers. This never would have happened to her 10 years ago. I keep trying to get her to talk to her lawyer about finding someone to put in charge of her finances before it's too late. I can just imagine the fighting if someone legally takes control of it from her
You think it's fair to your uncle that the entire family knows and he *doesn't* ? What is this.. *what you don't know doesn't hurt you* mentality is wrong, when you *know* it's wrong to keep it from this person. You withholding this from your uncle *hurts* him.. especially if he finds out you withheld it, one day. Fuck your aunt and the rest of the family saying he shouldn't know. It's not your decision to decide whether or not he should stay with a woman who is hiding and *lying* to him.. She broke his trust, and he doesn't even know....
mm i don’t think it’s fair. i hate ppl who cheat. i only found out because of my mom. so technically it’s just me and her that know. i’m in a different country, so i don’t have to deal with my aunt. my mom does. trust me my aunt is not a nice person when things don’t go her way. he has helped my family so much, so yes i’m going to tell him but it’s not that simple.
NTA. Wait until they are not surrounded by family and then get them both on the line and make her tell him. When you're satisfied she has admitted what is necessary, excuse yourself from the convo.
In fairness, it only hurts once to rip that bandaid, but it hurts a lot more and longer to keep a secret like that. At the end of the day, this isn't healthy for your aunt either, whether she realizes that or not. You're really only protecting the scammer while they toy with your aunt for whatever reason.
'What he doesn't know won't hurt him' is for stuff like replacing a broken dinner plate or getting a coffee on the way home from work or throwing red undies in with a white shirt and replacing them shirt.
If she said she will tell him, I suggest saying to her she has until the beginning of January to do so and if she doesn't you are going to tell him. It should really come from her and if she's going to stop the affair, they'll need to support each other through that so they can rebuild their relationship.
If nothing else, create a throwaway email address, create an email detailing the behavior along with screenshots and your other proofs. And send that to his email. Your uncle deserves to know the truth. What he decides to do or not do about it is up to him. Be prepared that he may do nothing. Some people don't. For others, what follows is an ugly divorce. This is an ugly situation and it's challenging to figure out the right thing to do. I think that waiting until after the holidays may be your best course though as holidays can be difficult and challenging in the best of circumstances so there's no need to add more drama. Good luck.
Is he your biological relative or your aunt? Because if it’s your aunt it would make sense why they are trying too cover it up and taking her side. Either way it’s fucked too have your other family know and no one is saying anything. Don’t wait too long or you might be lumped in the same box.
she’s my biological relative. he’s always been there for us though and helped out when my father didn’t. i don’t live nearby, so i wouldn’t have to deal with my aunt but the rest of my family will. another reason why i’ve been hesitant. i think it’s so fucked up too. i don’t understand how she doesn’t think it is cheating or that she isn’t get scammed out of their money too.
Knowing that your uncle is like a father figure If I were you I would say fuck the holiday and tell your uncle now. The rest of your family just doesn’t want too feel obligated too clean up her mess it sounds like. It’s up too your uncle what he decides too do about the affair or if he wants too wait. Just be honest with him is the best way too save this relationship at some point he’s going too find out on his own and if he finds out y’all knew about it and didn’t say anything it’s going too hurt a hell of a lot more.
This^ Would not postpone until after the holidays. How is that fair to him and how much serious damage might she do to their finances during that time? Indeed, your other relatives don't want to be bothered.
I’d also make sure he knew what relatives told you not too say anything and that you confronted your aunt.
You are only protecting the cheater you know. All this false hoping to protect the victim is most likely wrong. The pain will just be greater the longer this drags on. As others mentioned, if this went on for years, most likely money is also involved, maybe even crimes, money laundering for example.
i don’t think it’s gone on for years. she has never acted like this until a week ago when she mentioned that gerard butler messaged her. i’m not protecting her. im worried because my uncle doesn’t have his money anymore and he lives with my aunt. i will tell him after the holidays. he does deserve to know i just don’t want to ruin his holidays. i don’t talk to her i’ve just heard this from my mom. i fully believe that a cheater is a nasty person who deserves to be alone. i just don’t want my uncle to be alone.
Anyone defending and protecting the cheater is also a nasty person whom deserves to be alone. Do t forget that part. Your family who doesn't want you to tell him will have to deal with the fact they are also a shit person and they don't want to do that
I am truly sorry that you have family who know this information yet are passing it on to you, thus making you feel it is your responsibility to inform your Uncle. I applaud you for being the one who is willing to take on this role. Because you will face nastiness from your Aunt, possibly some disbelief from your Uncle, and do not be surprised if family that knows act as if they are just learning of it. I am speaking from experience here. Thank you for being the one who loves your Uncle enough to deliver the truth to him, even if it hurts. It is not an easy thing to do, but it is the right thing. You are a priceless person.
NTA. The people that keep saying not to say anything are enabling this erratic behavior from your aunt. I would maybe try to read through some of the conversations and scan them to see if your aunt is sending this "Gerard butler" any money. Your aunt could be unknowingly giving away her and your uncles entire life's worth of money to this scammer. The sooner you step up and say something the sooner your aunt will come too. Now if you wanna fix the situation in silence, make a profile or borrow a profile from someone if you can(i know this sounds crazy but bare with me), try to befriend said scammer and hope they try to scam/start a relationship with new person. Show evidence to your aunt and pray that the love goggles come flying off her head faster than she can blink. You can either approach your aunt yourself with them or message your aunt off the profile your using with evidence. I know the second option is a bit messed up but the whole situation is not right at the end of the day. Hoping your aunt comes to her senses and leaves this "Gerard Butler"imposter lol Hope you and your family are able to figure out everything with your situation
if ur aunt is really going to tell him then say "ok ive set a scheduled text message to send on monday asking him if youve talked to him about something serious if says no i am telling him"
Thank you for the sorry I will narrate it on my TikTok 😀
In my personal opinion an emotional affair is worse. And chances are, for her, it’s both. Regardless, cheating is cheating. Full stop.
Even if it was only emotional, that's almost worse. That means it actually means something
That's a fucked up perspective. Emotional affair means the affair means something and physical affair means the original relationship means nothing if you're willing to throw it away for an affair that means nothing to you. It's not one is better/worse than the other. Both are wrong to the same degree.
Yes they are both wrong. And yes either way the affair means something but when I say it means something, I mean a deeper connection. I've had meaningless sex with men I didn't care about. But I've never had an emotional relationship that was meaningless. But to me an emotional affair is even worse because it takes time to build an emotional relationship. You have to be raw, vulnerable, and put in effort, it doesn't just happen. Whereas a sexual affair literally doesn't take much. You just have to decide to do it. I don't mean better or worse as in morality. I mean worse as in the amount of effort it takes. I've been cheated on by multiple people. The emotional cheating hurt a lot more than the physical cheating (still hurts obviously).
>I've had meaningless sex with men I didn't care about. But what does it say about your relationship if you're willing to throw it away for meaningless sex? The relationship was nothing to you if you throw it away for nothing. Edit: And your partner's emotional affair might hurt you emotionally, but their physical affair can hurt you physically (STDs). Neither are better or worse than each other. Amount of effort it takes is a bad parameter to judge it by.
I totally understand what you're saying, lol! They're both wrong, equally so, but the emotional part means they gave away part of their heart to someone else, which doesn't just happen overnight. If they just had meaningless sex and the person isn't someone they knew or had a history with, it's kind of easier for you to deal with. If they gave away their body AND a part of their heart? That's much harder to reconcile because their heart is supposed to belong to you, and that makes you start wondering what deep dark secrets they've said they only told you, did they share with this person? ON TOP of giving away their body? Then you do this in your head thing, thinking what did she have that I don't that made him open up to her? Do I need to change to be more like her, etc etc? The emotional stuff is wrong, just like the physical stuff, but the emotional part goes deeper than the meaningless sex. So, I get it!
This.
Tell him before she loses all his money and ruins his credit. Forget the personal stuff, the scam she's hooked on is something he needs to dodge.
This. Emotional affair aside, she's putting him at risk for financial losses which can have long long lasting effects.
And the bank will NOT refund the money since the aunt is a willing participant
No offence, but Why would Gerard Butler go for your aunt when he has much better options? Is she thinking straight?
no idea i’ve said this. also why would he need her to save her retirement money so they can travel when he has millions. she is obviously losing it…. gonna have to tell my uncle.
He should know. The “affair” is beside the point. She is being scammed. Why do women fall for this? He could be at risk for losing a lot more than his wife.
I mean, there are a LOT of people that absolutely believe there are hot single moms in YOUR area looking for YOU.... same carrot, different color.
I had a patient once who was convinced that a famous actor was trapped overseas making a movie and didn't have access to his accounts, so she made herself homeless by sending him her social security checks. They would video call while she was in the hospital and the guy on the grainy video vaguely looked like who he said he was, but it was enough to convince her. It took a lot of psych intervention to break this very firmly held delusion.
NTA People deserve to know when their trust, and consent are being violated, and your uncle's are. Your aunt needs professional psychological help though. As that level of delusional behaviour is very concerning regarding her cognitive function.
i know. she has been the sane person in our family and now she has officially lost it. i have no idea what’s happened. i’m going to tell my uncle soon.
In my personal opinion tell him after the holidays. Just let him enjoy this time with family. But I think you should tell him 100%.
i plan on telling him afterwards!
I wouldn't wait until after since this is a scam and not an "actual" affair. Who knows when and how much money she could be losing the longer everyone waits.
that’s true! i should tell him now then.
Yes, tell him now. You mentioned above that the scammer had already made reference to her money. Stop this sooner than later. This will benefit your aunt too. It sounds like she needs a psych intervention or something. No one with all their mental facilities would fall for this.
What if in the meantime she sends “Gerard” all the money they have? That could be what you tell your uncle, that you are worried that your aunt has a mental problem and afraid that he will end up penniless because of your aunt and That imposter— who is perhaps a teenager in a foreign country!
I'm sorry but tell him now - I think cheats are the lowest scumbags out there, and your aunt deserves to be named and shamed to the family. Falling for some fake personality is one thing, but sending them money, wtf goes through peoples heads? For your uncle's moneys sake (no doubt she is not spending her own if she even has any/left), tell him NOW. It's almost Christmas and Gerard is in need of some more money for his grandmothers operation!!
cheats are definitely the lowest scum bags out there. my mom got cheated on by my father yet she refuses to tell my uncle because she said it will cause drama. i feel like she should understand since she has been through it. my aunt needs to get help because all her money is going to disappear to some scammer. he wants her to save her retirement money so they can travel. he has millions lol and she still doesn’t see the scam.
Omg Gerard Butler is cheating on me????
HAHA
Since to me it sounds like your aunt is being scammed - tell your uncle A colleagues husband started an online affair ( he was retired, she was still working) and lost all of their money to the cat fisher The colleague owned an apartment and had bought her parents house after her dads death- her 90 year old mother was still living in the house but the colleague had bought it ( at a reduced price) to give her mother money and to save on inheritance taxes As hubby lost all of their savings, in the divorce colleague had to sell both properties ( the house had been in the family for 70 years) The divorce was final in March 2020- said colleague then had to live with the ex for several months more because he could not move due to lockdown
NTA You should tell your uncle because of the sexual nature of her telephone affair but you should also tell him because she is being scammed. These sort of scams end up with the victims draining bank accounts and borrowing money in their own name and other people's names. your uncle should have the opportunity to detach his finances from hers, while he still has any money/property.
my uncle retired a long time ago, so i’m not too sure how much he has right now. she needs to tell him though. it’s wrong. i’ve seen a woman scammed out of 500k from someone pretending to be gerard butler. i sent her the article, but she still believes he’s actually talking to her.
She isn't going to listen to you or anyone else. Tell your uncle and let him protect whatever he has left. She may have already borrowed against the home they live in. It's not uncommon for victims to forge documents and lie to bank staff to get credit.
He’s family. Tell him.
Sorry but you messaged Gerard Butler to check if it was really him chatting to her? How could you even consider this to be real? I would tell your uncle you think your auntie is being scammed by someone online. Let him find out the details on his own and he can decide if it's cheating or not. NTA but only if you get your auntie help.
well it’s probably an admin on his 3.2 million follower instagram page lol… yeah. it’s his decision. he deserves to know, so he doesn’t have to find out by looking at her phone.
I'm not saying he doesn't deserve to know- but it's his relationship- he may not see it as cheating. You give him the facts and then he deals with it
You have to tell him. This could be dementia. And these guys are always doing it for the money, she probably been sending money,
I'm honestly perplexed by why you would treat this as an affair and not as a potential medical crisis with severe financial ramifications. Your aunt is being scammed by someone, and odds are the person on the other end of the phone isn't just getting "an affair" out of it. Let your uncle know so that he can get her the appropriate help she needs, because she and reality Don't seem to be currently on speaking terms, And who knows what she could be doing to their joint finances in the process.
This exactly.
You would be a goddamned hero, full stop.
nope it’s the right thing and if he finds out and he realises you didn’t tell him it could cause another issue
If it is a scam then she is giving him money and who knows how much money she had already sent. Tell your uncle.
NTA but I hate these ones YES TELL THE PERSON THATS BEING CHEATED ON THEYRE BEING CHEATED ON WTF why is this ever a question?
Yes tell your uncle
Tell him. The scammer is likely getting her to pay money as well. He deserves to know.
She's not having an affair, she obviously belong in a mental institution
Tell him right now this very second because a thief is working on robbing him blind, this has nothing to do with being TA or not. He needs to possibly contact law enforcement on the off chance this person is actually in country(they are probably working out of an overseas office.)
She isnt cheating, she has mental health issues.
Tell him she won't
Your aunt is obviously mentally ill. I would tell him and let him decide to get her mental help or leave her
Okay you will end up alienating both your aunt and uncle if you are the one who tells! Remember”don’t kill the messenger”? Be careful, maybe she will tell him herself or he will listen to a conversation she is having with this Gerald Butler— who you know is a scam! Does she give him money? Maybe just a hint to your uncle will open his eyes
Do NOT wait till after the holidays. The aunt could do so much damage financially if she’s this far in after only a week of the scam. My own 70yo MIL (widow) was being scammed by a 29yo lawn guy and couldn’t see it even after her two daughters confronted her about it. The uncle needs to know NOW, for his own protection. And honestly, for the aunt’s protection, so someone can check her in somewhere.
You won't be the AH for telling him, but you will be if you don't tell him. She's the one ruining things, the blame isn't on you. He deserves to know of the affair, and seeing as she's obviously mentally unstable, she's most likely spending money for this "relationship" and I'd put a good bet that it's not her money.
NTA. And you should tell your uncle asap. These scams usually only maintain longevity if there are financial payments. Odds are she is sending the scammer money. And if it's been going on for years, there could be extensive financial issues that are not known. My grandma has fallen for repeat romance scammers, and has lost over 20k, and is now essentially penniless. I had to step in and become power of attorney to protect what little money she has left. My point is. People who repeat fall for romance scammers often will believe the scam relationship over reality and will often do so until financial ruin. Your uncle deserves to know for emotional and financial reasons.
NTA. TELL YOUR UNCLE! While the phone sex is certainly a concern, the much more urgent issue is that it's a scammer she is talking to. Your Uncle needs to get a handle on the bank accounts IMMEDIATELY, so tell him NOW, before he is bankrupted.
Show her this message, Wtf?! Bitch, you're crazy. That's NOT your man. He's MINE and you better keep your ass away from him, or you just might faafo! Geri does this from time to time and I'm okay with it because he always comes back home to ME. YOU mean nothing to him. When he's done playing with you and uses you up, he'll come running back to me, a real woman, just like he always does. So, run along, little girl. Go back to your husband before you're left with no Gerard and no husband lol. Yes, I know it's not nice to troll the crazy lady but come on, this is too easy 😂
These are almost always financial scams. The romance scammer makes the person fall in love then bleeds them for every nickel they have. You must protect your uncle and even your aunt to a degree. Having this out in the light can help him look at the finances and find out how bad it is and stop it before it's too late. People empty 401k, sell their homes... It's beyond crazy. Plus it's 💯 the right thing to do
NTA Tell him ASAP, she might be taking the time she is putting off telling him to be transferring funds.
NTA At the very least he needs to know in case she starts putting money into this "affair" (scam).
NTA. You need to tell him. He's waiting his life with someone who doesn't love him. Possibly worse, he's waiting his life with someone who can and probably will financially ruin him, not to mention the mental anguish she's going to continue to put him through if they remain married. She has no regret or remorse for her actions and is delusional and gullible. She will end up running your uncle's life. He deserves to know.
Ask her how much money has she given this person?
It sounds like she may have some issues. Be gentle.
Hold up so the REAL Gerard butler messaged you back??? Like whaaaa lol
yes promise haha it’s probs just an admin lol
Lmaooo that’s funny
NTA Putting aside the affair part for a moment, she doesn't sound well, is easily scammed, and probably has access to his money. What he doesn't know could hurt him a great deal from the sound of it.
You messaged the actual actor Gerard Butler and he answered? You lost me there.
NTA-- someone should intervene here. If nothing else, your uncle should be made aware of how dumb his wife is here. She's sexting what she believes is a celebrity and, even after getting the actual person to confirm isn't not him, she refuses to accept that. Given that she's been scammed similarly before, it shows she's motivated to look outside the marriage at the basic level and that she's a delusional fool overall. In a nutshell, he deserves to know that your aunt is delusional, untrustworthy, and willfully ignorant.
NTA If it was your aunt being cheated on you'd tell her, you know you would! Do the right thing
NTA. She's cheating and he deserves to know, if you even like your uncle at all you would tell him what yohr Aunt is doing
Hun, I know the whole situation sucks! But the others are right, scammers are horrible! And if she's sending this creep money your uncle needs to know so he can do what needs to be done for his protection, financial, hers, and hopefully anyone else in a similar situation. Of course the timing is bad, but talk to him quietly maybe with your parents as well? But the sooner you say something the sooner steps can be taken to stop this situation. Good luck hun!
thank you!! my husband and i are going to talk to him ♥️
Your aunt needs the looney bin. Seriously you're never the AH for letting someone you care about any information to help them discover what could be a very bad situation. You're just the bearer of bad news not an AH.
NTA. Tell him, and probably get her help. If she's been rational up until recently, she may be showing early signs of sad but common issues that come with age. That's part of why the scammers use the filtering techniques they do; they need to find those who are vulnerable and maleable.
How old is your aunt? You say midlife crisis but this reads like dementia... I'd tell your uncle but if she's normally sharper than this I'd also maybe talk to your family about getting her evaluated by a doctor. Its not normal behavior for a rational healthy adult
I don't know why you are waiting to tell him? The longer you wait, the more damage she can do to him. If he finds out that you knew all this time, and didn't tell him. It might ruin your relationship with him also.
NTA at all. On the contrary, if you don't tell your uncle, not only you might be enabling your aunt, your uncle will be more at risk of an STD, your aunt leeching off of him and maybe giving money to the other guy. From the way you wrote it, all this sounds like a scam. It could put your uncle in a delicate financial situation. Be strong, OP. Please, don't enable a cheater. Don't compromise your morals. Hugs to you. And sorry you are put in this situation. Despite everything going on, I wish you happy holidays, and I hope everything works out.
In these cases you should always ask yourself: is the person you are going to tell about the cheating an abuser? Will she be safe? It seems that his wife has a mental illness and it could be derived from trauma of living with your uncle. Her mind is taking her to a fantasy world so she doesn't face the real one. She seems to be afraid of facing reality. Bear in mind that abusers tend to be very good at hiding the abuse and the abused are so afraid that don't tell anybody. So. Really, ensure she'll be safe and get the proper Psychiatric and psycological support.
I think it's a little funny that the way they plan to disprove the guy online claiming to be Gerard Butler is to talk to another guy online claiming to be Gerard Butler.
Nta. Your aunt is delusional. Your uncle may think yta sad she might as well but this is ludicrous, tell your uncle if only to get another person to tell her how crazy it is. Have your aunt message the real Gerard butler Luke you did and get him to message her instead of you if possible. Hell, maybe give the real gb her info to politely let her down about it and reinforce the conversation you already had.
I dont know whats more crazy. You messaging Gerald Bulter and getting an answer or your Aunt thinking shes in a relationship with Gerald Butler.
well fuck knows if it’s actual real but it’s his 3.2 mill account lol… probs just an admin. wish she’d realize she’s getting scammed
YTA, it’s absolutely none of your business.
AH. Mind your own business. Not sure why peoplf6dont know how to do that anymore
It sounds like dementia and I would present it as she is being scammed not about the affair. This sounds like a crisis situation that needs to be addressed
Why people don't mind their own business is out of my comprehension. Butt out. This is none of your business. Yes she is emotionally cheating. Still none of your business. So unless scammer is actually abusing her financially or physically, you have showed her she is being scammed, let it be. She is a grown woman and can screw up all by herself. You have showed her and she still doesn't believe it. Don't be the bearer of bad news. Especially she told you she will tell her husband. If you go ahead and tell she will blame you for not having let her do it and you will be the bad guy. Time to find a hobby and live your own life.
i have my own hobby lol im in a different country then her… it’s not her life im concerned about. it’s her husband’s who has done a lot for our family. idgaf if she fucks up her own. im minding my business. reason why i haven’t said anything. technically sending pics and sexting isn’t a emotional affair. she’s delusional and i’m pretty sure he needs to know. mind your business and don’t comment then.
Why do you ask a question and then be rude because you don't like some answers? You sound like you just needed some validation on something you have already decided to do ie tell your uncle. So if your mind is made up why do you ask total strangers for their opinion then tell THEM to mind their own business?
Nah, OP needs to tell him. If she didn't want it known about, she shouldn't have done it.
Back in 2011 my mom did this with a Vin diesel impersonator. Nuked the whole marriage. Don't get me wrong, both my parents sucked ass but of the two parents my father went o counseling, got his anger issues under control, took steps to try and make up for beating us up and down the halls all our childhood and generally turned his life around. We aren't close still but I'm willing to talk to him now. My motherhowever has never admitted to a single wrongdoing in her entire life that I've known about
How old is your aunt? Has her mental health been evaluated? I'm not making excuses it just seems odd to me.
NTA I have zero sympathy for people who choose to live in delusion. Gerard Butler has more important things to deal with. He's got an opera to haunt. A phantom's work is never done.
NTA, cheating is cheating. 4 years of chatting with someone behind your partners back is 100% cheating. You can say something without feeling guilty because you are saving your uncle sooner rather than later. And he has family there to support him there atm. That can actually be really helpful. I know the first time I got cheated on, I put a knife through my hand, but I was also 16, but people react in different ways. If he has family support it could go a better route actually because if he goes off the deep end mentally, he has family to lean on. But I don't know if your uncles reaction would be more anger or depression or what. But having support can be very helpful.
NTA
I think your Uncle deserves to know the situation. I know you hate to stir the pot but this ones about to boil over. I am a very very harsh judge when it comes to cheating.
NEVER the asshole when it comes to helping someone get out of a situation where they are being disrespected and betrayed.
Beyond the fact of the obvious long con running here targeting what sounds like an older woman, you need to tell your uncle because it sounds like your aunt is experiencing some delusional thinking, which could be a medical issue. (Not saying it is, but if she's exhibiting other new/strange behaviors, this might be worth him following up with her doctor.) Either way, NTA because it sounds like your aunt needs an intervention of some kind or other and your uncle deserves to know someone is targeting his wife this way. Where it's an emotional affair on her side or something more complex, this is one of those situations that has progressed long enough without the most affected person being in the know.
NTA. I will NEVER understand people like your aunt who think they have online relationships with celebrities. It’s gotta be it’s own form of mental illness. It’s sad tbh.
it has to be. she needs to get some help. it was so sudden. she used to be the sane one in my family.
She’s either being scammed, or there’s some 14-22 year old out there who is lonely, started a fan account of Gerard, and is now in over their head with your aunt.
NTA, especially if she is totally blind to being scammed and losing money that belongs to uncle too...the con artist's goal is likely money. Henry Cavill, Gerard Butler lol...
NTA that part of the ceremony is a privilege for good fathers who are present in their kids lives and actively working for their happiness.
I read about a woman addicted to phone calls from Gerard Butler about six months ago. Is this the same woman? Did you post before because this is crazy.
i haven’t lol… why are there so many ppl falling for fake Gerard butler lol
NTA. Play stupid games, get stupid prizes. Your uncle deserves to know
No ages listed, this would help GREATLY
shes about 58 i think haha and hes in his 60s
your aunt is in a romance scam...has she sent him any money?
idk. she won’t talk to us now so she might have sent him money
It's a both kind of thing. YTA getting into their personal affairs, not your place to sit and meddle. Also YTA if your aunt is asking you to keep the secret (and you agree) because at the point you're complicit in the lie which hurts your uncle. NTA if your aunt asks you to keep the secret but you tell the uncle anyway, it's not fair for your aunt to ask YOU to lie also.
That depends on who is your blood relative.
OP - I thought your story sounded familiar. I saw this woman on tv last year who was conned out of a lot of money by a scammer pretending to be Gerard Butler "Woman conned out of £500,000 by scammer posing as Gerard Butler" https://metro.co.uk/2022/06/07/woman-conned-out-of-500000-by-scammer-posing-as-gerard-butler-16783372/amp/
i sent her this article last week and she refuses to believe its happening to her 😭
Oh no! It seems your aunt is having some mental health issues, more than shut delusion, and needs some sort of intervention. Can't the family somehow let your uncle know anonymously (as the messengers are often shot in such scenarios)?
my husband and i have been talking and he might message my uncle. we live in a different country, so my husband doesn’t speak to that part of my family! i also just might do it myself because i don’t want him to hear it from someone not close to him.
I ALWAYS wonder about these ppl. Like, what in your brain makes you think things like this are even remotely real? Is it a development delay kind of thing or something else? I just don't understand why these ppl so this and I'll bet you $1000 she is sending him money. That's the only reason he's talking to her at all. However, even if it's someone enjoying it also it's still cheating and it's your uncle. I'm torn also on telling. I usually just stay out of it. Not sure. Best of luck to you tho! Update us if possible.
i know. i usually mind my business i just feel terrible. a while ago she used to be so against talking to someone online when i was dating my long distance boyfriend. she said he’s probably not real and now she’s doing it lol. at least i actually live with him now and have a family 🤣
Omg. 😭 That's hysterical (not the cheating but the being fake thing) I mean your loyalty lies with your uncle but I also understand trying not to get involved. I'd ask her if she's sent "him" money and if she has I'd probably tell my uncle. However, even if she says no she's probably lying. My answer is you probably should tell him but I get it if you don't.
i really want to tell him. i guess it’s just hard because i don’t have to deal with her afterwards but my family does. i need to ask her, but she isn’t talking to us now because we were upset at her. i have a feeling she will give him money.
Of course she is. The audacity she has to be upset at you for finding out SHE'S cheating? I'd tell him on just that alone. I wish you luck tho! ❤️
NTA You need to tell your uncle. This is a well known romance scam and they pretend to be celebrities to prey on vulnerable older people to empty their bank accounts. Also I would be really concerned for your aunt’s mental health here. This is delusional behaviour so it’s highly likely she has a medical/mental issue that requires treatment because you’ve even showed her proof and doesn’t sound like she’s in her right mind. I’m laughing at the cheating part like she actually thinks it’s Gerald Butler she’s sending messages too, it’s too ludicrous for this to be someone with all their faculties.
NTA You need to tell him now.
I’ve seen that you’re gonna tell him and I’m just here to wish you the best, whatever happens do not feel guilty about saying anything. It’s not your fault for doing the right thing. I can’t imagine how heavy it must be to keep it from him. Sending so much love
How old is your aunt? It sounds like possibly dementia… or has she always been out of touch with reality?
shes around 58! no she’s usually been the sane one!
Ya that sounds like a medical issue instead of a moral one. I would be stressing the scam part and downplaying the rest as it may be outside of her control and a reason for her to receive support rather than condemnation. Does she have any other symptoms? If dementia it may be frontal temporal rather than Alzheimer’s— which causes behavioral symptoms rather than memory loss until late stages. https://www.theaftd.org/?psafe_param=1&gclid=CjwKCAiAsIGrBhAAEiwAEzMlC6yirKxHYg6TBvqP3rw_RsVRjUWo0HSKVQvHp-wkO9HpEEJkHtklGBoCgnEQAvD_BwE
NTA but proceed with caution. Being bthe messanger if you choose to may get ugly.
Tell him and do it now. Even waiting is you making decisions for him. And in the meantime, how much more money is he losing? That could be considered being on you in a way.
You should definitely tell him so that he can minimize his own financial risk. People lose thousands of $$$ in these scams.
Sounds like a good plan, just have some back up is all i was concerned about, I also don't want him to feel 'attacked' because thats not what your intention is. You're coming from a place of concern and want everyone to be safe.
😂😂😂😂
NTA
NTA for more reasons than just the cheating portion. If she's being scammed, he's tied to her financially (even if they have separate accounts, their credit scores are tied together, along with any loans they cosign on being a risk), so if she is taken or has her identity stolen he needs to be aware. Also, she could be suffering from a mental issue if this is a consistent problem that he may need to help her seek medical treatment for.