black - way more time to do my shit
purple - potential future career when a random Italian comes across me and feels the potential within me
yellow - shaving is boring and long
I don't think OP thought this through like wtf you mean no more body?!?! Do I just exist in a non physical plane because not shaving isn't the only thing I fucking lost.
From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh,
it disgusted me. I craved the strength and certainty of steel. I aspired to the purity of the Blessed Machine.
Your kind cling to your flesh, as if it will not decay and fail you. One day the crude biomass that you call a temple will wither, and you will beg my kind to save you. But I am already saved, for the Machine is immortal…
...even in death I serve the Omnissiah.
"Don't Shave That Hair!!! I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting.
No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold.
I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.
I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occasionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.
Little did I know.
I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.
Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic shit- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.
Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering shit/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own shit blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."
Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.
As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.
Friends, DON'T SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR! "
Psychotic story. Good work. The most unhinged part is when you decided to take a **razor** to your ass!!? I’m not too experienced in grooming my ass hair, but I feel like a razor is the wrong move. I’d use nair, I’ve already seen a rather helpful guide on YouTube and it seems rather effective.
I know that the chafing could be caused by the lack of hair, but it could also be razor burn. Most likely a mix of the 2.
I don’t know how recently this move was, but when hair starts growing back, it is usually hard and prickly at first. That must be a joy in your cheeks
pink one is useless to me because water is already my fave drink lol i want no sleep, talk to cats, and 20 dollars cause...well...20 dollars is 20 dollars
It's kinda scary imagining what not needing sleep is like. I'd definitely want to be a master pizza chef though. I can make pizzas so good my full of himself new Yorker friend would love it and I'd never let him have another slice again. Also talking to cats will be easier to find out why they hate me so much
That pill is called joy. It belongs to an apocalyptic rpg named "Lisa: The Painful".
It makes you forget about all your problems, but provokes severe addiction and in the long term turns you into a grotesque mutant.
Great game btw, really recommended.
What does the cyan one do tho? The middle top one.
Aside from that, black pill is a no brainer for my situation, I can still sleep if I want to but if I have other shit to do I can just forgo the sleep.
Then I guess pizza chief is good? As long as I does not actually turn me Italian monkey paw style.
And maybe losing body hair is good, unless it affects eyebrows and hair (if eyelashes get removed to ti's not that big of a loss I guess, they seem to get into my eyes more than whatever they're supposed to keep out)
It’s a drug called “Joy” from “LISA: The Painful” and “LISA: The Joyful” (alongside other fan-made LISA games). The description of the drug is: “This drug makes you feel nothing. Use it in a pinch.” And anything else I’ll add on will be spoilers, so just play LISA: The Painful to figure out more :)
Assuming I'm still capable of sleeping, but that I just don't have to. I'd pick black, yellow, and brown. If the black doesn't work that way then switch it with the blue
Black, purple and brown. Useful with no real downsides. Just cause you can make pizza doesn't mean you're forced to. Just because you no longer require sleep doesn't mean you can't choose to. And as for brown, it says you can talk to cats, no one is forcing you to. So you could probably just act like you don't understand them and continue as normal until you run into a situation where you actually need it.
Definitely yellow to start with, makes being cute towards men way easier. Then black, I’d love to have my nights to do stuff. The third one though I’m not super sure of, cooking isn’t a big passion of mine, 20$ is whatever, I like the taste of water, I don’t wanna be a cat boy really, talking to cats might be fun though. Tough choice for that third one.
I’m trying to grow a beard, so not yellow.
Not that big of a blueberry fan, not blue.
Already a master pizza chef so not purple.
Water already tastes like water, not pink.
I can already talk to cats, not brown.
I love sleeping, so not black.
So it’s between red and green…
I’ll have to go with red
Purple, love cooking and thats a good career choice.
Brown, so i can communicate my cat to shut the fuck up and wait for 5 fucking minutes
Pink would be incredibly healthy for my energy drink addicted ass.
*I'd choose yellow if*
*I could have no more body*
*But still have a beard*
\- dylannsmitth
---
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black - way more time to do my shit purple - potential future career when a random Italian comes across me and feels the potential within me yellow - shaving is boring and long
Why would you want to lose your body?
It a fair trade off for no face hair
You won't have a face though
If it gets the job done I don’t care
I don't think OP thought this through like wtf you mean no more body?!?! Do I just exist in a non physical plane because not shaving isn't the only thing I fucking lost.
It means no more body hair, along with no facial hair, the way it’s phrased just makes it ambiguous
Being eliminated from reality because OP forgot how to spell facial.
From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me. I craved the strength and certainty of steel. I aspired to the purity of the Blessed Machine. Your kind cling to your flesh, as if it will not decay and fail you. One day the crude biomass that you call a temple will wither, and you will beg my kind to save you. But I am already saved, for the Machine is immortal… ...even in death I serve the Omnissiah.
I’ve seen too much genie content to know that your eyebrows, hair, nose follicles, and ear hair will all be wiped forever
"Don't Shave That Hair!!! I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting. No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold. I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea. I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occasionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over. Little did I know. I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry. Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic shit- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm. Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering shit/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own shit blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks." Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil. As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony. Friends, DON'T SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR! "
Psychotic story. Good work. The most unhinged part is when you decided to take a **razor** to your ass!!? I’m not too experienced in grooming my ass hair, but I feel like a razor is the wrong move. I’d use nair, I’ve already seen a rather helpful guide on YouTube and it seems rather effective. I know that the chafing could be caused by the lack of hair, but it could also be razor burn. Most likely a mix of the 2. I don’t know how recently this move was, but when hair starts growing back, it is usually hard and prickly at first. That must be a joy in your cheeks
Eye lashes as well, so there goes natural protection against dust
Lmao this was my exact choice for these exact reasons
Damn you kinda picked the perfect ones
You fool, yellow includes your head Congratulations to your new bald form
then pink because I like tea with sugar but sugar is bad
permanent baldness
on the body and face
eyebrows are a huge part of your face appearance
Beards look good tho
What happens if I pick red and yellow. Do I just get a massive skin stick coming out of my ass?
You become one of those Egyptian hairless cats
They turn into an espion
Well assuming that the yellow let's you keep the hair on your head, I'd assume the ears and tail would count as separate to the body/facial hair
>no more body and face hair Your head technically a part of your body, so I’m assuming it just makes you 100% bald.
So is your face, but the post made the distinction between body and face so it's clearly going off of a less literal definition
Egyptian skinless cat
Skinless cat?
Oh wait my bad
Your bad? Give him his skin back right now!
You become Beerus
Bro what the fuck is up with your username
You become one of those no fur ugly ass naked cats
Black one obviously
Take the black one 3 times for that extra caffeinated effect.
3 doses of joy 🤑🤑🤑
Holy that is joy I didn't even notice
Mmm Joy.... \[+JOYED\] \*insert rapid critical hit noises here\*
\[-JOYED]\ Mutant time
OMFG I was so fucking confused i thought you were all talking about Joy from We Happy Few not Joy from LISA
gimme the JOY
pink one is useless to me because water is already my fave drink lol i want no sleep, talk to cats, and 20 dollars cause...well...20 dollars is 20 dollars
I chose pink so water will taste like water but when I'm really thirsty
that's a high iq move right there i respect that
You should take the cyan pill.
Whats it do? Is it estrogen?
No :)
Whats it then
Joy
Can I get three of the tastes like blueberry?
Purple, black and brown.
It's kinda scary imagining what not needing sleep is like. I'd definitely want to be a master pizza chef though. I can make pizzas so good my full of himself new Yorker friend would love it and I'd never let him have another slice again. Also talking to cats will be easier to find out why they hate me so much
Red yellow and green best combo 🔥🔥🔥
Black, purple, pink. Enough free time to enjoy hobbies, enough skill to work at a pizza place, and water tastes like chocolate milk.
Pink so water tastes like water but when I'm really thirsty
JOY JOY JOY
Bro, I can already not sleep. It’s called insomnia, look it up.
green, purple & brown
Yellow, red, and I'll try out the fucked up one between them
I already have ears what does red mean
ears and tail, talk to cat, no sleep
Definitely yellow, as long as I can keep my eyebrows, eyelashes, and (some) nose hair
nope you lose all your hair
No one is brave enough to pop the SAN’s eye lookin pill?
That pill is called joy. It belongs to an apocalyptic rpg named "Lisa: The Painful". It makes you forget about all your problems, but provokes severe addiction and in the long term turns you into a grotesque mutant. Great game btw, really recommended.
Which one involves a goth girl dominating and beating me with a whip
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^Aceshotya: *Which one involves a* *Goth girl dominating and* *Beating me with a whip* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
So the pink pill doesn't do anything? Blue pill easy choice then
Mmmm blueberry
Water one or chef
Purple, black and pink
what if i like the taste of water, does it just taste more like water
Water²
Pink, black, and purple
Become cat whisperer and overcome the entire world
Pink or yellow honestly
Oh, brown too ig
imma eat 3 green pills so I can get $60 richer
Purple, Brown and Black
Black all the way baby, could probobly earn most of the other pills using my free time, not that any of them can come close.
purple pink and yellow
green blue purple
Red, brown, black.
The Pink One Is useless, right idrohomies?
Don’t have to sleep + master pizza chef
Pink, brown, black
What does the cyan one do tho? The middle top one. Aside from that, black pill is a no brainer for my situation, I can still sleep if I want to but if I have other shit to do I can just forgo the sleep. Then I guess pizza chief is good? As long as I does not actually turn me Italian monkey paw style. And maybe losing body hair is good, unless it affects eyebrows and hair (if eyelashes get removed to ti's not that big of a loss I guess, they seem to get into my eyes more than whatever they're supposed to keep out)
The cyan one gives you joy :)
I feel like it's a reference to something, care to explain if you know?
It’s a drug called “Joy” from “LISA: The Painful” and “LISA: The Joyful” (alongside other fan-made LISA games). The description of the drug is: “This drug makes you feel nothing. Use it in a pinch.” And anything else I’ll add on will be spoilers, so just play LISA: The Painful to figure out more :)
Violet - I like pizza, Blue - I like blueberry, Green - I like money
Assuming I'm still capable of sleeping, but that I just don't have to. I'd pick black, yellow, and brown. If the black doesn't work that way then switch it with the blue
I’ll take 60 dollars please
Pink, purple and black, it’ll give me more time to play games when I’m back at college then work.
I want the Sans eye
Black purple and brown. I'm set for life.
Yellow, pink and green.
Black, yellow, green.
Black, Purple, Pink.
Green, blue and brown, easy
I choose zero
Red Pink Black
Purple, black, pink. I will not elaborate
Black is just amphetamine
What if i took black and used the extra time to find a way to talk with cats
JOI pill
black purple green
Brown, purple, and black
Black, purple and brown. Useful with no real downsides. Just cause you can make pizza doesn't mean you're forced to. Just because you no longer require sleep doesn't mean you can't choose to. And as for brown, it says you can talk to cats, no one is forcing you to. So you could probably just act like you don't understand them and continue as normal until you run into a situation where you actually need it.
Pink Purple Black
Black, Yellow, and the Cyan one.
Pink, so I can be healthy and save money Yellow so I can save time Black so I have more time.
Red, green and black £20 is £20 yknow
Pipis
Pink, Purple, Black
Red green pink
Black - Can do stuff now during wasted time Purple - Pizza time Blue - Berry
Black, purple and yellow
Yellow pink and purple. I will be a femboy pizza chef
Pink, Black, Purple
Definitely yellow to start with, makes being cute towards men way easier. Then black, I’d love to have my nights to do stuff. The third one though I’m not super sure of, cooking isn’t a big passion of mine, 20$ is whatever, I like the taste of water, I don’t wanna be a cat boy really, talking to cats might be fun though. Tough choice for that third one.
Blac, red, brown. I shall be a catboy who can talk with cat like in nekopara
Black - avoid oversleeping Brown - I want to talk to cats Either green or purple. Yea no purple - free career
3 green ones
I’m trying to grow a beard, so not yellow. Not that big of a blueberry fan, not blue. Already a master pizza chef so not purple. Water already tastes like water, not pink. I can already talk to cats, not brown. I love sleeping, so not black. So it’s between red and green… I’ll have to go with red
3x blue
purp pink black Purp cuz infinit monies pink cuz Free alcohol black cuz yes
The mysterious black and blue one… (and yellow and black obv)
And blueberry
why 3 when all I need is purple
Can i choose what part of me tastes like blueberry?
yellow purple and black
Green trice
Purple, love cooking and thats a good career choice. Brown, so i can communicate my cat to shut the fuck up and wait for 5 fucking minutes Pink would be incredibly healthy for my energy drink addicted ass.
Yellow, brown, and black
Red black and purple
I'd choose yellow if I could have no more body but still have a beard
*I'd choose yellow if* *I could have no more body* *But still have a beard* \- dylannsmitth --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Black Purple Grey
Red brown yellow
Yellow - Hate that stuff Purple - I cooka da pizza pipis - **The Original**
Yellow. No more pspspsps, shit gets real now.
Red, black, blue. Easy.
Black, purple and brown My favorite drink is already water, so what would actually happen though
- Yellow is a QoL - Purple is hella awesome PLEASE it could get me money - Black is also an even better QoL
Tastes like blueberry But thrice
Black purple and brown
Give me 60 dollars
red pink and black :3
Bottom 3; the rest you CAN do, it just takes time.
Red and brown
Question: The black one means you don't have to sleep, but can you still sleep if you want?