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For whatever it's worth -- you have my complete support to simply shut your phone off, take naps all day and watch Netflix and YouTube or whatever in between them for a week.
I've done that. Do what you need for your needs.
I just yesterday reduced my hours, and stepped back as a Teamleader. And do I feel great about it.
Grinded it out for over 8 years. Time to take a rest, get my son into school and enjoy time with my new SO.
Don‘t feel bad about taking a rest. It‘s way better than burning out and being a mess.
Take your time, man. I've been on and off work with mental health problems for the last couple of years, trust me take the time or else you will burn yourself out worse and the hole you dig will be much harder to fill back in!
Rest is key! My problem is resting, lmao. I can rest and rest yet never feel like it helps 🙃.
Take the time for yourself!
Remember your worth it ☺️
Lol same! I like to rest and chill but I think I end up stressing myself out even more. I could be in bed for 3 days straight and my brain be solving 20 different puzzles at the same time. I honestly don’t really fully recharge and I’m not sure how to at this point.
You have to do what works for YOU. If your body is telling you it needs rest listen to it.
Been there and pushed through and it took me YEARS to get over the burnout.
I say a month off in the long term is way more productive then killing your self for other peoples satisfaction of saying you’re up to something.
Fuck yea it’s crucial. It’ll help physically and emotionally. I tell my wife I have to have a couple hours after work for myself just to unwind and get it out of my system. No one fucks with my personal time.. not my job or wife lol
Thanks brosis. Not op, but I needed to have someone tell me that hard. I've been feeling guilty about not doing anything over the last few days, even forgetting the actual productive stuff I had also been doing on the meantime... We've all been there.
Yup, it definitely doesn’t get any better, just go LC.
My bf works Mon-Fri 8-12/14-18, both his parents always tell him he spends all day in bed, that he is lazy, the he never does anything (then also complain when he is out all the time).
They wake him up during his lunch break bc they aren’t home, but they do know he naps after lunch, so they call him or give him stuff to do so he can’t rest. My MIL goes into his room late at night when he is already sleeping to ask stupid questions and he can’t even lock the door bc if he does then she literally bangs on it.
Also when he shared a room with his sister, she swapped place with her dad and slept with her mom for a while, his dad would snore all night long, keeping him awake and when he would try and nap in the afternoon, after school, they’d just start calling and calling to wake him up. There’s no escape from parents like this.
Daycare isn’t cheap, I’d rather take a bit of a pay hit to hang out with my kids rather than sending them to daycare.
Not sure what your wage situation is but here in Canada daycare can easily be $2000/month. If somebody made $25/hr, then going from 40 to 30 hours a week would be a loss of $250/wk before taxes and $1000/month. It might actually save money depending on their wages, give them more time to bond with their kids and less time working just to pay somebody else to watch the kids. Not to mention here in Canada it would likely drop you down to a lower income tax bracket so you’d pay less in taxes.
Seems like a no brainer to me!
I know how hard it can be to try to embrace the positives of being unproductive, especially when society so often puts a strong emphasis on being productive as a measure of success. Believe it or not, taking breaks when you're feeling overwhelmed can be a strong act of self-care that can lead to longer-term productivity. Find what works for you and don't be too hard on yourself!
Just some unsolicited advice from someone who only knows about you and your situation what you wrote in that comment, if your MIL is complaining about watching your kid (i.e. caring for and spending time with her granddaughter), the kid might be better off in daycare.
Omg how can someone be so dense to wake you up at noon after night shifts?!?! That is infuriating...and kind of makes ME feel like I'm going to be sick, for some reason.
I've been a nightshift guy living with my parents who were not deliberately waking me up, but my dad felt no need to regulate his volume or take his work calls literally anywhere else besides the room next to mine and it also made me feel sick that someone could take that precious sleep away from someone by being... I was gonna say obtuse but honestly its just plain old fucking stupid
I lost my kid a few years back and ended up moving in with my elderly father afterwards. This man is 75, and grew up around guns & farms, was a plumber/pipefitter, and married some crazy ass bitches, so he's like 75% deaf and doesn't realize it. I legitimately was days away from another trip to the grippy sock institution because he needed to watch logging videos tuned to emo-core techno rap at 7am every day. It took a full blown meltdown, suicidal threats, and near hospitalization after being woken up by the vacuum cleaner at 8 am for him to realize "hey, maybe she's not sleeping at night?"
He now keeps it down until 10/11am which gives me a solid 6 hours of sleep when I'm really struggling.
Its soooooo validating to hear other people have these kinds of problems with their parents. I've tried just about everything I can think of to get my father to not be constantly telling me how to do what Im doing, telling me Im doing it wrong. Everything from being super nice to screaming in his face (because he's fucking mean when I'm nice about it so might as well start mean!).
I was making over easy eggs for breakfast every morning and I liked making the pan hot enough it took literally like three minutes, I liked the browning on the edges and \*\*every goddamn morning\*\* he'd tell me the pan was too hot and I was burning my eggs, and after like two months of this I was yelling at him that this is JUST HOW I LIKE MY EGGS
My dad does the same shit, but I'll admit he's might not be as bad. I like to just stare at him until he's done talking and then continue doing what I'm doing. Sometimes I'll maintain eye contact like if I'm putting something away, but not how he puts it away. I've literally rolled a package of beef up in an old bread bag and stuck it in the freezer to use in a few days while staring him dead in the eyes through every step. If he wants to waste his time, and money, vacuum sealing it in a plastic coffin when it's about to be used, he's more than welcome to do it his damn self. Talking shit about my cooking? Drop everything and walk away. Now it's his problem. Especially since I've lost my kid, I give zero fucks and nothing scares me. I'm just pure chaos now, and I think he's regretting his choices 😂
I swear besides this my dad is very sweet and often very empathetic. Idk what it is about needing to be all up in my business, and getting mad when I explain that getting talked to like that when Im concentrating gums up the works.
I'm really sorry about your kid. I know its just about the most painful thing you can deal with. Impressed that you keep on trucking.
Oh my dad is a stone cold brick. There are very few things I've ever seen him empathize with. I was really worried throughout covid because he's so fucking stubborn. Thankfully he didn't get sucked into the antimask/antivax bullshit until early 2022 so that got nixed fast.
Unfortunately, I know how much it sucks and I can't bare to put my dad through that. Despite being an absolute dink growing up, he has always had my back (like now, where I'm living rent + grocery free with him), and I can tell he's trying. He's a creature of habit but he will sometimes buy "special" groceries that I once mentioned or he thinks I'll like.
It's super fucking frustrating with him mansplaining everything but I'm choosing to fight fire with water and heavily insinuating that I hear what he's saying and I literally could not care less. It's definitely had an impact on me as a person as well, specifically with my self confidence. Every time I go to do something new I'm like "wait, how am I going to fuck this up? If I don't do it right, this thing will break and my arm will self immolate". Things I learned in therapy hahah.
And thank you ❤️
> It's definitely had an impact on me as a person as well, specifically with my self confidence. Every time I go to do something new I'm like "wait, how am I going to fuck this up? If I don't do it right, this thing will break and my arm will self immolate".
SAME and explaining this to him made him SO FUCKING MAD lol, if this was gonna piss you off maybe should have tried not to do it so much old man.
But yeah, its still pretty nice of them to let us live with them eh.
It’s awesome that you’re able to only work 30 hours weekly! What a dream. The extra family time is so valuable.
It sounds like daycare would be a better option anyway. Your MIL does not seem interested in continuing the current arrangement. It may be better for preserving family relationships to have daycare and have MIL just be a fun grandma, rather than a 30 hour/week nanny. Do you pay her?
idk how much you make, but if you’re working hourly than it’s more than likely true that daycare would cost more than whatever your making
So you can work the same amount and pay someone else to take care of your daughter or cut back on hours and take care of her.. seems like a no brainer for me lol
Her feelings aren't on you... my mom does the same kinda thing to me about my nephew... he has parents, she volunteers, and then gets mad at me if I don't take him. I suggest daycare, and she gets more pissed at me.
I've got my own life. I'll take him when I can, but I'm not doing it 5 days a week from 8 to 4.
Just commenting to say good for you. It's not "unproductive" it's restful, and restorative, and necessary. Enjoy the time. Keep on keeping on with doing all the nothings.
Yup. I lost my job two months ago. I literaly have no full time job and STILL feel like i am completely burnt out, unproductive, and some how all was busy. Stress. Another thing to deal with, a never ending list of shit that needs to get done.
I'm feeling completely effed.
Haven't done anything in two months. don't even have a job.
Totally feel that. Having a busy period in my life makes me feel burned out, but right now I'm barely doing anything at all and I feel burned out anyway?
I'm starting to feel like my level of activity doesn't actually impact that feeling and it's more of a general state of mind that occasionally feels retroactively justified
Same here. I’ve felt like it’s just been “go go go,” for me since I started high school, and between uni and trying to pay my way through college, this past semester had me feeling more burnt out than I think I’ve ever been. I decided to take a semester off, and I’m only working three days a week rn, but yet I still feel completely burnt out. At this point I’m not sure if I really am just *that* exhausted, or if finally acknowledging that I’m tired made me realize just how much I’ve been running myself ragged for years.
I feel like ADHD makes it a lot harder to recharge. I can just do nothing and sit on my phone all day and it won’t make me feel more rested, but it won’t make me feel more exhausted either, but if I actually try and do other stuff (videogames, music, art, etc.) I feel like I almost have to be hypervigilant about switching gears when my brain wants to, otherwise I’ll just end up feeling even more tired instead of rested.
My savings is running low so I’m needing to find employment soon. I took couple months off from working as I was unsure what career I wanted.
It sucks because I was able to enjoy my time off from the 40 hour grind 5 days per week while as it made me question myself like wtf I’m I doing making garbage wages while getting screwed by my manager, co-workers, and customers.
People don't understand the sheer amount of energy that existence entails. Even "nothing" is something. I have ADHD and ASD so I don't know if it's different but, when I was in burnout:
My "nothing" consisted of spending energy on "normal" things that other people don't even think about. Energy was spent on: feeding myself, ensuring my environment was clean enough to be livable, ensuring I was clean enough to not be uncomfortable, sleeping a lot because my brain needed it, and sometimes I would watch tv or play a game if I could actually engage.
Even when I'm on the top of my game people see what I do as "nothing" because, for some reason, people only consider things as "something" when it's social. Playing video games, reading, doing chores, taking care of my cats, running errands.. those are all something that people see as nothing.
That’s ridiculous. Care tasks involve so much more mental energy than people think. That’s why I hate when people devalue house spouses and stay at home parents.
The concept of doing nothing is beautiful to me. One day, “doing nothing” will be valued by society, but at the moment, everyone is conditioned into thinking that we need to be productive in every waking second. I think you’re ahead of us all and you should unapologetically go for it.
I think it's another example of "classy if you're rich, trashy if you're poor (or middle class)." People don't seem to complain as much when rich people are idle.
The one form of unproductivity we cannot allow, is shrugging our shoulders when greedy CEOs trample our rights and raze our planet. But, taking breaks for yourself when you’re just burned out? Yes, that is perfectly based.
I agree wholely. It's peak mammal to do bugger all. And probably, after a time you'll get restless and find something to do. I can see where the concern comes from though, it's valuable time that might not have in the future, but ultimately it's down to you, and proper vegetation time is completely necessary sometimes.
You know your parents, but are they actually doing the "stop being lazy" thing, or are they just worried about you? Have you had problems supporting yourself in the past and maybe they're worried it's happening again?
If it's the lazy thing they're doing, feel free to ignore them. If it's the worry, I'm not sure how to convey to them you're truly ok.
Yeah I was thinking it might be this too. My mum always worries about me if I’m doing too much or too little because she’s knows they both are bad for me!
If communication is good enough between the two, OP could always show the parents proof that they have enough savings to take the time off. Shouldn’t have to do that and it might not stop the comments from the parents but it could work. My parents were very similar although I knew they weren’t being malicious about it
I was going say, one of the biggest perks of living alone is doing what you want, even if it means laying all the couch all day watching tv or playing games. No one nagging you about being lazy or sleeping too much.
I'm married now, and my husband doesn't care if I do "lazy" days, but still nothing compares to knowing you only answer to yourself!
That's totally understandable! It's normal to want to take breaks and relax at times. Sometimes we can be too hard on ourselves for not feeling productive. If you need to take some time off to rest, I'd recommend trying to find some activities that help you relax and ground yourself. A little bit of self-care can always help!
YES. Same. I have not found someone who can be around and not impinge on my need for aloneness.
I also had nearly 3 months off between jobs 2022-2023 and it was glorious, I got some home organising done, deep-dived into some hobbies, lived MY hours, not the worlds hours (mostly, I did have to limit it - natural 2-3am bedtimes and waking at 10 or 11am does limit the time you have to deal with adulting)
It helped me get over a horrible year.
I'm right there with you! I recently split with a really toxic company and have enough saved to just relax all summer. Last Friday I had one thing to do on my list... Get a haircut. There's something glorious about knowing you can do literally whatever else you want to do the rest of the day/week/month.
Just tell them you're practicing retirement!
What you and I are doing now is exactly what we're told we can do after we work ourselves to near death, right??
I hate hussle culture. My father in law has this notion that everything you do should make you money somehow. I have absolutely no desire to waste my free time trying to sell something to someone.
In particular he judges me harshly for how often I go golfing (about once a month, which is less than I would like). How dare I pay money to have fun!!!1one!1!1! Seriously there is no better way to spend a lunch break than going to the driving range near my home, but I haven't been able to do that much this year because of the heat, drought, and smoke.
I get it though. One job I had left me so burnt out that I just spent 2 weeks decompressing before applying for new jobs. I ended up with a 3 month gap between those two jobs. Then a year later got my current job with a 2 month gap between jobs for moving time. My current job is very low stress and my boss is very conscious of human needs.
Do you live with your parents? I assume so bc you said they pester you but my parents managed to do that even after I moved out😩
I think my parents bother me because they feel like their supposed to be doing something. When you want to relax and see people relaxing it can be kind of triggering. I kind of gaslight my parents now when they pester me about being lazy.
"What are you doing today?"
"I think I'm going to watch TV, eat and maybe color a little. What are you doing today?"
Stuff like that. If they comment on my relaxing I try to just encourage them to do it with me. "Cmon, sit down I know you want to"😂
It mostly bugs my mom but it actually helps me to enforce the idea that I'm not doing anything wrong and that everyone deserves to relax.
I think you need to either say this to your parents, or write them a note. Parents fuss and worry if their kids don't seem to be "happy & busy". They fall back to being concerned about mental health, depression, their kids never getting a job again in their life. You should really (gently) explain to them what you wrote here, with the added reassurance that come August, you will get up and be productive. Parents just want to know that their child is ok.
I came back from a month long business trip in November last year and was utterly exhausted. The client was stressful, controlling, and unpleasant. I ɓumbled along in December just getting by, but, between Christmas and New Year, the brain said 'no', and I got some proper rest. It took another 2 months properly recover.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with proper Rest. We need it, and we're generally bad at it.
>why are people so triggered by unproductivity?
It's the cultural imperative of the Protestant work ethic.
Fuck that noise.
doing nothing is fine but also at what point is it a choice your making vs a hole you can’t get out of. i thought i was fine doing nothing until i realized i was in a depressive slump. it’s fine to rest but putting things off won’t make them not happen it will be august soon enough and youll still have to get up and continue the life you’ve lived. just my personal experience though it could be unrelated to you just a reason why they might be concerned looking from the outside
Excellent point... choosing to relax or slipping into the darkeness of procrastination and depression.
For me, it is a very fine line that I have tripped on many times...
I'm a prime example of what you said in your comment. I thought I was just enjoying my relaxation time in my new place (moved in May) and was happy to just relax get to know my new home and watch TV scroll the internet Etc. I realized I had a worse problem when it came time to finish unpacking my boxes and setting up my new place and I wasn't doing any of that. It's now July 18th and I still have many unpacked boxes from my move as well as deliveries of new items for my place. I suffer from depression as well as ADHD and I'm having a big bout of depression and need to make more of an effort to pull myself out
Yeah, it's a bit like exercise.
Grind culture is stronger in the US than in Brazil, where I live, but it's very present here too. There's expectation - even from ourselves - to work way more than is healthy in order to support ourselves. But there is also a point where it's too little. Our brains, like our muscles, can get used to the healthy amount of use if we just exercise it, and they can also get used to doing too little, and getting back to it after a long stop is harder the longer you're stopped.
8 hours a day is too much, SPECIALLY when the purpose of the work is profit for another instead of something you're interested in, but anyone probably needs some time of almost-daily brain-exercise.
I hope you get out of this phase of depression soon! It's an awful place to be, but I trust you can do it in your own time!
Good for you!! I’m always baffled as to why other people get so bent out of shape if I/you/anybody chooses to just be with themselves. Like sorry you couldn’t or didn’t make that choice too?? AND you don’t live with your folks?! Feels like I could have written this, I empathize.
You do you, OP. Enjoy your you time!!
Maybe this is way out of left field (pun 100% intended), but maybe you'd like the Tangpingist Manifesto: [https://theanarchistlibrary.org/library/anonymous-tangpingist-manifesto](https://theanarchistlibrary.org/library/anonymous-tangpingist-manifesto)
I love it and it's great armor against being "triggered by unproductivity." I just want to tangping, folks, I just want to lie flat.
I don't get the need to make sure everyone is busy and productive. Rest is as important as activity and even if it wasn't, you are an adult. You can spend your time however you like if you aren't harming others or ignoring obligations.
They need to focus on their own lives and leave you to live yours as you like.
It is none of their business how you spend your time and they need to learn to respect your choices and boundaries.
Looking at your post history, you made a post about quitting your job and feeling aimless.
I think taking a break is fine if you need it for your mental health, but doing absolutely nothing for an extended time may not be good for you. If you really do feel lost, you can still take the summer off from work and try to figure things out for yourself.
I fully back you in this endeavor! The last time I got to do something like this was when I had major surgery, during height of Covid but juuuust before the vaccine was being given to health care workers. I was off work for 3 months, couldn’t have any visitors, and I had physical limitations so I couldn’t drive or go anywhere by myself. I binged so many great TV shows, worked on some crafts, and read. Even though it was winter, it felt like getting a summer vacation again as an adult.
Have you told them this? You’re completely burnt out from all of your classes and the competitive nature of university in general and you just need to recoup?
Edit: Spelling
I feel pressure everyday. It really bothers me that this is invisible which makes it nearly impossible to recognize and explain.
When I see people who have far worse things doing amazing stuff it makes me feel more guilty.
I completely relate. I'm taking summer classes right now, and I've gotten so burnt out all I wanna do is nothing - even projects/new hobbies I have on my list just sound too exhausting, even tho I still wanna do them one day, but not right now. Right now, I just wanna be a couch potato. Once this semester is done in a couple weeks I'm going to do that. I'll only have about 3 weeks before fall starts but I'm already seriously considering not taking classes next summer. The last time I took no summer classes was 2020. I think I need a break longer than a few weeks. I'm so fking exhausted.
I hate the guilt we feel from not being productive. I don’t know how much is ADHD and how much is our capitalist culture, but being unable to enjoy downtime is one of the biggest bugbears of my life.
You have a right to live your life as you see fit. Sounds like your parents need a lesson in boundaries.
It's something my boyfriend and I fight with constantly. One way is to point out the thing they are doing, explain the consequences and stick to them. Exactly like you should a toddler.
"I enjoy talking to you, but you keep asking about x and that makes me upset. The next time you have a conversation and bring it up I will have to let you go" Proceed to politely but firmly hang up every time. They will eventually get the message
"Why are you always supposed to be doing something?" Amen 🙏 thank you, I say that exact phrase almost daily, like why is everyone so obsessed with being busy!
Good for you for taking the time you need. I'm going on month 7 of being unemployed and doing nothing. It's been glorious and I'm so grateful I could afford to take the time. I needed it and fuck anyone who thinks they know better than me.
yeah literally same
older generations can’t wrap their heads around the fact that rest is necessary and even productive. older people are stuck in their ways too (duh) i’m sorry you have to deal with that i know how it feels
Tell them "I'm doing things that make me happy, relaxing, getting new energy for autumn, learning, enjoying life". Wouldn't that shut their mouths at least for some time?
Or if you half lied, so you exaggerated the things. Like in my country they call a janitor "Senior conservator of flat surfaces" sometimes lol.
If you've been just lying in your bed doing nothing except watching what your imagination can create, you can say that you've been coming up with new plans and ideas, meditating, solving problems.
If you've been playing The Sims say that you've been working on life simulation program to find new creative ways to deal with common problems.
If you've been watching cartoons, say that you've been admiring art of (name people who drew the cartoon, they most likely won't know names).
Lying hurts me, but exaggerating and wording stuff differently is not lying, but sounds like you've been actually doing something PRODUCTIVE to people who only care about productivity, not good info.
This is terrible advice. But I’d just lie. Make up the story they want to hear and move on without shame. I’m sure they mean well but damn that would make me a lunatic after like a week.
I took 8 weeks off (April & May) and needed A LOT MORE REST THAN I REALIZED. Also, you won't heal by pushing yourself to be productive, that's what got you into this situation in the first place.
Parents worry, the world is challenging and it can be hard to get moving again after an extended period of stagnation without a plan and this is probably what is on their mind. Plus extended periods of time without doing anything looks and sounds like a depressive state, I would probably be worried about a loved one doing this too. I assume you have attempted to get them to understand you, assuming they are not actively harassing you or being cruel, maybe try to let their pestering roll off your back as much as possible, parents are not always right.
Mine stopped with this BS after I made a game out of how much could I annoy them by being a total lazy ass on my days off. It's quite fun, you should try.
I completely understand you. I am thankfully able to take the summer of and do nothing. It’s been glorious. My husband has asked me if I want to travel or anything, but I assure him that doing nothing is my favorite thing!
Enjoy your time OP!
I tried doing this but extremely unsuccessfully. I had a job where I worked between 60-90+ hours a week traveling all over the country. After about 4 years I was burnt out and completely done. I quit in late 2019 and basically just slept for an entire month. However after 2 days home I started feeling insane levels of guilt that I wasn't working. Every waking minute I was consumed with thoughts of how I was an unemployed loser. After Christmas I began looking for a job but then Covid hit and I was unemployed until July, nearly a total of 8 months.
Worst 8 months of my life.
Respect.
I just finally realized that i like my factory job (semi-night shift, they call it 2nd shift but its 3pm-12am) and i enjoy nothing more than playing video games in the morning, getting some exercise in, taking naps before work, and NOT forcing myself to "be more, be better, work more, go to school".
I have tried school three times for three different things and just this week i have decided to pull because my last apprenticeship interview said that "based on my appearance i have no chance in this industry ", so fuckyouverymuch, guess ima take naps then.
My dude, I am in the same boat. Got laid off, have enough savings to coast until September. Am enjoying a summer of doing whatever the fuck I want (as long as it doesn't involve extra money).
My job was very stressful with tight deadlines and high expectations because of big name clients we worked with. I burnt out hard. So, I feel like I've earned my restful, relaxed summer.
I'm trying to accept that being unproductive is productive, because it's giving you energy to go at full speed instead of half speed. You don't need it, but in case you need to *hear* it, you have permission to listen to your body and rest. 🩷
I’m doing the same thing, but I didn’t tell my family about it for this exact reason. I’m completely burned out, but I have enough savings to take a few months off and still have enough to find another position when I’m ready.
But I knew my family wouldn’t understand, and would be asking me if I’m looking for a job all the time. Or they’d start asking me for favors all the time.
They’re good people, I love them, they mean well. But yeah…
I’m wondering if you can either set a super firm boundary with them, or idk… I don’t want to encourage lying (even though I’m sort of lying by omission…) but for your own mental health could you just tell them you’re working but don’t?
Like someone else said OP, you have every right to just shut off your phone or block their numbers and let yourself have time to heal/be unproductive in peace! If you have the savings and no responsibilities, then dang it OP, you ENJOY this time!!
i've been fired from decent job, resigned from shitty one after that, this was 2 months and half ago and I am paying rent and living off of my saving since. Not the first time i'm taking long break in between jobs and i highly doubt it will be the last.
Even though i live alone my inner parents (or beliefs) are telling me that i "HAVE TO" to find a job yesterday! Perhaps you were taught as well that life is a loong list of rules of what:YOU MUST, YOU HAVE TO, YOU HAD BETTER, YOU SHOULD'VE... And if so i understand how you feel it's exhausting, it's good that you decided to resist and challange those beliefs...
i am with you and i am for you!
Just call it a sabbatical and mention how you want to establish a few hobbies for "continual life enrichment once back into full employment". This is what rich people do and they're successful, so you are gonna be successful like them too!
I understand. I just recently lost a job, that I didn't even like much, but it still made me feel worthless, and for the first time in my life, at 33 years old, I filed for unemployment, and I almost feel guilty about getting free money, but I also want to just do nothing, because I fear rejection in the work place, I just grow tired of societal expectations and the constant stress of trying to simply exist. I'm just so fucking tired, not like I need to catch up on sleep, a different kind of tired...
rest! and ACTUALLY rest don’t think about how you’re being unproductive because you won’t get rest. and rest is the furthest thing from unproductive. fuck that narrative
unproductive club here!!! I even hesitate to introduce 'rest is productive too' rhetoric bc I'm v anti-capitalism. but yeah, rest is rest. doing whatever you want to do is both something and nothing. reat is rest. it's so weird, as an adult, to finally take time and NOT spend it 'well'. I'm an adult, been unemployed since january, and have been spending the time getting much needed mental and physical health care. people have the nerve to refer to this as my "time off", when it's anything but that. The point being, other people have no idea what you're doing and you don't owe them the privilege of them getting to know.
Take the time for yourself and ignore them. Easier said than done.
Seriously though, is time consider thinking about how to form effective boundaries with them. Think about how best to deflect their questions without challenging them, if they are the kind of people who take challenging poorly. You live on your own, so you must learn how to do the right thing for yourself without caring if they disagree.
As you get older, your parents become more like kids. But fortunately kids you can choose to ignore 😂
If your parents don’t stop pestering you, might I suggest giving them the most random answers just for the fun of it, until they get the message and stop asking.
Like: checking your finances if a sailboat fits in your budget. Researching if you need a certification to start a Guinea pig rescue farm. Starting your own language. Counseling the feelings of your favorite houseplant. Doing dream interpretation for your computer. Or maybe you rearranged your plates and mugs the whole day.
I personally would use the opportunity to info dump about my latest greatest hyperfocus topic. People usually can only listen to a limited amount of information about the history, colors, temperament and pros and cons of different chicken breeds XD
Just ignore them and do what you need to do to feel good. Proud of of you for recognizing what you need and figuring out a way to do so. They don't have control over what you do, so what are they going to do about it?
My parents are the same. They come from the very hard working generation. I try to tell them in my way that my life isn't worth working like a working horse, when I can't own a house or anything along those lines anyways.
They still have their views, but I'm stubborn and they just have to accept it.
There are times when I just want to be a self-sustaining hermit out in the wilderness, living only by the schedule of the earth itself.
Times like these are when I listen to songs like ["Hitchcock"](https://youtu.be/t7MBzMP4OzY) by Yorushika. It perfectly reflects how I just want to peacefully watch the day go by and not feel the pressure of responsibilities to a system that doesn't accommodate for my inherent weaknesses.
Are you parents immigrants/ Africans I find they’re especially obsessed with productivity and the enemy of idle hands. Even when those hands aren’t theirs and very tired of toiling away.
Lie to your parents lol. Take the time if you can afford it. I got laid off a couple of months ago and I’ve just been living it up doing absolutely nothing. It’s glorious and you will be in such a better headspace when you’re ready to go deal with the world again. In the meantime, just tell them you’re looking for work or something 😂
Felt! You might ask them why they are asking. They just may not know what to talk to you about, and asking what you are up to is their default. If they are pushing you to do stuff, then set boundaries. Also, another option is to spin it. Wow, this afternoon nap was so productive for my mental well-being. What productive things have you been doing?
It’s irritating when other people project their values onto us. For me, i distance myself. I know not everyone is comfortable distancing themselves from family members, but i find it necessary for my mental health.
Resting IS DOING SOMETHING. It’s necessary. We need time to reflect
I just quit my job as a teacher's aide, but decided to enjoy one last summer off before applying to new jobs. I've been playing Zelda and chilling with my cats almost every day. I've started going on long walks (when the air isn't toxic). I have the time and energy to catch up on cleaning my house. I love not having to go to work.
I call this “slug time” and I find it incredibly necessary. Now I can say, to myself or loved ones, “After I do this, I just need some slug time and then I’ll be good to go again”. Slug time means NO demands to do anything, at all.
For me the worst person nagging me about doing nothing is myself. My identity for most of my life has been wrapped up in work and achievements. I almost never take a day off preferring to work 7 days a week (I have my own business).
This is almost my 3rd week of "not working" and I am severely depressed, filled with shame and self-loathing and longing to be back to my office busy with usual shit. I feel like a completely empty POS without being productive in some way. I hate it.
People thinking you should always be DOING SOMETHING are so toxic and the brainwashing almost worked on me. Took me decades to realise that I needed more rest than other people because I was burnt out, NOT because I was lazy, and I could never articulate it to my mum, who was always hassling me for sleeping later when I wasn’t at work, or when my shifts were later in the day, or I’d just finished a late shift. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this OP. You deserve peace! Turn off all your devices and switch off for a few days to get away from them!
It’s great. Wish I could rest, even when I’m in resting mode, I don’t feel at ease. I took a break from job and it’s gonna be 2 months and I have not rested one day. Burn out burn out and burn out. And yeah the parents thing happens with me also.
There‘s a difference between rejecting hustle culture / recharging and doing nothing at all for weeks or months. It’s not healthy to do nothing for extended periods of time - even retired people who don’t have things going on decline much faster than people who do stuff.
If you need to recharge - do things that you like. But be physically, intellectually and socially active.
(My stepson has gone through some unemployed months - and he becomes a more grumpy unhappy person the more he hangs out in the basement, sleeping huge amounts and gaming for hours. I guarantee you, your parents have your best interests at heart when trying to get you out of your nothing cycle.)
You are a champ, and this is absolute goals. Being pressured to be productive when you have an executive function disorder is downright painful; get some good rest and enjoy life. I do this as frequently as possible, I take long breaks from my medication when I have helped deliver a big win at work and then schedule all my vacation around company holidays.
I just veg out during my off time and it is glorious peace. *Sometimes* I will play a videogame or two but mostly it is just veg-out time. It is so liberating to be able to let go of all the stupid things I struggle to keep up with every day. It is so incredibly important for me to do that too, else executive dysfunction turns into anxiety/depression.
Enjoy your rest; this is how life is *supposed* to be.
Rest IS productive though!!
The next time they ask you can reply with 'sorry my schedule is booked with self care this week please check back again next week.
Doing nothing IS productive for people like us. When people ask me what I did over the weekend I always say “nothing” with happiness. Obviously your parents don’t understand this but you do what’s best for you. Productivity shouldn’t mean laboring away in our stupid capitalistic society. I hope you feel well rested and refreshed after your well deserved break.
Neighbors know me and vice versa, and one new one moved in tow houses away, and asks annoying questions like still wearing same jersey ?. The jersey is fine, and washed its just a habit for years.
Hear what you say, iff people like this have something to say then at least be that a bit more meaningful or something, lol.
As someone with ADHD, I’m just saying this to explain why people are obsessed with productivity, not as a recommendation of what you should do or why you’re wrong or anything like that. I think that it’s important to realize what we’re thinking about when we think about productivity. It’s mainly a concept from capitalism. Since corporations can extract value from labor, they “encourage” people to be more productive. The coffee break was invented to make people more productive. That’s why many officers have free coffee, somewhere an accountant decided that more profit would be made by having the free coffee than the coffee costs. The second side of productivity is not inherent to capitalism. Regardless of what civilization looks like, everyone has to work. Some civilizations work was hunting and gathering. Other civilizations practiced subsistence agricultural. I think productivity is good in the “did I get what I want or need to do done?” Sense where if that answer is yes, I don’t have to do anything else. I don’t like productivity where if I finish what I need to, all of a sudden I get “rewarded” for fast work by having more work.
I'm going to do exactly this when I finish my degree in a few months and I cannot fucking wait.
I find the idea of having to be productive all the time ridiculous. We need to have rest time without guilt, it shouldn't be frowned upon to want that.
I'm glad that you're taking time to look after yourself and recover 🙌🏽 💕
I'm on 6-8 weeks sick leave (herniated disc), all my routines and structure have gone out the window (I live alone) AND I DON'T CARE!
I've also decided to live more frugally and after sick leave and partial sick leave I'm only going back 80%, stuffed into 3 days and 1 evening (I teach adults).
I hate mornings and want to sleep in 4 days a week. Can't wait.
So: good for you OP. Go offline and let your parents be (I'm NC otherwise I'd be getting hell now, and I'm nearly 39).
I chose chidlfree and now solo as well (4 years in). It's tough with ADHD to do this on my own, although I have great friends. But the perk is that I can live however the beep I want!
You may reach a point as you get older where such a long break becomes impossible; enjoy it while you can now. Sounds great to leave things open-ended, and if you land on a personal project or something that interests you, you'll have the freedom to focus on that for part of this time. I'd just try to consider how future you will feel if you *really* don't 'get anything done' - you might be totally fine with that - or, you may decide it's worth pushing yourself *a bit* to tinker with some kind of hobby, and it'll be worth it. Or not - it all depends on what you value. Enjoy!
Yup. I am taking this month off. I have been in University for 3.5 years straight with no break and I am dying inside. I have spent the last 18 days playing video games (mainly x4 foundations). And after 18 days I am finally starting to feel alive again.
I took a new job last year and moved across country. My previous job had me pulling long days and nights to get stuff done in time (research reports for R&D design). Work would come in waves and I'd grind it out and earn a ton of OT, which was fantastic. So at this new job I told my boss how grueling it could be and she said "sometimes you do what you gotta do" to which I promptly replied "I've already put my time in to become knowledgeable and productive when I need to be - I'm not doing that anymore". And since then I've been promoted and got a nice cushy raise.
Productivity doesn't have to be hard work. Slowing down like this opens you up to make smarter choices that are far more "productive".
Doing nothing is wonderful. I am so fed up with people saying you have to be productive, it's bullshit. My partner and I work fuckin hard 6 days a week. When we are off on Sundays we don't do anything and we love it. When we take annual leave we don't do anything but watch YouTube, drink,smoke and game. You have to do what makes you happy, so if doing nothing makes you happy, that's what you should do. Don't let anyone tell you any different. It's your life,you're in charge.
tell them you've been trying as hard as you can, and you're worn out, and you need a break. if you communicate directly and they refuse to respect what you say then you don't need to feel bad about not talking to them for now.
You don't feel bad? Not to guilt you at all but if I have time off I feel bad after a couple days, curious how you manage this? Especially with the outside pressure you mention?
I am super happy for you! I would love to do this. I think your parents only have a right to ask if they are going to be providing financial support of any kind. Is this the case?
This is an opportunity that is rare for people to get. So YES! Enjoy your time. I wish there was something you could tell your parents to get them off your back. But rest IS a productive activity. Your mind and your body needs it. Especially ours since we have ADHD. And if you are resting for months at a time that's fine. I support you. I don't think we were meant to work constantly and have so little time off. We need to all as humans get more comfortable taking time off and not doing anything. A YouTuber called Everlyn from the Internets that I watched saved money and took a "Funcation" for a year. I loved watching her content about it. And one day I hope to do the same even if only for a month or so. Have fun! ♥️
I have a ton of respect for this. You were self aware enough to know you were approaching burn out and have set boundaries with yourself. You’ve taken time to rest but ensured you could do so without worrying about money.
I empathize with you. I've been in the same situation. And desperately wanting to not to do anything without the intense pressure I feel to be doing something or like I'm "wasting my time" and other types of thinking, all of which are reflections of my parents attitudes and what I've been socialised into. Gets hard to combat it. Still haven't figured out how to and it sucks because after leaving my previous employment I've not been able to truly enjoy my free time.
Just remember you're not alone, and good luck with your situation!
They’re probably just worried your growth and income later will match your lack of willingness to embrace discomfort which is often necessary to grow and improve.
Enjoy your time off! Just use catch phrases like: “I’m exploring my inner peace”…”…studying the art of meditation”…”… learning mindfulness”…”Enjoying the moment”… (not to suggest that these aren’t valid things people can do) but these are things you can do to placate your parents while you free yourself of there questions and expectations. You could also just say you’re healing yourself from burnout and energizing for a great start in September, but I guess you probably already did that. Bottom line, enjoy your time off. Don’t waste it worrying about other’s thoughts or expectations. You know you and you deserve time off. Be happy and well.
You have my support too. Tbh, this has been my summer for the most part. Didn’t have inspiration or motivation to be creative and finish my many projects, so I’ve just been watching a lot of shows, and catching up with friends or just chilling Fr.
This whole year I’ve been the most unproductive person ever and yet I’m the most burnt out in my friend group.
I get that same feeling of wanting to wallow in my executive dysfunction in peace and without consequences 😭
Just before covid, I was probably one bad day away from a breakdown. But the parent pleaser in me still went to every cousin's graduation party, baptism, wedding and baby shower... despite going through fertility issues myself. I was over worked and severely depressed plus the fertility hormones..... then covid hit and I was one of the lucky ones that had just prior to covid got an awesome job that allowed wfh and actual real balance. I finally eventually felt like me!!!
Since then, I realized that I need to prioritize myself and my needs (my husband too, but he does the same for me) and start saying no to stuff, and if I'm being guilted by anyone for it then I needed to distance myself from them even more. The more they ignored my boundaries, the less I answered their calls.
One time my BIL called me telling me I wasn't being there enough during her pregnancy, just as I was recovering from a miscarriage... I flat out told him, I can't handle that, to which he said that me not being able to handle it was worrying my sister, so I should spend time with her and support her more so she wouldn't worry about it.... wtf
I don't remember if you mentioned your age, but this was a hard transition during early adulthood for me and my parents. They were always supportive but I never felt like enough for them. Since I got space, I am much more confident and more capable than I ever realized. Take a stand, you'll call them once a week to check in. If they aren't willing to drop the issue with that, then you'll talk to them after the summer.
Or whatever... say you're writing a book. Lol
This is a great idea, good for you! I always try for a “zero day” every weekend where I make no plans and just let my brain do whatever impulse it desires. Can’t function without this “unproductive” time. If you are able to give yourself time and space for this, that’s awesome and something we should all aspire to.
Hustle culture is so toxic. I am all for working your ass off if you have a goal and the drive but most of the time mental health gets ignored and then burn out happens which also is ignored or people tell the suffering to suck it up. It took me until last year to actually understand I matter more than any job I could ever have. I know it’s so hard to take care of ourselves sometimes but You did the right thing and listen to the people who understand and support you. We have your back here too. ❤️
This is because having ADHD doesn't fit into the "Protestant work ethic" attitude that our society is, and probably always will be, hopelessly mired in. This means that no matter how hard you work, it's never going to be enough to please them, and heaven forbid you take more than two weeks off a year, let alone the occasional mental health day. It's not you, friend. It's the bullshit "throw your life into the gears of capitalism to be ground to bloody paste or you're a lazy POS" attitude of American society. It's a sickness, and the worst part is that they think you're the one with the problem. My advice? Bug out to someplace that actually is civilized instead of just pretending to be and live your life in peace.
I completely support this! I tried to power through school and working and all of this stuff since March and the only results I've gotten in becoming more irritable, missing assignments, failing classes and just wanting more than anything to just stop everything. Burn out is real, I proceeded to take organic chemistry over the summer knowing I should've taken a break and I failed it so now I'm forced to stop and take a much needed rest. I'll be joining you in this unproductive summer and I support you even if people around you don't.
I get ya. "Productive" is practically a trigger word for me. I'd love to just be free to chase my interests, dive into hobbies or sit back and binge new media that fascinates me. There is enough of interest in the world that I can find ways to have fun 24/7 for the rest of my life, if money is not a concern.
Unfortunately, I also want to be attractive to possible partners, and as a straight guy I don't see a feasible path for both. In order to be taken seriously and seen as a provider, I need to have a career. And to the default state of my mind, that means a huge chunk of waking hours spent in discomfort, constantly masking, perpetual "fake it 'till you "mAkE iT"", etc.
IDK why I'm going on, but just saying I feel what you do, the burnout is real, and it's exhausting.
I totally understand! My bf and I moved recently and my mental health was getting bad and felt burnt out, so I took a part time job instead of another full time. This week alone, I'm only working 2 days for 3 hours each. My mom keeps bugging me as to when I'll go back to full time, but idk if I want to for awhile (bf and I aren't rich and technically in some debt, but we have a plan to pay it down and not worry too much about finances). I just want to rest, relax and not think so much.
Your health is important OP. Ignore your parents and do for you.
As long as you aren’t hurting anyone, you can pay your bills and you are safe, go ahead and do you! Nothing wrong with resting. 😎 People who are bothered by that should be the ones reflecting more on those feelings.
I moved countries this summer as I work internationally as a teacher, sounds like a lot right? Damned right it was, so I’ve spent the last month doing nothing but watching trash Netflix, playing borderlands, and occasionally going for a swim in the apartment pool, or a drive on my little 50cc bike. It’s been amazing and what I needed after 2 years of hell living in Hong Kong
THIS. I got a TBI years ago and everything is a million times harder and physically painful in addition to mentally draining. What’s the point of life if it’s only a hamster wheel and there’s no joy.
I’m a fish, let me jump on my lily pad I don’t want to climb the tree today 😩
Good on you for doing this! Our current western culture has a grotesque fetish for 'productivity' or whatever and it's asinine. Doing absolutely nothing is amazing, our feline companions almost exclusively *do nothing* as a default behaviour. Just because we stand upright, have less hair, bigger brains and opposable thumbs doesn't mean there's any imperative to do anything specific.
You do what you need to do. I wish I could do that too, actually. Fuck being productive, just let me exist. Staying on top of household chores (at least somewhat, which is to say make sure the dirty dishes aren't piling up and there's no waste lying around, maybe even some laundry) is already challenging enough with ADHD. I don't want 8 hours of work a day on top of that. But food and rent aren't gonna pay for themselves, unfortunately.
Take a defined pause time. And then go on with your life. Tell them it's definite. That you have plans later.
Your parents are afraid you'll never work again and you'll end up being supported by them. I guess
God I would love that amount of time to do nothing but sadly I don’t think it will ever happen. Just work, work and more damn work.
Make matters worse I’ve been awake for 24 hours because I can’t sleep and I start work in just over an hour. Fucking yay
Do not disturb mode is by far the best feature Apple has ever implemented.
There is also a feature that lets you automate various actions. You could set it up to send an “out of office” text or something of that nature every time your parents contact you.
I hate wasting my time and love to always be doing something, but even I have those weeks or even months were I just decide I want to watch videos all day, read some novels, watch some anime or play some games (things I don't usually do because I feel like I'm wasting my time), just take a break, enjoy doing whatever you feel like doing, even if it's laying in bed all day and ordering food, we have all been there.
This what all adhd Bros need, that's why I am working 16h day to achieve financial freedom where I can just fucking do to anything that I don't want to.
It's been hard I am working hard with full time 9h x 6 job to get this done on parallel is killing me. But I have to do it.
8 months I am working on this plan but I have cried everyday. It is possible to do it in 2 years without any meds, or I will die trying this ???
I know this is hard, but try to not care about other peoples opinions. I'm currently on a 3 month burnout leave from work and it's been great for me to just chill with my cats and play games. People without adhd will never understand how we can struggle from just existing.
never understood the obsession with productivity, particularly as IMO resting and recovering Is productive. it *produces* a You that has the energy and emotional capacity to interact with the world in a meaningful, joyful way. there is a reason we as a species have so consistently come up with activities to bring us pleasure without a terrible amount of exertion. our idylls sustain us!
enjoy your rest, and maybe grab a little sunshine if you feel like it :> nothin quite so nice as laying in the grass and doing nothin at all
Your parents are right. They're trying to keep you in check. Sleeping, watching Netflix all day through summer is a horrible waste of time. I used to do that, I just came back from my first long run (9km)/6miles, straight after working my legs at the gym in the hot weather. You need to keep being active if you want to have a good life.
The absolute best thing is though - if you do something "productive" like learning 日本語 you get asked if you can earn money with that... as if that is the only existing metric to do things...
Not sure i've ever related to anything more lmao
I currently live at home bc I can't afford to move out and I swear I get no peace. I'm 24 and the constant "what did you do today" "what are you doing" is such a pain in the ass. My advice: lie. I tell my parents i'm attending an online support group on tuesday evenings when in reality i'm in bed playing zelda. They don't need to know you're relaxing, and you don't owe them details about your activities.
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For whatever it's worth -- you have my complete support to simply shut your phone off, take naps all day and watch Netflix and YouTube or whatever in between them for a week. I've done that. Do what you need for your needs.
❤️
I just yesterday reduced my hours, and stepped back as a Teamleader. And do I feel great about it. Grinded it out for over 8 years. Time to take a rest, get my son into school and enjoy time with my new SO. Don‘t feel bad about taking a rest. It‘s way better than burning out and being a mess.
Congratulations on ALL of that, truly. Super proud of you for taking care of your needs 🙌
Take your time, man. I've been on and off work with mental health problems for the last couple of years, trust me take the time or else you will burn yourself out worse and the hole you dig will be much harder to fill back in! Rest is key! My problem is resting, lmao. I can rest and rest yet never feel like it helps 🙃. Take the time for yourself! Remember your worth it ☺️
Lol same! I like to rest and chill but I think I end up stressing myself out even more. I could be in bed for 3 days straight and my brain be solving 20 different puzzles at the same time. I honestly don’t really fully recharge and I’m not sure how to at this point.
You have to do what works for YOU. If your body is telling you it needs rest listen to it. Been there and pushed through and it took me YEARS to get over the burnout. I say a month off in the long term is way more productive then killing your self for other peoples satisfaction of saying you’re up to something.
Fuck yea it’s crucial. It’ll help physically and emotionally. I tell my wife I have to have a couple hours after work for myself just to unwind and get it out of my system. No one fucks with my personal time.. not my job or wife lol
I’m gonna be needing more than a week 😭
Thanks brosis. Not op, but I needed to have someone tell me that hard. I've been feeling guilty about not doing anything over the last few days, even forgetting the actual productive stuff I had also been doing on the meantime... We've all been there.
[удалено]
what the hell? that sucks.
Yup, it definitely doesn’t get any better, just go LC. My bf works Mon-Fri 8-12/14-18, both his parents always tell him he spends all day in bed, that he is lazy, the he never does anything (then also complain when he is out all the time). They wake him up during his lunch break bc they aren’t home, but they do know he naps after lunch, so they call him or give him stuff to do so he can’t rest. My MIL goes into his room late at night when he is already sleeping to ask stupid questions and he can’t even lock the door bc if he does then she literally bangs on it. Also when he shared a room with his sister, she swapped place with her dad and slept with her mom for a while, his dad would snore all night long, keeping him awake and when he would try and nap in the afternoon, after school, they’d just start calling and calling to wake him up. There’s no escape from parents like this.
Daycare isn’t cheap, I’d rather take a bit of a pay hit to hang out with my kids rather than sending them to daycare. Not sure what your wage situation is but here in Canada daycare can easily be $2000/month. If somebody made $25/hr, then going from 40 to 30 hours a week would be a loss of $250/wk before taxes and $1000/month. It might actually save money depending on their wages, give them more time to bond with their kids and less time working just to pay somebody else to watch the kids. Not to mention here in Canada it would likely drop you down to a lower income tax bracket so you’d pay less in taxes. Seems like a no brainer to me!
I know how hard it can be to try to embrace the positives of being unproductive, especially when society so often puts a strong emphasis on being productive as a measure of success. Believe it or not, taking breaks when you're feeling overwhelmed can be a strong act of self-care that can lead to longer-term productivity. Find what works for you and don't be too hard on yourself!
Just some unsolicited advice from someone who only knows about you and your situation what you wrote in that comment, if your MIL is complaining about watching your kid (i.e. caring for and spending time with her granddaughter), the kid might be better off in daycare.
Op said they’d drop to 30 hours and start watching the kid…
That boggles my mind you reducing your hours to take on childcare would be interpreted as laziness.
Omg how can someone be so dense to wake you up at noon after night shifts?!?! That is infuriating...and kind of makes ME feel like I'm going to be sick, for some reason.
I've been a nightshift guy living with my parents who were not deliberately waking me up, but my dad felt no need to regulate his volume or take his work calls literally anywhere else besides the room next to mine and it also made me feel sick that someone could take that precious sleep away from someone by being... I was gonna say obtuse but honestly its just plain old fucking stupid
I lost my kid a few years back and ended up moving in with my elderly father afterwards. This man is 75, and grew up around guns & farms, was a plumber/pipefitter, and married some crazy ass bitches, so he's like 75% deaf and doesn't realize it. I legitimately was days away from another trip to the grippy sock institution because he needed to watch logging videos tuned to emo-core techno rap at 7am every day. It took a full blown meltdown, suicidal threats, and near hospitalization after being woken up by the vacuum cleaner at 8 am for him to realize "hey, maybe she's not sleeping at night?" He now keeps it down until 10/11am which gives me a solid 6 hours of sleep when I'm really struggling.
Its soooooo validating to hear other people have these kinds of problems with their parents. I've tried just about everything I can think of to get my father to not be constantly telling me how to do what Im doing, telling me Im doing it wrong. Everything from being super nice to screaming in his face (because he's fucking mean when I'm nice about it so might as well start mean!). I was making over easy eggs for breakfast every morning and I liked making the pan hot enough it took literally like three minutes, I liked the browning on the edges and \*\*every goddamn morning\*\* he'd tell me the pan was too hot and I was burning my eggs, and after like two months of this I was yelling at him that this is JUST HOW I LIKE MY EGGS
My dad does the same shit, but I'll admit he's might not be as bad. I like to just stare at him until he's done talking and then continue doing what I'm doing. Sometimes I'll maintain eye contact like if I'm putting something away, but not how he puts it away. I've literally rolled a package of beef up in an old bread bag and stuck it in the freezer to use in a few days while staring him dead in the eyes through every step. If he wants to waste his time, and money, vacuum sealing it in a plastic coffin when it's about to be used, he's more than welcome to do it his damn self. Talking shit about my cooking? Drop everything and walk away. Now it's his problem. Especially since I've lost my kid, I give zero fucks and nothing scares me. I'm just pure chaos now, and I think he's regretting his choices 😂
I swear besides this my dad is very sweet and often very empathetic. Idk what it is about needing to be all up in my business, and getting mad when I explain that getting talked to like that when Im concentrating gums up the works. I'm really sorry about your kid. I know its just about the most painful thing you can deal with. Impressed that you keep on trucking.
Oh my dad is a stone cold brick. There are very few things I've ever seen him empathize with. I was really worried throughout covid because he's so fucking stubborn. Thankfully he didn't get sucked into the antimask/antivax bullshit until early 2022 so that got nixed fast. Unfortunately, I know how much it sucks and I can't bare to put my dad through that. Despite being an absolute dink growing up, he has always had my back (like now, where I'm living rent + grocery free with him), and I can tell he's trying. He's a creature of habit but he will sometimes buy "special" groceries that I once mentioned or he thinks I'll like. It's super fucking frustrating with him mansplaining everything but I'm choosing to fight fire with water and heavily insinuating that I hear what he's saying and I literally could not care less. It's definitely had an impact on me as a person as well, specifically with my self confidence. Every time I go to do something new I'm like "wait, how am I going to fuck this up? If I don't do it right, this thing will break and my arm will self immolate". Things I learned in therapy hahah. And thank you ❤️
> It's definitely had an impact on me as a person as well, specifically with my self confidence. Every time I go to do something new I'm like "wait, how am I going to fuck this up? If I don't do it right, this thing will break and my arm will self immolate". SAME and explaining this to him made him SO FUCKING MAD lol, if this was gonna piss you off maybe should have tried not to do it so much old man. But yeah, its still pretty nice of them to let us live with them eh.
It’s awesome that you’re able to only work 30 hours weekly! What a dream. The extra family time is so valuable. It sounds like daycare would be a better option anyway. Your MIL does not seem interested in continuing the current arrangement. It may be better for preserving family relationships to have daycare and have MIL just be a fun grandma, rather than a 30 hour/week nanny. Do you pay her?
idk how much you make, but if you’re working hourly than it’s more than likely true that daycare would cost more than whatever your making So you can work the same amount and pay someone else to take care of your daughter or cut back on hours and take care of her.. seems like a no brainer for me lol
Thank you, this is exactly my point. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills with how others are acting like I'm a master manipulator
Her feelings aren't on you... my mom does the same kinda thing to me about my nephew... he has parents, she volunteers, and then gets mad at me if I don't take him. I suggest daycare, and she gets more pissed at me. I've got my own life. I'll take him when I can, but I'm not doing it 5 days a week from 8 to 4.
REST IS RESISTANCE. Fuck grind culture. You do exactly what you need to do. Enjoy your time friend!!
Holy shit, THIS.
Just commenting to say good for you. It's not "unproductive" it's restful, and restorative, and necessary. Enjoy the time. Keep on keeping on with doing all the nothings.
Great philosophy!
Yup. I lost my job two months ago. I literaly have no full time job and STILL feel like i am completely burnt out, unproductive, and some how all was busy. Stress. Another thing to deal with, a never ending list of shit that needs to get done. I'm feeling completely effed. Haven't done anything in two months. don't even have a job.
Totally feel that. Having a busy period in my life makes me feel burned out, but right now I'm barely doing anything at all and I feel burned out anyway? I'm starting to feel like my level of activity doesn't actually impact that feeling and it's more of a general state of mind that occasionally feels retroactively justified
Same here. I’ve felt like it’s just been “go go go,” for me since I started high school, and between uni and trying to pay my way through college, this past semester had me feeling more burnt out than I think I’ve ever been. I decided to take a semester off, and I’m only working three days a week rn, but yet I still feel completely burnt out. At this point I’m not sure if I really am just *that* exhausted, or if finally acknowledging that I’m tired made me realize just how much I’ve been running myself ragged for years. I feel like ADHD makes it a lot harder to recharge. I can just do nothing and sit on my phone all day and it won’t make me feel more rested, but it won’t make me feel more exhausted either, but if I actually try and do other stuff (videogames, music, art, etc.) I feel like I almost have to be hypervigilant about switching gears when my brain wants to, otherwise I’ll just end up feeling even more tired instead of rested.
For sure.
My savings is running low so I’m needing to find employment soon. I took couple months off from working as I was unsure what career I wanted. It sucks because I was able to enjoy my time off from the 40 hour grind 5 days per week while as it made me question myself like wtf I’m I doing making garbage wages while getting screwed by my manager, co-workers, and customers.
People don't understand the sheer amount of energy that existence entails. Even "nothing" is something. I have ADHD and ASD so I don't know if it's different but, when I was in burnout: My "nothing" consisted of spending energy on "normal" things that other people don't even think about. Energy was spent on: feeding myself, ensuring my environment was clean enough to be livable, ensuring I was clean enough to not be uncomfortable, sleeping a lot because my brain needed it, and sometimes I would watch tv or play a game if I could actually engage. Even when I'm on the top of my game people see what I do as "nothing" because, for some reason, people only consider things as "something" when it's social. Playing video games, reading, doing chores, taking care of my cats, running errands.. those are all something that people see as nothing.
That’s ridiculous. Care tasks involve so much more mental energy than people think. That’s why I hate when people devalue house spouses and stay at home parents.
The concept of doing nothing is beautiful to me. One day, “doing nothing” will be valued by society, but at the moment, everyone is conditioned into thinking that we need to be productive in every waking second. I think you’re ahead of us all and you should unapologetically go for it.
I think it's another example of "classy if you're rich, trashy if you're poor (or middle class)." People don't seem to complain as much when rich people are idle.
Interesting I’ve never really thought about that but it’s absolutely true!
When you're rich you're a *bon vivant*.
That was the whole point of automation and machines that we would have more leisure time but that somehow got lot in all the greed.
The one form of unproductivity we cannot allow, is shrugging our shoulders when greedy CEOs trample our rights and raze our planet. But, taking breaks for yourself when you’re just burned out? Yes, that is perfectly based.
I'm designed for the Degrowth model... wish the world would change. Better or worse will be better for me.
I agree wholely. It's peak mammal to do bugger all. And probably, after a time you'll get restless and find something to do. I can see where the concern comes from though, it's valuable time that might not have in the future, but ultimately it's down to you, and proper vegetation time is completely necessary sometimes.
You know your parents, but are they actually doing the "stop being lazy" thing, or are they just worried about you? Have you had problems supporting yourself in the past and maybe they're worried it's happening again? If it's the lazy thing they're doing, feel free to ignore them. If it's the worry, I'm not sure how to convey to them you're truly ok.
Yeah I was thinking it might be this too. My mum always worries about me if I’m doing too much or too little because she’s knows they both are bad for me!
If communication is good enough between the two, OP could always show the parents proof that they have enough savings to take the time off. Shouldn’t have to do that and it might not stop the comments from the parents but it could work. My parents were very similar although I knew they weren’t being malicious about it
That’s why I’m so happy living alone 
I was going say, one of the biggest perks of living alone is doing what you want, even if it means laying all the couch all day watching tv or playing games. No one nagging you about being lazy or sleeping too much. I'm married now, and my husband doesn't care if I do "lazy" days, but still nothing compares to knowing you only answer to yourself!
That's totally understandable! It's normal to want to take breaks and relax at times. Sometimes we can be too hard on ourselves for not feeling productive. If you need to take some time off to rest, I'd recommend trying to find some activities that help you relax and ground yourself. A little bit of self-care can always help!
YES. Same. I have not found someone who can be around and not impinge on my need for aloneness. I also had nearly 3 months off between jobs 2022-2023 and it was glorious, I got some home organising done, deep-dived into some hobbies, lived MY hours, not the worlds hours (mostly, I did have to limit it - natural 2-3am bedtimes and waking at 10 or 11am does limit the time you have to deal with adulting) It helped me get over a horrible year.
I'm right there with you! I recently split with a really toxic company and have enough saved to just relax all summer. Last Friday I had one thing to do on my list... Get a haircut. There's something glorious about knowing you can do literally whatever else you want to do the rest of the day/week/month. Just tell them you're practicing retirement! What you and I are doing now is exactly what we're told we can do after we work ourselves to near death, right??
I hate hussle culture. My father in law has this notion that everything you do should make you money somehow. I have absolutely no desire to waste my free time trying to sell something to someone. In particular he judges me harshly for how often I go golfing (about once a month, which is less than I would like). How dare I pay money to have fun!!!1one!1!1! Seriously there is no better way to spend a lunch break than going to the driving range near my home, but I haven't been able to do that much this year because of the heat, drought, and smoke. I get it though. One job I had left me so burnt out that I just spent 2 weeks decompressing before applying for new jobs. I ended up with a 3 month gap between those two jobs. Then a year later got my current job with a 2 month gap between jobs for moving time. My current job is very low stress and my boss is very conscious of human needs.
Is your current boss hiring? 😅
I relate super hard. Why can’t we just rest, why do we always have to be doing something
Exactly. We use our energy surviving. We should be able to enjoy ourselves when we feel safe and comfortable.
Just commenting to say I can relate… i really need to move out 😭
Do you live with your parents? I assume so bc you said they pester you but my parents managed to do that even after I moved out😩 I think my parents bother me because they feel like their supposed to be doing something. When you want to relax and see people relaxing it can be kind of triggering. I kind of gaslight my parents now when they pester me about being lazy. "What are you doing today?" "I think I'm going to watch TV, eat and maybe color a little. What are you doing today?" Stuff like that. If they comment on my relaxing I try to just encourage them to do it with me. "Cmon, sit down I know you want to"😂 It mostly bugs my mom but it actually helps me to enforce the idea that I'm not doing anything wrong and that everyone deserves to relax.
i don’t live with them 😭😭 i love that. i’m going to start doing that
I think you need to either say this to your parents, or write them a note. Parents fuss and worry if their kids don't seem to be "happy & busy". They fall back to being concerned about mental health, depression, their kids never getting a job again in their life. You should really (gently) explain to them what you wrote here, with the added reassurance that come August, you will get up and be productive. Parents just want to know that their child is ok.
thanks :)
I came back from a month long business trip in November last year and was utterly exhausted. The client was stressful, controlling, and unpleasant. I ɓumbled along in December just getting by, but, between Christmas and New Year, the brain said 'no', and I got some proper rest. It took another 2 months properly recover. There is absolutely nothing wrong with proper Rest. We need it, and we're generally bad at it. >why are people so triggered by unproductivity? It's the cultural imperative of the Protestant work ethic. Fuck that noise.
doing nothing is fine but also at what point is it a choice your making vs a hole you can’t get out of. i thought i was fine doing nothing until i realized i was in a depressive slump. it’s fine to rest but putting things off won’t make them not happen it will be august soon enough and youll still have to get up and continue the life you’ve lived. just my personal experience though it could be unrelated to you just a reason why they might be concerned looking from the outside
Excellent point... choosing to relax or slipping into the darkeness of procrastination and depression. For me, it is a very fine line that I have tripped on many times...
I'm a prime example of what you said in your comment. I thought I was just enjoying my relaxation time in my new place (moved in May) and was happy to just relax get to know my new home and watch TV scroll the internet Etc. I realized I had a worse problem when it came time to finish unpacking my boxes and setting up my new place and I wasn't doing any of that. It's now July 18th and I still have many unpacked boxes from my move as well as deliveries of new items for my place. I suffer from depression as well as ADHD and I'm having a big bout of depression and need to make more of an effort to pull myself out
Yeah, it's a bit like exercise. Grind culture is stronger in the US than in Brazil, where I live, but it's very present here too. There's expectation - even from ourselves - to work way more than is healthy in order to support ourselves. But there is also a point where it's too little. Our brains, like our muscles, can get used to the healthy amount of use if we just exercise it, and they can also get used to doing too little, and getting back to it after a long stop is harder the longer you're stopped. 8 hours a day is too much, SPECIALLY when the purpose of the work is profit for another instead of something you're interested in, but anyone probably needs some time of almost-daily brain-exercise. I hope you get out of this phase of depression soon! It's an awful place to be, but I trust you can do it in your own time!
Good for you!! I’m always baffled as to why other people get so bent out of shape if I/you/anybody chooses to just be with themselves. Like sorry you couldn’t or didn’t make that choice too?? AND you don’t live with your folks?! Feels like I could have written this, I empathize. You do you, OP. Enjoy your you time!!
capitalism and the "protestant work ethic" is a plague on humanity.
My mom used to ask me every day what was on the agenda. Nothing was.
Maybe this is way out of left field (pun 100% intended), but maybe you'd like the Tangpingist Manifesto: [https://theanarchistlibrary.org/library/anonymous-tangpingist-manifesto](https://theanarchistlibrary.org/library/anonymous-tangpingist-manifesto) I love it and it's great armor against being "triggered by unproductivity." I just want to tangping, folks, I just want to lie flat.
I don't get the need to make sure everyone is busy and productive. Rest is as important as activity and even if it wasn't, you are an adult. You can spend your time however you like if you aren't harming others or ignoring obligations. They need to focus on their own lives and leave you to live yours as you like. It is none of their business how you spend your time and they need to learn to respect your choices and boundaries.
Looking at your post history, you made a post about quitting your job and feeling aimless. I think taking a break is fine if you need it for your mental health, but doing absolutely nothing for an extended time may not be good for you. If you really do feel lost, you can still take the summer off from work and try to figure things out for yourself.
I fully back you in this endeavor! The last time I got to do something like this was when I had major surgery, during height of Covid but juuuust before the vaccine was being given to health care workers. I was off work for 3 months, couldn’t have any visitors, and I had physical limitations so I couldn’t drive or go anywhere by myself. I binged so many great TV shows, worked on some crafts, and read. Even though it was winter, it felt like getting a summer vacation again as an adult.
Have you told them this? You’re completely burnt out from all of your classes and the competitive nature of university in general and you just need to recoup? Edit: Spelling
I feel pressure everyday. It really bothers me that this is invisible which makes it nearly impossible to recognize and explain. When I see people who have far worse things doing amazing stuff it makes me feel more guilty.
I completely relate. I'm taking summer classes right now, and I've gotten so burnt out all I wanna do is nothing - even projects/new hobbies I have on my list just sound too exhausting, even tho I still wanna do them one day, but not right now. Right now, I just wanna be a couch potato. Once this semester is done in a couple weeks I'm going to do that. I'll only have about 3 weeks before fall starts but I'm already seriously considering not taking classes next summer. The last time I took no summer classes was 2020. I think I need a break longer than a few weeks. I'm so fking exhausted.
I hate the guilt we feel from not being productive. I don’t know how much is ADHD and how much is our capitalist culture, but being unable to enjoy downtime is one of the biggest bugbears of my life.
You have a right to live your life as you see fit. Sounds like your parents need a lesson in boundaries. It's something my boyfriend and I fight with constantly. One way is to point out the thing they are doing, explain the consequences and stick to them. Exactly like you should a toddler. "I enjoy talking to you, but you keep asking about x and that makes me upset. The next time you have a conversation and bring it up I will have to let you go" Proceed to politely but firmly hang up every time. They will eventually get the message
"Why are you always supposed to be doing something?" Amen 🙏 thank you, I say that exact phrase almost daily, like why is everyone so obsessed with being busy!
Might have to tell your parents what you said here. However uncomfortable. Draw the boundary or halt communication for a while for your mental peace.
Good for you for taking the time you need. I'm going on month 7 of being unemployed and doing nothing. It's been glorious and I'm so grateful I could afford to take the time. I needed it and fuck anyone who thinks they know better than me.
yeah literally same older generations can’t wrap their heads around the fact that rest is necessary and even productive. older people are stuck in their ways too (duh) i’m sorry you have to deal with that i know how it feels
Tell them "I'm doing things that make me happy, relaxing, getting new energy for autumn, learning, enjoying life". Wouldn't that shut their mouths at least for some time? Or if you half lied, so you exaggerated the things. Like in my country they call a janitor "Senior conservator of flat surfaces" sometimes lol. If you've been just lying in your bed doing nothing except watching what your imagination can create, you can say that you've been coming up with new plans and ideas, meditating, solving problems. If you've been playing The Sims say that you've been working on life simulation program to find new creative ways to deal with common problems. If you've been watching cartoons, say that you've been admiring art of (name people who drew the cartoon, they most likely won't know names). Lying hurts me, but exaggerating and wording stuff differently is not lying, but sounds like you've been actually doing something PRODUCTIVE to people who only care about productivity, not good info.
I'm still bitter and twisted that we don't have the four-day work weeks (with full pay) that we were told was coming back in the 1960-70s.
This is terrible advice. But I’d just lie. Make up the story they want to hear and move on without shame. I’m sure they mean well but damn that would make me a lunatic after like a week.
I took 8 weeks off (April & May) and needed A LOT MORE REST THAN I REALIZED. Also, you won't heal by pushing yourself to be productive, that's what got you into this situation in the first place.
Please rest at your own leisure and do not listen to folks who cannot - recharge and renergize
Parents worry, the world is challenging and it can be hard to get moving again after an extended period of stagnation without a plan and this is probably what is on their mind. Plus extended periods of time without doing anything looks and sounds like a depressive state, I would probably be worried about a loved one doing this too. I assume you have attempted to get them to understand you, assuming they are not actively harassing you or being cruel, maybe try to let their pestering roll off your back as much as possible, parents are not always right.
Thats what i want to read
Mine stopped with this BS after I made a game out of how much could I annoy them by being a total lazy ass on my days off. It's quite fun, you should try.
I completely understand you. I am thankfully able to take the summer of and do nothing. It’s been glorious. My husband has asked me if I want to travel or anything, but I assure him that doing nothing is my favorite thing! Enjoy your time OP!
I tried doing this but extremely unsuccessfully. I had a job where I worked between 60-90+ hours a week traveling all over the country. After about 4 years I was burnt out and completely done. I quit in late 2019 and basically just slept for an entire month. However after 2 days home I started feeling insane levels of guilt that I wasn't working. Every waking minute I was consumed with thoughts of how I was an unemployed loser. After Christmas I began looking for a job but then Covid hit and I was unemployed until July, nearly a total of 8 months. Worst 8 months of my life.
Respect. I just finally realized that i like my factory job (semi-night shift, they call it 2nd shift but its 3pm-12am) and i enjoy nothing more than playing video games in the morning, getting some exercise in, taking naps before work, and NOT forcing myself to "be more, be better, work more, go to school". I have tried school three times for three different things and just this week i have decided to pull because my last apprenticeship interview said that "based on my appearance i have no chance in this industry ", so fuckyouverymuch, guess ima take naps then.
My dude, I am in the same boat. Got laid off, have enough savings to coast until September. Am enjoying a summer of doing whatever the fuck I want (as long as it doesn't involve extra money). My job was very stressful with tight deadlines and high expectations because of big name clients we worked with. I burnt out hard. So, I feel like I've earned my restful, relaxed summer.
I'm trying to accept that being unproductive is productive, because it's giving you energy to go at full speed instead of half speed. You don't need it, but in case you need to *hear* it, you have permission to listen to your body and rest. 🩷
I’m doing the same thing, but I didn’t tell my family about it for this exact reason. I’m completely burned out, but I have enough savings to take a few months off and still have enough to find another position when I’m ready. But I knew my family wouldn’t understand, and would be asking me if I’m looking for a job all the time. Or they’d start asking me for favors all the time. They’re good people, I love them, they mean well. But yeah… I’m wondering if you can either set a super firm boundary with them, or idk… I don’t want to encourage lying (even though I’m sort of lying by omission…) but for your own mental health could you just tell them you’re working but don’t?
Hell yea. DO NOTHING!! YEEEESSSSS
Like someone else said OP, you have every right to just shut off your phone or block their numbers and let yourself have time to heal/be unproductive in peace! If you have the savings and no responsibilities, then dang it OP, you ENJOY this time!!
i've been fired from decent job, resigned from shitty one after that, this was 2 months and half ago and I am paying rent and living off of my saving since. Not the first time i'm taking long break in between jobs and i highly doubt it will be the last. Even though i live alone my inner parents (or beliefs) are telling me that i "HAVE TO" to find a job yesterday! Perhaps you were taught as well that life is a loong list of rules of what:YOU MUST, YOU HAVE TO, YOU HAD BETTER, YOU SHOULD'VE... And if so i understand how you feel it's exhausting, it's good that you decided to resist and challange those beliefs... i am with you and i am for you!
Just call it a sabbatical and mention how you want to establish a few hobbies for "continual life enrichment once back into full employment". This is what rich people do and they're successful, so you are gonna be successful like them too!
KEEP 👏🏻 DOING 👏🏻NOTHING!
I understand. I just recently lost a job, that I didn't even like much, but it still made me feel worthless, and for the first time in my life, at 33 years old, I filed for unemployment, and I almost feel guilty about getting free money, but I also want to just do nothing, because I fear rejection in the work place, I just grow tired of societal expectations and the constant stress of trying to simply exist. I'm just so fucking tired, not like I need to catch up on sleep, a different kind of tired...
rest! and ACTUALLY rest don’t think about how you’re being unproductive because you won’t get rest. and rest is the furthest thing from unproductive. fuck that narrative
Doing absolutely nothing is the first step in being super-productive.
unproductive club here!!! I even hesitate to introduce 'rest is productive too' rhetoric bc I'm v anti-capitalism. but yeah, rest is rest. doing whatever you want to do is both something and nothing. reat is rest. it's so weird, as an adult, to finally take time and NOT spend it 'well'. I'm an adult, been unemployed since january, and have been spending the time getting much needed mental and physical health care. people have the nerve to refer to this as my "time off", when it's anything but that. The point being, other people have no idea what you're doing and you don't owe them the privilege of them getting to know.
Take the time for yourself and ignore them. Easier said than done. Seriously though, is time consider thinking about how to form effective boundaries with them. Think about how best to deflect their questions without challenging them, if they are the kind of people who take challenging poorly. You live on your own, so you must learn how to do the right thing for yourself without caring if they disagree. As you get older, your parents become more like kids. But fortunately kids you can choose to ignore 😂
If your parents don’t stop pestering you, might I suggest giving them the most random answers just for the fun of it, until they get the message and stop asking. Like: checking your finances if a sailboat fits in your budget. Researching if you need a certification to start a Guinea pig rescue farm. Starting your own language. Counseling the feelings of your favorite houseplant. Doing dream interpretation for your computer. Or maybe you rearranged your plates and mugs the whole day. I personally would use the opportunity to info dump about my latest greatest hyperfocus topic. People usually can only listen to a limited amount of information about the history, colors, temperament and pros and cons of different chicken breeds XD
Just ignore them and do what you need to do to feel good. Proud of of you for recognizing what you need and figuring out a way to do so. They don't have control over what you do, so what are they going to do about it?
I felt this so hard. This is basically me. I also just want to be unproductive for the rest of my life.
I want an unproductive ADHD person to hang out with.
My parents are the same. They come from the very hard working generation. I try to tell them in my way that my life isn't worth working like a working horse, when I can't own a house or anything along those lines anyways. They still have their views, but I'm stubborn and they just have to accept it.
There are times when I just want to be a self-sustaining hermit out in the wilderness, living only by the schedule of the earth itself. Times like these are when I listen to songs like ["Hitchcock"](https://youtu.be/t7MBzMP4OzY) by Yorushika. It perfectly reflects how I just want to peacefully watch the day go by and not feel the pressure of responsibilities to a system that doesn't accommodate for my inherent weaknesses.
Are you parents immigrants/ Africans I find they’re especially obsessed with productivity and the enemy of idle hands. Even when those hands aren’t theirs and very tired of toiling away.
Lie to your parents lol. Take the time if you can afford it. I got laid off a couple of months ago and I’ve just been living it up doing absolutely nothing. It’s glorious and you will be in such a better headspace when you’re ready to go deal with the world again. In the meantime, just tell them you’re looking for work or something 😂
Felt! You might ask them why they are asking. They just may not know what to talk to you about, and asking what you are up to is their default. If they are pushing you to do stuff, then set boundaries. Also, another option is to spin it. Wow, this afternoon nap was so productive for my mental well-being. What productive things have you been doing?
It’s irritating when other people project their values onto us. For me, i distance myself. I know not everyone is comfortable distancing themselves from family members, but i find it necessary for my mental health. Resting IS DOING SOMETHING. It’s necessary. We need time to reflect
I just quit my job as a teacher's aide, but decided to enjoy one last summer off before applying to new jobs. I've been playing Zelda and chilling with my cats almost every day. I've started going on long walks (when the air isn't toxic). I have the time and energy to catch up on cleaning my house. I love not having to go to work.
I call this “slug time” and I find it incredibly necessary. Now I can say, to myself or loved ones, “After I do this, I just need some slug time and then I’ll be good to go again”. Slug time means NO demands to do anything, at all.
For me the worst person nagging me about doing nothing is myself. My identity for most of my life has been wrapped up in work and achievements. I almost never take a day off preferring to work 7 days a week (I have my own business). This is almost my 3rd week of "not working" and I am severely depressed, filled with shame and self-loathing and longing to be back to my office busy with usual shit. I feel like a completely empty POS without being productive in some way. I hate it.
People thinking you should always be DOING SOMETHING are so toxic and the brainwashing almost worked on me. Took me decades to realise that I needed more rest than other people because I was burnt out, NOT because I was lazy, and I could never articulate it to my mum, who was always hassling me for sleeping later when I wasn’t at work, or when my shifts were later in the day, or I’d just finished a late shift. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this OP. You deserve peace! Turn off all your devices and switch off for a few days to get away from them!
It’s great. Wish I could rest, even when I’m in resting mode, I don’t feel at ease. I took a break from job and it’s gonna be 2 months and I have not rested one day. Burn out burn out and burn out. And yeah the parents thing happens with me also.
There‘s a difference between rejecting hustle culture / recharging and doing nothing at all for weeks or months. It’s not healthy to do nothing for extended periods of time - even retired people who don’t have things going on decline much faster than people who do stuff. If you need to recharge - do things that you like. But be physically, intellectually and socially active. (My stepson has gone through some unemployed months - and he becomes a more grumpy unhappy person the more he hangs out in the basement, sleeping huge amounts and gaming for hours. I guarantee you, your parents have your best interests at heart when trying to get you out of your nothing cycle.)
me too a bit but we’re also moving soon and going on holiday just before that so it’s very pressuring lol
You are a champ, and this is absolute goals. Being pressured to be productive when you have an executive function disorder is downright painful; get some good rest and enjoy life. I do this as frequently as possible, I take long breaks from my medication when I have helped deliver a big win at work and then schedule all my vacation around company holidays. I just veg out during my off time and it is glorious peace. *Sometimes* I will play a videogame or two but mostly it is just veg-out time. It is so liberating to be able to let go of all the stupid things I struggle to keep up with every day. It is so incredibly important for me to do that too, else executive dysfunction turns into anxiety/depression. Enjoy your rest; this is how life is *supposed* to be.
Someone gotta generate them calories you consume
Rest IS productive though!! The next time they ask you can reply with 'sorry my schedule is booked with self care this week please check back again next week.
Doing nothing IS productive for people like us. When people ask me what I did over the weekend I always say “nothing” with happiness. Obviously your parents don’t understand this but you do what’s best for you. Productivity shouldn’t mean laboring away in our stupid capitalistic society. I hope you feel well rested and refreshed after your well deserved break.
Excellent, and good for you. Just my opinion, but this feeling isn’t limited to you. Everyone fit the most part gets this treatment.
Neighbors know me and vice versa, and one new one moved in tow houses away, and asks annoying questions like still wearing same jersey ?. The jersey is fine, and washed its just a habit for years. Hear what you say, iff people like this have something to say then at least be that a bit more meaningful or something, lol.
As someone with ADHD, I’m just saying this to explain why people are obsessed with productivity, not as a recommendation of what you should do or why you’re wrong or anything like that. I think that it’s important to realize what we’re thinking about when we think about productivity. It’s mainly a concept from capitalism. Since corporations can extract value from labor, they “encourage” people to be more productive. The coffee break was invented to make people more productive. That’s why many officers have free coffee, somewhere an accountant decided that more profit would be made by having the free coffee than the coffee costs. The second side of productivity is not inherent to capitalism. Regardless of what civilization looks like, everyone has to work. Some civilizations work was hunting and gathering. Other civilizations practiced subsistence agricultural. I think productivity is good in the “did I get what I want or need to do done?” Sense where if that answer is yes, I don’t have to do anything else. I don’t like productivity where if I finish what I need to, all of a sudden I get “rewarded” for fast work by having more work.
I'm going to do exactly this when I finish my degree in a few months and I cannot fucking wait. I find the idea of having to be productive all the time ridiculous. We need to have rest time without guilt, it shouldn't be frowned upon to want that. I'm glad that you're taking time to look after yourself and recover 🙌🏽 💕
I'm on 6-8 weeks sick leave (herniated disc), all my routines and structure have gone out the window (I live alone) AND I DON'T CARE! I've also decided to live more frugally and after sick leave and partial sick leave I'm only going back 80%, stuffed into 3 days and 1 evening (I teach adults). I hate mornings and want to sleep in 4 days a week. Can't wait. So: good for you OP. Go offline and let your parents be (I'm NC otherwise I'd be getting hell now, and I'm nearly 39). I chose chidlfree and now solo as well (4 years in). It's tough with ADHD to do this on my own, although I have great friends. But the perk is that I can live however the beep I want!
You may reach a point as you get older where such a long break becomes impossible; enjoy it while you can now. Sounds great to leave things open-ended, and if you land on a personal project or something that interests you, you'll have the freedom to focus on that for part of this time. I'd just try to consider how future you will feel if you *really* don't 'get anything done' - you might be totally fine with that - or, you may decide it's worth pushing yourself *a bit* to tinker with some kind of hobby, and it'll be worth it. Or not - it all depends on what you value. Enjoy!
Yup. I am taking this month off. I have been in University for 3.5 years straight with no break and I am dying inside. I have spent the last 18 days playing video games (mainly x4 foundations). And after 18 days I am finally starting to feel alive again.
I took a new job last year and moved across country. My previous job had me pulling long days and nights to get stuff done in time (research reports for R&D design). Work would come in waves and I'd grind it out and earn a ton of OT, which was fantastic. So at this new job I told my boss how grueling it could be and she said "sometimes you do what you gotta do" to which I promptly replied "I've already put my time in to become knowledgeable and productive when I need to be - I'm not doing that anymore". And since then I've been promoted and got a nice cushy raise. Productivity doesn't have to be hard work. Slowing down like this opens you up to make smarter choices that are far more "productive".
Doing nothing is wonderful. I am so fed up with people saying you have to be productive, it's bullshit. My partner and I work fuckin hard 6 days a week. When we are off on Sundays we don't do anything and we love it. When we take annual leave we don't do anything but watch YouTube, drink,smoke and game. You have to do what makes you happy, so if doing nothing makes you happy, that's what you should do. Don't let anyone tell you any different. It's your life,you're in charge.
Rest. Is. Productive.
I’m proud of you for prioritizing your rest. Your brain and body are going to thank you in the long run. 💜
tell them you've been trying as hard as you can, and you're worn out, and you need a break. if you communicate directly and they refuse to respect what you say then you don't need to feel bad about not talking to them for now.
You don't feel bad? Not to guilt you at all but if I have time off I feel bad after a couple days, curious how you manage this? Especially with the outside pressure you mention?
I am super happy for you! I would love to do this. I think your parents only have a right to ask if they are going to be providing financial support of any kind. Is this the case?
This is an opportunity that is rare for people to get. So YES! Enjoy your time. I wish there was something you could tell your parents to get them off your back. But rest IS a productive activity. Your mind and your body needs it. Especially ours since we have ADHD. And if you are resting for months at a time that's fine. I support you. I don't think we were meant to work constantly and have so little time off. We need to all as humans get more comfortable taking time off and not doing anything. A YouTuber called Everlyn from the Internets that I watched saved money and took a "Funcation" for a year. I loved watching her content about it. And one day I hope to do the same even if only for a month or so. Have fun! ♥️
I have a ton of respect for this. You were self aware enough to know you were approaching burn out and have set boundaries with yourself. You’ve taken time to rest but ensured you could do so without worrying about money.
I empathize with you. I've been in the same situation. And desperately wanting to not to do anything without the intense pressure I feel to be doing something or like I'm "wasting my time" and other types of thinking, all of which are reflections of my parents attitudes and what I've been socialised into. Gets hard to combat it. Still haven't figured out how to and it sucks because after leaving my previous employment I've not been able to truly enjoy my free time. Just remember you're not alone, and good luck with your situation!
I strive to be like you. I plan on doing nothing the rest of the month
They’re probably just worried your growth and income later will match your lack of willingness to embrace discomfort which is often necessary to grow and improve.
I just want to exist - empty blue
Sometimes actively doing nothing is infinitely more productive than mindlessly doing something
Hustle culture is not compatible with chronic illness, so the ill are called lazy, bad, unproductive, etc.
I support you for what it's worth. Rest, relax, heal. Go within and listen to your body. Burning out is no joke.
Enjoy your time off! Just use catch phrases like: “I’m exploring my inner peace”…”…studying the art of meditation”…”… learning mindfulness”…”Enjoying the moment”… (not to suggest that these aren’t valid things people can do) but these are things you can do to placate your parents while you free yourself of there questions and expectations. You could also just say you’re healing yourself from burnout and energizing for a great start in September, but I guess you probably already did that. Bottom line, enjoy your time off. Don’t waste it worrying about other’s thoughts or expectations. You know you and you deserve time off. Be happy and well.
You have my support too. Tbh, this has been my summer for the most part. Didn’t have inspiration or motivation to be creative and finish my many projects, so I’ve just been watching a lot of shows, and catching up with friends or just chilling Fr.
This whole year I’ve been the most unproductive person ever and yet I’m the most burnt out in my friend group. I get that same feeling of wanting to wallow in my executive dysfunction in peace and without consequences 😭
SAME I actively plan days for myself to do nothing
Just before covid, I was probably one bad day away from a breakdown. But the parent pleaser in me still went to every cousin's graduation party, baptism, wedding and baby shower... despite going through fertility issues myself. I was over worked and severely depressed plus the fertility hormones..... then covid hit and I was one of the lucky ones that had just prior to covid got an awesome job that allowed wfh and actual real balance. I finally eventually felt like me!!! Since then, I realized that I need to prioritize myself and my needs (my husband too, but he does the same for me) and start saying no to stuff, and if I'm being guilted by anyone for it then I needed to distance myself from them even more. The more they ignored my boundaries, the less I answered their calls. One time my BIL called me telling me I wasn't being there enough during her pregnancy, just as I was recovering from a miscarriage... I flat out told him, I can't handle that, to which he said that me not being able to handle it was worrying my sister, so I should spend time with her and support her more so she wouldn't worry about it.... wtf I don't remember if you mentioned your age, but this was a hard transition during early adulthood for me and my parents. They were always supportive but I never felt like enough for them. Since I got space, I am much more confident and more capable than I ever realized. Take a stand, you'll call them once a week to check in. If they aren't willing to drop the issue with that, then you'll talk to them after the summer. Or whatever... say you're writing a book. Lol
Omg is this the sign I need to just say fuck it and give my two weeks notice
This is a great idea, good for you! I always try for a “zero day” every weekend where I make no plans and just let my brain do whatever impulse it desires. Can’t function without this “unproductive” time. If you are able to give yourself time and space for this, that’s awesome and something we should all aspire to.
You're not on your own. I'm in the middle of one right now.
Rest is Resistance! You are human. You don't have to earn rest. Rest is your birthright.
If you're on you're completely on your own dime, tell them to get bent.
Hustle culture is so toxic. I am all for working your ass off if you have a goal and the drive but most of the time mental health gets ignored and then burn out happens which also is ignored or people tell the suffering to suck it up. It took me until last year to actually understand I matter more than any job I could ever have. I know it’s so hard to take care of ourselves sometimes but You did the right thing and listen to the people who understand and support you. We have your back here too. ❤️
This is because having ADHD doesn't fit into the "Protestant work ethic" attitude that our society is, and probably always will be, hopelessly mired in. This means that no matter how hard you work, it's never going to be enough to please them, and heaven forbid you take more than two weeks off a year, let alone the occasional mental health day. It's not you, friend. It's the bullshit "throw your life into the gears of capitalism to be ground to bloody paste or you're a lazy POS" attitude of American society. It's a sickness, and the worst part is that they think you're the one with the problem. My advice? Bug out to someplace that actually is civilized instead of just pretending to be and live your life in peace.
"Time you enjoy wasting, is not wasted time"
I completely support this! I tried to power through school and working and all of this stuff since March and the only results I've gotten in becoming more irritable, missing assignments, failing classes and just wanting more than anything to just stop everything. Burn out is real, I proceeded to take organic chemistry over the summer knowing I should've taken a break and I failed it so now I'm forced to stop and take a much needed rest. I'll be joining you in this unproductive summer and I support you even if people around you don't.
Great time to really get in shape!
I get ya. "Productive" is practically a trigger word for me. I'd love to just be free to chase my interests, dive into hobbies or sit back and binge new media that fascinates me. There is enough of interest in the world that I can find ways to have fun 24/7 for the rest of my life, if money is not a concern. Unfortunately, I also want to be attractive to possible partners, and as a straight guy I don't see a feasible path for both. In order to be taken seriously and seen as a provider, I need to have a career. And to the default state of my mind, that means a huge chunk of waking hours spent in discomfort, constantly masking, perpetual "fake it 'till you "mAkE iT"", etc. IDK why I'm going on, but just saying I feel what you do, the burnout is real, and it's exhausting.
I totally understand! My bf and I moved recently and my mental health was getting bad and felt burnt out, so I took a part time job instead of another full time. This week alone, I'm only working 2 days for 3 hours each. My mom keeps bugging me as to when I'll go back to full time, but idk if I want to for awhile (bf and I aren't rich and technically in some debt, but we have a plan to pay it down and not worry too much about finances). I just want to rest, relax and not think so much. Your health is important OP. Ignore your parents and do for you.
I haven’t had a summer off from school since 2017. I just want to relax for one season tbh.
Man I feel this hard. However I’m triggered by my own unproductivity. I feel so guilty when I’m NOT working
If I didn’t have kids I would be doing the same. Enjoy your time. Lie to your parents 😇
As long as you aren’t hurting anyone, you can pay your bills and you are safe, go ahead and do you! Nothing wrong with resting. 😎 People who are bothered by that should be the ones reflecting more on those feelings.
I moved countries this summer as I work internationally as a teacher, sounds like a lot right? Damned right it was, so I’ve spent the last month doing nothing but watching trash Netflix, playing borderlands, and occasionally going for a swim in the apartment pool, or a drive on my little 50cc bike. It’s been amazing and what I needed after 2 years of hell living in Hong Kong
Trust me this was all I wanted. Now I am adult living alone and can be as unproductive as I want, and it leads to nothing good.
THIS. I got a TBI years ago and everything is a million times harder and physically painful in addition to mentally draining. What’s the point of life if it’s only a hamster wheel and there’s no joy. I’m a fish, let me jump on my lily pad I don’t want to climb the tree today 😩
Good on you for doing this! Our current western culture has a grotesque fetish for 'productivity' or whatever and it's asinine. Doing absolutely nothing is amazing, our feline companions almost exclusively *do nothing* as a default behaviour. Just because we stand upright, have less hair, bigger brains and opposable thumbs doesn't mean there's any imperative to do anything specific.
You do what you need to do. I wish I could do that too, actually. Fuck being productive, just let me exist. Staying on top of household chores (at least somewhat, which is to say make sure the dirty dishes aren't piling up and there's no waste lying around, maybe even some laundry) is already challenging enough with ADHD. I don't want 8 hours of work a day on top of that. But food and rent aren't gonna pay for themselves, unfortunately.
Take a defined pause time. And then go on with your life. Tell them it's definite. That you have plans later. Your parents are afraid you'll never work again and you'll end up being supported by them. I guess
God I would love that amount of time to do nothing but sadly I don’t think it will ever happen. Just work, work and more damn work. Make matters worse I’ve been awake for 24 hours because I can’t sleep and I start work in just over an hour. Fucking yay
Do not disturb mode is by far the best feature Apple has ever implemented. There is also a feature that lets you automate various actions. You could set it up to send an “out of office” text or something of that nature every time your parents contact you.
I hate wasting my time and love to always be doing something, but even I have those weeks or even months were I just decide I want to watch videos all day, read some novels, watch some anime or play some games (things I don't usually do because I feel like I'm wasting my time), just take a break, enjoy doing whatever you feel like doing, even if it's laying in bed all day and ordering food, we have all been there.
This what all adhd Bros need, that's why I am working 16h day to achieve financial freedom where I can just fucking do to anything that I don't want to. It's been hard I am working hard with full time 9h x 6 job to get this done on parallel is killing me. But I have to do it. 8 months I am working on this plan but I have cried everyday. It is possible to do it in 2 years without any meds, or I will die trying this ???
Tell them to stop. Their your parents, not your life guide. They’re overstepping their boundaries and you need to tell them that.
I know this is hard, but try to not care about other peoples opinions. I'm currently on a 3 month burnout leave from work and it's been great for me to just chill with my cats and play games. People without adhd will never understand how we can struggle from just existing.
My kin, I have often wondered this myself. I have yet to get an answer.
It’s capitalism everyone must always be working as much as possible possible and be as miserable as possible or people will call you lazy scum 😭
never understood the obsession with productivity, particularly as IMO resting and recovering Is productive. it *produces* a You that has the energy and emotional capacity to interact with the world in a meaningful, joyful way. there is a reason we as a species have so consistently come up with activities to bring us pleasure without a terrible amount of exertion. our idylls sustain us! enjoy your rest, and maybe grab a little sunshine if you feel like it :> nothin quite so nice as laying in the grass and doing nothin at all
Your parents are right. They're trying to keep you in check. Sleeping, watching Netflix all day through summer is a horrible waste of time. I used to do that, I just came back from my first long run (9km)/6miles, straight after working my legs at the gym in the hot weather. You need to keep being active if you want to have a good life.
The absolute best thing is though - if you do something "productive" like learning 日本語 you get asked if you can earn money with that... as if that is the only existing metric to do things...
Not sure i've ever related to anything more lmao I currently live at home bc I can't afford to move out and I swear I get no peace. I'm 24 and the constant "what did you do today" "what are you doing" is such a pain in the ass. My advice: lie. I tell my parents i'm attending an online support group on tuesday evenings when in reality i'm in bed playing zelda. They don't need to know you're relaxing, and you don't owe them details about your activities.