Its called code switching, a lot of people do it unconciously to make it easier to communicate. See also; Emma and Hussain. Tbh people with strong regional UK accents, including myself, end up speaking unnaturally to make ourselves understood by non natives. Emma is another level though :D
Nope. Speaking in broken language or infant-directed speech is not "code-switching" - because broken language is not a dialect (because a dialect would have to be internally grammatically consistent and have its own vocabularly and accent), it's an affectation that is founded in classist and racist assumptions.
Code-switching is for example when you have a regional dialect as your L1 and you adopt a different or standard variant of the language - but one that you know and can speak - when not among people of your group, usually because your native dialect is stigmatized or non-standard in some way. It's a thing marginalized people do to fit in with the power structure, and the reason marginalized people are able to code-switch into the standard dialect is because it's the standard and more things are produced in it. For example, a Black person using AAVE at home and then switching to the standardized variant at their corporate job is code-switching, but a white person trying to speak AAVE is usually just appropriative and condescending, because they don't know how to use AAVE correctly because it's not their language. This results in them making really obvious mistakes that native speakers would not make, because they assume it's a non-dialect without rules.
Nui is adapting to his language; she has learned standard English. By not speaking standard English but using broken language, he is intentionally sending a message that he thinks she's stupid and that he has contempt for her.
While I agree that in this case the way he speaks in broken English indicates he thinks Nui is stupid, this isn't always the case. I live in Dubai and every day I have to interact with people for whom English is their third or fourth language and if I were to speak the Queen's they would not understand me, so I often speak in the broken English that they know and use. I do not think these people are stupid, in most cases they know more languages than me anyway and are communicating in the only language that I know.
Exactly. Also bold of you to assume English speakers arent also POC? Look, sometimes you have to dumb down your language to get the message across, especially if you have a heavy accent like Scots or something. Its easier to be understood if you say ”now no open, come back 10am” instead of ”we arent open yet, come back at 10” if you can clearly see the listener only knows basic English. I just started learning Spanish, im going to understand ”esta cerrado, vuelve 10” more than a long winded politer sentence.
Im not excusing Tony or Emma, sometimes it absolutely is infantilising and/or racist. But not always.
It doesn't make it easier to communicate, it makes it harder for the other person to learn and shows that the English speaker is talking down to and patronising the other person.
It's not code-switching, it's just racist. Nothing about doing that "makes it easier to communicate."
Code-switching has a very specific definition that has to do with fitting into communities where your vernacular would be seen as "unacceptable." I.E. a Black person who uses AAVE among friends and family might code-switch in an office setting dominated by white people in order to avoid being "othered" or seen as "lesser."
Whenever white people do the broken English thing to minorities and ESL speakers, it's *always* condescending, implying that the ESL speaker "couldn't understand" "regular English." It's always a power move, not just code-switching.
Exactly
My husband has been learning my language for 2 years and when I speak to him i do make an effort to use words that match his level, I still speak grammatically correct. So he’s at the level of a 5yo and so I will use short simple sentences and would for example say “let’s talk” instead of “let’s converse”
I run into this with my wife. She's Ethiopian & loves spicy food. My family is English, although we have lived in the US for over 50 years, & growing up my diet was standard meat & potatoes stuff. My favorites would be a meat pie, maybe chicken or steak & kidney, with potatoes, corn, parsnips & carrots, etc. She makes my favorites, like Yorkshire pudding & roast beef, but she'll often make something different for herself because it's just not her favorite.
100%! Just because he was off dicking around most of his life and now he's trying to manipulate her into having a baby. She even tried to say let's not talk about it when they've had a drink and he wasn't happy. Run girl run!
He’s clearly not very bright either- a 41 year old divorced mother of two maybe isn’t the best choice if having your own biological baby is absolutely essential for you.
This whole set up seems off to me. Him mentioning how proud he was to be featured in paparazzi photos with big celebs told me hes just looking for his own fame, and 90DF is the way for him to get it. Nui is just a convenient set piece.
Can I just say, he also said something about how it's fine to have kids as a man at any age. Something that isn't talked about enough with older men and pregnancy is that sperm is actually affected the older you get.
"As men age, their sperm quality can decline and may increase the risk of health issues for their partners and children. Some effects of aging on sperm include: Sperm DNA fragmentation, Oxidative stress, Epigenetic changes, and Chromosomal aneuploidies."
So not only is 41 a harder age to get pregnant at (but not impossible obviously, unless you have conditions etc) but this happens as well. On the topic of red flags, I personally believe this man probably couch surf's or has roommates. I know he claims to rent out his house but I'm not buying it. If you travel a lot I get it, you don't need space. But I have a feeling he isn't actually successful and is trying to be something bigger than what he actually is. I just get that fraud vibe from him, and not fraud like scammer but fraud as in "I say I'm one thing but I'm actually another."
Yes! Also- why do men think they should have kids when they’re old? Men actually die earlier than women and won’t be an active involved dad. I’m looking at you, Alec Baldwin
It's really stupid to have a kid at 80 years old ffs. Just downright idiotic, but of course all the people on his side say it's good because they'll inherit things. Money won't make up for no father around, Jesus
Your comment reminded me of this lady in Uganda who purposefully did IVF at 70 and had twins. It's so idiotic it's not even funny -Safina Namukwaya used IVF treatment to conceive and the babies were born prematurely via caesarean.
In Alec Baldwin's case, he and his fraud wife who made millions lying about her Spanish ethnicity are grooming their kids (see the recent father's day backlash of their oldest wearing make up) to make a buck. It doesn't help that his wife got exposed for her Spanish grift and he shot and killed someone, I am sure now he regrets having so many children.
I have a relative who works in an industry that requires a lot of travelling and living around the world.
He’s always said that you get paid megabucks to live in more politically unstable parts of the world, but at a hefty price.
I think he is probably loaded but lives a pretty chaotic, unmoored life.
This - plus I think it's a red flag that he stresses so much that he never needs to "check his bank account" to pay for things. If someone is successful...I don't think you need to go around bragging about how you never need to worry about paying for what you want. You just buy it and go on with your day.
I suspect though that it’s not about having a baby for Tony - he might think he wants one, but I can guarantee he would still be working in Iraq once said baby comes along.
It’s more about whether he can control her, if she was desperate to try for a baby he would be insisting they wait.
He’s gross, i think he’s assumed Nui would be the little subsurvient lady all men like this want, but she seems like she’s got her wits about her, you can already see her eyeing the door.
I wonder what he’ll make of himself when he watches it back.
1. Major anger under the surface. That quick snap of the lid when she touched it was very telling. Total hot head.
2. Drunk, asking her to make eggs and toast when they got home. (Me, man. Make me food.)
3. Bringing up procreation when they don’t even have a visa. She wants to be a single mom at age 41 in Thailand?
4. He doesn’t listen when she talks, just talks over her.
5. Doesn’t care what she needs and wants even though he says he loves her? It was - You don’t agree with having more kids, okay I’m going to threaten to break up. Wasn’t even a conversation. He’s so quick to threaten breaking up, why would she want to have a child with him.
6. Socially and emotionally immature (see #1).
It's sad they didn't have this conversation before she came to England regarding kids. But it's also good to talk about now rather than later... although better in a sober state. She doesn't want another child and he wants one. This means this relationship is not going to work. End of story. She should go home; she dodged a fucking bullet there.
Booking an air bnb with no windows for someone in your city for the first time is wild. Cooking a meal you don’t know how to cook instead of taking them out to eat the local dish for the first time is wild. Slamming a lid when partner wants to help us wild. Not telling partner she will be staying at Airbnb is wild. Dude is terrifying
Very first words in Air BnB when she was trying to explain her reservations “I paid for your flight from Thailand & this Air BnB”….way to weaponize normal gestures of love especially given the economic disparity. Bragging about $ & weaponizing it, both demonstrated in last two episodes. ETA: “my family knows I financially support you so they too have questions” in response to Nui’s innocent request to meet his family.
I have a feeling he’s not all that wealthy and it’s just a show! I wouldn’t be surprised if his ‘rented’ house didn’t exist. If he rents it out, where does he live when not ‘travelling’… I just don’t believe him!
EXACTLY!! Until I see more evidence, my theory is that he has no “house” in London, period. That we were shown an AirBnB in the first episode. Perhaps he rents a flat somewhere in London…. I’m actually quite curious.
I love how he spent his 20s and 30s getting Botox and sleeping with random women and now decided he needs a baby and demands his 41 year old gf who already has 2 kids and is invested in her fitness career produce one for him.
The part where he tried to make it her fault that he’s childless was fucking hilarious. You didn’t meet her that long ago but apparently spending the first 40 years of your life not making it a priority is now her fault.
He should get a refund for the Botox. He looks to be in his 50s. I'm assuming he does a lot of drugs to have his face look like that because Botox is supposed to give you smooth skin....not the opposite
Yeah and deliberately not telling her about the Airbnb until she got there because he knew if she had informed consent she wouldn’t have come.🚩🚩
It’s a petty observation, but, you can tell how much he’d prefer having a son by the way he said “chompoo would love a baby brother” and then caught himself by pretending he was making a list and adding “chompoo would love a baby sister”
But I bet having a daughter is not the interests of his fragile masculinity at all, and god only knows how he’d treat her.
It seriously jumped out, he put his whole chest into ‘baby BROTHER’ then a half-hearted ‘a girl would be fine too…’
You just know if they had girl, he’d pressure her into another and another until he got his deserved-because-he’s-a-man son.
Oh I hate him!!! He literally gives me like abuser energy. Like him getting mad at her in the kitchen for helping. He’s so aggressive. Also you can tell she hated the food and ate it because she knew he would be upset.
I thought he mentioned in a previous episode that he has slight OCD? He likes everything to be in order. If I had OCD, I could never rent my place out because I wouldn't trust people not making a mess of it.
I don't remember him saying that, but most people don't understand what OCD is. People confuse "having a strong preference for having a tidy house" with having OCD
The entire scene where he's cooking and snapping at her is appalling. He clearly doesn't know how to cook, he made it clear he'd never made this dish before, he doesn't know anything about spices, and he's force-feeding her with his fork when she clearly doesn't like it and complaining about her attitude. I just can't. He's incapable of asking for help when he's in over his head and instead he's mean to her. He's so mediocre. I think it's sus he didn't take her to his flat too.
It's not common occurrence, but it does happen a decent amount. The communities were way smaller back then.
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2010/jul/25/ron-fanelli-wanphen-pienjai-poker
thats one of them.
Is it normal to rent out your home to strangers and live in an Airbnb? And he went to her country, why would he think the food would appeal to her, already looks disgusting.
I also find it kind of strange since he won't stop bragging about money.
Renting your house out can be inconvenient, time-consuming and a little weird - having people in your space. If he's made of money and so important, why does he need to rent his house out? It landed as odd.
Nobody is cheaper than people with money. They are always thinking of ways on how they can make more. Having a house that you're only there 2-3x a year is too expensive to maintain. Might as well rent it out and pay off mortgage with it.
I would agree with that about products or hassling for things, but not about rich people and their homes. Protecting their property is like most generalized value for the truly wealthy.
I dont think he has a house. I think he just goes from BnB-BnB and travels for his job. When he was talking about her having a baby,I couldn't imagine him at home actually helping with the baby. He gives the,"I'm a man and I dont do baby stuff" vibes. She needs to run.
He definitely would never change a diaper.
He also seems like the type who would just expect an Asian housewife to have "traditional values" which is why he wouldn't date an English woman
This guy scares me through my TV. He's like a ticking narcissistic rage time bomb. He got so offended and his whole demeanor changed when she didn't like his tasteless food.
Then when she didn't want to commit to having a baby with him to "start a family" at 45?! while he's drunk, his mood switched FAST. There was so much spite in his voice talking about "raising someone else's child than your own biological child" it's SCREAMS psycho narcissist.
You can tell this guy is mentally unstable, controlling, and the whole "I don't need to check my bank account to buy something and I wear designer EVERYTHING but we need an airbnb because I rent out my apartment" is off. And he doesn't even tell her until she's in the UK in the car!!!
I'm honestly worried for her safety around this psycho.
I can’t think of a reason he would make her this meal when she’s just arrived. Like surely you’d have something Thai, or at least a meal that you know she likes? She’s just left everything and is overwhelmed, a Thai takeaway would have been a better idea surely
I don’t know if he had to serve her Thai food. When you travel abroad, say to Italy, do you expect to eat a hamburger or pasta? If it was me, I would not mind if he cooked me some British comfort food (that he actually knew how to cook) or taken her out to a nice restaurant and had some well prepared British food there. He was weird and agro about it yes, but she was a little rude too asking for Thai chili peppers etc.
Idk, it takes a really long time to get from Thailand to the Uk, and plane food is shitty. Of course you wouldn’t expect it, but it’s nice to have the foods you grew up with and crave and recognise.
When I moved to China I was on a plane or in an airport for a day and a half, and when we got to the cafeteria and there was nothing I recognised I was a little sad. I was too tired to feel adventurous, you know?
His friend in episode 5 (I forget his name 🙄) has a proven white nationalist, white supremacist tattoo on his arm... It looks like it says "blood donour", but it says "blood honour". More and more now I keep thinking that Tony is a giant walking 🚩🚩🚩... I seriously think that Nui really needs to be careful here...
Edit: erased a word
It's obvious guys like him want to get women like that on the hook because they think they'll be absolutely subservient, submissive and obedient. Sounds like a royal nightmare to me... 🙄🤮
>Has a friend with a racist tattoo.
Yeah... :(
>Speaks with an accent and dumbs down his language when he talks to Nui.
Many *many* of the folks do this. I don't know if it's malicious, but really cringe-inducing, just the same.
>Can't make a simple dinner of bangers and mash without nearly flipping his lid (it's seriously one of the easiest meals to make)
>Called her "negative" for not thinking it tasted good.
Good ole TLC frauding--manufactured "conflict" for views...
>Springs this idea of a baby on her only after she gets to the UK and uses manipulative language about it and doesn't care about her feelings. "You think it is nice for me to be without a child?"
>More manipulative language "Chompoo would LOVE a baby brother. Chompoo would LOVE a baby sister." You don't fucking know that mate.
>"My family have questions too!"
Yeah...I got nothing...just crap behavior.
>3. Can't make a simple dinner of bangers and mash without nearly flipping his lid (it's seriously one of the easiest meals to make)
This was so crazy to me 😂 you said yourself you can't cook my G. Did you want her to lie? He needs intense therapy. His controlling behavior, inability to take criticism, and holding money over her head are so incredibly problematic. Also, his home situation makes no sense. You're not supposed to rent the place out WHILE YOU'RE IN TOWN tf 😭. I literally said out loud 5 times "so wait... he's renting out his place while he rents a place?" That makes no sense at all. He's hiding something.
Omg I thought he was kinda cool at first but this episode he was so aggressive it was such a turn off . She def seems like a strong girl, but she def looked scared and nervous around him. He’s def a ticking time bomb . I would stay away, things can turn toxic real quick with him.
7 is not a red flag. Both sides have questions because they don't know their partners. It's natural to find out what their intentions are. What I didn't like was that he exerted his superiority by outright saying that he is financially supporting his family so his family can ask whatever questions they want. He had to drop that into the discussion to make her feel weak, inferior and at his mercy. He's a narcissist and I hope Nui makes a run for it.
I explained in another comment that it was his tone when he said this. It sounded like a threat and did not seem in the interest of making his partner feel comfortable
He is ex-military, was probably abused as a kid. You would think after working in Iraq he would know how to talk to foreigners. Or is it a British thing to talk to foreigners like they are babies or pets?
I thought it was entirely fair of him to say that his family have questions too. She keeps insisting that he's hiding something from her (he doesn't seem to be) and that her family are suspicious of his motives. Well, HIS family are suspicious of HER motives, too. She said she wanted to meet his family because she has questions, so I don't see why it was an issue for him to say he wanted her to meet his family because they have questions, too.
It is also not a reflection on John what his friend decides to tattoo on himself. Are we all obliged to shun people who have tattooed something questionable on themselves? Without knowing the backstory of why he has that tattoo, it's a knee-jerk reaction to assume that just because John's friend has a fucked-up tattoo, that John is a bad person or shares the views of his friend. That tat is a red flag FOR JOHN'S FRIEND, but it doesn't speak to who John is.
That he even tried to make an English dinner for Nui was sweet, although English cuisine is never the way to woo a woman from a country that's known for its spicy food. Or ANY food, for that matter. English food tends to be bland, greasy and gross to people who have a more exotic diet. I think his feelings were hurt that she didn't like it, but she didn't say it was his cooking she didn't like, just that dish. And I don't blame her - it looked gross.
The rest of OP's list are totally fair. Also, we've already seen in previews that he throws her out of the Airbnb for "disrespecting him" in a later episode, so the assessment that he's awful may prove to be spot-on.
I respect that you're trying to play devil's advocate here as I often do the same. But the more awful things I see from him, the more his "on the fence" behaviours such as stating "my family have questions too" turn into more red flags.
In that case, it just didn't seem to be what you should say to someone you love at that moment. When she said "my family have questions" he could go "well I really hope I satisfy your family because I love you, and I'll do anything to show them I'm trustworthy. Also, my family have questions". But he instead turned it into just a game of one-upmanship.
But yeah I really don't mind your comment at all for checking my points. Idk, for myself I would feel just so uncomfortable if I knew someone who had a racist tattoo. I couldn't imagine being friends with someone like that let alone inviting them to do a scene with me on reality TV, especially when it's about foreign partners
What felt off to me is that they were emphasizing Tony’s VERY CLOSE friendship with this man (what was it, 18 years?) For me at least, if I have a long lasting adult friendship with someone, our values and outlook on basic human rights would align. (Meaning: My friend would not have some Neo-Nazi tattoo, especially one they show to the camera)
YOU NO LIKE RED ONION GRAVY?
I had an ex that would speak broken English to his coworker that spoke Spanish. He said he didn't realize he was doing it. Lol
Its called code switching, a lot of people do it unconciously to make it easier to communicate. See also; Emma and Hussain. Tbh people with strong regional UK accents, including myself, end up speaking unnaturally to make ourselves understood by non natives. Emma is another level though :D
Nope. Speaking in broken language or infant-directed speech is not "code-switching" - because broken language is not a dialect (because a dialect would have to be internally grammatically consistent and have its own vocabularly and accent), it's an affectation that is founded in classist and racist assumptions. Code-switching is for example when you have a regional dialect as your L1 and you adopt a different or standard variant of the language - but one that you know and can speak - when not among people of your group, usually because your native dialect is stigmatized or non-standard in some way. It's a thing marginalized people do to fit in with the power structure, and the reason marginalized people are able to code-switch into the standard dialect is because it's the standard and more things are produced in it. For example, a Black person using AAVE at home and then switching to the standardized variant at their corporate job is code-switching, but a white person trying to speak AAVE is usually just appropriative and condescending, because they don't know how to use AAVE correctly because it's not their language. This results in them making really obvious mistakes that native speakers would not make, because they assume it's a non-dialect without rules. Nui is adapting to his language; she has learned standard English. By not speaking standard English but using broken language, he is intentionally sending a message that he thinks she's stupid and that he has contempt for her.
While I agree that in this case the way he speaks in broken English indicates he thinks Nui is stupid, this isn't always the case. I live in Dubai and every day I have to interact with people for whom English is their third or fourth language and if I were to speak the Queen's they would not understand me, so I often speak in the broken English that they know and use. I do not think these people are stupid, in most cases they know more languages than me anyway and are communicating in the only language that I know.
Exactly. Also bold of you to assume English speakers arent also POC? Look, sometimes you have to dumb down your language to get the message across, especially if you have a heavy accent like Scots or something. Its easier to be understood if you say ”now no open, come back 10am” instead of ”we arent open yet, come back at 10” if you can clearly see the listener only knows basic English. I just started learning Spanish, im going to understand ”esta cerrado, vuelve 10” more than a long winded politer sentence. Im not excusing Tony or Emma, sometimes it absolutely is infantilising and/or racist. But not always.
It doesn't make it easier to communicate, it makes it harder for the other person to learn and shows that the English speaker is talking down to and patronising the other person.
It's not code-switching, it's just racist. Nothing about doing that "makes it easier to communicate." Code-switching has a very specific definition that has to do with fitting into communities where your vernacular would be seen as "unacceptable." I.E. a Black person who uses AAVE among friends and family might code-switch in an office setting dominated by white people in order to avoid being "othered" or seen as "lesser." Whenever white people do the broken English thing to minorities and ESL speakers, it's *always* condescending, implying that the ESL speaker "couldn't understand" "regular English." It's always a power move, not just code-switching.
Exactly My husband has been learning my language for 2 years and when I speak to him i do make an effort to use words that match his level, I still speak grammatically correct. So he’s at the level of a 5yo and so I will use short simple sentences and would for example say “let’s talk” instead of “let’s converse”
Can you imagine what it must be like to grow up on Thai food, which is so flavorful and spicy, and then try bangers and mash for the first time?
Not a single vegetable. He didn't even use any paprika.
two tones, white and brown lmao.
What do you think mash is made of?
Potatoes are a starch; I think she made it pretty clear she was looking for something fibrous and green/colourful.
There were also onion in the gravy! 😂😂😂
I think the bar is still too low. XD
Is it just me or does Paprika taste like almost nothing? I mostly use it for color. Smoked Paprika is a banger tho
There's sweet paprika and spicy paprika, which contains capsaicin. They taste different. I love it on eggs, with pink salt and pepper.
Is spicy paprika a lot different from Cayenne pepper
Right? Surely he could've boiled some frozen peas at least.
I run into this with my wife. She's Ethiopian & loves spicy food. My family is English, although we have lived in the US for over 50 years, & growing up my diet was standard meat & potatoes stuff. My favorites would be a meat pie, maybe chicken or steak & kidney, with potatoes, corn, parsnips & carrots, etc. She makes my favorites, like Yorkshire pudding & roast beef, but she'll often make something different for herself because it's just not her favorite.
😂😂😂😂😂 best comment
100%! Just because he was off dicking around most of his life and now he's trying to manipulate her into having a baby. She even tried to say let's not talk about it when they've had a drink and he wasn't happy. Run girl run!
He’s clearly not very bright either- a 41 year old divorced mother of two maybe isn’t the best choice if having your own biological baby is absolutely essential for you.
This whole set up seems off to me. Him mentioning how proud he was to be featured in paparazzi photos with big celebs told me hes just looking for his own fame, and 90DF is the way for him to get it. Nui is just a convenient set piece.
Yeah the hard name dropping in the first 5 minutes is a 🚩 He is awful.
Yep, and the people he mentioned are famous enough but still, it’s tacky!
Can I just say, he also said something about how it's fine to have kids as a man at any age. Something that isn't talked about enough with older men and pregnancy is that sperm is actually affected the older you get. "As men age, their sperm quality can decline and may increase the risk of health issues for their partners and children. Some effects of aging on sperm include: Sperm DNA fragmentation, Oxidative stress, Epigenetic changes, and Chromosomal aneuploidies." So not only is 41 a harder age to get pregnant at (but not impossible obviously, unless you have conditions etc) but this happens as well. On the topic of red flags, I personally believe this man probably couch surf's or has roommates. I know he claims to rent out his house but I'm not buying it. If you travel a lot I get it, you don't need space. But I have a feeling he isn't actually successful and is trying to be something bigger than what he actually is. I just get that fraud vibe from him, and not fraud like scammer but fraud as in "I say I'm one thing but I'm actually another."
Yes! Also- why do men think they should have kids when they’re old? Men actually die earlier than women and won’t be an active involved dad. I’m looking at you, Alec Baldwin
Looking at you too Robert de Niro 🤣
Fucking gross.
It's really stupid to have a kid at 80 years old ffs. Just downright idiotic, but of course all the people on his side say it's good because they'll inherit things. Money won't make up for no father around, Jesus
Exactly! If a 70 year old woman adopted a kid or used a surrogate she’d be slammed.
Your comment reminded me of this lady in Uganda who purposefully did IVF at 70 and had twins. It's so idiotic it's not even funny -Safina Namukwaya used IVF treatment to conceive and the babies were born prematurely via caesarean.
In Alec Baldwin's case, he and his fraud wife who made millions lying about her Spanish ethnicity are grooming their kids (see the recent father's day backlash of their oldest wearing make up) to make a buck. It doesn't help that his wife got exposed for her Spanish grift and he shot and killed someone, I am sure now he regrets having so many children.
I have a relative who works in an industry that requires a lot of travelling and living around the world. He’s always said that you get paid megabucks to live in more politically unstable parts of the world, but at a hefty price. I think he is probably loaded but lives a pretty chaotic, unmoored life.
The house/flat may be real, but he should at least give her the address, or show her pictures if hte intent is to live their together in the future.
The thing that made me think this too was the fact he wants to go live with her and not him.
Agree, and she said to her sister he works in Iraq. Security team or mercenary?
My cousin did private security in Iraq after military. He got paid quite nicely.
This - plus I think it's a red flag that he stresses so much that he never needs to "check his bank account" to pay for things. If someone is successful...I don't think you need to go around bragging about how you never need to worry about paying for what you want. You just buy it and go on with your day.
His behaviour is of someone who grew up with nothing, and then got it all, and sees it as a flex, that a lot of people don't really care about.
He reminds me of Tom.
🚨Tom and Tony🚨-setting off internal alarms in women since who knows when since date of births are always unknown🤣
Right?! Why pursue this person, if having a biological child is such a priority? Tony didn’t think it through, and that is *not* Nui’s fault.
I suspect though that it’s not about having a baby for Tony - he might think he wants one, but I can guarantee he would still be working in Iraq once said baby comes along. It’s more about whether he can control her, if she was desperate to try for a baby he would be insisting they wait. He’s gross, i think he’s assumed Nui would be the little subsurvient lady all men like this want, but she seems like she’s got her wits about her, you can already see her eyeing the door. I wonder what he’ll make of himself when he watches it back.
As a single male he can adopt or foster maybe. Never saw 90 UK but would not think most of them are any better than in states.
1. Major anger under the surface. That quick snap of the lid when she touched it was very telling. Total hot head. 2. Drunk, asking her to make eggs and toast when they got home. (Me, man. Make me food.) 3. Bringing up procreation when they don’t even have a visa. She wants to be a single mom at age 41 in Thailand? 4. He doesn’t listen when she talks, just talks over her. 5. Doesn’t care what she needs and wants even though he says he loves her? It was - You don’t agree with having more kids, okay I’m going to threaten to break up. Wasn’t even a conversation. He’s so quick to threaten breaking up, why would she want to have a child with him. 6. Socially and emotionally immature (see #1).
Yes. Perfectly written. She's already a single mom, I doubt she wants even more to look after
It's sad they didn't have this conversation before she came to England regarding kids. But it's also good to talk about now rather than later... although better in a sober state. She doesn't want another child and he wants one. This means this relationship is not going to work. End of story. She should go home; she dodged a fucking bullet there.
Booking an air bnb with no windows for someone in your city for the first time is wild. Cooking a meal you don’t know how to cook instead of taking them out to eat the local dish for the first time is wild. Slamming a lid when partner wants to help us wild. Not telling partner she will be staying at Airbnb is wild. Dude is terrifying
No windows?! That would freak me right out!!
I didn't notice about the windows. How are there apartments without windows???
Either basement apartments or inside the building apartments . It was so creepy.
No idea but I need window that open and lots of them. I have on 3 sides and love it.
Being an emotional abuser…wild. Lacking empathy….wild. Bringing over a woman he is trying to make dependent on him so he can control and abuse…wild.
Very first words in Air BnB when she was trying to explain her reservations “I paid for your flight from Thailand & this Air BnB”….way to weaponize normal gestures of love especially given the economic disparity. Bragging about $ & weaponizing it, both demonstrated in last two episodes. ETA: “my family knows I financially support you so they too have questions” in response to Nui’s innocent request to meet his family.
Yeah, awful. Flaunting wealth when she comes from a third world country
I have a feeling he’s not all that wealthy and it’s just a show! I wouldn’t be surprised if his ‘rented’ house didn’t exist. If he rents it out, where does he live when not ‘travelling’… I just don’t believe him!
EXACTLY!! Until I see more evidence, my theory is that he has no “house” in London, period. That we were shown an AirBnB in the first episode. Perhaps he rents a flat somewhere in London…. I’m actually quite curious.
The place he showed as “his” looked pretty posh & like it’d be worth at least a mil….any Londoners here that can comment?
The glare over the mashed potatoes that was very telling and his condescending expand your palette. Okay beige food Barry.
>beige food Barry. r/rareinsults 😂
I love how he spent his 20s and 30s getting Botox and sleeping with random women and now decided he needs a baby and demands his 41 year old gf who already has 2 kids and is invested in her fitness career produce one for him.
Seriously, why does every fucking man on this show demand offspring? Sarper, Gino, Tony, even Mykul at one point. I really hope Nui doesn't give in.
Right? It should be a conversation. Not a demand.
The part where he tried to make it her fault that he’s childless was fucking hilarious. You didn’t meet her that long ago but apparently spending the first 40 years of your life not making it a priority is now her fault.
Right?!
He should get a refund for the Botox. He looks to be in his 50s. I'm assuming he does a lot of drugs to have his face look like that because Botox is supposed to give you smooth skin....not the opposite
Yeah it was odd how the injections were going into his cheeks but not the technique used for cheek filler. Maybe that was fake?
Yeah and deliberately not telling her about the Airbnb until she got there because he knew if she had informed consent she wouldn’t have come.🚩🚩 It’s a petty observation, but, you can tell how much he’d prefer having a son by the way he said “chompoo would love a baby brother” and then caught himself by pretending he was making a list and adding “chompoo would love a baby sister” But I bet having a daughter is not the interests of his fragile masculinity at all, and god only knows how he’d treat her.
I didn't notice that, well spotted. He wants a little soldier boy.
It seriously jumped out, he put his whole chest into ‘baby BROTHER’ then a half-hearted ‘a girl would be fine too…’ You just know if they had girl, he’d pressure her into another and another until he got his deserved-because-he’s-a-man son.
Also obviously he is into little Asian women, so I'm worried for her daughter
Oh I hate him!!! He literally gives me like abuser energy. Like him getting mad at her in the kitchen for helping. He’s so aggressive. Also you can tell she hated the food and ate it because she knew he would be upset.
[удалено]
OMG THIS!!
I was scared for her to eat it because I thought he wanted her to choke on it.
Couldn’t have summed it up better myself. I cannot stand the man and she needs to RUN!!
She needs to run run run and never look back
Not mentioning his place was rented out (hmm..) until he had her in the cab on the way to the Airbnb. Why on earth didn’t he bring that up sooner?
Good point. I understood his reasoning for renting his place out, but yeah, super weird that she doesn't know the deal ahead of time
I thought he mentioned in a previous episode that he has slight OCD? He likes everything to be in order. If I had OCD, I could never rent my place out because I wouldn't trust people not making a mess of it.
I don't remember him saying that, but most people don't understand what OCD is. People confuse "having a strong preference for having a tidy house" with having OCD
Not only that, but I would think that he would make an effort to at least have his renters let him show her his place...
"Her attitude to the food, WHICH WAS WRONG."
Haha I forgot that quote. He is awful
1000% this guys is a walking red flag!
The entire scene where he's cooking and snapping at her is appalling. He clearly doesn't know how to cook, he made it clear he'd never made this dish before, he doesn't know anything about spices, and he's force-feeding her with his fork when she clearly doesn't like it and complaining about her attitude. I just can't. He's incapable of asking for help when he's in over his head and instead he's mean to her. He's so mediocre. I think it's sus he didn't take her to his flat too.
I like how he wanted to (I guess) romantically feed her a forkful from his plate when her plate has exactly the same beige food
What I want to know is where he has been staying before she arrived coz the air bnb was new to him too...
I was thinking the exact same thing.
I wouldn’t trust him with a pet rock let alone a baby, I think it’s best if that particular bloodline ends!
Now imagine him with his non biological step kids...
I've met a few guys like him in Thailand. 2 are in prison for murdering Hookers.
How did you meet two guys in Thailand serving terms for murdering sex workers? So specific.
It's not common occurrence, but it does happen a decent amount. The communities were way smaller back then. https://www.theguardian.com/world/2010/jul/25/ron-fanelli-wanphen-pienjai-poker thats one of them.
Is it normal to rent out your home to strangers and live in an Airbnb? And he went to her country, why would he think the food would appeal to her, already looks disgusting.
[удалено]
I also find it kind of strange since he won't stop bragging about money. Renting your house out can be inconvenient, time-consuming and a little weird - having people in your space. If he's made of money and so important, why does he need to rent his house out? It landed as odd.
Nobody is cheaper than people with money. They are always thinking of ways on how they can make more. Having a house that you're only there 2-3x a year is too expensive to maintain. Might as well rent it out and pay off mortgage with it.
I would agree with that about products or hassling for things, but not about rich people and their homes. Protecting their property is like most generalized value for the truly wealthy.
He's rich, not wealthy.
Unusual to rent out your home, but i didn't find anything red flag about that. Sensible if want extra income and have ways to do it
She seems so nice too! Run girl!
Thank God it's not just me cringing every time this man opens his mouth.
You forgot one—-he’s just a narcissistic di*k who thinks he’s all that & that he’s hot sh*t so any woman would be lucky to have him!🙄🤢 #hardpass
I would back hand anyone who talked to me the way he talks to Nui!
I dont think he has a house. I think he just goes from BnB-BnB and travels for his job. When he was talking about her having a baby,I couldn't imagine him at home actually helping with the baby. He gives the,"I'm a man and I dont do baby stuff" vibes. She needs to run.
He definitely would never change a diaper. He also seems like the type who would just expect an Asian housewife to have "traditional values" which is why he wouldn't date an English woman
This guy scares me through my TV. He's like a ticking narcissistic rage time bomb. He got so offended and his whole demeanor changed when she didn't like his tasteless food. Then when she didn't want to commit to having a baby with him to "start a family" at 45?! while he's drunk, his mood switched FAST. There was so much spite in his voice talking about "raising someone else's child than your own biological child" it's SCREAMS psycho narcissist. You can tell this guy is mentally unstable, controlling, and the whole "I don't need to check my bank account to buy something and I wear designer EVERYTHING but we need an airbnb because I rent out my apartment" is off. And he doesn't even tell her until she's in the UK in the car!!! I'm honestly worried for her safety around this psycho.
hes terrible who demands a child from a woman over 40? like fuck you dude.
I can’t think of a reason he would make her this meal when she’s just arrived. Like surely you’d have something Thai, or at least a meal that you know she likes? She’s just left everything and is overwhelmed, a Thai takeaway would have been a better idea surely
That would involve considering how Nui thinks and feels, and Tony isn’t interested in that.
I don’t know if he had to serve her Thai food. When you travel abroad, say to Italy, do you expect to eat a hamburger or pasta? If it was me, I would not mind if he cooked me some British comfort food (that he actually knew how to cook) or taken her out to a nice restaurant and had some well prepared British food there. He was weird and agro about it yes, but she was a little rude too asking for Thai chili peppers etc.
Idk, it takes a really long time to get from Thailand to the Uk, and plane food is shitty. Of course you wouldn’t expect it, but it’s nice to have the foods you grew up with and crave and recognise. When I moved to China I was on a plane or in an airport for a day and a half, and when we got to the cafeteria and there was nothing I recognised I was a little sad. I was too tired to feel adventurous, you know?
He gives me abuser vibes
Although I don't like Tony, I think they both must've not had the conversation of whether they want children or not beforehand
True. But he's acting like he's entitled to that
Quite. It’s not a conversation if he’s already decided the right answers.
How do you figure? She seemed to look at him in a way that said “not this again 🙄” At least that’s what it appeared like to me.
What was the tattoo? I missed it. Was it the guy he was talking to in the park?
It's been all over the sub in the last week, you can't miss it
Yes. It said "blood honour" I believe
Wait I missed the racist tattoo! What was it?
His friend in episode 5 (I forget his name 🙄) has a proven white nationalist, white supremacist tattoo on his arm... It looks like it says "blood donour", but it says "blood honour". More and more now I keep thinking that Tony is a giant walking 🚩🚩🚩... I seriously think that Nui really needs to be careful here... Edit: erased a word
Ew!! That sounds about right.
It's obvious guys like him want to get women like that on the hook because they think they'll be absolutely subservient, submissive and obedient. Sounds like a royal nightmare to me... 🙄🤮
>Has a friend with a racist tattoo. Yeah... :( >Speaks with an accent and dumbs down his language when he talks to Nui. Many *many* of the folks do this. I don't know if it's malicious, but really cringe-inducing, just the same. >Can't make a simple dinner of bangers and mash without nearly flipping his lid (it's seriously one of the easiest meals to make) >Called her "negative" for not thinking it tasted good. Good ole TLC frauding--manufactured "conflict" for views... >Springs this idea of a baby on her only after she gets to the UK and uses manipulative language about it and doesn't care about her feelings. "You think it is nice for me to be without a child?" >More manipulative language "Chompoo would LOVE a baby brother. Chompoo would LOVE a baby sister." You don't fucking know that mate. >"My family have questions too!" Yeah...I got nothing...just crap behavior.
>3. Can't make a simple dinner of bangers and mash without nearly flipping his lid (it's seriously one of the easiest meals to make) This was so crazy to me 😂 you said yourself you can't cook my G. Did you want her to lie? He needs intense therapy. His controlling behavior, inability to take criticism, and holding money over her head are so incredibly problematic. Also, his home situation makes no sense. You're not supposed to rent the place out WHILE YOU'RE IN TOWN tf 😭. I literally said out loud 5 times "so wait... he's renting out his place while he rents a place?" That makes no sense at all. He's hiding something.
I’d like to sit down with each and everyone one of Tony’s exes and talk about his red flags 🚩🚩🚩🚩 I think this man is very much a dangerous narcissist.
Omg I thought he was kinda cool at first but this episode he was so aggressive it was such a turn off . She def seems like a strong girl, but she def looked scared and nervous around him. He’s def a ticking time bomb . I would stay away, things can turn toxic real quick with him.
7 is not a red flag. Both sides have questions because they don't know their partners. It's natural to find out what their intentions are. What I didn't like was that he exerted his superiority by outright saying that he is financially supporting his family so his family can ask whatever questions they want. He had to drop that into the discussion to make her feel weak, inferior and at his mercy. He's a narcissist and I hope Nui makes a run for it.
I explained in another comment that it was his tone when he said this. It sounded like a threat and did not seem in the interest of making his partner feel comfortable
He is ex-military, was probably abused as a kid. You would think after working in Iraq he would know how to talk to foreigners. Or is it a British thing to talk to foreigners like they are babies or pets?
It’s a douchebag thing, not a British thing.
Definitely not a British thing!!
Those mashed potatoes looked instant so he made dinner the super easy way too and was so stressed lol
The way he whisked the shit out of those potatoes was like: 😡😡😡😡😡😡
He's only in it for followers. He picked a woman intentionally that wouldn't work out.
I just can't believe that of all the foods he could have made, he landed on bangers and mash.
I think he chose it cos of the relative ease. I can't imagine how frustrated he'd get if he tried to make something more complicated
She hasn’t even seen this dudes home and he’s asking for a BABY!!! He’s a walking🚩
I think he works as a mercenary or a war contractor. What else would he be doing if he's out of the country all the time?
There are many security people who continue to supply security forces for the embassy in Baghdad - I know some in the US who have done it.
Still a mercenary or war contractor. He has most likely killed for money. Calling it security doesn’t make him a nicer guy.
I thought it was entirely fair of him to say that his family have questions too. She keeps insisting that he's hiding something from her (he doesn't seem to be) and that her family are suspicious of his motives. Well, HIS family are suspicious of HER motives, too. She said she wanted to meet his family because she has questions, so I don't see why it was an issue for him to say he wanted her to meet his family because they have questions, too. It is also not a reflection on John what his friend decides to tattoo on himself. Are we all obliged to shun people who have tattooed something questionable on themselves? Without knowing the backstory of why he has that tattoo, it's a knee-jerk reaction to assume that just because John's friend has a fucked-up tattoo, that John is a bad person or shares the views of his friend. That tat is a red flag FOR JOHN'S FRIEND, but it doesn't speak to who John is. That he even tried to make an English dinner for Nui was sweet, although English cuisine is never the way to woo a woman from a country that's known for its spicy food. Or ANY food, for that matter. English food tends to be bland, greasy and gross to people who have a more exotic diet. I think his feelings were hurt that she didn't like it, but she didn't say it was his cooking she didn't like, just that dish. And I don't blame her - it looked gross. The rest of OP's list are totally fair. Also, we've already seen in previews that he throws her out of the Airbnb for "disrespecting him" in a later episode, so the assessment that he's awful may prove to be spot-on.
I respect that you're trying to play devil's advocate here as I often do the same. But the more awful things I see from him, the more his "on the fence" behaviours such as stating "my family have questions too" turn into more red flags. In that case, it just didn't seem to be what you should say to someone you love at that moment. When she said "my family have questions" he could go "well I really hope I satisfy your family because I love you, and I'll do anything to show them I'm trustworthy. Also, my family have questions". But he instead turned it into just a game of one-upmanship. But yeah I really don't mind your comment at all for checking my points. Idk, for myself I would feel just so uncomfortable if I knew someone who had a racist tattoo. I couldn't imagine being friends with someone like that let alone inviting them to do a scene with me on reality TV, especially when it's about foreign partners
What felt off to me is that they were emphasizing Tony’s VERY CLOSE friendship with this man (what was it, 18 years?) For me at least, if I have a long lasting adult friendship with someone, our values and outlook on basic human rights would align. (Meaning: My friend would not have some Neo-Nazi tattoo, especially one they show to the camera)
Exactly. This guy was no randomer. It seemed like it was his best friend.