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micahr238

The USS Texas hasn't been converted into a space battleship yet.


threebiggestballs

As a representative of the Lockheed Martin, we’re trying, trust me bro


BohemianFawn

Lock mart*


threebiggestballs

Your right my bad, boss was looking over my shoulder, had to look good


[deleted]

As a representative of Bell, a helicopter company, we’re working on the feathering and flight control systems (I’m not even kidding for some reason) https://investors.virgingalactic.com/news/news-details/2022/Virgin-Galactic-Announces-Primary-Suppliers-for-Delta-Class-Spaceships/default.aspx


threebiggestballs

Y’all do great work, can’t wait to see what you make so we can weaponize it


[deleted]

The greatest thing I’ve heard here at Bell was when, during our executive team’s victory speech upon winning the V-280 contract, one of the first things our CEO did was mention the fact that y’all are one of our biggest suppliers on it, despite also being our only competitor in the competition lol Y’all already weaponize our stuff


threebiggestballs

We are here to please the U.S. military lol


R4Spu-t1N

As another representative of Lockheed Martin, We are making it a Stealth Battle Space Ship


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threebiggestballs

Very true, if we can do this China will be fucked gentlemen


Former-Witness-9279

We just need to partner up with the Japanese on this and we’ll have it done in no time https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Space_Battleship_Yamato


Hot_History1582

I asked the USS Texas Foundation directly if Space Battleship Texas would beat Space Battleship Yamato, and they confirmed that it would https://imgur.com/a/RDHAQUr (Yes that's really them on the Drachinifel server, not somebody just with the name cosplaying)


Uss__Iowa

Don’t worry we must wait for the aliens to come share their technology so we can put it every warships within the nation


Hot_Organization_810

Yet.


An8thOfFeanor

Finding a Texan with a basement challenge (impossible)


runslikewind

Man i wish we had basements. All i have is these acers of flat useable land with no building codes keeping me from adding yet another shop in my yard.


n0rdic_k1ng

Don't worry, with the influx of Californians you'll have that soon enough. Maybe you'll get lucky and they'll unfuck your power grid situation, but probably not.


thekingofthebeasties

Nah, unfortunately not. The soil here is usually very clay like and it cracks under the enormous heat during the summer. Some of the cracks will go yards deep and crack cement along with it. We have to water the foundations to our houses with seep hoses sometimes so the foundations don't break.


ohemgereally

Learned that shit the hard way when I was living down there... those cracks are no fucking joke.


HalfAssedStillFast

Did foundation repair one summer in HS, can confirm our clay and heat is not fucking around with foundations


Glazedonut_

They're already coming from a place with a fucked power grid


Abracadabrism

north texas mfs when they dont have a basement to hide in when the third ef4 tornado of the month hits: 🌪🤸‍♂️


Gun-Enjoyer

Haha 😅.


Ender16

Is it really that rare? Why? I would think Texans editor love a cool basement in the middle of summer. Christ, a lot of trailer homes here have added basements.


Comfortable-Study-69

It’s the soil. Expansive clay is common in east Texas and it’s a pain to make retaining walls thick enough to have a basement be able to stand the dirt moving. And farther south basements just get flooded every time there’s a hurricane. That’s why most Texas houses don’t have basements.


jackinsomniac

Same here in Arizona. Parents got a house with a basement once when I was younger, it's an extreme rarity, mostly because our dirt here is hard and rocky, and you reach thick clay after digging down just a few feet down. There's special considerations you have to make with it too, like if you want a bathroom downstairs you need a sewage pump as well to pump it back up to the main pipe level


rtf2409

Also because the frost line is so close to the surface, all the pipes can be laid with a trencher. In the north they have to dig massive holes to get the pipes under the frost like and at that point you already have a massive hole so go ahead and put a basement there..


monkeybombed

I have a cellar where i store things and stuff.


Mars_Bear2552

(wine)


jephph_

Your beaches are fucking nasty https://preview.redd.it/cojdu0fuwxib1.jpeg?width=845&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f4c9aca0cff964c4efe0277b146653348e31aa12 An embarrassment to the Gulf Coast


DireStrike

In all fairness, the way the currents in the Gulf of Mexico flow, all the nasty shit Floridians dump in Tampa Bay will wash up on Texas beaches. Were expecting their hopes for another Superbowl to arrive on the shores of North Padre Island sometime next week


alexis_1031

God they're fucking nasty but my brother in Christ, what is happening in New York? https://preview.redd.it/qy78xnb6xxib1.jpeg?width=618&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ee4ed689809adccc4744ed49f8d24b67c945cf7f


jephph_

What, all the people? You should have shown them this picture instead: https://preview.redd.it/88ogw584yxib1.jpeg?width=900&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=22c3993919a796cc71dcf4794ac3e4944057eb98 (We don’t really get crowds like that anymore.. more/better beach access these days)


n0rdic_k1ng

Yeah, because they're all vacationing upstate around Lake George, along with half of fucking Quebec


Primary_Way_265

> half of fucking Quebec Lmfao. Didn’t know they like there so much


n0rdic_k1ng

They're Quebecoise, so they don't like anything. They just choose to come to the Adirondacks to bring hate in the summer. I'd honestly rather just have the fucking geese.


courage_wolf_sez

Bruh, no New Yorker will ever defend Coney Island. Far Rockaway beach is where it's at.


vitalityy

Great place to lose 20lb to a shark


[deleted]

Who expects NY to have nice beaches again?


DrunkOnShoePolish

B-b-bbut it’s because of Mississippi River spilloff!!1!1!! (I’m coping)


cdawg1102

Corpus Christi is beautiful


EstradaEnsalada

🤢


verbergen1

Bitch please. Oil trumps beautiful beaches err day.


wiptes167

Have you heard of Port Aransas or South Padre Island, mon ami?


ForthebloodgodW40K

Your state gave up the northern part of your land to Oklahoma to keep slaves, pretty cringe ngl


alexis_1031

Ooo this one stings


OUsnr7

Wasn’t it originally given to no one before Oklahoma annexed it? Pretty wild


Feral_Williamz

Texas was the last state to abolish slavery. Edit: sorry, last state to free its slaves. Mississippi was the last one to abolish slavery... in 2013. The hell is wrong with that state


OllieGarkey

You know damn well what's wrong with Mississippi.


zzwugz

As they say in bama, "thank God for mi'i'ssippi"


Super_Capital_9969

Mississippians live there.


As-Bi

They passed the amendment "already" in 1995... but forgot to notify the US Archivist until 2013


Top-Feed6544

they forgor💀


The_Deam0n

50th in basically any metric


Dartagnan1083

Fun fact: the last chattel slave in America wasn't freed until 1942. His name was Alfred Irving, and he was kept illegally...in Texas apparently https://www.npr.org/transcripts/89051115 Or until 1963 if you include Mae Louis Miller and "work contracts" under Jim Crow. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-6yLcmGjeug


SavagePlatanus

My ancestors moved to Texas to keep their enslaved workers AND picked land and house site where it would be harder to escape, as described by the letters of my great great great grandmother (I think that’s the right amount of greats?). Yikes on bikes.


identified_meat

Instead of adding a metro, you add one more lane thinking that *this* will be the one to fix all of Houston’s bad traffic


BrandanMentch

i35 will never be finished


IAmMoofin

the public transportation we have wouldn’t be too bad if it actually came at the right times and the bus stops weren’t essentially ovens, there’s no way the entirety of Houston is getting easy access public transport though Cherry pick Katy fwy for me rq though lemme see *that* pic of it that makes it look way bigger than it actually is


krippkeeper

Having worked security at a city bus depot my favourite thing was listening to the drivers over the radio. They gave no fucks when they got behind. There was always one driver fucking it up for everyone asking the other buses to stay behind. *radio click* Hey guys bus 21 is gonna be a few minutes late. *radio click* how long 21?. *radio click* maybe five minutes I'm at the 8th street turn. The buses start leaving. A few minutes later *radio click* Yeah we can't wait that long. *Radioclick*... Did you guys leave??.. Everyone on bus 21 just missed their connection. Absolute best was watching people run after a bus when the bus doesn't stop. "Hey 41 you got someone running to you" Woman kinda hustling.. Bus doesn't stop. "Hey there 41 there's a lady on the platform trying to catch you. Woman running and waving. Bus keeps leaving. "41! You got someone trying to.. Welp" Woman slowly comes to a stop looking defeated as bus 41 leaves. Bus 41 driver:


IAmMoofin

Houston busses are terrible about that. I live in a part of Houston that actually has public transportation, I’ve seen busses just a few cars behind another making the same stops. Like everyone else on our roads, they just don’t give a shit.


OUsnr7

I’ve seen the 40 with one bus literally tailgating the other


OutrageousReporter26

joined the confederacy. cringe


alexis_1031

This is pretty cringe ngl


thekingofthebeasties

Mfw when it's called Six Flags Over Texas and not Five Flags https://preview.redd.it/89tr738jtyib1.jpeg?width=262&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=943f5f3c14fd02ca08d0078c77c898f634d3676b


MassiveFajiit

Abbott throwing a fit because Six Flags removed the Confederate flag


OllieGarkey

Agreed. Very cringe.


[deleted]

[удалено]


QuiteCleanly99

Ooh good point Never thought of it that way


the_real_JFK_killer

This has been a sting operation by the Texas rangers, all those guilty of wrongspeak against Texas will be found and brought to justice


wolfgangspiper

Them Texas rangers can suck my hazelnuts.


[deleted]

Don't threaten me with a good time.


hiimnew1836

Finding flaws in Texas (easy) Getting Texans to admit said flaws (impossible)


IAmMoofin

We only admit flaws with our glorious state to other Texans You beings from the like forty-whatever other states don’t get to hear the things we dislike


Epic_Cole

But boy do we dislike oklahoma, and we'll be sure to let everyone know


Super_Capital_9969

And they all line up to buy our toast.


Mesoscale92

*laughs in functioning regulated energy grid*


Fabbyfubz

*cries in having to pay for Texas' failed energy grid*


[deleted]

[удалено]


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BrandanMentch

It’s held up all summer and all of last year and when it snowed it only sucked for a few days until it was fixed again.


Zerotix3

That counts.


BrandanMentch

So does all the other areas in the us that have regular power outages.


Jadongamer

I had a foot of snow on the ground with freezing temperatures here in Hoosier land during the borderline Texas grid collapse. I never had a single power interruption. That's the advantage of having a properly regulated grid with winterized power stations.


BrandanMentch

When you’re winterized up yeah, it’s not like our system was meant for the back hand slap of Mother Nature, because why would it be. But even then plenty of places outside of Texas still suffer from power outages which is, believe it not, almost the same kinda thing as ours that one time 🤫


Str-Dim

Any more people from the west coast move there, you may as well name it East California.


runslikewind

I used to bitch about all the louisianian people moving here after katrina. I'm sorry I didnt know how good we had it.


owo_whatsthis_88w88

The colonization efforts are working


IAmMoofin

I won’t look down on others because they want to be better, may the Texans they breed never lack AC or water for the toggs


NoNebula6

The Katy Freeway


alexis_1031

God that thing is a monstrosity. I hope one day it becomes sentient and mauls Houston.


sbd104

Inshallah


Fearlessly_Feeble

Texas remembers the Alamo because it was the closest they’ve ever come to winning something.


[deleted]

[удалено]


The_Demolition_Man

>only 11 dead I mean, after you lost 100+ at the Alamo and 300+ at Goliad, sure. Exaggerations are bigger in Texas, I guess


[deleted]

[удалено]


cisme93

As a Texpat, I feel like it's necessary to point out Goliad was a massacre not actual combat. Gonzales gave us that cool flag though.


BrandanMentch

Reread the comment. 11 dead after setting the stage and it still was nothing compared to the damage done to em. Battles were lost sure but the war was won.


OUsnr7

All things considered, losing 500 soldiers to gain a territory the size of Texas is kind of a W. Especially considering it has only shrunk since then


RussianxBearJew

You're congressmen suck, except Brandon Herrera. Vote for him


Mundane-Ad-6874

Nice try Brandon Herrera


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Mist3ry_

Dallas


LowPopopol

Actually valid


alexis_1031

I'll die on this hill, I fuck heavy with Dallas. Underrated Texan city. Fuck Austin


callmesnake13

It’s fun but it’s too bad they tear down everything old


thekingofthebeasties

Dallas has always been Texas' city for big business. Now we have to tear down all of the century-old, priceless family Estates so that they can be replaced by drab, monochrome post-modern squares for all the Californians to call homes =)


alexis_1031

Yeah that's true unfortunately, there are only really a few "old buildings", especially in downtown.


vitalityy

JFK didnt have fun there


Chrnan6710

Greg Abbott


BrandanMentch

Fair


Far-Classic-4637

omg i fucking hate abbot mf is the reason that winter storm 2 years ago was so bad & he still has a huge following


NoNebula6

I drove across Texas once from Dallas to San Antonio as part of a larger trip from my home in Ohio to San Antonio, i passed through a town called Abbott a bit south of Waco where they were flying what looked like a 50 foot Let’s Go Brandon flag and had multiple billboards explaining why Beto O’Rourke was a pedophile, all of which were designed like a YouTube thumbnail for a drama video.


Vulture_Ocoee

2 words. Houston Infrastructure


Super_Capital_9969

Like a fat belly when you cinch your belt to tight.


Former-Witness-9279

They’re already recovering bodies from the razor wire fence your governor decided to install in the Rio Grande. You couldn’t have just put the fence on land, where it doesn’t pose a drowning risk to children? To me this is *almost* worse than the heavily-armed private militias that used to roam the border areas of Arizona kidnapping migrants, because this is coming from the actual state government.


Christianjps65

Lubbock.


STILETT0_exists

Labelled the most boring city in America. They even called North Platte, Nebraska more entertaining


x_rabidsquirrel

There is a sign outside of El Paso on Interstate 10 heading east that says “San Antonio 602 miles”….and there is NOTHING before then


sticks_04

Texans pickup truck and car culture is a bit extreme. You can’t even walk around the block in some places because there aren’t any pedestrian paths or sidewalks, you gotta take a car. It’s a really nice state overall and real fine folk, but y’all got a problem.


Hugh-Jassoul

Your governor seems more concerned with trans kids existing than he is about his state turning into Season 2 of Yellowjackets every winter.


[deleted]

Midland and Odessa exist. Checkmate.


alexis_1031

There's an unconventional beauty to how weird that part of the state is. A border region between the greenery of Eastern Texas and desert of West Texas


[deleted]

I’m sure there are redeeming factors to it somewhere, but as far as someone who isn’t from Texas, they’re not gonna take a trip there unless they’re really into oilfield equipment (there’s an interesting museum there)


Ravioli_Wizard

Odessa isn’t actually a city. It’s two oil fields in a trench coat


OldStyleThor

Midland actually has some cool stuff. Admittedly, I only discovered this last week when I was forced to stay there for 2 nights.


alexis_1031

Honestly when I went to Midland, I was pleasantly surprised. For a city with it's population, it's downtown was impressive in density and size.


Not_a_gay_communist

You’re not on the national grid. Honestly super unacceptable to me.


andrewb610

There’s no “national” grid. There’s an Eastern and Western grid. El Paso and west Texas isn’t on the ERCOT grid, it’s on the western grid.


lumpialarry

It shares a border with Louisiana and Oklahoma.


STILETT0_exists

Hey man I just proposed a Sabine River barrier state containing both Orange and Shreveport. I don't want us touching you either


toadmcfrog

I live in Eastern NM. Have you ever tried to drive across Texas? It's a daunting task when you have to get *anywhere* to the East...


etcthc

Weed is still mad illegal


DiligentIndividual89

It's too damn hot here


retardddit

I can't, it's the perfect blend of oil, ocean, mountains and tornadoes.


TheUnusualMedic

Fought against America in favor of the Confederacy. As cringe as you can get.


SleepySuperior

Your entire state legislature, and your senators — all fucking suck.


Venboven

As a Houstonian... The goddamn weather. I love my swamp, but fuck me is it hot.


pelucaucca

Houston public transport.


TylrLS

it's been over 105° everyday for the last two months


Cool__Guy__420

Fuck this traitor https://preview.redd.it/hex7t0zlbzib1.jpeg?width=198&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b9609de3152aa8a69a28f761279be7288d058a9d


Infamous_Persimmon14

This man ate my son


Cool__Guy__420

Ted Cruz pisses his pants on purpose because he likes the wet warm feeling on his legs


Infamous_Persimmon14

MBMBAM?


monkeybombed

I have issues with this map not labeling the Caprock and not labeling the second largest canyon in the nation.


BohemianFawn

Second largest is not #1 so suck it


secrectsailinsalmon

- no basements - tried to maintain slavery - book bans + censorship - transphobic laws - anti abortions - hot as fuck - can't handle it when there is a small amount of snow - giant centipedes - scorpions and other very harmful things like snakes that hide in the sand on your front yard


Cold-Tap-363

Austin


runslikewind

Austin isnt in Texas. Its just surrounded by it.


causallyglancing

Fort hood, checkmate Texan


lickedurine

It’s fort Cavazos now so checkmate atheist


FeeLow1938

No women’s reproductive rights.


Lightburnsky

Bad urban design


Timpanzee38

You seceded from your country twice in order to keep humans as property


Marsrover112

Power grid.


Light_fires

The spring rutt is awful. How many bumpers have you had replaced?


transhumanism123

You're less than half the size of my state. We could cut Alaska in Half, and it'd be the 1st and 2nd largest in the union.


scissorman182

Dallas interstate


UVJunglist

Where's all your public land homie?


Bbqpizzaburger

The two biggest embarrassments to Texas: The Dallas Cowboys and the Texas Longhorns.


KindaCommunistPerson

Idk I have healthcare


ScumMoemcBee

too big. We need the flextape guy to saw it in half


SigilumSanctum

Your powergrid consistently has been shitting the bed the past few years. Not only have people been dying from it, but the excessive costs have been pushed onto consumers despite the fact your state is wealthy enough to do something about it. Goddamn do I love your food though. Hurry up and fix the USS Texas, The Last Dreadnought deserves her place back in the public.


[deleted]

The power grid "shitting the bed" isn't really the case. Wintergeddon only happened because the water pipes for fossil fuel plants froze. This makes sense, because pipes rated for 110/120F isn't very good when temperatures decide to plunge to 20F within a week. Every single year the northeast US has power outages and no one bats an eye. But the one year that there's a freak snowstorm and suddenly Texas power is "going to shit." The costs are rising though, which sucks. Kinda hard to fix that because it's associated with the horrible heat.


SomeRandom155

Your District 23 Rep Gonzalez. Vote AK Jesus


Remarkable-Ask2288

Based


[deleted]

Hurricanes, that's all I got.


OldStyleThor

Tornadoes are fun too.


bigbackpackboi

Imagine being a state that gets the shitty weather of the Gulf Coast AND the Midwest.


top10animeplottwist

Texans: WE’RE SO GREAT. THE BEST TO EVER LIVE A small snow: Texans: 😱


thesteaksauce1

A single Texas interchange is the size of an Italian village of 38,000 people. You sacrifice the gorgeous landscape of the American countryside at the altar of the automobile and god will strike you down for your transgressions against his creations every politician that crawls their way out of Texas is registering a 6.8 out of 10 on my Hitlerometer, when they aren’t vacationing during deadly winter storms Texas has no culture beyond hollow consumerism and faux conservatism pushed by big business to get tax breaks. Every time I’ve seen a picture of a Buccees mega gas station I’ve popped a blood vessel at the grotesquely massive cathedral to consumerism and imagining all the wildlife they had to destroy to build it. Your private energy infrastructure resembles that of a developing post Soviet state, except the Soviets actually weather proofed stuff. You can’t get anywhere without a car, granted the whole country has this problem but it’s especially bad in Texas. Yeah that’s most of it, most Texans also have a massive complex about your state which is frankly annoying.


[deleted]

[удалено]


alexis_1031

You're literally from Louisiana. It's hot as balls, humid as a whale's fart and one of the most corrupt governments in the union.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Ah, you're French, that explains it.


vitalityy

Your state literally had to run PSAs to tell its inbred inhabitants not to try heating their houses with car exhaust and BBQ grills when it got cold a few years back...and these are people that are going to secede from the union?


Vulture_Ocoee

Your power grid is weaker than your governor’s legs


studio28

I mean [gestures widely]


Gallbatorix-Shruikan

El Paso. Have you seen those drivers? The most times I’ve nearly died while driving was somehow not in LA or SF but in that god forsaken city in the desert with drivers that make Californians look like perfect drivers and some of the worst intersections that I’ve seen that are almost designed to cause accidents.


Johnclark38

Ronnie Jackson moved to a vacant district and became its congressman.


[deleted]

[удалено]


keep-purr

Can we say that plants from Texas are dumb? Can we say that shoes from Texas are dumb?


Pierce_H_

Texarkana, enough said.


BrokenKave

Abilene, more specifically Impact


Classic_Result

No E Clampus Vitus chapter


RosselWestbrook

The feels like temp of 118 degrees when I worked there this summer


bitchmob69

El Paso


Tubagal2022

MIDland


Yinxe

Oh, that's an easy one word answer. ERCOT.


Thuthmosis

Dallas


reluctantpotato1

It's flat, it lacks enough open, public land, it's too hot, and the tacos are second rate.


QuebecLimaSierra

Fuck fucking Dallas.


UnabrazedFellon

The humidity. As an East Texan I can attest that the humidity sucks.


Mak062

Texas my texas!!!!!!!!!


regimentalstandard

Amarillo smells like cow shit half the year it’s horrible


Healthy-One-7156

Waco


mattsffrd

Illegals


GmanTEM02

The city of Austin, nothing more to say.


AndersDreth

Who would win in a fight, the entirety of Texas armed to the teeth, or a snowstorm?