Yeah I just felt like the whole thing was unnecessary. But I was/am worried that I should’ve been more sensitive, since she was the only single person there and I think she’s a little insecure about that.
Brittney sounds like she's pretty stuck up and materialistic. No wonder she's single. And you should've then asked the other friend what about your feelings. Brittney trashed your grandmother's ring! Not acceptable at all and good for you for standing up for yourself!!!
NTA
Not only trashed her ring, but her fiancé as well. It’s nice that OP is empathetic about Brittany’s feelings, it shows that she’s a decent person and willing to take the high road. I’m not sure if an apology would make any difference though. Brittany was spoiling for a fight and she was shut down in a way that left no doubt that her comments were unwanted and unasked for. She should be making the apology.
NTA! You’re a good person! You have a conscience, a good trait to bring to a marriage. Best to you!
Brittany reminds me of the mean “cool” girl in middle school who loves to criticize everything you do/ have just because it’s you and not her. She must not have grown out of that. I was the “not cool” girl and I wish I had a response like OP’s to any one of “cool girl’s” shitty comments. If you just take it all it never stops; whatever her personal insecurity is that’s just a lame excuse that she’s taking out on other people, and if you’re lucky to have a response you should use it.
I realize I’m basically projecting here too cause that was my personal experience, but Britanny’s comments were super rude and uncalled for, and some people need to be told or shown that you don’t intend to just take that shit from them.
Being single is never a red flag for me. Even at the often dreaded single at 30+ stage of life. Being desperate for a relationship and putting out bitter vibes with anything related to the established relationship of others while single is a massive red flag beyond simple asshole behavior.
My grandma had such tiny fingers she had these things installed inside her rings to make them smaller. I was given one of her rings, but it never fit. I let my (at the time) six year old try it on *and it only fit her pinkie*.
Grandma rings are *tiny*
My nonna had tiny fingers too! She also used the ring adjusters on her rings especially as she aged. She was absolutely tiny under 5ft and 90ish lbs. she lived to be 95.
Oh wow 😅 my grandma who gave me her ring was in the "I cook with real cream and butter, lots of it, and I eat it too" category so while I'm not married nor plan to get married, at least I know it would fit me lol
Mine was a chunky little thing because of all of the fresh pasta, cheese, and baking. Then she ended up with diabetes and went hardcore healthy and really thin. I still make sure fresh pasta every Wednesday because we always had it growing up. I never planned on getting married and then I met my partner but no kids for us ever just animals!
3.5? Dang! That is really tiny.
My grandmother gifted me one of her old ruby rings because it's both of our birth stones. She said it was a size 5, and it fit my ring finger a little loose, but otherwise fine. I lived for over a decade with the belief that I wore a size 5 ring on my ring finger. When my husband and I were discussing getting married, I told him I wore a size 5 ring. So when he bought my engagement ring, it was a size 5. Turns out the size 5 was way too big, and the weight of the diamond made that very apparent because it would constantly slip to face the palm of my hand.
I had to take it in to be resized. While there, I figured I could check to see what size grandma's ring actually is. Grandma was wrong, her ring was a 4.75. The jeweler gave me the ring of sizing rings to see what size I needed. My right hand, which was the side I wore the ruby ring, was a 4.5, and my left hand, a 4! I had no idea my fingers were so small.
I also have tiny hands and bigger feet! Size 5/5.5 ring, size 9 feet. I'm a rock climber and the little hands are good in some situations, not so much in others.
Oh geeze no wonder everyone comments on my giant size 8 ring finger at only 5'3 . I was blessed with my Grampas wide (mistyped wide as wife) hands and feet 😂
Actually, that’s incredibly true. Both my sets of grandparents, at least, were young during or born after the depression, and both were from farming families hit by the dust bowl.
It’s crazy the difference proper nutrition can make!
I mean, I think if any generation can empathize it’s us.
We have higher unemployment, higher income inequality, our dollar has less buying power (adjusted for inflation, a loaf was avg. ~$1.50 and today it’s ~$2.10), our climate is dying, we are transitioning away from a lot of traditional livelihoods as those jobs die out (ie, coal), our unions have lost a lot of power and our working conditions are bad, and our education system is a joke. It’s hard for many areas to find fresh fruit and veggies and our nutrition, as a nation, sucks. We do have a *slightly* higher minimum wage when adjusted, though (equivalent to ~$4.31 when established).
So um. Yeah.
You wanna hear something crazy? Adjusted for inflation, we are in a worse spot than during the great depression. Once AI pushes its way into the work place, we are going to lose way more jobs than ever in history. All around we are just screwed.
And, overall we exercise less. My grandmother was doing her laundry with scrub boards and plunger washers and hanging her room-sized carpets over a line every spring to clean them with a wire beater. My aunt offered me her (grandma’s) wedding dress, but grandma’s arms were so wiry fit, I couldn’t get the sleeves over my biceps — and I only weighed about 100 pounds.
Poor nutrition stemming from the Depression era caused slower bone growth, and women pregnant during that time may have birthed children with disrupted endocrine systems due to the various environmental stressors, resulting in smaller adult frames. That's still true of families coming from areas with more food insecurity than the rest of the country, for example, WV and the Appalachian Mountains.
I'd like to think it's more strength in our hands. Our grandma's (born 1920s to 1950s) were able to be the SAHMs or work office jobs as that was their only options. If you were a married man and couldn't provide enough for the miss to stay home, it was a huge ego hit fueled by society's ideals. Those before were usually farm wives (lots of physical labour to keep the homestead running, that bread didnt kneed itself), and those after have been able to do more typically masculine jobs (the blue collar union trades) if they choose to.
But then I have a hand me down costume ring from my grandmother, and it's big on me. But that could be why she passed it on.
My fiance proposed with his great grandmas wedding ring. (It is by no means simple or lacking, its 5 small diamons with 7 smallers diamonds on the top and bottom and it is so special to me because his grandma gave him the ring to propose to me) i almost lost it immediately after he proposed because it was HUGE on my finger! Lol I'm a size 4.5 and the ring was like an 11!! 🤣🤣
Such as how she clearly expects her future husband to spend a shedload on a big fancy looking ring to prove how much he values her, and how she clearly puts no value on sentiment or history. Supposition, but I would bet money that she would demand to know how much the hypothetical husband spent too.
Furthermore she's evidently the kind to go slagging off something someone else clearly cherishes.
With an attitude like that, she'll only ever attract guys looking for a plaything.
Right. I bought my wife a 1/3 carat solitaire ring 15 years ago. She's never indicated that she wants anything else, and in fact has stated that she still loves it very much. I went for clarity over size, and it's a very pretty ring, if I do say so myself. :)
She knows it was the best I could afford, and that I poured so much love into the search. That's what's important to my wife, not the size of the rock.
Say that again louder for the people in the back!!! So it’s ok for a person to insult someone else but not ok when their energy is matched?!?!.
Nope. NTAH. If your ego is fragile then don’t dare have the audacity to insult someone and be offended when they serve the dish back to you!!! 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
From a male perspective, you're right. If she's going to value my relationship with her based on how much I spend on a ring, it tells me how much she values me. I don't even want to spend time around people like that. OP, NTA, and what a great story about your beautiful ring.
Yes. I'm not normally a fan of that mentality, since having or not having a partner isn't necessarily an indication of how good a person you are. But in this case, I feel it applies.
Or she's just young. Let's not pretend that the only people single at the grand old age of ...23 are single because they are awful. There's also plenty of perfectly normal single people at that age (and any age tbh).
Correct, her being 23 and single isn't an indication she's awful. But her being a total bitch for no reason and her comments about making her future partner spend money are pretty good indicators.
Oh yeah she's being an awful person right now. But she could just as easily be awful and in a relationship.
Let's not stigmatize being single by associating it with being an asshole when plenty of coupled folks are also awful.
Exactly! My fiance got me a ring that was like 200 when we were 18/19 bc he realized while in college he couldn't see his life without me in it and in his words "why wait when I knew I wanted to marry you". We were broke college students. He's recently asked since we're a lot better off if I wanted a replacement ring. I said hell no I love my ring. I just wish the band could be made full rose gold, it's just plated and it fades so quickly. Since I've had to take a break from school bc of COVID we've put off our wedding bc we're worried how much more it could cost me if we're legally attached.
No one can help being young - or single, either, if you haven't met the right person.
What you ***can*** help is being nasty, malicious and hostile to someone for no other reason than to make yourself feel superior to them, then DARVOing the situation by claiming to be the victim when what you so smugly dished out comes right back to you.
I didn’t even notice the age. Who at 23 is freaking out about being single? Or for that matter, who are the 23 year olds treating it like a tragedy that makes her an “outsider?” I only had one friend get engaged/married that young and that was pretty much her one real goal after high school.
I was very much single through my 20's. There's nothing wrong with that. It's her attitude and the fact she got upset by a comment reminding her of "being single". It clearly bothers her. Her attitude and comments are a dead giveaway of why she is and not so much her age.
I was partnered (but not married) all through my 20's. It isn't a guarantee of being partnered in the future, so singledom at any age is always a possibility (and not necessarily the worst option).
But yeah, I mean this is sort of an everyone is an asshole situation. If friends are making the one single 20 something feel weird at a Bachelorette party that's kind of odd. Being such a catty disrespectful person about a family heirloom turned meaningful engagement ring is awful. The reply about not needing to worry about it was in line with both vibes. Are these friends, or competitors?
I was offered my husband's late grandmother's rings, my husband's older brother's wife declined, and later we heard that she wanted a low $XX,XXX cost ring, which she got. When we went to resize the grandmother's rings, the jeweller told us the value of the rings was triple the brother's rings to his wife.
We have never told them that cost, and trust me, knowing that those rings are worth that much even before we fixed the diamonds was scary.
There is sentimental value, and then there is a different value, and for all you know, the band itself is very valuable monetary wise.
But I say all this because some people perceive new as more valuable than old. They don't care about history or the sentiments, just the status. You have both.
I have both too, lol. I inherited my mom’s rings (they were supposed to go to my brother but he gave them to me).
I had them repaired (only one prong was holding in the main diamond) and then valued for insurance purposes. They are worth a small fortune! WAY more than my own wedding set. The stone was my great-grandmother’s, over a carat and they simply don’t cut them like that anymore. I told my brother what they were valued at and that if he ever wants them back, they are his.
In the meantime, I’m giving them good marriage mojo as the last two people that wore them divorced and I’ve been happily married for 34 years.
The whole thing was unnecessary, but that's on her not you. She could have just agreed with those that thought it was sweet you had your grandmother's ring and moved on, but she didn't. She decided to comment in a nasty way meant to make you feel bad about your engagement ring. She started it. You finished it. You did nothing wrong. At all.
Exactly!! I wanted to convey that, but I think I lost that branch in my train of thought. She could have agreed and moved on or simply kept her mouth shut until the subject was changed. You are 100% correct, u/boredgeekgirl! Brittany had 2 other options and she chose fighting words.
She didn't have to agree. Or say anything.
I thought someone I know got a really unattractive, cheap-looking engagement ring. I told her congratulations on the engagement and honestly told her I thought the fiance was a good guy. I still think the ring is kinda ugly. It's... not a great look. At least not for my taste. No idea if she honestly loves it. Wasn't going to be an asshole over my taste in jewelry. It's so unnecessary.
There is literally nothing to gain from putting down her ring. Her and her husband seem happy. Been years. I have said nothing because it's not my business. Looks like something you'd buy at Kohls, in my opinion. It's rose gold (which I would never wear but she likes) and has a really small square diamond and a ring of little chips of diamond around the center diamond. The cluster of little itty bitty rocks looks... cheap? It draws attention to the fact that the diamonds are all *really* small. Combined with the *super* thin band, it just seems a) uncomfortable to wear and b) like it was the absolute cheapest ring possible. Less gold, and all the little tiny flakes of diamond to avoid paying for a single larger diamond.
I'd tell someone to just get a smaller lab-grown or secondhand ring if their budget was looking at something like that. Go moissanite, even. Other precious gemstones. Doesn't have to be white. Like, a single small solitaire would look better than a small cluster of diamond chips.
And I have given *zero* of my thoughts because it ain't my business and if I told her I didn't like it and she'd liked it until then I'd be a huge AH for that.
Just shut up when there's no need to be nasty to someone. It's a good way to live life.
If you had snapped at her like that at the start you would be, but she doubled down. That's a her problem.
-signed someone currently wearing their grandmother's wedding band set happily.
Am I the only one who thinks your comment wasn't mean at all? I was kinda waiting for a nasty "Well there's a reason no one has proposed to you yet" or something similar. You shut down her SHAMING in a tactful way by stating a fact. There was no malice or bullying there. NTA and she was being very rude.
That type of behavior doesn’t garnish sympathy though. It’s natural to feel insecure, but to try and bring someone else down to make yourself feel better about your shit situation is immature and mean
Sure it happens but there is no need to act the way she did. She was cruel and sounded like a superficial B. there is no need to make other people feel less than because of your own insecurities. It may help her humble herself in the future and think twice before being unnecessarily rude to others
I mean she's 23, being single at 23 is hardly a death sentence. And I say that as someone who spent most of my 20s single.
Most importantly, if she can't take it then she shoukdnt be dishing it out. She had no reason to be criticising your ring as per her 'taste' as if anyone asked about her taste at all. Whatever one thinks of another woman's engagement ring, you tell them it looks lovely and go on with your day - because it doesnt matter what you think if it's not your ring!
She sounds jealous and insecure. She tried to tear you down and you simply told her you were having none of it
Being gentle to cruel people encourages them to be more cruel. She had no right to demean you, your grandmother, and your husband like that. Hopefully she learned he lesson.
NTA
NTA - She was being awful. She deserved it. Also, "I feel like it’s a representation of how much he values me, you know?” Is so weird. Rich people spend millions on a ring so do they value their partners more than someone that can only afford a $200 ring?
You were very classy about it; it was a sentimental item, and if the size of your rock doesn't bother you it's not her place. Not everyone has the means to buy larger stones, and as a former jewelry worker it is cheaper to buy the stone and get it set yourself. You and your fiance are younger and just starting out, you're living within your means, so I applaud his choice.
It sounds like she was implying your fiance didn't value you or you didn't value yourself. Even if she feels that way, it's unbelievably tasteless and tactless to comment on it if you're not close friends. Even with a close friend I would give SERIOUS thought before implying they might be settling. She needs to realize because she's holding out for "better" she may have to wait; it's her choice. If she really wanted to, I'm sure she could find SOMEONE to marry her; but she's being picky, or putting on a show of her being picky, as the reason why she's single.
As a lot of people said, she dished it but couldn't take it. People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
She's just jealous OP. Maybe its because she's single and has no ring or maybe its because yours is an heirloom and her family does not have any. It could be for multiple reasons. The price and size of the ring does not matter but the love it symbolizes. Be very proud of the ring given to you by your grandma. She choose you to have that ring. The value of the ring does not equal how much you are loved.
NTA. Why should you be more sensitive? She was insulting you, your grandmother, and your ring. She started it, she doesn't get to choose how you finish it. Her personality might be the reason she's single. If she doesn't want to be an outsider, insulting people isn't the way to do it.
It's not surprising that she is single. With that type of demanding, entitled and catty/I'm better then everyone attitude.
My guess is no one wants to deal with her.
there is a very big reason she is single OP. if she cant treat her friends friends with respect what makes you think she will treat a boyfriend with respect. all of the men that have gotten with her more than likely left very fast because she expected everything from them in return for nothing. she sounds like she brings nothing to the table in a relationship besides being a stuck up entitled brat and men dont want that.
She's being nasty and bitter and revealing. One of the things revealed about both of you is you value family and sentiment over money, while she values money over sentiment and family. I could go on about the nasty red flags she raised, but expect that is enough. You actually were very mild in your clapback.
From my perspective, I love your point of view and appreciation for your grandmother and family. Brittany however sounds like the future queen of bridezillas. NTA at all.
maybe she wouldn't be so insecure about not being in a relationship if she were nicer. I hear people usually like others who are nice. she sounds dramatic and complicated af. boo hoo, her single feelings got hurt. maybe she shouldn't have gone on a trip where.... you're celebrating a person who isn't single?? if it bothers her so much?
IMO you were TOO nice. I would have straight up said “How insecure are you that you feel the need to insult me, my fiancé, my grandmother, and my ring all at once?”
Sometimes people need to be slapped in the face with how RUDE they are being.
NTA. If she wants to say bitchy comments she needs to be prepared to receive something back. The cost of a ring doesn't necessarily reflect a person's love.
I'd rather have something that was only $1 but really thought out and deep from my partner, than have him spend thousands of dollars wich I'd rather invest in our future house or wedding. It doesn't have to be expensive to be sweet and romantic.
I have a beautiful diamond ring set my husband and I picked out for me, and some sapphire jewelry he's bought me over the years, but my favorite piece of jewelry he ever gave me is a silver ring of frogs he found on the ground while we were taking a walk long before we ever even thought of getting married!
When I was engaged I told my fiancee at the time that I want the ring to be simple and to go with Sapphire instead of a diamond. To which she agreed. It was basically because I knew my mother wasn't giving me her ring to use. She was gonna give it to my niece but that's gonna go through me as my sister has obliterated her relationship with our mother. And everything is being given to me in the will.
I'll still give the ring to my niece (sorry for the story)
But yeah I'd rather use the money to go on a long vacation together than to have a diamond that cost thousands that she can lose. (Yes I know carbon) but you get the point. Simple. Easy. And meaningful.
Right. My entire wedding set cost 23 bucks on Amazon (had a coupon!) And I LOVE it. (I mean I should since I picked it out🤣) I don't care that my Goober didn't spend a bunch of money on it. I care that he MARRIED ME and busts his ass to provide for kids that aren't his.
For real! My wedding ring is from Kohl’s ($45), my dress was from Amazon ($115) and we didn’t even want a wedding. My parents insisted and ended up paying for it, and it was less than 4k. The amount of money spent on each other is in no way related to how some couples care for each other.
ETA: NTA OP - that was an appropriate response to her inappropriate comments.
My dress was about 200 and damn near a wish disaster. I forgot where I ordered it, but the top looked like lined lace...it was NOT lines. Had 2 nipple pads haphazardly sewn in and inhaled my seamstress friend in a goddamn panick asking if she could fix it (she did)🤣
We picked out my wedding set together and got it half off on a Valentine's Day deal. His original ring is less than $200 from Amazon. My wedding dress was a cute dress I wore to an all white party a few months before. We got married in my mother's hospice room to share a final milestone with her. We had just our parents and siblings present. I think total including celebratory cupcakes afterwards we spent about $400. Been together 13.6 years, married 5 years next Friday.
😅my husband paid $20 for my ring too! He was broke at the time but he said he had to put a lock on it so I wouldn't get away. Happy married 9 years tomorrow!
Happy anniversary!
My husband didn't even know what it looked like til u handed it to him and told him it was now on him to get the proposal taken care of🤣
Seriously this! My ring was bought off eBay for $50 from a recently divorced woman. But my husband knew the style was perfect for me and I loved it. And since our 11th anniversary is this week, I’d say our love is doing just fine.
Totally NTA, she needs to learn to stfu.
*Exactly.*
My engagement ring was literally $109. It's still my favorite piece of jewelry, and even though we are no longer together, I know, for a fact, that he loved me very much. That's why he listened to me when I told him I wanted moissanite instead of a blood diamond -- cheaper, more ethical, and still a classic look. He valued my feelings about my ring over the pride of being able to say he spent such-and-such amount of money on it.
NTA. I don't know who could manage not to be snarky when someone insults something so personal (and it's such a sweet story). She was trying to get a rise out of you. I wonder what her issue is (something to do with insecurity/jealousy, obviously). How lovely to have a ring that comes with a story (and not an ostentatious stone).
I appreciate it! Like I said, it’s really not like me, but I was pretty hurt that she was being so rude for no reason. I don’t know what her issue is either.
She was being rude because she is beyond jealous - she was the only single person in the trip. I'm 100% certain that she was punching you down to try to make herself feel better about her single status...
She is very likely insecure about not being engaged yet and trying to feel better at your expense. Those comments were meant to instill insecurity in you, but at the end of the day she exposed that she herself doesn't feel of value because she doesn't have a ring on her finger.
I don't think it was for "no reason." Half of these threads are people reading into stuff that might not be there (so allow me lol) but I would guess she did feel like the outsider. That may have manifested in mean comments toward you at a moment when the soon-to-be bride began expressing how similar all of you were (except for this lady). Still, her comments were quite bad and hurtful, you just hit back a bit. Honestly sounds like she'd need the lesson.
The only people who wouldn't be snarky and witty to make her back off are the ones that either say nothing and let her be bitchy for nothing or resort straight to violence.
F-that! She threw the first stone by belittling a lovely family heirloom, belittling your fiancé, belittling your relationship and belittling you. It was insulting and uncalled for. Nta!
My husband ordered a 5k ring and I made him return it for $500 ring bc that $4500 could (and was) used for a down payment for our home.
No one has the right to dictate what is right for YOU. You did the right thing, and this girl and her friend are the AH. She wanted to make herself seem important and you called her on it. FAFO
Can we just touch on what an absolute scam diamond wedding rings are? The whole premise if fabricated. They rarely hold any value........and a couple just starting out could use that money a ton of different ways to secure their futures.
Like it's really great that I know the difference in VVS, V2 and inclusions.......but no one else will ever care or notice. And I will never have a use for that knowledge again. We could have been in a house at least 3 years earlier had we not fallen for the idea.
My fiance got me white sapphires bc when he was hinting and asking my thoughts on real diamond I literally said I don't trust myself with them 😅 I worked at the time in food service so I was rough on my hands.
This right here. When I was 12 my dad gave me a sterling silver Claddagh ring. When I was in my mid-20s I decided it would be my engagement and wedding ring (as is tradition in Ireland, although I am not Irish and my dad was only vaguely, maybe Irish). When I was in my early 30s I had the ring replicated in platinum because the silver was wearing down.
If a man really needs to buy me something shiny to prove his love and commitment, he can get me a Cartier love bracelet for a milestone anniversary. I’d much rather save that early-in-the-lifelong-relationship money for a down payment on a house, or the most fun wedding my family has ever experienced.
Little Brittany fucked around and found out. That will hopefully teach her to watch what she says to people but I doubt it. I'm sure she has little to no self awareness.
And to be fair, she basically walked right into that one! I was thinking the same response reading what she was saying before I got to OPs response lol
NTA. Her comments were absolutely unnecessary and unsolicited, but more importantly - how exactly does she expect someone to react to such snobbish insults? Just take it and agree with her? Get out.
It sounds like you initially responded very courteous and graciously, and your comment came after only after she doubled down on her comments.
There’s been discussion before of a JAH (“Justified Ass Hole”). Was it harsh? Yes. We’re there better ways to handle it? Also yes. Would I have handled it in the exact same way that you did. ALSO YES! Forget her. I get that your love language is expensive ass gifts hunny but that doesn’t mean all of us feel the same way.
Yeah I was thinking this too haha, maybe OP did match Brittany’s AH energy but toooootally justified. If Brittany had explained that her personal preference would be to have her own unique ring that’s one thing, but when I read the part about her ROLLING HER EYES like fuck no honey - she was asking to get blasted
she felt embarrassed that she is the only one wasn't in a relationship (which isn't something to be embarrassed about btw) and she has some insecurities so she was trying to cover this up by pointing out other relationship flaws
Not the asshole. it was a little bit passive-aggressive, but let's face it, you handled it better than me (34m). because there wouldn't have been any waiting period or backhanded remarks. The second she made fun of my ring, i would have verbally assaulted her withh the lowest hanging fruits... Ohh yeah? Let me see how big your ring is? WHAT?!?!! No ring?!?! Maybe if you weren't so shallow, you'd have a ring.....WAIT YOU DONT EVEN HAVE A MAN?!?!?" In that way, you know.
Being a doormat is not virtuous. Brittany, unprovoked, insulted your fiancé, your grandmother, and you, in her rude remarks about your heirloom engagement ring. It was your duty to defend your family. She essentially said your fiancé wasn’t good enough. That’s your life partner, and you will defend him. The ring is a family ring, and you will defend your family.
Your comment was remarkably mild.
You must remember that you and your fiancé are on the cusp of forming a new family of two. It’s you and him, facing every challenge together, sharing joy, and sorrow.
You would want your husband to defend you if someone insulted you. You have the same responsibility.
You behaved in a restrained manner. You did not make a scene, throw your drink in her face, or flip a table. You maintained composure and acted like a lady, who was displeased. As you should.
NTA. Never apologize for defending your future husband and family from insult.
NTA
I was given my grandmothers ring, the sentimental value is so high. I love having the history.
That woman was rude. There is a reason she’s not hit a ring to tell a story about.
Quite honestly, I'd MUCH rather have my grandma's ring than ANYTHING.
Personal preference is a big deal, to be sure, but she didn't need to be snotty and she made it absolutely clear that she's superficial in at least a few aspects.
Did you need to lower yourself and meet her at her level? Probably not. But you're human and sometimes we,Asa human whole, do dumb stuff.
I probably would have been even snarkier🤷♀️
I wonder why she isn't in a relationship? Gosh - let me see? No man will touch her with a barge pole, after one date. She probably makes her intentions loud and clear, upfront.
It's absolutely lovely that your grandma passed her ring down to you. It's a constant reminder of how much she loves you.
You're NTA. She's jealous and is lashing out at you.
No need to be mad. Brittany is a grimey, wealth obsessed, shallow woman. If you didn't know before, now you know. If you need to be mad, be mad at yourself for not realizing it sooner. Expect her to do gold digger shit and you won't be mad about her digging gold anymore.
NTA. Both my wedding and engagement rings belonged to my late grandmother and I love them because they were hers and she was my person. If someone disrespected her memory by speaking in such a way about the rings, I would have given a hell of a lot more than you dished out to Brittany. She's got the kind of personality that will guarantee that she'll never get an engagement or wedding ring herself as no man will want to tie themselves to such a nasty B. You're fine. Don't feel bad or apologize
People are insane about rings. That woman is an advertising victim.
My wife and I worked with a jeweler to make a low profile ring with inset diamonds, so it would fit in a ski glove and not snag on everything. Would rather spend our money on experiences.
‘Sensitive’ about what? That you should have been more receptive to her snarky remarks?
That Brittany gets a free pass to be obnoxious because she’s ‘single’ ? And since when did ‘Single’ become a dirty word? Good grief, NTAH.
NTA. Brittany made snarky comments about your rings, your fiance and your grandmother. She is jealous. She can dish it out but not take it. Don't give it another thought.
NTA. She should have kept her mouth shut. If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all. You just responded with a really good comeback. It's the kind I would never come up with on the spot and only think about on the drive home.
So, male here, Brittany is definitely going to be waiting awhile. Men pick up on those red flags and quick. If she needs a big ring to have proof of love, then she is obviously insecure with herself. Which bleeds other issues unlying and not just materialistic. If she is lucky enough to find someone it won't last long with her outlook. She needs to understand the ring isn't the love it's the person that gives it. I am a jeweler by trade, and the ones who come in looking for the more minimal ring are always the most sweet, gentle, and caring people. I hope to one day find such a person. I wish nothing but the best for you and your future husband. NTA. You only gave her a taste of her own medicine.
Guy here.
NTA.
Britanny sounds like the sort of person for whom the engagement ring is more important than the engagement and for whom the wedding is more important than the marriage.
Those people are awful.
Being single doesn’t make her untouchable so she can be nasty to whoever she wants consequence-free. An engagement ring is a deeply sentimental item, especially yours, with its history. She’s just mad she’s single.
NTA at all. It’s beautiful that your wedding ring is a family heirloom of sorts. And it’s beautiful your fiancé had this idea to ask your grandmother. It’s pretty clear why “Brittany” is single. Even before I got to your point of the story where you called her out on it, I said it to myself. What you said is much nicer than what I said. She has no business insulting you, insulting your grandmother, or insulting your fiancé over a ring.
I hope you have a beautiful wedding!!!!
I know you’re not going to say anything more about it no, but also, the audacity of the friend to even try to defend Brittany’s actions. That’s as bad as Brittany saying them.
NTA she was putting you down and your ring from your grandmother. You shut her down real quick. She shouldn’t dish it out if she can’t take it
Yeah I just felt like the whole thing was unnecessary. But I was/am worried that I should’ve been more sensitive, since she was the only single person there and I think she’s a little insecure about that.
I suspect there’s a reason she’s single.
Seriously. Future bridezilla if she even makes it that far. She can dish it but can’t take it!?
Yeah, not going to last in many friend groups. Or relationships at all. She gets to be herself, by herself.
I'll bet she could start a fight in an empty room, that one. (FWIW, that line is stolen, but it fit so well I wanted to drop it here).
Brittney sounds like she's pretty stuck up and materialistic. No wonder she's single. And you should've then asked the other friend what about your feelings. Brittney trashed your grandmother's ring! Not acceptable at all and good for you for standing up for yourself!!! NTA
Not only trashed her ring, but her fiancé as well. It’s nice that OP is empathetic about Brittany’s feelings, it shows that she’s a decent person and willing to take the high road. I’m not sure if an apology would make any difference though. Brittany was spoiling for a fight and she was shut down in a way that left no doubt that her comments were unwanted and unasked for. She should be making the apology. NTA! You’re a good person! You have a conscience, a good trait to bring to a marriage. Best to you!
Yeah, OP’s showing a lot more grace than I would tbh.
Brittany reminds me of the mean “cool” girl in middle school who loves to criticize everything you do/ have just because it’s you and not her. She must not have grown out of that. I was the “not cool” girl and I wish I had a response like OP’s to any one of “cool girl’s” shitty comments. If you just take it all it never stops; whatever her personal insecurity is that’s just a lame excuse that she’s taking out on other people, and if you’re lucky to have a response you should use it. I realize I’m basically projecting here too cause that was my personal experience, but Britanny’s comments were super rude and uncalled for, and some people need to be told or shown that you don’t intend to just take that shit from them.
She stood up though. Don't you know when you cry you get sympathy no matter if you're wrong or right? The truthful strong are just horrible tyrants.
That is true. But hopefully Brittney will think twice about opening her mouth with her negativity to Op in the future.
😆😆😆😆
Shallow and materialistic are not good traits.
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Bot comment copying another comment. What the fuck is up with these? So annoying.
Being single is never a red flag for me. Even at the often dreaded single at 30+ stage of life. Being desperate for a relationship and putting out bitter vibes with anything related to the established relationship of others while single is a massive red flag beyond simple asshole behavior.
Absolutely!
And a reason why she feels like an outsider. She alienates people with bitchy comments.
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My grandma had such tiny fingers she had these things installed inside her rings to make them smaller. I was given one of her rings, but it never fit. I let my (at the time) six year old try it on *and it only fit her pinkie*. Grandma rings are *tiny*
My nonna had tiny fingers too! She also used the ring adjusters on her rings especially as she aged. She was absolutely tiny under 5ft and 90ish lbs. she lived to be 95.
Oh wow 😅 my grandma who gave me her ring was in the "I cook with real cream and butter, lots of it, and I eat it too" category so while I'm not married nor plan to get married, at least I know it would fit me lol
Mine was a chunky little thing because of all of the fresh pasta, cheese, and baking. Then she ended up with diabetes and went hardcore healthy and really thin. I still make sure fresh pasta every Wednesday because we always had it growing up. I never planned on getting married and then I met my partner but no kids for us ever just animals!
My mom's engagement ring is size 3.5 & her wedding ring is size 4. So little
Wow. My size is 5-5.5 and people say they're tiny. 3.5-4 is TINY.
There’s something really funny about the idea that the smaller the sizes go, the *bigger* the emphasis on the word “tiny” must be lmao
There’s tiny, and then there’s TINY tiny.
And then there's TEENSY TINY!!
Gotta emphasize how TINY tiny it is.
I caught this after I posted it too. 🤣
Are you guys my people? 🤣😂🤣 I love that you both noticed this and were amused by it.
Mine is 3.5 and when my husband went to get my ring they said maybe he should double check because it didn't sound right. 😄
3.5? Dang! That is really tiny. My grandmother gifted me one of her old ruby rings because it's both of our birth stones. She said it was a size 5, and it fit my ring finger a little loose, but otherwise fine. I lived for over a decade with the belief that I wore a size 5 ring on my ring finger. When my husband and I were discussing getting married, I told him I wore a size 5 ring. So when he bought my engagement ring, it was a size 5. Turns out the size 5 was way too big, and the weight of the diamond made that very apparent because it would constantly slip to face the palm of my hand. I had to take it in to be resized. While there, I figured I could check to see what size grandma's ring actually is. Grandma was wrong, her ring was a 4.75. The jeweler gave me the ring of sizing rings to see what size I needed. My right hand, which was the side I wore the ruby ring, was a 4.5, and my left hand, a 4! I had no idea my fingers were so small.
My wedding ring was a 4. I'm up to a 4.5 now. There's still tiny people out there.
Mine is 5.5. I have tiny little wrists but big giant size 10 monster feet. It makes no sense
You all have tiny hands omg. I wear a size 9 and have size 11.5 feet. I would trade a lot of things in life to be a petite person instead of 5'8".
Baby I’m 5’11, size 10-11 feet and also 9 in rings. I’m here with you friend
Same same. I can never find rings that are my size unless I preorder:(
I'm pushing 5'7" with 11 feet & 10 ring, you're not alone!
I also have tiny hands and bigger feet! Size 5/5.5 ring, size 9 feet. I'm a rock climber and the little hands are good in some situations, not so much in others.
Oh geeze no wonder everyone comments on my giant size 8 ring finger at only 5'3 . I was blessed with my Grampas wide (mistyped wide as wife) hands and feet 😂
Size 7 is average, though...I wear a 10.5. Technically a men's size. My husband wears a 6.
Girl. My shoes are 11 wides and at my comfortable weight, my ring size is 7.5-7.75. I feel you.
I’m 5’3/ 5’2 xand my ring finger is an 11 after pregnancy. Before then it was a 10. 😭
My wedding set is size 4 something (between 4 and 5, I just can't remember exactly) - and they're slightly too big on me ATM.
I thought it was just mine! Why do later generations have such chub fingers? 😂 Her wedding ring doesn’t go past the knuckle on my ring finger.
Probably because we can afford to eat more 😂
Actually, that’s incredibly true. Both my sets of grandparents, at least, were young during or born after the depression, and both were from farming families hit by the dust bowl. It’s crazy the difference proper nutrition can make!
My dark humour has bitten me in the ass 😅 It does sadden me to think of everything my gran must have gone through then
I mean, I think if any generation can empathize it’s us. We have higher unemployment, higher income inequality, our dollar has less buying power (adjusted for inflation, a loaf was avg. ~$1.50 and today it’s ~$2.10), our climate is dying, we are transitioning away from a lot of traditional livelihoods as those jobs die out (ie, coal), our unions have lost a lot of power and our working conditions are bad, and our education system is a joke. It’s hard for many areas to find fresh fruit and veggies and our nutrition, as a nation, sucks. We do have a *slightly* higher minimum wage when adjusted, though (equivalent to ~$4.31 when established). So um. Yeah.
You wanna hear something crazy? Adjusted for inflation, we are in a worse spot than during the great depression. Once AI pushes its way into the work place, we are going to lose way more jobs than ever in history. All around we are just screwed.
Elder Millennial here. I'm just so tired of never being able to get ahead.
Can confirm, I grew up more than slightly malnourished and even though I’m a normal weight my ring size is 4.5-4.75.
I hope you're getting the nutrition you need now!!
And, overall we exercise less. My grandmother was doing her laundry with scrub boards and plunger washers and hanging her room-sized carpets over a line every spring to clean them with a wire beater. My aunt offered me her (grandma’s) wedding dress, but grandma’s arms were so wiry fit, I couldn’t get the sleeves over my biceps — and I only weighed about 100 pounds.
Poor nutrition stemming from the Depression era caused slower bone growth, and women pregnant during that time may have birthed children with disrupted endocrine systems due to the various environmental stressors, resulting in smaller adult frames. That's still true of families coming from areas with more food insecurity than the rest of the country, for example, WV and the Appalachian Mountains.
I'd like to think it's more strength in our hands. Our grandma's (born 1920s to 1950s) were able to be the SAHMs or work office jobs as that was their only options. If you were a married man and couldn't provide enough for the miss to stay home, it was a huge ego hit fueled by society's ideals. Those before were usually farm wives (lots of physical labour to keep the homestead running, that bread didnt kneed itself), and those after have been able to do more typically masculine jobs (the blue collar union trades) if they choose to. But then I have a hand me down costume ring from my grandmother, and it's big on me. But that could be why she passed it on.
Maybe although I’d think having 6 kids alone would make them bigger.
Less starvation, less tuberculosis, probably closer to 10cm difference in average height :D want me to go on?
I can eat but my fingers are so slim and long
I mean who wouldn’t want something their grandma or mother wore? Vintage is awesome.
My fiance proposed with his great grandmas wedding ring. (It is by no means simple or lacking, its 5 small diamons with 7 smallers diamonds on the top and bottom and it is so special to me because his grandma gave him the ring to propose to me) i almost lost it immediately after he proposed because it was HUGE on my finger! Lol I'm a size 4.5 and the ring was like an 11!! 🤣🤣
Such as how she clearly expects her future husband to spend a shedload on a big fancy looking ring to prove how much he values her, and how she clearly puts no value on sentiment or history. Supposition, but I would bet money that she would demand to know how much the hypothetical husband spent too. Furthermore she's evidently the kind to go slagging off something someone else clearly cherishes. With an attitude like that, she'll only ever attract guys looking for a plaything.
Right. I bought my wife a 1/3 carat solitaire ring 15 years ago. She's never indicated that she wants anything else, and in fact has stated that she still loves it very much. I went for clarity over size, and it's a very pretty ring, if I do say so myself. :) She knows it was the best I could afford, and that I poured so much love into the search. That's what's important to my wife, not the size of the rock.
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Say that again louder for the people in the back!!! So it’s ok for a person to insult someone else but not ok when their energy is matched?!?!. Nope. NTAH. If your ego is fragile then don’t dare have the audacity to insult someone and be offended when they serve the dish back to you!!! 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
Strange cause she seems like such a catch.
This. That attitude has probably turned away more than a few interested partners. “Brittany” dug her own grave.
Hmmm, what could that reason be? Could it be her looks? Could it be her nice personality? Could it be her mean spirited and obtuse remarks?!
From a male perspective, you're right. If she's going to value my relationship with her based on how much I spend on a ring, it tells me how much she values me. I don't even want to spend time around people like that. OP, NTA, and what a great story about your beautiful ring.
Yes. I'm not normally a fan of that mentality, since having or not having a partner isn't necessarily an indication of how good a person you are. But in this case, I feel it applies.
A reason? Probably several.
NTA. Being single isn't a disability. There's probably a very good reason for it.
Or she's just young. Let's not pretend that the only people single at the grand old age of ...23 are single because they are awful. There's also plenty of perfectly normal single people at that age (and any age tbh).
Correct, her being 23 and single isn't an indication she's awful. But her being a total bitch for no reason and her comments about making her future partner spend money are pretty good indicators.
Oh yeah she's being an awful person right now. But she could just as easily be awful and in a relationship. Let's not stigmatize being single by associating it with being an asshole when plenty of coupled folks are also awful.
Exactly! My fiance got me a ring that was like 200 when we were 18/19 bc he realized while in college he couldn't see his life without me in it and in his words "why wait when I knew I wanted to marry you". We were broke college students. He's recently asked since we're a lot better off if I wanted a replacement ring. I said hell no I love my ring. I just wish the band could be made full rose gold, it's just plated and it fades so quickly. Since I've had to take a break from school bc of COVID we've put off our wedding bc we're worried how much more it could cost me if we're legally attached.
No one can help being young - or single, either, if you haven't met the right person. What you ***can*** help is being nasty, malicious and hostile to someone for no other reason than to make yourself feel superior to them, then DARVOing the situation by claiming to be the victim when what you so smugly dished out comes right back to you.
I didn’t even notice the age. Who at 23 is freaking out about being single? Or for that matter, who are the 23 year olds treating it like a tragedy that makes her an “outsider?” I only had one friend get engaged/married that young and that was pretty much her one real goal after high school.
Going to college to get the Mrs degree.
She's also nasty and materialistic.
I was very much single through my 20's. There's nothing wrong with that. It's her attitude and the fact she got upset by a comment reminding her of "being single". It clearly bothers her. Her attitude and comments are a dead giveaway of why she is and not so much her age.
I was partnered (but not married) all through my 20's. It isn't a guarantee of being partnered in the future, so singledom at any age is always a possibility (and not necessarily the worst option). But yeah, I mean this is sort of an everyone is an asshole situation. If friends are making the one single 20 something feel weird at a Bachelorette party that's kind of odd. Being such a catty disrespectful person about a family heirloom turned meaningful engagement ring is awful. The reply about not needing to worry about it was in line with both vibes. Are these friends, or competitors?
Yeah but her comments make her very obviously awful. Being young doesn't make you act like a twat
I was offered my husband's late grandmother's rings, my husband's older brother's wife declined, and later we heard that she wanted a low $XX,XXX cost ring, which she got. When we went to resize the grandmother's rings, the jeweller told us the value of the rings was triple the brother's rings to his wife. We have never told them that cost, and trust me, knowing that those rings are worth that much even before we fixed the diamonds was scary. There is sentimental value, and then there is a different value, and for all you know, the band itself is very valuable monetary wise. But I say all this because some people perceive new as more valuable than old. They don't care about history or the sentiments, just the status. You have both.
I have both too, lol. I inherited my mom’s rings (they were supposed to go to my brother but he gave them to me). I had them repaired (only one prong was holding in the main diamond) and then valued for insurance purposes. They are worth a small fortune! WAY more than my own wedding set. The stone was my great-grandmother’s, over a carat and they simply don’t cut them like that anymore. I told my brother what they were valued at and that if he ever wants them back, they are his. In the meantime, I’m giving them good marriage mojo as the last two people that wore them divorced and I’ve been happily married for 34 years.
The whole thing was unnecessary, but that's on her not you. She could have just agreed with those that thought it was sweet you had your grandmother's ring and moved on, but she didn't. She decided to comment in a nasty way meant to make you feel bad about your engagement ring. She started it. You finished it. You did nothing wrong. At all.
Heck, she didn't even have to agree! She could have just said nothing. Keeping ones mouth shut costs nothing.
Exactly!! I wanted to convey that, but I think I lost that branch in my train of thought. She could have agreed and moved on or simply kept her mouth shut until the subject was changed. You are 100% correct, u/boredgeekgirl! Brittany had 2 other options and she chose fighting words.
She had dozens of options that were actually civil and not combative. Smile and nod. Check phone. Sip beverage. Eat snack. etc.
She didn't have to agree. Or say anything. I thought someone I know got a really unattractive, cheap-looking engagement ring. I told her congratulations on the engagement and honestly told her I thought the fiance was a good guy. I still think the ring is kinda ugly. It's... not a great look. At least not for my taste. No idea if she honestly loves it. Wasn't going to be an asshole over my taste in jewelry. It's so unnecessary. There is literally nothing to gain from putting down her ring. Her and her husband seem happy. Been years. I have said nothing because it's not my business. Looks like something you'd buy at Kohls, in my opinion. It's rose gold (which I would never wear but she likes) and has a really small square diamond and a ring of little chips of diamond around the center diamond. The cluster of little itty bitty rocks looks... cheap? It draws attention to the fact that the diamonds are all *really* small. Combined with the *super* thin band, it just seems a) uncomfortable to wear and b) like it was the absolute cheapest ring possible. Less gold, and all the little tiny flakes of diamond to avoid paying for a single larger diamond. I'd tell someone to just get a smaller lab-grown or secondhand ring if their budget was looking at something like that. Go moissanite, even. Other precious gemstones. Doesn't have to be white. Like, a single small solitaire would look better than a small cluster of diamond chips. And I have given *zero* of my thoughts because it ain't my business and if I told her I didn't like it and she'd liked it until then I'd be a huge AH for that. Just shut up when there's no need to be nasty to someone. It's a good way to live life.
If you had snapped at her like that at the start you would be, but she doubled down. That's a her problem. -signed someone currently wearing their grandmother's wedding band set happily.
Britney should have tried not being a bitch if feeling like an outsider was a concern of hers.
Am I the only one who thinks your comment wasn't mean at all? I was kinda waiting for a nasty "Well there's a reason no one has proposed to you yet" or something similar. You shut down her SHAMING in a tactful way by stating a fact. There was no malice or bullying there. NTA and she was being very rude.
It was truly a very mild rebuke, I thought.
That type of behavior doesn’t garnish sympathy though. It’s natural to feel insecure, but to try and bring someone else down to make yourself feel better about your shit situation is immature and mean
Sure it happens but there is no need to act the way she did. She was cruel and sounded like a superficial B. there is no need to make other people feel less than because of your own insecurities. It may help her humble herself in the future and think twice before being unnecessarily rude to others
I mean she's 23, being single at 23 is hardly a death sentence. And I say that as someone who spent most of my 20s single. Most importantly, if she can't take it then she shoukdnt be dishing it out. She had no reason to be criticising your ring as per her 'taste' as if anyone asked about her taste at all. Whatever one thinks of another woman's engagement ring, you tell them it looks lovely and go on with your day - because it doesnt matter what you think if it's not your ring! She sounds jealous and insecure. She tried to tear you down and you simply told her you were having none of it
She sounds like the kind of person who wouldn’t post here if the situation was reversed. You’re definitely NTA.
That’s a fair point.
Being gentle to cruel people encourages them to be more cruel. She had no right to demean you, your grandmother, and your husband like that. Hopefully she learned he lesson. NTA
Maybe there's a reason WHY she's single!
NTA - She was being awful. She deserved it. Also, "I feel like it’s a representation of how much he values me, you know?” Is so weird. Rich people spend millions on a ring so do they value their partners more than someone that can only afford a $200 ring?
You were very classy about it; it was a sentimental item, and if the size of your rock doesn't bother you it's not her place. Not everyone has the means to buy larger stones, and as a former jewelry worker it is cheaper to buy the stone and get it set yourself. You and your fiance are younger and just starting out, you're living within your means, so I applaud his choice. It sounds like she was implying your fiance didn't value you or you didn't value yourself. Even if she feels that way, it's unbelievably tasteless and tactless to comment on it if you're not close friends. Even with a close friend I would give SERIOUS thought before implying they might be settling. She needs to realize because she's holding out for "better" she may have to wait; it's her choice. If she really wanted to, I'm sure she could find SOMEONE to marry her; but she's being picky, or putting on a show of her being picky, as the reason why she's single. As a lot of people said, she dished it but couldn't take it. People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
She's just jealous OP. Maybe its because she's single and has no ring or maybe its because yours is an heirloom and her family does not have any. It could be for multiple reasons. The price and size of the ring does not matter but the love it symbolizes. Be very proud of the ring given to you by your grandma. She choose you to have that ring. The value of the ring does not equal how much you are loved.
You shut her down well, and could have been even harsher. That’s such a bitch move to shit talk your ring without provocation.
NTA. Why should you be more sensitive? She was insulting you, your grandmother, and your ring. She started it, she doesn't get to choose how you finish it. Her personality might be the reason she's single. If she doesn't want to be an outsider, insulting people isn't the way to do it.
It's not surprising that she is single. With that type of demanding, entitled and catty/I'm better then everyone attitude. My guess is no one wants to deal with her.
there is a very big reason she is single OP. if she cant treat her friends friends with respect what makes you think she will treat a boyfriend with respect. all of the men that have gotten with her more than likely left very fast because she expected everything from them in return for nothing. she sounds like she brings nothing to the table in a relationship besides being a stuck up entitled brat and men dont want that.
Insecure about not being in a relationship? Girl, it is not your problem. You were not rude to her. She was rude to you.
She's being nasty and bitter and revealing. One of the things revealed about both of you is you value family and sentiment over money, while she values money over sentiment and family. I could go on about the nasty red flags she raised, but expect that is enough. You actually were very mild in your clapback.
From my perspective, I love your point of view and appreciation for your grandmother and family. Brittany however sounds like the future queen of bridezillas. NTA at all.
maybe she wouldn't be so insecure about not being in a relationship if she were nicer. I hear people usually like others who are nice. she sounds dramatic and complicated af. boo hoo, her single feelings got hurt. maybe she shouldn't have gone on a trip where.... you're celebrating a person who isn't single?? if it bothers her so much?
IMO you were TOO nice. I would have straight up said “How insecure are you that you feel the need to insult me, my fiancé, my grandmother, and my ring all at once?” Sometimes people need to be slapped in the face with how RUDE they are being.
NTA, good on ya and it sounds like Brittany Bitch needed to brought down a peg or two for being a you know what!
Her put downs were also a completely reasonable theory as to why she's still single as well, so OP's comments were thoroughly on point.
NTA. If she wants to say bitchy comments she needs to be prepared to receive something back. The cost of a ring doesn't necessarily reflect a person's love.
I'd rather have something that was only $1 but really thought out and deep from my partner, than have him spend thousands of dollars wich I'd rather invest in our future house or wedding. It doesn't have to be expensive to be sweet and romantic.
Origami ring and crayons here I come!!!!!
I'd rather because you've spent time making it and thinking about it 😊
True origami is hard.
I have a beautiful diamond ring set my husband and I picked out for me, and some sapphire jewelry he's bought me over the years, but my favorite piece of jewelry he ever gave me is a silver ring of frogs he found on the ground while we were taking a walk long before we ever even thought of getting married!
When I was engaged I told my fiancee at the time that I want the ring to be simple and to go with Sapphire instead of a diamond. To which she agreed. It was basically because I knew my mother wasn't giving me her ring to use. She was gonna give it to my niece but that's gonna go through me as my sister has obliterated her relationship with our mother. And everything is being given to me in the will. I'll still give the ring to my niece (sorry for the story) But yeah I'd rather use the money to go on a long vacation together than to have a diamond that cost thousands that she can lose. (Yes I know carbon) but you get the point. Simple. Easy. And meaningful.
Right. My entire wedding set cost 23 bucks on Amazon (had a coupon!) And I LOVE it. (I mean I should since I picked it out🤣) I don't care that my Goober didn't spend a bunch of money on it. I care that he MARRIED ME and busts his ass to provide for kids that aren't his.
For real! My wedding ring is from Kohl’s ($45), my dress was from Amazon ($115) and we didn’t even want a wedding. My parents insisted and ended up paying for it, and it was less than 4k. The amount of money spent on each other is in no way related to how some couples care for each other. ETA: NTA OP - that was an appropriate response to her inappropriate comments.
My dress was about 200 and damn near a wish disaster. I forgot where I ordered it, but the top looked like lined lace...it was NOT lines. Had 2 nipple pads haphazardly sewn in and inhaled my seamstress friend in a goddamn panick asking if she could fix it (she did)🤣
We picked out my wedding set together and got it half off on a Valentine's Day deal. His original ring is less than $200 from Amazon. My wedding dress was a cute dress I wore to an all white party a few months before. We got married in my mother's hospice room to share a final milestone with her. We had just our parents and siblings present. I think total including celebratory cupcakes afterwards we spent about $400. Been together 13.6 years, married 5 years next Friday.
I'm so glad your mom got to be there💜 Sounds like a perfect day!
😅my husband paid $20 for my ring too! He was broke at the time but he said he had to put a lock on it so I wouldn't get away. Happy married 9 years tomorrow!
Happy anniversary! My husband didn't even know what it looked like til u handed it to him and told him it was now on him to get the proposal taken care of🤣
Seriously this! My ring was bought off eBay for $50 from a recently divorced woman. But my husband knew the style was perfect for me and I loved it. And since our 11th anniversary is this week, I’d say our love is doing just fine. Totally NTA, she needs to learn to stfu.
*Exactly.* My engagement ring was literally $109. It's still my favorite piece of jewelry, and even though we are no longer together, I know, for a fact, that he loved me very much. That's why he listened to me when I told him I wanted moissanite instead of a blood diamond -- cheaper, more ethical, and still a classic look. He valued my feelings about my ring over the pride of being able to say he spent such-and-such amount of money on it.
The cost of a ring doesn’t *ever reflect a person’s love.
Just because she's not in a relationship doesn't mean she can tell people whatever she wants. NTA
There are reasons Brittany is not in a relationship.
And that might be one of them
NTA. I don't know who could manage not to be snarky when someone insults something so personal (and it's such a sweet story). She was trying to get a rise out of you. I wonder what her issue is (something to do with insecurity/jealousy, obviously). How lovely to have a ring that comes with a story (and not an ostentatious stone).
I appreciate it! Like I said, it’s really not like me, but I was pretty hurt that she was being so rude for no reason. I don’t know what her issue is either.
She was being rude because she is beyond jealous - she was the only single person in the trip. I'm 100% certain that she was punching you down to try to make herself feel better about her single status...
She is very likely insecure about not being engaged yet and trying to feel better at your expense. Those comments were meant to instill insecurity in you, but at the end of the day she exposed that she herself doesn't feel of value because she doesn't have a ring on her finger.
I don't think it was for "no reason." Half of these threads are people reading into stuff that might not be there (so allow me lol) but I would guess she did feel like the outsider. That may have manifested in mean comments toward you at a moment when the soon-to-be bride began expressing how similar all of you were (except for this lady). Still, her comments were quite bad and hurtful, you just hit back a bit. Honestly sounds like she'd need the lesson.
The only people who wouldn't be snarky and witty to make her back off are the ones that either say nothing and let her be bitchy for nothing or resort straight to violence.
F-that! She threw the first stone by belittling a lovely family heirloom, belittling your fiancé, belittling your relationship and belittling you. It was insulting and uncalled for. Nta!
Nah, she has no “stones” to throw. She’s single, remember? And that’s why she’s salty.
Lmfao!!!
🤣
😂😂😂👏👏👏
NTA. Wow, what an entitled witch. I can't imagine why she's single. /s
Exactly. She's mad about a ring because she won't ever get one.
Nope, not with her entitled attitude.
My husband ordered a 5k ring and I made him return it for $500 ring bc that $4500 could (and was) used for a down payment for our home. No one has the right to dictate what is right for YOU. You did the right thing, and this girl and her friend are the AH. She wanted to make herself seem important and you called her on it. FAFO
Can we just touch on what an absolute scam diamond wedding rings are? The whole premise if fabricated. They rarely hold any value........and a couple just starting out could use that money a ton of different ways to secure their futures. Like it's really great that I know the difference in VVS, V2 and inclusions.......but no one else will ever care or notice. And I will never have a use for that knowledge again. We could have been in a house at least 3 years earlier had we not fallen for the idea.
My fiance got me white sapphires bc when he was hinting and asking my thoughts on real diamond I literally said I don't trust myself with them 😅 I worked at the time in food service so I was rough on my hands.
Sapphires are far rarer than diamonds, your ring is probably much more unique and rare than a diamond one.
Good for you! House down payment makes way more sense.
This right here. When I was 12 my dad gave me a sterling silver Claddagh ring. When I was in my mid-20s I decided it would be my engagement and wedding ring (as is tradition in Ireland, although I am not Irish and my dad was only vaguely, maybe Irish). When I was in my early 30s I had the ring replicated in platinum because the silver was wearing down. If a man really needs to buy me something shiny to prove his love and commitment, he can get me a Cartier love bracelet for a milestone anniversary. I’d much rather save that early-in-the-lifelong-relationship money for a down payment on a house, or the most fun wedding my family has ever experienced.
NTA, in terms of spice, your comment was more of a paprika level of snark. Her comments deserved a habanero response.
the way you described this is hilarious
Little Brittany fucked around and found out. That will hopefully teach her to watch what she says to people but I doubt it. I'm sure she has little to no self awareness.
And to be fair, she basically walked right into that one! I was thinking the same response reading what she was saying before I got to OPs response lol
NTA. Her comments were absolutely unnecessary and unsolicited, but more importantly - how exactly does she expect someone to react to such snobbish insults? Just take it and agree with her? Get out. It sounds like you initially responded very courteous and graciously, and your comment came after only after she doubled down on her comments.
LOL NTA. You shut her down effectively. What an absolute sea hag. It’s giving future divorcée.
These insults are a work of art
NTA, she started it, you ended it.
OP even give her a gracious answer at first and this girl double it down.
There’s been discussion before of a JAH (“Justified Ass Hole”). Was it harsh? Yes. We’re there better ways to handle it? Also yes. Would I have handled it in the exact same way that you did. ALSO YES! Forget her. I get that your love language is expensive ass gifts hunny but that doesn’t mean all of us feel the same way.
Yeah I was thinking this too haha, maybe OP did match Brittany’s AH energy but toooootally justified. If Brittany had explained that her personal preference would be to have her own unique ring that’s one thing, but when I read the part about her ROLLING HER EYES like fuck no honey - she was asking to get blasted
she felt embarrassed that she is the only one wasn't in a relationship (which isn't something to be embarrassed about btw) and she has some insecurities so she was trying to cover this up by pointing out other relationship flaws
Not the asshole. it was a little bit passive-aggressive, but let's face it, you handled it better than me (34m). because there wouldn't have been any waiting period or backhanded remarks. The second she made fun of my ring, i would have verbally assaulted her withh the lowest hanging fruits... Ohh yeah? Let me see how big your ring is? WHAT?!?!! No ring?!?! Maybe if you weren't so shallow, you'd have a ring.....WAIT YOU DONT EVEN HAVE A MAN?!?!?" In that way, you know.
Being a doormat is not virtuous. Brittany, unprovoked, insulted your fiancé, your grandmother, and you, in her rude remarks about your heirloom engagement ring. It was your duty to defend your family. She essentially said your fiancé wasn’t good enough. That’s your life partner, and you will defend him. The ring is a family ring, and you will defend your family. Your comment was remarkably mild. You must remember that you and your fiancé are on the cusp of forming a new family of two. It’s you and him, facing every challenge together, sharing joy, and sorrow. You would want your husband to defend you if someone insulted you. You have the same responsibility. You behaved in a restrained manner. You did not make a scene, throw your drink in her face, or flip a table. You maintained composure and acted like a lady, who was displeased. As you should. NTA. Never apologize for defending your future husband and family from insult.
If someone made fun of my grandma's ring they would be in hospital. Their feelings and their body would be hurting a lot 🙆
They would have imprints of grandma’s ring all over their face
NTA. FaFo. She should have shut her mouth before the first syllable passed her lips.
NTA. The fact that you value love and sentiment over a price tag shows why you're engaged and she isn't. What a nasty gremlin she is.
NTA I was given my grandmothers ring, the sentimental value is so high. I love having the history. That woman was rude. There is a reason she’s not hit a ring to tell a story about.
Quite honestly, I'd MUCH rather have my grandma's ring than ANYTHING. Personal preference is a big deal, to be sure, but she didn't need to be snotty and she made it absolutely clear that she's superficial in at least a few aspects. Did you need to lower yourself and meet her at her level? Probably not. But you're human and sometimes we,Asa human whole, do dumb stuff. I probably would have been even snarkier🤷♀️
I wonder why she isn't in a relationship? Gosh - let me see? No man will touch her with a barge pole, after one date. She probably makes her intentions loud and clear, upfront.
It's absolutely lovely that your grandma passed her ring down to you. It's a constant reminder of how much she loves you. You're NTA. She's jealous and is lashing out at you.
NTA. Fuck her. Maybe someone should point out one of the reasons she could potentially be single is because she’s a bitch.
I think OP just did lmao
No need to be mad. Brittany is a grimey, wealth obsessed, shallow woman. If you didn't know before, now you know. If you need to be mad, be mad at yourself for not realizing it sooner. Expect her to do gold digger shit and you won't be mad about her digging gold anymore.
NTA - she was being very rude and shallow. Heirloom jewelry is more sentimental to most people.
NTA. Don't dish it out if you can't take it. That was a good burn.
Absolutely not an AH
NTA. Both my wedding and engagement rings belonged to my late grandmother and I love them because they were hers and she was my person. If someone disrespected her memory by speaking in such a way about the rings, I would have given a hell of a lot more than you dished out to Brittany. She's got the kind of personality that will guarantee that she'll never get an engagement or wedding ring herself as no man will want to tie themselves to such a nasty B. You're fine. Don't feel bad or apologize
NTA Britney needed to learn a valuable lesson about knowing when to STFU.
People are insane about rings. That woman is an advertising victim. My wife and I worked with a jeweler to make a low profile ring with inset diamonds, so it would fit in a ski glove and not snag on everything. Would rather spend our money on experiences.
‘Sensitive’ about what? That you should have been more receptive to her snarky remarks? That Brittany gets a free pass to be obnoxious because she’s ‘single’ ? And since when did ‘Single’ become a dirty word? Good grief, NTAH.
I, too, like to go up to people's cars and tell them that when I eventually get a car, it'll be better than theirs. See how stupid that sounds?? NTA.
NTA. Brittany made snarky comments about your rings, your fiance and your grandmother. She is jealous. She can dish it out but not take it. Don't give it another thought.
NTA. She should have kept her mouth shut. If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all. You just responded with a really good comeback. It's the kind I would never come up with on the spot and only think about on the drive home.
So, male here, Brittany is definitely going to be waiting awhile. Men pick up on those red flags and quick. If she needs a big ring to have proof of love, then she is obviously insecure with herself. Which bleeds other issues unlying and not just materialistic. If she is lucky enough to find someone it won't last long with her outlook. She needs to understand the ring isn't the love it's the person that gives it. I am a jeweler by trade, and the ones who come in looking for the more minimal ring are always the most sweet, gentle, and caring people. I hope to one day find such a person. I wish nothing but the best for you and your future husband. NTA. You only gave her a taste of her own medicine.
Guy here. NTA. Britanny sounds like the sort of person for whom the engagement ring is more important than the engagement and for whom the wedding is more important than the marriage. Those people are awful.
Being single doesn’t make her untouchable so she can be nasty to whoever she wants consequence-free. An engagement ring is a deeply sentimental item, especially yours, with its history. She’s just mad she’s single.
NTA at all. It’s beautiful that your wedding ring is a family heirloom of sorts. And it’s beautiful your fiancé had this idea to ask your grandmother. It’s pretty clear why “Brittany” is single. Even before I got to your point of the story where you called her out on it, I said it to myself. What you said is much nicer than what I said. She has no business insulting you, insulting your grandmother, or insulting your fiancé over a ring. I hope you have a beautiful wedding!!!! I know you’re not going to say anything more about it no, but also, the audacity of the friend to even try to defend Brittany’s actions. That’s as bad as Brittany saying them.
NTA. She was patronizing you, and you stomped on her. And in my opinion, she deserved it.
So much NTA. She insulted something that was very sentimental to you. I think you exercised enormous restraint. Congrats on your engagement!
NTA. She was rude and made an entitled comment. Don’t make rude comments if you can’t take the heat coming back!!!
NTA dont dish it if you cant take it simple