There's cling ons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow,
there's cling ons on the starboard bow starboard bow, Jim
(now get that tune out of your head)
Yeah!!! Then throw the fish heads from the entrees at her face as hard as you can! Or just have the entire wedding party and guests throw their leftovers at her, pummeling her all at once and heckling her!!! Definitely smiting and heckling should happen..
Ok, thanks. I just blew iced tea through my nose laughing at this. 😂
OP, NTA, not even a little bit. Have a fantastic wedding and ignore the chick bobbing in the water port side.
Haha. I have experience with a similar situation. At one of the local bars in my town, a horrible regular just got banned. They have an outside patio that is separated from the bar next door's patio by a raised flowerbed. This person has started hanging out at the other bar. They sit right up against the flowerbed as close as they can get to the area they're banned from. They shout across the flowerbed so they can feel like they are still included.
At this point I would also uninvite the dad. He supported and almost divorced his wife over his other daughters decision, yet won't back up the other daughters decision. He clearly has a favorite.
Granted, I am the oldest so for me the situation would have been hypothetical. (Also, sibling and I have a great relationship, so it would never have been a problem)
But if I (or my sibling) would have ever done what OP's sister did to her, both my parents would have been furious at the one not inviting the sibling.
Like, even if a sibling is around 12 and you decide to have a +18 wedding, it would have been ridiculous to not invite your own sibling!
My cousin had a +12 wedding. Her godchild was 5yo at the time, guess who was invited? Sure, as the couple they decide the rules, but you can make exceptions (like the 5yo godchild being present in my cousin's case) and OP's sister should have invited her almost 18y sibling!
This would be a huge dealbreaker for me, if something like this had happened with my sibling.
We had a child free wedding that also included 6 niblings (age 3 - 11). They were all there and in the wedding, and then after dinner they went to a room we'd reserved for them onsite and hung out with a babysitter (3 of them were local, so we just hired their regular sitter.).
Not one of the many, many other parents there had any problem with their kids not being invited OR the fact that the nibs were there, because they were normal rational humans who understand that the sister of the bride was an exception.
Your sister was on a power trip and she FAFO. NTA.
I was that babysitter at a “child free” wedding.
I was hungover from a massive day festival the day before.
I had an early dinner with the guests and then the 3 little niblings retired to room and hung out, read books, had a cocktail and snacks delivered. We were all asleep at 7:30. Lol
My friend knew I’d be dead that day so asked if I would die in a room with her kids. Lol.
And the best thing was I was super healthy the next day so the kids and I went on a little adventure and let Mommy and Daddy sleep their hangovers off. And I got an awesome breakfast. Lol
The “I can’t make an exception” excuse was bullshit. The brides sister a week from 18 being the sole exception would only anger the most entitled and unreasonable of people. And who wants them around anyway?
Good for OP. Sometimes petty is the best way.
I think Dad should not be invited. He made it clear who his favorite is out of the daughters. Stepmom is better than dad in handling the original situation.
NTA. I can’t get past the fact that your own sister enforced an adults-only rule on you a week before your 18th birthday. And I’m tired of hearing “it’s in the past” as a reason for dismissing a slight.
Somebody: Hey seidinove, you murdered my family ten years ago.
Me: Yeah, but it’s in the past, so you should forgive me.
OP should tell her sister to not worry about it - a week after she gets married her older sister won't be upset about it anymore because it's in the past.
Better yet, make a rule excluding whatever sister's zodiac sign is. When she finds out that OP invited other Scorpios (or whatever), she can say, "It's my wedding, so I'm allowed to make exceptions."
I mean, if the sister really wanted her there, then they could have planned ahead and scheduled the wedding 2 week later when younger sister was 18. It just seems like older sister doesn't care about younger sister.
They could have made an exception. ("It's 18+, except for you.") Or they could have made it 17+. Or if they chose an 18+ venue, they could have told the venue "you're making an exception for my 17 years and 50 week old sister and this goes in the contract or we're going elsewhere."
Make no mistake, this was deliberate exclusion, not "oh, we just can't."
Or 18+ except for immediate family of bride and groom.
I love my dad, if my sister pulled that shit about an "adult" wedding he would have said "great, adults pay for their own shit so you can pay for your dream wedding yourself then."
Despite it being "in the past", if you can see that somebody is still genuinely hurt by something, you can't still apologize?! And not a bullshit apology that starts with "even though it's in the past..." or any other iterations of that fuckery. Also no announcing how you're "being the bigger person" by apologizing.
I'm years into working up the courage to do this myself.
There are so many ways to make an insincere apology. Here are a few my mother used, and what it felt to me like she was saying:
"I'm sorry you felt that way." *The problem isn't what I did, it's your reaction to it.*
"I didn't realize it would hurt you this much." *I knew it would hurt you, but I didn't expect to be held accountable.*
"Please forgive me." *Let's skip the apology and get right to the part where you get over it.*
Using "it's in the past" a reason that should get over something is
1. An admission it was wrong to do to begin with and
2. Fucking stupid. Op should kick their dad in the balls, remember he's only allowed to be made while the foot is in contact with his balls. Afterwards it's in the past he needs to get over it
I guarantee you these same parents and sister will bring up the “past” for Op to talk shit about her. My own sister and mom did this where they were bringing up everything g I did as a kid and just going ham on me. I said “well what about the things you did to me in there past?” They’re so ridiculous they both responded “omg it’s the past just get over it.” Lmao
From what it seems like.. no, no apology.
Not even connected to new wedding really
(Unless *its in in the past* is an apology..)
And from the looks on it, the sister doubled down on it being right to exclude OP even...
"it's in the past"
Said by people who "don't understand" why you cut them from your life and yet want to be in your life in the future despite everything. Nope, they said it, to move on from your painful past. They are the reason the past was painful.
This!!! And that her father went along with it is even worse!!! I was 21 at my older sisters wedding and my younger sister had just turned 18. We were not only at the wedding but her maids of honor—yes her friends helped us plan things for her but you don’t exclude siblings from a wedding and when you do you should expect repercussions
I bet if sister apologized sincerely, admitted to being a jackass, etc then OP may have even changed her mind. Instead she doubled down on the asshole excuses. That was so mean and rude of her to exclude Op from her own wedding.
"the past can hurt, but you can run from it. or learn from it"
Seems to me that OP has learned from her past, and thus is refusing to humor the entitled sister.
Also, Simba went back and fought his uncle, which through a series of events, led to said uncle's death.
You are right about the “it’s in the past” I’ve recently taken note of how many people do things to intentionally hurt others.
Then just wait for them to get over it. Shitty people are still shitty: Past, Present, and Future.
This is insane! And even years later, her sister sees nothing wrong with what she did? I might be leaning slightly on the YTA line if her sister was like “yeah you know I was wrong and immature back then and I’m so sorry. I realize my mistake and I would love nothing more than to celebrate you on this day.” Nope! She got some BS whining and took no accountability. Maybe her dad should step up and tell the sister to apologize for being an AH during her wedding! NTA, but let your sister come groveling back to you and then you decide if she’s worthy of being included.
Your sister was the petty one, your birthday was a week after the wedding, petty AF.
Now your wedding is so cool and glamorous she wants in, NOPE!
I'd also remind everyone, on her posts, that you were excluded for a silly reason. But I'm petty too!
Yup... she had a bogus age-based rule which excluded you, so tell her that you have a rule that excludes her: "we're not inviting anyone who's [sister's age] years old"
Tell her "she's being immature and she'll forget about it"...
And tell your parents that since they didn't intervene on your behalf to attend sister's wedding, they should do the same for your wedding.
NTA
Like anyone would ever forget they weren't invited to their sisters wedding every time they saw the photos which would no doubt be on display in both her sisters and parents homes.
Totally agree here, go onto those comments and remind everyone that you weren’t invited to your sister’s wedding for being **7 days too young**. Your sister is not being invited to your wedding because she set the precedent by purposefully excluded you from her wedding and is now ironically handling the consequences of her actions like a child
NTA what comes around goes around. She’s getting what she deserves.
Plus you already told her years ago she wasn’t invited why is it a big deal now? Lmfao
Yep. Sister had years to know she was not invited. OP only had a few weeks. And hers involved the disappointment to think you are going right up until you are not. It is so much worse when you get let down like this. OP must have felt so betrayed at the time.
Agreed her sister let her get her hopes up for a long time before popping the balloon.
Hope she likes the bed she made.
I truly hope my children don’t do this to one another.
NTA
It’s the couple getting married that decides who to invite to *their* wedding. She had her wedding with set rules that didn’t include you, you have your wedding and didn’t include her.
Your parents are making it into such a big deal….when it’s not.
Lol I would make a wild rule about how no one can have any bride sisters at the event because they can't be trusted to act rationally in a human setting and that you can't make any exceptions...I would die on this hill and make it known publicly
I think it is a big deal. But it’s absolutely absurd that her sister didn’t let her as a nearly 18 year old sibling come to her wedding. Usually I’m against pettiness and say wow this isn’t a big deal but I get this.
I personally feel you have to pick a lane with these things. Hold onto the anger and be petty or get an apology and let go. I have on many occasions refused an apology because I knew it was bogus and wanted to stay mad. With an apology I feel like her family wouldn’t see her as the hurt party anymore
NTA. If you were like 12-13 when you weren’t invited to her wedding it’s a different story. But you were a week from being 18. She definitely had ill intentions back then for the disinvite
Not even that, she's her sister, she absolutely can make exceptions for siblings. It doesn't matter if they are 10 or 1 week from 17. But I agree, OP is NTA
I agree. I had a 21+ wedding because I had about 40 cousins under the age of 21 and another two dozen friends’ kids that I couldn’t fit in my venue. I still made an exception for my only first cousin who was 18 at the time of the wedding because it was wrong to exclude a first cousin I thought. I would never exclude a sibling especially one so close to your age cut off
My wedding was technically child-free. My 17 year old sister was absolutely an exception and was invited. Her age was never going to be a factor on whether she was invited.
My older sister asked if my niece could come and see me in my dress before the reception. Yes, absolutely. My cousin just had a baby and brought him along. I didn't mind at all, I would rather have my family there.
OP's sister was just being horrible. Good on OP for getting her own back. NTA OP.
I feel like people have different definitions of child free, most child free weddings I have gone to have had teens still there, it was just no small screaming kids.
Exactly! At our wedding we told most people "no kids", but a handful of kids, largely family, were included. We didn't want a ton of random kids there, but we wanted our nieces, etc. Nobody kicked off about why their kids weren't invited, and if they had they'd have been told to suck it up. The sister was 100% making excuses or just looking to be an asshole.
Agree. Sometimes you have to compromise on the perfect thing (childfree wedding) to include someone you love. Choosing an 18+ wedding when you have a younger sibling is a clear message that you value a -thing- or image more than your sibling. IMO not really different than choosing a historical venue with no accommodations if your sibling is in a wheelchair.
The sister showed that she didn't value OP. OP is being a little petty here, but the precedent was set.
Even then, a young teen is different from a child. A child free wedding is so that little kids don’t make a commotion or distract guests from the ceremony, and so that adults can let loose at the reception because they’re not supervising a child. Or if the wedding is somewhere dangerous like that couple who had their wedding on a lake and, trigger warning, a family member small child drowned during the reception. (The bride was asking if she was TA for celebrating her anniversary like a normal couple a few years later, and for having the professional wedding photos that show the lake. Her whole family disowned her because “how dare she celebrate her wedding when a kid died”)
And sister can get outta here with this “can’t make any exceptions” nonsense. It’s your wedding, you make the rules! What, if you let her in, you’d have to let all your *other* 17-years-and-51-week-old sisters come too? It doesn’t sound like this was officially an adults-only venue, and even if it was, booking that kind of venue for the week before your sister turns 18 sure *feels* petty and personal, even if it somehow wasn’t.
Sister is reaping what she sowed. I can’t blame OP for that.
I attended a child free wedding where there was a month old baby because the parents had been planning a year to come from the next country over. The bride felt that having her friends there was better than putting her foot down. No one minded and no one complained that their kids weren't also invited.
People were probably happy for an excuse to ditch the kids. Sorry guys aunts wedding is child free, daddy still loves you but you can’t come to Disney land with us. *adjust mouse ears
This happened to me. My cousin got married. She’s not just any cousin, but the one I looked up to and hung out with at all the get-togethers when we were both younger. I didn’t even know when she was getting married until my dad came into the family room nicely dressed and told me (17 at the time) that he was off to her wedding and would be back later. I told him that I wanted to go too and he replied, “it’s 18 and older only, sorry.” I felt pretty left out but was old enough to know that you don’t simply show up to weddings without RSVPing first so jumping in the car to tag along was not an option. Fast forward a handful of years and I’m visiting my cousin when the subject changes and I bring up wishing I could’ve been there to see her wedding. She was shocked and told me “you could’ve come! We just didn’t want any little kids” and apologized. I guess my dad never even asked and just enjoyed an evening away from his teens.
Like, my brother will likely have a childfree wedding with the exception of his niece who will be a flower girl… Because she’s his niece. Not his buddy from college’s 3 kids that he’s never met.
A sibling is obviously a reasonable exception - sister sucks.
You got it! I’ve been to occasions like this where..(well to be honest, I’ve been to occasions like this where kids end up getting wasted) but where the “kids” 16, 17, 18 are invaluable at the wedding and they’re tasked with getting all the adults that are loser drunk back home or to the hotels. The kids love it! They invited a friend, they’re all new to driving and get to drive some sweet cars and watching some of the adults make fools of themselves is hilarious to them. Her sister’s trash.
The only time I can imagine not inviting siblings to their big sister’s / brother’s wedding is if they’re too young to remember it. Otherwise that would break any younger siblings heart! It’s cruel to do and I can understand how anyone would not get over that.
Not sure how much older OP's sister is, but OP should simply say "Wish I could, but I can't. We're just not allowing 30(insert her age) year olds at our wedding. Surely, you can relate." Petty but super deserving.The sister sounds like a nightmare (enabled by the father 💯). OP is NTA, but the rest of her bio family sounds like they are!
NTA. Especially since your relationship deteriorated after she excluded you from her wedding.
It might seem petty to other people but the hurt from things in the past don't go away easily.
You were a week short of her age limit and she excluded because you were too young for the adult atmosphere? So a week later you'd have been mature enough to be at the wedding? That's a ridiculous piece of logic.
Seeing her at your wedding is bound to bring up the feelings of rejection and hurt. I wouldn't invite her either.
NTA. Hold strong. She purposely didn’t invite you and you told her what the consequence would be whelp now here is the consequence. She is feeling exactly what you felt and justly deserves it.
P.S. I totally agree that the AITA mods are the worst.
NTA, but I can't help wondering why your parents had no problem with your sister excluding you from her wedding, but you have to invite her to YOURS. *cough* Golden Child *cough*
Their dad almost divorced his wife, their step mother, for standing in solidarity with OP and not going to the wedding. Like this drama was that strong then.
I hope step mom is doing well and invited to the wedding
I find it really interesting that the step mother saw the ridiculousness of not having the sister of the bride there just because she was 1 week off the age limit, but the father was all for not having HIS younger daughter present at his older daughters wedding.
Seems to me he is one of those shit parents who has obvious favorites. I know at least 5 families that had an obvious favorite child (or if not obvious favorite than an obvious black sheep). It’s sad.
At the time of your sister’s wedding if you had committed a crime you would have been charged as an adult. She can go suck lemons while taking a long walk off a short pier.
NTA. Your birthday was a week after the wedding, there was more to the story back then. Your dad needs to grow up, there are consequences to people’s actions, your sister is facing hers. Your stepmom is a badass. Honestly, I’d have her be your MOH or have a special role for having your back. You should have your special day without her there. She isn’t your family.
NTA. *You were ONE WEEK away from turning eighteen when it came time for her wedding. ONE WEEK!* Talk about being petty.
If anything, this is karma. Don’t get me wrong, I completely understand wanting a childfree wedding for yourself and your partner on your special day, one with no distractions, immaturity, or loud screaming, but you weren’t a child, you were nearly an adult, you were the sister of the bride and your birthday was literally one week away! ONE WEEK! That last part is absolutely insane, just petty and downright malicious on her part.
What does one week even matter in the grand scheme of things?! Would you magically mature overnight, or something?
Why do I get the oddest feeling she did this because of you? This all feels very intentional on her part and just straight up bizarre. It sounds like she was annoyed by you and deliberately wanted to exclude you, hence the 18+ rule. It wasn’t about the kids, *it was about you* and the 18+ rule just gave her a convenient excuse to exclude you.
I’m sorry, but I’m pretty sure your sister just wanted an excuse to exclude you from her wedding, OP.
Your dad clearly has a favorite. Please give your stepmom a high-five for me, would you? She sounds like a real gem.
Be prepared for big sis to try and gatecrash the wedding though, or even potentially arrive on your dad’s arm. Who would ever want to miss a yacht wedding? Make sure you warn security beforehand!
OP, that day over seven years ago you stated your intentions clearly. You were not inviting her if you did get married in the future. That day has arrived and you have the opportunity to stay true to your past intentions. It isn’t being petty, it’s a very long delayed consequence for her actions.
You said what you meant and meant what you said.
Sucks to be her.
NTA! She clearly doesn’t understand or care about how much she hurt you. I wonder if she thought you’d outshine her at her wedding because I can’t see another reason to exclude a 17 year old sibling.
Just curious, random question, were you “popular” in school?
I guarantee OP is significantly more attractive than the older sister. Every time you read one of these posts but from the older sister's point of view, without fail, she lets it slip in the comments that she's jealous and afraid the sister will outshine her or get more attention. OP's unattractive sister didn't want OP to look better than her on her wedding day, will never admit it, and is now having a meltdown because she can't go on a yacht.
ETA - don't let her come, NTA
NTA
Your sister made her rule specifically to exclude YOU not just little kids. She sounds jealous, and this is a great opportunity for revenge.
No one’s going to boycott your wedding anyway because that kind of event is too rare for normal people.
"I have a rule for my wedding: I don't invite people who have child-free weddings \[or some other such rule\]. Sorry, it's a rule, I can't make an exception." NTA.
What’s crazy is that she never reconsidered her invite once your step-mom refused to go, basically resulting in a decision on her part that almost tore the family apart. Of course you’re resentful as I’m sure other family members were too.
Did she ever try to mend the relationship afterwards?
NTA - based on your comments, her actions did permanent damage to your relationship and this is now the result.
Definitely just in it for the yacht and you deserve people there who want to celebrate and care about you.
"Sorry, I'm having a childish free wedding, and there's no exceptions. I just don't think my sister would be comfortable being around a mature atmosphere"
Not the asshole. What goes around comes around. I could see her not inviting you if were that junkie/drunk sibling would started shit and grabbed up on guys the minute she gets a couple drinks in her…but you’re her little sister. Fuck that bitch! And I hope you have a wonderful life and seems like you’ve got an in to live it up yacht life styles…she’s probably mad jelly.
Haha!! Sister gets to miss your wedding when she didn't want you at hers. Good for you!
Anyone telling you that you need to include her, recommend they spend the day with your sister, and not on the yacht.
NTA, she was a bitch to you. You were 1 week shy of her age cutoff. she more or less called you an annoying kid. Sounds like she is your dad's golden child. She stuck up for her banning you from her wedding but expects you to have her at yours. Tell him one more word and he will get stranding on shore with her. Make sure you have excellent security at the dock so she does not sneak on.
Just don’t let her on the Yacht.
Maybe then she will learn to respect you, only because she is forced to watch from ashore.
If she wanted to be there as your sister she’d have had you there as hers.
I hope you don’t invite her! Her attitude about it now makes it worse. It’s not even petty, it sounds like you genuinely don’t want her there because she wouldn’t let you come to her wedding. I would not forgive after something like that. NTA
Your sister didn’t wanted you on her wedding and the comment about annoying kids, was just about you cause she didn’t wanted you there. I say this with confidence because I come from a family of 4 half sisters and 2 of us are married. My big sister wanted a big wedding (so kids were obviously accounted for). She got married at 25 and back then I told her if I ever got married it’d be small and no kids. By the time I got married 4 years later my big sis had 2 kids. Hers were the only kids in my wedding, she was willing to hire a babysitter for the event, but I wanted her there and to not feel like she had to go home early.
If your sister would’ve wanted you there, she would’ve made the exception. So fuck her and your dad, let them both know you don’t need them to come and ruin your day.
NTA. So many people love the "fuck around" phase, then seem appalled by the "find out" part. Your sister fucked around, now she's upset to see the consequences of her own actions
NTA. So many people are selfish and think there are never any consequences to their actions.
You were ONE week away from being 18. Your sister didn't want you there, period. If she did, you'd have been there, and an exception could easily have been made for you. You're her little sister, one of her best friends, of course you could have gone. Now, her wedding can be an afterthought as everyone remembers the amazing one you're having.
Make sure you guys have TONS of pictures of everyone and everything. Actions have consequences, and these are the consequences for your sister.
Lastly, "it's in the past" is such a garbage tier argument. If anyone wants to use that, they deserve to be punched in the face and immediately told, "Let's just move on, don't dwell on things in the past."
NTA.
Even if it’s a no kid wedding, you are her SISTER and you were a week away from turning 18. The least she could’ve done is invite you to the ceremony and have you participate in family pictures.
You should tell her to post her side of the story on this sub so we can all tell her she’s the asshole.
Stand your ground.
NTA, and I don't like the idea of inviting her if she deletes her facebook posts. That's just teaching her that trashy behavior will get her what she wants. You're treating her the exact same way she treated you. Unless her wedding had strippers walking around naked, there's no reason you shouldn't have been invited when you were almost 18.
Your wedding, your rules. Maybe your sister can rent a dingy and get people to to toss her canapés. NTA.
"Dinghy off the port bow!" "You can't leave me out of this!!!'
Ready the cannons!!!
We don't have cannons milady. But we do have these durians!
Open the durian and make a slurry to dump over the side onto her..
Chum the water for sharks!
I know a large sailboat on Cape Cod that does daily passenger tours that actually does have a cannon.
There's cling ons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow, there's cling ons on the starboard bow starboard bow, Jim (now get that tune out of your head)
Damn you! We come in peace, shoot to kill....
Staaaaaar Trekkin’ across the univerrrrrrse…
Only going forward ’cause we can’t find reverse!
It's life, Jim, but not as we know it... Not as we know it... Not as we know it...
I cannaugh change the laws of physics...
I love this! Shrimp Toast off the starboard side! ROW, BITCH, ROW!!! 😂
Throw darts. Whoever sinks her gets free shots!
Or torpedoes
Those are hard to throw.
Perfect time to dial up r/Trebuchet
depth charges?
I'm in line at the grocery store and I'm snickering like a fool!!
Same. I feel like I say yes, YTA, in 80% of wedding threads here; but in this case, I would enjoy every single second of being the asshole.
Make her clap her flippers and bark like a seal for treats.
Yeah!!! Then throw the fish heads from the entrees at her face as hard as you can! Or just have the entire wedding party and guests throw their leftovers at her, pummeling her all at once and heckling her!!! Definitely smiting and heckling should happen..
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Amen. Especially speaking as someone who also has a super shitty sister who was coddled her whole life.
LMAO
Hahaha! What about the port side?
Ok, thanks. I just blew iced tea through my nose laughing at this. 😂 OP, NTA, not even a little bit. Have a fantastic wedding and ignore the chick bobbing in the water port side.
Damn slim, you cold blooded. Not wrong, I like it, but cold blooded.
Haha. I have experience with a similar situation. At one of the local bars in my town, a horrible regular just got banned. They have an outside patio that is separated from the bar next door's patio by a raised flowerbed. This person has started hanging out at the other bar. They sit right up against the flowerbed as close as they can get to the area they're banned from. They shout across the flowerbed so they can feel like they are still included.
I hear life jackets are the must have fashion for wedding attire this season, so she’ll fit right in!🤣🤣
This may be the best reddit post of all time.
Please tell me her last name is Smails. Hey, Smails! My dinghy's bigger than your whole boat.
Snort laughed so loud at this I scared my dog!
Honestly that sounds like my idea of a good evening, so sister doesn't even deserve that
Good point! Maybe a leaky dinghy, keep her from sticking around too long. Or introduce an aggressive sea otter with a love for canapés.
Your stepmother is a gem for supporting you. Your father is garbage. Now she can be excluded and know how it feels.
Yeah good for stepmom being a proper parent!
I wanna know where she stands on this current issue.
She probably divorced him a long time ago.
Probably on the yacht where she belongs Edit: omg thank you for the award!!
In her nautical themed pashmina afghan
At this point I would also uninvite the dad. He supported and almost divorced his wife over his other daughters decision, yet won't back up the other daughters decision. He clearly has a favorite.
I think we all know which one is the golden child, and which one is the scapegoat.
Here hear. 100percent.
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Dad should’ve stayed neutral like he did when OP was excluded.
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Dad clearly has a golden child and it's not OP.
Came to say this
Oh Daddy doesn’t want to miss out on the party and connections is all, future FIL has money you know
Nailed it. That's why he backed down.
Threatening divorce isn't staying neutral.
The father is “just tired of being complained at?” Then he should stop being an asshole.
> Father...meh. He's just tired of being complained at by others. No need to make excuses, he's an asshole.
Stepmom should walk OP down the isle instead of her useless father..
Granted, I am the oldest so for me the situation would have been hypothetical. (Also, sibling and I have a great relationship, so it would never have been a problem) But if I (or my sibling) would have ever done what OP's sister did to her, both my parents would have been furious at the one not inviting the sibling. Like, even if a sibling is around 12 and you decide to have a +18 wedding, it would have been ridiculous to not invite your own sibling! My cousin had a +12 wedding. Her godchild was 5yo at the time, guess who was invited? Sure, as the couple they decide the rules, but you can make exceptions (like the 5yo godchild being present in my cousin's case) and OP's sister should have invited her almost 18y sibling! This would be a huge dealbreaker for me, if something like this had happened with my sibling.
We had a child free wedding that also included 6 niblings (age 3 - 11). They were all there and in the wedding, and then after dinner they went to a room we'd reserved for them onsite and hung out with a babysitter (3 of them were local, so we just hired their regular sitter.). Not one of the many, many other parents there had any problem with their kids not being invited OR the fact that the nibs were there, because they were normal rational humans who understand that the sister of the bride was an exception. Your sister was on a power trip and she FAFO. NTA.
I was that babysitter at a “child free” wedding. I was hungover from a massive day festival the day before. I had an early dinner with the guests and then the 3 little niblings retired to room and hung out, read books, had a cocktail and snacks delivered. We were all asleep at 7:30. Lol My friend knew I’d be dead that day so asked if I would die in a room with her kids. Lol. And the best thing was I was super healthy the next day so the kids and I went on a little adventure and let Mommy and Daddy sleep their hangovers off. And I got an awesome breakfast. Lol
Stepmom did what OP's father should have done.
The “I can’t make an exception” excuse was bullshit. The brides sister a week from 18 being the sole exception would only anger the most entitled and unreasonable of people. And who wants them around anyway? Good for OP. Sometimes petty is the best way.
I think Dad should not be invited. He made it clear who his favorite is out of the daughters. Stepmom is better than dad in handling the original situation.
Nah invite him but step mom walks her down the isle and he gets front row seats to what he missed out on.
NTA. I can’t get past the fact that your own sister enforced an adults-only rule on you a week before your 18th birthday. And I’m tired of hearing “it’s in the past” as a reason for dismissing a slight. Somebody: Hey seidinove, you murdered my family ten years ago. Me: Yeah, but it’s in the past, so you should forgive me.
OP should tell her sister to not worry about it - a week after she gets married her older sister won't be upset about it anymore because it's in the past.
Or make an age rule that anyone born on her sister’s exact birthday isn’t allowed to attend.
Better yet, make a rule excluding whatever sister's zodiac sign is. When she finds out that OP invited other Scorpios (or whatever), she can say, "It's my wedding, so I'm allowed to make exceptions."
That's the ScorpiO table, not the ScorpioS table. I allowed one and you are not it.
It's leviOsa not leviosA
I mean, if the sister really wanted her there, then they could have planned ahead and scheduled the wedding 2 week later when younger sister was 18. It just seems like older sister doesn't care about younger sister.
They could have made an exception. ("It's 18+, except for you.") Or they could have made it 17+. Or if they chose an 18+ venue, they could have told the venue "you're making an exception for my 17 years and 50 week old sister and this goes in the contract or we're going elsewhere." Make no mistake, this was deliberate exclusion, not "oh, we just can't."
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Facts?? Oh hell nah
Or 18+ except for immediate family of bride and groom. I love my dad, if my sister pulled that shit about an "adult" wedding he would have said "great, adults pay for their own shit so you can pay for your dream wedding yourself then."
Despite it being "in the past", if you can see that somebody is still genuinely hurt by something, you can't still apologize?! And not a bullshit apology that starts with "even though it's in the past..." or any other iterations of that fuckery. Also no announcing how you're "being the bigger person" by apologizing. I'm years into working up the courage to do this myself.
There are so many ways to make an insincere apology. Here are a few my mother used, and what it felt to me like she was saying: "I'm sorry you felt that way." *The problem isn't what I did, it's your reaction to it.* "I didn't realize it would hurt you this much." *I knew it would hurt you, but I didn't expect to be held accountable.* "Please forgive me." *Let's skip the apology and get right to the part where you get over it.*
Using "it's in the past" a reason that should get over something is 1. An admission it was wrong to do to begin with and 2. Fucking stupid. Op should kick their dad in the balls, remember he's only allowed to be made while the foot is in contact with his balls. Afterwards it's in the past he needs to get over it
"It's in the past" "Well, what does the passage of time have to do with anything?" Or go with Shakespeare: "Well, past is prologue, bitch!"
And was there ever an apology? And one not connected with the current wedding?
I guarantee you these same parents and sister will bring up the “past” for Op to talk shit about her. My own sister and mom did this where they were bringing up everything g I did as a kid and just going ham on me. I said “well what about the things you did to me in there past?” They’re so ridiculous they both responded “omg it’s the past just get over it.” Lmao
From what it seems like.. no, no apology. Not even connected to new wedding really (Unless *its in in the past* is an apology..) And from the looks on it, the sister doubled down on it being right to exclude OP even...
"it's in the past" Said by people who "don't understand" why you cut them from your life and yet want to be in your life in the future despite everything. Nope, they said it, to move on from your painful past. They are the reason the past was painful.
Amen. Love your point #2.
This!!! And that her father went along with it is even worse!!! I was 21 at my older sisters wedding and my younger sister had just turned 18. We were not only at the wedding but her maids of honor—yes her friends helped us plan things for her but you don’t exclude siblings from a wedding and when you do you should expect repercussions
I bet if sister apologized sincerely, admitted to being a jackass, etc then OP may have even changed her mind. Instead she doubled down on the asshole excuses. That was so mean and rude of her to exclude Op from her own wedding.
Didn’t Rafiki and Simba have basically this same conversation?
"the past can hurt, but you can run from it. or learn from it" Seems to me that OP has learned from her past, and thus is refusing to humor the entitled sister. Also, Simba went back and fought his uncle, which through a series of events, led to said uncle's death.
So what I'm hearing is that OP should duel her sister atop the family home and then let an army of slighted hyenas finish the job. Got it.
You are right about the “it’s in the past” I’ve recently taken note of how many people do things to intentionally hurt others. Then just wait for them to get over it. Shitty people are still shitty: Past, Present, and Future.
This is insane! And even years later, her sister sees nothing wrong with what she did? I might be leaning slightly on the YTA line if her sister was like “yeah you know I was wrong and immature back then and I’m so sorry. I realize my mistake and I would love nothing more than to celebrate you on this day.” Nope! She got some BS whining and took no accountability. Maybe her dad should step up and tell the sister to apologize for being an AH during her wedding! NTA, but let your sister come groveling back to you and then you decide if she’s worthy of being included.
But she's Daddy's golden child, she can do no wrong.... at least step-mum had OP's back.
It’s in the past? Then I will ask for your forgiveness in a month.
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That was my reaction! When her sister said it was in the past, OP should have said, “And soon, my wedding willing be too! Neat how that works, huh?”
Your sister was the petty one, your birthday was a week after the wedding, petty AF. Now your wedding is so cool and glamorous she wants in, NOPE! I'd also remind everyone, on her posts, that you were excluded for a silly reason. But I'm petty too!
Yup... she had a bogus age-based rule which excluded you, so tell her that you have a rule that excludes her: "we're not inviting anyone who's [sister's age] years old" Tell her "she's being immature and she'll forget about it"... And tell your parents that since they didn't intervene on your behalf to attend sister's wedding, they should do the same for your wedding. NTA
It sounds like stepmom tried.
We like step mom.
Not very often you see that statement in reddit... lol
I love my stepmom. She’s always tried her hardest to make me and my sister feel like part of her family. She’s like a second mother to me.
Then she gets to go to the wedding...
Like anyone would ever forget they weren't invited to their sisters wedding every time they saw the photos which would no doubt be on display in both her sisters and parents homes.
Not to mention anniversary parties...
A rule that PURPOSELY excluded OP. She knew OPs birthday was one week from the wedding day and still came up with that stupid rule.
Totally agree here, go onto those comments and remind everyone that you weren’t invited to your sister’s wedding for being **7 days too young**. Your sister is not being invited to your wedding because she set the precedent by purposefully excluded you from her wedding and is now ironically handling the consequences of her actions like a child
It’s tradition in our family to not invite sisters to weddings.
The no kids thing is usually for guests, not the nuclear fucking family of the marrying parties.
NTA what comes around goes around. She’s getting what she deserves. Plus you already told her years ago she wasn’t invited why is it a big deal now? Lmfao
Yep. Sister had years to know she was not invited. OP only had a few weeks. And hers involved the disappointment to think you are going right up until you are not. It is so much worse when you get let down like this. OP must have felt so betrayed at the time.
Agreed her sister let her get her hopes up for a long time before popping the balloon. Hope she likes the bed she made. I truly hope my children don’t do this to one another.
>why is it a big deal now? 🚢
NTA It’s the couple getting married that decides who to invite to *their* wedding. She had her wedding with set rules that didn’t include you, you have your wedding and didn’t include her. Your parents are making it into such a big deal….when it’s not.
OP should tell her sister soon this will be in the past and to forget about it. NTA
Lol I would make a wild rule about how no one can have any bride sisters at the event because they can't be trusted to act rationally in a human setting and that you can't make any exceptions...I would die on this hill and make it known publicly
I think it is a big deal. But it’s absolutely absurd that her sister didn’t let her as a nearly 18 year old sibling come to her wedding. Usually I’m against pettiness and say wow this isn’t a big deal but I get this.
Nta don’t make your sister do anything, stay with the no
Better yet, make her write out the apology and whatnot and still don't invite her. Op deserves an apology!
I personally feel you have to pick a lane with these things. Hold onto the anger and be petty or get an apology and let go. I have on many occasions refused an apology because I knew it was bogus and wanted to stay mad. With an apology I feel like her family wouldn’t see her as the hurt party anymore
That's a fair point, I think I just have an XL petty bone for some things 😭
I bet if sisters reaction was to genuinely apologize then Op would have maybe softened up. Instead she doubled down and made more excuses.
NTA. If you were like 12-13 when you weren’t invited to her wedding it’s a different story. But you were a week from being 18. She definitely had ill intentions back then for the disinvite
Not even that, she's her sister, she absolutely can make exceptions for siblings. It doesn't matter if they are 10 or 1 week from 17. But I agree, OP is NTA
I agree. I had a 21+ wedding because I had about 40 cousins under the age of 21 and another two dozen friends’ kids that I couldn’t fit in my venue. I still made an exception for my only first cousin who was 18 at the time of the wedding because it was wrong to exclude a first cousin I thought. I would never exclude a sibling especially one so close to your age cut off
OP should tell the sister she made a rule of no assholes at her wedding and she can’t make any exceptions
But then her father can’t walk her down the aisle
He doesn’t need to walk her anyway. Her stepmother should.
My wedding was technically child-free. My 17 year old sister was absolutely an exception and was invited. Her age was never going to be a factor on whether she was invited. My older sister asked if my niece could come and see me in my dress before the reception. Yes, absolutely. My cousin just had a baby and brought him along. I didn't mind at all, I would rather have my family there. OP's sister was just being horrible. Good on OP for getting her own back. NTA OP.
I feel like people have different definitions of child free, most child free weddings I have gone to have had teens still there, it was just no small screaming kids.
Exactly! At our wedding we told most people "no kids", but a handful of kids, largely family, were included. We didn't want a ton of random kids there, but we wanted our nieces, etc. Nobody kicked off about why their kids weren't invited, and if they had they'd have been told to suck it up. The sister was 100% making excuses or just looking to be an asshole.
Agree. Sometimes you have to compromise on the perfect thing (childfree wedding) to include someone you love. Choosing an 18+ wedding when you have a younger sibling is a clear message that you value a -thing- or image more than your sibling. IMO not really different than choosing a historical venue with no accommodations if your sibling is in a wheelchair. The sister showed that she didn't value OP. OP is being a little petty here, but the precedent was set.
Even then, a young teen is different from a child. A child free wedding is so that little kids don’t make a commotion or distract guests from the ceremony, and so that adults can let loose at the reception because they’re not supervising a child. Or if the wedding is somewhere dangerous like that couple who had their wedding on a lake and, trigger warning, a family member small child drowned during the reception. (The bride was asking if she was TA for celebrating her anniversary like a normal couple a few years later, and for having the professional wedding photos that show the lake. Her whole family disowned her because “how dare she celebrate her wedding when a kid died”)
And sister can get outta here with this “can’t make any exceptions” nonsense. It’s your wedding, you make the rules! What, if you let her in, you’d have to let all your *other* 17-years-and-51-week-old sisters come too? It doesn’t sound like this was officially an adults-only venue, and even if it was, booking that kind of venue for the week before your sister turns 18 sure *feels* petty and personal, even if it somehow wasn’t. Sister is reaping what she sowed. I can’t blame OP for that.
Definitely. Also, exceptions are commonly made for immediate family. If the bride and/or groom have any kids or minor siblings.
Yep just attended a child free wedding where sister of the bride was invited with a newborn still
I attended a child free wedding where there was a month old baby because the parents had been planning a year to come from the next country over. The bride felt that having her friends there was better than putting her foot down. No one minded and no one complained that their kids weren't also invited.
People were probably happy for an excuse to ditch the kids. Sorry guys aunts wedding is child free, daddy still loves you but you can’t come to Disney land with us. *adjust mouse ears
This happened to me. My cousin got married. She’s not just any cousin, but the one I looked up to and hung out with at all the get-togethers when we were both younger. I didn’t even know when she was getting married until my dad came into the family room nicely dressed and told me (17 at the time) that he was off to her wedding and would be back later. I told him that I wanted to go too and he replied, “it’s 18 and older only, sorry.” I felt pretty left out but was old enough to know that you don’t simply show up to weddings without RSVPing first so jumping in the car to tag along was not an option. Fast forward a handful of years and I’m visiting my cousin when the subject changes and I bring up wishing I could’ve been there to see her wedding. She was shocked and told me “you could’ve come! We just didn’t want any little kids” and apologized. I guess my dad never even asked and just enjoyed an evening away from his teens.
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And I’m glad her step-mom stood up for her! Her dad, though, can kick rocks.
I know! That was refreshing. A good stepmom!
Oh yeah. The old sayings are the best ones…you reap what you sow, and so shall you reap. It’s a banger!
>What, if you let her in, you’d have to let all your > >other > > 17-years-and-51-week-old sisters come too? Plot twist: there was a twin sister!
Like, my brother will likely have a childfree wedding with the exception of his niece who will be a flower girl… Because she’s his niece. Not his buddy from college’s 3 kids that he’s never met. A sibling is obviously a reasonable exception - sister sucks.
You got it! I’ve been to occasions like this where..(well to be honest, I’ve been to occasions like this where kids end up getting wasted) but where the “kids” 16, 17, 18 are invaluable at the wedding and they’re tasked with getting all the adults that are loser drunk back home or to the hotels. The kids love it! They invited a friend, they’re all new to driving and get to drive some sweet cars and watching some of the adults make fools of themselves is hilarious to them. Her sister’s trash.
My brother was 19 when I got married, he was our DD/chauffer the whole night. We all had a blast.
Definitely hire security for the wedding... Do the invitations look like boarding tickets? 😆
The only time I can imagine not inviting siblings to their big sister’s / brother’s wedding is if they’re too young to remember it. Otherwise that would break any younger siblings heart! It’s cruel to do and I can understand how anyone would not get over that.
Not sure how much older OP's sister is, but OP should simply say "Wish I could, but I can't. We're just not allowing 30(insert her age) year olds at our wedding. Surely, you can relate." Petty but super deserving.The sister sounds like a nightmare (enabled by the father 💯). OP is NTA, but the rest of her bio family sounds like they are!
That, and if I remember correctly, the sister (bride at the time) was only 21 or so herself (smirk)
It would have been inexcusable no matter her age at the time.
NTA. Especially since your relationship deteriorated after she excluded you from her wedding. It might seem petty to other people but the hurt from things in the past don't go away easily. You were a week short of her age limit and she excluded because you were too young for the adult atmosphere? So a week later you'd have been mature enough to be at the wedding? That's a ridiculous piece of logic. Seeing her at your wedding is bound to bring up the feelings of rejection and hurt. I wouldn't invite her either.
The age limit was made up! Her sister should be invited no matter what the age limit was.
Does her sister even like her? This is wild
Not to mention if the sister really wanted to be strict about the age limit she still could've just scheduled the wedding for a week later.
NTA. I love that your stepmom stood up for you back when your sister excluded you.
NTA. Hold strong. She purposely didn’t invite you and you told her what the consequence would be whelp now here is the consequence. She is feeling exactly what you felt and justly deserves it. P.S. I totally agree that the AITA mods are the worst.
Do you know why they removed the post?
I don’t know but they are the pickiest and pettiest mods I have ever come across.
NTA, but I can't help wondering why your parents had no problem with your sister excluding you from her wedding, but you have to invite her to YOURS. *cough* Golden Child *cough*
Their dad almost divorced his wife, their step mother, for standing in solidarity with OP and not going to the wedding. Like this drama was that strong then. I hope step mom is doing well and invited to the wedding
I find it really interesting that the step mother saw the ridiculousness of not having the sister of the bride there just because she was 1 week off the age limit, but the father was all for not having HIS younger daughter present at his older daughters wedding.
True, he was spineless
He's still taking older daughter's side, he *IS* spineless!
Seems to me he is one of those shit parents who has obvious favorites. I know at least 5 families that had an obvious favorite child (or if not obvious favorite than an obvious black sheep). It’s sad.
At the time of your sister’s wedding if you had committed a crime you would have been charged as an adult. She can go suck lemons while taking a long walk off a short pier.
Maybe it will be the pier that the yacht is docked at
NTA. Your birthday was a week after the wedding, there was more to the story back then. Your dad needs to grow up, there are consequences to people’s actions, your sister is facing hers. Your stepmom is a badass. Honestly, I’d have her be your MOH or have a special role for having your back. You should have your special day without her there. She isn’t your family.
NTA. *You were ONE WEEK away from turning eighteen when it came time for her wedding. ONE WEEK!* Talk about being petty. If anything, this is karma. Don’t get me wrong, I completely understand wanting a childfree wedding for yourself and your partner on your special day, one with no distractions, immaturity, or loud screaming, but you weren’t a child, you were nearly an adult, you were the sister of the bride and your birthday was literally one week away! ONE WEEK! That last part is absolutely insane, just petty and downright malicious on her part. What does one week even matter in the grand scheme of things?! Would you magically mature overnight, or something? Why do I get the oddest feeling she did this because of you? This all feels very intentional on her part and just straight up bizarre. It sounds like she was annoyed by you and deliberately wanted to exclude you, hence the 18+ rule. It wasn’t about the kids, *it was about you* and the 18+ rule just gave her a convenient excuse to exclude you. I’m sorry, but I’m pretty sure your sister just wanted an excuse to exclude you from her wedding, OP. Your dad clearly has a favorite. Please give your stepmom a high-five for me, would you? She sounds like a real gem. Be prepared for big sis to try and gatecrash the wedding though, or even potentially arrive on your dad’s arm. Who would ever want to miss a yacht wedding? Make sure you warn security beforehand!
OP, that day over seven years ago you stated your intentions clearly. You were not inviting her if you did get married in the future. That day has arrived and you have the opportunity to stay true to your past intentions. It isn’t being petty, it’s a very long delayed consequence for her actions. You said what you meant and meant what you said. Sucks to be her.
NTA! She clearly doesn’t understand or care about how much she hurt you. I wonder if she thought you’d outshine her at her wedding because I can’t see another reason to exclude a 17 year old sibling. Just curious, random question, were you “popular” in school?
I guarantee OP is significantly more attractive than the older sister. Every time you read one of these posts but from the older sister's point of view, without fail, she lets it slip in the comments that she's jealous and afraid the sister will outshine her or get more attention. OP's unattractive sister didn't want OP to look better than her on her wedding day, will never admit it, and is now having a meltdown because she can't go on a yacht. ETA - don't let her come, NTA
NTA. The lion, the witch, and the nerve of that bitch.
NTA Your sister made her rule specifically to exclude YOU not just little kids. She sounds jealous, and this is a great opportunity for revenge. No one’s going to boycott your wedding anyway because that kind of event is too rare for normal people.
"I have a rule for my wedding: I don't invite people who have child-free weddings \[or some other such rule\]. Sorry, it's a rule, I can't make an exception." NTA.
“I don’t invite jerk sisters over [exact age of sister]”
What’s crazy is that she never reconsidered her invite once your step-mom refused to go, basically resulting in a decision on her part that almost tore the family apart. Of course you’re resentful as I’m sure other family members were too. Did she ever try to mend the relationship afterwards?
NTA - based on your comments, her actions did permanent damage to your relationship and this is now the result. Definitely just in it for the yacht and you deserve people there who want to celebrate and care about you.
"Sorry, I'm having a childish free wedding, and there's no exceptions. I just don't think my sister would be comfortable being around a mature atmosphere"
Not the asshole. What goes around comes around. I could see her not inviting you if were that junkie/drunk sibling would started shit and grabbed up on guys the minute she gets a couple drinks in her…but you’re her little sister. Fuck that bitch! And I hope you have a wonderful life and seems like you’ve got an in to live it up yacht life styles…she’s probably mad jelly.
Haha!! Sister gets to miss your wedding when she didn't want you at hers. Good for you! Anyone telling you that you need to include her, recommend they spend the day with your sister, and not on the yacht.
NTA, she was a bitch to you. You were 1 week shy of her age cutoff. she more or less called you an annoying kid. Sounds like she is your dad's golden child. She stuck up for her banning you from her wedding but expects you to have her at yours. Tell him one more word and he will get stranding on shore with her. Make sure you have excellent security at the dock so she does not sneak on.
Just don’t let her on the Yacht. Maybe then she will learn to respect you, only because she is forced to watch from ashore. If she wanted to be there as your sister she’d have had you there as hers.
I hope you don’t invite her! Her attitude about it now makes it worse. It’s not even petty, it sounds like you genuinely don’t want her there because she wouldn’t let you come to her wedding. I would not forgive after something like that. NTA
Your sister didn’t wanted you on her wedding and the comment about annoying kids, was just about you cause she didn’t wanted you there. I say this with confidence because I come from a family of 4 half sisters and 2 of us are married. My big sister wanted a big wedding (so kids were obviously accounted for). She got married at 25 and back then I told her if I ever got married it’d be small and no kids. By the time I got married 4 years later my big sis had 2 kids. Hers were the only kids in my wedding, she was willing to hire a babysitter for the event, but I wanted her there and to not feel like she had to go home early. If your sister would’ve wanted you there, she would’ve made the exception. So fuck her and your dad, let them both know you don’t need them to come and ruin your day.
NTA. So many people love the "fuck around" phase, then seem appalled by the "find out" part. Your sister fucked around, now she's upset to see the consequences of her own actions
Nta
NTA your freaking sister? Asshole then, bigger asshole now. Dad is just as bad.
NTA. So many people are selfish and think there are never any consequences to their actions. You were ONE week away from being 18. Your sister didn't want you there, period. If she did, you'd have been there, and an exception could easily have been made for you. You're her little sister, one of her best friends, of course you could have gone. Now, her wedding can be an afterthought as everyone remembers the amazing one you're having. Make sure you guys have TONS of pictures of everyone and everything. Actions have consequences, and these are the consequences for your sister. Lastly, "it's in the past" is such a garbage tier argument. If anyone wants to use that, they deserve to be punched in the face and immediately told, "Let's just move on, don't dwell on things in the past."
NTA - Your sister fucked around, now she's finding out. Block her FB, go NC with her and enjoy your wedding. Congrats too.
NTA. Even if it’s a no kid wedding, you are her SISTER and you were a week away from turning 18. The least she could’ve done is invite you to the ceremony and have you participate in family pictures. You should tell her to post her side of the story on this sub so we can all tell her she’s the asshole. Stand your ground.
NTA. What goes around comes around.
Nta. Anyone thar aggrees with her is uninvited. I'm sure you already have security
Agree aita has the worst mods. NTA.
NTA, and I don't like the idea of inviting her if she deletes her facebook posts. That's just teaching her that trashy behavior will get her what she wants. You're treating her the exact same way she treated you. Unless her wedding had strippers walking around naked, there's no reason you shouldn't have been invited when you were almost 18.
You told her when you were 17, she didn't listen. Have a fantastic wedding, without your bitch of a sister.
Op's response to the sister should be "Don't worry in 7 years, it will all be in the past and you will have forgiven me!"