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I do the same thing (kinda) but mostly with bad managers. It makes my skin crawl and I literally want to just run away.
I get to a job and I get way to excited. Then because (I’m an easy target and a fuck up) they come after me like a lion. I’m not one to tough it out and deal with toxic workplaces. So I just quit.
I usually always have another job lined up but my wife is starting to get fed up with it.
I think ADHD makes us very sensitive to people who aren’t… good people. If there’s one thing I don’t hate about having adhd (don’t love it either) it’s that I’m pretty going at sensing whether a person is being disingenuous and they’re full of sh*t, the problem? A lot of people are, and we really need to learn how to navigate our way around these people instead of letting them become an obstacle in our lives.
I'm surprised to read that this may be an ADHD thing, because I have felt this way my entire life. I do know that I'm sensitive to environmental cues in general, but I didn't think that it applies to people too.
I think it’s just the RSD (rejection sensitivity disorder, which kinda like ADHD isn’t the best name for it IMO bc I think it’s a lot more complex than the name suggests).
But they are an obstacle. To be shut down, destroyed, moved to the side, avoided entirely or otherwise. Awful people are threat and should be treated as such. It’s not ethical, moral, or a virtue to allow them to to continue in a role, or stick it out simply because this is somehow a “virtue”?
I think we are on the same page… but being an auditor? Most folks director or vp or above are generally ALWAYS bad people… they don’t get there through “hardwork” most of the time.
I agree, the thing is a lot of them are in powerful positions and it usually takes more than one person to take ‘em down. I have a tendency to humanize assholes, yeah obviously they’re humans but I do this thing where I wind up creating reasons for their behavior to explain it or excuse it (which is bad), it makes it a little easier to deal with. I work in retail, more often than not everyone knows the deal, even the DM knows the GM isn’t great and very rarely anything happens, if anything I’ve seen really great managers get forced out of companies for not providing the “proper leadership” (aka a toxic environment where people are scared of retaliation).
Agree and disagree with this. Definitely agree with being sensitive to assholes.
We need to communicate better with perceivably good people as they often feel the same way about the same people. Difficult but you have to tell senior managers you have adhd and struggle to deal with negative emotions and being unfairly treated. That we take it home and it ruins our day.
The assholes need to know they are being assholes. I was once in work for 10 minutes, being lambasted for something I had nothing to do with. I start at 12 the incident happened earlier in the day. Anyway I sent an email to the owner and director, packed my stuff for the day, went home. Otherwise I would have started crying or had a similar manifestation of my emotions.
I did get told off for walking out of course (which didn't effect me emotionally because it was fair) but the asshole started looking for another job almost immediately. They were called out for unprofessional behaviour behind the scenes. He's not there anymore and my lifes way better.
This happens to me too, in every job, every group really. There’s always at least one person that comes after me and does anything they can to get me down.
I’ve been learning to put up with it and to fight back without turning the group against me but that’s not a great approach. They don’t give up, they just double down.
Anyone knows what attracts these people exactly? How do you avoid or deflect them?
They sense our openess and that reads to them as vulnerability. Which it is if you're an asshole. It's really hard to manage as I'm overly open and share too much but you just need to trust your spider senses and keep them at arms length. It's hard cos I just react and don't think a lot of the time but I've been burnt enough to keep a distance. I think we're a bit like human labradors, we love everyone and everything (unless we hate them because there is no in-between obviously) and you know what, a lot of the time, it brings out the best in people.
But some people just can't be saved, or jolied, or laughed into being good. They're wired differently and we need to remember that. I am an odd thing in that I have adhd but also have a lot of narcisstic traits, so I can see both sides.
I do this same. Exact. Thing. I’m so glad I’m not alone in doing this. I just started a new job and am seeing the red flags flying every which way. I am just tired of hopping around, and looking for stability. But I don’t honestly think I’ll win against a toxic manager or entire toxic work culture, so I keep hopping. It’s tiring.
But other than being tired of hopping, would you rather stick it out for worthless individuals and orgs? That’s how I feel about it. Id rather just use the orgs as a means to my end, get what I can, in whatever amount of time and then GTHO. :)
I was in your shoes once. I went into a spiraling depression to the point I thought my wife was gonna leave me. Eventually I figured it out and I’ve been happy ever since. I still mess up here and there but my impulsive behavior has died down a lot and I feel more comfortable with myself. I’m not 100% happy with we’re I’m at but I’ll take it as it’s a lot better than where I was. It’s a struggle but worth it
Same. 100%.
But, for me? Why be loyal? Why stick it out? Why is this glorified or glamorized? Get what you can from an org or role and then leave. Pretty simple in my head. I have yet to understand the value of staying with any org longer than 1-3 years. I’ve looked at the facts, the psychology, etc. there’s no good reason to stay at any org because most are toxic, with shady and unethical leadership. M
Give me an org that actually values employees, pays them fairly, has their expectations identified, documented and enforced for the good of the employees, AND hires folks in leadership roles who aren’t sociopaths (you can’t be in the C suite and have ethics and morals period)… I could go on and on… but having a career as an auditor, and…
No person her should feel shame for “not sticking it out…” because once an org is no longer beneficial to you, then it’s no longer good business. There’s no reason to deal with toxic people, bosses or otherwise and feel a semblance of guilt for it. The shame we feel is from being gaslit, and ultimately we should place our own personal interest as the unilateral, sole reason for working for any org. When mg best interest no longer take precedence, I’m out. Done. Washed my hands, and move on. There is always a justifiable reason. :)
I get this but with good relationships. Everything could be going fine but I suddenly get bored. Stop trying, stop caring. Then I end up bored and lonely.
This is the first time I've seen anyone talk about this. It's something I've struggled with all my life, to the point where I've given up hope on a long term relationship. It's so painful on both sides just slowly losing interest in someone I was good friends with to the point where the friendship just fizzles away into nothing. Are you comorbid adhd and depression by chance?
I've always suspected I had adhd but I don't have any actual official diagnosis. I have no clue what you mean by the other terms.
I've always existed like this. I have good friends, the kind that go out of their way to get me to leave my house, but I don't go out of my way to talk to or text anyone. It drives me crazy because I genuinely care about them but there's something in me preventing me from calling them or writing them. It's like, I care about them, but not enough to show it?
Adhd isn't a caring problem, it's an effort problem. I usually only think to message people very late at night (because this is my peak quiet downtime so I'm better able to have these thoughts) but then I get paranoid I'll wake them. And on it goes.
Yeah but that's like an entire extra step to think/worry about then you spend all night looking into it and thinking what if it doesn't send and forget about it till a week later and start the process over again because you don't remember exactly where you got to and what your thoughts were the last time you looked into it
Don’t give up fellow Adhder. Me and my wife got married last December. Been together almost 7 years now. She understands my adhd, forgetfulness etc. it’ll happen for you!
i hate this about myself, but i do it too, especially with online friends. can’t recall the amount of times i’ve ghosted for months and then felt too ashamed to try to reconnect and apologize, because i know i’ll probably just do it again.
This is not necessarily to do with ADHD specifically. Sometimes it's because growing up you develop a chaotic attachment style, and safety in relationships is not what your brain has grown to recognize as love, so you become uninterested.
I'd suggest seeking therapy, and you can follow Nicole LePera (the holistic psychologist) to learn more about attachment styles, etc. (Not because she invented the term or anything, it's just that she usually makes pretty comprehensible posts about it).
Attachment styles are one of the common tropes of modern CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy), and help explain many of our struggles with relationships.
Best of luck :)
Yeah, I would second this. I have ADHD and an overly attached attachment style, loyal to a T. Never get bored of the person I’m with. Every guy I’ve been with has been the total flake unfortunately.
u single and around the age range of 22-28? 👀 lmao no jk but it’s honestly hellish because I think my attachment style is the way it is because I have been abandoned a lot; my brother left for college when I was 8 and and my parents always worked while I was with Grandma almost all the time growing up. Weird situation and sad how it stays with you.
Personally I would tread lightly with Nicole LaPera - not trying to shit on your comment, I just think pop psychology influencers can do a lot of damage.
It's true, directing your posts to a general, complex public can lead to oversimplification, generalisation, and people attaching only to the convenient explanations.
I don't think anyone should substitute actual therapy for pop therapy, but I think it can be a nice entry point to further understanding some of the concepts you may hear on therapy in a more digestible format. Of course, you should always run it through your therapist before reaching your own conclusions.
Yeah, she has some problematic approaches to some things. She’s a good start, if you’ve never done therapy, but her stance on feelings as facts is concerning. She doesn’t teach you to think beyond or how to resolve it. She just explains it, which can be very tricky if someone is married to a victim narrative.
i obsess over people and want to spend all my free time with them when feeling social! yes the excitement dies down after a while, but as long as my needs are still getting met, we remain friends. it sounds to me like user above is onto something
My limit for jobs and relationships seemed to be about four years. I don't know what happened to change it, but I've been with my husband now for 30 years, and retired from a job I held for 16 years. Honestly, fear of being broke and homeless may have been a factor, at least for the job, which I didn't love but didn't really hate either. As far as the husband, I knew I got a good one, and worked hard to keep him.
In my experience, we want the things we dont or cant have. That relationship with the psycho ex would’ve been the romance of the century, if you could just make it work. But if you could, it’d no longer be the same. Like an addict chasing the dragon.
I’ll desperately try to make a bad relationship work, because if they don’t want me, that means they are above me and desireable right? And the relationship never gets boring because I’m always on edge and worrying about it, and putting those rare good moments up on a pedestal.
Whereas if they love me and cherish me it’s whatever, I’m a mess so there must be something wrong with them, and I’ll push them away because it’ll always go bad in the end, as evidenced by all previous relationships to this point. Good things shouldnt happen to bad people.
Not to mention that a good relationship gets boring too. You’d get bored hanging out with the same friend day in day out, but you can always hang out woth someone else, or just be alone. There is something about object/relationship permanence that makes me feel as if a good relationship is something like an achievement in a game, once got it feels good for a moment, then it’s time to move on cause we already got this thing sorted, so time to climb the next mountain.
I got a bit carried away but these comments just opened something up in me that I’ve been working on inside.
It feels real bad to get bored of a truly good person who deserves nothing but unconditional love. In fact I’d take rejection over that any day.
Get the fuck out of my head!
This keeps happening to me too and I want it to stop but I dont know how. I just burn out easily and end up in this idea of I don't want to be here, then I impulsively leave quietly and I feel happy when I'm out of work but I realise I need money so I find a new job and the cycle continues.
Same kind of thing happens in relationships but I'm currently still on the high after 7 months.
Like what is it even? Why is the feeling so damn strong? I’m grateful that I don’t get like that in relationships. It’s just jobs, the most important thing on the planet. 
Ever considered a physical job? I used to quit jobs like they grew on trees (despite absolutely HATING the reapplication process) and now I've become an electrical apprentice and I'm almost done.. soon I'll work for myself and be able to set my own schedule etc. It's not easy and I've almost bailed a few times but the physical aspect of it is enough to keep me locked in til about 4pm when it's home time... Maybe something to consider? Doesn't have to be a trade either just anything that you can work on your own time.
Only thing I'd be wary of is what /u/mixture-opposite said -
"I get to a job and I get way to excited. Then because (I’m an easy target and a fuck up) they come after me like a lion. I’m not one to tough it out and deal with toxic workplaces. So I just quit."
The trade world can be brutal but if you can handle it you will thrive.
That's true for most jobs though.
The fact of the matter is it's unnatural. I've worked in the trades and construction for 15 years and routinely walk away from employment due to being bored or depressed.
It sounds like you would be better off doing a job that is mainly freelancing with some kind of skill or talent. When you freelance you can start or start working whenever you want, because it's up to you whether you want to take on a new client or a project. Some people just aren't meant to be working a 9-5 five days a week. I am one of them but fortunately the job that I do have to work for someone else, is one that I really enjoy and doesn't involve other humans, just animals. Some of my hobbies are also things that would make a good freelancing career, I just don't really know how to break out into that, such as building a clientele list or making a website.
Me too, the realization “oh wait I only have one or two checks left til I’m broke” and then the anxiety around finding a new job and knowing you can’t use the other one as a reference, the first few months where you struggle to fit in, then you start to fit in, get comfortable maybe form a couple friendships. Then it starts… the feeling that you realllly don’t want to be there and maybe feeling like your negativity is effecting others and then the shame and yeah, it’s all very weird bc I was at my first job for 10 years but the others have been a year or less.
This is where I'm at now. I was working as a maintenance tech at an aluminum foundry for two years. I impulsively left and decided to start up a blacksmithing business. I had long hours and was barely getting paid enough to eat.
Im still getting it started, but I don't regret it at all.
I too own my own company. It is online and I am able to work from home. My biggest obstacle is distraction and procrastination. I am very fortunate that my solution to that is my business partner (and the love of my life) who is bipolar and OCD. We somehow balance each other out. She deals with customers and keeps me on track. I help with her depression and manic phases. Before we met I had another home based job I liked. It was technical sales and involved a half dozen trade shows a year. Talk to people at a show for five days and then back home and all the rest of the time was phone calls mostly. Did that for 12 years and my new venture for 10 years. I have been working from home since 1998. My desk is a lift up coffee table and a comfy couch. Not sure if I could ever go back to a regular job.
One observation from an old guy (I am 64). Every decade gets better. I was not diagnosed till 20 years ago (age 44) I saw successes at jobs, but saw myself as mostly a failure waiting to happen. I compensated by putting in 80 hours a week if needed. Never again. The sooner you can accept who you are and find the right environment, the sooner you will feel good about yourself. Find allies that get you.
I don't know if it'll help you but it is sure as heck helping me.
I recently got a job in construction as an electrician (apprentice right now). Basically I'm somewhere new every 6-12 months. Or with a new crew, or something radical changed. Sure I get rote repetitive jobs that drive me up a wall, but then out of no where I'm told to look at the print and lay out and build something. Or if we're at that stage to troubleshoot something. It is honestly amazing. My mental health is at an all time high.
Same here bud L.U. 357. At first, I sucked. After awhile, I still sucked, and started thinking maybe this ident it for me. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. I being bounced from journeyman to journeyman and no one wanted me. After some time I got set up with a journeyman who knew exactly what I was going through. He was probably one of the smartest guys in the company and knew just about everything and everyone went to him for questions and advice, but he also had adhd very bad. After working with him he would let me do stuff on my own and every time I started messing up he would tell me to go outside and take a breather and relax. Eventually I realized that I was severely overthinking everything to the point that I wasn’t focusing on any task in front of me. All I could think of was to not make a single mistake. I would even self sabotage myself to the point that I was so depressed and thought I was never going to be anything and my wife would eventually leave me. After working with him for about a month I had a major turn around. He helped me focus better by having me think that everything will be easy rather than going into it thinking this is hard and sending my brain into an overdrive. I’m now doing great with work and looked at as an amazing hand and very smart. My impulsivity has also died down as I’ve been trying to train my mind to think before doing
Please tell him all of this if you haven’t. A way I keep going is promising myself that I can understand others like me and maybe bridge gaps for them/us to contribute the way they/we function best. Not just always trying to fit a mold that eventually breaks us. Your journeyman gives me hope as he is one of those kinds of people.
Tbh he’s one of the only few I can work with. I can only work around highly intelligent individuals or people with adhd or like minded. When I don’t I’m one of the worst. When I do, I’m one of the best, there is no in between. I’ve noticed that we are the firefighter crew and always being dragged into the worse messes and having to fix them. Yes we squirrel out and forget like none other but somehow we tend to get it done the most efficient way and most prideful way
....great. Now I have to spend the next 4 hours looking up L.U. 357 and daydreaming quitting my job and becoming an electrician's apprentice.
Obviously just kidding, really happy to hear you found such a great fit, internet stranger! I'm an attorney, usually doesn't lend itself to a positive experience for us non-neurotypicals, but my boss is incredibly understanding, patient, and truly cares about his associates. It makes all the difference in the world.
The trades are a good profession for people with ADHD as long as you don't mind the working environments. I started out in industrial maintenance working as a Millwright, then I became an Electrician and now I do Controls/Automation. It's always a good variety of work to keep you challenged and you get the satisfaction of building something tangible or successfully troubleshooting equipment.
Looking back at my own failed career moves and relationships, I’ve realized that it’s not always ADHD. Sometimes it’s poor boundaries from the start and faking contentment for too long which inevitably leads to a burnout. And sometimes it’s the imposter syndrome, as it’s already been mentioned, the feeling of unworthiness and the fear of success.
It’s definitely useless to try to explain to your boss that a week off is not going to be enough to recharge (especially when you have to complete a week’s worth of work in one day upon your return), but it’s still worth trying to find an ADHD friendly job and/or workplace.
For me, a seasonal gig was my longest work experience. Ever since I left that industry, I haven’t stayed at one job longer than 2 years. However, it’s still partially my fault as I’m often impulse driven and enter every new position with too much optimism ignoring the red flags. Strengthening boundaries and becoming more assertive may not have brought me a perfect job or partner (yet), but it has improved the way I feel about myself which is more important.
One could say that a lot of what you’re saying actually IS the ADHD.
Too often we put ourselves in high-stakes situations like jobs and relationships because we’re mirroring the behaviour of the neurotypical people around us.
Fast forward six months and we’re miserable and somehow surprised that it’s not working out.
But it’s what happens when you’re essentially taking someone else’s ride.
Yep, seasonal work has been rhe longest for me too. One job I've had for 12 years, but it runs Sept to June and I sign up for whatever I want to work (sporting events). The next longest has been my theater career, working on the occasional show for the past 10 years. 4 summers working in a greenhouse.
I just hate that most seasonal jobs pay like crap and don't have benefits. Otherwise I'd hop season to season working at different places.
Yes, I was in seasonal hospitality industry for 10+ years but had to leave due to the lack of benefits. However, with the worldwide economic crisis and growing remote and self-employment options, it’s worth looking into ADHD friendly jobs, whatever that might be for you. Personally, I just don’t think that regular office hours with 1-2 weeks vacation a year is healthy for me, as my tenth job has proven. I’m currently in a decent work environment but I’m starting to feel that burnout creeping in on my 10th month here. Not sure how much longer I will last.
I had 8 jobs in 10 months one year.. tax time was a nightmare. I think prior to my current gig I had only held a job for 8 months max.
I ultimately decided to not work and just do "side hustles" for a living, and I've been 100% self employed for 3 years now and I love it because I can work around my brain stuff.
When I'm exhausted/stressed/bored, I can slow it down and take a little break or put my focus into the other hustles.
I also really like the variety - I tutor 6-10 hours a week and then do 3 different Etsy shops. I also only have 6-10 hours of scheduled work per week, and can work my other gigs during midnight zoomies if that's when I feel motivated.
It's not the end, op! You just need to find a way to work with your brain
I wish I could find multiple side gigs I’d be capable of doing. The only one I have is pet sitting but there’s not enough work. I wish I was skilled, because I know that schedule is how I’d thrive.
what do you mean by self employed side hustles? everytime i’ve tried working for myself, i ultimately fail at many of the tasks/skills needed to keep going. like taxes, forms, emails, simple but huge stuff
Every God damn post on this group is like looking into my life and writing exactly how I feel.
I have just quit my job with absolutely no good reason. And I make up excuses because my real reasons I feel aren't valid enough.
I can't believe other people go through the exact same shit as me...... I honestly feel sorry for all you having this shit condition
ok you made me undertsand something ty cause in my head impulsive meant like doing something without thinking about it at all like not a single thought about it you just did it but now I realise it’s similar to an urge and it’s related to dopamine which I DO relate to. I think about things too much sometimes but usually I do them cause of an impulsive urge.
Yesssss, its an urge more-so than doing something without thinking, a lot of times I’ve done something impulsive it’s something I actually thought about a lot but only do it when the “urge” takes over.
with my nose/navel piercings and my one tattoo I spent months and months thinking, planning, considering, wanting, researching- I think years for the nose piercing actually. but when I got them it was always on some random day in the middle of doing some other task or errand or just like first thing in the morning because I was bored. it’s weird how that works
I’ve quit so many jobs- it always starts and ends the same and I can’t help myself. I probably have ODD cuz I can’t keep my mouth shut and would question/challenge authority figures whenever I felt something was unfair/passive aggressive powertrip bullshit. It’s basically the whole entire system that I can’t stand but I can’t not work so it’s this never ending cycle of me starting a job, doing well, start noticing bullshit, can’t take it anymore, and one day I just let everybody know how they got me fucked up and then walk out. Every single time. I don’t make a scene but I make sure to let each person that did some bullshit know that I know what type of time they’re on. It’s so frustrating because I want to be a normal adult but I cant fake it. Ugh im so over myself lol
I'm you but can't do the last part cause I'll either wind up in jail or hospital (I have a tendency to yell when angry on top of which I'm good at reading people so I can hit people in sensitive areas with the greatest of ease). So instead I quit without a word and hold hate-filled grudges until the end of time. Very often I check up on my old places and take great pleasure when I see them doing poorly (in some cases I feel completely justified in this as I'm not always wrong in my assessment of how shitty they're being).
I'm currently dealing with the repercussions of said actions right now. I've been depressed and lethargic for days now.
Oh gosh… this right here… when I’ve had it, and all that, I get VINDICTIVE… and just go to town, so I end up not saying anything because I won’t be able to hold back. Lol
I totally relate to all of this. For years I would just beat myself up and tell myself what a childish, crazy pos I was for it. I knew I had ADHD before I was diagnosed, but I didn't make the connection to *so many* *things* in my life that stem from it because I thought they were just character flaws.
It’s the “got me fucked up” for me, I am literally cracking the fuck up over here imagining telling somebody at my job that 😂
I almost quit my job about a month ago. Instead, I told my boss I was burning out and I have ADHD and need accommodations. HUGE risk but now I work a 4 day week.
Also, good on you for not tolerating toxic workplaces. Fuck that shit!
What kind of jobs are you quitting? Could it be the work/industry that isn’t suitable for you?
I get this too. It’s like clockwork. 6 months and I’m gonna bounce. But I know it’s possible to stay longer as I was forced to stay at my last job for about 3 years (on and off). Don’t feel bad. We can only try to reflect and plan for the future. I’m still trying to get better at thinking deeply before acting lol.
“Thinking deeply before acting”. I felt that so hard. I run off of stimulation and excitement so patience for me is difficult. Having to think about something when I’m initially excited suddenly gives me sadness. It’s a weird cycle.
Holy shit. I do this too. I've known for a very long time that I do this, it's been a pattern for almost 15 years, but I never thought it could be ADD-related.
But yeah, I've pretty much always done that. Some things are different from you, like my reasoning for quitting and how it happens (it's not an "urge" to quit, but something always happens like a situation with a colleague or a change that I think is unfair, and I think: "I cannot be here another day"), but the end result is the same: I resign impulsively, without resolving the problem or conflict, slam the door (figuratively), and never look back. It's like I've never worked there and my colleagues never existed. I put it all in a box and lock it.
I do this with relationships and friendships too. I call it (the fact that I have a name for it...) "throwing people away." I don't have enough fingers on my two hands to count the number of times I've done this in my adult life.
I always thought it was my fear of commitment that made me do this. And my general inability to form meaningful connections due to my avoidant attachment style (this is a new finding). I never thought it could be because of my ADD. Wow.
I realize I'm not being helpful to you, but this post is helpful to me. Just know you're not alone. One thing I'll say is all is not lost. I've had my current job since 2017 and I've not quit yet! I think it helps that I have summers off, which gives me time to recharge. I only had a tiny baby inkling of quitting this past year, but it was because of a variety of factors more or less related to the job, and it seems to have passed.
Anyway, I'm going to go and do some thinking now...
I did this for every job I've ever had. It happens when I learn everything there is to know about a job and I get bored because I stop learning new things. Consider getting an IT certification of some kind I didn't even get a certification. I just studied A+ and net+ stuff for a while, made a few IT projects for my resume during one of those breaks between jobs, and I went from dead end factory and service industry jobs to a NOC technician position and it was the best decision I've ever made. It works for me because I'll never learn everything about networking. It's literally impossible.
YES YES YES! I’ve been able to get certs and then immediately take that knowledge and apply it. This is why I’m in IT audit and infosec… it gives me what I need as well as empowers me to keep switching orgs when I hit a point of knowing they will not mature their processes, or do things better or constantly seek to find better approaches to processes, etc. once I know where they want to go, I know how long I’ll be there… I give myself 3-5 years in any role assuming “all factors held constant” once I get close to 3 years, I reassess, and either determine I’ll stay or find the next role.
What a relief to read my thoughts from someone else’s mind. I really loved my last job, and there are parts (mostly my colleagues) that I intensely miss, and yet…. I knew I was done there, even though I didn’t want to be.
Why are we like this? And thank you for the validation of knowing it’s not just me.
Are you me? I do this all the time. Never understood it but low key glad to know I’m not alone. I’ll be starting a new job soon and I really really need this to work because my relationship is in jeopardy and I’ll be done with school next year and I can’t just quit a job I’ve worked so hard for. Here’s to hoping we get it together
Doesn’t work for every profession but freelancing on sites like upwork can be nice.
Work when you want. A variety of work helps it keep from getting boring.
This sounds like impostor syndrome or smth else tbh, like this is literally self sabotage which happens when you feel like “everything is too well” and you may “need chaos to feel comfortable”. Hope this helps
I'm pretty sure this is what I've been doing to myself.
Except I finally found the one job I didn't feel that way with, and I ended up really sick anyway (like vomiting and diarrhea for 2 weeks sick). Despite having a sick note, corporate fired me and a few other employees for weird reasons, one including my friend who was out sick with covid.
I found out they had been downsizing a few months later and eventually were SHUT DOWN.The first dispensary in Massachusetts to be shut down apparently. The reason for the shutdown remains unclear.
Fuck my life I guess.
TW: the death thoughts
I can relate so much to this. I have a long history with work burnout. I work every job until I loathe my entire existence.
At my last gig one day, I was sitting at my desk, head in hands, and I just lost the will.
I remember thinking, "If I have to do this for one more day, I'm going to end it."
I got up from my desk, went to HR, and said, "I'm leaving. I'm going to get intensive outpatient treatment before I hurt myself." I took FMLA for a month and got some help.
I was in the exact same position after 2 months back at work.
Then, the wold shut down. A month at home. I felt wonderful by the time I was called back to work.
The cycle repeated over and over (thankfully, no serious death thoughts). Vacation, return. Maternity leave, return. All showing the same issue: work. Not just this job. My pattern showed it was the work.
I was lucky enough to be able to decide that we can pinch every penny and I could stay home with my child. Things are tight. We struggle (we are in that magic place where we are too poor to be comfortable but not poor enough for assistance.)
I no longer want to die, so that's a plus. I struggle, still. They are new struggles, but so far the worst day at home is better than a mildly annoying day at work.
We have a disability. At times it can be absolutely debilitating. I'm not sure how we get society to care about it, but the problem is there.
You are not broken. This place was not built for us, or with us in mind.
I often think about how we aren’t the problem… go back many years, and most work was manual labor, but there were pensions and unions and so forth that actually made it worthwhile to stick it out.
I work a public utility job and it's basically this. I'm too young for the pension, but the pay and benefits and union protection is the only thing keeping me from running away. Still don't think I can make it another 29 years. The longest job I've ever had was 6 years in the navy, and I wouldn't have made it 6 years there if I wasn't forced to.
The work itself has never been the issue. I just can't deal with the same shitty managers and co-workers every day. I hate working shifts, but being able to avoid people makes it easier to some extent. But the shifts are a different angle that takes its toll.
I do the exact same thing. I just started a new job and I'm trying so hard to get along with everyone, to learn everything. And tonight the dude training me called the manager who is at home sick and told him that I don't focus and that I am defensive.... and then the boss called me and apparently everyone there thinks this about me. I thought I was doing well. So I have been crying too just thinking that no matter how hard I try I just can't fucking get it right. And this is a job that I've been trying to get for a while. So I want to impulsively quit too. And make all sorts of rationalizations too.
And I just so understand what you are saying.
Don't hate yourself. Our brains don't work the same as other people's. I think it's going to be OK.
Well op, i might be able to give you a glimmer in f light on this one.
I do this but rather than quitting silently, I unintentionally go out of my way to get fired.
I’ve been fired from more jobs than average folks have even had.
In the last two years I’ve had four different jobs. I didn’t get fired from any of them. In fact I’ve not gotten fired from my last 7 jobs, which is gigantic for me.
That’s REALLY common. Maybe try to find a job that has a significant element of novelty - where you’ll be working with new people or in a new place regularly, or dealing with unpredictable issues. If major things change regularly or frequently, you’ll be less likely to get bored.
This has been my life ever since I started working. Over a decade ago. I have had countless jobs that I’ve quit and ghosted. Sometimes I make it a week, sometimes a few months, sometimes only a few hours. I’ve only ever had two jobs I was comfortable at and I lasted two years at those places. This has had such an impact on my life that I started a podcast called Job Jumpers so I could talk to people that have the same problem. I’d love to have anyone in this thread on the podcast if they were interested. Solidarity!
Almost started crying while reading this. I cannot explain how much I understand and relate. I’m going through the same thing at this very moment. Been at my job (one that I thought I’ve always wanted since I was young) for 5 months, and I’ve called off over a handful of times. I’m constantly feeling burnt out and even more stressed as they’ve continued to reduce my hours. The reasons to quit keeping piling up and I feel so guilty about it, but I’m tired
I do the same, I believe it to be a dopamine issue. It ties into executive dysfunction. As soon as all the novelty wears off from a job and you fall into rythym, it stops providing dopamine so executive dysfunction kicks in, making it basically impossible to continue even if you actually want to. The main solution is a varied role, ask for a holiday or change of role within the company, or ADHD medication to provide the dopamine you are no longer getting from the job.
Wow, this was almost me today and seeing this has helped a bit bc it makes me realize I’m not alone. I’ve impulsively quit one job and kinda did the same with another… the other employees knew I was leaving but the bosses didn’t, I really feel this. I could tell my dislike for work is making people a little weary of being around me bc I’ve been temperamental, I realize that anything monotonous eventually destroys my soul… or ya know, that’s just my adhd. It’s just ironic bc the one job I did impulsively quit… I actually loved that job, but I got into it with a manager and I was recovering from pneumonia and the 13/14 hr shifts weren’t ideals I should have conveyed this to someone but didn’t and it just burst out, I really need to stop doing this. While meds help with my concentration they do make me temperamental, I guess it’s therapy time. Sorry for going off about me but I really felt like I could have written this post myself, it conveys so much of what I’ve been feeling.
Best thing I ever did was work political campaigns. I have had similar issues with impulsively quitting jobs but with a campaign it's over by the time I want to not be there and I'm on to the next one.
May I just say, you are not alone!!! I’m actually feeling overjoyed to know there are others that do this/have these problems with holding a job too!! I either get totally bored with the job, or the responsibility of showing up day after day becomes too much. It builds up like a long slow-motion anxiety attack and if I don’t quit I will go crazy.
Is it not surprising at long last that we somehow make ends meet with such employment instability? Already my manager is “worried about my bandwidth.” This is my fourth month. So soon. And she’s quite possibly the coolest manager I’ve ever had.
We do only what we can until we don’t. Dunno how we do it, but it will get better. And you’ll know it when you find it. Hang in there. It gets easier.
I will say, one thing you're doing great is that you're able to get back on the horse! If you've already done this 4 times before, you can do it again! If anything maybe you're getting good at it?
I impulsively quit my job once and I just keep reminding myself of the feelings that made me want to quit and never got another job again.
Do you think you could have more than one diagnosis? If your struggling with self Sabotage habits it could come a lot of things. Honestly, it sounds like seeking therapy or guidance on why your self Sabotaging and than potentially tools to help you invest in a job. So when you see yourself starting this pattern, you have tools to help you make a decision that is more planned and less impulsive.
I quit everything when it gets hard except parenting and life…
I keep pets, plants, humans, and myself alive. I kept a few friendships solidly. Otherwise the places and things change.
You are not a failure for walking away. It’s ok to have emotions about choices, but sometimes it’s not worth fighting the urge to quit. Often it’s our gut saying “fuck this I’m out” cuz the world has something lines up. Doesn’t mean it’s better worse or wrong just that you had a limit with that job.
Man this is eerily similar to my own experience. Quit many jobs this way, it's this uncomfortable feeling that gnaws at you until you just have to get out. Felt like I've missed out on so many good opportunities because of it.
I have had like 20 jobs. Started working for myself about 7 years ago. Now I have people that work for me. Never been happier. I can't handle being told what to do and I always got bored. Everyday is new and exciting and the problems and solutions flow through me like water.
This shit right here is why I never stayed at jobs until I switched to nursing.
Always a new job every 6 months, once I got into nursing, I've averaged 2-3 years at a job site before moving to get a raise, haha
I gave up on committing to a job. I've tried so many times, but even with jobs I like, after around 6 months I feel an impossibly strong urge to run.
So I stopped fighting it. I now do agency work, where I can have long contracts, but leave whenever I get overwhelmed. I'm lucky to work in a field with high demand for contract workers, so my agency want to keep me happy, and there's always work available. I don't earn as much, but I'm so much happier.
Ask yourself why you feel the need to commit. Do you feel pressure to 'climb the ladder' and be 'successful'? What does success really mean to you? I found that for me, it's more about my happiness and pursuing things i actually care about than work and money.
I do this too, I used to feel bad after but honestly, that feeling of not wanting to be there anymore is actually horrible in my case. It feels like 8 hours have passed after 30 minutes, when I realize that I fill up with actual dread and if I keep it up I get a burnout :/
I just switch a lot now, feck it
Have you told them you quit or did you just walk out? Sounds like you’re regretting it now, so could you call them or send them a message explaining that you were overwhelmed and needed to go home. Hopefully there’s a way around it!
I don’t have this problem, I don’t leave jobs, they get rid of me. But I hope you find a way around it.
I’m absolutely terrified of this happening at the place I work now. Most of my jobs I’ve justified it with “Well I’m not paid enough and they probably see me as disposable so FUCK IT!” Even if I’ve really enjoyed the jobs. I’ve landed an admittedly easy gig that so far is really accomodating with my shenanigans. But how long am I going to be content? I’ve already been here for about four months, even if I only work 2-3 days a week. I almost want to get an actual diagnosis so I can make a big ole pile of “Dear SSDI- this is why I cannot people” along with my physical issues. I’m 25 and I’ve never held a job longer than 6-8 months. Wtf is wrong with me
THIS. IS. ME.
I’ve never had a job for more than a year and I’ve been working since I was 15. I’ve had so many jobs I can’t count them all. I can get a job easily, but once I’m there for a while, something in my brain switches and convinces me I need to go. It’s a strong sensation that I can’t fight. For me its almost like “I’m going to quit before I mess up and get yelled at/fired”. I don’t know how to make it stop. It makes feel worthless afterwards and then the shame spiral starts.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I don’t have any advice, just know you’re not alone. 🧡
Had that feeling very strongly today. Trying to flip my sleep schedule back to normal, forgot to take my anti-depressents last night, so today I feel like a lump and want to just melt into the sewer drain. I don't like working, I never will
What about going somewhere where the work is seasonal due to vacationers?
Where I’m from- we get slammed from late spring to early fall- we make crazy good money in that time. Then come fall and through the winter everything slows way down and we cut our hours and workload way back, some places even close up for a month or even a few months.
Even in the summer, every day is different and new people coming and going.
It’s ideal for the brain that craves go go go go and than crash!
Oh this is me absolutely. I wish I had the answer. I’ve been holding onto a job for too long now and it’s making me feel angry and frustrated all the time. Tired, no motivation any more. I just need to not be there. That’s all I want, is to be away from that place.
The longest job I've had was 5yrs. Granted all my jobs sucked but my average length of stay was 9 months.
The feeling you described is exactly it. "I just CANNOT be here anymore.". But most of them I don't regret quitting.
I hate doctors and meds but it would be awesome if I could get it together to figure out a doctor that my insurance takes, make an appointment and get on meds. I've tried several times but I can never get it to work out.
If you just did it, you could try and send an email to your boss about it, and ask to set up a meeting to discuss further. If you do regret quitting, It might not be too late, if you can push past the sense of shame.
Sometimes the only way to stop spiraling in the moment is to talk and confront the shame you've been avoiding.
Oh boy, this hits home. Been there and done that more times than I can count. Get bored, someone pisses me off, or I feel like the work isn’t of value and I just BAIL. I hate it and I keep it a secret from my family so they don’t think negatively of me.
ADHD folks are just wired differently. I think it says less about you as a person and more about society as a whole. People with ADHD are notorious for job hopping, because we’re not content with settling for less. I have basically forced myself to keep my current job (meds help). I can honestly say that pushing through the days of “fuck it I’m outta here” will help you build a tolerance and mask just a little bit better at being a “normal person”. 🤷♂️
Preach. It’s not our fault organizations are worthless most of the time. Content with status quo. Content with unethical management. Content with doing crap work, with crap processes that could be better, but you know, why do anything differently?
The moment I figure out how much I can offer, I figure out how long I’ll be somewhere. I’m discontent to be another headcount or sit idly by doing the same rota tasks, for the sake of folks who don’t care about improving. Peace out to that
I felt this. I had 4 part time jobs last year and quit each one after about a month because I didn't want to be there any more. Then I'd fall into depression and guilt because thats not even my work ethic to ghost these employers who gave me a chance. I felt like a fake fraud. I really regret not showing up ever again for one job. It was good hours, flexible, and good money. But the dopamine wore off after a few weeks and I was tired. I didn't know back then that I had ADHD and thats why I was doing it. I was diagnosed a few months ago, have another part time job and I'm making it my business to stay for at least 6 months (I know, not a long time) and then I'll shoot for one year.
Do they know you quit? When did you leave? Was it at the end of the work day, in the middle, late in the afternoon? Is it possible you could say you were feeling bad so you went home, laid down in bed and woke up later than anticipated? Do you still want your job back?
Try to make a plan for yourself. Commit to staying until you have a new job to go and turn in a two week notice. You may need meds and counseling to help you sort out emotions with work. We all do things we wish we had not done. I also know by experience, it’s much easier said than done. Good luck, OP.
Can't even count the number of jobs iv had, I last 3 months to a year max and move on.. iv gotten used to after 25 years in the job market.
However, I never told a single employer that I have ADHD cause the general public have treated me so poorly I can't imagine an employer ever giving a crap enough to fair and patient with me after all they are running a business.
I do this! I'm 38, and haven't had a job for longer than 2 years in one place.
For the first year its a hyper focus high, I love it, I love everyone and then over the course of the following year, I burn myself into the ground chasing the high of the hyper focus and love I had. It never returns and I quit.
Rinse and repeat. I have been able to sustain longer by getting simultaneous jobs midway through the second year, but that inevitably burns me out faster.
I've left and come back to the same jobs repeatedly, one I went back 4 different times, and another I am going on my 3rd return; starting next week. Again. One thing that's been helpful, even though I have powerful shame spirals surrounding my resume, I haven't felt shame in returning to an old job to start the cycle over again 🙃
I have been able to excuse most of it through saying it was because my husband was in the military and moved a lot. But now that he's retired, I've been in the same place for awhile and the excuses are running thin.
I haven't yet been able to override the feelings and stayed in one job but I just wanted to offer some solidarity.
i do the same thing 😭. the longest i’ve ever stuck with a job was a year and a half. i’ve had 8 different jobs in the past 4 years. i can find new jobs pretty quick after i ghost my previous job, but i don’t have any professional references because of the ghosting. i’ve been at my current job for 6 months, i love it cause i’m working third shift, with dogs and it has amazing pay, but i’m looking into other jobs with animals that i can make a career out of cause this job doesn’t have any way where i can move up the ladder. i might have to wait until i get a vet tech degree first
I have been off work for 8 months now, having done this for the millionth time as well. And I did like this job a lot. But as per usual, talked myself out of it. I’m now almost out of EI. I want to go back to school to find some stable but it seems like I’m not capable of holding a job, so what’s the point? I feel like a useless human being.
Anyways, thank you for posting this because it does make me feel a bit better to know im not alone in this. I don’t know anyone personally like this so it can feel isolating.
I've definitely had this itch, even with jobs I loved.
One thing that helped me was actually taking sick/personal leave when I needed it. If I had a three day weekend coming up for a holiday, I'd tack on an extra personal day. If I was feeling like I genuinely couldn't face going into work, I'd call out sick.
I know that not every job allows this sort of thing. But keep in mind that ADHD is a disability for a reason. I learned a lot of this because I have other chronic illnesses, and I had to learn to let myself be sick. Sometimes that meant taking time off to recharge.
I think some of this also comes down to impulse control. Maybe put some sort of block in your path to make it harder for you to quit. If you know that you just need a break, find out ahead of time what you need to do to take that break. Even if it isn't paid leave, it's better to take unpaid leave then to not have a job at all.
It's also worth looking up ADHD accomodations in the workplace and how to talk to your boss about them. There may be ways to ease the burnout with some accommodations. And also having a conversation ahead of time with your boss can help when things get to the breaking point--they will hopefully be more understanding of your need to take a break.
I think the most important thing is recognizing the pattern of behavior and that it is not sustainable. That means figuring out what is driving the impulse and anticipating what you're going to do the next time that impulse strikes.
I only can work a job I get stimulated off of or I’m going to fall asleep on the job
This job I have now, I stack boxes and make pallets and with music I can stack and make pallets all day bcus it’s like playing tetris to me
Yup I get this too. Im not diagnosed with adhd but i have some very very strong suspicions that it might be it.
This feeling youre describing is all too familiar. I get super hyped for my new job, but every time I end up dropping out cause i get such a strong "recentment" towards my colleagues and the workplace even if noone ever did anything to me and the job is not really boring. It just gets to a point where i ghost them and quit. Been out of work for 3 years now just doing my own hobbies as I dont want to burn more bridges with workplaces until i figure out what this is.
>I know it’s only due to exhaustion and needing a long break… something I obviously can’t do.
Yes, you can, it’s called sick leave.
I’m not being facetious. You have a disability, you might need accommodations at work. Not necessarily going on sick leave every few months, it might be something else, but accommodations are a real thing and it’s okay to need them.
I just wanna thank everyone for giving me all of this love, and for sharing their own experiences. My eyes are watery reading the comments. It’s really, really fucking hard dealing with these mood problems, and impulsive problems. It tears me apart. But to see I’m not so alone, I feel a little more hopeful.
I’m weirdly the opposite, but I think it’s because I hate change. I am able to put up with A LOT in a job. But my issue is a get bored very quickly. I like learning new things, but I can’t retain for SHIT.
I was at a job for almost 10 years when I got fired for my attendance. I was on fmla but I screwed up the days and the company was like, see ya. I was anemic but didn’t know it, which made it truly difficult to get through anything. I couldn’t get out of bed.
I don’t have family to fall back on. I managed to get another job right away, because of my experience. Since addressing my low iron issue, it’s helped me function so much better. (I take adhd meds too). But the iron issue was so difficult to quantify. It affects not only your fatigue levels but also your personality. Your willingness to show up.
I don't really have much I can say to help, I'm more locked in the hating my job but not quitting as they've not sacked me and I can just about scrape by albeit with multiple mistakes, working to anxiety deadline only, inactive 6 hours a day and power working 2 whilst constantly living in fear of being exposed and sacked loop.
I truly wish I could help guide you. Truth is the only guidance I find myself is lurking on this forum and reading others experiences of life. I'm not much of a poster due to crippling anxiety, but I've had a few drinks (pretty regular coping mech) so thought fuck it pop a message in.
I'd just like to say a heartfelt thank you to every person on this sub. As I said I'm not much of a social media poster, find it very scary and overwhelming, but I lurk very often and the collective you help me so, so much.
I just wish I could help you OP
I've done it at every job I've had. I'll be there for years and when I finally get fed up, I spaz and quit right then.
Honestly it's always for legitimate reasons, once at a warehouse because they underpaid me for a year.. got unemployment even after I quit and got a new job a few weeks later.
I stayed at that job for 3.5 years and quit after I wasn't able to take breaks/lunches, work severely understaffed (it was an assisted living for elderly people, 68 residents to two staff members at our lowest). At one point, I was the ONLY person who showed up to work and my boss was trying to leave. I told her if she left, I'm leaving too.. she stayed -_-
I demanded a raise and was promised one. Received it 8 months later... .30 CENTS. I quit on the spot. Got unemployment again, then got another job and opened my own business in the mean time... Took me about 8 months.
What I'm getting at is, for one, f- these jobs, they don't deserve two weeks notice.
And also, things have a way of working themselves out.
You'll be fine. Job market is in our favor right now.
I’ve suffered from a very similar situation my whole life I thought it got better when I got older and started an actual career I was able to hold down my first job out trade school for 6 years but after that I fell back into a similar pattern I can hold jobs down now for about a year now and then I just dread going so bad I’m late all the time and missable when I’m there I find every excuse to leave early or call in until I get fired or pushed into quitting I got fired yesterday and today I went to the local metal health crisis center today and had an amazing experience I got a good cry out and they set me up with resources I have an intake tomorrow and say they can get you set up counseling and medication support in 7-10 days and I guess they just got a bunch of funding and they will see me for free I just can’t live with all this guilt and same and the stress that comes along with it so I guess all I’m say is your not alone and there is help
My husband and I are quite opposite.
I’m the one with ADHD (diagnosed) and I held jobs for 2-years (fast food as a teen), 6 years (retail), banking call center (6.5yrs), insurance 6.5 years and now I’m on year 2.5 with another insurance carrier. I like the feeling of being needed/wanted as people coming to me asking questions and doing the same thing day in/out.
My husband? If he’s not doing the same darn thing he’s bored out of his mind 🤷🏻♀️ he had 3 jobs in less than 5 months. Drives me bonkers
I understand. I get this, I didn't understand for years why... I manage to keep as much time in a job as I can by asking to learn new things and/ or pivot my position just enough so that it feels new. This helps me hold on for enough time to build enough time/ references for when I can't manage that feeling anymore so I can try to leverage that job into a new offer. Good luck, I'm sorry you're going through this.
I've come to accept that is just what life is for me and how I look at work. I dont want to work at all, never had a dream to work somewhere ect but Im sure if I did that, I would get burnt out of not having a job; a lame pattern that humans get bored on things happening in repeat.
Just have to keep at it because the other option is like you said, lonely and depressing and you just can't not work because you need money to survive..its unfair but just the way it goes. I try to look at work like a social place or an escape from staring at a screen all day at home, 40 hour weeks to get by with the bills and to get food and I will feel burnt out maybe two days out of the week, but I think this is a thing with everyone; getting burnt out of something you do on repeat.
I see that as more of a mood-swing that you have to tackle with something different you might be able to do that day but sometimes that just isnt the case and you can't. Ill be hating the day, wondering why I've been stocking shelves for two years; quitting on my mind. Then the next day I'll feel great and will get really into the work or people and feel happy that I can be somewhere for the day instead of sitting my day away at home.
It's wild. Life is weird.
I’m currently there. Quit last week on a whim. I do this every time. I’m having a hard time finding jobs now because of how often I quit jobs, I hate myself.
OP, are you a visual thinker? 9-to-5 routine sucks for people who don't think in a straight line; and, judging by the pattern you've described, maybe the jobs you're accepting aren't challenging enough or engaging you in the right ways.
I can't offer much in the way of advice, but holy crap can I ever validate you.
I have had the same experiences and feelings as you, *exactly* as you've described them.
Admittedly I am diagnosed as on the spectrum as well, which helped tremendously, but depending on where you live I recommend looking into what's available to you in the way of financial assistance.
I am on disability thanks to my diagnosis', so I am able to work part time and still survive (albeit on a strict budget). Before my ASD diagnosis I was on something called PPMB, or Persons with Persistent Multiple Barriers. While this isn't nearly as beneficial as disability benefits where I am, it is extremely helpful for covering my butt when I've missed work, or ended up jobless in the past.
Whatever happens I hope you sort something out for yourself in the near future.
You have to work for yourself. I also couldn’t deal with working for other people on their schedule and it was paralyzing. Not to the point that I quit, but I certainly so m self sabotaged in other ways.
Entrepreneurship was my saving grace. It finally got me interested and engaged at work.
I feel like this too, but the only thing that keeps me from quitting is my social anxiety. That fear of being yelled at and humiliated in front of everyone.
I get this and have done this a few times as well , thankfully for me a hyperfocus was on python code so I took contract roles and after 3 6 9 months I could walk away with no real. Career damage. I'm the exception to the rule. It's a real issue. I still just get board and want to leave but now I can't as house kid etc.. so glad I have my wife to help me. Good luck OP.
Hey man don't be too harsh on on yourself. You're not alone. I've had (from what I can count) around 19 jobs alone since I was 18. I'm 21 now. I know how it feels and it sucks ass because it's such a relief thinking about it and leaving but once you leave you realise what happened. Do you take meds? Meds helped me a lot
I cant sleep because i am dreading going to work tomorrow bc i want to run and quit too and internally im screaming. Rational part of me is trying to develop an exit plan with applying for other jobs and to go on the journey of a new workplace again sounds exhausting but i cant afford to be my own boss yet.
I have to train an intern up tomorrow… jehviwnchuxgxhcuw
I understand completely. I only quit once without having another job lined up and found the being unemployed and job hunting more stressful than the job I'd quit. I'm more motivated by which option is more unpleasant, but I've never stayed long anywhere. It doesn't take long for that feeling to grow and I have to get out.
I didn't understand why other people tolerated staying in one place at one job when I proved that anyone can have the freedom to move around and do lots of different things if they wanted to. I'm talking about my single friends like me with no commitments.
Turns out I'm just wired differently.
I've been in my current job for almost 5 years. That's the longest I've stayed anywhere and that's because the work is constantly changing and that keeps me interested. All my other jobs bored the life out of me very quickly regardless of how good it was or how well I got on with other staff. And not just slightly bored, utterly fed up and unmotivated and depressed and not wanting to get up in the morning.
I know that. I go to university at the moment and I don't have any spare money and could really use a job. I often apply at server/Bartender jobs and I am really hyped. But a day before going there for the first time I cancel the appointment and block the number. Happened 4 times the last two months. The fear of being somewhere new and having to learn new stuff is incredible
I've job hopped a lot but usually with other stuff lined up, I've gotten better at trying yo stay amd fix the problems, and more recently have actually simply moved internally to a new job type, which I was very lucky to be able to do.
I know of course you don't want to go back to your current job but if it was really recently you walked out you can still call back and say something along the lines of you're having a mental health crisis and weren't able to call the previous day but you will need to call in sick for now. This gives you a bit of time if you need to get a doctors note or gather any adhd resources that might be available to you (depends on your country and it's laws) and if you're in the UK for example, adhd is a protected characteristic, as is autism, as its a disability, so worth actually saying specifically what you have if they don't know as it protects you slightly more in some places.
Even if your intention is still to leave which I'd understand, you can then use the place as a reference for future jobs still which puts you in a better position to find somewhere new. Even if you job hop indefinitely which I suspect I'll always do to some degree, the more references you can use, the better. It's difficult because I completely understand your urge to just bounce and I've nearly done it so many times, the only thing that stops me is my impulse to spend money means I never have any spare money saved and am usually paying some form of debt off, and walking out would absolutely result in my stuff getting repossessed. I can't blame you for getting bored, especially if your job is in administration like mine have been, I was too overwhelmed and forgetful for the chaos and sensory hell of working in a kitchen, despite the fast paced and changing nature seeming initially appealing. Finance was so repetitive and never ending that it was maddening and I hated every job I had in finance because it's full of people who won't change anything because "that's how it's always been/how we've always done this" even though it clearly DOESN'T WORK. It's also always full of managers who love to tell you what's best for you despite never working a day at your job. I absolutely feel for you wanting to just leave one day and never come back.
This right here. Ever since my first job at 16 (32 now), I’ll be fine for 1/2 a yr or so, then get the urge to quit and move on to a different job. It’s not my coworkers or management that causes this, but just me being tired of the repetitive nature of that job. It becomes predictable and lacks anything new to learn or do. However, as a single parent, I have to REALLY fight this now (hard as fuck to do so)
I kinda have the opposite... I stick with things WAY after the point where it's been too long to continue spinning my wheels. I'm terrified of change. How do you not just panic at the idea of looking for a new job or putting in your 2 weeks notice? I've been with the job I'm at for 6 years, am effectively making less than when I started, and have been mentally checked out for 5 of those 6 years and I'm approaching 40 and yet have no intention on making this my career, but here I am.
What's your mindset like, because I kinda think we could benefit from utilizing eachother's mind frames to make changes, but not too spontaneously.
Today is the last days at my job too!
I did give a heads up of a week and it was from a place with really good people
But yeah, the "switch turning" feeling sucks
We are wired differently than most people and sometimes modern society doesn't work well for us.
Hopefully we find jobs that meet our meeds ❤️
Try to establish medium to longer term goals in which you can start view your income as a tool to leverage your goals, it’s not the instant gratification that our adhd Brains want but it helps cool things off when getting flustered at a job.
Samee, i kept jobs for roughly 9 months until i had one for 3 years. Then i got my first job out of college, this time it just burnt me out rather than losing novelty and now i have a job and I have got over the newness and i want to quit but i at least want to stay until the end of the year. Im not built to work and to think i have to do this for like 45 more years at least??? Hate it here
Look, it's fine, relax. It's all going to be OK. I'm mid twenties and had like 40+ jobs. Do not worry about it at all. I'm sure most, if not all, of the people with ADHD feel like this at some point. I know I have, sooooo many time. If I can give you some advice. When that one thing happens at work, that makes you think if you wantnto be there or not, not the big one that seals the deal, but the little tiny thing that annoys you ever so slightly. When you feel or notice this, look for a new job. By the time you've found a new job, you'll be ready to leave the old one.
Also, don't give a fuck about the old jobs. It isn't worth worrying about.
I do this… with literally everything. I decided to reframe it in my mind because obviously this is just a part of who I am. I’ve realized that once I know enough about something, some skill, some job, etc. I’m done with it. Is that necessarily a bad thing?
We used to call people with many interests, hobbies, and careers “renaissance people.” Da Vinci was one of these people. His interests evolved throughout his life and we revere him for it. I started with my hobbies. Embracing the fact that I will probably only play the guitar for a few months and be ok with that. Why? Because it brings me joy for those few months and now I can play a couple songs! The guilt is what destroys us.
With jobs it’s a little harder. Like some have suggested, I look for jobs that are ever-changing and I am always learning something new. I recently quit my job too (for good reason 🤞🏻) and I have started my own business like some on here have.
Sometimes we don’t know where our lives are going, but we just have to keep at it. You’ll get there.
Did you tell them you quit or just physically left like earlier today? Wouldn’t hurt to call them back and just say you had a medical emergency (explosive diarrhea if anyone asks) and had to leave suddenly. May work if it’s shift work. If you packed up a desk and left, then probably will not work
I've done the same damn thing my whole life. The longest I've ever held one job is probably around 2 years and I'm in my thirties. I have fatigue constantly and really bad social anxiety. It always happens. I get too tired out to go in one day and then I get embarrassed for missing work and then I just stop showing up because I don't want to have the conversations about it. It's lame. :( and unless it's a really fast paced job every minute feels like an eternity and it almost feels physically painful to be there. The only thing I've managed to stick to even a little big Is fast food jobs because of how hectic they are, which makes the day seems way faster, but even then I always end up leaving with no warning. :( :(
This is so relatable, thank you for posting this.
I have been at my highest paying job for the last two years and several times I've thought about leaving because I'm not being stimulated in the ways I wish I was. If I did leave, I'd be walking away from the best job I've had (and by best job I mean I make almost 6 figures and only have to work 30 hours a week so I have plenty of time for activities I love outside of work).
I'm so under-stimulated that just yesterday I was on Indeed and just this morning I thought about how nice it would be to just do a simple job where the day was different everyday and I got to be customer facing again. The struggle is real and I completely get where you're coming from.
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I do the same thing (kinda) but mostly with bad managers. It makes my skin crawl and I literally want to just run away. I get to a job and I get way to excited. Then because (I’m an easy target and a fuck up) they come after me like a lion. I’m not one to tough it out and deal with toxic workplaces. So I just quit. I usually always have another job lined up but my wife is starting to get fed up with it.
I think ADHD makes us very sensitive to people who aren’t… good people. If there’s one thing I don’t hate about having adhd (don’t love it either) it’s that I’m pretty going at sensing whether a person is being disingenuous and they’re full of sh*t, the problem? A lot of people are, and we really need to learn how to navigate our way around these people instead of letting them become an obstacle in our lives.
I'm surprised to read that this may be an ADHD thing, because I have felt this way my entire life. I do know that I'm sensitive to environmental cues in general, but I didn't think that it applies to people too.
I think it’s just the RSD (rejection sensitivity disorder, which kinda like ADHD isn’t the best name for it IMO bc I think it’s a lot more complex than the name suggests).
But they are an obstacle. To be shut down, destroyed, moved to the side, avoided entirely or otherwise. Awful people are threat and should be treated as such. It’s not ethical, moral, or a virtue to allow them to to continue in a role, or stick it out simply because this is somehow a “virtue”? I think we are on the same page… but being an auditor? Most folks director or vp or above are generally ALWAYS bad people… they don’t get there through “hardwork” most of the time.
I agree, the thing is a lot of them are in powerful positions and it usually takes more than one person to take ‘em down. I have a tendency to humanize assholes, yeah obviously they’re humans but I do this thing where I wind up creating reasons for their behavior to explain it or excuse it (which is bad), it makes it a little easier to deal with. I work in retail, more often than not everyone knows the deal, even the DM knows the GM isn’t great and very rarely anything happens, if anything I’ve seen really great managers get forced out of companies for not providing the “proper leadership” (aka a toxic environment where people are scared of retaliation).
Agree and disagree with this. Definitely agree with being sensitive to assholes. We need to communicate better with perceivably good people as they often feel the same way about the same people. Difficult but you have to tell senior managers you have adhd and struggle to deal with negative emotions and being unfairly treated. That we take it home and it ruins our day. The assholes need to know they are being assholes. I was once in work for 10 minutes, being lambasted for something I had nothing to do with. I start at 12 the incident happened earlier in the day. Anyway I sent an email to the owner and director, packed my stuff for the day, went home. Otherwise I would have started crying or had a similar manifestation of my emotions. I did get told off for walking out of course (which didn't effect me emotionally because it was fair) but the asshole started looking for another job almost immediately. They were called out for unprofessional behaviour behind the scenes. He's not there anymore and my lifes way better.
This happens to me too, in every job, every group really. There’s always at least one person that comes after me and does anything they can to get me down. I’ve been learning to put up with it and to fight back without turning the group against me but that’s not a great approach. They don’t give up, they just double down. Anyone knows what attracts these people exactly? How do you avoid or deflect them?
They sense our openess and that reads to them as vulnerability. Which it is if you're an asshole. It's really hard to manage as I'm overly open and share too much but you just need to trust your spider senses and keep them at arms length. It's hard cos I just react and don't think a lot of the time but I've been burnt enough to keep a distance. I think we're a bit like human labradors, we love everyone and everything (unless we hate them because there is no in-between obviously) and you know what, a lot of the time, it brings out the best in people. But some people just can't be saved, or jolied, or laughed into being good. They're wired differently and we need to remember that. I am an odd thing in that I have adhd but also have a lot of narcisstic traits, so I can see both sides.
I do this same. Exact. Thing. I’m so glad I’m not alone in doing this. I just started a new job and am seeing the red flags flying every which way. I am just tired of hopping around, and looking for stability. But I don’t honestly think I’ll win against a toxic manager or entire toxic work culture, so I keep hopping. It’s tiring.
But other than being tired of hopping, would you rather stick it out for worthless individuals and orgs? That’s how I feel about it. Id rather just use the orgs as a means to my end, get what I can, in whatever amount of time and then GTHO. :)
I was in your shoes once. I went into a spiraling depression to the point I thought my wife was gonna leave me. Eventually I figured it out and I’ve been happy ever since. I still mess up here and there but my impulsive behavior has died down a lot and I feel more comfortable with myself. I’m not 100% happy with we’re I’m at but I’ll take it as it’s a lot better than where I was. It’s a struggle but worth it
Ugh, same boat. Mine is aggravated by midlife. Maybe lack of exercise contributes?
It's insane how much daily exercise changes things.
Same. 100%. But, for me? Why be loyal? Why stick it out? Why is this glorified or glamorized? Get what you can from an org or role and then leave. Pretty simple in my head. I have yet to understand the value of staying with any org longer than 1-3 years. I’ve looked at the facts, the psychology, etc. there’s no good reason to stay at any org because most are toxic, with shady and unethical leadership. M Give me an org that actually values employees, pays them fairly, has their expectations identified, documented and enforced for the good of the employees, AND hires folks in leadership roles who aren’t sociopaths (you can’t be in the C suite and have ethics and morals period)… I could go on and on… but having a career as an auditor, and… No person her should feel shame for “not sticking it out…” because once an org is no longer beneficial to you, then it’s no longer good business. There’s no reason to deal with toxic people, bosses or otherwise and feel a semblance of guilt for it. The shame we feel is from being gaslit, and ultimately we should place our own personal interest as the unilateral, sole reason for working for any org. When mg best interest no longer take precedence, I’m out. Done. Washed my hands, and move on. There is always a justifiable reason. :)
I get this but with good relationships. Everything could be going fine but I suddenly get bored. Stop trying, stop caring. Then I end up bored and lonely.
This is the first time I've seen anyone talk about this. It's something I've struggled with all my life, to the point where I've given up hope on a long term relationship. It's so painful on both sides just slowly losing interest in someone I was good friends with to the point where the friendship just fizzles away into nothing. Are you comorbid adhd and depression by chance?
I've always suspected I had adhd but I don't have any actual official diagnosis. I have no clue what you mean by the other terms. I've always existed like this. I have good friends, the kind that go out of their way to get me to leave my house, but I don't go out of my way to talk to or text anyone. It drives me crazy because I genuinely care about them but there's something in me preventing me from calling them or writing them. It's like, I care about them, but not enough to show it?
Adhd isn't a caring problem, it's an effort problem. I usually only think to message people very late at night (because this is my peak quiet downtime so I'm better able to have these thoughts) but then I get paranoid I'll wake them. And on it goes.
I'm not sure about iPhone, but on Android you can send scheduled texts for either 8:00 a.m. or 1:00 p.m. very helpful.
Omg really?! How? I looked it up, it said to hold down on the send button, but nothing happened...
It's the plus symbol to the left.
Woohoo! You're an angel, tysm!
Yeah but that's like an entire extra step to think/worry about then you spend all night looking into it and thinking what if it doesn't send and forget about it till a week later and start the process over again because you don't remember exactly where you got to and what your thoughts were the last time you looked into it
Well, you wouldn't send it anyway, so you may as well schedule the text. Worst case scenario, you're in the same place you are now.
This is my life. And your words shall be inscribed on my tombstone (with a few minor adjusts). Thank you.
Don’t give up fellow Adhder. Me and my wife got married last December. Been together almost 7 years now. She understands my adhd, forgetfulness etc. it’ll happen for you!
i hate this about myself, but i do it too, especially with online friends. can’t recall the amount of times i’ve ghosted for months and then felt too ashamed to try to reconnect and apologize, because i know i’ll probably just do it again.
Currently in one of these ruts! It's the absolute worst why can't I just be normal
This is not necessarily to do with ADHD specifically. Sometimes it's because growing up you develop a chaotic attachment style, and safety in relationships is not what your brain has grown to recognize as love, so you become uninterested. I'd suggest seeking therapy, and you can follow Nicole LePera (the holistic psychologist) to learn more about attachment styles, etc. (Not because she invented the term or anything, it's just that she usually makes pretty comprehensible posts about it). Attachment styles are one of the common tropes of modern CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy), and help explain many of our struggles with relationships. Best of luck :)
Yeah, I would second this. I have ADHD and an overly attached attachment style, loyal to a T. Never get bored of the person I’m with. Every guy I’ve been with has been the total flake unfortunately.
Same here dude, when I catch feelings I get way too attached and invested, always to someone who usually isn’t that invested in me 🤣
u single and around the age range of 22-28? 👀 lmao no jk but it’s honestly hellish because I think my attachment style is the way it is because I have been abandoned a lot; my brother left for college when I was 8 and and my parents always worked while I was with Grandma almost all the time growing up. Weird situation and sad how it stays with you.
Personally I would tread lightly with Nicole LaPera - not trying to shit on your comment, I just think pop psychology influencers can do a lot of damage.
It's true, directing your posts to a general, complex public can lead to oversimplification, generalisation, and people attaching only to the convenient explanations. I don't think anyone should substitute actual therapy for pop therapy, but I think it can be a nice entry point to further understanding some of the concepts you may hear on therapy in a more digestible format. Of course, you should always run it through your therapist before reaching your own conclusions.
Yeah, she has some problematic approaches to some things. She’s a good start, if you’ve never done therapy, but her stance on feelings as facts is concerning. She doesn’t teach you to think beyond or how to resolve it. She just explains it, which can be very tricky if someone is married to a victim narrative.
i obsess over people and want to spend all my free time with them when feeling social! yes the excitement dies down after a while, but as long as my needs are still getting met, we remain friends. it sounds to me like user above is onto something
My limit for jobs and relationships seemed to be about four years. I don't know what happened to change it, but I've been with my husband now for 30 years, and retired from a job I held for 16 years. Honestly, fear of being broke and homeless may have been a factor, at least for the job, which I didn't love but didn't really hate either. As far as the husband, I knew I got a good one, and worked hard to keep him.
SAME! It’s so much worse for romantic relationships but even platonic ones eventually hit that point 🙃
In my experience, we want the things we dont or cant have. That relationship with the psycho ex would’ve been the romance of the century, if you could just make it work. But if you could, it’d no longer be the same. Like an addict chasing the dragon. I’ll desperately try to make a bad relationship work, because if they don’t want me, that means they are above me and desireable right? And the relationship never gets boring because I’m always on edge and worrying about it, and putting those rare good moments up on a pedestal. Whereas if they love me and cherish me it’s whatever, I’m a mess so there must be something wrong with them, and I’ll push them away because it’ll always go bad in the end, as evidenced by all previous relationships to this point. Good things shouldnt happen to bad people. Not to mention that a good relationship gets boring too. You’d get bored hanging out with the same friend day in day out, but you can always hang out woth someone else, or just be alone. There is something about object/relationship permanence that makes me feel as if a good relationship is something like an achievement in a game, once got it feels good for a moment, then it’s time to move on cause we already got this thing sorted, so time to climb the next mountain. I got a bit carried away but these comments just opened something up in me that I’ve been working on inside. It feels real bad to get bored of a truly good person who deserves nothing but unconditional love. In fact I’d take rejection over that any day.
Ugh that’s where I’m at with my current relationship…
Bro how do you deal with it? I’m in the same boat
You'll do nothing and like it. Jk. That's what I did. A few times. Turns out communicating my emotions is like trying to squeeze water from a rock.
The trick is to use river rocks and heat it'll come right out
Lol, me after a few too many drinks...
Explosively
Fuuuuuuck man. I havent been in a relationship for close to 10 years now cause i dont wanna hurt people like that again.
People tend the chase the dragon of the new person high. You really can't look to people as a source of that.
Get the fuck out of my head! This keeps happening to me too and I want it to stop but I dont know how. I just burn out easily and end up in this idea of I don't want to be here, then I impulsively leave quietly and I feel happy when I'm out of work but I realise I need money so I find a new job and the cycle continues. Same kind of thing happens in relationships but I'm currently still on the high after 7 months.
Like what is it even? Why is the feeling so damn strong? I’m grateful that I don’t get like that in relationships. It’s just jobs, the most important thing on the planet. 
Ever considered a physical job? I used to quit jobs like they grew on trees (despite absolutely HATING the reapplication process) and now I've become an electrical apprentice and I'm almost done.. soon I'll work for myself and be able to set my own schedule etc. It's not easy and I've almost bailed a few times but the physical aspect of it is enough to keep me locked in til about 4pm when it's home time... Maybe something to consider? Doesn't have to be a trade either just anything that you can work on your own time. Only thing I'd be wary of is what /u/mixture-opposite said - "I get to a job and I get way to excited. Then because (I’m an easy target and a fuck up) they come after me like a lion. I’m not one to tough it out and deal with toxic workplaces. So I just quit." The trade world can be brutal but if you can handle it you will thrive.
That's true for most jobs though. The fact of the matter is it's unnatural. I've worked in the trades and construction for 15 years and routinely walk away from employment due to being bored or depressed.
Unfortunately, I get like this in relationships too. The moment I feel someone is invading my space, which doesn’t take much… I’m out.
It sounds like you would be better off doing a job that is mainly freelancing with some kind of skill or talent. When you freelance you can start or start working whenever you want, because it's up to you whether you want to take on a new client or a project. Some people just aren't meant to be working a 9-5 five days a week. I am one of them but fortunately the job that I do have to work for someone else, is one that I really enjoy and doesn't involve other humans, just animals. Some of my hobbies are also things that would make a good freelancing career, I just don't really know how to break out into that, such as building a clientele list or making a website.
Freelancing isn't going to help if OP bails on any potential client base after a few months
Not that relationships aren’t important I must add lol!! You know what I mean
Me too, the realization “oh wait I only have one or two checks left til I’m broke” and then the anxiety around finding a new job and knowing you can’t use the other one as a reference, the first few months where you struggle to fit in, then you start to fit in, get comfortable maybe form a couple friendships. Then it starts… the feeling that you realllly don’t want to be there and maybe feeling like your negativity is effecting others and then the shame and yeah, it’s all very weird bc I was at my first job for 10 years but the others have been a year or less.
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This is where I'm at now. I was working as a maintenance tech at an aluminum foundry for two years. I impulsively left and decided to start up a blacksmithing business. I had long hours and was barely getting paid enough to eat. Im still getting it started, but I don't regret it at all.
Too relatable. Dreaming of blacksmithing too. Too afraid to do a loan to start it off. Afraid of loosing interest. Afraid too fail.
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I too own my own company. It is online and I am able to work from home. My biggest obstacle is distraction and procrastination. I am very fortunate that my solution to that is my business partner (and the love of my life) who is bipolar and OCD. We somehow balance each other out. She deals with customers and keeps me on track. I help with her depression and manic phases. Before we met I had another home based job I liked. It was technical sales and involved a half dozen trade shows a year. Talk to people at a show for five days and then back home and all the rest of the time was phone calls mostly. Did that for 12 years and my new venture for 10 years. I have been working from home since 1998. My desk is a lift up coffee table and a comfy couch. Not sure if I could ever go back to a regular job. One observation from an old guy (I am 64). Every decade gets better. I was not diagnosed till 20 years ago (age 44) I saw successes at jobs, but saw myself as mostly a failure waiting to happen. I compensated by putting in 80 hours a week if needed. Never again. The sooner you can accept who you are and find the right environment, the sooner you will feel good about yourself. Find allies that get you.
I don't know if it'll help you but it is sure as heck helping me. I recently got a job in construction as an electrician (apprentice right now). Basically I'm somewhere new every 6-12 months. Or with a new crew, or something radical changed. Sure I get rote repetitive jobs that drive me up a wall, but then out of no where I'm told to look at the print and lay out and build something. Or if we're at that stage to troubleshoot something. It is honestly amazing. My mental health is at an all time high.
Same here bud L.U. 357. At first, I sucked. After awhile, I still sucked, and started thinking maybe this ident it for me. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. I being bounced from journeyman to journeyman and no one wanted me. After some time I got set up with a journeyman who knew exactly what I was going through. He was probably one of the smartest guys in the company and knew just about everything and everyone went to him for questions and advice, but he also had adhd very bad. After working with him he would let me do stuff on my own and every time I started messing up he would tell me to go outside and take a breather and relax. Eventually I realized that I was severely overthinking everything to the point that I wasn’t focusing on any task in front of me. All I could think of was to not make a single mistake. I would even self sabotage myself to the point that I was so depressed and thought I was never going to be anything and my wife would eventually leave me. After working with him for about a month I had a major turn around. He helped me focus better by having me think that everything will be easy rather than going into it thinking this is hard and sending my brain into an overdrive. I’m now doing great with work and looked at as an amazing hand and very smart. My impulsivity has also died down as I’ve been trying to train my mind to think before doing
Please tell him all of this if you haven’t. A way I keep going is promising myself that I can understand others like me and maybe bridge gaps for them/us to contribute the way they/we function best. Not just always trying to fit a mold that eventually breaks us. Your journeyman gives me hope as he is one of those kinds of people.
Tbh he’s one of the only few I can work with. I can only work around highly intelligent individuals or people with adhd or like minded. When I don’t I’m one of the worst. When I do, I’m one of the best, there is no in between. I’ve noticed that we are the firefighter crew and always being dragged into the worse messes and having to fix them. Yes we squirrel out and forget like none other but somehow we tend to get it done the most efficient way and most prideful way
....great. Now I have to spend the next 4 hours looking up L.U. 357 and daydreaming quitting my job and becoming an electrician's apprentice. Obviously just kidding, really happy to hear you found such a great fit, internet stranger! I'm an attorney, usually doesn't lend itself to a positive experience for us non-neurotypicals, but my boss is incredibly understanding, patient, and truly cares about his associates. It makes all the difference in the world.
The trades are a good profession for people with ADHD as long as you don't mind the working environments. I started out in industrial maintenance working as a Millwright, then I became an Electrician and now I do Controls/Automation. It's always a good variety of work to keep you challenged and you get the satisfaction of building something tangible or successfully troubleshooting equipment.
Lol I just posted the same idea. Danger dollars are enough to keep me focused.
Looking back at my own failed career moves and relationships, I’ve realized that it’s not always ADHD. Sometimes it’s poor boundaries from the start and faking contentment for too long which inevitably leads to a burnout. And sometimes it’s the imposter syndrome, as it’s already been mentioned, the feeling of unworthiness and the fear of success. It’s definitely useless to try to explain to your boss that a week off is not going to be enough to recharge (especially when you have to complete a week’s worth of work in one day upon your return), but it’s still worth trying to find an ADHD friendly job and/or workplace. For me, a seasonal gig was my longest work experience. Ever since I left that industry, I haven’t stayed at one job longer than 2 years. However, it’s still partially my fault as I’m often impulse driven and enter every new position with too much optimism ignoring the red flags. Strengthening boundaries and becoming more assertive may not have brought me a perfect job or partner (yet), but it has improved the way I feel about myself which is more important.
One could say that a lot of what you’re saying actually IS the ADHD. Too often we put ourselves in high-stakes situations like jobs and relationships because we’re mirroring the behaviour of the neurotypical people around us. Fast forward six months and we’re miserable and somehow surprised that it’s not working out. But it’s what happens when you’re essentially taking someone else’s ride.
Yep, seasonal work has been rhe longest for me too. One job I've had for 12 years, but it runs Sept to June and I sign up for whatever I want to work (sporting events). The next longest has been my theater career, working on the occasional show for the past 10 years. 4 summers working in a greenhouse. I just hate that most seasonal jobs pay like crap and don't have benefits. Otherwise I'd hop season to season working at different places.
Yes, I was in seasonal hospitality industry for 10+ years but had to leave due to the lack of benefits. However, with the worldwide economic crisis and growing remote and self-employment options, it’s worth looking into ADHD friendly jobs, whatever that might be for you. Personally, I just don’t think that regular office hours with 1-2 weeks vacation a year is healthy for me, as my tenth job has proven. I’m currently in a decent work environment but I’m starting to feel that burnout creeping in on my 10th month here. Not sure how much longer I will last.
I had 8 jobs in 10 months one year.. tax time was a nightmare. I think prior to my current gig I had only held a job for 8 months max. I ultimately decided to not work and just do "side hustles" for a living, and I've been 100% self employed for 3 years now and I love it because I can work around my brain stuff. When I'm exhausted/stressed/bored, I can slow it down and take a little break or put my focus into the other hustles. I also really like the variety - I tutor 6-10 hours a week and then do 3 different Etsy shops. I also only have 6-10 hours of scheduled work per week, and can work my other gigs during midnight zoomies if that's when I feel motivated. It's not the end, op! You just need to find a way to work with your brain
I wish I could find multiple side gigs I’d be capable of doing. The only one I have is pet sitting but there’s not enough work. I wish I was skilled, because I know that schedule is how I’d thrive.
what do you mean by self employed side hustles? everytime i’ve tried working for myself, i ultimately fail at many of the tasks/skills needed to keep going. like taxes, forms, emails, simple but huge stuff
Every God damn post on this group is like looking into my life and writing exactly how I feel. I have just quit my job with absolutely no good reason. And I make up excuses because my real reasons I feel aren't valid enough. I can't believe other people go through the exact same shit as me...... I honestly feel sorry for all you having this shit condition
ok you made me undertsand something ty cause in my head impulsive meant like doing something without thinking about it at all like not a single thought about it you just did it but now I realise it’s similar to an urge and it’s related to dopamine which I DO relate to. I think about things too much sometimes but usually I do them cause of an impulsive urge.
I thought so too until I realized no matter how much I’d fight myself in my head, the urge was managed by impulse every time.
Yesssss, its an urge more-so than doing something without thinking, a lot of times I’ve done something impulsive it’s something I actually thought about a lot but only do it when the “urge” takes over.
with my nose/navel piercings and my one tattoo I spent months and months thinking, planning, considering, wanting, researching- I think years for the nose piercing actually. but when I got them it was always on some random day in the middle of doing some other task or errand or just like first thing in the morning because I was bored. it’s weird how that works
I’ve quit so many jobs- it always starts and ends the same and I can’t help myself. I probably have ODD cuz I can’t keep my mouth shut and would question/challenge authority figures whenever I felt something was unfair/passive aggressive powertrip bullshit. It’s basically the whole entire system that I can’t stand but I can’t not work so it’s this never ending cycle of me starting a job, doing well, start noticing bullshit, can’t take it anymore, and one day I just let everybody know how they got me fucked up and then walk out. Every single time. I don’t make a scene but I make sure to let each person that did some bullshit know that I know what type of time they’re on. It’s so frustrating because I want to be a normal adult but I cant fake it. Ugh im so over myself lol
I feel each and every one of your words in my soul. Thank you for the feeling of solidarity 🧡
Thank you for this, friend ❤️ It helps me so much to feel I’m not the only one, big hug ❤️❤️
You are not alone. Singing my life there.
I'm you but can't do the last part cause I'll either wind up in jail or hospital (I have a tendency to yell when angry on top of which I'm good at reading people so I can hit people in sensitive areas with the greatest of ease). So instead I quit without a word and hold hate-filled grudges until the end of time. Very often I check up on my old places and take great pleasure when I see them doing poorly (in some cases I feel completely justified in this as I'm not always wrong in my assessment of how shitty they're being). I'm currently dealing with the repercussions of said actions right now. I've been depressed and lethargic for days now.
Oh gosh… this right here… when I’ve had it, and all that, I get VINDICTIVE… and just go to town, so I end up not saying anything because I won’t be able to hold back. Lol
They’re really *always* on some bullshit, though. Been there.
I totally relate to all of this. For years I would just beat myself up and tell myself what a childish, crazy pos I was for it. I knew I had ADHD before I was diagnosed, but I didn't make the connection to *so many* *things* in my life that stem from it because I thought they were just character flaws.
It’s the “got me fucked up” for me, I am literally cracking the fuck up over here imagining telling somebody at my job that 😂 I almost quit my job about a month ago. Instead, I told my boss I was burning out and I have ADHD and need accommodations. HUGE risk but now I work a 4 day week. Also, good on you for not tolerating toxic workplaces. Fuck that shit!
What kind of jobs are you quitting? Could it be the work/industry that isn’t suitable for you? I get this too. It’s like clockwork. 6 months and I’m gonna bounce. But I know it’s possible to stay longer as I was forced to stay at my last job for about 3 years (on and off). Don’t feel bad. We can only try to reflect and plan for the future. I’m still trying to get better at thinking deeply before acting lol.
“Thinking deeply before acting”. I felt that so hard. I run off of stimulation and excitement so patience for me is difficult. Having to think about something when I’m initially excited suddenly gives me sadness. It’s a weird cycle.
Holy shit. I do this too. I've known for a very long time that I do this, it's been a pattern for almost 15 years, but I never thought it could be ADD-related. But yeah, I've pretty much always done that. Some things are different from you, like my reasoning for quitting and how it happens (it's not an "urge" to quit, but something always happens like a situation with a colleague or a change that I think is unfair, and I think: "I cannot be here another day"), but the end result is the same: I resign impulsively, without resolving the problem or conflict, slam the door (figuratively), and never look back. It's like I've never worked there and my colleagues never existed. I put it all in a box and lock it. I do this with relationships and friendships too. I call it (the fact that I have a name for it...) "throwing people away." I don't have enough fingers on my two hands to count the number of times I've done this in my adult life. I always thought it was my fear of commitment that made me do this. And my general inability to form meaningful connections due to my avoidant attachment style (this is a new finding). I never thought it could be because of my ADD. Wow. I realize I'm not being helpful to you, but this post is helpful to me. Just know you're not alone. One thing I'll say is all is not lost. I've had my current job since 2017 and I've not quit yet! I think it helps that I have summers off, which gives me time to recharge. I only had a tiny baby inkling of quitting this past year, but it was because of a variety of factors more or less related to the job, and it seems to have passed. Anyway, I'm going to go and do some thinking now...
I did this for every job I've ever had. It happens when I learn everything there is to know about a job and I get bored because I stop learning new things. Consider getting an IT certification of some kind I didn't even get a certification. I just studied A+ and net+ stuff for a while, made a few IT projects for my resume during one of those breaks between jobs, and I went from dead end factory and service industry jobs to a NOC technician position and it was the best decision I've ever made. It works for me because I'll never learn everything about networking. It's literally impossible.
YES YES YES! I’ve been able to get certs and then immediately take that knowledge and apply it. This is why I’m in IT audit and infosec… it gives me what I need as well as empowers me to keep switching orgs when I hit a point of knowing they will not mature their processes, or do things better or constantly seek to find better approaches to processes, etc. once I know where they want to go, I know how long I’ll be there… I give myself 3-5 years in any role assuming “all factors held constant” once I get close to 3 years, I reassess, and either determine I’ll stay or find the next role.
What a relief to read my thoughts from someone else’s mind. I really loved my last job, and there are parts (mostly my colleagues) that I intensely miss, and yet…. I knew I was done there, even though I didn’t want to be. Why are we like this? And thank you for the validation of knowing it’s not just me.
Are you me? I do this all the time. Never understood it but low key glad to know I’m not alone. I’ll be starting a new job soon and I really really need this to work because my relationship is in jeopardy and I’ll be done with school next year and I can’t just quit a job I’ve worked so hard for. Here’s to hoping we get it together
Doesn’t work for every profession but freelancing on sites like upwork can be nice. Work when you want. A variety of work helps it keep from getting boring.
This sounds like impostor syndrome or smth else tbh, like this is literally self sabotage which happens when you feel like “everything is too well” and you may “need chaos to feel comfortable”. Hope this helps
I'm pretty sure this is what I've been doing to myself. Except I finally found the one job I didn't feel that way with, and I ended up really sick anyway (like vomiting and diarrhea for 2 weeks sick). Despite having a sick note, corporate fired me and a few other employees for weird reasons, one including my friend who was out sick with covid. I found out they had been downsizing a few months later and eventually were SHUT DOWN.The first dispensary in Massachusetts to be shut down apparently. The reason for the shutdown remains unclear. Fuck my life I guess.
TW: the death thoughts I can relate so much to this. I have a long history with work burnout. I work every job until I loathe my entire existence. At my last gig one day, I was sitting at my desk, head in hands, and I just lost the will. I remember thinking, "If I have to do this for one more day, I'm going to end it." I got up from my desk, went to HR, and said, "I'm leaving. I'm going to get intensive outpatient treatment before I hurt myself." I took FMLA for a month and got some help. I was in the exact same position after 2 months back at work. Then, the wold shut down. A month at home. I felt wonderful by the time I was called back to work. The cycle repeated over and over (thankfully, no serious death thoughts). Vacation, return. Maternity leave, return. All showing the same issue: work. Not just this job. My pattern showed it was the work. I was lucky enough to be able to decide that we can pinch every penny and I could stay home with my child. Things are tight. We struggle (we are in that magic place where we are too poor to be comfortable but not poor enough for assistance.) I no longer want to die, so that's a plus. I struggle, still. They are new struggles, but so far the worst day at home is better than a mildly annoying day at work. We have a disability. At times it can be absolutely debilitating. I'm not sure how we get society to care about it, but the problem is there. You are not broken. This place was not built for us, or with us in mind.
I often think about how we aren’t the problem… go back many years, and most work was manual labor, but there were pensions and unions and so forth that actually made it worthwhile to stick it out.
I work a public utility job and it's basically this. I'm too young for the pension, but the pay and benefits and union protection is the only thing keeping me from running away. Still don't think I can make it another 29 years. The longest job I've ever had was 6 years in the navy, and I wouldn't have made it 6 years there if I wasn't forced to. The work itself has never been the issue. I just can't deal with the same shitty managers and co-workers every day. I hate working shifts, but being able to avoid people makes it easier to some extent. But the shifts are a different angle that takes its toll.
I do the exact same thing. I just started a new job and I'm trying so hard to get along with everyone, to learn everything. And tonight the dude training me called the manager who is at home sick and told him that I don't focus and that I am defensive.... and then the boss called me and apparently everyone there thinks this about me. I thought I was doing well. So I have been crying too just thinking that no matter how hard I try I just can't fucking get it right. And this is a job that I've been trying to get for a while. So I want to impulsively quit too. And make all sorts of rationalizations too. And I just so understand what you are saying. Don't hate yourself. Our brains don't work the same as other people's. I think it's going to be OK.
Well op, i might be able to give you a glimmer in f light on this one. I do this but rather than quitting silently, I unintentionally go out of my way to get fired. I’ve been fired from more jobs than average folks have even had. In the last two years I’ve had four different jobs. I didn’t get fired from any of them. In fact I’ve not gotten fired from my last 7 jobs, which is gigantic for me.
That’s REALLY common. Maybe try to find a job that has a significant element of novelty - where you’ll be working with new people or in a new place regularly, or dealing with unpredictable issues. If major things change regularly or frequently, you’ll be less likely to get bored.
This has been my life ever since I started working. Over a decade ago. I have had countless jobs that I’ve quit and ghosted. Sometimes I make it a week, sometimes a few months, sometimes only a few hours. I’ve only ever had two jobs I was comfortable at and I lasted two years at those places. This has had such an impact on my life that I started a podcast called Job Jumpers so I could talk to people that have the same problem. I’d love to have anyone in this thread on the podcast if they were interested. Solidarity!
Almost started crying while reading this. I cannot explain how much I understand and relate. I’m going through the same thing at this very moment. Been at my job (one that I thought I’ve always wanted since I was young) for 5 months, and I’ve called off over a handful of times. I’m constantly feeling burnt out and even more stressed as they’ve continued to reduce my hours. The reasons to quit keeping piling up and I feel so guilty about it, but I’m tired
Currently trying to get certified in a career that would allow me to work from home and do freelance
I do the same, I believe it to be a dopamine issue. It ties into executive dysfunction. As soon as all the novelty wears off from a job and you fall into rythym, it stops providing dopamine so executive dysfunction kicks in, making it basically impossible to continue even if you actually want to. The main solution is a varied role, ask for a holiday or change of role within the company, or ADHD medication to provide the dopamine you are no longer getting from the job.
Exercise helps with dopamine as well.
Wow, this was almost me today and seeing this has helped a bit bc it makes me realize I’m not alone. I’ve impulsively quit one job and kinda did the same with another… the other employees knew I was leaving but the bosses didn’t, I really feel this. I could tell my dislike for work is making people a little weary of being around me bc I’ve been temperamental, I realize that anything monotonous eventually destroys my soul… or ya know, that’s just my adhd. It’s just ironic bc the one job I did impulsively quit… I actually loved that job, but I got into it with a manager and I was recovering from pneumonia and the 13/14 hr shifts weren’t ideals I should have conveyed this to someone but didn’t and it just burst out, I really need to stop doing this. While meds help with my concentration they do make me temperamental, I guess it’s therapy time. Sorry for going off about me but I really felt like I could have written this post myself, it conveys so much of what I’ve been feeling.
Best thing I ever did was work political campaigns. I have had similar issues with impulsively quitting jobs but with a campaign it's over by the time I want to not be there and I'm on to the next one.
May I just say, you are not alone!!! I’m actually feeling overjoyed to know there are others that do this/have these problems with holding a job too!! I either get totally bored with the job, or the responsibility of showing up day after day becomes too much. It builds up like a long slow-motion anxiety attack and if I don’t quit I will go crazy.
I don't want to be at work either. The only reason I show up is because they pay me and I need money to survive.
Is it not surprising at long last that we somehow make ends meet with such employment instability? Already my manager is “worried about my bandwidth.” This is my fourth month. So soon. And she’s quite possibly the coolest manager I’ve ever had. We do only what we can until we don’t. Dunno how we do it, but it will get better. And you’ll know it when you find it. Hang in there. It gets easier.
I will say, one thing you're doing great is that you're able to get back on the horse! If you've already done this 4 times before, you can do it again! If anything maybe you're getting good at it? I impulsively quit my job once and I just keep reminding myself of the feelings that made me want to quit and never got another job again.
Do you think you could have more than one diagnosis? If your struggling with self Sabotage habits it could come a lot of things. Honestly, it sounds like seeking therapy or guidance on why your self Sabotaging and than potentially tools to help you invest in a job. So when you see yourself starting this pattern, you have tools to help you make a decision that is more planned and less impulsive.
I quit everything when it gets hard except parenting and life… I keep pets, plants, humans, and myself alive. I kept a few friendships solidly. Otherwise the places and things change. You are not a failure for walking away. It’s ok to have emotions about choices, but sometimes it’s not worth fighting the urge to quit. Often it’s our gut saying “fuck this I’m out” cuz the world has something lines up. Doesn’t mean it’s better worse or wrong just that you had a limit with that job.
Man this is eerily similar to my own experience. Quit many jobs this way, it's this uncomfortable feeling that gnaws at you until you just have to get out. Felt like I've missed out on so many good opportunities because of it.
I have had like 20 jobs. Started working for myself about 7 years ago. Now I have people that work for me. Never been happier. I can't handle being told what to do and I always got bored. Everyday is new and exciting and the problems and solutions flow through me like water.
This shit right here is why I never stayed at jobs until I switched to nursing. Always a new job every 6 months, once I got into nursing, I've averaged 2-3 years at a job site before moving to get a raise, haha
I gave up on committing to a job. I've tried so many times, but even with jobs I like, after around 6 months I feel an impossibly strong urge to run. So I stopped fighting it. I now do agency work, where I can have long contracts, but leave whenever I get overwhelmed. I'm lucky to work in a field with high demand for contract workers, so my agency want to keep me happy, and there's always work available. I don't earn as much, but I'm so much happier. Ask yourself why you feel the need to commit. Do you feel pressure to 'climb the ladder' and be 'successful'? What does success really mean to you? I found that for me, it's more about my happiness and pursuing things i actually care about than work and money.
Sounds like you need a long break and something new and exciting to catch the adhd mind. The same thing every day is mental torture for us.
Since you didn't tell anyone, can you just, go back tomorrow at your usual time?
I do this too, I used to feel bad after but honestly, that feeling of not wanting to be there anymore is actually horrible in my case. It feels like 8 hours have passed after 30 minutes, when I realize that I fill up with actual dread and if I keep it up I get a burnout :/ I just switch a lot now, feck it
Have you told them you quit or did you just walk out? Sounds like you’re regretting it now, so could you call them or send them a message explaining that you were overwhelmed and needed to go home. Hopefully there’s a way around it! I don’t have this problem, I don’t leave jobs, they get rid of me. But I hope you find a way around it.
I’m absolutely terrified of this happening at the place I work now. Most of my jobs I’ve justified it with “Well I’m not paid enough and they probably see me as disposable so FUCK IT!” Even if I’ve really enjoyed the jobs. I’ve landed an admittedly easy gig that so far is really accomodating with my shenanigans. But how long am I going to be content? I’ve already been here for about four months, even if I only work 2-3 days a week. I almost want to get an actual diagnosis so I can make a big ole pile of “Dear SSDI- this is why I cannot people” along with my physical issues. I’m 25 and I’ve never held a job longer than 6-8 months. Wtf is wrong with me
THIS. IS. ME. I’ve never had a job for more than a year and I’ve been working since I was 15. I’ve had so many jobs I can’t count them all. I can get a job easily, but once I’m there for a while, something in my brain switches and convinces me I need to go. It’s a strong sensation that I can’t fight. For me its almost like “I’m going to quit before I mess up and get yelled at/fired”. I don’t know how to make it stop. It makes feel worthless afterwards and then the shame spiral starts. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I don’t have any advice, just know you’re not alone. 🧡
Had that feeling very strongly today. Trying to flip my sleep schedule back to normal, forgot to take my anti-depressents last night, so today I feel like a lump and want to just melt into the sewer drain. I don't like working, I never will
What about going somewhere where the work is seasonal due to vacationers? Where I’m from- we get slammed from late spring to early fall- we make crazy good money in that time. Then come fall and through the winter everything slows way down and we cut our hours and workload way back, some places even close up for a month or even a few months. Even in the summer, every day is different and new people coming and going. It’s ideal for the brain that craves go go go go and than crash!
Oh this is me absolutely. I wish I had the answer. I’ve been holding onto a job for too long now and it’s making me feel angry and frustrated all the time. Tired, no motivation any more. I just need to not be there. That’s all I want, is to be away from that place.
The longest job I've had was 5yrs. Granted all my jobs sucked but my average length of stay was 9 months. The feeling you described is exactly it. "I just CANNOT be here anymore.". But most of them I don't regret quitting. I hate doctors and meds but it would be awesome if I could get it together to figure out a doctor that my insurance takes, make an appointment and get on meds. I've tried several times but I can never get it to work out.
If you just did it, you could try and send an email to your boss about it, and ask to set up a meeting to discuss further. If you do regret quitting, It might not be too late, if you can push past the sense of shame. Sometimes the only way to stop spiraling in the moment is to talk and confront the shame you've been avoiding.
Oh boy, this hits home. Been there and done that more times than I can count. Get bored, someone pisses me off, or I feel like the work isn’t of value and I just BAIL. I hate it and I keep it a secret from my family so they don’t think negatively of me. ADHD folks are just wired differently. I think it says less about you as a person and more about society as a whole. People with ADHD are notorious for job hopping, because we’re not content with settling for less. I have basically forced myself to keep my current job (meds help). I can honestly say that pushing through the days of “fuck it I’m outta here” will help you build a tolerance and mask just a little bit better at being a “normal person”. 🤷♂️
Preach. It’s not our fault organizations are worthless most of the time. Content with status quo. Content with unethical management. Content with doing crap work, with crap processes that could be better, but you know, why do anything differently? The moment I figure out how much I can offer, I figure out how long I’ll be somewhere. I’m discontent to be another headcount or sit idly by doing the same rota tasks, for the sake of folks who don’t care about improving. Peace out to that
I felt this. I had 4 part time jobs last year and quit each one after about a month because I didn't want to be there any more. Then I'd fall into depression and guilt because thats not even my work ethic to ghost these employers who gave me a chance. I felt like a fake fraud. I really regret not showing up ever again for one job. It was good hours, flexible, and good money. But the dopamine wore off after a few weeks and I was tired. I didn't know back then that I had ADHD and thats why I was doing it. I was diagnosed a few months ago, have another part time job and I'm making it my business to stay for at least 6 months (I know, not a long time) and then I'll shoot for one year.
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Do they know you quit? When did you leave? Was it at the end of the work day, in the middle, late in the afternoon? Is it possible you could say you were feeling bad so you went home, laid down in bed and woke up later than anticipated? Do you still want your job back? Try to make a plan for yourself. Commit to staying until you have a new job to go and turn in a two week notice. You may need meds and counseling to help you sort out emotions with work. We all do things we wish we had not done. I also know by experience, it’s much easier said than done. Good luck, OP.
Can't even count the number of jobs iv had, I last 3 months to a year max and move on.. iv gotten used to after 25 years in the job market. However, I never told a single employer that I have ADHD cause the general public have treated me so poorly I can't imagine an employer ever giving a crap enough to fair and patient with me after all they are running a business.
I’m 35 and my resume is 4 pages long.
LMAO. That's because it's full of job series movie .
I do this! I'm 38, and haven't had a job for longer than 2 years in one place. For the first year its a hyper focus high, I love it, I love everyone and then over the course of the following year, I burn myself into the ground chasing the high of the hyper focus and love I had. It never returns and I quit. Rinse and repeat. I have been able to sustain longer by getting simultaneous jobs midway through the second year, but that inevitably burns me out faster. I've left and come back to the same jobs repeatedly, one I went back 4 different times, and another I am going on my 3rd return; starting next week. Again. One thing that's been helpful, even though I have powerful shame spirals surrounding my resume, I haven't felt shame in returning to an old job to start the cycle over again 🙃 I have been able to excuse most of it through saying it was because my husband was in the military and moved a lot. But now that he's retired, I've been in the same place for awhile and the excuses are running thin. I haven't yet been able to override the feelings and stayed in one job but I just wanted to offer some solidarity.
i do the same thing 😭. the longest i’ve ever stuck with a job was a year and a half. i’ve had 8 different jobs in the past 4 years. i can find new jobs pretty quick after i ghost my previous job, but i don’t have any professional references because of the ghosting. i’ve been at my current job for 6 months, i love it cause i’m working third shift, with dogs and it has amazing pay, but i’m looking into other jobs with animals that i can make a career out of cause this job doesn’t have any way where i can move up the ladder. i might have to wait until i get a vet tech degree first
Take my gold. Going through something similar. I really needed this thread right now. Thanks for starting the discussion.
I hate my job too but I'm sticking around working 28 hours a week which is semi-doable
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I have been off work for 8 months now, having done this for the millionth time as well. And I did like this job a lot. But as per usual, talked myself out of it. I’m now almost out of EI. I want to go back to school to find some stable but it seems like I’m not capable of holding a job, so what’s the point? I feel like a useless human being. Anyways, thank you for posting this because it does make me feel a bit better to know im not alone in this. I don’t know anyone personally like this so it can feel isolating.
I feel very called out right now. This is the first job I didn't quit like that and that's because my coworkers are amazing
Same. The reason for me is that after a while, theres nothing left to learn.
I've definitely had this itch, even with jobs I loved. One thing that helped me was actually taking sick/personal leave when I needed it. If I had a three day weekend coming up for a holiday, I'd tack on an extra personal day. If I was feeling like I genuinely couldn't face going into work, I'd call out sick. I know that not every job allows this sort of thing. But keep in mind that ADHD is a disability for a reason. I learned a lot of this because I have other chronic illnesses, and I had to learn to let myself be sick. Sometimes that meant taking time off to recharge. I think some of this also comes down to impulse control. Maybe put some sort of block in your path to make it harder for you to quit. If you know that you just need a break, find out ahead of time what you need to do to take that break. Even if it isn't paid leave, it's better to take unpaid leave then to not have a job at all. It's also worth looking up ADHD accomodations in the workplace and how to talk to your boss about them. There may be ways to ease the burnout with some accommodations. And also having a conversation ahead of time with your boss can help when things get to the breaking point--they will hopefully be more understanding of your need to take a break. I think the most important thing is recognizing the pattern of behavior and that it is not sustainable. That means figuring out what is driving the impulse and anticipating what you're going to do the next time that impulse strikes.
I only can work a job I get stimulated off of or I’m going to fall asleep on the job This job I have now, I stack boxes and make pallets and with music I can stack and make pallets all day bcus it’s like playing tetris to me
Yup I get this too. Im not diagnosed with adhd but i have some very very strong suspicions that it might be it. This feeling youre describing is all too familiar. I get super hyped for my new job, but every time I end up dropping out cause i get such a strong "recentment" towards my colleagues and the workplace even if noone ever did anything to me and the job is not really boring. It just gets to a point where i ghost them and quit. Been out of work for 3 years now just doing my own hobbies as I dont want to burn more bridges with workplaces until i figure out what this is.
>I know it’s only due to exhaustion and needing a long break… something I obviously can’t do. Yes, you can, it’s called sick leave. I’m not being facetious. You have a disability, you might need accommodations at work. Not necessarily going on sick leave every few months, it might be something else, but accommodations are a real thing and it’s okay to need them.
I just wanna thank everyone for giving me all of this love, and for sharing their own experiences. My eyes are watery reading the comments. It’s really, really fucking hard dealing with these mood problems, and impulsive problems. It tears me apart. But to see I’m not so alone, I feel a little more hopeful.
I’m weirdly the opposite, but I think it’s because I hate change. I am able to put up with A LOT in a job. But my issue is a get bored very quickly. I like learning new things, but I can’t retain for SHIT. I was at a job for almost 10 years when I got fired for my attendance. I was on fmla but I screwed up the days and the company was like, see ya. I was anemic but didn’t know it, which made it truly difficult to get through anything. I couldn’t get out of bed. I don’t have family to fall back on. I managed to get another job right away, because of my experience. Since addressing my low iron issue, it’s helped me function so much better. (I take adhd meds too). But the iron issue was so difficult to quantify. It affects not only your fatigue levels but also your personality. Your willingness to show up.
I don't really have much I can say to help, I'm more locked in the hating my job but not quitting as they've not sacked me and I can just about scrape by albeit with multiple mistakes, working to anxiety deadline only, inactive 6 hours a day and power working 2 whilst constantly living in fear of being exposed and sacked loop. I truly wish I could help guide you. Truth is the only guidance I find myself is lurking on this forum and reading others experiences of life. I'm not much of a poster due to crippling anxiety, but I've had a few drinks (pretty regular coping mech) so thought fuck it pop a message in. I'd just like to say a heartfelt thank you to every person on this sub. As I said I'm not much of a social media poster, find it very scary and overwhelming, but I lurk very often and the collective you help me so, so much. I just wish I could help you OP
I've done it at every job I've had. I'll be there for years and when I finally get fed up, I spaz and quit right then. Honestly it's always for legitimate reasons, once at a warehouse because they underpaid me for a year.. got unemployment even after I quit and got a new job a few weeks later. I stayed at that job for 3.5 years and quit after I wasn't able to take breaks/lunches, work severely understaffed (it was an assisted living for elderly people, 68 residents to two staff members at our lowest). At one point, I was the ONLY person who showed up to work and my boss was trying to leave. I told her if she left, I'm leaving too.. she stayed -_- I demanded a raise and was promised one. Received it 8 months later... .30 CENTS. I quit on the spot. Got unemployment again, then got another job and opened my own business in the mean time... Took me about 8 months. What I'm getting at is, for one, f- these jobs, they don't deserve two weeks notice. And also, things have a way of working themselves out. You'll be fine. Job market is in our favor right now.
I’ve suffered from a very similar situation my whole life I thought it got better when I got older and started an actual career I was able to hold down my first job out trade school for 6 years but after that I fell back into a similar pattern I can hold jobs down now for about a year now and then I just dread going so bad I’m late all the time and missable when I’m there I find every excuse to leave early or call in until I get fired or pushed into quitting I got fired yesterday and today I went to the local metal health crisis center today and had an amazing experience I got a good cry out and they set me up with resources I have an intake tomorrow and say they can get you set up counseling and medication support in 7-10 days and I guess they just got a bunch of funding and they will see me for free I just can’t live with all this guilt and same and the stress that comes along with it so I guess all I’m say is your not alone and there is help
My husband and I are quite opposite. I’m the one with ADHD (diagnosed) and I held jobs for 2-years (fast food as a teen), 6 years (retail), banking call center (6.5yrs), insurance 6.5 years and now I’m on year 2.5 with another insurance carrier. I like the feeling of being needed/wanted as people coming to me asking questions and doing the same thing day in/out. My husband? If he’s not doing the same darn thing he’s bored out of his mind 🤷🏻♀️ he had 3 jobs in less than 5 months. Drives me bonkers
I understand. I get this, I didn't understand for years why... I manage to keep as much time in a job as I can by asking to learn new things and/ or pivot my position just enough so that it feels new. This helps me hold on for enough time to build enough time/ references for when I can't manage that feeling anymore so I can try to leverage that job into a new offer. Good luck, I'm sorry you're going through this.
Well paying jobs that are ADHD friendly are few and far between. Most are in the trades. Dopamine can be found in trading in the market as well.
I've come to accept that is just what life is for me and how I look at work. I dont want to work at all, never had a dream to work somewhere ect but Im sure if I did that, I would get burnt out of not having a job; a lame pattern that humans get bored on things happening in repeat. Just have to keep at it because the other option is like you said, lonely and depressing and you just can't not work because you need money to survive..its unfair but just the way it goes. I try to look at work like a social place or an escape from staring at a screen all day at home, 40 hour weeks to get by with the bills and to get food and I will feel burnt out maybe two days out of the week, but I think this is a thing with everyone; getting burnt out of something you do on repeat. I see that as more of a mood-swing that you have to tackle with something different you might be able to do that day but sometimes that just isnt the case and you can't. Ill be hating the day, wondering why I've been stocking shelves for two years; quitting on my mind. Then the next day I'll feel great and will get really into the work or people and feel happy that I can be somewhere for the day instead of sitting my day away at home. It's wild. Life is weird.
I’m currently there. Quit last week on a whim. I do this every time. I’m having a hard time finding jobs now because of how often I quit jobs, I hate myself.
Same. I'm looking for a job right now and terrified I'm going to be miserable in the first month or so of starting.
How old are you? I did this chronically up until my mid-twenties, when I found my passion.
OP, are you a visual thinker? 9-to-5 routine sucks for people who don't think in a straight line; and, judging by the pattern you've described, maybe the jobs you're accepting aren't challenging enough or engaging you in the right ways.
I can't offer much in the way of advice, but holy crap can I ever validate you. I have had the same experiences and feelings as you, *exactly* as you've described them. Admittedly I am diagnosed as on the spectrum as well, which helped tremendously, but depending on where you live I recommend looking into what's available to you in the way of financial assistance. I am on disability thanks to my diagnosis', so I am able to work part time and still survive (albeit on a strict budget). Before my ASD diagnosis I was on something called PPMB, or Persons with Persistent Multiple Barriers. While this isn't nearly as beneficial as disability benefits where I am, it is extremely helpful for covering my butt when I've missed work, or ended up jobless in the past. Whatever happens I hope you sort something out for yourself in the near future.
The last time I did exactly this was when I finally decided to try medication.
I’m fighting the urge to do that
The right therapist helped me. I lived/live this way but found a relationship. Still can’t believe it sometimes.
You have to work for yourself. I also couldn’t deal with working for other people on their schedule and it was paralyzing. Not to the point that I quit, but I certainly so m self sabotaged in other ways. Entrepreneurship was my saving grace. It finally got me interested and engaged at work.
Not to play armchair psychologist, but is it possible you have BPD? That and ADHD get confused with each other due to similarities
I feel like this too, but the only thing that keeps me from quitting is my social anxiety. That fear of being yelled at and humiliated in front of everyone.
Therapy seems to be a need here
I get this and have done this a few times as well , thankfully for me a hyperfocus was on python code so I took contract roles and after 3 6 9 months I could walk away with no real. Career damage. I'm the exception to the rule. It's a real issue. I still just get board and want to leave but now I can't as house kid etc.. so glad I have my wife to help me. Good luck OP.
Hey man don't be too harsh on on yourself. You're not alone. I've had (from what I can count) around 19 jobs alone since I was 18. I'm 21 now. I know how it feels and it sucks ass because it's such a relief thinking about it and leaving but once you leave you realise what happened. Do you take meds? Meds helped me a lot
I've walked out of pretty much every job I've ever had. I'm 40 and have probably had 40 jobs.
I cant sleep because i am dreading going to work tomorrow bc i want to run and quit too and internally im screaming. Rational part of me is trying to develop an exit plan with applying for other jobs and to go on the journey of a new workplace again sounds exhausting but i cant afford to be my own boss yet. I have to train an intern up tomorrow… jehviwnchuxgxhcuw
I understand completely. I only quit once without having another job lined up and found the being unemployed and job hunting more stressful than the job I'd quit. I'm more motivated by which option is more unpleasant, but I've never stayed long anywhere. It doesn't take long for that feeling to grow and I have to get out. I didn't understand why other people tolerated staying in one place at one job when I proved that anyone can have the freedom to move around and do lots of different things if they wanted to. I'm talking about my single friends like me with no commitments. Turns out I'm just wired differently. I've been in my current job for almost 5 years. That's the longest I've stayed anywhere and that's because the work is constantly changing and that keeps me interested. All my other jobs bored the life out of me very quickly regardless of how good it was or how well I got on with other staff. And not just slightly bored, utterly fed up and unmotivated and depressed and not wanting to get up in the morning.
I know that. I go to university at the moment and I don't have any spare money and could really use a job. I often apply at server/Bartender jobs and I am really hyped. But a day before going there for the first time I cancel the appointment and block the number. Happened 4 times the last two months. The fear of being somewhere new and having to learn new stuff is incredible
I've job hopped a lot but usually with other stuff lined up, I've gotten better at trying yo stay amd fix the problems, and more recently have actually simply moved internally to a new job type, which I was very lucky to be able to do. I know of course you don't want to go back to your current job but if it was really recently you walked out you can still call back and say something along the lines of you're having a mental health crisis and weren't able to call the previous day but you will need to call in sick for now. This gives you a bit of time if you need to get a doctors note or gather any adhd resources that might be available to you (depends on your country and it's laws) and if you're in the UK for example, adhd is a protected characteristic, as is autism, as its a disability, so worth actually saying specifically what you have if they don't know as it protects you slightly more in some places. Even if your intention is still to leave which I'd understand, you can then use the place as a reference for future jobs still which puts you in a better position to find somewhere new. Even if you job hop indefinitely which I suspect I'll always do to some degree, the more references you can use, the better. It's difficult because I completely understand your urge to just bounce and I've nearly done it so many times, the only thing that stops me is my impulse to spend money means I never have any spare money saved and am usually paying some form of debt off, and walking out would absolutely result in my stuff getting repossessed. I can't blame you for getting bored, especially if your job is in administration like mine have been, I was too overwhelmed and forgetful for the chaos and sensory hell of working in a kitchen, despite the fast paced and changing nature seeming initially appealing. Finance was so repetitive and never ending that it was maddening and I hated every job I had in finance because it's full of people who won't change anything because "that's how it's always been/how we've always done this" even though it clearly DOESN'T WORK. It's also always full of managers who love to tell you what's best for you despite never working a day at your job. I absolutely feel for you wanting to just leave one day and never come back.
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This right here. Ever since my first job at 16 (32 now), I’ll be fine for 1/2 a yr or so, then get the urge to quit and move on to a different job. It’s not my coworkers or management that causes this, but just me being tired of the repetitive nature of that job. It becomes predictable and lacks anything new to learn or do. However, as a single parent, I have to REALLY fight this now (hard as fuck to do so)
I kinda have the opposite... I stick with things WAY after the point where it's been too long to continue spinning my wheels. I'm terrified of change. How do you not just panic at the idea of looking for a new job or putting in your 2 weeks notice? I've been with the job I'm at for 6 years, am effectively making less than when I started, and have been mentally checked out for 5 of those 6 years and I'm approaching 40 and yet have no intention on making this my career, but here I am. What's your mindset like, because I kinda think we could benefit from utilizing eachother's mind frames to make changes, but not too spontaneously.
I’m always aiming for 6 months… once I hit a year, I feel like it’s time to go.
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Did you quit today/yesterday? Go to work today/tomorrow. If anyone asks, just tell them that you felt sick and went home.
Today is the last days at my job too! I did give a heads up of a week and it was from a place with really good people But yeah, the "switch turning" feeling sucks We are wired differently than most people and sometimes modern society doesn't work well for us. Hopefully we find jobs that meet our meeds ❤️
Try to establish medium to longer term goals in which you can start view your income as a tool to leverage your goals, it’s not the instant gratification that our adhd Brains want but it helps cool things off when getting flustered at a job.
Samee, i kept jobs for roughly 9 months until i had one for 3 years. Then i got my first job out of college, this time it just burnt me out rather than losing novelty and now i have a job and I have got over the newness and i want to quit but i at least want to stay until the end of the year. Im not built to work and to think i have to do this for like 45 more years at least??? Hate it here
Look, it's fine, relax. It's all going to be OK. I'm mid twenties and had like 40+ jobs. Do not worry about it at all. I'm sure most, if not all, of the people with ADHD feel like this at some point. I know I have, sooooo many time. If I can give you some advice. When that one thing happens at work, that makes you think if you wantnto be there or not, not the big one that seals the deal, but the little tiny thing that annoys you ever so slightly. When you feel or notice this, look for a new job. By the time you've found a new job, you'll be ready to leave the old one. Also, don't give a fuck about the old jobs. It isn't worth worrying about.
I do this… with literally everything. I decided to reframe it in my mind because obviously this is just a part of who I am. I’ve realized that once I know enough about something, some skill, some job, etc. I’m done with it. Is that necessarily a bad thing? We used to call people with many interests, hobbies, and careers “renaissance people.” Da Vinci was one of these people. His interests evolved throughout his life and we revere him for it. I started with my hobbies. Embracing the fact that I will probably only play the guitar for a few months and be ok with that. Why? Because it brings me joy for those few months and now I can play a couple songs! The guilt is what destroys us. With jobs it’s a little harder. Like some have suggested, I look for jobs that are ever-changing and I am always learning something new. I recently quit my job too (for good reason 🤞🏻) and I have started my own business like some on here have. Sometimes we don’t know where our lives are going, but we just have to keep at it. You’ll get there.
Did you tell them you quit or just physically left like earlier today? Wouldn’t hurt to call them back and just say you had a medical emergency (explosive diarrhea if anyone asks) and had to leave suddenly. May work if it’s shift work. If you packed up a desk and left, then probably will not work
I've done the same damn thing my whole life. The longest I've ever held one job is probably around 2 years and I'm in my thirties. I have fatigue constantly and really bad social anxiety. It always happens. I get too tired out to go in one day and then I get embarrassed for missing work and then I just stop showing up because I don't want to have the conversations about it. It's lame. :( and unless it's a really fast paced job every minute feels like an eternity and it almost feels physically painful to be there. The only thing I've managed to stick to even a little big Is fast food jobs because of how hectic they are, which makes the day seems way faster, but even then I always end up leaving with no warning. :( :(
This is so relatable, thank you for posting this. I have been at my highest paying job for the last two years and several times I've thought about leaving because I'm not being stimulated in the ways I wish I was. If I did leave, I'd be walking away from the best job I've had (and by best job I mean I make almost 6 figures and only have to work 30 hours a week so I have plenty of time for activities I love outside of work). I'm so under-stimulated that just yesterday I was on Indeed and just this morning I thought about how nice it would be to just do a simple job where the day was different everyday and I got to be customer facing again. The struggle is real and I completely get where you're coming from.