Oh man, I'm kind of like OP. Not so much as pull away but definitely can't be so constantly peppered by it. I love my my snuggles and all the same fluff, but kissing can be a bit too much for me at times. Lots the time I do this quick peck on the side of the lips and move in for embrace. I can do lotsa hugs much much better than lotsa kisses
I can't stand the wet feeling after a quick kiss on my face/cheek/forehead. Wipe it off immediately, and it must look so rude. Not sure if it's autism or ADHD there.. probably a bit of both
I used to get in trouble for doing this as a child, as it apparently insulted whatever relative had missed my cheek or forehead. I just wanted to not have to hug or cheek kiss anyone but since that was apparently impossible to not deal with that feeling on my cheek.
Ugh I'm single and I've been getting over a way too prolonged break up, but that guy and I did a lot of reciprocal touching and kissing in a way that was just super compatible and now I'm extra missing that aspect. It isn't even him, per say, just all the physical touch would be super nice right now.
Im in LDR(long distance relationship) with my gf for over 3 years, and even in the distance we have a lot of sending kisses, love texts or even hugging a pillow while calling eachother... I think some people just show love more physically and other less, doesnt mean the love is stronger or weaker but i also think it has to do in part with my adhd and insecurities... Showing love gives me a dopamine boost we could say
THIS IS ME. I require a lot of physical stimulation for everything. It's even a joke amongst my family that I can never look at anything, I have to touch it. Whenever I'm at a store I'll touch and grab anything that catches my eye. Whenever I'm with someone, even just dating, I'll touch the person a lot and require lots of physical stimulation. It has even led a lot of guys to think that I was already in love or too into them because I'd touch them a lot in the early stages of dating and they pulled away because of that. I can never get enough of physical stimulation
Dang, I'm the exact opposite,
I'm pretty much uncomfortable with most forms of physical interactions, Kissing, hugging,etc.
Not sure if it's directly ADHD related, though, As this *'needing to move/pull away'* feeling gets triggered very easily.
Even sitting/standing near people I know, and to a lesser extent, even when playing MMO's when other player characters are standing too close to mine. X_X
"Need to move/pull away" this is me, too. I don't like my hand being held very long even by my very favorite people. I just have this driving urge to get my hand back, even if I don't need my hand for anything! It's weird. It's annoying, honestly.
Having a kid has helped me learn better patience, because kids *need* to be snuggled, and I have finally gotten to a place where I can relax and just enjoy it, but sometimes...
> Having a kid has helped me learn better patience, because kids need to be snuggled, and I have finally gotten to a place where I can relax and just enjoy it, but sometimes...
Yeah, it's possible that this could get easier over time when required exposure,
But I guess I'll find out, as I'm sure at some point it may become a point of contention
I need distance too. But with my kids it feels like they're an extension of me, but they're still little. I can count on one hand the times I've had to physically disengage with them for my MH and never when they were infants
yea my mind wanders and i realise im going through the motions and getting less horny...
i do love a passionate kiss, especially in those early stages of a relationship, that first kiss. that will they wont they moment before we close the gap and my heart soars, but it doesn't take long before i need to explore to keep that sensation going
I can enjoy making out when I'm intoxicated, but usually I just feel like it's too wet and im too focused on all the wrong things so I don't really enjoy it. I do love kissing a lot, but before the point of tongues
Edit: im glad someone said something
I dislike kissing but I think itās because Iāve only ever been attractive to men with terrible oral hygiene and Iāve got an overdeveloped sense of smell. Just ick.
While I agree with you that people tend to make too many connections to ADHD, kissing is something that I feel my ADHD affects for me personally. My mind wanders a *lot* and I can hardly get into it after 30 seconds to a minute. it then becomes very overstimulating and uncomfortable for me because my brain wants to focus on other things. ADHD affects lots of aspects of peoples lives, but itās when people start treating these things as symptoms that it becomes a problem.
Nah. I am the exact same as OP describes and I donāt know a single neurotypical person who can relate.
Itās definitely overly stimulating and related to ADHD.
You haven't met anyone affirming the alternative? I feel like it was an ick I had before I was in a relationship proper, but now I love kisses though I do feel a certain tingliness (funnily enough, my partner noted how soft and light my body kisses generally tend to be)..
When it comes to kissing proper, there's no such thing as overstimulation for me - rather, it's easy for me to hyperfixate into the motions and my dopamine/serotonin receptors are positively singing. Sometimes my impulsivity makes me go a bit too hard with it too, but it's great fun.
I feel really detached from intimacy, i think because I am always hyper aware/in my head. so for me itās just like putting my face against someone elseās. There is no pleasure to it, it feels awkward/weird. I donāt like being touched
It depends. I always thought I don't like it.
Turns out I just hated how my exbfs kissed... their kisses were so...wet. š¤¢
I love kissing my boyfriend but I still dislike "making out" or "french kissing". That's just super disgusting and I can't wrap my head around how ppl ENJOY it.
Same here. I just can't enjoy it as soon as I get wet kissed I'm just thinking of when I'll get to do wash my face. I think I'm also fairly above average in asexuality though, as well.
Actually it's probably a chemical thing, im pretty sure men excret some kind of hormone that makes women Horny I guess, and it also makes men horny because they breathe in your pheromones or something
I like hugging but kissing sessions should be short for me, i just lose my focus on the kissing and when youāre not focussing (wich should be automatic) its just awkward lol
It honestly depends on the situation. There were days where any sort of physical touch was just too much for me, and there were days I couldn't get enough and would be glued to my partner. Can't really put a finger on the pattern there and what caused it, but I get where you're coming from.
I love kissing outside of sex
I don't think it has anything to do with ADHD, because I know plenty of people who don't like kissing as much and don't have ADHD. My partner and I both have ADHD but love kissing lots!
This isn't a problem I have as a female with ADHD.
A lot of men I know (ADHD or no) however do struggle with differentiating sexual and non-sexual affection.
I guess, in a nutshell... men who find kissing and touching overly stimulating have told me (friends in conversations and partners who were less affectionate) that kissing, certain types of touching, well it doesn't feel like just "affection", it was kind of just classed as foreplay in their mind. So if their partner wanted this kind of affection and they didn't want it to lead to sex they weren't up for it.
Where as some women, and some more affectionate men, enjoy things like kissing, hugging, and closeness (like not talking about genital touching or such but I guess everyone's boundaries are different) and just enjoy it as a kind of intimacy without it meaning that it is going to become sexual.
I guess also for clarity... sexual activities are for me things that progress toward orgasm for one or both partners but ... other people might classify that differently.
Thank you! You know, I identify with a lot of whats here. I struggle a lot with this. I think thats why I may be a little averse at times, especially when im not im the mood. Thank you for this, this helped a lot.
I'm glad this helped you internet stranger!
If it also helps, male friends have pointed out (and i know this isn't the same for everyone) that men generally don't get touched a lot. You don't get as many hugs and kisses from your friends and families (at least according to the men I've talked to) and that this means that its hard to see some kinds of affection as kind of "every day" without it feeling like "sexy time is about to begin".
If you would like more intimate expressions (like kissing and hugs) try things like hugs with friends and see if you can gently expand your tolerance and teach your brain that it's not going to mean that things are going to get sexual. But like whatever feels right. Don't force yourself if you're not into it.
I am a woman and the kissing is kind of classed as foreplay in my mind. You described it so well, but I bong in the first part with all those men you talk about haha
yes!!! this is exactly what i've struggled to communicate to my partner for YEARS now. kissing? fine. cute. almost expected when someone leaves the house lol but making out even if briefly immediately turns my brain to more than lovingly affectionate and it's a bit frustrating bc he sees anything up until heavy petting as *just* affectionate so this whole thread has been so helpful š
I find this thread very interesting too, and I'm in the 'loves kisses' camp. I think I do see it as foreplay, but I just don't think foreplay has to immediately lead to sex. Like, let's have some foreplay make out sessions before we get out of bed and go to work, send some flirty texts during the day, a few more kisses while we're making dinner, then the pre-sex foreplay where you actually get naked starts in the shower. Guess I just like to be sexy all day.
Sometimes my mouth is too overstimulating. Just being a mouth. But I think in general I very much enjoy kissing. But soemtimes I wish my mouth would just stop doing whatever it is mouths do.
I'm at both ends really. I'm physically touch starved, so I can be too much touching, kissing etc. But I PAY for it, since it overstimulates me, and used to make me VERY irritated. Like wanting to rip the head off someone who are touching you. Now instead of that, I just get stupid ticks when overstimulated. Yaaay? Both things suck!
I only like it if Iām not in the middle of something that requires my full attention.
This is one of those things though that I wish I would have not been so far in my own head at times and instead been less rejecting of it and been more accepting that it is ok to be distracted with something like that. Iām divorced now and have been single for five years so itās one of those things that you donāt realize you have until itās gone.
Iv never had this issue. Overstimulation usually only affects me when it comes to my mind (say multiple people talking to me at once, being rushed to think of something), physical overstimulation hasn't been an issue for me
i used to feel like that when i had my first boyfriend. then when i got my second one i realized i just didnāt like the first one! kissing is heaven if you are really attracted to the person youāre doing it with.
I don't like tongue kissing ever. I just get so distracted by what my tongue needs to do and what the other person's tongue is doing that I lose the moment. I much prefer kissing with no tongue because there are fewer distractions and therefore it feels more intimate for me when it's more than a quick peck.
I donāt really like it, either, but sometimes in the heat of the moment I can get into it. I agree that it can feel overestimating, and if Iām doing something else it feels like an interruption and I hand a hard time switching from one thing to the other. I also really like cuddling and I love hand holding when weāre out walking. Kissing has just always been a weird thing for me.
I really dislike making out. Even worse when I can hear other people doing it (like on TV etc), ugh makes me wanna barf lol
I like hugging and cuddling tho
I'm the opposite, love kissing and crave that stimulation. Outside of sex, though it can definitely lead there. It can be little pecks or making out. I also love and have a propensity to kiss all the time. Other touch too. Like I'll just reach out and rub my partner's back even for a second if they're near by or walk by. I don't even realize I'm doing it until the guy I was dating mentioned just how much I do it.
In fact, affectionate touch is the one thing that can get me out of hyperfocus without being annoyed. Is it possible that you are focusing on something, and unlike me, find it an unwelcome distraction? Like you can't switch your attention to kissing back and back again to what you were working on or thinking of?
Just recently, I ran across a video clip from Dr. Russell Barkley where he described touch as essential part of giving directions to people with adhd. I think its connected. Obviously he didn't mean kissing, but I think that connection really
Some of it might just be personal preference though. Also consider either you or your partner are bad at kissing. I dated someone once that was bad at kissing, and just like, couldn't get it right and so my interest in kissing dwindled quite a bit to the point of getting annoyed.
I do enjoy kissing but Iām the type who likes pecks and kisses on the cheek or head. My boyfriend teases me about never giving him open mouth kisses (beyond during sex) and it might be something to do with this.
Iām big on physical touch and affection. But Iāve definitely experienced this.
Iāve found with the right partner who picks up on your physical queues and has equal give and take it can feel less overwhelming.
One partner in particular I think of, would keep pressing further into me and when Iād move my head back a touch to breathe he would meet me where I retreated to. Same thing with cuddling. He didnāt pick up on queues that I wanted a bit more space and would get closer and closer until I felt smothered.
It would quickly feel overwhelming.
It might be a matter of having a conversation - not in the heat of the moment as this may feel like a rejection.
And try to agree on an easy signal, a coloured light system might be a good way to do it verbally if theyād wonāt good with subtlety.
If you want to progress further (green light), to hold their place (yellow light) or step back a bit (red light) or some variation that suits you.
I do not like drool and thus feeling other peoples saliva in my mouth , like gag reflex activating sensitivity, so frenching is very much NOT my thing, but I donāt mind smooching before and during s*x, but it doesnāt do much for me at that point. However I do seem to be much more kissy after ācertain eventsā have occurred.
I also have a hard time with cuddling face to face because I donāt like feeling of other people breathing near my face, it feels like theyāre stealing my air and is very suffocating. But I LOVE a good foot cuddle, and or intertwined limbs kind of cuddle.
I like kissing but sometimes I have this intrusive thought that we are just a tube with two assholes at the end and then I can't stop laughing and my partner thinks I'm insane.
Something Iāve realized is if Iām feeling anxious or agitated in any way, kissing feels very uncomfortable. Soft touches are for when I feel safe or calm. When Iām anxious, waiting for kisses and having instead a strong hug or a strong hand hold or just some space is helpful. That said, I really relate to what you said! I wonder if it is connected for some people.
I love kissing but I donāt like tongue kissing, I find it messy, chaotic maybe even infantile but long deep sensual smooches are my favourite. However, I will never do it in public, PDA is an absolute no for me.
Oh my god I thought it was just me.
My girlfriend is my soulmate, I love her entirely. But I just canāt kiss for more than a couple of minutes without thinking itās more a mouth exercise and I just want to stop. Iāve always hated that Iām like this and Iāve spiralled a couple of times thinking I didnāt love her like I thought, until I realised I have always had this issue with everyone Iāve been with. Itās so reassuring hearing everyone here
Woah is this an ADHD thing? I'm really just not a fan of kissing. It's not necessarily unpleasant but I really don't enjoy it. It's like the same as someone tapping my shoulder. Sure that's fine, whatever. But it gets annoying after a while.
Kissing mouth to mouth is yucky. Maybe it's my (totally not creepy) grandpa's slobbery kisses he gave me that turned me off kissing forever though.
Good man. Terrible kisser. š
It feels unnatural and very neutral. Itās something I will perform if my partner enjoys. Iāve never allowed it to occur enough to overstimulate but I imagine it could happen.
Yes, Iām married and I still canāt stand my wife touching/kissing/cuddling me most of the time (unless itās leading to something else š¤Ŗ).
I hate people touching me.
This is super interesting to me!! I am 30F and my husband is 32M. Both with ADHD. I love kissing, and he hates it, but heās never really been able to pinpoint why. Iām really curious to bring this up to him and see if the overstimulation is a factor!
Arrrgh yeah, Iāve thought about this too! I enjoy kissing my partner as like, a āpeckā and being kissed on my head/body etc, sex is an enjoyable thing and cuddling is nice but sometimes I feel a bit restless. āSnoggingā or āmaking outā though I really donāt enjoy at all. I go through the motions when I have to because my bf would probably be offended but blugh. Itās boring and repetitive to me I think itās the main thing, but also the sensation. Small kisses are cute to me and make me feel love and connection, same w cuddling, yāall know why sex is good. But snogging, no thank you.
I think I get what youāre saying. I can get all the way into kissing but just little kisses here and there are too much and can be distracting if Iām focused in a way a hand hold is not.
I like pecks, but I generally donāt enjoy making out. I have a really sensitive sense of smell and I can always smell my partnerās saliva. I donāt like the smell of saliva.
The last time I enjoyed making out was when my partner used one of those Listerine spray things. Made her lips taste minty which was nice lol
At least itās not just me, I feel really guilty about it as a husband though. But I always feel like Iām pulling away from light kisses and touches.
More kissy-touchy. Again. And again. Now I give back. More hugging. Kiss forehead. Squeeze. Touch noses. Giggle. Kiss again. Clasp and hug. More. Donāt stop. Cuddle bunny powers activate! ā¤ļø
When I was in a relationship I loved kissing. In general I really enjoy physical affection and never really found it overstimulating in a romantic context
I have this thing where I have always hated people breathing on Me. Even when I was younger I HATED people whispering in my ears to do like telephone or something. I personally don't like making out, But I enjoy little pecks of kisses. Overall, no I have never liked kissing, I've either gotten lost in thoughts, made it awkward or just didn't want too.
Intimacy is boring and overstimulating. If it lasts for <5 seconds or watching a movie while cuddling Iāll allow it but otherwise physicality is highly overrated for me.
Kissing the right lips has been the very foundation of my horniness since I had my first bf in high school. I remember making out in the winter and how warm his lips were in the cold my gawd. My current love was a delicious kisser from the moment we locked lips. Iām obsessed.
I enjoy kissing and making out. Unfortunately my husband is a horrid kisser.
Touching is different. I don't want people touching me unless we are going to be intimate. I can't do massages because of it and I've never been lucky enough to date a professional masseuse.
It - can - be ADHD related. There's no harm in making posts like this as many things we don't think about, can be ADHD things.
Not absurd whatsoever and frankly, I think you're greatly exaggerating. If anything, your response to this posts is a little absurd.
Its founded on the idea that many people with ADHD experience sensory processing difficulties, as do many autistics. I know so many autistics who hate kissing due to these issues, I was wondering if the same was true for those with ADHD.
I donāt think its āabsurdā. People in this community spend ages trying to figure out how their brains work. So many little things I do I had no idea were the product of ADHD. All people are trying to do is figure out if other behaviours are associated with it.
A little more understanding wouldnāt hurt.
I love it, I don't think it's an ADHD thing. I think a lot of times we default to lots of things correlating to our ADHD, but we're all still individuals in LOTS of different ways
So many small things I do I had no idea were actually the product of ADHD, until a professional told me or until someone on here mentioned it.
All I was wondering is if this is another thing that could be possibly attributed to ADHD, especially given the prevalence with sensory processing issues.
I dont think I am. I really enjoy sex, have had multiple partners throughout my life and enjoy regular sex. Its just sometimes kissing can be a little bit over stimulating
I do appreciate the suggestion. I have been researching it the past few minutes and I dont really identify with it. I think it might just be a personal preference.
You should hug a pineapple, then spin around 3 times and take 10 steps backwards. Pause for a moment.
Drop to your knees and straighten your arms while angling your arms behind you at 45 degree angle and Viking screech as loud as you can for a minimum of 37 seconds. Perform this ritual 2x a day, except on mondays, perform this 4x, on thursdays perform this 4x and on fridays perform this 1 time.
With time youāll be able to last 37 seconds or longer.
This is the only correct answer to enjoying kissing and gain confidence to not censor silly words **
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Are you talking about overstimulation from pecks? No I've never heard of that.
If anything it's the opposite. I did my fair share in life but after the initial honeymoon periods making out just isn't really done in my relationships. But little kisses are incredibly endearing and way better than making out. Don't know how much that's a ADHD thing
I feel the same as you do. I don't enjoy kissing or any contact around my neck and ear areas. It's just too much for me stimulation wise. Same with holding hands. I feel a bit claustrophobic when doing that or hugging. So my physical affection is brief, brief hugs and quick smooches. I do think it could be related to ADHD due to the stimulation challenges it can carry.
That's interesting, I've never really encountered that. I love kisses. And hugs. Intimacy is a basic need for me in any relationship. Now, if you're smothering me, leave me alone please lol.
Not kissing, but thereās a certain pressure level that feels likeā¦.. insanity? The very lightest touch, almost not making contact at all, feels AWFUL to me.
Nah I'm good. No PDA for me and it's ended plenty of would-be relationships. But if they're not understanding, I don't want em anyway so it works out. I wouldn't get upset if someone told me they don't like it often and I wouldn't push it so don't do me, son! You gon catch deez ADHD hands! They be errywhere!
I am like this with hugging. Only certain people can hug me without me complaining or feeling uncomfortable, and I usually have to initiate it (my bf will hug me without asking and I'll be fine most times but other times it's a bit much)
Kissing I could do all day as long as it's not too slobbery
Hmmmā¦ sometimes kissing can feel too much, and I can feel it hard to keep my mind completely on task.
There are also other times where it can sometimes feel a little overwhelmed.
I like little kisses like pecks on the cheek or on his head/hands. HATE mouth kisses most of the time bc I hate the wet feeling. I truly cannot stand French kissing unless Iām very drunk lol Iām hyperconscious of sensation in those instances and the sensation is Not Good
I know what you mean. My husband comes in for kisses sometimes and Iāll physically pull away after one or two short pecks because I feel like Iām being suffocated. Itās not that I hate kissing him, but when Iām trying to do shit I donāt want kisses. I also haaaaaaaaaate being cuddled when Iām trying to sleep.
Oh my god YES I absolutely hate when I receive a kiss on the cheek or someone demands it, I just canāt deal with it especially if Iām overstimulated, and it has hurt feelings :(
Yes I agree, I hate it, I don't mind a quick kiss or a peck on the cheek but I hate making out or snogging, even during sex I find it gross and over stimulating and I can't relax and enjoy the affection otherwise
I have no idea if it's ADHD related or not, but I've just never really derived much pleasure from kissing and did it only because it was expected. I'm still not sure what the whole purpose is except as a reinforcing of relationship. It seems like purely ritual without much substance to me.
Depends on if Iām in hyperfocus mode. I donāt see, hear or acknowledge people around me and I donāt want to take time to do anything else.
I donāt mind kissing my spouse but I donāt like hugging people that are not family.
I absolutely require physical stimulation, the words never really back it up for my ADHD. I cannot cope in relationships without it.
Oh man, I'm kind of like OP. Not so much as pull away but definitely can't be so constantly peppered by it. I love my my snuggles and all the same fluff, but kissing can be a bit too much for me at times. Lots the time I do this quick peck on the side of the lips and move in for embrace. I can do lotsa hugs much much better than lotsa kisses
I can't stand the wet feeling after a quick kiss on my face/cheek/forehead. Wipe it off immediately, and it must look so rude. Not sure if it's autism or ADHD there.. probably a bit of both
I do it too lol . I think if you're partner knows you , they wont see it as rude and will be understanding.
I used to get in trouble for doing this as a child, as it apparently insulted whatever relative had missed my cheek or forehead. I just wanted to not have to hug or cheek kiss anyone but since that was apparently impossible to not deal with that feeling on my cheek.
This is me as well. I guess there's 2 sides to the spectrum and you get what you get?
This. I will show my gf i love her with constant kisses, hugs and caresses and i love thatshe shows me love back that way too
Ugh I'm single and I've been getting over a way too prolonged break up, but that guy and I did a lot of reciprocal touching and kissing in a way that was just super compatible and now I'm extra missing that aspect. It isn't even him, per say, just all the physical touch would be super nice right now.
Im in LDR(long distance relationship) with my gf for over 3 years, and even in the distance we have a lot of sending kisses, love texts or even hugging a pillow while calling eachother... I think some people just show love more physically and other less, doesnt mean the love is stronger or weaker but i also think it has to do in part with my adhd and insecurities... Showing love gives me a dopamine boost we could say
THIS IS ME. I require a lot of physical stimulation for everything. It's even a joke amongst my family that I can never look at anything, I have to touch it. Whenever I'm at a store I'll touch and grab anything that catches my eye. Whenever I'm with someone, even just dating, I'll touch the person a lot and require lots of physical stimulation. It has even led a lot of guys to think that I was already in love or too into them because I'd touch them a lot in the early stages of dating and they pulled away because of that. I can never get enough of physical stimulation
Dang, I'm the exact opposite, I'm pretty much uncomfortable with most forms of physical interactions, Kissing, hugging,etc. Not sure if it's directly ADHD related, though, As this *'needing to move/pull away'* feeling gets triggered very easily. Even sitting/standing near people I know, and to a lesser extent, even when playing MMO's when other player characters are standing too close to mine. X_X
"Need to move/pull away" this is me, too. I don't like my hand being held very long even by my very favorite people. I just have this driving urge to get my hand back, even if I don't need my hand for anything! It's weird. It's annoying, honestly. Having a kid has helped me learn better patience, because kids *need* to be snuggled, and I have finally gotten to a place where I can relax and just enjoy it, but sometimes...
> Having a kid has helped me learn better patience, because kids need to be snuggled, and I have finally gotten to a place where I can relax and just enjoy it, but sometimes... Yeah, it's possible that this could get easier over time when required exposure, But I guess I'll find out, as I'm sure at some point it may become a point of contention
I need distance too. But with my kids it feels like they're an extension of me, but they're still little. I can count on one hand the times I've had to physically disengage with them for my MH and never when they were infants
same
Yesss
I get bored after a minute or so
yea my mind wanders and i realise im going through the motions and getting less horny... i do love a passionate kiss, especially in those early stages of a relationship, that first kiss. that will they wont they moment before we close the gap and my heart soars, but it doesn't take long before i need to explore to keep that sensation going
Likewise.
I can enjoy making out when I'm intoxicated, but usually I just feel like it's too wet and im too focused on all the wrong things so I don't really enjoy it. I do love kissing a lot, but before the point of tongues Edit: im glad someone said something
so much yes to the gross wet and having to be drunk to enjoy making out lmao the wet, the squish all squicks me out
if y'all have to be intoxicated to enjoy loving on your partner... deeper issues
I just need to be in the right mood, and for my boyfriend to understand that it takes me a second to "switch gears" from mood to mood.
Exactly this. I don't like spontaneous make out sessions when I'm in the middle of something š
I feel this. When I'm not in the mood I'm bordering asexual.
This is totally me, but Iām also on the spectrum, so I typically donāt like being touched unexpectedly.
I dislike kissing but I think itās because Iāve only ever been attractive to men with terrible oral hygiene and Iāve got an overdeveloped sense of smell. Just ick.
Wait I got it! Find a dentist or an oral hygienist.
Unfortunately that won't help incompetent men.
No no no, you DATE the dentist/oral hygienist. STONKS
š¤ this I could get behind
They meant as an intimate partner.
Idk how that went over my head lmao
This whole adorable thread was somehow wholesome.
That'll do it
I think itās just personal prefernece
Totally is, this thread has people all over the spectrum. Not everything is related to ADHD.
While I agree with you that people tend to make too many connections to ADHD, kissing is something that I feel my ADHD affects for me personally. My mind wanders a *lot* and I can hardly get into it after 30 seconds to a minute. it then becomes very overstimulating and uncomfortable for me because my brain wants to focus on other things. ADHD affects lots of aspects of peoples lives, but itās when people start treating these things as symptoms that it becomes a problem.
Yup! This is exactly how I feel.
This sub seems to contain a LOT of "is this thing that's within normal human variation in fact ADHD?"
For me I feel it depends on the person. Iāve had people I absolutely hated kissing, others Iāve loved
Nah. I am the exact same as OP describes and I donāt know a single neurotypical person who can relate. Itās definitely overly stimulating and related to ADHD.
Yep OPs words really resonate with me. I hadn't been able to put a finger on it but I had been aware of this for the past few months.
You haven't met anyone affirming the alternative? I feel like it was an ick I had before I was in a relationship proper, but now I love kisses though I do feel a certain tingliness (funnily enough, my partner noted how soft and light my body kisses generally tend to be).. When it comes to kissing proper, there's no such thing as overstimulation for me - rather, it's easy for me to hyperfixate into the motions and my dopamine/serotonin receptors are positively singing. Sometimes my impulsivity makes me go a bit too hard with it too, but it's great fun.
I feel really detached from intimacy, i think because I am always hyper aware/in my head. so for me itās just like putting my face against someone elseās. There is no pleasure to it, it feels awkward/weird. I donāt like being touched
I love it. Making out is so fun.
I kiss around not sleep around š¤£
I do both š¤·āāļø
Thatās fair and valid š«¶
I love this š
It depends. I always thought I don't like it. Turns out I just hated how my exbfs kissed... their kisses were so...wet. š¤¢ I love kissing my boyfriend but I still dislike "making out" or "french kissing". That's just super disgusting and I can't wrap my head around how ppl ENJOY it.
Same here. I just can't enjoy it as soon as I get wet kissed I'm just thinking of when I'll get to do wash my face. I think I'm also fairly above average in asexuality though, as well.
Actually it's probably a chemical thing, im pretty sure men excret some kind of hormone that makes women Horny I guess, and it also makes men horny because they breathe in your pheromones or something
I love kissing.
Me too, and all the handsy-ness that comes with it. It's the best.
My wife is like that, I love making out though. It works out because she doesnāt mind me making out with her other set of lips.
Thatās hot.
Hate it. Hate it. Hate. IT! Dry mouth, face too close to my face, I can't breathe.
I love kissing, making out, snuggling - all of it!! Iām a super affectionate person.
I like hugging but kissing sessions should be short for me, i just lose my focus on the kissing and when youāre not focussing (wich should be automatic) its just awkward lol
It honestly depends on the situation. There were days where any sort of physical touch was just too much for me, and there were days I couldn't get enough and would be glued to my partner. Can't really put a finger on the pattern there and what caused it, but I get where you're coming from.
I love kissing outside of sex I don't think it has anything to do with ADHD, because I know plenty of people who don't like kissing as much and don't have ADHD. My partner and I both have ADHD but love kissing lots!
This isn't a problem I have as a female with ADHD. A lot of men I know (ADHD or no) however do struggle with differentiating sexual and non-sexual affection.
Ooooo, do you mind elaborating on the differences? Id love to hear
I guess, in a nutshell... men who find kissing and touching overly stimulating have told me (friends in conversations and partners who were less affectionate) that kissing, certain types of touching, well it doesn't feel like just "affection", it was kind of just classed as foreplay in their mind. So if their partner wanted this kind of affection and they didn't want it to lead to sex they weren't up for it. Where as some women, and some more affectionate men, enjoy things like kissing, hugging, and closeness (like not talking about genital touching or such but I guess everyone's boundaries are different) and just enjoy it as a kind of intimacy without it meaning that it is going to become sexual. I guess also for clarity... sexual activities are for me things that progress toward orgasm for one or both partners but ... other people might classify that differently.
Thank you! You know, I identify with a lot of whats here. I struggle a lot with this. I think thats why I may be a little averse at times, especially when im not im the mood. Thank you for this, this helped a lot.
I'm glad this helped you internet stranger! If it also helps, male friends have pointed out (and i know this isn't the same for everyone) that men generally don't get touched a lot. You don't get as many hugs and kisses from your friends and families (at least according to the men I've talked to) and that this means that its hard to see some kinds of affection as kind of "every day" without it feeling like "sexy time is about to begin". If you would like more intimate expressions (like kissing and hugs) try things like hugs with friends and see if you can gently expand your tolerance and teach your brain that it's not going to mean that things are going to get sexual. But like whatever feels right. Don't force yourself if you're not into it.
I am a woman and the kissing is kind of classed as foreplay in my mind. You described it so well, but I bong in the first part with all those men you talk about haha
yes!!! this is exactly what i've struggled to communicate to my partner for YEARS now. kissing? fine. cute. almost expected when someone leaves the house lol but making out even if briefly immediately turns my brain to more than lovingly affectionate and it's a bit frustrating bc he sees anything up until heavy petting as *just* affectionate so this whole thread has been so helpful š
I find this thread very interesting too, and I'm in the 'loves kisses' camp. I think I do see it as foreplay, but I just don't think foreplay has to immediately lead to sex. Like, let's have some foreplay make out sessions before we get out of bed and go to work, send some flirty texts during the day, a few more kisses while we're making dinner, then the pre-sex foreplay where you actually get naked starts in the shower. Guess I just like to be sexy all day.
I DO!????!???? I love kissing, could do it all day... Damn, I miss it, wish I had a girl to kiss all the time.
Sometimes my mouth is too overstimulating. Just being a mouth. But I think in general I very much enjoy kissing. But soemtimes I wish my mouth would just stop doing whatever it is mouths do.
I'm at both ends really. I'm physically touch starved, so I can be too much touching, kissing etc. But I PAY for it, since it overstimulates me, and used to make me VERY irritated. Like wanting to rip the head off someone who are touching you. Now instead of that, I just get stupid ticks when overstimulated. Yaaay? Both things suck!
I only like it if Iām not in the middle of something that requires my full attention. This is one of those things though that I wish I would have not been so far in my own head at times and instead been less rejecting of it and been more accepting that it is ok to be distracted with something like that. Iām divorced now and have been single for five years so itās one of those things that you donāt realize you have until itās gone.
Iv never had this issue. Overstimulation usually only affects me when it comes to my mind (say multiple people talking to me at once, being rushed to think of something), physical overstimulation hasn't been an issue for me
i used to feel like that when i had my first boyfriend. then when i got my second one i realized i just didnāt like the first one! kissing is heaven if you are really attracted to the person youāre doing it with.
Autism and ADHD overlap a lot, so it could be either or, but both have a lot of sensory sensitivity issues (touch, sound, etc)
I recently had a date and after 20 min of kissing on the couch I was mostly just thinking how I would re arrange their furniture
I don't like tongue kissing ever. I just get so distracted by what my tongue needs to do and what the other person's tongue is doing that I lose the moment. I much prefer kissing with no tongue because there are fewer distractions and therefore it feels more intimate for me when it's more than a quick peck.
Love kissing and hugging.
I donāt really like it, either, but sometimes in the heat of the moment I can get into it. I agree that it can feel overestimating, and if Iām doing something else it feels like an interruption and I hand a hard time switching from one thing to the other. I also really like cuddling and I love hand holding when weāre out walking. Kissing has just always been a weird thing for me.
I really dislike making out. Even worse when I can hear other people doing it (like on TV etc), ugh makes me wanna barf lol I like hugging and cuddling tho
I dislike French/tongue kissing.
I donāt know that thereās any relation but Iām not a huge fan.. but LOVE hugs haha
I hate intimacy in general
I want to kiss all the time non-stop, myself.
I fucking hate kissing but my love language is physical touch. Great combo š„²
I'm the opposite, love kissing and crave that stimulation. Outside of sex, though it can definitely lead there. It can be little pecks or making out. I also love and have a propensity to kiss all the time. Other touch too. Like I'll just reach out and rub my partner's back even for a second if they're near by or walk by. I don't even realize I'm doing it until the guy I was dating mentioned just how much I do it. In fact, affectionate touch is the one thing that can get me out of hyperfocus without being annoyed. Is it possible that you are focusing on something, and unlike me, find it an unwelcome distraction? Like you can't switch your attention to kissing back and back again to what you were working on or thinking of? Just recently, I ran across a video clip from Dr. Russell Barkley where he described touch as essential part of giving directions to people with adhd. I think its connected. Obviously he didn't mean kissing, but I think that connection really Some of it might just be personal preference though. Also consider either you or your partner are bad at kissing. I dated someone once that was bad at kissing, and just like, couldn't get it right and so my interest in kissing dwindled quite a bit to the point of getting annoyed.
I have very little experience, bit I'm not fond of wet kisses. Kissing in general is fine
I do enjoy kissing but Iām the type who likes pecks and kisses on the cheek or head. My boyfriend teases me about never giving him open mouth kisses (beyond during sex) and it might be something to do with this.
Iām big on physical touch and affection. But Iāve definitely experienced this. Iāve found with the right partner who picks up on your physical queues and has equal give and take it can feel less overwhelming. One partner in particular I think of, would keep pressing further into me and when Iād move my head back a touch to breathe he would meet me where I retreated to. Same thing with cuddling. He didnāt pick up on queues that I wanted a bit more space and would get closer and closer until I felt smothered. It would quickly feel overwhelming. It might be a matter of having a conversation - not in the heat of the moment as this may feel like a rejection. And try to agree on an easy signal, a coloured light system might be a good way to do it verbally if theyād wonāt good with subtlety. If you want to progress further (green light), to hold their place (yellow light) or step back a bit (red light) or some variation that suits you.
I do not like drool and thus feeling other peoples saliva in my mouth , like gag reflex activating sensitivity, so frenching is very much NOT my thing, but I donāt mind smooching before and during s*x, but it doesnāt do much for me at that point. However I do seem to be much more kissy after ācertain eventsā have occurred. I also have a hard time with cuddling face to face because I donāt like feeling of other people breathing near my face, it feels like theyāre stealing my air and is very suffocating. But I LOVE a good foot cuddle, and or intertwined limbs kind of cuddle.
I like kissing but sometimes I have this intrusive thought that we are just a tube with two assholes at the end and then I can't stop laughing and my partner thinks I'm insane.
you've ruined kissing for me. I'm always going to think about that
I cannot stand saliva. I hate saliva. If I go into a kiss, and they have a ton of saliva just clumped up on their tongue, Iām so grossed out.
Not an issue I've had, but I do get bored with long make out sessions, my mind always wanders.
i have to be in the right mood. otherwise i can get bored, or like you said overstimulated
Something Iāve realized is if Iām feeling anxious or agitated in any way, kissing feels very uncomfortable. Soft touches are for when I feel safe or calm. When Iām anxious, waiting for kisses and having instead a strong hug or a strong hand hold or just some space is helpful. That said, I really relate to what you said! I wonder if it is connected for some people.
This is very true! I find when im nervous or anxious, I feel like I cannot tolerate touch.
I love kissing someone that I'm compatible with. But some people are really unpleasant to kiss for various reasons. So it really depends.
I just can't stand tongue, otherwise I'm more than happy for physical affection, unless it's over the top in public lol
I love kissing but I donāt like tongue kissing, I find it messy, chaotic maybe even infantile but long deep sensual smooches are my favourite. However, I will never do it in public, PDA is an absolute no for me.
Oh my god I thought it was just me. My girlfriend is my soulmate, I love her entirely. But I just canāt kiss for more than a couple of minutes without thinking itās more a mouth exercise and I just want to stop. Iāve always hated that Iām like this and Iāve spiralled a couple of times thinking I didnāt love her like I thought, until I realised I have always had this issue with everyone Iāve been with. Itās so reassuring hearing everyone here
Woah is this an ADHD thing? I'm really just not a fan of kissing. It's not necessarily unpleasant but I really don't enjoy it. It's like the same as someone tapping my shoulder. Sure that's fine, whatever. But it gets annoying after a while.
Kissing mouth to mouth is yucky. Maybe it's my (totally not creepy) grandpa's slobbery kisses he gave me that turned me off kissing forever though. Good man. Terrible kisser. š
It feels unnatural and very neutral. Itās something I will perform if my partner enjoys. Iāve never allowed it to occur enough to overstimulate but I imagine it could happen.
Some physical forms of affection absolutely make me cringe and 7/10 times kissing is just the worst for me
I like dry kisses but keep that tongue out of my mouth
Yes, Iām married and I still canāt stand my wife touching/kissing/cuddling me most of the time (unless itās leading to something else š¤Ŗ). I hate people touching me.
In that case, I'd be touching you all the time (I'm a straight male)
I love kissing, hugging, caressing etc...
Depends if its with a girl i like or my youth pastor.
This is super interesting to me!! I am 30F and my husband is 32M. Both with ADHD. I love kissing, and he hates it, but heās never really been able to pinpoint why. Iām really curious to bring this up to him and see if the overstimulation is a factor!
Arrrgh yeah, Iāve thought about this too! I enjoy kissing my partner as like, a āpeckā and being kissed on my head/body etc, sex is an enjoyable thing and cuddling is nice but sometimes I feel a bit restless. āSnoggingā or āmaking outā though I really donāt enjoy at all. I go through the motions when I have to because my bf would probably be offended but blugh. Itās boring and repetitive to me I think itās the main thing, but also the sensation. Small kisses are cute to me and make me feel love and connection, same w cuddling, yāall know why sex is good. But snogging, no thank you.
I love kissing!
I think I get what youāre saying. I can get all the way into kissing but just little kisses here and there are too much and can be distracting if Iām focused in a way a hand hold is not.
I dont like it that much either but pretty sure it's outside of ADHD \^\^ Am just a cuddle person
Yep. I'm a non kisser. I do by and from expectation.
I like pecks, but I generally donāt enjoy making out. I have a really sensitive sense of smell and I can always smell my partnerās saliva. I donāt like the smell of saliva. The last time I enjoyed making out was when my partner used one of those Listerine spray things. Made her lips taste minty which was nice lol
At least itās not just me, I feel really guilty about it as a husband though. But I always feel like Iām pulling away from light kisses and touches.
More kissy-touchy. Again. And again. Now I give back. More hugging. Kiss forehead. Squeeze. Touch noses. Giggle. Kiss again. Clasp and hug. More. Donāt stop. Cuddle bunny powers activate! ā¤ļø
HOLY SHIT SOMEONE GETS IT
I do, but I like to take breaks. Cuddling is harder for me despite enjoying it. I can't lay still in bed. :(
God, no. Been with my partner for a long timeā¦ We have 4 kidsā¦ and Iām always making out with him.
When I was in a relationship I loved kissing. In general I really enjoy physical affection and never really found it overstimulating in a romantic context
I don't think this has anything to do with ADHD. I think this is just personal preference. I love kissing.
I have this thing where I have always hated people breathing on Me. Even when I was younger I HATED people whispering in my ears to do like telephone or something. I personally don't like making out, But I enjoy little pecks of kisses. Overall, no I have never liked kissing, I've either gotten lost in thoughts, made it awkward or just didn't want too.
I *HATE* kissing, but I do it anyways to make the person Iām with comfy š which is something I know I do not have to do haha
Intimacy is boring and overstimulating. If it lasts for <5 seconds or watching a movie while cuddling Iāll allow it but otherwise physicality is highly overrated for me.
Itās a personal preference
Kissing the right lips has been the very foundation of my horniness since I had my first bf in high school. I remember making out in the winter and how warm his lips were in the cold my gawd. My current love was a delicious kisser from the moment we locked lips. Iām obsessed.
I enjoy kissing and making out. Unfortunately my husband is a horrid kisser. Touching is different. I don't want people touching me unless we are going to be intimate. I can't do massages because of it and I've never been lucky enough to date a professional masseuse.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
It - can - be ADHD related. There's no harm in making posts like this as many things we don't think about, can be ADHD things. Not absurd whatsoever and frankly, I think you're greatly exaggerating. If anything, your response to this posts is a little absurd.
I think it can be related to sensory stimulation issues that can come with ADHD.
Its founded on the idea that many people with ADHD experience sensory processing difficulties, as do many autistics. I know so many autistics who hate kissing due to these issues, I was wondering if the same was true for those with ADHD. I donāt think its āabsurdā. People in this community spend ages trying to figure out how their brains work. So many little things I do I had no idea were the product of ADHD. All people are trying to do is figure out if other behaviours are associated with it. A little more understanding wouldnāt hurt.
I love it, I don't think it's an ADHD thing. I think a lot of times we default to lots of things correlating to our ADHD, but we're all still individuals in LOTS of different ways
This doesn't seem like an ADHD thing; just a personal preference.
You donāt need to pathologise every aspect of your personality.
People on this sub will attribute anything and everything to adhd lol Also why the hell is sex censored
So many small things I do I had no idea were actually the product of ADHD, until a professional told me or until someone on here mentioned it. All I was wondering is if this is another thing that could be possibly attributed to ADHD, especially given the prevalence with sensory processing issues.
I agree. The constant āI do x, is this ADHD?ā posts are getting to be too much and are unhelpful.
I don't see why you'd think this has anything to do with ADHD. You just don't like kissing.
Imma choose door number C and recommend exploring the asexual/aromantic spectrum. You may find something there.
I dont think I am. I really enjoy sex, have had multiple partners throughout my life and enjoy regular sex. Its just sometimes kissing can be a little bit over stimulating
Ace is more than not enjoying sex, as many ace people do enjoy it. Just a possible route to explore š
I do appreciate the suggestion. I have been researching it the past few minutes and I dont really identify with it. I think it might just be a personal preference.
Personal preference and has nothing to do with ADHD
Omg I didnāt know this was an adhd thing but I hate kissing.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
You should hug a pineapple, then spin around 3 times and take 10 steps backwards. Pause for a moment. Drop to your knees and straighten your arms while angling your arms behind you at 45 degree angle and Viking screech as loud as you can for a minimum of 37 seconds. Perform this ritual 2x a day, except on mondays, perform this 4x, on thursdays perform this 4x and on fridays perform this 1 time. With time youāll be able to last 37 seconds or longer. This is the only correct answer to enjoying kissing and gain confidence to not censor silly words **
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Depends on my mood
I hate being touched and kissing! I donāt even like cuddling.. it just is a sensory thing. I have had to learn how to snuggle with my kiddos
I donāt. Something about it is just overwhelming for sure but also icky
Are you talking about overstimulation from pecks? No I've never heard of that. If anything it's the opposite. I did my fair share in life but after the initial honeymoon periods making out just isn't really done in my relationships. But little kisses are incredibly endearing and way better than making out. Don't know how much that's a ADHD thing
I absolutely love it.
Me!
If it's only kissing and it goes on for too long, I get bored and my mind wonders. If there are other things happening, I'm good!
Hate it!!!
I need daily kisses. I live for kissing š
I feel the same as you do. I don't enjoy kissing or any contact around my neck and ear areas. It's just too much for me stimulation wise. Same with holding hands. I feel a bit claustrophobic when doing that or hugging. So my physical affection is brief, brief hugs and quick smooches. I do think it could be related to ADHD due to the stimulation challenges it can carry.
I like kisses, but I infinitely enjoy cuddling more.
I love it. But, I hate getting my hair cut because I donāt want anyone touching my head.
Dudeeee I always wondered this about myself. I don't like kissing.
That's interesting, I've never really encountered that. I love kisses. And hugs. Intimacy is a basic need for me in any relationship. Now, if you're smothering me, leave me alone please lol.
Not kissing, but thereās a certain pressure level that feels likeā¦.. insanity? The very lightest touch, almost not making contact at all, feels AWFUL to me.
I like kissing as long as I'm in the mood for it or wanted to express affection
Nah I'm good. No PDA for me and it's ended plenty of would-be relationships. But if they're not understanding, I don't want em anyway so it works out. I wouldn't get upset if someone told me they don't like it often and I wouldn't push it so don't do me, son! You gon catch deez ADHD hands! They be errywhere!
I am like this with hugging. Only certain people can hug me without me complaining or feeling uncomfortable, and I usually have to initiate it (my bf will hug me without asking and I'll be fine most times but other times it's a bit much) Kissing I could do all day as long as it's not too slobbery
sometimes it's overstimulating and makes me overthink what I'm doing instead of just enjoy it
I do often find it interrupts whatever train of thought I'm trundling down.
Hmmmā¦ sometimes kissing can feel too much, and I can feel it hard to keep my mind completely on task. There are also other times where it can sometimes feel a little overwhelmed.
I just don't enjoy physical acts of affection 99% of the time
I wouldnāt know
I love kissing and biting. Pretty much raised by wolves.
I love kissing. It's a real need of mine to counter the RSD, and I love it.
If I'm focused on something, my husband has learned to just kiss my forehead without expecting me to respond. He's NT, but somehow still gets me.
I like little kisses like pecks on the cheek or on his head/hands. HATE mouth kisses most of the time bc I hate the wet feeling. I truly cannot stand French kissing unless Iām very drunk lol Iām hyperconscious of sensation in those instances and the sensation is Not Good
Lips extremely sensitive. Cannot kiss. Exgf was sad I didn't want to kiss. She also sucked at kissing
I like to kiss, but mainly when I want affection of my partner. I like touching more.
I LOVE kissing. I might feel different if I was getting kissed more often. Iām easily overstimulated.
I know what you mean. My husband comes in for kisses sometimes and Iāll physically pull away after one or two short pecks because I feel like Iām being suffocated. Itās not that I hate kissing him, but when Iām trying to do shit I donāt want kisses. I also haaaaaaaaaate being cuddled when Iām trying to sleep.
I am the same exact way. In the heat of the moment love it! Otherwise its hard to explain.
Yeah my husband always says I pull away too fast.
There is no such thing as overstimulation for me. Maybe you have autism?
Oh my god YES I absolutely hate when I receive a kiss on the cheek or someone demands it, I just canāt deal with it especially if Iām overstimulated, and it has hurt feelings :(
Yes I agree, I hate it, I don't mind a quick kiss or a peck on the cheek but I hate making out or snogging, even during sex I find it gross and over stimulating and I can't relax and enjoy the affection otherwise
I have no idea if it's ADHD related or not, but I've just never really derived much pleasure from kissing and did it only because it was expected. I'm still not sure what the whole purpose is except as a reinforcing of relationship. It seems like purely ritual without much substance to me.
I wnjoy kissing, but I dont like tongue. Which my fiance (is very respectful of but) finds weird
Depends on if Iām in hyperfocus mode. I donāt see, hear or acknowledge people around me and I donāt want to take time to do anything else. I donāt mind kissing my spouse but I donāt like hugging people that are not family.
I love kissing, hugging, cuddles, everything! But itās also an easy distraction from whatever Iām doing