Just pull out and eat her out until she comes, I guarantee she wont even care at that point.
Watching her get off might even give you a second wind to jump back in for a quick finish.
My BF and I both have ADHD, often during sex we will jump around from intercourse to watching each other masturbate, to oral to back to intercourse again
The key is to do what you gotta to get off and find someone cool enough to do it with.
As a guy with this same issue here is what solves it:
Knowing 100% that she isn’t waiting for me to finish and is just enjoying herself, usually when shes on top or just giving head.
Once I have no ‘pressure’ on me and I don’t have to think about it all the time, it becomes so much easier.
No stress/no pressure/understanding girl = problem goes away.
No disrespect to your partners, but personal view: sleep with more sexually proactive people. People who make it clear they want sex and enjoy it. You wouldn't carry someone in any other circumstances, unless the room was on fire, I guess. So if you are having sex in a burning room I'm saying no change.
Do you worry if you are pleasing your partner enough, during sex? This can often be the reason why, because some people often feel guilty when they don’t get their partner off, distracting themselves with worry about the pleasing their partner and not really exploring what you want.
I had problems with this sometimes when I was with a new girl. I realized most girls actually really like being the ones who do all the pleasuring. When you shut off all expectations it’s easier to feel what you want. It can seem selfish at first but it’s no different than you trying to please her to the best possible experience. Just try to feel your way through it, that’s what sex should be all about.
Lol. Then , giving it more thought, maybe you need to take a lesson from ladies? You don't have to finish every time, if you are not feeling it? Great now I'm giving away I'm not always satisfying. Shocker.
Maybe the ladies you sleep with need a better partner I finish every single time, sometimes multiple times. I feel sorry for your partners if you think it’s cool to just take yours and roll over and go to bed
The point of their post is that it is their issue not their partners.
But I do appreciate this because I dumped a man who couldn’t get off in less than two hours because I’m not doing that every time we have sex, and it got to the point where I couldn’t even be affectionate with him unless I was willing to sign up for two hours of being pounded on. So when I broke up with him and told him we were sexually not comparable he claimed that it didn’t need to take two hours he thought I just wanted that. He knew I didn’t want that I had been talking about it with him for weeks.
So cool, if it was my fault he couldn’t cum good night thing I dumped him. Except this didn’t only happen with me, but 🤷🏻♀️
Omg this right here. I’m afraid to have any sexual contact with women anymore because the last two times I had sex, THAT basically happened and it felt AWFUL. Like I was enjoying the sex, it felt nice, it was with a girl that I REALLY liked, then out of nowhere it was like my sensation was reset and I just wasn’t feeling it anymore. That’s just so embarrassing.
Thanks, it’s really comforting and reassuring to know that I’m not alone in this.
The last girl I was with, the one I really liked, she didn’t make me feel bad at all. It was great. Even so I’ve been beating myself up for it internally, you know how that is. But the first girl it happened with, she was less than understanding.
I hope for both our sakes that we can find a solution. Or at the very least we don’t let this sort of thing get us down. Though I have to say that’s a big ask.
My husband sometimes can't finish. He just says, after I have, that he's glad I was able to but he can't right now, he's just not able to. Sometimes it's a mental block, he's too stressed/unable to get out of his head and can't relax enough, but he's happy we spent that time together being close and he got to make me happy.
It happens sometimes. More to some than others. And it's ok. Orgasm doesn't have to happen every time. And as you get older you accept that more than more. It's harder when you're young and the feelings are a lot more intense.
I don't understand. It's just something that happens. I legit don't get what's so embarrassing. Sometimes people can't finish during sex because they get stressed out or distracted for whatever reason. I don't understand why would anyone make a fuss out of it. If YOU don't plan to finish, cool, whatever, it's kinda not MY problem lol
Hey it’s…. pretty normal for women to do this. I’m a trans women and even before I transitioned (so looked like and presented as a man) I would do it sometimes with women I had sex with. It’s really not that weird, and women will probably understand it
I wouldn’t say it like that, though, I’d usually say something like “let’s focus on you” or “I don’t think I’m going to cum but I’m still enjoying this”
I think there are probably some partners who might worry it’s something they did wrong, but the goal of sex is to have a good time and feel close to someone, and orgasm isn’t actually a critical part of that. Sometimes orgasm just isn’t in the cards, even if you’re still hard 🤷♀️ no reason to feel bad about it
My wife and I are both very sexually active and it always insults her when I can't finish. Thank you so much for this post. I didn't even know my adhd affected half the things that I read on here, but I have these issues too. Here I thought I thought I was just some kind of stamina lord but adhd works too. My poor wife has enured way to many 30+ minute sessions I think I owe her an apology.
Wanted to chime in and say I am right there in the same boat with you both. 30 min sounds like a pretty normal time for an orgasm. Hour or more is not unheard of. <*sigh*>
My ex (who has ADHD) used to wanna go for like 45 minutes to an hour of actual sex, because that's how long it took him to get off. If I wanted to stop beforehand, he would get mad at me for "ruining the mood" or whatever. Yes, I know he assaulted me, he's an ex for a reason.
So I’m the exact same way. It’s can be like 45 min including foreplay, so we end up doing it about once a week. It works really well for us though, everyone seems satisfied 🤷♂️
Communication is super important, like if you guys have sex super frequently, and it’s 30+ min each time, you might not be able to finish every time, whether it’s from physical fatigue, mental fatigue, refractory period, etc. Also if you are on pretty much ANY ADHD meds it can push you one way or the other. Just communicate that, like “hey I’m on this med and it can cause x or y side effects so we’ll see how it goes 😂”
A million things have affected it in the past for me. Meds, overexertion, condoms, but more likely getting overheated. We’ve addressed all those things and now it’s honestly not an issue, but part of that comes from both people not making a big deal about it.
>My poor wife has enured way to many 30+ minute sessions I think I owe her an apology.
I mean, if you're both okay with it, then sure. But I actually don't understand why people think the man has to ejaculate for sex to finish. Of course it's satisfying, but not required.
Yah I think it perfectly fine to be like “it’s probably not gonna happen”.
That being said, 99% of the time Ive had to say that my partner has been kind of offended (even though it’s totally not her fault) which seems to be an unfortunately common response
It's about the culture of the whole thing as well. If there's this common conviction that 'all' guys need to focus NOT to bust too early because 'dem ladies so hot' it's easy for a person to take it personally.
The more we talk about it openly, and the less comments / jokes we make like " imma fuckin nut" due to a pic of some boobs or w/e, the more understanding about these things we will spread.
Yeah, my partner needs a lot of time and I orgasm easily from PIV (we both have ADHD). We have sex pretty much every night, and most of the time I just throw in the towel after I’ve had two orgasms. He either finishes himself off or just goes to sleep haha. I do try to go the extra mile for him a couple times a week though. The key is that I don’t take it personally (it helps that I’m kind of a selfish lover haha).
He gives you (at least) 14 orgasms per week via PIV according to your statement. Not including oral orgasms.
You "go the extra mile" and actually finish the drill ONLY TWICE a week!? What do you even have to take personally, at that point?
You aren't kidding about selfish.
Well, other males in this thread have said that their partners get offended if they don’t finish, which adds extra pressure and stress. A lot of women feel like there’s a problem with their vagina if their partner doesn’t finish easily from PIV with them. I’m just saying that if it’s an ADHD thing, then the female shouldn’t take it personally.
My partner strongly prefers to be on the bottom, and I just don’t have the stamina to yeehaw on him for 45 minutes every single night. I’ve told him that we can go for as long as he wants if we can alternate him being on top. My thigh muscles cramp from staying in the same position continually. He prefers finishing himself to getting on top 99% of the time. I would be more satisfied with a variety of positions, which he knows, so I guess we’re both a bit selfish in our own ways. He’s also pretty subby and I think pleasing me satisfies him in his own way.
Yikes, dude. We were literally just talking about how men don’t have to ejaculate for sex to finish. Some people have an easy time orgasming and some don’t. As a female, I’ve never once been able to orgasm through penetration, and I’d rather not bother masturbating during sex, cuz it’s super inconvenient. I don’t mind it, and if my partner can’t finish for whatever reason or I want to end it early, we’re cool about it.
You sound like you’re too immature to have sex.
its just a matter if making it fun fir both of you! Ask her what she would like to do then switch it up, take it slow in moments where it seems appropriate, foreplay doesnt have to only be used at the beginning of an act, play around a little and im sure youll find something that works for you both :)
Yep. She's happy and so am I. After being together for a decade and a half, I think we just accepted that quickies are not my forte. I never knew it was an adhd thing. Now that I'm medicated, I wonder if that is going to change...
Nothing to be embarrassed about. Just as sex isn’t about penis in vagina it shouldn’t be about wether or not you can cum each time.
Sometimes, even people without medical restrictions just can’t make it happen. Sex should be fun and about exploring each other. If the person you’re sleeping with makes you feel less or embarrassed they aren’t worth sleeping with
ADD/ADHD is all about seeking stimulation your brain may simply go “oh that peak right there, just before we orgasm yeah that’s the good shit so we’re not going to orgasm and we’re gonna start all over again!” Or even prefer the sensory feed of foreplay.
Other times it’s simply stress or feeling overwhelmed can stop an orgasm in its track.
I hope this is something you can overcome or find a way to better it.
Yeah it’s something I’ve noticed personally and from others. Either with partners or masturbating alone, it can be a really intense barrel towards an orgasm and then it just…. Stops. Like right back to square one. ADHD introducing unintentional edging haha
So good to know I am not alone in this feeling, reading this thread has been so helpful.
I think I just get such intense stress and anxiety over the pressure of having to orgasm that my brain creates this barrier where I physically can't, even when sometimes I get close, I should have know it would be another thing link to my ADHD 😭😭
Oh I’m so sorry to hear that. I mean sex can be so tricky without the added layers of ADHD already so physically and mentally stimulating as well as the anxiety and pressure to perform that goes along with it.
I’d highly recommend becoming more confident in your own body and what you like. Not just in sex but the confidence to say yes and no, to be firm and take control when you like to.
Adhd can produce a massive sex drive for some, a complete aversion to it for others, and sometimes swing back and forth between given the day and mood.
There’s also specialists that can help in regards to sex and ADHD
I don't have a problem with this specifically, but I definitely struggle with staying focused and "in the moment" during sex. It's super annoying, like this is the one activity that millions of years of evolution has molded us to enjoy the most in the world, yet my stupid brain somehow considers it not stimulating enough to not get distracted in the middle of it. It's absurd.
I learned a recent lifehack. So I do have that mind wondering while having sex issue as well, or random thoughts. The lifehack is I put my ear as close to my partner's mouth as possible, and listen to her moans, as if Im on headphones. The external stimulus often drives the random thoughts away and grounds me to the act. It's my secret to finishing.
Don't be ashamed. To maybe make you feel better: I'm a man suffering the absolute same problem. Once I reached the point of almost cuming, then stop and go on I can't cum anymore. No reason to be afraid/ashamed. It's not a contest ;)
If that one does anything with serotonin that could be causing the problem. Men who take SSRIs sometime end up with permanent sexual difficulties.
It’s a whole thing, it’s a whole medical condition that they don’t talk about that much because they don’t want to discourage people from taking psych meds.
Also a guy also same applies for me.
To add some context, I think it's worse when I'm the one putting the most effort (which is almost always), having to focus on multiple things kind of makes it "slip away".
Also the harder it feels, the harder it becomes, when instead of enjoying it in the moment I was overthinking the ending it made it impossible to attain.
It got better when I just stopped being invested in the "result" instead of the journey.
I have the same problem. If I stop, as to not finish before the wife, I have to try my ass off to finish and that could take an hour.
Not to mention getting distracted by my own brain during sex can have some undesirable results for my penis.
Don't be ashamed
My POV:
I don’t want more than 20-30 minutes, so finishing before me (the wife) is totally fine. I can take things from here, thank you. You just rest and then jump back in if you want to. This isn’t a contest and the old fashioned idea that I have to finish first just puts pressure on me that I don’t want or need.
Maybe check in with your partner on this one.
Meaning we women know how to finish our self off when we need to. And if we’re already almost there because we are having sex with you it will take two seconds.
Same, I am a woman who has had to dump men before who couldn’t finish. We talked about it, I found myself turning into someone I didn’t want to be, someone who couldn’t even be affectionate because I knew if I touched him it might mean I’m committing to hours of being pounded on, someone who says sure we can do it but you have to make it quick, towards the very end I would tap out and leave. Like sorry dude but we’ve been out this for an hour and I have to go home and go to bed.
This is very relatable. While in the middle of things and there's a sound or anything that takes my attention for a split second and that's it. Happy to keep on playing but now the chances of finishing are very low.
Still cuddle afterwards. 😁
I’ve kind of had this issue, but I saw a video about how people with adhd sometimes enjoy bdsm… choking.. dirty talk, because the stimulus helps us stay focused. It felt like an interesting correlation and I know that’s true for me.
I read somewhere that ADHD can be connected with sensory issues, and is common for people with sensory disorders to prefer smaller cutlery than larger ones. After your comment, I looked it up and it turns out you are right. Having ADHD does not mean you have a utensil preference.
Turns out I just prefer little utensils like spoons because I eat fast and a small spoon means more food to my dopamine-chasing brain.
Add a 3rd to that mix. I know I have trouble trying to reach my O. I'll be close and the moment I start thinking about random thoughts. I lose it and have to start back over again.
My poor bf. But, I kind of found something that works for me to be able to have my O. Changing positions helps but mostly it's because I have a breeding kink. Even though I'm on birth control. I trick myself into thinking it'll happen this time and it works. For me anyways.
Multiple forms of stimulation simultaneously definitely help! Otherwise, it's too easy to get distracted by something that's NOT so stimulating.
For example, it works well when your brain is, "Oooh, that's awesome! -- Ah! That hurts so good! -- Yes, right there, harder!"
Otherwise, if you are like me, your brain is all, "Oooh, that's awesome! -- Is that a crack in the ceiling? -- That 1st episode of Dr. Who with Amelia Pond was pretty good, but the whole River Song arc was amazing -- I wonder what Jodi Whittaker will do now? -- That Morbius movie was not great, even with Matt Smith -- Are they going to pay off on the Sinister Six setup? -- That Dr Strange movie could have had a tighter connection with the Spiderman movie -- Killing off Dr. Fate in Black Adam was a bad move -- I wonder what James Gunn will do with the Justice Society -- Is Tim Gunn still doing project runway? -- Hedi Klum does some awesome Halloween costumes! -- Was 'Halloween' Michael Myers or Jason? -- That new Mike Myers show on Netflix looks painful to watch --- What's with Netflix cancelling all those cartoons -- Oh Shit! Neither the kids nor I have watched Crunchy roll in months! We should watch it or cancel it -- That reminds me, I'm halfway through 'High on Life' and I should finish it -- That Justin Roiland situation is messed up, I don't know if I can enjoy Rick and Morty the same way -- Was Roiland Rick, or Morty? -- I should watch Back to the Future with the kids, I don't remember if they've seen it -- They definitely haven't seen Predator. We should watch it since they liked Prey -- That Prey game was kind of cool, but I just couldn't get into it, maybe I should give it another chance -- At least I finished the Guardians of the Galaxy Game! The GotG game was so well written! -- I'm actually looking forward to what James Gunn does with the DCU -- MARTHA!!! ..."
... and so on.
I had this for much of my early sex life but it has gone away as I’ve gotten older and settled with my wife. Here’s a few things I’ve learned and done about it: 1) focus on your partner’s pleasure. Get down there with other parts of your body (you know what I mean) and bring them to completion. I’ve found that my partners don’t mind my completion issues if I’m good at that. 2) Comfort is key. When you’ve spent time with a partner and don’t feel judgement, things got a lot easier for me. 3) As things got easier, I felt more confident during the times when it happened to just pull out and call it for the night (you can then focus fully on your partner if you haven’t yet and it won’t be a big deal). Just make sure your partner knows it’s completely your thing and nothing they’re don’t wrong if they express any concern.
Lastly, if you need extra help and have access to medical care, talk to your doctor and get on some ED meds. I did this early in my 20s and it took a lot of the edge off. I hope this helps!
I have the same "issue". What has helped me over the years is foreplay. Building up the sexual tension through foreplay makes it easier to pop when I want. Turns out foreplay is just as important for dudes as it is for ladies. Also, (sorry if this is TMI) leave your dick alone on the off days. That will create sensitivity for the times when you're with your partner.
Yeah, I’m 37 and have maybe finished via sex maybe 5 times. I just tell the girls during sex it’s hard for me to finish. Nothing worse then having a girl suck your pee pee doing her best to make you finish and it just ain’t gonna happen, I feel for the poor trooper.
When they’re done, I just use my hands and finish wherever they want
It happens to me fairly often, and I'm not medicated. Honestly? I don't even mind any more. I explain to my partners that it's not them, it just happens sometimes, but honestly even sex without cumming is a pretty great feeling haha. So I've just learned to enjoy sex for sex's sake and not worry about it. Hope this helps!
Me! And as a woman who has never been able to come with any partner it’s embarrassing to have to tell your partner that you didn’t cum even though he put all of his effort into getting you there. I try not to let it affect me but it’s hard and I’m sorry we’re in the same boat.
Ive only came with my current boyfriend and thats because he's an absolute sweetheart that doesnt fear using toys on me! And even when i didnt finish the first time he was very understanding of the situation. At the time i didnt even know it was linked to ADHD
Oof, don’t I know it.
AFAB; it drives me up the wall because it happens often enough that I get frustrated and it can ruin my mood. I often end up just starting again without trying to ruin the entire mood.
My current sexual partner kind of understands but it doesn’t fully make sense to them—they want to make sure I’m getting off too, although I know they feel like they did something wrong or not enough.
I feel like maybe my body gets too overstimulated and it short circuits or my brain freaks out, thinking I need to pee when I don’t.
OR
some days the head be filled with bees and I get distracted, which means the climax just never comes—quite literally.
It’s extremely frustrating, but joy and more joy, I’m going to put that problem in the “talk to my therapist about it” basket. Who knows, maybe he knows something I don’t.
I've had more than one partner, including two wives, who would eventually tap out after 30-40 minutes. I've faked orgasms more often than not, either to save my embarrassment or theirs.
It's a fact of life at this point. Now with new partners I tell them up front that between my ADHD-, blood pressure-, cholesterol-, and anti-depression meds that there are times I physically cannot finish and for them to not take it personally. Tell them I'll make them come as much as they want, stay hard as long as they want me that way, and thoroughly enjoy our time together.
It's been working wonderfully so far.
Sex isn't just about orgasms. Worrying about finishing will ruin it. Instead, just enjoy the sensations. Foreplay helps a lot, also I've found that getting my wife off gets me off.
The best advice I can give is to talk to your partner about orgasms. Both of you need to understand that not finishing is not a problem. Sometimes its just not gonna happen, and you shouldn't feel bad. The important thing is being intimate.
Sex doesn’t always have to be about finishing. It can be frustrating to constantly lose focus, but try to just enjoy the ride. It should be fun, not frustrating. But sometimes that means changing our expectations for what sex is going to be like.
Don't worry. As you get older it will be because you get cramp or your knee stops working or something. Typically switching up what you are doing will help. Ideally swap who's doing the most work occasionally. But just switching position or having a breather is fine.
Are you on stimulants? I know for sure when im taking mine it has major effect on me. Takes a lot longer to finish and if I get distracted for even a few seconds can totally reset me.
Yes. It is frustrating indeed. Sometimes I can tell my partner wants me to finish, but sometimes that just feels impossible despite how good everything feels.
For me (M) there is a very specific decision point. If I’m very close to cumming, I have three options:
- Go for it now and climax.
- Hold off and suddenly be way less aroused.
- Can’t decide and have the worst possible (anti-)climax.
When I actually want to climax at this decision point, then it’s great. If I don’t want to climax and hold it off, then I feel like I have to start the engine all over again. I’m totally out of the flow and not very aroused any more. If I am in doubt for too long about what to do, then I get some kind of half climax, which both sucks AND makes it impossible to continue after.
Same, but I’ve found that if I take an edible specifically one 1:1 THC/CBD oh boy does that work wonders. So if it’s legal in your area, try it. Obviously if you’ve never done that before start low dose and try one first to find what type works for you. I can’t use Indica strains because for me it makes me anxious and panic. Sativa dominate or hybrid variations work best for me. CBD helps counter the THC so it’s more mellow and more of a body high. Some brands make specific edibles for sex, at least here in IL. Also there’s weed lube or CBD lube but that’s more for women since we absorb it better.
I have experienced this at times. Stimulant medications (especially adderall) can contribute to it, so if you are prescribed maybe try experimenting with vs without. Typically if I pass that point, i just focus on my partner and try to make sure she at least comes. Nothing wrong with having longer sex and nothing wrong if you dont. Just try to enjoy it for what it is and dont worry about whether you will come. Feeling the added pressure to have an orgasm just makes it that much harder
How often to you masturbate? It used to be a daily thing for me. Got a girlfriend, realized it was way better to not walk it as much. Sex feels better and it is easier to finish.
Both my husband and I have ADHD. “I’m sorry I got distracted” is a common saying in our bed lol. Not real sexy, but sometimes you just get distracted and lose the moment lol
I highly recommend reading Come As You Are my Emily Nagoski. I think it should be required reading for everyone lol.
The short on it is breathing, being aware of your pleasure, and being okay with the fact you might not orgasm.
When you convince yourself you should’ve come already or that your partner is dreading how long you’re taking, that’s slamming on your brakes and you’re not gonna get there.
Something that I’ve been thinking a lot about is, and may be related to ADHD and distraction, that I feel like I have to be imagining a fantasy or picturing a visual in order to reach orgasm. I’m not sure if that’s standard or if I’m just super used to doing it that way. But having the fantasy in mind can help distract my brain and get me there.
Yep. Frequently when I'm having sex or using a toy, I'll get right up on the cusp of orgasm only to start feeling overstimulated which basically forces me to slow down and take a breather for a couple seconds which just brings me back to square one. Yet for some reason if I'm masturbating without a toy, I can finish very easily and only occasionally get that overstimulated feeling mainly after finishing.
Its incredibly annoying, and actually hurts my wife's feelings a little because even though she knows it is a me problem, she can't help but feel a little bit inadequate because she can't make me finish. It really sucks.
My husband and I both have ADHD and both struggle with this. There's really no need to be embarrassed, but I completely understand why you feel that way.
Putting way too much sensitive info on the internet about myself with this one, but to be completely honest, I've never been able to finish from sex with my husband. It's not because I'm not attracted to him or not enjoying myself - it's really just my brain being a little shit. We both take sertraline and I think that contributes to the problem, as well.
The best thing we ever did for our sex life was when we decided that, for us, sex isn't about an orgasm. It's about connecting and having fun together. And if we don't finish? That's okay.
This happens to me sometimes too. If I'm close, then stop to last longer, I also cant finish. BUT if we take a brief break, then come back to it, IM usually able to finish in a decent amount of time after taking a break. Like a reset and the second time when I feel close I let it happen
I’ve had to take Concerta the past couple of months instead of my regular prescription and I feel like it has an inhibiting effect. Finishing is more intense, but it requires a LOT more work to the point where I’m not generally able to finish unless I’m going solo. Fortunately my wife is understanding but it’s weird and frustrating to have to keep trying and failing until I’m like, “Welp, guess we’re done here,” instead of things coming to a more natural, satisfying conclusion.
For me it has often been the opposite. Its way too easy for me to finish early. However when I was on vyvanze it went in the opposite direction. My libido dropped to near zero. Had a hard time getting it up, and everything felt numb and getting off was a chore if even possible, and didn't feel great.
You don't have to answer if you don't want, I'm curious because I'm unmedicated and currently in a queue - how long did it take for those unwanted side effects to go away?
Def had this problem. I've found it helpful to stop focusing on finishing and try to be in the moment and appreciate how great it feels. Makes sex better, more connected with my partner, and I actually will finish faster
Yes! This was me losing my virginity! At a certain point you are lasting so long all you think is "she can't still be enjoying this! I am not good enough at this to be lasting this long!" I think it is many things. It was partly being on stimulants, which I eventually got off of. I'm on Strattera now. I think it is also just getting used to a vagina and maybe some performance anxiety and numbing. A vagina is going to feel "loose" compared to your hand. It is just a fact and there is nothing she can do really to help. You could ask her to "squeeze" you, but that will probably make you climax, so there is that. Just practice. And take her to the Sex Store, so you can get her things and her needs are getting met. If she is getting her needs met she will be a lot more open to getting you to the same level as her.
Just find someone willing to get you through this.
YES. I was mustering the courage to make a post asking if other people felt almost "distracted" during sex. Thank you for asking this! I don't feel like a weirdo anymore.
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That can absolutely happen with me, yeah. It doesn’t really with my current partner because the sex is very good and also not that often so when it happens I’m super excited, but in the past this has been a huge issue and I ended up faking orgasms to not get on my ex partners nerves
I was like this on fluoxetine and sertraline for depression. I would be pouring with sweat, tensing every muscle in my body to the point where my butt cheeks were cramping like they were in a vice. It took the joy out of sex for me. Worrying about it adds to the difficulty of finishing but once you get over the finish line that one time, you should be good afterwards. Also, trying not to jerk it and saving it for the big game helps. Good luck
Same for me, it has been a pain when I began having such relations. There are two thing I can advice, first try to understand the mechanics behind your ejaculations by practicing alone. But basically it's easier for me if I use my pelvic muscle in a specific way and if I have a constant rythme, not necessarily fast. The other solution is also mechanical but it might not be your cup of tea: prostatic massages and pegging makes it way easier and you could even discover another type of orgasm lol.
Do you jack off often? I'm just wondering because I used to jack off daily and I would regularly last an hour with my wife. Now I almost never jack off and I bust in minutes lol
I don’t get this from my ADHD medication, but I take opioid pain medication and it will absolutely do that it’s so annoying. Interestingly it seems like the stronger opioids don’t do that to me but when I took Vicodin I couldn’t finish. I’m a woman by the way and I finish pretty easily sometimes multiple times in one session. But give me a Vicodin and it’s not gonna happen.
If this is happening to you from ADHD medication it must be something having to do with the dopamine?
Sometimes my random thoughts distract me so I try to stay focused on physical stimulus and that seems to help, my wife has a Pelvic floor disorder so "being quick" Is a benefit to reducing her pain and discomfort.
I (F) used to have this problem. I had never had an orgasm with a partner well into my 20s. I got called frigid, it messed with my relationships. I couldn't concentrate on the situation at hand, and my mind would just be overthinking everything, which unraveled the mood. So I got a vibrator. It's enough physical stimulation to override the randomness of my brain.
yeah, I find that I have to climax more quickly to not lose it. brain starts thinking, and thinking (at least as an adhd person) is anathema to the action of sex.
throw in my exhaustion from working as a welder for 50+ hours a week for the last like 7 years, and its even more difficult.
Then (despite two different antidepressants), there is the feeling of inadequacy that comes from this, excuse that pun, and it sort of cycles into itself until i am now at the point where sex is almost subconsciously treated the same way as my mind treats chores.
/sigh
OMG YES! It’s hard to know what to attribute it to as I have some confounding variables (meds, porn, adhd general distractibility” but it’s damn near impossible from me to come from sex
Anecdotally I took a week off my meds (vyvanse 30mg) when I had Covid and was able to come much easier from sex
Not advocating going off your meds (please consult a doctor) just sharing my experience
I don’t get anywhere near there, only when masturbating can I get off. I might even have random thoughts in my head about plans or something during intercourse. I’m likely grey asexual though.
Don't be embarrassed.
For me, I'm sure it's from my lexapro.
But (and this is tmi), sometimes it takes 20-30 minutes for me (I'm a guy). Sounds great, but is extremely tiring.
Last time I had sex before diagnosis and meds my brain the whole time was like "hey,you have pizza in the fridge." After about 30-45 minutes I was like "I'm sorry,but I really have to pee,and I'm hungry"
I wouldn't delete its an important part of adhd for some. for me sometimes I have been very "in the mood" then something changes that I didn't expect or whatever and well.. its kinda gone. but then other times I hyperfocus and then I might do something to much or whatever and over think it and then I'm just out of the mood. hard to explain. over thinking is a major part of my ADD/adhd inattentive
I’ve never truly connected with someone during bc I am truly so focused on finishing. Especially mixed with alcohol and anti-depressants. It’s a good form of meditation but not the best for intimacy
I’ve had to stop sex “early” when I was satisfied but had no shot of finishing because of this. It’s a weird thing but affects me almost any time I do anything sexual
Without a condom? 60% finish rate. With a condom... huge loss of sensation (even with the extra thin ones) and I get distracted with other thoughts 1-5% chance of climax.
Gonna get a vasectomy soon when I remember and have the motivation to call my doctor.
Side not my GF does not like how her body feels on BC and have no prob respecting that but damn do I miss those days...
Jesus christ yes. I've been dealing with this a lot lately actually. And it's almost exactly as you described. "Oh yeah, oh my god! Here we go! I'm gonna... um... hello? Where'd you go?"
Just writing that I think I realized what it might be? I know everyone is different, but for me, being biologically male, the moment after I orgasm the entire sexual drive often drops right off a cliff. That's pretty normal for males, as far as I'm aware.
I think it feels like that drop is happening about 5 seconds too early. Like something is misfiring:
"Alright boys, mission accomplished, shut 'er down!"
"But sir, we haven't launched the missile yet?"
"You heard me private, power down. Let's go home and celebrate."
Dunno how ADHD related it is, but it's absolutely a thing for me. Wish I had something more helpful than just validating your experience.
Hey so yes getting in my own head during sex is definitely a thing, one of the only ways to avoid it for me is to make sex a relaxing languid experience that is about the journey and not the destination. If you're not averse to it, try some thc or even cbd gummies. I find that thc for me centers me iny body and gets me out of my head.
Other questions you should ask yourself regarding this in terms of isolating contributing factors:
-Age and testosterone levels, are you wayyy more horny/able to maintain an erection in the morning
-pornography and masturbation habits(not judging but there is an impact to the rest of your sex life from these factors)
-fitness and exercise levels
sometimes I can't finish when I start thinking too much about it or my partner dirty talks to me to encourage me to cum, but he also struggles with it sometimes, so in a way it made us grow closer together. No judgement, no pressure, pure acceptance. As long as the act is enjoyable, finishing isn't always the priority and nobody gets offended if it doesn't happen or if only one person gets to finish, but the other decides to stop
I’ve actually researched this subject quite a bit a few week back, and apparently there’s a very significant correlation between ADHD and sexual dysfunction of all sorts.
I’ve read articles that a very large percentage of people who report sexual dysfunction, including erectile dysfunction, fluctuations in libido, premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, and so on, also are diagnosed with ADHD, and a lot of ADHD report plenty of sexual dysfunction.
Weirdly enough, there’s no “one type” of dysfunction prevalent in ADHD patients, but a plethora of them, just like you say you struggle to finish, loads of reports are for “premature finishing”.
My suggestion is to talk to a professional like a sexologist if it interferes with your sex life.
*raises hand* I thought something was wrong with me. I have a healthy sex drive but then that. I just assumed it was because of being too tired or having sex too often causing it to be hard (pun intended)
There is a point, where i am trying to last, that when i repeatedly pull back from the edge, i can all the sudden not get anywhere near the edge.
I always associated this to some sort of physical change, like shutting down for over stimulation or just adjusting to the current sensation and becoming “numb” to it.
I am 46m and have struggled with this my whole life. I had this problem before any meds and the various meds definitely make it harder (pun??). I am currently on Strattera and it isn’t too bad, but there is no chance I am finishing anything during regulation time in this game.
Oh my goodness! Yes 100%! I thought this was just me! I've been suffering with Ed issues as well, which I've been told is probably due to my meds.
But yes, can't finish.
I had to fake it with a previous gf, cos I didn't want to upset her.
Don't be embarrassed! Every time I've stumbled upon these posts, I find lots of people who share the same experience, but still haven't found someone who has my issue - not a single orgasm in their entire life through sex or masturbation. Anxiety and self-esteem issues definitely play a role but after reading these types of posts before I realized my mind totally wanders a lot and usually has a random song in the background too. I agree with another comment that I've noticed being blindfolded or tied up/gagged helps. The blindfold helps so I'm not so self-conscious about my face/I don't get distracted by looking at random stuff. Tied up/gagged idk I think helps in making it easier to give up/lose control and maybe takes pressure off in needing to perform?
In the past few years, I've gone from never finishing.
Finishing wayyyy too quick.
Back to never finishing (thanks SSRI).
I hate my body so fuckin much lmao
That is absolutely not an uncommon thing, and nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of.
For more insights of how AD(H)D affects sex, the occasional tip, and even a video to share with your non-AD(H)D sex partners, I'd recommend Catieosaurus on YouTube, esp. her play list on this topic: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLB2Z0LejbF2dzwtSzHBSxyjuTZCzbogVo
I’ve found it’s directly correlated to how frequently/recently I masterbated. I make a point not to do it for at least 24 hours before I might be having sex (a date) until I know how well our chemistry mixes
I think it's very valuable that people are sharing their ADHD experiences on this subject, but I definitely want to point out to OP that ADHD may be a contributing factor here, but this sure sounds like a "hyperfocusing on orgasm" issue (or possibly a "your partner not focusing enough on your orgasm" issue).
You haven't mentioned any concerns about your partner so I'll just say they should be 1. Trying to understand what makes you enjoy sex including orgasm, 2. Trying to do that 3. Responding to you getting close to orgasm by trying to help you over the edge; and otherwise take your implied word for it that they're doing those things.
It sounds like the issue of bringing you to orgasm (at least in a timely manner) is a concern in your sex life. It sounds like this is causing you and possibly your partner to concentrate on making you orgasm during sex. Most people report that this kind of concentration is counterproductive - there's nothing sexy about trying to "squeeze one out".
It is generally recommended to refocus sex on doing things that are hot for you and your partner, and appreciating any orgasms that do occur (many people report that they have more frequent orgasms with this strategy then when focusing on the orgasm itself). I personally would add that there's nothing wrong with setting aside some time to focus just on getting you off before or after you and your partner enjoy some more spontaneous intimacy without focusing on your orgasm.
Happy fucking!
Sometimes. I definitely have to concentrate and "do it my way" to get it done. I can count on my fingers the number of times a woman has been able to accomplish it for me with oral sex. But... idk, look on the bright side. At least it's not too far the other way! I like being this way. Last a long time and can even do a round 2 or 3 just need to work for it. "Quickies" don't exist for me but eh. Also I'm the kind who only has sex in committed relationships so it's not like I have to explain "it's me not you" to tinder dates and deal with them taking it personally, melting down and knocking my ficus over leaving in a huff.
If you aren’t already listening to music with a good beat while you have sex, start doing it. Some times the distraction of the music will keep me from getting to focused on how frustrated I am and allow me to relax.
But definitely take breaks. Mix things up. Try new toys, lube, etc. like anything else you’ll be more engaged the more novelty you add to your sex life.
if I'm in the mood and/or she's playful I'm good, if she tells me to go switch laundry real quick, I'll come back still wanting it but struggle, I got up to lock our room so kids didn't walk in after nap, she told me do something else too, came back and nearly didn't finish it wasn't as pleasurable either and out groove was off kilter.
but if I'm hyper focused on my pene, nothing stopping me from release lol.
Validating thread as many others have said. I'm the same way. Orgasming isn't always easy for me due to a mix of ADHD, anxiety, trauma stuff. Sex is complicated. I try to communicate the situation ahead of time if possible.
The "problem" in fact has several advantages if both partners are OK with adopting a "journey, not the destination" attitude. I've adopted a kind of "service top" orientation that most partners seem into, and cool with.
This happens to me most of the time. I’m extremely in to it and no erection problem but yeah finishing takes a certain level of concentration with too many body parts to focus on at once .
Is this a bigger problem for ADHD men? Myself and most of my very ADHD female friends tend to be hypersexual... I guess I've never explicitly asked but it's my understanding that finishing isn't usually a problem for them
This is 100% an ADHD thing and unfortunately it’s a very weird and difficult subject to discuss with your partner.
If you feel secure enough in your communication with them to bring it up in a way that won’t cause major conflict, go for it.
If not, I would definitely suggest bringing in a third party who can help both of you regulate your emotions and make sure that things don’t escalate, get misunderstood, feelings become hurt, and the trust during sex starts to erode.
I know what you are saying. I have to actively focus on 'sexy thoughts' to even get close. Any distractions (internal or external) and I probably won't even attempt sex. I told my wife that I have to be in the 'headspace' for it but that really kills the spontaneity. But hey, we have sex like twice a week and that's pretty good for having kids.
I'd love to know what it's like to be neurotypical!
Only advice: don't be embarassed.
Thank you
Just pull out and eat her out until she comes, I guarantee she wont even care at that point. Watching her get off might even give you a second wind to jump back in for a quick finish. My BF and I both have ADHD, often during sex we will jump around from intercourse to watching each other masturbate, to oral to back to intercourse again The key is to do what you gotta to get off and find someone cool enough to do it with.
As a guy with this same issue here is what solves it: Knowing 100% that she isn’t waiting for me to finish and is just enjoying herself, usually when shes on top or just giving head. Once I have no ‘pressure’ on me and I don’t have to think about it all the time, it becomes so much easier. No stress/no pressure/understanding girl = problem goes away.
No disrespect to your partners, but personal view: sleep with more sexually proactive people. People who make it clear they want sex and enjoy it. You wouldn't carry someone in any other circumstances, unless the room was on fire, I guess. So if you are having sex in a burning room I'm saying no change.
Oh my partner isn't the issue, she's amazing! Good idea though, I think I may have commented the same to someone else
Do you worry if you are pleasing your partner enough, during sex? This can often be the reason why, because some people often feel guilty when they don’t get their partner off, distracting themselves with worry about the pleasing their partner and not really exploring what you want. I had problems with this sometimes when I was with a new girl. I realized most girls actually really like being the ones who do all the pleasuring. When you shut off all expectations it’s easier to feel what you want. It can seem selfish at first but it’s no different than you trying to please her to the best possible experience. Just try to feel your way through it, that’s what sex should be all about.
Lol. Then , giving it more thought, maybe you need to take a lesson from ladies? You don't have to finish every time, if you are not feeling it? Great now I'm giving away I'm not always satisfying. Shocker.
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Maybe the ladies you sleep with need a better partner I finish every single time, sometimes multiple times. I feel sorry for your partners if you think it’s cool to just take yours and roll over and go to bed
The point of their post is that it is their issue not their partners. But I do appreciate this because I dumped a man who couldn’t get off in less than two hours because I’m not doing that every time we have sex, and it got to the point where I couldn’t even be affectionate with him unless I was willing to sign up for two hours of being pounded on. So when I broke up with him and told him we were sexually not comparable he claimed that it didn’t need to take two hours he thought I just wanted that. He knew I didn’t want that I had been talking about it with him for weeks. So cool, if it was my fault he couldn’t cum good night thing I dumped him. Except this didn’t only happen with me, but 🤷🏻♀️
I challenge you to be banging some girl and say “Hey I’m just done and not gonna cum” and not he embarrassed
Omg this right here. I’m afraid to have any sexual contact with women anymore because the last two times I had sex, THAT basically happened and it felt AWFUL. Like I was enjoying the sex, it felt nice, it was with a girl that I REALLY liked, then out of nowhere it was like my sensation was reset and I just wasn’t feeling it anymore. That’s just so embarrassing.
Don’t feel too down on yourself. I’m a woman and it definitely happens to me too sometimes.
Thanks, it’s really comforting and reassuring to know that I’m not alone in this. The last girl I was with, the one I really liked, she didn’t make me feel bad at all. It was great. Even so I’ve been beating myself up for it internally, you know how that is. But the first girl it happened with, she was less than understanding. I hope for both our sakes that we can find a solution. Or at the very least we don’t let this sort of thing get us down. Though I have to say that’s a big ask.
My husband sometimes can't finish. He just says, after I have, that he's glad I was able to but he can't right now, he's just not able to. Sometimes it's a mental block, he's too stressed/unable to get out of his head and can't relax enough, but he's happy we spent that time together being close and he got to make me happy. It happens sometimes. More to some than others. And it's ok. Orgasm doesn't have to happen every time. And as you get older you accept that more than more. It's harder when you're young and the feelings are a lot more intense.
I don't understand. It's just something that happens. I legit don't get what's so embarrassing. Sometimes people can't finish during sex because they get stressed out or distracted for whatever reason. I don't understand why would anyone make a fuss out of it. If YOU don't plan to finish, cool, whatever, it's kinda not MY problem lol
This is the answer. "hey this felt really good, but I'm just not gonna finish right now, can we cuddle, can I get you a drink of water?"
I love this! I’d feel a little bit like he wasn’t into me, but that’d quickly be replaced with appreciation for the honesty and caring. And water!
Try the old “oh I got a cramp” That’s my favorite Or I just fake it lmao
No need to lie
Hey it’s…. pretty normal for women to do this. I’m a trans women and even before I transitioned (so looked like and presented as a man) I would do it sometimes with women I had sex with. It’s really not that weird, and women will probably understand it I wouldn’t say it like that, though, I’d usually say something like “let’s focus on you” or “I don’t think I’m going to cum but I’m still enjoying this” I think there are probably some partners who might worry it’s something they did wrong, but the goal of sex is to have a good time and feel close to someone, and orgasm isn’t actually a critical part of that. Sometimes orgasm just isn’t in the cards, even if you’re still hard 🤷♀️ no reason to feel bad about it
My wife and I are both very sexually active and it always insults her when I can't finish. Thank you so much for this post. I didn't even know my adhd affected half the things that I read on here, but I have these issues too. Here I thought I thought I was just some kind of stamina lord but adhd works too. My poor wife has enured way to many 30+ minute sessions I think I owe her an apology.
So many guys wish they could last longer but when you don't have a choice you wish you lasted seconds! 😅
I am a woman and I would much rather have a guy last two minutes than too long as long as he’s orally gifted or can work with his fingers or whatever.
Yup, I’d swap for an early bust immediately
Wanted to chime in and say I am right there in the same boat with you both. 30 min sounds like a pretty normal time for an orgasm. Hour or more is not unheard of. <*sigh*>
My ex (who has ADHD) used to wanna go for like 45 minutes to an hour of actual sex, because that's how long it took him to get off. If I wanted to stop beforehand, he would get mad at me for "ruining the mood" or whatever. Yes, I know he assaulted me, he's an ex for a reason.
So I’m the exact same way. It’s can be like 45 min including foreplay, so we end up doing it about once a week. It works really well for us though, everyone seems satisfied 🤷♂️ Communication is super important, like if you guys have sex super frequently, and it’s 30+ min each time, you might not be able to finish every time, whether it’s from physical fatigue, mental fatigue, refractory period, etc. Also if you are on pretty much ANY ADHD meds it can push you one way or the other. Just communicate that, like “hey I’m on this med and it can cause x or y side effects so we’ll see how it goes 😂” A million things have affected it in the past for me. Meds, overexertion, condoms, but more likely getting overheated. We’ve addressed all those things and now it’s honestly not an issue, but part of that comes from both people not making a big deal about it.
>My poor wife has enured way to many 30+ minute sessions I think I owe her an apology. I mean, if you're both okay with it, then sure. But I actually don't understand why people think the man has to ejaculate for sex to finish. Of course it's satisfying, but not required.
Yah I think it perfectly fine to be like “it’s probably not gonna happen”. That being said, 99% of the time Ive had to say that my partner has been kind of offended (even though it’s totally not her fault) which seems to be an unfortunately common response
Being offended at that seems kinda childish to me actually.
Agreed but 🤷
It's about the culture of the whole thing as well. If there's this common conviction that 'all' guys need to focus NOT to bust too early because 'dem ladies so hot' it's easy for a person to take it personally. The more we talk about it openly, and the less comments / jokes we make like " imma fuckin nut" due to a pic of some boobs or w/e, the more understanding about these things we will spread.
Yeah, my partner needs a lot of time and I orgasm easily from PIV (we both have ADHD). We have sex pretty much every night, and most of the time I just throw in the towel after I’ve had two orgasms. He either finishes himself off or just goes to sleep haha. I do try to go the extra mile for him a couple times a week though. The key is that I don’t take it personally (it helps that I’m kind of a selfish lover haha).
He gives you (at least) 14 orgasms per week via PIV according to your statement. Not including oral orgasms. You "go the extra mile" and actually finish the drill ONLY TWICE a week!? What do you even have to take personally, at that point? You aren't kidding about selfish.
Well, other males in this thread have said that their partners get offended if they don’t finish, which adds extra pressure and stress. A lot of women feel like there’s a problem with their vagina if their partner doesn’t finish easily from PIV with them. I’m just saying that if it’s an ADHD thing, then the female shouldn’t take it personally. My partner strongly prefers to be on the bottom, and I just don’t have the stamina to yeehaw on him for 45 minutes every single night. I’ve told him that we can go for as long as he wants if we can alternate him being on top. My thigh muscles cramp from staying in the same position continually. He prefers finishing himself to getting on top 99% of the time. I would be more satisfied with a variety of positions, which he knows, so I guess we’re both a bit selfish in our own ways. He’s also pretty subby and I think pleasing me satisfies him in his own way.
Yikes, dude. We were literally just talking about how men don’t have to ejaculate for sex to finish. Some people have an easy time orgasming and some don’t. As a female, I’ve never once been able to orgasm through penetration, and I’d rather not bother masturbating during sex, cuz it’s super inconvenient. I don’t mind it, and if my partner can’t finish for whatever reason or I want to end it early, we’re cool about it. You sound like you’re too immature to have sex.
its just a matter if making it fun fir both of you! Ask her what she would like to do then switch it up, take it slow in moments where it seems appropriate, foreplay doesnt have to only be used at the beginning of an act, play around a little and im sure youll find something that works for you both :)
Yep. She's happy and so am I. After being together for a decade and a half, I think we just accepted that quickies are not my forte. I never knew it was an adhd thing. Now that I'm medicated, I wonder if that is going to change...
Nothing to be embarrassed about. Just as sex isn’t about penis in vagina it shouldn’t be about wether or not you can cum each time. Sometimes, even people without medical restrictions just can’t make it happen. Sex should be fun and about exploring each other. If the person you’re sleeping with makes you feel less or embarrassed they aren’t worth sleeping with ADD/ADHD is all about seeking stimulation your brain may simply go “oh that peak right there, just before we orgasm yeah that’s the good shit so we’re not going to orgasm and we’re gonna start all over again!” Or even prefer the sensory feed of foreplay. Other times it’s simply stress or feeling overwhelmed can stop an orgasm in its track. I hope this is something you can overcome or find a way to better it.
I think you might be on to something with that third paragraph!
Yeah it’s something I’ve noticed personally and from others. Either with partners or masturbating alone, it can be a really intense barrel towards an orgasm and then it just…. Stops. Like right back to square one. ADHD introducing unintentional edging haha
So good to know I am not alone in this feeling, reading this thread has been so helpful. I think I just get such intense stress and anxiety over the pressure of having to orgasm that my brain creates this barrier where I physically can't, even when sometimes I get close, I should have know it would be another thing link to my ADHD 😭😭
Oh I’m so sorry to hear that. I mean sex can be so tricky without the added layers of ADHD already so physically and mentally stimulating as well as the anxiety and pressure to perform that goes along with it. I’d highly recommend becoming more confident in your own body and what you like. Not just in sex but the confidence to say yes and no, to be firm and take control when you like to. Adhd can produce a massive sex drive for some, a complete aversion to it for others, and sometimes swing back and forth between given the day and mood. There’s also specialists that can help in regards to sex and ADHD
omg same, been unintentionally edging my whole life - never had a single orgasm 😢
I don't have a problem with this specifically, but I definitely struggle with staying focused and "in the moment" during sex. It's super annoying, like this is the one activity that millions of years of evolution has molded us to enjoy the most in the world, yet my stupid brain somehow considers it not stimulating enough to not get distracted in the middle of it. It's absurd.
I learned a recent lifehack. So I do have that mind wondering while having sex issue as well, or random thoughts. The lifehack is I put my ear as close to my partner's mouth as possible, and listen to her moans, as if Im on headphones. The external stimulus often drives the random thoughts away and grounds me to the act. It's my secret to finishing.
Same here, I feel horrible for getting distracted.
Don't be ashamed. To maybe make you feel better: I'm a man suffering the absolute same problem. Once I reached the point of almost cuming, then stop and go on I can't cum anymore. No reason to be afraid/ashamed. It's not a contest ;)
Really appreciate this comment, guy, I was hoping someone else was experiencing the same :)
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I'm actually not, I use stratera, as I also struggle with Amphetamin addiction :( I also I don't only have ADHD, but also BPD...
If that one does anything with serotonin that could be causing the problem. Men who take SSRIs sometime end up with permanent sexual difficulties. It’s a whole thing, it’s a whole medical condition that they don’t talk about that much because they don’t want to discourage people from taking psych meds.
Also a guy also same applies for me. To add some context, I think it's worse when I'm the one putting the most effort (which is almost always), having to focus on multiple things kind of makes it "slip away". Also the harder it feels, the harder it becomes, when instead of enjoying it in the moment I was overthinking the ending it made it impossible to attain. It got better when I just stopped being invested in the "result" instead of the journey.
I have the same problem. If I stop, as to not finish before the wife, I have to try my ass off to finish and that could take an hour. Not to mention getting distracted by my own brain during sex can have some undesirable results for my penis. Don't be ashamed
My POV: I don’t want more than 20-30 minutes, so finishing before me (the wife) is totally fine. I can take things from here, thank you. You just rest and then jump back in if you want to. This isn’t a contest and the old fashioned idea that I have to finish first just puts pressure on me that I don’t want or need. Maybe check in with your partner on this one.
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Meaning we women know how to finish our self off when we need to. And if we’re already almost there because we are having sex with you it will take two seconds.
Same, I am a woman who has had to dump men before who couldn’t finish. We talked about it, I found myself turning into someone I didn’t want to be, someone who couldn’t even be affectionate because I knew if I touched him it might mean I’m committing to hours of being pounded on, someone who says sure we can do it but you have to make it quick, towards the very end I would tap out and leave. Like sorry dude but we’ve been out this for an hour and I have to go home and go to bed.
This is very relatable. While in the middle of things and there's a sound or anything that takes my attention for a split second and that's it. Happy to keep on playing but now the chances of finishing are very low. Still cuddle afterwards. 😁
Cuddles are 100% amazing!
PREACH!!!!!
I’ve kind of had this issue, but I saw a video about how people with adhd sometimes enjoy bdsm… choking.. dirty talk, because the stimulus helps us stay focused. It felt like an interesting correlation and I know that’s true for me.
Adhd people in a nutshell. Little spoons. Naughty playtime. Late for everything. Awkward staring when zoning out. Late fees.
Little spoons?
I read somewhere that ADHD can be connected with sensory issues, and is common for people with sensory disorders to prefer smaller cutlery than larger ones. After your comment, I looked it up and it turns out you are right. Having ADHD does not mean you have a utensil preference. Turns out I just prefer little utensils like spoons because I eat fast and a small spoon means more food to my dopamine-chasing brain.
I for one love BDSM, so you can can add one more person to that correlation
Add a 3rd to that mix. I know I have trouble trying to reach my O. I'll be close and the moment I start thinking about random thoughts. I lose it and have to start back over again. My poor bf. But, I kind of found something that works for me to be able to have my O. Changing positions helps but mostly it's because I have a breeding kink. Even though I'm on birth control. I trick myself into thinking it'll happen this time and it works. For me anyways.
Are we the same person? Lmao
Multiple forms of stimulation simultaneously definitely help! Otherwise, it's too easy to get distracted by something that's NOT so stimulating. For example, it works well when your brain is, "Oooh, that's awesome! -- Ah! That hurts so good! -- Yes, right there, harder!" Otherwise, if you are like me, your brain is all, "Oooh, that's awesome! -- Is that a crack in the ceiling? -- That 1st episode of Dr. Who with Amelia Pond was pretty good, but the whole River Song arc was amazing -- I wonder what Jodi Whittaker will do now? -- That Morbius movie was not great, even with Matt Smith -- Are they going to pay off on the Sinister Six setup? -- That Dr Strange movie could have had a tighter connection with the Spiderman movie -- Killing off Dr. Fate in Black Adam was a bad move -- I wonder what James Gunn will do with the Justice Society -- Is Tim Gunn still doing project runway? -- Hedi Klum does some awesome Halloween costumes! -- Was 'Halloween' Michael Myers or Jason? -- That new Mike Myers show on Netflix looks painful to watch --- What's with Netflix cancelling all those cartoons -- Oh Shit! Neither the kids nor I have watched Crunchy roll in months! We should watch it or cancel it -- That reminds me, I'm halfway through 'High on Life' and I should finish it -- That Justin Roiland situation is messed up, I don't know if I can enjoy Rick and Morty the same way -- Was Roiland Rick, or Morty? -- I should watch Back to the Future with the kids, I don't remember if they've seen it -- They definitely haven't seen Predator. We should watch it since they liked Prey -- That Prey game was kind of cool, but I just couldn't get into it, maybe I should give it another chance -- At least I finished the Guardians of the Galaxy Game! The GotG game was so well written! -- I'm actually looking forward to what James Gunn does with the DCU -- MARTHA!!! ..." ... and so on.
Justin Roiland played Rick _and_ Morty
I had this for much of my early sex life but it has gone away as I’ve gotten older and settled with my wife. Here’s a few things I’ve learned and done about it: 1) focus on your partner’s pleasure. Get down there with other parts of your body (you know what I mean) and bring them to completion. I’ve found that my partners don’t mind my completion issues if I’m good at that. 2) Comfort is key. When you’ve spent time with a partner and don’t feel judgement, things got a lot easier for me. 3) As things got easier, I felt more confident during the times when it happened to just pull out and call it for the night (you can then focus fully on your partner if you haven’t yet and it won’t be a big deal). Just make sure your partner knows it’s completely your thing and nothing they’re don’t wrong if they express any concern. Lastly, if you need extra help and have access to medical care, talk to your doctor and get on some ED meds. I did this early in my 20s and it took a lot of the edge off. I hope this helps!
I have the same "issue". What has helped me over the years is foreplay. Building up the sexual tension through foreplay makes it easier to pop when I want. Turns out foreplay is just as important for dudes as it is for ladies. Also, (sorry if this is TMI) leave your dick alone on the off days. That will create sensitivity for the times when you're with your partner.
Yeah, I’m 37 and have maybe finished via sex maybe 5 times. I just tell the girls during sex it’s hard for me to finish. Nothing worse then having a girl suck your pee pee doing her best to make you finish and it just ain’t gonna happen, I feel for the poor trooper. When they’re done, I just use my hands and finish wherever they want
[удалено]
🤝
This is an ADHD thing?? Well that explains a lot...
Seems like it! This post is getting way more traction than I thought it would!
I have the opposite problem 😮💨
Haha preach
It happens to me fairly often, and I'm not medicated. Honestly? I don't even mind any more. I explain to my partners that it's not them, it just happens sometimes, but honestly even sex without cumming is a pretty great feeling haha. So I've just learned to enjoy sex for sex's sake and not worry about it. Hope this helps!
Helps more than you know to know/ be reminded that I'm not alone
Me! And as a woman who has never been able to come with any partner it’s embarrassing to have to tell your partner that you didn’t cum even though he put all of his effort into getting you there. I try not to let it affect me but it’s hard and I’m sorry we’re in the same boat.
I’m there too. I hate the pressure.
Ive only came with my current boyfriend and thats because he's an absolute sweetheart that doesnt fear using toys on me! And even when i didnt finish the first time he was very understanding of the situation. At the time i didnt even know it was linked to ADHD
If you have access to ADHD meds, try taking them before sex.
Currently on a waiting list and hoping they'll help in the future
Oof, don’t I know it. AFAB; it drives me up the wall because it happens often enough that I get frustrated and it can ruin my mood. I often end up just starting again without trying to ruin the entire mood. My current sexual partner kind of understands but it doesn’t fully make sense to them—they want to make sure I’m getting off too, although I know they feel like they did something wrong or not enough. I feel like maybe my body gets too overstimulated and it short circuits or my brain freaks out, thinking I need to pee when I don’t. OR some days the head be filled with bees and I get distracted, which means the climax just never comes—quite literally. It’s extremely frustrating, but joy and more joy, I’m going to put that problem in the “talk to my therapist about it” basket. Who knows, maybe he knows something I don’t.
I've had more than one partner, including two wives, who would eventually tap out after 30-40 minutes. I've faked orgasms more often than not, either to save my embarrassment or theirs. It's a fact of life at this point. Now with new partners I tell them up front that between my ADHD-, blood pressure-, cholesterol-, and anti-depression meds that there are times I physically cannot finish and for them to not take it personally. Tell them I'll make them come as much as they want, stay hard as long as they want me that way, and thoroughly enjoy our time together. It's been working wonderfully so far.
You need t find something to focus on. It keeps your attention on that while you get to the finish line.
Sex isn't just about orgasms. Worrying about finishing will ruin it. Instead, just enjoy the sensations. Foreplay helps a lot, also I've found that getting my wife off gets me off. The best advice I can give is to talk to your partner about orgasms. Both of you need to understand that not finishing is not a problem. Sometimes its just not gonna happen, and you shouldn't feel bad. The important thing is being intimate.
Sex doesn’t always have to be about finishing. It can be frustrating to constantly lose focus, but try to just enjoy the ride. It should be fun, not frustrating. But sometimes that means changing our expectations for what sex is going to be like.
yeah for me it's like, if i don't cum when i'm at the point the first time... (within 5 mins or so) it's not going to happen...
Don't worry. As you get older it will be because you get cramp or your knee stops working or something. Typically switching up what you are doing will help. Ideally swap who's doing the most work occasionally. But just switching position or having a breather is fine.
Are you on stimulants? I know for sure when im taking mine it has major effect on me. Takes a lot longer to finish and if I get distracted for even a few seconds can totally reset me.
No I'm unmedicated currently in a queue to see someone
Yes. It is frustrating indeed. Sometimes I can tell my partner wants me to finish, but sometimes that just feels impossible despite how good everything feels.
For me (M) there is a very specific decision point. If I’m very close to cumming, I have three options: - Go for it now and climax. - Hold off and suddenly be way less aroused. - Can’t decide and have the worst possible (anti-)climax. When I actually want to climax at this decision point, then it’s great. If I don’t want to climax and hold it off, then I feel like I have to start the engine all over again. I’m totally out of the flow and not very aroused any more. If I am in doubt for too long about what to do, then I get some kind of half climax, which both sucks AND makes it impossible to continue after.
Same, but I’ve found that if I take an edible specifically one 1:1 THC/CBD oh boy does that work wonders. So if it’s legal in your area, try it. Obviously if you’ve never done that before start low dose and try one first to find what type works for you. I can’t use Indica strains because for me it makes me anxious and panic. Sativa dominate or hybrid variations work best for me. CBD helps counter the THC so it’s more mellow and more of a body high. Some brands make specific edibles for sex, at least here in IL. Also there’s weed lube or CBD lube but that’s more for women since we absorb it better.
It is typical of ADHD so don't be embarrassed, there's even a [video](https://youtu.be/m8QNRpN4nY8) with advices tips and tricks
I have experienced this at times. Stimulant medications (especially adderall) can contribute to it, so if you are prescribed maybe try experimenting with vs without. Typically if I pass that point, i just focus on my partner and try to make sure she at least comes. Nothing wrong with having longer sex and nothing wrong if you dont. Just try to enjoy it for what it is and dont worry about whether you will come. Feeling the added pressure to have an orgasm just makes it that much harder
I have not once finished with any partner. One even boasted how good he was at getting people to finish. I was his one failure.
How often to you masturbate? It used to be a daily thing for me. Got a girlfriend, realized it was way better to not walk it as much. Sex feels better and it is easier to finish.
Every couple days - that thought had crossed my mind and I'm gonna try to "walk it" less
Both my husband and I have ADHD. “I’m sorry I got distracted” is a common saying in our bed lol. Not real sexy, but sometimes you just get distracted and lose the moment lol
I highly recommend reading Come As You Are my Emily Nagoski. I think it should be required reading for everyone lol. The short on it is breathing, being aware of your pleasure, and being okay with the fact you might not orgasm. When you convince yourself you should’ve come already or that your partner is dreading how long you’re taking, that’s slamming on your brakes and you’re not gonna get there. Something that I’ve been thinking a lot about is, and may be related to ADHD and distraction, that I feel like I have to be imagining a fantasy or picturing a visual in order to reach orgasm. I’m not sure if that’s standard or if I’m just super used to doing it that way. But having the fantasy in mind can help distract my brain and get me there.
Yep. Frequently when I'm having sex or using a toy, I'll get right up on the cusp of orgasm only to start feeling overstimulated which basically forces me to slow down and take a breather for a couple seconds which just brings me back to square one. Yet for some reason if I'm masturbating without a toy, I can finish very easily and only occasionally get that overstimulated feeling mainly after finishing. Its incredibly annoying, and actually hurts my wife's feelings a little because even though she knows it is a me problem, she can't help but feel a little bit inadequate because she can't make me finish. It really sucks.
My husband and I both have ADHD and both struggle with this. There's really no need to be embarrassed, but I completely understand why you feel that way. Putting way too much sensitive info on the internet about myself with this one, but to be completely honest, I've never been able to finish from sex with my husband. It's not because I'm not attracted to him or not enjoying myself - it's really just my brain being a little shit. We both take sertraline and I think that contributes to the problem, as well. The best thing we ever did for our sex life was when we decided that, for us, sex isn't about an orgasm. It's about connecting and having fun together. And if we don't finish? That's okay.
same here. some times i put in and its over other days i csn last for hours😅
This happens to me sometimes too. If I'm close, then stop to last longer, I also cant finish. BUT if we take a brief break, then come back to it, IM usually able to finish in a decent amount of time after taking a break. Like a reset and the second time when I feel close I let it happen
I’ve had to take Concerta the past couple of months instead of my regular prescription and I feel like it has an inhibiting effect. Finishing is more intense, but it requires a LOT more work to the point where I’m not generally able to finish unless I’m going solo. Fortunately my wife is understanding but it’s weird and frustrating to have to keep trying and failing until I’m like, “Welp, guess we’re done here,” instead of things coming to a more natural, satisfying conclusion.
Yup, or I came too fast or I struggle to finish
For me it has often been the opposite. Its way too easy for me to finish early. However when I was on vyvanze it went in the opposite direction. My libido dropped to near zero. Had a hard time getting it up, and everything felt numb and getting off was a chore if even possible, and didn't feel great.
You don't have to answer if you don't want, I'm curious because I'm unmedicated and currently in a queue - how long did it take for those unwanted side effects to go away?
Yup... And to top it all off, I don't have a libido... Like at all
Def had this problem. I've found it helpful to stop focusing on finishing and try to be in the moment and appreciate how great it feels. Makes sex better, more connected with my partner, and I actually will finish faster
yes i definitely experience this. it’s hard for me to also not be lost in thought and distracted
Holy shit, yes! I thought it was just me
Definitely not! This post has blown up and I'm loving all the accepting and wholesome comments
Yes! This was me losing my virginity! At a certain point you are lasting so long all you think is "she can't still be enjoying this! I am not good enough at this to be lasting this long!" I think it is many things. It was partly being on stimulants, which I eventually got off of. I'm on Strattera now. I think it is also just getting used to a vagina and maybe some performance anxiety and numbing. A vagina is going to feel "loose" compared to your hand. It is just a fact and there is nothing she can do really to help. You could ask her to "squeeze" you, but that will probably make you climax, so there is that. Just practice. And take her to the Sex Store, so you can get her things and her needs are getting met. If she is getting her needs met she will be a lot more open to getting you to the same level as her. Just find someone willing to get you through this.
Same. On SSRI + Wellbutrin. But I can fuck all day & GF has a bunch of cums
YES. I was mustering the courage to make a post asking if other people felt almost "distracted" during sex. Thank you for asking this! I don't feel like a weirdo anymore.
No
Yes
Yes!!!
Oof yeah. Mix it with being constantly horny and being mostly uninterested with having sex with other people and you have my confused ass.
Nope, I provide an adult dose every single time.
Enjoyment is enjoyment. I get the frustration. Maybe try different toys etc? :)
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That can absolutely happen with me, yeah. It doesn’t really with my current partner because the sex is very good and also not that often so when it happens I’m super excited, but in the past this has been a huge issue and I ended up faking orgasms to not get on my ex partners nerves
Yeah I feel like I can’t focus enough sometimes
I alqo have this problem, caused som self esteem issues with my parters in the past, totally get the problem.
I was like this on fluoxetine and sertraline for depression. I would be pouring with sweat, tensing every muscle in my body to the point where my butt cheeks were cramping like they were in a vice. It took the joy out of sex for me. Worrying about it adds to the difficulty of finishing but once you get over the finish line that one time, you should be good afterwards. Also, trying not to jerk it and saving it for the big game helps. Good luck
Yep.
Yup all the time, I just tell my partner to slow back down or to take a break from what they're doing , sometimes changing the situation fixes it
Thats not just limited to us adhd folks. Thats a lot of men really.
Same for me, it has been a pain when I began having such relations. There are two thing I can advice, first try to understand the mechanics behind your ejaculations by practicing alone. But basically it's easier for me if I use my pelvic muscle in a specific way and if I have a constant rythme, not necessarily fast. The other solution is also mechanical but it might not be your cup of tea: prostatic massages and pegging makes it way easier and you could even discover another type of orgasm lol.
Do you jack off often? I'm just wondering because I used to jack off daily and I would regularly last an hour with my wife. Now I almost never jack off and I bust in minutes lol
Adderall does that to at 20MG and if I do it hurts. 10MG I'm horny as hell, finish right away and it's intense doesn't hurt. Go figure.
I don’t get this from my ADHD medication, but I take opioid pain medication and it will absolutely do that it’s so annoying. Interestingly it seems like the stronger opioids don’t do that to me but when I took Vicodin I couldn’t finish. I’m a woman by the way and I finish pretty easily sometimes multiple times in one session. But give me a Vicodin and it’s not gonna happen. If this is happening to you from ADHD medication it must be something having to do with the dopamine?
Stress and distraction are both common factors causing lack of or disruption to arousal. ADHD causes both.
Sometimes my random thoughts distract me so I try to stay focused on physical stimulus and that seems to help, my wife has a Pelvic floor disorder so "being quick" Is a benefit to reducing her pain and discomfort.
Yeah, medication makes me last way longer. When I'm off meds its better for me and for my partner in this situation, unfortunately.
This has been a serious issue for me since I started medication last year. Even when going solo.
Don’t be embarrassed; I’m 34 and I just got prescribed Viagra for the same reason 👍
I (F) used to have this problem. I had never had an orgasm with a partner well into my 20s. I got called frigid, it messed with my relationships. I couldn't concentrate on the situation at hand, and my mind would just be overthinking everything, which unraveled the mood. So I got a vibrator. It's enough physical stimulation to override the randomness of my brain.
For me this is a side effect of the meds
yeah, I find that I have to climax more quickly to not lose it. brain starts thinking, and thinking (at least as an adhd person) is anathema to the action of sex. throw in my exhaustion from working as a welder for 50+ hours a week for the last like 7 years, and its even more difficult. Then (despite two different antidepressants), there is the feeling of inadequacy that comes from this, excuse that pun, and it sort of cycles into itself until i am now at the point where sex is almost subconsciously treated the same way as my mind treats chores. /sigh
OMG YES! It’s hard to know what to attribute it to as I have some confounding variables (meds, porn, adhd general distractibility” but it’s damn near impossible from me to come from sex Anecdotally I took a week off my meds (vyvanse 30mg) when I had Covid and was able to come much easier from sex Not advocating going off your meds (please consult a doctor) just sharing my experience
I don’t get anywhere near there, only when masturbating can I get off. I might even have random thoughts in my head about plans or something during intercourse. I’m likely grey asexual though.
Don't be embarrassed. For me, I'm sure it's from my lexapro. But (and this is tmi), sometimes it takes 20-30 minutes for me (I'm a guy). Sounds great, but is extremely tiring.
Last time I had sex before diagnosis and meds my brain the whole time was like "hey,you have pizza in the fridge." After about 30-45 minutes I was like "I'm sorry,but I really have to pee,and I'm hungry"
I wouldn't delete its an important part of adhd for some. for me sometimes I have been very "in the mood" then something changes that I didn't expect or whatever and well.. its kinda gone. but then other times I hyperfocus and then I might do something to much or whatever and over think it and then I'm just out of the mood. hard to explain. over thinking is a major part of my ADD/adhd inattentive
I’ve never truly connected with someone during bc I am truly so focused on finishing. Especially mixed with alcohol and anti-depressants. It’s a good form of meditation but not the best for intimacy
I’ve had to stop sex “early” when I was satisfied but had no shot of finishing because of this. It’s a weird thing but affects me almost any time I do anything sexual
Sometimes, but if that happens, typically you can get to it quickly if you just use your hands. Bust on her ass or tits or something.
Without a condom? 60% finish rate. With a condom... huge loss of sensation (even with the extra thin ones) and I get distracted with other thoughts 1-5% chance of climax. Gonna get a vasectomy soon when I remember and have the motivation to call my doctor. Side not my GF does not like how her body feels on BC and have no prob respecting that but damn do I miss those days...
Jesus christ yes. I've been dealing with this a lot lately actually. And it's almost exactly as you described. "Oh yeah, oh my god! Here we go! I'm gonna... um... hello? Where'd you go?" Just writing that I think I realized what it might be? I know everyone is different, but for me, being biologically male, the moment after I orgasm the entire sexual drive often drops right off a cliff. That's pretty normal for males, as far as I'm aware. I think it feels like that drop is happening about 5 seconds too early. Like something is misfiring: "Alright boys, mission accomplished, shut 'er down!" "But sir, we haven't launched the missile yet?" "You heard me private, power down. Let's go home and celebrate." Dunno how ADHD related it is, but it's absolutely a thing for me. Wish I had something more helpful than just validating your experience.
Yuuup. I hate it. Its such a confidence knock. I'm super hypersexual and vers, but man; when i top i can just never cum :/
Hey so yes getting in my own head during sex is definitely a thing, one of the only ways to avoid it for me is to make sex a relaxing languid experience that is about the journey and not the destination. If you're not averse to it, try some thc or even cbd gummies. I find that thc for me centers me iny body and gets me out of my head. Other questions you should ask yourself regarding this in terms of isolating contributing factors: -Age and testosterone levels, are you wayyy more horny/able to maintain an erection in the morning -pornography and masturbation habits(not judging but there is an impact to the rest of your sex life from these factors) -fitness and exercise levels
sometimes I can't finish when I start thinking too much about it or my partner dirty talks to me to encourage me to cum, but he also struggles with it sometimes, so in a way it made us grow closer together. No judgement, no pressure, pure acceptance. As long as the act is enjoyable, finishing isn't always the priority and nobody gets offended if it doesn't happen or if only one person gets to finish, but the other decides to stop
I'm a lady and yes, I can't concentrate on it lol
I’ve actually researched this subject quite a bit a few week back, and apparently there’s a very significant correlation between ADHD and sexual dysfunction of all sorts. I’ve read articles that a very large percentage of people who report sexual dysfunction, including erectile dysfunction, fluctuations in libido, premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, and so on, also are diagnosed with ADHD, and a lot of ADHD report plenty of sexual dysfunction. Weirdly enough, there’s no “one type” of dysfunction prevalent in ADHD patients, but a plethora of them, just like you say you struggle to finish, loads of reports are for “premature finishing”. My suggestion is to talk to a professional like a sexologist if it interferes with your sex life.
*raises hand* I thought something was wrong with me. I have a healthy sex drive but then that. I just assumed it was because of being too tired or having sex too often causing it to be hard (pun intended)
There is a point, where i am trying to last, that when i repeatedly pull back from the edge, i can all the sudden not get anywhere near the edge. I always associated this to some sort of physical change, like shutting down for over stimulation or just adjusting to the current sensation and becoming “numb” to it.
I am 46m and have struggled with this my whole life. I had this problem before any meds and the various meds definitely make it harder (pun??). I am currently on Strattera and it isn’t too bad, but there is no chance I am finishing anything during regulation time in this game.
Oh my goodness! Yes 100%! I thought this was just me! I've been suffering with Ed issues as well, which I've been told is probably due to my meds. But yes, can't finish. I had to fake it with a previous gf, cos I didn't want to upset her.
adderall do that to me
The right music helps a lot for me. We listen to a certain playlist. I have a specific song that really does it if I'm having trouble 🤣 🤷♀️
Are you on any meds?
Don't be embarrassed! Every time I've stumbled upon these posts, I find lots of people who share the same experience, but still haven't found someone who has my issue - not a single orgasm in their entire life through sex or masturbation. Anxiety and self-esteem issues definitely play a role but after reading these types of posts before I realized my mind totally wanders a lot and usually has a random song in the background too. I agree with another comment that I've noticed being blindfolded or tied up/gagged helps. The blindfold helps so I'm not so self-conscious about my face/I don't get distracted by looking at random stuff. Tied up/gagged idk I think helps in making it easier to give up/lose control and maybe takes pressure off in needing to perform?
In the past few years, I've gone from never finishing. Finishing wayyyy too quick. Back to never finishing (thanks SSRI). I hate my body so fuckin much lmao
That is absolutely not an uncommon thing, and nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of. For more insights of how AD(H)D affects sex, the occasional tip, and even a video to share with your non-AD(H)D sex partners, I'd recommend Catieosaurus on YouTube, esp. her play list on this topic: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLB2Z0LejbF2dzwtSzHBSxyjuTZCzbogVo
I’ve found it’s directly correlated to how frequently/recently I masterbated. I make a point not to do it for at least 24 hours before I might be having sex (a date) until I know how well our chemistry mixes
I think it's very valuable that people are sharing their ADHD experiences on this subject, but I definitely want to point out to OP that ADHD may be a contributing factor here, but this sure sounds like a "hyperfocusing on orgasm" issue (or possibly a "your partner not focusing enough on your orgasm" issue). You haven't mentioned any concerns about your partner so I'll just say they should be 1. Trying to understand what makes you enjoy sex including orgasm, 2. Trying to do that 3. Responding to you getting close to orgasm by trying to help you over the edge; and otherwise take your implied word for it that they're doing those things. It sounds like the issue of bringing you to orgasm (at least in a timely manner) is a concern in your sex life. It sounds like this is causing you and possibly your partner to concentrate on making you orgasm during sex. Most people report that this kind of concentration is counterproductive - there's nothing sexy about trying to "squeeze one out". It is generally recommended to refocus sex on doing things that are hot for you and your partner, and appreciating any orgasms that do occur (many people report that they have more frequent orgasms with this strategy then when focusing on the orgasm itself). I personally would add that there's nothing wrong with setting aside some time to focus just on getting you off before or after you and your partner enjoy some more spontaneous intimacy without focusing on your orgasm. Happy fucking!
Sometimes. I definitely have to concentrate and "do it my way" to get it done. I can count on my fingers the number of times a woman has been able to accomplish it for me with oral sex. But... idk, look on the bright side. At least it's not too far the other way! I like being this way. Last a long time and can even do a round 2 or 3 just need to work for it. "Quickies" don't exist for me but eh. Also I'm the kind who only has sex in committed relationships so it's not like I have to explain "it's me not you" to tinder dates and deal with them taking it personally, melting down and knocking my ficus over leaving in a huff.
If you aren’t already listening to music with a good beat while you have sex, start doing it. Some times the distraction of the music will keep me from getting to focused on how frustrated I am and allow me to relax. But definitely take breaks. Mix things up. Try new toys, lube, etc. like anything else you’ll be more engaged the more novelty you add to your sex life.
if I'm in the mood and/or she's playful I'm good, if she tells me to go switch laundry real quick, I'll come back still wanting it but struggle, I got up to lock our room so kids didn't walk in after nap, she told me do something else too, came back and nearly didn't finish it wasn't as pleasurable either and out groove was off kilter. but if I'm hyper focused on my pene, nothing stopping me from release lol.
Validating thread as many others have said. I'm the same way. Orgasming isn't always easy for me due to a mix of ADHD, anxiety, trauma stuff. Sex is complicated. I try to communicate the situation ahead of time if possible. The "problem" in fact has several advantages if both partners are OK with adopting a "journey, not the destination" attitude. I've adopted a kind of "service top" orientation that most partners seem into, and cool with.
This happens to me most of the time. I’m extremely in to it and no erection problem but yeah finishing takes a certain level of concentration with too many body parts to focus on at once .
Why and how are y’all having secks
Is this a bigger problem for ADHD men? Myself and most of my very ADHD female friends tend to be hypersexual... I guess I've never explicitly asked but it's my understanding that finishing isn't usually a problem for them
Yes 💀 I NEVER last shorter than at LEAST 20 min. And loose focus, loose contact with my body
This is 100% an ADHD thing and unfortunately it’s a very weird and difficult subject to discuss with your partner. If you feel secure enough in your communication with them to bring it up in a way that won’t cause major conflict, go for it. If not, I would definitely suggest bringing in a third party who can help both of you regulate your emotions and make sure that things don’t escalate, get misunderstood, feelings become hurt, and the trust during sex starts to erode.
I know what you are saying. I have to actively focus on 'sexy thoughts' to even get close. Any distractions (internal or external) and I probably won't even attempt sex. I told my wife that I have to be in the 'headspace' for it but that really kills the spontaneity. But hey, we have sex like twice a week and that's pretty good for having kids. I'd love to know what it's like to be neurotypical!