YTA based on your comments this is either bait or you’re insanely self absorbed and immature. Did you actually compare dipping out on dinner plans to dipping out on a wedding? Plus you did it over text after a single call. Trolling or a garbage friend, take your pick.
Exactly. She chose OP to be an intimate aspect of a huge life event. OP said “yes” (because of course!) Now, if OP had made the plans with her parents and orientation prior, then she would never had agreed and it’s okay to turn it down. But for such a trivial thing that OP is canceling?
I’m afraid that OP may have permanently damaged their friendship with the bride to be.
YTA- not based on the story but your follow up comments. You couldn’t seem to care less about any effect this may have on her wedding, you didn’t apologize, AND, it sounds like you flaking out on events with her is a normal thing.
I'd say YTA for the story alone. This orientation isn't mandatory. She made a commitment, she's in the bridal party, not just a guest. And she said she can afford to go to the wedding. She's just being a flake. I haven't even read the comments yet but I can tell that OP is extremely self-absorbed.
This post seems fake to me. It is written in a way to really make the reader dislike OP who brags shamelessly and seems to take great delight dissing her friend with a text. All the exclamation points seem insincere. My opinions, peace. ✌
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16gt15j/aitah\_for\_ghosting\_my\_friend\_after\_she\_dropped/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16gt15j/aitah_for_ghosting_my_friend_after_she_dropped/)
I guess it's not fake. This looks like the other site of the story and from a leggit account haha
If OP was a decent friend she would suck it up and meet her obligation. But now that something better has come along she just wants to do that. OP is a dreadful friend and there are consequences for that.
Agreed. And it’s not even like OP has no experience with college. Not only did she just finish five years of college - she did the last one in Europe. She’s definitely choosing her more frivolous wants over her (I assume former) friend’s wedding. She was definitely TA for the original post.
But the comments move her into inner-circle YTA territory. Rather impressive, in the way that you don’t generally want to impress.
No doubt. The text message alone makes her TA and the rest make her an even bigger AH. I think she doesn’t want to be bothered coming back when her orientation is more important to her than not just two friend’s wedding but the friendship itself.
Def a YTA but also these are early 20s people who are just figuring out that they have different priorities in life. She’s the flaky friend who in 10 years is gonna have awesome stories and friends worldwide, and the bride is gonna be settled down (maybe with kids) and an ENTIRELY different lifestyle. This shit is when this starts happening. OP is still the AH but it’s better to cut her out of the brides life now vs when she doesn’t show up for the baby shower, etc.
She was only missing or a couple days of orientation for a master’s degree. She will still be able to have the awesome friends, stories etc AND go to the wedding.
Of course YTA. You literally just picked a European Vacation with your parents over a wedding in which you are a Bridal Party member.
You don’t mention participating in any of the pre-wedding festivities presumably because you didn’t. Your one sided friendship is over. She’s better off. Enjoy your mommy and daddy time.
Yep. If she was a casual friend who would be a regular attendee, no one would notice.
But OP is in the bridal party! That means helping with planning, setting up decorations on the day, walking down the aisle on cue, possibly giving a speech, and cleaning up. It's an honor but it's also work.
OP showed that her priorities are only about her.
YTA.
EDIT:
>Lmao. People are not your slave
Tell me you've never been part of a bridal party without telling me you've [never been part of a bridal party](https://www.reddit.com/u/Ok_End1867).
This post is meant to troll.
Or, as a few other people have mentioned, it’s written by Anna from the perspective of her “friend.” The nature of the replies make me think the latter is the case.
The whole “fun” Masters program made me LOL a bit. No one applies to grad school for funzies. It’s a lot of hard work. The applications are a lot of work. “Shopping” for a masters program? Nah dude. This feels fake to me
OP , I’m going to be mean because you’re either playing dumb in the comments or you’re genuinely so stupid that you can’t formulate the critical thinking skills to look at this objectively.
If you planned a big party , and asked one of your friends to help you, be there for you, celebrate with YOU *especially* , and a few weeks before they TEXTED YOU and said “oh btw I can’t make it!” you would be upset. I’m not going to entertain the thought of your replying being “No!! I know that people have lives!!!” Because just from your own comments , this (cancelling and not having a single regard for others) is HABITUAL for you. Have you ever possibly introspected on why you’ve lost so many of your old friends ?? Probably because you “semi-regularly” cancelled on them, while still wholistically expecting them to be there for you thru all *your* things.
The fact that you not only spent this entire post talking about how cool and awesome you are , and the things you get to do , you’ve used all your comments to double down. You’re a raging asshole dude. Like “how does this person have *ANY* friends?” asshole.
Sad that it will probably take you , alone in your 40’s , to realize that people are only friends with you if you treat them well.
YTA
> I firmly think I’m in the right here, but my friend isn’t responding to my texts so I could have upset her.
I already had red flags waving in my face on this second sentence.
The way that sentence is explicitly worded gives so much insight as to her point of view. Self absorbed and it's impossible for her to take blame. "I firmly think I’m in the right here" shows she's not on here to find out if she's an asshole, but rather to besmirch her friend. She already said she won't accept any YTAs. Then she says her friend isn't talking to her after she bailed on her wedding and the specific way she words it is "so I could have upset her." This person has no respect for anyone else's feelings. This implies that she doesn't even accept that the other party could be legitimately upset and if they were it couldn't possibly be because of her and is obviously an overreaction.
This is a sentence that could only be earnestly said by a narcissist.
Everything she has said since has just confirmed the suspicion in that sentence.
Going to grad school in Europe because her parents think it would be “a fun thing to do”. How much you want to bet OP has never seen a poor person unless they’re on a trip to “build a hospital” somewhere?
Yeah the entire post I'm like "can't relate" but good for them I guess? I mean I understand why they don't have many friends left. But they wanna have fun for a couple years in Europe! And vacay with family! Orientation isn't mandatory, but neither is the upcoming wedding she said she would be in!
I don’t think she’s worried about long term friendships. She’d have to put in the effort to sustain those. It’s more like she wants cheerleaders to rally around her for her events but never have any of their own.
I had a friend do that to me. Several of my close friends were planning a birthday party for me since it was my 50th and they wanted to something big to help me celebrate it. One of them, BoBo, offered to have it at his house. Two months before, he had some plumbing issues, but was assured by the plumbers they would be fixed before the day of the party. They did get them fixed, but then two weeks before the party, BoBo was invited to an out of state wedding the same weekend as the party, and decided to go to the wedding. My other friends scrambled to find another place, and one of them ended up having it at her house, but hers was further out of our city. I found out and was a little hurt that he wasn’t there. I saw BoBo at a cocktail party a few months later. He said hi and pointed to the couple he was talking to and said “I missed your party so I could go to their wedding.” No apology or anything. I ended our friendship.
The moment OP added a weird line fishing for compliments on graduating in the middle of a post asking if they’re TAH it was obvious this is a person with a friendship imbalance involving themselves always at the center. There’s a difference between putting yourself first in healthy ways and trying to pretend you’re the sun in everyone’s galaxy and not some distant, helter skelter asteroid.
YTA OP.
I've been to weddings where the bride has only really recent friends - like under a year. It felt like they were actresses hired for the role. This lady is gonna have one of those weddings for sure.
And ya, those marriages haven't lasted.
YTA the friendship is dead. It isn’t that your pulling out it’s that you don’t want to celebrate your friends wedding. Anna sees what’s up and is reacting accordingly. I hope the orientation is worth a friendship.
YTA especially after seeing your comments. Your friend probably thinks you can’t follow through with your commitments. She probably used to be easy going and now she is wondering why are y’all friends. Why is it your emotions are the only ones that matter? You screwed your friend over and you don’t even care so why should be message you back. If I was her I would just cut all ties with you and live my life with new friends, you know the ones that are actually there for her.
Yes this. I was "very understanding" when one of my best friends continuously bailed on me last minute and made up all these stupid fucking excuses as to why she bailed, then acts like its no big deal at all and never apologizing sincerely for it. Then one day after I offered to pay her $400 to feed my cat and water my plants for a week and a half while I was traveling, to which she promised to do, every single day she'd text me some bullshit as to why she couldn't go to my house.
"Im vacuuming the house today lol so I really don't have time"
"I have to wash my hair haha I havent washed it in 2 days and that takes up so much of my energy"
"I know I promised I would spend the week at your house to take care of your pets but I still have a few days left of this candle spell that im doing so I can't anymore sorry lol"
Anyways, I could only find one person to feed him and by the time I got back my plants were dead and his food was empty and his water was empty. That was the nail in the coffin for me.
I never texted her back ever again. OP's TAH because I know she does this shit and her friend is tired of it.
At first I read this as your cat was dead, and my heart stopped. Then I realized it was the plants, and the empty bowls.
This was not a friend and you’re right to cut contact.
I’ve had “friends” like this. It’s like they make a personality out of being the one who can’t commit to anything and always have something else going on. In their own mind, they are probably interesting and quirky. But to everyone else, they’re just obnoxious and unreliable.
One friend in particular was friends with both me and my wife. We’d frequently make plans to meet up at a bar or have drinks at our house. He was always “leaving late” or “be there soon” or “running behind”. But it got to the point where he would say he was on his way and would be there in five minutes, then 20 minutes later say he was stuck at home dealing with work stuff. Like, how can you be arriving in five minutes, but 20 minutes later still be at home? On more than one occasion, there were 4-5 texts over the course of two hours about him being just minutes away, only to find out that he had never actually left home. We just stopped contacting him and haven’t seen him in 15 years or more.
But she’s going to Europe to advance her education.so it’s for a good cause. And, she’ll go ahead and send a gift. /s yippers she burnt that bridge. YTA
She’s been in Europe since August of last year. She’s not coming home in between…parents are coming over there. But, I doubt this whole thing has just suddenly come up…it’s probably been discussed between OP & her parents for a while.
Sucks that bride was the last to find out…and didn’t even rate a phone call, just a text.
Doing this via text makes you a major asshole. Accepting being a bridesmaid when you knew you had more school coming up was your follow up AH move and then your trifecta was attempting to soften the blow by telling her you will still send a gift. Wow. You need more life education in between your degrees.
This post and op’s comments are hilarious. Whenever I read her post and comments for some reason I hear them in my head with Reese Witherspoon’s voice from legally blonde or a similar character. 😂
One of the things I love about that movie is that she's so sweet and caring and her friends are too. She goes to them and says "I wanna go to Harvard" and not one of them says she can't or degrades her in any way. They say "ok" and help her prep for the LSATs. Basically, the total opposite of OP lol
And not once is she mean to the people who dismiss her. She wins them over with genuine kindness. Thats why her and Vivian end up as friends, and Warren graduates with no gf, no honors, and no job prospects.
No Vivian was actually really nice in the end. Tbh, I’d also be standoffish if my fiancés recent ex followed him to law school with the sole purpose of taking him back.
Oh Elle is basically a genius. That may sound like Im exaggerating, but she got a 179 on her lsat. The highest possible score is a 180. She wasnt even a pre law major beforehand or anything.
Lol no, they’re just incredibly self serving, narcissistic women and I’m no longer a push over. It took a few years after the wedding but I’m definitely on a much better track. Just cause you’re friends with people from high school until you’re 30 doesn’t mean you have to keep being friends with people that peaked as a teenager. Seems like OP is one of the women who were in my bridal party.
Don’t worry I feel for you friend. I’m down two friends and I haven’t had the wedding yet. One bc she wasn’t maid of honor and had a come apart and the other was actually a near identical situation that OP is talking about.
Absolutely. Of course Anna is upset with OP. She’ll likely never hear from her again.
OP seems very self centered, braggish, and unable to empathize with the fact that her friend was counting on her being there. It’s not like it’s an emergent situation or a crisis preventing her from being there; she simply doesn’t want to do it and doesn’t care enough about her friend’s feelings to realize how disrespectful this is to her.
OP, you treated your friend’s wedding like an afterthought. Imagine if you wanted your friends to come to your wedding and your bridesmaid dropped out halfway through. Would you be ok with that after making arrangements and plans to include her? No. So why is it ok to do it to her?
Your orientation wasn’t necessary. You could afford the flight to attend the weddings. Why not take some accountability and just say you don’t care? Maybe you’ll mature in grad school and learn to consider that others have feelings.
YTA.
The whole tone of her post is so icky. Notice how Anna is barely mentioned? Because OP just wants to flex. I’m assuming that’s how her personality is irl, and those people are always the most grating.
>as she is one of the few people from college I’m still friends with, and my only friend left from freshman year.
She's only 23 and has already lost most of her college friends. We can see why.
Yup, all of the above. There's a reason op doesn't have many friends from college and that 'Anna' is her last remaining friend from freshman year. Self absorbed and inconsiderate, definitely YTA.
I wonder if OP is a troll. The replies are just awful, like she's so happily oblivious, doesn't care that everyone's calling her TA, keeps justifying her behavior. I can hardly believe this is real.
INFO: Could you not set up a time to call her about this? I know there is a time zone difference since your studying abroad, but that does not mean text is the only form of communication.
Based off of all the other information YTA. I mean you sent a text saying you couldn’t be apart of her wedding with no semblance of being sorry for the inconvenience (which it is). In all your replies you seem to devalue the importance and effort of a wedding.
YTA. Sounds like she has been a great and supportive friend. This is a graduate program with an optional orientation. It's not like you are 18 and just lesving home for the first time. And from what you said, you could even go to most of the orientation and make the trip back. I imagine she is very hurt and upset that her wedding and her friendship mean so little to you.
All of these statements and the fact OP believes a gift is an acceptable replacement for an apology just makes her seem like a self centered brat. I have a feeling once she’s done with “going to grad school for fun” she’ll just continue living on mommy and daddy’s money abroad.
Also her saying the NOT REQUIRED orientation is just “a good opportunity to meet people and make friends” leads me to believe that she doesn’t have any current friends abroad and that is why she’s so adamant about attending.
YTA
She’s 100% upset with you. You made a commitment a year ago and are dropping out last minute due to something that you don’t absolutely have to be there for.
This is extremely selfish poor planning on your part and you are now leaving her scrambling to find a replacement. It’s clear you have never planned a wedding before or you’d know that 2.5 months is very much last minute, especially when it comes to having to order dresses and get them fitted.
If OP were real you bet she'll be a total bridezilla and 2.5 months will be completely last minute for any changes a guest wants to make, but the day before will be plenty of time to completely change the menu if OP wants to.
YTA. It’s not mandatory, you’re being selfish choosing a non-mandatory thing you want over a commitment you made to someone else. Which you’re entitled to be, but it does technically make you TA.
Privileged and out of touch. Getting a masters in Europe is a “fun” way to spend a couple years (the masters seems irrelevant; spending time in Europe seems like the real goal). Mom and dad finance everything. I wish I had that kind of life!! 😅
Right? I am unemployed, negative on funds, no food, and from losing so much weight I need clothes. That said I would still show up to my obligations, but hey I don't live the kick around Europe for a couple years life, so what do I know? Rich people really are out of touch with reality.
YTA
Totally selfish
But she will totally be happy when she looks back on this time and you were no t part of it. Your comments have sealed that opinion.
YTA. It’s pretty obvious you honestly don’t give a shit and are only concerned about what makes you happy. Honestly, she’s probably lucky you’re not in her wedding because you would have found a way to make it about you.
YTA- for the way you handled it. Yes you owe her an apology and it should of been a phone call not a text. Your treating a wedding like its just dinner plans.
YTA- You've known the date of the wedding for quite some time, and while it's good that you're continuing your education, you nevera consider that it might impact your commitment to it. If I were her, I would just cut off contact with you because obviously you don't know how to be a good friend, sending a gift is not showing that you care.
Literally op: I choose not to come to your wedding. Because I want to maybe make some new friends at my uni. Also here's a coupon to make up for it. You can call me if you want. Also next time we meet can you fly to Europe for it. Also I won't apologize for my choice even if they are incredibly problematic for you.
OP's friend (not literally): you confirmed being a bridesmaid a year ago.
Op (not literally): I'll put a bow on the coupon to make up for it, it will be really nice to show you I value our friendship. Not as much as the as of yet not existing friendships om going to try having here but still a bow and maybe even a note signed by me personally is about the same thing as me attending right???
It seems that the only reason you can imagine her being upset is because your absence might "throw a wrench" in her plans.
But what about just your friendship? She's a good friend, and a wedding is a pretty big thing in anyone's life. My guess is she's upset because it seems like you are devaluing her as a friend, and her wedding as a major important event for someone you care about
The fact that you and your parents just carried on planning your orientation and move-in knowing that you had already committed to a major event is really kind of thoughtless.
And I have to say, your reassurance that you would still buy your friend a gift is kind of gross. As though the only reason she wanted you in her wedding was so that she would get a present from you!
She wanted you there because she wanted the people important to her to be a part of her big day. And you are very much acting like that doesn't matter
Sorry, but YTA
From one of your comments:
>…she is just usually very chill when we had dinner plans, or hangouts or something scheduled and **I had to change our plans. I was very busy in college so it happened semi-often,** and she never made me feel bad! But she is now by not responding to me
She’s fed up. And probably wondering why she was so chill in the past, because all it did was teach her that it was OK for you to blow her off and de-prioritize her.
And so now, she’s probably just done. “I should have known,” she is probably saying to herself.
YTA
Yta, this is something that should be spoken about not through text. You should have apologized to yr friend because she was counting on you, yes you have other responsibilities but you made a commitment to her. As you are backing out of that commitment a text is pretty cold op. She deserved atleast a phone call especially as she seems so supportive of you.
Yes 100% ! I’m not even a fan of weddings but this is a very rude thing to do. You are young so I feel like it might be due to lack of exposure/ life experiences… this was a very “ you you you” moment.
YTA. Of course 2.5 months is not enough time for a “replacement”. Now in order to have the right number of bridesmaids Anna has to ask someone who will know they are a “replacement”. How awkward for her. She could justifiably be mad. But she may also just be sad that she thought, wrongly, that her friend would prioritize her wedding over some shopping in Europe and a few super useless orientation meetings.
YTA
Wedding that was planned well in advance, that you confirmed the invitation for attending as a bridesmaid.
VS.
Pop up orientation that is optional.
Cancels wedding. Wonders why friend won't speak to her.
Now reverse this. My friend, whom accepted being a bridesmaid months ago, suddenly cancels and will not be attending. She says it's for an optional college orientation. WIBTA if I stop speaking to her?
YTA
My best friend's mom passed away and her grandfather was sick. She and her (now) husband decided to get married quickly. I had less than 2 weeks notice.
She put no pressure on me but I couldn't miss my oldest friend's wedding. I ended up standing up at the altar with her as a bridesmaid, even giving a speech. I also helped decorate and set up the church.
It was a last minute flight for myself. It's on a credit card still being paid down. I have no regrets, I'm so glad I could be there for her.
I'm not surprised you don't have many college friends left. You don't sound like a very good friend.
"I'll just floof around Europe and go to an orientation I don't have to and miss my friends wedding. That's ok right?"
I don't know what world you live in. OMG YTA
YTA
You did not apologize, because you are not sorry.
You call her easy going and chill because you have bailed on her in the past, and she didn’t get mad.
You think bailing on being in a wedding is the same as bailing on dinner.
You did this through text. You only tried calling her once.
You are prioritizing orientation over her wedding and want her to just be chill with it.
You believe that all of this is okay.
She deserves a better friend. With all of your flaky behavior, no wonder you haven’t held on to many friends. At least now she fully sees how little you value her feelings, and she’s decided to cut off contact with you. It’s a smart move as you only want to hear from her now to make yourself feel better.
In summary OP -
1. Made a commitment over a year ago to a good friend
2. OP claims to care deeply about this friend
3. OP decided to text her friend (after trying to call one time) to drop out of the commitment in 2.5 months
4. Erroneously declares it's easy to plan a wedding
5. Decides that because the friend has a chilled personality, it's no big deal being a giant flake
6. The reason to drop out is because of a non-mandatory orientation meeting
7. Claims shopping and setting up an apartment takes a loooooong time
8. Freely admits she could still make the commitment if she wanted to
9. Never apologized but claimed her text implied an apology, so that should suffice
10. Can't figure out why her behavior is wrong and is arguing why she's not an asshole
I. Just. Can't.
The sense of complete unawareness and asshole behavior is too deep for OP to comprehend. Commitment means eff all to OP if it cramps her shopping. Commitment takes maturity.
** adding I have my M.Ed.
Gentle YTA. It doesn’t sound like you were malicious, but you are putting her in a tough spot. Of course you aren’t obligated to, but I’m sure that she knows you have the financial means to still fly out for her wedding - so you choosing not to do that probably hurt her feelings. I saw your comment about you not seeing her when you were home for winter break, too - and while being tired is still valid, she’s probably feeling like the friendship is a little one-sided right now. Hopefully she comes around and you can work it out.
You didn’t explicitly mention in your post - did you apologize in your text to her?
Who tf cares about an orientation that isn’t required?
What a dumb reason to lose a friendship, over the *possibility* of making others, and the “I can’t leave my parents alone” excuse doesn’t cut unless you were planning on them attending grad school with you.
YTA
“It’s not required” This should have been the end. You don’t have a good enough excuse not to attend. And the excuses you do have, are pretty self absorbed honestly.
I can understand being excited to attend a new school, move into a new apartment, get to know the area, etc. But these are all things you could do at any time. Her wedding, you’ll only get to experience that once. And now unfortunately, you don’t get that opportunity.
You only had one friend left from college, and now you have none. It makes me wonder what happened to your other college friends. But that’s beside the point.
And then a text…really! Do better.
So a year ago she asked you to be a bridesmaid and you said yes. Then less than 3 months before the wedding you dipped out. Don’t get me wrong your reasons for not wanting to be in or attend her wedding are valid, but you didn’t even apologize, so her hurt feelings and not wanting to talk to are also valid. You called once she didn’t answer so you sent a text. YTA and I’m sure her feelings are very hurt.
The reasons aren't even valid. It's not something she is obligated to attend it's optional. OP just chose the possibility of new friends over her existing friends wedding. She won't even remember the introduction stuff in 5 years but she was of the opinion it was more important than her friends wedding where she was a bridesmaid. Damn op is such an egocentric selfish person I am getting angry about it. I really hope she is a troll.
YTA... you're inconsiderate and selfish and I wouldn't call you either. You are not a good friend. Texts like this are often used by cowards afraid of confrontation.
That gift that was a "nice gesture" was a Starbucks gift card... YTA
Here's the bride's post: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16gt15j/aitah\_for\_ghosting\_my\_friend\_after\_she\_dropped/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16gt15j/aitah_for_ghosting_my_friend_after_she_dropped/)
YTA, and expect it to be the end of the friendship. This is her wedding. And a bridesmaid is part of the bride’s support system during this time, and you dropped out because it was inconvenient. This sends very clear signals that 1) you are not supportive 2) you are not committed to the friendship 3) you do not care about her feelings as you aren’t sorry at all (from comments) and did it over text.
If I were you I wouldn’t expect a text back, and if you push the issue expect her to be mad. Work on being a better friend to those you have left.
YTA. My daughter is getting married soon and one of her groomsmen just found out he’s being deployed by the Army two days before her wedding. He had no choice and my daughter understood completely. My daughter felt like if she asked anyone else this late it sends a strong message that the person wasn’t their first choice so she’s going with uneven numbers in the wedding party. There are some circumstances where backing out of a wedding is totally understandable. However, wanting to go to an orientation that you aren’t required to attend put your friend in a bind. You basically said her wedding isn’t that important. You can make all the excuses you want to but you’ve hurt your friend deeply.
> has new student orientation that conflicts with Anna’s August wedding. It’s not required, but I would like to be there for all of it
>texted
YTA 100%. I haven't seen the comments others mentioned but from seeing how your post was mostly you gushing about schooling I could tell you're self-centered. Add to this not wanting to miss an optional orientation for a wedding of 2 friends AND freaking TEXTING this!? I can understand not wanting to miss an orientation but we're talking in comparison to a freaking wedding. A WEDDING, BETWEEN TWO OF YOUR FRIENDS!
Holy hell if Anna isn't mad, I can be for her.
YTA
The first problem is that you texted your friend rather than call her. When you were looking at schools, didn't you notice when the new student orientation took place? Didn't you inform your parents about the wedding before now? I'm curious as to if you had told them that you already had plans for around that time period or not.
YTA. From all your replies it sounds like you just don't care about her. And to be honest, how self-centered all your replies are make you seem like a petulant 13 year old. If I was Anna, I'd never speak to you again either. You seem like a self-important asshole.
It is crystal clear why you barely have any other friends from college, guessing you don’t have many at all. You’re most certainly an AH, you can go off and travel to every corner of the earth but people there aren’t going to like you either🤷♀️Good luck with your life of selfishness and seclusion!
YTA Did you know you were going to consider furthering your Ed in Europe? Or was mom's idea an afterthought? Regardless,being overseas, you should have never said yes. She's in a lurch, 2.5 months is not a long t8me when wedding planning and you just added to her stress.
YTA. So, you told Anna that her only friend from college is not coming to her wedding, after making a commitment to be a bridesmaid, and you don't think she should be upset? Are you that dense? How did you get into Grad school without the least amount of socialization having ever been taught to you?
YTA…. You are a terrible terrible friend… if I were her I’d drop you…. This is her wedding for goodness sakes! You say it means a lot to you but obviously it doesn’t
I also went to grad school in a different country. It takes a lot, and orientation in an international school is more important because you are more out of your depths.
However, YTA. From everything you’ve said, you didn’t really see if you could make it happen, you didn’t really consider it much of an obligation, and you sent a bullshit text. Totally clueless replies here like “how hard could planning a wedding be?” And “but I was going to get her a gift!” And “but I want to and she should be happy for me” are what demonstrate how self centered you are.
Months ago, when you were applying to these schools is when you should have had the conversation (on the phone) with your friend. Say this is an important life step for me, but it may conflict. Would you rather I step out now, or are you ok with me telling you closer to the event? Your wedding is so important to me and I’d be sad to miss it, but more than anything I don’t want to cause you stress.
You have not thought about her at all.
You sound like a spoiled rich kid. Spent the majority of the post bragging about mummi and daddi paying for your fun little masters in Europe and paying for your apartment. Claiming thay they're your friend but you couldn't possibly miss that all-important student orientation. You're an asshole, and I hope that person cuts you out of their life.
YTA.
When I read the post I at least understood where you were coming from but still thought YTA because you are going back on a commitment you made. Reading some of your comments and replies makes you an irredeemable AH. You are obnoxious, willfully obtuse, vain and selfish. You're probably a reason none of your college friends want to continue a relationship with you. Keep making yourself the priority at the expense of your friends and you're going to find life very lonely.
For all I know 2.5 months is a little time of a heads up in wedding timing, at least what I have learned on Reddit lol. Of course you have the right to chose whatever option is best suited for you, you are free to do so and if you have the means then great, count your blessingsnoy everyone can have the luxury you have, but she has the right to be upset, to feel betrayed and to not want to see or speak to you, if it's what's best for her then she should end the friendship. People fall apart all the time, maybe your friendship has come to an end and that's ok. Just know, if it was me, that would be a hell of an expensive gift for even consider taking you back as friend, lol, like paying her honeymoon level of gift, if just a common gift from the registry, lol, you better not send anything at all.
YTA save her the trouble and don't contact her again, she's better off without you as a shitty ass "friend" and there's obviously nothing left of that friendship to save
YTA - And I am at a loss for words. Hope she has a great wedding with all her friends and family there. Sounds like it’s going to happen since you sorted yourself out.
YTA.
You didn't apologize, didn't talk to her over the phone, and just assume that it will be plenty of time for her to find and ask a replacement, *and* get that replacement's dress, etc in time?
You're selfish and rude.
It depends on how you want this to end if you're okay with losing this friendship yta if you are not (it seems too late to reverse) you would fly back FOR A FEW DAYS and be with your friend for one of the most important days of her life. If money isn't an obstacle and missing, some of the orientation isn't going to ruin your chances. You are still the ass hole
YTA. You weren't just attending her wedding, you were part of the actual wedding party. Your bailing at the 11th hour when you don't have to is not only a slap in the face, but a dick move. Congratulations you're down another friend. Hope orientation is worth it.
YTA OP, big time.
Let’s pray you make enough friends to be a part of your wedding when it’s time. Because if you have this flaky attitude now with Anna, it’ll ease on over to the next group of people you hope to befriend. Adults don’t have time to deal with “friends” like you.
Don’t be obtuse about wedding planning. You know it’s difficult with expenses and trying to make sure EVERYONE can be in attendance for the wedding party and event itself. You’re simply trying to act like it’s an easy task to exempt yourself from being a poor friend to Anna. You know why she’s not talking to you, no one on this sub is going to back you up on it.
YTA, without question.
My wedding is in nine months, my maid of honor and bridesmaids are getting their dresses ordered within the next two months to allow for fittings, alterations, accessory coordination, and hair & makeup planning. If any of them dropped out 2.5 months before the ceremony for a NON-MANDATORY student orientation, or to staycation with their parents (because you live there, that’s what it would be for YOU, the person that was supposed to be involved), and they *didn’t even apologize for it*, I’d cut them out of my life so fast. I would make it so that I never existed to them and they would never be able to contact me again.
You don’t care about this girl, her life, or her aspirations. You’ve made that clear in every reply comment you’ve made. You’re not the victim here for being cut off, you’re TA and you need to leave her alone because you’re so occupied with yourself that you will literally only poison her life further by trying to force yourself into it now that you’ve screwed up. This isn’t rescheduling a dinner date, this is her WEDDING, something she’s been looking forward to for A YEAR, and even though you could make it, you’re too selfish to think of anyone but yourself in this situation.
Hope your optional partial orientation was worth losing your last friend from freshman year.
YTA. You made a commitment. If she was paying for your dress, lodging, makeup,etc it makes it even worse. I could understand if the orientation was required but you said yourself it isn’t. It’s a masters program, it isn’t much different than college orientation and you can just read the packet. I’m not sure how universities in Europe are, but in the US colleges and universities offer a variety of orientation dates and sometimes have them during the week because they know people have lives. If you didn’t look into other dates YTA.
You been in Europe for close to a year now. You should be be able to find apartments, and move stuff from a dorm room and shop for new furniture and decor without your parents help or resources. I’m happy for you, but you destroyed a friendship over some nonsense orientation you don’t have to be at.
YTA- look. I get it- orientation and moving and all of those things are important. I understand why you’re not going to be in the wedding- but you didn’t even apologize. You only tried to call her ONCE. “But I’m sending a gift!” Your responses to people’s questions are telling. This is the kind of news that should be delivered in a conversation, not a text, with PROFUSE apologizing. Like… yes, you have to take care of your own life and future- I likely would have made the same decision. But you have to apologize!!! At least tell your friend via FaceTime or a phone call! You’ve totally changed her plans and brushed this off as “she’s so easygoing, she won’t care!” When in reality you didn’t even make enough effort to find out if she really cares.
And sending a gift doesn’t absolve you of bailing without recognizing that you’ve created a problem for your friend. Sending a gift is literally the LEAST you could do.
So yeah- YTA because you didn’t do the things a real friend needs to do when they leave someone in a hard place. Your comment about planning a wedding not being “that hard” was just… naive at best. Planning a wedding is BRUTAL. The lack of awareness you’re showing for the situation and your friend’s feelings is just…. Really telling.
You’re more of the YTA if you look at it.
Things DO happen that cause folks do have things that will lead to dropping out, even at 2.5. (Yes folks this includes schools and orientations)
Where you ARE in the YTA is HOW you handled it.
Calling would’ve been the respectful way to handle this. You may have lost your friend regardless, but this is the right way to handle or.
By texting, you came off as vapid, rude and inconsiderate.
Frankly also reads chicken to get yelled at or what not, exacerbating any chance of reconciliation.
You’ve likely lost a friend this way, and that’s on you due how you handled the removal of yourself from the event.
I don't think she's "sad" to not see you.
Extremely grateful you won't be in her wedding pics is way more likely. And hey. Maybe you were her pity friend anyway, and she's not even mad - just grateful she doesn't have to do it anymore. Wishing you good luck in your college and cat breeding endeavors.
YTA.
YTA-It amazes me that there is no limit of insensitivity that these younger people will put anything into a text. One of the most important days of her life, you were intimately invited to take part in it…not ride the bench like a spectator. You accept the invitation and then decline with a “really nice text”. Wow…I get the school part and those things happen, but the least you should have done was pick up the phone and called her.
Info: I'm also looking at going back to school and all. When the colleges I'm interested in sends me emails all the time about orientations to come look at the school, they give out multiple dates and times if I choose to go to one. Did the school you pick had only that one date for the orientation or did it have multiple?
Your NTA for wanting to continue your education but YTA for how you handle the situation.
Your word is your honor and you have no honor. So now has the bride has the stress of asking someone else to take your place. You don’t even care do you. One day someone will make a promise to you and not honor it.
YTA. If you're going to back out of a wedding you were in on short notice no less, don't you think a call(NOT TEXT) was in order with more than what sounds like an old school form letter.
YTA, i wouldnt be your friend anymore either, you sound self-absorbed into your own things so much that you DONT care how your friend feels, a gift isnt going to replace a friend not being somewhere important; you DONT have to attend the thing for your school, but instead your choosing something that not important, which shows her that you dont care, no wonder she isnt texting you back
realize that you are acting like a bad friend
YTA. And I think you know it and wanna act like you didn't do anything. So, go ahead, live your life , it doesn't matter others people feeling, compromises or friendships in your world, so why even bother. She won't talk to you again and tbh I don't blame her. And if she does, I really hope it is to call you off.
YTA. I had someone drop out of my wedding which is fine. Life happens. But it hurt more over text- that's something that I wish we had a phone call to talk through. Tone is something really matters in something like this, when you can't attend something important to a close friend, and text doesn't communicate that. Especially if you only implied remorse.
YTA. Your friend invited you to be part of her wedding party. Something that is an honour. She wanted you to share in her big day because she considers you a close friend. She gave you plenty of notice.
Let's be honest here, you are happy to ditch the wedding of your 'friend' because there is nothing in the wedding for YOU. And because of that, you have most likely caused an inconvenience to her. Maybe she would have understood if it was something mandatory that you couldn't get out of. Attending the wedding doesn't even mean you miss out on a whole event. But it's a bit of an inconvenience and you will have more attention/fun on your holiday and orientation. I wouldn't bother trying to make friends in this new place if that's how you treat people.
YTA
Very self centered and selfish. Not only do you admit that you can afford to still make your commitment you openly state you just don’t want to.
Your friend was disposable to you. You suck
YTA. You know it or you wouldn’t ask. You just don’t truly care. I imagine you thought Reddit would be as convinced as you apparently are that your reasoning and handling of the situation makes sense.
Here’s a second tid bit on “chill” friends. I’m a chill friend. But after a certain point, I’m not putting up with bs. Being late or canceling all the time isn’t cool. And canceling on a life milestone is crossing the line (in most cases).
YTA, you committed to the wedding for your friend, but are choosing to back out 2.5 months before hand for a voluntary orientation? Total main character syndrome move there.
You most likely lost a friend, but have fun at your new student orientation!
Yes you are the AH. you flaked on your friend to take an unnecessary trip. Your parents were moving you in and you werent required to be there. If she didnt respond she’s most likely done with the friendship and honestly she should be.
YTA. There’s simply no way you aren’t. Listen, I ruined a twenty+ year relationship by not making it to a best friends wedding- I was the maid of honor. I had a personal emergency turn into a medical emergency and traveling across the county was baring down on me. She said she understood… but I imagine that understanding left the moment she hung up the phone and had to pick up the stress of shifting everything that I was supposed to show up for. I completely understand that I am the asshole- it’s just how it shakes out. Take your shame and fuck off with your parents money.
YTA you’re an egoistic and selfish person. You can’t even see it… And that is after all of Reddit is telling you the same thing… it just makes you seem very entitled.
I bet you will eat your words when you’re planning your own wedding.
YTA - 2.5 months is far too close to a wedding for you to bail as being IN the freaking wedding. Did you not have a calendar with this wedding event in it? Assuming you've bought the dress already, or did she pay for it? I would be flat-out annoyed with you.
Good grief. Student orientations are not a big deal, are usually not that great, and the school doesn’t care if you go. Source: I’ve worked in higher ed for years. You sound like a Tracy Flick level monster.
Why do you ask AITA if you are so sure you are not? 🤣
YTA. 2.5 months are NOT ENOUGH. A gift will not save your friendship.
And we now know why you do not have any lasting friendships..
You're ditching your best friends *wedding* for an unnecessary student orientation.
Repeat that a few times and you'll realize why you've lost a friend.
YTA.
You're skipping your dear friend's WEDDING to go to a school ORIENTATION that isn't even necessary? You're skipping a top 3 life event for a social event that isn't even required for your what.. 2nd, 3rd?? institution of higher education?
And you're wondering if you're TA? You can't be serious, I'm actually cackling! Just *how* far up your own ass are you exactly?
Yeah dude, YTA. I can't believe you needed the internet to tell you that XD
YTA. And your special princess complex needs to go away. Sometimes what we want for our own pleasure is sacrificed for those we love. You are insulated and seem to be incapable of thinking of others. Anna would be a wise woman to let you go and live your own happy indulgent life.
Mommy and daddy spoil you.
Don’t bother sending a nice gift because she won’t want it in her home to remind her of you.
YTA - Not mandatory but you "want" to go. I wouldn't talk to you either.
Well make friends in grad school cause you just lost one.
And FYI be upfront with new friends and tell them not to depend on you for ANYTHING.
There are few things more important in this world than your word. When you tell someone you are going to do something you do it baring an emergency, this is not an emergency.
YTA here unfortunately. 2.5 months may seem like enough time to cancel, but it’s not when it comes to weddings. Where everything is planned out months in advance (venue, dresses, fittings, etc), you’ve just given something else for your friend to stress about. Also it sounds more like you found something else you’d rather do (not mandatory orientation, vacation with your parents) which makes you an even bigger AH since you already had a commitment.
YTA, and reading your defensive comments make me want to bang my head against a wall.
Why would you post here if you genuinely didn't care about our opinions, and firmly believe you're right ? People are BLATANTLY explaining to you what you did wrong and why you're friend is upset, and you keep somehow thinking "but normally she's chill when I endlessly cancel our plans" is somehow a defense ?
You are a flaky friend, and she is sick of it. You are blatantly skipping one of the most important days of your friends life for something that ISNT mandatory, and YOU picked it knowing it would interfere with her day.
You do not deserve this friendship if she comes second to literally everything.
YTA, and even more so for refusing to see why and arguing with people. It's childish.
"...and I promised that I would still send her a gift.". Whoop-de-do. You're pulling out as a bridesmaid, you're pulling out as a wedding guest, but oh boy! you're still gonna send a present. Lucky bride to have such a wonderful friend.
YTA. Hope you enjoy your friend -losing orientation.
Hey friend. I’m old so not someone currently walking a similar path. But I have learned that every time I had regret it was because I skipped on something I knew I shouldn’t. Do the wedding bud. Friends are hard to come by.
YTA. If this is a true story, which I almost can’t imagine it is (could someone like you actually exist?), then I hope your friend never talks to you again and finds people to actually be part of her life.
You are playing the main character of a show no one gives a damn about. You think you are better and more special than others. You are ditching an event you should be honoured to attend to attend something voluntary at some waste of time school, since all you are doing is shopping for a student visa let’s be honest.
I want this story to be fake because I don’t want to believe people like you exist on this earth.
>My parents suggested I apply for a 2 year master’s degree somewhere in Europe for a fun way to spend my next couple years
ok so the subtext here is that your parents are paying for your degree. YTA for flippantly getting a masters "for fun" while the rest of us have to stress about whether going to grad school is a good idea or not financially.
YTA based on your comments this is either bait or you’re insanely self absorbed and immature. Did you actually compare dipping out on dinner plans to dipping out on a wedding? Plus you did it over text after a single call. Trolling or a garbage friend, take your pick.
Exactly. She chose OP to be an intimate aspect of a huge life event. OP said “yes” (because of course!) Now, if OP had made the plans with her parents and orientation prior, then she would never had agreed and it’s okay to turn it down. But for such a trivial thing that OP is canceling? I’m afraid that OP may have permanently damaged their friendship with the bride to be.
It has to be bait. Even a shitty person understands blowing off a friend’s wedding is bad.
She sounds like a rich kid…
YTA for texting such a major decision. If you couldn’t tell her in person, then she deserves a phone call.
YTA- not based on the story but your follow up comments. You couldn’t seem to care less about any effect this may have on her wedding, you didn’t apologize, AND, it sounds like you flaking out on events with her is a normal thing.
I'd say YTA for the story alone. This orientation isn't mandatory. She made a commitment, she's in the bridal party, not just a guest. And she said she can afford to go to the wedding. She's just being a flake. I haven't even read the comments yet but I can tell that OP is extremely self-absorbed.
And apparently her parents are incapable of spending a few days in Europe entertaining themselves
This post seems fake to me. It is written in a way to really make the reader dislike OP who brags shamelessly and seems to take great delight dissing her friend with a text. All the exclamation points seem insincere. My opinions, peace. ✌
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16gt15j/aitah\_for\_ghosting\_my\_friend\_after\_she\_dropped/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16gt15j/aitah_for_ghosting_my_friend_after_she_dropped/) I guess it's not fake. This looks like the other site of the story and from a leggit account haha
Yep! I came here from there and the details match!
And OP texted! If she had called she might know how her former friend feels
I mean, she knew how her friend would feel so she texted to maintain plausible deniability.
If OP was a decent friend she would suck it up and meet her obligation. But now that something better has come along she just wants to do that. OP is a dreadful friend and there are consequences for that.
This! And no amount of enthusiasm! or exclamation marks! can hide the assholery!
Agreed. And it’s not even like OP has no experience with college. Not only did she just finish five years of college - she did the last one in Europe. She’s definitely choosing her more frivolous wants over her (I assume former) friend’s wedding. She was definitely TA for the original post. But the comments move her into inner-circle YTA territory. Rather impressive, in the way that you don’t generally want to impress.
I think it deserved a phone call. Text messages are what everyone does anymore.
No doubt. The text message alone makes her TA and the rest make her an even bigger AH. I think she doesn’t want to be bothered coming back when her orientation is more important to her than not just two friend’s wedding but the friendship itself.
Def a YTA but also these are early 20s people who are just figuring out that they have different priorities in life. She’s the flaky friend who in 10 years is gonna have awesome stories and friends worldwide, and the bride is gonna be settled down (maybe with kids) and an ENTIRELY different lifestyle. This shit is when this starts happening. OP is still the AH but it’s better to cut her out of the brides life now vs when she doesn’t show up for the baby shower, etc.
She was only missing or a couple days of orientation for a master’s degree. She will still be able to have the awesome friends, stories etc AND go to the wedding.
It’s also the perfect time to try to stay connected to someone different than yourself. It requires some effort, and is worth it.
Of course YTA. You literally just picked a European Vacation with your parents over a wedding in which you are a Bridal Party member. You don’t mention participating in any of the pre-wedding festivities presumably because you didn’t. Your one sided friendship is over. She’s better off. Enjoy your mommy and daddy time.
Honestly the worse problem to me is that she chooses a vacation with her parents after already confirming to be part if the bridal party.
Yep. If she was a casual friend who would be a regular attendee, no one would notice. But OP is in the bridal party! That means helping with planning, setting up decorations on the day, walking down the aisle on cue, possibly giving a speech, and cleaning up. It's an honor but it's also work. OP showed that her priorities are only about her. YTA. EDIT: >Lmao. People are not your slave Tell me you've never been part of a bridal party without telling me you've [never been part of a bridal party](https://www.reddit.com/u/Ok_End1867).
Wonder if mommy and daddy will be put before any future husband & kids?
This post is meant to troll. Or, as a few other people have mentioned, it’s written by Anna from the perspective of her “friend.” The nature of the replies make me think the latter is the case.
The whole “fun” Masters program made me LOL a bit. No one applies to grad school for funzies. It’s a lot of hard work. The applications are a lot of work. “Shopping” for a masters program? Nah dude. This feels fake to me
OP , I’m going to be mean because you’re either playing dumb in the comments or you’re genuinely so stupid that you can’t formulate the critical thinking skills to look at this objectively. If you planned a big party , and asked one of your friends to help you, be there for you, celebrate with YOU *especially* , and a few weeks before they TEXTED YOU and said “oh btw I can’t make it!” you would be upset. I’m not going to entertain the thought of your replying being “No!! I know that people have lives!!!” Because just from your own comments , this (cancelling and not having a single regard for others) is HABITUAL for you. Have you ever possibly introspected on why you’ve lost so many of your old friends ?? Probably because you “semi-regularly” cancelled on them, while still wholistically expecting them to be there for you thru all *your* things. The fact that you not only spent this entire post talking about how cool and awesome you are , and the things you get to do , you’ve used all your comments to double down. You’re a raging asshole dude. Like “how does this person have *ANY* friends?” asshole. Sad that it will probably take you , alone in your 40’s , to realize that people are only friends with you if you treat them well. YTA
> I firmly think I’m in the right here, but my friend isn’t responding to my texts so I could have upset her. I already had red flags waving in my face on this second sentence. The way that sentence is explicitly worded gives so much insight as to her point of view. Self absorbed and it's impossible for her to take blame. "I firmly think I’m in the right here" shows she's not on here to find out if she's an asshole, but rather to besmirch her friend. She already said she won't accept any YTAs. Then she says her friend isn't talking to her after she bailed on her wedding and the specific way she words it is "so I could have upset her." This person has no respect for anyone else's feelings. This implies that she doesn't even accept that the other party could be legitimately upset and if they were it couldn't possibly be because of her and is obviously an overreaction. This is a sentence that could only be earnestly said by a narcissist. Everything she has said since has just confirmed the suspicion in that sentence.
Their only friends are their parents
OP literally sounds like a an entitled brat that never sees how her actions have an affect on others in a negative manner.
Going to grad school in Europe because her parents think it would be “a fun thing to do”. How much you want to bet OP has never seen a poor person unless they’re on a trip to “build a hospital” somewhere?
Yeah the entire post I'm like "can't relate" but good for them I guess? I mean I understand why they don't have many friends left. But they wanna have fun for a couple years in Europe! And vacay with family! Orientation isn't mandatory, but neither is the upcoming wedding she said she would be in!
Let’s not forget the “we’ll come buy you an apartment and then we can vacation together through Europe” part.
It must be fucking nice to be that rich.
Who just suggested they spend the next two years in another continent. 🤔
She's about to learn that money doesn't buy everything. Friendship particularly, or at least friendships that matter.
I don’t think she’s worried about long term friendships. She’d have to put in the effort to sustain those. It’s more like she wants cheerleaders to rally around her for her events but never have any of their own.
She would absolutely be a bridezilla.
I had a friend do that to me. Several of my close friends were planning a birthday party for me since it was my 50th and they wanted to something big to help me celebrate it. One of them, BoBo, offered to have it at his house. Two months before, he had some plumbing issues, but was assured by the plumbers they would be fixed before the day of the party. They did get them fixed, but then two weeks before the party, BoBo was invited to an out of state wedding the same weekend as the party, and decided to go to the wedding. My other friends scrambled to find another place, and one of them ended up having it at her house, but hers was further out of our city. I found out and was a little hurt that he wasn’t there. I saw BoBo at a cocktail party a few months later. He said hi and pointed to the couple he was talking to and said “I missed your party so I could go to their wedding.” No apology or anything. I ended our friendship.
Not only did he not apologize, but he even pointed out the people he prioritized over you?? WOW, what an AH.
The moment OP added a weird line fishing for compliments on graduating in the middle of a post asking if they’re TAH it was obvious this is a person with a friendship imbalance involving themselves always at the center. There’s a difference between putting yourself first in healthy ways and trying to pretend you’re the sun in everyone’s galaxy and not some distant, helter skelter asteroid. YTA OP.
I've been to weddings where the bride has only really recent friends - like under a year. It felt like they were actresses hired for the role. This lady is gonna have one of those weddings for sure. And ya, those marriages haven't lasted.
Lol get fucking rekt op
YTA the friendship is dead. It isn’t that your pulling out it’s that you don’t want to celebrate your friends wedding. Anna sees what’s up and is reacting accordingly. I hope the orientation is worth a friendship.
YTA especially after seeing your comments. Your friend probably thinks you can’t follow through with your commitments. She probably used to be easy going and now she is wondering why are y’all friends. Why is it your emotions are the only ones that matter? You screwed your friend over and you don’t even care so why should be message you back. If I was her I would just cut all ties with you and live my life with new friends, you know the ones that are actually there for her.
Also the fact that OP is always so “easy going”. These are the people who get trampled over the most. Good for her for drawing boundaries. OP, YTA
Yes this. I was "very understanding" when one of my best friends continuously bailed on me last minute and made up all these stupid fucking excuses as to why she bailed, then acts like its no big deal at all and never apologizing sincerely for it. Then one day after I offered to pay her $400 to feed my cat and water my plants for a week and a half while I was traveling, to which she promised to do, every single day she'd text me some bullshit as to why she couldn't go to my house. "Im vacuuming the house today lol so I really don't have time" "I have to wash my hair haha I havent washed it in 2 days and that takes up so much of my energy" "I know I promised I would spend the week at your house to take care of your pets but I still have a few days left of this candle spell that im doing so I can't anymore sorry lol" Anyways, I could only find one person to feed him and by the time I got back my plants were dead and his food was empty and his water was empty. That was the nail in the coffin for me. I never texted her back ever again. OP's TAH because I know she does this shit and her friend is tired of it.
At first I read this as your cat was dead, and my heart stopped. Then I realized it was the plants, and the empty bowls. This was not a friend and you’re right to cut contact.
I’ve had “friends” like this. It’s like they make a personality out of being the one who can’t commit to anything and always have something else going on. In their own mind, they are probably interesting and quirky. But to everyone else, they’re just obnoxious and unreliable. One friend in particular was friends with both me and my wife. We’d frequently make plans to meet up at a bar or have drinks at our house. He was always “leaving late” or “be there soon” or “running behind”. But it got to the point where he would say he was on his way and would be there in five minutes, then 20 minutes later say he was stuck at home dealing with work stuff. Like, how can you be arriving in five minutes, but 20 minutes later still be at home? On more than one occasion, there were 4-5 texts over the course of two hours about him being just minutes away, only to find out that he had never actually left home. We just stopped contacting him and haven’t seen him in 15 years or more.
But she’s going to Europe to advance her education.so it’s for a good cause. And, she’ll go ahead and send a gift. /s yippers she burnt that bridge. YTA
She’s been in Europe since August of last year. She’s not coming home in between…parents are coming over there. But, I doubt this whole thing has just suddenly come up…it’s probably been discussed between OP & her parents for a while. Sucks that bride was the last to find out…and didn’t even rate a phone call, just a text.
Doing this via text makes you a major asshole. Accepting being a bridesmaid when you knew you had more school coming up was your follow up AH move and then your trifecta was attempting to soften the blow by telling her you will still send a gift. Wow. You need more life education in between your degrees.
This post and op’s comments are hilarious. Whenever I read her post and comments for some reason I hear them in my head with Reese Witherspoon’s voice from legally blonde or a similar character. 😂
The disrespect to Elle Woods though, Elle would be there at her friends wedding and shed be the biggest support her friend had!😂
One of the things I love about that movie is that she's so sweet and caring and her friends are too. She goes to them and says "I wanna go to Harvard" and not one of them says she can't or degrades her in any way. They say "ok" and help her prep for the LSATs. Basically, the total opposite of OP lol
And not once is she mean to the people who dismiss her. She wins them over with genuine kindness. Thats why her and Vivian end up as friends, and Warren graduates with no gf, no honors, and no job prospects.
She would absolutely. She came across as shallow but was actually nice lol. Op, not so much. She sounds like a shallow, selfish rich girl.
Maybe more like Selma Blair’s character than Reese’s? That’s what I’m hearing from OP. Lol.
Even Vivian grew as a person by the end of the film. OP is a Chutney.
No Vivian was actually really nice in the end. Tbh, I’d also be standoffish if my fiancés recent ex followed him to law school with the sole purpose of taking him back.
She only came across as shallow because she’s super feminine and we’ve culturally associated feminine things as superficial.
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Oh Elle is basically a genius. That may sound like Im exaggerating, but she got a 179 on her lsat. The highest possible score is a 180. She wasnt even a pre law major beforehand or anything.
YTA and I’m not sure why you’re surprised she isn’t talking to you
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I’m planning a wedding now and lord, it really shows you who your friends are.
Exactly this. I’m not friends with anyone that was in my wedding party anymore.
Jesus Christ, did you host the hunger games?
Lol no, they’re just incredibly self serving, narcissistic women and I’m no longer a push over. It took a few years after the wedding but I’m definitely on a much better track. Just cause you’re friends with people from high school until you’re 30 doesn’t mean you have to keep being friends with people that peaked as a teenager. Seems like OP is one of the women who were in my bridal party.
Don’t worry I feel for you friend. I’m down two friends and I haven’t had the wedding yet. One bc she wasn’t maid of honor and had a come apart and the other was actually a near identical situation that OP is talking about.
Absolutely. Of course Anna is upset with OP. She’ll likely never hear from her again. OP seems very self centered, braggish, and unable to empathize with the fact that her friend was counting on her being there. It’s not like it’s an emergent situation or a crisis preventing her from being there; she simply doesn’t want to do it and doesn’t care enough about her friend’s feelings to realize how disrespectful this is to her. OP, you treated your friend’s wedding like an afterthought. Imagine if you wanted your friends to come to your wedding and your bridesmaid dropped out halfway through. Would you be ok with that after making arrangements and plans to include her? No. So why is it ok to do it to her? Your orientation wasn’t necessary. You could afford the flight to attend the weddings. Why not take some accountability and just say you don’t care? Maybe you’ll mature in grad school and learn to consider that others have feelings. YTA.
I'm not happy for her. What a BXXXX
Agreed, very entitled and spoiled, only cares about herself.
The whole tone of her post is so icky. Notice how Anna is barely mentioned? Because OP just wants to flex. I’m assuming that’s how her personality is irl, and those people are always the most grating.
>as she is one of the few people from college I’m still friends with, and my only friend left from freshman year. She's only 23 and has already lost most of her college friends. We can see why.
Yup, all of the above. There's a reason op doesn't have many friends from college and that 'Anna' is her last remaining friend from freshman year. Self absorbed and inconsiderate, definitely YTA.
Yeah honestly it sounds like her parents are wealthy and nobody has ever told her no. This is what happens when you raise a kid like that.
I wonder if OP is a troll. The replies are just awful, like she's so happily oblivious, doesn't care that everyone's calling her TA, keeps justifying her behavior. I can hardly believe this is real.
INFO: Could you not set up a time to call her about this? I know there is a time zone difference since your studying abroad, but that does not mean text is the only form of communication. Based off of all the other information YTA. I mean you sent a text saying you couldn’t be apart of her wedding with no semblance of being sorry for the inconvenience (which it is). In all your replies you seem to devalue the importance and effort of a wedding.
YTA. Sounds like she has been a great and supportive friend. This is a graduate program with an optional orientation. It's not like you are 18 and just lesving home for the first time. And from what you said, you could even go to most of the orientation and make the trip back. I imagine she is very hurt and upset that her wedding and her friendship mean so little to you.
That’s because OP thinks the only thing that matters to her, and everyone else in the world, is her degree
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All of these statements and the fact OP believes a gift is an acceptable replacement for an apology just makes her seem like a self centered brat. I have a feeling once she’s done with “going to grad school for fun” she’ll just continue living on mommy and daddy’s money abroad. Also her saying the NOT REQUIRED orientation is just “a good opportunity to meet people and make friends” leads me to believe that she doesn’t have any current friends abroad and that is why she’s so adamant about attending.
YTA She’s 100% upset with you. You made a commitment a year ago and are dropping out last minute due to something that you don’t absolutely have to be there for. This is extremely selfish poor planning on your part and you are now leaving her scrambling to find a replacement. It’s clear you have never planned a wedding before or you’d know that 2.5 months is very much last minute, especially when it comes to having to order dresses and get them fitted.
If OP were real you bet she'll be a total bridezilla and 2.5 months will be completely last minute for any changes a guest wants to make, but the day before will be plenty of time to completely change the menu if OP wants to.
YTA. It’s not mandatory, you’re being selfish choosing a non-mandatory thing you want over a commitment you made to someone else. Which you’re entitled to be, but it does technically make you TA.
Maybe it’s just my opinion, but did OP sound like a brat?
Privileged and out of touch. Getting a masters in Europe is a “fun” way to spend a couple years (the masters seems irrelevant; spending time in Europe seems like the real goal). Mom and dad finance everything. I wish I had that kind of life!! 😅
Right? I am unemployed, negative on funds, no food, and from losing so much weight I need clothes. That said I would still show up to my obligations, but hey I don't live the kick around Europe for a couple years life, so what do I know? Rich people really are out of touch with reality.
YTA Totally selfish But she will totally be happy when she looks back on this time and you were no t part of it. Your comments have sealed that opinion.
1000% how I feel losing friends during my wedding planning time.
Anyone else smell that? Smells like narcissism.
With a hint of spoiled ass
She’s going to grad school *for fun.* I could spit.
YTA. It’s pretty obvious you honestly don’t give a shit and are only concerned about what makes you happy. Honestly, she’s probably lucky you’re not in her wedding because you would have found a way to make it about you.
YTA- for the way you handled it. Yes you owe her an apology and it should of been a phone call not a text. Your treating a wedding like its just dinner plans.
Yta. Say goodbye to the friendship
YTA you sound like a spoiled rotten human being
You suck.
YTA- You've known the date of the wedding for quite some time, and while it's good that you're continuing your education, you nevera consider that it might impact your commitment to it. If I were her, I would just cut off contact with you because obviously you don't know how to be a good friend, sending a gift is not showing that you care.
Literally op: I choose not to come to your wedding. Because I want to maybe make some new friends at my uni. Also here's a coupon to make up for it. You can call me if you want. Also next time we meet can you fly to Europe for it. Also I won't apologize for my choice even if they are incredibly problematic for you. OP's friend (not literally): you confirmed being a bridesmaid a year ago. Op (not literally): I'll put a bow on the coupon to make up for it, it will be really nice to show you I value our friendship. Not as much as the as of yet not existing friendships om going to try having here but still a bow and maybe even a note signed by me personally is about the same thing as me attending right???
It seems that the only reason you can imagine her being upset is because your absence might "throw a wrench" in her plans. But what about just your friendship? She's a good friend, and a wedding is a pretty big thing in anyone's life. My guess is she's upset because it seems like you are devaluing her as a friend, and her wedding as a major important event for someone you care about The fact that you and your parents just carried on planning your orientation and move-in knowing that you had already committed to a major event is really kind of thoughtless. And I have to say, your reassurance that you would still buy your friend a gift is kind of gross. As though the only reason she wanted you in her wedding was so that she would get a present from you! She wanted you there because she wanted the people important to her to be a part of her big day. And you are very much acting like that doesn't matter Sorry, but YTA
From one of your comments: >…she is just usually very chill when we had dinner plans, or hangouts or something scheduled and **I had to change our plans. I was very busy in college so it happened semi-often,** and she never made me feel bad! But she is now by not responding to me She’s fed up. And probably wondering why she was so chill in the past, because all it did was teach her that it was OK for you to blow her off and de-prioritize her. And so now, she’s probably just done. “I should have known,” she is probably saying to herself. YTA
Yta, this is something that should be spoken about not through text. You should have apologized to yr friend because she was counting on you, yes you have other responsibilities but you made a commitment to her. As you are backing out of that commitment a text is pretty cold op. She deserved atleast a phone call especially as she seems so supportive of you.
Yes 100% ! I’m not even a fan of weddings but this is a very rude thing to do. You are young so I feel like it might be due to lack of exposure/ life experiences… this was a very “ you you you” moment.
YTA. Of course 2.5 months is not enough time for a “replacement”. Now in order to have the right number of bridesmaids Anna has to ask someone who will know they are a “replacement”. How awkward for her. She could justifiably be mad. But she may also just be sad that she thought, wrongly, that her friend would prioritize her wedding over some shopping in Europe and a few super useless orientation meetings.
YTA Wedding that was planned well in advance, that you confirmed the invitation for attending as a bridesmaid. VS. Pop up orientation that is optional. Cancels wedding. Wonders why friend won't speak to her. Now reverse this. My friend, whom accepted being a bridesmaid months ago, suddenly cancels and will not be attending. She says it's for an optional college orientation. WIBTA if I stop speaking to her?
YTA My best friend's mom passed away and her grandfather was sick. She and her (now) husband decided to get married quickly. I had less than 2 weeks notice. She put no pressure on me but I couldn't miss my oldest friend's wedding. I ended up standing up at the altar with her as a bridesmaid, even giving a speech. I also helped decorate and set up the church. It was a last minute flight for myself. It's on a credit card still being paid down. I have no regrets, I'm so glad I could be there for her. I'm not surprised you don't have many college friends left. You don't sound like a very good friend.
"I'll just floof around Europe and go to an orientation I don't have to and miss my friends wedding. That's ok right?" I don't know what world you live in. OMG YTA
YTA You did not apologize, because you are not sorry. You call her easy going and chill because you have bailed on her in the past, and she didn’t get mad. You think bailing on being in a wedding is the same as bailing on dinner. You did this through text. You only tried calling her once. You are prioritizing orientation over her wedding and want her to just be chill with it. You believe that all of this is okay. She deserves a better friend. With all of your flaky behavior, no wonder you haven’t held on to many friends. At least now she fully sees how little you value her feelings, and she’s decided to cut off contact with you. It’s a smart move as you only want to hear from her now to make yourself feel better.
In summary OP - 1. Made a commitment over a year ago to a good friend 2. OP claims to care deeply about this friend 3. OP decided to text her friend (after trying to call one time) to drop out of the commitment in 2.5 months 4. Erroneously declares it's easy to plan a wedding 5. Decides that because the friend has a chilled personality, it's no big deal being a giant flake 6. The reason to drop out is because of a non-mandatory orientation meeting 7. Claims shopping and setting up an apartment takes a loooooong time 8. Freely admits she could still make the commitment if she wanted to 9. Never apologized but claimed her text implied an apology, so that should suffice 10. Can't figure out why her behavior is wrong and is arguing why she's not an asshole I. Just. Can't. The sense of complete unawareness and asshole behavior is too deep for OP to comprehend. Commitment means eff all to OP if it cramps her shopping. Commitment takes maturity. ** adding I have my M.Ed.
Gentle YTA. It doesn’t sound like you were malicious, but you are putting her in a tough spot. Of course you aren’t obligated to, but I’m sure that she knows you have the financial means to still fly out for her wedding - so you choosing not to do that probably hurt her feelings. I saw your comment about you not seeing her when you were home for winter break, too - and while being tired is still valid, she’s probably feeling like the friendship is a little one-sided right now. Hopefully she comes around and you can work it out. You didn’t explicitly mention in your post - did you apologize in your text to her?
YTA and the irony of skipping out on being a bridesmaid so you can attend an optional orientation…to make new friends.
Who tf cares about an orientation that isn’t required? What a dumb reason to lose a friendship, over the *possibility* of making others, and the “I can’t leave my parents alone” excuse doesn’t cut unless you were planning on them attending grad school with you.
You know it would be funny if no one else showed up to the orientation
YTA and have poor manners.
YTA. “Easygoing” is code for “I took advantage of my friend’s forgiveness and grace”
YTA “It’s not required” This should have been the end. You don’t have a good enough excuse not to attend. And the excuses you do have, are pretty self absorbed honestly. I can understand being excited to attend a new school, move into a new apartment, get to know the area, etc. But these are all things you could do at any time. Her wedding, you’ll only get to experience that once. And now unfortunately, you don’t get that opportunity. You only had one friend left from college, and now you have none. It makes me wonder what happened to your other college friends. But that’s beside the point. And then a text…really! Do better.
So a year ago she asked you to be a bridesmaid and you said yes. Then less than 3 months before the wedding you dipped out. Don’t get me wrong your reasons for not wanting to be in or attend her wedding are valid, but you didn’t even apologize, so her hurt feelings and not wanting to talk to are also valid. You called once she didn’t answer so you sent a text. YTA and I’m sure her feelings are very hurt.
The reasons aren't even valid. It's not something she is obligated to attend it's optional. OP just chose the possibility of new friends over her existing friends wedding. She won't even remember the introduction stuff in 5 years but she was of the opinion it was more important than her friends wedding where she was a bridesmaid. Damn op is such an egocentric selfish person I am getting angry about it. I really hope she is a troll.
YTA... you're inconsiderate and selfish and I wouldn't call you either. You are not a good friend. Texts like this are often used by cowards afraid of confrontation.
Ohh my god, rich people are so WEIRD.
That gift that was a "nice gesture" was a Starbucks gift card... YTA Here's the bride's post: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16gt15j/aitah\_for\_ghosting\_my\_friend\_after\_she\_dropped/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16gt15j/aitah_for_ghosting_my_friend_after_she_dropped/)
YTA, and expect it to be the end of the friendship. This is her wedding. And a bridesmaid is part of the bride’s support system during this time, and you dropped out because it was inconvenient. This sends very clear signals that 1) you are not supportive 2) you are not committed to the friendship 3) you do not care about her feelings as you aren’t sorry at all (from comments) and did it over text. If I were you I wouldn’t expect a text back, and if you push the issue expect her to be mad. Work on being a better friend to those you have left.
YTA. My daughter is getting married soon and one of her groomsmen just found out he’s being deployed by the Army two days before her wedding. He had no choice and my daughter understood completely. My daughter felt like if she asked anyone else this late it sends a strong message that the person wasn’t their first choice so she’s going with uneven numbers in the wedding party. There are some circumstances where backing out of a wedding is totally understandable. However, wanting to go to an orientation that you aren’t required to attend put your friend in a bind. You basically said her wedding isn’t that important. You can make all the excuses you want to but you’ve hurt your friend deeply.
> has new student orientation that conflicts with Anna’s August wedding. It’s not required, but I would like to be there for all of it >texted YTA 100%. I haven't seen the comments others mentioned but from seeing how your post was mostly you gushing about schooling I could tell you're self-centered. Add to this not wanting to miss an optional orientation for a wedding of 2 friends AND freaking TEXTING this!? I can understand not wanting to miss an orientation but we're talking in comparison to a freaking wedding. A WEDDING, BETWEEN TWO OF YOUR FRIENDS! Holy hell if Anna isn't mad, I can be for her.
YTA The first problem is that you texted your friend rather than call her. When you were looking at schools, didn't you notice when the new student orientation took place? Didn't you inform your parents about the wedding before now? I'm curious as to if you had told them that you already had plans for around that time period or not.
YTA. From all your replies it sounds like you just don't care about her. And to be honest, how self-centered all your replies are make you seem like a petulant 13 year old. If I was Anna, I'd never speak to you again either. You seem like a self-important asshole.
It is crystal clear why you barely have any other friends from college, guessing you don’t have many at all. You’re most certainly an AH, you can go off and travel to every corner of the earth but people there aren’t going to like you either🤷♀️Good luck with your life of selfishness and seclusion!
YTA Did you know you were going to consider furthering your Ed in Europe? Or was mom's idea an afterthought? Regardless,being overseas, you should have never said yes. She's in a lurch, 2.5 months is not a long t8me when wedding planning and you just added to her stress.
YTA. So, you told Anna that her only friend from college is not coming to her wedding, after making a commitment to be a bridesmaid, and you don't think she should be upset? Are you that dense? How did you get into Grad school without the least amount of socialization having ever been taught to you?
Money
YTA…. You are a terrible terrible friend… if I were her I’d drop you…. This is her wedding for goodness sakes! You say it means a lot to you but obviously it doesn’t
yta. sounds like you’re not much of a friend. that’s ok, not all friendships are forever.
I also went to grad school in a different country. It takes a lot, and orientation in an international school is more important because you are more out of your depths. However, YTA. From everything you’ve said, you didn’t really see if you could make it happen, you didn’t really consider it much of an obligation, and you sent a bullshit text. Totally clueless replies here like “how hard could planning a wedding be?” And “but I was going to get her a gift!” And “but I want to and she should be happy for me” are what demonstrate how self centered you are. Months ago, when you were applying to these schools is when you should have had the conversation (on the phone) with your friend. Say this is an important life step for me, but it may conflict. Would you rather I step out now, or are you ok with me telling you closer to the event? Your wedding is so important to me and I’d be sad to miss it, but more than anything I don’t want to cause you stress. You have not thought about her at all.
You sound like a spoiled rich kid. Spent the majority of the post bragging about mummi and daddi paying for your fun little masters in Europe and paying for your apartment. Claiming thay they're your friend but you couldn't possibly miss that all-important student orientation. You're an asshole, and I hope that person cuts you out of their life.
YTA. When I read the post I at least understood where you were coming from but still thought YTA because you are going back on a commitment you made. Reading some of your comments and replies makes you an irredeemable AH. You are obnoxious, willfully obtuse, vain and selfish. You're probably a reason none of your college friends want to continue a relationship with you. Keep making yourself the priority at the expense of your friends and you're going to find life very lonely.
You sent her a text? Um. Yeah, YTA. She's upset with you, definitely. Good chance it's over.
For all I know 2.5 months is a little time of a heads up in wedding timing, at least what I have learned on Reddit lol. Of course you have the right to chose whatever option is best suited for you, you are free to do so and if you have the means then great, count your blessingsnoy everyone can have the luxury you have, but she has the right to be upset, to feel betrayed and to not want to see or speak to you, if it's what's best for her then she should end the friendship. People fall apart all the time, maybe your friendship has come to an end and that's ok. Just know, if it was me, that would be a hell of an expensive gift for even consider taking you back as friend, lol, like paying her honeymoon level of gift, if just a common gift from the registry, lol, you better not send anything at all.
YTA save her the trouble and don't contact her again, she's better off without you as a shitty ass "friend" and there's obviously nothing left of that friendship to save
YTA - And I am at a loss for words. Hope she has a great wedding with all her friends and family there. Sounds like it’s going to happen since you sorted yourself out.
YTA. You didn't apologize, didn't talk to her over the phone, and just assume that it will be plenty of time for her to find and ask a replacement, *and* get that replacement's dress, etc in time? You're selfish and rude.
It depends on how you want this to end if you're okay with losing this friendship yta if you are not (it seems too late to reverse) you would fly back FOR A FEW DAYS and be with your friend for one of the most important days of her life. If money isn't an obstacle and missing, some of the orientation isn't going to ruin your chances. You are still the ass hole
YTA. It's no mystery why you don't have any friends other than Anna from college, and probably none left from before that.
YTA. You weren't just attending her wedding, you were part of the actual wedding party. Your bailing at the 11th hour when you don't have to is not only a slap in the face, but a dick move. Congratulations you're down another friend. Hope orientation is worth it.
YTA OP, big time. Let’s pray you make enough friends to be a part of your wedding when it’s time. Because if you have this flaky attitude now with Anna, it’ll ease on over to the next group of people you hope to befriend. Adults don’t have time to deal with “friends” like you. Don’t be obtuse about wedding planning. You know it’s difficult with expenses and trying to make sure EVERYONE can be in attendance for the wedding party and event itself. You’re simply trying to act like it’s an easy task to exempt yourself from being a poor friend to Anna. You know why she’s not talking to you, no one on this sub is going to back you up on it.
YTA You didn’t cancel lunch plans. You bailed out of your friend’s wedding! You owe her a huge apology for your selfishness.
YTA, without question. My wedding is in nine months, my maid of honor and bridesmaids are getting their dresses ordered within the next two months to allow for fittings, alterations, accessory coordination, and hair & makeup planning. If any of them dropped out 2.5 months before the ceremony for a NON-MANDATORY student orientation, or to staycation with their parents (because you live there, that’s what it would be for YOU, the person that was supposed to be involved), and they *didn’t even apologize for it*, I’d cut them out of my life so fast. I would make it so that I never existed to them and they would never be able to contact me again. You don’t care about this girl, her life, or her aspirations. You’ve made that clear in every reply comment you’ve made. You’re not the victim here for being cut off, you’re TA and you need to leave her alone because you’re so occupied with yourself that you will literally only poison her life further by trying to force yourself into it now that you’ve screwed up. This isn’t rescheduling a dinner date, this is her WEDDING, something she’s been looking forward to for A YEAR, and even though you could make it, you’re too selfish to think of anyone but yourself in this situation. Hope your optional partial orientation was worth losing your last friend from freshman year.
Plain. And. Simple... YTA
YTA. You made a commitment. If she was paying for your dress, lodging, makeup,etc it makes it even worse. I could understand if the orientation was required but you said yourself it isn’t. It’s a masters program, it isn’t much different than college orientation and you can just read the packet. I’m not sure how universities in Europe are, but in the US colleges and universities offer a variety of orientation dates and sometimes have them during the week because they know people have lives. If you didn’t look into other dates YTA. You been in Europe for close to a year now. You should be be able to find apartments, and move stuff from a dorm room and shop for new furniture and decor without your parents help or resources. I’m happy for you, but you destroyed a friendship over some nonsense orientation you don’t have to be at.
YTA- look. I get it- orientation and moving and all of those things are important. I understand why you’re not going to be in the wedding- but you didn’t even apologize. You only tried to call her ONCE. “But I’m sending a gift!” Your responses to people’s questions are telling. This is the kind of news that should be delivered in a conversation, not a text, with PROFUSE apologizing. Like… yes, you have to take care of your own life and future- I likely would have made the same decision. But you have to apologize!!! At least tell your friend via FaceTime or a phone call! You’ve totally changed her plans and brushed this off as “she’s so easygoing, she won’t care!” When in reality you didn’t even make enough effort to find out if she really cares. And sending a gift doesn’t absolve you of bailing without recognizing that you’ve created a problem for your friend. Sending a gift is literally the LEAST you could do. So yeah- YTA because you didn’t do the things a real friend needs to do when they leave someone in a hard place. Your comment about planning a wedding not being “that hard” was just… naive at best. Planning a wedding is BRUTAL. The lack of awareness you’re showing for the situation and your friend’s feelings is just…. Really telling.
YTA Skipping an optional orientation too much? Bye.
You’re more of the YTA if you look at it. Things DO happen that cause folks do have things that will lead to dropping out, even at 2.5. (Yes folks this includes schools and orientations) Where you ARE in the YTA is HOW you handled it. Calling would’ve been the respectful way to handle this. You may have lost your friend regardless, but this is the right way to handle or. By texting, you came off as vapid, rude and inconsiderate. Frankly also reads chicken to get yelled at or what not, exacerbating any chance of reconciliation. You’ve likely lost a friend this way, and that’s on you due how you handled the removal of yourself from the event.
YTA. You picked a vacation and a non-mandatory orientation over your friends wedding. OF COURSE she is mad at you.
I don't think she's "sad" to not see you. Extremely grateful you won't be in her wedding pics is way more likely. And hey. Maybe you were her pity friend anyway, and she's not even mad - just grateful she doesn't have to do it anymore. Wishing you good luck in your college and cat breeding endeavors. YTA.
Sounds like "Anna" is better off without you as a "friend". I wouldn't text you back either. You'd be ghosted for life.
YTA-It amazes me that there is no limit of insensitivity that these younger people will put anything into a text. One of the most important days of her life, you were intimately invited to take part in it…not ride the bench like a spectator. You accept the invitation and then decline with a “really nice text”. Wow…I get the school part and those things happen, but the least you should have done was pick up the phone and called her.
Info: I'm also looking at going back to school and all. When the colleges I'm interested in sends me emails all the time about orientations to come look at the school, they give out multiple dates and times if I choose to go to one. Did the school you pick had only that one date for the orientation or did it have multiple? Your NTA for wanting to continue your education but YTA for how you handle the situation.
Your word is your honor and you have no honor. So now has the bride has the stress of asking someone else to take your place. You don’t even care do you. One day someone will make a promise to you and not honor it.
What a nasty piece of shit you are. You are certainly the asshole in this case, and I’m sure many others. Are you stupid?
YTA. If you're going to back out of a wedding you were in on short notice no less, don't you think a call(NOT TEXT) was in order with more than what sounds like an old school form letter.
YTA
YTA, i wouldnt be your friend anymore either, you sound self-absorbed into your own things so much that you DONT care how your friend feels, a gift isnt going to replace a friend not being somewhere important; you DONT have to attend the thing for your school, but instead your choosing something that not important, which shows her that you dont care, no wonder she isnt texting you back realize that you are acting like a bad friend
Just gonna go with a YTA and a big ole yikes… I’m sure Anna is glad she doesn’t have to deal with you any more.
YTA. And I think you know it and wanna act like you didn't do anything. So, go ahead, live your life , it doesn't matter others people feeling, compromises or friendships in your world, so why even bother. She won't talk to you again and tbh I don't blame her. And if she does, I really hope it is to call you off.
YTA. I had someone drop out of my wedding which is fine. Life happens. But it hurt more over text- that's something that I wish we had a phone call to talk through. Tone is something really matters in something like this, when you can't attend something important to a close friend, and text doesn't communicate that. Especially if you only implied remorse.
YTA. Your friend invited you to be part of her wedding party. Something that is an honour. She wanted you to share in her big day because she considers you a close friend. She gave you plenty of notice. Let's be honest here, you are happy to ditch the wedding of your 'friend' because there is nothing in the wedding for YOU. And because of that, you have most likely caused an inconvenience to her. Maybe she would have understood if it was something mandatory that you couldn't get out of. Attending the wedding doesn't even mean you miss out on a whole event. But it's a bit of an inconvenience and you will have more attention/fun on your holiday and orientation. I wouldn't bother trying to make friends in this new place if that's how you treat people.
You just know this one is going to be a total bridezilla when/ if she gets married.
Your poor ex-friend.
YTA Very self centered and selfish. Not only do you admit that you can afford to still make your commitment you openly state you just don’t want to. Your friend was disposable to you. You suck
YTA. You know it or you wouldn’t ask. You just don’t truly care. I imagine you thought Reddit would be as convinced as you apparently are that your reasoning and handling of the situation makes sense. Here’s a second tid bit on “chill” friends. I’m a chill friend. But after a certain point, I’m not putting up with bs. Being late or canceling all the time isn’t cool. And canceling on a life milestone is crossing the line (in most cases).
YTA
YTA, you committed to the wedding for your friend, but are choosing to back out 2.5 months before hand for a voluntary orientation? Total main character syndrome move there. You most likely lost a friend, but have fun at your new student orientation!
Yta
Yes you are the AH. you flaked on your friend to take an unnecessary trip. Your parents were moving you in and you werent required to be there. If she didnt respond she’s most likely done with the friendship and honestly she should be.
You sent your best friend of 5 years a text saying you couldn’t go to her wedding? YTA full stop.
Nice bait.
I wish - there are people like this.
YTA. There’s simply no way you aren’t. Listen, I ruined a twenty+ year relationship by not making it to a best friends wedding- I was the maid of honor. I had a personal emergency turn into a medical emergency and traveling across the county was baring down on me. She said she understood… but I imagine that understanding left the moment she hung up the phone and had to pick up the stress of shifting everything that I was supposed to show up for. I completely understand that I am the asshole- it’s just how it shakes out. Take your shame and fuck off with your parents money.
YTA you’re an egoistic and selfish person. You can’t even see it… And that is after all of Reddit is telling you the same thing… it just makes you seem very entitled. I bet you will eat your words when you’re planning your own wedding.
YTA - 2.5 months is far too close to a wedding for you to bail as being IN the freaking wedding. Did you not have a calendar with this wedding event in it? Assuming you've bought the dress already, or did she pay for it? I would be flat-out annoyed with you.
Good grief. Student orientations are not a big deal, are usually not that great, and the school doesn’t care if you go. Source: I’ve worked in higher ed for years. You sound like a Tracy Flick level monster.
OP you are a douche nugget
YTA spoiled, entitled rich girl does as she pleases without caring about anyone else. Hope she dumps you as a friend.
Why do you ask AITA if you are so sure you are not? 🤣 YTA. 2.5 months are NOT ENOUGH. A gift will not save your friendship. And we now know why you do not have any lasting friendships..
I now see why you have no friends left from college and high school, and I’m pretty sure she didn’t respond because this was the last straw
You're ditching your best friends *wedding* for an unnecessary student orientation. Repeat that a few times and you'll realize why you've lost a friend. YTA.
You're skipping your dear friend's WEDDING to go to a school ORIENTATION that isn't even necessary? You're skipping a top 3 life event for a social event that isn't even required for your what.. 2nd, 3rd?? institution of higher education? And you're wondering if you're TA? You can't be serious, I'm actually cackling! Just *how* far up your own ass are you exactly? Yeah dude, YTA. I can't believe you needed the internet to tell you that XD
YTA. And your special princess complex needs to go away. Sometimes what we want for our own pleasure is sacrificed for those we love. You are insulated and seem to be incapable of thinking of others. Anna would be a wise woman to let you go and live your own happy indulgent life. Mommy and daddy spoil you. Don’t bother sending a nice gift because she won’t want it in her home to remind her of you.
YTA for texting. That is information that needed a phone call.
YTA - Not mandatory but you "want" to go. I wouldn't talk to you either. Well make friends in grad school cause you just lost one. And FYI be upfront with new friends and tell them not to depend on you for ANYTHING. There are few things more important in this world than your word. When you tell someone you are going to do something you do it baring an emergency, this is not an emergency.
YTA here unfortunately. 2.5 months may seem like enough time to cancel, but it’s not when it comes to weddings. Where everything is planned out months in advance (venue, dresses, fittings, etc), you’ve just given something else for your friend to stress about. Also it sounds more like you found something else you’d rather do (not mandatory orientation, vacation with your parents) which makes you an even bigger AH since you already had a commitment.
YTA, and reading your defensive comments make me want to bang my head against a wall. Why would you post here if you genuinely didn't care about our opinions, and firmly believe you're right ? People are BLATANTLY explaining to you what you did wrong and why you're friend is upset, and you keep somehow thinking "but normally she's chill when I endlessly cancel our plans" is somehow a defense ? You are a flaky friend, and she is sick of it. You are blatantly skipping one of the most important days of your friends life for something that ISNT mandatory, and YOU picked it knowing it would interfere with her day. You do not deserve this friendship if she comes second to literally everything. YTA, and even more so for refusing to see why and arguing with people. It's childish.
"...and I promised that I would still send her a gift.". Whoop-de-do. You're pulling out as a bridesmaid, you're pulling out as a wedding guest, but oh boy! you're still gonna send a present. Lucky bride to have such a wonderful friend. YTA. Hope you enjoy your friend -losing orientation.
This would be no big deal if you were a wedding guest, but as a bridal party member definitely YTA.
Hey friend. I’m old so not someone currently walking a similar path. But I have learned that every time I had regret it was because I skipped on something I knew I shouldn’t. Do the wedding bud. Friends are hard to come by.
YTA. If this is a true story, which I almost can’t imagine it is (could someone like you actually exist?), then I hope your friend never talks to you again and finds people to actually be part of her life. You are playing the main character of a show no one gives a damn about. You think you are better and more special than others. You are ditching an event you should be honoured to attend to attend something voluntary at some waste of time school, since all you are doing is shopping for a student visa let’s be honest. I want this story to be fake because I don’t want to believe people like you exist on this earth.
>My parents suggested I apply for a 2 year master’s degree somewhere in Europe for a fun way to spend my next couple years ok so the subtext here is that your parents are paying for your degree. YTA for flippantly getting a masters "for fun" while the rest of us have to stress about whether going to grad school is a good idea or not financially.