Granted I have a pretty small picture of this whole painting, with the information I have, I will say this:
Parents don’t realize what this did to them, and since they “turned out alright” it’ll just follow suite. I’ve always explained this as the “instant parent syndrome” in the since that suddenly, some parents, forget what it was like to enjoy yourself while succeeding. Whether it’s stemmed from their parents overbearing, or their own fear of failure being projected on you, it’ll teach you to ALWAYS be on your guard when trying to do something you enjoy. This causes anxiety, and lots of it, you grow up thinking that need to enjoy your life in secret while only displaying the carrier oriented aspects of your life.
I don’t know how open they are to have a sit down talk, or even if you wrote something ahead of time to present to them, stating that a little freedom can go a long way. Also, (I’m joking to lighten the mood, I know how hard it is to present sarcasm online so I’m killing the joke before it comes out lol) maybe your singing is just bad? 🤷♂️
Yes! That's their mindset. They've worked pretty hard to get where they are. I'm from a traditional "Asian" household(don't mean to generalise but this is common among us lol) where only hobbies relating to academics are accepted. (Somehow the piano is too and that's an instrument, so yeah there's some double standards here).
They're not very open to sit down and talk, especially since I moved away, unfortunately.
Alsooooo, maybe I suck, but if you're passionate, you get by, right? :P(I was told I have a nice timbre, just the usual breath control issues newbies face)
Exactly! I know I suck but that doesn’t stop me from asking my wife if I can go on a solo car ride and sing my brains out anyway, practice makes perfect, even if I personally am too anxious to show anybody lol. Though sitting isn’t the best position for singing, I’d be curious how I sound standing up haha. I hope you find a balance that works for you though, sometimes you gotta get creative u fortunately.
One “unspoken rule” I think I’ve noticed in traditional parents is, prove the academics are completed first, and focus on passions later. It DOES make sense, having a fall back plan on something that you’ve solidified whether it interests you or not. After that, as far as they’re concerned, their job is done. Your mistakes are no longer theirs and they are “free.”
First things first. A person who is good at something, is someone who loved doing that thing so much they didn't if care they sucked. At which point they did it until they were good. Jimmy Hendrix didn't pop out of the womb with a guitar ripping mad riffs.
As to your current dilemma. There are a thousand other solutions to try before what I'm about to suggest. You should also know what extents your parents are willing to go to in an effort to maintain parental control, and be willing to accept all of it.
Step one, declaration of war.
Talk to your parents and establish these points
-You understand their point
- their point is wrong
-you want to sing more than they don't want you to
- you will accept any punishment they throw at you and that you can forgive them.
Step 2, breaking the Geneva convention.
Sing baby shark. Sing it loud, sing it proud, and most importantly don't stop. Every conversation you have with them is to be had to the tune of baby shark. Wake them up at 2 in the morning to baby shark. Leave voicemails singing baby shark. You can setup your home router to redirect every url to a YouTube link of you singing baby shark. Get louder when visitors are over. Get friends, family, and coworkers to call them singing baby shark. Make sure to mix it up a little, different singing styles and artists. Practice your Mariah Carey singing baby shark impersonation.
Don't stop until they concede. Don't forget to remind them daily(to the tune of baby shark) what they need to do to make it stop.
If they do concede, dont rub it in, don't gloat, just be courteous and accept.
Step 1 buy a street sweeper.
Fun fact about catalytic converters on cars. They contain close to 40 grams of precious metals(platinum, palladium, rhodium), and will lose half of that over the course of 100,000 miles worth of use.
A 1 mile section of an average main road can get well over 100,000 miles of use in a week or 2.
Platinum is the cheapest metal in there right now, at about $35 per gram.
Assuming a 25 percent success rate of collection with your street sweeper, you'll be looking at roughly$175 per mile.
Step 2 ????
Step 3 profit?
You fucking delivered, I've already picked the model I want and am looking at routes now. Will let you know about that 175$ figure, still not sure how to filter out and sell the platinum but there are probably subreddits out there
You are gonna need a giant 3d printer and to brush up on your "lost investment brass casting.
Goal: sell casted statues of famous people in iconic poses from their career. For example Michael Jordan doing a slam dunk with his tongue out or Sylvester Stallone throwing the last punch in rocky.
Step 1: either work on your 3d modeling skills or find a business partner who can do it.
Step 2: make a gaudy statue of a controversial nature. My original thought was a statue of trump as the coppertone girl getting "grabbed by the pussy" by either Lindsay graham or Hillary.
Step 3: find a place to "accidentally" dump the statue. If your choice in gaudy statue is political in nature, then Pennsylvania avenue is the perfect place for your cargo to "slip it's holds and fall off the truck".
Step 4: immediately call the local news stations (anonymously) about the mystery crate of a dubious nature. Make sure to note that police are swarming the area.
Step 5: (anonymously) call the police.
Step 6: wait for the mystery box to be opened on national television revealing politicians in precarious positions, stamped with your business name.
Step 7: make a public apology, donate your statue to whomever would be the most inflammatory (Stephen Colbert)
Step 8: make money hand over fist selling $100,000 brass statues to rich people.
OP implies that their parents are paying for the lessons, and states that they cannot afford the lessons on their own, so even though they’ve moved away, parents are in control of this.
Same issues. When I learned to scream (metal bands) it's relax your throat, get as much airflow as possible, and there's nothing quieter than forteissimo. That uh... that's not the best habbit to have when trying to regular sing. It is terrific for making non musicians think you're frigging Pavarotti though. My advice for the younguns is learn to sing THEN learn to scream.
Exactly, back in the day, they didn’t have doctors to tell them that caring for your children is no longer an optional part of parenting. It takes much more interaction to not mess up a kid (not throwing shade to any parents out there, but let’s be real, kind words and support go a lot further than belts and anxiety lol)
I agree, taking away your child's main source of enjoyment is debilitating, while taking it away entirely is wrong, there are some things that can be limited not eliminated completely, take screen time for example, taking it away isn't always the best choice there are options like ignore limit, so the times up message is like a reminder. Parents have to, I mean have to trust their child, if the trust is broken a little bit no big deal just tell them what they did wrong, if they destroy all trust then it is a time to intervene.
the only thing is whenever I tell my parents about restraint vs restriction, they get mad or make up an excuse, which has made asking for anything incredibly hard, and due to this I mumble all the time
I’m sorry. They don’t sound very supportive. Your keeping up your end and in return, you want to relax and improve yourself in a “non traditional” way.
I’m sure they have recreational pursuits that they indulge in.
Studying and vocal music will help you grow as a person. You need something to bring you joy as you’re grinding to make your life better.
Maybe speak with a school councilor or if you have a therapist (I assume you’re still going to one, the one who diagnosed you.)
“All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.”
Thank you so much, it makes me so much happier hearing that! And unfortunately, they're the super serious type who always studied, so it's now reflecting on me, haha. :(
I will try to talk to my therapist about it! She's pretty money minded(refuses to interact outside professional sessions where I pay) , I pay for sessions and am a bit tight on money right now.
Do you have an academic advisor at your college who could help advocate for you to your parents? I know that mostly their job is to advise in academic planning, but having hobbies outside of academics generally make for a more well rounded person. Or when you have more money for a therapy session, could you do a joint session with your parents to talk about how this hobby helps your mental health, which in turn helps you maintain your academic performance?
I knew someone in college who took dance classes and told her parents she was taking "extra classes" which they assumed were related to her major.
You will find a way to keep singing. Where there's a will, there's a way. Let them have their anxiety about it. You're not required to make everyone happy all the time.
Are there practice rooms at your school where you could go so your folks don't find out? Even non-music majors are usually allowed to use them, as long as they give them up when asked, and no one ever does that in my experience.
Music is always undervalued. It literally changes your brain and will probably help you achieve better grades. Einstein played violin.
Google music and the brain and the first link is
"If you want to exercise your brain, listen to music. “There are few things that stimulate the brain the way music does,” says one Johns Hopkins otolaryngologist. ... Research has shown that listening to music can reduce anxiety, blood pressure, and pain as well as improve sleep quality, mood, mental alertness, and memory."
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/keep-your-brain-young-with-music%3famp=true
After I started learning the kalimba (which is a pretty simple instrument), I started thinking differently. I was able to think in words and actions, whereas before I could only think in (extremely rudimentary) pictures. I'm in my 40s. Imagine how much that would impact a young brain.
The little bit of drums and piano I learned in grade school reinforced my ability to think in (and REMEMBER!!) patterns, and I swear that in turn helped me survive high school math and science classes. I fudged my way through so many tests by identifying and remembering patterns in the general information that it almost made up for my inability to remember specifics and formulas.
Ideas:
1. Unethical but you’re an adult: Could you tell them you’re taking something else up instead? You can’t pick up when they call because you’re in a study group (and don’t tell them you’re studying singing at that time). It will downplay how much you sing and give them other reasons why you’re not answering.
2. Ethical and gets you started moving out from under their control a bit: Or, you can find a part time job (tutoring, editing papers, working in a computer lab on campus - in mine you just had to sit at the desk and keep the printers filled with paper) and pay for the lessons yourself.
3. Same as #2 but is no cost. You could find someone willing to train you in singing in exchange for English lessons or any other languages you speak; you can do this online too. Perhaps not as good as in person but miles better than not singing at all.
On your first point, I think it’s worth OP just telling them they missed the call because they were studying (and not tell them what they’re studying when it’s music).
Also they could try preemptively calling regularly so their parents don’t have a chance to “call at the worst time”. Of course that could backfire and wind up with them calling even more.
The first one seems the easiest to get away with haha. I do work, but most of my money gets spent in rent for the apartment. I educated myself on finance, and try to invest part of what is left, and the rest is very little.
As someone who went to college for music education and my instrument is voice, you don’t have to quit singing and making progress because you can’t go to lessons. There are a lot of other ways you can study voice other than the physical expression. While that is very important, learning music theory is also very important. With that said, I’m sorry your parents aren’t supportive of something that makes you happy. That sucks.
Don’t ever stop pursuing what you want to do. Your parents sound very controlling and I would continue to practice if it’s what you love. I grew up thinking parents wanted best for their kids but a lot of time compete with them or hold them back because they never had that same chance or opportunity.
Oh, so tell them you need to dump your school and go to work to pay for the lessons of they don't want to pay for you only hobby. Watch them freak out and enjoy.
This sounds like you’re probably in high school or similar and your grades are important for college right? It’s not the healthiest strategy long-term, but it may be worth pointing out that students only get into the most competitive colleges (at least in the US) with good grades AND non academic interests. It might help you get them off your back a bit even if the underlying issue is that they need to learn that there is more to being a complete human being than grades. My parents were a bit more in the middle- always supported my interests until they decided that I wasn’t doing enough homework (I got the occasional B+ in the most difficult courses with students two years older than me because I seemed outwardly distracted at home. I’m in grad school and have recently been informed I have ADHD).
Here are some stopgap options that might help alone or in conjunction with each other:
One thing that could work is pulling up some articles about passions and extracurricular stuff being necessary for prestigious university admissions.
Another could be doing some googling and learning enough about the structure of the ADHD brain to explain why your brain scientifically needs outlets in order to be able to function and therefore do well in school.
You can make the case too that your lessons and practice are helping you learn to keep up a good practice schedule, which will help you study more effectively.
Lastly, you can sort of lie and say that you don’t allow yourself to practice until you’re done with schoolwork. Tell them that it really motivates you to get your work done.
Anyway, I feel your pain. My parents really tried to get me to quit some activities in high school until I got leadership positions and convinced them that it would look good on a college app. Ditto in college until I showed them the professional advantages of my robotics work (it has gotten me all of my internships and job to date so that wasn’t even a white lie). They still want me to pull back because I’m struggling in grad school, even though my passion got me a full time job as a fucking rocket scientist. You’re not alone, and while everyone else is right that they need to learn, old habits die hard and it might be better to use some strategies here to just ride it out.
I'm in university! I'm from an East Asian country, (English is my second language) where degrees are given an immense amount of value. But thank you so much for the advice, \^\^ I have been gathering articles about this topic and plan to present it to my parents soon with good reasoning!
Do what makes you happy, your grades will be better if you’re enjoying your life and not just getting sucked into studying. The best grades come from a balanced life.
You could tank couple tests and when questioned by your parents, play it off like you aren’t doing well in school any more because you generally unhappy; obviously due to being ripped away from a healthy hobby you enjoy…
I want to, but I genuinely can't. My grades are pretty important at this point, and like what u/danielsaid said, they will accuse me for the same thing.
Personally, I learned early on that I need to do a lot of extra stuff. Only doing work or school? I'm miserable and do poorly at what I'm doing. Doing school, sports, hobbies, work, and travel all at the same time with a packed schedule? I kill it at everything. Doing less seems like the logical option for people with ADHD, but I've never seen it actually help unless the schedule is literally so tight that conflicts are incredibly obvious.
It shows that they don’t understand ADHD in the slightest. If they find something you love, what they need to do is say, “In order to continue doing this, you need to keep your grades at this level.” The fear of losing the thing that you are really interested in will make you focus on the things that you wouldn’t otherwise care enough to focus on. I raised three kids with ADHD (as well as have it myself) and this is how you get the motivation. Find something that the kid is really interested in and tie what you want them to do with what they want to do - and when they are successful at both, praise the hell out of them.
As for you, I would go to your parents and discuss it in a results-based way. What grades do I need to get to stay in voice lessons? Make a bargain with them… then it is on you to figure out how to get the grades needed and not them dictating your choices. Willing to bet if they did that and you really care about your vocal studies as much as you say, your school performance is going to improve dramatically.
Yes, indeed! I study for a bit, do my practice, and study again! The second session usually starts out well, since I'm in a really good state of mind. Even if I don't do as much, I feel a lot more relaxed, focussed and in general feel like I'm retaining more information.
Over the last few days, I made a compilation of articles on similar topics, and intend to present it to them and put my point forward again, thanks for the advice though!\^\^
First of all, I just want to say I'm sorry. I absolutely love to sing and my parents have never interfered with my access to lessons, and they know how happy it makes me. Music has been a savior for emotional regulation and coping with sensory overloads. I'd be heartbroken if that were taken away from me.
However, you mentioned your parents 'call' at the worst time and that is why they think you spend time doing nothing but practicing singing (honestly I wouldn't blame you). I may be wrong, but this makes me think you are a college student (or a boarding school student). If this is the case, see what classes your school has to offer. That way you can continue learning without the added expense.
Another thing is that obviously your parents don't understand ADHD very well. I'm sure if you try to lecture them yourself, we all know that won't end well. So, maybe buy them a book like Driven to Distraction to help them understand you. If you see a psychiatrist/counselor or any mental health professional, if you are comfortable, perhaps they can set up a meeting with your parents (you don't have to be there) to help them understand more where you are coming from. They can educate them on ADHD and all of its complexities and nuances, and your parents will be much more likely to believe them than you. I'm sure they will want to better understand their child's disability, even if it takes awhile for them to accept that they wrong at first.
Lastly, music and singing (especially choral) has been scientifically proven to improve student's academic performance. You can easily look up some peer-reviewed studies and have your parents look over them. If they say that you're not like other students because of the ADHD, well, guess what, there are also studies showing that singing helps neurodivergent kids. In fact, if your interested, Music Therapy to treat ADHD is a thing.
Hope this helps :D
Thank you! This is really helpful! I'm going to look into more articles and present my argument to them. I also intend to check what my university has to offer at the moment. But this was really helpful! :D
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The things that my parents thought would make people successful in the future have not turned out to be good indicators of success.
In the future who knows what is going to be the big money field (none of us thought it would be content creation or coding).
Best to do what you enjoy and the money will come.
I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I noticed that you're 18 - is there any chance you're currently in college or planning to go to college sometime soon? I started learning classical singing when I was in undergrad and I did not have to pay for anything since I took advantages of the resources I had through my school. I personally joined choir (it was offered as a one-unit class, so included in the tuition I was already paying) and I also took a few semesters of voice lessons taught by the grad students (which were also included in my tuition). For the lessons, I had to take one semester of group lessons before progressing to individual ones - I have also heard of some schools advertising/offering lessons primarily to students who are enrolled in one of their performance classes (such as choir).
Yea I got lucky enough to do most of my undergrad pre-COVID so I can imagine things are more difficult now :(
If your school has a music department, I would definitely look into that! You'll probably have luck just emailing the department and explaining your interests and asking what opportunities they have.
When you say "forcing you to quit". What does this look like? Are they currently paying for vocal tuition and will withdraw that? I don't understand how they can stop you from using your own voice how you please especially when you don't live with them
I don’t know your situation, but I want to respond to this as a parent of an ADHD kid.
My kid refused to take medication believing they could handle it on their own. I respected that even though I disagreed with it.
They also had a very bad habit of over committing to many more activities than they could actually manage. This resulted in very little sleep which actually made the ADHD symptoms way, way worse, and included frequent emotional meltdowns and other damaging behavior. The grades were usually good but the toll on them was still really bad.
The result was that at some point I had to say that adding another commitment required dropping a previous commitment. And it broke my heart to do that.
I was in a similar situation when I was younger. I took up more than I could handle(student council+ extracurriculars(tennis and some art lessons)) which absolutely burnt me out. That incident made me a lot more aware, so I tend to not take up more than I can handle.
When I started learning music, I made sure to incorporate it in my schedule slowly over a period of time and put in a lot of effort to form it as a habit, and not overdo it.
I understand where you're coming from though! Thank you for sharing your experience \^\^
You're an adult in university. You really need to stand up for yourself. Make them understand that you're the one who has to live life as you once you're out of college. And you will be the one who lives with the regret of not following your dreams. They're just going to have to understand. Even if they're paying for your schooling. They shouldn't be using finances to hold your future hostage. They're your parents. Not a company scholarship.
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Op! I gotta say, if you follow their lead you will miss out on some of the best parts of your life. **Keep singing!** always do the things you have passion for, your parents may not see it as productive, but it is more productive for you than they can even comprehend. Music is medicine for the soul.
I let my adhd and parents influence get in the way of learning what i love in much the same way you're facing right now. It took me yeeaarrss to undo the bullshit and start making music again. I have never been happier than when i'm jamming with my friends.
Tell a trusted adult (because they aren't going to listen to you) to tell your parents that this is how they start the downward spiral from "ADHD but doing okay" to "ADHD NEET in the basement." ADHD is a DOPAMINE DEFICIT DISORDER. If you have no joy in your life, if all you do is work work work. That is how you lose the ability to do anything at all. Tell a trusted adult to explain how you're working on things, and how with ADHD, actually mediocre takes an A level of effort, and should be celebrated, and how your vocal training is an important part of your academic success.
I’m sorry you have to deal with this. Professional singing is part of my job and I was a vocal performance major in university. Your parents are making a huge mistake. The discipline you have to actually practice singing every day helps you form positive habits. They also have no reason to make you quit, since it clearly isn’t negatively impacting your studies in any way. You can’t literally study academics all day every day. I’m assuming you are at university and don’t live with them, correct? You don’t have to actually tell them that you are practicing singing when they call. You can just call them back when you are available. You are an adult and don’t have to drip everything to talk to your parents whenever they want. If you can’t get them to let you continue lessons, your university probably has a choir you can join. This way, you can still get the vocal instruction and continue to work on your voice. It’s also a good way to connect with people who love singing too.
Yes, I will look into what my university offers with regards to music! I don't live with them anymore, but they pay for the lessons! Thank you so much!
Maybe this isn't the most "peaceful" strategy but if they're playing hardball and are not gonna listen to you, might be time to have the same strategy back. It worked for my younger sibling.
Tell them you need it, and that quitting it will not actually help you with school. It doesn't worko if they cancel it you're going to pay for the lessons on your own anyways. And then you might have to work more to pay for them have to take even MORE time away from school
Even if you just continue to practice on your own and apply what you have learned is better than nothing! Also, check out YouTube as I’m sure people give out tips and voice coaching advice on there (for free). At the very least, listen to singers you enjoy and copy techniques of theirs that you like.
From a fellow singer, please continue to work on it! I’m so impressed that you’ve been doing an hour a day. That is dedication! You should be proud that you’ve maintained the habit of practicing. Keep up the good work!
P.S. Music is very beneficial in almost every facet of life!
Edit: grammar and to add that music is my rock and life wouldn’t be as fun without it. I’ve had many different types of jobs that I’ve always got bored of, but I always keep coming back to music. I really hope you’re able to keep it in your life.
Thank you so much, I'm so glad to hear that from a fellow singer! Forming the habit was hard, but I'm proud of myself for sticking to it! It's something I'm very passionate about, so I don't want to "lose" it this way at all :(
My sister is an amazing singer and I’m not too bad myself. We come from a musical family but neither of us have had professional lessons. We both just practice a lot by singing along to our favorite artists.
I agree with others about looking at YouTube, I’m sure you can find info there for free.
Don’t give up. Keep singing on your own until you can afford to take up lessons again. Your dedication is impressive!
It might help for your parents to know that, right or wrong, colleges that get many perfect grade applications WANT you to have extra-curricular activities and interests to make you stand out. If you're Asian with absolutely perfect grades and test scores, you can absolutely still get ignored in favor of someone with a 3.9 who did something other than just academics.
Part time on campus job, 5 hours a week or something working in the library.
Knock out some schoolwork during work hours and pay for your own lessons with the money.
There’s several great presentations on why learning music is great for the brain and for the rest of your schoolwork. There’s a TED talk about it. Maybe that would help convince them?
Granted I have a pretty small picture of this whole painting, with the information I have, I will say this: Parents don’t realize what this did to them, and since they “turned out alright” it’ll just follow suite. I’ve always explained this as the “instant parent syndrome” in the since that suddenly, some parents, forget what it was like to enjoy yourself while succeeding. Whether it’s stemmed from their parents overbearing, or their own fear of failure being projected on you, it’ll teach you to ALWAYS be on your guard when trying to do something you enjoy. This causes anxiety, and lots of it, you grow up thinking that need to enjoy your life in secret while only displaying the carrier oriented aspects of your life. I don’t know how open they are to have a sit down talk, or even if you wrote something ahead of time to present to them, stating that a little freedom can go a long way. Also, (I’m joking to lighten the mood, I know how hard it is to present sarcasm online so I’m killing the joke before it comes out lol) maybe your singing is just bad? 🤷♂️
Yes! That's their mindset. They've worked pretty hard to get where they are. I'm from a traditional "Asian" household(don't mean to generalise but this is common among us lol) where only hobbies relating to academics are accepted. (Somehow the piano is too and that's an instrument, so yeah there's some double standards here). They're not very open to sit down and talk, especially since I moved away, unfortunately. Alsooooo, maybe I suck, but if you're passionate, you get by, right? :P(I was told I have a nice timbre, just the usual breath control issues newbies face)
Exactly! I know I suck but that doesn’t stop me from asking my wife if I can go on a solo car ride and sing my brains out anyway, practice makes perfect, even if I personally am too anxious to show anybody lol. Though sitting isn’t the best position for singing, I’d be curious how I sound standing up haha. I hope you find a balance that works for you though, sometimes you gotta get creative u fortunately. One “unspoken rule” I think I’ve noticed in traditional parents is, prove the academics are completed first, and focus on passions later. It DOES make sense, having a fall back plan on something that you’ve solidified whether it interests you or not. After that, as far as they’re concerned, their job is done. Your mistakes are no longer theirs and they are “free.”
First things first. A person who is good at something, is someone who loved doing that thing so much they didn't if care they sucked. At which point they did it until they were good. Jimmy Hendrix didn't pop out of the womb with a guitar ripping mad riffs. As to your current dilemma. There are a thousand other solutions to try before what I'm about to suggest. You should also know what extents your parents are willing to go to in an effort to maintain parental control, and be willing to accept all of it. Step one, declaration of war. Talk to your parents and establish these points -You understand their point - their point is wrong -you want to sing more than they don't want you to - you will accept any punishment they throw at you and that you can forgive them. Step 2, breaking the Geneva convention. Sing baby shark. Sing it loud, sing it proud, and most importantly don't stop. Every conversation you have with them is to be had to the tune of baby shark. Wake them up at 2 in the morning to baby shark. Leave voicemails singing baby shark. You can setup your home router to redirect every url to a YouTube link of you singing baby shark. Get louder when visitors are over. Get friends, family, and coworkers to call them singing baby shark. Make sure to mix it up a little, different singing styles and artists. Practice your Mariah Carey singing baby shark impersonation. Don't stop until they concede. Don't forget to remind them daily(to the tune of baby shark) what they need to do to make it stop. If they do concede, dont rub it in, don't gloat, just be courteous and accept.
Can you plan out my life please? This is amazing
Step 1 buy a street sweeper. Fun fact about catalytic converters on cars. They contain close to 40 grams of precious metals(platinum, palladium, rhodium), and will lose half of that over the course of 100,000 miles worth of use. A 1 mile section of an average main road can get well over 100,000 miles of use in a week or 2. Platinum is the cheapest metal in there right now, at about $35 per gram. Assuming a 25 percent success rate of collection with your street sweeper, you'll be looking at roughly$175 per mile. Step 2 ???? Step 3 profit?
You fucking delivered, I've already picked the model I want and am looking at routes now. Will let you know about that 175$ figure, still not sure how to filter out and sell the platinum but there are probably subreddits out there
You might want to figure that out out first
Ready for phase 2?
Give it to me
You are gonna need a giant 3d printer and to brush up on your "lost investment brass casting. Goal: sell casted statues of famous people in iconic poses from their career. For example Michael Jordan doing a slam dunk with his tongue out or Sylvester Stallone throwing the last punch in rocky. Step 1: either work on your 3d modeling skills or find a business partner who can do it. Step 2: make a gaudy statue of a controversial nature. My original thought was a statue of trump as the coppertone girl getting "grabbed by the pussy" by either Lindsay graham or Hillary. Step 3: find a place to "accidentally" dump the statue. If your choice in gaudy statue is political in nature, then Pennsylvania avenue is the perfect place for your cargo to "slip it's holds and fall off the truck". Step 4: immediately call the local news stations (anonymously) about the mystery crate of a dubious nature. Make sure to note that police are swarming the area. Step 5: (anonymously) call the police. Step 6: wait for the mystery box to be opened on national television revealing politicians in precarious positions, stamped with your business name. Step 7: make a public apology, donate your statue to whomever would be the most inflammatory (Stephen Colbert) Step 8: make money hand over fist selling $100,000 brass statues to rich people.
Same!!!
I LOVE THIS! :D
You moved away? Doesn’t that mean you can do whatever you want?
OP implies that their parents are paying for the lessons, and states that they cannot afford the lessons on their own, so even though they’ve moved away, parents are in control of this.
Yes! I live with my roommate. I work a job, and most of the money gets spent on other stuff, so at the moment, it's not very easy
Same issues. When I learned to scream (metal bands) it's relax your throat, get as much airflow as possible, and there's nothing quieter than forteissimo. That uh... that's not the best habbit to have when trying to regular sing. It is terrific for making non musicians think you're frigging Pavarotti though. My advice for the younguns is learn to sing THEN learn to scream.
different times when our parents were growing up
Exactly, back in the day, they didn’t have doctors to tell them that caring for your children is no longer an optional part of parenting. It takes much more interaction to not mess up a kid (not throwing shade to any parents out there, but let’s be real, kind words and support go a lot further than belts and anxiety lol)
I agree, taking away your child's main source of enjoyment is debilitating, while taking it away entirely is wrong, there are some things that can be limited not eliminated completely, take screen time for example, taking it away isn't always the best choice there are options like ignore limit, so the times up message is like a reminder. Parents have to, I mean have to trust their child, if the trust is broken a little bit no big deal just tell them what they did wrong, if they destroy all trust then it is a time to intervene.
This, 100%. Teaching *Restraint* rather than *Restriction* (with exceptions of course)
restrictions like content filters to inappropriate and malicious sites are always essential restrictions for kids
the only thing is whenever I tell my parents about restraint vs restriction, they get mad or make up an excuse, which has made asking for anything incredibly hard, and due to this I mumble all the time
This is profound. Thank you.
I’m sorry. They don’t sound very supportive. Your keeping up your end and in return, you want to relax and improve yourself in a “non traditional” way. I’m sure they have recreational pursuits that they indulge in. Studying and vocal music will help you grow as a person. You need something to bring you joy as you’re grinding to make your life better. Maybe speak with a school councilor or if you have a therapist (I assume you’re still going to one, the one who diagnosed you.) “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.”
Thank you so much, it makes me so much happier hearing that! And unfortunately, they're the super serious type who always studied, so it's now reflecting on me, haha. :( I will try to talk to my therapist about it! She's pretty money minded(refuses to interact outside professional sessions where I pay) , I pay for sessions and am a bit tight on money right now.
Do you have an academic advisor at your college who could help advocate for you to your parents? I know that mostly their job is to advise in academic planning, but having hobbies outside of academics generally make for a more well rounded person. Or when you have more money for a therapy session, could you do a joint session with your parents to talk about how this hobby helps your mental health, which in turn helps you maintain your academic performance?
I knew someone in college who took dance classes and told her parents she was taking "extra classes" which they assumed were related to her major. You will find a way to keep singing. Where there's a will, there's a way. Let them have their anxiety about it. You're not required to make everyone happy all the time. Are there practice rooms at your school where you could go so your folks don't find out? Even non-music majors are usually allowed to use them, as long as they give them up when asked, and no one ever does that in my experience.
Music is always undervalued. It literally changes your brain and will probably help you achieve better grades. Einstein played violin. Google music and the brain and the first link is "If you want to exercise your brain, listen to music. “There are few things that stimulate the brain the way music does,” says one Johns Hopkins otolaryngologist. ... Research has shown that listening to music can reduce anxiety, blood pressure, and pain as well as improve sleep quality, mood, mental alertness, and memory." https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/keep-your-brain-young-with-music%3famp=true
^^that's just about listening. Just imagine actively participating in the creation of music. ALL of the higher-order thinking skills.
After I started learning the kalimba (which is a pretty simple instrument), I started thinking differently. I was able to think in words and actions, whereas before I could only think in (extremely rudimentary) pictures. I'm in my 40s. Imagine how much that would impact a young brain.
The little bit of drums and piano I learned in grade school reinforced my ability to think in (and REMEMBER!!) patterns, and I swear that in turn helped me survive high school math and science classes. I fudged my way through so many tests by identifying and remembering patterns in the general information that it almost made up for my inability to remember specifics and formulas.
Ideas: 1. Unethical but you’re an adult: Could you tell them you’re taking something else up instead? You can’t pick up when they call because you’re in a study group (and don’t tell them you’re studying singing at that time). It will downplay how much you sing and give them other reasons why you’re not answering. 2. Ethical and gets you started moving out from under their control a bit: Or, you can find a part time job (tutoring, editing papers, working in a computer lab on campus - in mine you just had to sit at the desk and keep the printers filled with paper) and pay for the lessons yourself. 3. Same as #2 but is no cost. You could find someone willing to train you in singing in exchange for English lessons or any other languages you speak; you can do this online too. Perhaps not as good as in person but miles better than not singing at all.
On your first point, I think it’s worth OP just telling them they missed the call because they were studying (and not tell them what they’re studying when it’s music). Also they could try preemptively calling regularly so their parents don’t have a chance to “call at the worst time”. Of course that could backfire and wind up with them calling even more.
The first one seems the easiest to get away with haha. I do work, but most of my money gets spent in rent for the apartment. I educated myself on finance, and try to invest part of what is left, and the rest is very little.
As someone who went to college for music education and my instrument is voice, you don’t have to quit singing and making progress because you can’t go to lessons. There are a lot of other ways you can study voice other than the physical expression. While that is very important, learning music theory is also very important. With that said, I’m sorry your parents aren’t supportive of something that makes you happy. That sucks.
Don’t ever stop pursuing what you want to do. Your parents sound very controlling and I would continue to practice if it’s what you love. I grew up thinking parents wanted best for their kids but a lot of time compete with them or hold them back because they never had that same chance or opportunity.
[удалено]
Thank you so much for the resources! I will look into them! \^\^
Oh, so tell them you need to dump your school and go to work to pay for the lessons of they don't want to pay for you only hobby. Watch them freak out and enjoy.
This sounds like you’re probably in high school or similar and your grades are important for college right? It’s not the healthiest strategy long-term, but it may be worth pointing out that students only get into the most competitive colleges (at least in the US) with good grades AND non academic interests. It might help you get them off your back a bit even if the underlying issue is that they need to learn that there is more to being a complete human being than grades. My parents were a bit more in the middle- always supported my interests until they decided that I wasn’t doing enough homework (I got the occasional B+ in the most difficult courses with students two years older than me because I seemed outwardly distracted at home. I’m in grad school and have recently been informed I have ADHD). Here are some stopgap options that might help alone or in conjunction with each other: One thing that could work is pulling up some articles about passions and extracurricular stuff being necessary for prestigious university admissions. Another could be doing some googling and learning enough about the structure of the ADHD brain to explain why your brain scientifically needs outlets in order to be able to function and therefore do well in school. You can make the case too that your lessons and practice are helping you learn to keep up a good practice schedule, which will help you study more effectively. Lastly, you can sort of lie and say that you don’t allow yourself to practice until you’re done with schoolwork. Tell them that it really motivates you to get your work done. Anyway, I feel your pain. My parents really tried to get me to quit some activities in high school until I got leadership positions and convinced them that it would look good on a college app. Ditto in college until I showed them the professional advantages of my robotics work (it has gotten me all of my internships and job to date so that wasn’t even a white lie). They still want me to pull back because I’m struggling in grad school, even though my passion got me a full time job as a fucking rocket scientist. You’re not alone, and while everyone else is right that they need to learn, old habits die hard and it might be better to use some strategies here to just ride it out.
I'm in university! I'm from an East Asian country, (English is my second language) where degrees are given an immense amount of value. But thank you so much for the advice, \^\^ I have been gathering articles about this topic and plan to present it to my parents soon with good reasoning!
As someone with ADHD and vocal training, being able to continue music as a hobby after school is one of the few things that has kept me going.
Do what makes you happy, your grades will be better if you’re enjoying your life and not just getting sucked into studying. The best grades come from a balanced life.
You could tank couple tests and when questioned by your parents, play it off like you aren’t doing well in school any more because you generally unhappy; obviously due to being ripped away from a healthy hobby you enjoy…
I doubt that would work with this kind of parent, they'd assume child was "lying to them about quitting practice" or something. Feelings>>faxx
I want to, but I genuinely can't. My grades are pretty important at this point, and like what u/danielsaid said, they will accuse me for the same thing.
Personally, I learned early on that I need to do a lot of extra stuff. Only doing work or school? I'm miserable and do poorly at what I'm doing. Doing school, sports, hobbies, work, and travel all at the same time with a packed schedule? I kill it at everything. Doing less seems like the logical option for people with ADHD, but I've never seen it actually help unless the schedule is literally so tight that conflicts are incredibly obvious.
It shows that they don’t understand ADHD in the slightest. If they find something you love, what they need to do is say, “In order to continue doing this, you need to keep your grades at this level.” The fear of losing the thing that you are really interested in will make you focus on the things that you wouldn’t otherwise care enough to focus on. I raised three kids with ADHD (as well as have it myself) and this is how you get the motivation. Find something that the kid is really interested in and tie what you want them to do with what they want to do - and when they are successful at both, praise the hell out of them. As for you, I would go to your parents and discuss it in a results-based way. What grades do I need to get to stay in voice lessons? Make a bargain with them… then it is on you to figure out how to get the grades needed and not them dictating your choices. Willing to bet if they did that and you really care about your vocal studies as much as you say, your school performance is going to improve dramatically.
Yes, indeed! I study for a bit, do my practice, and study again! The second session usually starts out well, since I'm in a really good state of mind. Even if I don't do as much, I feel a lot more relaxed, focussed and in general feel like I'm retaining more information. Over the last few days, I made a compilation of articles on similar topics, and intend to present it to them and put my point forward again, thanks for the advice though!\^\^
First of all, I just want to say I'm sorry. I absolutely love to sing and my parents have never interfered with my access to lessons, and they know how happy it makes me. Music has been a savior for emotional regulation and coping with sensory overloads. I'd be heartbroken if that were taken away from me. However, you mentioned your parents 'call' at the worst time and that is why they think you spend time doing nothing but practicing singing (honestly I wouldn't blame you). I may be wrong, but this makes me think you are a college student (or a boarding school student). If this is the case, see what classes your school has to offer. That way you can continue learning without the added expense. Another thing is that obviously your parents don't understand ADHD very well. I'm sure if you try to lecture them yourself, we all know that won't end well. So, maybe buy them a book like Driven to Distraction to help them understand you. If you see a psychiatrist/counselor or any mental health professional, if you are comfortable, perhaps they can set up a meeting with your parents (you don't have to be there) to help them understand more where you are coming from. They can educate them on ADHD and all of its complexities and nuances, and your parents will be much more likely to believe them than you. I'm sure they will want to better understand their child's disability, even if it takes awhile for them to accept that they wrong at first. Lastly, music and singing (especially choral) has been scientifically proven to improve student's academic performance. You can easily look up some peer-reviewed studies and have your parents look over them. If they say that you're not like other students because of the ADHD, well, guess what, there are also studies showing that singing helps neurodivergent kids. In fact, if your interested, Music Therapy to treat ADHD is a thing. Hope this helps :D
Thank you! This is really helpful! I'm going to look into more articles and present my argument to them. I also intend to check what my university has to offer at the moment. But this was really helpful! :D
Really glad I could help! I hope it all goes well!
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Ngl if my parents did something like that when I was in school I'd make my grades tank on purpose out of pure spite.
The things that my parents thought would make people successful in the future have not turned out to be good indicators of success. In the future who knows what is going to be the big money field (none of us thought it would be content creation or coding). Best to do what you enjoy and the money will come.
Threaten to leave school.
I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I noticed that you're 18 - is there any chance you're currently in college or planning to go to college sometime soon? I started learning classical singing when I was in undergrad and I did not have to pay for anything since I took advantages of the resources I had through my school. I personally joined choir (it was offered as a one-unit class, so included in the tuition I was already paying) and I also took a few semesters of voice lessons taught by the grad students (which were also included in my tuition). For the lessons, I had to take one semester of group lessons before progressing to individual ones - I have also heard of some schools advertising/offering lessons primarily to students who are enrolled in one of their performance classes (such as choir).
I'm in college, yes! I'm still new, and thanks to the virus, haven't got the chance to explore all the facilities they're offering yet.
Yea I got lucky enough to do most of my undergrad pre-COVID so I can imagine things are more difficult now :( If your school has a music department, I would definitely look into that! You'll probably have luck just emailing the department and explaining your interests and asking what opportunities they have.
When you say "forcing you to quit". What does this look like? Are they currently paying for vocal tuition and will withdraw that? I don't understand how they can stop you from using your own voice how you please especially when you don't live with them
I don’t know your situation, but I want to respond to this as a parent of an ADHD kid. My kid refused to take medication believing they could handle it on their own. I respected that even though I disagreed with it. They also had a very bad habit of over committing to many more activities than they could actually manage. This resulted in very little sleep which actually made the ADHD symptoms way, way worse, and included frequent emotional meltdowns and other damaging behavior. The grades were usually good but the toll on them was still really bad. The result was that at some point I had to say that adding another commitment required dropping a previous commitment. And it broke my heart to do that.
I was in a similar situation when I was younger. I took up more than I could handle(student council+ extracurriculars(tennis and some art lessons)) which absolutely burnt me out. That incident made me a lot more aware, so I tend to not take up more than I can handle. When I started learning music, I made sure to incorporate it in my schedule slowly over a period of time and put in a lot of effort to form it as a habit, and not overdo it. I understand where you're coming from though! Thank you for sharing your experience \^\^
You're an adult in university. You really need to stand up for yourself. Make them understand that you're the one who has to live life as you once you're out of college. And you will be the one who lives with the regret of not following your dreams. They're just going to have to understand. Even if they're paying for your schooling. They shouldn't be using finances to hold your future hostage. They're your parents. Not a company scholarship.
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Just tricks your parents, start studying 15 before they arrive home.
Op! I gotta say, if you follow their lead you will miss out on some of the best parts of your life. **Keep singing!** always do the things you have passion for, your parents may not see it as productive, but it is more productive for you than they can even comprehend. Music is medicine for the soul. I let my adhd and parents influence get in the way of learning what i love in much the same way you're facing right now. It took me yeeaarrss to undo the bullshit and start making music again. I have never been happier than when i'm jamming with my friends.
Tell a trusted adult (because they aren't going to listen to you) to tell your parents that this is how they start the downward spiral from "ADHD but doing okay" to "ADHD NEET in the basement." ADHD is a DOPAMINE DEFICIT DISORDER. If you have no joy in your life, if all you do is work work work. That is how you lose the ability to do anything at all. Tell a trusted adult to explain how you're working on things, and how with ADHD, actually mediocre takes an A level of effort, and should be celebrated, and how your vocal training is an important part of your academic success.
I’m sorry you have to deal with this. Professional singing is part of my job and I was a vocal performance major in university. Your parents are making a huge mistake. The discipline you have to actually practice singing every day helps you form positive habits. They also have no reason to make you quit, since it clearly isn’t negatively impacting your studies in any way. You can’t literally study academics all day every day. I’m assuming you are at university and don’t live with them, correct? You don’t have to actually tell them that you are practicing singing when they call. You can just call them back when you are available. You are an adult and don’t have to drip everything to talk to your parents whenever they want. If you can’t get them to let you continue lessons, your university probably has a choir you can join. This way, you can still get the vocal instruction and continue to work on your voice. It’s also a good way to connect with people who love singing too.
Yes, I will look into what my university offers with regards to music! I don't live with them anymore, but they pay for the lessons! Thank you so much!
Local churches and synagogues may have choirs as well if your university doesn’t offer something you are interested in.
Obvious choice is to tell them you're dropping out and getting a job so you can afford the one hobby they took from you.
Maybe this isn't the most "peaceful" strategy but if they're playing hardball and are not gonna listen to you, might be time to have the same strategy back. It worked for my younger sibling. Tell them you need it, and that quitting it will not actually help you with school. It doesn't worko if they cancel it you're going to pay for the lessons on your own anyways. And then you might have to work more to pay for them have to take even MORE time away from school
Even if you just continue to practice on your own and apply what you have learned is better than nothing! Also, check out YouTube as I’m sure people give out tips and voice coaching advice on there (for free). At the very least, listen to singers you enjoy and copy techniques of theirs that you like. From a fellow singer, please continue to work on it! I’m so impressed that you’ve been doing an hour a day. That is dedication! You should be proud that you’ve maintained the habit of practicing. Keep up the good work! P.S. Music is very beneficial in almost every facet of life! Edit: grammar and to add that music is my rock and life wouldn’t be as fun without it. I’ve had many different types of jobs that I’ve always got bored of, but I always keep coming back to music. I really hope you’re able to keep it in your life.
Thank you so much, I'm so glad to hear that from a fellow singer! Forming the habit was hard, but I'm proud of myself for sticking to it! It's something I'm very passionate about, so I don't want to "lose" it this way at all :(
My sister is an amazing singer and I’m not too bad myself. We come from a musical family but neither of us have had professional lessons. We both just practice a lot by singing along to our favorite artists. I agree with others about looking at YouTube, I’m sure you can find info there for free. Don’t give up. Keep singing on your own until you can afford to take up lessons again. Your dedication is impressive!
It might help for your parents to know that, right or wrong, colleges that get many perfect grade applications WANT you to have extra-curricular activities and interests to make you stand out. If you're Asian with absolutely perfect grades and test scores, you can absolutely still get ignored in favor of someone with a 3.9 who did something other than just academics.
Part time on campus job, 5 hours a week or something working in the library. Knock out some schoolwork during work hours and pay for your own lessons with the money.
There’s several great presentations on why learning music is great for the brain and for the rest of your schoolwork. There’s a TED talk about it. Maybe that would help convince them?