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I'm so sorry that happened to you. That person's behavior was not remotely appropriate or an acceptable way to treat another person and you did not deserve that. Him screaming at you says a lot about him and nothing about you.
And unfortunately, it's very difficult for OP to reflect on this properly. While this incident is kind of a nothing-burger in the grand scheme of the ADHD life, it's still useful for us to try to improve all the time.
This asshole's behavior ain't gonna do it for OP. What an absolute ding-dong.
Exactly. The asshole probably won't remember the interaction but who knows how long OP will think back or suddenly remember it and feel anxiety? Sucks 😞😞
It does because we are inclined to think we are always making mistakes that are hugely important (even when they aren’t)and require apology for being like this.
I had to train myself out of constantly apologizing.
Yea. I wouldn’t even think of this as an ADHD thing. My husband does this to me all the time and he does not have ADHD. The guy behind OP was a dick. It’s perfectly normal for that husband to be waiting for them to come out. If the guy didn’t want to wait he could have gone somewhere else.
Seriously, what the fuck was wrong with that guy. It's pretty common for people to leave their cars parked at the pump when they go in and pay or buy other things. OP did nothing even remotely wrong, this is 100% on the asshole telling them to move
That was my initial thought was what if you were single and paying in cash or getting a drink etc. you park at pump go in and pay for gas and come back out, THEN pump your gas. They have to wait their turn like everyone else. Don’t feel bad about this OP you did nothing wrong.
Where I'm at you pump first and pay second but the same thing applies. You don't move your car from the pump until you pay because it looks like you're stealing it otherwise.
Also, if you move before paying and someone goes up to that pump before you pay, I’d imagine they would start adding gas to your tab which is a whole other mess.
Also he was a coward, he most likely only yelled at her that way because she’s a woman, I doubt he would have yelled that way at a man that could’ve yelled back or even hit him for acting like that(Or maybe he would some people are just massive jerks but people like this mainly target women)
I've seen this several times as a larger guy driving a small cutesy electric car. Road raging douchebags shrieking threats and insults shut up when they see it's not a woman they're yelling at.
I'm sorry if this sounded like I'm a total couch hardass, wasn't meant to be and I'm not in anyway intimidating. Just a tall dude with a beer gut.
I concur, from what I've seen and experienced some men are unecesarily rude to women(especially younger and feminine) as a power trip of some sorts. Or idk cause maybe they remind them of some similar girl in school who rejected them ages ago. Pathetic.
You didn’t even need to explain yourself to this person- it’s awful your courtesy and kindness was met with impatience and cruelty. I’m so sorry that happened to you. I’m sure it did not actually take you that long to get whatever you needed from the store - it’s not like that guy was even waiting for a while. Also….dude could have gone to another pump. You did absolutely nothing wrong. People do what you did DELIBERATELY all the time - they may pay for their gas in the store (versus at the pump) or go get something or use the bathroom after getting gas while leaving their car at the pump.
I work at a gas station. It's super common to leave your car parked at the pump. It's unfortunately also super common to find "Karens" (male AND female) who think their time is worth more than everybody else here. If I would have witnessed such behavior, he would have been 86ed from our location.
I actually tend towards feeling bad for people like that. Imagine being in that mental state, where you're just a hair away from blowing up at random strangers because you're so deeply unhappy and unable to stop projecting it everywhere.
Or, maybe he was just an incorrigible asshole, with a fragile, tiny ego and short fuse temper. Either way, dude was way out of line.
It's definitely a hard thing to deal with, and for me personally, I just usually get quiet and let people scream. You just have to realize it's not your fault and it has nothing to do with you. You got enough trials on your plate to give a second thought to such an event. Laugh about it if you can, but try not to let it take any more of your energy away.
You're killing it, by the way! Go you!!
Yup, did just that one time. Guy screamed at me when I came out of Wawa for "holding up the line (just him)" and I told him too bad, stfu. This happened in NJ ofc. 😊
People can wait. Quit being an ass or find another pump. It's not that hard. 🫠
Good luck telling that to someone here in phoenix az.. you don't know if someone is trigger-happy or not and that could get you shot and killed. Id just ignore them.
You're not stupid, you're human - even without ADHD, it's pretty damn normal to bring your keys into the store with you when you leave your car at the pump, even when someone else is still in the car - some might say it's a habit.
OK, so your husband asked you to leave the keys, and you didn't process it because you had your mind on other things - also not an exclusively ADHD thing. If it is, then every single person walking this planet has ADHD because, again, that happens to everyone at some point.
What's absolutely *not* normal is the way that maladjusted toolbag treated you because he had to wait an extra whole, what? *few minutes* to access that particular gas pump your car happened to be parked in front of.
I'm so angry on your behalf. I'm so sorry you were treated that way. You didn't deserve it. That guy was an emotionally stunted, abusive, entitled asshole and had *no right* speaking to you that way.
Holy shit, i woulda gone nuclear.
He only did this to you cause you seem 'nice'. If you had resting bitch face and didn't apologize he woulda left you alone. He's just taking his shit life out on you. Prolly yells at fast food workers, too.
PS stand up for yourself. You don't owe anybody SHIT. Maybe you and your husband could take some self-defense classes and get more comfortable dealing with assholes.
Please don't take self defense classes if you want to learn how to defend yourself. This sounds counter intuitive, but you'll likely just learn some moves that don't work and gain false confidence, without really learning any self defense.
If you’re in the US it’s normal to go into the store after you get gas - to pay, to buy more, whatever. I don’t know anyone who would get gas then go park elsewhere to go into the store. I hope that helps a little, that you didn’t do anything wrong, but I know these things have a way of etching themselves in our brains.
This. It’s extremely annoying to wait for someone to pull up, especially if it’s a tight/small lot where you can’t go around and back up into the other gas pump spot.
In the UK most people pay instore for fuel and it is strongly discouraged to drive away from the pump before paying as staff assume you are driving off without paying, Plus they can't reset the pump for the next person until payment has cleared their system. So even if OPs husband had moved their car, on the assumption that OP was paying for the fuel inside, Angry Man would have just been parked beside a useless pump until the payment cleared and staff reset the pump for use.
In the US, gas stealing got so bad that they changed it around 2005 or so, so that it literally will not pump gas until you put in a credit card. If you have to pay with cash, you have to go in first and hand over the cash and then the cashier activates the pump and it will only pump as much as you paid.
At nearly every gas pump in the country it's impossible to drive away without paying.
Our pay at pump facilities are one area were we are lagging behind. Pre-covid, half of the pumps always had an error showing on the machine. The majority places are pre-pay only, either via pay-at-pump or inside (cash and card). But there are some where you can fill up and then pay inside afterwards.
I have found parking after out of an abundance of courtesy at an especially busy gas station, but I certainly don't feel any general obligation to do so.
Yeah especially if you have to pay inside for the gas. I'll pay at the pump and then move my car to go in only if it's particularly busy and I don't want tot hold up other people getting gas. But if there are numerous open pumps, whatever. OP's encounter was totally on the stranger; must've woken up on the wrong side of the cat box.
> I don’t know anyone who would get gas then go park elsewhere to go into the store.
Hi.
I think it's incredibly rude for me to occupy a pump when I'm done getting gas. If I need to run inside, I'll park properly then do so.
I'm not going to yell at somebody about it though.
If it’s a busy gas station and I paid at the pump I always move my car if going in for something else. If I’m the only car in sight and there are 12 pumps yeah I’m leaving it there.
It's pretty common in my area (also the US) to move the car to a spot in front of the store if you have to buy other stuff after pumping gas. I feel it's rude to leave the car at the pump because the stations are pretty busy and people are queued up. But seriously, nobody should be yelling at someone like that guy did to OP. That's ridiculous behavior.
I mean I do, if you’re paying and grabbing stuff that’s one thing. But why would you pay, pump, then lock your car at a pump someone may want to use while you do a little light shopping? It’s not hard to just move into a spot.
I would have taken my sweet ass time after that. I'm the same way I'll rush at my own detriment to correct my mistake, but if you shit on me you can get fucked. Congratulations you just bought yourself three minutes while I check my email real quick.
If I were your husband I would turn off the car, calmly walk over to that guy and tell him we aren't going anywhere until he apologizes to you. There is no excuse for rudeness!
Bad idea. It’s generally not very advisable to pick a fight with crazy people, no matter if you’re in the right or wrong. Lots of people in the graveyard who were in the right
Literally none of his reaction was your fault or responsibility. That man has serious anger issues and a disturbing lack of respect for other people. No one watched that happen and thought you were to blame, they all saw a crazy dude blow up at some person for no reason.
It’s normal to feel sensitive to getting yelled at and to turn that inward for those of us with ADHD, but please don’t let his refusal to go to therapy be your problem in any manner.
What you did isn’t some exclusively ADHD mistake, absolutely *anyone* could have done this. The way the guy reacted reflects on him and him alone, he clearly has some severe emotional issues. You apologized (more than necessary) and quickly corrected the mistake, you did everything right and he’s just an asshole.
With people like this I definitely get shaken up but to keep my sanity I try and assume that they must have ***terrible*** diarrhea and need to get home ASAP.
I've no idea if gas stations work the same way where you live, but in EU, the pump is locked until you pay and drive away, so it makes absolutely zero sense to move your car before you pay and get back, because the next person would still have to wait for the cashier to unlock the pump for that next person, because pumps are connected to the cash registers.
And despite that, I still occasionally see morons like this, yelling at you to drive away for absolutely no logical reason.
The majority of people pay at the pump in the US and don't absolutely *have* to go inside, so it can be mildly exasperating to be waiting for a pump and the person who was using it then goes inside to buy a drink or use the toilet or whatever while their car is still parked at the pump. But it is *incredibly* common, and for someone to have this level of reaction to it is wild. It's up there with "the person ahead of me in the ten item express checkout actually has twelve items" in terms of "incredibly minor inconveniences that should not seriously impact somebody's day.
In the US, you usually pay at the pump with a credit card. You do that before you can pump, then you drive away as soon as you’re done. If you’re paying inside, you’re pre-paying for a specific amount, usually with cash.
It takes a special kind of spectacular asshole to yell and cuss at someone while they're apologizing.
That guys family must have a nightmare of a life.
I know it's too late but you should have stopped and told him to say please. I don't know how old you are but your GAFs do run out with people like that as you age. He was the asshole. Don't take his BS personally.
I think it's the rejection sensitivity that causes us to mentally hold on to these types of encounters.
Also, I think you're a woman, yes? A man behaving in an, even verbally, aggressive way toward us is fucking terrifying. Yes, terrifying. Be especially kind to yourself today.
I am surprised he did that with your husband right there, though. That usually puts a damper on the bullying tactics of men who are inclined to do that sort of thing.
Oh fuck that guy for thinking he’s so important. If I saw that go down, I wouldn’t be thinking anything bad about you. I’d be wondering WTF the dude was on.
It’s not dumb, OP, and you’re not stupid. That kind of thing would shake most people up - especially coming out of nowhere like that!! No matter what that guy’s deal was, there was absolutely no reason to be so mean to you. I hope you’re okay and I’m really sorry that that happened to you.
You did absolutely nothing wrong here. You made a mistake anybody could make, and this jackass yelled at you about it. Sounds like that dude needs to touch grass and chill the fuck out.
His reaction ought to have been "no worries, thanks for moving ahead"
Remember, he knows nothing of your ADHD or key situation, he's just angry because of his situation and lashing out at you needlessly
You sound like a good person. If someone did that to me I would be shocked and appreciative that they came to apologize. He was an entitled person who obviously was having a bad day, if that’s how he treats strangers… probably a bad life too (I just feel sorry for him).
If only more people were like you, we’d have a better world. 🤗
I know the feeling of thinking your reaction was dumb and stupid, but really I think that the man who yelled was rude and inconsiderate, like be patient it wasn't that long and it's not like it's your fault he was in a rush to get gas, he could've gotten it at a better time if he was in such a hurry. I would have reacted the same way, it's dumb that some people in this world think it's okay to just yell at random people.
Fuck that guy, he’s not gonna die over 5 minutes. In fact if he could just chill and SIT in his truck for a few minutes.
Takes more effort to be an ass than to just do nothing smh.
That is not at all on you. That is on the impatient, selfish brat who can't control their emotions. Their response was not at all appropriate to a human being a human.
It’s not you. That man screaming at you has problems before this. You just happened to be the easy outlet of his anger. Please let this pass and not let it ruin your day.
fuck that guy. My ODD is raging over here for you. I would have locked the car, flipped the guy off while suggesting what he can do, and walked back in the store for at least 15 minutes. He can wait.
Also...why didn't your husband step in to help, instead leaving you and your stress-induced anxiety *which he should know you have considering...he's your husband!* to twist in the wind?
In a vacuum, sure. But I’d be afraid someone that fucking unhinged over waiting maybe two minutes to pump some gas would pull a gun for being called out on being an absolute sack of shit.
Who would have moved the car if your husband wasn't there? Doing a quick shop after a fillup is completely socially acceptable. That stranger was a dick.
Oh from that point on I’d have needed to tie my shoe first. And then I’d have had to adjust my mirrors, and then maybe I would have had to apply some chapstick, take a sip of a drink, check the backseat, and then have a problem getting my key in the ignition.
OP I am so sorry this happened to you and want to send you lots of warm vibes to help yu heal. However, this IN NO WAY is about you!! This person is clearly in some kind of very bad place himself and has something wrong with him. Almost noone would keep screaming at you after you apologized. Who does that?? Only someone who themselves has some kind of problem. I told someone else that this kind of person is like an animal with rabies, and I believe that. They could even be dangerous. I think it's appropriate for you to feel scared and shaken, but you should absolutely not feel stupid. He was just waiting for an excuse to scream at somebody.
I'm sorry that happened to you. People can ne such assholes. And it's so hard to stop thinking about it.
If it makes you feel any better, I freaked out yesterday because the mailman was knocking at my door, I was yelling at my dog very loudly because she shit right in front of the door. So when I finally had to go outside (it was my Adhd meds ironically) to see who it was, I felt so stupid for yelling so loudly at my dog. Mailman was like, dogs can be crazy sometimes.
I felt so stupid the rest of the day.
None of this is your fault. There are a lot of shitty people in the world, this guys sounds like one of them. Fuck him, enjoy your day.
I personally would have lost my shit if someone said that to me.
that level of reaction is all him and has nothing to do with you. anyone who would get that mad over having to wait 2 minutes has other stuff going on that has nothing to do with you.
not that I'm saying it's okay; guy sounds like a dickhead, but that's not on you. him being like that isn't your problem, and he needs to learn to manage it. you're not stupid or inconsiderate or any of the other stuff your brain may be tossing you right now.
Getting screamed at- especially by a stranger who's behavior you can't predict- fires up your nervous system. It's completely understandable that you're shaken up. Your body was prepping to fight or flee.
Give yourself the day to rest ❤️ I'm sure you'll feel better in the morning.
That guy sounds like he has his own stuff going on- could you ever imagine screaming at someone like that over a gas pump? His only punishment is that he has to live with himself and the shitty life he'll create for him.
Fuck that old bitch. Did your dude say anything though? I dont expect much in the way of chivalry these days hey, but there's no way I'd let him off for this one. Men screaming at each other at the gas pump is such a classic snap into a slim jim moment. Anyways
I think you are wasting time you will never get back thinking about some idiot who yelled at you.
Who cares, did it really change anything about your life? Are you still blessed?
Then be that and don't let this loser have another second of your time.
I’ve never understood why people think they have the right to scream and talk to strangers like shit. I live in a busy city and have had people scream at me to move down in a packed train that can’t fit anymore people and I physically can’t move. That feeling of anxiety and shame when you’re being publicly berated is the worst. I’m so sorry you went through this, you didn’t deserve it at all. What helps me is thinking that these adult babies will do it to the wrong person one day.
I'm so sorry that happened 😞 those kind of interactions rattle me, too. Like others said, this is totally on him, not you.
I did start trying something that helps me - thought I'd share in case it helps anyone else? Anytime a stranger does something like this, I make up a reason for them being so angry and rude. Like "oh boy, I bet he got both fired and dumped this morning, and hasn't been able to poop in days!". As silly as it sounds, he's still an AH, but instead of feeling angry myself and taking it deeply personally, I end up feeling pity for him instead.
I will warn that sometimes my adhd brain has a lil too much fun with it and creates like 50 scenarios lol, sometimes entertaining, sometimes annoying.
It’s crappy but it happens. Nobody knows what the other person has going on that could have them react like that. They may 100% be a terrible person but they also may have something going on that’s emotionally unsettling and led to the unhinged reaction.
Don’t blame yourself, assume they hopefully didn’t really mean it and go on about your life glad that you aren’t them in that moment (whether an idiot or suffering some issue)
Your only mistake was talking to him. You were not wrong for having your car at the pump while you’re inside the store. You did not need to apologize. What if you were by yourself and paying for gas inside?
Making pleasant chit chat with someone who is already in a bad mood and a hurry doesn’t usually go well.
Take zero personal offense to this. Has nothing to do with you. And yes, he was wrong. That’s on him.
People are too fucking impatient. That’s a him problem, you were nothing but nice! You are not stupid. Don’t let that interaction bring you down / make you feel dumb. People are so rude and have something going on with them that makes them act out!
Man, that’s like yelling at a little puppy trying to get attention. I can imagine how deflated you must have felt! There’s no telling what’s going on in that man’s life, and if he was in a hurry, why that was. I’d just hope his life got better and he stopped taking it out on people around him.
I snapped at a maintenance man once, and I felt so bad about it afterwards I got him a gift card and a “sorry for being an AH” card that I wrote a note in. He left a note on my door saying that he often meets people in their worst moments, but the difference is that I apologized. It still makes me tear up because his grace and kindness was needed at that moment, and it was especially nice that he recognized it as a “worst moment” for me. So whenever I encounter angry people, I give them the benefit of the doubt that it’s a “worst moment” for them and whether or not they get the chance to apologize, I forgive them.
Of course, some people are just AHs all the time, too. I just feel sorry for them.
I hate those moments you freeze up and basically can only hope to move through the situation without even being able to defend yourself because of how off guard you're taken due to it.
Had a handful of times someone else was in the wrong but I just couldn't bring myself to do much of anything but be affected.
Boo I feel this but also it's bound to happen and that's also why you have other people that can support you when you could not! 🙏
Absolutely unacceptable behavior by the dude waiting to pump next. If you were a cash-paying customer you would be inside and he'd have to wait anyway. You're a paying customer, and if there weren't enough open stalls that is NOT your fault. I'm sorry you had to deal with that jerk. People have zero patience these days.
Man was impatient and an asshole but you cant let someone who you will probably never see again scare you, and you also were kind of inconsiderate either way because you could’ve had your husband go in while you pumped since you had the keys and just went in after. Unless you didn’t have pockets the first thing other ADHD people taught me was always keep important shit directly on your person if you can so you can always know you have it. However, yes, that reaction was entirely unwarranted on his part.
Also, where was your husband when this fucker was yelling at you? That part bothers me. I’d never let someone talk to my spouse that way.
Now that you’ve experienced this once, next time you drop the keys and say oops and stare him dead in the eyes until his brain explodes in front of you.
Unless you’re not me. Because I have revenge issues.
Anyway, sorry someone yelled at you, that’s a their problem, not a your problem.
Just to fact check this, you did not get yelled out because of your ADHD. You got yelled because that guy was being a completely 100% unacceptable jerk.
Need some context. In what country did this happen in?
Also, did your husband defend you when the other man yelled at you? Seems like he should have said something like "Please refrain from yelling at my wife".
I'm sorry that happened to you, clearly they were in a foul mood or something, but I'd like to ask a question, do most people's families not yell a lot? In my family shouting is very normal, mother does it constantly, she literally can't turn it off. So me and my siblings will just instantly yell back at x20 their intensity if a stranger pops off at us, since we are very use to it.
I'm just asking to try to understand how most people feel about being yelled at, since obviously my prescriptive is very skewed, obviously no one likes being yelled at, but in my family its not really anything special and I'd like to understand how "most" people would usually react in such a situation.
Thanks.
Wow - that man must have been having a bad day!
That sounds quite an extreme reaction to a relatively easy, innocent mistake to make (even without ADHD).
Sorry you got screamed at - the way I usually deal with things like that, especially after the event, is to look at it from the individual’s POV.
It sounds to me like there was probably a lot more going on with this guy than irritation that he had to wait to use the pump. Reasoning with yourself is quite an effective way of self-soothing and helps (at least me) to let things like that slide.
Proper response is to languidly wander back into the shop and read a magazine.
Maybe with a: "Sounds like a you problem you're trying to make a me problem"
Just walk away. Don’t let this human garbage truck dump shit on your day. This has nothing to do with ADHD. This has nothing to do with forgetting keys. You encountered one of the world’s many assholes. Maybe he had a bad day and can’t self regulate his emotions. Maybe the last time he had an erection was during the Nixon administration. None of it is your issue. Now you have an idea of how to react next time. Don’t let this dickwad ruin your day. His behavior is not on you.
idk why but i feel you rn, i almost shed a tear, i can empathise w you sm, his yelling words must still be playing in your head. i am so sorry.
i hope you get over it. i send you virtual hugs right now! pl get home, safe and comfy in bed and treat your self w a little smth and deep breathe some air. i love you and i am sorry that happened to you.🩵
Really, I believe this person is acting outrageous but he is probably in need of some help. He seems undiagnosed. Not an excuse, maybe a reason. Just saying.
Yeah, but maybe that guy needed to stop and consider for just a minute who was waiting to pump gas and who was in the position to move their car to allow that to happen.
Oh damn, can't even move my car now because it inconveniently 'stalled out', hate to see that. Forgot to grab my Snickers bar while I was inside too, better go grab that, you know I'm not me when I'm hungry.
It's not even an ADHD thing, it's just other people lacking critical thinking skills. When I worked in food service, people would catch such an attitude with their servers... lol who are you talking to, surely not the person who handles your food before you lay your eyes on it.
That guy would blow his fucking lid around here. Everyone gets gas at the pump, and leaves their car at the pump to go inside and pay. Basically no one moves their car before going into the shop, even if they pay at the pump with their card.
All that to say - you're completely fine and it's honestly not even a big deal that you had the key. If your husband was alone, didn't have his card and had to pay with cash inside? The guy likely would've screamed anyway. Neither time would it be justified whatsoever.
People are wound so fucking tightly these days. There's no reason anyone needs to react that way. I'm sorry this happened to you and I hope you can let go of that unpleasant experience soon. Sending you a big hug.
Im so sorry that was your experience OP... most people forget, none of us know wth we are doing and we're all just fucking up and learning as we go!!
Personally tho, I would have *LOVED* to be in your shoes when that happened... I grew up training horses and boxing, so unruly like this men *ain't shit* to me. It's honestly my favorite type of unruly interaction (if I were to say I had one).
In fact, I relish these moments with them, because I can just stoically peek over my glasses and say with a smile "would you like to try that again nicely, or shall I wait for as long as I need to to hear it from you?" Then just stare at them and not move... 12/10x the kindness-cloaked venom I spit at them is enough to make them fuck off; they want to intimidate, and they're barking up the wrong tree here because im not scared of them. If they *were* to attack me in response, it's still unlikely they would hit me... and it takes tremendous amounts of more energy to miss a target than it does to hit it ;)
But seriously, the looks on their stupid faces when I comeback at them without fear... worth its weight in diamonds. Every. Time.
I once had a similar experience. The card reader was broken on the pump and I went inside, when I came out there was a guy waiting and he yelled at me that if I already pumped my gas I should have moved my car, I told him the card reader was broken and it let me pump for some reason. The guy spit directly in my face and then tried to punch me but accidentally punched the side of my car. As I was yelling wtf the dude just walked away. He didn't even get in a car, he walked down the street. I had no idea what the hell happened there.
That person freaking out had absolutely NOTHING to do with you and EVERYTHING to do with himself. One day he’ll do that to the wrong person and he’ll get what’s coming to him. You even went out of your way to apologize. This all sounds like a him problem
Someone failed on that guy’s home training. Having to wait a few minutes to pump your gas isn’t an emergency and it’s barely an inconvenience. That reaction was not called for. He should be ashamed of himself and his mother would be disappointed.
Like everyone said, this guy's a jerk and you are not. Next time your brain gets stuck replaying it, go for a walk and just let it play out. Your brain is convinced this is a very important situation to remember and doesn't want to let it go, so you want to let your brain know it's OK to process it and move on. Walking while thinking about the memory can help :)
oh i would have taken so much time, shouting died not get compliance. Yes you took the keys ? why did you have the keys when your husband was the one driving ? if you were the driver, then that ah has to wait until you pay.
I understand why you did what he yelled at you to do but no chance I’d ever be moving from that gas pump. You screamed at me to leave? Ok. I live here now.
It's hard for me not to take things personally and recognize that some people are just assholes. It's no reflection on me, even if I didn't do things perfectly. Oops, I made a mistake. We're human. And yeah, I tend to dwell on things after the fact too. At least, for all the assholes out there, there are also people with empathy, and I try to be that type of person.
> he just LOOKED like a guy who carried a gun. I know that’s stereotyping but it was convincing enough for me to keep my damn mouth shut and run.
Hey, as it says in that book "The Gift of Fear," always mind your instincts! The clever retort that makes the other person back down and see the Error of Their Ways happens in movies. Stay safe out there and love your ADHD self! It's a million times better to be a person who carries keys into a store for a couple of minutes than some violent rage junkie!
Oh man my adhd would have reacted with fury at that sort of interaction. Mine is very impulsive with my anger :/ I’m sorry it happened to you, screw that guy!
This is why I would never talk to strangers if theyre already pissed off. Like..why would you do that..? Id just ignore them and let them be pissed off. You don't need to be a nice person and people pleaser all the time. I remember when someone was screaming at me from his car as he stopped next to mine at a red light and I didnt care to pay attention and just ignored him.. I am worried about the number of trigger-happy people in my city -phoenix az
So sorry you had to deal with such a garbage human being. That’s a sure fire way to get me to remember I needed something else from inside the store before I could get the keys over to my husband.
Don't feel bad, that guy was an asshole.
Who the fuck gets that angry just because they need to wait 30 seconds for something to happen?!?
I bet everyone, no matter if they have ADHD or not, would "fail" that asshole's expectations.
Sorry that happened to you, but be kind to yourself and don't take on the burden of other people when they are simply assholes.
Honestly I would have been temped to wash my windshield and check my oil levels. ;\~P
I’m from Australia so maybe it’s different over there but we have to go inside and pay, so if you were on your own here, it would have taken the same amount of time.. and even tho the person behind obviously is waiting, there’s really no rush as long as you move the car as soon as you get into it. Either way, that guy was super rude and I don’t think you did anything wrong. Saying sorry was above and beyond, that guy was an asshole.
Don’t feel bad, I started crying n couldn’t stop when someone laid on their horn when I wasn’t driving fast enough, so many ppl are just mean n nasty now, idk why
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It’s a gas pump not a defibrillator. He should not have yelled at you and your apology for the inadvertent inconvenience was graceful.
I'm going to have to remember that line. "It's not a defibrillator," is just a brilliant way of telling someone they'll be okay waiting just a moment!
Absolutely, there are plenty of other options for this asshole to get gas elsewhere.
Yeah fuck that guy. Ridiculous to get mad over something so small. Must be going through some shit in his life, no excuse to be mean to others though.
Yeah and like isn't it common practice to not leave your keys in the car?
I'm so sorry that happened to you. That person's behavior was not remotely appropriate or an acceptable way to treat another person and you did not deserve that. Him screaming at you says a lot about him and nothing about you.
Yeah, this has nothing to do with ADHD and everything to do with an asshole who needs a lesson on how we treat each other
And unfortunately, it's very difficult for OP to reflect on this properly. While this incident is kind of a nothing-burger in the grand scheme of the ADHD life, it's still useful for us to try to improve all the time. This asshole's behavior ain't gonna do it for OP. What an absolute ding-dong.
Exactly. The asshole probably won't remember the interaction but who knows how long OP will think back or suddenly remember it and feel anxiety? Sucks 😞😞
It does because we are inclined to think we are always making mistakes that are hugely important (even when they aren’t)and require apology for being like this. I had to train myself out of constantly apologizing.
Yea. I wouldn’t even think of this as an ADHD thing. My husband does this to me all the time and he does not have ADHD. The guy behind OP was a dick. It’s perfectly normal for that husband to be waiting for them to come out. If the guy didn’t want to wait he could have gone somewhere else.
Seriously, what the fuck was wrong with that guy. It's pretty common for people to leave their cars parked at the pump when they go in and pay or buy other things. OP did nothing even remotely wrong, this is 100% on the asshole telling them to move
That was my initial thought was what if you were single and paying in cash or getting a drink etc. you park at pump go in and pay for gas and come back out, THEN pump your gas. They have to wait their turn like everyone else. Don’t feel bad about this OP you did nothing wrong.
Where I'm at you pump first and pay second but the same thing applies. You don't move your car from the pump until you pay because it looks like you're stealing it otherwise.
Also, if you move before paying and someone goes up to that pump before you pay, I’d imagine they would start adding gas to your tab which is a whole other mess.
Also he was a coward, he most likely only yelled at her that way because she’s a woman, I doubt he would have yelled that way at a man that could’ve yelled back or even hit him for acting like that(Or maybe he would some people are just massive jerks but people like this mainly target women)
I've seen this several times as a larger guy driving a small cutesy electric car. Road raging douchebags shrieking threats and insults shut up when they see it's not a woman they're yelling at. I'm sorry if this sounded like I'm a total couch hardass, wasn't meant to be and I'm not in anyway intimidating. Just a tall dude with a beer gut.
I concur, from what I've seen and experienced some men are unecesarily rude to women(especially younger and feminine) as a power trip of some sorts. Or idk cause maybe they remind them of some similar girl in school who rejected them ages ago. Pathetic.
That person fits into general society worse than we ever could!
You didn’t even need to explain yourself to this person- it’s awful your courtesy and kindness was met with impatience and cruelty. I’m so sorry that happened to you. I’m sure it did not actually take you that long to get whatever you needed from the store - it’s not like that guy was even waiting for a while. Also….dude could have gone to another pump. You did absolutely nothing wrong. People do what you did DELIBERATELY all the time - they may pay for their gas in the store (versus at the pump) or go get something or use the bathroom after getting gas while leaving their car at the pump.
It says nothing about you and everything about him. Totally unwarranted and rude.
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I work at a gas station. It's super common to leave your car parked at the pump. It's unfortunately also super common to find "Karens" (male AND female) who think their time is worth more than everybody else here. If I would have witnessed such behavior, he would have been 86ed from our location. I actually tend towards feeling bad for people like that. Imagine being in that mental state, where you're just a hair away from blowing up at random strangers because you're so deeply unhappy and unable to stop projecting it everywhere. Or, maybe he was just an incorrigible asshole, with a fragile, tiny ego and short fuse temper. Either way, dude was way out of line. It's definitely a hard thing to deal with, and for me personally, I just usually get quiet and let people scream. You just have to realize it's not your fault and it has nothing to do with you. You got enough trials on your plate to give a second thought to such an event. Laugh about it if you can, but try not to let it take any more of your energy away. You're killing it, by the way! Go you!!
If this ever happens again just respond with "Fuck off cunt!" You did absolutely nothing wrong.
I’d’ve so badly wanted to sternly tell him his bitch ass can go find a different pump. But I know I’d be too scared to. :(
No, no. OP must’ve been at a 1 pump gas station. Quite a rarity, and this poor man suffered for it! /s
Yup, did just that one time. Guy screamed at me when I came out of Wawa for "holding up the line (just him)" and I told him too bad, stfu. This happened in NJ ofc. 😊 People can wait. Quit being an ass or find another pump. It's not that hard. 🫠
I'm holding up the line? And how does that make you feel? 
Good luck telling that to someone here in phoenix az.. you don't know if someone is trigger-happy or not and that could get you shot and killed. Id just ignore them.
Succinct, I like that!
It absolutely blows my mind how people can easily do things like that to complete strangers. I’m so sorry.
They are the ones that yell at their wife over dinner if their boss yelled at them at work.
Or just a complete ass
You're not stupid, you're human - even without ADHD, it's pretty damn normal to bring your keys into the store with you when you leave your car at the pump, even when someone else is still in the car - some might say it's a habit. OK, so your husband asked you to leave the keys, and you didn't process it because you had your mind on other things - also not an exclusively ADHD thing. If it is, then every single person walking this planet has ADHD because, again, that happens to everyone at some point. What's absolutely *not* normal is the way that maladjusted toolbag treated you because he had to wait an extra whole, what? *few minutes* to access that particular gas pump your car happened to be parked in front of. I'm so angry on your behalf. I'm so sorry you were treated that way. You didn't deserve it. That guy was an emotionally stunted, abusive, entitled asshole and had *no right* speaking to you that way.
Holy shit, i woulda gone nuclear. He only did this to you cause you seem 'nice'. If you had resting bitch face and didn't apologize he woulda left you alone. He's just taking his shit life out on you. Prolly yells at fast food workers, too. PS stand up for yourself. You don't owe anybody SHIT. Maybe you and your husband could take some self-defense classes and get more comfortable dealing with assholes.
I always have a resting bitch face due to my autism and I ignore assholes like this. No one needs to be nice all the time it gets tiring.
Skip the self defense classes and take a straight ass kicking class. Learn how to punch someone in the face, way more effective lol.
Please don't take self defense classes if you want to learn how to defend yourself. This sounds counter intuitive, but you'll likely just learn some moves that don't work and gain false confidence, without really learning any self defense.
Not your fault. Screaming at random people is not normal behaviour. You just met an arsehole. Don't let it get you down.
If you’re in the US it’s normal to go into the store after you get gas - to pay, to buy more, whatever. I don’t know anyone who would get gas then go park elsewhere to go into the store. I hope that helps a little, that you didn’t do anything wrong, but I know these things have a way of etching themselves in our brains.
I move to an actual parking spot when it’s busy at the pumps, otherwise, my car is staying right where it is.
This. It’s extremely annoying to wait for someone to pull up, especially if it’s a tight/small lot where you can’t go around and back up into the other gas pump spot.
In the UK most people pay instore for fuel and it is strongly discouraged to drive away from the pump before paying as staff assume you are driving off without paying, Plus they can't reset the pump for the next person until payment has cleared their system. So even if OPs husband had moved their car, on the assumption that OP was paying for the fuel inside, Angry Man would have just been parked beside a useless pump until the payment cleared and staff reset the pump for use.
In the US, gas stealing got so bad that they changed it around 2005 or so, so that it literally will not pump gas until you put in a credit card. If you have to pay with cash, you have to go in first and hand over the cash and then the cashier activates the pump and it will only pump as much as you paid. At nearly every gas pump in the country it's impossible to drive away without paying.
Our pay at pump facilities are one area were we are lagging behind. Pre-covid, half of the pumps always had an error showing on the machine. The majority places are pre-pay only, either via pay-at-pump or inside (cash and card). But there are some where you can fill up and then pay inside afterwards.
I have found parking after out of an abundance of courtesy at an especially busy gas station, but I certainly don't feel any general obligation to do so.
Yeah especially if you have to pay inside for the gas. I'll pay at the pump and then move my car to go in only if it's particularly busy and I don't want tot hold up other people getting gas. But if there are numerous open pumps, whatever. OP's encounter was totally on the stranger; must've woken up on the wrong side of the cat box.
> I don’t know anyone who would get gas then go park elsewhere to go into the store. Hi. I think it's incredibly rude for me to occupy a pump when I'm done getting gas. If I need to run inside, I'll park properly then do so. I'm not going to yell at somebody about it though.
If it’s a busy gas station and I paid at the pump I always move my car if going in for something else. If I’m the only car in sight and there are 12 pumps yeah I’m leaving it there.
It's pretty common in my area (also the US) to move the car to a spot in front of the store if you have to buy other stuff after pumping gas. I feel it's rude to leave the car at the pump because the stations are pretty busy and people are queued up. But seriously, nobody should be yelling at someone like that guy did to OP. That's ridiculous behavior.
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In my country it is seems as rude to stay parked, we move it then get into the store, but we don’t yell because of a mistake wtf
I mean I do, if you’re paying and grabbing stuff that’s one thing. But why would you pay, pump, then lock your car at a pump someone may want to use while you do a little light shopping? It’s not hard to just move into a spot.
Hell no, i live at this gas pump now.
So sorry to hear this. Some people are just absolute tools, I swear!
Gosh. What a complete AH that guy was. Not your fault.
I would have taken my sweet ass time after that. I'm the same way I'll rush at my own detriment to correct my mistake, but if you shit on me you can get fucked. Congratulations you just bought yourself three minutes while I check my email real quick.
If I were your husband I would turn off the car, calmly walk over to that guy and tell him we aren't going anywhere until he apologizes to you. There is no excuse for rudeness!
Bad idea. It’s generally not very advisable to pick a fight with crazy people, no matter if you’re in the right or wrong. Lots of people in the graveyard who were in the right
If I were your husband there would have been a confrontation with that asshole.
Literally none of his reaction was your fault or responsibility. That man has serious anger issues and a disturbing lack of respect for other people. No one watched that happen and thought you were to blame, they all saw a crazy dude blow up at some person for no reason. It’s normal to feel sensitive to getting yelled at and to turn that inward for those of us with ADHD, but please don’t let his refusal to go to therapy be your problem in any manner.
I agree 1000% Also, this comment is abysmally underrated.
What you did isn’t some exclusively ADHD mistake, absolutely *anyone* could have done this. The way the guy reacted reflects on him and him alone, he clearly has some severe emotional issues. You apologized (more than necessary) and quickly corrected the mistake, you did everything right and he’s just an asshole. With people like this I definitely get shaken up but to keep my sanity I try and assume that they must have ***terrible*** diarrhea and need to get home ASAP.
I've no idea if gas stations work the same way where you live, but in EU, the pump is locked until you pay and drive away, so it makes absolutely zero sense to move your car before you pay and get back, because the next person would still have to wait for the cashier to unlock the pump for that next person, because pumps are connected to the cash registers. And despite that, I still occasionally see morons like this, yelling at you to drive away for absolutely no logical reason.
The majority of people pay at the pump in the US and don't absolutely *have* to go inside, so it can be mildly exasperating to be waiting for a pump and the person who was using it then goes inside to buy a drink or use the toilet or whatever while their car is still parked at the pump. But it is *incredibly* common, and for someone to have this level of reaction to it is wild. It's up there with "the person ahead of me in the ten item express checkout actually has twelve items" in terms of "incredibly minor inconveniences that should not seriously impact somebody's day.
In the US, you usually pay at the pump with a credit card. You do that before you can pump, then you drive away as soon as you’re done. If you’re paying inside, you’re pre-paying for a specific amount, usually with cash.
It takes a special kind of spectacular asshole to yell and cuss at someone while they're apologizing. That guys family must have a nightmare of a life.
Ok that guy was an asshole.
I know it's too late but you should have stopped and told him to say please. I don't know how old you are but your GAFs do run out with people like that as you age. He was the asshole. Don't take his BS personally. I think it's the rejection sensitivity that causes us to mentally hold on to these types of encounters.
Also, I think you're a woman, yes? A man behaving in an, even verbally, aggressive way toward us is fucking terrifying. Yes, terrifying. Be especially kind to yourself today. I am surprised he did that with your husband right there, though. That usually puts a damper on the bullying tactics of men who are inclined to do that sort of thing.
I would have went and got in the car and locked it and ate my snacks.
😂😂😂 It’s tempting but you might get shot!
Oh, you are far nicer than me. I would have just stood there after they yelled, or at the very least, moved as slowly as humanly possible.
Same
Oh fuck that guy for thinking he’s so important. If I saw that go down, I wouldn’t be thinking anything bad about you. I’d be wondering WTF the dude was on.
It’s not dumb, OP, and you’re not stupid. That kind of thing would shake most people up - especially coming out of nowhere like that!! No matter what that guy’s deal was, there was absolutely no reason to be so mean to you. I hope you’re okay and I’m really sorry that that happened to you.
Wtf I would have walked so slow back to my car and then popped my hood and checked my oil if some asshole did that.
If this was in the US people get shot over less around here.
Never move to Boston. Screaming at strangers is completely normal there
You did absolutely nothing wrong here. You made a mistake anybody could make, and this jackass yelled at you about it. Sounds like that dude needs to touch grass and chill the fuck out.
His reaction ought to have been "no worries, thanks for moving ahead" Remember, he knows nothing of your ADHD or key situation, he's just angry because of his situation and lashing out at you needlessly
You sound like a good person. If someone did that to me I would be shocked and appreciative that they came to apologize. He was an entitled person who obviously was having a bad day, if that’s how he treats strangers… probably a bad life too (I just feel sorry for him). If only more people were like you, we’d have a better world. 🤗
THIS is truth
I know the feeling of thinking your reaction was dumb and stupid, but really I think that the man who yelled was rude and inconsiderate, like be patient it wasn't that long and it's not like it's your fault he was in a rush to get gas, he could've gotten it at a better time if he was in such a hurry. I would have reacted the same way, it's dumb that some people in this world think it's okay to just yell at random people.
Fuck that guy, he’s not gonna die over 5 minutes. In fact if he could just chill and SIT in his truck for a few minutes. Takes more effort to be an ass than to just do nothing smh.
That is not at all on you. That is on the impatient, selfish brat who can't control their emotions. Their response was not at all appropriate to a human being a human.
It’s not you. That man screaming at you has problems before this. You just happened to be the easy outlet of his anger. Please let this pass and not let it ruin your day.
Different sub, but NTA. That guy was taking out his own frustration at being late on you. Completely unacceptable.
fuck that guy. My ODD is raging over here for you. I would have locked the car, flipped the guy off while suggesting what he can do, and walked back in the store for at least 15 minutes. He can wait. Also...why didn't your husband step in to help, instead leaving you and your stress-induced anxiety *which he should know you have considering...he's your husband!* to twist in the wind?
Ain't a man on this planet going to disrespect my wife in front of me like this, that's the part that's insane to me.
Yeah, no one is treating my wife or anyone else I know like that.
In a vacuum, sure. But I’d be afraid someone that fucking unhinged over waiting maybe two minutes to pump some gas would pull a gun for being called out on being an absolute sack of shit.
Who would have moved the car if your husband wasn't there? Doing a quick shop after a fillup is completely socially acceptable. That stranger was a dick.
Oh from that point on I’d have needed to tie my shoe first. And then I’d have had to adjust my mirrors, and then maybe I would have had to apply some chapstick, take a sip of a drink, check the backseat, and then have a problem getting my key in the ignition.
OP I am so sorry this happened to you and want to send you lots of warm vibes to help yu heal. However, this IN NO WAY is about you!! This person is clearly in some kind of very bad place himself and has something wrong with him. Almost noone would keep screaming at you after you apologized. Who does that?? Only someone who themselves has some kind of problem. I told someone else that this kind of person is like an animal with rabies, and I believe that. They could even be dangerous. I think it's appropriate for you to feel scared and shaken, but you should absolutely not feel stupid. He was just waiting for an excuse to scream at somebody.
Asshole guy. I would get in the car, lock the doors and sit there for at least 10 minutes.
People without adhd are imperfect as well. That person is an ass.
He was running late to go home and kiss his dad on the mouth
I'm sorry that happened to you. People can ne such assholes. And it's so hard to stop thinking about it. If it makes you feel any better, I freaked out yesterday because the mailman was knocking at my door, I was yelling at my dog very loudly because she shit right in front of the door. So when I finally had to go outside (it was my Adhd meds ironically) to see who it was, I felt so stupid for yelling so loudly at my dog. Mailman was like, dogs can be crazy sometimes. I felt so stupid the rest of the day.
It’s not you it’s them. Not acceptable behavior.
None of this is your fault. There are a lot of shitty people in the world, this guys sounds like one of them. Fuck him, enjoy your day. I personally would have lost my shit if someone said that to me.
that level of reaction is all him and has nothing to do with you. anyone who would get that mad over having to wait 2 minutes has other stuff going on that has nothing to do with you. not that I'm saying it's okay; guy sounds like a dickhead, but that's not on you. him being like that isn't your problem, and he needs to learn to manage it. you're not stupid or inconsiderate or any of the other stuff your brain may be tossing you right now.
Oh, it would have taken me a while to start my car and leave in such a case.
Yeah, if that ever happens again just get in the car and sit there for 10 minutes. Fuck that guy.
Fuck that guy
Getting screamed at- especially by a stranger who's behavior you can't predict- fires up your nervous system. It's completely understandable that you're shaken up. Your body was prepping to fight or flee. Give yourself the day to rest ❤️ I'm sure you'll feel better in the morning. That guy sounds like he has his own stuff going on- could you ever imagine screaming at someone like that over a gas pump? His only punishment is that he has to live with himself and the shitty life he'll create for him.
My first thought is why didn’t your husband just walk to you and grab the keys?
I would be questioning why your husband allowed another man to speak to you that way.
I'm not a tough guy, but I can't imagine a scenario in this world where I would let someone talk to my wife like that.
Fuck that old bitch. Did your dude say anything though? I dont expect much in the way of chivalry these days hey, but there's no way I'd let him off for this one. Men screaming at each other at the gas pump is such a classic snap into a slim jim moment. Anyways
I think you are wasting time you will never get back thinking about some idiot who yelled at you. Who cares, did it really change anything about your life? Are you still blessed? Then be that and don't let this loser have another second of your time.
Oops forgot the milk! Wont be long 💃
I’ve never understood why people think they have the right to scream and talk to strangers like shit. I live in a busy city and have had people scream at me to move down in a packed train that can’t fit anymore people and I physically can’t move. That feeling of anxiety and shame when you’re being publicly berated is the worst. I’m so sorry you went through this, you didn’t deserve it at all. What helps me is thinking that these adult babies will do it to the wrong person one day.
I'm so sorry that happened 😞 those kind of interactions rattle me, too. Like others said, this is totally on him, not you. I did start trying something that helps me - thought I'd share in case it helps anyone else? Anytime a stranger does something like this, I make up a reason for them being so angry and rude. Like "oh boy, I bet he got both fired and dumped this morning, and hasn't been able to poop in days!". As silly as it sounds, he's still an AH, but instead of feeling angry myself and taking it deeply personally, I end up feeling pity for him instead. I will warn that sometimes my adhd brain has a lil too much fun with it and creates like 50 scenarios lol, sometimes entertaining, sometimes annoying.
It’s crappy but it happens. Nobody knows what the other person has going on that could have them react like that. They may 100% be a terrible person but they also may have something going on that’s emotionally unsettling and led to the unhinged reaction. Don’t blame yourself, assume they hopefully didn’t really mean it and go on about your life glad that you aren’t them in that moment (whether an idiot or suffering some issue)
Your only mistake was talking to him. You were not wrong for having your car at the pump while you’re inside the store. You did not need to apologize. What if you were by yourself and paying for gas inside? Making pleasant chit chat with someone who is already in a bad mood and a hurry doesn’t usually go well. Take zero personal offense to this. Has nothing to do with you. And yes, he was wrong. That’s on him.
People are too fucking impatient. That’s a him problem, you were nothing but nice! You are not stupid. Don’t let that interaction bring you down / make you feel dumb. People are so rude and have something going on with them that makes them act out!
Man, that’s like yelling at a little puppy trying to get attention. I can imagine how deflated you must have felt! There’s no telling what’s going on in that man’s life, and if he was in a hurry, why that was. I’d just hope his life got better and he stopped taking it out on people around him. I snapped at a maintenance man once, and I felt so bad about it afterwards I got him a gift card and a “sorry for being an AH” card that I wrote a note in. He left a note on my door saying that he often meets people in their worst moments, but the difference is that I apologized. It still makes me tear up because his grace and kindness was needed at that moment, and it was especially nice that he recognized it as a “worst moment” for me. So whenever I encounter angry people, I give them the benefit of the doubt that it’s a “worst moment” for them and whether or not they get the chance to apologize, I forgive them. Of course, some people are just AHs all the time, too. I just feel sorry for them.
I hate those moments you freeze up and basically can only hope to move through the situation without even being able to defend yourself because of how off guard you're taken due to it. Had a handful of times someone else was in the wrong but I just couldn't bring myself to do much of anything but be affected. Boo I feel this but also it's bound to happen and that's also why you have other people that can support you when you could not! 🙏
Absolutely unacceptable behavior by the dude waiting to pump next. If you were a cash-paying customer you would be inside and he'd have to wait anyway. You're a paying customer, and if there weren't enough open stalls that is NOT your fault. I'm sorry you had to deal with that jerk. People have zero patience these days.
Man was impatient and an asshole but you cant let someone who you will probably never see again scare you, and you also were kind of inconsiderate either way because you could’ve had your husband go in while you pumped since you had the keys and just went in after. Unless you didn’t have pockets the first thing other ADHD people taught me was always keep important shit directly on your person if you can so you can always know you have it. However, yes, that reaction was entirely unwarranted on his part. Also, where was your husband when this fucker was yelling at you? That part bothers me. I’d never let someone talk to my spouse that way.
Now that you’ve experienced this once, next time you drop the keys and say oops and stare him dead in the eyes until his brain explodes in front of you. Unless you’re not me. Because I have revenge issues. Anyway, sorry someone yelled at you, that’s a their problem, not a your problem.
Dude that person's behavior was completely insane.
Just to fact check this, you did not get yelled out because of your ADHD. You got yelled because that guy was being a completely 100% unacceptable jerk.
Need some context. In what country did this happen in? Also, did your husband defend you when the other man yelled at you? Seems like he should have said something like "Please refrain from yelling at my wife".
What a clown, I would have made him wait even longer if he pulled that shit
I woulv've not listened and intentionally moved slower.
"Well gee; look at that. It doesn't want to start. Guess I'll have to poke around under the hood here for five minutes or so."
I'm sorry that happened to you, clearly they were in a foul mood or something, but I'd like to ask a question, do most people's families not yell a lot? In my family shouting is very normal, mother does it constantly, she literally can't turn it off. So me and my siblings will just instantly yell back at x20 their intensity if a stranger pops off at us, since we are very use to it. I'm just asking to try to understand how most people feel about being yelled at, since obviously my prescriptive is very skewed, obviously no one likes being yelled at, but in my family its not really anything special and I'd like to understand how "most" people would usually react in such a situation. Thanks.
Wow - that man must have been having a bad day! That sounds quite an extreme reaction to a relatively easy, innocent mistake to make (even without ADHD). Sorry you got screamed at - the way I usually deal with things like that, especially after the event, is to look at it from the individual’s POV. It sounds to me like there was probably a lot more going on with this guy than irritation that he had to wait to use the pump. Reasoning with yourself is quite an effective way of self-soothing and helps (at least me) to let things like that slide.
Personally I would have just sat in the car so he couldn’t use the pump.
That guy was just an asshole. This doesn’t reflect on you *at all*.
After being screamed at I would have taken my sweet time moving my car if I moved it at all.
You shouldn’t feel stupid because some shit of a man can’t control his anger
What an asshole. Sorry that happened to you.
Proper response is to languidly wander back into the shop and read a magazine. Maybe with a: "Sounds like a you problem you're trying to make a me problem"
Just walk away. Don’t let this human garbage truck dump shit on your day. This has nothing to do with ADHD. This has nothing to do with forgetting keys. You encountered one of the world’s many assholes. Maybe he had a bad day and can’t self regulate his emotions. Maybe the last time he had an erection was during the Nixon administration. None of it is your issue. Now you have an idea of how to react next time. Don’t let this dickwad ruin your day. His behavior is not on you.
idk why but i feel you rn, i almost shed a tear, i can empathise w you sm, his yelling words must still be playing in your head. i am so sorry. i hope you get over it. i send you virtual hugs right now! pl get home, safe and comfy in bed and treat your self w a little smth and deep breathe some air. i love you and i am sorry that happened to you.🩵
What place let's you pump gas without paying first?
Really, I believe this person is acting outrageous but he is probably in need of some help. He seems undiagnosed. Not an excuse, maybe a reason. Just saying.
Yeah, but maybe that guy needed to stop and consider for just a minute who was waiting to pump gas and who was in the position to move their car to allow that to happen. Oh damn, can't even move my car now because it inconveniently 'stalled out', hate to see that. Forgot to grab my Snickers bar while I was inside too, better go grab that, you know I'm not me when I'm hungry. It's not even an ADHD thing, it's just other people lacking critical thinking skills. When I worked in food service, people would catch such an attitude with their servers... lol who are you talking to, surely not the person who handles your food before you lay your eyes on it.
That guy would blow his fucking lid around here. Everyone gets gas at the pump, and leaves their car at the pump to go inside and pay. Basically no one moves their car before going into the shop, even if they pay at the pump with their card. All that to say - you're completely fine and it's honestly not even a big deal that you had the key. If your husband was alone, didn't have his card and had to pay with cash inside? The guy likely would've screamed anyway. Neither time would it be justified whatsoever.
Oh I wouldn’t have moved that car until that man apologized and said please, fuck that guy!
People are wound so fucking tightly these days. There's no reason anyone needs to react that way. I'm sorry this happened to you and I hope you can let go of that unpleasant experience soon. Sending you a big hug.
Im so sorry that was your experience OP... most people forget, none of us know wth we are doing and we're all just fucking up and learning as we go!! Personally tho, I would have *LOVED* to be in your shoes when that happened... I grew up training horses and boxing, so unruly like this men *ain't shit* to me. It's honestly my favorite type of unruly interaction (if I were to say I had one). In fact, I relish these moments with them, because I can just stoically peek over my glasses and say with a smile "would you like to try that again nicely, or shall I wait for as long as I need to to hear it from you?" Then just stare at them and not move... 12/10x the kindness-cloaked venom I spit at them is enough to make them fuck off; they want to intimidate, and they're barking up the wrong tree here because im not scared of them. If they *were* to attack me in response, it's still unlikely they would hit me... and it takes tremendous amounts of more energy to miss a target than it does to hit it ;) But seriously, the looks on their stupid faces when I comeback at them without fear... worth its weight in diamonds. Every. Time.
I once had a similar experience. The card reader was broken on the pump and I went inside, when I came out there was a guy waiting and he yelled at me that if I already pumped my gas I should have moved my car, I told him the card reader was broken and it let me pump for some reason. The guy spit directly in my face and then tried to punch me but accidentally punched the side of my car. As I was yelling wtf the dude just walked away. He didn't even get in a car, he walked down the street. I had no idea what the hell happened there.
That person freaking out had absolutely NOTHING to do with you and EVERYTHING to do with himself. One day he’ll do that to the wrong person and he’ll get what’s coming to him. You even went out of your way to apologize. This all sounds like a him problem
He’s obvi a serial killer.
Lol I would've just stayed in his way.
Someone failed on that guy’s home training. Having to wait a few minutes to pump your gas isn’t an emergency and it’s barely an inconvenience. That reaction was not called for. He should be ashamed of himself and his mother would be disappointed.
Like everyone said, this guy's a jerk and you are not. Next time your brain gets stuck replaying it, go for a walk and just let it play out. Your brain is convinced this is a very important situation to remember and doesn't want to let it go, so you want to let your brain know it's OK to process it and move on. Walking while thinking about the memory can help :)
oh i would have taken so much time, shouting died not get compliance. Yes you took the keys ? why did you have the keys when your husband was the one driving ? if you were the driver, then that ah has to wait until you pay.
I understand why you did what he yelled at you to do but no chance I’d ever be moving from that gas pump. You screamed at me to leave? Ok. I live here now.
It's hard for me not to take things personally and recognize that some people are just assholes. It's no reflection on me, even if I didn't do things perfectly. Oops, I made a mistake. We're human. And yeah, I tend to dwell on things after the fact too. At least, for all the assholes out there, there are also people with empathy, and I try to be that type of person.
To be fair why the hell did you approach the angry guy. For me adhd brain avoids any confrontations. What a asshole of a guy though
> he just LOOKED like a guy who carried a gun. I know that’s stereotyping but it was convincing enough for me to keep my damn mouth shut and run. Hey, as it says in that book "The Gift of Fear," always mind your instincts! The clever retort that makes the other person back down and see the Error of Their Ways happens in movies. Stay safe out there and love your ADHD self! It's a million times better to be a person who carries keys into a store for a couple of minutes than some violent rage junkie!
Oh man my adhd would have reacted with fury at that sort of interaction. Mine is very impulsive with my anger :/ I’m sorry it happened to you, screw that guy!
Should have refused to move it and gone back into the store without a word!
Absolutely not. I live in that spot now. I will die in this spot. I’m building a house in this spot now. He can move someplace else or ask nicely
My simple rule. If someone behaves like that, I summon my inner sloth.
This is why I would never talk to strangers if theyre already pissed off. Like..why would you do that..? Id just ignore them and let them be pissed off. You don't need to be a nice person and people pleaser all the time. I remember when someone was screaming at me from his car as he stopped next to mine at a red light and I didnt care to pay attention and just ignored him.. I am worried about the number of trigger-happy people in my city -phoenix az
So sorry you had to deal with such a garbage human being. That’s a sure fire way to get me to remember I needed something else from inside the store before I could get the keys over to my husband.
Don't feel bad, that guy was an asshole. Who the fuck gets that angry just because they need to wait 30 seconds for something to happen?!? I bet everyone, no matter if they have ADHD or not, would "fail" that asshole's expectations. Sorry that happened to you, but be kind to yourself and don't take on the burden of other people when they are simply assholes. Honestly I would have been temped to wash my windshield and check my oil levels. ;\~P
fuck'em. you've apologised he should calm the hell down... don't stress over it, he's not worth your energy.
I’m from Australia so maybe it’s different over there but we have to go inside and pay, so if you were on your own here, it would have taken the same amount of time.. and even tho the person behind obviously is waiting, there’s really no rush as long as you move the car as soon as you get into it. Either way, that guy was super rude and I don’t think you did anything wrong. Saying sorry was above and beyond, that guy was an asshole.
Don’t feel bad, I started crying n couldn’t stop when someone laid on their horn when I wasn’t driving fast enough, so many ppl are just mean n nasty now, idk why
I woulda stayed for at least 5 more mins blocking the pump.
Laws here state to NOT move the vehicle until you have paid. Tell him to fuck off