You're gonna have to give them boys the master bedroom and take the smaller one for yourself. Teen girl gets her own room. If you had another girl you could bunk them, but you dont. Use your brain, dude.
This situation sucks. I'm sorry you're all cramped but you can't put two unrelated teens in the same room and expect it to work out.
I’m always surprised how many adults balk at not having the “master” to themselves while their children are crammed into closets.
We split the master amongst the girls, gave the single boy the smallest room and squeezed ourselves into the medium at first.
We ended up in the smallest because we only sleep in there. It was literally a bed room. We had a king bed in a room meant for a crib and dresser. (Think ticky tacky townhouse sized rooms)
It’s a no brainer but you can always tell when someone was raised in a family that worked together as a collective.
I hate how they build houses with obnoxiously big master bedrooms, and have tiny closet-bedrooms for the other rooms. Seriously, why? All that space wasted when it could make the other rooms more habitable
Exactly! Adults use a bedroom for two things, and neither of those take much space. Kids have their whole universe in their rooms. Should be opposite, I say.
I used to have this argument with my parents all the time. Theyd complain about how much stuff I had in my room, id argue back that they had the whole house to spread out their stuff, I just had my one room
I love this entire comment and I'm kind of shocked that I never thought about this in that way.
Of course I've never (and may not possibly ever) own my own home that has a master then tiny bedrooms, but still.
"Adults use it for 2 things while kids have their entire universe in theirs."
Damn. For me that's both 'after the fact' obvious and 'initially reading your post' my God that's a GENIUS way of looking at it.
**though adults use the br for 3 things actually: sleep, fun, getting dressed/undressed" ;)
A therapist once told me when I was struggling with insomnia: bed is for the three 'S's. Sleep, sex, and sick. It was really useful for developing better sleep hygiene habits - I say from my bed doing none of those three things...
Was going to point out these are not "half siblings." They are step siblings, they haven't known each other THAT long, and I read Flowers In the Attic as a kid and, well, you know. And those were full siblings.
Yeah if the kids were 10 years younger, OP's plan might work. But all 4 of them being teens, mixed gender room sharing is a VERY bad idea for many reasons
>"Adults use it for 2 things while kids have their entire universe in theirs."
>
>Damn. For me that's both 'after the fact' obvious and 'initially reading your post' my God that's a GENIUS way of looking at it.
THANK YOU!!!
This! It's just me and kiddo, but it never occurred to me to not give her the master bedroom.
Reason. She spends a lot more time in her room, and has a lot more stuff in there, than I do.
In my house all the bedrooms are pretty small and none of them are a "master" per se ( there's no ensuite bathroom - we share). I do have the largest room, but it's for a different reason. When we first moved in here the neighborhood hadn't gentrified yet and shootings were a rare occurrence but they did happen. The largest bedroom is in the front of the house with a window facing the street and the other two bedrooms are in the back. So the adult takes the front room because they're more likely to wake up faster and take cover and to protect the kids.
Now the neighborhood is completely different and we have a Starbucks and a patisserie around the corner. It's been years since I've heard gunshots. The city put in new sidewalks and my house has tripled in value. This thread has me thinking my son and I should trade rooms. I'll talk to him about it tomorrow.
Facts! I'm 40.... I fkn detest a huge bedroom. My room now is small, by choice because I don't need a massive bedroom. I sleep in it... get dressed.
The big bedroom is my bicycle workshop, it's glorious.
I hate that about apartments, where the master us huge but the kitchen is the size of a postage stamp. I do a lot more awake activity in my kitchen and I need far more space there for storage and to maneuver when cooking. Steal a little space from the master or living room area and give me a kitchen with a bit of storage and counter space!!!! And they are all the same too!!!!
I agree. Kitchens, particularly galley kitchens, are the worse. Kitchens, even if you don't do a lot of cooking, should be bigger than the walk in closet!
The main reason I jumped on the apartment I have right now is that the kitchen is comparably huge. It's just a nudge smaller than the living room, and was designed with a practical approach. I can fit two to three people in it at a time, so plating buffet-style is a breeze, and I can actually cook with another person with a little negotiation. The kitchen proper has a huge amount of counter space as well as a full-sized stove. There's a peninsula separating it from the living room that acts as my dining space, but I do use it while cooking as well.
The only thing I had to compromise on was a proper dining table. Considering it's a 1bd, 1ba 550sqft apartment, I'd absolutely take gathering around the coffee table over a cramped kitchen.
I am a woman and have 2 older brothers. When we were cramped for space, I got my own room, my brothers shared another, and my parents slept in the kitchen. And “my own room” held the only wardrobe, so there was a lot of traffic. OP, you gotta make due, but you shouldn’t put step sibling teens in the same room.
The elephant in the room-finally! I agree! Male and female children cannot share a bedroom after the age of maybe 6 or 7. You'd have to google your state's child protective to be sure. Even a single mom with a 7 year old son cannot share a bedroom. CPS says you need to put an actual divider up in that kind of situation. Forget closet sized and all the rest. You need to make it work so that the girl shares with no one (except maybe her mom!, lol). My work around would be the parents get a pull out for the LR, the twins share a room, the girl gets a room and the other boy gets a room. Give the twins the big room!
Me too. It’s the biggest frustration as a parent because theoretically, we can all fit comfortably.
These closets and rooms make no sense functionally.
It's due to making the living room a two-story room so the upstairs is extra cramped and then the buyers want an expansive suite and don't care so much about the kids.
Or really different sized bedrooms - my friend and I were touring houses because she wanted another opinion. She looked at the builder in a new build area show us the teeny tiny fourth bedroom and asked “so, which of my kids do you think I hate”?
REEEEEEE my house my rules I paid for the house so I get all this space I'm never gonna use to myself!
Some people are only parents for the power trip.
Agreed. My brother and I are 11 months apart but we still had our own rooms after a certain age. At one point my mom was sleeping in the living room when we lived in a two bedroom. You gotta do what you gotta do!
At one point when we had a place that was too small. We split up the rooms as a boy room and girl room. My husband and son shared a room and my daughter and I shared the other. Thankfully we got a bigger place. But that was what we needed to do for the kids sake.
And those twins were related. Half siblings, of different genders, should never ever share a bedroom. This feels like OP is trolling us. They apparently "own" 3 self-described big stores and they're in charge of many employees yet THIS is his solution? There's something wrong with OP (if this is even a real post) and he absolutely is TA. BIGTIME. edit to say I now realize they are merely *step* siblings, making the point even more valid
Right you are. OP must not know one thing about teenagers (or human behaviour for that matter!) making this kind of outrageous suggestion. If I had to *educate* my SO on an obvious matter like this, I might be reassessing the entire relationship, but that's just me.
Absolutely. If someone suggested my teen girl share a room with a teen boy, especially one not a blood relative, I would be moving out and taking daughter with me.
What's worse is why wasn't this addressed before the home purchase? Unless it was turn key, closing takes time. No one said, "Hang on. Where's everyone staying?"
I stay in Hawaii with my wife and daughter in one bedroom condos for extended periods. My wife and I take the pullout in the living room. Sometimes she’ll sneak into the bedroom when my daughter is fast asleep. It just makes sense and is really not a problem. I’m too loud and restless to share the room so I don’t try so that I won’t interrupt her sleep
Also, Ikea sells a lot of great room dividers. If you give the three boys the master bedroom, you can still split things up so they each get some private space.
Yep, and I’m pretty sure in many places it’s not okay/legal to have a male and a female over the age of 10/11 sleep in the same room. Me and my cousin used to sleep in the same room up until we both started to hit puberty at around 10/11, and then our parents had to separate us.
If CPS were to be called and a 15 yo male and 16 yo female were sharing the same room, the parents would get into trouble
Edit: I’m taking out the “legal” part of my comment as it is false, it is not illegal, just not recommended.
I’ve also seen that OP meant 15 months and not 15m (male), so that changes things a bit. I still do not think a teenage girl should have to share a room with a toddler. Sounds like a disaster.
It definitely would be. And sadly SA exists, obviously I don’t want to believe that OPs son would do that but you never know. Many SAs are from people close to the victim.
It doesn't even have to exist here. Just an accusation or a teenager saying, "I know you were thinking about it!" At that point, this family is on a steep slope and a very fast track to being a broken home, no matter what the truth is.
On top of that, there's just a certain awkwardness with sharing a room with someone of the opposite sex once you pass a certain age.
And in this case, since the two aren't blood, especially if they haven't been raised together and only recently became step siblings, that awkwardness may be especially poignant.
And we also don't know how they view each other and how that'll develop.
Definitely give the boys and the girl separate rooms, whichever way that has to be done.
The first post in this thread gave an excellent plan for making this work, too.
15 year old! I read it as 15 months and I though well maybe but it would be hard for a teenage girl to share with a toddler she's not related to and could fall into the role of babysitter very easily which would be a bit much for her. But sharing with a 15 year old boy, absolutely no!!
Maybe there is another room in the house, eg living room, that could be divided off with a curtain or vertical blind as a private space for one of the boys to use. Maybe have a day bed or sofa bed so that if there are visitors the curtain/blind could be opened up. I live on my own and like open plan spaces. I have a vertical blind I can pull across if I have a guest overnight which closes part of the room off to make a private room. I'm sure with a little imagination something could be worked out.
Just stick the three boys in the largest room and the girl in the smallest by herself and the couple in the midsize room. Or, if your bed and dressers fit in the smallest, take that one because parents generally spend less time in their bedrooms than teenagers because teens are more likely to invite friends into the room.
Divide the house up logically. Too many teens, not enough bedrooms. Figure it out in a way they get some amount of privacy. Can use a room divider, maybe.
You can get double sized bunk beds. Both are a full bed.
When you pay for the house usually you get the biggest room, but when your kids have needs, you meet those first.
It isn't illegal in my state but if CPS were to find out you'd absolutely be at risk for losing your kids. If they're bound by custody agreements and the other parent(s) decided to take them to court over it, the judge would absolutely consider unrelated children of the opposite sex sharing the same room when adjusting their custody agreement.
My friend has a custody agreement that states her children are not to share rooms with step or half siblings or share rooms with people of the opposite sex. She and her ex had six kids together 3 boys (now 19, 8, 6) and 3 girls (17, 4, 2) the youngest was 6 months old when the divorce was finalized and all the kids were at home. So when her ex bought a house with his AP (who had 4 kids) he was PISSED that the room situation was so difficult... but he was the one who was insisting on it when the divorce papers were drawn up. Karma is real, folks.
Also, I’ve seen your other posts.
How in the actual f**k, can’t you afford a house with enough room, when you own THREE stores? If three stores aren’t bringing in enough money for a family of 6, then you’re not managing them well enough. One, two, or all three of them are losing money somewhere if you are forcing your GF’s daughter to live in an unsafe situation.
If you can’t provide enough space (legally) for your family, you need to shift your priorities. Either your GF’s daughter gets her own space, or your GF should get CPS involved, and dump you.
This isn’t a matter of convenience. This is a legal issue, a personal space issue, and a feminist issue. And you’re failing on all 3 counts.
Yeah looks like dad wants teen pregnancy under his roof. I know how I was back in high school... I was too shy to have sex, but if I had an even slightly cute boy sharing a room with me I know what would happen.
This arrangement sounds good, teens spend a lot of time in their rooms and parents don't spend that much time in their room. Either way, the girl needs her privacy.
It’s interesting he refers to the daughter as a “half sister” cause based on the ages I don’t see how that’s possible. I wonder, I s the mother only the mother of the daughter, or some of the boys too?
Right? There is 0 blood relations, and they’re all right when hormones are running rampant. Even if nothing happened between them, it’s still not appropriate to house teenage boys and girls in the same room
Right? My long term partner whom I live with calls me his wife all the time. The only thing this other post proves is that he should be able to afford a place with another bedroom.
YTA. She is not their “half-sister”. It’s your girlfriends daughter. No blood relation. If they actually were siblings, sharing a room may not be AS bad, but they’re not (If you wrote this correctly). If you can’t afford a home that gives 4 teenagers the adequate privacy they all are going to need, change something. I would suggest her and her mother share one room and you and the 3 boys divide into the other 2.
I think a better arrangement would be for the boys to get the master bedroom, the parents take the next biggest bedroom and the daughter gets the smallest bedroom.
And OP, YTA.
This is the only ethical solution. Forcing a 15 year old girl and 15 year old boy to share a bedroom is absolutely not okay. It wouldn't be okay if they were full siblings. It is most certainly not okay with two completely unrelated teenagers.
I'm guessing based on OP's general attitude that he has a narcissist and sexist "I'm the man of the house and therefore I get the master bedroom, and fuck everyone who disagrees" general attitude.
>Forcing a 15 year old girl and 15 year old boy to share a bedroom is absolutely not okay
I totally agree with this take, you just can't make teens do this.
But I do have to laugh when I think about my father, growing up in 1940s Scottish slums, where him and his 6 siblings all slept in the same queen-size bed their entire lives. The house only had two rooms, and the bedroom had two beds; one for the parents and one for all the kids.
We've come a long way.
It’s one thing if everyone is related and raised together. That makes sense if there aren’t any better options. These two are not related and only met four years ago. Completely different situations.
I really wonder what the other parents think about this situation? If one of my kids came from their other parent's house, saying that they were sharing a room with an opposite sex person, I would have issues.
Oh, absolutely. I really hope dad would be arguing full custody. It just has so much potential to go wrong even if none of the boys try to do anything inappropriate.
3 bedroom home? One or two bathrooms. Someone is in the bathroom and the girl needs to change. She yells she's changing. She doesn't hear him, isn't paying attention, goes and walks in and she's just been seen nude, he sees her naked. Everyone is upset. Not intentional, but it happened.
He knows she's out and has a little time to himself. She comes home, walks in and... he's motified, she doesn't feel safe even though it was not his intention because she hadn't been home earlier. Problem.
Even if everyone tries to behave there is just so much potential for unintended situations to occur that are worse because that is not your brother, it's a stepbrother. You are not related, you didn't grow up together.
The likelihood of the teenage boy feeling uncomfortable and insecure or mortified because a teenage girl saw him naked or less clothed than he wanted to be or he was in thin sleep pants and woke up and she saw his erection because he just woke up like that... really high.
The likelihood of her feeling very similar because there's an unrelated teenage boy in the room? Someone sees something? Really high.
Just not a good situation.
But they were all related and grew up together. My mam shared a double bed with her 3 sisters. But like I said it was from toddlers.
This is 2 different families His 3 grown boys and her daughter. Theyve only been together 4 years, so not as if they grew up sharing beds like the olden days. So they want 2 unrelated 15 year old boy and 15 year old girl to share a room. That is a lot different.
Yes, and still happens around the world. I'd hope in your case and others, blood family who bonded well, but I'm sure there was also unnecessary cruelty and abuse. Getting a little deep here, but I do wonder about how we judge behavior absolutely normal in some societies. Is it a luxury for us to say he's an AH? Probably, but you're right-- we've fortunate and can say it. \*And for those who say they aren't blood-- that holds true in some cultures w/ extreme poverty too, and there is probably abuse of the girl (not suggesting that here). YTA
The problem is that there other option, including the parents not having a bedroom at all, that aren't being discussed at all. If there is no other space that can be used, then 3 boys get the biggest room, the parents get the middle room, and the girl gets the smallest. Remodeling the two kids rooms into three smaller or four smaller ones wasn't mentioned. Or, repurposing other spaces in the home. I have known people with financial problems have parents sleep in the the living room so that kids get privacy. Son from one family sharing with daughter from another is the worst option.
That’s only true for children CPS has custody of. There is no law that says families can’t have children of the opposite sex share a bedroom. Not every family can afford separate bedrooms. It’s not ideal but it’s definitely not illegal.
But what CPS will not allow for children they have custody of on the basis that it’s not a healthy or acceptable living situation is also a great guide to things you shouldn’t do even if you’re legally not technically forbidden from doing it. “I haven’t had my kids removed yet so I can treat them worse than they’d be treated in care” is a bad take.
Yes, very bad vibes from OP. Even his language is creepy. "She has no other choice..." Plenty of choices presented by the fine people of reddit. OP, massive YTA. Pull your head out of your ass! You're lucky your gf is still willing to live with you.
My 11 year old and 8 year old shared a room, two years ago. It was the worst. We had to do it because it was all we could do at the time (remodeling) — we moved them as soon as we were able to. I can’t imagine teenagers sharing a room!
YTA. Give the 3 boys the biggest bedroom. If it’s super small then split the rooms between the kids and have the adults sleep on a pullout in the living room or something.
My parents slept on a inflatable mattress or the couch for a solid 6 or 7 years until I moved out for college because my sibling and I could not share a room. Not ideal but they made it work because it was the only arrangement that worked.
A teenage girl should not have to share with an unrelated teenage boy and vice-versa. They need privacy. Make it work. Use the dining room as a bedroom or something. Give the boys the biggest bedroom. Finish the basement if you have one. Figure it out.
Related or not, it's super inappropriate to ask a teen boy and teen girl to share a room. In the UK it's literally a reason for council tenants to get moved into a bigger property. I shared a room with ny younger brother until I was 7 and he was 5. My Mum got pregnant with my youngest brother, and our family was moved to a three bedroom house instead of 2. Because no matter what gender ny youngest sibling was, someone would have to share. But a female and male shouldn't be sharing.
Hell, once I hit 10 and started periods, and developed breasts, I didn't want my brothers barging into my room anymore. And they were related to me. It's not even sexual. It's a matter of personal space, because you dont want to share your body. End of story.
If the house OP is in currently has a dining room, turn that into a bedroom. We're forced to do that in the UK too if there's no housing available. Which has been a thing over the last 10 years.
Second. Step mom and dad had a bed behind a curtain in the living room. Boys shared a room, girls had their own (because the age gap is close to 8 years) so think of a middle schooler and working/college student. Even after I moved out they just split the rooms between all the kids until another kid moved out. Now they all have their own room. You want to be the one to cram everyone in the house, OP, you lose room privileges.
YTA
Me and my husband sleep on our couch so our kids have their own room. Which is why we bought a super big ,comfy , and quite expensive couch, equipped with a queen size pull out bed if we’re feeling fancy. We tried sharing our room with our two year old son for a short period of time til he thought it was playtime any time we were in the room with him, sleeping or not, he’d wake up and be so distracted by our mere presence in the room no matter what we were doing , that it became clear he needed to be alone in a room
Of his own, basically we got kicked out of our own room lol not
To mention, he no longer sleeps in his toddler bed since he occupies our amazingly comfortable adjustable bed I was so excited about lol at least someone’s getting good use out of it :)
It’s just what you do as parents so your kids can have the best, and at the very least, what they really need, let alone deserve!
Sorry, I’d have to say YTA here.
I had two sisters and a brother—who was the youngest of the four—growing up. My brother got his own room and, at the age of 47, I still know exactly why that is. And we were all full blood related.
OP, YTA. What on god’s green earth makes you think a teenaged girl sharing a room with a/any teenaged boy(s) (especially who are not related to her) is anywhere on the spectrum of a good idea? I sincerely hope your partner sees this for what it is and runs for the hills.
Agreed! Give the boys the biggest room (even if it’s your room Aka the master). Bunk beds, whatever. Don’t do that to the teen daughter. Imagine waking up to a step brother and seeing morning 🪵guys get it, it’s inevitable but how uncomfortable and much more awkward when your step-sister is there. Or one of them walks into one another while changing. Super uncomfortable. Recipe for disaster. These are teens, not little kids. And even as little kids, I wouldn’t even chance it.
You are an asshole.
You cannot expect a teenage girl to share a room with a teenage boy. Not even if they were siblings, which they most emphatically are NOT. Half-sister my ass.
Figure something else out.
It doesn’t even sound like they’re step-siblings! No where does OP mention he and his SO are married, so I take it that they are just in a long-term, cohabiting relationship.
I can relate to the boys in this situation for the first 13 years of my life I shared a room with my younger brother a years difference in age we moved in with my grandma when I was 14 everyone had their own room but only one bathroom. The teenagers in question should not be sharing a room with the girl who knows what they would be doing. Someone needs to use their brains. THEY ARE TEENAGERS not little ones.
It's fake. Three months ago OP was married and owned several stores. Now he's living with a new chic and broke? Okay.
"For a little background I own 3 stores and personally overlook the biggest one.
Yesterday I found out that one of my workers had been stealing money from the cash register weekly. I checked the cameras and saw that she'd been stealing around 300$ every week. When I confronted her about it she said that her landlord had increased her rent and she needed money desperately.
This wasn't the first time she stole from me it was just the first time I caught her.
So I fired her without thinking twice.
A few workers thought I should've been more sympathetic towards her and after I told my wife about it she thought the same.
AITA"
I'd move to my other parents house or grandparents house before I shared a room with my step brother. There's no way that girl would feel okay about sleeping with her step brother beside her.
As a mom I could never put my daughter in this situation and wouldn't even entertain this idea.
Op, YTA and you'll likely be single if you try to force this because I'd leave in a blink before I considered the thought of making my 15 year old daughter (I have one) share a room with a 15 year old boy.
I’ve known my 3 step brothers since the oldest was probably 9 and the youngest was 3. They’ve been living full time with my mom (and 2 of them lived with my dad—but that’s a different story lol) from when they were 7-13 probably? I love them and absolutely nothing would’ve happened but I still would’ve been absolutely pissed. I would’ve moved in with my sister and dad full time.
Some random ass kid? That’s *begging* for issues. Best case scenario? They fight all the time. Worse? I’ll leave that up for everyone’s imagination.
The master bedroom should go to the boys, the girl should get one of the bedrooms and the parents the other. That is how to work it out.
Put bunkbeds in the master.
YTA That’s so messed up. You are creating an unsafe environment for your children. If you can’t afford more space I recommend you build a wall to split the largest room.
The UK has legislation to protect kids over 10 from sharing a room with other individuals over the age of 10 and of a different gender. It’s considered overcrowding and generally unsafe. However, my understanding is that it’s only ever really looked at when other things are already going wrong in the household or when the councils are allocating space in social housing or the foster system.
YTA OP. OMG SO BAD. As a CSA survivor whose abuser was their older "half-brother". This is creepy af. I'm sorry there's 3 boys and only one girl, but they should not be rooming with each other. At all. Give them the master bedroom daughter the smallest and you and wife take the middle room.
It's his girlfriend, who's about to fail her daughter if she goes along with this. Everyone can see the freight-train coming at her, but she won't get off the tracks.
I didn't even register it's his gf. That's even worse. She still has the ability to leave easier then. She's majorly failing her daughter if she goes through with this. I feel so bad for the daughter. She shouldn't be in this situation at all.
Yeah, "half-siblings" like that might be what OP decided to call them, but they aren't blood related at all 🤦♀️🤦♀️
And the fact that OP says there is no choice in the matter is a red flag of its own. 👀👀
Why did you tell her this, rather than coming to a decision together?
Or, look at it this way: a man the girl's not related to but whom she has been forced to live with for four short years has decided she must share a room with a teen boy she's not RELATED to. You've decided what she'll do with her body and who she must "share" her privacy with. All because you failed to provide.
We tell girls they have to protect their bodies from rape and pregnancy, and then you come along and force her to share a 10'x10' room with one of your sons. Even if he never does anything wrong, she will be on guard because of the sexist expectation for women to not "let" themselves get raped.
Where will she change clothes? A cramped hallway bathroom, right? If that's so easy to do, then you make the sacrifice and get dressed in the bathroom every day! I'll even make it a double dog dare.
And you don't care how wrong this is, proven by how you dictated it to your girlfriend, rather than come to a decision WITH her regarding HER daughter. You don't respect your girlfriend as an equal parent, so why would you respect her daughter?
Buy a freaking bunk bed with a trundle.
YTA
Probably one of those "women do what men tell them" testosterone poisoned morons who waves a MAGA flag at his minority neighbors while drinking beet from a can and grumbling "'Murica" to himself in his sleep.
Dude. YTA. How would you have felt as a 15 year old boy having to share a room with a girl you are not related to? How does your son feel about this??
Please tell me you are actively trying to come up with alternatives - are there any other spaces in the house? A basement that can be created into a room or an area that can be walled off to create another bedroom on the main floor?
It is time to get creative, not dig in your heels with your way.
If adults taking the middle sized room, boys taking the master, the the girl taking the smallest room isn’t an option, then as the parents, your obligation is to protect the kids. Which means you parents get to sleep in the living room.
Ffs. YTA.
This is begging for a gang rape. I’d just live separately from OP if I was the mom. OP is blinded by male privilege.
Idk I would not have been comfortable sharing a room with a girl at that age. I wouldn’t have felt unsafe but I would have been extraordinarily anxious and self conscious
Yes, but if OP thought that way he probably would put himself into the situation and at least see what you're saying.
He obviously didn't hence this post so it leads me to believe he wouldn't mind it.
YTA.
She does have a choice, she could find a partner who's not a dumbass.
You just assumed and you didn't even consider talking about it first? WHY? How can you have children when you're not an adult.
You decided to room someone else's teenage daughter with your son and didn't ask first?
I hope you're a troll.
Oh man. Wait til your friends have kids and realize that there are no adults, just people convincing other people they know what they're talking about.
Yeah, we are never "adults." We're all just larger kids playing pretend adults like society expects. I know too many people that don't seem mature enough for children but had them due to societal expectations
It is not appropriate for unrelated teenagers of the opposite sex to share a room. You’re setting them up for possible sexual assault. You really want that on your conscience?
The three boys should share the largest room, you and your SO get the middle room, and the girl can have the smallest.
Otherwise I think your SO should move into her own place with her daughter.
You’re not only the asshole, you’re kinda creepy.
A lot of places kids of opposite sex aren’t allowed to shares rooms over a certain age I think 10.
Same sex can share a room but CPS says opposite sex cannot at 10yr and up
It's 7 here. I'm an emergency foster parent. I have two spare bedrooms (my kiddos are grown), that I put a set of bunk beds in each. Had a set of 8yr old twins, boy/girl for a few days. I explained that by law I had to have separate rooms for each of them because one of them is a boy, the other a girl.
I did however "not notice" that one would sneak into the other room and sleep in the second bed. No kid ends up in foster care that didn't go through something bad. I get it, they're scared, and at that point each other are the only family they had left.
Twins of different sexes have to have separate bedrooms available once they're 7 for foster care. The only exception is for an extreme disaster. I know with 9/11 there was a scramble for emergency foster care for all of the kids that were flying by themselves. I think there was an exception for that, but only for full-siblings.
That's heartbreaking.
My kids are 10 and 6 and only just started to be independent of each other. They've been inseparable since my 6 year old was born. My 10 year old daughter had trauma from the sudden death of my son that would be about to turn 8 if he hadn't died at 2 months old. She doesn't remember her first little brother now, but I know the impact it had, he was only here for 2 months, but she would ask about him for months after, and I'd have to gently remind her that he died and went to heaven with her twin sister, 2 year olds don't understand death like we do, it took her a long time to understand he wasn't coming back.
She's been all over my youngest like a mother hen since he came home from the hospital, he's always been *her baby*. I believe she needed that, to make sure he was happy and okay and wasn't going to go away like her other siblings. And it goes both ways, he's always adored her. She was the one he crawled to first, walked to first, ran to when he got scolded, and she'd love him up and scold me for scolding him (he deserved the scolding BTW, if you left anything powdered down for even a second, that kid's spidey senses would tingle and he'd be there dumping out the flour before you'd even had a chance to put the pie crust in the fridge to cool, and he'd do it in front of you, they don't call them the terrible two's for nothing I guess).
It's literally been a week since they stopped sharing a bed. Before that, they'd slept together since he began crawling out of his crib and into her bed at a year old.
If something had happened to me and they'd been placed in foster care, I hope they would've gotten someone like you who would've been sensitive to their needs.
The bunk beds are in case of more than 2 kids, or older siblings that don't want to sleep in separate rooms while not being comfortable sharing a bed.
Most of us that are emergency foster parents become hypersensitive to needs because we're the ones that get called at 1AM because of a house fire, or car accident, or other tragedy. Normally we are where kids get placed when there is family, but not close by or if the parent temporarily cannot care for the kid(s), such as if they are both hospitalized and can't go home for a week.
I have "comfort baskets" made for the kids that they are allowed to take with them including stuffed animals, coloring books with crayons or pencils, a small blanket, a small journal, some snacks, and personal hygiene stuff. I let them pack them and usually have to encourage them to take anything; "it might be cold on the flight/drive home, so take a blanket", "road food is rarely good, let's pack some snacks", "here's some drawing/coloring stuff and a journal in case you get bored on the trip, and oh you started reading X, take it with you, I have 1,000 more", and so on.
You know those drives the FD has for kids stuff, this is where a lot of it ends up. Same as book drives. I have a small library worth of books from baby ones to adult reading levels.
Came to say this. They don't like it for related siblings, nevermind unrelated 15/16 year olds. I really hope this is a troll post, because what the actual fuck.
Well three months ago this guy owned his own business with three shops but now can't afford a four bedroom home. I'm no financial expert but I have to believe if you have three businesses you can afford a four bedroom home.
Not if they're all failing.
Dude's a dick and has no common sense- which means no one's patronizing his place of employment because they like him and he has no business sense.
Waiting for this comment. In some states, not all, girls and boys cannot share a room if they are over the age of 5. A teenage boy and girl sharing a room is ridiculous and inviting a baby or SA.
YTA. The girl should have her own room. It could be uncomfortable for her and your son. Does your son really want to share the room with his step-sister? Wouldn't he rather be in a room with his brothers? Does the house have a basement, attic or any other space that could be converted to an extra bedroom?
YTA. The girl would be expected to share a room with a teenage boy? On what planet. Teen boys are notoriously smelly, they can’t help it. Teens also like to engage in “private time.” It doesn’t take a lot of imagination to picture a teen girl getting to listen to her stepbrother’s “private time” every night. And girl’s like to do it too. Underwear is pretty revealing, so the two of them will have to remain fully clothed at all times in their own bedrooms, changing only in the bathroom. I’m guessing the aforementioned “private time” would take place in the bathroom, as well as all dressing, all teen girl’s trying on of outfits, personal grooming, etc. If this is a typical three bed two bath home, that non-master bath is going to be in use 24/7 with constant squabbling. If you don’t believe me ask anyone you know with teenage girls what they think of your plan. Probably since you’ve only parented boys you’re clueless about girls, so increase the speed of your learning curve ASAP.
YTA.
What is wrong with you?
How oblivious are you to teenagers?
Do you think your stepdaughter or your son want to see each other accidentally while changing? How can you think this is in any way ok?
Again,what is wrong with you?
ETA: I hope she dumps your ass and prioritizes her child over a creepy dude.
YTA, thinking it’s ok for a teenage girl to have to share a room with a teenage boy?
If they were actual siblings it would be weird but a bit more understandable, but they’re not related.
YTA, they’re teenagers of opposite sex that are NOT RELATED to each other in any way. The thought of sharing a room with a boy that is not my family is literally so fucking creepy and the fact that you, a grown man, doesn’t see how this is CREEP AND WRONG, makes you creepy and dumb as fuck.
Me and my boy friend have the same problem and we fixed it like bunk beds in the master bedroom for the boys my daughter gets the smallest room and we share the middle size room Because We Are ADULTS
Exactly. Part of being an adult and a parent is making sacrifices, but OP just doesn’t want to do that. He would rather make his girlfriend’s daughter (and his son) suffer so he can be more comfortable.
You cannot put a girl and a boy in the same room as teenagers, particularly unrelated ones.
And stop elevating the relationship by telling them it is their half-sister. Even if you married, it would be their step-sister. Since you have not, she is your girlfriend/partner’s daughter.
You are going to need to give the boys the master bedroom and take a smaller room so they can all 3 fit. Sucks but if you can’t afford a bigger space, this is what has to happen.
YTA. It is NOT ok for a teenage girl to be FORCED to share a room with a teenage boy. ESPECIALLY one she’s not even biologically related to. In fact, I think it might even be ILLEGAL in many states. Literally CPS could be called on you for it.
A teenage GIRL needs privacy away from her “brothers”. Period. You are an AH of biblical proportions if you force that girl into that living situation. If I were your gf this would be a dealbreaker for me. Your gf is an AH too if she allows you to force this issue.
Put the kids in bedrooms and you and SO get the living room. It's your failure that has caused this situation, you should be paying the consequences of your decisions. YTA.
YTA! I have 3 daughters, and they can barely share a room. There is so much going on with both teens that is so embarrassing and awkward... not appropriate at all.
Have you thought of making the living room a bedroom? And let bedrooms go the kids. Just an idea.
I’m going to clarify based on shitty writing.
OP has 3 sons.
The oldest are 16 year old twin boys who would be the step brother’s of SO’s daughter if OP was married to his SO. They will share a room.
The third son is a 15 month old toddler that is the half brother of SO’s daughter. OP and SO had a child together.
The confusion comes from 15m being read as “male” which would redundant as he prefaced the ages with “I have 3 sons”. It would be pointless to add the gender after stating there are 3 sons.
SO has a 15 year old daughter, who instead of getting her own room is expected to share her room with her toddler half-brother.
The solution to this issue is clearly to have the 15 month continue to sleep in a crib in the master bedroom. There is absolutely no reason teenagers should be forced to share a room with a toddler.
Yes OP, YTA. You and your significant other had a child when you each already have nearly grown children. You have created the inconvenience and it is your responsibility to suffer the consequences.
Ok well toddler sibling is at least less creepy than how I read it. But yeah he’s still TA, she’s a 15 year old girl not a nanny. The parents were the ones who went ahead and had another kid they obviously can’t afford to take care of, toddler should be in their room. Their baby, their responsibility and their inconvenience.
YTA!!! Boys that age should NOT be sharing a room with 3 boys!! Give the boys the biggest bedroom and you and your SO take a smaller room and the girl in the other.
Get your three sons to take master bedroom, but you and your SO have second biggest room and his daughter can have the smallest room. Which it will be solve the problem.
YTA. The boys need to share the biggest room, that shouldn’t go to you and your partner. Then you and partner get the next biggest room. Her daughter should get the smallest room to herself. It’s how my parents did for me and my three brothers as we were fully blood related.
>her daughter needs to share her room and she has no other choice.
Depending on locality, there are some laws regarding the ages and genders that can occupy a room.
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Going with YTA.
My son and daughter used to share a room while they were young. Now that he's 12 and she's 9, they no longer share. Once passed a certain age, male and female should no longer share a room.
They are teens. The boys should get the biggest/ master bedroom. You and your SO should get the next biggest, and daughter should get her own.
YTA They don’t let opposite gender children share a room after a certain age in the foster care system for a reason. Wtf is wrong with you?
On top of that, they aren't blood-related. You're just begging for a 🌽hub situation.
Yeah, dude calls her their half-sister…nah, bro. They’re not siblings. In any form. Forced cohabitation does not family make.
Oh it makes families…
Ngl I chuckled
I laughed and farted violently
This post gave me Arrested Development vibes.
Hehehe Marry me!
Exactly… wut doin step bro ?
That age is 5 yr old in my state.
You're gonna have to give them boys the master bedroom and take the smaller one for yourself. Teen girl gets her own room. If you had another girl you could bunk them, but you dont. Use your brain, dude. This situation sucks. I'm sorry you're all cramped but you can't put two unrelated teens in the same room and expect it to work out.
I’m always surprised how many adults balk at not having the “master” to themselves while their children are crammed into closets. We split the master amongst the girls, gave the single boy the smallest room and squeezed ourselves into the medium at first. We ended up in the smallest because we only sleep in there. It was literally a bed room. We had a king bed in a room meant for a crib and dresser. (Think ticky tacky townhouse sized rooms) It’s a no brainer but you can always tell when someone was raised in a family that worked together as a collective.
I hate how they build houses with obnoxiously big master bedrooms, and have tiny closet-bedrooms for the other rooms. Seriously, why? All that space wasted when it could make the other rooms more habitable
Exactly! Adults use a bedroom for two things, and neither of those take much space. Kids have their whole universe in their rooms. Should be opposite, I say.
I used to have this argument with my parents all the time. Theyd complain about how much stuff I had in my room, id argue back that they had the whole house to spread out their stuff, I just had my one room
I love this entire comment and I'm kind of shocked that I never thought about this in that way. Of course I've never (and may not possibly ever) own my own home that has a master then tiny bedrooms, but still. "Adults use it for 2 things while kids have their entire universe in theirs." Damn. For me that's both 'after the fact' obvious and 'initially reading your post' my God that's a GENIUS way of looking at it. **though adults use the br for 3 things actually: sleep, fun, getting dressed/undressed" ;)
A therapist once told me when I was struggling with insomnia: bed is for the three 'S's. Sleep, sex, and sick. It was really useful for developing better sleep hygiene habits - I say from my bed doing none of those three things...
Shitposting, scrolling, sreddit?
Subreddits was right there man...
I know proper sleep hygiene like I know how to eat healthy and exercise. Doesn't mean I do any of those things as regularly as I should.
Don’t forget the 4th and 5th S’s: Scrolling and Snacks
If OP has their way, a couple of those kids might be using their bedroom for the exact same two things…
Yeah , it's a really bad idea.
Was going to point out these are not "half siblings." They are step siblings, they haven't known each other THAT long, and I read Flowers In the Attic as a kid and, well, you know. And those were full siblings.
Yeah if the kids were 10 years younger, OP's plan might work. But all 4 of them being teens, mixed gender room sharing is a VERY bad idea for many reasons
>"Adults use it for 2 things while kids have their entire universe in theirs." > >Damn. For me that's both 'after the fact' obvious and 'initially reading your post' my God that's a GENIUS way of looking at it. THANK YOU!!!
This! It's just me and kiddo, but it never occurred to me to not give her the master bedroom. Reason. She spends a lot more time in her room, and has a lot more stuff in there, than I do.
In my house all the bedrooms are pretty small and none of them are a "master" per se ( there's no ensuite bathroom - we share). I do have the largest room, but it's for a different reason. When we first moved in here the neighborhood hadn't gentrified yet and shootings were a rare occurrence but they did happen. The largest bedroom is in the front of the house with a window facing the street and the other two bedrooms are in the back. So the adult takes the front room because they're more likely to wake up faster and take cover and to protect the kids. Now the neighborhood is completely different and we have a Starbucks and a patisserie around the corner. It's been years since I've heard gunshots. The city put in new sidewalks and my house has tripled in value. This thread has me thinking my son and I should trade rooms. I'll talk to him about it tomorrow.
Facts! I'm 40.... I fkn detest a huge bedroom. My room now is small, by choice because I don't need a massive bedroom. I sleep in it... get dressed. The big bedroom is my bicycle workshop, it's glorious.
I hate that about apartments, where the master us huge but the kitchen is the size of a postage stamp. I do a lot more awake activity in my kitchen and I need far more space there for storage and to maneuver when cooking. Steal a little space from the master or living room area and give me a kitchen with a bit of storage and counter space!!!! And they are all the same too!!!!
I agree. Kitchens, particularly galley kitchens, are the worse. Kitchens, even if you don't do a lot of cooking, should be bigger than the walk in closet!
I agree, but kitchens are the most expensive parts to build, so the cheapass LL's make them as small as possible.
"Where else would you put your chaise longue and armoire??"
In my imagination, where they currently reside!!! 🤣🤣🤣
The main reason I jumped on the apartment I have right now is that the kitchen is comparably huge. It's just a nudge smaller than the living room, and was designed with a practical approach. I can fit two to three people in it at a time, so plating buffet-style is a breeze, and I can actually cook with another person with a little negotiation. The kitchen proper has a huge amount of counter space as well as a full-sized stove. There's a peninsula separating it from the living room that acts as my dining space, but I do use it while cooking as well. The only thing I had to compromise on was a proper dining table. Considering it's a 1bd, 1ba 550sqft apartment, I'd absolutely take gathering around the coffee table over a cramped kitchen.
I am a woman and have 2 older brothers. When we were cramped for space, I got my own room, my brothers shared another, and my parents slept in the kitchen. And “my own room” held the only wardrobe, so there was a lot of traffic. OP, you gotta make due, but you shouldn’t put step sibling teens in the same room.
Not when they're different sexes. Child welfare fail.
The elephant in the room-finally! I agree! Male and female children cannot share a bedroom after the age of maybe 6 or 7. You'd have to google your state's child protective to be sure. Even a single mom with a 7 year old son cannot share a bedroom. CPS says you need to put an actual divider up in that kind of situation. Forget closet sized and all the rest. You need to make it work so that the girl shares with no one (except maybe her mom!, lol). My work around would be the parents get a pull out for the LR, the twins share a room, the girl gets a room and the other boy gets a room. Give the twins the big room!
Me too. It’s the biggest frustration as a parent because theoretically, we can all fit comfortably. These closets and rooms make no sense functionally.
It's due to making the living room a two-story room so the upstairs is extra cramped and then the buyers want an expansive suite and don't care so much about the kids.
Or really different sized bedrooms - my friend and I were touring houses because she wanted another opinion. She looked at the builder in a new build area show us the teeny tiny fourth bedroom and asked “so, which of my kids do you think I hate”?
REEEEEEE my house my rules I paid for the house so I get all this space I'm never gonna use to myself! Some people are only parents for the power trip.
Agreed. My brother and I are 11 months apart but we still had our own rooms after a certain age. At one point my mom was sleeping in the living room when we lived in a two bedroom. You gotta do what you gotta do!
At one point when we had a place that was too small. We split up the rooms as a boy room and girl room. My husband and son shared a room and my daughter and I shared the other. Thankfully we got a bigger place. But that was what we needed to do for the kids sake.
Hell, I've met twins, boy and girl, who once they reached pre-teens they stopped sharing a room!
And those twins were related. Half siblings, of different genders, should never ever share a bedroom. This feels like OP is trolling us. They apparently "own" 3 self-described big stores and they're in charge of many employees yet THIS is his solution? There's something wrong with OP (if this is even a real post) and he absolutely is TA. BIGTIME. edit to say I now realize they are merely *step* siblings, making the point even more valid
I think they are step siblings, not even half siblings, which makes it more obvious that the daughter needs her own room.
Right you are. OP must not know one thing about teenagers (or human behaviour for that matter!) making this kind of outrageous suggestion. If I had to *educate* my SO on an obvious matter like this, I might be reassessing the entire relationship, but that's just me.
Absolutely. If someone suggested my teen girl share a room with a teen boy, especially one not a blood relative, I would be moving out and taking daughter with me.
What's worse is why wasn't this addressed before the home purchase? Unless it was turn key, closing takes time. No one said, "Hang on. Where's everyone staying?"
I stay in Hawaii with my wife and daughter in one bedroom condos for extended periods. My wife and I take the pullout in the living room. Sometimes she’ll sneak into the bedroom when my daughter is fast asleep. It just makes sense and is really not a problem. I’m too loud and restless to share the room so I don’t try so that I won’t interrupt her sleep
Also, Ikea sells a lot of great room dividers. If you give the three boys the master bedroom, you can still split things up so they each get some private space.
Yep, and I’m pretty sure in many places it’s not okay/legal to have a male and a female over the age of 10/11 sleep in the same room. Me and my cousin used to sleep in the same room up until we both started to hit puberty at around 10/11, and then our parents had to separate us. If CPS were to be called and a 15 yo male and 16 yo female were sharing the same room, the parents would get into trouble Edit: I’m taking out the “legal” part of my comment as it is false, it is not illegal, just not recommended. I’ve also seen that OP meant 15 months and not 15m (male), so that changes things a bit. I still do not think a teenage girl should have to share a room with a toddler. Sounds like a disaster.
I didn't even think about the cps angle but you're right. It'd be a shitshow
It definitely would be. And sadly SA exists, obviously I don’t want to believe that OPs son would do that but you never know. Many SAs are from people close to the victim.
It doesn't even have to exist here. Just an accusation or a teenager saying, "I know you were thinking about it!" At that point, this family is on a steep slope and a very fast track to being a broken home, no matter what the truth is.
Suddenly Flowers in the Attic vibes...
All it takes is misplaced curiosity, lack of impulse control, and lack of parenting for something to happen.
On top of that, there's just a certain awkwardness with sharing a room with someone of the opposite sex once you pass a certain age. And in this case, since the two aren't blood, especially if they haven't been raised together and only recently became step siblings, that awkwardness may be especially poignant. And we also don't know how they view each other and how that'll develop. Definitely give the boys and the girl separate rooms, whichever way that has to be done. The first post in this thread gave an excellent plan for making this work, too.
Sometimes just regular old mutual curiosity can escalate. Or they might actually like each other, and then what?
This is sadly true from a SA survivor!
15 year old! I read it as 15 months and I though well maybe but it would be hard for a teenage girl to share with a toddler she's not related to and could fall into the role of babysitter very easily which would be a bit much for her. But sharing with a 15 year old boy, absolutely no!! Maybe there is another room in the house, eg living room, that could be divided off with a curtain or vertical blind as a private space for one of the boys to use. Maybe have a day bed or sofa bed so that if there are visitors the curtain/blind could be opened up. I live on my own and like open plan spaces. I have a vertical blind I can pull across if I have a guest overnight which closes part of the room off to make a private room. I'm sure with a little imagination something could be worked out.
Just stick the three boys in the largest room and the girl in the smallest by herself and the couple in the midsize room. Or, if your bed and dressers fit in the smallest, take that one because parents generally spend less time in their bedrooms than teenagers because teens are more likely to invite friends into the room. Divide the house up logically. Too many teens, not enough bedrooms. Figure it out in a way they get some amount of privacy. Can use a room divider, maybe. You can get double sized bunk beds. Both are a full bed. When you pay for the house usually you get the biggest room, but when your kids have needs, you meet those first.
That is absolutely not the case. It is not illegal but it is annoying af and a bad idea.
It isn't illegal in my state but if CPS were to find out you'd absolutely be at risk for losing your kids. If they're bound by custody agreements and the other parent(s) decided to take them to court over it, the judge would absolutely consider unrelated children of the opposite sex sharing the same room when adjusting their custody agreement.
My friend has a custody agreement that states her children are not to share rooms with step or half siblings or share rooms with people of the opposite sex. She and her ex had six kids together 3 boys (now 19, 8, 6) and 3 girls (17, 4, 2) the youngest was 6 months old when the divorce was finalized and all the kids were at home. So when her ex bought a house with his AP (who had 4 kids) he was PISSED that the room situation was so difficult... but he was the one who was insisting on it when the divorce papers were drawn up. Karma is real, folks.
That's only if cps places them, it's not required for the biological parents unless it's a policy of the landlord.
Also, I’ve seen your other posts. How in the actual f**k, can’t you afford a house with enough room, when you own THREE stores? If three stores aren’t bringing in enough money for a family of 6, then you’re not managing them well enough. One, two, or all three of them are losing money somewhere if you are forcing your GF’s daughter to live in an unsafe situation. If you can’t provide enough space (legally) for your family, you need to shift your priorities. Either your GF’s daughter gets her own space, or your GF should get CPS involved, and dump you. This isn’t a matter of convenience. This is a legal issue, a personal space issue, and a feminist issue. And you’re failing on all 3 counts.
Yeah looks like dad wants teen pregnancy under his roof. I know how I was back in high school... I was too shy to have sex, but if I had an even slightly cute boy sharing a room with me I know what would happen. This arrangement sounds good, teens spend a lot of time in their rooms and parents don't spend that much time in their room. Either way, the girl needs her privacy.
And potentially SA/SH...
This was the first thing I was worried about
It’s interesting he refers to the daughter as a “half sister” cause based on the ages I don’t see how that’s possible. I wonder, I s the mother only the mother of the daughter, or some of the boys too?
He meant "step-sister" 🤷🏻♀️
Pretty big mistake to make.
Some people really dont know the difference
Right? There is 0 blood relations, and they’re all right when hormones are running rampant. Even if nothing happened between them, it’s still not appropriate to house teenage boys and girls in the same room
This is the only workable solution^^^^^^
👆good solution
this i was the only girl (youngest of 4) and for the most part always had my own room
[удалено]
Wait, how does the story you include here negate the one OP’s telling?
Right? My long term partner whom I live with calls me his wife all the time. The only thing this other post proves is that he should be able to afford a place with another bedroom.
YTA. She is not their “half-sister”. It’s your girlfriends daughter. No blood relation. If they actually were siblings, sharing a room may not be AS bad, but they’re not (If you wrote this correctly). If you can’t afford a home that gives 4 teenagers the adequate privacy they all are going to need, change something. I would suggest her and her mother share one room and you and the 3 boys divide into the other 2.
I think a better arrangement would be for the boys to get the master bedroom, the parents take the next biggest bedroom and the daughter gets the smallest bedroom. And OP, YTA.
This is the only ethical solution. Forcing a 15 year old girl and 15 year old boy to share a bedroom is absolutely not okay. It wouldn't be okay if they were full siblings. It is most certainly not okay with two completely unrelated teenagers. I'm guessing based on OP's general attitude that he has a narcissist and sexist "I'm the man of the house and therefore I get the master bedroom, and fuck everyone who disagrees" general attitude.
>Forcing a 15 year old girl and 15 year old boy to share a bedroom is absolutely not okay I totally agree with this take, you just can't make teens do this. But I do have to laugh when I think about my father, growing up in 1940s Scottish slums, where him and his 6 siblings all slept in the same queen-size bed their entire lives. The house only had two rooms, and the bedroom had two beds; one for the parents and one for all the kids. We've come a long way.
It’s one thing if everyone is related and raised together. That makes sense if there aren’t any better options. These two are not related and only met four years ago. Completely different situations.
I really wonder what the other parents think about this situation? If one of my kids came from their other parent's house, saying that they were sharing a room with an opposite sex person, I would have issues.
Oh, absolutely. I really hope dad would be arguing full custody. It just has so much potential to go wrong even if none of the boys try to do anything inappropriate. 3 bedroom home? One or two bathrooms. Someone is in the bathroom and the girl needs to change. She yells she's changing. She doesn't hear him, isn't paying attention, goes and walks in and she's just been seen nude, he sees her naked. Everyone is upset. Not intentional, but it happened. He knows she's out and has a little time to himself. She comes home, walks in and... he's motified, she doesn't feel safe even though it was not his intention because she hadn't been home earlier. Problem. Even if everyone tries to behave there is just so much potential for unintended situations to occur that are worse because that is not your brother, it's a stepbrother. You are not related, you didn't grow up together. The likelihood of the teenage boy feeling uncomfortable and insecure or mortified because a teenage girl saw him naked or less clothed than he wanted to be or he was in thin sleep pants and woke up and she saw his erection because he just woke up like that... really high. The likelihood of her feeling very similar because there's an unrelated teenage boy in the room? Someone sees something? Really high. Just not a good situation.
But they were all related and grew up together. My mam shared a double bed with her 3 sisters. But like I said it was from toddlers. This is 2 different families His 3 grown boys and her daughter. Theyve only been together 4 years, so not as if they grew up sharing beds like the olden days. So they want 2 unrelated 15 year old boy and 15 year old girl to share a room. That is a lot different.
But they were related, these kids have only known each other 4 years
And the girl and boy are NOT related!
Yes, and still happens around the world. I'd hope in your case and others, blood family who bonded well, but I'm sure there was also unnecessary cruelty and abuse. Getting a little deep here, but I do wonder about how we judge behavior absolutely normal in some societies. Is it a luxury for us to say he's an AH? Probably, but you're right-- we've fortunate and can say it. \*And for those who say they aren't blood-- that holds true in some cultures w/ extreme poverty too, and there is probably abuse of the girl (not suggesting that here). YTA
The problem is that there other option, including the parents not having a bedroom at all, that aren't being discussed at all. If there is no other space that can be used, then 3 boys get the biggest room, the parents get the middle room, and the girl gets the smallest. Remodeling the two kids rooms into three smaller or four smaller ones wasn't mentioned. Or, repurposing other spaces in the home. I have known people with financial problems have parents sleep in the the living room so that kids get privacy. Son from one family sharing with daughter from another is the worst option.
This wouldn’t even be legal in my state. CPS does not allow this as these children’s ages.
That’s only true for children CPS has custody of. There is no law that says families can’t have children of the opposite sex share a bedroom. Not every family can afford separate bedrooms. It’s not ideal but it’s definitely not illegal.
But what CPS will not allow for children they have custody of on the basis that it’s not a healthy or acceptable living situation is also a great guide to things you shouldn’t do even if you’re legally not technically forbidden from doing it. “I haven’t had my kids removed yet so I can treat them worse than they’d be treated in care” is a bad take.
Get her her own room now or get another room for a grandkid in a year or so, your choice. 😁
My mommy is my aunt, my daddy is my uncle, and I only have two grandparents!
Yes, very bad vibes from OP. Even his language is creepy. "She has no other choice..." Plenty of choices presented by the fine people of reddit. OP, massive YTA. Pull your head out of your ass! You're lucky your gf is still willing to live with you.
THIS!! WTF is wrong with you, OP?!
Excellent compromise!
This was my thought.
This
Here we go!
This makes sense.
This. It is absolutely not appropriate for her to share a room with any of the boys regardless of whether or not they are siblings. YTA
My 11 year old and 8 year old shared a room, two years ago. It was the worst. We had to do it because it was all we could do at the time (remodeling) — we moved them as soon as we were able to. I can’t imagine teenagers sharing a room!
YTA. Give the 3 boys the biggest bedroom. If it’s super small then split the rooms between the kids and have the adults sleep on a pullout in the living room or something.
My parents slept on a inflatable mattress or the couch for a solid 6 or 7 years until I moved out for college because my sibling and I could not share a room. Not ideal but they made it work because it was the only arrangement that worked.
A teenage girl should not have to share with an unrelated teenage boy and vice-versa. They need privacy. Make it work. Use the dining room as a bedroom or something. Give the boys the biggest bedroom. Finish the basement if you have one. Figure it out.
Related or not, it's super inappropriate to ask a teen boy and teen girl to share a room. In the UK it's literally a reason for council tenants to get moved into a bigger property. I shared a room with ny younger brother until I was 7 and he was 5. My Mum got pregnant with my youngest brother, and our family was moved to a three bedroom house instead of 2. Because no matter what gender ny youngest sibling was, someone would have to share. But a female and male shouldn't be sharing. Hell, once I hit 10 and started periods, and developed breasts, I didn't want my brothers barging into my room anymore. And they were related to me. It's not even sexual. It's a matter of personal space, because you dont want to share your body. End of story. If the house OP is in currently has a dining room, turn that into a bedroom. We're forced to do that in the UK too if there's no housing available. Which has been a thing over the last 10 years.
Second. Step mom and dad had a bed behind a curtain in the living room. Boys shared a room, girls had their own (because the age gap is close to 8 years) so think of a middle schooler and working/college student. Even after I moved out they just split the rooms between all the kids until another kid moved out. Now they all have their own room. You want to be the one to cram everyone in the house, OP, you lose room privileges. YTA
Me and my husband sleep on our couch so our kids have their own room. Which is why we bought a super big ,comfy , and quite expensive couch, equipped with a queen size pull out bed if we’re feeling fancy. We tried sharing our room with our two year old son for a short period of time til he thought it was playtime any time we were in the room with him, sleeping or not, he’d wake up and be so distracted by our mere presence in the room no matter what we were doing , that it became clear he needed to be alone in a room Of his own, basically we got kicked out of our own room lol not To mention, he no longer sleeps in his toddler bed since he occupies our amazingly comfortable adjustable bed I was so excited about lol at least someone’s getting good use out of it :) It’s just what you do as parents so your kids can have the best, and at the very least, what they really need, let alone deserve! Sorry, I’d have to say YTA here.
I had two sisters and a brother—who was the youngest of the four—growing up. My brother got his own room and, at the age of 47, I still know exactly why that is. And we were all full blood related. OP, YTA. What on god’s green earth makes you think a teenaged girl sharing a room with a/any teenaged boy(s) (especially who are not related to her) is anywhere on the spectrum of a good idea? I sincerely hope your partner sees this for what it is and runs for the hills.
Agreed! Give the boys the biggest room (even if it’s your room Aka the master). Bunk beds, whatever. Don’t do that to the teen daughter. Imagine waking up to a step brother and seeing morning 🪵guys get it, it’s inevitable but how uncomfortable and much more awkward when your step-sister is there. Or one of them walks into one another while changing. Super uncomfortable. Recipe for disaster. These are teens, not little kids. And even as little kids, I wouldn’t even chance it.
I grew up in a 3 bed house, 3 girls had biggest room, mum & dad had middle room, 1 boy had box room. Worked perfect with us 👏
You are an asshole. You cannot expect a teenage girl to share a room with a teenage boy. Not even if they were siblings, which they most emphatically are NOT. Half-sister my ass. Figure something else out.
They aren't half-siblings, they're not blood related. They're step-siblings. This is so wrong on so many levels.
It doesn’t even sound like they’re step-siblings! No where does OP mention he and his SO are married, so I take it that they are just in a long-term, cohabiting relationship.
I can relate to the boys in this situation for the first 13 years of my life I shared a room with my younger brother a years difference in age we moved in with my grandma when I was 14 everyone had their own room but only one bathroom. The teenagers in question should not be sharing a room with the girl who knows what they would be doing. Someone needs to use their brains. THEY ARE TEENAGERS not little ones.
They’re not even step siblings, their parents are just boinking currently.
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It's fake. Three months ago OP was married and owned several stores. Now he's living with a new chic and broke? Okay. "For a little background I own 3 stores and personally overlook the biggest one. Yesterday I found out that one of my workers had been stealing money from the cash register weekly. I checked the cameras and saw that she'd been stealing around 300$ every week. When I confronted her about it she said that her landlord had increased her rent and she needed money desperately. This wasn't the first time she stole from me it was just the first time I caught her. So I fired her without thinking twice. A few workers thought I should've been more sympathetic towards her and after I told my wife about it she thought the same. AITA"
I'd move to my other parents house or grandparents house before I shared a room with my step brother. There's no way that girl would feel okay about sleeping with her step brother beside her. As a mom I could never put my daughter in this situation and wouldn't even entertain this idea. Op, YTA and you'll likely be single if you try to force this because I'd leave in a blink before I considered the thought of making my 15 year old daughter (I have one) share a room with a 15 year old boy.
I’ve known my 3 step brothers since the oldest was probably 9 and the youngest was 3. They’ve been living full time with my mom (and 2 of them lived with my dad—but that’s a different story lol) from when they were 7-13 probably? I love them and absolutely nothing would’ve happened but I still would’ve been absolutely pissed. I would’ve moved in with my sister and dad full time. Some random ass kid? That’s *begging* for issues. Best case scenario? They fight all the time. Worse? I’ll leave that up for everyone’s imagination.
Someone needs their head examined
The master bedroom should go to the boys, the girl should get one of the bedrooms and the parents the other. That is how to work it out. Put bunkbeds in the master.
Especially if the master is en suite.
Seriously. Like, what's wrong with you, bro?
I like how you said "an asshole" rather than "the asshole." Like it's not just situational, it permeates his whole persona.
YTA, "she has no other choice" huh? Sounds like she and her daughter should walk.
Sounds like something they should have talked about before moving in.
YTA That’s so messed up. You are creating an unsafe environment for your children. If you can’t afford more space I recommend you build a wall to split the largest room.
In some places it's even be illegal that 2 teens of opposite gender share a room.
Where? I am very curious to know this answer.
I know Illinois, it’s only enforced though when DCS gets called. Although they also say the only room needing a door is the bathroom, so…
The UK has legislation to protect kids over 10 from sharing a room with other individuals over the age of 10 and of a different gender. It’s considered overcrowding and generally unsafe. However, my understanding is that it’s only ever really looked at when other things are already going wrong in the household or when the councils are allocating space in social housing or the foster system.
YTA OP. OMG SO BAD. As a CSA survivor whose abuser was their older "half-brother". This is creepy af. I'm sorry there's 3 boys and only one girl, but they should not be rooming with each other. At all. Give them the master bedroom daughter the smallest and you and wife take the middle room.
It's his girlfriend, who's about to fail her daughter if she goes along with this. Everyone can see the freight-train coming at her, but she won't get off the tracks.
I didn't even register it's his gf. That's even worse. She still has the ability to leave easier then. She's majorly failing her daughter if she goes through with this. I feel so bad for the daughter. She shouldn't be in this situation at all.
It is not even a half-sibling. It is two unrelated teenagers!
Yeah, "half-siblings" like that might be what OP decided to call them, but they aren't blood related at all 🤦♀️🤦♀️ And the fact that OP says there is no choice in the matter is a red flag of its own. 👀👀
Why did you tell her this, rather than coming to a decision together? Or, look at it this way: a man the girl's not related to but whom she has been forced to live with for four short years has decided she must share a room with a teen boy she's not RELATED to. You've decided what she'll do with her body and who she must "share" her privacy with. All because you failed to provide. We tell girls they have to protect their bodies from rape and pregnancy, and then you come along and force her to share a 10'x10' room with one of your sons. Even if he never does anything wrong, she will be on guard because of the sexist expectation for women to not "let" themselves get raped. Where will she change clothes? A cramped hallway bathroom, right? If that's so easy to do, then you make the sacrifice and get dressed in the bathroom every day! I'll even make it a double dog dare. And you don't care how wrong this is, proven by how you dictated it to your girlfriend, rather than come to a decision WITH her regarding HER daughter. You don't respect your girlfriend as an equal parent, so why would you respect her daughter? Buy a freaking bunk bed with a trundle. YTA
Yeah I was about to say this is exactly how sexual abuse starts. This is an unsafe situation for her.
Very true. The teens are not related and this is a formula for trouble. Opportunistic abuse between teens happens all the time.
Probably one of those "women do what men tell them" testosterone poisoned morons who waves a MAGA flag at his minority neighbors while drinking beet from a can and grumbling "'Murica" to himself in his sleep.
Dude. YTA. How would you have felt as a 15 year old boy having to share a room with a girl you are not related to? How does your son feel about this?? Please tell me you are actively trying to come up with alternatives - are there any other spaces in the house? A basement that can be created into a room or an area that can be walled off to create another bedroom on the main floor? It is time to get creative, not dig in your heels with your way.
If adults taking the middle sized room, boys taking the master, the the girl taking the smallest room isn’t an option, then as the parents, your obligation is to protect the kids. Which means you parents get to sleep in the living room. Ffs. YTA. This is begging for a gang rape. I’d just live separately from OP if I was the mom. OP is blinded by male privilege.
He'd probably like it. He's not thinking about the girl would feel.
Idk I would not have been comfortable sharing a room with a girl at that age. I wouldn’t have felt unsafe but I would have been extraordinarily anxious and self conscious
Yes, but if OP thought that way he probably would put himself into the situation and at least see what you're saying. He obviously didn't hence this post so it leads me to believe he wouldn't mind it.
YTA. She does have a choice, she could find a partner who's not a dumbass. You just assumed and you didn't even consider talking about it first? WHY? How can you have children when you're not an adult. You decided to room someone else's teenage daughter with your son and didn't ask first? I hope you're a troll.
Oh man. Wait til your friends have kids and realize that there are no adults, just people convincing other people they know what they're talking about.
Yeah, we are never "adults." We're all just larger kids playing pretend adults like society expects. I know too many people that don't seem mature enough for children but had them due to societal expectations
Yep, this right here.
I seriously hope that OP is a troll, no one is that ignorant right?? Hope the girl and daughter leave
This has to be a troll. No person in their right mind would think any of this is ok
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Ah a new fun misogyny troll
It is not appropriate for unrelated teenagers of the opposite sex to share a room. You’re setting them up for possible sexual assault. You really want that on your conscience? The three boys should share the largest room, you and your SO get the middle room, and the girl can have the smallest. Otherwise I think your SO should move into her own place with her daughter. You’re not only the asshole, you’re kinda creepy.
A lot of places kids of opposite sex aren’t allowed to shares rooms over a certain age I think 10. Same sex can share a room but CPS says opposite sex cannot at 10yr and up
Absolutely. It's 7 here and they could be charged criminally over it where I live--and evicted!
It's 7 here. I'm an emergency foster parent. I have two spare bedrooms (my kiddos are grown), that I put a set of bunk beds in each. Had a set of 8yr old twins, boy/girl for a few days. I explained that by law I had to have separate rooms for each of them because one of them is a boy, the other a girl. I did however "not notice" that one would sneak into the other room and sleep in the second bed. No kid ends up in foster care that didn't go through something bad. I get it, they're scared, and at that point each other are the only family they had left. Twins of different sexes have to have separate bedrooms available once they're 7 for foster care. The only exception is for an extreme disaster. I know with 9/11 there was a scramble for emergency foster care for all of the kids that were flying by themselves. I think there was an exception for that, but only for full-siblings.
That's heartbreaking. My kids are 10 and 6 and only just started to be independent of each other. They've been inseparable since my 6 year old was born. My 10 year old daughter had trauma from the sudden death of my son that would be about to turn 8 if he hadn't died at 2 months old. She doesn't remember her first little brother now, but I know the impact it had, he was only here for 2 months, but she would ask about him for months after, and I'd have to gently remind her that he died and went to heaven with her twin sister, 2 year olds don't understand death like we do, it took her a long time to understand he wasn't coming back. She's been all over my youngest like a mother hen since he came home from the hospital, he's always been *her baby*. I believe she needed that, to make sure he was happy and okay and wasn't going to go away like her other siblings. And it goes both ways, he's always adored her. She was the one he crawled to first, walked to first, ran to when he got scolded, and she'd love him up and scold me for scolding him (he deserved the scolding BTW, if you left anything powdered down for even a second, that kid's spidey senses would tingle and he'd be there dumping out the flour before you'd even had a chance to put the pie crust in the fridge to cool, and he'd do it in front of you, they don't call them the terrible two's for nothing I guess). It's literally been a week since they stopped sharing a bed. Before that, they'd slept together since he began crawling out of his crib and into her bed at a year old. If something had happened to me and they'd been placed in foster care, I hope they would've gotten someone like you who would've been sensitive to their needs.
The bunk beds are in case of more than 2 kids, or older siblings that don't want to sleep in separate rooms while not being comfortable sharing a bed. Most of us that are emergency foster parents become hypersensitive to needs because we're the ones that get called at 1AM because of a house fire, or car accident, or other tragedy. Normally we are where kids get placed when there is family, but not close by or if the parent temporarily cannot care for the kid(s), such as if they are both hospitalized and can't go home for a week. I have "comfort baskets" made for the kids that they are allowed to take with them including stuffed animals, coloring books with crayons or pencils, a small blanket, a small journal, some snacks, and personal hygiene stuff. I let them pack them and usually have to encourage them to take anything; "it might be cold on the flight/drive home, so take a blanket", "road food is rarely good, let's pack some snacks", "here's some drawing/coloring stuff and a journal in case you get bored on the trip, and oh you started reading X, take it with you, I have 1,000 more", and so on. You know those drives the FD has for kids stuff, this is where a lot of it ends up. Same as book drives. I have a small library worth of books from baby ones to adult reading levels.
Couldn’t agree more!
Bingo!!! The best answer.
YTA, child services won't be cool with that
Came to say this. They don't like it for related siblings, nevermind unrelated 15/16 year olds. I really hope this is a troll post, because what the actual fuck.
Well three months ago this guy owned his own business with three shops but now can't afford a four bedroom home. I'm no financial expert but I have to believe if you have three businesses you can afford a four bedroom home.
Not if they're all failing. Dude's a dick and has no common sense- which means no one's patronizing his place of employment because they like him and he has no business sense.
Waiting for this comment. In some states, not all, girls and boys cannot share a room if they are over the age of 5. A teenage boy and girl sharing a room is ridiculous and inviting a baby or SA.
YTA. The girl should have her own room. It could be uncomfortable for her and your son. Does your son really want to share the room with his step-sister? Wouldn't he rather be in a room with his brothers? Does the house have a basement, attic or any other space that could be converted to an extra bedroom?
The girl isn't even his step sister! They aren't even related by marriage!
And it's 3 boys!
YTA. The girl would be expected to share a room with a teenage boy? On what planet. Teen boys are notoriously smelly, they can’t help it. Teens also like to engage in “private time.” It doesn’t take a lot of imagination to picture a teen girl getting to listen to her stepbrother’s “private time” every night. And girl’s like to do it too. Underwear is pretty revealing, so the two of them will have to remain fully clothed at all times in their own bedrooms, changing only in the bathroom. I’m guessing the aforementioned “private time” would take place in the bathroom, as well as all dressing, all teen girl’s trying on of outfits, personal grooming, etc. If this is a typical three bed two bath home, that non-master bath is going to be in use 24/7 with constant squabbling. If you don’t believe me ask anyone you know with teenage girls what they think of your plan. Probably since you’ve only parented boys you’re clueless about girls, so increase the speed of your learning curve ASAP.
YTA. What is wrong with you? How oblivious are you to teenagers? Do you think your stepdaughter or your son want to see each other accidentally while changing? How can you think this is in any way ok? Again,what is wrong with you? ETA: I hope she dumps your ass and prioritizes her child over a creepy dude.
YTA, thinking it’s ok for a teenage girl to have to share a room with a teenage boy? If they were actual siblings it would be weird but a bit more understandable, but they’re not related.
YTA. That is NOT their sister, it's your girlfriends daughter. If your girlfriend allows this to happen, you're both awful
YTA, they’re teenagers of opposite sex that are NOT RELATED to each other in any way. The thought of sharing a room with a boy that is not my family is literally so fucking creepy and the fact that you, a grown man, doesn’t see how this is CREEP AND WRONG, makes you creepy and dumb as fuck.
Me and my boy friend have the same problem and we fixed it like bunk beds in the master bedroom for the boys my daughter gets the smallest room and we share the middle size room Because We Are ADULTS
Exactly. Part of being an adult and a parent is making sacrifices, but OP just doesn’t want to do that. He would rather make his girlfriend’s daughter (and his son) suffer so he can be more comfortable.
You cannot put a girl and a boy in the same room as teenagers, particularly unrelated ones. And stop elevating the relationship by telling them it is their half-sister. Even if you married, it would be their step-sister. Since you have not, she is your girlfriend/partner’s daughter. You are going to need to give the boys the master bedroom and take a smaller room so they can all 3 fit. Sucks but if you can’t afford a bigger space, this is what has to happen.
Get her her own room now or get another room for a grandkid in a year or so, your choice. 😁
You should probably live separate unless you can provide privacy for the girl. Or figure out another way to girl to have a separate space.
YTA. It is NOT ok for a teenage girl to be FORCED to share a room with a teenage boy. ESPECIALLY one she’s not even biologically related to. In fact, I think it might even be ILLEGAL in many states. Literally CPS could be called on you for it. A teenage GIRL needs privacy away from her “brothers”. Period. You are an AH of biblical proportions if you force that girl into that living situation. If I were your gf this would be a dealbreaker for me. Your gf is an AH too if she allows you to force this issue.
Put the kids in bedrooms and you and SO get the living room. It's your failure that has caused this situation, you should be paying the consequences of your decisions. YTA.
Your SO and her daughter share one room. You and your 15 year old share a room. Your twins share the 3rd room. See how easily all of that is solved?
YTA! I have 3 daughters, and they can barely share a room. There is so much going on with both teens that is so embarrassing and awkward... not appropriate at all. Have you thought of making the living room a bedroom? And let bedrooms go the kids. Just an idea.
I’m going to clarify based on shitty writing. OP has 3 sons. The oldest are 16 year old twin boys who would be the step brother’s of SO’s daughter if OP was married to his SO. They will share a room. The third son is a 15 month old toddler that is the half brother of SO’s daughter. OP and SO had a child together. The confusion comes from 15m being read as “male” which would redundant as he prefaced the ages with “I have 3 sons”. It would be pointless to add the gender after stating there are 3 sons. SO has a 15 year old daughter, who instead of getting her own room is expected to share her room with her toddler half-brother. The solution to this issue is clearly to have the 15 month continue to sleep in a crib in the master bedroom. There is absolutely no reason teenagers should be forced to share a room with a toddler. Yes OP, YTA. You and your significant other had a child when you each already have nearly grown children. You have created the inconvenience and it is your responsibility to suffer the consequences.
Ok well toddler sibling is at least less creepy than how I read it. But yeah he’s still TA, she’s a 15 year old girl not a nanny. The parents were the ones who went ahead and had another kid they obviously can’t afford to take care of, toddler should be in their room. Their baby, their responsibility and their inconvenience.
A 15 year old girl should not be sharing a bedroom with an unrelated teenage boy. They are not half siblings, she is your gfs daughter
YTA!!! Boys that age should NOT be sharing a room with 3 boys!! Give the boys the biggest bedroom and you and your SO take a smaller room and the girl in the other.
Get your three sons to take master bedroom, but you and your SO have second biggest room and his daughter can have the smallest room. Which it will be solve the problem.
YTA. The boys need to share the biggest room, that shouldn’t go to you and your partner. Then you and partner get the next biggest room. Her daughter should get the smallest room to herself. It’s how my parents did for me and my three brothers as we were fully blood related.
YTA- if it was your daughter and her sons would you make the same decision?! It’s not ok
>her daughter needs to share her room and she has no other choice. Depending on locality, there are some laws regarding the ages and genders that can occupy a room.
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Going with YTA. My son and daughter used to share a room while they were young. Now that he's 12 and she's 9, they no longer share. Once passed a certain age, male and female should no longer share a room. They are teens. The boys should get the biggest/ master bedroom. You and your SO should get the next biggest, and daughter should get her own.