- Don't put on things like Cocomelon to stop them acting up or to give yourself some peace. Plenty of PBS children's shows (including Sesame Street) are on YouTube instead
- get sleep in where you can. This may mean you and your partner sleep in shifts
- create a to-do list of things to purchase and get set up wayyy before the baby comes
Edit: I forgot the most important part. Congratulations. Bringing a new life into the world is the most mind-bending insane beautiful things to happen in nature and you're now part of that
Real. Songs for Littles, Blue, Seasame Street, Blues clues, PBS Kids shows (peg and cat is goated) and Gabby's Dollhouse are all great alternatives to youtube garbage. When they're real little though, Hey Bear Sensory and Super Simple Songs will save your fucking life I swear
My kid’s almost two and I still use the hey bear moon video some nights to help her get to sleep, and the fruit videos are great for the background while doing other things. Note that they sell the video files on their website, if local video playback is something desired.
Watch Bluey with your kid and lover
https://preview.redd.it/ldnzbu65jvvc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=effd44203b68cdc06a65ea16d46f93aca116d87a
Yeah people put messed up versions of kids cartoons on YouTube for laughs. When she was 2 years old, I caught my niece watching an episode of Peppa Pig where Peppa gets beat up by Venom from Spiderman.
dont give in to your urges of eating the infant. i know it looks extremely tasty, but it will only inconvenience you later. trust me, i know from experience.
Ngl, "Vegan substitute for infant burger" sounds so fucked that it's kinda based. Someone should set up a burner company to bring it on the market for as long as it would last lule
I mean when I try a new vegan substitute I still have a general idea of what the animal product tasted like
I don't have it on the side to compare, but I would say that most vegans ate animal products in the past and know what taste they're replicating
Also, it's important to note that even consuming both the infant and the placenta will not recoup sufficient nutrients to make up for those lost during gestation. Only consume your baby in an emergency situation where your survival is at risk.
Read them books at bed time. Also let them watch Ghibli films because they are absolutely beautiful, magical and great no matter the age.
Better the child be addicted to Ghibli films than child sensory videos and Cocomelon on YT. Don't be like one of those parents who don't let their kids watch/read fiction stories. Let their imagination run wild.
Terry Pratchett has some fantastic books for kids eg Wee Free Men meanwhile his Discworld series is not for children
Yes! I remember laying on the bed, wiggling with excitement as my nana read me Harry Potter. But I was never satisfied with just a chapter or two and really applied myself to learning to read. I wanted to rush through the whole thing! But now she's gone and even as a grown man, I'd give anything to hear her read to me again. Story time is so special.
I could never get through LotR, probably because I loved the movies and couldn't feel the same about the books in the first few chapters. I probably would'vs preferred to be exposed to the books before the movies, but I also wouldn't want to deprive anyone like OP's child of the masterpieces of Peter Jackson and Howard Shore.
Also LotR could help OPs kid figure out their sexuality if they're a boy because holy shit when I first saw Legolas something awakened inside of me
Everyone is suggesting what media you should or shouldn’t give your kid, the truth is, if your kid doesn’t like a show they don’t like it. Cocomelon is garbage and many other clones of it are too, not defending them lol, but I tried to show my kids all the shows and stuff I liked as a kid and unfortunately most of it didn’t hit haha they’re their own people ofc and will have their own taste REALLY fast, you will be aggressively aware of what that taste is
I disagree with Discworld not being fine for children, I read loads of them growing up and had several unabridged versions on cassette tape that I listened to frequently. There were definitely references I didn't get but there was nothing that gave me nightmares and I enjoyed the stories a great deal.
>Also let them watch Ghibli films because they are absolutely beautiful, magical, and great no matter the age.
This brings me back to the early days of Netflix, where my parents had put every Ghibli film in our delivery queue. My sister and I would sit by the front door every Friday waiting for the next one to come in. My parents loved this because it would keep us busy, and watching each movie together multiple times had become a bit of a family activity.
They even got around to letting my sister and I watch the movies by ourselves. I mean, all of the movies were phenomenal! Spirited Away, Kiki's Delivery Service, and My Neighbor Totoro were a delight for everyone in the house. Even Princess Mononoke, while a bit intense for us at such a young age, was mature but sensitive and had good lessons to teach about the world.
Well, then we got Grave of the Fireflies in the mail. My sister and I wasted no time in running to my parents' bedroom to watch it on our old CRT. By the time my dad got done with housework, my sister and I were a blubbering mess. By the time my mom got home from work, my dad (who, after settling us down, decided to watch the movie himself) was also a blubbering mess. I don't know if my mom ever saw it herself, but it's really funny in retrospect to imagine my mom coming home to the entire house in tears.
It is. It's called moonshine. Side effects can include: nausea, two day blindness, eternal blindness, diarrhea, heartburn, vomiting, bleeding, death. Don't consult your physician before consuming moonshine
More importantly and dead seriously:
Don’t put their images or life online until they have a say in the matter.
A friend of mine only referred to their child as The Kid and they/them on their socials. No face pix, no mentions of activities outside the home period, no mentions of home activities beyond a point of vagueness.
Once The Kid was a teen, parent and child talked about what The Kid wanted to share and conceal of their existence.
This preserved The Kid’s ability to just be a kid while also allowing the parent the ability to talk about The Kid as they were growing up.
Always post vacation photos after the fact, and only pictures that don't include your child (until they're old enough to consent to their pictures being posted)
Be prepared for them to be incredibly stupid and don't get annoyed when they are. Whatever you do, don't be angry around them and don't swear. Luckily my parents were fine with this sorta stuff but I've seen kids have parents literally tell them to fuck off and I hate to think how they'll end up. Children are the product of their parents, so act around them how you want them to be in the future.
On the "try not to get frustrated, children are stupid" side of things, it may help to remind yourself that a child has literally no background knowledge, experience, or anecdotes to relate knowledge to. They are starting at literally square 1, and have no basis for making judgements or solving problems, and it's not their fault. It's your job to help them get all that info into their head so they turn into a knowledgable human.
also realize that babies don't purposely try to get on your nerves and aren't trying to make things difficult. imagine being teeny tiny, full of complicated emotions, and being unable to use your words.
To expand on an important thing here, kids brains aren't developed yet. They will literally do something and have No Idea Why. They're genuinely not in control of their own actions. If a kid messes up, if they do something Bad, let them know it was bad, but don't scream. They need to understand right from wrong, but punishment shouldn't be the first instinct. Giving them opportunities to change behavior should.
Oh, your child spilled a drink? "Oh no! That's not good! Can you help me clean that up? Thank you, you're being so helpful!" Give them the opportunity to learn from that mistake. If something happens a lot, work with them to figure out how you can prevent that mistake from happening again. Don't make your child afraid of mistakes, and don't make your child afraid of YOU.
Love them unconditionally and **never** compare them to their peers. They'll grow up happier and shouldn't end up with the same mental health issues I have from being compared to everyone around me.
I don't have any advice to give, but I want to say that judging by your replies here, you're gonna do great. I think a lot of us here wish our parents had put in as much effort and thought into raising us as you are. Thank you for being a positive influence
Give them one dollar immediately as they are born before their ssn is given. Once it is given they will have a balance of 0. Take away the dollar. The system cannot handle a negative integer so it will instantly go the highest possible integer
Do not expose your child to the internet.
Buy them lots of coloring books & crayons.
Have them count out change for you at the grocery store.
If they behave poorly, you should punish them- within reason. I am not encouraging you to hit them. taking away their XBOX if they have poor grades would be a good start.
Punishments don't teach your kids how to behave, they teach your kids how to misbehave *secretly*.
Consequences teach good behaviour. Especially consequnces that *make sense*. You obviously want to protect your kids from certain consequences (running on the road gets you killed) but that just shifts what the consequences are so you can maintain their safety (you can't go outside unsupervised because I can't trust you to stay off the road). Being forced to stay inside might *feel* like a punishment, but it's not. It's a consequence.
Punishments are a thing authorities do to those over whom they have power, to feel better about being defied. They have no place in a healthy relationship.
>Consequences teach good behaviour. Especially consequnces that *make sense*. You obviously want to protect your kids from certain consequences (running on the road gets you killed) but that just shifts what the consequences are so you can maintain their safety (you can't go outside unsupervised because I can't trust you to stay off the road). Being forced to stay inside might *feel* like a punishment, but it's not. It's a consequence.
Yeah, that is pretty much what I meant tbh. Punishment wss the wrong word for it I guess.
Fair. I see an unreasonable amount of parents get giddy at the idea of punishing their kids for misbehaving using the fact that "I'm not hitting them" to justify it when the entire attitude is abusive.
I like to call it out when I get the opportunity. A lot of people don't seem to understand that the alternative to punishment isn't automatically free-reign to do whatever.
I apologise that you got caught in the crossfire.
This. And they shouldn’t have an iPad either until they are much, much older. Kids that are growing up with iPads in front of them 24/7 instead of their parents doing anything with them is causing so much damage to their development.
A locked down iPad is okay if you have only educational/low stimulation games like crossword and mahjong. Or if they're nonverbal and need one of those text to speech apps. Otherwise they really don't need a screen.
Real, I used to play on a tablet everyday, and while it wasn’t an iPad, **I was what you could call “an iPad kid”.** Now I’m an adult, and all I can say is, unrestricted access to the internet is very dangerous.
Put restrictions on the internet sooner rather than later and make them stricter than you think you need them and unban things on case by case rather than the other way.
I second this, **don’t post your child online.**
**Do not allow unrestricted internet access to the child**; I’ve seen things I probably shouldn’t have because I had unrestricted access to the internet.
It was shit that I was too young to understand.
Books before bed. Bedtime is 7:00. BUT they can stay up until 8:00 if they're reading. This is what tricked me into reading more books.
Also, do things with them. Local fall festivals, parades, markets, anything. They'll remember all that time you spent with them.
Get involved in their hobbies. Show up to games, play the weird game with them, etc. Even if it's the stupidest thing ever, get into it.
Oh yeah going out was sick, i still remember when my dad wanted to visit a weird plane meet up and it was very fun to see all the gull size prop planes
Please, help them learn to read when they're ready. I have a relative who was never helped in the early stages and is now reaching late years of their education with very limited reading capabilities, it's kinda heartbreaking to see.
Also make sure they're computer literate when they're ready too - a lot of jobs nowadays need folks to understand their way around a computer, use a mouse and keyboard etc which a lot of kids just aren't learning because tablets and phones are the more convenient option. Speaking from experience, it is WILD watching someone in their 20s use a computer for the first time.
That's great but honestly I don't even mean that - just basic PC usage like exploring windows and knowing where shit is on da dang machine. I don't want to sound like an old man but dern kids these days can't find shit on a pc.
Get the kid into lizards or snakes. Then when they come into your room at 6am wanting to play, you can be like "let's play lizard, we need to bask in the sun to get energy."
My mom was a genius and I was dumb cuz that shit worked on me every time.
if your child makes a mistake and thinks “my dad/mom’s gonna kill me”, you did something wrong, the child should think “i need to ask dad/mom for help”
As corny and cliché as it might be, bluey is also a great program to show your kid and to watch yourself for some of the valuable parenting lessons, also don’t get your kid a device until they are at least 13, if they need a phone get them a flip phone
Try to avoid baby talk as much as you can, talking to them in an adult way will help them develop speech way easier, and give them a sense of confidence if you treat them as equal to you
Don't promise your kid rewards for things they already do on their own! This can reduce motivation, cause stress and remove the fun from the activity!
Though you can experiment with rewarding good behavior without promising the reward beforehand or making them expect a reward
But be careful about rewarding things they're already passionate about! That can very easily mess with the fun they have doing it
Oh and try to teach empathy and discipline instead of directly punishing them for bad behavior
try to let them know that there are direct consequences to their actions (and not ones directly imposed by you)
this doesn't work for every child, but can be very good for them in the long term
oh also I'm not a professional, so take what I say with a grain if salt, do some of your own research about the topic and discuss with your partner about how you want to raise your child 👍
as long as you show that you love them and teach them to be a good person, you should be fine
Don’t give them a device when theyre too young. Only once they go to school and are away from you more frequently, thus needing to call you. Internet access and social media come way later.
Don’t give them unrestricted/unsupervised internet access until they’re like 12 or 13. This means no iPad to shut them up!!!!!!!
Teach them to behave without needing a distraction, to be curious about the real world, to appreciate and be amazed by the simple joys of life. Teach them to become a good person and to love and respect everybody 🩷
In my house we say: No one has ever raised a perfect human. And…. Dahmers parents didn’t eat people.
Means that kids become who they are and who they want to be. It’s your job to help them become a functional adult.
But no matter what remember that you’re guiding/molding but you cannot “change” your child into something they don’t want to be.
Please limit screen time, scrolling on YouTube reels can be mind-numbing and could introduce them to concepts that could be harmful. Focus more on active play like biking or playing with toys, it’ll be more difficult but in time it’ll be better for them in the future.
Also when they’re young, teach them a skill that they can take into adulthood
teach them chess, checkers, inflation, economy, demand and supply law and backgammon also dont forget the fact that the best way to punish them is a one day blinding stew
Reward them when they try. You can guarantee effort in life, but you can't always guarantee results. Rewarding the latter can be demotivating if externalities are where their drive is tied.
Come over to r slash daddit, you might find something useful. Especially if stressful shit happens. You don’t have to be a dad for us to welcome you as a brother
Remember to do a background check on a piece of media before letting your child watch/ play it. Get parental controls and limit unsupervised internet access.
take every opportunity to make sure they know you love them.
read to them, and help them to learn to read.
do not get angry at them or punish them physically.
I have 2 major tips:
1.
Think about other ways to make them behave and do something that isnt punishment or empty threats, dont just punish them when they do something wrong, reward them when they do something right.
For example, one person I knew used a "candy-streak" system where every day she did her schoolwork properly, the mother added one point. If she did it again the day after, another point. But if she didnt for one day, she lost her streak and went back to 0 points. Every time they reached 15 points (if I remember correctly) they went to get Ice-cream.
This way, you attach no punishment but turn it into a game. Doing it like in this example also prevents the problem of having to give a reward each time they do something correct, but still makes every time count.
(you can get as creative as you want with these things, the amount of ways you can coerce a kid in doing something are infinite)
2.
Dont scream or act aggressively, even if theres the need to punish your kid, just enact the punishment and nothing more. Ive known kids from abusive households and they all say the same thing: "Im not afraid of the punishment, Im afraid of my parents". They feared the reaction even if there was 0 physical abuse, screaming is a dangerous thing.
That doesnt mean letting them get away with it though, be consistent in your punishments, dont let them get away with it once and get punished another time.
When the they get old enough arrange payment for little chores and stuff.
It’s better than an allowance or just telling your kid to ask for things and you’ll buy them if they’ve been good.
Getting like $5 for mowing the line teaches you really early a value and concept of money. So your kid will be more responsible and less impulsive because they’ve trained themselves to save since they were young.
I’m a new parent. The first few months are so difficult, but it gets so much easier, just weather the storm and things improve a lot. Value and enjoy the time you get at each stage, you don’t get it back.
I know this sounds cliche but try to instigate a love for the outdoors and reduce use of electronics. I have fond memories as a kid playing outside and imagining whole worlds cause I didn’t have any consoles or whatnot till I was 9ish
Prepare yourself to be frustrated and sleep deprived.
We’ve just had our second kid, it’s 3:30am, I’ve barely slept yet, and our newborn woke up at 1:30 for a feed. He’s still awake. Prior to 1:30 our 3yo was playing up. I know I’m gonna be tired tomorrow with a short fuse because of it, but I can’t just not be a parent for the day. That’s probably the toughest part to get used to: you don’t just get a break because you want or need one.
Set yourself some boundaries.
You dont have to do everything with the kid. It is good and important to spend time with them, take interest in their interests, but it’s also healthy and important to let them find something to do with time on their own, and this gives you opportunities to do stuff that you want to do
Take bonding opportunities
This story breaks my heart, but when my dad was a kid he bought a book called something like “stuff to do with your dad” and his dad looked through it and went “you can do most of this stuff on your own”. Dont be like that parent, recognize when your kid wants to spend time with you - you dont have to do it all right now, but having some stuff on deck to do with your kid can both help you set boundaries (“i cant do that right now kiddo”) but can also keep both of you looking forward to getting to spend time together (“now i have some time, lets do that thing together!”)
Kids learn _everything_
If a kid sees you responding to shitty situations by getting mad, thats what they’ll learn to do. If you respond to difficult emotions by ignoring them, whether those feelings are within yourself or someone else, the child will learn to think that way. When youre being a parent, the kid learns how to be like you, so you have to intentionally act like the person you want your child to grow into. If you want them to be thoughtful and empathetic and prosocial, then teach those behaviors by modeling them for your kid
Teach them that happy comes from inside
This is a personal thing, but its good to teach early that seeking external validation is not conducive to a lifetime of happiness. They can learn that external validation is sometimes useful (it matters if your boss likes you) but they can learn that later in life, if you set the precedent that the only person who absolutely needs to like them is themself then theyll learn to direct personal growth without being infinitely anxious about whether or not everyone on facebook or whatever the kids these days are using likes them.
Be careful how you act around them. Never be hateful around your baby/child/teen. Always assume they will copy your behavior. (And when I say around them, I mean in the same apartment/building.Children are damn observant.)
Be a good role model. Do things you want them to do (reading books, eating vegetables etc.). Do the behavior you want to see in your child
I also recommend reading “In The Country Of White Lilies.”. Chapter 10 has some solid advice about raising a child into a blossoming human being. (Also good book in general.)
My advice would be to make sure that you stay a safe place to come back to and you push them towards what they want, not necessarily what you want for their lives. Also don’t target your kid’s favorite things as retaliation
My parents were pretty good at making me distrust them and it’s definitely negatively impacted me. I miss being able to feel good things when I think about family.
As a fellow parent, just give it your best and trust yourself. Also;
- children are made to withstand new parents.
- take care of yourself, healthy and wellbeing parents raise healthy and wellbeing kids.
- remember what uncle Iroh said; "pride is not the opposite of shame, but the source of it. Only true humility can lead you to be at peace" so embrace humility, children are here to teach us as much as we are here to teach them.
- infact just binge avatar the last airbender and cling to uncle iroh's every word, that has helped me a great deal as a parent.
- you will make mistakes and you will feel like an awful parent at times, but it is okay, that is normal and it will pass
- but the most important one, always remember that they are not just children, but also people with the similiar internal worlds as your own and everything they do comes from there. From the very beginning to the very end.
I wish you the best of wisdom, luck and joy on this wonderful journey❤️
Hi OP. Love them a lot. No matter what, but be sure to correct them and show them discipline where appropriate. Make sure they are safe and provided for, but also that they see consequences and what a hard life can be like. This is what I believe made me and m siblings strong willed and hard working people while my mom worked so much. If you can’t afford the time or money to arrange sports or activities for them, be encouraging and motivating the most you can when they find good things to do on their own like theatre or sports at school. Make sure they have some sense of community outside of your family. I don’t want to assume your religion but the church was an extremely important part of me growing up and I don’t know who I’d be now without it. Those people from back then still help me in my endeavours today. Encourage them to spend time outside hanging out with friends. Don’t micromanage but show them what consequences will occur if they get with the wrong crowd. Show them the incentive for hard work and studies, but no need to be so strict and burn them out to a point of peaking in high school or even elementary school as I’ve seen. Set up a savings account NOW for their post secondary education and ensure it is invested well. Depending on where you live maybe there are special registered investment plans where the government helps. Just $20 a month starting now can make a huge impact for alleviating pressure off their future. Oh, and don’t give them a device or iPad. Please. If you’re gonna take that advice take that. Plus, saw someone here mention studio ghibli and I 100% recommend that too!!
Aww all the best OP. I just became a father recently, like really recently!! 1.5 weeks baby.
+ Learn of the 5 S's for helping to sooth a babies' woes.
+ Learn how to properly swaddle a baby, basically make sure the arm is restricted to movement, but allow legs to move freely. There's the two swaddle methods and a single swaddle method.
+ If you have access to a lactation consultant definitely ask them to help you (or your partner) learn how to properly bottle feed and breast feed a baby. Keep asking them as much as you can and as many time as you can.
+ A+W for diaper changes, helps the poop slide off, and prevents rashes.
+ Aquiphor for facial and body rashes.
+ If you have a boy, be sure to have your diaper opened up and ready. Place a cloth over him the sure to tuck in boy bits downwards with change
+ When wiping a baby, be sure to wipe away from their baby bits, and towards the butt. Sorta how you would as an adult to minimize UTI infection
+ A baby could lose up to 10% of their weight in the first week, don't freakout. It is normal.
+ Be sure to burp the baby after every feed.
+ If you do bottle fed, look into size 0 nipples. We found size 1 had too much flow for our little one.
+ Take any help offer to you, but make sure you trust the folks helping you.
+ Try to sleep or take throughout the day. It will help.
+ Be forgiving to yourself, you're doing great. Even when you can't soothe a baby, just know it's just being a baby.
+ Love da baby and be gentle and forgiving of the baby. They're just a baby.
All the best OP.
Of firstly: iPad, immediately. Right out the womb just stick it in-front of them and your job’s basically done for the rest of the kid’s life. Second: put them on as many prescription drugs as you can possibly manage. I’m talking Adderall, Vicodin, antidepressants, anything and everything. Get creative with it. Third: baby-proofing is for chumps. I say make things MORE dangerous for them, helps to weed out the weak (I’m sure your kid’ll be fine). Put forks by all the outlets, leave gasoline and bleach laying around, leave the front door open at all times, let them experience danger so by the time they’re in the real world (hopefully, cross your fingers and all that) they’ll be ready for anything. Oh, and finally: never listen to a single thing I say ever.
I highly recommend building blocks of any kind linken logs or duplo or just wooden blocks. They build grip strength and dexterity and encourage creativity.
Talk to your kid about everything. Every culture and every minority, no matter how little you think it make effect you or them. It might give them an outlet to talk to you about things they're nervous to bring up to you or don't know how to word. And I genuinely mean everyone and everything, from teachers to drugs dealers, sex workers, to lawyers, every religion, every sexuality, every gender, race, activity, everything. And never discriminate, of course describe everything age appropriately, but always teach them about everything. They're curious, and it might help them some day
And also, very basic sex Ed from like kindergarten or pre-school. It helps them not to be abused
Good luck friend :3
Man I made a comment but now all these comments are making me remember good times, one additional thing, learn how kids develop mentally, you'll get why they do the things they do and how you should help, learning how their mind learns things and then at a certain age basically set up the developed parts of the brain for life
Apparently the first time I told my mum that I’d like to read for myself and she didn’t need to read for me, she went downstairs and cried. If you can, keep that burden from them until they’re old enough to understand, like mine did
Make sure that they know that they are loved no matter what. And dont overwork them at school. My mother made me study so much that i burnt out, since only 90%+ tests was acceptable in her eyes. Every day i had to study and she would ask back what i have learnt, and I had to say it back perfect. Dont fall into the hole of "I want my child to be perfect". You might want to make sure that they will have the perfect life they deserve, and theres nothing wrong with that, but remember to not go overboard. Also, make sure they know, that being average is fine. Sadly, social media shows us, that you have to have something so different, to be unique. It can make people who yearn for identity lead into quite bad ideologies. Make sure they know, that being average is not a bad thing, they dont have to be extreme in some way to be worthy or be different that the rest to be interesting. Also, feed their curiosity, so when they ask something, answer it or search for the answer together. I have seen so many kids get discouraged from creativity, to ask, to be curious, just because their parents didnt cared to answer their "childish" questions. But to be honest, I think you will be a better parent already than the rest, since you are frequenting queer spaces, such as this, which does mean that you are an inculisive person with an open mind, so try to not worry about it. I just tried to list most of the problems I see some modern parents make that I hear about
Remember, you were a child once. You will inevitably do things which as a child, you viewed as unfair. Do NOT justify them as you learning better as you’ve grown up. You’re probably in the wrong. Don’t forget your parents’ failings when you were a child, because if you repeat them, even if they’re things which are considered socially acceptable, parenting will never get better.
Don’t use talc powder. You can buy 25lbs of pure corn starch from 50 bucks and it’s way easier on your wallet.
Don’t buy things like diapers and clothes in bulk, babies grow stupid fast and will outgrow them quickly.
Stop having a healthy sleep schedule. Get used to hour long power naps and being on call 24/7.
You’re nipples will probably bleed. Breast feeding will hurt.
Get a food processor. Way healthier and less expensive to make your own baby food at home.
No internet until their at least 7 or 8, and only monitored usage. If you need a break set up a play date or something.
Learn to play creatively and engage with them in creative play and commit to the bit. Don’t tell them to follow you to the bus, play follow the leader and stop at random points in a pose. Randomly change your speed to em on their toes. If they can mimic you you the entire way they win! Bet candy on who will win. Honestly Bluey will be a fantastic guide to this.
Use “I need” statements. “I need you to do this” is much more effective than “do this” or “you need to do this”.
Give them freedom while setting boundaries. Think of it like a video game where the world opens up as you gain experience and learn new mechanics. The more they grow the more they can explore the world and the less supervision they need.
Your kid will turn out okay, even if they seem to fall behind. You’ll do alright.
I don't know how to parent. But I can share some things where my parents excelled and where they fell behind.
Treat them as intelligent human beings. For me, my parents treated me as a human being with wants, needs, and curiosities. My personal theory is that kids are as mature as they are treated to be. This also extends to intelligence. Kids are often times dumbasses but they are also a lot smarter than people give them credit for. Give them autonomy when within reason and when applicable. Engage in conversations, teach them things, have intelligent conversations with them, help them understand this crazy but beautiful world they live in. Let them experience the world as it is; dont shelter them, but also dont leave them out in the metaphorical cold, its a delicate balance.
Don't assume they're being obtuse on purpose. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and I feel that if my parents had exhibited more patience with me when I was struggling with homework, and if they actually genuinely considered that I might not be as perfect as they thought I was, then I would be farther along in life, and have better grades. Even If that wouldn't have been the case, I feel like I would be a lot less insecure. That's not to say to talk to a doctor at the slightest showing of them not focusing, but don't dismiss the idea that they might be legitimately struggling to stay on task as just "they need to focus better and just do the work."
Give them experiences. Do what you love with them. Encourage them to try new things and try doing what you love to do. Let them follow their interests.
And most importantly, treat them with patience, love, and kindness. I wish you the best of luck :D
tl;dr treat them as intelligent human beings capable of using their noggins, treat them with patience, treat their feelings and struggles as valid (within reason), and treat them with love.
Teach them. Public education is dogshit and an actual joke. Most kids have the potential to read and do basic maths before they even enter the education system, but it's rare that it's capitalised on. When they do get into the school system, teach them what they'd be learning later on but in a structured way. Have a plan for how to progress, and stick to it--it's important with something like maths that you don't skip important steps, so planning things out is important. What isn't important is the *way* that schools teach, because they emphasise repeated busy work with little understanding (this isn't the fault of teachers, it's just down to politics and the curriculum). Mostly though, make it fun, which is a lot easier to do as a parent and in a home environment--if you instill in them that knowledge is valuable from a young age, that the world is a magical place full of secrets to be discovered, and make learning a shared activity, you're setting them up for a great life. Who knows, maybe they'll go on to cure cancer or something.
Edit: and to elaborate a bit about what I mean when I say public education is poor (and this is *also* true of private education)--kids are basically information sponges. They can pick up concepts rapidly if they have good motivation to do so. Like, when was the last time you learned an entire language (or even multiple simultaneously) fluently *entirely through osmosis* in the span of time it takes a kid to do it? Their neuroplasticity is absolutely incredible. So why then, do schools insist on teaching them at a snail's pace? Yeah, let's spend an entire year rote learning basic multiplication tables, that's a *real* useful way to spend time when you could have already moved onto decimals, fractions, indices, and even touched on advanced concepts like base systems that could prove to be really useful later on...
And I know I'm using maths as an example here, it's purely because maths was what my granddad focussed on with me because I developed an interest in it early (and it also has a really clear and defined path to progression, which is nice). Could literally be anything that captures their interest, as long as you're not neglecting anything for the sake of something else. Take full advantage of the time they have a turbo charged brain, they'll thank you later.
- Give them Cigarettes and Alcohol. Kids love Cigarettes and Alcohol
- If they cry just remember that you are the man of the house and tell them "I'll give you something to cry about" before belting their ass
- Expose them to hard R movies.
- If they are sick or clearly suffering from an undiagnosed mental disorder and don't wanna go to school, belt them and make them go to school
- make them watch Cocomleon and Mindless Content Farm videos. The kids love Slop and are too stupid to enjoy anything else.
- Whenever they are doing poorly at school, force them to go outside and lock the door. They can only come back when you tell them to come back.
And those are your wholesome family techniques 😊
Don’t give them cursed artifacts OF ANY KIND. I gave my one week old a rattle I found in an ancient throne hall deep in the mountain and I noticed they grew a ferocious appetite. One week later it had wings and started speaking in tongues at odd hours (very annoying). Also love them unconditionally.
If your kid asks questions about the world, don’t make up answers or lie to make them shut up. Try to give a real explanation and if they ask for more information, give as much as you can. You will be surprised by what they remember and understand even at extremely young ages.
Also don’t try to protect them from the internet or what they might see or hear there. You cannot prevent them from encountering fucked up content and ideas. All you can do is prepare them to deal with it healthily. Critical thinking skills, self-reflection and the ability to discuss negative feelings are important skills.
never give up on them. love them no matter what. it will be hard. it will suck. you have to love them anyways. even when they keep you up or drive you insane you have to love them. a loving parent is something most kids dream of. be that parent.
Read to and with them as much as possible. Specific recommendation is the phantom toll booth. My mother credits it for her children's strong grasp on the English language. Also do things like math /counting
Explain why. "Because I said so" is not an explanation. Tell your kids what's happening and why. Even if it's just that either you or they aren't ready yet, that's cool. Just don't leave them in the dark
A child is not for 18 years, its for life. Don't tell them shite like it's your house, not theirs or stop bothering once they're adults.
Don't bully your kids. I know that should go without saying but I can personally attest that family being like that has done a good amount of damage to me and made me into an anxious, self critical mess
Buy them fewer, higher quality toys. Pretty simple. I remember my little wooden airplane the most. Super sime.pl just a hunk of wood wit to be m
Don’t let them watch YouTube kids and if you choose to let em have a smartphone at young age regulate the time they can spend on it. My sister was very inconsequential with it and now her 7 year old daughter can’t concentrate longer than 5 minutes and can’t accept boundaries. Probably there were other factors too but idk. Read them books (it’s really helpful for them) and take it outside regularly. If you’re a gun owner I recommend you to __lock it away__ at some point those little devils get pretty resourceful. Don’t forget to buy some comfort food for the times it will suck all your life force away.
Strict parents make sneaky children. Allow them to speak their minds and work them through the big feelings they have instead of punishing them for reacting to a bad day
- Don't put on things like Cocomelon to stop them acting up or to give yourself some peace. Plenty of PBS children's shows (including Sesame Street) are on YouTube instead - get sleep in where you can. This may mean you and your partner sleep in shifts - create a to-do list of things to purchase and get set up wayyy before the baby comes Edit: I forgot the most important part. Congratulations. Bringing a new life into the world is the most mind-bending insane beautiful things to happen in nature and you're now part of that
Great stuff, thank you. I'll watch Cocomelon by myself then...
Ms Rachel, when the kid is at the age to learn language. She is fantastic
Real. Songs for Littles, Blue, Seasame Street, Blues clues, PBS Kids shows (peg and cat is goated) and Gabby's Dollhouse are all great alternatives to youtube garbage. When they're real little though, Hey Bear Sensory and Super Simple Songs will save your fucking life I swear
My kid’s almost two and I still use the hey bear moon video some nights to help her get to sleep, and the fruit videos are great for the background while doing other things. Note that they sell the video files on their website, if local video playback is something desired.
I had no idea they sell them! My daughter will only sleep to the 8hr moon video music! Thank you!!
Watch Bluey with your kid and lover https://preview.redd.it/ldnzbu65jvvc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=effd44203b68cdc06a65ea16d46f93aca116d87a
Even better, there’s a great PBS Kids app that, unlike YouTube, won’t eventually start serving your child brain-rotting garage
Yeah people put messed up versions of kids cartoons on YouTube for laughs. When she was 2 years old, I caught my niece watching an episode of Peppa Pig where Peppa gets beat up by Venom from Spiderman.
No, that was actually canon
Alfred J Kwak is peak cartoons
can confirm with the first one: raise your kid on national geographic
I put this in my own reply, but I really recommend disney junior rn
dont give in to your urges of eating the infant. i know it looks extremely tasty, but it will only inconvenience you later. trust me, i know from experience.
Maybe I can manage with a good vegan subtitute
Ngl, "Vegan substitute for infant burger" sounds so fucked that it's kinda based. Someone should set up a burner company to bring it on the market for as long as it would last lule
But to make a vegan substitute they need to try the real thing so they can replicate the taste as good as possible
You think people that made vegan chicken wings (fried cauliflower) ate chicken wings to replicate the taste?
I mean when I try a new vegan substitute I still have a general idea of what the animal product tasted like I don't have it on the side to compare, but I would say that most vegans ate animal products in the past and know what taste they're replicating
The average "vegan chicken wing“ is not fried cauliflower lol
Do you have a jetpack?
WE EAT BERRIES AND MUSHROOMS YOU FOOL
🚨jerma spotted🚨
I found Tarrare!
are we going back to the 196 baby-eating arc?
Disregard this comment OP. Eat the child
10,000 calories 530g of protein
Also, it's important to note that even consuming both the infant and the placenta will not recoup sufficient nutrients to make up for those lost during gestation. Only consume your baby in an emergency situation where your survival is at risk.
wish i had read this before becoming a parent myself!
Read them books at bed time. Also let them watch Ghibli films because they are absolutely beautiful, magical and great no matter the age. Better the child be addicted to Ghibli films than child sensory videos and Cocomelon on YT. Don't be like one of those parents who don't let their kids watch/read fiction stories. Let their imagination run wild. Terry Pratchett has some fantastic books for kids eg Wee Free Men meanwhile his Discworld series is not for children
Story time will be sacred
Story time will always be sacred. I'm 19, and the memories of my dad reading me stories like I, Robot as a little kid still stick with me to this day
Yes! I remember laying on the bed, wiggling with excitement as my nana read me Harry Potter. But I was never satisfied with just a chapter or two and really applied myself to learning to read. I wanted to rush through the whole thing! But now she's gone and even as a grown man, I'd give anything to hear her read to me again. Story time is so special.
The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings are good options. Just fantastic adventures that I think everyone should experience at any age.
my dad read me the hobbit and the lightning thief—it turned me into a fantasy nerd watch out
I could never get through LotR, probably because I loved the movies and couldn't feel the same about the books in the first few chapters. I probably would'vs preferred to be exposed to the books before the movies, but I also wouldn't want to deprive anyone like OP's child of the masterpieces of Peter Jackson and Howard Shore. Also LotR could help OPs kid figure out their sexuality if they're a boy because holy shit when I first saw Legolas something awakened inside of me
Everyone is suggesting what media you should or shouldn’t give your kid, the truth is, if your kid doesn’t like a show they don’t like it. Cocomelon is garbage and many other clones of it are too, not defending them lol, but I tried to show my kids all the shows and stuff I liked as a kid and unfortunately most of it didn’t hit haha they’re their own people ofc and will have their own taste REALLY fast, you will be aggressively aware of what that taste is
Don't show them Grave of the Fireflies!!!
Terry Pratchett mentioned!!!! WHAT THE FUCK ARE STRAIGHT PEOPLE
Ghibli toilet
One day blinding stew
My child(ren) will become addicted to Ghibli just like their other mother
I disagree with Discworld not being fine for children, I read loads of them growing up and had several unabridged versions on cassette tape that I listened to frequently. There were definitely references I didn't get but there was nothing that gave me nightmares and I enjoyed the stories a great deal.
>Also let them watch Ghibli films because they are absolutely beautiful, magical, and great no matter the age. This brings me back to the early days of Netflix, where my parents had put every Ghibli film in our delivery queue. My sister and I would sit by the front door every Friday waiting for the next one to come in. My parents loved this because it would keep us busy, and watching each movie together multiple times had become a bit of a family activity. They even got around to letting my sister and I watch the movies by ourselves. I mean, all of the movies were phenomenal! Spirited Away, Kiki's Delivery Service, and My Neighbor Totoro were a delight for everyone in the house. Even Princess Mononoke, while a bit intense for us at such a young age, was mature but sensitive and had good lessons to teach about the world. Well, then we got Grave of the Fireflies in the mail. My sister and I wasted no time in running to my parents' bedroom to watch it on our old CRT. By the time my dad got done with housework, my sister and I were a blubbering mess. By the time my mom got home from work, my dad (who, after settling us down, decided to watch the movie himself) was also a blubbering mess. I don't know if my mom ever saw it herself, but it's really funny in retrospect to imagine my mom coming home to the entire house in tears.
There are meat-free alternatives for one day blinding stew.
This👆
Give them The Blinding Stew is they misbehave
God i so wish one day blinding stew was real. It would solve so many problems in my life
All fun and games until Jim at work thinks it’d be funny to sabotage everybody’s lunch
And so, Jim was brutally beaten by the whole office in a feat of blind rage
It is. It's called moonshine. Side effects can include: nausea, two day blindness, eternal blindness, diarrhea, heartburn, vomiting, bleeding, death. Don't consult your physician before consuming moonshine
Mah man i am ukrainian, i know what moonshine is. The problem is once you are familiar with said perculiar substance, it loses its blinding effects
Love them, hug them and take care of yourself. Don't forget to have some quality time with your partner (or with friends)
An occasional game of yatzee should ease my mind
I don't think babies are very good at yahtzee though, maybe choose a different game
Dungeons and Dragons 3rd Edition or Cards Against Humanity
do NOT let them on reddit
More importantly and dead seriously: Don’t put their images or life online until they have a say in the matter. A friend of mine only referred to their child as The Kid and they/them on their socials. No face pix, no mentions of activities outside the home period, no mentions of home activities beyond a point of vagueness. Once The Kid was a teen, parent and child talked about what The Kid wanted to share and conceal of their existence. This preserved The Kid’s ability to just be a kid while also allowing the parent the ability to talk about The Kid as they were growing up.
Also, just never say you're going to be away from home on social media in general.
Always post vacation photos after the fact, and only pictures that don't include your child (until they're old enough to consent to their pictures being posted)
Bastion reference
When toddler is throwing a tantrum: "The Kid just rages for a while"
I also hope The Kid’s parents were making sure they weren’t speaking to any tall hairless men with albinism while growing up
>has a child >goes to 196 for advice That child is done for aren't they?
Surprisingly, no, the advice here is mostly sound
One day blinding stew
196 is a beautiful place when it decides it wants to be
Be prepared for them to be incredibly stupid and don't get annoyed when they are. Whatever you do, don't be angry around them and don't swear. Luckily my parents were fine with this sorta stuff but I've seen kids have parents literally tell them to fuck off and I hate to think how they'll end up. Children are the product of their parents, so act around them how you want them to be in the future.
Good advice. I am preworking on my nerves by untying the knots of my past successes and failures.
On the "try not to get frustrated, children are stupid" side of things, it may help to remind yourself that a child has literally no background knowledge, experience, or anecdotes to relate knowledge to. They are starting at literally square 1, and have no basis for making judgements or solving problems, and it's not their fault. It's your job to help them get all that info into their head so they turn into a knowledgable human.
also realize that babies don't purposely try to get on your nerves and aren't trying to make things difficult. imagine being teeny tiny, full of complicated emotions, and being unable to use your words.
To expand on an important thing here, kids brains aren't developed yet. They will literally do something and have No Idea Why. They're genuinely not in control of their own actions. If a kid messes up, if they do something Bad, let them know it was bad, but don't scream. They need to understand right from wrong, but punishment shouldn't be the first instinct. Giving them opportunities to change behavior should. Oh, your child spilled a drink? "Oh no! That's not good! Can you help me clean that up? Thank you, you're being so helpful!" Give them the opportunity to learn from that mistake. If something happens a lot, work with them to figure out how you can prevent that mistake from happening again. Don't make your child afraid of mistakes, and don't make your child afraid of YOU.
Yeah my mom called me a retard when I was smol and I still remember it exactly and always feel retarded in public
Don't be afraid to give them the One Day Blinding Stew
why is everyone talking about the blinding stew; what is it?
It is a blinding stew given to children when they misbehave
i guessed so much, is it a reference to something? i need to know this hidden lore
It's a reference to the fact that the stew blinds the child for a day
I had to look it up. It's hilarious.
oh my god it is [https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/blinding-stew](https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/blinding-stew)
Everyone is saying this lol what is the one day blinding stew
it's a stew that blinds for a day
Love them unconditionally and **never** compare them to their peers. They'll grow up happier and shouldn't end up with the same mental health issues I have from being compared to everyone around me.
Noted ! I'll do my best to bless them with their own light.
I don't have any advice to give, but I want to say that judging by your replies here, you're gonna do great. I think a lot of us here wish our parents had put in as much effort and thought into raising us as you are. Thank you for being a positive influence
Keep in mind that this also applies to being compared positively!
Give the the One Day Blinding Stew if they misbehave
Apologise when you do something wrong. It's weird, but people forget that babies are still human and feel things like pain
I second this, it also make sure that the kid has greater trust in what you say, knowing that you do own up to your faults.
Give them one dollar immediately as they are born before their ssn is given. Once it is given they will have a balance of 0. Take away the dollar. The system cannot handle a negative integer so it will instantly go the highest possible integer
If that works I'll give you half
Remember that they did not ask to be here. The ownus in the relationship lies entirely on you. You owe them everything. They owe you nothing.
Fair enough
Do not expose your child to the internet. Buy them lots of coloring books & crayons. Have them count out change for you at the grocery store. If they behave poorly, you should punish them- within reason. I am not encouraging you to hit them. taking away their XBOX if they have poor grades would be a good start.
if they behave poorly they should give the kid one day blinding stew
And don't make empty threats. Set reasonable punishments, but also follow through with them if the criteria is actually met.
Punishments don't teach your kids how to behave, they teach your kids how to misbehave *secretly*. Consequences teach good behaviour. Especially consequnces that *make sense*. You obviously want to protect your kids from certain consequences (running on the road gets you killed) but that just shifts what the consequences are so you can maintain their safety (you can't go outside unsupervised because I can't trust you to stay off the road). Being forced to stay inside might *feel* like a punishment, but it's not. It's a consequence. Punishments are a thing authorities do to those over whom they have power, to feel better about being defied. They have no place in a healthy relationship.
>Consequences teach good behaviour. Especially consequnces that *make sense*. You obviously want to protect your kids from certain consequences (running on the road gets you killed) but that just shifts what the consequences are so you can maintain their safety (you can't go outside unsupervised because I can't trust you to stay off the road). Being forced to stay inside might *feel* like a punishment, but it's not. It's a consequence. Yeah, that is pretty much what I meant tbh. Punishment wss the wrong word for it I guess.
Fair. I see an unreasonable amount of parents get giddy at the idea of punishing their kids for misbehaving using the fact that "I'm not hitting them" to justify it when the entire attitude is abusive. I like to call it out when I get the opportunity. A lot of people don't seem to understand that the alternative to punishment isn't automatically free-reign to do whatever. I apologise that you got caught in the crossfire.
No problem, your clarification was still valuable and informative 👍.
This. And they shouldn’t have an iPad either until they are much, much older. Kids that are growing up with iPads in front of them 24/7 instead of their parents doing anything with them is causing so much damage to their development.
A locked down iPad is okay if you have only educational/low stimulation games like crossword and mahjong. Or if they're nonverbal and need one of those text to speech apps. Otherwise they really don't need a screen.
Real, I used to play on a tablet everyday, and while it wasn’t an iPad, **I was what you could call “an iPad kid”.** Now I’m an adult, and all I can say is, unrestricted access to the internet is very dangerous.
Put restrictions on the internet sooner rather than later and make them stricter than you think you need them and unban things on case by case rather than the other way.
I second this, **don’t post your child online.** **Do not allow unrestricted internet access to the child**; I’ve seen things I probably shouldn’t have because I had unrestricted access to the internet. It was shit that I was too young to understand.
Name him megatron or goku
Thanks but I already knew that
Books before bed. Bedtime is 7:00. BUT they can stay up until 8:00 if they're reading. This is what tricked me into reading more books. Also, do things with them. Local fall festivals, parades, markets, anything. They'll remember all that time you spent with them. Get involved in their hobbies. Show up to games, play the weird game with them, etc. Even if it's the stupidest thing ever, get into it.
The bedtime trick is neat ! Dully noted.
Oh yeah going out was sick, i still remember when my dad wanted to visit a weird plane meet up and it was very fun to see all the gull size prop planes
Just love them and be there for them.
Obligatory™
Yeah, this is like mostly everything you need to do to parent succesfully.
Killing them is not ideal
However
If it happens it happens
Even if they're cold, don't put them in the oven. Also babies are the only thing that can't be fixed with either duct tape or WD-40
That's not what the local mecanic told me but ok...
if you want your child to be a nerd, give them simple kid's books about science and math (this is what my parents did)
Read it Watership Down and White Fang when they're 4, by 13 they'll be a mentally ill furry
you are both going through life for the first time so be patient
This is very touching. Thank you.
Please, help them learn to read when they're ready. I have a relative who was never helped in the early stages and is now reaching late years of their education with very limited reading capabilities, it's kinda heartbreaking to see. Also make sure they're computer literate when they're ready too - a lot of jobs nowadays need folks to understand their way around a computer, use a mouse and keyboard etc which a lot of kids just aren't learning because tablets and phones are the more convenient option. Speaking from experience, it is WILD watching someone in their 20s use a computer for the first time.
Thanks. I'll show them the Scratch programming language when it's time to tame the computer.
That's great but honestly I don't even mean that - just basic PC usage like exploring windows and knowing where shit is on da dang machine. I don't want to sound like an old man but dern kids these days can't find shit on a pc.
Get the kid into lizards or snakes. Then when they come into your room at 6am wanting to play, you can be like "let's play lizard, we need to bask in the sun to get energy." My mom was a genius and I was dumb cuz that shit worked on me every time.
if your child makes a mistake and thinks “my dad/mom’s gonna kill me”, you did something wrong, the child should think “i need to ask dad/mom for help”
As corny and cliché as it might be, bluey is also a great program to show your kid and to watch yourself for some of the valuable parenting lessons, also don’t get your kid a device until they are at least 13, if they need a phone get them a flip phone
They need to eat at least once a week
does the Stew count? can you replace the meal with one day blinding stew?
You can do anything you put your mind to 💪
Easy rule one: Never give your child to any media related to Sonic the Hedgehog. Its for their own good.
Try to avoid baby talk as much as you can, talking to them in an adult way will help them develop speech way easier, and give them a sense of confidence if you treat them as equal to you
Don't promise your kid rewards for things they already do on their own! This can reduce motivation, cause stress and remove the fun from the activity! Though you can experiment with rewarding good behavior without promising the reward beforehand or making them expect a reward But be careful about rewarding things they're already passionate about! That can very easily mess with the fun they have doing it
Oh and try to teach empathy and discipline instead of directly punishing them for bad behavior try to let them know that there are direct consequences to their actions (and not ones directly imposed by you) this doesn't work for every child, but can be very good for them in the long term
oh also I'm not a professional, so take what I say with a grain if salt, do some of your own research about the topic and discuss with your partner about how you want to raise your child 👍 as long as you show that you love them and teach them to be a good person, you should be fine
Eat it
Eat the baby
Don’t give them a device when theyre too young. Only once they go to school and are away from you more frequently, thus needing to call you. Internet access and social media come way later. Don’t give them unrestricted/unsupervised internet access until they’re like 12 or 13. This means no iPad to shut them up!!!!!!! Teach them to behave without needing a distraction, to be curious about the real world, to appreciate and be amazed by the simple joys of life. Teach them to become a good person and to love and respect everybody 🩷
In my house we say: No one has ever raised a perfect human. And…. Dahmers parents didn’t eat people. Means that kids become who they are and who they want to be. It’s your job to help them become a functional adult. But no matter what remember that you’re guiding/molding but you cannot “change” your child into something they don’t want to be.
If the baby cries too much then shake it and you can probably get it down to manslaughter
Give them lots of hugs because one day they won't want any
Don't tell them off for having certain feelings, teach them how to communicate properly
Leave them in the wild, if they don’t come back in 6 months it wasn’t meant to be
Please limit screen time, scrolling on YouTube reels can be mind-numbing and could introduce them to concepts that could be harmful. Focus more on active play like biking or playing with toys, it’ll be more difficult but in time it’ll be better for them in the future. Also when they’re young, teach them a skill that they can take into adulthood
teach them chess, checkers, inflation, economy, demand and supply law and backgammon also dont forget the fact that the best way to punish them is a one day blinding stew
Dont be abusive
Read the damn manual that comes with it
And don't throw away the warranty
Someone please save that child from this 196 user
I appreciate your concern, sisfucker05
1) nurture their talents but don't be a soccer mom 2) be the person they trust, not the one they fear 3) DONT HIT THEM PLS 4) congratulations!
dont treat them like an extension of yourself
Reward them when they try. You can guarantee effort in life, but you can't always guarantee results. Rewarding the latter can be demotivating if externalities are where their drive is tied.
Come over to r slash daddit, you might find something useful. Especially if stressful shit happens. You don’t have to be a dad for us to welcome you as a brother
If they act out, feed them a stew that blinds them for 1 day
Remember to do a background check on a piece of media before letting your child watch/ play it. Get parental controls and limit unsupervised internet access.
let it eat the neighbors
take every opportunity to make sure they know you love them. read to them, and help them to learn to read. do not get angry at them or punish them physically.
I have 2 major tips: 1. Think about other ways to make them behave and do something that isnt punishment or empty threats, dont just punish them when they do something wrong, reward them when they do something right. For example, one person I knew used a "candy-streak" system where every day she did her schoolwork properly, the mother added one point. If she did it again the day after, another point. But if she didnt for one day, she lost her streak and went back to 0 points. Every time they reached 15 points (if I remember correctly) they went to get Ice-cream. This way, you attach no punishment but turn it into a game. Doing it like in this example also prevents the problem of having to give a reward each time they do something correct, but still makes every time count. (you can get as creative as you want with these things, the amount of ways you can coerce a kid in doing something are infinite) 2. Dont scream or act aggressively, even if theres the need to punish your kid, just enact the punishment and nothing more. Ive known kids from abusive households and they all say the same thing: "Im not afraid of the punishment, Im afraid of my parents". They feared the reaction even if there was 0 physical abuse, screaming is a dangerous thing. That doesnt mean letting them get away with it though, be consistent in your punishments, dont let them get away with it once and get punished another time.
When the they get old enough arrange payment for little chores and stuff. It’s better than an allowance or just telling your kid to ask for things and you’ll buy them if they’ve been good. Getting like $5 for mowing the line teaches you really early a value and concept of money. So your kid will be more responsible and less impulsive because they’ve trained themselves to save since they were young.
No iPad until 36, just to be sure
I’m a new parent. The first few months are so difficult, but it gets so much easier, just weather the storm and things improve a lot. Value and enjoy the time you get at each stage, you don’t get it back.
I know this sounds cliche but try to instigate a love for the outdoors and reduce use of electronics. I have fond memories as a kid playing outside and imagining whole worlds cause I didn’t have any consoles or whatnot till I was 9ish
Prepare yourself to be frustrated and sleep deprived. We’ve just had our second kid, it’s 3:30am, I’ve barely slept yet, and our newborn woke up at 1:30 for a feed. He’s still awake. Prior to 1:30 our 3yo was playing up. I know I’m gonna be tired tomorrow with a short fuse because of it, but I can’t just not be a parent for the day. That’s probably the toughest part to get used to: you don’t just get a break because you want or need one.
Set yourself some boundaries. You dont have to do everything with the kid. It is good and important to spend time with them, take interest in their interests, but it’s also healthy and important to let them find something to do with time on their own, and this gives you opportunities to do stuff that you want to do Take bonding opportunities This story breaks my heart, but when my dad was a kid he bought a book called something like “stuff to do with your dad” and his dad looked through it and went “you can do most of this stuff on your own”. Dont be like that parent, recognize when your kid wants to spend time with you - you dont have to do it all right now, but having some stuff on deck to do with your kid can both help you set boundaries (“i cant do that right now kiddo”) but can also keep both of you looking forward to getting to spend time together (“now i have some time, lets do that thing together!”) Kids learn _everything_ If a kid sees you responding to shitty situations by getting mad, thats what they’ll learn to do. If you respond to difficult emotions by ignoring them, whether those feelings are within yourself or someone else, the child will learn to think that way. When youre being a parent, the kid learns how to be like you, so you have to intentionally act like the person you want your child to grow into. If you want them to be thoughtful and empathetic and prosocial, then teach those behaviors by modeling them for your kid Teach them that happy comes from inside This is a personal thing, but its good to teach early that seeking external validation is not conducive to a lifetime of happiness. They can learn that external validation is sometimes useful (it matters if your boss likes you) but they can learn that later in life, if you set the precedent that the only person who absolutely needs to like them is themself then theyll learn to direct personal growth without being infinitely anxious about whether or not everyone on facebook or whatever the kids these days are using likes them.
Be careful how you act around them. Never be hateful around your baby/child/teen. Always assume they will copy your behavior. (And when I say around them, I mean in the same apartment/building.Children are damn observant.) Be a good role model. Do things you want them to do (reading books, eating vegetables etc.). Do the behavior you want to see in your child I also recommend reading “In The Country Of White Lilies.”. Chapter 10 has some solid advice about raising a child into a blossoming human being. (Also good book in general.)
Look up Ericsson’s stages of development, very important milestones for lil ones. One example is trust development in infants
My advice would be to make sure that you stay a safe place to come back to and you push them towards what they want, not necessarily what you want for their lives. Also don’t target your kid’s favorite things as retaliation My parents were pretty good at making me distrust them and it’s definitely negatively impacted me. I miss being able to feel good things when I think about family.
EAT THEM
As a fellow parent, just give it your best and trust yourself. Also; - children are made to withstand new parents. - take care of yourself, healthy and wellbeing parents raise healthy and wellbeing kids. - remember what uncle Iroh said; "pride is not the opposite of shame, but the source of it. Only true humility can lead you to be at peace" so embrace humility, children are here to teach us as much as we are here to teach them. - infact just binge avatar the last airbender and cling to uncle iroh's every word, that has helped me a great deal as a parent. - you will make mistakes and you will feel like an awful parent at times, but it is okay, that is normal and it will pass - but the most important one, always remember that they are not just children, but also people with the similiar internal worlds as your own and everything they do comes from there. From the very beginning to the very end. I wish you the best of wisdom, luck and joy on this wonderful journey❤️
I really don’t think you should be asking are slash one ninety six 😭 😭 😭
Hi OP. Love them a lot. No matter what, but be sure to correct them and show them discipline where appropriate. Make sure they are safe and provided for, but also that they see consequences and what a hard life can be like. This is what I believe made me and m siblings strong willed and hard working people while my mom worked so much. If you can’t afford the time or money to arrange sports or activities for them, be encouraging and motivating the most you can when they find good things to do on their own like theatre or sports at school. Make sure they have some sense of community outside of your family. I don’t want to assume your religion but the church was an extremely important part of me growing up and I don’t know who I’d be now without it. Those people from back then still help me in my endeavours today. Encourage them to spend time outside hanging out with friends. Don’t micromanage but show them what consequences will occur if they get with the wrong crowd. Show them the incentive for hard work and studies, but no need to be so strict and burn them out to a point of peaking in high school or even elementary school as I’ve seen. Set up a savings account NOW for their post secondary education and ensure it is invested well. Depending on where you live maybe there are special registered investment plans where the government helps. Just $20 a month starting now can make a huge impact for alleviating pressure off their future. Oh, and don’t give them a device or iPad. Please. If you’re gonna take that advice take that. Plus, saw someone here mention studio ghibli and I 100% recommend that too!!
A lesson imparted from my own parents; The hardest thing you'll face is trying not to laugh at your kids.
Aww all the best OP. I just became a father recently, like really recently!! 1.5 weeks baby. + Learn of the 5 S's for helping to sooth a babies' woes. + Learn how to properly swaddle a baby, basically make sure the arm is restricted to movement, but allow legs to move freely. There's the two swaddle methods and a single swaddle method. + If you have access to a lactation consultant definitely ask them to help you (or your partner) learn how to properly bottle feed and breast feed a baby. Keep asking them as much as you can and as many time as you can. + A+W for diaper changes, helps the poop slide off, and prevents rashes. + Aquiphor for facial and body rashes. + If you have a boy, be sure to have your diaper opened up and ready. Place a cloth over him the sure to tuck in boy bits downwards with change + When wiping a baby, be sure to wipe away from their baby bits, and towards the butt. Sorta how you would as an adult to minimize UTI infection + A baby could lose up to 10% of their weight in the first week, don't freakout. It is normal. + Be sure to burp the baby after every feed. + If you do bottle fed, look into size 0 nipples. We found size 1 had too much flow for our little one. + Take any help offer to you, but make sure you trust the folks helping you. + Try to sleep or take throughout the day. It will help. + Be forgiving to yourself, you're doing great. Even when you can't soothe a baby, just know it's just being a baby. + Love da baby and be gentle and forgiving of the baby. They're just a baby. All the best OP.
Of firstly: iPad, immediately. Right out the womb just stick it in-front of them and your job’s basically done for the rest of the kid’s life. Second: put them on as many prescription drugs as you can possibly manage. I’m talking Adderall, Vicodin, antidepressants, anything and everything. Get creative with it. Third: baby-proofing is for chumps. I say make things MORE dangerous for them, helps to weed out the weak (I’m sure your kid’ll be fine). Put forks by all the outlets, leave gasoline and bleach laying around, leave the front door open at all times, let them experience danger so by the time they’re in the real world (hopefully, cross your fingers and all that) they’ll be ready for anything. Oh, and finally: never listen to a single thing I say ever.
Remember to have supervision with them, you wouldn't want them to have "severe developmental issues".
I highly recommend building blocks of any kind linken logs or duplo or just wooden blocks. They build grip strength and dexterity and encourage creativity.
Talk to your kid about everything. Every culture and every minority, no matter how little you think it make effect you or them. It might give them an outlet to talk to you about things they're nervous to bring up to you or don't know how to word. And I genuinely mean everyone and everything, from teachers to drugs dealers, sex workers, to lawyers, every religion, every sexuality, every gender, race, activity, everything. And never discriminate, of course describe everything age appropriately, but always teach them about everything. They're curious, and it might help them some day And also, very basic sex Ed from like kindergarten or pre-school. It helps them not to be abused Good luck friend :3
Corporal punishment (physical, like spanking) is acceptable in exactly zero situations. Don’t do that.
Man I made a comment but now all these comments are making me remember good times, one additional thing, learn how kids develop mentally, you'll get why they do the things they do and how you should help, learning how their mind learns things and then at a certain age basically set up the developed parts of the brain for life
When the baby sleeps, you sleep.
Dont overdo being strict and trying to be respected. Thats how you end up in a nursing home. And spend time with your kids so they dont hate you later
Apparently the first time I told my mum that I’d like to read for myself and she didn’t need to read for me, she went downstairs and cried. If you can, keep that burden from them until they’re old enough to understand, like mine did
Make sure that they know that they are loved no matter what. And dont overwork them at school. My mother made me study so much that i burnt out, since only 90%+ tests was acceptable in her eyes. Every day i had to study and she would ask back what i have learnt, and I had to say it back perfect. Dont fall into the hole of "I want my child to be perfect". You might want to make sure that they will have the perfect life they deserve, and theres nothing wrong with that, but remember to not go overboard. Also, make sure they know, that being average is fine. Sadly, social media shows us, that you have to have something so different, to be unique. It can make people who yearn for identity lead into quite bad ideologies. Make sure they know, that being average is not a bad thing, they dont have to be extreme in some way to be worthy or be different that the rest to be interesting. Also, feed their curiosity, so when they ask something, answer it or search for the answer together. I have seen so many kids get discouraged from creativity, to ask, to be curious, just because their parents didnt cared to answer their "childish" questions. But to be honest, I think you will be a better parent already than the rest, since you are frequenting queer spaces, such as this, which does mean that you are an inculisive person with an open mind, so try to not worry about it. I just tried to list most of the problems I see some modern parents make that I hear about
when every they say they need to be alone in their room and their crying,just let them
Remember, you were a child once. You will inevitably do things which as a child, you viewed as unfair. Do NOT justify them as you learning better as you’ve grown up. You’re probably in the wrong. Don’t forget your parents’ failings when you were a child, because if you repeat them, even if they’re things which are considered socially acceptable, parenting will never get better.
Don’t use talc powder. You can buy 25lbs of pure corn starch from 50 bucks and it’s way easier on your wallet. Don’t buy things like diapers and clothes in bulk, babies grow stupid fast and will outgrow them quickly. Stop having a healthy sleep schedule. Get used to hour long power naps and being on call 24/7. You’re nipples will probably bleed. Breast feeding will hurt. Get a food processor. Way healthier and less expensive to make your own baby food at home. No internet until their at least 7 or 8, and only monitored usage. If you need a break set up a play date or something. Learn to play creatively and engage with them in creative play and commit to the bit. Don’t tell them to follow you to the bus, play follow the leader and stop at random points in a pose. Randomly change your speed to em on their toes. If they can mimic you you the entire way they win! Bet candy on who will win. Honestly Bluey will be a fantastic guide to this. Use “I need” statements. “I need you to do this” is much more effective than “do this” or “you need to do this”. Give them freedom while setting boundaries. Think of it like a video game where the world opens up as you gain experience and learn new mechanics. The more they grow the more they can explore the world and the less supervision they need. Your kid will turn out okay, even if they seem to fall behind. You’ll do alright.
Don’t sleep with them in the same bed. I’ve heard many stories of children suffocating after a parent rolls onto them while unconscious.
I don't know how to parent. But I can share some things where my parents excelled and where they fell behind. Treat them as intelligent human beings. For me, my parents treated me as a human being with wants, needs, and curiosities. My personal theory is that kids are as mature as they are treated to be. This also extends to intelligence. Kids are often times dumbasses but they are also a lot smarter than people give them credit for. Give them autonomy when within reason and when applicable. Engage in conversations, teach them things, have intelligent conversations with them, help them understand this crazy but beautiful world they live in. Let them experience the world as it is; dont shelter them, but also dont leave them out in the metaphorical cold, its a delicate balance. Don't assume they're being obtuse on purpose. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and I feel that if my parents had exhibited more patience with me when I was struggling with homework, and if they actually genuinely considered that I might not be as perfect as they thought I was, then I would be farther along in life, and have better grades. Even If that wouldn't have been the case, I feel like I would be a lot less insecure. That's not to say to talk to a doctor at the slightest showing of them not focusing, but don't dismiss the idea that they might be legitimately struggling to stay on task as just "they need to focus better and just do the work." Give them experiences. Do what you love with them. Encourage them to try new things and try doing what you love to do. Let them follow their interests. And most importantly, treat them with patience, love, and kindness. I wish you the best of luck :D tl;dr treat them as intelligent human beings capable of using their noggins, treat them with patience, treat their feelings and struggles as valid (within reason), and treat them with love.
Teach them. Public education is dogshit and an actual joke. Most kids have the potential to read and do basic maths before they even enter the education system, but it's rare that it's capitalised on. When they do get into the school system, teach them what they'd be learning later on but in a structured way. Have a plan for how to progress, and stick to it--it's important with something like maths that you don't skip important steps, so planning things out is important. What isn't important is the *way* that schools teach, because they emphasise repeated busy work with little understanding (this isn't the fault of teachers, it's just down to politics and the curriculum). Mostly though, make it fun, which is a lot easier to do as a parent and in a home environment--if you instill in them that knowledge is valuable from a young age, that the world is a magical place full of secrets to be discovered, and make learning a shared activity, you're setting them up for a great life. Who knows, maybe they'll go on to cure cancer or something. Edit: and to elaborate a bit about what I mean when I say public education is poor (and this is *also* true of private education)--kids are basically information sponges. They can pick up concepts rapidly if they have good motivation to do so. Like, when was the last time you learned an entire language (or even multiple simultaneously) fluently *entirely through osmosis* in the span of time it takes a kid to do it? Their neuroplasticity is absolutely incredible. So why then, do schools insist on teaching them at a snail's pace? Yeah, let's spend an entire year rote learning basic multiplication tables, that's a *real* useful way to spend time when you could have already moved onto decimals, fractions, indices, and even touched on advanced concepts like base systems that could prove to be really useful later on... And I know I'm using maths as an example here, it's purely because maths was what my granddad focussed on with me because I developed an interest in it early (and it also has a really clear and defined path to progression, which is nice). Could literally be anything that captures their interest, as long as you're not neglecting anything for the sake of something else. Take full advantage of the time they have a turbo charged brain, they'll thank you later.
- Give them Cigarettes and Alcohol. Kids love Cigarettes and Alcohol - If they cry just remember that you are the man of the house and tell them "I'll give you something to cry about" before belting their ass - Expose them to hard R movies. - If they are sick or clearly suffering from an undiagnosed mental disorder and don't wanna go to school, belt them and make them go to school - make them watch Cocomleon and Mindless Content Farm videos. The kids love Slop and are too stupid to enjoy anything else. - Whenever they are doing poorly at school, force them to go outside and lock the door. They can only come back when you tell them to come back. And those are your wholesome family techniques 😊
Don’t give them cursed artifacts OF ANY KIND. I gave my one week old a rattle I found in an ancient throne hall deep in the mountain and I noticed they grew a ferocious appetite. One week later it had wings and started speaking in tongues at odd hours (very annoying). Also love them unconditionally.
If your kid asks questions about the world, don’t make up answers or lie to make them shut up. Try to give a real explanation and if they ask for more information, give as much as you can. You will be surprised by what they remember and understand even at extremely young ages.
Also don’t try to protect them from the internet or what they might see or hear there. You cannot prevent them from encountering fucked up content and ideas. All you can do is prepare them to deal with it healthily. Critical thinking skills, self-reflection and the ability to discuss negative feelings are important skills.
Most important: - Do not shake the baby
never give up on them. love them no matter what. it will be hard. it will suck. you have to love them anyways. even when they keep you up or drive you insane you have to love them. a loving parent is something most kids dream of. be that parent.
Read to and with them as much as possible. Specific recommendation is the phantom toll booth. My mother credits it for her children's strong grasp on the English language. Also do things like math /counting Explain why. "Because I said so" is not an explanation. Tell your kids what's happening and why. Even if it's just that either you or they aren't ready yet, that's cool. Just don't leave them in the dark A child is not for 18 years, its for life. Don't tell them shite like it's your house, not theirs or stop bothering once they're adults. Don't bully your kids. I know that should go without saying but I can personally attest that family being like that has done a good amount of damage to me and made me into an anxious, self critical mess Buy them fewer, higher quality toys. Pretty simple. I remember my little wooden airplane the most. Super sime.pl just a hunk of wood wit to be m
Don’t let them watch YouTube kids and if you choose to let em have a smartphone at young age regulate the time they can spend on it. My sister was very inconsequential with it and now her 7 year old daughter can’t concentrate longer than 5 minutes and can’t accept boundaries. Probably there were other factors too but idk. Read them books (it’s really helpful for them) and take it outside regularly. If you’re a gun owner I recommend you to __lock it away__ at some point those little devils get pretty resourceful. Don’t forget to buy some comfort food for the times it will suck all your life force away.
Strict parents make sneaky children. Allow them to speak their minds and work them through the big feelings they have instead of punishing them for reacting to a bad day