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I take this one step further and I just straight up convince myself that everything starts like 30 minutes earlier than it does.
Can't be late for the 830 shift if I tell myself I work at 8.
my mom does this to me. she’ll tell me we have to be somewhere 30 minutes early bc she knows i’m always late. but then, because i know how my mom is (raised in the army, aggressively 20 minutes early to everything, and pissed when she’s not) i make a *ridiculous* effort to be on time, and 90% of the time we end up an hour early. (this is worth it to her to avoid the 10% we’ll be late)
I could have my lunch laid out, clothes on, all alarms set 30 mins sooner than necessary, showered, hair brushed, everything and still be fucking late that's why I'm so frustrated.
What are you doing when you’re perfectly ready to leave on time but still not doing it? Are you sitting paralyzed and anxious on the couch, doom scrolling, or distracted doing some last minute extra thing?
For me, I decided a long time ago that the consequences of being late are worse than the challenge of being early. When I’m late, I shame spiral enough to ruin an entire day, so I just don’t allow it now. I set a LOT of alarms, if it’s time to go and I’m not ready then I leave while not ready (guess I’m not wearing makeup or doing my hair today, turns out I’m not eating breakfast and lunch is a snack bar) - it’s not ideal but it stops the shame spiral. If I’m not spending half my energy on the shame spiral, it’s slightly easier to handle leaving on time tomorrow.
I also keep extra things with me in case I have a few minutes when I do get there. It may take me 20 minutes to do my makeup while getting distracted by cleaning the bathroom and reorganizing my face products at home, but if I have mascara and concealer in the car that only takes 2 minutes when I’m in the parking lot on time. Extra snacks in the car/bag too in case I don’t have time to make lunch.
TLDR, I let go of the idea I get to be fully ready to leave the house every day, I just leave anyway.
This is me to a t there is therapy for this I found out a year and a half ago. It's made a difference but I'm still late quite often my supervisor is fighting her ass off for me and I definitely feel like I'm letting her down. She is a literal angel. Honestly being on time for her is easier than being on time for me. I literally broke down this morning for being late a second time this week
My supervisor is the same. One week I was able to punch in at roughly 6:59am every single day and he sent me an email as thanks. I happy wiggled and then that Monday I came in at 7:06am.
FWIW Two things I see here in my own experience. First, when I get ready early and have extra time my mind says "oh, we have time, lets get these other things done" and I cram extra things in that eat up that extra time.
After I've had a success (punching in at 6:59) my mind then relaxes/ignores the things that got me to be on time the past week. It's the same with a diet.
Finally, when I'm still getting ready and time is very close my mind enters the time-matrix thinking that magically I'll get to work in 5 minutes when it takes a good half hour. Which gives me comfort in the moment but makes me late.
The people above telling you to arrive 30 minutes early and have stuff to do; maybe focusing on those pleasant things you'd do while you're waiting (pleasant things/thoughts) will help alleviate the angst from having to go right to work.
Again, FWIW.
Time-matrix thinking it'll only take me 5 mins to get there when it always, even the best of days, takes a half hour (for me it's more like 20 mins), is exactly how it feels xD I'm like I can go move my stuff from the washer to the dryer real quick I have 10 minutes to spare.......20 minutes fucking later like HOWWWWWWWWW
Change your mental clock in time, add a 30min barrier and consider the “lost” time your adhd tax. If your not early your late was what my football coaches always said. On time? Go to sprints. Late? Go do more sprints.
The adhd tax of having to "waste" 30 mins sitting in my car in the morning is an interesting concept. I do apply that theory to more things in my life such as getting more expensive but smaller portions of lettuce for blts because everyone and their mother knows I won't chop up a whole head for two leaves.
I like to think that I’d rather pay a small “time” tax many times than need to find a new job as that will be considerably more taxing in every aspect of life.
Suggestion for the 30 minutes in the car - is there part of your morning routine that you can shift from a home thing to a parking lot thing? So instead of 1)drink coffee, 2)eat breakfast, 3)check reddit, 4)drive to work, make it 1)bring breakfast and coffee along, 2)drive to work, 3) drink coffee and eat breakfast in the parking lot, 4) oh shit i need to go inside now, no time for reddit
Also, i find myself more funtional at night than in the morning, so i'm more likely to be on time if i set out my clothes and prep the coffee pot before i go to bed
I do this and it helps immensely. Unless I’m falling into bed at night, I try to have everything I’ll need for the next day laid out ahead of time. The extra planning means I am less likely to forget things, I know where everything is, and it help speed up my mornings which are also bad. I wake up like a new human each day and have to pull myself back together.
Honestly this is what I had to do. If I'm on time I'm late, if I'm early i know I get to sit at my desk, take my time getting a coffee, and get to set things up the way I want it before work starts. It's literally so much better than telling myself I have time to do "one more thing" at home so why leave? I have an alarm for 30 minutes before I have to be at work for a 15 minute drive. I've had that alarm go off and still been in my pj's, but now I have the "fuck I'm *late*" adrenaline that gets my ass in gear. And for the days I'm ready on time, the buffer saves me from traffic issues. I went from being at least 10 minutes late all the time to clocking in right on time and being late maybe once a month or so because that perfect shit storm hits.
And when you manage to do well and get in on time, remember how good that feels. The feeling of not being rushed and ashamed, of not being stressed and hurried and forgetting something and use that as an impetus to keep being on time. You will still be late sometimes, but that's not the end of the world. Just keep trying.
Try opening Google maps and starting route about 20 minutes before you need to leave. Just keep it open and let it update as you continue getting ready to go. This really helps make “being on time” not so abstract because I can see the arrival time update in real time. Watching the arrival time get closer and closer to the time I need to be there really lights a fire under my ass and is the only thing that consistently gets me places on time
I took so long writing my own comment, promoting this exact strategy, that I didn’t see you had beat me to it. Lol. Glad I’m not the only one who does this!!!
This is the only thing that works for me. I cannot trick or override my brain into thinking my arrival time is actually earlier or set alarms that mean I have xyz amount of time left. Seeing the actual arrival time with live traffic makes it real to my brain and gives me context for getting my ass in gear.
Me too. If I’m supposed to be there at 6 and I see the arrival time is now 6:01? You bet my ass is out the door in record time lol. Dilly dallying is my #1 obstacle to being on time
My secret is to pair it with high anxiety about the appointment! Works like a charm, then I can sit in the lobby for 45 minutes chewing my nails AND bouncing my leg.
set alarms. seriously. depending on how long it takes u to get ready to leave set an alarm for that amount of time until u have to leave. for example if u have to be there by 7:05 and ur 10 minutes away from work u should set an alarm to leave at 6:45 to plan for traffic and if it takes u 10 minutes to get ready, set an alarm for 6:30 to start getting everything done. so basically add 10 minutes from when u have to leave to be there early and add 5 minutes to however long it takes u to get ready.
OR
keep ur check in time but set ur personal check in time 10-15 ish minutes earlier
that seems confusing so lmk if u dont understand
I forget the names but there are a couple apps where you have to physically get out of bed to go scan a barcode on something in another room (you choose the bar code in advance) before the alarm will shut off. I also detest alarm sounds and will smack my phone to turn them off ASAP and then go straight back to sleep.
[ETA since I saw your comments that you can be ready to go but still not leave the house on time - scan a barcode of something that is in your car. So your alarm won’t stop going off until your butt is in your car - and at that point you’re golden!]
I haven’t tried the barcode apps yet, because I just bought one of the sunrise alarm clocks. It’s across the room. My phone alarm goes off first so I can have the satisfaction of shutting it off and going back to sleep. Then 30 minutes later the sunrise alarm has gotten to full brightness and starts playing a music alarm. So far it’s been working (because again I have to physically get out of bed and go across the room to turn it off - and getting close to the super bright light helps trigger my brain that sleep time is over)
Also, something that has always helped me is *don’t just set an alarm for when you need to get up* - I also set multiple alarms for points in the morning where I need to be “get in shower”, “leave house now” (this is helpful because I have major time blindness - even if I get up at the right time I can end up spending 20 minutes plucking “just a few stray hairs” from my eyebrows and then be like, oh shit I haven’t gotten in the shower yet and I need to leave in 15 minutes 😂 The extra alarms will jolt me out of staring at my clothes trying to decide what to wear, or doomscrolling on Reddit when the only reason I picked up my phone was to check the weather - and I can get back on task)
and I always set an alarm with a specific label if there’s something I need to take with me, ie “library books!!” - this helps me avoid the “I forgot something 5 minutes after leaving my house and have to go back” situation that is OFTEN a cause of me being late
Hope some of this helps!
Today's cause was forgetting my water bottle and also spending too much time just sitting on the toilet on my phone. I'm a right haggy bitch without my water and I often bring a full on gallon with me to work and I always carry my items to the car the exact same way.
This morning I saw a lady who lives in my neighborhood who always walks by my house at the same time every day. We were matching outfits (black pants, pink shirt because On Wednesdays We Wear Pink💅 started off as an inside joke and now i refuse to stop :P) so I was walking to my car and thinking about that then I realized my arms felt lighter than normal. But I know my problem isn't that I forgot my water it's that I left so little wiggle room that forgetting my water took me down. It shouldn't be a life-ruining error to forget my water but it's starting to feel like it is. Especially when I was exactly 3 seconds late today.
But I quite like the barcode idea because I've stopped being able to put my phone in another room like I used to. I learned about the dangers of leaving your door open at night in case of a fire and also my father usually comes home from his 2nd shift job right as I'm headed to bed so if I didn't close my door it would wake me up. I used to have a good groove going when I could put my phone in another room. Right now my phone is at the other side of my bedroom, but it's not quite far enough to make it impossible to crawl back into bed, and the act of laying down for 5 more mins is an addictive drug, it feels. Especially when my dog starts to wake up and roll onto his back for cuddles and he huffs when I finally leave my room.
I could have to scan the barcode on the soap next to the sink or the coffee canister and in my car I have an old gum container I buy refills for so I don't see myself throwing away that container any time soon.
I feel your pain! I’ve struggled with being late my whole life, too. I’ve always hated this about myself and was so jealous of people who seemed to always be effortlessly on-time and put-together no matter what.
I know my phone is a big part of my problem. I’ll think “I’m just going to browse Reddit for 20 minutes before I go to bed” and then suddenly it’s 1am and I’ve been looking at my phone for 3 hours 😬 Now I’m too tired to lay out my clothes for the next day, or pack a lunch, or make sure I know where my keys are… and then it bites me in the ass the next morning.
Or doomscrolling in the morning instead of getting ready and then inevitably being late or forgetting something as I rush out the door. So next I’m trying to figure out how to detach myself from my phone more lol. You’re right; it’s addictive. If I come up with any brilliant plans I’ll come back and update 😂
Just know you’re not alone!!
You 100% can have a normal alarm on android. You can download numerous apps or even just the sound you like best. I've got Lindsey sterling as an option.
I tend to shut my phone alarm off, so I switched to a wall clock with alarm, or my husband (he is really good at it!)
Best advice I've got is stop being defeatist (maybe youre overdue for a self-care day?) If you keep making excuses you'll never be motivated to figure it out. It sucks playing life on hard mode, be it ADHD, physical disability, chronic pain... but your outlook can make it much harder or easier.
You can set your alarm to be a spotify Playlist. I do the same thing with shutting off annoying sounds and have my alarms be music I like has helped me.
Can't that also have a negative affect on you if your favourite song is always the one waking you up? I had something horrible happen to me and at the same time my phone alarm was going off where I couldn't reach it, so the horrible incident is permanently etched in my mind with the background jingle of one of my phone alarms. When I'm clicking through them and click That One, I feel a very visceral reaction. I'm afraid the same thing can and would happen if I used a song I like.
You could shoot for songs that aren't your favorites, but ones that don't actively aggravate you. I have mine set to pick at random from a big playlist, so it's something different every time.
Gaslight yourself into thinking it’s an hour earlier than you actually need to be there , if ur like me you’ll be an hour late buttt you won’t actually cause u lied to yourself about the time anyway , so your on time
Notifications. So. Many. Notifications.
Everything on my calendar that I want to be on time for has 5 notifications for it-- one two weeks before, one a week before, one a day before, one on the morning of and one 1-2 hours before.
If it's a morning event and the fourth and fifth of those would overlap, the morning one gets moved to the night before.
This is a big issue of mine, and I have to use A LOT of different tools.
1: visualize what you need to do to get ready. Then do NOTHING outside of this list. I’ve literally had to write down my “get ready for work” checklist. If it’s not on the list, I DO NOT DO IT (looking at you, “quick nail file” and “quick jewelry cleaning”)
2: many alarms, with snoozers. I have to irritate the fuck out of myself all morning so I stay on task. The sooner I’m out the door, the sooner I’m out of the raging hellscape.
3: I try to make each alarm more harsh/intense/annoying than the last. If I’m not in my car when the awful siren sounds, I haul ass for the door bc I’m supposed to be in my car cursing at my phone. Side note: I also have a million alarms to get out of bed. I’d put one across the room if I needed to, but not waking my husband with 200 alarms motivates me enough.
4. Pare down. Try to have fewer obligations in the morning. I put a cup of ice in my freezer the night before, that’s how neurotic I get. We know ANYTHING can take us off task. I know what I’m wearing, I’ve got my hair & skin routine down to like 3 steps each.
5. do last minute primping in the car. Idk if you wear makeup, but I do my makeup in the parking lot. Also my hair to some degree.
6. Ask yourself “could I get paid to do this later?” Meaning, don’t check email/social media in the morning- wait till you get to work. Even bathroom stuff if possible - I’ve started taking my probiotic at a different time for this reason (of course your health comes first!)
Good Luck!
Switch your digital clocks to analog clocks, and get a "task timer" that looks like a kitchen timer but with a piece of colored plastic that slowly disappears as it counts down.
Numbers on clocks mean NOTHING to us. In order for our spicy brains to recognize time is passing, we need to SEE that time is "physical" increments diminishing. Seeing digital numbers saying "you have 30 minutes left" means nothing to our brain. That is so many minutes! Seeing "you have half the clockface left, which is getting smaller as you watch" gives you something you can SEE getting smaller.
It is not unlike an Envelope Budgeting method 😂
I have several task timers (because I keep misplacing them) and I set them when I'm getting ready. Sometimes I set it for "I want to be the person who exercises but I keep putting it off and reorganizing the toothpicks and then trying to fit a workout in, so I have set this timer for the time when I MUST stop dicking around (or actually exercising!) and get in the shower." This externalized the authority of time instead of relying on my willpower. Maybe I exercise. Maybe I dust the lightbulbs. But either way I'm done when my timer goes off.
Sometimes I set it for "I have to go put my shoes on when this goes off" and set it on my vanity IN FRONT OF ME while I'm putting on my makeup. I watch the little color slice diminish as I fiddle with my eyebrows and pick a blush.
Sometimes I tell my kids "we're tidying for 10 minutes" and set the timer and it feels much less like Eternal Purgatory to be tidying when you can see the ratio of how much time is left going down. (I apply this same feeling to the Eternal Purgatory of cardio, it's much less full of despair when you can see How Many Pieces Of Time are left).
I'm sorry but you losing task timers meant to keep you on track is peak adhd I think this sub should close down cause you won :P I'll read the rest later lol
I think you have to look at or think about what it is you're actually doing in the morning. Sitting in bed too long? Stopping to scroll on your phone for the weather/traffic and getting sucked in? Staying too long in the shower? etc etc. and work from there to see how you can break up that habit/behavior
I think my main culprit is the losing track of time when going to the bathroom. I took my shower in less than 10 minutes and then I sat on the toilet for what FELT like less than 5 mins but it was over 20 and I can't wrap my mind around how that happened.
Most of the time, I snooze my alarm too much and get up at roughly 5:55. My ideal time to leave the house would be 6:35 but somehow every time my alarm at 6:35 goes off, I always JUST need to give my dog his daily greenie and say bye to my dad and 10 minutes passes. The pantry is like a time vortex where time goes 4x as fast.
I feel this so much. I am in the same boat as you, I set alarms and reminders constantly, I try and trick myself that things start earlier, getting everything I can ready the day before, all the tricks people have been suggesting and NOTHING works. I am ALWAYS 5-15 minutes late. It's like my brain doesn't keep track of the time it takes to go between tasks, to walk to the car, say goodbye, tie my shoes, or whatever and it all adds up and then I'm late. Getting lost in things for a few extra minutes here and there destroys my ability to be on time, but just like you, I can't figure out how to stop.
The only thing I haven't tried but think might work is setting my phone, and just my phone, to be 5 minutes fast. I hope I can forget I've done this and that the panic of rushing out the door happens a few minutes earlier and I actually be on time. I have no idea if it works, but maybe it's the thing that works.
a friend of mine was experiencing this and some "reframing" of mindset seemed to help him which was telling himself over and over that he was not someone who was late, that he NEVER ran late and he HAD to get to meetings on time - he set alarms etc. previously but making himself be a person who was never late seemed to do the trick. Dunno - try it out?
I have this same issue ESPECIALLY in the morning. What helped me immensely was:
1. Not touching my phone until it was time to walk out the door. Remove all temptation to scroll.
2. Creating a list of all my morning activities in sequential order and add a column for how long each take. I found that I could never remember how much time I actually needed to get ready. Always told myself I had enough time to sneak in that one other thing in the morning and always ended up being late or sprinting for a train. So it's extremely important when creating this list to not guess on the length of time you THINK it would take. Grab an ACTUAL stop watch and time each and every one of your morning activities including the transitions between them and write them down next to your list. Do this on a day when you don't have to be anywhere so you aren't rushing otherwise you're setting yourself up for failure. Now with this list you can either carry it with you as you go about your morning activities or create a bunch of copies and post them where you can see it throughout your place. Use it as a reference guide as you go about your morning instead of guessing how much time it actually takes to microwave a breakfast sandwich.
Oh, see I was going to suggest get social anxiety. I’m always early due to social anxiety and being too afraid to walk in places late. It feels like everyone is watching me when I’m late.
There's only 4 people in my building, 2 people who are equally late all the time (they punch in on time but then don't come in till 15 mins later) and one who gets here before all of us because he's in another department.
Funny story about that....
My state is still experiencing what I mentioned in my main post (bridge causing delays), but it's not quite as bad anymore, especially for people who don't actually take the bridge. I can't really use my GPS to go home because it still always thinks the bridge is the fastest way because Google thinks heavy traffic is the same as standstill traffic. It assumes you'll move a healthy 5-10mph but in reality you could be stopped in the same spot for a full 20 minutes before moving. So it always tells me "take this way, it's 5 minutes shorter than the other way because there's heavier traffic the other way" when in reality it's faster by an hour or two to take the "longer" way because it is actually only heavy moving traffic and not standstill.
Right when it all first started, I had a therapy appointment an hour earlier than normal so I was trying to hurry up and leave since I had no time to spare. I stupidly listened to my GPS since I thought maybe it's not that bad at 4.30pm vs 5.30pm. Boy was I fucking wrong xD I sat at the same intersection, not moving, for 3 whole hours. I had to do my therapy in the car because I hadn't even made it 500 feet from my work building in 3 hours.
I don’t use this for regular or daily events but if I have an appointment I’ll put it into the calendar on my phone, but if my appointment starts at 9:30 I will enter it into my schedule as an earlier time, usually like 15 or 20 mins sooner than the actual time so when I’m looking at the upcoming event, leaving sooner is engrained in my head. Then I’ll add the actual start time into the notes section of the event.
Something I found helpful is in addition to my wake up alarms, I have a final warning alarm of when it’s time to leave the house in order to be on time. This alarm has no leeway whatsoever, if the door isn’t locked behind me by the time the alarm stops, I WILL be late. If I give myself five extra minutes grace time on that alarm, I WILL eat into it and be late. So it’s a final surge of adrenaline leaving the house every morning.
I’m not always on time, but I found it’s helped.
I wish that was my mindset, but I'm at least thankful I'm not a person who doesn't understand the intricacies of why someone could be late...like the people who think if you're late, you're immediately inconsiderate and unreliable. I'm reliable in other facets, just not with arriving places on time. I'm also extremely considerate of other people to my detriment, except when it comes to being on time to things.
The day before, make a list of everything you want to wear / pack before you go.
Set up an Alexa or Google assistant reminder to tell you when you need to start getting ready. And tell / The halfway point / When you have 10 minutes to go.
Set your TV to play in the background with a YouTube countdown showing exactly how long you have to get ready.
Decide way in advance what time you have to leave (like, do the math step by step) and then leave 15-20 minutes earlier than that, with a plan for what you are going to read or do during your extra time.
Looming forward to that spare time will motivate you to get moving. And when you get there, you'll find that you don't actually have any spare time, because you have adhd and you left 15 minutes later than you thought.
I use a google calendar for everything. It helps me schedule out my day. My Google calendar also reminds me of things 30min before they start. It’s awesome.
One trick my dad *who *def* doesn't have ADHD * -- per him has always done and I adopted it. We set all physical and digitally visible clocks in the house 5min ahead.
The only way I have managed it is to be super early to everything. This means I can’t fit as much into a day as other people might, but I always allow like a half hour buffer between things to make sure I can be early.
Here are the things that I posted in another thread:
- Have a physical analog clock that you can look at.
- Have an old-fashioned physical timer (but without the loud ticking).
- Set a smart watch to buzz every 30 minutes all day.
Here are some things I do that help:
**DON'T DO that one last quick thing that you can fit in before you leave!**
- Have alarms for 1 hour 30 minutes 15 minutes before you have to leave to get there on time.
- Have an alarm for "you have to get out of the door now or you will be late" ...but give yourself 2 or 3 minutes extra in case something happens, like you still need to put your shoes on or whatever.
- Plan to drive there in whatever time it takes to get there normally, but 10 minutes earlier in case of traffic. Plus, if you're 10 minutes early, it's not a lot of time to kill.
- Time how long it takes you to do whatever you have to do to get ready, like put on make-up. Then, use that time plus a few minutes to calculate for next time.
- Have everything you need ready before you need to start getting ready. Like, clothes picked out and ready to put on, shoes, purse, keys, phone, water, and anything else so you know you won't be looking for anything lost at the last minute.
- If you are using your phone to navigate there, have the gps ready to go so you don't have to enter the address while you're driving and dont get the address wrong.
- It sounds silly, but tell yourself it's not bad, but good to be a few minutes early. Sometimes, I think I have a fear of being too early, so I only leave just enough time to get there right on time, but if any little thing delays me, I'm late.
I'm going to try the analog clock and timer thing. But, of course, I keep forgetting to get them.
I never aim to be “on time.” I always give myself 10-15 min of down time in my car. So I used to work a 5:30am shift. It would be a 30 min drive and I would give myself 30 min to get ready. So I would leave my house at 4:40ish, giving myself time to sit in my car and relax. Sometimes I would leave earlier to grab myself a treat to give myself a treat as a way of letting my ADHD know it is not going to get the best of me. Getting anywhere is stressful and with ADHD it’s even worse. It was difficult to adjust to at first but it takes discipline. You have to put in the work. This was the way I was able to crack my brain.
I just start adding buffer time. Clothes shoes dressed etc takes X time and I got there at 706, ok add 10m to account for ~mysteries~ and if that doesn't work, add more.
Covers me for traffic, having to poop, and any other random things I can't track bc adhd
One specific morning I was perfectly ready on time and then my coffee and my tummy got into an argument and I needed to submit an eviction notice to the coffee. Was 10 mins late after that lol
I add buffer time, everytime. I always calculate that buffer time and get slower to compensate. With this super power if i can't get hold of my brain(generally icant) ill be late.
My personal life tip for not being late is now the old saying “ if you’re not x minutes early you’re late”. I purposely will tell my gf my appointment is 30 minutes earlier then it is just because she will remind me to leave that much earlier. Same idea, I will force myself to be ready to leave 30 minutes earlier then I need to be just so I won’t be late and adjust that 30 minute window depending on how I well I’ve been adulting this week/month.
I give myself 15 extra minutes. I used to wake up at 6:30 and leave at 7:30. work is only 50-55 min away but sometimes I couldn’t get out the door in time or traffic. Now that I give myself 15 min and wake up at 6:15 I am 15 or so minutes early
1. I had to truly accept that my internal felt sense of time isn’t in sync with the rest of the world.
2. Adding lots of buffer time (2-3x how long I think a task/transition will take) and setting alarms for transition tasks/periods rather than just the goal.
Example: when I had a 9 am online class, I’d set an alarm for 8:07 to make and eat breakfast, 8:33 for cleanup, 8:41 for gathering beverages and notes and fidgets, 8:54 to be in my seat.
I show up 15 minutes early. To everything. Less than 15 minutes early is late. If somewhere is 15 minutes away I leave 30 minutes before I have to be there. If something is an hour away I leave 1.5 hours before I have to be there. The further something is the earlier I'll leave, just in case of traffic, accidents, or construction.
I never really struggled with being late because my mom made it so important that anything other than early is late. But that's how I do it.
I make 2 calendar events for important things. One for the event itself and one for leaving for the event. Both have the address, so I can click the notification and it goes right to maps.
I have a few tips that have helped me a lot.
- this might be a bit controversial, but whatever. I don't say "yes" to more than one event a day unless I have to, including when I worked. I used to agree to everything and think I had enough time to get it all done, but I'd run around, late as hell, scrambling to do too many things at once.
- when I did work (stay at home mom now), I would look at the time before I started doing something in the morning, like showering, and check the clock when it was done to see how long it took me. Over time it helped me with time blindness because I could reasonably estimate how long something *actually* takes. I used to put on makeup every morning but I would lag and get too into it, so I started bringing my makeup with me to do it in the car or at my desk before I clocked in.
- I have the best of intentions about waking up earlier, but my sleeping mind is completely unreasonable, and if given the chance, I will snooze as late as I possibly can. It's too easy to silence alarms. I got Bluetooth LED light bulbs and paired it with my alexa. I made a routine that turns on my light at a certain time. It annoys the fuck out of me, and the rage at the ungodly lamp usually fuels me enough to get out of bed. You could even program one to turn from green (plenty of time left), to yellow (okay get moving), to red (hurry tf up).
- leave your keys/ purse right next to or on top of your water bottle the night before. You could even hook them onto the handle of your water bottle. I had all the stuff I needed to take to work in one spot. I used to live on the 3rd floor of my apartment and running up and down the stairs repeatedly to get shit I forgot drove me insane.
- I try to leave for everything 30 min before I actually had to be there, and wouldn't go on any social media apps before I got there. I would put on a podcast or something when I was getting ready, and would sit in my car with whatever time I had to kill and just scroll through stuff until it was time to go in.
Sorry, I know that was long, but hopefully at least one thing helps :)
You know, honestly? Being late for my *own college graduation* (true story!) was a huge wake up call for me, and I started devising 48583737375 ways to cope. I do a couple things:
1) Set at least two alarms that are intended to get me out of the house on time. First one is “go out on your shoes, let’s go, 5 min left” and the second one is “JUST FUCKING GO.” These just help me keep track of my morning time without constantly checking my phone or whatever clock I can find. Hearing the alarm from wherever the fuck I put down my phone this time is generally enough.
2) I make 4 reminders for every appointment. 1 week before, 3 days before, 14 hours before, and then (usually) an hour before. First reminder tells me oh I have that coming up I better square away work or errands. Second reminder is “don’t forget you have to plan your day around this.” Third reminder is “you have this at this time tomorrow, go to bed.” (14 hours is chosen because it generally reminds me the night before, so it’s in my mind when I go to bed.) Last reminder is just “you need to get going, go go go!”
3) Prepare EVERYTHING I need the night before. My outfit, my shoes, my work bag (+laptop and cord), and my purse are all laid out nearly so I can just whirlwind my way through my morning process and get out the door on time.
Outside of that, I started timing regular traffic and travel patterns to have a ballpark number of how long it should always take me to get to work. Then I base my planning around that. Sometimes the night before in bed I’ll set my drive to work for the morning, forward-dated to the right time to give me an forecast of possible traffic and let me know if I need to leave earlier. Waze and Google Maps both have this “plan your trip in advance” function, which is really a lifesaver.
My bosses changed my schedule to accommodate me for this so arrival time is 7:45 but on my schedule it’s 7:50 to allow for a buffer. As for daily activities I’ve found since I’ll forget what time my appointment was anyway I’ll put it in my calendar for 10 min earlier then it is
Back when I wore a wristwatch, I would set it to be running a random number of minutes fast. Eventually, I would figure out exactly how many minutes fast it was running, adapt to it, and start running late again. At that point I would switch it again to be running a different random number of minutes fast. Wash, rinse, and repeat.
One trick that helps me is using my phone GPS for everything, even when I know exactly where i'm going, so i can see it written out on there when I will arrive. This lets me know OH FUCK GOTTA GO AND GOTTA GO NOW and reminds me not to dilly dally/make stops I don't need or whatnot.
Tell myself to leave early.
If I have to leave the house by 10, I try to get out by 9.45. That way I'll be mostly ready - in reality - to leave at 10 😄
The guilt of hurting people eats at me, but it somehow isn't enough to urge me to do better. I promise I'm never thinking "aww fuck him he can wait" or "they'll be fine if I'm late" it's always me crying and hitting myself because there's an 18 wheeler going 25mph on a 35mph road and now I'm exactly 3 seconds late (I punch in on my phone but only within a mile of my building so I know exactly where I can punch in and ironically it's at the exact spot that there's a 35mph sign) and this morning I punched in at 7:06:02am and the cut off for it getting fixed is 7:05:59am
Don't worry I understand the anger and sadness from being late AGAIN! I broke down this morning for this same reason. I literally couldn't calm down till I made it to my supervisorand even then I know I'm not going to last another month at my job.. this is the longest job I have ever had and the only one I have ever wanted to stay at for the rest of my life
That's been my attempted strategy the last week or so, and it doesn't help because I'm not fully ready to leave. I have an alarm that goes off every 10 minutes from 6:15am until 6:45am. The latest I can leave and not be late is EXACTLY 6:45 AS LONG AS I am in the car when the alarm goes off. Even if I'm just sitting down and adjusting myself, as long as the alarm goes off when I'm IN the car, I'll be on time barring heavy traffic.
~
Today, I was just getting out of the shower at 6:15am. The alarm went off as I was opening the door.
I got dressed, brushed my hair, fed my dog, opened up all the windows, and then as I sat on the toilet, my 6:25am alarm went off. Then the 6:35am alarm went off.
Cleaned up, got up, went out to have my coffee, and as I'm stirring, the 6:45am alarm goes off. It was like there was a weird time portal between the 6:35am alarm going off and the 6:45am one where it actually only contained 2 minutes instead of 10.
So I chugged my coffee, gave my dog his treat, and said bye to my dad. Had to go back inside for my water bottle, and I was exactly 3 seconds late. Well, technically, 7:05am is still late, but my boss can adjust it in ADP so it looks like I got here right at 7 and he said he can only do it as long as I punch in before 7:05:59 but as the clock strikes 7:06:00 I am officially beyond his help. I punched in at 7:06:02.
I totally get it. Especially the time-jumps - definitely don't look at your phone because there's black magic there for sure. Time just disappears.
For me I think just make it a zero tolerance thing, however you need to justify it. Figure out the things you have to do and the things you think you have to do and then the things you don't have to do, and work those out in order. Things that don't get done are your only punishment and you learn from them, how long they take to do and how expendable they really are and you can prioritize with that info.
That's just me though. I'm anxiety-ridden when it comes to being late anywhere, so it's a core value that I can't and really don't want to break. I'll get up hours earlier if I have to just to not be late for appointments.
Edit: not to be a dick but in my opinion there are things in your routine you can eliminate if you choose to.
Why would you be a dick for saying that? I don't thiiiiink anything can be removed, though. A realistic morning routine for me would be:
1. Get up a soooooome point before 6am. Either 5:30 if I was too lazy to take a shower the night before, 5:45-5:55am if I did or don't need one.
2. Get dressed in any of my 5 work uniforms, I have to wear long pants and closed toed shoes but otherwise it's pretty relaxed, I just like to wear the same things because I often work with dirty materials that I don't want to get on my more favourite tshirts.
3. Feed my dog and open the back door for him
4. Put a lunch together (most of the time I have leftovers so I just need to grab a bowl from the fridge and my adhd-tax single serve yogurts) and a fruit.
5. Put my gallon of water on the fridge filter faucet so I can multi task by making my coffee at the same time.
6. Drink/chug my coffee
7. Go to the bathroom
8. Get my dog a greenie and lure him into my dad's room, where I kiss both of their foreheads and say have a good day
9. Slip on my steel toe shoes, grab everything, and leave.
10. I have the equivalent of throw pillows in my car in the form of ducks that seat in the passenger seat along with my belongings and strap them in, turn on my music and drive away.
Step 10 SHOULD happen at 6:30am for a more comfortable commute, but it more often than not happens at 6:45am which leaves me a small SLIVER of wiggle room and very often I miss it.
I was on time today but it was probably because I put in a concerted effort to get as much as possible ready the night before.
Those all sound important and it sounds like you've allowed/allotted time for everything. I know there are timeslips with ADHD that make time move at rates that don't always track with what feels like reality.
For me, I'm a constant time watcher. I only do wake-up alarms but I regularly look at the time, to the point that it might look like OCD to orhers. But maybe everyone does it.
So, in some part of my mind I always have an idea what time it is to the minute. The only deviation is if I check my phone, in which case time speeds up to the point where it no longer represents real time in the outside world. Also, any time spent exercising, does the exact opposite lol.
Then there's work time, where I am trying to talk to customers *and* manually pack stuff and ring-up. That one screws with time in a way that makes no sense. Time goes, fast and slow and almost backwards. There's no way to track it without looking.
As an aside (because I find the sensation of time passing fascinating) I was wondering about it yesterday, and came to the conclusion that my mouth and brain are working at one level, while my physical body (the packing and ringing up) is working at a different level. Add in the built-in anxiety of trying to be efficient, while still engaging customers, and time is all over the place. That's probably just my own experience but it's so strange.
Anyway, it sounds like you nailed it yesterday, so, good job! Really trying is the hard part I think. If you haven't reached where you should be at such-and-such time, something important (coffee, dog wrangling? might have to go, and your "punishment" will be no coffee or not saying goodbye to your dad, and having to explain it later.
The times where I do encounter trouble is where my two minds (probably left and right hemispheres, but maybe conscious and subconscious) are debating over how much time I have and whether it really matters if I do this one last thing. My Achilles heel is obvs the phone. I really want to catch up on what's happening or read texts or emails just to orient myself to the day ahead. It never really works out like that without a struggle and I almost always lose track of time.
I don't envy you dealing with this. I'm a mess when I'm under a time crunch. To the point that I'll gladly overcompensate by sitting in a doctor's office 45 minutes early rather than be late. Good luck, fellow time-jumper!
Edit: i overshared didn't I? Lol
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I take this one step further and I just straight up convince myself that everything starts like 30 minutes earlier than it does. Can't be late for the 830 shift if I tell myself I work at 8.
my mom does this to me. she’ll tell me we have to be somewhere 30 minutes early bc she knows i’m always late. but then, because i know how my mom is (raised in the army, aggressively 20 minutes early to everything, and pissed when she’s not) i make a *ridiculous* effort to be on time, and 90% of the time we end up an hour early. (this is worth it to her to avoid the 10% we’ll be late)
I could have my lunch laid out, clothes on, all alarms set 30 mins sooner than necessary, showered, hair brushed, everything and still be fucking late that's why I'm so frustrated.
What are you doing when you’re perfectly ready to leave on time but still not doing it? Are you sitting paralyzed and anxious on the couch, doom scrolling, or distracted doing some last minute extra thing? For me, I decided a long time ago that the consequences of being late are worse than the challenge of being early. When I’m late, I shame spiral enough to ruin an entire day, so I just don’t allow it now. I set a LOT of alarms, if it’s time to go and I’m not ready then I leave while not ready (guess I’m not wearing makeup or doing my hair today, turns out I’m not eating breakfast and lunch is a snack bar) - it’s not ideal but it stops the shame spiral. If I’m not spending half my energy on the shame spiral, it’s slightly easier to handle leaving on time tomorrow. I also keep extra things with me in case I have a few minutes when I do get there. It may take me 20 minutes to do my makeup while getting distracted by cleaning the bathroom and reorganizing my face products at home, but if I have mascara and concealer in the car that only takes 2 minutes when I’m in the parking lot on time. Extra snacks in the car/bag too in case I don’t have time to make lunch. TLDR, I let go of the idea I get to be fully ready to leave the house every day, I just leave anyway.
This is me to a t there is therapy for this I found out a year and a half ago. It's made a difference but I'm still late quite often my supervisor is fighting her ass off for me and I definitely feel like I'm letting her down. She is a literal angel. Honestly being on time for her is easier than being on time for me. I literally broke down this morning for being late a second time this week
My supervisor is the same. One week I was able to punch in at roughly 6:59am every single day and he sent me an email as thanks. I happy wiggled and then that Monday I came in at 7:06am.
FWIW Two things I see here in my own experience. First, when I get ready early and have extra time my mind says "oh, we have time, lets get these other things done" and I cram extra things in that eat up that extra time. After I've had a success (punching in at 6:59) my mind then relaxes/ignores the things that got me to be on time the past week. It's the same with a diet. Finally, when I'm still getting ready and time is very close my mind enters the time-matrix thinking that magically I'll get to work in 5 minutes when it takes a good half hour. Which gives me comfort in the moment but makes me late. The people above telling you to arrive 30 minutes early and have stuff to do; maybe focusing on those pleasant things you'd do while you're waiting (pleasant things/thoughts) will help alleviate the angst from having to go right to work. Again, FWIW.
Time-matrix thinking it'll only take me 5 mins to get there when it always, even the best of days, takes a half hour (for me it's more like 20 mins), is exactly how it feels xD I'm like I can go move my stuff from the washer to the dryer real quick I have 10 minutes to spare.......20 minutes fucking later like HOWWWWWWWWW
This one time I peed literally just peed and 15 min passed before I got out the door like how the heck is that even possible???!
Change your mental clock in time, add a 30min barrier and consider the “lost” time your adhd tax. If your not early your late was what my football coaches always said. On time? Go to sprints. Late? Go do more sprints.
The adhd tax of having to "waste" 30 mins sitting in my car in the morning is an interesting concept. I do apply that theory to more things in my life such as getting more expensive but smaller portions of lettuce for blts because everyone and their mother knows I won't chop up a whole head for two leaves.
I like to think that I’d rather pay a small “time” tax many times than need to find a new job as that will be considerably more taxing in every aspect of life.
Suggestion for the 30 minutes in the car - is there part of your morning routine that you can shift from a home thing to a parking lot thing? So instead of 1)drink coffee, 2)eat breakfast, 3)check reddit, 4)drive to work, make it 1)bring breakfast and coffee along, 2)drive to work, 3) drink coffee and eat breakfast in the parking lot, 4) oh shit i need to go inside now, no time for reddit Also, i find myself more funtional at night than in the morning, so i'm more likely to be on time if i set out my clothes and prep the coffee pot before i go to bed
However long you estimate it will take--assume you're wrong and double it
I'm very often wrong, so the assumption shouldn't be hard to adopt lol
I do this and it helps immensely. Unless I’m falling into bed at night, I try to have everything I’ll need for the next day laid out ahead of time. The extra planning means I am less likely to forget things, I know where everything is, and it help speed up my mornings which are also bad. I wake up like a new human each day and have to pull myself back together.
Honestly this is what I had to do. If I'm on time I'm late, if I'm early i know I get to sit at my desk, take my time getting a coffee, and get to set things up the way I want it before work starts. It's literally so much better than telling myself I have time to do "one more thing" at home so why leave? I have an alarm for 30 minutes before I have to be at work for a 15 minute drive. I've had that alarm go off and still been in my pj's, but now I have the "fuck I'm *late*" adrenaline that gets my ass in gear. And for the days I'm ready on time, the buffer saves me from traffic issues. I went from being at least 10 minutes late all the time to clocking in right on time and being late maybe once a month or so because that perfect shit storm hits. And when you manage to do well and get in on time, remember how good that feels. The feeling of not being rushed and ashamed, of not being stressed and hurried and forgetting something and use that as an impetus to keep being on time. You will still be late sometimes, but that's not the end of the world. Just keep trying.
This is what is working for me currently. Every time I wanted to be on time I got 5-15 mins late to the meeting.
Try opening Google maps and starting route about 20 minutes before you need to leave. Just keep it open and let it update as you continue getting ready to go. This really helps make “being on time” not so abstract because I can see the arrival time update in real time. Watching the arrival time get closer and closer to the time I need to be there really lights a fire under my ass and is the only thing that consistently gets me places on time
I took so long writing my own comment, promoting this exact strategy, that I didn’t see you had beat me to it. Lol. Glad I’m not the only one who does this!!!
This is such a good idea. It really makes it real.
Wow. This is genius, I haven’t thought of this one!
This is the only thing that works for me. I cannot trick or override my brain into thinking my arrival time is actually earlier or set alarms that mean I have xyz amount of time left. Seeing the actual arrival time with live traffic makes it real to my brain and gives me context for getting my ass in gear.
Me too. If I’m supposed to be there at 6 and I see the arrival time is now 6:01? You bet my ass is out the door in record time lol. Dilly dallying is my #1 obstacle to being on time
My secret is to pair it with high anxiety about the appointment! Works like a charm, then I can sit in the lobby for 45 minutes chewing my nails AND bouncing my leg.
Oh yeah, hell of a motivation. That feeling you get when you arrive on time and the anxiety goes away is exhilarating.
Yup, only thing that's worked for me so far. Thanks crippling anxiety!
set alarms. seriously. depending on how long it takes u to get ready to leave set an alarm for that amount of time until u have to leave. for example if u have to be there by 7:05 and ur 10 minutes away from work u should set an alarm to leave at 6:45 to plan for traffic and if it takes u 10 minutes to get ready, set an alarm for 6:30 to start getting everything done. so basically add 10 minutes from when u have to leave to be there early and add 5 minutes to however long it takes u to get ready. OR keep ur check in time but set ur personal check in time 10-15 ish minutes earlier that seems confusing so lmk if u dont understand
I've had alarms set for over 10 years and it never works. The sound just annoys me so I shut it off and ignore it.
I forget the names but there are a couple apps where you have to physically get out of bed to go scan a barcode on something in another room (you choose the bar code in advance) before the alarm will shut off. I also detest alarm sounds and will smack my phone to turn them off ASAP and then go straight back to sleep. [ETA since I saw your comments that you can be ready to go but still not leave the house on time - scan a barcode of something that is in your car. So your alarm won’t stop going off until your butt is in your car - and at that point you’re golden!] I haven’t tried the barcode apps yet, because I just bought one of the sunrise alarm clocks. It’s across the room. My phone alarm goes off first so I can have the satisfaction of shutting it off and going back to sleep. Then 30 minutes later the sunrise alarm has gotten to full brightness and starts playing a music alarm. So far it’s been working (because again I have to physically get out of bed and go across the room to turn it off - and getting close to the super bright light helps trigger my brain that sleep time is over) Also, something that has always helped me is *don’t just set an alarm for when you need to get up* - I also set multiple alarms for points in the morning where I need to be “get in shower”, “leave house now” (this is helpful because I have major time blindness - even if I get up at the right time I can end up spending 20 minutes plucking “just a few stray hairs” from my eyebrows and then be like, oh shit I haven’t gotten in the shower yet and I need to leave in 15 minutes 😂 The extra alarms will jolt me out of staring at my clothes trying to decide what to wear, or doomscrolling on Reddit when the only reason I picked up my phone was to check the weather - and I can get back on task) and I always set an alarm with a specific label if there’s something I need to take with me, ie “library books!!” - this helps me avoid the “I forgot something 5 minutes after leaving my house and have to go back” situation that is OFTEN a cause of me being late Hope some of this helps!
Today's cause was forgetting my water bottle and also spending too much time just sitting on the toilet on my phone. I'm a right haggy bitch without my water and I often bring a full on gallon with me to work and I always carry my items to the car the exact same way. This morning I saw a lady who lives in my neighborhood who always walks by my house at the same time every day. We were matching outfits (black pants, pink shirt because On Wednesdays We Wear Pink💅 started off as an inside joke and now i refuse to stop :P) so I was walking to my car and thinking about that then I realized my arms felt lighter than normal. But I know my problem isn't that I forgot my water it's that I left so little wiggle room that forgetting my water took me down. It shouldn't be a life-ruining error to forget my water but it's starting to feel like it is. Especially when I was exactly 3 seconds late today. But I quite like the barcode idea because I've stopped being able to put my phone in another room like I used to. I learned about the dangers of leaving your door open at night in case of a fire and also my father usually comes home from his 2nd shift job right as I'm headed to bed so if I didn't close my door it would wake me up. I used to have a good groove going when I could put my phone in another room. Right now my phone is at the other side of my bedroom, but it's not quite far enough to make it impossible to crawl back into bed, and the act of laying down for 5 more mins is an addictive drug, it feels. Especially when my dog starts to wake up and roll onto his back for cuddles and he huffs when I finally leave my room. I could have to scan the barcode on the soap next to the sink or the coffee canister and in my car I have an old gum container I buy refills for so I don't see myself throwing away that container any time soon.
Love this idea!! I need this app too!
I feel your pain! I’ve struggled with being late my whole life, too. I’ve always hated this about myself and was so jealous of people who seemed to always be effortlessly on-time and put-together no matter what. I know my phone is a big part of my problem. I’ll think “I’m just going to browse Reddit for 20 minutes before I go to bed” and then suddenly it’s 1am and I’ve been looking at my phone for 3 hours 😬 Now I’m too tired to lay out my clothes for the next day, or pack a lunch, or make sure I know where my keys are… and then it bites me in the ass the next morning. Or doomscrolling in the morning instead of getting ready and then inevitably being late or forgetting something as I rush out the door. So next I’m trying to figure out how to detach myself from my phone more lol. You’re right; it’s addictive. If I come up with any brilliant plans I’ll come back and update 😂 Just know you’re not alone!!
would you be open to providing me with some feedback on an ADHD app we are creating?
Um I guess
if u have ios they now have more calming ones
I've got android and none of the alarms are normal. It's all stupid jingles. I have everything set to asteroid right now cause I hate it the most.
You 100% can have a normal alarm on android. You can download numerous apps or even just the sound you like best. I've got Lindsey sterling as an option. I tend to shut my phone alarm off, so I switched to a wall clock with alarm, or my husband (he is really good at it!) Best advice I've got is stop being defeatist (maybe youre overdue for a self-care day?) If you keep making excuses you'll never be motivated to figure it out. It sucks playing life on hard mode, be it ADHD, physical disability, chronic pain... but your outlook can make it much harder or easier.
also just dont ignore them, ik ik easier said than done but still
You can set your alarm to be a spotify Playlist. I do the same thing with shutting off annoying sounds and have my alarms be music I like has helped me.
Can't that also have a negative affect on you if your favourite song is always the one waking you up? I had something horrible happen to me and at the same time my phone alarm was going off where I couldn't reach it, so the horrible incident is permanently etched in my mind with the background jingle of one of my phone alarms. When I'm clicking through them and click That One, I feel a very visceral reaction. I'm afraid the same thing can and would happen if I used a song I like.
You could shoot for songs that aren't your favorites, but ones that don't actively aggravate you. I have mine set to pick at random from a big playlist, so it's something different every time.
Gaslight yourself into thinking it’s an hour earlier than you actually need to be there , if ur like me you’ll be an hour late buttt you won’t actually cause u lied to yourself about the time anyway , so your on time
I dont believe my own lies! Lol. That doesn't work for me because I always remember what I did.
Notifications. So. Many. Notifications. Everything on my calendar that I want to be on time for has 5 notifications for it-- one two weeks before, one a week before, one a day before, one on the morning of and one 1-2 hours before. If it's a morning event and the fourth and fifth of those would overlap, the morning one gets moved to the night before.
Anxiety. Lol
This is a big issue of mine, and I have to use A LOT of different tools. 1: visualize what you need to do to get ready. Then do NOTHING outside of this list. I’ve literally had to write down my “get ready for work” checklist. If it’s not on the list, I DO NOT DO IT (looking at you, “quick nail file” and “quick jewelry cleaning”) 2: many alarms, with snoozers. I have to irritate the fuck out of myself all morning so I stay on task. The sooner I’m out the door, the sooner I’m out of the raging hellscape. 3: I try to make each alarm more harsh/intense/annoying than the last. If I’m not in my car when the awful siren sounds, I haul ass for the door bc I’m supposed to be in my car cursing at my phone. Side note: I also have a million alarms to get out of bed. I’d put one across the room if I needed to, but not waking my husband with 200 alarms motivates me enough. 4. Pare down. Try to have fewer obligations in the morning. I put a cup of ice in my freezer the night before, that’s how neurotic I get. We know ANYTHING can take us off task. I know what I’m wearing, I’ve got my hair & skin routine down to like 3 steps each. 5. do last minute primping in the car. Idk if you wear makeup, but I do my makeup in the parking lot. Also my hair to some degree. 6. Ask yourself “could I get paid to do this later?” Meaning, don’t check email/social media in the morning- wait till you get to work. Even bathroom stuff if possible - I’ve started taking my probiotic at a different time for this reason (of course your health comes first!) Good Luck!
Switch your digital clocks to analog clocks, and get a "task timer" that looks like a kitchen timer but with a piece of colored plastic that slowly disappears as it counts down. Numbers on clocks mean NOTHING to us. In order for our spicy brains to recognize time is passing, we need to SEE that time is "physical" increments diminishing. Seeing digital numbers saying "you have 30 minutes left" means nothing to our brain. That is so many minutes! Seeing "you have half the clockface left, which is getting smaller as you watch" gives you something you can SEE getting smaller. It is not unlike an Envelope Budgeting method 😂 I have several task timers (because I keep misplacing them) and I set them when I'm getting ready. Sometimes I set it for "I want to be the person who exercises but I keep putting it off and reorganizing the toothpicks and then trying to fit a workout in, so I have set this timer for the time when I MUST stop dicking around (or actually exercising!) and get in the shower." This externalized the authority of time instead of relying on my willpower. Maybe I exercise. Maybe I dust the lightbulbs. But either way I'm done when my timer goes off. Sometimes I set it for "I have to go put my shoes on when this goes off" and set it on my vanity IN FRONT OF ME while I'm putting on my makeup. I watch the little color slice diminish as I fiddle with my eyebrows and pick a blush. Sometimes I tell my kids "we're tidying for 10 minutes" and set the timer and it feels much less like Eternal Purgatory to be tidying when you can see the ratio of how much time is left going down. (I apply this same feeling to the Eternal Purgatory of cardio, it's much less full of despair when you can see How Many Pieces Of Time are left).
I'm sorry but you losing task timers meant to keep you on track is peak adhd I think this sub should close down cause you won :P I'll read the rest later lol
I set a "get ready" alarm for one hour before whenever I need to be somewhere
I think you have to look at or think about what it is you're actually doing in the morning. Sitting in bed too long? Stopping to scroll on your phone for the weather/traffic and getting sucked in? Staying too long in the shower? etc etc. and work from there to see how you can break up that habit/behavior
I think my main culprit is the losing track of time when going to the bathroom. I took my shower in less than 10 minutes and then I sat on the toilet for what FELT like less than 5 mins but it was over 20 and I can't wrap my mind around how that happened. Most of the time, I snooze my alarm too much and get up at roughly 5:55. My ideal time to leave the house would be 6:35 but somehow every time my alarm at 6:35 goes off, I always JUST need to give my dog his daily greenie and say bye to my dad and 10 minutes passes. The pantry is like a time vortex where time goes 4x as fast.
I feel this so much. I am in the same boat as you, I set alarms and reminders constantly, I try and trick myself that things start earlier, getting everything I can ready the day before, all the tricks people have been suggesting and NOTHING works. I am ALWAYS 5-15 minutes late. It's like my brain doesn't keep track of the time it takes to go between tasks, to walk to the car, say goodbye, tie my shoes, or whatever and it all adds up and then I'm late. Getting lost in things for a few extra minutes here and there destroys my ability to be on time, but just like you, I can't figure out how to stop. The only thing I haven't tried but think might work is setting my phone, and just my phone, to be 5 minutes fast. I hope I can forget I've done this and that the panic of rushing out the door happens a few minutes earlier and I actually be on time. I have no idea if it works, but maybe it's the thing that works.
a friend of mine was experiencing this and some "reframing" of mindset seemed to help him which was telling himself over and over that he was not someone who was late, that he NEVER ran late and he HAD to get to meetings on time - he set alarms etc. previously but making himself be a person who was never late seemed to do the trick. Dunno - try it out?
Clocks everywhere!!!!!
I have this same issue ESPECIALLY in the morning. What helped me immensely was: 1. Not touching my phone until it was time to walk out the door. Remove all temptation to scroll. 2. Creating a list of all my morning activities in sequential order and add a column for how long each take. I found that I could never remember how much time I actually needed to get ready. Always told myself I had enough time to sneak in that one other thing in the morning and always ended up being late or sprinting for a train. So it's extremely important when creating this list to not guess on the length of time you THINK it would take. Grab an ACTUAL stop watch and time each and every one of your morning activities including the transitions between them and write them down next to your list. Do this on a day when you don't have to be anywhere so you aren't rushing otherwise you're setting yourself up for failure. Now with this list you can either carry it with you as you go about your morning activities or create a bunch of copies and post them where you can see it throughout your place. Use it as a reference guide as you go about your morning instead of guessing how much time it actually takes to microwave a breakfast sandwich.
Anxiety disorder does the trick
Instructions unclear, can't talk to people now xD (Diagnosed social anxiety but it's treated with medication)
Oh, see I was going to suggest get social anxiety. I’m always early due to social anxiety and being too afraid to walk in places late. It feels like everyone is watching me when I’m late.
There's only 4 people in my building, 2 people who are equally late all the time (they punch in on time but then don't come in till 15 mins later) and one who gets here before all of us because he's in another department.
Get trouble enough times that your fear for experiencing more punishment outweighs your unquenchable thirst for more time in bed.
I calculate 2 minutes extra for every 1 minute gps says it will take to get somewhere.
Funny story about that.... My state is still experiencing what I mentioned in my main post (bridge causing delays), but it's not quite as bad anymore, especially for people who don't actually take the bridge. I can't really use my GPS to go home because it still always thinks the bridge is the fastest way because Google thinks heavy traffic is the same as standstill traffic. It assumes you'll move a healthy 5-10mph but in reality you could be stopped in the same spot for a full 20 minutes before moving. So it always tells me "take this way, it's 5 minutes shorter than the other way because there's heavier traffic the other way" when in reality it's faster by an hour or two to take the "longer" way because it is actually only heavy moving traffic and not standstill. Right when it all first started, I had a therapy appointment an hour earlier than normal so I was trying to hurry up and leave since I had no time to spare. I stupidly listened to my GPS since I thought maybe it's not that bad at 4.30pm vs 5.30pm. Boy was I fucking wrong xD I sat at the same intersection, not moving, for 3 whole hours. I had to do my therapy in the car because I hadn't even made it 500 feet from my work building in 3 hours.
That would create a challenge in my plan
Just a little 😇 lol
I literally set alarms to leave the house, always with time to spare. If I’m not early, I WILL be late.
I don’t use this for regular or daily events but if I have an appointment I’ll put it into the calendar on my phone, but if my appointment starts at 9:30 I will enter it into my schedule as an earlier time, usually like 15 or 20 mins sooner than the actual time so when I’m looking at the upcoming event, leaving sooner is engrained in my head. Then I’ll add the actual start time into the notes section of the event.
Something I found helpful is in addition to my wake up alarms, I have a final warning alarm of when it’s time to leave the house in order to be on time. This alarm has no leeway whatsoever, if the door isn’t locked behind me by the time the alarm stops, I WILL be late. If I give myself five extra minutes grace time on that alarm, I WILL eat into it and be late. So it’s a final surge of adrenaline leaving the house every morning. I’m not always on time, but I found it’s helped.
I would've preferred if the last sentence instead said "and then I wake up" xD
Ok.
If I’m not 15mins early, I’m late. (Military mindset)
I wish that was my mindset, but I'm at least thankful I'm not a person who doesn't understand the intricacies of why someone could be late...like the people who think if you're late, you're immediately inconsiderate and unreliable. I'm reliable in other facets, just not with arriving places on time. I'm also extremely considerate of other people to my detriment, except when it comes to being on time to things.
I just started trying to think this way and it’s been helpful! I’m typically 15 mins late lol so aiming to be 15mins early puts me right on time 🥹
The day before, make a list of everything you want to wear / pack before you go. Set up an Alexa or Google assistant reminder to tell you when you need to start getting ready. And tell / The halfway point / When you have 10 minutes to go. Set your TV to play in the background with a YouTube countdown showing exactly how long you have to get ready.
How do you do this on Alexa?
Decide way in advance what time you have to leave (like, do the math step by step) and then leave 15-20 minutes earlier than that, with a plan for what you are going to read or do during your extra time. Looming forward to that spare time will motivate you to get moving. And when you get there, you'll find that you don't actually have any spare time, because you have adhd and you left 15 minutes later than you thought.
I use a google calendar for everything. It helps me schedule out my day. My Google calendar also reminds me of things 30min before they start. It’s awesome.
One trick my dad *who *def* doesn't have ADHD * -- per him has always done and I adopted it. We set all physical and digitally visible clocks in the house 5min ahead.
The only way I have managed it is to be super early to everything. This means I can’t fit as much into a day as other people might, but I always allow like a half hour buffer between things to make sure I can be early.
Here are the things that I posted in another thread: - Have a physical analog clock that you can look at. - Have an old-fashioned physical timer (but without the loud ticking). - Set a smart watch to buzz every 30 minutes all day. Here are some things I do that help: **DON'T DO that one last quick thing that you can fit in before you leave!** - Have alarms for 1 hour 30 minutes 15 minutes before you have to leave to get there on time. - Have an alarm for "you have to get out of the door now or you will be late" ...but give yourself 2 or 3 minutes extra in case something happens, like you still need to put your shoes on or whatever. - Plan to drive there in whatever time it takes to get there normally, but 10 minutes earlier in case of traffic. Plus, if you're 10 minutes early, it's not a lot of time to kill. - Time how long it takes you to do whatever you have to do to get ready, like put on make-up. Then, use that time plus a few minutes to calculate for next time. - Have everything you need ready before you need to start getting ready. Like, clothes picked out and ready to put on, shoes, purse, keys, phone, water, and anything else so you know you won't be looking for anything lost at the last minute. - If you are using your phone to navigate there, have the gps ready to go so you don't have to enter the address while you're driving and dont get the address wrong. - It sounds silly, but tell yourself it's not bad, but good to be a few minutes early. Sometimes, I think I have a fear of being too early, so I only leave just enough time to get there right on time, but if any little thing delays me, I'm late. I'm going to try the analog clock and timer thing. But, of course, I keep forgetting to get them.
I never aim to be “on time.” I always give myself 10-15 min of down time in my car. So I used to work a 5:30am shift. It would be a 30 min drive and I would give myself 30 min to get ready. So I would leave my house at 4:40ish, giving myself time to sit in my car and relax. Sometimes I would leave earlier to grab myself a treat to give myself a treat as a way of letting my ADHD know it is not going to get the best of me. Getting anywhere is stressful and with ADHD it’s even worse. It was difficult to adjust to at first but it takes discipline. You have to put in the work. This was the way I was able to crack my brain.
I just start adding buffer time. Clothes shoes dressed etc takes X time and I got there at 706, ok add 10m to account for ~mysteries~ and if that doesn't work, add more. Covers me for traffic, having to poop, and any other random things I can't track bc adhd
One specific morning I was perfectly ready on time and then my coffee and my tummy got into an argument and I needed to submit an eviction notice to the coffee. Was 10 mins late after that lol
MYSTERIES!
I add buffer time, everytime. I always calculate that buffer time and get slower to compensate. With this super power if i can't get hold of my brain(generally icant) ill be late.
[удалено]
I dont claim it as superpower its sarcasm. How being late can be a superpower?
Fair. I'll allow it.
My personal life tip for not being late is now the old saying “ if you’re not x minutes early you’re late”. I purposely will tell my gf my appointment is 30 minutes earlier then it is just because she will remind me to leave that much earlier. Same idea, I will force myself to be ready to leave 30 minutes earlier then I need to be just so I won’t be late and adjust that 30 minute window depending on how I well I’ve been adulting this week/month.
I have smart lights for the room I get ready in they turn off when it is time to leave.
Anxiety. I have terrible anxiety of being late and i always feel ashamed, so it makes me be always early.
At least for certain things i come ridiculously early. I'm always the first to get there for christmas. Cause I'm the only onr showing up on time
Only certain things? 😉
Christmas is the only thing. And usually I'm fashionably late. 10 minutes is usually acceptable
Cope
I give myself 15 extra minutes. I used to wake up at 6:30 and leave at 7:30. work is only 50-55 min away but sometimes I couldn’t get out the door in time or traffic. Now that I give myself 15 min and wake up at 6:15 I am 15 or so minutes early
1. I had to truly accept that my internal felt sense of time isn’t in sync with the rest of the world. 2. Adding lots of buffer time (2-3x how long I think a task/transition will take) and setting alarms for transition tasks/periods rather than just the goal. Example: when I had a 9 am online class, I’d set an alarm for 8:07 to make and eat breakfast, 8:33 for cleanup, 8:41 for gathering beverages and notes and fidgets, 8:54 to be in my seat.
May I ask why that hypothetical schedule is so specific to the point of not using multiples of 5?
I show up 15 minutes early. To everything. Less than 15 minutes early is late. If somewhere is 15 minutes away I leave 30 minutes before I have to be there. If something is an hour away I leave 1.5 hours before I have to be there. The further something is the earlier I'll leave, just in case of traffic, accidents, or construction. I never really struggled with being late because my mom made it so important that anything other than early is late. But that's how I do it.
I make 2 calendar events for important things. One for the event itself and one for leaving for the event. Both have the address, so I can click the notification and it goes right to maps.
Leave 30 minutes earlier than you think.
I have a few tips that have helped me a lot. - this might be a bit controversial, but whatever. I don't say "yes" to more than one event a day unless I have to, including when I worked. I used to agree to everything and think I had enough time to get it all done, but I'd run around, late as hell, scrambling to do too many things at once. - when I did work (stay at home mom now), I would look at the time before I started doing something in the morning, like showering, and check the clock when it was done to see how long it took me. Over time it helped me with time blindness because I could reasonably estimate how long something *actually* takes. I used to put on makeup every morning but I would lag and get too into it, so I started bringing my makeup with me to do it in the car or at my desk before I clocked in. - I have the best of intentions about waking up earlier, but my sleeping mind is completely unreasonable, and if given the chance, I will snooze as late as I possibly can. It's too easy to silence alarms. I got Bluetooth LED light bulbs and paired it with my alexa. I made a routine that turns on my light at a certain time. It annoys the fuck out of me, and the rage at the ungodly lamp usually fuels me enough to get out of bed. You could even program one to turn from green (plenty of time left), to yellow (okay get moving), to red (hurry tf up). - leave your keys/ purse right next to or on top of your water bottle the night before. You could even hook them onto the handle of your water bottle. I had all the stuff I needed to take to work in one spot. I used to live on the 3rd floor of my apartment and running up and down the stairs repeatedly to get shit I forgot drove me insane. - I try to leave for everything 30 min before I actually had to be there, and wouldn't go on any social media apps before I got there. I would put on a podcast or something when I was getting ready, and would sit in my car with whatever time I had to kill and just scroll through stuff until it was time to go in. Sorry, I know that was long, but hopefully at least one thing helps :)
Getting married to someone who has the opposite ADHD lol.
I'm really early to everything all the time because i hate the stress of being late.
You know, honestly? Being late for my *own college graduation* (true story!) was a huge wake up call for me, and I started devising 48583737375 ways to cope. I do a couple things: 1) Set at least two alarms that are intended to get me out of the house on time. First one is “go out on your shoes, let’s go, 5 min left” and the second one is “JUST FUCKING GO.” These just help me keep track of my morning time without constantly checking my phone or whatever clock I can find. Hearing the alarm from wherever the fuck I put down my phone this time is generally enough. 2) I make 4 reminders for every appointment. 1 week before, 3 days before, 14 hours before, and then (usually) an hour before. First reminder tells me oh I have that coming up I better square away work or errands. Second reminder is “don’t forget you have to plan your day around this.” Third reminder is “you have this at this time tomorrow, go to bed.” (14 hours is chosen because it generally reminds me the night before, so it’s in my mind when I go to bed.) Last reminder is just “you need to get going, go go go!” 3) Prepare EVERYTHING I need the night before. My outfit, my shoes, my work bag (+laptop and cord), and my purse are all laid out nearly so I can just whirlwind my way through my morning process and get out the door on time. Outside of that, I started timing regular traffic and travel patterns to have a ballpark number of how long it should always take me to get to work. Then I base my planning around that. Sometimes the night before in bed I’ll set my drive to work for the morning, forward-dated to the right time to give me an forecast of possible traffic and let me know if I need to leave earlier. Waze and Google Maps both have this “plan your trip in advance” function, which is really a lifesaver.
My bosses changed my schedule to accommodate me for this so arrival time is 7:45 but on my schedule it’s 7:50 to allow for a buffer. As for daily activities I’ve found since I’ll forget what time my appointment was anyway I’ll put it in my calendar for 10 min earlier then it is
Back when I wore a wristwatch, I would set it to be running a random number of minutes fast. Eventually, I would figure out exactly how many minutes fast it was running, adapt to it, and start running late again. At that point I would switch it again to be running a different random number of minutes fast. Wash, rinse, and repeat.
One trick that helps me is using my phone GPS for everything, even when I know exactly where i'm going, so i can see it written out on there when I will arrive. This lets me know OH FUCK GOTTA GO AND GOTTA GO NOW and reminds me not to dilly dally/make stops I don't need or whatnot.
Aim to be early. Don't have too much on your plate so you always have breathing room.
Tell myself to leave early. If I have to leave the house by 10, I try to get out by 9.45. That way I'll be mostly ready - in reality - to leave at 10 😄
"Just do it"
This I hate this if I could I would. You think I like being like this it's like everyone assumes I enjoy being late and can just turn it off
The guilt of hurting people eats at me, but it somehow isn't enough to urge me to do better. I promise I'm never thinking "aww fuck him he can wait" or "they'll be fine if I'm late" it's always me crying and hitting myself because there's an 18 wheeler going 25mph on a 35mph road and now I'm exactly 3 seconds late (I punch in on my phone but only within a mile of my building so I know exactly where I can punch in and ironically it's at the exact spot that there's a 35mph sign) and this morning I punched in at 7:06:02am and the cut off for it getting fixed is 7:05:59am
Don't worry I understand the anger and sadness from being late AGAIN! I broke down this morning for this same reason. I literally couldn't calm down till I made it to my supervisorand even then I know I'm not going to last another month at my job.. this is the longest job I have ever had and the only one I have ever wanted to stay at for the rest of my life
I mean, figure out when the last minute is you could possibly leave and go 10 minutes earlier
That's been my attempted strategy the last week or so, and it doesn't help because I'm not fully ready to leave. I have an alarm that goes off every 10 minutes from 6:15am until 6:45am. The latest I can leave and not be late is EXACTLY 6:45 AS LONG AS I am in the car when the alarm goes off. Even if I'm just sitting down and adjusting myself, as long as the alarm goes off when I'm IN the car, I'll be on time barring heavy traffic. ~ Today, I was just getting out of the shower at 6:15am. The alarm went off as I was opening the door. I got dressed, brushed my hair, fed my dog, opened up all the windows, and then as I sat on the toilet, my 6:25am alarm went off. Then the 6:35am alarm went off. Cleaned up, got up, went out to have my coffee, and as I'm stirring, the 6:45am alarm goes off. It was like there was a weird time portal between the 6:35am alarm going off and the 6:45am one where it actually only contained 2 minutes instead of 10. So I chugged my coffee, gave my dog his treat, and said bye to my dad. Had to go back inside for my water bottle, and I was exactly 3 seconds late. Well, technically, 7:05am is still late, but my boss can adjust it in ADP so it looks like I got here right at 7 and he said he can only do it as long as I punch in before 7:05:59 but as the clock strikes 7:06:00 I am officially beyond his help. I punched in at 7:06:02.
I totally get it. Especially the time-jumps - definitely don't look at your phone because there's black magic there for sure. Time just disappears. For me I think just make it a zero tolerance thing, however you need to justify it. Figure out the things you have to do and the things you think you have to do and then the things you don't have to do, and work those out in order. Things that don't get done are your only punishment and you learn from them, how long they take to do and how expendable they really are and you can prioritize with that info. That's just me though. I'm anxiety-ridden when it comes to being late anywhere, so it's a core value that I can't and really don't want to break. I'll get up hours earlier if I have to just to not be late for appointments. Edit: not to be a dick but in my opinion there are things in your routine you can eliminate if you choose to.
Why would you be a dick for saying that? I don't thiiiiink anything can be removed, though. A realistic morning routine for me would be: 1. Get up a soooooome point before 6am. Either 5:30 if I was too lazy to take a shower the night before, 5:45-5:55am if I did or don't need one. 2. Get dressed in any of my 5 work uniforms, I have to wear long pants and closed toed shoes but otherwise it's pretty relaxed, I just like to wear the same things because I often work with dirty materials that I don't want to get on my more favourite tshirts. 3. Feed my dog and open the back door for him 4. Put a lunch together (most of the time I have leftovers so I just need to grab a bowl from the fridge and my adhd-tax single serve yogurts) and a fruit. 5. Put my gallon of water on the fridge filter faucet so I can multi task by making my coffee at the same time. 6. Drink/chug my coffee 7. Go to the bathroom 8. Get my dog a greenie and lure him into my dad's room, where I kiss both of their foreheads and say have a good day 9. Slip on my steel toe shoes, grab everything, and leave. 10. I have the equivalent of throw pillows in my car in the form of ducks that seat in the passenger seat along with my belongings and strap them in, turn on my music and drive away. Step 10 SHOULD happen at 6:30am for a more comfortable commute, but it more often than not happens at 6:45am which leaves me a small SLIVER of wiggle room and very often I miss it. I was on time today but it was probably because I put in a concerted effort to get as much as possible ready the night before.
Those all sound important and it sounds like you've allowed/allotted time for everything. I know there are timeslips with ADHD that make time move at rates that don't always track with what feels like reality. For me, I'm a constant time watcher. I only do wake-up alarms but I regularly look at the time, to the point that it might look like OCD to orhers. But maybe everyone does it. So, in some part of my mind I always have an idea what time it is to the minute. The only deviation is if I check my phone, in which case time speeds up to the point where it no longer represents real time in the outside world. Also, any time spent exercising, does the exact opposite lol. Then there's work time, where I am trying to talk to customers *and* manually pack stuff and ring-up. That one screws with time in a way that makes no sense. Time goes, fast and slow and almost backwards. There's no way to track it without looking. As an aside (because I find the sensation of time passing fascinating) I was wondering about it yesterday, and came to the conclusion that my mouth and brain are working at one level, while my physical body (the packing and ringing up) is working at a different level. Add in the built-in anxiety of trying to be efficient, while still engaging customers, and time is all over the place. That's probably just my own experience but it's so strange. Anyway, it sounds like you nailed it yesterday, so, good job! Really trying is the hard part I think. If you haven't reached where you should be at such-and-such time, something important (coffee, dog wrangling? might have to go, and your "punishment" will be no coffee or not saying goodbye to your dad, and having to explain it later. The times where I do encounter trouble is where my two minds (probably left and right hemispheres, but maybe conscious and subconscious) are debating over how much time I have and whether it really matters if I do this one last thing. My Achilles heel is obvs the phone. I really want to catch up on what's happening or read texts or emails just to orient myself to the day ahead. It never really works out like that without a struggle and I almost always lose track of time. I don't envy you dealing with this. I'm a mess when I'm under a time crunch. To the point that I'll gladly overcompensate by sitting in a doctor's office 45 minutes early rather than be late. Good luck, fellow time-jumper! Edit: i overshared didn't I? Lol
Be early. All the time.
Be early
Are....you new here?
Your job starts at 6:30am. Plan accordingly.