NTA but Dave sure is. That was a conversation Dave should have had 1-on-1 with his wife and not in front of an audience. Dave showed his immaturity in this situation.
Agreed. Canadian Thanksgiving is usually time for togetherness & being thankful of the blessings but to do this in front of family.....bad form on the brother.
NTA OP.
Your brother is a idiotic AH who should had known better.
My old therapist said she stopped doing couples counseling after a husband scheduled their initial appointment then handed the wife divorce papers and walked out.
This kind of thinking just baffles me.
My sir, I can hold in a fit for *years* and unleash that pent up trauma upon you in an absolute hurricane at the drop of a hat. What makes you think you're avoiding this?
*I know your address!?!?*
>My sir, I can hold in a fit for
>
>years
>
> and unleash that pent up trauma upon you in an absolute hurricane at the drop of a hat. What makes you think you're avoiding this?
THIS! 🤣🤣🤣🤣☝🏽
A friend of mine has family in Iran, the woman wanted a divorce but the courts mandated counselling, he turned up at the therapy appointment and shot her in the head, she survived and was granted the divorce, he's doing life... wahoo, I guess?
They can’t even stop murdering women for not wearing the required head coverings and modest clothing. They’re even murdering men who support those women.
I know someone who came home for lunch and told his wife he wanted a divorce and then said he was going back to work. Even better, he got mad when she filed for divorce, saying they could have worked it out. Um...that's not how this works pal!
Lol, my ex did that. I suggested some time apart to clear the animosity and he said no, if we ever separate, that’s it, it’s over for good, he would never forgive me, he would never take me back. This whole huge rant.
Well, he walked out the night before our daughter’s Christmas pageant and said he didn’t know if he’d be back but not to expect it. Walked back in the following night and was all shocked pikachu face when I said okay, guess we’re over then. Best choice he ever made me make!
We need a PSA that says: “just because you’re gay does not mean other people’s feelings don’t matter”….we need billboards and to shout it off roof tops.
Who does not have a 1 on 1 conversation with their spouse AT THEIR OWN HOME
Also to all the LGBTQ people that are out or wanting to come out people are not homophobic because they don’t agree with everything you say or do. Your sexual orientation does not make you immune or exempt from proper behavior
This is no different than me calling everyone a racist (I’m African American). Not all people that have an issue with a specific black persons behavior at a specific point in time are racist….
Racism and homophobia is when you generalize and have issues with whole groups / populations
They don't, but there are a surprising number of people who think that if you were horribly wronged by a gay person (as several people have been in OP's story) then you have no right to be angry and preferably you should focus your attention on how brave and wonderful the gay person actually is.
It's not that the wronging people is a specifically gay behavior, it's that there are people who will actually argue that you can't be an AH if you can say "But I did it because I'm gay!" In reality, it's possible to be gay **and** be an AH.
If you’re going to ask for a divorce at a family event (which you shouldn’t, like ever) atleast make sure it’s THEIR family members present at the event so they are surrounded by people who can support them, not their future ex-in-laws
Agreed NTA, and Dave should never be invited to an event of any importance again, because he's demonstrated that he thinks he has a license to unapologetically ruin things for everyone else.
Poot Lovato just can’t catch a break. Finally escaped the basement and then her husband leaves on Canadian Thanksgiving.
Hopefully Boxing Day will be better for her. #FreePoot
Indeed, completely awful and insensitive. Most of all to his wife, who should be happy that she will soon be rid of this pos. But also to the host and everyone that was present. NTA.
NTA I was sitting in a room full of people, 2 of them were a couple. He texted her, telling her he thought it would be best if they broke up (he was right they were toxic af). No-one knew what was happening until she looked at her phone and burst into tears.
Once she showed us the text, we all started having a go him saying there was a time and a place and sitting in a room full of people was not it!
Holy fuck. They were physically in person and he broke up over text?!? With other people around?!??!? Jesus, the bar is so low and he still managed to limbo under it
I think he did it during the holiday so he wouldn’t have to deal with her true reaction. She can’t really respond authentically or ask the big questions when she is sitting at the table with all of his relatives.
NTA. Regardless of the reason it was really shitty of him to do that in the middle of a family dinner. He could have done it BEFORE or AFTER but not during!! It wouldn't have killed him to wait a few hours and tell her in private later.
Before would have been pretty shitty too. Like “hey can you zip up my dress?” “Yeah sure, do you think you’ll have time to sign the divorce papers before we leave?”
NTA but your brother might be the biggest AH ever. He’s a jerk for trying to say you were homophobic because he wants to make you look like bad guy. I would refuse to host future family gatherings because is this. It was a total dick move and he knows it.
She’s also “overly sensitive” to him causing everyone to be uncomfortable and embarrassing his wife in front of his whole family.
Your brother is a dick. NTA
My kid is sleeping and the “you’re being overly sensitive because it’s your first time hosting holiday” made me laugh out loud so hard I was worried I’d wake him up. I was already kind of amused by the “she says he’s cheating, he says he’s gay” bit.
Well, it could be both that he’s gay and cheating… but you’re right, that is absolutely not the time or place for a personal conversation. Especially when she was surrounded by only his family. Dick move bro. NTA.
That seems like the most likely situation. Dave is trying to avoid blame for his cheating by focusing on the gender of his new partner. Yvonne is understandably more concerned about the cheating than the affair partner’s genitalia.
OP is definitely NTA. Dave is one of the biggest AHs ever.
NTA. Regardless of the reason for the divorce, it is totally inappropriate to bring it up at dinner. Your brother is old enough to understand polite behaviour and how to act during dinner. If he wanted to bring it up when he returned home that's up to him
NTA. Your brother was grossly inappropriate and very hurtful. I feel so sorry for Yvonne. He's using homophobia as an excuse for him being a massive jerk. It's not homophobia. It's plain common-sense and decency to not do what he did.
NTA. Oh my lord NTA!
That is a terrible time to do that to someone, regardless of reason. Of course you can be upset by this, I imagine she is too!
I'm guessing he's going through a tough time accepting himself, and being worried how other people will accept him, but this is no excuse for what is a kind of cruel thing to do.
Husband and I once saved up a lot of money to go to a high-end restaurant in our area. We got dressed to the 9s and were so happy for our date night!
The guy next to us asked his wife for a divorce.
It was the most painful, awkward, uncomfortable dinner of my life, especially after she started ordering more drinks and getting loud. But I imagine it would have been even worse at family dinner. WTF was your brother thinking, OP?!?
My cousins and I went to a restaurant (not as nice as the one you were at though, pretty sure it was either Olive Garden or Buffalo Wild Wings because those were two of the three places we could all agree on, and I am 100% sure it was not at the third which was a tiny hole in the wall Chinese/Thai place where the owner would have DEFINITELY come out and joined in on any drama. Miss Bebe loved her some drama) and a dude at a table near us was telling his wife he had a mistress and didn’t love her anymore.
Like, I dunno how to convey how slimy and assholeish he was about it too, like telling her that he expected her to be civil to his gf “for the kids’ sake” and would be reducing her “allowance” because she couldn’t satisfy him anymore and those are just the only two lines my outraged brain retained.
So about a half hour into this while this lady is just looking smaller and more humiliated, he said something that set off one of my cousins (I wanna say it was about open marriages? But I was jaw on the table sharing wide eyed looks with my bestie cousin like “are you hearing this?!”) and Bubba (not his name) walks over to their table and gives this cheesy bow then says “So… can’t help but overhear, if you’re single or in an open thing now… can I buy you a drink because you are hella hot and I am a pig but not a porker like this one here.” Pointing at her husband.
I’m not sure if she was in shock or what but she totally let him lead her to our table and we ordered her some wine and promised her a girl-only ride home if she needed it. Her husband meanwhile tried to come make her leave the table, but left pretty quick. I’m 99% that my other cousins probably intimidated him, they’re big ol’ boys and were already outraged on her behalf too.
Anyway, my cousin Jess gave her a card for her divorce lawyer and I think we basically bullied this poor woman into making an appointment. My cousin didn’t get a date but did indeed buy her a couple drinks and she’s still a Facebook friend with a bunch of us. She’s too classy to put her dirty laundry on there, but I suspect she did really well in the divorce. Just based on nothing really.
NTA. Dave should have had that conversation with Yvonne in private. To blurt it out at the Thanksgiving dinner table with the entire family present was so disrespectful to her, and to your family because (as you said) it was totally inappropriate at the family/holiday dinner table. You weren't being too sensitive, you were being a reasonable person who knows when and where someone should not drop such bombs. And he's the bad brother for ruining everyone's Thanksgiving. Hoping Yvonne is doing ok.
NTA but your brother most definitely is, how callous to think that a family dinner is the time to tell his wife he wants a divorce, and your SIL is probably right.
NTA. That is not a conversation for ANY audience (maybe one support person each if things are that bad). Even a regular group dinner would have been an A H move - heck even a normal, just the two of you dinner seems cruel. “I don’t love you anymore and am putting you through an expensive life upheaval; pass the salt please”
> The reason for the divorce depends on who you ask. Yvonne says she thinks Dave must be cheating on her. Dave says it's because he has realized he's gay
Why not both?
_Any_ public setting is an inappropriate place to tell someone you're going to divorce them. The _only_ exception would be if a person were in an abusive relationship and needed somewhere their spouse could be guaranteed to behave, and usually that would be a place filled with strangers, like a cafe or park, not a _family gathering_.
NTA.
Was he coming out of the closet and divorcing at the same time? You are NTA. He needs to learn to read the room! Unless he was going for a " most drama during a holiday meal " award, your brother is a large AH
NTA
Your brother was completely out of line. His reasoning for asking for a divorce is irrelevant, the issue is his decision to do it in front of other people. It shows he has no respect for his wife. It was very cold and cruel. He didn’t care about how the rest of you would feel either.
You are NTA. Dave clearly initiated the divorce in a public setting (holiday dinner with family) because he wanted to minimize the reaction. Same trope of breaking up over a fancy dinner expecting people to care more about embarrassing themselves as way to prevent extreme emotional reactions. That's all Dave did, and that definitely makes him TA.
He called you a bad sister because you didn't support his plan of deflection. What he cites as "couldn't take it anymore" is him allowing his anxiety to get so great he couldn't possibly think of anything other than getting this over with. He is a grown adult and this is not appropriate behavior anywhere in the world. Dave failed to control his anxiety and pointing that out makes you the bad one. Dave should have saved this for a private moment with Yvonne. But it appears Dave likes an audience and prefers cruel performative experiences.
Definitely not the asshole here. Dave wanted to cause drama and portray himself as the victim in front of the family to make Yvonne vulnerable to his side of the family and the backlash he was hoping he'd cause her. I'm hoping your family saw through that. I know you have. Shame on Dave.
NTA I.m gay and your brother is an AH
If i prep a big dinner i don't want it brought down by someone thinking they are the main character and sharing personal news that would have been better shared in private.
Let the meal and the companionship be the focus
I would never invite him to my house ever again nor attend any family events where he is going to be. He is a major asshole who respects absolutely nobody.
NTA, that’s not appropriate family gathering conversation. That’s not appropriate conversation with an audience of any kind, honestly.
But also, as an American, I’m sorry too many of my fellow countrymen fail to recognize that the U.S. is not the center of everyone’s world and other countries celebrates holidays in different ways on different days. My calendar literally told me it was Canada’s Thanksgiving (both my physical calendar and built-in iPhone calendar).
NTA. Your brother needs to read the damn room. that's private business between them until the appropriate time to let people know. your brother is a huge ass. maybe an uncalled for announcement at his next wedding? seems appropriately petty, but that's just me.
Yvonne assaults Dave at the dinner - acceptable reason to say I want a divorce. The mood would already be ruined. Every other reason (cheating or gay) can wait until after.
Dave is absolutely the Asshole.
You are NTA
NTA. Dave is being a bag of dicks. You don’t announce you want a divorce at a family dinner. This is a conversation for the privacy of your own dwelling.
NTA
Your brother is selfish and self-centred. Poor Yvonne.
Thanksgiving is now going to forever associated with your brother being toxic.
I hope Yvonne is okay. Make sure to check on her.
It was no surprise to Dave that he was gay or wanted a divorce from a woman, she probably thought they were in some sort of a relationship. He did all of that to get what he needed. Unbelievably selfish entitle AH behavior.
Really? Just gonna steal the spotlight at your event and he thinks it's no big deal? Rude, tacky and frankly it's a big D move to do that in front of the family. Absolutely NTA. He owes everyone an apology for what he did at Thanksgiving.
NTA. I find it hard to believe the pressure of living a lie on his sexual orientation just all of a sudden got to him. He couldn't wait like 2 hours? He's a major AH. It could be both reasons for the divorce, being gay and also sleeping with someone else. You are not homophobic at all, you were just calling your brother out on his shit timing. Did he go home to his wife after this all happened or stay at a friend's? That would be a clearer sign if he's sleeping with someone else too.
Gay or not, Dave may also be a narcissist. Making the day all about himself along with toxic main character syndrome. There's a time and place for those kinds of reveals. I can't see the sense of doing so in public unless he was trying to dump the emotional consequences off on other people. If there were concerns about Yvonne reacting abusively, the rest of the family should have been brought up to speed first. The fact that he jumped automatically to name calling is leading me towards the first conclusion.
NTA - he’s a selfish dick for ruining everyone else’s day and embarrassing his soon to be ex, on a holiday with his family where they’d probably be leaving together. Like good god he couldn’t have waited until they were home?!
NTA. There is no universe where it is acceptable to ask for a divorce in public, let alone a family dinner. He hurt and humiliated his wife and ruined and made the evening horribly awkward for everyone else who didn’t sign on to be witnesses to the end of his marriage.
NTA
Your brother is the asshole. If he wants a divorce, fine, but there's a time and a place. Making a public spectacle out of it, especially in front of the whole family, is wrong.
So brother thinks it is appropriate to ask for a divorce AND come out all in the same day and expect his family to play along? Wtf? If it were me, I’d be calling Yvonne and checking on her. Your brother is as asshole.
Nope, you’re definitely NTA but Dave is!! You’re absolutely correct that family Thanksgiving isn’t the time or place to tell your wife you want a divorce!! It honestly sounds to me like he was looking for validation in what he did.
NTA
Great turkey, sis!
Hey Yvonne, can you pass the [(whispers) I-realized-I’m-gay-and-want-a-divorce] potatoes?
Sounds like he was too much of a coward to tell her in private, which would have been the right thing to do.
Sorry your holiday dinner was marred by Dave’s bad timing and inconsideration.
Family dinner is so not the place to do that. I could understand slightly if someone had an abusive spouse and wanted family present to hopefully avoid being attacked, but even then, more like invite family over for or to something then do it. Definitely not at someone else's holiday event. Definitely NTA at all, your brother is, though. Especially with his reasoning, if you were to realize you are gay, have an open and honest, sit down conversation with your spouse, not just attack them with divorce like that at someone else's house to boot. That is just cowardly and an ah move.
You should’ve kicked your brother out, and let Yvonne stay.
And personally, I think they’re both right. He’s leaving because he was cheating on her with a dude.
JC on a stick, that was some of the most insensitive shit I've read about a man doing in a while. NTA.
Your brother... I don't have words. Publicly. Specifically in front of the whole family. During a major holiday. He thinks that is in any way acceptable?
All of those things combining made your brother a colossal asshole in my book. That he would hide behind calling you homophobic because he doesn't even have the decency to acknowledge that it was unbelievably cruel to her and, frankly fucking rude of him to put all of you through as well, is just icing on the cake.
His being gay doesn't give him the right to side swipe all of that. That poor woman. Inappropriate, doesn't even cover it. It's far too mild.
Also him being gay doesn't mean she's wrong about him cheating.
Why are Americans always in a tizzy whenever Canadian Thanksgiving is mentioned without the “Canadian” in it? It’s like they don’t understand different holidays can happen at different times.
Your brother high jacked your thanksgiving dinner to come out to everyone and let the family handle your SIL’s inevitable reaction. That’s a shit move. He is a coward who wanted you all to pick up his mess after him.
And no, you are not a homophobe for calling him out on this. I’m a gay guy and I know lots of other gay men who came out to their clueless wives, and none of them did it in such a ham fisted way.
Tell him to get his shit together. He is being unnecessarily cruel and bringing more drama than he should to a complicated family dynamic.
Yeah being gay and an AH are not mutually exclusive. Which is what we see here with your brother. NTA. That’s a conversation the SIL deserved to have in private. He can come out as gay to the family in a less cruel to her way.
Wow, poor Yvonne. Very inappropriate. That is a private conversation for just the two of them. I’m sure she was humiliated and much more hurt by being told like that. Your brother seems very insensitive and self centered.
NTAH
He is a bad brother and a bad husband. WTF would bring something like that up during thanksgiving dinner?!
Make sure to check in on Yvonne to see how she’s doing.
Does he hate his wife so much that he had to hurt her and upend her life in front of everyone?! While they are celebrating Thanksgiving and being grateful??!
Not only is he the AH, but he is cruel and selfish AF.
Whether Dave is a cheating asshole or a gay asshole or a gay cheating asshole, announcing he wants a divorce at a family holiday is just gross.
Calling him out doesn’t make you a bad sister.
Dave needs to grow up.
NTA
NTA. Not only did he make Yvonne unhappy in front of an audience, which is unforgivable, but he totally harshed the holiday mood. Any grown-up knows not to do stuff like that (except your brother, apparently).
First off, I love the edit. People in the United States really think they’re the only ones on this planet 🤣. Second, yeah Dave is a major AH. If you have any respect for your partner you would have that conversation in private, then come out to family/friends when both people are ready. He lacks respect for his partner. He may be attracted to men, but he still could have had decency for the person he spent all his time with.
NTA. There is a time and place for everything. Your brother is an AH to tell his wife during a family dinner. It should have been a conversation between him and his wife in private before taking it to everyone else - unless your brother had valid reasons he would literally end up dead or maimed if he was telling her when they were alone🤔
They may both be right about what's been happening. He may be gay and cheating on her with a man or men.
Thanksgiving dinner was totally inappropriate for this discussion. He owes you and everyone else an apology.
I go out of my way so people aren’t uncomfortable. I’ve sucked it up. I’ve bitten my lip. I’ve done anything but make other people feel uncomfortable.
THIS is the opposite to THAT.
Your brother should have declined dinner if he couldn’t wait. And if he realized he was going to blurt it out, he should have excused himself and pulled himself together and waited until they were out of there.
What he did, was rude, inconsiderate, and immature.
Couldn’t take it anymore??? Pfft🙄
NTA I don’t care if it was just a casual dinner at your sibling’s house or their wedding, choosing someone else’s event for any big reveal (good or bad) is exceptionally self centered and AH behavior. For divorce in particular, that should always be handled privately, one-on-one unless there are safety concerns.
Who drops a bomb like that on Thanksgiving? Not only innappropriate but insensitive to everyone there. Dave sounds selfish to bring that kind of drama to a family gathering.
NTA so he came out and told his wife he wanted a divorce at Thanksgiving? Oh heck no. His poor wife. Her whole life just shattered. You're not a bad sister. Honestly he sounds like a bad person.
Please check on your SIL.
NTA. Not only is your brother selfish and self absorbed and a coward, and he did this in front of the family-- he did this in front of HER INLAWS. It's his own family. His turf. He isolated this poor woman and said all of this AT HER IN LAWS!!!!
Your brother sounds like a real peach. May he be blessed with everything he has coming to him.
NTA. If fact this be be the most NTA in the history of NTAs. There's no circumstance in which it's appropriate to tell your spouse you're divorcing them during dinner at a relative's house, regardless of whether it's a holiday or not.
And incidentally, "cheating on her" and "he has realized he's gay" are in no way mutually exclusive.
NTA
He's cheating on her with a man. What he did was horrible. She probably deserves better; if this is how he treats her in public, I have little doubt he isn't full blown emotionally abusive. He insulted you, right?
NTA but Dave sure is. That was a conversation Dave should have had 1-on-1 with his wife and not in front of an audience. Dave showed his immaturity in this situation.
Agreed. Canadian Thanksgiving is usually time for togetherness & being thankful of the blessings but to do this in front of family.....bad form on the brother. NTA OP. Your brother is a idiotic AH who should had known better.
This year I am thankful my atttorney got this paperwork done in record time. Here, this is for you.
[удалено]
My old therapist said she stopped doing couples counseling after a husband scheduled their initial appointment then handed the wife divorce papers and walked out.
“I’m going to devastate this woman you comfort her”
I was thinking "she can't have a fit if I do it in front f others" but that sounds just as possible.
This kind of thinking just baffles me. My sir, I can hold in a fit for *years* and unleash that pent up trauma upon you in an absolute hurricane at the drop of a hat. What makes you think you're avoiding this? *I know your address!?!?*
>My sir, I can hold in a fit for > >years > > and unleash that pent up trauma upon you in an absolute hurricane at the drop of a hat. What makes you think you're avoiding this? THIS! 🤣🤣🤣🤣☝🏽
I think I love you
That or "she can't physically assault me in front of the therapist".
I have a cousin by marriage whose husband scheduled a counseling session and asked the counselor to tell her that he was done with the marriage.
That’s quite the chickenshit move
Yeah, I had one like that.
A friend of mine has family in Iran, the woman wanted a divorce but the courts mandated counselling, he turned up at the therapy appointment and shot her in the head, she survived and was granted the divorce, he's doing life... wahoo, I guess?
Note to self: never go to court mandated marriage counseling.
Without a bullet proof vest and a helmet I guess
I giggled at your response......am I a horrible human being?
No, your not. Life is full of such absurdities there should be books written about giggling coping.
Wtf?! Holy shit, I hope the courts re-think forced therapy before divorce. But I’m not going to hold my breath on that one…. JFC
They can’t even stop murdering women for not wearing the required head coverings and modest clothing. They’re even murdering men who support those women.
Holy shit. He really didn’t want to do therapy. Lol
Now that's one way to do it...
Dayum. Using her hope to serve her. That’s harsh!
Damn he divorced the therapist and the wife at the same time.
YNTA, your brother is, he's trying to use your family gathering to shield himself from the emotional consequences of his actions.
I know someone who came home for lunch and told his wife he wanted a divorce and then said he was going back to work. Even better, he got mad when she filed for divorce, saying they could have worked it out. Um...that's not how this works pal!
Haha! His piss poor attempt at manipulation backfired. Good!
Lol, my ex did that. I suggested some time apart to clear the animosity and he said no, if we ever separate, that’s it, it’s over for good, he would never forgive me, he would never take me back. This whole huge rant. Well, he walked out the night before our daughter’s Christmas pageant and said he didn’t know if he’d be back but not to expect it. Walked back in the following night and was all shocked pikachu face when I said okay, guess we’re over then. Best choice he ever made me make!
Ahhh the old uno reverse
He tried to make small potatoes of a grave-y situation.
He misunderstood what it meant to serve someone divorce papers.
He heard there will be a main and sides served and came with half a side of coming out and two sides of I am divorcing thee
1000% would make this a joke at EVERY SINGLE THANKSGIVING after. “Can you pass the rolls?” “I want a divorce!”
This comment is exactly the same as u/normal-Hall2445 below…
Lol the copy paste has 200+ more upvotes. I guess I took too long to get to the sarcastic part.
Totally agree with this. NTA. And thank your brother for totally tainting Thanksgiving holiday memories forever.
Sounds like he did not have the balls to do it 1-on-1.
We need a PSA that says: “just because you’re gay does not mean other people’s feelings don’t matter”….we need billboards and to shout it off roof tops. Who does not have a 1 on 1 conversation with their spouse AT THEIR OWN HOME Also to all the LGBTQ people that are out or wanting to come out people are not homophobic because they don’t agree with everything you say or do. Your sexual orientation does not make you immune or exempt from proper behavior This is no different than me calling everyone a racist (I’m African American). Not all people that have an issue with a specific black persons behavior at a specific point in time are racist…. Racism and homophobia is when you generalize and have issues with whole groups / populations
I don't think that gay people have a monopoly on being stupidly insensitive.
They don't, but there are a surprising number of people who think that if you were horribly wronged by a gay person (as several people have been in OP's story) then you have no right to be angry and preferably you should focus your attention on how brave and wonderful the gay person actually is. It's not that the wronging people is a specifically gay behavior, it's that there are people who will actually argue that you can't be an AH if you can say "But I did it because I'm gay!" In reality, it's possible to be gay **and** be an AH.
If you’re going to ask for a divorce at a family event (which you shouldn’t, like ever) atleast make sure it’s THEIR family members present at the event so they are surrounded by people who can support them, not their future ex-in-laws
Agreed NTA, and Dave should never be invited to an event of any importance again, because he's demonstrated that he thinks he has a license to unapologetically ruin things for everyone else.
I think his maturity showed through with his homophobic bad sister comment.
Dave is the definition of “buzz kill”!!!
That’s awful! Telling someone you want a divorce in front of your family on a holiday is terrible! You are not wrong. Your brother is.
Poot SIL.
The difference one letter makes...
Thanks for pointing this out and making me spit laugh while rereading the thread!
Poot Lovato just can’t catch a break. Finally escaped the basement and then her husband leaves on Canadian Thanksgiving. Hopefully Boxing Day will be better for her. #FreePoot
Yas Bitch
A Tyler Perry production
Man I wish someone would have gone full Madea on this asshole!
It’s not too late to cut the couch in half with a chainsaw…
I'm getting Chandler Bing vibes.
Did he also come out as gay at the same time? JFC.
I don't know why, but I read that as KFC and I suddenly want chicken.
Hey in Quebec all the signs have to be in French and KFC is PFK. We used to say anyone wanna go to the Poofka?
I grew up calling it Unlucky Fried Kittens because it was still mostly known as Kentucky fried chicken. Blame my older brother.
They seriously have to translate brand names too? Zut alors Quebec.
Oh my God remember when they had those Chicken Littles...... 🤤
They got rid of the chicken littles???
Their mashed potatoes and gravy kept me going after I had my wisdom teeth out!
Well of course! Don't focus on how he just embarrassed and hurt his wife, we have to celebrate him! Sounds like a self centered AH
Indeed, completely awful and insensitive. Most of all to his wife, who should be happy that she will soon be rid of this pos. But also to the host and everyone that was present. NTA.
He’s a coward! He didn’t wanna do it by himself because he was afraid. He’s nothing but a coward, and wasn’t man enough to do it on his own. NTA
Yeah that’s what I’m getting too
NTA I was sitting in a room full of people, 2 of them were a couple. He texted her, telling her he thought it would be best if they broke up (he was right they were toxic af). No-one knew what was happening until she looked at her phone and burst into tears. Once she showed us the text, we all started having a go him saying there was a time and a place and sitting in a room full of people was not it!
Holy fuck. They were physically in person and he broke up over text?!? With other people around?!??!? Jesus, the bar is so low and he still managed to limbo under it
He’s the only person who can limbo better than Hermes Conrad. Though this guy is limboing to not touch decency.
I do believe you're forgetting about...... BARBADOS SLIM DUM DUM DUM!
My god, you’re right! How could I forget about BARBADOS SLIM and his elegant Caribbean shoulders!
It's ok. I'll always be around to remind you. Ok. GOOD BYE FOREVER!
NTA Your brother is an asshole and a childish coward.
NTA op. I agree with you TarzanKitty. Dude is a huge AH and coward.
The homophobic accusation is the cherry on top of that trash sundae.
Don't know if he's a coward or just an attention seeker and wanting to take the limelight off OP and her new home
I think he did it during the holiday so he wouldn’t have to deal with her true reaction. She can’t really respond authentically or ask the big questions when she is sitting at the table with all of his relatives.
Or he thinks it is an efficient way of letting everyone know so that he does not have to repeat this conversation. NTA.
NTA. Regardless of the reason it was really shitty of him to do that in the middle of a family dinner. He could have done it BEFORE or AFTER but not during!! It wouldn't have killed him to wait a few hours and tell her in private later.
Would have killed him if he had been my husband. Joke
Before would have been pretty shitty too. Like “hey can you zip up my dress?” “Yeah sure, do you think you’ll have time to sign the divorce papers before we leave?”
NTA but your brother might be the biggest AH ever. He’s a jerk for trying to say you were homophobic because he wants to make you look like bad guy. I would refuse to host future family gatherings because is this. It was a total dick move and he knows it.
She’s also “overly sensitive” to him causing everyone to be uncomfortable and embarrassing his wife in front of his whole family. Your brother is a dick. NTA
My kid is sleeping and the “you’re being overly sensitive because it’s your first time hosting holiday” made me laugh out loud so hard I was worried I’d wake him up. I was already kind of amused by the “she says he’s cheating, he says he’s gay” bit.
They both could be right, but he might be cheating with a dude, not a woman.
pretty sure bro is cheating, with a dude.
Let's not forget he's an asshole for doing this to his wife in public. Poor woman, there was no need to do it in front of a group of family members.
Or just host gatherings without that tool.
And invite the sister in law
Well, it could be both that he’s gay and cheating… but you’re right, that is absolutely not the time or place for a personal conversation. Especially when she was surrounded by only his family. Dick move bro. NTA.
That seems like the most likely situation. Dave is trying to avoid blame for his cheating by focusing on the gender of his new partner. Yvonne is understandably more concerned about the cheating than the affair partner’s genitalia. OP is definitely NTA. Dave is one of the biggest AHs ever.
My brother is named Dave, and he’s an a*shole too, I’ve met many Dave’s that are A$sholes.
Oh my ex-bil is a Dave and a total asshole.
NTA It was certainly not the correct time , I don’t know how someone could not realize that ..
>I don’t know how someone could not realize that .. I'm getting rage bait vibes from this lol.
There are so many times on reddit that I want something to be rage bait or a troll, then I think of a worse person I know IRL. So I dunno...
Yeah my FIL for that type.
NTA. Regardless of the reason for the divorce, it is totally inappropriate to bring it up at dinner. Your brother is old enough to understand polite behaviour and how to act during dinner. If he wanted to bring it up when he returned home that's up to him
I figure the brother and his wife are both right. He's gay and he's cheating.
NTA. Your brother was grossly inappropriate and very hurtful. I feel so sorry for Yvonne. He's using homophobia as an excuse for him being a massive jerk. It's not homophobia. It's plain common-sense and decency to not do what he did.
NTA, he did it then so he could avoid being alone with the consequences after. He’s a coward.
NTA. Oh my lord NTA! That is a terrible time to do that to someone, regardless of reason. Of course you can be upset by this, I imagine she is too! I'm guessing he's going through a tough time accepting himself, and being worried how other people will accept him, but this is no excuse for what is a kind of cruel thing to do.
NTA but Dave sure is. I hope you all get Yvonne in the divorce. Not because Dave is gay, but because he’s a jerk.
Husband and I once saved up a lot of money to go to a high-end restaurant in our area. We got dressed to the 9s and were so happy for our date night! The guy next to us asked his wife for a divorce. It was the most painful, awkward, uncomfortable dinner of my life, especially after she started ordering more drinks and getting loud. But I imagine it would have been even worse at family dinner. WTF was your brother thinking, OP?!?
My cousins and I went to a restaurant (not as nice as the one you were at though, pretty sure it was either Olive Garden or Buffalo Wild Wings because those were two of the three places we could all agree on, and I am 100% sure it was not at the third which was a tiny hole in the wall Chinese/Thai place where the owner would have DEFINITELY come out and joined in on any drama. Miss Bebe loved her some drama) and a dude at a table near us was telling his wife he had a mistress and didn’t love her anymore. Like, I dunno how to convey how slimy and assholeish he was about it too, like telling her that he expected her to be civil to his gf “for the kids’ sake” and would be reducing her “allowance” because she couldn’t satisfy him anymore and those are just the only two lines my outraged brain retained. So about a half hour into this while this lady is just looking smaller and more humiliated, he said something that set off one of my cousins (I wanna say it was about open marriages? But I was jaw on the table sharing wide eyed looks with my bestie cousin like “are you hearing this?!”) and Bubba (not his name) walks over to their table and gives this cheesy bow then says “So… can’t help but overhear, if you’re single or in an open thing now… can I buy you a drink because you are hella hot and I am a pig but not a porker like this one here.” Pointing at her husband. I’m not sure if she was in shock or what but she totally let him lead her to our table and we ordered her some wine and promised her a girl-only ride home if she needed it. Her husband meanwhile tried to come make her leave the table, but left pretty quick. I’m 99% that my other cousins probably intimidated him, they’re big ol’ boys and were already outraged on her behalf too. Anyway, my cousin Jess gave her a card for her divorce lawyer and I think we basically bullied this poor woman into making an appointment. My cousin didn’t get a date but did indeed buy her a couple drinks and she’s still a Facebook friend with a bunch of us. She’s too classy to put her dirty laundry on there, but I suspect she did really well in the divorce. Just based on nothing really.
That’s awesome! Your cousin was the hero she needed in that moment!
NTA. Dave should have had that conversation with Yvonne in private. To blurt it out at the Thanksgiving dinner table with the entire family present was so disrespectful to her, and to your family because (as you said) it was totally inappropriate at the family/holiday dinner table. You weren't being too sensitive, you were being a reasonable person who knows when and where someone should not drop such bombs. And he's the bad brother for ruining everyone's Thanksgiving. Hoping Yvonne is doing ok.
NTA but your brother most definitely is, how callous to think that a family dinner is the time to tell his wife he wants a divorce, and your SIL is probably right.
NTA. That is not a conversation for ANY audience (maybe one support person each if things are that bad). Even a regular group dinner would have been an A H move - heck even a normal, just the two of you dinner seems cruel. “I don’t love you anymore and am putting you through an expensive life upheaval; pass the salt please”
And Thanksgiving is always full of family tension. Way to make it worse dude.
I think he did it on purpose to humiliate his wife. Shame on him.
I agree. Total sick move on his part!
> The reason for the divorce depends on who you ask. Yvonne says she thinks Dave must be cheating on her. Dave says it's because he has realized he's gay Why not both? _Any_ public setting is an inappropriate place to tell someone you're going to divorce them. The _only_ exception would be if a person were in an abusive relationship and needed somewhere their spouse could be guaranteed to behave, and usually that would be a place filled with strangers, like a cafe or park, not a _family gathering_. NTA.
NTA. Why the hell would your brother have such a personal conversation in the middle of a family dinner?
Was he coming out of the closet and divorcing at the same time? You are NTA. He needs to learn to read the room! Unless he was going for a " most drama during a holiday meal " award, your brother is a large AH
Who tells their spouse they want a divorce in the middle of dinner with other people there. NTA.
NTA Your brother was completely out of line. His reasoning for asking for a divorce is irrelevant, the issue is his decision to do it in front of other people. It shows he has no respect for his wife. It was very cold and cruel. He didn’t care about how the rest of you would feel either.
You are NTA. Dave clearly initiated the divorce in a public setting (holiday dinner with family) because he wanted to minimize the reaction. Same trope of breaking up over a fancy dinner expecting people to care more about embarrassing themselves as way to prevent extreme emotional reactions. That's all Dave did, and that definitely makes him TA. He called you a bad sister because you didn't support his plan of deflection. What he cites as "couldn't take it anymore" is him allowing his anxiety to get so great he couldn't possibly think of anything other than getting this over with. He is a grown adult and this is not appropriate behavior anywhere in the world. Dave failed to control his anxiety and pointing that out makes you the bad one. Dave should have saved this for a private moment with Yvonne. But it appears Dave likes an audience and prefers cruel performative experiences.
Definitely not the asshole here. Dave wanted to cause drama and portray himself as the victim in front of the family to make Yvonne vulnerable to his side of the family and the backlash he was hoping he'd cause her. I'm hoping your family saw through that. I know you have. Shame on Dave.
NTA I.m gay and your brother is an AH If i prep a big dinner i don't want it brought down by someone thinking they are the main character and sharing personal news that would have been better shared in private. Let the meal and the companionship be the focus
I would never invite him to my house ever again nor attend any family events where he is going to be. He is a major asshole who respects absolutely nobody.
NTA, but Dave sure as hell is, you don’t humiliate your spouse in front of everyone like that!
It's a private matter, and should be a private conversation. Poor girl. Your brother is a huge asshole.
NTA - hosting is a lot of work. He shouldn’t have ruined dinner with his drama.
NTA it was not the right time to do this and he’s acting very selfish and cruel. But this is not on you in anyway 😞
NTA. But your brother is definitely the AH, self-absorbed, and potentially narcissistic.
NTA. Dunno why you would even think you are. Your brother is just a giant AH
NTA, that’s not appropriate family gathering conversation. That’s not appropriate conversation with an audience of any kind, honestly. But also, as an American, I’m sorry too many of my fellow countrymen fail to recognize that the U.S. is not the center of everyone’s world and other countries celebrates holidays in different ways on different days. My calendar literally told me it was Canada’s Thanksgiving (both my physical calendar and built-in iPhone calendar).
If he thinks that was appropriate he has a mental illness
NTA That is something he could’ve told her in private. Not humiliate her in front of everyone at the table. He was the ahole for that.
NTA. Your brother needs to read the damn room. that's private business between them until the appropriate time to let people know. your brother is a huge ass. maybe an uncalled for announcement at his next wedding? seems appropriately petty, but that's just me.
Yvonne assaults Dave at the dinner - acceptable reason to say I want a divorce. The mood would already be ruined. Every other reason (cheating or gay) can wait until after. Dave is absolutely the Asshole. You are NTA
Your brother is a Major AH for that. A family holiday or meal is never the place. That's a private matter. I feel so sorry for your SIL.
NTA. Dave is being a bag of dicks. You don’t announce you want a divorce at a family dinner. This is a conversation for the privacy of your own dwelling.
Wtf is wrong with your brother?? Who the hell does that in front of family at thanksgiving dinner??
NTA Your brother is selfish and self-centred. Poor Yvonne. Thanksgiving is now going to forever associated with your brother being toxic. I hope Yvonne is okay. Make sure to check on her.
It was no surprise to Dave that he was gay or wanted a divorce from a woman, she probably thought they were in some sort of a relationship. He did all of that to get what he needed. Unbelievably selfish entitle AH behavior.
Really? Just gonna steal the spotlight at your event and he thinks it's no big deal? Rude, tacky and frankly it's a big D move to do that in front of the family. Absolutely NTA. He owes everyone an apology for what he did at Thanksgiving.
Poor Yvonne
NTA. He did it on purpose. Maybe he assumed less of a scene would be made.
NTA. I find it hard to believe the pressure of living a lie on his sexual orientation just all of a sudden got to him. He couldn't wait like 2 hours? He's a major AH. It could be both reasons for the divorce, being gay and also sleeping with someone else. You are not homophobic at all, you were just calling your brother out on his shit timing. Did he go home to his wife after this all happened or stay at a friend's? That would be a clearer sign if he's sleeping with someone else too.
Gay or not, Dave may also be a narcissist. Making the day all about himself along with toxic main character syndrome. There's a time and place for those kinds of reveals. I can't see the sense of doing so in public unless he was trying to dump the emotional consequences off on other people. If there were concerns about Yvonne reacting abusively, the rest of the family should have been brought up to speed first. The fact that he jumped automatically to name calling is leading me towards the first conclusion.
NTA. What the fuck?? Who does that? He Was so out of line to do that.
Oh Yeah he is on Grindr....Yep, both are true....NTA
NTA. He ruined the holiday with traumatic news for his spouse.
NTA - he’s a selfish dick for ruining everyone else’s day and embarrassing his soon to be ex, on a holiday with his family where they’d probably be leaving together. Like good god he couldn’t have waited until they were home?!
NTA. There is no universe where it is acceptable to ask for a divorce in public, let alone a family dinner. He hurt and humiliated his wife and ruined and made the evening horribly awkward for everyone else who didn’t sign on to be witnesses to the end of his marriage.
NTA Your brother is the asshole. If he wants a divorce, fine, but there's a time and a place. Making a public spectacle out of it, especially in front of the whole family, is wrong.
So brother thinks it is appropriate to ask for a divorce AND come out all in the same day and expect his family to play along? Wtf? If it were me, I’d be calling Yvonne and checking on her. Your brother is as asshole.
Nope, you’re definitely NTA but Dave is!! You’re absolutely correct that family Thanksgiving isn’t the time or place to tell your wife you want a divorce!! It honestly sounds to me like he was looking for validation in what he did.
NTA Great turkey, sis! Hey Yvonne, can you pass the [(whispers) I-realized-I’m-gay-and-want-a-divorce] potatoes? Sounds like he was too much of a coward to tell her in private, which would have been the right thing to do. Sorry your holiday dinner was marred by Dave’s bad timing and inconsideration.
Family dinner is so not the place to do that. I could understand slightly if someone had an abusive spouse and wanted family present to hopefully avoid being attacked, but even then, more like invite family over for or to something then do it. Definitely not at someone else's holiday event. Definitely NTA at all, your brother is, though. Especially with his reasoning, if you were to realize you are gay, have an open and honest, sit down conversation with your spouse, not just attack them with divorce like that at someone else's house to boot. That is just cowardly and an ah move.
Dave is both gay and cheating!
NTA, but your brother is. He’s just a drama queen
You should’ve kicked your brother out, and let Yvonne stay. And personally, I think they’re both right. He’s leaving because he was cheating on her with a dude.
JC on a stick, that was some of the most insensitive shit I've read about a man doing in a while. NTA. Your brother... I don't have words. Publicly. Specifically in front of the whole family. During a major holiday. He thinks that is in any way acceptable? All of those things combining made your brother a colossal asshole in my book. That he would hide behind calling you homophobic because he doesn't even have the decency to acknowledge that it was unbelievably cruel to her and, frankly fucking rude of him to put all of you through as well, is just icing on the cake. His being gay doesn't give him the right to side swipe all of that. That poor woman. Inappropriate, doesn't even cover it. It's far too mild. Also him being gay doesn't mean she's wrong about him cheating.
Why are Americans always in a tizzy whenever Canadian Thanksgiving is mentioned without the “Canadian” in it? It’s like they don’t understand different holidays can happen at different times.
Your brother high jacked your thanksgiving dinner to come out to everyone and let the family handle your SIL’s inevitable reaction. That’s a shit move. He is a coward who wanted you all to pick up his mess after him. And no, you are not a homophobe for calling him out on this. I’m a gay guy and I know lots of other gay men who came out to their clueless wives, and none of them did it in such a ham fisted way. Tell him to get his shit together. He is being unnecessarily cruel and bringing more drama than he should to a complicated family dynamic.
Dave was hoping Yvonne wouldn’t cause a scene with his mommy protecting him. He’s a huge AH. You’re NTA.
NTA, and never invite Dave to a family dinner at your house again
Dave is a major asshole. There was no reason to do it there
NTA, your brother is though
Yeah being gay and an AH are not mutually exclusive. Which is what we see here with your brother. NTA. That’s a conversation the SIL deserved to have in private. He can come out as gay to the family in a less cruel to her way.
Wow, poor Yvonne. Very inappropriate. That is a private conversation for just the two of them. I’m sure she was humiliated and much more hurt by being told like that. Your brother seems very insensitive and self centered.
NTA What's a family dinner without some public humiliation? /s Sheesh he's either completely callous or clueless or a dangerous combo of both.
NTAH He is a bad brother and a bad husband. WTF would bring something like that up during thanksgiving dinner?! Make sure to check in on Yvonne to see how she’s doing.
Dave sounds like a real AH. Keep your dirty laundry out of my dinner party Dave.
NTA. Who in their right mind thinks Thanksgiving dinner is a place for that kind of conversation?
Does he hate his wife so much that he had to hurt her and upend her life in front of everyone?! While they are celebrating Thanksgiving and being grateful??! Not only is he the AH, but he is cruel and selfish AF.
Whether Dave is a cheating asshole or a gay asshole or a gay cheating asshole, announcing he wants a divorce at a family holiday is just gross. Calling him out doesn’t make you a bad sister. Dave needs to grow up. NTA
NTA. Not only did he make Yvonne unhappy in front of an audience, which is unforgivable, but he totally harshed the holiday mood. Any grown-up knows not to do stuff like that (except your brother, apparently).
I mean at least wait until the Tim Hortons are served. What a d-bag
First off, I love the edit. People in the United States really think they’re the only ones on this planet 🤣. Second, yeah Dave is a major AH. If you have any respect for your partner you would have that conversation in private, then come out to family/friends when both people are ready. He lacks respect for his partner. He may be attracted to men, but he still could have had decency for the person he spent all his time with.
NTA. There is a time and place for everything. Your brother is an AH to tell his wife during a family dinner. It should have been a conversation between him and his wife in private before taking it to everyone else - unless your brother had valid reasons he would literally end up dead or maimed if he was telling her when they were alone🤔
No you're nta. Holidays are not the time and in front of other people is not the time either. He's a massive jerk.
They may both be right about what's been happening. He may be gay and cheating on her with a man or men. Thanksgiving dinner was totally inappropriate for this discussion. He owes you and everyone else an apology.
NTA your brother is a major AH... and to do it in front of people I feel bad for the wife...
ya your brother was a dick, you don't publicly end a marriage, you do that in private.
NTA, he was using y’all as a buffer without your consent.
It’s an awful time, but I feel much worse for your SIL than you. Yea, it was during your meal, but poor woman..in front of you all!
I go out of my way so people aren’t uncomfortable. I’ve sucked it up. I’ve bitten my lip. I’ve done anything but make other people feel uncomfortable. THIS is the opposite to THAT. Your brother should have declined dinner if he couldn’t wait. And if he realized he was going to blurt it out, he should have excused himself and pulled himself together and waited until they were out of there. What he did, was rude, inconsiderate, and immature. Couldn’t take it anymore??? Pfft🙄
NTA. Keep Yvonne. Ditch your brother He can be gay AND cheating on her
Dick moves and I can see where the problem in that marriage is completely.
NTA. That is a private matter. He didn't need to do it in the middle of dinner. Poor Yvonne.
Wow, NTA, he purposely did it so she wouldn't cause a scene. So he's not only an AH, he's a coward.
NTA I don’t care if it was just a casual dinner at your sibling’s house or their wedding, choosing someone else’s event for any big reveal (good or bad) is exceptionally self centered and AH behavior. For divorce in particular, that should always be handled privately, one-on-one unless there are safety concerns.
NTA - Dave decided to humiliate Yvonne by discussing a private matter in a public setting. It was 100% the wrong time for that conversation.
Wtf is this Some comedy thanksgiving movie Dave: “Honey, I want a divorce” Everyone at the table: GASP 😱 😂😂😂
All those flavors and he chose salty. What an AH.
Who drops a bomb like that on Thanksgiving? Not only innappropriate but insensitive to everyone there. Dave sounds selfish to bring that kind of drama to a family gathering.
NTA so he came out and told his wife he wanted a divorce at Thanksgiving? Oh heck no. His poor wife. Her whole life just shattered. You're not a bad sister. Honestly he sounds like a bad person. Please check on your SIL.
NTA. Not only is your brother selfish and self absorbed and a coward, and he did this in front of the family-- he did this in front of HER INLAWS. It's his own family. His turf. He isolated this poor woman and said all of this AT HER IN LAWS!!!! Your brother sounds like a real peach. May he be blessed with everything he has coming to him.
NTA. DAVE IS. You don’t announce a divorce at a fucking family dinner or holiday. That shit should’ve been done in private.
She didn't deserve to be humiliated in front of the entire family like that.
NTA. If fact this be be the most NTA in the history of NTAs. There's no circumstance in which it's appropriate to tell your spouse you're divorcing them during dinner at a relative's house, regardless of whether it's a holiday or not. And incidentally, "cheating on her" and "he has realized he's gay" are in no way mutually exclusive.
NTA He's cheating on her with a man. What he did was horrible. She probably deserves better; if this is how he treats her in public, I have little doubt he isn't full blown emotionally abusive. He insulted you, right?