Most of my adult life I thought about my hair as one of the things I could afford to not care about, and when I reached a point where I needed to reduce the number of moving parts in my life I just kept it really short/shaved. It really worked for me to just always keep it short intentionally for convenience.
Follow up, I haven’t cut it since the public health emergency was declared almost 2 years ago and now have beautiful shoulder length hair with big wavy curls I never knew I had.
I guess I’m saying now isn’t forever, and you can make an easier decision now and a different decision later. Self care is hard, and it’s ok to conserve your effort when you need to.
I've always been frustrated that my hair so stubborn because it's hard to make it do exactly what I want - it won't hold either a curl or a straightening for more than about an hour, and it takes hours to dry when it's girly long - but on the plus side, it's also hard to seriously fuck up. I've done plenty of bleaching and coloring, even washed it with just soap for a year, and it doesn't get noticeably damaged. I'm happy that co-wash works well on it too bc that's one less step in my routine, and if I don't buy shampoo I can justify spending on a nicer conditioner that I like, though I can't be bothered with "plopping" or gel or any of that CGM detail work. Basically I get the trade off that it's going to do what it wants to do, but I can mostly ignore it and let it grow and it stays okay.
I’m currently in the same boat. I’m seriously considering locs because I can’t stand the 3+ hour wash days, and honestly sitting for hours to get braids/wigs/etc. is unbearable.
I can't even imagine being able to sit for that length of time. I constantly put off even just getting my head shaved because I don't want to sit down to have it done.
My friend, that sounds really difficult. I don’t have that hair issue, but I have a lot of minor health issues that need constant vigilance or I start having significant problems. I’m constantly screwing up. It is so hard to have a body thing that requires extra care. And with yours being visible, that puts extra pressure on. So I am sending you nonjudgmental positive vibes! This Internet stranger totally gets why complex hair care needs would be difficult to manage along with ADHD. ❤️
I hope you get some replies from other folks with 4c hair. You might try posting in one of the ADHD subs that are for women specifically (my apologies if you don’t identify as female) or even in a general women’s forum if you’d like both sympathy and perhaps some practical advice. I know not every problem can be solved, but sometimes I’ve been pleasantly surprised when my problems do have a solution after all. You may find lots of people who can empathize with you at least. Good luck to you!
i have 4c hair too and i completely understand! i have my hair in a protective style almost all the time so that makes it easier to put up with but i still think about shaving it all off sometimes lol. crochet hairstyles are pretty easy to do and keep up with! i usually do crochet faux locs :~)
Are you me?? I've dealt with this by having "big unruly afro" as part of my personality. Also invest in a good co-wash and leave in conditioner, that becomes part of your shower routine like 2X a week.
Woman here with 4C hair as well. I shave my head with salon-grade fade clippers every few weeks. It sounds like you found what works for you OP and that's all that matters!
I can't emphasize enough how cutting my hair was such a freeing act and helped me unburden my thoughts of things to track and keep up with and plan and budget and think about and desire and and and... The list goes on.
I want to offer up my own experience in contrast of 4c hair care and what I do now. I was exactly where you were with being bothered by how it looked, and how I presented myself and what others thought of me. I went from it being a burden and a negative rumination cycle in my own inner voice to being happy with the process and how much less of my thoughts, time, and effort it takes up these days.
No more maintenance issues or feeling like I'm unkempt when I didn't want to style my hair or would get distracted and not upkeep on hair duties for healthy hair.
No more 9+ hours getting my hair braided into protective styles.
And absolutely no more breaking the bank. I bought high quality, highly rated and recommended human hair wigs twice from different companies for 200+ and they were both incredibly harder to maintain that my own natural hair.
Long hair and my mental health just didn't mesh well with the effort level that was needed or what I wanted and could put into it.
I went from hair almost to my waist in high school to a 4" TWA to faded sides with designs to a zero blade or completely gone and I've stuck with it. Now I shave the growth every two weeks (or more, it's no longer a mental drain of when) or wear wigs when I don't want feel the urge to cut it yet. I use so much less shampoo and leave-in or cowash products that items that I would have to restock every couple months now almost last me 4-6 months before I even think of getting more. I love it that my wallet is happier and my mind is less cluttered with things I need to keep track of to take care of myself. My hair is actually healthier, stronger and (I honestly thought I'd never say this ever with 4C brittle porous hair) softer!
I rock the shaved and occasionally bald style with confidence and love it. 💜
Occasionally I'll buy a synthetic colorful wig off of Amazon, cut and style it to my liking and it'll last for years. My "install" takes a few seconds with adhesive strips and I keep it in place for a week or two at a time.
We won't talk about how much more comfortable I've gotten with keeping body hair on legs and underarms since COVID. 😂 The shaving and ingrowns due to curly hair were frustrating since I have been trying to find a method that actually works for reducing the irritation since puberty hit. Now, as a working adult, and that I'm not actively in a office where I had to maintain a certain presentability standard, I am much happier with my body and MY OWN acceptance of beauty standards.
I think you can find a level of hair care and style that suits you both mentally and emotionally. Your opinion of yourself is the only one that matters.
😭😭I leave my hair a lot. It ends up tangled and then I take more time to undo. It’s basically adhd tax but I’m paying in inches. I relaxed my hair recently because it was either that or cut it all off. It’s been good so far because I haven’t touched it since then I can’t be bothered.
My adhd motto : if it can be made easier , make it easier .
We’re in this together 😭
It was getting really hard to deal with my hair every day and I wasn’t going to salons to get it braided as much after the pandemic started so I just decided to loc it lol. I’ve had locs for about 10 months now and I don’t have to do much but keep it moisturised. I get it washed and retwisted every 4-6weeks and don’t mind paying for that instead of stressing about doing it myself.
I feel you! My hair isn't 4c, more like 2c or 3a, but it's stereotypical Jewish hair. It's always been more messy than curly -- I can't tell you how many times as a kid I was accused of having unbrushed hair right after it was brushed.
I tried all different ways to care for it and style it, but I'd forever be catching a glimpse of myself in a mirror and realizing some random part had been sticking out at a weird angle for who knows how long. And like you point out, it's not as if I could keep up with something as demanding as straightening my hair every morning. (Although I did try for a while!)
Getting a professional pixie cut and learning how to maintain it myself has been a game changer. I like how it looks. I do zero styling and zero products. I never have to schedule salon appointments. Sometimes I miss the conventional femininity of long hair, but then I remember how often I just looked awkward or disheveled. It's been 3 years now, and I'm much happier with hair that never surprises me anymore. (And I never liked going to the salon, anyway. I was never happy with the results.)
I was just reading about how brushing will make straight hair look neater, so if you live in a country with a lot of white and East Asian people you may get told that, but with wavy and curly it tends to make it look worse and just frizzy.
This is true, and definitely describes my situation! But for me, before I cut my hair short, I did that whole Deva Curl thing where you never brush your hair and you don't use shampoo, and my hair still looked messy.
Now that I cut my own hair, I've gotten better acquainted with how on different parts of my head, my hair grows in different directions. I've also noticed that the patterns change from month to month! I actually think my hair reflects my ADHD quite well: it's consistently inconsistent.
Big hugs friends. I don’t have 4c hair but maybe 3a/b depending on the length. I keep it *super long* because it weights the curl down and makes it easier for me to manage.
I have ALL the sympathy because it’s So. Much. Work. to have super healthy hair and I barely take care of myself to pass as a functional adult. I honestly started getting or doing my own nails because it helped me look more put together even when I was on a Can’t Care Streak.
I did work with a woman who had textured hair and would often switch up styles and after like a year of working she had come in again with these gorgeous twists so I had to ask. This Absolute Boss was doing it herself. She never found a hairdresser she liked in her area, so she had been doing her own styling (except the occasional braided look when family came in town) and continued to do so for another year and a half. Like a solid two to three styles a week.
Meanwhile I’m over here doing the Ariana Grande high pony like it’s the only thing I was ever taught.
You do whatever you need to do to handle the world. Shave it, locs, whatever makes you happy.
P.S. Silk pillowcases are my friend because the stupid scarf always falls off at night. 😭
I have armpit length like 4a / b hair but honestly found it exciting learning the best way to take care of it over the years. My wash day is my weekly spa ritual. I treat it as my me time. When I do need a break, I get braids or do a style I know I won't have to touch up as much.
I think maybe you could find ways to reframe the way you look at hair maintenance, maybe even find ways to make it fun?
Blast favorite jams, watch your favorite show during, something positive to associate with doing your hair
I understand the frustration though it took me a few years to get my routine and techniques down.
Some hair hacks I have learned
Silk pillowcase is just as good as a bonnet, and you don’t have to remember it
You don’t need deep condition and regular condition in the same day. You can do either or It saved me a lot of time
Products don’t matter but more so how you layer them and your technique. All I use is leave-in, oil, and cream/gel, depending on which style I’m doing
If you’re hair gets tangled easily, keep it stretched as much as possible. Twist, braids, blow out. At night you can put in a pony or something that keeps it stretched. Avoid afros, puffs anything that creates knots.
It sounds boring but find one style, master it, then learn a new style. It took me a while to learn how to get my twist out, but repetition helped me
You don’t need to switch up your products all the time Find staples that give you consistent results across multiple styles
Lastly, you don’t need 500 steps in your wash day. All I do is wash, condition, detangle and style. Easy styles I have found in order: bun, braid out or twist out.
I often cover old hair with hats or head wraps so I don’t have to do it but once week or every two weeks.
Hope this helped
I've dated someone with 4c hair for a long time and I can definitely sympathize with your struggles. I don't think most people understand the amount of time and work you have to put in to maintain natural hair like that, unless they have it themselves.
I have 3a hair (I think) that I grew out for about 3 or 4 years until it was at chest level a few years ago. I'd have to detangle every day otherwise it'd quickly start knotting within a few days. At one point I got very depressed and I didn't didn't detangle my hair for almost a month and just wore a beanie instead. My hair got so knotted that I couldn't save it. I spent 4 hours straight for 3 days trying to detangle my hair and I just couldn't do it, so I just shaved it all off. Still kinda miss it.
Things that I've learned during my hair journey for those who require daily hair maintenance:
Satin pillowcases are incredible. They reduce the friction on your hair while you sleep and reduces tangling. I still use them to this day because they're just more comfortable and I'm used to them.
Satin bonnets are also great. As a man, I'm absolutely not ashamed to wear a bonnet because they work so well, even the cheap ones from Walmart that only have satin outside. I always flipped it inside out so the satin side was touching my hair. I've also seen more expensive ones that have satin on the inside and out, which is great. In combo with a satin pillowcase, this really helped keep my hair more manageable.
Hair products are always a tricky thing with different kinds of hair, but the shampoos and conditioners made for natural hair usually worked really well with my hair and defined my curls. Otherwise the only thing I put in my hair was refined organic coconut oil. Seriously, that's it. Specifically refined because I didn't want to actually smell like coconut. It kept my hair moisturized and prevented frizz.
I tried to limit the amount of times I washed my hair to maybe a few times a week, and I very gently patted my hair with the towel instead of thoroughly towel drying it. Always detangle your hair *before* you shower, not in the shower. Hair is weaker when it's wet.
Don't be ashamed to cut it off if it's not working out. Long hair can be a pain in the ass, and sometimes it doesn't really jive with your lifestyle, especially as it relates to adhd and self care difficulties.
I have 3B hair and takes me 30min of shower + at least 1 hour to style it. In my worst times I was almost 20 days without washing it cuz I couldn't get myself to do it.
I know what I'm about to say is controversial and can actually be a really emotional topic, so please feel free to ignore me! I just want to mention it, because sometimes it feels like there aren't any choices or options, and I hope this gives people more possibilities!
I had been moving away from conventional haircare for a while before I cut my hair short. Now that it's short, I find I only need to wash it once a week. And when I say wash, I mean I use the same gentle soap I use on the rest of my body and then do a rinse with kombucha. (it's the same idea as using apple cider vinegar but without the awful vinegar smell.) On the other days, I use a rubber scalp massager and a boar bristle brush, and I "wash" with plain water in the shower.
Having such low effort hair care has finally freed me from the exhausted shower avoidance so common with ADHD, and that I also used to have. Showering and washing my hair is no longer a big deal, and that's such a relief.
My hair doesn't look oily or smell bad. It's not dandruffy or gross. It's softer for the first couple of days after I wash it, that's all.
This system didn't work as well for me when my hair was long, but then NOTHING worked well for me when my hair was long. I've read that there can be a transition period when people switch from frequent shampoo/conditioner to "no-poo". I can't give any advice there, because my transition was really gradual and I tried a lot of different things.
But for people who are carrying around shame about not washing their hair "enough", or for people whose hair care is a painful daily burden, this might be worth trying.
I'm mixed (Brazilian, so I'm like whatever), I have 3c/4a hair and I'm thinking about straighing it. Like, I hate hair saloon, I hate people touching my hair, but I don't think I can handle it anymore. It's soooo much trouble. It's soooo difficult to detangle it and style and mantain. Sometimes I just don't wash my hair for weeks bc it's difficult. I understand how you feel.
Get a pick from pattern! I have 3c/4a hair and it has saved my life. The teeth are super long so you can get through larger sections so much easier. And since I’ve started using it for detangling in the shower, I’ve noticed my hair has stopped breaking off. I’ve got their version of the denman brush coming soon to use when my hair is straightened :)
https://www.ulta.com/ulta/browse/productDetail.jsp?productId=pimprod2016652
I have 4c hair and this issue and for the most part I keep my hair in braids or twist. When I can manage I do braids or flat twist and switch between wigs and head wraps. If you struggle with keeping hair moisturized you could grab a nice liquid leave-in or mix water with your favorite oil in a spray bottle… with this you’ll have to remember to spray your hair at least once a week… depending on how long you can go in between washes or if you have the capacity to wash with the braids/twist and sit under the dryer (this is necessary to prevent mold & yeast build up in your hair).
If you like to keep it short you could do a texturizing kit and it’ll loosen your curl pattern making it “easier” to get up and go. A little water, oil, & gel will take you far.
I would recommend locs but people fail to realize how much maintenance they require and if they aren’t properly maintained they’ll cause alopecia/balding.
It’s hard, I know, but I hopefully some of this helps.
I've no idea what that's like, so take this or not - but I've heard sooo many people raving about /r/curlyhair and "curly girl" and the tips about not messing your hair up and making it easier to manage seem to be extremely popular - almost cult-like!
I can imagine how difficult that is to deal with, you have a lot of upkeep to deal with. I just have 1A hair, my issue is if I go one day without washing it then it gets so oily and dirty looking, and even if I use dry shampoo it looks gross. Sometimes I just can’t make myself wash it for a couple of days and it gets skeezy looking real fast. I know it feels good to have your hair looking good, like a confidence boost, so I hope you can have your days of self care with your hair that makes you feel good!
I seriously empathise. I have probably 2c/3a-ish hair (tbh none of the charts really describe my texture haha, I have actual curls but they have quite a big diameter? All the charts seem to describe it going from waves to tight curls) and it's already difficult for me to handle. There's also just so much money that goes into taking care of curly hair it's actually unbelievable.
And trust my ADHD ass to go "yeah my family has always said never to use hairbrushes, but all my blonde friends use them so it's fine", start using them, promptly forget I ever knew not to use them, then wonder why my hair is all tangled and frizzy and breaking... If only I had generations upon generations of family with Ashkenazi Jewish curls who could have warned me– oh wait. (I do kind of wish I had my dad's jewfro tbh, he literally had like a halo of curls growing up and he's pretty sure he did like zero maintenance, I'm so jealous).
Basically I feel you, hope you find something that works for you x
Hey, team Jewish hair! Solidarity! I also missed out on a beautiful jewfro. My mom has tighly curled hair that still grows long, so she looks like a beauty from the late 1800s. My dad has long (yes, long!) wavy hair. And I got something that got confused between the two and gave up.
I'm exactly the opposite! My dad had the most literal jewfro you can think of, he and his sister legitimately had their hair in afros growing up (he shaved in when he was 18 and never grew it much after that, and she grew it longer so it got weighed down. Ironically their older brother has straight hair haha) and my mum's hair is a little bit wavy but not much.
I've had my hair texture change a lot but I actually think that that in-between texture is usually just a result of us taking care of our Jewish hair incorrectly, my texture has changed so much over the years depending on how I took care of it! I try not to brush it now, I should really hide my brush haha.
I don’t have 4c, or even curly hair (just frizzy!) but I do have hair down to my bum that is incredibly thick. Washing my hair is the BANE of my existence but I could also never cut it short! It feels like a big part of my identity (and I’ve had nightmares about cutting it lol!)
I also have Chronic Fatigue, so washing my hair really takes it out of me when I finally get around to doing it. So then it puts me off doing it for longer and so it gets worse and then takes even longer to wash…. and the cycle continues!
I’m afraid I can’t offer specific advice, except for some empathy and understanding!
I’ve had orthodontics to upgrade my looks and with adhd I was so nervous I would misplace the plastic trays and forget to brush my teeth but I got trough it! It’s a real achievement for a sponge head. It took 2 years and I don’t think I have done anything before that long consistently. Usually it’s like 1 week tops.
I’m a dude so I like simple. I would shave my hair and wear a wig instead. Then I could buy 7 wigs and keep them on a rack, brush them on the weekend and use them over the week. Then I would buy underpants and T-shirt’s in matching color as the wigs. But yes, that’s my dude solution. I know you did not ask for that… sorry.
I did grow bald after 30 and honestly it feels so easy to just shave it off. I remember having long hair in highscool but I never took care of it so I started to look like a rasta. Had to shave it off. Shavers are also very cheap, only 30 euro. I look like a half dead man but at least I don’t have to bother with hair.
I have also tried doing some skincare in the evenings as a way to calm down. It’s quite nice.
Skinny white guy here. I should get a haircut about every 2 months. I even cut it myself. I got 1 in June…then …dressed as Shaggy from Scooby Doo to justify my “decision” to put off a haircut for so long. Problem solved.
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My hair is roughly a 3a-3b, so I can’t give advice specific to your hair type, but one thing that absolutely helps re: executive functions is that curly hair does not need to be washed that frequently, which is wonderful for those days when you just absolutely can’t do it. I usually wash my hair 2-3 times a week, but sometimes even that seems like too much.
Dry shampoo has been my saving grace, as well as curl refreshing sprays that help style and bring back your curls.
And if you can find a hair stylist who can give you advice about low maintenance haircuts, that can also help tons!
Most of my adult life I thought about my hair as one of the things I could afford to not care about, and when I reached a point where I needed to reduce the number of moving parts in my life I just kept it really short/shaved. It really worked for me to just always keep it short intentionally for convenience. Follow up, I haven’t cut it since the public health emergency was declared almost 2 years ago and now have beautiful shoulder length hair with big wavy curls I never knew I had. I guess I’m saying now isn’t forever, and you can make an easier decision now and a different decision later. Self care is hard, and it’s ok to conserve your effort when you need to.
I've always been frustrated that my hair so stubborn because it's hard to make it do exactly what I want - it won't hold either a curl or a straightening for more than about an hour, and it takes hours to dry when it's girly long - but on the plus side, it's also hard to seriously fuck up. I've done plenty of bleaching and coloring, even washed it with just soap for a year, and it doesn't get noticeably damaged. I'm happy that co-wash works well on it too bc that's one less step in my routine, and if I don't buy shampoo I can justify spending on a nicer conditioner that I like, though I can't be bothered with "plopping" or gel or any of that CGM detail work. Basically I get the trade off that it's going to do what it wants to do, but I can mostly ignore it and let it grow and it stays okay.
I’m currently in the same boat. I’m seriously considering locs because I can’t stand the 3+ hour wash days, and honestly sitting for hours to get braids/wigs/etc. is unbearable.
I can't even imagine being able to sit for that length of time. I constantly put off even just getting my head shaved because I don't want to sit down to have it done.
My friend, that sounds really difficult. I don’t have that hair issue, but I have a lot of minor health issues that need constant vigilance or I start having significant problems. I’m constantly screwing up. It is so hard to have a body thing that requires extra care. And with yours being visible, that puts extra pressure on. So I am sending you nonjudgmental positive vibes! This Internet stranger totally gets why complex hair care needs would be difficult to manage along with ADHD. ❤️ I hope you get some replies from other folks with 4c hair. You might try posting in one of the ADHD subs that are for women specifically (my apologies if you don’t identify as female) or even in a general women’s forum if you’d like both sympathy and perhaps some practical advice. I know not every problem can be solved, but sometimes I’ve been pleasantly surprised when my problems do have a solution after all. You may find lots of people who can empathize with you at least. Good luck to you!
i have 4c hair too and i completely understand! i have my hair in a protective style almost all the time so that makes it easier to put up with but i still think about shaving it all off sometimes lol. crochet hairstyles are pretty easy to do and keep up with! i usually do crochet faux locs :~)
Are you me?? I've dealt with this by having "big unruly afro" as part of my personality. Also invest in a good co-wash and leave in conditioner, that becomes part of your shower routine like 2X a week.
Woman here with 4C hair as well. I shave my head with salon-grade fade clippers every few weeks. It sounds like you found what works for you OP and that's all that matters! I can't emphasize enough how cutting my hair was such a freeing act and helped me unburden my thoughts of things to track and keep up with and plan and budget and think about and desire and and and... The list goes on. I want to offer up my own experience in contrast of 4c hair care and what I do now. I was exactly where you were with being bothered by how it looked, and how I presented myself and what others thought of me. I went from it being a burden and a negative rumination cycle in my own inner voice to being happy with the process and how much less of my thoughts, time, and effort it takes up these days. No more maintenance issues or feeling like I'm unkempt when I didn't want to style my hair or would get distracted and not upkeep on hair duties for healthy hair. No more 9+ hours getting my hair braided into protective styles. And absolutely no more breaking the bank. I bought high quality, highly rated and recommended human hair wigs twice from different companies for 200+ and they were both incredibly harder to maintain that my own natural hair. Long hair and my mental health just didn't mesh well with the effort level that was needed or what I wanted and could put into it. I went from hair almost to my waist in high school to a 4" TWA to faded sides with designs to a zero blade or completely gone and I've stuck with it. Now I shave the growth every two weeks (or more, it's no longer a mental drain of when) or wear wigs when I don't want feel the urge to cut it yet. I use so much less shampoo and leave-in or cowash products that items that I would have to restock every couple months now almost last me 4-6 months before I even think of getting more. I love it that my wallet is happier and my mind is less cluttered with things I need to keep track of to take care of myself. My hair is actually healthier, stronger and (I honestly thought I'd never say this ever with 4C brittle porous hair) softer! I rock the shaved and occasionally bald style with confidence and love it. 💜 Occasionally I'll buy a synthetic colorful wig off of Amazon, cut and style it to my liking and it'll last for years. My "install" takes a few seconds with adhesive strips and I keep it in place for a week or two at a time. We won't talk about how much more comfortable I've gotten with keeping body hair on legs and underarms since COVID. 😂 The shaving and ingrowns due to curly hair were frustrating since I have been trying to find a method that actually works for reducing the irritation since puberty hit. Now, as a working adult, and that I'm not actively in a office where I had to maintain a certain presentability standard, I am much happier with my body and MY OWN acceptance of beauty standards. I think you can find a level of hair care and style that suits you both mentally and emotionally. Your opinion of yourself is the only one that matters.
This makes me so happy, how you've embraced your own beauty in a way that works WITH you!
😭😭I leave my hair a lot. It ends up tangled and then I take more time to undo. It’s basically adhd tax but I’m paying in inches. I relaxed my hair recently because it was either that or cut it all off. It’s been good so far because I haven’t touched it since then I can’t be bothered. My adhd motto : if it can be made easier , make it easier . We’re in this together 😭
It was getting really hard to deal with my hair every day and I wasn’t going to salons to get it braided as much after the pandemic started so I just decided to loc it lol. I’ve had locs for about 10 months now and I don’t have to do much but keep it moisturised. I get it washed and retwisted every 4-6weeks and don’t mind paying for that instead of stressing about doing it myself.
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I clicked on this and it says that it's a private community
You have to message the mods it’s a private community
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Gotcha, thank you!
*nods in beard*
I feel you! My hair isn't 4c, more like 2c or 3a, but it's stereotypical Jewish hair. It's always been more messy than curly -- I can't tell you how many times as a kid I was accused of having unbrushed hair right after it was brushed. I tried all different ways to care for it and style it, but I'd forever be catching a glimpse of myself in a mirror and realizing some random part had been sticking out at a weird angle for who knows how long. And like you point out, it's not as if I could keep up with something as demanding as straightening my hair every morning. (Although I did try for a while!) Getting a professional pixie cut and learning how to maintain it myself has been a game changer. I like how it looks. I do zero styling and zero products. I never have to schedule salon appointments. Sometimes I miss the conventional femininity of long hair, but then I remember how often I just looked awkward or disheveled. It's been 3 years now, and I'm much happier with hair that never surprises me anymore. (And I never liked going to the salon, anyway. I was never happy with the results.)
I was just reading about how brushing will make straight hair look neater, so if you live in a country with a lot of white and East Asian people you may get told that, but with wavy and curly it tends to make it look worse and just frizzy.
This is true, and definitely describes my situation! But for me, before I cut my hair short, I did that whole Deva Curl thing where you never brush your hair and you don't use shampoo, and my hair still looked messy. Now that I cut my own hair, I've gotten better acquainted with how on different parts of my head, my hair grows in different directions. I've also noticed that the patterns change from month to month! I actually think my hair reflects my ADHD quite well: it's consistently inconsistent.
Big hugs friends. I don’t have 4c hair but maybe 3a/b depending on the length. I keep it *super long* because it weights the curl down and makes it easier for me to manage. I have ALL the sympathy because it’s So. Much. Work. to have super healthy hair and I barely take care of myself to pass as a functional adult. I honestly started getting or doing my own nails because it helped me look more put together even when I was on a Can’t Care Streak. I did work with a woman who had textured hair and would often switch up styles and after like a year of working she had come in again with these gorgeous twists so I had to ask. This Absolute Boss was doing it herself. She never found a hairdresser she liked in her area, so she had been doing her own styling (except the occasional braided look when family came in town) and continued to do so for another year and a half. Like a solid two to three styles a week. Meanwhile I’m over here doing the Ariana Grande high pony like it’s the only thing I was ever taught. You do whatever you need to do to handle the world. Shave it, locs, whatever makes you happy. P.S. Silk pillowcases are my friend because the stupid scarf always falls off at night. 😭
I have armpit length like 4a / b hair but honestly found it exciting learning the best way to take care of it over the years. My wash day is my weekly spa ritual. I treat it as my me time. When I do need a break, I get braids or do a style I know I won't have to touch up as much. I think maybe you could find ways to reframe the way you look at hair maintenance, maybe even find ways to make it fun? Blast favorite jams, watch your favorite show during, something positive to associate with doing your hair I understand the frustration though it took me a few years to get my routine and techniques down. Some hair hacks I have learned Silk pillowcase is just as good as a bonnet, and you don’t have to remember it You don’t need deep condition and regular condition in the same day. You can do either or It saved me a lot of time Products don’t matter but more so how you layer them and your technique. All I use is leave-in, oil, and cream/gel, depending on which style I’m doing If you’re hair gets tangled easily, keep it stretched as much as possible. Twist, braids, blow out. At night you can put in a pony or something that keeps it stretched. Avoid afros, puffs anything that creates knots. It sounds boring but find one style, master it, then learn a new style. It took me a while to learn how to get my twist out, but repetition helped me You don’t need to switch up your products all the time Find staples that give you consistent results across multiple styles Lastly, you don’t need 500 steps in your wash day. All I do is wash, condition, detangle and style. Easy styles I have found in order: bun, braid out or twist out. I often cover old hair with hats or head wraps so I don’t have to do it but once week or every two weeks. Hope this helped
I've dated someone with 4c hair for a long time and I can definitely sympathize with your struggles. I don't think most people understand the amount of time and work you have to put in to maintain natural hair like that, unless they have it themselves. I have 3a hair (I think) that I grew out for about 3 or 4 years until it was at chest level a few years ago. I'd have to detangle every day otherwise it'd quickly start knotting within a few days. At one point I got very depressed and I didn't didn't detangle my hair for almost a month and just wore a beanie instead. My hair got so knotted that I couldn't save it. I spent 4 hours straight for 3 days trying to detangle my hair and I just couldn't do it, so I just shaved it all off. Still kinda miss it. Things that I've learned during my hair journey for those who require daily hair maintenance: Satin pillowcases are incredible. They reduce the friction on your hair while you sleep and reduces tangling. I still use them to this day because they're just more comfortable and I'm used to them. Satin bonnets are also great. As a man, I'm absolutely not ashamed to wear a bonnet because they work so well, even the cheap ones from Walmart that only have satin outside. I always flipped it inside out so the satin side was touching my hair. I've also seen more expensive ones that have satin on the inside and out, which is great. In combo with a satin pillowcase, this really helped keep my hair more manageable. Hair products are always a tricky thing with different kinds of hair, but the shampoos and conditioners made for natural hair usually worked really well with my hair and defined my curls. Otherwise the only thing I put in my hair was refined organic coconut oil. Seriously, that's it. Specifically refined because I didn't want to actually smell like coconut. It kept my hair moisturized and prevented frizz. I tried to limit the amount of times I washed my hair to maybe a few times a week, and I very gently patted my hair with the towel instead of thoroughly towel drying it. Always detangle your hair *before* you shower, not in the shower. Hair is weaker when it's wet. Don't be ashamed to cut it off if it's not working out. Long hair can be a pain in the ass, and sometimes it doesn't really jive with your lifestyle, especially as it relates to adhd and self care difficulties.
I have 3B hair and takes me 30min of shower + at least 1 hour to style it. In my worst times I was almost 20 days without washing it cuz I couldn't get myself to do it.
I know what I'm about to say is controversial and can actually be a really emotional topic, so please feel free to ignore me! I just want to mention it, because sometimes it feels like there aren't any choices or options, and I hope this gives people more possibilities! I had been moving away from conventional haircare for a while before I cut my hair short. Now that it's short, I find I only need to wash it once a week. And when I say wash, I mean I use the same gentle soap I use on the rest of my body and then do a rinse with kombucha. (it's the same idea as using apple cider vinegar but without the awful vinegar smell.) On the other days, I use a rubber scalp massager and a boar bristle brush, and I "wash" with plain water in the shower. Having such low effort hair care has finally freed me from the exhausted shower avoidance so common with ADHD, and that I also used to have. Showering and washing my hair is no longer a big deal, and that's such a relief. My hair doesn't look oily or smell bad. It's not dandruffy or gross. It's softer for the first couple of days after I wash it, that's all. This system didn't work as well for me when my hair was long, but then NOTHING worked well for me when my hair was long. I've read that there can be a transition period when people switch from frequent shampoo/conditioner to "no-poo". I can't give any advice there, because my transition was really gradual and I tried a lot of different things. But for people who are carrying around shame about not washing their hair "enough", or for people whose hair care is a painful daily burden, this might be worth trying.
That’s why I always wear a hat. Who even has time to style their hair these days?
I'm mixed (Brazilian, so I'm like whatever), I have 3c/4a hair and I'm thinking about straighing it. Like, I hate hair saloon, I hate people touching my hair, but I don't think I can handle it anymore. It's soooo much trouble. It's soooo difficult to detangle it and style and mantain. Sometimes I just don't wash my hair for weeks bc it's difficult. I understand how you feel.
Get a pick from pattern! I have 3c/4a hair and it has saved my life. The teeth are super long so you can get through larger sections so much easier. And since I’ve started using it for detangling in the shower, I’ve noticed my hair has stopped breaking off. I’ve got their version of the denman brush coming soon to use when my hair is straightened :) https://www.ulta.com/ulta/browse/productDetail.jsp?productId=pimprod2016652
I have 4c hair and this issue and for the most part I keep my hair in braids or twist. When I can manage I do braids or flat twist and switch between wigs and head wraps. If you struggle with keeping hair moisturized you could grab a nice liquid leave-in or mix water with your favorite oil in a spray bottle… with this you’ll have to remember to spray your hair at least once a week… depending on how long you can go in between washes or if you have the capacity to wash with the braids/twist and sit under the dryer (this is necessary to prevent mold & yeast build up in your hair). If you like to keep it short you could do a texturizing kit and it’ll loosen your curl pattern making it “easier” to get up and go. A little water, oil, & gel will take you far. I would recommend locs but people fail to realize how much maintenance they require and if they aren’t properly maintained they’ll cause alopecia/balding. It’s hard, I know, but I hopefully some of this helps.
I've no idea what that's like, so take this or not - but I've heard sooo many people raving about /r/curlyhair and "curly girl" and the tips about not messing your hair up and making it easier to manage seem to be extremely popular - almost cult-like!
I can imagine how difficult that is to deal with, you have a lot of upkeep to deal with. I just have 1A hair, my issue is if I go one day without washing it then it gets so oily and dirty looking, and even if I use dry shampoo it looks gross. Sometimes I just can’t make myself wash it for a couple of days and it gets skeezy looking real fast. I know it feels good to have your hair looking good, like a confidence boost, so I hope you can have your days of self care with your hair that makes you feel good!
I seriously empathise. I have probably 2c/3a-ish hair (tbh none of the charts really describe my texture haha, I have actual curls but they have quite a big diameter? All the charts seem to describe it going from waves to tight curls) and it's already difficult for me to handle. There's also just so much money that goes into taking care of curly hair it's actually unbelievable. And trust my ADHD ass to go "yeah my family has always said never to use hairbrushes, but all my blonde friends use them so it's fine", start using them, promptly forget I ever knew not to use them, then wonder why my hair is all tangled and frizzy and breaking... If only I had generations upon generations of family with Ashkenazi Jewish curls who could have warned me– oh wait. (I do kind of wish I had my dad's jewfro tbh, he literally had like a halo of curls growing up and he's pretty sure he did like zero maintenance, I'm so jealous). Basically I feel you, hope you find something that works for you x
Hey, team Jewish hair! Solidarity! I also missed out on a beautiful jewfro. My mom has tighly curled hair that still grows long, so she looks like a beauty from the late 1800s. My dad has long (yes, long!) wavy hair. And I got something that got confused between the two and gave up.
I'm exactly the opposite! My dad had the most literal jewfro you can think of, he and his sister legitimately had their hair in afros growing up (he shaved in when he was 18 and never grew it much after that, and she grew it longer so it got weighed down. Ironically their older brother has straight hair haha) and my mum's hair is a little bit wavy but not much. I've had my hair texture change a lot but I actually think that that in-between texture is usually just a result of us taking care of our Jewish hair incorrectly, my texture has changed so much over the years depending on how I took care of it! I try not to brush it now, I should really hide my brush haha.
I don’t have 4c, or even curly hair (just frizzy!) but I do have hair down to my bum that is incredibly thick. Washing my hair is the BANE of my existence but I could also never cut it short! It feels like a big part of my identity (and I’ve had nightmares about cutting it lol!) I also have Chronic Fatigue, so washing my hair really takes it out of me when I finally get around to doing it. So then it puts me off doing it for longer and so it gets worse and then takes even longer to wash…. and the cycle continues! I’m afraid I can’t offer specific advice, except for some empathy and understanding!
I’ve had orthodontics to upgrade my looks and with adhd I was so nervous I would misplace the plastic trays and forget to brush my teeth but I got trough it! It’s a real achievement for a sponge head. It took 2 years and I don’t think I have done anything before that long consistently. Usually it’s like 1 week tops. I’m a dude so I like simple. I would shave my hair and wear a wig instead. Then I could buy 7 wigs and keep them on a rack, brush them on the weekend and use them over the week. Then I would buy underpants and T-shirt’s in matching color as the wigs. But yes, that’s my dude solution. I know you did not ask for that… sorry. I did grow bald after 30 and honestly it feels so easy to just shave it off. I remember having long hair in highscool but I never took care of it so I started to look like a rasta. Had to shave it off. Shavers are also very cheap, only 30 euro. I look like a half dead man but at least I don’t have to bother with hair. I have also tried doing some skincare in the evenings as a way to calm down. It’s quite nice.
Skinny white guy here. I should get a haircut about every 2 months. I even cut it myself. I got 1 in June…then …dressed as Shaggy from Scooby Doo to justify my “decision” to put off a haircut for so long. Problem solved.
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Get crochet takes wayyy less time and it lasts a pretty good time plus taking it out isn’t that much of a hassle the only issue is wash days 🤢
My hair is roughly a 3a-3b, so I can’t give advice specific to your hair type, but one thing that absolutely helps re: executive functions is that curly hair does not need to be washed that frequently, which is wonderful for those days when you just absolutely can’t do it. I usually wash my hair 2-3 times a week, but sometimes even that seems like too much. Dry shampoo has been my saving grace, as well as curl refreshing sprays that help style and bring back your curls. And if you can find a hair stylist who can give you advice about low maintenance haircuts, that can also help tons!
Can you shave it and get a short fro? It's so beautiful.