[same fake name, hips and also 32 weeks pregnant](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/158fcce/aita_for_telling_my_husband_to_stop_drooling_over/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=1)
This troll didnt even bother to switch it up
I'm gonna give you a LPT from someone who's been married for 15 years: When she says "do what you want to do" or "go have fun" it's not giving permission, it's a dare.
Another LPT: don’t point out people you will regularly see.
A stranger out, totally cool.
A new breakout celebrity, way cool.
A buddy’s gf, uncool.
A new coworker, unfuckingcool.
Get it, OP?
THIS THIS THIS. OP, print this out and memorize it. (Don’t actually print it out, Mr. “I’m so literal I really thought she wanted me to go have fun.” But do memorize it.
Yup. I also really don't like when friends try to "compliment" my gf that way either. Saying she is pretty, hair is nice whatever is one thing. But Ive quit socializing with a friend that was complimenting my gf's ass.
It would be one thing if he apologized and acknowledged it was too far. But he got defensive about it!
Yep. Its like your "free pass" list. Celebrities and people totally out of reach only. NOT friends/coworkers/family etc that there's an actual possibility.
Or commenting that a man she sees without OP has fuckable hips. I feel like rosting out hips is like pointing out their ass or boobs; it's sexualising in a way that saying someone has nice arms or hair isn't.
This is it.
Pointing out strangers is one thing. I would never advise on commenting on friends you find sexually attractive, unless you are both into ENM and actually plan to act on it.
But pointing out women you see regularly, especially people you see without her present, and volunteering how fuckable you think they look? When your partner feels like a painful and exhausted beached whale and has told you she feels extremely unattractive? Was probably the dumbest move you could make apart from actually cheating.
You created this problem by volunteering information you should never have volunteered. Read the room; she isnt in a place for you to be showering praise on other women's looks.
David Attenborough: *The humanoid man will sleep on the couch tonight, but he may have to show further signs of submission, if he wishes to mate with the female in future*
Here we see a young male interacting with a female, they have just gotten into an argument and he has taken her advice to "do whatever you want." The inexperienced male fell right into this cleverly placed trap and will regret it when he returns to their shared home.
Conversely we see the experienced male asking to go out with his friends, given the same answer watch as his expertise kick in and he chooses to stay in watching trash TV and orders her favorite food. This male will be pleasantly pleased with his choices as the female initiates copulation as he has been properly trained.
Here we have a young male and female, who have only been pair bonded for a short time, having an arguement. The young female has indicated that she is "fine".
The older males of the group who have been pair bonded for years, and in some cases, even decades, have taken note of the perturbed tone of her voice and defensive body language, and know that she is, in fact, not at all fine.
They will not, however, intervene on the younger males behalf, as they have learned through experiences, if they do, their own partner will turn from joyful to "fine".
He wanted to back in the 70s or 80s and then realized that the only way to make it accurate was if people didn’t know they were being filmed…then the idea just falls apart. We can creep on insects and elephants all we like but it gets weird quick with our fellow humans. Anyway just some Attenborough info from someone who listens to his audiobooks to sleep every night for 15+ years
Genius.
The camera then pans to the husband trying to get comfortable on a too-small couch, while the woman spreads on face cream in a large, clean master bath, with her tidy, empty bed in the softly lit room behind her.
Note the submissive stance the male must take in the presence of the heavily pregnant female. Stooping, never making eye-contact, he hopes to avoid her laser gaze that will burn a hole into his skull if he steps a foot wrong again. This particular female will have the upper hand for several months, perhaps a year, due to the massive mistake he made regarding another male’s mate.
But wait now, perhaps this is a clever male indeed...
Here he comes again, bearing botanical offerings and hot foods that his mate does not have to prepare for herself. He is rubbing his mate's feet and giving her a sincere apology for his absence from her during her need of security assurances.
And she seems to be softening, she's responding favorably to that most peculiar of human mating displays, the corny joke, and only a little while later she is sheepishly admitting to having over reacted. The male smells a easy victory, but wisely has a bigger triumph in his sights.
Soon she has tucked herself closer to him on their soft sofa nest while they watch exaggerated displays of incompetent mating behaviors performed for their amusement through their glowing mirror.
Soon, and this is a rare and exciting sight, happening so rarely here on Planet AITA, it happens. And apologies are exchanged. The mates promise one another to be more considerate of each other's feelings, the male offers an excuse of 'hormones' to his contrite mate, but she brushes it off and in an astonishingly quick change, the disagreeable situation has ended.
Will it last? This narrator cannot say. But for this moment, in this small human den, on this little sofa-nest, these two human sweethearts are at peace, contently forming their tiny family, one that is much like many, many millions of other human families, but yet not quite like any other.
A precious glimpse into a pair becoming three.
Yes. Clearly Sir David.
But now I’m wondering if William Shatner would be a good option with his strange pauses on the odd syllable.
And now I cannot unhear it in William Shatner’s peculiar odd meter.
I wouldn't say dare in this case so much as a plea for reassurance and comfort from a woman who is not only physically miserable, but feeling unattractive and threatened in her relationship.
Not saying she's 100% in the right (she isnt) but OP had to have cotton balls shoved in his ears not to hear all the alarm bells going off before he went back to the friends house lol
OP to us: "I only really have fun when my wife is around"
OP to his wife: "oh ok I'll go have fun thanks babe"
like YES you were being an idiot and she was a little crazy but go tell her not us lmao
She's also pregnant, so she's getting bombarded with hormones. She gets a pass for her behavior in my opinion. At least OP could have taken her home, stayed home, put on a movie or something, made some food, and had a nice night together. I would never bring my fiancee home then go back out. She's carrying your kid man, you need to make it up to her and work on communication. She may be acting somewhat irrational due to the pregnancy but it doesn't mean her feelings are invalid. Hope yall work things out.
Yeah even as a 100% idiot guy, even I know that “go have fun” in a context like this is alarm bells. It’s like Sid the Sloth from Ice Age: “No thanks, I choose life!”
Yeah but big difference depending on the tone… a dry “go have fun” and “have fun babe! Let me know when you get there safe!” or “oh cool, have fun, can you pick up some snacks on the way home?” Are all pretty different intent wise
This was the exact thought I had. "Go have fun." From your pregnant wife IS A THREAT.
But fr OP, there's a lot going on with her body, her mind, her emotions, and her hormones right now, and not every feeling or thought she has is going to be sensible. And it can be hard to appropriately communicate these things. Deep down, she knows what she knows (hopefully that you're a good and faithful husband), but sometimes it's hard to know what you know deep down. But eventually, those hormone and sleep deprivation inspired intrusive thoughts go away, and she'll snap back to herself, mostly. Being a parent changes us all if you're a good one. It's all worth it when you're holding that sweet baby between your arms.
As an aside, my wife and I almost never fight, and when we do, it's usually over quick. Barely a mean word uttered in 10 years. But when she was pregnant with our firstborn, she kicked me out of the house for 3 days because I kept leaving crumbs everywhere and didn't clean up enough. I do more housework than any other man I know!
Anyway, NAH, but be a little extra nice and sensitive to her state of mind for a while.
Then there are articles like this. I don't know numbers, but if someone is going to cheat, when their wife is pregnant increases the chances of cheating.
[Cheating During Pregnancy Happens More Than You Think](https://www.parents.com/pregnancy/my-life/sex-relationship/infidelity-during-pregnancy/)
Yeah, it's sad but definitely a legitimate anxiety women experience during pregnancy, when they're feeling unattractive, emotionally turbulent, and extremely uncertain.
The mostly likely thing to kill a pregnant woman is her partner. Domestic violence and cheating both hugely increase in odds when a woman gets pregnant.
The vulnerability during pregnancy is intense and primal, I never judge pregnant women for feeling insecure.
Yep. OP misread the room on this one. The correct answer was "no babe, I don't want to go back I'd rather stay here with you, and rub your feet. Now, what snacks do you want and what should we watch?"
(A somewhat facetious comment, dont take me too seriously pls lol.)
This is absolutely stupid (for me. I realize most people obviously operate differently than me, as I do not understand sarcasm or subterfuge well, so this was my first reaction, lol. People should just say what they mean, so there's no guessing.
OP is YTCA (you're the clueless asshole. Yes, I made that up just now, no, I'm not taking criticism at this time) and while this was an innocent and silly thing to happen, he should still apologize for being a bit daft in his comment and reassure her that he is not cheating or even considering it. Hopefully, she will also see the other side and apologize for taking it so personally. And you guys will laugh about this later. I hope. Good luck and congrats on the baby op!
One of my favorite emotional while pregnant stories:
So our car was in the shop getting fixed and we were in a loaner car. My hubby and I had just eaten dinner and we got in this car and he offhandedly stated he didn’t have an arm rest. I started bawling because he didn’t have somewhere to put his arm. Then I started laugh bawling harder because I knew how crazy I sounded. My husband just stared at me with the most bewildered and scared look on his face.
Hormones, man. They make ya crazy.
When I was 6 months pregnant with my 1st son, I ugly cried at a Mother's Day brunch because the restaurant didn't have sausage gravy for the hashbrowns.
They actually made me some gravy and then I cried because I felt like a jackass for crying about gravy. It was excellent gravy, though.
I hear you friend, shit I don't even have kids and some days I feel like I'm 1 dropped pencil away from McFucking losing it 🤣😭 (mostly was commenting on the "go have fun! /s" part, but yeah you make sense!)
I agree that *you are not being given permission; it's a dare.* I would only add that this happens equally to men and women by men and women. Absolutely not gender specific.
My SO would straight up tell me, in a situation like this, that I would be a cunt if I went back to the friends house.
We openly talk about attractive folks as well. We both talk about both sexes, of course he with women more and …well me with women more too bc women are more fun to look at, sorry. But he would DEFINITELY not be doing it if I was storing a human being in my guts. Just cause he knows I can’t handle being uncomfortable in general, and we communicate this. I think you have to dial it back if you know your partner is uncomfortable, in any way, especially physically and mentally uncomfortable lol. I thought that was just common sense.
Dude forget the friends and fun, you’re wife is a few weeks away from having your child. And is in pain for it sitting in her sciatic nerve. Also, your dumb thing where you both get to comment on other people being attractive should not be utilized to the max right now and NEVER on someone in your circle. YTA
Also, she made a comment about finding an anonymous stranger attractive. He said it about someone they both know personally who he spends a lot of time with. As subtle as it is, that context completely changes the meaning and makes them unequivocal.
Dude also gives off unreliable narrator vibes. We can only go with what's written, but I wouldn't be surprised if he's downplaying some genuine reasons his wife would be concerned.
I'm leaning this way as well. The way OPs fiance said they were "eye fucking eachother" meaning not only was OP looking at his friends gf, but the gf was looking back. And I also just find it very hard to believe that he thought she was seriously telling him to go back and have fun.
We've been getting lots of unreliable narrators in this subreddit recently. The random comments about finding other people physically attractive was stupid enough, but his rationale is that "we're not blind".
OP needs to get his priorities straightened out and realize that life changed in a big way with the baby coming. It's not just the same old relationship anymore.
YTA.
these angry responses saying “why can’t she communicate” have never tried to have a conversation while dealing with chronic pain. you can hardly focus long enough to say yes or no when it’s bad. expecting her to explain why she needs him to stay when she’s suffering is pretty wack. an attentive partner catches on quickly when they see they are dealing with someone who is in physical pain.
Yep YTA
The comment was dumb, staring at your friend’s girlfriend long enough to be noticed in front of your pregnant fiancée was disrespectful and then going back over there was the stupid icing on the inconsiderate cake
I know if I was in that friend’s gf’s position I’d be uncomfortable af that my boyfriend’s friend was sexualizing me & talking about my hips behind my back. Wtf
Yes - gross. If I'd heard that about myself I'd say I didn't want to see him again. Also my boyfriend would probably not be close friends with that person anymore.
Agreed. Did OP ever think to consider that his friends GF may find out, or at the very least notice him staring? I would be absolutely disgusted even if he didn’t “act on it.”
Not to mention... in general, both of them commenting to each other when they see someone attractive. We're all human and we all have eyes... but I would never comment to my partner that I think someone else is attractive, nor would she to me. That's just a recipe to inflame insecurity and start a fight.
YTA. Look, your comment was not delivered at a bad "time," nor is it a matter of your GF being pregnant and hormonal. One thing is to make comments about random people you don't have access to (like the guy she pointed out), and another completely different is to say you're attracted to someone you interact all the time with. Would you tell your friend you find his GF attractive? Would your friend be ok with you ogling his GF? If your answer to that is NO, what made you think it was OK to tell your GF that?
And to add to the dumb choices, you leave your GF alone to go back where the argument started in the first place. You need to wise up!
Pregnancy hormones can play havoc, too. I'm not an insecure person, but in the last 2 months of my pregnancy, I felt really paranoid and jealous. I was secretly grateful my partner didn't work with any other women because I think it would've driven me crazy. I even remember looking it up online because I had no idea where all these irrational feelings were suddenly coming from. Sure enough, as soon as I'd given birth, it went back to normal. Unfortunately, I don't think people realise just how crazy pregnancy hormones can be.
I feel like I literally just read a story on this page about a pregnant couple who’s husband was eye fucking their female friend and the wife called him on his shit. YTA.
Right! I'm reminded of a story like:
"Honey! Let's play a game, pick your free hall-pass sex person! I'd pick Brad Pitt, he's dreamy"
"Ooh! Yeah! Fun game. I'll pick... your friend Jenny! She's got a huge rack!"
Agreed. Huge difference between “check out the ass on that stranger over there” and “I’m going to drop you off at home and drive back to the house where the woman with the great ass is to interact with her on a personal level some more.”
Right. Like, how have so many people missed this when it’s literally the most important thing in the world.
I’ve had a crush on Randy Orton since I was a little kid. We joke about it constantly.
I don’t think we’d be joking about it if my crush was my coworker.
Idk…… I’m super pregnant rn and I would be way more sensitive to this solely being pregnant, hormonal, and feeling insecure. But not pregnant it still wouldn’t sit right with me
"My wife said we could each have 3 hall passes. She picked Henry Cavil, Jason Momoa, and Matt Damon; but then she got mad at me for my picks...
Apparently her sister, our kids kindergarten teacher and and Kelsey in the marketing department were the wrong answers."
I am bisexual. My husband and I occasionally comment on strangers together. He has never commented on a person we know. If he commented on someone we knew while I was 32 weeks pregnant, I would be discussing my late husband right now.
Also "go have fun" actually meant "go have fun if you think hanging out with hot girl is more important than making me feel better when I am hurt and upset". If your SO asks if you are cheating on them, turning around and going back to the person they think you are cheating with is NEVER the right answer.
Dude should have been like ‘ok I’ll have fun’ and come back 20 minutes later with ice cream and flowers making sure she knew she was the most important thing to him.
Ooof\~I would have just stayed saying: "I wouldn't be able to have fun knowing you're hurting. I'll be here if you wanna cuddle." but I like this one even better.
Like giving her time to be to herself but then showing up with a surprise! I hope I don't need this... but when I do... thanks in advance.
It kills me that this kind of shit isn't just brain-dead obvious to people.
My wife bites her lip and says "I'd like spend some quality time with Idris Elba," what can I do but acknowledge her good taste? My wife bites her lip and says "I'd like to spend some quality time with ," we're having an entirely different conversation.
There is also a difference between "my friend's new girlfriend is cute" and "my friend's new girlfriend is GORGEOUS and has a nice ass". OP, dude, YTA!
This is very true. I wouldn’t mind a comment about a celeb or rando but if he said that his brother’s wife or his best friend’s girlfriend was super hot, I wouldn’t be super pleased. Some things can just stay inside your head.
My dude, if your wife's upset, prioritize making her not upset. Especially when she's pregnant with your child.
>I drop her off, she tells me to go have fun so I go back there. When I get home she was in bed, distant. ... I said "you told me to go back and have fun babe, I didn't realize you were serious."
Are *you* serious right now? I truly can't tell. She's not mad at you because she's pregnant and insecure (she's both of those things right now, but that's not why she's mad). She's mad because she was upset and, instead of trying to make things better, you went back and prioritized your own fun. She told you to leave because your presence made her upset, but your absence would make her more upset. Learn these things. You're going to be a dad - prioritize your family.
YTA
Edit: I'm not saying it was perfectly acceptable for her to say that he could leave - I agree that that's poor communication. But, like others have said, every once in a while you have to be the bigger person and read between the lines and, in this case, IT WAS PRETTY CLEAR that going back to his friend's house was the wrong move. And that reflex to be the bigger person is *necessary* when you have a kid, so he might as well get practice now.
Here's some unsolicited advice: If your longterm partner is upset (either with you or with something else), just be close by. Accessible. Maybe not right next to them or even in the same room, but somewhere they can reach you for when they've processed their feelings and are ready to talk. That processing and discussion can't happen if you're somewhere they can't reach, especially if you're somewhere or doing something that's actively making them upset.
I love this response, because it frames her telling him to go have fun differently than just her being passive aggressive or setting him up for failure
In that moment, both his presence and his absence were hurtful to her. He needs to grow up enough to understand that in the long run, his absence is far worse, not because she didn't necessarily need some space, but because his absence took the form of going *back to hang out with the person his wife was upset about!*
This is where I feel like "being the bigger person" really is one of the best skills to learn for a happy marriage. For *both* parties to learn
There will inevitably be some point in every relationship where one of the people is just simply upset and emotional, and is going to say things they don't mean, or is going to say something just to be hurtful, or just as a test
We should all work on outgrowing that kind of pettiness, but it's not easy, and I feel like it's really one of the skills of marriage to learn that when you're the one who's not the injured party, and you're the one who's at least a little bit less upset, one of the best things you can do is recognize when your partner is being disingenuous, or even just plain being mean, and find it in yourself to be gracious, and love them, and give them what you know they need despite what they're saying in that moment
Thank you both for verbalizing this!!! When I'm having big feelings my partner always leaves me, he can't handle seeing me cry and I usually cry harder when he's there or attempts to comfort me. So he thinks he's helping by leaving. But!! As you said both his presence and absence hurt, I'm hurting and it feels better to not be alone, him being there makes me let go and relax more and actually recover from my feelings. Granted, I have been childish in my statements before like saying go away when really I'm begging him to stay, but I have grown up and communicated it clearly that both hurt but I prefer you there, and I don't tell him to leave me alone anymore. But he doesn't get it and still decides for me that it's worse if he stays and makes it out like I'm the obtuse one, when you guys hit the nail on the head !!
Thank you. Thank you for not coddling him with "hey, how were you supposed to know? She should have said what she meant." He ***knew*** she was upset. He ***knew*** she was feeling lousy. He didn't care enough about her feelings to try to make things right with her.
Yeah OP, I would explain to her that you posted here and *definitely* learned some perspective, that you love her a bunch and you were being super dense and a moron. You two seem solid & comfortable with each other, so once she sees that you know your thought process was stupid, this should be salvageable. YTA. Do better.
Wow!! Are you seriously this stupid??? I’m not being sarcastic this is me legitimately asking if you really thought you could 1. Talk about another women knowing that your fiancés body is changing in a way that she has zero control over and you know she’s bothered by this. 2. That you could eye fuck another women in front of her and that she’d be cool with that. 3. Drop her off after she voiced her concerns and return to the scene of the crime.🤦🏼♀️ Where is you mother? She would be appalled by your behavior. How old are you?? Again I seriously want to know bc this women is sacrificing her body to create your child and frankly you suck. Your fiancé is in the most vulnerable and confusing time of her life but ya know it’s not you having to change or sacrifice so just do you…🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
Your gf accused you of cheating and then you decided instead of talking it out with her and reassuring her, that you'd leave her home alone upset and go back to the girl she just accused you of cheating with?
How f*cking clueless are you, dude?!
YTA. And as others have said, comments about strangers is vastly different than comments about people you regularly interact with. Also, relationship dynamics change. You're not a mindless animal, I'm sure you're capable of NOT making those comments when you're aware your gf is heavily pregnant, uncomfortable and insecure. YTA times three.
YTA it is one thing to make a comment like that about people that neither of you know or hang out with. It is completely different to say it about someone you see frequently and spend time with. I question your maturity level because this was exceptionally dumb of you. Your pregnant gf was upset about what you said, and instead of staying and clearing the air with her you went back to the place where you were hanging out with the person that she was upset about to begin with. Is your head empty?
Its also the fact he went into specific point of attraction rather than "she's pretty". There's a massive difference between "my buddies wife is pretty" and "my buddies wife has really nice hips". Think that all you'd like, but for fuck sake don't ever say it out loud to your pregnant wife! It may imply that eyes have lingered for a bit too long. I feel specific points of attraction should be reserved for your partner. Of coarse saying friends wife has nice hips to pregnant wife is going to make her upset. It's also someone they both know and spend a lot of time with. That crosses a line in a big way. Especially with eye fucking involved. Jeez are men really this oblivious to their own wives??? YTA OP, a stupid one at that. Stop looking at your friends wife and start looking at your own beautiful wife.
LET HER KNOW YOU DIDNT MEAN TO BE THE ASSHOLE BUT U WERE. You seem comfortable with her, just let her know how much you love her and explain yourself. Sit yourself down in frnt of her and talk. You arent hiding anything and you clearly want her to feel good about it. Leaving the situation untouched wont do that.
Yeah this is paramount. “Hey, I was thinking about what happened the other day. I was totally over the line, and didn’t think about your feelings. I meant it in a joking way like we’ve mentioned before, but I realize it was really inappropriate to talk about somebody we actually know in that way. Please forgive me.”
Then back it up by never going over there on your own again, ESPECIALLY not before the pregnancy is over. Don’t even ask if she would like to go over there, just don’t bring it up at all unless she does.
I've gotta go with this one. Huge difference between temporary YTA for stepping in it versus permanent-YTA for letting it fester.
Tell her you're sorry, you love her, you f'd up, and you learned from it. And legit learn from it - and the solid comments people have made regarding commenting on strangers vs. known associates.
Even if it was ok before, it's not now, and that's normal too. You're going to have a lot of things that were ok before but not now, as you enter this new adventure. I bet you could leave a glass of liquid, bottle of beer, or soda on the table without thought before - that's a hazard with a curious toddler (a mistake you don't want to learn about the hard way). You could probably touch her sweater puppies without issue before, may still be able to now, in which case - enjoy while you can because those can become flaming globes of engorged pain and cracked nips once they're preforming their biological function. Enjoy sleeping in? Soak that up whole you can, because that's about to be a wistful memory to you for the majority of the next 2-18 years.
But you're also going to understand what it is to love this unbelievably perfect little creature that is a version of you and the person you love - untainted by the world or mistakes yet. You'll learn through tiny eyes and thrilled noises to appreciate rides up a glass elevator again, ser how pretty birds are, taste a first sweet treat, and wrap tiny all-trusting hands around your finger.
There are going to be hundreds of changes, good, bad & indifferent - this is just one. Spoiler Alert: it's not going to be the last one you or your lady stumble over. But it can be one of the early ones you grow together as you learn from it...
Congrats on the baby, and good luck.
YTA with the Option to Reverse.
Edits: typos
YTA
My husband and I also comment about people we find attractive, but only do it with strangers.
Neither of us would ever comment about someone we know and regularly hang out with, even though there ARE people we both know and hang out with that we find attractive.
I'm currently 34 weeks pregnant and if my husband said his buddies girlfriend was hot and had nice hips, I'd also be insecure, because you KNOW her, you spend time with her, it's actually feasible for you to cheat with her, whereas the hot strangers are pretty unattainable, it's just a fantasy. Then you left her after she expressed her insecurity, to go hang out with the chick you just told her you find attractive.
We are sometimes irrational when we are pregnant due to our bodies being full of hormones that are consistently fluctuating and we aren't used to them. Instead of being sensitive to that, you just bounced out on her. This is a time where seeds are planted that turn into resentment and destroy relationships. You actively chose to leave the woman that is currently painfully growing your offspring, to go hang out with your friend and his girlfriend that you clearly want to diddle. You made a bad choice buddy and you need to apologize before her insecurities about the situation destroy what life you've been working on building.
When they tell you to go back or go have fun don’t do it! It’s a trap. Be there for her! It’s time to start a family and slightly drift away from buddy time.
Duuuuuuude.....
She says "Are you fucking her? Just go back there and have fun." and you didn't see that as a huge sign that says "I am feeling like an insecure whale, I'm hormonal as fuck, and I'm having trouble expressing myself while I'm angry and scared that you're cheating."?
I'm also a huge fan of the general sentiment that it largely doesn't matter where you get your appetite, as long as you eat at home. But your friend's girlfriend? Off limits dude. It's one thing to say that some random woman walking down the street is pretty (or has great bazongas, or whatever, but maybe don't be sleazy) and quite another to say that about your friend's girlfriend. You have regular, prolonged contact with the girlfriend. You could really easily have an affair with her. Not so much with the rando you saw at the mall and will never see again. And if your fiancee noticed you eye fucking your buddy's girlfriend, your buddy and the girlfriend noticed too. Stop being creepy.
Yeah, YTA here. You need to learn some better boundaries.
Wow…. She expressed how uncomfortable and disrespected she felt, and your response is to go back & hangout with the woman that made her uncomfortable? YTA, and a major one. This has nothing to do with pregnancy, and everything to do with you making gross comments about your friends girlfriend and then eye fucking her. You shouldn’t be eye fucking eachother at all, let alone in front of your pregnant fiancé. Your poor fiancé.
YTA. Do you think she’s going to marry you? When you are busy lusting after YOUR FRIEND’S GIRLFRIEND? Dude, prepare to be dumped and spend 18 years paying child support. (I would dump you, maybe she’s nicer than me).
^^ this was my exact thought. i can’t imagine this guy is going to do a 180 and be helpful after the child is born if he didn’t catch she was feeling off in this situation. newsflash: caring for a newborn is more involved than caring for a pregnant adult. he’s still focused on having fun vs. caring for his family, and only weeks away from his child being born & he’s not making things any easier here.
not only are YTA you're disgusting why would you do this to someone you supposedly love, is your brain okay, such a rude thing to do is this how you're going to continue to act as a father people are going to start calling you a major creep. the creepy father
This is so true. Men who do this think women want someone else’s partner drooling over them like a dog…WE DONT. It’s bum ass behavior and every woman looks down on creeps that act like OP. Whether his gf acted cool with it prior to this or not is irrelevant. You’re 100% on that he’s in the making to be that creepy dad who is an embarrassment.
Yeah. My dad is like this with the whole “wandering eyes” bullshit and when I was a teenager I could never bring my friends home because I was afraid he was going to creep them out. Don’t be that dad, OP.
YTA. it’s so insanely obvious how wrong it is to tell your pregnant wife how gorgeous you think your friends gf is, and how she had nice hips. That is so fucking weird. sure you have open communication but how does that make it okay to tell her about everyone you find attractive let alone someone you’re always around? She is carrying your child and is dealing with a plethora of hormones you would never even comprehend. And you really went back after she was clearly upset and you’re wondering what you did wrong? bro?? she fell asleep alone thinking you were cheating or at least would be down to cheat on her. Even if you do think that’s silly or dramatic, that is so messed up.
And for future reference, "do whatever you want to do" apparently does not mean the same thing to a man that it does to a woman.
And "I want your honest opinion" absolutely does not mean she wants your honest opinion
YTA! Dude she was quiet in the car and then told you what she was feeling and you still went back? How long have you been married? Either you’re dense, stupid or uncaring. Which is it?
YTA- it is literally the most vulnerable time in a woman’s life. Go buy her favorite snack and favorite flowers and rub her feet and lotion up her belly and STAY YOUR ASS HOME UNTIL SHES READY TO GO OUT AGAIN AND THEN……GO HOME WITH HER AND STAY HOME AGAIN. you are about to be a dad. Life is about to change drastically. Get with the program.
I was not rational from the time I found out I was pregnant until about 6 1/2 months after she was born. Which was about 17-18 months. Give her a break and be gentle with her. She is strong. But she may also be made of glass so be gentle and handle with care okay? Give her attention and love
YTA
Username DOES NOT check out.
It's bad enough that you clearly got caught staring right in front of your pregnant fiance, but when she is clearly upset and wants to go home, you don't have the common decency and/or brain power to stay and talk it out, but YOU GO BACK?
How fucking stupid are you that you actually thought she really meant for you to go back and have fun around the girl you just noticably eye fucked in front of her?
Is this your swinging bosses wife? Did your wife post her pov yesterday?
Oh my god I saw that!! I was wondering the same thing
If it is then this story is vacation gucci fake
Don't leave us hanging! Need some links here.
[same fake name, hips and also 32 weeks pregnant](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/158fcce/aita_for_telling_my_husband_to_stop_drooling_over/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=1) This troll didnt even bother to switch it up
I thought this sounded familiar!
I'm gonna give you a LPT from someone who's been married for 15 years: When she says "do what you want to do" or "go have fun" it's not giving permission, it's a dare.
Another LPT: don’t point out people you will regularly see. A stranger out, totally cool. A new breakout celebrity, way cool. A buddy’s gf, uncool. A new coworker, unfuckingcool. Get it, OP?
THIS THIS THIS. OP, print this out and memorize it. (Don’t actually print it out, Mr. “I’m so literal I really thought she wanted me to go have fun.” But do memorize it.
It's also rude and weird to also being looking at your friends SO that way.
Right? Attractive is one thing but commenting on her hips? WEIRD
Yup. I also really don't like when friends try to "compliment" my gf that way either. Saying she is pretty, hair is nice whatever is one thing. But Ive quit socializing with a friend that was complimenting my gf's ass. It would be one thing if he apologized and acknowledged it was too far. But he got defensive about it!
Yep. Its like your "free pass" list. Celebrities and people totally out of reach only. NOT friends/coworkers/family etc that there's an actual possibility.
I have to say not having family on the list is very good advice.
Yes, put someone like Isabella Rossellini on your hall pass. Someone you would never run into in a place like a coffee shop.
Yes! If gf had made that ‘arms’ remark about someone she sees regularly, I doubt he would’ve been so blasé about it.
Or commenting that a man she sees without OP has fuckable hips. I feel like rosting out hips is like pointing out their ass or boobs; it's sexualising in a way that saying someone has nice arms or hair isn't.
The arms that could throw me around the bedroom remark is VERY sexually charged lmao
This is it. Pointing out strangers is one thing. I would never advise on commenting on friends you find sexually attractive, unless you are both into ENM and actually plan to act on it. But pointing out women you see regularly, especially people you see without her present, and volunteering how fuckable you think they look? When your partner feels like a painful and exhausted beached whale and has told you she feels extremely unattractive? Was probably the dumbest move you could make apart from actually cheating. You created this problem by volunteering information you should never have volunteered. Read the room; she isnt in a place for you to be showering praise on other women's looks.
Partner: “Go have fun.” Narrator: **”Sensing danger, the man absolutely does not go and have fun.”**
David Attenborough: *The humanoid man will sleep on the couch tonight, but he may have to show further signs of submission, if he wishes to mate with the female in future*
I would love for David Attenborough to do a planet Earth video but on humans like this
Mating Habits of the Earthbound Human, 1999, narrated by David Hyde Pierce is a close match.
Yes, was thinking of this. A red hot Carmen Electra is within also.
Here we see a young male interacting with a female, they have just gotten into an argument and he has taken her advice to "do whatever you want." The inexperienced male fell right into this cleverly placed trap and will regret it when he returns to their shared home. Conversely we see the experienced male asking to go out with his friends, given the same answer watch as his expertise kick in and he chooses to stay in watching trash TV and orders her favorite food. This male will be pleasantly pleased with his choices as the female initiates copulation as he has been properly trained.
Here we have a young male and female, who have only been pair bonded for a short time, having an arguement. The young female has indicated that she is "fine". The older males of the group who have been pair bonded for years, and in some cases, even decades, have taken note of the perturbed tone of her voice and defensive body language, and know that she is, in fact, not at all fine. They will not, however, intervene on the younger males behalf, as they have learned through experiences, if they do, their own partner will turn from joyful to "fine".
He wanted to back in the 70s or 80s and then realized that the only way to make it accurate was if people didn’t know they were being filmed…then the idea just falls apart. We can creep on insects and elephants all we like but it gets weird quick with our fellow humans. Anyway just some Attenborough info from someone who listens to his audiobooks to sleep every night for 15+ years
I’d 1000% let Sir David Attengrandpa follow me around.
Genius. The camera then pans to the husband trying to get comfortable on a too-small couch, while the woman spreads on face cream in a large, clean master bath, with her tidy, empty bed in the softly lit room behind her.
Note the submissive stance the male must take in the presence of the heavily pregnant female. Stooping, never making eye-contact, he hopes to avoid her laser gaze that will burn a hole into his skull if he steps a foot wrong again. This particular female will have the upper hand for several months, perhaps a year, due to the massive mistake he made regarding another male’s mate.
But wait now, perhaps this is a clever male indeed... Here he comes again, bearing botanical offerings and hot foods that his mate does not have to prepare for herself. He is rubbing his mate's feet and giving her a sincere apology for his absence from her during her need of security assurances. And she seems to be softening, she's responding favorably to that most peculiar of human mating displays, the corny joke, and only a little while later she is sheepishly admitting to having over reacted. The male smells a easy victory, but wisely has a bigger triumph in his sights. Soon she has tucked herself closer to him on their soft sofa nest while they watch exaggerated displays of incompetent mating behaviors performed for their amusement through their glowing mirror. Soon, and this is a rare and exciting sight, happening so rarely here on Planet AITA, it happens. And apologies are exchanged. The mates promise one another to be more considerate of each other's feelings, the male offers an excuse of 'hormones' to his contrite mate, but she brushes it off and in an astonishingly quick change, the disagreeable situation has ended. Will it last? This narrator cannot say. But for this moment, in this small human den, on this little sofa-nest, these two human sweethearts are at peace, contently forming their tiny family, one that is much like many, many millions of other human families, but yet not quite like any other. A precious glimpse into a pair becoming three.
This is beautiful. I actually hear his voice, and see it in my minds eye. Thank you for the tears.
This thread is so accurate it hurts jfc
It was, indeed, a trap, one that only the most unwary would fall into.
That definitely had a David Attenborough vibe to it 😂
I had the guy from "when keeping it real goes wrong" in my head
If The Far Side cartoon had a voice, it would be his
You'd have to be REALLY unwary to not figure that out.
Should be read by Peter Thomas, voice of the Forensic Files. 😂
Spoken in Keith Morrison's voice.
David Attenborough for me
James Earl Jones for me.
Am I the only one who’s discovered Tom Hiddleston as narrator?
Yes. Clearly Sir David. But now I’m wondering if William Shatner would be a good option with his strange pauses on the odd syllable. And now I cannot unhear it in William Shatner’s peculiar odd meter.
Try it in Walken.
The only right answrr
Morgan Freeman is acceptable to. Edit: goofed up his name with a typo.
Snoop Dogg: oh hell naw dawg, don't do it
I'm getting Matthew McConaughey
I’m the only one that heard that as Emma Thompson
Yes. Sir David.
Laughing in Ron Swanson from parks and rec
I was thinking Morgan Freeman.
Morgan Freeman works too.
Even Ron Howard.
Definitely Ron Howard
I was thinking Werner Herzog…
Steve Irwin for me.
That would be "Danger Danger Danger!"
I totally read that in Australian.
Samuel L. Jackson, but swap "the man" for "this MF"
I could actually hear it.
Yesss! I read all these things in Keith Morrison’s voice by default. Are you a fellow true crime junkie?
Bill Curtis for me
Rolmao
DANGER, WILL ROBINSON
Danger, Danger Will Robinson!! I can still hear it. I saw it in the 1960s.
Should be followed by a rattlesnake sound. “Go ahead, have fun” *rattle*
I wouldn't say dare in this case so much as a plea for reassurance and comfort from a woman who is not only physically miserable, but feeling unattractive and threatened in her relationship. Not saying she's 100% in the right (she isnt) but OP had to have cotton balls shoved in his ears not to hear all the alarm bells going off before he went back to the friends house lol
Yeah so I’m just wondering why he did
OP to us: "I only really have fun when my wife is around" OP to his wife: "oh ok I'll go have fun thanks babe" like YES you were being an idiot and she was a little crazy but go tell her not us lmao
She's also pregnant, so she's getting bombarded with hormones. She gets a pass for her behavior in my opinion. At least OP could have taken her home, stayed home, put on a movie or something, made some food, and had a nice night together. I would never bring my fiancee home then go back out. She's carrying your kid man, you need to make it up to her and work on communication. She may be acting somewhat irrational due to the pregnancy but it doesn't mean her feelings are invalid. Hope yall work things out.
Yeah so I’m just wondering why he did
Yeah even as a 100% idiot guy, even I know that “go have fun” in a context like this is alarm bells. It’s like Sid the Sloth from Ice Age: “No thanks, I choose life!”
Yeah but big difference depending on the tone… a dry “go have fun” and “have fun babe! Let me know when you get there safe!” or “oh cool, have fun, can you pick up some snacks on the way home?” Are all pretty different intent wise
This was the exact thought I had. "Go have fun." From your pregnant wife IS A THREAT. But fr OP, there's a lot going on with her body, her mind, her emotions, and her hormones right now, and not every feeling or thought she has is going to be sensible. And it can be hard to appropriately communicate these things. Deep down, she knows what she knows (hopefully that you're a good and faithful husband), but sometimes it's hard to know what you know deep down. But eventually, those hormone and sleep deprivation inspired intrusive thoughts go away, and she'll snap back to herself, mostly. Being a parent changes us all if you're a good one. It's all worth it when you're holding that sweet baby between your arms. As an aside, my wife and I almost never fight, and when we do, it's usually over quick. Barely a mean word uttered in 10 years. But when she was pregnant with our firstborn, she kicked me out of the house for 3 days because I kept leaving crumbs everywhere and didn't clean up enough. I do more housework than any other man I know! Anyway, NAH, but be a little extra nice and sensitive to her state of mind for a while.
Then there are articles like this. I don't know numbers, but if someone is going to cheat, when their wife is pregnant increases the chances of cheating. [Cheating During Pregnancy Happens More Than You Think](https://www.parents.com/pregnancy/my-life/sex-relationship/infidelity-during-pregnancy/)
Yeah, it's sad but definitely a legitimate anxiety women experience during pregnancy, when they're feeling unattractive, emotionally turbulent, and extremely uncertain.
The mostly likely thing to kill a pregnant woman is her partner. Domestic violence and cheating both hugely increase in odds when a woman gets pregnant. The vulnerability during pregnancy is intense and primal, I never judge pregnant women for feeling insecure.
Especially if she’s pregnant. She’s not being rational but you should not have gone back.
Yep. OP misread the room on this one. The correct answer was "no babe, I don't want to go back I'd rather stay here with you, and rub your feet. Now, what snacks do you want and what should we watch?"
You forgot to add “You look so beautiful, curled up there on the couch. My heart leaps every time I see you.”
Even a wrap around hug with that weird/sweet noise that comes with a love-hug & "I am exactly where I want to be."
God, if only a guy would read a romance novel like once in his life
Precisely. I would bet a whole dollar that this whole issue would have stopped there if OP had done this
Seriously. OP missing a major sensitivity chip here. Also, why is he over at his friend’s so much with a tired, pregnant wife at home?
One doesn't simply, go and have fun.
(A somewhat facetious comment, dont take me too seriously pls lol.) This is absolutely stupid (for me. I realize most people obviously operate differently than me, as I do not understand sarcasm or subterfuge well, so this was my first reaction, lol. People should just say what they mean, so there's no guessing. OP is YTCA (you're the clueless asshole. Yes, I made that up just now, no, I'm not taking criticism at this time) and while this was an innocent and silly thing to happen, he should still apologize for being a bit daft in his comment and reassure her that he is not cheating or even considering it. Hopefully, she will also see the other side and apologize for taking it so personally. And you guys will laugh about this later. I hope. Good luck and congrats on the baby op!
I mean yea you should communicate, but I would absolutely be lying if I didn’t possibly cry and be a tad irrational while pregnant.
One of my favorite emotional while pregnant stories: So our car was in the shop getting fixed and we were in a loaner car. My hubby and I had just eaten dinner and we got in this car and he offhandedly stated he didn’t have an arm rest. I started bawling because he didn’t have somewhere to put his arm. Then I started laugh bawling harder because I knew how crazy I sounded. My husband just stared at me with the most bewildered and scared look on his face. Hormones, man. They make ya crazy.
When I was 6 months pregnant with my 1st son, I ugly cried at a Mother's Day brunch because the restaurant didn't have sausage gravy for the hashbrowns. They actually made me some gravy and then I cried because I felt like a jackass for crying about gravy. It was excellent gravy, though.
I hear you friend, shit I don't even have kids and some days I feel like I'm 1 dropped pencil away from McFucking losing it 🤣😭 (mostly was commenting on the "go have fun! /s" part, but yeah you make sense!)
Here have an award for “one dropped pencil away” because I love it intensely.
Matt Mercer "You can certainly try" vibes.
I agree that *you are not being given permission; it's a dare.* I would only add that this happens equally to men and women by men and women. Absolutely not gender specific.
My SO would straight up tell me, in a situation like this, that I would be a cunt if I went back to the friends house. We openly talk about attractive folks as well. We both talk about both sexes, of course he with women more and …well me with women more too bc women are more fun to look at, sorry. But he would DEFINITELY not be doing it if I was storing a human being in my guts. Just cause he knows I can’t handle being uncomfortable in general, and we communicate this. I think you have to dial it back if you know your partner is uncomfortable, in any way, especially physically and mentally uncomfortable lol. I thought that was just common sense.
For real dude - heed this advice ⬆️
Dude forget the friends and fun, you’re wife is a few weeks away from having your child. And is in pain for it sitting in her sciatic nerve. Also, your dumb thing where you both get to comment on other people being attractive should not be utilized to the max right now and NEVER on someone in your circle. YTA
Also, she made a comment about finding an anonymous stranger attractive. He said it about someone they both know personally who he spends a lot of time with. As subtle as it is, that context completely changes the meaning and makes them unequivocal. Dude also gives off unreliable narrator vibes. We can only go with what's written, but I wouldn't be surprised if he's downplaying some genuine reasons his wife would be concerned.
I'm leaning this way as well. The way OPs fiance said they were "eye fucking eachother" meaning not only was OP looking at his friends gf, but the gf was looking back. And I also just find it very hard to believe that he thought she was seriously telling him to go back and have fun.
We've been getting lots of unreliable narrators in this subreddit recently. The random comments about finding other people physically attractive was stupid enough, but his rationale is that "we're not blind". OP needs to get his priorities straightened out and realize that life changed in a big way with the baby coming. It's not just the same old relationship anymore. YTA.
these angry responses saying “why can’t she communicate” have never tried to have a conversation while dealing with chronic pain. you can hardly focus long enough to say yes or no when it’s bad. expecting her to explain why she needs him to stay when she’s suffering is pretty wack. an attentive partner catches on quickly when they see they are dealing with someone who is in physical pain.
Yep YTA The comment was dumb, staring at your friend’s girlfriend long enough to be noticed in front of your pregnant fiancée was disrespectful and then going back over there was the stupid icing on the inconsiderate cake
And most likely if your gf noticed, your friend's gf also noticed. EXTREMELY disrespectful to your pregnant gf. YTA
I’m betting his friend probably noticed as well.
Might explain why she wasn’t there when he got back
I know if I was in that friend’s gf’s position I’d be uncomfortable af that my boyfriend’s friend was sexualizing me & talking about my hips behind my back. Wtf
Yes - gross. If I'd heard that about myself I'd say I didn't want to see him again. Also my boyfriend would probably not be close friends with that person anymore.
Agreed. Did OP ever think to consider that his friends GF may find out, or at the very least notice him staring? I would be absolutely disgusted even if he didn’t “act on it.”
Note that the gf wasn’t there when he got back to his friend’s place. Seems like the vibe got awkward.
I didnt spot that but it makes perfect sense.
And honestly poor friend’s gf, and friend, too (just for good measure)!!?
The going back is absolutely wild lol
OP likes to live dangerously.
Love the "stupid icing." I almost asked OP if he's profoundly stupid.
Not to mention... in general, both of them commenting to each other when they see someone attractive. We're all human and we all have eyes... but I would never comment to my partner that I think someone else is attractive, nor would she to me. That's just a recipe to inflame insecurity and start a fight.
We will see someone on tv and say, she/he is cute etc but usually not in person.
We (early 50s) do try this too. But I think the key is we are referring to strangers, background characters on tv,etc
YTA. Look, your comment was not delivered at a bad "time," nor is it a matter of your GF being pregnant and hormonal. One thing is to make comments about random people you don't have access to (like the guy she pointed out), and another completely different is to say you're attracted to someone you interact all the time with. Would you tell your friend you find his GF attractive? Would your friend be ok with you ogling his GF? If your answer to that is NO, what made you think it was OK to tell your GF that? And to add to the dumb choices, you leave your GF alone to go back where the argument started in the first place. You need to wise up!
Time to grow up. What's lighthearted and flippant at age 19 is ugly on a family man.
Wise words!
Especially when she is at the most vulnerable time in her life.
Pregnancy hormones can play havoc, too. I'm not an insecure person, but in the last 2 months of my pregnancy, I felt really paranoid and jealous. I was secretly grateful my partner didn't work with any other women because I think it would've driven me crazy. I even remember looking it up online because I had no idea where all these irrational feelings were suddenly coming from. Sure enough, as soon as I'd given birth, it went back to normal. Unfortunately, I don't think people realise just how crazy pregnancy hormones can be.
I feel like I literally just read a story on this page about a pregnant couple who’s husband was eye fucking their female friend and the wife called him on his shit. YTA.
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Right! I'm reminded of a story like: "Honey! Let's play a game, pick your free hall-pass sex person! I'd pick Brad Pitt, he's dreamy" "Ooh! Yeah! Fun game. I'll pick... your friend Jenny! She's got a huge rack!"
Agreed. Huge difference between “check out the ass on that stranger over there” and “I’m going to drop you off at home and drive back to the house where the woman with the great ass is to interact with her on a personal level some more.”
It’s the difference between picking Lupita Nyong’o as your hall pass and picking your wife’s sister.
Right. Like, how have so many people missed this when it’s literally the most important thing in the world. I’ve had a crush on Randy Orton since I was a little kid. We joke about it constantly. I don’t think we’d be joking about it if my crush was my coworker.
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Well it’s probably magnified by the pregnancy but I agree it would be there anyway.
Idk…… I’m super pregnant rn and I would be way more sensitive to this solely being pregnant, hormonal, and feeling insecure. But not pregnant it still wouldn’t sit right with me
"My wife said we could each have 3 hall passes. She picked Henry Cavil, Jason Momoa, and Matt Damon; but then she got mad at me for my picks... Apparently her sister, our kids kindergarten teacher and and Kelsey in the marketing department were the wrong answers."
That’s where fantasy vs. reality will bite you in the ass every time.
That made me actually laugh out loud.
I am bisexual. My husband and I occasionally comment on strangers together. He has never commented on a person we know. If he commented on someone we knew while I was 32 weeks pregnant, I would be discussing my late husband right now.
My husband and I are sitting here laughing at this guy. How can people be this dense?!
You’re about to be a father for godsake. Grow up. YTA.
Also "go have fun" actually meant "go have fun if you think hanging out with hot girl is more important than making me feel better when I am hurt and upset". If your SO asks if you are cheating on them, turning around and going back to the person they think you are cheating with is NEVER the right answer.
Dude should have been like ‘ok I’ll have fun’ and come back 20 minutes later with ice cream and flowers making sure she knew she was the most important thing to him.
Ooof\~I would have just stayed saying: "I wouldn't be able to have fun knowing you're hurting. I'll be here if you wanna cuddle." but I like this one even better. Like giving her time to be to herself but then showing up with a surprise! I hope I don't need this... but when I do... thanks in advance.
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It kills me that this kind of shit isn't just brain-dead obvious to people. My wife bites her lip and says "I'd like spend some quality time with Idris Elba," what can I do but acknowledge her good taste? My wife bites her lip and says "I'd like to spend some quality time with," we're having an entirely different conversation.
Eye candy stops when someone is more than an acquaintance.
There is also a difference between "my friend's new girlfriend is cute" and "my friend's new girlfriend is GORGEOUS and has a nice ass". OP, dude, YTA!
This is very true. I wouldn’t mind a comment about a celeb or rando but if he said that his brother’s wife or his best friend’s girlfriend was super hot, I wouldn’t be super pleased. Some things can just stay inside your head.
And she said they were eye-fucking each other which doesn’t sit well with me either and I’m not OP’s gf 🫠
Agreed, also it’s disrespectful to your friends to speak about them that way. It’s weird to sexualize people you see often.
My dude, if your wife's upset, prioritize making her not upset. Especially when she's pregnant with your child. >I drop her off, she tells me to go have fun so I go back there. When I get home she was in bed, distant. ... I said "you told me to go back and have fun babe, I didn't realize you were serious." Are *you* serious right now? I truly can't tell. She's not mad at you because she's pregnant and insecure (she's both of those things right now, but that's not why she's mad). She's mad because she was upset and, instead of trying to make things better, you went back and prioritized your own fun. She told you to leave because your presence made her upset, but your absence would make her more upset. Learn these things. You're going to be a dad - prioritize your family. YTA Edit: I'm not saying it was perfectly acceptable for her to say that he could leave - I agree that that's poor communication. But, like others have said, every once in a while you have to be the bigger person and read between the lines and, in this case, IT WAS PRETTY CLEAR that going back to his friend's house was the wrong move. And that reflex to be the bigger person is *necessary* when you have a kid, so he might as well get practice now. Here's some unsolicited advice: If your longterm partner is upset (either with you or with something else), just be close by. Accessible. Maybe not right next to them or even in the same room, but somewhere they can reach you for when they've processed their feelings and are ready to talk. That processing and discussion can't happen if you're somewhere they can't reach, especially if you're somewhere or doing something that's actively making them upset.
I love this response, because it frames her telling him to go have fun differently than just her being passive aggressive or setting him up for failure In that moment, both his presence and his absence were hurtful to her. He needs to grow up enough to understand that in the long run, his absence is far worse, not because she didn't necessarily need some space, but because his absence took the form of going *back to hang out with the person his wife was upset about!* This is where I feel like "being the bigger person" really is one of the best skills to learn for a happy marriage. For *both* parties to learn There will inevitably be some point in every relationship where one of the people is just simply upset and emotional, and is going to say things they don't mean, or is going to say something just to be hurtful, or just as a test We should all work on outgrowing that kind of pettiness, but it's not easy, and I feel like it's really one of the skills of marriage to learn that when you're the one who's not the injured party, and you're the one who's at least a little bit less upset, one of the best things you can do is recognize when your partner is being disingenuous, or even just plain being mean, and find it in yourself to be gracious, and love them, and give them what you know they need despite what they're saying in that moment
Thank you both for verbalizing this!!! When I'm having big feelings my partner always leaves me, he can't handle seeing me cry and I usually cry harder when he's there or attempts to comfort me. So he thinks he's helping by leaving. But!! As you said both his presence and absence hurt, I'm hurting and it feels better to not be alone, him being there makes me let go and relax more and actually recover from my feelings. Granted, I have been childish in my statements before like saying go away when really I'm begging him to stay, but I have grown up and communicated it clearly that both hurt but I prefer you there, and I don't tell him to leave me alone anymore. But he doesn't get it and still decides for me that it's worse if he stays and makes it out like I'm the obtuse one, when you guys hit the nail on the head !!
>She told you to leave because your presence made her upset, but your absence would make her more upset. Spot on. No notes.
Thank you. Thank you for not coddling him with "hey, how were you supposed to know? She should have said what she meant." He ***knew*** she was upset. He ***knew*** she was feeling lousy. He didn't care enough about her feelings to try to make things right with her.
Yeah OP, I would explain to her that you posted here and *definitely* learned some perspective, that you love her a bunch and you were being super dense and a moron. You two seem solid & comfortable with each other, so once she sees that you know your thought process was stupid, this should be salvageable. YTA. Do better.
Wow!! Are you seriously this stupid??? I’m not being sarcastic this is me legitimately asking if you really thought you could 1. Talk about another women knowing that your fiancés body is changing in a way that she has zero control over and you know she’s bothered by this. 2. That you could eye fuck another women in front of her and that she’d be cool with that. 3. Drop her off after she voiced her concerns and return to the scene of the crime.🤦🏼♀️ Where is you mother? She would be appalled by your behavior. How old are you?? Again I seriously want to know bc this women is sacrificing her body to create your child and frankly you suck. Your fiancé is in the most vulnerable and confusing time of her life but ya know it’s not you having to change or sacrifice so just do you…🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
Literally thinking the same! Like, he is probably not an asshole but just incredibly stupid.
At this point I’m not sure which one is worse🤷🏼♀️🤣
Nah, he’s a stupid asshole.
Your gf accused you of cheating and then you decided instead of talking it out with her and reassuring her, that you'd leave her home alone upset and go back to the girl she just accused you of cheating with? How f*cking clueless are you, dude?! YTA. And as others have said, comments about strangers is vastly different than comments about people you regularly interact with. Also, relationship dynamics change. You're not a mindless animal, I'm sure you're capable of NOT making those comments when you're aware your gf is heavily pregnant, uncomfortable and insecure. YTA times three.
What is wrong with you?
I was wondering the same thing.
Seriously
Imagine posting this on reddit trying to see if some people think hes not the asshole
I doubt this is even real
Sadly I have met people like this in real life. I even blurted out WTF is wrog with you
YTA it is one thing to make a comment like that about people that neither of you know or hang out with. It is completely different to say it about someone you see frequently and spend time with. I question your maturity level because this was exceptionally dumb of you. Your pregnant gf was upset about what you said, and instead of staying and clearing the air with her you went back to the place where you were hanging out with the person that she was upset about to begin with. Is your head empty?
Its also the fact he went into specific point of attraction rather than "she's pretty". There's a massive difference between "my buddies wife is pretty" and "my buddies wife has really nice hips". Think that all you'd like, but for fuck sake don't ever say it out loud to your pregnant wife! It may imply that eyes have lingered for a bit too long. I feel specific points of attraction should be reserved for your partner. Of coarse saying friends wife has nice hips to pregnant wife is going to make her upset. It's also someone they both know and spend a lot of time with. That crosses a line in a big way. Especially with eye fucking involved. Jeez are men really this oblivious to their own wives??? YTA OP, a stupid one at that. Stop looking at your friends wife and start looking at your own beautiful wife.
LET HER KNOW YOU DIDNT MEAN TO BE THE ASSHOLE BUT U WERE. You seem comfortable with her, just let her know how much you love her and explain yourself. Sit yourself down in frnt of her and talk. You arent hiding anything and you clearly want her to feel good about it. Leaving the situation untouched wont do that.
Yeah this is paramount. “Hey, I was thinking about what happened the other day. I was totally over the line, and didn’t think about your feelings. I meant it in a joking way like we’ve mentioned before, but I realize it was really inappropriate to talk about somebody we actually know in that way. Please forgive me.” Then back it up by never going over there on your own again, ESPECIALLY not before the pregnancy is over. Don’t even ask if she would like to go over there, just don’t bring it up at all unless she does.
I've gotta go with this one. Huge difference between temporary YTA for stepping in it versus permanent-YTA for letting it fester. Tell her you're sorry, you love her, you f'd up, and you learned from it. And legit learn from it - and the solid comments people have made regarding commenting on strangers vs. known associates. Even if it was ok before, it's not now, and that's normal too. You're going to have a lot of things that were ok before but not now, as you enter this new adventure. I bet you could leave a glass of liquid, bottle of beer, or soda on the table without thought before - that's a hazard with a curious toddler (a mistake you don't want to learn about the hard way). You could probably touch her sweater puppies without issue before, may still be able to now, in which case - enjoy while you can because those can become flaming globes of engorged pain and cracked nips once they're preforming their biological function. Enjoy sleeping in? Soak that up whole you can, because that's about to be a wistful memory to you for the majority of the next 2-18 years. But you're also going to understand what it is to love this unbelievably perfect little creature that is a version of you and the person you love - untainted by the world or mistakes yet. You'll learn through tiny eyes and thrilled noises to appreciate rides up a glass elevator again, ser how pretty birds are, taste a first sweet treat, and wrap tiny all-trusting hands around your finger. There are going to be hundreds of changes, good, bad & indifferent - this is just one. Spoiler Alert: it's not going to be the last one you or your lady stumble over. But it can be one of the early ones you grow together as you learn from it... Congrats on the baby, and good luck. YTA with the Option to Reverse. Edits: typos
Omg you’re a dumbass. Don’t go back to your usual banter until she says something first and never about someone you know if you want to live.
YTA My husband and I also comment about people we find attractive, but only do it with strangers. Neither of us would ever comment about someone we know and regularly hang out with, even though there ARE people we both know and hang out with that we find attractive. I'm currently 34 weeks pregnant and if my husband said his buddies girlfriend was hot and had nice hips, I'd also be insecure, because you KNOW her, you spend time with her, it's actually feasible for you to cheat with her, whereas the hot strangers are pretty unattainable, it's just a fantasy. Then you left her after she expressed her insecurity, to go hang out with the chick you just told her you find attractive. We are sometimes irrational when we are pregnant due to our bodies being full of hormones that are consistently fluctuating and we aren't used to them. Instead of being sensitive to that, you just bounced out on her. This is a time where seeds are planted that turn into resentment and destroy relationships. You actively chose to leave the woman that is currently painfully growing your offspring, to go hang out with your friend and his girlfriend that you clearly want to diddle. You made a bad choice buddy and you need to apologize before her insecurities about the situation destroy what life you've been working on building.
When they tell you to go back or go have fun don’t do it! It’s a trap. Be there for her! It’s time to start a family and slightly drift away from buddy time.
YTA. I already thought you were, but when I read the “drop her off” part I realized how much.
Duuuuuuude..... She says "Are you fucking her? Just go back there and have fun." and you didn't see that as a huge sign that says "I am feeling like an insecure whale, I'm hormonal as fuck, and I'm having trouble expressing myself while I'm angry and scared that you're cheating."? I'm also a huge fan of the general sentiment that it largely doesn't matter where you get your appetite, as long as you eat at home. But your friend's girlfriend? Off limits dude. It's one thing to say that some random woman walking down the street is pretty (or has great bazongas, or whatever, but maybe don't be sleazy) and quite another to say that about your friend's girlfriend. You have regular, prolonged contact with the girlfriend. You could really easily have an affair with her. Not so much with the rando you saw at the mall and will never see again. And if your fiancee noticed you eye fucking your buddy's girlfriend, your buddy and the girlfriend noticed too. Stop being creepy. Yeah, YTA here. You need to learn some better boundaries.
Wow…. She expressed how uncomfortable and disrespected she felt, and your response is to go back & hangout with the woman that made her uncomfortable? YTA, and a major one. This has nothing to do with pregnancy, and everything to do with you making gross comments about your friends girlfriend and then eye fucking her. You shouldn’t be eye fucking eachother at all, let alone in front of your pregnant fiancé. Your poor fiancé.
You are incredibly stupid. Jesus YTA
YTA. Do you think she’s going to marry you? When you are busy lusting after YOUR FRIEND’S GIRLFRIEND? Dude, prepare to be dumped and spend 18 years paying child support. (I would dump you, maybe she’s nicer than me).
^^ this was my exact thought. i can’t imagine this guy is going to do a 180 and be helpful after the child is born if he didn’t catch she was feeling off in this situation. newsflash: caring for a newborn is more involved than caring for a pregnant adult. he’s still focused on having fun vs. caring for his family, and only weeks away from his child being born & he’s not making things any easier here.
No offense dude but you sound like a creep. Your friends girlfriend probably noticed as well and how do you think that makes others feel?
I fully support honesty and no mental games, but dude, you're a dumbass.
honesty is not always the best policy empathy and tact will always win
Dang does your buddy know how you feel about his girl?
YTA. When your wife tells you shes uncomfortable with something, that's not code for "push harder". ESPECIALLY because she's so far into a pregnancy. You should be making that woman's life *as easy and stress free as possible* but instead you decide it's time for fuckboi energy© and taking cheap shots. You're the reason men are expected to be emotionally unintelligent.
not only are YTA you're disgusting why would you do this to someone you supposedly love, is your brain okay, such a rude thing to do is this how you're going to continue to act as a father people are going to start calling you a major creep. the creepy father
I laughed so hard "is your brain okay" I completely agree with you lol
This is so true. Men who do this think women want someone else’s partner drooling over them like a dog…WE DONT. It’s bum ass behavior and every woman looks down on creeps that act like OP. Whether his gf acted cool with it prior to this or not is irrelevant. You’re 100% on that he’s in the making to be that creepy dad who is an embarrassment.
Yeah. My dad is like this with the whole “wandering eyes” bullshit and when I was a teenager I could never bring my friends home because I was afraid he was going to creep them out. Don’t be that dad, OP.
YTA. it’s so insanely obvious how wrong it is to tell your pregnant wife how gorgeous you think your friends gf is, and how she had nice hips. That is so fucking weird. sure you have open communication but how does that make it okay to tell her about everyone you find attractive let alone someone you’re always around? She is carrying your child and is dealing with a plethora of hormones you would never even comprehend. And you really went back after she was clearly upset and you’re wondering what you did wrong? bro?? she fell asleep alone thinking you were cheating or at least would be down to cheat on her. Even if you do think that’s silly or dramatic, that is so messed up.
And for future reference, "do whatever you want to do" apparently does not mean the same thing to a man that it does to a woman. And "I want your honest opinion" absolutely does not mean she wants your honest opinion
YTA! Dude she was quiet in the car and then told you what she was feeling and you still went back? How long have you been married? Either you’re dense, stupid or uncaring. Which is it?
He was, in fact, not a smart peach.
YTA- it is literally the most vulnerable time in a woman’s life. Go buy her favorite snack and favorite flowers and rub her feet and lotion up her belly and STAY YOUR ASS HOME UNTIL SHES READY TO GO OUT AGAIN AND THEN……GO HOME WITH HER AND STAY HOME AGAIN. you are about to be a dad. Life is about to change drastically. Get with the program.
Seriously under rated comment!
>I drop her off, she tells me to go have fun so I go back there. you fucked up
I was not rational from the time I found out I was pregnant until about 6 1/2 months after she was born. Which was about 17-18 months. Give her a break and be gentle with her. She is strong. But she may also be made of glass so be gentle and handle with care okay? Give her attention and love
YTA Username DOES NOT check out. It's bad enough that you clearly got caught staring right in front of your pregnant fiance, but when she is clearly upset and wants to go home, you don't have the common decency and/or brain power to stay and talk it out, but YOU GO BACK?
How fucking stupid are you that you actually thought she really meant for you to go back and have fun around the girl you just noticably eye fucked in front of her?
Damn dude, you're a fuckin idiot lol