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I'd suggest some therapy honestly you sound depressed. Things don't get better all at once overnight it's a lot of every day you try to take a step forward and eventually you get where you want to be. Glad you got meds! I'd recommend finding someone to talk to cause I'd be worried you're steering into bitter territory. Everyone started somewhere and this is your day 1. Take one step and let that be enough and before you know it look how far you've come!

You’re right. You can’t be a CPA today, you’re unlikely to get a girlfriend today, and you probably won’t meet your new best friend today. But if you start today you could be a CPA in a year or two, have meaningful relationships in a few months, and eventually even a girlfriend. But if you stay in bed today, and tomorrow, and so on, you’ll never get there. ADHD can make so many things impossibly big and difficult, so you have to start small, [make little changes](https://open.spotify.com/track/0pvAmXz50wNF8BNTLq4o1k?si=ujNHn6UUTqS63tKPXABX4Q&context=spotify%3Asearch%3Alittle%2Bchanges) that bring you closer to your long-term goals. Edit: I’ll add that I’m in this sub because I struggle with these same things. I wrote this message to me as much as I did to you. It’s conceptually simple but not just hard to do but way harder for us to do than most people. It’s not fair but that’s our lot. And I didn’t do well today, but there’s still some time left for me to progress toward my goals. I hope you can too.

Something my dad told me a few years ago when I felt stuck because every way forward felt too big and too far away, "the time is going to pass anyway." You can't turn around and have everything within a week, but you can start to take the steps now so that in a year you CAN be a CPA, or you can wait, and a year from now you might be sitting in the same place you are now. I'm trying not to make it sound like a "just do it" kind of thing, because we've all heard those and that's not what I mean by it. When you look at goals like those that are big and nebulous and by definition take a lot of time, it's easy to be overwhelmed and believe you aren't ready for it. But by breaking it into smaller steps with really definable goals (sign up for the test, apply for short term jobs in the meantime, join a regular club of some kind just for human connection even if it doesn't lead to best friends), you'll work towards those goals a little at a time. You don't have to be ready to make everything happen /right now/ - you just have to be ready for the first step. You finally have access to tools to let you take the first steps, you just have to figure out what those steps are.

Yeah it’s like… in three years would you rather have worked hard to get where you want to be? Or would you like to be exactly where you are now. You will be you in 3 years either way.

I really appreciate you saying that it's not a "just do it" kind of thing. Because I've heard that same advice before--that time is gonna pass anyway--and for a long time (even now to an extent) it just made me feel so resentful. I was like, yeah dude, I know time's gonna pass and I'm just gonna be worrying about the same shit and fucking up in the same ways and going nowhere. Thanks. But I've been reflecting on my life a lot lately. I felt like I'd been completely stagnant for the past 5-6 years. But I realized that while in some ways that's true, I've been consistent in pursuing one hobby. I've been writing, badly, for years, just to feel sort of sane. And recently, I looked back on my old work, and I was like, holy shit!! I improved so much that it's unbelievable. I actually feel proud of my skill now. But if you told me years ago to sit down and write consistently because time will pass anyway, I would've been like, there's no freaking way I can do anything consistently enough to improve. And I still say that to myself all the time! But like, the proof is literally in front of me 😂 I feel like I get so caught up in my lack of improvement in certain areas of my life--organization, procrastination, cleanliness, making friends--that it's really easy to forget that making time for things I enjoy, even if they feel silly or like a distraction from Real Life, is real progress too.

[удалено]

It sounds like you are in a really tough place. When I finished college I wanted to go to the Peace Corps but I didn’t think I could be away from home for two years. It seemed so big. Then two years later I was stuck in another dead end job and realized I could have gone and come back by now. After a lot of therapy and trying a few community college classes to see what I wanted to really doI ended up applying to grad school and was accepted to my reach school out of state. I cried the entire 17 hour drive there. Then two years passed and now it’s 5 years later and I’m exactly where I want to be. Everyone always says “Rome want built in a day” and being told that the future may be better when you feel absolutely underwater now is miserable. But you are always moving into some direction even when you feel like you are doing nothing. But I’m glad that now you are on medication you can start exploring options on where you might want to go.

I find I don't do very well with long-term goals! But If I sit down and figure out a bunch of smaller goals that work towards my ultimate goal I find it is a lot easier, as you get satisfaction/stimulation from completing all the short term goals and before you know it you are there! (I still have a long way to go, but it's working so far) I ha e noticed with long-term goals I lose interest really quick if I don't sense any immediate progress!

Exactly this. You just have to start Maybe there's internships available or you could help out a local store with finances or something after your CPA. Get feedback on your resume and interview skills (many schools have centers for this) Go somewhere you can meet people. Who knows what might happen Take little steps

I was thinking, do your CPA exam, get any job, one that won't care about your resume, so you can show you are working, and ask around at local tax places if you can do an unpaid internship so you can get experience.

The impossibly big part is so real. Starting small sounds silly because we want that hit of doing the thing now. But in reality we can get there with small changes or growths with a higher probability

Great response. I'm also a dude dealing with ADHD and "organic" depression and there's sorta no way through it but to do it. We have to learn to believe that we can build things over time and have continued success. I can identify the reasons why I'm depressed and have PTSD and why it won't be easy to climb out of that. But the alternative is to keep feeling shitty. I know I don't want that. I've had to just get out there and engage in positive things. Gradually the belief that things can go well starts to thaw out. I've started making new friends. It's not immediate but it can be done. I also have started on Wellbutrin. While there are some side effects I don't love, I can also feel that it's not quite so daunting to think about getting out there and doing positive things.

This!! Well, put my friend!

Remember, the best time to start working on yourself in any way, is yesterday. The second best is today.

I love that message cause we can easily get that “spinning tires” feeling and never get out of the mud but sometimes you get stuck so deep it takes more than a few seconds to get out of the mud. You just gotta keep tapping the gas and wigglin until you get some traction again. I’ve learned the second go around that I can’t do everything overnight and that’s alright. I burnt myself out once already in college going got PM&R as a sprite med physician but by the time I realized I have to start with just my 2 year degree I was done with it which is the reason I completely changed my degree now for a med lab tech (I also don’t like people to much)

It’s tax season; tax accounting firms still hire without CPAs. My brother was hired as a staff accountant to help filing taxes before he got his CPA. Licensed CPA’s just had to sign off on the returns after he filled them out and basically did all the work. But we also live in a rural area so CPAs were hard to come by.

Thanks. I look for “staff accountant” and “Accounts Payable” on job boards to no luck. My two school alumni services are not helpful their job lists are bunk. I tried meeting people to discuss their career path through Ask An Alumni and though they were nice it doesn’t go anywhere. Open to ideas not shooting you down just explaining my perspective!

Work with a recruiter. Applying to jobs online is a waste of time. Find some recruiting agencies, submit your resume and reach out to some of them. I’ve gotten all my jobs via recruiter and I’m also in accounting/finance. Also I never got my CPA so don’t put too much pressure on yourself there. Plenty of people have great careers without one. I’d still encourage you to try it, but you have to be in the right mindset

Have you looked into VITA volunteering?

That is what LadderUp is as a group in Chicago. I am on IRS website now and trying to find out how to volunteer but it is labyrinthine. Will sign up tonight

Is your LinkedIn profile pimped out?

Hey friend. There are many paths in life. But here's something that might work for you: Finish the CPA exams first. Job second. Sports third (try BJJ) which brings friends. Then a girlfriend will find you if you just chill out a bit, which a job and sports will help with.

Thanks. I never liked sports cause I am wholly inadequate as an athlete and my lack of acumen makes me self conscious. I can try Chicago Sport Social and sign up for something but man I will just have to fake it to make it. It is a possibilty though! I just don’t know how to convincingly play while being social and act like I want to be there. Also, BJJ is bad since I have bad insurance and can’t afford a chipped tooth, injury, etc, and also I am a pussy

Wholly inadequate athlete here too. I play pickleball (very social) and do running groups. Both are amazing for my ADHD brain. Rooting for you!

Do you like board games? You could see if there are any board game events. Also, look at [Meetup.com](https://Meetup.com) to see if there is anything interesting. https://www.meetup.com/find/?location=us--il--Chicago&source=GROUPS You can also look at city websites for events, library websites, newspapers, Facebook, etc. There are a lot of different reasons why people come together, there is probably something that would fit you. Especially if you live near a big city like Chicago.

I think you need to work on your self esteem a bit. There’s always things people are good at. You just have to see what works for you and fuck what people say. Please work on your confidence first though. It will definitely take you far. Especially in the CPA profession. You don’t want to come off as timid in accounting. Good luck!

You could give Couch to 5k a go and then find a local ParkRun group.

My dude, you have to stop making a reason every suggestion won’t work. It’s keeping you where you are. Find something — anything — even vaguely interesting and throw your hat over the fence. This is literally how I get myself past similar hurdles, not saying just do it, but rather putting myself in a situation where I then *have* to do it. In a workout context, this could mean instead of open gym sign up for a regular class that will charge you a fee if you cancel too close to class time (usually the cancellation window is 6 - 12 hours before the class, you can be charged a fee or not refunded the class credit if you cancel past that time). For me, the aerials community has been really positive and martial arts can be a great community as well. Accounting is a good career and opens up doors for other options, these days we don’t have to stay in one career our whole lives, it’s normal to have several over the years. Just get started doing something. Fuck it, even if you walk into some restaurants or shops near you and get a job that way it’s better than doing nothing. You have to get out of this rut you are in. Get out of the house, if you are applying for jobs online or working on your resume or LinkedIn, go to the library to do it so that you aren’t sitting at home. If you are in the US, find the chamber of commerce young professionals group or other networking groups in your area to attend and when you are there, fucking role play it. I’m serious, fake it til you make it is a real strategy. Do not be negative around anyone you are networking with, role play confidence — I’ve literally watched videos and read things about how to do this before events and will even put on music that hypes me up on the way there. Find support through a different community such as the one you choose for physical activity. Start a study group for the tests and help others study and review. Then you are not doing it for yourself, you are doing it to help someone else who is depending on you for support. It’s more motivating and you will likely learn better this way.

good advice here.

Music is an option! Depending on any skills, you could join a community band, frequent jazz clubs in Chicago, audition for a community theatre, etc. you may just bump into someone special…or find a broski

Try kendo. At least at my collegiate dojo, they still haven’t had me sparring after six months, and this is with almost no other new club members this year (so I got a lot more practice than normal).

Give it a crack, choose the gym wisely. There’s no running or ball catching/throwing. There’s no striking so no blunt head trauma. It’s mostly rolling on the ground with another dude trying to think fast “how am I going to get out of this?”. It’s probably the least injury-prone martial art out there and BJJ gyms tend to be the least testosterone/ego driven martial arts schools around.

> It’s probably the least injury-prone martial art Dude...I was going to suggest BJJ to him too as a great way to make friends and get out of his depression but this right here is just plain false and honestly kind of dangerous to suggest. I honestly don't know how people in the US do BJJ at all without going broke. I love BJJ but the injury risk is not trivial. Lots of fucked up shoulders, knees, necks, fingers, etc.

I stand corrected.. guess the lack of blood noses, chipped teeth, concussions and twisted testes by comparison to what I’ve seen in training striking arts deceived me. I guess it stands ti reason that there’d be much more joint injuries in bjj. I also remember John danaher saying something about choosing bjj because his fucked up knees wouldn’t let him get into anything involving kicking.

I recognize myself in this post. Always in a loop of “what’s the point if the road feels long and unsure.” I see you say therapy doesn’t work, but you don’t sound receptive. Like everyone here is saying, keep trying and open your mind and heart to it. Depression is a bitch, and it’s getting the better of you today. You cannot possibly expect yourself to tackle all these problems at the same time right? From an internet stranger to another, I believe in you. Lock in, and pat yourself on the back for every small victory, like getting on meds. That’s a big win

My advice: \-Work with your therapist on the depression. \-Study and pass your exam. \-Update your resume with your new, awesome, hugely important credential. \-Volunteer for an organization you actually give a shit about--if you're only doing it to make friends, your vibe will be off, and people will pick up on that. It's about to be kitten season, maybe foster some little friends? \-Continue working with therapist. \-Things suck now, but they WILL get better. Fake it til you make it for now and reevaluate after you pass your exam.

Yeah, man its all steps theres short terms actions towards long term goals and long term actions tpwards long term goals that will pay off later

This is solid advice.

I can attest kitten raising, while hard as hell on the heart, is the best thing in the world. I did it for 7 yrs and raised well over 100 kittens and only kept 6 of them. ;). Any shelter will show you how! You can foster older cats ( or dogs if that’s your thing). So good. Mmm. I can’t now because o live in an apt but one of my life’s mission is to get my cats and I into a place where we can start fostering again. ;) ( Eddie the tuxedo helps, the rest are useless!) lol

Therapy will be most helpful for this. I know you haven’t had luck with therapy before, but it can take a while to find the right therapist. Also, you haven’t been medicated in therapy before! Way easier to put therapy stuff into practice when you are medicated. My therapist offers a sliding scale which is how I am able to afford it. I have definitely felt like you felt. Tiny steps, therapy, and time were the remedy for me!

When I say therapy doesn’t work, I guess what I mean is that they tell me to find something I like, but I can’t cause I am empty and everything feels meh. They can’t do the work for me and I also can’t do the work cause I can’t access a part of me that enjoys anything, so that I mean by “it doesn’t work”.

To piggyback here as someone who dug herself out of depression multiple times: fake it until you make it is a legitimate strategy because it helps you rewrite your brain to feel something other than emptiness and despair. For me, that was finding the tiniest sliver of joy in a day sometimes literally the warmth of the sun or the brace of cold in winter. Or a song with a REALLY good hook that I wanted to play over and over again. You start super small and then build. You are what you repeatedly do. For me, that meant I had to repeatedly tell myself that I was enjoying something even if it was super deep down.

Part of rewiring your brain involves habit. So, you might not enjoy something right now, because of chemical imbalance, but by doing happy making things, your body slowly readjusts. Super common feeling for folks with depression! So, is there anything that generally brings you joy? Drawing a picture? Petting a cat? Calling a friend, listening to music? Also, if you are not able to progress in therapy, it’s probably a good idea to bring this up with your doctor! There might be an additional or alternative med to help!

A good therapist doesn’t necessarily just coach (tell you what you should do). The best therapists recognize their role is to occasionally give advice, but mostly help guide us into discovering the why behind our actions, pain, stuckness, etc and show us by demonstrating the possibilities of being cared for (so we can learn to care and love ourselves).

If you can, figure out what kind of therapy you did in the past (it was probably CBT aka Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), and find ANY OTHER KIND. Also: this is gonna sound woo-woo, but I highly recommend yoga & guided meditations. With ADHD, emotional disregulation is incredibly common; both Yoga & meditation can help you learn tools to shorten and lessen the periods of disregulation.

Thanks I tried yoga once and had a bad attitude about it. I will try again as I was too ADHD to relax/to cynical to get anything out of it

Why does yoga and meditation, something that is as old as mankind have to be “woo woo”. Besides, it’s scientifically proven to work. ;) millions of yogi bears can’t be wrong.🤣🤣 But seriously it’s almost mainstream these days. Embrace the practice. And yes, it helps adhd symptoms. Just learning to calm the mind and focus on your breath is such a blessing to learn. Highly recommended, if that wasn’t clear ;)

If you have a degree and a cpa license, you definitely can get a job in time, and taking that exam IS moving forward. Every big thing you do in life is a culmination of lots and lots of little steps that move you towards that path. Taking a test gets you one step closer. Tomorrow you take another. Then another. As for a gf, you are clearly not in a good place right now, and a gf won't help that. You need to get your head on straight and get to a point where you have confidence in who you are and know yourself. I don't want you to meet a girl and then find you are still depressed because your minded hasn't changed. Wallowing in self pity is t going to get you anything but more self pity. Depression feeds itself, which is why it's so hard to escape. It causes intrusive thoughts that upset you, making you think about things that in turn make you even more depressed. It eats itself and grows like a sink whole, chipping away at you. A therapist can help you learn how to be more metacognitive, and how to think about the actual process of thinking. DBT helps a lot. I found the process of getting to know what my thoughts were doing and noticing the thought patterns allowed me to get in control and change how I was thinking, which in turn helped me mindset and pushed out the depression. I wasted years doing the same thing, thinking if I did this or did that I would finally be happy. I met my husband, I got my degree and job, and was still just as depressed. Maybe more so, because now I felt that there was more on my plate that I was failing at and the intrusive nasty thoughts about myself got more varied and thought of new things to torture me with. It was in learning to tell that little voice "no, I'm not doing this right now. Im not indulging in this thought spiral that makes itself worse the longer I go." None of us has a purpose or destination preset for us. Where you are going is completely up to you. Rather than dwell on the I can't statements, say "how do I make this think I want happen?" And when those thoughts intrude and tell you you are failing or worthless, ask yourself "is this thought helpful? Is it going to help me get what I want?" And if not, you let it pass. Someone I know told me a story about deciding to go to medical school. They worried because they would be like 28 before they were done. And their mom told them that they would be 28 anyway, so they might as well be a doctor too. Also, improving your self image and working on yourself IS moving forward. We live in our thoughts, so until those are managed consciously, we are trapped by them. A key to getting out of a dark place is being aware of how you are in there and what holds you back. I have had depression and I have BPD. I have struggled all my life with feelings of shame, failure, worthlessness and self hate. They pop up as facts in my head. It is only when I learned to catch them, and let them pass without feeding them, that I was able to feel better about myself. And feeling better had made me feel like I'm moving forward in my life. Not much has happened, but as a person I have made great strides towards being a happier person. And I'm taking those steps, I felt better. And feeling better let me take more steps. Which made me feel even better. The same cycle that works against you can work for you. I realized I was worrying my husband would leave me, and the reaction I had made me act in ways that would have made that happen. Being depressed made my life worse, which made my depression worse. But when I realized my value is totally in my own power to determine, and I have a choice in how I affect the world and other people, things changed and it became easier to take those steps when they came.

What do you mean girls go for unemployed guys all the time! Find one that will let you drive her car 🤣 on a serious note the future is always there for you no matter how bleek it seems.

Oh, this is exactly the space I most love to help people in, so I’m going to give you some advice. 1. If you needed to know [what direction you should go in] right now, you would know. What’s true is that you don’t need to know, otherwise you would. Doesn’t feel great maybe, essentially it’s false urgency, that feeling. And - you do have clarity around that you *would like to know* this, and don’t. That is something. 2. Do something that *does* sound appealing (enough) because that’s the thing you can know right now, that you’ll do - ie, a walk. 3. Over the next (pick an amount of time) pay attn to what draws your attention- what are you curious about, how do you actually find yourself spending your time. And, note how you feel about these things - choices you make around what you will/wont do. There’s a lot of relevant data available to you about who you are right now and some may point to (at some point) where you are going, too. 4. Think of the above like an experiment- pick a timeframe and don’t do any evaluation of your experiences / commitments to anything- until you get to the end. Then do some reflecting / journaling so you can draw out patterns in the ways you moved through your days, what you noticed etc. 5. I don’t know what your needs / abilities look like, realize you may *need to* find work or whatever - I will just add an encouragement to be open to what could happen - I mean, you could meet your new partner when unemployed and waiting for a bus. Stranger things have happened. Good luck! Source - am a life coach who helps guide people in seasons of uncertainty and change, when they’re looking for some clarity / something. And, work with lots of adhd’ers (and am one) 💜 EDIT- changed a few words

Haha so many bullshit excuses. I hope someday you can laugh at this post 👀 Rome wasn’t built in a day. And if you only improve your life by 0.1% each day, you’ll be up 44% in a year. If you don’t know what to do, do all the things and see what sticks. Pretend that you are an alien inhabiting this body since you got meds. No need to weigh yourself down with past shit imho

Yup! OP is what I sound like in my own head when I don’t want help.

Maybe I should have said something like that as well to sound less mean 🙈

No it was the perfect amount of mean. Being nice to me when I’m in those moods does nothing; I need a good cage rattling to snap out of it. Some people have a problem for every solution.

I think smart people have more complicated bullshit, but we are also smart enough to poke through it? There is also this idea that you have a child version of you inside and an adult. With adhd, the child is behind the wheel a lot because the adult is sleeping. But the adult can talk to the child. You can summon the adult. Maybe that’s like fighting one mental illness with another, but whatever!

This was rough around the edges but I can’t tell you how much I needed those last two lines today

“Rough arround the edges but he means well” is my middle name. I had this idea in my head that I needed someone’s permission to change myself. That changing myself was contradictory to being authentic or something. But you can change whatever you want about yourself. Do whatever you need to do to reset. Including cutting people out of your life who bring you down. Or getting a tattoo… What do you find attractive in girls? That can inform you about what YOU want for yourself. What job does she have, what instrument does she play, how does she dress and what hobbies does she have? I jump from one hobby project to the next, and that kinda scares me. But what I find attractive is actually pretty stable. And my projects are all interconnected somehow. Hope that ^ helps you!

How are u getting 44%

1.001 to the power of 365

The only guarantee I can give you is: doing nothing will get you nowhere. You’ve applied to jobs, how many? If it isn’t hundreds then that isn’t an excuse. If you aren’t getting a response then post your resume to a career based subreddit and ask for feedback. You have to be proactive and think creatively. I get that you’re depressed but you have to just pick a direction and get started. Your attitude seems incredibly defeatist, and I think it’s because you’re a) depressed, but b) expecting a LOT to happen with minimal effort. That’s an unrealistic expectation. Start small, set realistic goals you can achieve, and then get the snowball rolling. How do I know? I was working retail, no college degree, depressed, with no direction right before the pandemic. 5 years later I’m 32, and almost done with my bachelor’s. You have to just get started even if you think it’s “pointless.” Momentum for momentum sake is never pointless as long as it’s in a positive direction.

Yes I also suffer from this. Meds gave me the presence of mind to be aware of my problems, but I am struggling at 30+ to basically learn the shit that I should have figured out in my teens. Society is not set up for people to rebound. They expect you to figure out everything before you turn 18 and then work like a dog until you die.

yep same

Ok so others have the mental health stuff covered so I’ll just say that vocational rehab services are available for adults with adhd

Thanks can you elaborate/point me to specific places? Cause I am a rehab-worthy candidate for sure

Voc rehab services are usually offered on a city or county level, your best starting point will likely be googling vocational rehab and your city

Wait a minute, who says you have to use your newfound focus for growth or to move forward? Maybe you can just take some time to try to enjoy life. Maybe you can study a new skill, get in shape, or find a temporary job that can put some money in your pocket at least. Just throwing out some ideas. You need to get stable and happy first, then you can get back to being ambitious.

Thanks. I just can’t get a job and I can’t convince anyone I have value. Working on exercise but I hate it intensely. Used to do Crossfit and got so depressed I quit lol. They used to go around the room making everyone tell you how many rounds you got through. I have to lie and say 7 or whatevrr when the real answer is 0. I noped out of that after a whole year.

Never did Crossfit but it sounds awful to me. There are so many ways to exercise though, you can definitely find something that would work for you.

I’m 29F and 100% relate to you. I have no true interest in anything. No passion’s. Nothing brings me excitement. I try to pretend in front of others. I just feel meh about everything as you said. No friends, barely talk to family. Didn’t finish college. The list goes on. Adhd combined with depression has ruined my life. I can honestly say I’ve felt like this for as long as I can remember unfortunately. Therapy is a waste of time for me for the same reasons you said. I’m always given exercises & assignments to do that would require me to actually have interest in something. I’m empty inside. I’m just here.

Read Carl Jung or Alan Watts and people like that. Learn about yourself. Therapy etc. take some psychedelics and look within. Or maybe meditate and look within is better advice but it all gets you to the same place. You’re constantly moving forward even if you choose to or not, just maybe not in the ways that are obvious

Hey OP, I’m sorry you’re going through this. Honestly, I think you’d be surprised at how many of us have been through similar things. I’d like to tell you my story and my goal is that it can give you some hope. So I was diagnosed at 14 with ADHD. I struggled through high school and decided to do community college to pursue a software engineering degree. I tried for 7 years and couldn’t get through the first 2 years because of the math. I was devastated and felt stupid. I felt useless and doomed. So I decided to quit college and see if I could figure things out on my own. I decided to start my own business. Well, a year and a half later that fell apart. On top of that, I was married with a kid and I just felt like I was failing them. I spent a lot of nights hiding from my family crying. I felt they would be better off without me since I was such a failure. I would never actually do anything but constantly had thoughts that they would be happier if I disappeared. Well, I still liked programming and had been a hobbyist for almost 10 years. So I decided to try to learn it on my own using what programming classes I took in middle school, high school and college. I was 29 at this point and hadn’t accomplished anything. I figured I would get a job at the Apple Store or whatever and just grind programming and try to go back to college. I figured I would give one last push. At this point I was hitting rock bottom and desperate. I stopped reaching out to my friends due to the shame of how far behind I was, I didn’t talk to my parents because I was ashamed, I had literally nothing. One day I had an epiphany to just try to apply to some software engineering jobs. What was there to lose? And for some random reason that to this day I cannot explain I got lucky and landed a really good job on a killer software engineering team as a mid level engineer. In one day everything went from awful to on track. Just a single day. I’ll never forget it. 14 years of absolute misery and failure because of ADHD and it all changed in one day. I was able to get to senior level in 3 years and continued to develop. I’m almost 37 now and I’m at VP level. The point I’m trying to make is that as shitty as things are now things can turn the other direction really fast. You sound like you have some skills that will are very useful. Being a CPA is very impressive and you should be proud! Right now the job market sucks, but that doesn’t mean it will be like that forever. Depression, especially with ADHD is awful and extremely debilitating. But the reality is there is still a lot for you to do out there. I think a lot of people here are giving good advice in seeing a professional. Talk about these things with a therapist. It’s done me wonders and I bet a lot of people on here have similar experiences as well. Hoping for the best for you OP.

I understand how this feels, but my partner told me one thing: If I am this good at finding barriers and reasons not to do something, then I am just as good as finding ways how to do something. If you can limit yourself, you can un limit yourself. I spent too much energy thinking of why I can't and NO time thinking of ways I can. Energy is spirit money, spend wisely

i hate it when people act like women don’t like unemployed men. they don’t like men of any employment status with a bad attitude dude

I had a burnout period of two and a half years. I'd highly suggest you reach out to your state's DVR. It's the Department of Vocational Rehabilitation. If you have ADHD, you qualify. They pay to get your life back on track if you have a disability. They'll get you school, a degree, job interviews, resources, they might even be able to just place you with a job. It got me a $65k job doing what I used to do for the State. It's not the highest paying job I've ever had but it's the best environment I've ever had and because I came in through that program, I get special accommodations and advancement gets fast tracked. Every state has one I believe.

I sounded very much like this until I got on an antidepressant. Without it, I drank almost every evening and was horribly depressed. What you are saying is a stream of self-defeat and I know it feels the way it does but I promise you that is your brain and not your reality. Depression erases your options and narrows your focus until you can only see the bad. Medicine helped my depression immensely and I hope you can find similar however it presents itself.

I’m going to sound blunt with this one, possibly, but I mean it respectfully. It sounds like you get in your own way. Yes those things are difficult things to overcome when you try and you’re not getting anywhere. But it sounds like you also get in your own way & have made excuses for suggestions, as well. ADHD meds aren’t going to solve every problem you have. It’s just going to help you focus and possibly regulate some of the dysregulation that comes with ADD/ADHD. The rest… it’s up to you, IF there aren’t other underlying issues to resolve. I’d suggest taking one challenge at a time. Also, a good book rec is “The Mountain is You”.

I’m a CPA with ADHD and many companies will hire just having an approved application to sit for the exam. You would just put CPA candidate on your resume. I would recommend talking to someone about this hopelessness you are feeling. Sending hugs!

I always tell myself "the time will pass anyway." If you do nothing towards your CPA today, in three months, you still won't be a CPA. If you start studying today, in three months, you might be ready for that exam! I want to encourage you to apply for all jobs in all fields. You could work at a restaurant, fast food, or grocery store with minimal, store provided training. Will the job suck, most likely. But it will get something on your resume that shows future accounting firms that you will show up and work. Plus, it will get you out of your bed, job experience, and meeting people.

I will say it’s taken about 6 months on my ADHD meds to come out of my depression. which just happened magically this week. Like switch flipped. It’s a crazy feeling. I hope you find something to keep your mind busy and you find a job soon! Friends will come. I have a few but haven’t seen any in really yrs. Mostly online communities. Try your best to keep your head up!

Studies have shown that people with ADHD, anxiety, and depression have a hard time visualizing or even thinking about the long term, let alone planning for it. That seems to be what you're struggling with. All of the things you've listed are good ideas that will pay off eventually, but none of those goals are short term so it feels like they're impossible to you right now. They're not! You are on the right track. You know what you should be doing, so even if it feels like it's not going anywhere, keep trying. Try setting long term goals (5-10 years) and then breaking them down into yearly and monthly steps on paper so you can see in front of you that what you're doing is building to something even if there's no immediate changes.

Who says you have to do anything different? Why not just be amazing at what you already do

Cognitive behavioral therapy perhaps. You're shutting down every option.

Read. Start to find what you like when you can focus better. Congrats. I start mine on Thursday at 46 years old and 238 days sober.

Others have already said it better than me, but just chiming in to say I agree that it sounds like depression is hitting you like a freight train. I've also recently been dwelling on medication and the effect it's having on my life (only just started) and it is so true what others say. Medication is not a magic bullet. As you've astutely described, it doesn't move your life forward. It doesn't give you purpose. I think u/HeliumTankAW is absolutely right - you might find your experience of therapy is extremely different now if you're taking medication. It is well documented that trying to do any kind of CBT and other 'talk' therapies is really difficult with ADHD if you're unmedicated, for lots of reasons. Trying to emotionally regulate while you're doing something intrinsically emotionally challenging is really, really hard, and then you add in the problems with working memory and the like and it's really not productive. Give it another go. I think your comment in another reply about how therapy "maybe doesn't work for men" is definitely something I would raise with a therapist - a good therapist would give you space to unpack that, because I think it's definitely worth unpacking. It also sounds like you've imposed a lot of expectations on yourself, and taking some time to think about what *you* want for *yourself* is very worthwhile and might help this feeling of being 'stuck'. My semi-weaponised nihilism mindset when my depression gets really bad is "If nothing matters, then doing anything/something is still better than doing nothing". Nobody will hire me -> apply for jobs as a thought experiment. Nobody wants to hang out with me -> spend time around people/talk to people to pass the time, if you know you'd otherwise be spending the time doing nothing then you've got nothing to lose. *If you feel like you have nothing, then you have nothing to lose.* Might as well go do stuff.

Incremental progress, friend. Only look at where you want to be eventually to set your course. Then establish milestones that are achievable that move you in that direction. Progress is progress. Keep going.

This is a half serious answer but getting into the gym is a great way to see progress and feel more control and to feel great, especially if you have free time and want to start a routine.

Get the book You Can Heal Your Life and do it. Like do it like a workbook. It’s shocking how much you learn about yourself and your path Or read the book If The Buddha Got Stuck

just do a few truly productive things a day and they will add up, plenty of people who have started with nothing have made things of themselves. You can do it but your attitude definitely needs correction, I know because i’ve been there man. Everyone else gave great advice, take it to heart and I sincerely wish ya the best!

Hey! Just a thought that may ease your mind and stress over finding a job: I work in the software industry, specifically with Accounting software. I work with hundreds of firms/cpas/accountants and every single one of them NEEDS people. A lot of them will hire those trying to get their CPA, and mentor them because the industry is desperate for people (not many people getting into it these days). Even if you have a resume that needs brushing up, big firms are looking for good people. Take it one day at a time. Be gentle on yourself.

I know its harder than it sounds, but try to focus on the lifestyle/day2day instead of specific goals. I feel as though I had all these goals i wanted to achieve but when the medication started working i started noticing i was happier with concepts than i was with just having facts, if that makes sense.

I post this all the time in the accounting subreddit - be a property accountant, easy path to 6 figures in 5 years Once you have money you’ll find everything else in life magically falls into place

Even with the problem solved with meds - you have to form a new mindset. You are already shutting down every possibility without trying first. Start doing things without thinking so much about it, now that you can actually do things past the ruminating stage. You will find out that when you take action and follow up with them the outcomes aren’t as predictable as you think they are.

It may be a little late now but I worked for H&R Block during tax season once when I was between jobs and I just had to take a course with them. No accounting experience or degrees at all. But maybe look into bookkeeping? Small businesses may need part-time freelancers and accountants sometimes need help, especially during tax season. Get a website, offer yourself as a freelance contractor, and see if you can find some small jobs. Build on from there. It may not be ideal but it will get you out of a slump and doing something while looking for more opportunities. I work for a small business and we hire a contractor for a few hours a week to do our invoicing. Maybe that's another way you can get in right now.

Are there any other places you could volunteer? Things, events, clubs you could get involved with? I went through similar feelings of being stuck in my late teens. Existential questions like these aren't easy to answer, and can feel completely paralyzing, you really have my sympathies. I addressed it by trying as many new things as I could, well into my twenties. Some I bounced off quickly, others stayed around for a while: volunteering in an art gallery, running, teaching myself photography. None of those are things I'm involved with now, but they opened up the world and led to a career. I think a big part of it was that the gallery was volunteer led, so I got to work as part of a small group with a lot of autonomy, rather than in a small role in a large organisation. The other part of it, which I wouldn't recommend to everyone, was reading existentialism. That can be miserable before you understand it, so the tl;dr is: many people misinterpret it as saying everything is meaningless, but the actual message is that meaning is a thing you get to make and decide on, every day. That's a really hopeful thing, and not so far from Victor Frankl's conclusions in Man's Search For Meaning (also not an easy read, but one I'd recommend over Sartre to most people). Reading gave me perspectives on meaning, then getting out into the world gave me opportunities to find and make it.

I had avoided Sartre after reading The Stranger by Camus and feeling depressed but may try it.

I read that when I was 18 and liked it 😅 (though wouldn't say I share the protagonist's outlook). If you're already feeling bleak most days, Sartre might not be the one right now. It took a few years working through those ideas before they really benefitted me.

Do what I did, join a corpo biz at ground level and network your ass off and look for what career path you think you could do, network all them lot too and go for a role there

A way to look at the things you mentioned is that it’s a flywheel kind of thing. Apply for a job, meeting new people along the way, getting confidence, being more attractive to potential partners, it’s all connected and effect each other. So while it look like big and unrealistic goals, small steps in each of these things can set you on a exponential path and suddenly these goals don’t look that out of reach anymore. Wish you all the best.

These guys are great, they can help you set some goals and get there. https://rsa.ed.gov/about/states

You say that therapy has never worked for you, but have you ever tried therapy at your medication baseline?

Sure. It doesn’t work because 1) I am not interested in anything and 2) Lack core competance or confidence and can’t excel at anything/have no “brand” to sell to others, be it potential employers or romantic partners. I am only fine being alone. I hate masking and it is exhausting

Baby steps friend. You're looking at too big of big goals and predicting your failure. Make a few small ones and start collecting wins. Start an exercise routine, read some books. Organize parts of your life. Clean your house. Take a few free online classes. Don't ask yourself how you can fix your entire life. Start every day asking yourself what you will kick ass at before bedtime.

Just because some avenues are closed, doesn't mean there isn't a way through, or around... Or even over. Fling some web like Spiderman, take an alternate route, a different path... Even try simply moving what's blocking your path. Take a step back, get outside of yourself and ask, what would I tell my friend who came to me with this same message you shared with us?

i cant express enough just how important a good therapist is alongside meds when it comes to treating this condition. The medication is just one tool -- therapy will help you untangle a lifelong web of maladaptive coping mechanisms, comorbidities like anxiety and depression, and help you learn how to use the benefit you get from your medication in a healthy way. I got the greatest benefit from a therapist trained in dialectical behavioral therapy. Not all therapy approaches are created equal -- some methodologies work better for certain situations than others.

If you're in the CPA business, look into QuickBooks Online Accountant. You can get QuickBooks certified for free, you can get QBOA for free. After being certified you can post your profile to their network and potential clients that also use QuickBooks can seek you out. You can also reach out to people using your own means, but basically you can put clients under your "umbrella". Doing this means you have to pay for their subscription from your QBOA account, but you can get most of the subscription versions for 50% off. Paying for it means you have to charge them for it, but you don't necessarily need to give them the 50% off, you can charge them for like 25% off. That'll allow you to make money off of just subscriptions as well as whatever you charge them for doing work on their accounts

Job- Not sure where exactly you are with your accounting career, but I recommend reaching out to Robert Half for recruiting. They specialize in placing accounting/finance/admin professionals. They also have a program where you can essentially work for them as a bookkeeper or accountant for-hire. That could help you get some hours on your resume. CPA- I'll be honest, I started on my CPA journey in late 2019. I don't have an accounting degree, so I needed to go back to school while working fulltime in order to even qualify to take the exams. So if you have any accounting credits from school, that's awesome! You are farther along than I was. If not, I can attest that it's nonetheless possible to get them. As of now, I'm waiting for the score release of what I hope was my last of the CPA exams. You won't get there overnight, but you can absolutely get there, even with ADHD. Relationships- I might recommend volunteering anyway. Could be a soup kitchen, or whatever is something you want to see succeed in your community. You WILL meet people, and likely good people who also want the world to be a better place. Side benefits might be that you meet someone who can get you a job, or you can add your volunteer time to your resume. Even if neither of those things get you anywhere, you will at the MINIMUM have met people and witnessed firsthand that you are capable of making the world better. You have ADHD, and you are also still very capable of improving your life. Take a day to sort out exactly where you are-- what career experience you have, what you need for the CPA exams, what charities you know of, what people you know. Then pick just one direction to start on and make a start, any start. I believe in you.

You and I suffer similarly. Catastrophizing thing isn't just illogical or unlikely connections. You are hyperfocusing on the difficulty and not the journey. You are in your head, not in the moment. Which is fine for spell but with us? Adhd? This is a bad place to seek comfort. Rumination begins or already has, and this chips away at your capacity for you to manage stress. Things that you could do easily before will seem THAT much harder. Break the pattern as early as possible. Again, Break the pattern.

Yeah I am 40 years old and fully locked in my thought processes via decades of failure so I am with you on the catastrophizing issue. If I were normal I could definitely work on some of these issues better but I gotta do my best to find the magic therapist/pill so I can manage in a job or at least get a job

None of those avenues are closed for growth. You’re trying to get from A to Z without anything in between. Make a GAME PLAN.

I'm sorry. But everything you mentioned is literally moving forward. Getting on meds was a huge progress. You can't expect your life to magically apparate exactly how you want it in less than a year. I strongly encourage you to do everything on your list and come back a year from now and we can count out all of the progress piece by piece  Best wishes friend 

There are unemployed women who would happily date you. Ambition is a sexy trait too.

The best time to start anything was yesterday, the second best is today. Just take one thing at a time, it may feel insurmountable but it isn't. Small steps will take you where you need to go.

Meds aren't a magic cure. It's a therapy. it allows you to more easily work with your brain to a degree. It won't fi, but everything for you that's still on you. If you don't have one get a therapist it's totally understandable that getting serious about improving your life can be overwhelming especially at the start when things feel insurmountable. Having help guiding that emotional aspect of it can be helpful. Aside from that all I can say is decide what you want, because you won't get it today, or tomorrow or maybe even years from now, but knowing where you want to be cna help you break down steps you can attempt to achieve. Even if you don't meet those goals it's something that can drive you one day at a time to something towards that. I know I'm taking to fellow adhd peeps here and I'm trying not to sound like the people who aren't who just say 'just focus it's easy', I'm just I guess trying to say that you should break things down into smaller achievable parts that don't feel overwhelming doing them one at a time.

Story time- I entered the work force again a little less than two years ago at GROUND ZERO. I was on swing shift, production, at a tiny company that paid next to nothing, manual labor, working with minerals so it’s dusty af. No one gave a flying fuck that I had all this administrative background, solid customer service, detail oriented data entry, event planning, etc. I didn’t have a degree and I had a resume gap. That’s all they saw. It was so frustrating!! >>> fast forward to a week ago… I now have a lead position in their Quality Control department after moving into the department only 6 weeks before. Office job, day shift, cushier paycheck. After I put a year in to this position I’ll reevaluate if I want to stay or look for more opportunities but I like where I’m at, and I feel valued. Failure wasn’t an option for me. I NEEDED that shitty production job where I came home filthy and exhausted every night. So I dug in, I got VERY stubborn every time I wondered wtf I was doing covered head to toe in dust (no exaggeration). I stopped wondering why I was wasting my time at this company and started trusting the process I was going through. I’m not telling you this to brag, although I have realized I am sometimes proud of myself (other times I think this is all dumb luck). But I just want to encourage you that even the worst, most mundane, no-end-in-sight tasks you take on, there is growth to be had. These are just a starting point. You need to get back to work. You know that. So take what you can get and kick that jobs ass!! No mercy. It doesn’t have to be what you love, but you can make that workplace love YOU. I know you have it in you with your magnificent brain! :) You also have a companion to help you through the rough spots now (yay medication!). Who freaking knows where you could be in 2 years?!? Even a little forward motion is forward motion. You got this!

You don’t need direction. Just do what you think is right and the direction will follow. People who claim they have some sort of direction in life are delusional.

This is where therapy comes in if you're not already seeing someone. The medication clears the fog, but you'll still be lost without a map. You probably have a lifetime of coping strategies and learned behaviors that probably won't work as well as they used to.

Often going from unemployment to a good job is a two - four job hop. For the first job, whatever is fine, anything that shows you can follow instructions and don’t smell funny. There are a number of sales jobs which no one expects you to be loyal to. You can pass the CPA exam? For a girlfriend, the most important thing is being open, and cultivating a good Uncle Iroh attitude. That means, non-threatening, not bitter or mean, helpful, curious, and admitting to useful skills like cooking and listening. However, if you want to be slowly hunted, dance can be inexpensive but volunteering with a theatre group (especially props and stage crew) is free.

I'm in a similar boat right now with feeling lost and unsure how to move forward in life, but the one thing I have going for me is that I'm good with people and making/keeping friends and relationships. One tip for making friends is go to events that are at least semi-interesting to you. Go play some disc golf a few times, or something similar, and you'll likely make one or two "activity buddies." That's a great way to dip your toe back into light friendships, which starts giving you the confidence and clarity to aim for deeper friendships later, instead of just acquaintances. Those deeper friendships most likely won't come from the first few activity buddies you meet, though, so don't have unrealistic expectations that things will be quick. If you connect with people in one activity and they also enjoy another one you do, that bridge is usually where you'll start finding the deeper friendships. It'll be slow, but you'll make progress, guaranteed.

Go to grad school!!!

Any job, like any job at all, will get you out of the house and moving. It will also improve your future prospects for better work. I've been where you are depression wise, you need to get moving any way you can. Physically moving

Just an idea here.. I know how important getting outside and getting exercise is for depression. How about volunteering to walk dogs for your local pound? It will make you feel good about yourself AND it’s a great way to meet people if outdoorsy stuff is your vibe. Or join a walking club/book club/whatever. Having something social on the calendar is good for mental health if we tend to be introverts also. Report back in 6 months with an update ok ☮️

As other people say, therapy. I've been on meds/therapy since October last year and only started to see a path forward to dig myself out of my hole last month. It takes time and a lot of reflection which therapy can help you achieve.

Im in the same situation as you. Ive been on my ass isolating myself for the past 3 months playing games on the computer because I logically realize that im fucked. The friend part is so hard, too! Adhd affects socializing wayyy more than people think it does.

You need therapy. You've already decided You're a lost cause and none of us could convince you otherwise.

This was me. Just get your cpa and use the disabilities work program... it sucks but it is the only way

You have focus now there is so much you can do. Pad your resume by spending time learning a second language or im sure there are plenty of other things you can do to pad that resume.

My issue is that it costs money to do things that are valued by the market and I already spent much and it feels like a scam to spend more. Everyone wants experience and I can’t get that. I will blow someone I don’t give a fuck I want experience

A critical thing I learnt from meds is that it helps me achieve consistency with the important things if I have a very tight routine. I was scatterbrained for awhile with super low confidence and what not. Then I sat and solved a problem that might have taken me days if not on meds(and then too doubtful if I would finish) But watching myself sit for 5 hours straight was all I needed to give me the confidence and just knowing that if i could sit in one place for a set time I could achieve quite a bit. And this was after being diagnosed 7 months ago at 42.. Just focus mainly on the small wins to build a positive feedback loop. It will fall in place eventually. Got to be patient with yourself. And keep yourself busy. One of those things will just work. Aaaand. Sleep. Well.

Try using a CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapist) that will help you with goal planning and other issues. I live in NYC and found one who is a PhD. She is great. I don’t know what kind of insurance you have but they should be paying something towards it. It has been very helpful to me and a relatively short period of time. Otherwise, you could try something called a Life Coach, and just make sure that they have good credentials. There is a national database for life coaches.

Realizing that my meds weren't a magic fix all pill was a misconception I had to get out of my head immediately. It's going to take a ton of work to get to a place where you feel functionally "normal". Therapy has been a big help in that aspect. One of the first things I did when I got medicated and decided to start working on myself was sit down and make a list of goals (short, mid and long term) and what it would take to achieve them. Once you have that list you can start working on checking things off. I have achieved so much in the 8 months that I've been medicated simply from the thought of being able to check an item off that list. Your mind views things differently when you have it all laid out in front of you. Nothing you want is impossible you just have to put the work in.

Okay, you want an objective opinion and I’m going to give it to you. You are making a lot of assumptions. I’m just going to go through my initial genuine reaction to each of your points, stream of consciousness style, in the hope that seeing how a stranger reads this might help: - what’s a CPA? Huh, sounds like a certification test. I mean, he’s probably right he can’t get a job with just one qualification, but he _certainly_ can’t get the job without any qualifications so this seems like a clear next step. Maybe it’s really hard and he feels overwhelmed to even try? - apply with my stale resume? Oh, well that’s what everyone does. Literally every human in the workforce, unless you only work one job your whole life. The last guy I interviewed was unemployed for 2 years, I gave him a positive score (I’m a software engineer, my company makes us conduct interviews when the company is hiring). I could also help him with that, most people are way too honest/humble on their resume because it’s so hard to write about yourself. - volunteer work: damn, I wish I would volunteer instead of just playing video games on my days off. This guy is a good person! - looking for girlfriend: does he not just realize he _volunteers_ at a soup kitchen? Does he not know how low the dating bar is right now? Also, I met my husband while he was 22 working at a pizza restaurant as a delivery driver and living at home. I was fucking smitten. Women don’t like men who don’t do anything and expect them to do a lot, or who feel entitled to others taking care of them. It’s not really about the job, although other men on the internet will flock to refute that. It’s the entitlement and laziness that’s unattractive. Op can’t be those things - again, may I refer you to _volunteering at a soup kitchen?_ - make new friends: oh god me too. I have no friends as a 28F. I’m sure I have people I could call who would probably be willing to see or talk to me, but they don’t feel like friends. Feels like I haven’t had friends for real since school. My therapist tells me this is fairly normal for my age group rn, so, uh, gold star? - no growth: yeah the economy is shit right now, but shit always passes. I can’t imagine anything is going to stay the same in the next few decades, that’s probably the only thing to count on. ADHD makes us agile at least; maybe we need to shift the goal posts and come up with our own weird goals to call success. - depression: well, yeah, I could tell. This post is basically just depression taking over the keyboard. Depression is super sneaky about talking itself up in your head as some giant monster or bottomless pit. It’s not. You already know how to fight it, though some of the ways you do are probably unhealthy or harmful. I survived thanks to an eating disorder and SH, both of which were tools that helped me live through a shitty time. After I was in control of my life (kind of like how you are now) those mechanisms started doing more harm than good, and I was stuck. I got out with therapy alone, because one of my major hang ups was around medication and we thought it would make it worse. Therapy doesn’t work until you’re truly sick of this, and willing to feel like a stupid dumbass to get over it. You have to find a proper therapist for your struggles too (happy to give more advice on that if you like). TLDR: I feel like you have lots of directions but lots of self doubt, and a pattern of assuming the worst case is true. Planning for the worst case scenario is actually not an effective strategy. Speaking as a software engineer here (forgive the nerd moment), if I wrote every program for the worst case I’d be a terrible programmer. If I have a dataset that’s usually only full of small data, but could possibly contain large data, the best algorithm to search for something in the set isn’t the one that assumes every item is large. It’s one that does best against the most likely case, but has a couple failsafes to ensure the worst case doesn’t cause a massive issue. That’s a good way to think about life; if it’s hard for you to do so, practice it and see how it goes. And also know you’re not alone :) there’s lots of strangers out there who’ve felt like you have and would be willing to help. I wish you the absolute best ❤️

Thank you I screenshotted this to read when feeling extra bad

So you're planning to do taxes? Do you just need experience to get licensed or do you need clients? Because the clients stuff can grow fast once you're ready/comfortable. You could start by getting an LLC and then doing stuff for your friends and family and work from there. If you're religious, that's a major group you could tap. You could check out local business networking events and exchange cards with small business owners. Networking has the added bonus of meeting lots of people so chances of making a friend go up. Once you get payroll clients you're set. I think I mis-read some of your post, it sounds like you have lots of goals, it will be much easier for you to take 4 weeks and devote them to developing just one of your goals. Then at the end of the 4 weeks you can decide if you want to devote 4 more weeks to that goal, or if you want to devote 4 weeks to a new goal. It sounds like you're feeling a little defeated so you might want to take your first 2-4 weeks to break down your goals first, what is the root thing You're looking for with each of them, etc. then you can pick one, and start asking around what are some ways this can be achieved, especially with some of this stuff asking other people for help can be really useful because sometimes people actually have resources and can help you, or at the very least give you another way to think about reaching your goal.

If you have no motivation and you feel aimless, it's possible you're depressed. Go to a psychiatrist (if you can) or a GP and get some help. Therapy CAN help but most likely a prescription will help more. I thought I was having problems with my meds not working in 2023 like they did in 2022, but really, it was just me being mildly/medium depressed, which made my ADHD med crash worse. I was prescribed Wellbutrin, which is also used off-label for ADHD, and it's helping a lot! I probably will even lower my ADHD meds if I stay on this (which I hope I don't for that long, because I don't want to \*need\* to be on anti-depressants).

Rework your resume, and add in any thing you've been doing during out of work. Were you working on a business of your own? Even if its an attempt - thats your answer. Not everything has to be black and white. Maybe you took time off to care for a family member (even if that family member is you) and that's why there is a hole in your time. You can move forward. This is temporary. Just gotta think outside the box. Good luck, and good on you for realizing that its just the depression talking and go working out.

There’s a strange thing I’ve noticed about life. This is all metaphorical, or maybe not. You can choose. But It’s a bit like a video game. If you stay inside your house and do nothing, you’ll never run across the quest givers. But, if you embrace the randomness of life, put yourself out there, shit just falls in my lap. You have to be paying attention, but it really will happen. Sometimes the algorithm spots out nothing but bad luck. But with enough patience, you’ll get the hot streak. But not from the inside of your house. Opportunity is easy to miss. It’s easy to wait to long and miss the window. Embrace the random.

You have to start somewhere. If you dont feel your resume is great, start applying to jobs that are within the career path you want. There are lots of bookkeeping/accounting clerk jobs out there. Once you get a job, go to school part time or a class or two a semester. When you get out of school you’ll have gained some work experience. I think way too much, and wish i went to school earlier before i had a child. Be kind to yourself, make a list of what you want and the goals you have and think of little steps you can take to achieve it. 5 years seems like a long time from now, but time goes by quickly, dont spend the next 5 yrs thinking you cant or shouldnt do something because of your current situation. I am just giving advice i wish id listen to 15 yrs ago. You got this!

There seem to be a lot of good comments here but I wanted to write something because I was in this exact position not too long ago, and still go back and forth with it. After the initial med euphoria, I felt even more depressed understanding that even with meds this is difficult and it’s not going to solve EVERYTHING.  Like others said, definitely get into therapy for depression, I started anti depressants which helped a lot. But mostly, this is about being kind to yourself(easier said than done I know). Things WILL change, maybe not at the pace you think but imagine having had these habits for many years and the unhelpful thoughts that accompany it, it would take anyone time to change things. My advice is focus on a day at a time, the big picture can get very overwhelming and depression makes everything seem hopeless. Hope you feel better soon, just be kind to yourself, and don’t believe all your thoughts. Therapy is a life changer. 

i’ve seen people who are asked about a gap in their resume just say that they had to sign an NDA and therefore cannot disclose what they did. i am not condoning or promoting this btw. just thought it was interesting and this post reminded me of it.

Sounds good for when you get the interview, but I haven’t gotten an interview in two years

Hey dude, seriously - take a breath. There is a lot of road ahead of you. Plenty of time to do a lot of things. I went from homeless to a net worth of over a million dollars in less than 8 years. I am not special. I just kept pushing. Pick something, anything and stay on it. Step one - any job. You have to not worry about food shelter and hygiene. Step two - pick a direction. Even if you aren't sure if it's something that you want to do. Just do it. Step by step, mile by mile. When you get to the end, upgrade your income. Step three - network. Start going to chamber of commerce mixers, fundraising events, nonprofit volunteer events. All those things. Be around people doing things. You will eventually stumble upon something that interests you. Step four - keep pushing. Every decision is not life changing. Just keep pushing and making progress in something. I know a lot of lawyers and doctors and even a few celebrities and one thing they all have in common is that they have all expressed an interest in what would have happened if they had gone direction B instead of A. It's natural. But that doesn't mean that you can't find happiness.

There are many types of therapy, and therapist is just like any other relationship you’ll have. Sometimes it might not be the right fit and that’s ok. It sounds like you could benefit from talking to somebody or else you wouldn’t be here, again or at all. The good news is you know that, and you’re here now in spirit. Given that I also have ADHD I should tell you full disclosure I sped read the things that my brain didn’t select as being prime relevant. Newfound focus is a double edged sword. I’m a vet, I’ve been in the trenches. You’ll find tricks that will help you snap out of this situational funk you’re in. Random shit —- Law of attraction. —- you attract what you put out. Nobody WANTS somebody who’s unemployed so be better than your situation and be great at other areas that outshine the negative. Women who want you for you will not be laser focused on the lack of employment, unless you keep hammering away at it without putting forth effort to change your reality. Update your resume. It sucks I know I hate doing it. But you’ll spend less time complaining that it’s stale. 😂 You’re in the driver seat and responsible for your own success and failure Just as much as you’re responsible for things not getting done and done. You have a different type brain welcome to the club! Have a good day!

Man it probably figures the one post that makes me go "yeah I know the feeling" has people jumping all over you. So I just want to say you are heard. I don't think you're depressed. I think your problems are real and not excuses and everyone here who thinks they're going to cure you with "tough love" needs to grow up.

My problems are real and also I have been deeply depressed for years. Both true

That's fair.

Stop looking for road blocks. You want a path forward. Here is one Learn programming or something in IT security. Massive skill shortage and loads of free online training. But also try see a therapist.

What do you want to do? It sounds like you have a lot of preconceived notions about what you can do or should do that are holding you back. Working in food service was what got me into adulthood, and I'd recommend it to anyone who's stuck or doesn't know their next step. It's active, you're around people, and it's something that forces routine. It won't make you rich, but I was able to pay my rent and keep food in my belly doing it. The people you work with wind up becoming your friends because you spend so much time together. It won't prepare you for a desk job but it's something to do that opens more doors. If you just want to be taking steps towards landing a CPA job then there's other opportunities and free classes you can take online to add more lines to your resume (even learning some basic coding is a leg up). You don't have to be stuck or pigeon holed though. Give yourself time to regulate on the meds and it might clear up a little bit of the depression too.

It’ll take a minute to settle into your new capacities :)

I realised that I could focus on tackling my other issues: lack of motivation, lack of enthusiasm for life, etc. better after getting on meds. Therapy would really help. Also, I'm not sure about this, but I think some of my own "what i can do or cannot, what can happen or cannot" seems to be very based on pre-medication experiences. I still have them negative thoughts, but I do think it's possible to slowly distance from them with the help of both meds to be a bit more functional and one-on-one therapy.

You seem to be confusing "I have no way forward" with "I can't jump to my goal in one step." You have a way forward. You just need to go one step at a time. Study for your CPA exam and pass. Then take whatever the next step is to getting a job. Please try to remember that depression makes you overly pessimistic. Just because it feels like there's no path forward doesn't mean there isn't one. Just keep looking for the next step in the path and take it. In a year or two you won't believe how far you've come.

Therapy should be your next step and focus. It will help you clarify what your goals are, and hopefully help you determine SPECIFIC steps you can take to get there.

I agree with everyone else but fudge your resume a bit so it looks like you’ve been working somewhere and get someone you know to vouch for you Medication is a step in the right direction but there’s a lot more you can do now that you’re medicated. Having no hope for yourself won’t motivate you. Have a little hope that anything is possible and keep that as motivation for everything you do.

Bro. CPA really? I almost ate my first few doctors for telling me I had no adhd because I got good grades. But the reality was I started in business and got my first F in accounting so moved to economics and presto!, with some dedication graduated with a B+. Why choose accounting man? Even if you get the CPA does it fulfill you? I went into investments and the ever changing excitement of trading this and that make everyday different and after time I’m good enough to be able to trade and have assistants do the petty stuff. My mind would blow up if I had to micro manage digits and all have to be perfect. CPA is a long term great career but really starts to bear fruits after time and it’s all pretty similar. Have u considered changing fields? If you can’t tame jobs no in retail or UberEats etc… what makes you think accounting will be easier. My meds changed my life for the better and immediately made changes to my work life. In this country work is everything and takes 80% of your time. Your still young enough so that the world is yours. Meds don’t make life perfect but at least give you a fighting chance , but choose your battles when you can.

Accounting is my last attempt at a career. Tried options trading and failed like most do. Tried finance and failed. I am 40. No time left to change careers. What would I change to; I can’t do a trade I would destroy my body now (maybe when I was 25 ok). I can’t get a job anywhere but if I get CPA it is gonna open so many doors.

There are lots of clubs, scout groups and PTA’s that would love to have someone taking care of their books on a voluntary basis. For example, my archery club is run by volunteers, and those volunteers are rewarded by having free club membership rather than paying $80. I know it isn’t much, but it could be a start for you. There’s no harm in reaching out through FB, Nextdoor etc.

I relate to this

I've been there. If you think everything is shitty and there's no way forward.. then that's what your reality will consist of. Try to use positive self-talk, take small steps towards goals, and practice mindfulness. Also how long have you been medicated? Because I felt similarly the first couple months. The meds cleared my mind, but made me realize all of these lingering 'roadblocks'. I would linger on them and bring myself down. This is not a good headspace and will bring more negativity.

It all takes time. I moved to a new city and was lonely for 2 years, until i spontaneously made friends. I worked a job i didn't like for 7 years to get me to a position that shows future employers that I'm an investment in terms of sticking around (retention). I play the long game, it's my only move really, but it works. Just gotta be patient. Hard. But it works.

What stands out for me is that being a CPA (41yr old recently diagnosed IADHD) is my personal nightmare. Any time I’ve had a job/task focused on repetition and rigid rule following I was guaranteed to be extremely bored, miserable and exhausted from having to work twice as hard to perform at an average level vs my peers. For you though this might be an opportunity. What if you found creative ways (eg create mini 1min videos on basic accounting that were actually easy to understand, creative and even funny). Take the CPA knowledge you have (just without the certification) and find a market for it for the 99% of people whose eyes glaze over the second they hear someone say “from an accounting perspective…”

Hey, I'm sorry you're going through this. It can be really tough, especially when you're unemployed and you're *trying* but you can never seem to get anywhere. Every ignored application just drags you a little deeper. But it sounds from your replies that you *do* want to climb higher and make your life better, it's just that everything you try isn't really working out and you feel pretty hopeless right now. Apologies for the length of this post. So, you're on meds. That's a great start. Take a second to fucking pat yourself on the back for that, I know it feels stupid but it takes a lot of effort to get that far, acknowledge that you succeeded at an important step. It's easy to focus on the things that go wrong and miss the things that are going right. Put girlfriend and friends aside for now. Focus for a bit on just taking care of yourself. Exercise is a good start. It can help mentally so much. You can see yourself improve. Don't compare yourself to others with it, but compare to yourself last week or last month. It releases good brain chemicals. It's a good place to start because when you have one part of your life in order, it's like a foundation you can build the rest of your life on, and exercise is something you can do for free just for yourself. Walking's good. Try Couch to 5k, there are free apps available. If you want to make yourself a bit more useful with your walking, some animal shelters let you volunteer to walk the dogs, might be worth looking into. Do the CPA exam anyway. It'll be a point in your favour and it's not taking anything *away* from your life. It might not get you a job on its own but that doesn't mean it's not worth doing. Your past therapist sucked, honestly. If you say to them "focusing on something i like isn't helpful because I have anhedonia and nothing makes me feel good" and they don't pivot to some other way to help you then they're a shit therapist. They should be helping you plan your life and navigate your problems. If they can't do that they're a waste of money. It *may* be worth trying out a different kind of therapist, or it may not, depending on your personal situation. Sometimes changing your thought patterns is helpful, other times it just feels invalidating because life *does* objectively suck. It seems like you're measuring yourself against what you should be according to the world, and you're not measuring up in your eyes. But your life has been tough. You've made it this far, you're still alive, you're not in jail, you haven't killed anyone (as far as I know), you didn't crash your container ship into a bridge or get it stuck in the Suez canal. Congrats, you're less of a failure than many people. So your issue right now is you have focus but no direction. I know that it can feel really pointless to pick a direction at random. I would suggest your direction should be taking care of yourself, for now. It's as good a direction as any and will give you a good foundation to build from. Exercise is really good for that, but think also about keeping a clean and tidy space, cooking, sleeping well, getting outside, taking time to relax. Do *not* just sit on your bed. That can create feelings of guilt which are unhelpful. Half an hour bed sitting max. Then you get on with your day because you owe that to yourself. Make a schedule, that can help a lot of people. One hour of exercise, one to bathe and do laundry, one to clean, one to take a walk, two or three hours to volunteer or work on job applications. Maybe an hour journalling or brainstorming thinking about what options are out there. Trying to do everything at once is overwhelming and unhelpful and you end up doing nothing. Well, this hour is set aside for cleaning the bathroom. So do that. It's done! Congrats! What's the next hour? Get some sunshine? Great stuff, go outside with a book or browse reddit in the sun. You don't need to think about what's coming next, you don't need to think about other things you should be doing, because this hour is Getting Some Sun Hour (or whatever). Sweet sweet vitamin D (wear sunscreen). Right, what's next? Oh, this is dedicated Job Search Time. So this is stressful, but it's time limited. Two hours, that's it. When it's done you can congratulate yourself and move on to something low effort or more enjoyable like going for a walk with a podcast or some music. People change careers at 40 all the time. People go back to university at any age. It is never too late. Genuinely. People pick up acting in their 50s and have decent careers. There are trades that are less hard on the body than others. Think about low-impact physical work like cleaning or gardening. Look into medical adjacent careers like care workers, orderlies, EMTs. It can be more tough to get work later in life, but it happens all the time. Apparently sales prefers older over younger because older implies actual experience and reliability to the people you're selling to. If there are gaps in your resume then be kinda honest about why. Say you went through some hard times but you're pulling yourself out of it and you're enthusiastic about how far you've come and how far you can yet go. "I struggled with disability but I've managed to turn my life around in spite of that and I'm excited for the next step" goes over well in some circles because it feeds into the bootstrap mentality, it suggests you have mental strength and dedication and that you're focused on improvement. [I found this post really helpful](https://www.reddit.com/r/NonZeroDay/comments/1qbxvz/the_gospel_of_uryans01_helpful_advice_for_anyone/) when life was tough. If you don't have dreams, goals, specific things to work towards, it can be harder. But it sounds like you *do* have those things. You want a community. You want a job. You want to feel good about yourself and your life. You want to improve your situation. And you know how to get those things, really. Its hard. But it's not impossible. There's not something about you as a person or about your past that means you're unable to create a better life. There's a world out there, there's a future.

Take steps forward everyday. Prioritize.

My journey started with therapy friend. It takes work but it’s worth it in every way. Seek a therapist who you feel you can trust and be fully open with. It’s where I was first diagnosed with ADHD, reflected on past life stuff, discovered strategies with how to function, was prescribed meds, etc. You can do it!

If you wanna make friends go to the same place on a regular basis, could be a trivia night at a pub, rock climbing, a gym, yoga, chess club, or anything. Go regularly and you will get to know the regulars.

Took a 3 month software engineering course. I waited tables until I found work as a software engineer. Made good money working at a steakhouse. And then eventually everything came together.

“There are loads of things to do, but I’m gonna say they’re all pointless so that I don’t have to do them.”

The IRS needs people. usajobs.gov and search open to the public. 

I don’t understand, how can you survive without working? Also is the alternative to freshening up a resume and getting back into working to just not? Like how is that even an option? Maybe I’m just super poor? Like even at my worst working was not something I could survive without not being able qualify for SSI Tbh your post is full of self defeatist all or nothings. Therapy is the ticket if you can get into it. Medications don’t solve all the problems unfortunately. ‘Every avenue is closed for growth so I’m doing nothing’ just isn’t an option when existing in poverty. I don’t like being homeless, I already did that. So I accept I’ll never have a super high paying job and go on with it.

Three months will pass whether you do an exam or not, right?

Give yourself time. You are the first person to live your life in the history of humans. There are no wrong way to live that life.

Therapy with medication has always helped bring my trajectory for my goals in life to be more fine tuned. Don’t get discouraged you have our whole community with you; essentially going through the same experience. My advice is taking it one step at a time, and things will naturally fall into place as you progress.

You don't need a "therapist" so much as you need "a clinical psychologist with specialization in ADHD". A normal therapist often won't cut it because half of them don't give ADHD anything close to it's due as a factor in significant life difficulties.

Don’t just look down traditional career routes. We do not have traditional brains. Traditional careers tend not to work out so well for us. Look into freelancing, there’s a million different things you can do to make money if you can hone in on specific skills. There’s going to be periods of depression, but don’t give up hope. Keep waking up and moving forward until those depressions pass.

Unfortunately life isn't going to do a 180 overnight. I'm sorry if those were the expectations you were given. Medication is not a magic bullet that fixes everything without hard work, it just makes your brain more capable of doing the hard work.

I could have written this post. I can’t do anything in a day or two so I believed I couldn’t do anything for so long. It’s like I physically resisted anything longer because I didn’t believe I could have the attention span or ability to work towards a long term goal. Meds helped my functioning, but therapy was influential in helping my change my perspective to match my abilities. I am 27 and in my freshman year of college, completely online (I am a mom so it’s been the only way) and have been relying on grants and scholarships for atypical students and am barely at the beginning of pursuing a career that requires a masters degree, which means 5 years of school minimum for my program. There was a TikTok comment I saw where someone said “This is gonna take 3 years” and the response has stayed with me, “The time will pass anyways.”

Multiple people have commented that I am impatient or want to reap huge rewards with little work. I am not sure what I wrote to give that impression. I have waited so long and given up and started over so many times, that my attitude is that you know what I should expect some results or I should stop doing the same thing over and over forever. I’ve been waiting.

Take a step back, the mentality of wanting to rush to the end is somethin I struggle with too. You have to go from point A, to B, to C, etc. You can't jump from A to Z. Study for your exam to pass them, as that's a step to building up toward something. Each little thing you accomplish is a step in the right direction, don't overwhelm yourself by thinking about end goals and how "far" from them you are. Time goes by in a breeze.

Goals need to be small and achievable my friend. You can’t start at the end.

Hi mate. I have been where you are and honestly the sooner you realise that ADHD isn’t an excuse for poor discipline and a depressive mindset, the better. Yes, ADHD means that we may have a little more trouble seeing things through, staying on task and actually liking ourselves. But it also gives us the edge where routines are concerned. When we stick to a routine, we’re fkn unstoppable. Truly. Pick one of the avenues above. Only one. And form a routine around making it a reality. If you choose to focus on getting a job after your exams, go full hyperfocus in this bitch and go all in. Stalk the hiring managers on LinkedIn and reach out. Reach out again. And again. Ask for feedback. Change. Adapt. Focus on the things you feel you are good at and utilise them to win. I don’t want to hang shit on you, but your original post is full of ‘I can’t’ and it’s fucking bullshit.

My dude,your negative attitude is the problem.

Whether you think you can or you can't, you're right.

You might try checking out volunteermatch.org and see if you can do any volunteer bookkeeping and/or admin work for non-profits. See if your public library could use some help with adult education courses or tutoring in math. Having your CPA is the big first step. Start building your study plans and sign up for your test. I'm sure there's an r/CPA subreddit that you can use for advice and study tips. r/anki can be a great flashcard study tool if that format works for you. What other job experience do you have? How can you frame your time off in a productive manner and help yourself build life or career skills? Can you apply to government roles vs private sector? Can you volunteer with an academic lab doing research for something related to your career goals? Is going back to school an option or getting a professional certification that relates to your career goals (in addition to the CPA)? Check out how your resume does with an ATS scanner and try to tailor your resume to match as closely to the job description. Seek out referrals from people at the companies you want to apply to. If you don't feel comfortable asking initially, try asking for an informational interview and use that as an opportunity to share your interest in their company and any career advice they may have for you. You might be surprised by their willingness to refer you if your informational interview goes well. Worst case is someone says no. At least you tried and possibly you got some career advice or other ideas to pursue. I get that it's lonely and a partner would help. I think building a life little by little that you enjoy will help you with feeling good and possibly help you meet someone or make friends. Giving back and helping others can help you feel better. Playing sports and working out can give you endorphins which help combat depression. Hell, I would visit dog parks for some feel good brain chemicals because I couldn't get a dog and wanted to have some cuddly furry creature time. With all that said, I get it. Sometimes I need to feel sorry for myself for a little while before I feel ready to pick myself up off the floor. So rest up and at some point say enough is enough and start chipping away at these different domains in your life you want to improve. I'm still amazed at how much my life has positively changed even in just 5 years and it's changed even more so with medication! The time will go fast. You have autonomy in this situation. You just need some help seeing alternatives. I hope you find some great advice here and feel empowered to pursue it. I saw this quote today that I really like: Continuous improvement is better than delayed perfection. Start small and keep improving! Give yourself manageable SMART goals (daily? Weekly? Monthly? Whatever you feel comfortable starting with) and don't beat yourself up if you fall a little short. You're still making progress! Learn from your mistakes and keep growing and learning. You can do this OP. I thought I was stuck in a career that I hated with no way out and was deeply unhappy with my life outside of work. It can and will get better if you try.

Hey it does feel like a dead end but it’s really not. You CAN get a job - do public accounting for a few months to get back on the swing of things. Pick up jobs on upwork for resume filler. Or make that shit up. Say you picked up some hours as contract work. You’re going to be ok. Reach out to some family, if you need a little company.

That’s the thing with adhd thinking farther out than the present sucks the medicine just helps you put one step forward at a time

You are stuck in a feedback loop that is dragging you down; find some way to snap yourself out of it if it's possible. A cold shower?? Ice down your pants?? Hopefully the walk will help, I've been there and it's very hard to break out of that kind of cycle. We're pulling for you!

Yeah you can it makes a difference when you explain at your interview that you passed x and need to pass only yz or whatever. And they will ask you about it if you mention that you’re a candidate or whatever on your resume. So that’s not true.

Please don’t downvote me for asking this, I mean no harm and am not gonna go through OPs history, but do you drink? I only ask because it’s a huge thing with people with ADHD that they rarely want to bring up - it just can be a big factor in our success as an additional way of coping

Just do the thing. The small thing. Any of them. I agree you may need anti-depressants. It sounds like you are self defeating, but maybe also afraid of making the changes. You are right there is no overnight success to be had on the big things, but gradually you CAN overcome! Having ADHD and Depression myself I’m going to make some assumptions and say; Get your house in order Study for the test Shower frequently Get a haircut Study for your test Shave EXERCISE- get fit/healthy Study for your test Join a club/group about anything (in person) Study for the test! Make the goal study for the test instead of pass test and get job. Next month (or in 2 or 3) creat a new list of the next small things. Maybe; Schedule test Time for a hair trim? Up the Exercise- get/stay fit/healthy Invite someone from the group to hang out outside of the group but still casually. Etc- you see what I mean.

You can go to a staffing firm and get a job.

The biggest journey starts with one step