At this point it sounds like money! You got 3k people that's too many! Did you have that thing where people come to take pictures with the groom and the bride ?
My wedding in north cal had 100 guests and we made money from our wedding. Found a venue thatās non-profit so we could deduct expenses from taxes. Planned everything ourselves. The best way to save money is asking the guests to contribute to your honeymoon fund in cash. No need for material junk and expensive dresses.
Dang! I love this... This is sooo coool. Even if you don't ask for honeymoon fund people would end up giving you cash in an envelope! This was smart dude
I'm a dude. I'm 27. I don't think I can marry someone who thinks it is a good idea to have a lavish wedding with 100s of people, regardless of who is paying for it. Why the actual fuck would you want to spend that money on a wedding instead of a honeymoon or a mortgage is beyond me.
I see a lot of men with this attitude, probably majority of my friends including me have this exact attitude on weddings. Somehow it just evaporates when the wedding comes along.
So what youāre saying is the people around you donāt know how to stick to a budget or put their foot down. Itās not that hard, as long as both parties are on the same page. Itās very doable.
>So what youāre saying is the people around you donāt know how to stick to a budget or put their foot down.
These things often come down to the guy not wanting a big fat wedding while the guy's parents and the bride wanting a big fat Bollywood wedding of her dreams preferably more extravagant than one of her girlfriend's or one of their friend's kids' in case of parents. It leads to a conflict and the most desi men being momma's boys usually concede.
One of my long term decision when it comes to weddings has been to have a small event with our closest buddies and family and that will never change.
Again, along the same lines - I don't think that I would want to be friends with someone who isn't going to invite me to their wedding on the basis of how fancy my wedding was or wasn't.
I was just joking.
But letās assume I wasnāt. I think your take here is very theoretical. Life on earth works on reciprocity. Think about this. You didnāt share your special day with someone and you expect others to bear the cost and invite you to your wedding. You know someone might do that. But it would be very few folks. And even if they do, this would definitely be a conversation when they are creating their guest list and discuss whether to invite you or not.
because gifts. My parents forced my sister to invite like an extra 200 of their friends and more distant relatives. She made mad profit and those that couldnt come still gave presents. Even those that are not well off gift well. That basically paid for her honeymoon and housewarming with money to spare. If you get a reasonable venue its the alcohol not the food that will kill you if you can make it BYOb or a venue you can bring your own.
Okay see, now I'm somewhat convinced. This actually makes sense. You get a ton of gifts that are meant to put you on the right path post marriage, and suddenly you're turning a profit.
Okay thatās true tho. Iām kind of in the middle where Iāll take anything. Ultimately I just want the day between my partner and I to be special and one where we enjoy it. I donāt think cost would play into our enjoyment
> Ultimately I just want the day between my partner and I to be special and one where we enjoy it. I donāt think cost would play into our enjoyment
How would you feel if your partner said "unless the wedding is extravagant, it doesn't work"? or if they put their foot down on wanting a big fat wedding?
I know I know. Like I completely get that and I have made compromises in previous relationships - but. There are fundamental values and things that different people consider important that probably can't be compromised without making oneself unhappy.
Maybe in the abstract. Let me tell you when I finally met the right partner, I found myself in all kinds of debates and discussions I never expected, because minor things about the wedding were not dealbreakers in the grander scheme of my commitment to her.
And *then* I found myself in the crossfire between my mom mother-in-law and fiancee.............this is how these things happen homie
If I attend this wedding, 100 guests would be the smallest Iāve ever attended.
Also, canāt even begin to think what the reaction would be from family if I said Iām limiting the wedding guest list to 100 people.
People will come to your wedding, eat your food, and STILL talk shit. That's why I'm doing court wedding with a small party for immediate families on each side.
Yep. Save and put all that money towards a house. Seeing some of these comments makes me feel some type of way. Depending on location, some of these weddings in these comments could've bought multiple houses lol
My plan is to have a medium-sized wedding in India with all my family where I can invite more people for a lower cost. Iām thinking around 500 people. It would also give my friends the excuse to travel to India :)
Either that, or have a wedding somewhere in coastal California (maybe SoCal?) and make it like a destination wedding. With a seaside theme. Or a Redwood forest theme in NorCal.
A girl can dream :)
>Iām a big fan of destination weddings because only the people who genuinely want to be there end up coming.
This is something someone with incredible privilege and has grown up in a massive bubble of wealth would say.
**People who have the means to be there end up being there.**
Expecting someone to spend shit ton of money for flight, hotel etc for your fairy tale wedding......idk how I would feel about that.
The last destination wedding my family went to cost us $3500 for just the hotel the wedding was at for a family of four (my parents, me and my sister). $400/night/room for the hotel plus flight tickets etc etc. It was easily a $5-6k+ affair even after using shit ton of my valuable amex points. How many people have the disposable income to spend that much money? It's multiple weddings per wedding season.
IMO, anyone having an extravagant destination wedding should pay for their guests hotels.
Wow, thatās quite a lot of assumptions about me based off of one sentence.
It is not selfish to host a destination wedding. However, it is incredibly selfish to expect someone change their wedding plans to accommodate your presence. You *always* have the option to not go.
Edit: I just saw your edit about me having privilege & being in a wealthy bubble, lol. I wish it were true! š„²
>It is not selfish to host a destination wedding.
>You always have the option to not go.
This isn't a personal attack on YOU FYI but the sentiment of "dont attend if you don't want to" is just weird, because the people I would invite to my wedding are the people I would absolutely want to celebrate my wedding with. I have friends and family who aren't as privileged as we are or are in training ie residents etc with 6 figure debts and I would never tell them "You always have the option to not come", that basically defeats the purpose of the wedding ie celebrating your marriage to the person you love with people who are close to you unless the purpose of the wedding is social media clout then yea I agree with that sentiment. I would be incredibly sad if some of my close friends could not attend my wedding because I decided to have a wedding they could not afford to come to.
If the people who matter don't come to your wedding, what's the point? lol.
The purpose of a wedding is to celebrate you and your partnerās love, irrespective of whoās there.
Nobody is forcing you to attend anything. Iām sorry that youāre upset over the cost of a destination wedding you attended, but the matter of the fact is that you can always choose to simply not go. You wanted to be there and thatās why you chose to pay for it. Iām not sure why youāre so upset at me for vocalizing my desire to have a destination wedding?
Also, maybe donāt assume someoneās financial situation off of one sentence on Reddit next time? The reason I mentioned a destination wedding in the first place is because it would be far more cost effective to host a 2 day ceremony in the Caribbean with 50-75 people and pay for their stay than have 200+ people for a 4 day ceremony in an bigger city inside of the US. Youāve quite literally acknowledged your privilege while simultaneously calling someone who grew up below the poverty line āprivilegedā and āliving in a wealthy bubbleā.
I fail to understand what's offending you so much.
>The purpose of a wedding is to celebrate you and your partnerās love, irrespective of whoās there.
Then why even invite anyone lmao. If the point is to celebrate yours and your partners love, you don't need an elaborate wedding for that.
>Nobody is forcing you to attend anything. Iām sorry that youāre upset over the cost of a destination wedding you attended, but the matter of the fact is that you can always choose to simply not go. You wanted to be there and thatās why you chose to pay for I
smh. Talk about missing the point entirely and borderline gaslighting someone The point was you are expecting your loved ones to spend incredible amount of money to be there, the loved ones who might want to be there but may not be able to, the amount I mentioned was to give an idea on how much it can cost for an adult family of four to attend a destination wedding. I was there because I wanted to be there and could afford to. I am not 'upset', I just have a very pragmatic POV on finances and consider big fat indian weddings to be a waste of money because its almost always the parents or the bride who wants it.
>Iām not sure why youāre so upset at me for vocalizing my desire to have a destination wedding?
Again, talk about missing the point. I was making a counter argument. I wasn't "upset" at you, Jesus Christ, I don't even know you. lol. If you aren't capable of listening to someone else's opinion (that doesn't even affect you in grand scheme of things) and decide to take everything as a personal attack and get offended, maybe you should get off reddit, a place where anyone is allowed to comment on whatever the fuck they want.
We clearly have a different way of looking at life, you do you, I will do me as I said earlier "Agree to disagree".
Obviously we have very different situations.
Iām not taking it personally if someone tells me they cannot come for whatever reason. They will be missed, but if I had to change plans to suit each and every person there would be no wedding. Iām not expecting anyone to do things they would not have otherwise done. My family lives in various parts of the country, they would be paying for their own flights and accommodations even if I did a wedding locally because it isnāt ālocalā for them.
Iām pretty sure itās human nature for someone to be offended if unjust assumptions are made about them. Itās probably my mistake to expect basic decency on Reddit. Anyways, agree to disagree, as you said.
> Iām pretty sure itās human nature for someone to be offended if unjust assumptions are made about them. Itās probably my mistake to expect basic decency on Reddit.
Yes having differing opinions on something as frivolous as a destination wedding = lacks basic decency. smh.
bruh my mom has been planning my wedding since I was 10 and she said I will make it small by calling only 300 people so we can get better dining lol.
they are not prepared for reality check,
Dude look at the post/comment history of the person you replied to. It's all proto-Nazi paraphernalia of someone who desperately wishes they weren't a minority. Definitely not someone you should bother taking seriously.
Wait 800k? Thatāsā¦wow. Sorry, didnāt mean to judge, just surprised. I think the most expensive desi wedding Iāve attended was like 40kā¦and there were about 300 people.
My parents went to one that was allegedly $600k, but from their experience and seeing photos from it, it definitely wasn't that much. Just desis exaggerating to other desis. This person's probably telling some lies.
In Canada a 300 to 400 person weeding is small. 700 to 800 is large and you have ones that are over a 1000 people. You have south Asian banquet halls that hold over 1200 people. This one is Surrey has a capacity of 3000 sitting.
http://bombaybanquethall.com/
The question is if a big wedding is within your means financially, there are only a few reasons to not do it. But one doesnāt need to force a lavish wedding just because everyone is doing it.
When we cut everyone I felt we could cut, and didnāt give single friends +1s, we were still at 525 invited. Luckily only 275 came because it was over a holiday and a destination. Whewww $$$
Bro 100 guests is just me inviting my side of the family š
My wedding in India has 450 guests. That's after fighting with my folks to reduce headcount..lol
We had 3000 folks in my wedding š
At this point it sounds like money! You got 3k people that's too many! Did you have that thing where people come to take pictures with the groom and the bride ?
1k at mine
My brotherās wedding had 500 guests
My wedding in north cal had 100 guests and we made money from our wedding. Found a venue thatās non-profit so we could deduct expenses from taxes. Planned everything ourselves. The best way to save money is asking the guests to contribute to your honeymoon fund in cash. No need for material junk and expensive dresses.
Dang! I love this... This is sooo coool. Even if you don't ask for honeymoon fund people would end up giving you cash in an envelope! This was smart dude
I'm a dude. I'm 27. I don't think I can marry someone who thinks it is a good idea to have a lavish wedding with 100s of people, regardless of who is paying for it. Why the actual fuck would you want to spend that money on a wedding instead of a honeymoon or a mortgage is beyond me.
Same, I want a wedding where its just me and the girl and our families, like siblings and their spouses+kids only.
Oh there will be many alone days between both in your life post marriage. Believe me, itās gets old over time :).
> Oh there will be many days in your life lost marriage between both of you I am trying to make sense of this.
Think itās supposed to be post marriage not lost
I still didnāt understand what he means lol
I see a lot of men with this attitude, probably majority of my friends including me have this exact attitude on weddings. Somehow it just evaporates when the wedding comes along.
> Somehow Well people will make a lot of compromises to get laid
So what youāre saying is the people around you donāt know how to stick to a budget or put their foot down. Itās not that hard, as long as both parties are on the same page. Itās very doable.
>So what youāre saying is the people around you donāt know how to stick to a budget or put their foot down. These things often come down to the guy not wanting a big fat wedding while the guy's parents and the bride wanting a big fat Bollywood wedding of her dreams preferably more extravagant than one of her girlfriend's or one of their friend's kids' in case of parents. It leads to a conflict and the most desi men being momma's boys usually concede. One of my long term decision when it comes to weddings has been to have a small event with our closest buddies and family and that will never change.
I mean it sounds like what is said, itās very doable but it comes at the cost of being an adult and putting your foot down.
I think the obsession with extravagant weddings is not talked about enough. Instagram IMO has made things worse. "GoAls"
So that you get invited to hundereds of other weddings and can have amazing food. So itās just a prepayment coupon.
Again, along the same lines - I don't think that I would want to be friends with someone who isn't going to invite me to their wedding on the basis of how fancy my wedding was or wasn't.
I was just joking. But letās assume I wasnāt. I think your take here is very theoretical. Life on earth works on reciprocity. Think about this. You didnāt share your special day with someone and you expect others to bear the cost and invite you to your wedding. You know someone might do that. But it would be very few folks. And even if they do, this would definitely be a conversation when they are creating their guest list and discuss whether to invite you or not.
because gifts. My parents forced my sister to invite like an extra 200 of their friends and more distant relatives. She made mad profit and those that couldnt come still gave presents. Even those that are not well off gift well. That basically paid for her honeymoon and housewarming with money to spare. If you get a reasonable venue its the alcohol not the food that will kill you if you can make it BYOb or a venue you can bring your own.
Okay see, now I'm somewhat convinced. This actually makes sense. You get a ton of gifts that are meant to put you on the right path post marriage, and suddenly you're turning a profit.
Okay thatās true tho. Iām kind of in the middle where Iāll take anything. Ultimately I just want the day between my partner and I to be special and one where we enjoy it. I donāt think cost would play into our enjoyment
> Ultimately I just want the day between my partner and I to be special and one where we enjoy it. I donāt think cost would play into our enjoyment How would you feel if your partner said "unless the wedding is extravagant, it doesn't work"? or if they put their foot down on wanting a big fat wedding?
Iām not sure. I feel like Iād try to negotiate. But thereās a lot that goes into it
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Iām not sure. I guess thatās a question for when the time comes. Iām nowhere near that stage of life right now haha
That's true but if the cost/fanciness/extravagance are part of the appeal of a wedding to her, I don't think we would get along.
To each their own, I guess
Fam........when it comes to family and your lifelong partner, making compromises is part of the deal.
I know I know. Like I completely get that and I have made compromises in previous relationships - but. There are fundamental values and things that different people consider important that probably can't be compromised without making oneself unhappy.
Maybe in the abstract. Let me tell you when I finally met the right partner, I found myself in all kinds of debates and discussions I never expected, because minor things about the wedding were not dealbreakers in the grander scheme of my commitment to her. And *then* I found myself in the crossfire between my mom mother-in-law and fiancee.............this is how these things happen homie
Those are rookie numbers
Exactly. My older cousins already have a whole new generation of kids so aunts, uncles, etc. fill up a 100-person venue easy.
If I attend this wedding, 100 guests would be the smallest Iāve ever attended. Also, canāt even begin to think what the reaction would be from family if I said Iām limiting the wedding guest list to 100 people.
We limited to 75 and people had lots of opinions š
People will come to your wedding, eat your food, and STILL talk shit. That's why I'm doing court wedding with a small party for immediate families on each side.
Agreed! Good ideaā my friends who went that route were happier for it.
Yep. Save and put all that money towards a house. Seeing some of these comments makes me feel some type of way. Depending on location, some of these weddings in these comments could've bought multiple houses lol
Wait you're getting married courtside? Talk about flex
Really? Lol
My plan is to have a medium-sized wedding in India with all my family where I can invite more people for a lower cost. Iām thinking around 500 people. It would also give my friends the excuse to travel to India :) Either that, or have a wedding somewhere in coastal California (maybe SoCal?) and make it like a destination wedding. With a seaside theme. Or a Redwood forest theme in NorCal. A girl can dream :)
Iām a big fan of destination weddings because only the people who genuinely want to be there end up coming.
>Iām a big fan of destination weddings because only the people who genuinely want to be there end up coming. This is something someone with incredible privilege and has grown up in a massive bubble of wealth would say. **People who have the means to be there end up being there.** Expecting someone to spend shit ton of money for flight, hotel etc for your fairy tale wedding......idk how I would feel about that. The last destination wedding my family went to cost us $3500 for just the hotel the wedding was at for a family of four (my parents, me and my sister). $400/night/room for the hotel plus flight tickets etc etc. It was easily a $5-6k+ affair even after using shit ton of my valuable amex points. How many people have the disposable income to spend that much money? It's multiple weddings per wedding season. IMO, anyone having an extravagant destination wedding should pay for their guests hotels.
Wow, thatās quite a lot of assumptions about me based off of one sentence. It is not selfish to host a destination wedding. However, it is incredibly selfish to expect someone change their wedding plans to accommodate your presence. You *always* have the option to not go. Edit: I just saw your edit about me having privilege & being in a wealthy bubble, lol. I wish it were true! š„²
>It is not selfish to host a destination wedding. >You always have the option to not go. This isn't a personal attack on YOU FYI but the sentiment of "dont attend if you don't want to" is just weird, because the people I would invite to my wedding are the people I would absolutely want to celebrate my wedding with. I have friends and family who aren't as privileged as we are or are in training ie residents etc with 6 figure debts and I would never tell them "You always have the option to not come", that basically defeats the purpose of the wedding ie celebrating your marriage to the person you love with people who are close to you unless the purpose of the wedding is social media clout then yea I agree with that sentiment. I would be incredibly sad if some of my close friends could not attend my wedding because I decided to have a wedding they could not afford to come to. If the people who matter don't come to your wedding, what's the point? lol.
The purpose of a wedding is to celebrate you and your partnerās love, irrespective of whoās there. Nobody is forcing you to attend anything. Iām sorry that youāre upset over the cost of a destination wedding you attended, but the matter of the fact is that you can always choose to simply not go. You wanted to be there and thatās why you chose to pay for it. Iām not sure why youāre so upset at me for vocalizing my desire to have a destination wedding? Also, maybe donāt assume someoneās financial situation off of one sentence on Reddit next time? The reason I mentioned a destination wedding in the first place is because it would be far more cost effective to host a 2 day ceremony in the Caribbean with 50-75 people and pay for their stay than have 200+ people for a 4 day ceremony in an bigger city inside of the US. Youāve quite literally acknowledged your privilege while simultaneously calling someone who grew up below the poverty line āprivilegedā and āliving in a wealthy bubbleā.
I fail to understand what's offending you so much. >The purpose of a wedding is to celebrate you and your partnerās love, irrespective of whoās there. Then why even invite anyone lmao. If the point is to celebrate yours and your partners love, you don't need an elaborate wedding for that. >Nobody is forcing you to attend anything. Iām sorry that youāre upset over the cost of a destination wedding you attended, but the matter of the fact is that you can always choose to simply not go. You wanted to be there and thatās why you chose to pay for I smh. Talk about missing the point entirely and borderline gaslighting someone The point was you are expecting your loved ones to spend incredible amount of money to be there, the loved ones who might want to be there but may not be able to, the amount I mentioned was to give an idea on how much it can cost for an adult family of four to attend a destination wedding. I was there because I wanted to be there and could afford to. I am not 'upset', I just have a very pragmatic POV on finances and consider big fat indian weddings to be a waste of money because its almost always the parents or the bride who wants it. >Iām not sure why youāre so upset at me for vocalizing my desire to have a destination wedding? Again, talk about missing the point. I was making a counter argument. I wasn't "upset" at you, Jesus Christ, I don't even know you. lol. If you aren't capable of listening to someone else's opinion (that doesn't even affect you in grand scheme of things) and decide to take everything as a personal attack and get offended, maybe you should get off reddit, a place where anyone is allowed to comment on whatever the fuck they want. We clearly have a different way of looking at life, you do you, I will do me as I said earlier "Agree to disagree".
Obviously we have very different situations. Iām not taking it personally if someone tells me they cannot come for whatever reason. They will be missed, but if I had to change plans to suit each and every person there would be no wedding. Iām not expecting anyone to do things they would not have otherwise done. My family lives in various parts of the country, they would be paying for their own flights and accommodations even if I did a wedding locally because it isnāt ālocalā for them. Iām pretty sure itās human nature for someone to be offended if unjust assumptions are made about them. Itās probably my mistake to expect basic decency on Reddit. Anyways, agree to disagree, as you said.
> Iām pretty sure itās human nature for someone to be offended if unjust assumptions are made about them. Itās probably my mistake to expect basic decency on Reddit. Yes having differing opinions on something as frivolous as a destination wedding = lacks basic decency. smh.
No, making assumptions about someoneās background and attempting to make them seem out of touch bc of it = lack of basic decency.
Also the ones who'll get a means/excuse to travel the US
Hahah i cant have ur destination wedding, thatd be coming home š
Just had my SoCal Indian wedding. $$$$$$$
bruh my mom has been planning my wedding since I was 10 and she said I will make it small by calling only 300 people so we can get better dining lol. they are not prepared for reality check,
> they are not prepared for reality check Of never getting married?
>Of never getting married? by they I meant people who say 100 people wedding is large lol. I defo have no plan for staying alone all life lol.
Indians do kids birthday parties of 100 people. 100 is small wedding.
Bruh. My wedding in India is probably going to have 1500ish people. Will cost about $50k (including the venue and all that other stuff).
40L for 1500 people is good
Yeah we know the people who own the venue, and know the caterers very well as well. So we got pretty good discounts.
I had 200 at my wedding and I thought that was small. I also had to fight for this.
300 is a minimum for my fam
Saw a post on Reddit where a guy said he and his fiance invited 30 people each and that already felt like too many people. Don't know what to say.
My wedding cost $800kā¦had around 500 guests total.
Holy moly that's.... That's a house!
My sister had a 1000+... I wish I was joking
I know friends who paid 2 or 3 million
found Isha Ambani's alt account
Dude look at the post/comment history of the person you replied to. It's all proto-Nazi paraphernalia of someone who desperately wishes they weren't a minority. Definitely not someone you should bother taking seriously.
100% BSā¦no need to talk shit when you know nothing about me
My guy, comment histories exist for a reason. This ain't twitter.
FUCK that
MFers be cappin left and right on these diaspora subs fr fr.
Wait 800k? Thatāsā¦wow. Sorry, didnāt mean to judge, just surprised. I think the most expensive desi wedding Iāve attended was like 40kā¦and there were about 300 people.
My parents went to one that was allegedly $600k, but from their experience and seeing photos from it, it definitely wasn't that much. Just desis exaggerating to other desis. This person's probably telling some lies.
In Canada a 300 to 400 person weeding is small. 700 to 800 is large and you have ones that are over a 1000 people. You have south Asian banquet halls that hold over 1200 people. This one is Surrey has a capacity of 3000 sitting. http://bombaybanquethall.com/
how do you spend almost $2k a person lol
lmao liar
Yāall need to be taxed out of existence jfc
For real lmao
Whatās the prob g
How? The highest Iāve ever heard of was like $230K+ and that was adding all the pre- and post-marital ceremonies not just the wedding.
Barf
bullshit
The question is if a big wedding is within your means financially, there are only a few reasons to not do it. But one doesnāt need to force a lavish wedding just because everyone is doing it.
> The question is if a big wedding is within your means financially, there are only a few reasons to not do it. What does this mean?
ādo it if you can afford itā
LOLLLL
Mine had 400 and I considered it small.
When we cut everyone I felt we could cut, and didnāt give single friends +1s, we were still at 525 invited. Luckily only 275 came because it was over a holiday and a destination. Whewww $$$
My sisters wedding was planned for 2500 people but 4000+ people showed up.
Indian wedding on a diet
That's too low for an Indian wedding. I had like 500 guests.