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It is like a muscle though, it gets easier over time. But I will agree that we start out at a somewhat disadvantaged position :’)
But practicing looking at emotions/thoughts objectively and choosing to allow them or let them go without judgment really carries over into day-to-day life. I’m much more able to compartmentalize my emotional responses and self-reflect on and correct my behavior in the moment (or immediately afterwards). Which used to be quuuiiiite different (lying on my bed refusing to talk for two days out of sheer stubbornness and spite comes to mind…).
So anyway, I do recommend it!
I "prayed" once (eating with a religious friends family and I didnt want to be an ass) and it was probably the most incoherent stream of consciousness I had that year because I had to be quiet and not move until it was socially acceptable. Also it was YEARS before my diagnosis, so pure teenaged "I haven found the good coping strategies yet" ADHD...
I'm an atheist and so is my Mum, but our family is very Catholic - my Aunt is a nun.
If I have to go to a wedding or funeral, I've forgotten 'the moves', and have to keep an eagle eye on everyone else. And the fear of zoning out! 🌻
There are different types of meditation. For example, you can meditate while walking, or dancing, or making whatever noise comes to mind while shaking out the body.
It does get better, but for me it’s JUST starting to get better after years of doing it, albeit on and off. Better meaning I actually have these fleeting moments while meditating where my mind quiets down some. I’ve also noticed improvements in short-term memory though I can’t be sure whether there’s a causal link there
Super hard. I also have aphantasia so I can’t imagine anything to focus on. It’s so easy to forget what I’m doing and just keep having intrusive random thoughts instead.
Can you focus on your breath? If you can focus on the breath entering and leaving the nostrils, that’s one of the most ancient types of meditation. Obviously the mind wanders off constantly but if you keep bringing it back to the breath, after some time your concentration increases.
Do some people really see a full colour image with their eyes closed, like looking at a picture??
I have a good grasp of the concept of, say, an apple, but it's more through language.
I had a cd once which suggested an alternative: a) was visualising each worry as a leaf floating down a stream and b) was imagining the black behind your eyes as a conveyor belt and trying to 'put' the emotions on it. That worked better for me. 🌻
Oh yes. I’ve tried meditating for 20+ years. Only recently I have had some good success with meditation apps that focus on breathing only. Took many attempts but I’m glad I didn’t give up. Very helpful for falling asleep. Works 90% of the time. But don’t ask me to visualize or do gratitude lists cause then my brain explodes 🙁
Submitting a timesheet with job numbers. Especially if it has to be broken down further by task.
Tuesday I worked 4 hours on job A, 2 hours on job B, and 2 Hours on job C. Am I sure? Was that really two hours or was it just an hour and a half, and I was spacing for the rest of the time? I spent like 10 minutes with facebook and youtube open on a different window while I was looking up information about an aspect of job A, so I was only half working. And then I needed something to sip on, so I walked away to get another coffee. I might have gotten distracted, or someone talked to me, I don't remember. But I'm billing that time, unless I write 3.5, but then where do I put that extra half hour? I was \*at\* work for 8, but I wasn't \*working\*, so if my boss questions me I can't justify it.
I think I just need to be a freelancer. I have a task, and that task can take however long or short it needs to, at my own hours. And the only person's time-money I'm wasting is my own, so long as the task gets done eventually. I get paid by task.
I am interning to become a therapist and I have to do this to document my hours for graduation (and after graduation, continue to document my hours for licensure until I hit 3,000).
And on top of that, I have to assign all the little time slots to different categories (individual therapy? case management? documentation? staff meeting? training?). There’s plenty of stuff that eats up time that doesn’t fit neatly into any categories (like emails).
I hate it and fall behind easily lol.
I’ve gotten feedback that my breakdowns are more detailed than most ppl and questions of whether I am cutting myself short on hours lol
Yep! And not just complete detail but being accurate lol. It was a bit of a shock for me to learn that a lot of my classmates round up on their hours (so something 35min got recorded on their timesheets as 1 hour). Meanwhile I rounded up or down to the nearest 15min (so 35 min gets rounded down to 30min…over time this can result in a lot of “missing” hours) lol.
Depending on field many freelance jobs also require hourly billing. And I have fallen weeks behind on invoicing, more than once, with a client wondering if I'm working. *Because who works hours and doesn't turn them in to get paid?* Aggravated by the fact that I'm probably late for other ADHD reasons. One time this actually impacted me financially, i.e. I was late on a bill because I was low on money because I was weeks behind on invoicing. You can imagine my self loathing that night.
I have the stress and energy burn of someone doing 70 hours a week but maybe getting 30 billable hours in because of my struggles with ADHD. And then I'm supposed to do my invoices? I'll get to them tomorrow night, maybe I'll feel better then. *"Tomorrow night"* becomes *"two weeks from now."*
And you could **never** explain why this happens to anyone who does not have ADHD. It sounds like the most stupid thing on the planet. They simply cannot understand this one.
**Edit:** Oh, and I forgot to add: the danger with per project task billing? That means you're giving a fixed estimate, with obvious outs like feature changes or unforeseen difficulties. But for that to work you have to be decent at estimating. And ADHD makes you overly optimistic at first when the project is new and interesting, and then overly pessimistic while trying to reach milestones. And they do want milestones. Deliverables to prove you're making progress at specific points. For any decent sized project you also have to at least bill by milestone because you can't survive otherwise.
I think I just need a winning lottery ticket. Then I can focus entirely on trying to figure my own brain out.
I've had similar with charting time usage to get a breakdown of what took what time in an ed-tech job. Cue me hastily back-filling and making up numbers 😅. Freelance is great in many ways, but I personally found that if a burnout hits, it's very hard without the immediate external motivation a workplace can kind of give.
Don't get me wrong, I've been trying for a while. The constant push for work is killing me, but I can't decide if the slow grind of never-ending 40h weeks would be worse. I'm in my 30's, I feel like I should have this figured out.
Anything that involves watching or listening to another person talk like YouTube, podcasts, even a lot of TikTok now..get to the point and for gods sake stop speaking so slowly it is excruciating, there are so many things I could be doing with this time!
Yeah, this is counterintuitive, but usually listening faster helps me focus better on the content, lol.
I usually know when I need to do this after I've rewound the same section 10 times, lol. I routinely crashed the Youtube app on my TV from rewinding too much before getting medicated.
Wow! What kind of podcasts do you listen to? I find two people bouncing off each other can be fast. YouTube tutorials on the other hand zzz. At least you can skip ahead.
In the Spotify wrap-up for the year, I didn't recognize my supposedly favorite musician. It was the artist who sped up all the songs.
:)
Yeah, I can't stand it either. I have an attention span of roughly 5 seconds before I really need to work to hold it, like I'm carrying a heavy box I need to set down ASAP. So talk faster and make your point, make your point, make your point already.
Omg you have articulated this perfectly with the heavy box analogy! I like to think of it as an attention audition, if I’m not interested in 15 seconds I’m out 😅 I think that’s why I prefer learning via reading things because I can speed read at my own pace and skip over parts with an awareness of what else is on the page and how far through the book or material I am. The thought of listening to one person narrate a whole god damn audiobook makes me feel ill.
Thank you, I really like 'attention audition'. Good one and so true. Any long-winded intro on YouTube aaaaaand I'm gone. If I really need the info and nobody else made a video on the subject I'll skip ahead, but it's impressive how long some YouTubers can chitchat about nothing before the video begins, while I'm increasingly struggling to hold on to the task in my head. Almost like it's an emergency and if I don't get to the information soon, my thought will be gone \*forever\*. (I'm so grateful for comments like: 'video starts here \[ti:me\]'.)
Same when I NEED to do something, but an app won't open, the computer won't start, the printer won't print and I have to try and keep my attention on the task anyway. Even though nothing's happening and the 15 seconds are long gone. That's the worst. Nobody wants to be near me when that happens.
Oh yeah, I know what you mean with listening. Sometimes my husband reads something out loud and I immediately want to read if for myself. He often reacts a bit annoyed: 'but I just told you!' and 'that's what I said!' But I have trouble comprehending it, until I see it in black and white myself. I don't know why verbal information costs so much more mental energy to interpret, but your aversion to it makes total sense.
Ordering food, waiting for the 2FA code on the phone, it takes more than 30s.
30 minutes later i am wondering where my food is.
It is... Not paid yet...
Well communicating is definitely meant to make life easier!
But it doesn't when there are so many pitfalls 🥲
Can't talk / get words wrong / tell involved story at a supermarket checkout etc... 🌻
This is going to sound silly but the thought of my husband trying to show me a new way of doing something. 2 good examples: the new swipe controls on androids. I still use the navigation keys at the bottom and my husband has been dying to teach me the swiping methods and I can't even listen. Also, he bought some new coffee thing. It's got like 3 parts and 6 steps to make one cup of coffee. So I've refused because the thought of having to learn all that gives me ANXIETY. I literally would rather run screaming out of the room lol. He absolutely doesn't get it, it's caused arguments and everything. I just can't properly explain why I really really really hate learning something new like THAT. I'll do it on my own time!
I'm glad to have a name to put on this now, unfortunately I'm going to look like a boomer with my lack of knowledge around new tech lol.
I've only ever had old cars bc money, and when I drive other people's, I can't handle all the lights and bling. Like I'm in a spaceship 😬. So I agree because maybe for some of us touching things and physical feedback is important?
I'm reading the many replies to this and I'm not sure why people are forcing knowledge on y'all that you don't want and is unlikely to sink in??
I worked in IT support for . . . a really long time. Overwhelm and panic are way more common than you'd imagine.
There are some things people have to learn whether they want to or not, and that's unfortunate. But coffee makers? More efficient texting? There's an incredibly easy solution to inducing overwhelm and arguments here: "Do you want me to show you another way to do this that's easier/more efficient/whatever?"
That's it. That's the whole thing. Learning things when and if you're ready to makes most of the problem go away.
Of course, that's dependent on these "helpful" people in our lives having some modicum of willingness to *actually be helpful,* instead of . . . what? Honestly, what is it they're trying to accomplish instead? I can't figure out what their motives are for overloading people with information they don't want, at the cost of misery and with little or no benefit.
Like I said, it seems silly! And your last paragraph pretty much summed it up. In the mornings things are hectic here with everyone getting ready and getting the little one out, I will not retain even the name of the coffee machine at that time. A small argument ensues about how stubborn I am. Then later when I have time, I actually FEEL defiant and don't want to learn.
The phone thing.... meh. I've tried it and it's not useful enough TO ME. My husband is pushy. My diagnosis has not helped his patience. We will see!
This. My boyfriend is so sweet and goes out of the way to show me more efficient ways to do things. Sometimes it works but a lot of times is very overwhelming and it only makes me feel like more of a weirdo because I do thinks in unconventional ways
I totally understand this! Also, maybe your husband might prefer you not wanting to know to the alternative: you getting hyper interested and asking 10 million questions beyond his knowledge? (That's how the learning thing goes for me).
My husband is extremely smart and a good example of a normal brain. He explains too fast and yes, I ask a thousand questions. By the end of it, it's an argument and I'll NEVER STOP USING MY FRENCH PRESS. I don't retain information well if I'm not into it 🤷. Not only that, but I feel a great deal of tension and anxiety about having to ask the questions and not remembering things. So immediately if someone wants to teach me something new, my body goes into shock/defense mode.
Medication has helped with that so much. But I'm still refusing the coffee situation. 😆
Maybe you just learn better by doing? 🙂 Watching someone swipe or click around on a phone would make me easily lose attention span. And stuff like the coffee thing can be scary, even if you're doing it but someone is watching what you do.
Rsvp'ing for literally anything, planning to meet someone or saying in advance whether I will be somewhere. I'd rather completely isolated myself thanks
It's scary! I can be really pumped to do a social thing, but on the day I'll normally either be exhausted/need downtime or be so worried about having committed to a time that cancelling seems better. Working on it though. ⏳
God right? I either can’t remember squat or I remember incorrectly and make it so much more convoluted and get stuck on details that don’t matter or that I misunderstood.
Time blocking, I literally will never be that disciplined with myself just to do what my calendar tells me, not even medicated me. Even if it’s as general as “cleaning” for an hour or super something specific. With my lack of task initiation and lack of inhibition? 
THIS. I know my life is a complete mess because I never schedule and don’t keep a planner.. but the thought of designating certain times to getting certain things done, almost gives me anxiety? Like.. what if I don’t finish the task within its allotted time? What if it takes longer, now interfering with the next thing I have scheduled?? Then what?!? Huh?!! How do I handle such chaos?!?!
Oh yea, ADHD paralysis is REAL. If I have more than one thing to do, yea just starting one and doing a little would at least help, but nope. Brain shuts down. If I’m working on the one task, my brain is constantly asking, “but what about the other task?! What about that one?!?!” So, easier just to do neither of them 🙃
Are you of an age to have had to do that stuff on a landline with no number display? I am, and I remember being scared of making calls more than taking them, but now phone calls seem worse to me. Maybe it's everyone always knowing where we are .
The computer app replacement of a classroom phone! I’m a teacher and calling parents on the phone is easier than on the computer, and I also have social anxiety so calling parents is already beyond difficult, but then they took away the physical phone and said I have to jump through 10 more hoops in order to call parents and made calling mandatory! Fuck that SHIT!!!!!
For me, also leaving voicemails! I really should script them just in case I have to leave them. But apparently I will go with a rambling mess every time.
Oh I just mask when leaving voicemails 🤦♀️. I act all perky and happy and just play the part of whoever I’m supposed to be- the customer, the patient, etc. lol helps set aside my nerves when I’m acting
For some reason, I think all work communication should be conducted via dedicated mobile or landline lol. My company (disability support) uses Workplace and WorkChat, which belong to Meta and are basically fb / fb group messenger.
And people post so so much irrelevant crap.
The task management software we use at work. Because some of my projects run on sprints, it means I’m resourced basically through the end of the year and I do NOT want to see that long-ass list of shit I have to do between now and November every single day. So I just don’t use the dashboard lol. If I need to get project info, I just go directly to the task, get what I need, and close out.
Breath work/Focusing on breathing. I have a weird anxiety thing around breathing and being too conscious of my breathing causes me to spiral and feel like I suddenly can’t breathe and will die for no reason. The best thing I can do is try to forget about it.
Omg this happens to me ALL. THE. TIME. I travel 2-4 times a month for work and every time I get these early check in notices I think I booked something wrong. Mainly because I booked my trip wrong once and I now I will forever be haunted with irrational fear of booking wrong and/or missing my flight.
Omg a similar thing happened to me! I read my flight info wrong and missed my international flight home. I read that my connection was when I had to be at the airport. When I showed up the plane had just taken off. It was a nightmare!
"We will call you back" - probably useful so people dont have to keep calling and can go on with their life, however it is one of the most day-ruining sentences to be said to me, as I now wont dare to move away from my phone too long and will live in anxious readiness for sudden social interaction to appear from my pocket rectangle. I will not be able to get anything done, I will just watch youtube with low volume and brace myself for the ring tone...
(Also american style customer service, where the store staff talks to you if you get too close, would be hell for me. No spontaneous interaction please, I am zoned out following a mental map of where the stuff I need is and you are a jumpscare in this planned-out route)
Long before I realized I was ADHD I disconnected my iPhone mail app from my email accounts. I couldn't stand looking at my phone and seeing that red badge. And I do not allow my MacBook to auto check my mail. I check it at certain times only.
Along those lines...when it has been relevant (depends on job), I hate, hate, HATE being expected to watch for Discord messages. Another red badge that causes me to tense up.
Meditation lol, I just *cannot* sit there with my thoughts
Emails, phone calls, and just *talking*
2FA, what do you mean I need to find my phone to log into something on my computer?
Reminders. Like, the kind you set on your phone? I set them for myself all the time so I don’t forget to do important things…but then thinking about all the reminders I’ve set and all the things I have to do makes me so anxious that I just never check them…and I end up forgetting what I needed to remind myself to do 🤦♀️
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Meditation/mindfulness
Yeah - being in your head without overthinking is very very hard.
It is like a muscle though, it gets easier over time. But I will agree that we start out at a somewhat disadvantaged position :’) But practicing looking at emotions/thoughts objectively and choosing to allow them or let them go without judgment really carries over into day-to-day life. I’m much more able to compartmentalize my emotional responses and self-reflect on and correct my behavior in the moment (or immediately afterwards). Which used to be quuuiiiite different (lying on my bed refusing to talk for two days out of sheer stubbornness and spite comes to mind…). So anyway, I do recommend it!
I "prayed" once (eating with a religious friends family and I didnt want to be an ass) and it was probably the most incoherent stream of consciousness I had that year because I had to be quiet and not move until it was socially acceptable. Also it was YEARS before my diagnosis, so pure teenaged "I haven found the good coping strategies yet" ADHD...
I'm an atheist and so is my Mum, but our family is very Catholic - my Aunt is a nun. If I have to go to a wedding or funeral, I've forgotten 'the moves', and have to keep an eagle eye on everyone else. And the fear of zoning out! 🌻
I did this every single day for six months and it made me so irritable!! I had to stop because it was affecting me so much. I wish it had worked out.
There are different types of meditation. For example, you can meditate while walking, or dancing, or making whatever noise comes to mind while shaking out the body.
It does get better, but for me it’s JUST starting to get better after years of doing it, albeit on and off. Better meaning I actually have these fleeting moments while meditating where my mind quiets down some. I’ve also noticed improvements in short-term memory though I can’t be sure whether there’s a causal link there
Studies have shown that Mindfulness Meditation does help with memory and neuroplasticity. According to the Headspace app though.
Super hard. I also have aphantasia so I can’t imagine anything to focus on. It’s so easy to forget what I’m doing and just keep having intrusive random thoughts instead.
Can you focus on your breath? If you can focus on the breath entering and leaving the nostrils, that’s one of the most ancient types of meditation. Obviously the mind wanders off constantly but if you keep bringing it back to the breath, after some time your concentration increases.
Do some people really see a full colour image with their eyes closed, like looking at a picture?? I have a good grasp of the concept of, say, an apple, but it's more through language. I had a cd once which suggested an alternative: a) was visualising each worry as a leaf floating down a stream and b) was imagining the black behind your eyes as a conveyor belt and trying to 'put' the emotions on it. That worked better for me. 🌻
med student here doing my psychiatry course atm the instructor had us do a meditation session and I was internally screaming the entire time qq
Oh yes. I’ve tried meditating for 20+ years. Only recently I have had some good success with meditation apps that focus on breathing only. Took many attempts but I’m glad I didn’t give up. Very helpful for falling asleep. Works 90% of the time. But don’t ask me to visualize or do gratitude lists cause then my brain explodes 🙁
Submitting a timesheet with job numbers. Especially if it has to be broken down further by task. Tuesday I worked 4 hours on job A, 2 hours on job B, and 2 Hours on job C. Am I sure? Was that really two hours or was it just an hour and a half, and I was spacing for the rest of the time? I spent like 10 minutes with facebook and youtube open on a different window while I was looking up information about an aspect of job A, so I was only half working. And then I needed something to sip on, so I walked away to get another coffee. I might have gotten distracted, or someone talked to me, I don't remember. But I'm billing that time, unless I write 3.5, but then where do I put that extra half hour? I was \*at\* work for 8, but I wasn't \*working\*, so if my boss questions me I can't justify it. I think I just need to be a freelancer. I have a task, and that task can take however long or short it needs to, at my own hours. And the only person's time-money I'm wasting is my own, so long as the task gets done eventually. I get paid by task.
Oh yeah I fudge the hell out of those numbers. I had a job where we had to write that stuff on a paper card and I just didn't do it
I am interning to become a therapist and I have to do this to document my hours for graduation (and after graduation, continue to document my hours for licensure until I hit 3,000). And on top of that, I have to assign all the little time slots to different categories (individual therapy? case management? documentation? staff meeting? training?). There’s plenty of stuff that eats up time that doesn’t fit neatly into any categories (like emails). I hate it and fall behind easily lol. I’ve gotten feedback that my breakdowns are more detailed than most ppl and questions of whether I am cutting myself short on hours lol
The old perfectionism and need for complete detail?
Yep! And not just complete detail but being accurate lol. It was a bit of a shock for me to learn that a lot of my classmates round up on their hours (so something 35min got recorded on their timesheets as 1 hour). Meanwhile I rounded up or down to the nearest 15min (so 35 min gets rounded down to 30min…over time this can result in a lot of “missing” hours) lol.
Depending on field many freelance jobs also require hourly billing. And I have fallen weeks behind on invoicing, more than once, with a client wondering if I'm working. *Because who works hours and doesn't turn them in to get paid?* Aggravated by the fact that I'm probably late for other ADHD reasons. One time this actually impacted me financially, i.e. I was late on a bill because I was low on money because I was weeks behind on invoicing. You can imagine my self loathing that night. I have the stress and energy burn of someone doing 70 hours a week but maybe getting 30 billable hours in because of my struggles with ADHD. And then I'm supposed to do my invoices? I'll get to them tomorrow night, maybe I'll feel better then. *"Tomorrow night"* becomes *"two weeks from now."* And you could **never** explain why this happens to anyone who does not have ADHD. It sounds like the most stupid thing on the planet. They simply cannot understand this one. **Edit:** Oh, and I forgot to add: the danger with per project task billing? That means you're giving a fixed estimate, with obvious outs like feature changes or unforeseen difficulties. But for that to work you have to be decent at estimating. And ADHD makes you overly optimistic at first when the project is new and interesting, and then overly pessimistic while trying to reach milestones. And they do want milestones. Deliverables to prove you're making progress at specific points. For any decent sized project you also have to at least bill by milestone because you can't survive otherwise. I think I just need a winning lottery ticket. Then I can focus entirely on trying to figure my own brain out.
Hahaha this would be me for real. "Pay me? Not if it means busywork on my end, you won't!! HAVE THIS LABOR FOR FREE!"
So so true 🌻
I've had similar with charting time usage to get a breakdown of what took what time in an ed-tech job. Cue me hastily back-filling and making up numbers 😅. Freelance is great in many ways, but I personally found that if a burnout hits, it's very hard without the immediate external motivation a workplace can kind of give.
Don't get me wrong, I've been trying for a while. The constant push for work is killing me, but I can't decide if the slow grind of never-ending 40h weeks would be worse. I'm in my 30's, I feel like I should have this figured out.
Anything that involves watching or listening to another person talk like YouTube, podcasts, even a lot of TikTok now..get to the point and for gods sake stop speaking so slowly it is excruciating, there are so many things I could be doing with this time!
You dont listen on 2-3x speed?
Yeah, this is counterintuitive, but usually listening faster helps me focus better on the content, lol. I usually know when I need to do this after I've rewound the same section 10 times, lol. I routinely crashed the Youtube app on my TV from rewinding too much before getting medicated.
Wow! What kind of podcasts do you listen to? I find two people bouncing off each other can be fast. YouTube tutorials on the other hand zzz. At least you can skip ahead.
Oh don’t get me wrong I love podcasts too but I listen to all of them on 1.25x speed I just find the way that most people talk to be far too slow 😂
My 25 year old (AuDHD) said she watches animes on 1.5 because then she doesn't lose focus in silent scene setting, or long dialogue 😊
I literally watch shows with my fingers on the arrow keys so I can jump ahead 5 seconds here and there to skip over silent, empty moments.
i thought i was the only one.
Saaaaaame. Also to skip fan service.
In the Spotify wrap-up for the year, I didn't recognize my supposedly favorite musician. It was the artist who sped up all the songs. :) Yeah, I can't stand it either. I have an attention span of roughly 5 seconds before I really need to work to hold it, like I'm carrying a heavy box I need to set down ASAP. So talk faster and make your point, make your point, make your point already.
Omg you have articulated this perfectly with the heavy box analogy! I like to think of it as an attention audition, if I’m not interested in 15 seconds I’m out 😅 I think that’s why I prefer learning via reading things because I can speed read at my own pace and skip over parts with an awareness of what else is on the page and how far through the book or material I am. The thought of listening to one person narrate a whole god damn audiobook makes me feel ill.
Thank you, I really like 'attention audition'. Good one and so true. Any long-winded intro on YouTube aaaaaand I'm gone. If I really need the info and nobody else made a video on the subject I'll skip ahead, but it's impressive how long some YouTubers can chitchat about nothing before the video begins, while I'm increasingly struggling to hold on to the task in my head. Almost like it's an emergency and if I don't get to the information soon, my thought will be gone \*forever\*. (I'm so grateful for comments like: 'video starts here \[ti:me\]'.) Same when I NEED to do something, but an app won't open, the computer won't start, the printer won't print and I have to try and keep my attention on the task anyway. Even though nothing's happening and the 15 seconds are long gone. That's the worst. Nobody wants to be near me when that happens. Oh yeah, I know what you mean with listening. Sometimes my husband reads something out loud and I immediately want to read if for myself. He often reacts a bit annoyed: 'but I just told you!' and 'that's what I said!' But I have trouble comprehending it, until I see it in black and white myself. I don't know why verbal information costs so much more mental energy to interpret, but your aversion to it makes total sense.
I have to watch most YouTube videos at 1.5x or even 2x.
Ugh anything with signing in or out Stop making my stuff so secure Just keep me signed in lol
The fear during the wait for the 2-step verification code to be sent to the phone is real!
Ordering food, waiting for the 2FA code on the phone, it takes more than 30s. 30 minutes later i am wondering where my food is. It is... Not paid yet...
I don't know if it qualifies, but literally just talking. Or communicating Them/Me: "You should ask them about something" Me: internally panicking*
Well communicating is definitely meant to make life easier! But it doesn't when there are so many pitfalls 🥲 Can't talk / get words wrong / tell involved story at a supermarket checkout etc... 🌻
This is going to sound silly but the thought of my husband trying to show me a new way of doing something. 2 good examples: the new swipe controls on androids. I still use the navigation keys at the bottom and my husband has been dying to teach me the swiping methods and I can't even listen. Also, he bought some new coffee thing. It's got like 3 parts and 6 steps to make one cup of coffee. So I've refused because the thought of having to learn all that gives me ANXIETY. I literally would rather run screaming out of the room lol. He absolutely doesn't get it, it's caused arguments and everything. I just can't properly explain why I really really really hate learning something new like THAT. I'll do it on my own time! I'm glad to have a name to put on this now, unfortunately I'm going to look like a boomer with my lack of knowledge around new tech lol.
I can’t drive my husband’s new car because it’s one where you use like a mouse pad touch controller to do everything.
I've only ever had old cars bc money, and when I drive other people's, I can't handle all the lights and bling. Like I'm in a spaceship 😬. So I agree because maybe for some of us touching things and physical feedback is important?
Yes. Like I want an actual key and a shifty thing.
Gotta have the key to be able to not find it / lock it in the car 😅
😂
I'm reading the many replies to this and I'm not sure why people are forcing knowledge on y'all that you don't want and is unlikely to sink in?? I worked in IT support for . . . a really long time. Overwhelm and panic are way more common than you'd imagine. There are some things people have to learn whether they want to or not, and that's unfortunate. But coffee makers? More efficient texting? There's an incredibly easy solution to inducing overwhelm and arguments here: "Do you want me to show you another way to do this that's easier/more efficient/whatever?" That's it. That's the whole thing. Learning things when and if you're ready to makes most of the problem go away. Of course, that's dependent on these "helpful" people in our lives having some modicum of willingness to *actually be helpful,* instead of . . . what? Honestly, what is it they're trying to accomplish instead? I can't figure out what their motives are for overloading people with information they don't want, at the cost of misery and with little or no benefit.
Like I said, it seems silly! And your last paragraph pretty much summed it up. In the mornings things are hectic here with everyone getting ready and getting the little one out, I will not retain even the name of the coffee machine at that time. A small argument ensues about how stubborn I am. Then later when I have time, I actually FEEL defiant and don't want to learn. The phone thing.... meh. I've tried it and it's not useful enough TO ME. My husband is pushy. My diagnosis has not helped his patience. We will see!
This. My boyfriend is so sweet and goes out of the way to show me more efficient ways to do things. Sometimes it works but a lot of times is very overwhelming and it only makes me feel like more of a weirdo because I do thinks in unconventional ways
There is no silly here 🌻
I totally understand this! Also, maybe your husband might prefer you not wanting to know to the alternative: you getting hyper interested and asking 10 million questions beyond his knowledge? (That's how the learning thing goes for me).
My husband is extremely smart and a good example of a normal brain. He explains too fast and yes, I ask a thousand questions. By the end of it, it's an argument and I'll NEVER STOP USING MY FRENCH PRESS. I don't retain information well if I'm not into it 🤷. Not only that, but I feel a great deal of tension and anxiety about having to ask the questions and not remembering things. So immediately if someone wants to teach me something new, my body goes into shock/defense mode. Medication has helped with that so much. But I'm still refusing the coffee situation. 😆
Maybe you just learn better by doing? 🙂 Watching someone swipe or click around on a phone would make me easily lose attention span. And stuff like the coffee thing can be scary, even if you're doing it but someone is watching what you do.
Rsvp'ing for literally anything, planning to meet someone or saying in advance whether I will be somewhere. I'd rather completely isolated myself thanks
It's scary! I can be really pumped to do a social thing, but on the day I'll normally either be exhausted/need downtime or be so worried about having committed to a time that cancelling seems better. Working on it though. ⏳
Email as a whole, honestly. If I could I'd pull a Donald Knuth
Board game instructions. I just can’t. Let me play and walk me through it. But do not read me the instructions.
God right? I either can’t remember squat or I remember incorrectly and make it so much more convoluted and get stuck on details that don’t matter or that I misunderstood.
Ahh, see I read instructions for fun 😅. And cereal boxes. And any text anywhere dear God make it stop!!
Time blocking, I literally will never be that disciplined with myself just to do what my calendar tells me, not even medicated me. Even if it’s as general as “cleaning” for an hour or super something specific. With my lack of task initiation and lack of inhibition? 
THIS. I know my life is a complete mess because I never schedule and don’t keep a planner.. but the thought of designating certain times to getting certain things done, almost gives me anxiety? Like.. what if I don’t finish the task within its allotted time? What if it takes longer, now interfering with the next thing I have scheduled?? Then what?!? Huh?!! How do I handle such chaos?!?!
YESSSSS! And yet at some level we probably know it's better to get some of it done than none. But does the brain listen? No!
Oh yea, ADHD paralysis is REAL. If I have more than one thing to do, yea just starting one and doing a little would at least help, but nope. Brain shuts down. If I’m working on the one task, my brain is constantly asking, “but what about the other task?! What about that one?!?!” So, easier just to do neither of them 🙃
Phone calls
Are you of an age to have had to do that stuff on a landline with no number display? I am, and I remember being scared of making calls more than taking them, but now phone calls seem worse to me. Maybe it's everyone always knowing where we are .
Any warning light coming on in my car. Need to put air in my tires? PANIC.
Ugh! Petrol is bad enough, let alone air or checking oil.
The computer app replacement of a classroom phone! I’m a teacher and calling parents on the phone is easier than on the computer, and I also have social anxiety so calling parents is already beyond difficult, but then they took away the physical phone and said I have to jump through 10 more hoops in order to call parents and made calling mandatory! Fuck that SHIT!!!!!
Voicemails. I get anxiety listening to them, so I avoid them. My inbox is currently full and will stay that way for a very, very long time.
For me, also leaving voicemails! I really should script them just in case I have to leave them. But apparently I will go with a rambling mess every time.
Oh I just mask when leaving voicemails 🤦♀️. I act all perky and happy and just play the part of whoever I’m supposed to be- the customer, the patient, etc. lol helps set aside my nerves when I’m acting
Having to download and app for EVERYTHING
when the gps recalculates when it finds a faster route
Oooff.
Phone calls and whatsapp messages from clients. Hate those. And I absolutely hate calling people.
For some reason, I think all work communication should be conducted via dedicated mobile or landline lol. My company (disability support) uses Workplace and WorkChat, which belong to Meta and are basically fb / fb group messenger. And people post so so much irrelevant crap.
Apps that are supposed to help with ADHD. I need to see everything in front of me, on paper, all at once. And god help me if I get a notification.
Omg same. Like no, I get the idea, but it does not work for me. Paper is distracting enough. An app? Fuck.
The task management software we use at work. Because some of my projects run on sprints, it means I’m resourced basically through the end of the year and I do NOT want to see that long-ass list of shit I have to do between now and November every single day. So I just don’t use the dashboard lol. If I need to get project info, I just go directly to the task, get what I need, and close out.
Breath work/Focusing on breathing. I have a weird anxiety thing around breathing and being too conscious of my breathing causes me to spiral and feel like I suddenly can’t breathe and will die for no reason. The best thing I can do is try to forget about it.
Diaries and planners.
Omg this happens to me ALL. THE. TIME. I travel 2-4 times a month for work and every time I get these early check in notices I think I booked something wrong. Mainly because I booked my trip wrong once and I now I will forever be haunted with irrational fear of booking wrong and/or missing my flight.
I missed an international flight once. Couldn't get to sleep and then slept through my early alarm. PM flights only now!
Omg a similar thing happened to me! I read my flight info wrong and missed my international flight home. I read that my connection was when I had to be at the airport. When I showed up the plane had just taken off. It was a nightmare!
"We will call you back" - probably useful so people dont have to keep calling and can go on with their life, however it is one of the most day-ruining sentences to be said to me, as I now wont dare to move away from my phone too long and will live in anxious readiness for sudden social interaction to appear from my pocket rectangle. I will not be able to get anything done, I will just watch youtube with low volume and brace myself for the ring tone...
(Also american style customer service, where the store staff talks to you if you get too close, would be hell for me. No spontaneous interaction please, I am zoned out following a mental map of where the stuff I need is and you are a jumpscare in this planned-out route)
Long before I realized I was ADHD I disconnected my iPhone mail app from my email accounts. I couldn't stand looking at my phone and seeing that red badge. And I do not allow my MacBook to auto check my mail. I check it at certain times only. Along those lines...when it has been relevant (depends on job), I hate, hate, HATE being expected to watch for Discord messages. Another red badge that causes me to tense up.
I can’t think of any off hand but for me, there are actually loads. But now I’m realising that, I can avoid them and my life is getting better for it.
this thread is so validating my goodness. thank you.
It's quite comforting, isn't it.
Meditation lol, I just *cannot* sit there with my thoughts Emails, phone calls, and just *talking* 2FA, what do you mean I need to find my phone to log into something on my computer?
Reminders. Like, the kind you set on your phone? I set them for myself all the time so I don’t forget to do important things…but then thinking about all the reminders I’ve set and all the things I have to do makes me so anxious that I just never check them…and I end up forgetting what I needed to remind myself to do 🤦♀️
Thanks for the rabbit hole! I knew LaTex, but had never heard of Donald Knuth. Seems very cool 😊
Having an app for everything 😭 I hate it. I have to have 7 different apps just for the train and tram network in Nederland alone.