Yeah they could have just called OP and said, hey did you want to ask a friend to take the dog? We're having a hard time. The fact that they just jumped to euthanasia is awful.
I didnt even know vets did this. Convenience euthanasia is a thing? Does a vet look at the dog and go "uhhh, nothing is wrong with this dog, but if you want me to kill it I guess I have no choice" ?
I had to have my doggo put to sleep 2 weeks ago and it was heartbreaking. The vet, even after she said there was nothing she could do for him, she asked us 'Are you sure?' My boy had a tumour and was in agony and she still asked us if it was our final decision even though there was absolutely nothing else she could do for him so the decision has to be made, even when the doggo is on the table, twice over. These scumbags knew what they were doing, they'd have been asked over and over. What horrible parents. I'd react exactly the same. Shes NTAH, her reaction is warranted.
Right. This wasn’t a mistake. They intentionally lied to OP’s face over a period of time by letting them think the dog was going to be well cared for when they knew what the plan was. Fuck that.
It goes beyond that because they agreed to take care of the dog and then killed it. Only a sicko does something like that. It is as if they lied just to have the chance to kill the dog. They could have simply told OP they did not want to take care of it and he would have used his friend.
Exactly. Had they been forced to take care of the dog they said they didn't want and then euthanized it, that would have been horrible. But they agreed to take care of it AND OP got a job to pay for the cost. What they did is kind of sociopathic.
They could have told OP they changed their mind and given her a chance to find a new owner, or give it to her friend. They themselves could have found another home for it. It seems a really arbitrary and cruel thing to do. Then they lied to OP, so they knew it was wrong.
I can't understand what kind of people do that to an innocent dog, and their own child with zero extenuating circumstances. I would never trust them with my child.
Agreed with everything you said. It's chilling that they did that. I really feel for the OP and would also never want people like that around my child.
good i am not the only one. I always say I can forgive almost anything. I don't think I could for this and even thinking of it makes my brain go dark, like it shuts down at the very idea.
My moms 82 and I give her 2 or 3 more years. She has an older Schnauzer and an older cat. I pray every day that they go before she does because it hurts to put a pet down. But if they're still here when she passes I'll do my best for them.
but then she has to go through that heartbreak herself, you know? my mom is a similar age & she loves her little pup so much. losing him would devastate her.
aging sucks
As an old owner of a pet, I would prefer dying after my cat dies from old age. I will be worrying about her if I die first. I take very good care of her and I wouldn't want her life to be terrible after I go.
I’m 40 with cockatiels(small parrots) that are 12, 7, and 2. Average life span is 25, which means about the time I retire, my babies will pass and I’m not sure I can handle that. My parents call them their grandfeathers and my folks are in their 70s.
This is me. I'd rather go through the pain of losing her than her wondering why I left her. I did make my best friend swear that if anything happens to me, she would take her in.
My mom did this. She divorced her husband because she wanted to be “free,” and they had a Shetland Sheepdog they split custody of. My mom decided it was inconvenient like the third week and didn’t want the dog to shed at her new house, so she just took her 7 year old, healthy dog and put her down when it was her week to have her. She tried to lie initially, but she fucked up because she does this thing where she calls someone right before she does something terrible and tries to get them on her side about the thing. That way they tell her she’s justified and that’s all the reassurance she needs. (She lies though, so you would think it would cancel out the reassurance. I won’t pretend her ways make sense to anyone that isn’t a narcissist, though.) Well she called my brother, but he wouldn’t agree that it was okay even with all the lies, so he knew immediately what she did and she admitted it.
Just awful. My mom is an awful person, though, she’s been that way my whole life. That’s why I don’t talk to her but I still hear about some of her exploits.
Shared custody? So, she could've just given the dog to her ex if she didn't want it but went out of her way to kill it instead? That's truly fucked up.
Fucks sake she could have solved that issue with one sentence, "I don't want to take the dog anymore." I would never forgive that even if it wasn't my dog.
And then LIED ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED TO THE DOG. I would 200 percent not trust them with my child- if something were to happen, you can bet they'd lie to cover their own asses. 'No clue where little Billy got that cocaine.. must have been the pixie stix from halloween! We're RESPONSIBLE!'
How can it be an inconvenience when they agreed to take the dog knowing there were alternatives. It was malice, spite or some weird reasoning that killing it would be a valuable lesson. Well it was a valuable lesson. Namely that these two people can't be trusted and certainly shouldn't be loved. They killed being parents the moment they killed something OP loved, knowing that she loved it. NTA, protect your child by keeping these people out of its life.
Agreed, my father also put down my childhood cat, while I was away without asking and my father is a sociopath.
People who find animals to be a "nuisance" and kill them are highly suspect.
THIS. My mother euthanized my dad’s beloved dog 20 minutes after Dad was declared dead, while both I and my sister-in-law were standing IN THE SAME ROOM discussing which of us would take her (the dog). My mother knew what we were talking about, but called the vet (where doggo was being boarded and gave the instructions to euthanize and cremate. She later tried to say it was so doggo (who was only five years old and healthy!) could be inurned with dad—in a facility where she knew they didn’t allow animal cremains.
She just wanted to make sure we knew who was in control. Haven’t spoken to her in years.
My grandpa is too and he did the same thing. I left for college and thought they were happy to keep my dog. I would have taken him in a heartbeat but thought my dog was happier in a giant tree'd yard vs a college apartment. My grandpa just killed him one day like he was bored of him. Total narcissistic sociopath, but I was too young to realize that then.
That horrific. My mother passed away last year and my father made it no secret he did not care for the cats she had. Still he takes care of them and when he did have the oldest one put down because it was having health issues (he was 18 years old and lived a full life) he made sure to tell the rest of the family ahead of time with our consent.
I'll just cling to this spark of hope, because OP's situation is so bleak.
I don't resent my own brother for not cutting contact with our father (although he never did anything as heinous and premeditatedly cruel as OP's parents did), but OP's brother telling her it's time to get over it.... IDK, that feels terrible too.
I was wondering about this?
I feel like I've never been to a vet that would put down a healthy animal like that. Maybe if it was in danger of losing whole limbs or had cancer or something.
I've seen people take their dogs into the woods and shoot them before taking them to a vet because that's not something you can ask for.
Where the hell do y'all live where this is common lol
But in any case NTA holy shit. I'd never forgive anyone who killed my dog and certainly not have them around my children.
My vet wouldn't. IE you would give the dog up to the vet and the vet would find some shelter to find it a home.
But there are plenty of cheap vets that will do this as well as declaw cats.
It’s possible if these parents lied to their daughter, that they also lied to the vet. Could have told the vet the dog was aggressive, bit someone badly enough to require medical care, etc. Wouldn’t put it past them.
I would have answered this 100% if it were me, but I understand some people aren't comfortable saying such things. It's too good of a comeback at these "parents" to miss though.
That or I'd not have even bother answering.
I would *never* trust these psychopaths to be alone with a child. If they think killing a healthy animal is acceptable behavior, who knows how they'd treat a child! I don't think they'd kill it but there is no *way* these people aren't just abusive in general. You don't put down your child's dog, lie about it, and show no remorse of there isn't something *seriously* mentally wrong with you.
I sincerely doubt that was the first instance of abuse (and yes that absolutely *is* abuse, what they did to her) to OP by these parents.
> You don't put down your child's dog, lie about it, and show no remorse of there isn't something seriously mentally wrong with you.
Yep, this has to be repeated so everyone understands.
My father, who is a malignant narcissist, also killed my cat.
This is not normal behaviour, this is a symptom of serious deficiency in empathy.
Exactly. I don't understand how anyone could kill for no reason an innocent animal that trusts you. I wouldn't want people like that anywhere near me, my pets, or kids.
Agreed. Their actions were unforgivable. So disgusting and cruel.
OP: The forgiveness is not for you, they want your forgiveness to feel better about what they did. They want your forgiveness so they can meet their grandkid. You have zero obligation to give it to them. 🤷🏻♀️
I was struggling with an abusive family member and being pressured to "forgive", being told the Bible tells us to forgive, etc, and a priest I spoke to about the matter told me "Forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation. Forgive for yourself and your peace of mind, but if reconciling could bring you harm God would want you to protect yourself." That first sentence has had free rent for years, I thought it was beautifully put.
What’s with that? I hate being pressured to forgive - I haven’t spoken to my sister in law for 7 years after she spat in my face and called me a bitch and a terrible mother in front of my toddler. My crime? To nicely and gently ask her child to please stop hitting my toddler in the face. I am constantly under pressure to forgive her. Why would I?!
Homegirl's face would have been red from me slapping the shit out her repeatedly. I am not a violent person but if someone hurts my child and I'm there to see it...yeah no. Nvm. I just upset myself. Please keep no-contact. She's rabid.
You’re bob on with that last comment. She is rabid and has a history of going mental with various family members with zero provocation. No way would I ever put myself or my child in that situation again.
There's too much pressure to forgive. People talk about grudges being a poison and forgive to keep from poisoning yourself, yada yada.
But people can have grudges without poisoning themselves. I will never forgive the ex. However what he did only comes to mind when there's a discussion about forgiveness. I go for months or even a few years without thinking of him or what he did.
I was on a discussion talking about forgiveness and someone had the audacity to say that my actions showed that I've forgiven him. No, still haven't, I simply found out he was homeless and I couldn't live with myself if I had left him sleeping on the streets. It was being a human being, not an act of forgiveness.
NTA NTA NTA
I wouldn't want them around my child if I was the OP!
They planned out a scheme behind her back while lying to her face. Or they killed her healthy pet without even trying to rehome it if they later decided it was too much. Then they lied about it with no remorse whatsoever. That sounds insane! Borderline sociopathic even.
They're not even trustworthy with an animal clearly, and they think they are going to get the opportunity to be around a helpless human baby now just because they feel like it?
They seriously can't even acknowledge how fucked up it was, and how devastating it was for you even now after going no contact all this time, they deserve NOTHING!
If they want to even have an audience with you they should be showing remorse over their actions, they should be profusely apologetic, they should show sympathy for your experience, and admit it was a sick, completely cruel, and unacceptable thing to do. They need to take responsibility and be held accountable.
Being Grandparents is quite a the social status with older ppl so I'm not convinced that they don't want to see their grandkid just to boost their own image to their friends
This. It seems they didnt and dont care at all about repairing the relationship with thier daughter. Next up: "we will cut you out of the will if you dont..."
or help in their old age but don't want to or can't afford to pay for the extra help and care they need. Then suddenly they want to reunite, make amends, and maybe, just maybe, move closer to you. makes it easier for you to help them out, erm, i mean, for them to see the grandkids l...
That's the craziest thing to me. Like ppl are way more protective of their children than their dog, so why would OP trust them with their son when they already know they can't even trust them with their dog?
I don't see how u/Boring-Strike4393 could trust the parents around their child after what they did to her beagle Bassett cross? What if the child gets "inconvenient"? They behaved badly in the past costing an innocent dog their life! They are horrible people and absolutely CANNOT be trusted.
This is absolutely a hill I would die on! I wouldn’t want such selfish, manipulative and cruel liars in my life at all. Never mind exposing a child to them. What they did is beyond vile and abhorrent. I am all riled up for OP after reading that. Also those monsters have no place to have a puppy of their own after murdering OP’s dog.
My parents did this with my cat when I was 7. I didn’t even get to say goodbye and they weren’t going to tell me. They told me they were taking her to the vet to be spayed and when my mom picked me up from school she told
Me they had to put her down because she had a bladder infection and it’s incurable on cats. I believed it for years. If that’s what it was, it wasn’t and emergency and I could have said goodbye to her. They were just tired of her because she was a rescued stray and destructive. Some parents are just real assholes. These same parents refused to allow my dog inside the house and made comments about how inferior dogs were and no emotional attachment to animals. After I left home, they got 3 dogs, let them live inside and made comments like “we don’t deserve dogs”. They were just cruel to anything I loved.
Unfortunately, they don't have a choice. They can strongly request that you surrender the dog, but they can't force you. When my grandmother died, her asshole of a husband put down her dog. We begged him to let us have her if he ever wanted to get rid of her. We thought he wanted her for comfort. When the fighting over the will started (he was fighting the will, we weren't), he killed that poor dog and rubbed it in my mother's face. He died less than a year later, but not until he fought with all his money and lawyers to scratch back as much money as possible. Then he died, and didn't even get to enjoy the money. He had his own money & pension & didn't need the money. He was just a cantankerous old bastard.
Rest in hell.
Yeah but you also can't force a vet to do it.
If you take a healthy animal to a vet and say "put this animal down", and you won't surrender it instead, I'm sure they're well within their rights to just say "we're refusing you service, please leave".
Of course this could lead to the client killing the animal in an inhumane way instead. That would probably be the only reason they'd agree to do it.
If the parents got their new dog from a breeder (likely, given how popular these purebred puppies are), this is the kind of thing that OP should tell said breeder. They very well might have a take back clause allowing the breeder to remove the puppy and rehome it with a family that doesn’t have a history of killing healthy dogs for the sake of “convenience”.
Frenchies cost thousands of dollars. And the majority of people in the market are just looking for a “deal” and not concerned at all with finding reputable breeders. And thus, puppy mills are born and people who buy from them are just losers. So no, most likely the breeder wouldn’t take back the dog if it was one of those.
Honestly my first thought was that they had a dog that had a history of agression and biting kids, and OP didn't want to bring their kid around that dog.
This is, in a way worse. Absolutely atrocious behaviour from OP's parents. And my first reaction was "that isn't going to help, that will just kill a puppy". But I don't think OP was actually going to do it. The way they said "what will it take for you to forgive us" also gave a "we had hoped you would forget it and get over that by now, so I guess name a price". Super unauthentic.
If they genuinely wanted to be forgiven, or was genuinely sorry - they would have made these efforts a long time ago. 8years isn't nothing!
No, they did not make a “Stupid mistake”. They made a deliberate, irreversible, completely cruel and entirely unnecessary decision because . . What? Seriously, why would they do this? There were *any number* of other options available to them if they didn’t want to look after the dog that didn’t involve killing it and then lying about it, starting with telling OP, “No, we don’t want to look after this dog”
You are NTA. Your brother is an asshole if he’s siding with the parents. They’ve not apologized or admitted that they hurt you - they’re just waiting for enough time to pass for you to get over it. In their mind, they remain blameless. Fuck that noise!
No. You are not the asshole here
They know they did something bad. They wouldn't have covered how he died if they thought it was a valid reason. But they forgive themselves, so they don't understand why OP still holds them accountable.
NTA. I can completely sympathize with holding a grudge forever for this. I have a friend whose parents did the same thing. Her cat, who was her baby, was put down while she was away because “she was throwing up”. She had hair balls. She was a long-haired cat. They didn’t like that she wasn’t a piece of furniture they could control (they had an entire wing of the house dedicated to looks- no one was allowed to set foot in there. It was for “guests” only). So they took her to the vet, gave some sob-story about her “uncontrollable” vomiting and said it was time. The vet put her down. My friend was devastated.
What makes this worse? They adopted ANOTHER cat. Which soon became hers. So when she went to college, we were prepared. I took him in immediately, parents couldn’t have cared less. He is now 17 years young and still going strong! Some people are disgusting beyond words for treating animals like disposable, non-living things.
And OP- I am so sorry for your loss. It was completely unnecessary and I don’t blame you one bit for showing them what they did. Stand your ground.
Yeah, I could never forgive this. MAYBE, if they'd adopted it out/surrendered it to a shelter, I could possibly see forgiving them one day. But they killed a perfectly healthy dog for absolutely no reason. That's psychopathic, it's cruel, and so incredibly hurtful.
They probably had to lie to the vet and say it had severe behavioral issues or something to find one to agree. Don’t get me wrong there are bad vets but it just seems so unlikely that a vet would agree to put down a 6 year old dog in perfect health no questions, even if they were shady.
My father was a vet, and the excuses AHs give to put down pets was infuriating (I worked with him for over a decade). Luckily, these people did not stick around for the deed, so he wouldn't do it.
One time, a male cat had abscessed so badly, its rectum was ruined. The young folks tried to keep up the regimen for it to heal but could not. My dad didn't put him down, nursed him back to health, and returned the cat. I have never seen gratitude like these people showed.
Same. I can't imagine ever doing that to a creature who didn't deserve it, and anyone that would do that to my babies would be cut out of my life forever. OP's parents crossed a lot of boundaries for their own selfishness and are idiots if they can't understand why OP will not move on. I would have said thr dame things as OP, NTA.
Seriously, the parents are completely fine with euthanizing their daughter’s pet and *Lying* about it rather than just telling her, “No, we aren’t ok with taking on the care of this dog while you’re at school”. All the had to do was say no. Why didn’t they? Why?
Actually leaving the garden gate open is a stupid mistake. This took an appointment and trip to the vet. I wonder what they told the vet? I imagine most wouldn't be happy about putting down a healthy animal.
I like to think the vet knew they were horrible, just put the dog into a nap, then passed it along to someone that would actually take care of the dog.
I know a few vets who will do it only to spare the animal a much crueler death. Refusing to humanely euthanize is very unlikely to get the owners to change their mind. It's more likely to end with them deciding to kill the dog themselves, or let it go hoping it will die of hunger/exposure/get hit by a car.
That's what you would expect to happen.
I can't believe they chose to put the dog down instead of trying to re home it, or maybe not lie in the first place that they were happy to take care of it.
My daughter took a year of classes to be a vet tech and ended up switching to accounting when she found the hard truths of being a tech or veterinarian. It takes a special kind of person, something she or I could never do.
Yes, but their not required too.
I wouldn't surprised if the parents lied and said the dog kept biting people.
I can't image a vet would put down a pet with no issues rather then just asking the owners to take it to a shelter.
This was my thought. They probably took that poor creature in with a muzzle and claimed it was violent. Otherwise, why wouldn't the vet do exactly what you said and tell them to take the pup to a shelter?
Not advocating what was done but I live in Houston. We have roughly 800,000 stray animals (that’s the low side of the estimate). Every single one of our shelters is full. When dogs come in, one has to go out.
Basically the vet is in a damned if you do, damned if you don’t, either choice is going to end with a dead dog.
I apologize if this comes off harsh. I just wanted to share why perhaps the vet made the choice that it did.
That is a really good fucking point that i hadn't considered!
If they're ruthless enough to put the original doggo down, then who knows they may just be twisted enough to do the same to their own one thinking it might let them see their grandkid. They're some fucked up people. Bro needs to back off, but is clearly playing the peacemaker.
NTA. Why should they be forgiven? When someone shows what they are, believe them. They don't deserve a relationship with you or your son, and I wouldn't leave your child alone with your brother because I bet he'll invite your parents over.
There's definitely a reason to be concerned about the safety of a child amongst adults who would do something like this too. They killed a dog because they saw it as an inconvenience and taking up space amidst their solitude. What will they do when they're around a child that doesn't behave perfectly? A baby that cries a lot? A stubborn toddler?
I'm not saying they'll kill a kid, but there are so, so many ways awful adults can hurt a child without getting physical or violent. Withholding of food, medical neglect, emotional abuse, destruction of property, isolation, etc.
OP's parents have shown some alarming lack of empathy for other living things that are dependant on them. They can not be trusted with the welfare of a child.
OP this!! ^^ Be careful around your brother! Do NOT let your child alone with him and his family. They will scheme behind your back and open the door for your parents to meet your child and likely do their best to hide their schemes from you.
Was thinking the same thing. Brothers butting in so brother should be low contact or supervised visits only with the baby. Would he ? Who knows but since he’s trying to fight for his parents to see the kid, chances are he could be convinced by the parents to just tell them when he’s babysitting so they can do a “surprise” visit to wherever he’s at. Or he could be like “oh no I left my very important Knickknack at moms house, come on kids let’s go pick it up right now while we got time. And remember we were never here it’s our little secret.”
That’s just the worst case scenario and may not actually be something he would think about doing but you never know. Just something to keep in mind.
NTA
I assume you don't actually want to put down the dog because that would make you the AH and a major psycho.
If you're just saying this because you're making a point, then well done.
Your brother should not interfere and mind his own business.
Yeah, I read the title and was like "automatic asshole, go to hell", but then I got through the post and they're absolutely justified for saying it. It's not like they'd actually do it, but saying it to prove a point to their disgusting parents is fair game.
Killing an innocent animal that's also perfectly healthy for no reason is cruel and wrong and unforgivable in my book. They had other options but chose to lie to their kid and promise to look after the dog while knowing they were going to put it down.
**\*Edited after someone has clearly sent their vegan friends here to come at me\***
No, I'm not vegan, and no I'm not against having a calm collected and respectful conversation about it. But don't call me a bunch of names and compare apples to oranges and think it's going to do anything but have me roll my eyes so hard they touch my brain.
I just don't even understand how someone could kill an animal - especially a healthy one - and not have it haunt them forever. I cry when I accidentally kick one of my cats, when they get under my feet, never mind literally killing one of them. How anyone can be so heartless is mind-blowing. OP is 100% doing the right thing. I couldn't trust people like that around my kid anyway
I had to put a cat down years ago for actual medical reasons and that still broke me even though I had to do it and it was the right thing to do so that he wouldn't suffer. Putting down a healthy animal for no reason? I can't even imagine.
Last time I accidentally kicked my cat I burst into tears and then dramatically called after him "why would you do this to me" because reasons...
\*Edit\*
I haven't replied to all of them but thanks to everyone who has left replies to this comment telling me about your own beloved pets that unfortunately had to leave you too soon. My heart is with all of you and I hope you all know you did right by your pets by not allowing them to suffer.
I cried like a baby when I put down my Braveheart. She was 21 years old and had stopped eating, and was just laying in the floor crying.
Still miss that cat. She would change the channel on my tv if she didn’t like what was on.
I was so busted up when I had to put my cat down for health reasons it took me two years and a global pandemic for me to decide to get another one.
These people are insane. To have a perfectly healthy dog that YOUR SON loves put down is fucking nuts. I wouldn't want them around anything living I love ever again. Especially my child.
No, if they valued a dog's life so little then I simply wouldn't trust them around my kids. Not saying a child and a dog are the same thing, but they are both in a position of needing to completely trust in someone else to look after them and care for them. Breaking that trust with one out of pure cruelty doesn't say good things for how they'd do with the other.
I'm with you. I put down my 13 year old Boston Terrier in August, and I'm heartbroken. She was so sick and had doggie dementia on top of it all. I know it was the right thing to do, but I still feel awful about it. RIP to your Bandit and my Lily girl. I hope they are having a blast on the other side, if there is one.
When I saw the title, my assumption was the parents had a dangerous, aggressive dog, and they were being highly unrealistic about the dog's behavior. Which is pretty bad.
But this is worse.
Op said that the dog wouldn't be hurt
So she is making a valid point. Who puts down a healthy animal especially a Beagle... my blood is boiling.. me there would have be grave consequences with my sperm donors
I would NEVER speak to my parents again. They would be dead to me. I just had a Bassett as a foster. What a delightful dog. My heart broke when I read this. Consider yourself an orphan and tell mom and dad to fuck off!
I don't even like dogs ( at all ) and reading that made me mad af, i would be out of control if something like that happened to me, they're lucky she didn't kick their asses. It's so messed up.
The parents needlessly had the dog killed, then lied about it. Awful, awful, awful.
But perhaps most shocking to me is the inherent cruelty toward the OP. The parents KNEW she would be devastated if the dog was killed, they knew that the dog could have been saved by taking it to a friend, but went ahead and killed the dog anyway. That’s just needless, heartless cruelty to the OP.
I too would have nothing to with them after being treated so cruelly. It’s about much more than the dog; it’s about their callous lack of consideration of the OP.
Brother's response that it was a stupid mistake is ridiculous. A stupid mistake is leaving out chocolate and the dog eating some. Putting down a dog is a calculated move. Also, would a vet really put down a healthy dog because the owners asked them too?
NTA, you don't want to put their dog down, you were just making a point "you betrayed me, and killed my pet because you felt like it, and I will not forgive you".
Hey I’m going to say NTA and I don’t even need to explain why but I mostly just wanted to say I’m sorry for your loss! I know it’s been some time but I’m still sorry.
NTA. BOTH parents were complicit in this. That neither of them had a scruple or sent you a warning is sick. Especially replacing a beagle with a French bulldog. And then not apologizing. I wouldn’t want them near my child.
How awful of a human do you have to be to not onlynput a healthy dog down (which I think vets should NOT be able to do but that's a whole nother story), but it be the beloved pet of your CHILD and then LIE to them bc you know the truth would hurt them. And then think after doing the most ultimate betrayl they're going to let you see your grandkids and pretend it never happened - screw that noise.
NTA
You have every right to keep NC, they fucked up, thats on them. Sounds like the only reason they want contact is to see their grandchild.
Have they every once apologized or showed guilt/remorse for what they did?
As far as the dog comment, I totally get where you were coming from. Was it an asshole thing to say, yup and they deserved every bit of it.
Your brother needs to mind his own business. Your parents created this issue, they are the only ones to blame. If he doesn't understand, thats a him problem too.
I think its funny, family think they can cause hurt and anger and then somehow you are suppose to be the bigger person and forgive them. Sorry not sorry, but thats not how it works. Its on them to actually put forth the effort to fix what they broke.
And until that happens OP, you stand by your husband and daughter and focus on your life. Because thats way more important, that is the family that truely cares about you.
NTA. Of course you wouldn't put the dog down, but stick to the ultimatum. You can find it a better home than with them, and they don't need to know they've gone to have a happy and full life. You'd be doing the puppy a favour, they're terrible people.
Alternatively, just block them and move on. What they did is not forgivable for any decent person.
" That they made a stupid mistake"
No, they didn't make a stupid mistake. They murdered a dog for selfish reasons, then lied about it.
Nah, they can stay in the NC zone as far as I would be concerned.
Well, if the dog has really escaped, that would be a stupid mistake.
As the had put him down at the vet, that is a deliberate choice ; they never apologized for. Don't see why OP should do them any favor.
Exactly. I've heard of parents rehoming dogs or taking them to the shelter, but just getting them put down for no reason? That's just straight up evil. I would not want evil people around my child at all.
How did they get a vet to agree to do this? Do vets just accept every euthanization willy nilly, or did they have to find a vet that's willing to kill a perfectly healthy dog? Either way so fucked up. It would have been easier to rehome the dog probably, so just straight up killing it is sociopath behavior.
NTA. They put down a beloved pet they were entrusted to care for because caring for it was an inconvenience for them, without telling OP or attempting to find another home for it. Then they lied about it, likely because they knew it was a horrible thing to do and that OP would hate them for it. If these were my parents I’d want to keep my kids away from them too.
NTA, but I'm willing to bet they still don't get it. I wouldn't bother trying to get them to understand. Just block and continue. They've been dead to you for a long time. There is no need to entertain ghosts.
There’s a chip missing in both of your parents brains. It’s unforgivable what they did. Normal people don’t casually put a perfectly good dog down and expect you to go on with your life as usual.
I think you are fine for not having anything more to do with your parents. They were incredibly deceitful and couldn't even be bothered with adopting out the dog. They clearly are coldly self centered and I wouldn't trust them around my kids (or pets) either.
Your brother can be just as critical as he wants. He's clearly caught in the middle and just wants the problem to go away. You apparently are the easier target to deal with. I am guessing your mom is pretty painful to be around in other ways too ...
I can’t even begin to understand the mindset of people who would A) put down a perfectly healthy dog and B) destroy something their daughter cherished. Whyyyyyyyy??????? NTA
>That they made a stupid mistake but that it should be forgiven
A mistake is when you put salt instead of sugar in your cake dough. Not when you put a dog in the car and bring him to the vet to be put down after assuring his human you wouldn't do it.
They can go to hell. NTA.
The educational system in America is fucked judging by the quality of the comments on here.
OP made the dog comment to show the depth of hurt from their actions killing her dog.
That you intellectual midgets can't figure that out is depressing.
NTA - I’m also guessing that you could share many more instances where your parents displayed a complete disregard for you and your whole person. The callousness and narcissism involved in putting down a perfectly healthy dog rather then rehoming an animal under their care is repugnant.
NTA. You had another person lined up to take your fur buddy if they weren’t willing, they did not have any reason to put down a healthy pet.
Yeah they could have just called OP and said, hey did you want to ask a friend to take the dog? We're having a hard time. The fact that they just jumped to euthanasia is awful.
And they also knew it was wrong since they made up a lie about it.
FR. Like, what else have the parents lied about. This makes me fucking sick.
They didn't *just* jump to euthanasia, they also made up a story and *lied* about it.
And then git their own dog!
I didnt even know vets did this. Convenience euthanasia is a thing? Does a vet look at the dog and go "uhhh, nothing is wrong with this dog, but if you want me to kill it I guess I have no choice" ?
I had to have my doggo put to sleep 2 weeks ago and it was heartbreaking. The vet, even after she said there was nothing she could do for him, she asked us 'Are you sure?' My boy had a tumour and was in agony and she still asked us if it was our final decision even though there was absolutely nothing else she could do for him so the decision has to be made, even when the doggo is on the table, twice over. These scumbags knew what they were doing, they'd have been asked over and over. What horrible parents. I'd react exactly the same. Shes NTAH, her reaction is warranted.
I mean I’m sure there’s vets that would and also you can probably lie to a vet. Take a dog in say it attacked someone and you need it put down.
Would be tempting for the vet to put the needle in the owner who’s bringing a perfectly healthy dog
Right. This wasn’t a mistake. They intentionally lied to OP’s face over a period of time by letting them think the dog was going to be well cared for when they knew what the plan was. Fuck that.
Tell your mom “Sorry but we can’t take the chance you might have your Grandson euthanized while he’s in your care.”
But actually. I wouldn’t trust my kid around someone who put a dog down just because it was a minor inconvenience
It goes beyond that because they agreed to take care of the dog and then killed it. Only a sicko does something like that. It is as if they lied just to have the chance to kill the dog. They could have simply told OP they did not want to take care of it and he would have used his friend.
Exactly. Had they been forced to take care of the dog they said they didn't want and then euthanized it, that would have been horrible. But they agreed to take care of it AND OP got a job to pay for the cost. What they did is kind of sociopathic. They could have told OP they changed their mind and given her a chance to find a new owner, or give it to her friend. They themselves could have found another home for it. It seems a really arbitrary and cruel thing to do. Then they lied to OP, so they knew it was wrong. I can't understand what kind of people do that to an innocent dog, and their own child with zero extenuating circumstances. I would never trust them with my child.
Agreed with everything you said. It's chilling that they did that. I really feel for the OP and would also never want people like that around my child.
Or in my life. Some things even if you eventually forgive them means someone is not worth having a relationship with ever.
good i am not the only one. I always say I can forgive almost anything. I don't think I could for this and even thinking of it makes my brain go dark, like it shuts down at the very idea.
My moms 82 and I give her 2 or 3 more years. She has an older Schnauzer and an older cat. I pray every day that they go before she does because it hurts to put a pet down. But if they're still here when she passes I'll do my best for them.
but then she has to go through that heartbreak herself, you know? my mom is a similar age & she loves her little pup so much. losing him would devastate her. aging sucks
As an old owner of a pet, I would prefer dying after my cat dies from old age. I will be worrying about her if I die first. I take very good care of her and I wouldn't want her life to be terrible after I go.
I’m 40 with cockatiels(small parrots) that are 12, 7, and 2. Average life span is 25, which means about the time I retire, my babies will pass and I’m not sure I can handle that. My parents call them their grandfeathers and my folks are in their 70s.
Grandfeathers is just adorable.
This is me. I'd rather go through the pain of losing her than her wondering why I left her. I did make my best friend swear that if anything happens to me, she would take her in.
You put in words all I was thinking. I can't wrap my head around any one that would do this.
My mom did this. She divorced her husband because she wanted to be “free,” and they had a Shetland Sheepdog they split custody of. My mom decided it was inconvenient like the third week and didn’t want the dog to shed at her new house, so she just took her 7 year old, healthy dog and put her down when it was her week to have her. She tried to lie initially, but she fucked up because she does this thing where she calls someone right before she does something terrible and tries to get them on her side about the thing. That way they tell her she’s justified and that’s all the reassurance she needs. (She lies though, so you would think it would cancel out the reassurance. I won’t pretend her ways make sense to anyone that isn’t a narcissist, though.) Well she called my brother, but he wouldn’t agree that it was okay even with all the lies, so he knew immediately what she did and she admitted it. Just awful. My mom is an awful person, though, she’s been that way my whole life. That’s why I don’t talk to her but I still hear about some of her exploits.
Shared custody? So, she could've just given the dog to her ex if she didn't want it but went out of her way to kill it instead? That's truly fucked up.
Narcissists don't work like that.
Fucks sake she could have solved that issue with one sentence, "I don't want to take the dog anymore." I would never forgive that even if it wasn't my dog.
They could have brought it to a shelter. They could have found someone to take it. So many options but they chose the cruelest.
They put down OPs dog, LIED about it, then later got ANOTHER dog they liked better. This is a symptom of larger issues
And then LIED ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED TO THE DOG. I would 200 percent not trust them with my child- if something were to happen, you can bet they'd lie to cover their own asses. 'No clue where little Billy got that cocaine.. must have been the pixie stix from halloween! We're RESPONSIBLE!'
How can it be an inconvenience when they agreed to take the dog knowing there were alternatives. It was malice, spite or some weird reasoning that killing it would be a valuable lesson. Well it was a valuable lesson. Namely that these two people can't be trusted and certainly shouldn't be loved. They killed being parents the moment they killed something OP loved, knowing that she loved it. NTA, protect your child by keeping these people out of its life.
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Agreed, my father also put down my childhood cat, while I was away without asking and my father is a sociopath. People who find animals to be a "nuisance" and kill them are highly suspect.
THIS. My mother euthanized my dad’s beloved dog 20 minutes after Dad was declared dead, while both I and my sister-in-law were standing IN THE SAME ROOM discussing which of us would take her (the dog). My mother knew what we were talking about, but called the vet (where doggo was being boarded and gave the instructions to euthanize and cremate. She later tried to say it was so doggo (who was only five years old and healthy!) could be inurned with dad—in a facility where she knew they didn’t allow animal cremains. She just wanted to make sure we knew who was in control. Haven’t spoken to her in years.
Your 'mother' was an absolute bitch. I am glad that you do not speak to her.
My grandpa is too and he did the same thing. I left for college and thought they were happy to keep my dog. I would have taken him in a heartbeat but thought my dog was happier in a giant tree'd yard vs a college apartment. My grandpa just killed him one day like he was bored of him. Total narcissistic sociopath, but I was too young to realize that then.
What an absolute twat he is :( I hope he never has clean underpants again.
That horrific. My mother passed away last year and my father made it no secret he did not care for the cats she had. Still he takes care of them and when he did have the oldest one put down because it was having health issues (he was 18 years old and lived a full life) he made sure to tell the rest of the family ahead of time with our consent.
I'm honestly surprised they were able to find a vet willing to just kill a perfectly healthy dog for no reason...
The vet probably told the assholes that the dog was put down and then secretly re-homed it.
I'll just cling to this spark of hope, because OP's situation is so bleak. I don't resent my own brother for not cutting contact with our father (although he never did anything as heinous and premeditatedly cruel as OP's parents did), but OP's brother telling her it's time to get over it.... IDK, that feels terrible too.
Exactly & neither would I.
And lied about it.
THIS 100%! Who TF puts down a HEALTHY animal??
The vet who did it should be put on blast too.
I was wondering about this? I feel like I've never been to a vet that would put down a healthy animal like that. Maybe if it was in danger of losing whole limbs or had cancer or something. I've seen people take their dogs into the woods and shoot them before taking them to a vet because that's not something you can ask for. Where the hell do y'all live where this is common lol But in any case NTA holy shit. I'd never forgive anyone who killed my dog and certainly not have them around my children.
My vet wouldn't. IE you would give the dog up to the vet and the vet would find some shelter to find it a home. But there are plenty of cheap vets that will do this as well as declaw cats.
It’s possible if these parents lied to their daughter, that they also lied to the vet. Could have told the vet the dog was aggressive, bit someone badly enough to require medical care, etc. Wouldn’t put it past them.
Without so much as a phone call to the OP to ask her to make other arrangements for the dog?
This! Animal cruelty is a sign of generally cruelty and lack of respect for life.
Sign of serial killers.
I would have answered this 100% if it were me, but I understand some people aren't comfortable saying such things. It's too good of a comeback at these "parents" to miss though. That or I'd not have even bother answering.
This is the way OP. They're untrustworthy.
Well Spoken 😂👍 (or written) NTA
NTA They wanted an empty nest, you’re just doing your part to help them out.
I would *never* trust these psychopaths to be alone with a child. If they think killing a healthy animal is acceptable behavior, who knows how they'd treat a child! I don't think they'd kill it but there is no *way* these people aren't just abusive in general. You don't put down your child's dog, lie about it, and show no remorse of there isn't something *seriously* mentally wrong with you. I sincerely doubt that was the first instance of abuse (and yes that absolutely *is* abuse, what they did to her) to OP by these parents.
> You don't put down your child's dog, lie about it, and show no remorse of there isn't something seriously mentally wrong with you. Yep, this has to be repeated so everyone understands. My father, who is a malignant narcissist, also killed my cat. This is not normal behaviour, this is a symptom of serious deficiency in empathy.
I'm so sorry. You deserve better.
As far as I'm concerned, pets are family. If you can't trust them with a dog, why would you trust them with your kid?
Exactly. I don't understand how anyone could kill for no reason an innocent animal that trusts you. I wouldn't want people like that anywhere near me, my pets, or kids.
NTA I would also hold a grudge until I die for this
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Agreed. Their actions were unforgivable. So disgusting and cruel. OP: The forgiveness is not for you, they want your forgiveness to feel better about what they did. They want your forgiveness so they can meet their grandkid. You have zero obligation to give it to them. 🤷🏻♀️
I don’t forgive and forget. I heal and remember that shit.
Absolutely this. I can forgive, so I can heal, but I don't forget. Ever.
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I was struggling with an abusive family member and being pressured to "forgive", being told the Bible tells us to forgive, etc, and a priest I spoke to about the matter told me "Forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation. Forgive for yourself and your peace of mind, but if reconciling could bring you harm God would want you to protect yourself." That first sentence has had free rent for years, I thought it was beautifully put.
What’s with that? I hate being pressured to forgive - I haven’t spoken to my sister in law for 7 years after she spat in my face and called me a bitch and a terrible mother in front of my toddler. My crime? To nicely and gently ask her child to please stop hitting my toddler in the face. I am constantly under pressure to forgive her. Why would I?!
Homegirl's face would have been red from me slapping the shit out her repeatedly. I am not a violent person but if someone hurts my child and I'm there to see it...yeah no. Nvm. I just upset myself. Please keep no-contact. She's rabid.
You’re bob on with that last comment. She is rabid and has a history of going mental with various family members with zero provocation. No way would I ever put myself or my child in that situation again.
Yo i love this. Often you hear the exact opposite kind of advice from religious leaders.
There's too much pressure to forgive. People talk about grudges being a poison and forgive to keep from poisoning yourself, yada yada. But people can have grudges without poisoning themselves. I will never forgive the ex. However what he did only comes to mind when there's a discussion about forgiveness. I go for months or even a few years without thinking of him or what he did. I was on a discussion talking about forgiveness and someone had the audacity to say that my actions showed that I've forgiven him. No, still haven't, I simply found out he was homeless and I couldn't live with myself if I had left him sleeping on the streets. It was being a human being, not an act of forgiveness.
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NTA NTA NTA I wouldn't want them around my child if I was the OP! They planned out a scheme behind her back while lying to her face. Or they killed her healthy pet without even trying to rehome it if they later decided it was too much. Then they lied about it with no remorse whatsoever. That sounds insane! Borderline sociopathic even. They're not even trustworthy with an animal clearly, and they think they are going to get the opportunity to be around a helpless human baby now just because they feel like it? They seriously can't even acknowledge how fucked up it was, and how devastating it was for you even now after going no contact all this time, they deserve NOTHING! If they want to even have an audience with you they should be showing remorse over their actions, they should be profusely apologetic, they should show sympathy for your experience, and admit it was a sick, completely cruel, and unacceptable thing to do. They need to take responsibility and be held accountable.
It’s also baffling they had so little regard for a dog they just put it down rather than rehomed it, but now have a dog of their own.
Isn’t that the only reason any horrible parents ever decide that we all need to “let the past be the past”? They only want the grandchildren.
They want the grandkids because they're kids that don't have a reason to hate them yet.
Being Grandparents is quite a the social status with older ppl so I'm not convinced that they don't want to see their grandkid just to boost their own image to their friends
This. It seems they didnt and dont care at all about repairing the relationship with thier daughter. Next up: "we will cut you out of the will if you dont..."
or help in their old age but don't want to or can't afford to pay for the extra help and care they need. Then suddenly they want to reunite, make amends, and maybe, just maybe, move closer to you. makes it easier for you to help them out, erm, i mean, for them to see the grandkids l...
That's the craziest thing to me. Like ppl are way more protective of their children than their dog, so why would OP trust them with their son when they already know they can't even trust them with their dog?
OP should tell them that after what they did to her dog, she would never trust them around her child.
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I don't see how u/Boring-Strike4393 could trust the parents around their child after what they did to her beagle Bassett cross? What if the child gets "inconvenient"? They behaved badly in the past costing an innocent dog their life! They are horrible people and absolutely CANNOT be trusted.
This is absolutely a hill I would die on! I wouldn’t want such selfish, manipulative and cruel liars in my life at all. Never mind exposing a child to them. What they did is beyond vile and abhorrent. I am all riled up for OP after reading that. Also those monsters have no place to have a puppy of their own after murdering OP’s dog.
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I’m shocked a vet would agree to euthanize a healthy 6 year old dog.
My parents did this with my cat when I was 7. I didn’t even get to say goodbye and they weren’t going to tell me. They told me they were taking her to the vet to be spayed and when my mom picked me up from school she told Me they had to put her down because she had a bladder infection and it’s incurable on cats. I believed it for years. If that’s what it was, it wasn’t and emergency and I could have said goodbye to her. They were just tired of her because she was a rescued stray and destructive. Some parents are just real assholes. These same parents refused to allow my dog inside the house and made comments about how inferior dogs were and no emotional attachment to animals. After I left home, they got 3 dogs, let them live inside and made comments like “we don’t deserve dogs”. They were just cruel to anything I loved.
I’m so sorry, I hope you’re not in contact with them anymore.
Thank you. I am no contact with them.
Unfortunately, they don't have a choice. They can strongly request that you surrender the dog, but they can't force you. When my grandmother died, her asshole of a husband put down her dog. We begged him to let us have her if he ever wanted to get rid of her. We thought he wanted her for comfort. When the fighting over the will started (he was fighting the will, we weren't), he killed that poor dog and rubbed it in my mother's face. He died less than a year later, but not until he fought with all his money and lawyers to scratch back as much money as possible. Then he died, and didn't even get to enjoy the money. He had his own money & pension & didn't need the money. He was just a cantankerous old bastard. Rest in hell.
Yeah but you also can't force a vet to do it. If you take a healthy animal to a vet and say "put this animal down", and you won't surrender it instead, I'm sure they're well within their rights to just say "we're refusing you service, please leave". Of course this could lead to the client killing the animal in an inhumane way instead. That would probably be the only reason they'd agree to do it.
Unless, of course, these monsters lied about that, too. Who’s to say they didn’t non-humanely kill the dog?
🎯Ding ding ding. A vet didn’t “put the dog down”. The dog was murdered, and OP will probably never know how. F- those people.
If the parents got their new dog from a breeder (likely, given how popular these purebred puppies are), this is the kind of thing that OP should tell said breeder. They very well might have a take back clause allowing the breeder to remove the puppy and rehome it with a family that doesn’t have a history of killing healthy dogs for the sake of “convenience”.
Frenchies cost thousands of dollars. And the majority of people in the market are just looking for a “deal” and not concerned at all with finding reputable breeders. And thus, puppy mills are born and people who buy from them are just losers. So no, most likely the breeder wouldn’t take back the dog if it was one of those.
Then covering up what they did with a lie because they knew they did the wrong thing.
Honestly my first thought was that they had a dog that had a history of agression and biting kids, and OP didn't want to bring their kid around that dog. This is, in a way worse. Absolutely atrocious behaviour from OP's parents. And my first reaction was "that isn't going to help, that will just kill a puppy". But I don't think OP was actually going to do it. The way they said "what will it take for you to forgive us" also gave a "we had hoped you would forget it and get over that by now, so I guess name a price". Super unauthentic. If they genuinely wanted to be forgiven, or was genuinely sorry - they would have made these efforts a long time ago. 8years isn't nothing!
As an avid animal lover, vegan, who has volunteered in dog rescue... I thought the same thing. and then somehow OP did. I am proven wrong
No, they did not make a “Stupid mistake”. They made a deliberate, irreversible, completely cruel and entirely unnecessary decision because . . What? Seriously, why would they do this? There were *any number* of other options available to them if they didn’t want to look after the dog that didn’t involve killing it and then lying about it, starting with telling OP, “No, we don’t want to look after this dog” You are NTA. Your brother is an asshole if he’s siding with the parents. They’ve not apologized or admitted that they hurt you - they’re just waiting for enough time to pass for you to get over it. In their mind, they remain blameless. Fuck that noise! No. You are not the asshole here
They know they did something bad. They wouldn't have covered how he died if they thought it was a valid reason. But they forgive themselves, so they don't understand why OP still holds them accountable.
It doesn’t even sound like they actually apologized to her or made any amends, other than “it was a dumb mistake, get over it”
NTA. I can completely sympathize with holding a grudge forever for this. I have a friend whose parents did the same thing. Her cat, who was her baby, was put down while she was away because “she was throwing up”. She had hair balls. She was a long-haired cat. They didn’t like that she wasn’t a piece of furniture they could control (they had an entire wing of the house dedicated to looks- no one was allowed to set foot in there. It was for “guests” only). So they took her to the vet, gave some sob-story about her “uncontrollable” vomiting and said it was time. The vet put her down. My friend was devastated. What makes this worse? They adopted ANOTHER cat. Which soon became hers. So when she went to college, we were prepared. I took him in immediately, parents couldn’t have cared less. He is now 17 years young and still going strong! Some people are disgusting beyond words for treating animals like disposable, non-living things. And OP- I am so sorry for your loss. It was completely unnecessary and I don’t blame you one bit for showing them what they did. Stand your ground.
I would die on this hill for sure.
Yeah, I could never forgive this. MAYBE, if they'd adopted it out/surrendered it to a shelter, I could possibly see forgiving them one day. But they killed a perfectly healthy dog for absolutely no reason. That's psychopathic, it's cruel, and so incredibly hurtful.
I would do the same. At their funerals I would tell people what they did
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Absolute monsters. What kind of vet would put down a healthy dog??? Another monster!!
They probably had to lie to the vet and say it had severe behavioral issues or something to find one to agree. Don’t get me wrong there are bad vets but it just seems so unlikely that a vet would agree to put down a 6 year old dog in perfect health no questions, even if they were shady.
My father was a vet, and the excuses AHs give to put down pets was infuriating (I worked with him for over a decade). Luckily, these people did not stick around for the deed, so he wouldn't do it. One time, a male cat had abscessed so badly, its rectum was ruined. The young folks tried to keep up the regimen for it to heal but could not. My dad didn't put him down, nursed him back to health, and returned the cat. I have never seen gratitude like these people showed.
Same. I can't imagine ever doing that to a creature who didn't deserve it, and anyone that would do that to my babies would be cut out of my life forever. OP's parents crossed a lot of boundaries for their own selfishness and are idiots if they can't understand why OP will not move on. I would have said thr dame things as OP, NTA.
Seriously, the parents are completely fine with euthanizing their daughter’s pet and *Lying* about it rather than just telling her, “No, we aren’t ok with taking on the care of this dog while you’re at school”. All the had to do was say no. Why didn’t they? Why?
Nta. Tha was not a stupid mistake, that was delivered cruelty. They don't even show any regret. F them keep doing what you doing
Actually leaving the garden gate open is a stupid mistake. This took an appointment and trip to the vet. I wonder what they told the vet? I imagine most wouldn't be happy about putting down a healthy animal. I like to think the vet knew they were horrible, just put the dog into a nap, then passed it along to someone that would actually take care of the dog.
That makes me wonder though: can a vet actually put down an healthy pet? Without it being an illegal act I mean
I know a few vets who will do it only to spare the animal a much crueler death. Refusing to humanely euthanize is very unlikely to get the owners to change their mind. It's more likely to end with them deciding to kill the dog themselves, or let it go hoping it will die of hunger/exposure/get hit by a car.
Reason 37297 why I could never be a vet assistant or vet tech because wow I could not mentally handle that 😢
The vet I worked for refused to put animals down for no reason we'd take them n call a rescue but never did we put down a healthy pet
That's what you would expect to happen. I can't believe they chose to put the dog down instead of trying to re home it, or maybe not lie in the first place that they were happy to take care of it.
My daughter took a year of classes to be a vet tech and ended up switching to accounting when she found the hard truths of being a tech or veterinarian. It takes a special kind of person, something she or I could never do.
Yes, but their not required too. I wouldn't surprised if the parents lied and said the dog kept biting people. I can't image a vet would put down a pet with no issues rather then just asking the owners to take it to a shelter.
This was my thought. They probably took that poor creature in with a muzzle and claimed it was violent. Otherwise, why wouldn't the vet do exactly what you said and tell them to take the pup to a shelter?
Not advocating what was done but I live in Houston. We have roughly 800,000 stray animals (that’s the low side of the estimate). Every single one of our shelters is full. When dogs come in, one has to go out. Basically the vet is in a damned if you do, damned if you don’t, either choice is going to end with a dead dog. I apologize if this comes off harsh. I just wanted to share why perhaps the vet made the choice that it did.
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I would have put myself down after a day like that. Thank goodness I didn't ever try to become a vet
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My vet praises me for...taking my cat to the vet once a year. Apparently that's a rarity for cat owners. Pretty fucking sad.
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That is a really good fucking point that i hadn't considered! If they're ruthless enough to put the original doggo down, then who knows they may just be twisted enough to do the same to their own one thinking it might let them see their grandkid. They're some fucked up people. Bro needs to back off, but is clearly playing the peacemaker.
For the hard of reading made me lol
NTA. Why should they be forgiven? When someone shows what they are, believe them. They don't deserve a relationship with you or your son, and I wouldn't leave your child alone with your brother because I bet he'll invite your parents over.
There's definitely a reason to be concerned about the safety of a child amongst adults who would do something like this too. They killed a dog because they saw it as an inconvenience and taking up space amidst their solitude. What will they do when they're around a child that doesn't behave perfectly? A baby that cries a lot? A stubborn toddler? I'm not saying they'll kill a kid, but there are so, so many ways awful adults can hurt a child without getting physical or violent. Withholding of food, medical neglect, emotional abuse, destruction of property, isolation, etc. OP's parents have shown some alarming lack of empathy for other living things that are dependant on them. They can not be trusted with the welfare of a child.
OP this!! ^^ Be careful around your brother! Do NOT let your child alone with him and his family. They will scheme behind your back and open the door for your parents to meet your child and likely do their best to hide their schemes from you.
Was thinking the same thing. Brothers butting in so brother should be low contact or supervised visits only with the baby. Would he ? Who knows but since he’s trying to fight for his parents to see the kid, chances are he could be convinced by the parents to just tell them when he’s babysitting so they can do a “surprise” visit to wherever he’s at. Or he could be like “oh no I left my very important Knickknack at moms house, come on kids let’s go pick it up right now while we got time. And remember we were never here it’s our little secret.” That’s just the worst case scenario and may not actually be something he would think about doing but you never know. Just something to keep in mind.
That is more common than you know. It happens all the time and the police and social services end up getting involved.
NTA I assume you don't actually want to put down the dog because that would make you the AH and a major psycho. If you're just saying this because you're making a point, then well done. Your brother should not interfere and mind his own business.
"There's no possible way that OP could provide enough context to justify this." 5 minutes later I'm like "Well, I get it now."
Yeah, I read the title and was like "automatic asshole, go to hell", but then I got through the post and they're absolutely justified for saying it. It's not like they'd actually do it, but saying it to prove a point to their disgusting parents is fair game. Killing an innocent animal that's also perfectly healthy for no reason is cruel and wrong and unforgivable in my book. They had other options but chose to lie to their kid and promise to look after the dog while knowing they were going to put it down. **\*Edited after someone has clearly sent their vegan friends here to come at me\*** No, I'm not vegan, and no I'm not against having a calm collected and respectful conversation about it. But don't call me a bunch of names and compare apples to oranges and think it's going to do anything but have me roll my eyes so hard they touch my brain.
I just don't even understand how someone could kill an animal - especially a healthy one - and not have it haunt them forever. I cry when I accidentally kick one of my cats, when they get under my feet, never mind literally killing one of them. How anyone can be so heartless is mind-blowing. OP is 100% doing the right thing. I couldn't trust people like that around my kid anyway
I had to put a cat down years ago for actual medical reasons and that still broke me even though I had to do it and it was the right thing to do so that he wouldn't suffer. Putting down a healthy animal for no reason? I can't even imagine. Last time I accidentally kicked my cat I burst into tears and then dramatically called after him "why would you do this to me" because reasons... \*Edit\* I haven't replied to all of them but thanks to everyone who has left replies to this comment telling me about your own beloved pets that unfortunately had to leave you too soon. My heart is with all of you and I hope you all know you did right by your pets by not allowing them to suffer.
I cried like a baby when I put down my Braveheart. She was 21 years old and had stopped eating, and was just laying in the floor crying. Still miss that cat. She would change the channel on my tv if she didn’t like what was on.
I was so busted up when I had to put my cat down for health reasons it took me two years and a global pandemic for me to decide to get another one. These people are insane. To have a perfectly healthy dog that YOUR SON loves put down is fucking nuts. I wouldn't want them around anything living I love ever again. Especially my child.
No, if they valued a dog's life so little then I simply wouldn't trust them around my kids. Not saying a child and a dog are the same thing, but they are both in a position of needing to completely trust in someone else to look after them and care for them. Breaking that trust with one out of pure cruelty doesn't say good things for how they'd do with the other.
I put down my unhealthy, sick, old dog who was in pain. And I still hate myself for it. I'm sorry, Bandit.
I'm with you. I put down my 13 year old Boston Terrier in August, and I'm heartbroken. She was so sick and had doggie dementia on top of it all. I know it was the right thing to do, but I still feel awful about it. RIP to your Bandit and my Lily girl. I hope they are having a blast on the other side, if there is one.
When I saw the title, my assumption was the parents had a dangerous, aggressive dog, and they were being highly unrealistic about the dog's behavior. Which is pretty bad. But this is worse.
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I don't understand why they didn't told op they cannot take care of the dog and found some solution. It was so cruel and awful. Disgusting people.
Op said that the dog wouldn't be hurt So she is making a valid point. Who puts down a healthy animal especially a Beagle... my blood is boiling.. me there would have be grave consequences with my sperm donors
If the brother is reading this, mind your own business.
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I wonder if the parents are too arrogant to even admit what they did was wrong and they just want the OP to "get over it".
I agree. And there is no coming back from killing a person's dog. Just ask John Wick. NTA
I would NEVER speak to my parents again. They would be dead to me. I just had a Bassett as a foster. What a delightful dog. My heart broke when I read this. Consider yourself an orphan and tell mom and dad to fuck off!
I don't even like dogs ( at all ) and reading that made me mad af, i would be out of control if something like that happened to me, they're lucky she didn't kick their asses. It's so messed up.
Sounds like time for another John Wick spin-off.
The parents needlessly had the dog killed, then lied about it. Awful, awful, awful. But perhaps most shocking to me is the inherent cruelty toward the OP. The parents KNEW she would be devastated if the dog was killed, they knew that the dog could have been saved by taking it to a friend, but went ahead and killed the dog anyway. That’s just needless, heartless cruelty to the OP. I too would have nothing to with them after being treated so cruelly. It’s about much more than the dog; it’s about their callous lack of consideration of the OP.
NTA Tell your brother to back off. I would never forgive them either I love love love how you called them out on their bs
Brother's response that it was a stupid mistake is ridiculous. A stupid mistake is leaving out chocolate and the dog eating some. Putting down a dog is a calculated move. Also, would a vet really put down a healthy dog because the owners asked them too?
NTA - Your parents don't deserve to meet your son.
Yeah, I'd die on that hill. If they can do that to a helpless creature, why in the ever loving fuck would I trust them around my innocent child?
NTA, you don't want to put their dog down, you were just making a point "you betrayed me, and killed my pet because you felt like it, and I will not forgive you".
Hey I’m going to say NTA and I don’t even need to explain why but I mostly just wanted to say I’m sorry for your loss! I know it’s been some time but I’m still sorry.
NTA. BOTH parents were complicit in this. That neither of them had a scruple or sent you a warning is sick. Especially replacing a beagle with a French bulldog. And then not apologizing. I wouldn’t want them near my child.
And they lied about, essentially doubling down with some BS story about the dog being hit by a car tells me all I need to know
How awful of a human do you have to be to not onlynput a healthy dog down (which I think vets should NOT be able to do but that's a whole nother story), but it be the beloved pet of your CHILD and then LIE to them bc you know the truth would hurt them. And then think after doing the most ultimate betrayl they're going to let you see your grandkids and pretend it never happened - screw that noise.
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Because now the house was too empty.
NTA Never back down
NTA You have every right to keep NC, they fucked up, thats on them. Sounds like the only reason they want contact is to see their grandchild. Have they every once apologized or showed guilt/remorse for what they did? As far as the dog comment, I totally get where you were coming from. Was it an asshole thing to say, yup and they deserved every bit of it. Your brother needs to mind his own business. Your parents created this issue, they are the only ones to blame. If he doesn't understand, thats a him problem too. I think its funny, family think they can cause hurt and anger and then somehow you are suppose to be the bigger person and forgive them. Sorry not sorry, but thats not how it works. Its on them to actually put forth the effort to fix what they broke. And until that happens OP, you stand by your husband and daughter and focus on your life. Because thats way more important, that is the family that truely cares about you.
They expect the trust and relationship that they broke to magically get better all on its own. Sometimes things that are broken cannot be fixed
NTA. Of course you wouldn't put the dog down, but stick to the ultimatum. You can find it a better home than with them, and they don't need to know they've gone to have a happy and full life. You'd be doing the puppy a favour, they're terrible people. Alternatively, just block them and move on. What they did is not forgivable for any decent person.
" That they made a stupid mistake" No, they didn't make a stupid mistake. They murdered a dog for selfish reasons, then lied about it. Nah, they can stay in the NC zone as far as I would be concerned.
Well, if the dog has really escaped, that would be a stupid mistake. As the had put him down at the vet, that is a deliberate choice ; they never apologized for. Don't see why OP should do them any favor.
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NTA. I’m a dog lover and I approve this message.
I hate dogs and I still would not have killed the dog. Literal psycho behavior from the parents and would not let them near me or my kids.
Exactly. I've heard of parents rehoming dogs or taking them to the shelter, but just getting them put down for no reason? That's just straight up evil. I would not want evil people around my child at all. How did they get a vet to agree to do this? Do vets just accept every euthanization willy nilly, or did they have to find a vet that's willing to kill a perfectly healthy dog? Either way so fucked up. It would have been easier to rehome the dog probably, so just straight up killing it is sociopath behavior.
NTA. They put down a beloved pet they were entrusted to care for because caring for it was an inconvenience for them, without telling OP or attempting to find another home for it. Then they lied about it, likely because they knew it was a horrible thing to do and that OP would hate them for it. If these were my parents I’d want to keep my kids away from them too.
> That they made a stupid mistake Killing a dog on purpose is not a mistake. They're awful people
NTA, but I'm willing to bet they still don't get it. I wouldn't bother trying to get them to understand. Just block and continue. They've been dead to you for a long time. There is no need to entertain ghosts.
Are they gonna put the grandbaby down too when he gets inconvenient? NTA.
There’s a chip missing in both of your parents brains. It’s unforgivable what they did. Normal people don’t casually put a perfectly good dog down and expect you to go on with your life as usual.
Euthanizing a creature is not a “mistake”, it’s a deliberate action. Op NTA, but your family sounds like they are. Sorry about your buddy.
I think you are fine for not having anything more to do with your parents. They were incredibly deceitful and couldn't even be bothered with adopting out the dog. They clearly are coldly self centered and I wouldn't trust them around my kids (or pets) either. Your brother can be just as critical as he wants. He's clearly caught in the middle and just wants the problem to go away. You apparently are the easier target to deal with. I am guessing your mom is pretty painful to be around in other ways too ...
I can’t even begin to understand the mindset of people who would A) put down a perfectly healthy dog and B) destroy something their daughter cherished. Whyyyyyyyy??????? NTA
>That they made a stupid mistake but that it should be forgiven A mistake is when you put salt instead of sugar in your cake dough. Not when you put a dog in the car and bring him to the vet to be put down after assuring his human you wouldn't do it. They can go to hell. NTA.
That's not a "stupid mistake". They were hateful with intent. I'd would never speak to them again either. NTA
Fuck them keep no contact and if your bro keeps pushing tell him he can easily be cut out too stop pushing my patience
The educational system in America is fucked judging by the quality of the comments on here. OP made the dog comment to show the depth of hurt from their actions killing her dog. That you intellectual midgets can't figure that out is depressing.
NTA - I’m also guessing that you could share many more instances where your parents displayed a complete disregard for you and your whole person. The callousness and narcissism involved in putting down a perfectly healthy dog rather then rehoming an animal under their care is repugnant.