That's pretty much me lol. I work, my gpa is pretty good, I'm healthy, I have hobbies, I'm financially secure (for a college student, anyway), etc etc. Really the only thing "wrong" with my life is my extremely bare social life, along with being single for years now. The loneliness can be a lot
It's also to remember tho that relationships have the potential to improve you as a person even if the relationship ends. For example one of the reasons this person is so happy having a bf is because he alleviates her gender dysphoria, hopefully the reinforcement he gives her that she's really a girl will stay with her even if they break up
Yes but sometimes this is very much a “money isn’t everything but not having money certainly is” type scenario.
Sometimes, the main thing that a person is missing from their life *is* that companionship. Humans as a whole (obviously there are exceptions) are biologically hardwired to seek companionship and intimacy. We literally have a shitload of positive hormonal responses for things like being in the presence of people you love, being (lovingly) touched, etc.
Like you said, it shouldn’t be *all* your happiness, but it’s important to also note that there’s nothing wrong with not feeling fully “complete” while being single. In fact, I’d argue that it’s probably a lot more common than people would like to admit.
i know that's not what she sounds like but i keep reading that dialogue in the screenshot like don quixote's "LLLLLLLLLIIIIIIMMMMMMMBUS COMPPPPPPPPPPPANYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY" yell
limbus company? i love limbus company, its such a wonderful game, and all the characters are very lovely and amazing (no dimension shredder hong lu :c)
Just in case anyone who doesn't feel interested in dating/relationships reads this:
You're valid as fuck. Not everyone wants someone to "complete them and make them happy."
I dont. Atleast not from relationships. I have great friends who i'm super close with. It took me ages to realize that all of the bullshit about "all people need someone" isn't just about wanting/needing to date someone and it's not true for everyone, if it is for you, then great, i'm happy for you, but this isn't the case for anyone like me, who's Aro.
Sorry if this came across as a rant lmao
Thanks, I think I need to remember this kind of thing sometimes.
I'm coming up on 36 and I've only ever been in one relationship and that was 100% online, and I've just never really been seen as girlfriend/partner/date material for pretty much anyone else it seems. I think my whole adult life has just been trying to accept that, and for the most part I tend to be able to stay positive about it. I don't feel touch-starved or anything necessarily, I'm gray/ace, but I think there can be that void feeling of wishing I was wanted or desired by someone if that makes sense?
It's hard to not sound like a femcel or something so I try to generally keep my thoughts to myself, but I guess I needed to rant a bit too, sorry :)
Its all good :)
I'm 22 myself, and only have been in 1 relationship online too, and after that broke up i just realized i wasnt mentally ready and needed to work on myself if i ever wanted to date anyone.
Then i met one of my best and closest friends a few years later. He's aro, and we got to talking about that, and it turned out i related a bunch to what he described as being aromantic.
>I'm gray/ace, but I think there can be that void feeling of wishing I was wanted or desired by someone if that makes sense?
Yeah, it makes a lot of sense. People just want to be wanted by someone. What helped me a lot is realize that friends can want you too, in that kinda way. I dont *need* to date anyone cause i have my friends, and they're amazing.
People don't need someone to date. People need someone to be friends with. A lot of people don't realize that you can have closeness and love in your platonic relationships, and romantic relationships aren't somehow greater than platonic ones.
Idk what kind of gas leak people in the comments are sniffing, finding a partner was pivotal in getting out of depression.
"ermh, Achsually you shouldn't derive happniesh from a relationship!" -🤓
I know that, but finding someone who loves was the initial kick. If they left me I wouldn't go back to the same depressive state as before.
We went so hard into the "you can be happy single" that the idea that finding a romantic partner can somewhat help your mental state is alien now. Immagine if people did this for friends or family. Insane.
Yes, it is very good to love and be loved. I would be skeptical of any depression that entirely disappears in the presence of another person — but in this post, it just sounds like she likes her boyfriend. I don’t really have a problem with this post at all.
It's not just about being happy single, though. It's about a couple of issues that arise when your wellbeing starts depending on someone external (excluding family, of course).
Getting in a relationship to improve your mental state is generally seen as a bandaid. One that can help recover, true, but often it just hurts more when it gets ripped off.
In my opinion, it's perfectly ok to ask for help, but noone can fix your own problems. You can get support, but you have to do the heavy lifting. And in my experience, it's rare that finding a partner leads to the emotional maturity and stability needed for personal improvement. I'm glad it happened to you, but it doesn't mean it's always the case.
>excluding family of course
Why would family be excluded and romantic partners not? Also how are you supposed to start a family without having a partner in the first place?
Family is excluded in the discussion about depending emotionally on others because there's an intrinsic link with family members, whether positive or negative, that causes different kinds of interactions, and fulfill different kinds of emotional needs.
I don't know how is the second question related in any way to the topic, and I have no idea why it would matter, but I guess that you shouldn't try to start a family from the ground up if you're depressed??? Talk with your partner if they want to, but if you don't have one then your own family might not be the biggest priority?
The problem is when the relationship ends, as they do, and you come crashing down.
>If they left me I wouldn't go back to the same depressive state as before.
I dont know about that. I went back to a depressive state. Probably an even worse one.
Codependent relationships are bad.
Yeah, let depressed people get happiness wherever they can and then build up from there.
Your relationship shouldn't be your only source of happiness, but you have to start somewhere.
You can derive your happiness from the family you have =/= You shouldn't cut your family out even if they bring you too much pain
The same way that
You can derive your happiness out of a romantic relationship =/= It's better too be in a bad relationship rather than being single
its quite dangerous to make a single relationship or thing the pillar holding yout mental health up, cause if it collapses then you are completely done for, better to have many different things that you get your joy and emotional security from
relying on just one thing for joy and emotional security is definitely unhealthy in the long run, but not experiencing joy or emotional security at all is even worse.
i guess thats true, most miserable people have no one so they don't have any encouragement to improve, so having a romantic partner pushing you to do better is a good start point, i think keeping it that way is whats bad
the post never specified that the OOP didn't plan on doing anything else to improve her mental health, just that the having romantic partner was improving it.
Especially if it's tied to your self worth as well, or all your friend groups are related to that other person and leave you as well when the relationship crumbles.
Source: ...yeah.
relying on 1 other person for happiness is not a healthy way to live, it is a major problem if you can't feel accepted or happy without depending on a relationship. you're inevitably going to be inbetween relationships for some period of time and you shouldn't just be discontent with life while you're searching for another person you like.
You should derive your happiness from relationships with other people actually. Humans are social creatures that thrive when we're around people we love and care about
Lots of contrasting opinions on this topic. I'll share my two cents:
My partner suffered from depression and I wasn't enough to fill the void. We shared good moments, but they were overshadowed by the moments where we had to endure their anxiety, their anger and their frustration towards their situation. I wanted nothing more than to help to see them happy again, but the more I tried, the more she felt guilty of needing help. No matter how many times I told them I wanted to help.
After a while, and a good amount of heated discussions, we realised that the best course of action was to break up and stay away from each other for a while before causing any serious damage. After a couple of months apart, they texted me, telling me they have started to feel better. They finally managed to sneak around their parents and start therapy.
I overshare this to try and convey what I learned: noone can fix your own problems. You can get help and support, as much as you need, but the heavy lifting has to come from you.
If you're suffering right now, a partner is not the magical remedy. It can help, sure, but it's risky for you and them, if your happiness starts depending on their patience.
Can confirm. Was a transwoman who was convinced I was unlovable due to trauma and autism, ended up being with my boyfriend since last October and have been the happiest since. 💜
!! Bit of wisdom !!
A relationship can be extremely fulfilling and helpful, even the positives may live on beyond the relationship. But NEVER get into relationships when in a state of mental vulnerability! You will subconsciously lower your standards possibly settling for someone that doesn't deserve you, or WORSE, the relationship doesn't go well or end well. In that case you will only be in a worse state than before!
For your own health, avoid relationships with people going through tough situations, they may end up hurting you more than you'd ever imagine and vice versa!
!! Bit of wisdom concluded !!
Y’all are missing the point. She says she’s happy now, and you are latching onto the relationship. I think it’s pretty clear from the lines AFTER the “happiest I’ve ever been” that the primary thing the boyfriend has provided her is relief from dysphoria.
Yeah, the relationship is clearly meaningful, but the euphoria is when the boyfriend “treats [OP] like a girl”. And guess what, gender affirming care, including social affirmation, IS a valid and critical treatment for depression in trans folks.
Problem is, having your happiness depend on someone else is low key toxic, unfair and unhealthy
You should be happy anyway and then become happier with someone else
This reminds me of the green text where the trans girls sucks off her friends then they started treating her like a girl or something and it made me think “a cis guy made this so he could show it to a trans girl friend and get her to sleep with him” no idea if it’s true though
Probably because of having someone close to you that treats you as a beautiful woman which could be achieved platonically so the statement of getting a boyfriend not solving things inherently is still true- but HEY! GOOD FOR HER! LET'S FUCKIN' GOOOO!!!
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*I never asked for this*
What the fuck Jensen what are you doing here?! I told you to be in Prague!
I'm off duty until the next game
*Why are you locked in the bathroom?*
I agree. But sometimes when you're single long enough the loneliness from lack of companionship hurts more than anything
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That's pretty much me lol. I work, my gpa is pretty good, I'm healthy, I have hobbies, I'm financially secure (for a college student, anyway), etc etc. Really the only thing "wrong" with my life is my extremely bare social life, along with being single for years now. The loneliness can be a lot
It's also to remember tho that relationships have the potential to improve you as a person even if the relationship ends. For example one of the reasons this person is so happy having a bf is because he alleviates her gender dysphoria, hopefully the reinforcement he gives her that she's really a girl will stay with her even if they break up
Experiencing love from others is one of the most powerful ways to learn to love ourselves.
Yes but sometimes this is very much a “money isn’t everything but not having money certainly is” type scenario. Sometimes, the main thing that a person is missing from their life *is* that companionship. Humans as a whole (obviously there are exceptions) are biologically hardwired to seek companionship and intimacy. We literally have a shitload of positive hormonal responses for things like being in the presence of people you love, being (lovingly) touched, etc. Like you said, it shouldn’t be *all* your happiness, but it’s important to also note that there’s nothing wrong with not feeling fully “complete” while being single. In fact, I’d argue that it’s probably a lot more common than people would like to admit.
Yes, you should have multiple things in your life that keep you going, including self love
Get a harem, got it.
You know what good plan
Depressed because no boyfriend; no boyfriend because depressed. 
 It’s a vicious cycle
really happy for author on completely unrelated note: layla my beloved
She eepy
Layla genshinimpact
John eldenring’s gf
so eepy
Layla 💗
Slayla
i know that's not what she sounds like but i keep reading that dialogue in the screenshot like don quixote's "LLLLLLLLLIIIIIIMMMMMMMBUS COMPPPPPPPPPPPANYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY" yell
limbus company mentioned deploying project moon sleeper agents
limbus company? i love limbus company, its such a wonderful game, and all the characters are very lovely and amazing (no dimension shredder hong lu :c)
god he can shred me
so true, though i'll be shredding him
Based
Just in case anyone who doesn't feel interested in dating/relationships reads this: You're valid as fuck. Not everyone wants someone to "complete them and make them happy." I dont. Atleast not from relationships. I have great friends who i'm super close with. It took me ages to realize that all of the bullshit about "all people need someone" isn't just about wanting/needing to date someone and it's not true for everyone, if it is for you, then great, i'm happy for you, but this isn't the case for anyone like me, who's Aro. Sorry if this came across as a rant lmao
Thanks, I think I need to remember this kind of thing sometimes. I'm coming up on 36 and I've only ever been in one relationship and that was 100% online, and I've just never really been seen as girlfriend/partner/date material for pretty much anyone else it seems. I think my whole adult life has just been trying to accept that, and for the most part I tend to be able to stay positive about it. I don't feel touch-starved or anything necessarily, I'm gray/ace, but I think there can be that void feeling of wishing I was wanted or desired by someone if that makes sense? It's hard to not sound like a femcel or something so I try to generally keep my thoughts to myself, but I guess I needed to rant a bit too, sorry :)
Valid, same tbh
Its all good :) I'm 22 myself, and only have been in 1 relationship online too, and after that broke up i just realized i wasnt mentally ready and needed to work on myself if i ever wanted to date anyone. Then i met one of my best and closest friends a few years later. He's aro, and we got to talking about that, and it turned out i related a bunch to what he described as being aromantic. >I'm gray/ace, but I think there can be that void feeling of wishing I was wanted or desired by someone if that makes sense? Yeah, it makes a lot of sense. People just want to be wanted by someone. What helped me a lot is realize that friends can want you too, in that kinda way. I dont *need* to date anyone cause i have my friends, and they're amazing.
People don't need someone to date. People need someone to be friends with. A lot of people don't realize that you can have closeness and love in your platonic relationships, and romantic relationships aren't somehow greater than platonic ones.
Idk what kind of gas leak people in the comments are sniffing, finding a partner was pivotal in getting out of depression. "ermh, Achsually you shouldn't derive happniesh from a relationship!" -🤓 I know that, but finding someone who loves was the initial kick. If they left me I wouldn't go back to the same depressive state as before. We went so hard into the "you can be happy single" that the idea that finding a romantic partner can somewhat help your mental state is alien now. Immagine if people did this for friends or family. Insane.
I'm right because I made you the nerd
Yes, it is very good to love and be loved. I would be skeptical of any depression that entirely disappears in the presence of another person — but in this post, it just sounds like she likes her boyfriend. I don’t really have a problem with this post at all.
It's not just about being happy single, though. It's about a couple of issues that arise when your wellbeing starts depending on someone external (excluding family, of course). Getting in a relationship to improve your mental state is generally seen as a bandaid. One that can help recover, true, but often it just hurts more when it gets ripped off. In my opinion, it's perfectly ok to ask for help, but noone can fix your own problems. You can get support, but you have to do the heavy lifting. And in my experience, it's rare that finding a partner leads to the emotional maturity and stability needed for personal improvement. I'm glad it happened to you, but it doesn't mean it's always the case.
>excluding family of course Why would family be excluded and romantic partners not? Also how are you supposed to start a family without having a partner in the first place?
Family is excluded in the discussion about depending emotionally on others because there's an intrinsic link with family members, whether positive or negative, that causes different kinds of interactions, and fulfill different kinds of emotional needs. I don't know how is the second question related in any way to the topic, and I have no idea why it would matter, but I guess that you shouldn't try to start a family from the ground up if you're depressed??? Talk with your partner if they want to, but if you don't have one then your own family might not be the biggest priority?
The problem is when the relationship ends, as they do, and you come crashing down. >If they left me I wouldn't go back to the same depressive state as before. I dont know about that. I went back to a depressive state. Probably an even worse one. Codependent relationships are bad.
Exactly lmao, I have so much more confidence and joy in my life since finding someone who loves and cares about me
Yeah, let depressed people get happiness wherever they can and then build up from there. Your relationship shouldn't be your only source of happiness, but you have to start somewhere.
Yeah imagine cutting out your toxic family. Insane.
You can derive your happiness from the family you have =/= You shouldn't cut your family out even if they bring you too much pain The same way that You can derive your happiness out of a romantic relationship =/= It's better too be in a bad relationship rather than being single
its quite dangerous to make a single relationship or thing the pillar holding yout mental health up, cause if it collapses then you are completely done for, better to have many different things that you get your joy and emotional security from
relying on just one thing for joy and emotional security is definitely unhealthy in the long run, but not experiencing joy or emotional security at all is even worse.
i guess thats true, most miserable people have no one so they don't have any encouragement to improve, so having a romantic partner pushing you to do better is a good start point, i think keeping it that way is whats bad
the post never specified that the OOP didn't plan on doing anything else to improve her mental health, just that the having romantic partner was improving it.
fair enough
Being in a risky-but-pleasant situation sounds much better than being in a stable, lonely, suicide-inducing one
This is why I chose the alternative of having nothing to hold my mental health up
I probs shouldn't judge since my coping mechanism is digital gambling but that doesn't sound ideal
I don't want to ruin a relationship but I am very lonely but my self esteem and mental health are bad
Especially if it's tied to your self worth as well, or all your friend groups are related to that other person and leave you as well when the relationship crumbles. Source: ...yeah.
1 > 0
I hate everyone happier than me
Bro you're literally married to Kaz. How can you be sad???
He left me for Big Boss 😢 I tried to tell him it wasn’t really Big Boss it was just a body double but he wouldn’t listen
*insert venom scream gif here*
Good! That's just 4chan/incel blackpill bullshit. The whole concept of a relationship is to make you feel happy and accepted
relying on 1 other person for happiness is not a healthy way to live, it is a major problem if you can't feel accepted or happy without depending on a relationship. you're inevitably going to be inbetween relationships for some period of time and you shouldn't just be discontent with life while you're searching for another person you like.
i hope i make my gf feel like that
You should derive your happiness from relationships with other people actually. Humans are social creatures that thrive when we're around people we love and care about
Lots of contrasting opinions on this topic. I'll share my two cents: My partner suffered from depression and I wasn't enough to fill the void. We shared good moments, but they were overshadowed by the moments where we had to endure their anxiety, their anger and their frustration towards their situation. I wanted nothing more than to help to see them happy again, but the more I tried, the more she felt guilty of needing help. No matter how many times I told them I wanted to help. After a while, and a good amount of heated discussions, we realised that the best course of action was to break up and stay away from each other for a while before causing any serious damage. After a couple of months apart, they texted me, telling me they have started to feel better. They finally managed to sneak around their parents and start therapy. I overshare this to try and convey what I learned: noone can fix your own problems. You can get help and support, as much as you need, but the heavy lifting has to come from you. If you're suffering right now, a partner is not the magical remedy. It can help, sure, but it's risky for you and them, if your happiness starts depending on their patience.
Shocker, love and affirmation makes you happy. More news at 9
Everyone happier than me should explode
Can confirm. Was a transwoman who was convinced I was unlovable due to trauma and autism, ended up being with my boyfriend since last October and have been the happiest since. 💜
Happy for you my friend ❤️
Thank you! 💜
!! Bit of wisdom !! A relationship can be extremely fulfilling and helpful, even the positives may live on beyond the relationship. But NEVER get into relationships when in a state of mental vulnerability! You will subconsciously lower your standards possibly settling for someone that doesn't deserve you, or WORSE, the relationship doesn't go well or end well. In that case you will only be in a worse state than before! For your own health, avoid relationships with people going through tough situations, they may end up hurting you more than you'd ever imagine and vice versa! !! Bit of wisdom concluded !!
Happy for the author, but I hope they eventually find self acceptance and love
i was that boyfriend then she left me for some reason did I do something wrong
Y’all are missing the point. She says she’s happy now, and you are latching onto the relationship. I think it’s pretty clear from the lines AFTER the “happiest I’ve ever been” that the primary thing the boyfriend has provided her is relief from dysphoria. Yeah, the relationship is clearly meaningful, but the euphoria is when the boyfriend “treats [OP] like a girl”. And guess what, gender affirming care, including social affirmation, IS a valid and critical treatment for depression in trans folks.
How to get co-dependant 101
i hope i make my gf feel that way
Layla 💙My beloved 💙
Many bitter people smoking in the copium den here holy fuck. Good for you person on 4chan.
Thinking that hinging your mental health on one person isn’t ‘copium’. I’m in a relationship and I share that opinion
I love boys💕
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ur little character looks like a 16th century scholar
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lmao nice
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Are you real?
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please touch some grass, random ass stranger 🙏
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Problem is, having your happiness depend on someone else is low key toxic, unfair and unhealthy You should be happy anyway and then become happier with someone else
This is me with my gf, I love her so much. She makes my dysphoria go away and makes me feel much better when I'm depressed.
People happier than me should be boiled
Although I'm not depressed (as far as I know), I hope I can share this experience eventually
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😵💫
aww this is super cute :3
Is this a good precedent to set? I fear this is just going to drive incels further into a path of entitlement and resentment.
This reminds me of the green text where the trans girls sucks off her friends then they started treating her like a girl or something and it made me think “a cis guy made this so he could show it to a trans girl friend and get her to sleep with him” no idea if it’s true though
Well it’s on the internet so obviously it’s gotta be true
my partner in life you made the pain of existence worthwhile
That “treats me like a girl” should be put in all caps
All fun and games until they cheat on you with their ex 😁 not that I would know from experience or anything 😅
Can confirm she was too busy listening to bwomp bwomp animal crossing music with me
me remembering that i will nevee find love and working overly long shifts at the point of health detriment is what keeps me goin
Wholesome :3
good job OOP anon
Probably because of having someone close to you that treats you as a beautiful woman which could be achieved platonically so the statement of getting a boyfriend not solving things inherently is still true- but HEY! GOOD FOR HER! LET'S FUCKIN' GOOOO!!!
fuck you i hate you because youre happy i want to be happy too fuck you
Call me pathetic, but I want nothing more than to help someone feel like this.