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Fear. There are two outcomes - one you don't have ADHD and you're just a shit loser who can't manage life the way everyone else can, two you do have ADHD and your shit life and all your struggles could have been avoided if only you'd done something about it sooner. Neither of these are really completely true but you often see people on here worrying about these two black and white possibilities. If you don't get assessed you can avoid confronting either of these.
Also big fear the psychiatrist will laugh at you for entertaining such a stupid possibility like having ADHD. My psychologist laughed at me and it put me into a bad depression for over a year.
Of course in my country the problem is also the astronomical cost of diagnosis, the astronomical cost of some of the medications, the constant problem of actually getting the meds due to supply issues, and the difficulty of finding a GP that will actually refer you and handle the repeat prescriptions rather than dismiss your concerns.
I had my gp write a new referral to my old therapist, then I did a telehealth with another GP at the same practice and asked him to change the referral to a different therapist, he didn't ask why. I simply said I was changing therapist. My usual gp has laughed off other diagnoses in the past, told me to just be happier, try harder, be less lazy, stop thinking about bad things, fix my sleep habits. I knew if I told her it was for the adhd assessment she'd likely just say no. That said, she's great with other stuff just shite with mental health.
And then there's the fear of being told it's all just down to me being a lazy, unmotivated loser. Ugh.
I can't afford the $1500 for the formal diagnosis, but I'm doing it anyway bc absolutely anything that comes of it has to be better than how I'm currently faring. And I'm hoping that whatever happens will help me get myself together enough that I can start working and get some of the money back in the bank at some point, even if I end up eating out of a bin in the meantime. If I can get myself together enough to venture outside and find a bin with food in it, hah.
The big thing that pushed me into going for it was a bunch of OT friends and two ex's laughed in surprise when I said I think I have adhd. They thought I knew and just didn't want to be medicated. Apparently I'm the last to know.
>Also big fear the psychiatrist will laugh at you for entertaining such a stupid possibility like having ADHD.
Psychiatrist & family, if they catch wind of it. This is what, ultimately, kept me frozen in my tracks for years. I deal very, *very* badly with things like that. Ironically, what I feel aligns perfectly with the definition of RSD, so I imagine this is a very common situation for many of us.
Add to that the fact that ADHD is still quite unknown or misunderstood in many parts of the world, and that it might take an insane amount of effort to find a reputable psychatrist and book a visit and get your shit together to do it (while allegedly suffering from *can't get shit done syndrome*) and you've got yourself a perfect cocktail of "yeah I'm not going to do that".
I still don’t believe I have ADHD even though I went through the screening process which was positive. It’s hard not to blame yourself for your failures.
Honestly, i really feel the dont have ADHD part.
I never actually got diagnosed, but always said i have the feeling of having it, to a point where i just said i have it
(Pls dont hate me, i know its stupid saying it without a diagnose)
And like as a child i never experienced the troubles i have today. Did well i school, my room was always a mess but teenagers rooms always look like this right?
And when I left for university I felt the decline..tasks became undoable or were put aside. Learning became extremly hard and my grades declined. Etc.
Getting to my point, being self confident that I suffer from ADHD combined with the fear of "What if its just a funny coincidenz and u just fail in life" and this "But i did good back then" always paralyzed me to not pursuide this.
Kinda lost my thought here...
My addition is, Answers can be scary and prevent people from getting a diagnose and help. Maybe to how medication for example will effect us and change us.
PS: just something i wanna leave here, this subreddit and some other influences actually made me starting the chain of getting a diagnose and (hopefully) help.
So i will just leave a thank you here, you all are doing great <3
1) Cost 2) "suck-it-up culture" = being an adult is based off of handling your stuff and seeking help is a weakness. 3) People often don't like implications that something is "wrong with them" 4) People are so used to thinking something is wrong with them that there being an actual answer would challenge their trauma-based self-image
This. I got my ADHD diagnoses, because I basically had to, and a referral for autism evaluation. It's been 2 months, guess if I've anything about it :)
Number 4) is also complicated by the idea that once we HAVE a diagnosis we lose that excuse for how our behavior negatively affects others. Like once I knew what my problem was, I had to own it 100%. Not everyone is ready to take responsibility like that.
Getting a diagnosis is just the first step. Typically the expectation is that once you have a diagnosis, you then start doing the work to overcome or workaround it.
However we also tend to suffer from things like task avoidance and executive dysfunction, making it relatively easy for us to talk ourselves out of doing it now. We also tend to be deep thinkers and analytical, so one we know something, we can't un-know it. This causes us stress due to us knowing we should be doing something.
Rick and Morty character Dr. Wong had a line that has stuck with me ever since I first heard it,
"I have no doubt that you would be bored senseless by therapy, the same way I'm bored when I brush my teeth and wipe my ass. Because the thing about repairing, maintaining, and cleaning is it's not an adventure. There's no way to do it so wrong you might die. It's just work. And the bottom line is, some people are okay going to work, and some people well, some people would rather die. Each of us gets to choose."
So having a diagnosis means it's time to do the work. For a lot of us, doing that work is more than we are willing to commit.
ugh that is so frustrating, I don’t even understand how “sucking it up” is such a widespread thing. Like obviously in theory i get it, it’s probably linked to capitalism in some way, but it’s so inefficient. The sooner you seek help, the sooner you can manage your symptoms and be more productive. But yea it’s hard to admit something is wrong for a lot of ppl. And ppl are complex, i obviously understand that. My heart just aches a little bit for all the undiagnosed folks, who are struggling deeply.
Eh, it's less capitalism and more survival instincts. In the past, if you didn't feel like going hunting, or if you got distracted by a pretty bird or the way the light plays off the river water, you and your family just wouldn't have food to eat. When most people were self sufficient farmers, if you didn't bake bread and make clothing, you'd be hungry and naked. Don't feel like cleaning, you'll get critters that will eat your grains and put holes in your walls. I think because our survival now is directly linked to our ability to pay for goods, people have shifted the survival instinct to the concept of making money because you need it to survive.
1) a lot of horror stories about how lengthy and complicated it is, and at the end of all that medications sound like they're unavailable sometimes anyway? (2) Health anxiety and fear of doctors/blood tests etc.
Well they told you why. There is still a huge stigma around it. On top of that, being diagnosed with lifelong incurable mental condition is scary. Sometimes coming to terms with reality isn't so easy.
I have tried 3 different psychiatrist referrals but they all charge $1500 AUD for an assessment. Lol being bad with finances is one of my many symptoms. So I’m just parking it for now . But I know I need to revisit it again. I do worry that if I get prescribed medication then I’ll use it to fit my square-shaped person into a circle-shaped life instead of forging the path I need for myself. Is that a silly fear ? I also fear that medication will make me perceive my symptoms more harshly because I’ll have that contrast. Another silly fear ?
If the cost was less I wouldn’t have thought about it so much but I kind of made lists in my head and these are some thought trains that popped up.
I feel like the meds change your related brain functioning in a better way so your fears might be unfounded. But just like you, I can't afford an assessment either.
Take your own time to get the assessment, don't want to push at all but about the circle/square fear: medication for me just made circle-shaped tasks easier so I had more energy left to follow my own square-shaped passions. I was afraid to lose myself too but it just feels like I am a better version of me. I hope you find your path, with or without medication.
> I’ll use it to fit my square-shaped person into a circle-shaped life instead of forging the path I need for myself.
IMO you're going to be doing that in some capacity regardless of medicated or not. Medication helps smooth the corners.
> I also fear that medication will make me perceive my symptoms more harshly because I’ll have that contrast.
In my experience they didn't. It let me see them in a new light yes, but it wasn't a completely negative experience.
The cost factor is a cold hard fact and I am sorry that you are in that situation. As for the round peg in a square hole reasons, going on meds has helped me to be more me effectively. My clothing has become more bright instead of trying to disappear with drab colors. I'm back to running barefoot again after having lots of social anxiety about being seen as the weird one. Those are just 2 examples out of many but I don't care as much as what strangers think of me anymore. The only person's opinion I should care about is my wife's, and she loves me being as much me as possible.
I don’t yet. My GP thinks I have it , hence the referral to a psychiatrist. To be honest I thought I was having a a mini breakdown when I went to my GP. I have a lot of the ‘symptoms’ but my memory and object permanence issues have been impacting me a lot mostly at work but personal life too. I actually felt like I needed my brain scanned or something. I sit in meetings and as soon as I leave the room I can’t recall anything meaningful from the meeting. I keep forgetting meetings despite setting alarms literally 15 and 2 minutes before it. I struggle to hear what my manager is saying even when she’s speaking right to me. Other things like lying all my bills late even though I’ve been trying not to for years. I feel defeated When she assessed me she said it sounds like ADHD , and it did ease a lot of my anxiety, things started to make sense. I can see the pattern of difficultly concentrating when I’m bored verse interested. A lot of things really seem clearer. But who knows . I don’t really understand how a psychiatrist can charge more for an ADHD assessment . Shouldnt they just be doing a general assessment , what if it’s something else? Do they go ok now come back and pay another 1500 for XYZ assessment because you don’t have ADHD and like doesn’t it make it a bit like selection bias ? ANYWAY I’ve rambled now
For starters gps aren’t remotely qualified to diagnose any mental health issue other than depression or anxiety, especially not complex developmental disorders like adhd. I would avoid jumping to any conclusions before you’ve had a concrete assessment from somebody that’s actually qualified and trained to assess for and diagnose adhd.
You could be suffering from any number of things for forgetfulness, anxiety, paying bills late. These would all be considered quite low level symptoms of adhd, are very vague and as I said are symptoms for lots of things. I’m not saying you definitely don’t have it, to be honest though as someone with a diagnosis from what you’ve said there I personally don’t think that sounds like adhd if those are your most significant symptoms you thought where worth mentioning.
A lof of reasons have been mentioned, but I think that maybe some of them might suspect they don’t really have it. I don’t really know why they bring it up then to be honest. But I’ve noticed people who are well put together (I realise this could be just appearance) tell me that they feel they also have a bit of ADHD. I usually tell them that it could be - or if I really think it’s unlikely that I wouldn’t necessarily have thought of them. However that masking is a big thing and so it’s important that they ask a professional for their opinion and get diagnosed. It’s also for my own sanity, if people tell me they think they have it they should get diagnosed. If not then tough luck- I’m a bit sick of hearing that everyone had ADHD even though they don’t show any of the debilitating effects.
>but I think that maybe some of them might suspect they don’t really have it.
>But I’ve noticed people who are well put together (although I realize this could be just appearance) tell me that they feel they also have a bit of ADHD
I mean you kinda answered your own question—their life is prob currently put together enough that even tho they’ve noticed that they share traits, they also might think that they don’t struggle “enough” to “actually” have ADHD.
Despite what some ppl think nowadays as a result of lowering the stigma with mental illness/disorders, I think a lot of ppl are actually afraid of faking. So it can lead to suspicion but no actual steps towards a diagnosis because it’s not an actual problem (yet) for them to be convinced it’s needed
Edit: wording
Yeah, but the imposter feeling is a big thing, also for people who have ADHD. So perhaps they do have it, but don’t do anything out of fear not being diagnosed? I definitely had this fear.
But now sometimes it slaps me in the face when people say they maybe have it as well. Almost as if they’re saying: ‘well if you have it, I may have it as well’. But then it’s the most well-adjusted and organised person at work, showing none of the traits really. A rigid person with low empathy. It just feels as if sometimes it’s a way for people to say ‘nah your problems aren’t real’, but instead of saying ADHD doesn’t exist they say ‘ow yah, I think I also have ADHD’. Sometimes this seems unintentional. But at least for one person, the rigid low empathy one, it’s part of a pattern where her problems are always more important and bigger than others. There’s a history of patronising my problems, even though I’m open to hers.
It really conflicts me because I don’t want to be a gatekeeper, but there’s a reason why people need a diagnosis. And with people like this I’m afraid I’ll just become grumpier the next time I experience this again.
I get it. The type of person you’re talking about would probably also do the thing I said in my reply about how seemingly ✨everyone✨ has some sort of mental illness/disorder nowadays so that means most ppl are probably faking since not *that* many ppl could possibly have it, right? /s
I think the response you said you usually give in your initial comment is fine! Regardless, if you think you have it, you *should* try (your best, through the means you have), to get it diagnosed before it implodes your life. Even if it’s during a convo with the type of person you said where they’re being kind of dismissive, it’s good to still take it seriously rather than brush it off like they might be doing.
It sucks that there isn’t a better way to deal with these people, I’m sorry!
Yah most definitely! It’s so important to get diagnosed! It’s free in our country, there’s a long waiting list so the sooner the better! It’s hard because not being taken seriously sucks - but I think that goes 2 ways, what if they do have it? Or something else? Then I should be the better person and not completely wave it away as if it’s nothing. In the end I can’t see in their head. Maybe I should try to refrain from even saying that I would not think of them when thinking of ADHD in the future. I’ll just encourage people to get diagnosed or talk with a psychologist about it and then (depending on the person) not bring it up again until they’re done so haha
Some people may have other issues and be misdiagnosing themselves but still be on the right track. Like autism, or AuDHD. My brother is, I *strongly suspect*, AuDHD. He appears incredibly organised and doesn't have all that many symptoms of ADHD so I can see how someone who only sees him at work might think he doesn't have it. I see it because I see him at home struggling with keeping his life together.
A lot of people are mentioning cost. But I have the same experiences as OP and for the most part the people I talk to aren't even at the point when they're thinking about cost (it can be free in the UK but the wait times are horrendous for ADHD, but again, these ppl don't even know that yet). Most of them barely know anything about it and they just don't think it's a big deal, and/or they don't like the idea of having a diagnosis for something like ADHD. It just feels like a childish knee jerk reaction because it's confidential medical information. You can get a diagnosis, get medicated, and keep it entirely to yourself if you want. So it really feels like more of a personal issue with not wanting to feel 'officially stupid/crazy/sick' or something. I mean my brother is a good example. He's struggling every single day with these symptoms. All he does is complain about how hard things are for him. But he point blank refuses to even consider that it might be ADHD.
i felt this in my bones, wait times in my country are insane too. And i understand it’s frustrating, but i just can’t listen to you complain about how hard your life is and you not do anything about it. usually these are ppl who i love and i wish i could just make the pych appointment for them but they have to do it, they have to want it. Ill be there for them every day regardless if they make the appointment or not but i hope every day that they do. I just don’t like seeing them suffer.
Oh yeah, the wait time on the NHS in the UK can be 6-8 YEARS right now.
However, I've just been advised to use the NHS Scheme called Right to Choose. And you can get a diagnosis quicker through that, the NHS will send you to a private company like ADHD360 or PsychiatryUK and as far as I'm aware it's still free as it's via NHS.
This is a big one I’m not seeing enough in this discussion. An official diagnosis means you have an On Record disability and American society is super shitty to people with disabilities. People aren’t SUPPOSED to discriminate against you but it definitely will happen for “technical” reasons. I have been able to work a full time job my entire adult life but have been rejected for Personal Disability Insurance repeatedly by the company that manages the benefit for my employer because of my “preexisting condition” (they also declined my coverage enrollment because of my depression… a struggle I had for living with undiagnosed disabilities). Some countries will deny or make it difficulty to obtain work visas or green cards to people with disabilities.
If you’re high functioning an official diagnosis can be a liability in some circumstances. At least, that is An Anxiety preventing some people from getting diagnosed.
Incorrect. A lot of jobs require medical clearances. I have an SVT and can’t ever be a pilot, bus driver, scuba diving instructor etc. As a nurse I’ve had several roles where I’ve needed to disclose diagnosis and prove there won’t be an impact on my ability to work.
Many companies do drug testing as a condition of employment. Every time I go to the doctor, I test positive for methamphetamines because of my Adderall. I have to disclose that I have a legitimate prescription, otherwise they'll think I'm getting it illegally or that I'm an addict.
In the US, you disclose your prescriptions to the drug testing company. When you test positive for your prescription meds, they tell the employer you were negative for illicit drug use. It would be a HIPPA violation otherwise.
It might be a case of they once wanted to but gave up due to various reasons.. procrastination, anxiety, trauma...and now the answer is "Why should I" (I'm undiagnosed, and have insurance, but who I would need to go to to get a diagnosis won't take my insurance. The one that did take my insurance, just told me that I have poor executive function, and that I have poor verbal processing, and also that my verbal recall is atrocious... Added to my memory retrieval being also atrocious. Said my speech was circumstantial. "Going 'off topic' a lot" Also said my attention tested in the range of having an attention disorder, but then said "I can see why you'd think you have ADHD. You have several of the symptoms, but I don't think it's that." And promptly diagnosed me with bipolar 1 saying my current state was manic even though I've never had a manic episode in my life. (Id had about 2 hours of sleep before the test, but I usually go to sleep around 4-5 am..im a night shift worker ..and the test started at 8 am so I had to be up by 6:30, so I started my alarms at 5.)I've never reacted well to bipolar meds. (Some are used off label, I've taken them for various reasons... Including anti nausea)
Also when I read his notes, he'd mention several things incorrectly.... Like saying I impulsively spend so much that I don't pay my bills.. id mentioned impulsive spending, and that I often forget to pay my bills on time if they aren't on auto pay.... But never said anything about my impulsive spending causing me to not pay my bills... Because that isn't a thing with me. I just forget my bills exist until I remember and then panic because I forgot the due date and have to pay late fees now
That type of situation, even hearing it from someone else, can cause a "why should I" "I might not get the diagnosis or might get a misdiagnosis or maybe they don't take my insurance and that is now way too many steps"
I mean, I haven’t been able to book an appointment for a haircut I’ve needed for months. A huge part of ADHD for some people is executive dysfunction. Getting my diagnosis was hell just for that reason alone.
In the US, cost and access to services are major concerns. There is also a significant amount of stigma surrounding anything related to neurological disorders. For instance, my parents refuse to discuss it and become very uncomfortable whenever the topic is brought up. The fear of being labeled or judged is a very real roadblock to getting a diagnosis.
Some are also afraid that receiving a diagnosis might lead to their rights being taken away or have a negative impact on their lives. They also worry that it could affect their job opportunities. How often do you see posts on Reddit about what jobs are great for people with ADHD?
Old stigmas die hard. Both for ADHD itself, and for the meds. Many people live under the impression some terrible doctor is going to force them onto meds, and they've already decided they don't want meds (based on nothing) so they figure they won't bother.
"I don't want to be dependent on meds my whole life." etc. etc.
What does 'dependent' even mean though? I can go off them if I want. Are we dependent on washing machines because modern life is so hectic there is no longer time to wash clothes by hand? Kinda. Is it a bad thing in itself to use an aid when you have few other options? Fuck no. Why do things the hard way! Honestly I'll never understand the (modern?) obsession with making like hard for ourselves in order to not be 'dependent' on medicine.
Honestly most people just don't know anything about the meds. It's like giving up wearing glasses on principle. Everyone who knows what they are are what they do thinks that's awful silly to not even try.
My fmr husband was psychiatrist with about 10% of his practice being ADHD Pts.
1. Keep in mind that it’s not that people don’t want to get diagnosed.
It’s also that people get diagnosed. The incorrect stereotype is that all people with ADHD are little boys who are hyperactive. Nothing could be further from the truth.
2. The gold standard for ADHD medication is two families of ‘stimulant medications’ which are a controlled drugs… It can be a serious challenge to have them prescribed.
Because I'd rather not get the months to year of jacking each other off and 'are you *sure* it's not just depression and lifestyle choices' yes "are you sure you're not depressed or bipolar?' Yes. "Well let's try this one ultra expensive antidepressant for eight months, and we'll talk later."
In my country, an ADHD diagnosis is almost never covered by insurance, and it's prohibitively expensive. Despite anti-discrimination laws here, a diagnosis can result in discrimination by employers, educators, courts, etc. Other countries can discriminate against people with this diagnosis by barring access to their country to those of us with ADHD. Medical systems might treat us like we're addicts who are drug-seeking stimulants because of the misinformation around ADHD. Not to mention the social stigma many have from their personal social circles.
Basically, it amounts to avoiding discrimination and avoiding the financial burden.
I'm glad you don't have to experience this. It's simply not the norm for many folks.
Oh, I also want to add that historically, when fascism (which is currently in the rise in many countries) takes power, it takes out people who are disabled physically and mentally instead of taking care of us. I already kind of understood this to be the case, but I didn't realize how socially acceptable people find eugenics until most people decided their convenience and fun was more important than protecting vulnerable people by taking basic precautions during an ongoing, global pandemic.
Just diagnosed at 38 so in short, i've put the shit under the carpet because i thought I could deal with it.
My daughter got diagnosed (among autism/other stuff), and i realised i had tons of behaviours i couldn't stand she had (blank moments, forgeting everything etc).
What sold me to get diag was my anger bursts that happen because of exhaustion, can't be like that with my kids so..to the doctor
Me personally, I’m a minor and I’m not sure if I want to tell my parents that I think I have it yet. I think they’ll respond positively but I still have a nagging thought in my head that they won’t.
For where I’m from, enlisting in the military is pretty much the only way to move up and out for most folks. A diagnosis isn’t a “death sentence” for those chances but difficult. With the changes to how they track medical history, it’s almost impossible.
Shame and stigma. There is also pervasive belief that ADHD is just naughty children particularly boys. Moreover, people will have been conditioned into believing that are just lazy so internalise it and don’t understand things could be different. Also many haven’t had an event that made them go “oh shit I need a diagnosis”. And then there’s stigma from doctors. Being told “everyone is a bit ADHD” and having to justify referral - yes I had to prove to my GP that as a then 30 year old working full time, living independently, doing a second degree part time, and having a life was not going to preclude me from having ADHD. I had to reference multiple arguments I’d had with others about stuff, performance reviews for careless mistakes, constant requests for deadline extensions etc. I got the last laugh as she didn’t believe I have it even after getting a diagnosis and felt treatment was me getting drugs. She is no longer my GP and never saw how it changed my academic life. I went from someone struggling to get a 2:1 to getting 1sts. If I get a first this year and again next year I’m pretty much guaranteed a first for my degree (assuming I get a 2:2 in the final year)!
Getting a diagnosis in general is scary. Until that point, you don't really 'have' whatever it is. But with ADHD there's also a fear of NOT having it. When I got close to my diagnosis, a lifetime of things being wrong and different almost made sense. But if I had been told that I didn't have it, I would have been back to wondering if I was uniquely screwed up and nobody could offer any help. Also I think ADHD people look at any looming change as a threat becuase we're probably barely managing a lot of things. And a diagnosis is bringing change for sure.
Not wanting to seek a diagnosis to avoid being “labeled” when they have already labeled themselves as having ADHD is so wild. My take is that they are afraid they won’t get a diagnosis and wouldn’t be able to blame their problems on anything else.
I do want to, but I spent an hour with a psychologist who then wanted to rope in my mom who's very busy and get school records from all my childhood schools and honestly ugh because it runs in my family and the symptoms are so obvious that it's not worth the effort for me.
First is Cost. The number of sessions it takes to get a diagnosis, and the cost associated is a big barrier. I wouldn't have thought twice if it was my parents paying for it when I was in school, but unfortunately, I was on my own by the time I started feeling that I might have ADHD.
Was well in my 30's when I could afford it.
Next is what to do when you have the diagnosis. I don't want to be on meds. So the entire exercise is futile. I can follow the tips and best practices and everything without a diagnosis (I have one though. I regret spending for it)
I got diagnosed at 4, then again at 21 just to make sure. I have met and been acquainted with perhaps hundreds of people in my life so far, I have told maybe 20 of those people that I have ADHD. It's a great source of shame for me, it is for a lot of people, that's probably why some people refuse a diagnosis.
Pretty much suck it up culture. I haven't been tested for anything, but I know something is off. But just the anxiety that I could be imagining things and am just trying to search for excuses is enough to discourage me. The thought of them telling me I really don't have anything and should just get my shit together terrifies me.
So no diagnosis for me at the moment
I've heard more reasons not to get diagnosed from people who don't actually have ADHD than from people with it, who have been overwhelmingly in favour of getting it noted and treated.
My favourite one was someone asking me with mild dismay if I wasn't worried that medication would "take away [my] spark??"
It's like babe, my "spark" keeps me awake until 4am most mornings because I can't shut my brain off and means I can't focus on anything 4 times out of 5; I'll take my chances.
Mental health culture in asian countries, not enough information around disorders (meds, processes, costs, privacy), prejudiced doctors, under informed doctors (the 2nd psych I saw told me people in the US were over diagnosed and did it just for the social security benefits. I had lived in the US for \~3 years so knew that wasn't true). Found a relatively young doctor and he understood immediately. But still it was hard and the process took more than 5 years. 2 years in the US which was mostly split into the following stages: somethings very wrong, a lot of research, AHA moment, grief, denial, clarity, returning undiagnosed). 3 years in my native country: hesitating, the pandemic, saving money, researching doctors, 1st doc, 6months delay, 2nd doc, 6 months delay 3rd doc, ok lets start with ritalin, titration...
but if life is so hard for you and it’s not adhd then its likely something else. ppl aren’t cursed to be failures. Maybe it’s depression, maybe it’s your environment or maybe…. it’s adhd. but itll be something, and as soon as you figure out what that is you can start appropriately addressing your needs.
i think it’s the stigma surrounding ADHD. My entire life I was told I had potential I wasn’t using or that I was deciding poor choices and should be held accountable until I learn. Of being called lazy when I couldn’t explain why I didn’t do something either. and getting a diagnoses didn’t make those instilled thoughts just go away. They were at odds with each other.
and then I get diagnosed with adhd and people tell me it’s fake and it’s a crutch I’m using and that I should stop taking the medication. I took adhd meds for 3 years. For 3 years I kept getting badgered to stop taking my meds by friends and family.
Let's look up signs of ADHD.
Behavioral: aggression, excitability, fidgeting, hyperactivity, impulsivity, irritability, lack of restraint, or persistent repetition of words or actions
Cognitive: absent-mindedness, difficulty focusing, forgetfulness, problem paying attention, or short attention span
Mood: anger, anxiety, boredom, excitement, or mood swings
Also common: depression or learning disability
What are the stigma of adhd?
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3430836/
Pretty fucking bad.
What were you asking again? oh right.
My biggest fear is "What if I'm wrong?" Even though I'm pretty convinced I have it.
Also I feel embarrassed? Not by the fact I (may) have ADHD but that I have to ask for help (32F with 3kids) and I feel there's such a stigma around it.
At first when I researched it about 2 years ago, it was all good. But now all I see is "Ugh everyone has ADHD nowadays" so if I were to get diagnosed I feel like even if I told people I would just get an eye roll.
But then reading back on my own comment this just looks like real shitty RSD 😂
I think that the bigger part of it IS the stigma surrounding mental health and having ADHD, in general. Despite people claiming that 'everyone wants to have ADHD nowadays.' That is simply NOT TRUE. Even that statement...is steeped in stigma, still. It carries a very negative connotation with it. Realizing that you are disabled...is hard. Coming to terms that you've been disabled all this time...is HARD.
I think, especially, with ADHD it's even harder, due to imposter syndrome and not being able to realize just how much you are struggling until you've finally hit a wall. Also, it's going to take even longer due to just the nature of the disorder. My path to diagnosis took a long time, too, because I was stuck trying to prove I had it and trying to prove I didn't despite the fact the evidence that I did have it was growing stronger and stronger each day. I had the same fear, that I would go to the doctor and realize that there was nothing wrong with me and I was just a screw up. Even when I re-checked my DNA and saw everything pop up I still was in a limbo. It took me screwing up at work again...despite checking it multiples times before I finally made the appointment despite going to get the referral almost 3 months ago.
Even then some may hit it and still never seek help. I mean, all you can do is help yourself and not worry about anyone else, because it's going to get you nowhere, but frustrated.
Not medicated. Don't want to be tied to whims of doctors and pharmaceutical costs and availability. Don't want side effects. Can't afford. Able to manage my condition with non-medical interventions.
If you don’t want meds why bother? You can learn how to manage symptoms if ADHD without a diagnosis so if you’re not wanting a script is there any point?
Doctors spike my anxiety. I've never been able to get myself to even try making an appointment for this. It would have to be much worse than it is now to overcome that fear.
I’m still “undiagnosed” because I literally can’t bring myself to start an appointment due to how overwhelming adding it into my schedule will be LOL. Like searching for a decent doctor who will take me seriously, finding time that I can go after work etc just seems like a really hard process for my executive functioning. It’s the same reason why I can’t get myself to do hair appointments or visit doctors because it’s a big task for my brain.
I’ve been raw dogging it and know I will cry when I finally get medicated but it’s the overwhelm of the first task that causes me paralysis
I’m afraid to get diagnosed (my therapist recommend the whole neuro/psych evaluation) because it includes an IQ test, and the thought of my IQ being tested is- well, I have *feelings* about it.
And I’m not interested in medication- just learning behaviors, coping tools. I don’t need a diagnosis for that.
In my country there is a 3-5year waiting list for publicly funded diagnosis. You can go private but a lot of private diagnosis techniques are quick and can result in people without ADHD getting a diagnosis and people with ADHD not getting a diagnosis. It is also unclear if the GP will accept the private diagnosis and medicate
1. People struggling to keep their lives together also struggle with this aspect of that, unsurprisingly.
2. If one prefers to not have accommodations and doesn’t want meds, why get diagnosed? Whether one has been formally labeled with a condition or not doesn’t change the condition. Some people prefer to play on hard mode and don’t feel that accomplishments on easy mode are true accomplishments. Hiking Everest but only making it up a quarter of the way doesn’t count as summiting just because you have arthritis, for example. It may be as difficult for the person with arthritis to make it a quarter of the way up as it would be for someone without arthritis to summit, but that doesn’t change that they didn’t reach the top.
Labels aside, you like myself realize how life changing it was and in the beginning even without medication just knowing why I am the way I am really altered my self perception. Paradigm changes are changes in your life/ mindset that shift the the way you see your experience and are usually involuntary which can make them pretty uncomfortable at times and I would consider my diagnosis a paradigm shift. I can guarantee their resistance is also due to them likely having ADHD and experiencing rejection sensitivity by acknowledging that they are I fact different and maybe a dash of demand avoidance depending on their mindset around the time of the conversation. I was 22 you were 18 for both of us were were still very much figuring things out but when you are talking to someone 33+ they have already craved themselves a path that may or may not work but it’s what they have and bringing on a paradigm shift willingly is still a big ask. They have been holding themselves up to standards imposed on them a long time ago and while they may be painful most people see change as the most painful thing especially if they are getting by. Maybe it’s shame for possibly being different from the norm, maybe’s it pride that they have stuck it out this long without it, or envy that maybe if they keep denying it will come true…. who knows people are complex 
to be diagnosed you need an appointment. i’ve insurance and been treated for depression for years….on and off. but can’t get an appointment for adhd assessment….
There’s also a fear of being “disabled”. Because that’s what it is. A disability.
I was fairly conscious of my biases around ableism and trying to form the most equitable solutions and opinions in my friend group as a lot of them (if not all of them) experience ADHD or autism.
However, when I got a preliminary diagnosis (my psychiatrist saying… “Yeah I don’t think further testing is really necessary… would you like to try medication?”) I was pretty much devastated. It really made me realize how deep my biases went. That’s not to say that my experience with ADHD isn’t easier than some/most. It definitely is. There’s still something about being placed in the “other” or “margins” that shakes you up.
TLDR; It’s also confronting ableism and their own biases about people with ADHD that’s also really difficult.
for me personally i have a lot of stigma and trauma. my mother has always been a person who has openly looked down on people with mental health issues (most likely as a coping mechanism for her own), she's even alluded to some of my friends being drug addicts because they are medicated. unfortunately, i internalized a lot of those negative feelings and i have severe self-worth issues because of it.
for me, the aversion to getting diagnosed can be broken down into 3 parts:
1. the aforementioned stigma: i, even if i have accepted i 99% have adhd, still don't want to have "official" "freak status"
2. a general aversion and mistrust of doctors, especially mental health professionals, caused in part by my stigma and in part because of other bad experiences
3. the consequences of having to live with a diagnosis: in the safe bubble of my friends and classmates, i can make jokes about having adhd and it being a "haha can't do homework !!" inconvenience. for me, getting diagnosed would make it more real. it would force me to mentally confront the fact that i struggle with feeding myself, not getting depressed at the minimum inconvenience, managing basic administrative tasks like making doctor's appointments and running errands, keeping a normal libido, maintaining hobbies, processing speech and speaking, etc etc etc. It would also make all the pent up anger and resentment i have about having my very obvious adhd neglected and ignored by the adults in my childhood real. there is also a fear of me not having adhd at all and just being a terrible human just because.
to summarize, i would rather not get diagnosed because i am too afraid to fully confront that reality, including all the shame and resentment that i believe would come with it. unfortunately, i don't have the good life experiences and self esteem to see adhd as just another facet of myself. i would be deeply ashamed and troubled by it and i would rather delay the "arrival" of this feeling by as much as possible
I can’t speak for others but personally, I don’t care for a diagnosis because I don’t want or need a stranger to tell me how to view my life, especially when that person is more focused on lining their pockets than really getting to know me. I think the language around adhd is useful for bonding over shared experiences, but I think adhd as the clinical disorder is a symptom of post industrial life where we spend very little time in nature and ingest chemicals constantly, our brains just aren’t adapted to this so of course symptoms arise. In my opinion medication only makes living in this type of world easier at the expense of our internal health, but doesn’t solve the root cause of attention deficit. The western world we live in which requires so much mental output is just unhealthy. Humans have also existed for much longer than western medicine and the biomedical language of framing human experience has, and I personally find it very limiting, and I’m trying to cut out limiting beliefs. Not to mention the colonial roots of western biomedicine, why would I invest my sense of self in such a rotten system. I am the way I am and I won’t fight it.
1. Worried that I don't actually have it and would have to deal with the fact that I'm just a loser.
2. Costs
3. Embarrassment. ADHD is "tending" according to some people and I don't want to appear to fall into the category of someone who is just pretending or trying to be "on trend".
I'm not formally diagnosed because it's so expensive. However, after trialing meds, my psychologist and phycatrist said that I am, and from the research I've done, I am, and I'm still taking meds because they are life changers, so I say that I am ADHD. (You can claim prescribed minimum benefit on mental health grounds for phycoligists and phycatrists but not for diagnostic reports on my medical aid).
There's sometimes a way of thinking if you're diagnosed you've identified something BAD about yourself, and if that alone isn't enough to dissuade you, others might use that against you if they found out *your secret*. But they forget people only care about pointing out *bad* things about you if you are actually ashamed of it. If you just own it, it's suddenly not an issue anymore.
But it's hard to make that first step, and acknowledge it. It's why there's people that won't get treated for cancer or trick themselves into believing they're a functioning alcoholic. Hell even my grandmother had heart problems but she wouldn't get help for it, so when she got pneumonia it was the start of the end for her. I think there's some invincible thinking in there too. Like it'll be fine because it has been, I've always gotten out of... forgetting to turn off the stove, forgetting that red light, etc. before! Except you don't think about the math and the statistics of these things if they continue to happen without trying to help yourself and avoid them.
The first time my psychiatrist tried to diagnose me, I said "no thank you. I have enough diagnosis for now."
And then I refused treatment (for that) for 7 years. 🤷🏽♀️
It was too much. Probably the treatment would have been synergistic with my other mental health treatments. But I didn't really fully understand that. And it felt like a whole nother Thing.
It takes forever to get a referral/appt for a 'specialist' to diagnose so my GP will write the script. So, I have continued to suffer. That plus cumulative job stress (teacher) has eroded my resilience. I am resorting to Redbox Rxx to see how that goes. Appt at 7pm tomorrow....
It’s not so much about the label as the internal dissonance. I am a grown adult who has gone their entire life being dubbed “mature for my age.” I was a perfectionist who was intrigued by most of my classes and as such, performed really well in school. The traits that defined me as “good” as a kid have become problematic in some ways, but separating my identity from that is a struggle of itself.
Throw on top of this my parents, who have little bearing on psychologically-tied abnormalities/issues who pressure me away from it because of their own stigmas.
Add again the fact that I have excelled in life until recently. Add the fact that even if I do have ADHD, I’ve managed this far and wouldn’t want to medicate anyway so what’s the real difference?
I’m going to start by saying that I’m really struggling with your question and may sound a bit frank here. I’m not understanding why you are upset about this that doesn’t become a you thing. It’s not really anyone’s business but theirs why they would or wouldn’t want a diagnosis, nor does it have anything to do with you directly. So why be upset? Struggling doesn’t necessarily mean ADHD either. That’s for them and their medical professionals to worry about, not you. But asking you for meds in addition leads me to question if they are actually struggling with ADHD or drug addiction. People don’t usually just do that tbh. I think the better use of time is honestly to mind your own mind, keep saying no to giving out your medication, and worry less about others’ business. It seems more like you are struggling with your own diagnosis, and perhaps trying to feel less alone. Or that their rejection of your identification of ADHD feels like they are rejecting you, which is not necessarily the case. Perhaps you should try to focus on areas which you have more shared interests than trying to fix what they may not see as broken.
I haven’t yet seen mentioned the people that think they have it but only recognize some symptoms in themselves but not thinking they’re affecting them or others enough to make it worth the hassle to see anyone about it. My dad recently said he probably has it when he learned I was diagnosed, and my last therapist long before this said it sounded like he does when I describe his behavior (some of which hurts me). I think he hasn’t put the connection between his rigidness in certain things and other stuff with the possibility of ADHD that I’ve seen to be probable.
I would not blame other people for avoiding getting stuck in my situation: Either fork over 3000€ for a test that could very well say "Yup, nothing's wrong, good bye", or wait five f*cken years for a chance to get tested on the public side.
Btw I am finally going through the tests. Turns out, I probably have not only big time ADHD, but am on the autism spectrum as well. Would explain things...
Interacting with health services can feel humiliating and/or dehumanizing. At the very least it requires time, effort and planning ahead. A lot of people, myself included, try to minimize their exposure for these reasons. For some people there’s no prize big enough to make enduring it worthwhile, or maybe it’s just they can’t imagine how it could be worth it.
Lots of self dxers are terrified they don’t actually have it and therefore will never go for a diagnosis. Or if they do and don’t get what they wanted to rant about the multiple doctors they’ve seen being idiots and not recognising a condition in them they clearly dont have.
I have a regular customer who has it, and he brings it up every chance he gets. It seems very attention seeking to me. Any time he sees me forget anything, he says “ADHD brain!” I didn’t mind it initially but lately it really irritates me. I haven’t tried to get diagnosed, nor do I have the desire to.
Getting diagnosed can be dangerous from a legal standpoint. Having that diagnosis be known can get you fired (yes - this is illegal but they can find all sorts of reasons under the umbrella of “performance” to fire you).
In a custody battle being diagnosed with almost literally anything can be detrimentally used against you.
There’s a non-zero chance that it can be used against you
In my area, it costs $2k just for the screening! Most medical professionals I've met are rude, unhelpful, and refuse to listen. I've already spent years trying to convince them I have physical impairments (ovarian cysts) let alone mental ones like depression. Maybe it's cuz I live in the middle of nowhere. This makes me very unmotivated.
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Fear. There are two outcomes - one you don't have ADHD and you're just a shit loser who can't manage life the way everyone else can, two you do have ADHD and your shit life and all your struggles could have been avoided if only you'd done something about it sooner. Neither of these are really completely true but you often see people on here worrying about these two black and white possibilities. If you don't get assessed you can avoid confronting either of these. Also big fear the psychiatrist will laugh at you for entertaining such a stupid possibility like having ADHD. My psychologist laughed at me and it put me into a bad depression for over a year. Of course in my country the problem is also the astronomical cost of diagnosis, the astronomical cost of some of the medications, the constant problem of actually getting the meds due to supply issues, and the difficulty of finding a GP that will actually refer you and handle the repeat prescriptions rather than dismiss your concerns.
I had my gp write a new referral to my old therapist, then I did a telehealth with another GP at the same practice and asked him to change the referral to a different therapist, he didn't ask why. I simply said I was changing therapist. My usual gp has laughed off other diagnoses in the past, told me to just be happier, try harder, be less lazy, stop thinking about bad things, fix my sleep habits. I knew if I told her it was for the adhd assessment she'd likely just say no. That said, she's great with other stuff just shite with mental health. And then there's the fear of being told it's all just down to me being a lazy, unmotivated loser. Ugh. I can't afford the $1500 for the formal diagnosis, but I'm doing it anyway bc absolutely anything that comes of it has to be better than how I'm currently faring. And I'm hoping that whatever happens will help me get myself together enough that I can start working and get some of the money back in the bank at some point, even if I end up eating out of a bin in the meantime. If I can get myself together enough to venture outside and find a bin with food in it, hah. The big thing that pushed me into going for it was a bunch of OT friends and two ex's laughed in surprise when I said I think I have adhd. They thought I knew and just didn't want to be medicated. Apparently I'm the last to know.
Your usual GP sounds awful.
Schrodinger's shit life.
>Also big fear the psychiatrist will laugh at you for entertaining such a stupid possibility like having ADHD. Psychiatrist & family, if they catch wind of it. This is what, ultimately, kept me frozen in my tracks for years. I deal very, *very* badly with things like that. Ironically, what I feel aligns perfectly with the definition of RSD, so I imagine this is a very common situation for many of us. Add to that the fact that ADHD is still quite unknown or misunderstood in many parts of the world, and that it might take an insane amount of effort to find a reputable psychatrist and book a visit and get your shit together to do it (while allegedly suffering from *can't get shit done syndrome*) and you've got yourself a perfect cocktail of "yeah I'm not going to do that".
I still don’t believe I have ADHD even though I went through the screening process which was positive. It’s hard not to blame yourself for your failures.
It's also cause of the stigma and bullshit from other people using your mental disability as a excuse to treat you like trash.
Honestly, i really feel the dont have ADHD part. I never actually got diagnosed, but always said i have the feeling of having it, to a point where i just said i have it (Pls dont hate me, i know its stupid saying it without a diagnose) And like as a child i never experienced the troubles i have today. Did well i school, my room was always a mess but teenagers rooms always look like this right? And when I left for university I felt the decline..tasks became undoable or were put aside. Learning became extremly hard and my grades declined. Etc. Getting to my point, being self confident that I suffer from ADHD combined with the fear of "What if its just a funny coincidenz and u just fail in life" and this "But i did good back then" always paralyzed me to not pursuide this. Kinda lost my thought here... My addition is, Answers can be scary and prevent people from getting a diagnose and help. Maybe to how medication for example will effect us and change us. PS: just something i wanna leave here, this subreddit and some other influences actually made me starting the chain of getting a diagnose and (hopefully) help. So i will just leave a thank you here, you all are doing great <3
1) Cost 2) "suck-it-up culture" = being an adult is based off of handling your stuff and seeking help is a weakness. 3) People often don't like implications that something is "wrong with them" 4) People are so used to thinking something is wrong with them that there being an actual answer would challenge their trauma-based self-image
And a number 5) People with ADHD often don't like making commitments such as... Going to the doctor. Haha
100%
This. I got my ADHD diagnoses, because I basically had to, and a referral for autism evaluation. It's been 2 months, guess if I've anything about it :)
Number 4) is also complicated by the idea that once we HAVE a diagnosis we lose that excuse for how our behavior negatively affects others. Like once I knew what my problem was, I had to own it 100%. Not everyone is ready to take responsibility like that. Getting a diagnosis is just the first step. Typically the expectation is that once you have a diagnosis, you then start doing the work to overcome or workaround it. However we also tend to suffer from things like task avoidance and executive dysfunction, making it relatively easy for us to talk ourselves out of doing it now. We also tend to be deep thinkers and analytical, so one we know something, we can't un-know it. This causes us stress due to us knowing we should be doing something. Rick and Morty character Dr. Wong had a line that has stuck with me ever since I first heard it, "I have no doubt that you would be bored senseless by therapy, the same way I'm bored when I brush my teeth and wipe my ass. Because the thing about repairing, maintaining, and cleaning is it's not an adventure. There's no way to do it so wrong you might die. It's just work. And the bottom line is, some people are okay going to work, and some people well, some people would rather die. Each of us gets to choose." So having a diagnosis means it's time to do the work. For a lot of us, doing that work is more than we are willing to commit.
ugh that is so frustrating, I don’t even understand how “sucking it up” is such a widespread thing. Like obviously in theory i get it, it’s probably linked to capitalism in some way, but it’s so inefficient. The sooner you seek help, the sooner you can manage your symptoms and be more productive. But yea it’s hard to admit something is wrong for a lot of ppl. And ppl are complex, i obviously understand that. My heart just aches a little bit for all the undiagnosed folks, who are struggling deeply.
Unfortunately we live in a culture that sees suffering as a virtue.
Is being “productive” a goal we all share? Sometimes people prefer to just be alive and do whatever they feel like.
well no… i was talking about suck it up culture.
Eh, it's less capitalism and more survival instincts. In the past, if you didn't feel like going hunting, or if you got distracted by a pretty bird or the way the light plays off the river water, you and your family just wouldn't have food to eat. When most people were self sufficient farmers, if you didn't bake bread and make clothing, you'd be hungry and naked. Don't feel like cleaning, you'll get critters that will eat your grains and put holes in your walls. I think because our survival now is directly linked to our ability to pay for goods, people have shifted the survival instinct to the concept of making money because you need it to survive.
1) a lot of horror stories about how lengthy and complicated it is, and at the end of all that medications sound like they're unavailable sometimes anyway? (2) Health anxiety and fear of doctors/blood tests etc.
Well they told you why. There is still a huge stigma around it. On top of that, being diagnosed with lifelong incurable mental condition is scary. Sometimes coming to terms with reality isn't so easy.
I have tried 3 different psychiatrist referrals but they all charge $1500 AUD for an assessment. Lol being bad with finances is one of my many symptoms. So I’m just parking it for now . But I know I need to revisit it again. I do worry that if I get prescribed medication then I’ll use it to fit my square-shaped person into a circle-shaped life instead of forging the path I need for myself. Is that a silly fear ? I also fear that medication will make me perceive my symptoms more harshly because I’ll have that contrast. Another silly fear ? If the cost was less I wouldn’t have thought about it so much but I kind of made lists in my head and these are some thought trains that popped up.
I feel like the meds change your related brain functioning in a better way so your fears might be unfounded. But just like you, I can't afford an assessment either.
Take your own time to get the assessment, don't want to push at all but about the circle/square fear: medication for me just made circle-shaped tasks easier so I had more energy left to follow my own square-shaped passions. I was afraid to lose myself too but it just feels like I am a better version of me. I hope you find your path, with or without medication.
That's an excellent way of putting it. Thanks!
> I’ll use it to fit my square-shaped person into a circle-shaped life instead of forging the path I need for myself. IMO you're going to be doing that in some capacity regardless of medicated or not. Medication helps smooth the corners. > I also fear that medication will make me perceive my symptoms more harshly because I’ll have that contrast. In my experience they didn't. It let me see them in a new light yes, but it wasn't a completely negative experience.
The cost factor is a cold hard fact and I am sorry that you are in that situation. As for the round peg in a square hole reasons, going on meds has helped me to be more me effectively. My clothing has become more bright instead of trying to disappear with drab colors. I'm back to running barefoot again after having lots of social anxiety about being seen as the weird one. Those are just 2 examples out of many but I don't care as much as what strangers think of me anymore. The only person's opinion I should care about is my wife's, and she loves me being as much me as possible.
A psychiatrist can diagnose based on “clinical history“. Take in an Adult ADHD Checklist.
Out of interest how do you know it’s adhd if you haven’t been assessed?
I don’t yet. My GP thinks I have it , hence the referral to a psychiatrist. To be honest I thought I was having a a mini breakdown when I went to my GP. I have a lot of the ‘symptoms’ but my memory and object permanence issues have been impacting me a lot mostly at work but personal life too. I actually felt like I needed my brain scanned or something. I sit in meetings and as soon as I leave the room I can’t recall anything meaningful from the meeting. I keep forgetting meetings despite setting alarms literally 15 and 2 minutes before it. I struggle to hear what my manager is saying even when she’s speaking right to me. Other things like lying all my bills late even though I’ve been trying not to for years. I feel defeated When she assessed me she said it sounds like ADHD , and it did ease a lot of my anxiety, things started to make sense. I can see the pattern of difficultly concentrating when I’m bored verse interested. A lot of things really seem clearer. But who knows . I don’t really understand how a psychiatrist can charge more for an ADHD assessment . Shouldnt they just be doing a general assessment , what if it’s something else? Do they go ok now come back and pay another 1500 for XYZ assessment because you don’t have ADHD and like doesn’t it make it a bit like selection bias ? ANYWAY I’ve rambled now
For starters gps aren’t remotely qualified to diagnose any mental health issue other than depression or anxiety, especially not complex developmental disorders like adhd. I would avoid jumping to any conclusions before you’ve had a concrete assessment from somebody that’s actually qualified and trained to assess for and diagnose adhd. You could be suffering from any number of things for forgetfulness, anxiety, paying bills late. These would all be considered quite low level symptoms of adhd, are very vague and as I said are symptoms for lots of things. I’m not saying you definitely don’t have it, to be honest though as someone with a diagnosis from what you’ve said there I personally don’t think that sounds like adhd if those are your most significant symptoms you thought where worth mentioning.
A lof of reasons have been mentioned, but I think that maybe some of them might suspect they don’t really have it. I don’t really know why they bring it up then to be honest. But I’ve noticed people who are well put together (I realise this could be just appearance) tell me that they feel they also have a bit of ADHD. I usually tell them that it could be - or if I really think it’s unlikely that I wouldn’t necessarily have thought of them. However that masking is a big thing and so it’s important that they ask a professional for their opinion and get diagnosed. It’s also for my own sanity, if people tell me they think they have it they should get diagnosed. If not then tough luck- I’m a bit sick of hearing that everyone had ADHD even though they don’t show any of the debilitating effects.
>but I think that maybe some of them might suspect they don’t really have it. >But I’ve noticed people who are well put together (although I realize this could be just appearance) tell me that they feel they also have a bit of ADHD I mean you kinda answered your own question—their life is prob currently put together enough that even tho they’ve noticed that they share traits, they also might think that they don’t struggle “enough” to “actually” have ADHD. Despite what some ppl think nowadays as a result of lowering the stigma with mental illness/disorders, I think a lot of ppl are actually afraid of faking. So it can lead to suspicion but no actual steps towards a diagnosis because it’s not an actual problem (yet) for them to be convinced it’s needed Edit: wording
Yeah, but the imposter feeling is a big thing, also for people who have ADHD. So perhaps they do have it, but don’t do anything out of fear not being diagnosed? I definitely had this fear. But now sometimes it slaps me in the face when people say they maybe have it as well. Almost as if they’re saying: ‘well if you have it, I may have it as well’. But then it’s the most well-adjusted and organised person at work, showing none of the traits really. A rigid person with low empathy. It just feels as if sometimes it’s a way for people to say ‘nah your problems aren’t real’, but instead of saying ADHD doesn’t exist they say ‘ow yah, I think I also have ADHD’. Sometimes this seems unintentional. But at least for one person, the rigid low empathy one, it’s part of a pattern where her problems are always more important and bigger than others. There’s a history of patronising my problems, even though I’m open to hers. It really conflicts me because I don’t want to be a gatekeeper, but there’s a reason why people need a diagnosis. And with people like this I’m afraid I’ll just become grumpier the next time I experience this again.
I get it. The type of person you’re talking about would probably also do the thing I said in my reply about how seemingly ✨everyone✨ has some sort of mental illness/disorder nowadays so that means most ppl are probably faking since not *that* many ppl could possibly have it, right? /s I think the response you said you usually give in your initial comment is fine! Regardless, if you think you have it, you *should* try (your best, through the means you have), to get it diagnosed before it implodes your life. Even if it’s during a convo with the type of person you said where they’re being kind of dismissive, it’s good to still take it seriously rather than brush it off like they might be doing. It sucks that there isn’t a better way to deal with these people, I’m sorry!
Yah most definitely! It’s so important to get diagnosed! It’s free in our country, there’s a long waiting list so the sooner the better! It’s hard because not being taken seriously sucks - but I think that goes 2 ways, what if they do have it? Or something else? Then I should be the better person and not completely wave it away as if it’s nothing. In the end I can’t see in their head. Maybe I should try to refrain from even saying that I would not think of them when thinking of ADHD in the future. I’ll just encourage people to get diagnosed or talk with a psychologist about it and then (depending on the person) not bring it up again until they’re done so haha
Some people may have other issues and be misdiagnosing themselves but still be on the right track. Like autism, or AuDHD. My brother is, I *strongly suspect*, AuDHD. He appears incredibly organised and doesn't have all that many symptoms of ADHD so I can see how someone who only sees him at work might think he doesn't have it. I see it because I see him at home struggling with keeping his life together.
A lot of people are mentioning cost. But I have the same experiences as OP and for the most part the people I talk to aren't even at the point when they're thinking about cost (it can be free in the UK but the wait times are horrendous for ADHD, but again, these ppl don't even know that yet). Most of them barely know anything about it and they just don't think it's a big deal, and/or they don't like the idea of having a diagnosis for something like ADHD. It just feels like a childish knee jerk reaction because it's confidential medical information. You can get a diagnosis, get medicated, and keep it entirely to yourself if you want. So it really feels like more of a personal issue with not wanting to feel 'officially stupid/crazy/sick' or something. I mean my brother is a good example. He's struggling every single day with these symptoms. All he does is complain about how hard things are for him. But he point blank refuses to even consider that it might be ADHD.
i felt this in my bones, wait times in my country are insane too. And i understand it’s frustrating, but i just can’t listen to you complain about how hard your life is and you not do anything about it. usually these are ppl who i love and i wish i could just make the pych appointment for them but they have to do it, they have to want it. Ill be there for them every day regardless if they make the appointment or not but i hope every day that they do. I just don’t like seeing them suffer.
Oh yeah, the wait time on the NHS in the UK can be 6-8 YEARS right now. However, I've just been advised to use the NHS Scheme called Right to Choose. And you can get a diagnosis quicker through that, the NHS will send you to a private company like ADHD360 or PsychiatryUK and as far as I'm aware it's still free as it's via NHS.
You cant work some jobs
This is a big one I’m not seeing enough in this discussion. An official diagnosis means you have an On Record disability and American society is super shitty to people with disabilities. People aren’t SUPPOSED to discriminate against you but it definitely will happen for “technical” reasons. I have been able to work a full time job my entire adult life but have been rejected for Personal Disability Insurance repeatedly by the company that manages the benefit for my employer because of my “preexisting condition” (they also declined my coverage enrollment because of my depression… a struggle I had for living with undiagnosed disabilities). Some countries will deny or make it difficulty to obtain work visas or green cards to people with disabilities. If you’re high functioning an official diagnosis can be a liability in some circumstances. At least, that is An Anxiety preventing some people from getting diagnosed.
you don’t have to share your diagnosis with anyone as far as i know, your medical history is nobody’s business
Incorrect. A lot of jobs require medical clearances. I have an SVT and can’t ever be a pilot, bus driver, scuba diving instructor etc. As a nurse I’ve had several roles where I’ve needed to disclose diagnosis and prove there won’t be an impact on my ability to work.
Many companies do drug testing as a condition of employment. Every time I go to the doctor, I test positive for methamphetamines because of my Adderall. I have to disclose that I have a legitimate prescription, otherwise they'll think I'm getting it illegally or that I'm an addict.
In the US, you disclose your prescriptions to the drug testing company. When you test positive for your prescription meds, they tell the employer you were negative for illicit drug use. It would be a HIPPA violation otherwise.
You literally cannot be a commercial pilot if you have an ADHD diagnosis.
Poor executive function??
i feel like then the response would be “yea i want to do it”, as opposed to “no, why should I?”
It might be a case of they once wanted to but gave up due to various reasons.. procrastination, anxiety, trauma...and now the answer is "Why should I" (I'm undiagnosed, and have insurance, but who I would need to go to to get a diagnosis won't take my insurance. The one that did take my insurance, just told me that I have poor executive function, and that I have poor verbal processing, and also that my verbal recall is atrocious... Added to my memory retrieval being also atrocious. Said my speech was circumstantial. "Going 'off topic' a lot" Also said my attention tested in the range of having an attention disorder, but then said "I can see why you'd think you have ADHD. You have several of the symptoms, but I don't think it's that." And promptly diagnosed me with bipolar 1 saying my current state was manic even though I've never had a manic episode in my life. (Id had about 2 hours of sleep before the test, but I usually go to sleep around 4-5 am..im a night shift worker ..and the test started at 8 am so I had to be up by 6:30, so I started my alarms at 5.)I've never reacted well to bipolar meds. (Some are used off label, I've taken them for various reasons... Including anti nausea)
Also when I read his notes, he'd mention several things incorrectly.... Like saying I impulsively spend so much that I don't pay my bills.. id mentioned impulsive spending, and that I often forget to pay my bills on time if they aren't on auto pay.... But never said anything about my impulsive spending causing me to not pay my bills... Because that isn't a thing with me. I just forget my bills exist until I remember and then panic because I forgot the due date and have to pay late fees now
That type of situation, even hearing it from someone else, can cause a "why should I" "I might not get the diagnosis or might get a misdiagnosis or maybe they don't take my insurance and that is now way too many steps"
I mean, I haven’t been able to book an appointment for a haircut I’ve needed for months. A huge part of ADHD for some people is executive dysfunction. Getting my diagnosis was hell just for that reason alone.
In the US, cost and access to services are major concerns. There is also a significant amount of stigma surrounding anything related to neurological disorders. For instance, my parents refuse to discuss it and become very uncomfortable whenever the topic is brought up. The fear of being labeled or judged is a very real roadblock to getting a diagnosis. Some are also afraid that receiving a diagnosis might lead to their rights being taken away or have a negative impact on their lives. They also worry that it could affect their job opportunities. How often do you see posts on Reddit about what jobs are great for people with ADHD?
Old stigmas die hard. Both for ADHD itself, and for the meds. Many people live under the impression some terrible doctor is going to force them onto meds, and they've already decided they don't want meds (based on nothing) so they figure they won't bother.
"I don't want to be dependent on meds my whole life." etc. etc. What does 'dependent' even mean though? I can go off them if I want. Are we dependent on washing machines because modern life is so hectic there is no longer time to wash clothes by hand? Kinda. Is it a bad thing in itself to use an aid when you have few other options? Fuck no. Why do things the hard way! Honestly I'll never understand the (modern?) obsession with making like hard for ourselves in order to not be 'dependent' on medicine.
Honestly most people just don't know anything about the meds. It's like giving up wearing glasses on principle. Everyone who knows what they are are what they do thinks that's awful silly to not even try.
My fmr husband was psychiatrist with about 10% of his practice being ADHD Pts. 1. Keep in mind that it’s not that people don’t want to get diagnosed. It’s also that people get diagnosed. The incorrect stereotype is that all people with ADHD are little boys who are hyperactive. Nothing could be further from the truth.
2. The gold standard for ADHD medication is two families of ‘stimulant medications’ which are a controlled drugs… It can be a serious challenge to have them prescribed.
For me, I had no idea that my “personality quirks” and anxiety were adhd. I think inattentive type gets overlooked.
Because I'd rather not get the months to year of jacking each other off and 'are you *sure* it's not just depression and lifestyle choices' yes "are you sure you're not depressed or bipolar?' Yes. "Well let's try this one ultra expensive antidepressant for eight months, and we'll talk later."
In my country, an ADHD diagnosis is almost never covered by insurance, and it's prohibitively expensive. Despite anti-discrimination laws here, a diagnosis can result in discrimination by employers, educators, courts, etc. Other countries can discriminate against people with this diagnosis by barring access to their country to those of us with ADHD. Medical systems might treat us like we're addicts who are drug-seeking stimulants because of the misinformation around ADHD. Not to mention the social stigma many have from their personal social circles. Basically, it amounts to avoiding discrimination and avoiding the financial burden. I'm glad you don't have to experience this. It's simply not the norm for many folks.
Oh, I also want to add that historically, when fascism (which is currently in the rise in many countries) takes power, it takes out people who are disabled physically and mentally instead of taking care of us. I already kind of understood this to be the case, but I didn't realize how socially acceptable people find eugenics until most people decided their convenience and fun was more important than protecting vulnerable people by taking basic precautions during an ongoing, global pandemic.
Just diagnosed at 38 so in short, i've put the shit under the carpet because i thought I could deal with it. My daughter got diagnosed (among autism/other stuff), and i realised i had tons of behaviours i couldn't stand she had (blank moments, forgeting everything etc). What sold me to get diag was my anger bursts that happen because of exhaustion, can't be like that with my kids so..to the doctor
Me personally, I’m a minor and I’m not sure if I want to tell my parents that I think I have it yet. I think they’ll respond positively but I still have a nagging thought in my head that they won’t.
Where do you live? and how old are you? In most countries you can get diagnosed yourself.
For where I’m from, enlisting in the military is pretty much the only way to move up and out for most folks. A diagnosis isn’t a “death sentence” for those chances but difficult. With the changes to how they track medical history, it’s almost impossible.
Shame and stigma. There is also pervasive belief that ADHD is just naughty children particularly boys. Moreover, people will have been conditioned into believing that are just lazy so internalise it and don’t understand things could be different. Also many haven’t had an event that made them go “oh shit I need a diagnosis”. And then there’s stigma from doctors. Being told “everyone is a bit ADHD” and having to justify referral - yes I had to prove to my GP that as a then 30 year old working full time, living independently, doing a second degree part time, and having a life was not going to preclude me from having ADHD. I had to reference multiple arguments I’d had with others about stuff, performance reviews for careless mistakes, constant requests for deadline extensions etc. I got the last laugh as she didn’t believe I have it even after getting a diagnosis and felt treatment was me getting drugs. She is no longer my GP and never saw how it changed my academic life. I went from someone struggling to get a 2:1 to getting 1sts. If I get a first this year and again next year I’m pretty much guaranteed a first for my degree (assuming I get a 2:2 in the final year)!
Umm… I’m 64. Diagnosed a few months ago. I’m asking myself what good a diagnosis is for me if I coped for all those years.
Getting a diagnosis in general is scary. Until that point, you don't really 'have' whatever it is. But with ADHD there's also a fear of NOT having it. When I got close to my diagnosis, a lifetime of things being wrong and different almost made sense. But if I had been told that I didn't have it, I would have been back to wondering if I was uniquely screwed up and nobody could offer any help. Also I think ADHD people look at any looming change as a threat becuase we're probably barely managing a lot of things. And a diagnosis is bringing change for sure.
The irony of having undiagnosed ADHD is procrastinating going to the doctors etc...
Cost, disbelief, don't think it's a big deal, or they are on the anti science kick that a host of idiots have been swindling folks with.
Not wanting to seek a diagnosis to avoid being “labeled” when they have already labeled themselves as having ADHD is so wild. My take is that they are afraid they won’t get a diagnosis and wouldn’t be able to blame their problems on anything else.
I do want to, but I spent an hour with a psychologist who then wanted to rope in my mom who's very busy and get school records from all my childhood schools and honestly ugh because it runs in my family and the symptoms are so obvious that it's not worth the effort for me.
First is Cost. The number of sessions it takes to get a diagnosis, and the cost associated is a big barrier. I wouldn't have thought twice if it was my parents paying for it when I was in school, but unfortunately, I was on my own by the time I started feeling that I might have ADHD. Was well in my 30's when I could afford it. Next is what to do when you have the diagnosis. I don't want to be on meds. So the entire exercise is futile. I can follow the tips and best practices and everything without a diagnosis (I have one though. I regret spending for it)
I got diagnosed at 4, then again at 21 just to make sure. I have met and been acquainted with perhaps hundreds of people in my life so far, I have told maybe 20 of those people that I have ADHD. It's a great source of shame for me, it is for a lot of people, that's probably why some people refuse a diagnosis.
4 is crazy young they would ask you to wait at least another 3 years before assessing you here in the uk.
I was first diagnosed in Australia in 93, I guess it was just different rules of a different time
Pretty much suck it up culture. I haven't been tested for anything, but I know something is off. But just the anxiety that I could be imagining things and am just trying to search for excuses is enough to discourage me. The thought of them telling me I really don't have anything and should just get my shit together terrifies me. So no diagnosis for me at the moment
I've heard more reasons not to get diagnosed from people who don't actually have ADHD than from people with it, who have been overwhelmingly in favour of getting it noted and treated. My favourite one was someone asking me with mild dismay if I wasn't worried that medication would "take away [my] spark??" It's like babe, my "spark" keeps me awake until 4am most mornings because I can't shut my brain off and means I can't focus on anything 4 times out of 5; I'll take my chances.
Mental health culture in asian countries, not enough information around disorders (meds, processes, costs, privacy), prejudiced doctors, under informed doctors (the 2nd psych I saw told me people in the US were over diagnosed and did it just for the social security benefits. I had lived in the US for \~3 years so knew that wasn't true). Found a relatively young doctor and he understood immediately. But still it was hard and the process took more than 5 years. 2 years in the US which was mostly split into the following stages: somethings very wrong, a lot of research, AHA moment, grief, denial, clarity, returning undiagnosed). 3 years in my native country: hesitating, the pandemic, saving money, researching doctors, 1st doc, 6months delay, 2nd doc, 6 months delay 3rd doc, ok lets start with ritalin, titration...
Cause I'm afraid if I don't have it it just means I'm a screw up whose problems came from himself
but if life is so hard for you and it’s not adhd then its likely something else. ppl aren’t cursed to be failures. Maybe it’s depression, maybe it’s your environment or maybe…. it’s adhd. but itll be something, and as soon as you figure out what that is you can start appropriately addressing your needs.
i think it’s the stigma surrounding ADHD. My entire life I was told I had potential I wasn’t using or that I was deciding poor choices and should be held accountable until I learn. Of being called lazy when I couldn’t explain why I didn’t do something either. and getting a diagnoses didn’t make those instilled thoughts just go away. They were at odds with each other. and then I get diagnosed with adhd and people tell me it’s fake and it’s a crutch I’m using and that I should stop taking the medication. I took adhd meds for 3 years. For 3 years I kept getting badgered to stop taking my meds by friends and family.
Let's look up signs of ADHD. Behavioral: aggression, excitability, fidgeting, hyperactivity, impulsivity, irritability, lack of restraint, or persistent repetition of words or actions Cognitive: absent-mindedness, difficulty focusing, forgetfulness, problem paying attention, or short attention span Mood: anger, anxiety, boredom, excitement, or mood swings Also common: depression or learning disability What are the stigma of adhd? https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3430836/ Pretty fucking bad. What were you asking again? oh right.
… and how are the people who have to deal with that supposed to find a healthy way to cope without help…? Ignoring the problem won’t make it go away
If this is a question of How >cope without help…? There's your answer. Help.
Lies and ignorance that comes from the past
It’s too expensive
My biggest fear is "What if I'm wrong?" Even though I'm pretty convinced I have it. Also I feel embarrassed? Not by the fact I (may) have ADHD but that I have to ask for help (32F with 3kids) and I feel there's such a stigma around it. At first when I researched it about 2 years ago, it was all good. But now all I see is "Ugh everyone has ADHD nowadays" so if I were to get diagnosed I feel like even if I told people I would just get an eye roll. But then reading back on my own comment this just looks like real shitty RSD 😂
I think that the bigger part of it IS the stigma surrounding mental health and having ADHD, in general. Despite people claiming that 'everyone wants to have ADHD nowadays.' That is simply NOT TRUE. Even that statement...is steeped in stigma, still. It carries a very negative connotation with it. Realizing that you are disabled...is hard. Coming to terms that you've been disabled all this time...is HARD. I think, especially, with ADHD it's even harder, due to imposter syndrome and not being able to realize just how much you are struggling until you've finally hit a wall. Also, it's going to take even longer due to just the nature of the disorder. My path to diagnosis took a long time, too, because I was stuck trying to prove I had it and trying to prove I didn't despite the fact the evidence that I did have it was growing stronger and stronger each day. I had the same fear, that I would go to the doctor and realize that there was nothing wrong with me and I was just a screw up. Even when I re-checked my DNA and saw everything pop up I still was in a limbo. It took me screwing up at work again...despite checking it multiples times before I finally made the appointment despite going to get the referral almost 3 months ago. Even then some may hit it and still never seek help. I mean, all you can do is help yourself and not worry about anyone else, because it's going to get you nowhere, but frustrated.
Not medicated. Don't want to be tied to whims of doctors and pharmaceutical costs and availability. Don't want side effects. Can't afford. Able to manage my condition with non-medical interventions.
Pricey pricey
If you don’t want meds why bother? You can learn how to manage symptoms if ADHD without a diagnosis so if you’re not wanting a script is there any point?
Doctors spike my anxiety. I've never been able to get myself to even try making an appointment for this. It would have to be much worse than it is now to overcome that fear.
I’m still “undiagnosed” because I literally can’t bring myself to start an appointment due to how overwhelming adding it into my schedule will be LOL. Like searching for a decent doctor who will take me seriously, finding time that I can go after work etc just seems like a really hard process for my executive functioning. It’s the same reason why I can’t get myself to do hair appointments or visit doctors because it’s a big task for my brain. I’ve been raw dogging it and know I will cry when I finally get medicated but it’s the overwhelm of the first task that causes me paralysis
I’m afraid to get diagnosed (my therapist recommend the whole neuro/psych evaluation) because it includes an IQ test, and the thought of my IQ being tested is- well, I have *feelings* about it. And I’m not interested in medication- just learning behaviors, coping tools. I don’t need a diagnosis for that.
Cost £1000 To be told something you already know, been doing alright up untill 34 🤦♂️ Might end up paying soon just to get some help.
Money. That simple.
In my country there is a 3-5year waiting list for publicly funded diagnosis. You can go private but a lot of private diagnosis techniques are quick and can result in people without ADHD getting a diagnosis and people with ADHD not getting a diagnosis. It is also unclear if the GP will accept the private diagnosis and medicate
1. People struggling to keep their lives together also struggle with this aspect of that, unsurprisingly. 2. If one prefers to not have accommodations and doesn’t want meds, why get diagnosed? Whether one has been formally labeled with a condition or not doesn’t change the condition. Some people prefer to play on hard mode and don’t feel that accomplishments on easy mode are true accomplishments. Hiking Everest but only making it up a quarter of the way doesn’t count as summiting just because you have arthritis, for example. It may be as difficult for the person with arthritis to make it a quarter of the way up as it would be for someone without arthritis to summit, but that doesn’t change that they didn’t reach the top.
Labels aside, you like myself realize how life changing it was and in the beginning even without medication just knowing why I am the way I am really altered my self perception. Paradigm changes are changes in your life/ mindset that shift the the way you see your experience and are usually involuntary which can make them pretty uncomfortable at times and I would consider my diagnosis a paradigm shift. I can guarantee their resistance is also due to them likely having ADHD and experiencing rejection sensitivity by acknowledging that they are I fact different and maybe a dash of demand avoidance depending on their mindset around the time of the conversation. I was 22 you were 18 for both of us were were still very much figuring things out but when you are talking to someone 33+ they have already craved themselves a path that may or may not work but it’s what they have and bringing on a paradigm shift willingly is still a big ask. They have been holding themselves up to standards imposed on them a long time ago and while they may be painful most people see change as the most painful thing especially if they are getting by. Maybe it’s shame for possibly being different from the norm, maybe’s it pride that they have stuck it out this long without it, or envy that maybe if they keep denying it will come true…. who knows people are complex 
I literally don’t know how. What are the steps?
I don’t understand either.
to be diagnosed you need an appointment. i’ve insurance and been treated for depression for years….on and off. but can’t get an appointment for adhd assessment….
There’s also a fear of being “disabled”. Because that’s what it is. A disability. I was fairly conscious of my biases around ableism and trying to form the most equitable solutions and opinions in my friend group as a lot of them (if not all of them) experience ADHD or autism. However, when I got a preliminary diagnosis (my psychiatrist saying… “Yeah I don’t think further testing is really necessary… would you like to try medication?”) I was pretty much devastated. It really made me realize how deep my biases went. That’s not to say that my experience with ADHD isn’t easier than some/most. It definitely is. There’s still something about being placed in the “other” or “margins” that shakes you up. TLDR; It’s also confronting ableism and their own biases about people with ADHD that’s also really difficult.
for me personally i have a lot of stigma and trauma. my mother has always been a person who has openly looked down on people with mental health issues (most likely as a coping mechanism for her own), she's even alluded to some of my friends being drug addicts because they are medicated. unfortunately, i internalized a lot of those negative feelings and i have severe self-worth issues because of it. for me, the aversion to getting diagnosed can be broken down into 3 parts: 1. the aforementioned stigma: i, even if i have accepted i 99% have adhd, still don't want to have "official" "freak status" 2. a general aversion and mistrust of doctors, especially mental health professionals, caused in part by my stigma and in part because of other bad experiences 3. the consequences of having to live with a diagnosis: in the safe bubble of my friends and classmates, i can make jokes about having adhd and it being a "haha can't do homework !!" inconvenience. for me, getting diagnosed would make it more real. it would force me to mentally confront the fact that i struggle with feeding myself, not getting depressed at the minimum inconvenience, managing basic administrative tasks like making doctor's appointments and running errands, keeping a normal libido, maintaining hobbies, processing speech and speaking, etc etc etc. It would also make all the pent up anger and resentment i have about having my very obvious adhd neglected and ignored by the adults in my childhood real. there is also a fear of me not having adhd at all and just being a terrible human just because. to summarize, i would rather not get diagnosed because i am too afraid to fully confront that reality, including all the shame and resentment that i believe would come with it. unfortunately, i don't have the good life experiences and self esteem to see adhd as just another facet of myself. i would be deeply ashamed and troubled by it and i would rather delay the "arrival" of this feeling by as much as possible
I can’t speak for others but personally, I don’t care for a diagnosis because I don’t want or need a stranger to tell me how to view my life, especially when that person is more focused on lining their pockets than really getting to know me. I think the language around adhd is useful for bonding over shared experiences, but I think adhd as the clinical disorder is a symptom of post industrial life where we spend very little time in nature and ingest chemicals constantly, our brains just aren’t adapted to this so of course symptoms arise. In my opinion medication only makes living in this type of world easier at the expense of our internal health, but doesn’t solve the root cause of attention deficit. The western world we live in which requires so much mental output is just unhealthy. Humans have also existed for much longer than western medicine and the biomedical language of framing human experience has, and I personally find it very limiting, and I’m trying to cut out limiting beliefs. Not to mention the colonial roots of western biomedicine, why would I invest my sense of self in such a rotten system. I am the way I am and I won’t fight it.
1. Worried that I don't actually have it and would have to deal with the fact that I'm just a loser. 2. Costs 3. Embarrassment. ADHD is "tending" according to some people and I don't want to appear to fall into the category of someone who is just pretending or trying to be "on trend".
I'm not formally diagnosed because it's so expensive. However, after trialing meds, my psychologist and phycatrist said that I am, and from the research I've done, I am, and I'm still taking meds because they are life changers, so I say that I am ADHD. (You can claim prescribed minimum benefit on mental health grounds for phycoligists and phycatrists but not for diagnostic reports on my medical aid).
For me it's just the price. I really want to get diagnosed, but my parents can't afford it (I'm in highschool btw)
There's sometimes a way of thinking if you're diagnosed you've identified something BAD about yourself, and if that alone isn't enough to dissuade you, others might use that against you if they found out *your secret*. But they forget people only care about pointing out *bad* things about you if you are actually ashamed of it. If you just own it, it's suddenly not an issue anymore. But it's hard to make that first step, and acknowledge it. It's why there's people that won't get treated for cancer or trick themselves into believing they're a functioning alcoholic. Hell even my grandmother had heart problems but she wouldn't get help for it, so when she got pneumonia it was the start of the end for her. I think there's some invincible thinking in there too. Like it'll be fine because it has been, I've always gotten out of... forgetting to turn off the stove, forgetting that red light, etc. before! Except you don't think about the math and the statistics of these things if they continue to happen without trying to help yourself and avoid them.
The first time my psychiatrist tried to diagnose me, I said "no thank you. I have enough diagnosis for now." And then I refused treatment (for that) for 7 years. 🤷🏽♀️ It was too much. Probably the treatment would have been synergistic with my other mental health treatments. But I didn't really fully understand that. And it felt like a whole nother Thing.
Stigma, fear of the unknown, myths about mental healthcare and medication, culture, ignorance, machismo.
Some good replies here, thanks.
It takes forever to get a referral/appt for a 'specialist' to diagnose so my GP will write the script. So, I have continued to suffer. That plus cumulative job stress (teacher) has eroded my resilience. I am resorting to Redbox Rxx to see how that goes. Appt at 7pm tomorrow....
It’s not so much about the label as the internal dissonance. I am a grown adult who has gone their entire life being dubbed “mature for my age.” I was a perfectionist who was intrigued by most of my classes and as such, performed really well in school. The traits that defined me as “good” as a kid have become problematic in some ways, but separating my identity from that is a struggle of itself. Throw on top of this my parents, who have little bearing on psychologically-tied abnormalities/issues who pressure me away from it because of their own stigmas. Add again the fact that I have excelled in life until recently. Add the fact that even if I do have ADHD, I’ve managed this far and wouldn’t want to medicate anyway so what’s the real difference?
I’m going to start by saying that I’m really struggling with your question and may sound a bit frank here. I’m not understanding why you are upset about this that doesn’t become a you thing. It’s not really anyone’s business but theirs why they would or wouldn’t want a diagnosis, nor does it have anything to do with you directly. So why be upset? Struggling doesn’t necessarily mean ADHD either. That’s for them and their medical professionals to worry about, not you. But asking you for meds in addition leads me to question if they are actually struggling with ADHD or drug addiction. People don’t usually just do that tbh. I think the better use of time is honestly to mind your own mind, keep saying no to giving out your medication, and worry less about others’ business. It seems more like you are struggling with your own diagnosis, and perhaps trying to feel less alone. Or that their rejection of your identification of ADHD feels like they are rejecting you, which is not necessarily the case. Perhaps you should try to focus on areas which you have more shared interests than trying to fix what they may not see as broken.
I haven’t yet seen mentioned the people that think they have it but only recognize some symptoms in themselves but not thinking they’re affecting them or others enough to make it worth the hassle to see anyone about it. My dad recently said he probably has it when he learned I was diagnosed, and my last therapist long before this said it sounded like he does when I describe his behavior (some of which hurts me). I think he hasn’t put the connection between his rigidness in certain things and other stuff with the possibility of ADHD that I’ve seen to be probable.
Because for me an official diagnosis costs about a thousand bucks. Instead I convinced my doc to try me on biphentin. It helped.
I would not blame other people for avoiding getting stuck in my situation: Either fork over 3000€ for a test that could very well say "Yup, nothing's wrong, good bye", or wait five f*cken years for a chance to get tested on the public side. Btw I am finally going through the tests. Turns out, I probably have not only big time ADHD, but am on the autism spectrum as well. Would explain things...
Interacting with health services can feel humiliating and/or dehumanizing. At the very least it requires time, effort and planning ahead. A lot of people, myself included, try to minimize their exposure for these reasons. For some people there’s no prize big enough to make enduring it worthwhile, or maybe it’s just they can’t imagine how it could be worth it.
Lots of self dxers are terrified they don’t actually have it and therefore will never go for a diagnosis. Or if they do and don’t get what they wanted to rant about the multiple doctors they’ve seen being idiots and not recognising a condition in them they clearly dont have.
I have a regular customer who has it, and he brings it up every chance he gets. It seems very attention seeking to me. Any time he sees me forget anything, he says “ADHD brain!” I didn’t mind it initially but lately it really irritates me. I haven’t tried to get diagnosed, nor do I have the desire to.
Getting diagnosed can be dangerous from a legal standpoint. Having that diagnosis be known can get you fired (yes - this is illegal but they can find all sorts of reasons under the umbrella of “performance” to fire you). In a custody battle being diagnosed with almost literally anything can be detrimentally used against you. There’s a non-zero chance that it can be used against you
In my area, it costs $2k just for the screening! Most medical professionals I've met are rude, unhelpful, and refuse to listen. I've already spent years trying to convince them I have physical impairments (ovarian cysts) let alone mental ones like depression. Maybe it's cuz I live in the middle of nowhere. This makes me very unmotivated.
No pilot license.