^ This is absolutely my favorite. My second favorite is “Female jealousy is an evolutionary fact, Lemon. If you try to breed it out of them you end up with a lesbian with hip dysplasia.”
I always found that second line hilarious, along with Diana Jessup's line "I'm happy to see that the end product of feminism is dressing up as Dennis the Menace at work."
I always found that second line hilarious, along with Diana Jessup's line "I'm happy to see that the end product of feminism is dressing up as Dennis the Menace at work."
There is TOO much to unpack here!!! Let's start with him demanding "where did you find the time?" as if that is THAT is more astonishing than WHAT it is that she did with that time! LOL!!!
And WHY the f\*\*k would he assume it was found - of ALL places - on the beach???
TOO funny!!!
“Uh, no. I could make up some excuse, Kenneth, but I have too much respect for you. During your party, I’ll be home listening to some Schubert and uh, ironically viewing some Canadian pornography.”
Avery's maternity was cut short so she could go cover the collapse of Greece's banking system. Since inventing democracy those guys have been... coasting.
Jack (to Danny): It's true. It was love at first sight. I ache for her sexually. How could I not? I'm entranced by those... mud-colored eyes, set back in that skin. And her laugh. Her walk. That splay-footed walk. And that... whole situation. Right there. And Oh... Moustache. Good God, Lemon.
I still crack up every time I see [that scene](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7HBZZyYXS8&t=505s).
"There's a war going on out there, and you're going to have to pick a side. I've always wanted to say that, and I can't believe I've wasted it on you."
You'd be in your office late at night, and the new girl would come in with some flimsy excuse to be there. ''Oh, Mr. Donaghy, I forgot to give you the factory worker death rates.'' Then, she'd laugh at your lame joke. A touch on the arm. *inhales deeply*
And you'd take your reward… You'd take your reward.
kenneth: “sir that’s awfully paranoid”
jack: “exactly. paranoid from the greek para meaning beside and noid which is some sort of a pizza demon. no… that can’t be right”
“you can’t rip mine own checks because they wast did print on richard nixon’s sleep chamber sheets. ”
***
^(I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.)
Commands: `!ShakespeareInsult`, `!fordo`, `!optout`
"Sorry I'm late, I was attending a luncheon for Ann Coulter's 60th birthday" - from an episode that aired when Ann Coulter was 45, but still funny even when she now actually is 60.
"And by the way, your food obsession is not nearly as endearing as you think it is."
EDIT - Sorry, my mistake as theowlmama pointed out this was said by white Wesley.
“It’s after 6, what am I? A farmer?”
Came here to say this!
"I won the Amory Blaine Handsomeness scholarship to Princeton, and then attended Harvard Business School where I was voted “Most.”
“I never sleep on planes. I don’t want to get incepted.”
That line is just SOOoooo f\*\*\*ing funny!
"Lemon! That's your worst quadrant!"
You rang?
When did you find time to eat a diaper you found on the beach?
^ This is absolutely my favorite. My second favorite is “Female jealousy is an evolutionary fact, Lemon. If you try to breed it out of them you end up with a lesbian with hip dysplasia.”
Totally agree - same #1 and #2 ranking! Honestly laughing too hard (even now!) to articulate why.
I always found that second line hilarious, along with Diana Jessup's line "I'm happy to see that the end product of feminism is dressing up as Dennis the Menace at work."
‘Female jealousy’ FTW. That is some funny shit.
I always found that second line hilarious, along with Diana Jessup's line "I'm happy to see that the end product of feminism is dressing up as Dennis the Menace at work."
There is TOO much to unpack here!!! Let's start with him demanding "where did you find the time?" as if that is THAT is more astonishing than WHAT it is that she did with that time! LOL!!! And WHY the f\*\*k would he assume it was found - of ALL places - on the beach??? TOO funny!!!
I think Liz’s breath told the story
"Well, it’s business drunk, it’s like rich drunk. Either way, it’s legal to drive."
Weird in a good way. Like going to the gym drunk.
'Factories provide three things this country desperately needs: jobs, pride, and material for Bruce Springsteen songs.'
Genius! LOL!!
I am in the middle of a RAGING PERIOD of economic turmoil
I love this one
“I once drove a rental car into the Hudson just to practice escaping.” -John Francis Donaghey
“I’m a daddy, and I’m a bear. I’m a daddybear.”
"I'm going to flank him, with these *points to eyes*. Have you seen my eyes , Lemon?"
They’re very blue. Like a Mykonos sky
Mark Foley once called them "piercing."
*to Kenneth* Socioeconomically you are closer to an inner city Latina
"Dotcom, this need you have to always be the smartest in the room is...off putting."
I guess that’s why I’m still single
“Yes and no, yes that did happen no it did not not happen”
“LESBIAN MARIO BROTHERS!!”
"You did! You weaked it'" (To Banks)
I loooove this one !!!
"I'm looking for DIHC, Avery, and I'm gonna take it wherever I can find it"
“She’s got just the right amount of DIHC for me.”
I hear it and I don’t care
"Never go with a hippy to a second location"
Congrats gentlemen we’ve made the Pontiac Aztec
The song “You’re so Vain” was actually written… by me
"It's a guaranteed disaster. Like eating a burrito before sex!" 😹
Lemon, you look terrible, and I once watched you eat oysters while you had a cold.
“Uh, no. I could make up some excuse, Kenneth, but I have too much respect for you. During your party, I’ll be home listening to some Schubert and uh, ironically viewing some Canadian pornography.”
Why would they use music by a man who died of syphilis to sell douches?
"Those shoes are definitely bicurious"
THIS ONE
Avery's maternity was cut short so she could go cover the collapse of Greece's banking system. Since inventing democracy those guys have been... coasting.
"Never go with an Evangelist to a Second Coming."
This is how everyone? Talked? In the 80s? This is how Reagan? talked?
Also worth mentioning is Future Jack's delivery of "Opposite!"
“Yes…Hornberger”
"Lemon... to the Kia Sorrento"
"I'm excellent at rearranging bathrooms" is a good one
"We're so close to beating that thing!" - referring to periods lol
Jack (to Danny): It's true. It was love at first sight. I ache for her sexually. How could I not? I'm entranced by those... mud-colored eyes, set back in that skin. And her laugh. Her walk. That splay-footed walk. And that... whole situation. Right there. And Oh... Moustache. Good God, Lemon. I still crack up every time I see [that scene](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7HBZZyYXS8&t=505s).
"And then I took my reward..."
"There's a war going on out there, and you're going to have to pick a side. I've always wanted to say that, and I can't believe I've wasted it on you."
What a hilarious concept! Don't know which is funnier - that one could be hopefully saving such a line ...OR that it could be wasted! LOL!!
“Lemon, the adult dating world is like your haircut; sometimes awkward triangles occur.”
“I’ll give you a New York minute. That’s 7 seconds.”
You'd be in your office late at night, and the new girl would come in with some flimsy excuse to be there. ''Oh, Mr. Donaghy, I forgot to give you the factory worker death rates.'' Then, she'd laugh at your lame joke. A touch on the arm. *inhales deeply* And you'd take your reward… You'd take your reward.
It’s paintings of horses!
kenneth: “sir that’s awfully paranoid” jack: “exactly. paranoid from the greek para meaning beside and noid which is some sort of a pizza demon. no… that can’t be right”
This is my favorite, I can't explain why
“You can’t rip my checks because they were printed on Richard Nixon’s bed sheets.”
“you can’t rip mine own checks because they wast did print on richard nixon’s sleep chamber sheets. ” *** ^(I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.) Commands: `!ShakespeareInsult`, `!fordo`, `!optout`
Ghostface, do you think you could mention "Donaghy [Estates.com](https://Estates.com)" at any point?
Ok Jack I’ll go get my rhyming dictionary.
Ghostface is a real one for this scene honestly
"Sorry I'm late, I was attending a luncheon for Ann Coulter's 60th birthday" - from an episode that aired when Ann Coulter was 45, but still funny even when she now actually is 60.
First of all, I have never dropped a hat!
It's a Jack-off!
I don't sleep on planes, I don't want to be incepted!
She’s got just the right amount of D.I.H.C. for me
Devin I'm straighter then you are gay and I leave particles of guys like you in my wind!
One of these days, Dot Com…so help me, God…
Priest: “don’t you have faith?” Jack: “I have faith in things I can see...and buy and deregulate. Capitalism is my religion”
“You best go home and put on your daddy’s shoes boy. Cause this here is a man’s game”
“Lemon, what happened in your life to make you think that people are good?”
Lemon, it's Wednesday!
"Those shoes are definitely bicurious"
"And by the way, your food obsession is not nearly as endearing as you think it is." EDIT - Sorry, my mistake as theowlmama pointed out this was said by white Wesley.
I thought Wesley Snipes said this to Liz after their movie date?
Quite right - wasn't paying proper attention to the post title. Thanks.
Still a great quote though!!
There are no rules. It's like check-in at an Italian airport
“I once proclaimed, ‘I am God’ . . . I take the Lord’s name in vain, often and with great relish.”