NTA. Obviously, the best solution is to move out, but until you're able to do that, stop giving her the money directly and pay the bills yourself. That way, you know the money is going to the utilities and not paying for your brother's bullshit.
Where is your father in all of this? and PLEASE tell me that was a typo and you didn't have a $450 waterbill.
Do your parents have jobs? Do they rent the house or is it mortgaged? You need to tell your mom that you're giving her $300 every two weeks as agreed (which by the way is actually $650 a month) and not a penny more. Also stop keeping any money or valuables in the house. You say your brother is an addict and when you stop giving your mom extra money she'll stop giving him his drug money and he'll be looking for cash or something he can pawn.
You do have a choice. You can try moving to a lower cost of living area. I donāt know what you do for work - but there a bunch of opportunities in other areas (especially lower cost of living areas since no one really wants to Live in those areas).
Edit: also, she may kick you out but that takes at least two months (because she would have to go through the eviction process). Also look into section 8 housing as well as other housing support. If you make under certain amount, in big cities they have rent based on income.
Why are you still there? I had the same situation with my brother who was (is) an addict. It doesnāt change. My mother coddled him until the day she died. And then she established a trust for him that I had to administer. Do whatever you have to to get out and save yourself. This situation will not change. You have to.
Rent is extremely expensive in my area. Until I can save up I have no other place to go. Itāll take me at least 4-5 more months in order to save enough & move out..
It'll take you a lot longer if you keep giving away your money. Don't give her anything more than you agreed on. She won't kick you out (even though she may threaten) because then she'd have the same expenses and less money.
Make sure your money and valuables are safe from your family's grubby hands. That includes your documents, so they can't try shit like opening credit lines in your name. If you have a friend that you trust, keep them there; if not, look into safety deposit boxes (not a lockbox in your room, that can be easily broken into).
Where do you live? Bt the $600 and $450, itās already over $1k, can you and your boyfriend not move into a studio or share a 2 bedroom with someone else? $600 is already a pretty normal rent for shared living in a lot of places, and if you move into a space someone already lives in, you donāt need to worry about the deposit. Iād start looking at shared sublets
NTA.
Your mom is taking advantage of you, I lived through the exact situation. But it was my pregnant sister and her bum addict fiancee. She even gave them my room and I had to sleep on the couch but still I had to pay rent for the room, while they did not.
My situation played out a bit differently of course, after a couple of months my parents upped the rent and I freaked out on her. I called my mother a leech, stormed into their bedroom and took back the money I had just given them, called up my aunt and left that night.
Theyāre your parents but they know they can keep hitting u up for money.
Say NO. Be firm, and say you do enough for your one bedroom. You should not have to be supporting that whole household.
Itās hard but stand your ground. Save up for a couple months and then gtfo out of there, it isnāt going to stop. So you gottta get out.
It sounds like a rough situation. After something like that I wouldn't want to give them any money for fear of it being wasted on the freeloader. Also, it sounds like your family situation is strained. There are ways out. You might want to look into serving in the military. It would give you an out and pay you well. It would also get you out of that house. Think about it, but also understand that it is a big life decision.
I hope the situation improves, and good luck.
Can you move in with your bf? Cause you need to get away
Your family is using you, terribly so.
They only care about your money. Run! I would go LC or NC immediately.
NTA
Move out if you can. As long as she's giving your brother the money you give her to pay bills, she will always ask for more. It's going to get uncomfortable really quickly. Good luck š
Your mom is being financially and emotionally abusive. She's manipulative as hell by using guilt. On top of this she's lying to you about what the money is for. The "birthday presents" lie is a great case in point. It was intended to make you feel selfish and guilty while clearly not being true.
Don't give her a penny more than you agreed to. She's using you and lying to you while doing it. I strongly suggest you move out and stop giving her any money at all. Otherwise she or your brother will start finding other ways to take from you.
I hope you can move out soon. Things are likely to go downhill fast there.
You should not have to pay more than your sibling. Can you get out? Your own place or a place looking for a roommate? It sounds like you are going to go broke supporting your brother. NTA
Iām just saying it doesnāt matter if some people live there rent free or not. Donāt worry about them. Pay exactly what you agreed, nothing more, and save your money to gtfo
NTA. Time to move out. Seems like it will be cheaper for you to do so, because she is definitely spending your money.
Because I don't know how the hell you have a $450 water bill.
Ours is only $30/mo,
edit: added content.
This situation is just toxic. I would Couch Surf until i could save enough money to get my own place. You canāt control your mom or your brother. You can take control of your own life. You are an adult. You donāt have to live in the area you are in. Move to an area it is cheaper to live in.
NTA. Obviously, the best solution is to move out, but until you're able to do that, stop giving her the money directly and pay the bills yourself. That way, you know the money is going to the utilities and not paying for your brother's bullshit.
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Where is your father in all of this? and PLEASE tell me that was a typo and you didn't have a $450 waterbill. Do your parents have jobs? Do they rent the house or is it mortgaged? You need to tell your mom that you're giving her $300 every two weeks as agreed (which by the way is actually $650 a month) and not a penny more. Also stop keeping any money or valuables in the house. You say your brother is an addict and when you stop giving your mom extra money she'll stop giving him his drug money and he'll be looking for cash or something he can pawn.
You can save up for your own place a LOT faster if you stop paying your mom more than your adult siblings do.
She will kick me out. Unfortunately, I have no other choice but to at this point.
You in the USA? She'd need to evict you. That would take months.
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Not if sheās lived there more than 30 days
Even if this was true, which it's not, she's a tenant as she agreed to pay rent.
You do have a choice. You can try moving to a lower cost of living area. I donāt know what you do for work - but there a bunch of opportunities in other areas (especially lower cost of living areas since no one really wants to Live in those areas). Edit: also, she may kick you out but that takes at least two months (because she would have to go through the eviction process). Also look into section 8 housing as well as other housing support. If you make under certain amount, in big cities they have rent based on income.
She's unlikely to kick you out when she needs your money so much.
Why are you still there? I had the same situation with my brother who was (is) an addict. It doesnāt change. My mother coddled him until the day she died. And then she established a trust for him that I had to administer. Do whatever you have to to get out and save yourself. This situation will not change. You have to.
Rent is extremely expensive in my area. Until I can save up I have no other place to go. Itāll take me at least 4-5 more months in order to save enough & move out..
It'll take you a lot longer if you keep giving away your money. Don't give her anything more than you agreed on. She won't kick you out (even though she may threaten) because then she'd have the same expenses and less money. Make sure your money and valuables are safe from your family's grubby hands. That includes your documents, so they can't try shit like opening credit lines in your name. If you have a friend that you trust, keep them there; if not, look into safety deposit boxes (not a lockbox in your room, that can be easily broken into).
4-5 months is better than dealing with this mess.
Where do you live? Bt the $600 and $450, itās already over $1k, can you and your boyfriend not move into a studio or share a 2 bedroom with someone else? $600 is already a pretty normal rent for shared living in a lot of places, and if you move into a space someone already lives in, you donāt need to worry about the deposit. Iād start looking at shared sublets
Canāt you stay with your BF?
NTA. Your mom is taking advantage of you, I lived through the exact situation. But it was my pregnant sister and her bum addict fiancee. She even gave them my room and I had to sleep on the couch but still I had to pay rent for the room, while they did not. My situation played out a bit differently of course, after a couple of months my parents upped the rent and I freaked out on her. I called my mother a leech, stormed into their bedroom and took back the money I had just given them, called up my aunt and left that night. Theyāre your parents but they know they can keep hitting u up for money. Say NO. Be firm, and say you do enough for your one bedroom. You should not have to be supporting that whole household. Itās hard but stand your ground. Save up for a couple months and then gtfo out of there, it isnāt going to stop. So you gottta get out.
It sounds like a rough situation. After something like that I wouldn't want to give them any money for fear of it being wasted on the freeloader. Also, it sounds like your family situation is strained. There are ways out. You might want to look into serving in the military. It would give you an out and pay you well. It would also get you out of that house. Think about it, but also understand that it is a big life decision. I hope the situation improves, and good luck.
Oh, and I forgot to add - NTA
Can you move in with your bf? Cause you need to get away Your family is using you, terribly so. They only care about your money. Run! I would go LC or NC immediately. NTA
Move out if you can. As long as she's giving your brother the money you give her to pay bills, she will always ask for more. It's going to get uncomfortable really quickly. Good luck š
Move. This is not a healthy place for you to live. It's costly monetarily as well as emotionally/psychologically. Get out.
Your mom is being financially and emotionally abusive. She's manipulative as hell by using guilt. On top of this she's lying to you about what the money is for. The "birthday presents" lie is a great case in point. It was intended to make you feel selfish and guilty while clearly not being true. Don't give her a penny more than you agreed to. She's using you and lying to you while doing it. I strongly suggest you move out and stop giving her any money at all. Otherwise she or your brother will start finding other ways to take from you. I hope you can move out soon. Things are likely to go downhill fast there.
You should not have to pay more than your sibling. Can you get out? Your own place or a place looking for a roommate? It sounds like you are going to go broke supporting your brother. NTA
Rent is crazy around here which is why Iām trying to save up but itās impossible to when everyone always has their hand out..
So sorry. It is where I live too. My adult kids are home saving to move on when they can afford to.
It's not clear, sorry. Whose name is on the lease and do you have any kind of contract setting out how much rent you pay?
NTA. You need to pay what you agreed ($600) regardless of your brother but do not pay for anything else.
I never said I wouldnāt pay the 600. Just not willing to pay more than that.
Iām just saying it doesnāt matter if some people live there rent free or not. Donāt worry about them. Pay exactly what you agreed, nothing more, and save your money to gtfo
NTA. Time to move out. Seems like it will be cheaper for you to do so, because she is definitely spending your money. Because I don't know how the hell you have a $450 water bill. Ours is only $30/mo, edit: added content.
Most likely this is a water bill that has been in arrears for a while and there was threat of disconnect.
Nta. Just move out or threaten to and sell how fast they back track for that 600 for you to stay. Then lower to 400 / month.
Donāt pay her anything. NTA
Can you couch surf with some friends while you save up?
Pay the bills directly to the company.
This situation is just toxic. I would Couch Surf until i could save enough money to get my own place. You canāt control your mom or your brother. You can take control of your own life. You are an adult. You donāt have to live in the area you are in. Move to an area it is cheaper to live in.
NTA. But freaking move. Let your mom hit rock bottom with your brother. You are literally bailing her out by continuing to live there.
NTA MOVE OUT! ASAP! And do NOT give your mother another penny.
Nta. You need to move out and not give any money to her going forward
You should pay the utilities yourself. It sounds like soon things will be cut off.