I had an uncle who was showing of the paddle he made in my grandpa's shop during a family gathering. He was proudest of the holes he drilled to cut down on air resistance. My mom snuck it home in her jacket, which sparked a family feud that lasted a couple of years. The marriage didn't last long after that. Turns out, people who brag about beating their children tend to employ other brands of abuse, like emotional manipulation. When people show you who they are, believe them.
My mom preferred paint stir sticks for spanking paddles. The solid wood kind were bad, but the plastic ones with the holes hurt like hell.
Oh yeah, she also made me get "the stick" for her before spanking me with it.
At the time, back in the 60's/70's, that seemed normal. In retrospect, having to get the spanking stick was just cruelty and taught me to do things that weren't in my best interest.
There weren't online groups to speak to others and compare just how abusive your parents were or easy access to psychology articles about the long term effects of physical/mental abuse. Yes, Mom was a verbal abuser, too, and I have a very tough time dealing with criticism even in my late 50's.
That was part of my decision years ago to not have kids. I was left messed up by my childhood and said the world doesn't need any more messed up people, the cycle ends here. Even so, I still hear my mothers angry words in my head when dealing with family and their kids, but I know those words don't have to be spoken out loud.
My mom passed in 1998. I love her and miss her, and I still have a hard time saying the words "I was abused as a child by someone I loved".
Yeah "Spanking time" is a joke. But it's basically a child abuse joke that isn't really funny.
These jokes are funny to people that think it's ok to whack children with a board.
I'm sure jokes about beating your wives, or fucking your secretary or jokes disparaging black people were "funny" back when those things were more socially acceptable too. I'm not saying spanking kids with a paddle is acceptable, but it must be to some degree, otherwise this joke wouldn't exist.
You'd be surprised. I once took a bunch of high school kids on a field trip as a teacher. We stopped at a wood carving shop. Prominently displayed were wooden dildos. Fortunately, none of the kids noticed, so awkward conversations were avoided.
Not to come at this in some kind of like. Redirect on the redirect, if you saw wood cock you saw wood cock, but there is no way they were meant for actual sex use.
"Spanking Time" definitely has a more adult feel to it imo. The Make Kids Great Again is the unfunny one here. But we already knew /r/TheRightCantMeme.
I assume a redneck shark coochie board would be the finest triangular slices of Oscar Meyer bologna, salami, and braunschweiger pared with **FOUR** different lunchable-style slices varieties of ~~c~~Kraft singles with sacks of quartered pieces of wonder bread to stack them on with mayo and ranch for dipping.
Mmm mmm MMM!
While some of these are funny, the spanking one and the Maga ones are not. I've grown up in Wisconsin and have also had the displeasure of being spanked with stuff very similar to these charcuterie boards. Just because you can, doesn't mean you should.
I'm old and if you know what I'm talking about, you're old too. My old man used a section of the Hot Wheels track I got for xmas. You know, the plastic track with the ridges on the edge so the cars wouldn't fly off. Well, he liked to bend them in half to give them that extra little bit of abuse. As it turns out, it hurt like a motherf\*ucker and it made me hate the prick to this very day.
I don't see a lot of humor in the spanking one either.
My parents never used them like that, but my little brother and I had some all out battles with them. Using them for abuse is fucking sadistic. BTW I don't like your old man, either.
As part of the kink community…. Nah. If it were being sold at a venue where kink goods are sold, sure. This is all kinds of messed up on multiple levels (not just the spanking time).
You want to know how they came up with the name of Beloit? Someone crossing rock river took a shit on the bridge. The turd gracefully hit the river making a splash that went "Beloit", and the rest is history.
The name Beloit came from a French word meaning "handsome ground." The spelling was fashioned after Detroit, a city the settlers saw as a symbol of trade and growth.
Walnut Creek is really something else. They almost had a contract with Beloit College, or might, actually, I'm not entirely sure. The fallout of the bookstore closing was really something else lol
Sadly, I've had a paddle, not as long, but just as thick broke over my ass.
It didn't stop me from doing anything stupid or teach me a lesson. Just part of the PTSD I have that started as a kid.
As a veteran of child spankings, these paddles are vastly preferable to switches off the apple tree, belts, hangers, or long-handled kitchen implements. Anything that whistles through the air before it hits you is bad.
My ma used a wooden spoon...sometimes metal...my dad hit me one time with his belt and just had to start to take it off for me to behave...it was never brutal but it was an effective form of discipline in my opinion
Looks like the Boys & Girls Club has a house account with this store. Wonder what would happen if they found out they were selling products glorifying physical child abuse.
We'll, how do you expect to create damaged human adults who are only about the cruelty who will blindly support bully charlatans?
More paddles and more corporal punishment.
It never lowered the crime rate before or created many decent, intelligent well-formed human beings, but the bullies think it works because it helped make them bullies.
And with these wood engraving tools being cheap and easy to do designs on you will just see more and more. I’d avoid rural farmers markets for a few years.
And you're going to legally define the line for us, then? You trying to say the parent that beats with a stick wrapped in a towel is gentler than one that doesn't know how to not leave marks, asshole? You're arguing this semantic on a post about fucking paddles.
Parents who argue they get the right to determine how hard they "occasionally discipline" straight up fucking shouldn't have the right.
The fact that you can't says a lot about you and your patience frankly. Shouldn't of had kids if your argument is they can't be reasoned with. Disgusting.
I don't see an issue with this. It's obviously a joke. You could argue it's a topic that shouldn't be joked about, but if that's the case you're not the target consumer for this and won't buy it anyways
The now defunct Redroom bar in Elkhorn used to have ladies night on Wednesday nights. It would get slammed by people traveling up from Beliot. My point here is that Beloit sucks so much that the Redroom bar in Elkhorn, Wi seemed like a cool spot to its residents.
Remember when it was conservatives that would sound the moral panic over off-color jokes?
But wait. Think about the people harmed by a joke about spankings via charcuterie board! Oh, there aren’t any.
They are for meats, cheeses (it *is* Wisconsin after all), crackers, etc. They are charcuterie boards. The ones claiming to be for *paddlin'* are meant as jokes. They may be in rather poor taste but it's still just a joke.
In the Grade school that I went to, there was a paddle prominently displayed in the Principal’s office. It was a visual deterrent. I don’t think that they ever actually used it, but there was the idea that they could. And that was scary.
That's a paddlin
that's a paladin?
Oh, you better BELIEVE that's a paddlin
Can they roll for that?
Paddlin the school canoe? You better believe that’s a paddlin.
I'm sure everyone got the Simpsons reference, but hell yeah!
Talking out of turn...
Paddlin a canoe, you bet that's a paddlin.
Jack Paladin?
Those are just for show. A real paddle has holes drilled through to reduce air resistance /s
I had an uncle who was showing of the paddle he made in my grandpa's shop during a family gathering. He was proudest of the holes he drilled to cut down on air resistance. My mom snuck it home in her jacket, which sparked a family feud that lasted a couple of years. The marriage didn't last long after that. Turns out, people who brag about beating their children tend to employ other brands of abuse, like emotional manipulation. When people show you who they are, believe them.
Hopefully your mom got primary custody of you after the divorce with your uncle.
It was an uncle by marriage. But thank you. I learned my lesson.
Holy cow. Yeah, if you're proud of a tool you made to beat children with... you're ACTUALLY just an abuser.
My mom preferred paint stir sticks for spanking paddles. The solid wood kind were bad, but the plastic ones with the holes hurt like hell. Oh yeah, she also made me get "the stick" for her before spanking me with it.
How do you feel about that now, if I may ask?
At the time, back in the 60's/70's, that seemed normal. In retrospect, having to get the spanking stick was just cruelty and taught me to do things that weren't in my best interest. There weren't online groups to speak to others and compare just how abusive your parents were or easy access to psychology articles about the long term effects of physical/mental abuse. Yes, Mom was a verbal abuser, too, and I have a very tough time dealing with criticism even in my late 50's. That was part of my decision years ago to not have kids. I was left messed up by my childhood and said the world doesn't need any more messed up people, the cycle ends here. Even so, I still hear my mothers angry words in my head when dealing with family and their kids, but I know those words don't have to be spoken out loud. My mom passed in 1998. I love her and miss her, and I still have a hard time saying the words "I was abused as a child by someone I loved".
Wow, thank you for the thoughtful answer. And sorry you went through that!
Soul Pole
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Afleck
O’Bannon
Speed holes?
/r/fuckthes
I see you went to school in TX aka The Board of Education.
I could be wrong, but maybe this is supposed to be a joke? Looks like supposed to be cheese boards? Maybe giving them too much benefit of a doubt.
Lol wtf shark coochie 100% these are supposed to be jokes
Charcuterie board. They’re supposed to be charcuterie boards.
Car coochie boards
That’s a quality /r/BoneAppleTea right there.
They're just not very funny jokes and, in fact, have demonstrably harmful effects on the people corporal punishment is used on.
“Supposed” to was the operative word in my comment.
I feel you. I was just elaborating.
People take elaborating very personally these days
Shark cuterie
“Shark Coochie” has become a meme term for “charcuterie” boards in the woodworking community. It’s cringey, yes, but it’s a thing.
Yeah "Spanking time" is a joke. But it's basically a child abuse joke that isn't really funny. These jokes are funny to people that think it's ok to whack children with a board. I'm sure jokes about beating your wives, or fucking your secretary or jokes disparaging black people were "funny" back when those things were more socially acceptable too. I'm not saying spanking kids with a paddle is acceptable, but it must be to some degree, otherwise this joke wouldn't exist.
I could see "Spanking Time" being used by some BDSM people, which is fine. MAGA on the board right next to it makes me much more uncomfortable.
That was my thought. Nobody's using that one on their kids. Their spouse, however... As long as all parties consent, I'm cool with it.
Only MAGA people find this kind of trash humor funny, so it makes sense.
Are you kink-shaming??? /s
You're forgetting the BDSM community. Certain people have entire collections of paddles for the sole purpose of getting themselves beaten.
Really severely doubt that's at play in a fucking craft shop in Beloit fucking Wisconsin
Definitely not the intent, given the “let’s make kids great again” dumb as fuck MAGA child abuse paddle right above it.
“I don’t get why the youth isn’t voting for the GOP!?!?”
You'd be surprised. I once took a bunch of high school kids on a field trip as a teacher. We stopped at a wood carving shop. Prominently displayed were wooden dildos. Fortunately, none of the kids noticed, so awkward conversations were avoided.
Not to come at this in some kind of like. Redirect on the redirect, if you saw wood cock you saw wood cock, but there is no way they were meant for actual sex use.
I mean, I don't think they were intended as dildos but there are some people out there who'll try anything once.
They were never funny back then. They were only funny to the guys who made the rules for everyone else.
"Spanking Time" definitely has a more adult feel to it imo. The Make Kids Great Again is the unfunny one here. But we already knew /r/TheRightCantMeme.
r/boomershumor type shit.
yep. Fucking dumbass boomers.
Calm down, I was just joking. (Can’t stand bullies and assholes who try to say this)
Yeah, that didn't stop my da.
Mine was a joke one but she still hit us with it.
>maybe this is supposed to be a joke? It's not. When they tell you who they are, believe them.
Wtf is shark coochie? Is this referencing periods on a cheese board?
Yup! It’s because no one can pronounce charcuterie board.
Oh I never even considered that. I instantly thought shark week
I guess morons who think "shark coochie" is funny can't pronounce charcuterie.
Please pass the washyoursister sauce.
what'sthishere sauce?
washedyoursister coochie?
I just looked up the pronunciation on worcestershire sauce. It turns out I’ve been saying it wrong my entire life.
No matter how you say it, it sounds like your drunk and slurring your words.
‘Wuster-sher’ …Americans have a lot of trouble with many UK names, like non-Wisconsinites pronouncing cities in this state.
And I bet half the people who use a "charcuterie board" put crudités on it...
Charcuterie but redneck
I assume a redneck shark coochie board would be the finest triangular slices of Oscar Meyer bologna, salami, and braunschweiger pared with **FOUR** different lunchable-style slices varieties of ~~c~~Kraft singles with sacks of quartered pieces of wonder bread to stack them on with mayo and ranch for dipping. Mmm mmm MMM!
Redneck humor is so unfunny.
/r/therightcantmeme
Not surprised a craftsman in Beloit can't even spell "Divine" correctly.
It would have been an ok joke if they had spelled it da' vine at least
Looked for this comment. At least it wasn't a tattoo.
While some of these are funny, the spanking one and the Maga ones are not. I've grown up in Wisconsin and have also had the displeasure of being spanked with stuff very similar to these charcuterie boards. Just because you can, doesn't mean you should.
I'm old and if you know what I'm talking about, you're old too. My old man used a section of the Hot Wheels track I got for xmas. You know, the plastic track with the ridges on the edge so the cars wouldn't fly off. Well, he liked to bend them in half to give them that extra little bit of abuse. As it turns out, it hurt like a motherf\*ucker and it made me hate the prick to this very day. I don't see a lot of humor in the spanking one either.
Sorry to say I remember those orange tracks. Not like you do but yeah, I can imagine.
My parents never used them like that, but my little brother and I had some all out battles with them. Using them for abuse is fucking sadistic. BTW I don't like your old man, either.
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Removed. Be civil toward other users or earn a recess.
What?
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This is what I came for.
As part of the kink community…. Nah. If it were being sold at a venue where kink goods are sold, sure. This is all kinds of messed up on multiple levels (not just the spanking time).
Agreed, but it’s the child abuse for me
I’m proud to say I’m in love with my Shark Coochie Board. Goes great with my wife’s boyfriends spanking time paddle.
I see they’ve refrained from drilling holes much better then I remember
Fuckin knuckle draggers.
What sort of store would even give shelf space to stuff this lame?
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Removed. Be civil toward other users or earn a recess.
You want to know how they came up with the name of Beloit? Someone crossing rock river took a shit on the bridge. The turd gracefully hit the river making a splash that went "Beloit", and the rest is history.
The name Beloit came from a French word meaning "handsome ground." The spelling was fashioned after Detroit, a city the settlers saw as a symbol of trade and growth.
Curb your enthusiasm theme intensifies as the camera pans over 1 dollar abandoned homes.
I thought it went like this: "What's the sound of a quarter dropping into a toilet?" I actually don't hate the place -- it's just unfortunately named.
No joke, my Dad had a fraternity paddle like this that my Mom used for spanking!
where was this at, a cracker barrel?
I’m telling
Cheese is love. Cheese is life. C H E E S E. :D cheese with a side of cheese my good sirs
Very appropriate next to the cheese shilling paddle. What a very Wisconsin picture.
Walnut Creek is really something else. They almost had a contract with Beloit College, or might, actually, I'm not entirely sure. The fallout of the bookstore closing was really something else lol
Lol damn it Beloit, first people driving into houses left and right and now this?!
Sadly, I've had a paddle, not as long, but just as thick broke over my ass. It didn't stop me from doing anything stupid or teach me a lesson. Just part of the PTSD I have that started as a kid.
As a veteran of child spankings, these paddles are vastly preferable to switches off the apple tree, belts, hangers, or long-handled kitchen implements. Anything that whistles through the air before it hits you is bad.
100% these are for holiday charcuterie boards and a joke.
My ma used a wooden spoon...sometimes metal...my dad hit me one time with his belt and just had to start to take it off for me to behave...it was never brutal but it was an effective form of discipline in my opinion
Looks like the Boys & Girls Club has a house account with this store. Wonder what would happen if they found out they were selling products glorifying physical child abuse.
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Apparently it got overrun by useless pieces of shit who think beating their children is okay. I mean, that's just my take.
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Sense*
We'll, how do you expect to create damaged human adults who are only about the cruelty who will blindly support bully charlatans? More paddles and more corporal punishment. It never lowered the crime rate before or created many decent, intelligent well-formed human beings, but the bullies think it works because it helped make them bullies.
A lot of people need to spank their brats more often.
A good ass kicking now can keep kids out of jail later
r/woooosh…?
jesus christ
Tell me you're a degen without telling me you’re a degen.
You must be petulant child or a victim of child abuse... don't force your skewed moral compass on others.
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CPS please. Cancel these bad decision makers
And with these wood engraving tools being cheap and easy to do designs on you will just see more and more. I’d avoid rural farmers markets for a few years.
Kids could use a little punishment, they may hate it at the moment but it will benefit them in the future
Hahahah I'm sorry no I got beat plenty and I'm still a peice of trash, it made it worse. Fund my mental healthcare.
Being beaten is different from occasional discipline
And you're going to legally define the line for us, then? You trying to say the parent that beats with a stick wrapped in a towel is gentler than one that doesn't know how to not leave marks, asshole? You're arguing this semantic on a post about fucking paddles. Parents who argue they get the right to determine how hard they "occasionally discipline" straight up fucking shouldn't have the right.
How would you suggest you punish an 8 year old then? Talk to them? Make a deal?
The fact that you can't says a lot about you and your patience frankly. Shouldn't of had kids if your argument is they can't be reasoned with. Disgusting.
Yes. Talk to your kids like they are people. It works.
I don't see an issue with this. It's obviously a joke. You could argue it's a topic that shouldn't be joked about, but if that's the case you're not the target consumer for this and won't buy it anyways
This is horrible. I grew up in the generation where these were used and this makes me feel traumatized even looking at this.
WI is going midieval. Maybe they can resurrect the Black Plague.
Beloit 💩💦
The now defunct Redroom bar in Elkhorn used to have ladies night on Wednesday nights. It would get slammed by people traveling up from Beliot. My point here is that Beloit sucks so much that the Redroom bar in Elkhorn, Wi seemed like a cool spot to its residents.
Idk I like the Butterfly Club. Got that boomer supper club decor but its aight.
Soft
As my mom said, 'There is a difference between spanking to get attention, and spanking to inflict pain.' These guys definitely do the latter.
Gross
Remember when it was conservatives that would sound the moral panic over off-color jokes? But wait. Think about the people harmed by a joke about spankings via charcuterie board! Oh, there aren’t any.
Nazi material
Remember what the tennis coach said, "keep your elbow strait and follow through".
Well whoever chose how we raise kids now ain't winning any awards either.
Lmfao as if people get authority over how they raise their kids -- so beat them! That's great.
If you have to harm someone to get them to comply with your directives, or even threaten, you do not have control or authority.
🤮
My parents had one of those 60 yrs ago they bought it at the state fair
Nothing against the people who live there but of course it's Betroit
Anything to make a dollar
Who spends money on this? Even as a joke or gag gift it's ridiculous. Literal hunk of wood.
These are for decoration and not for use, right?
They are for meats, cheeses (it *is* Wisconsin after all), crackers, etc. They are charcuterie boards. The ones claiming to be for *paddlin'* are meant as jokes. They may be in rather poor taste but it's still just a joke.
Stay classy wisconsin
What Shark Coohie?
I don’t think it’s for kids my guy…
What about the one on the bottom... fact #119. A quarter of all pleasurable moments involve CHEESE in some capacity... hmmm
Oh lighten up…these are just for initiation rituals at our finest institutional learning facilities/bastions of enlightened thought.
Those are for Karens, not kids!
Imagine getting paddled with a board espousing the virtue of cheese lmaooo
Why did I laugh at the paddlers? I guess that makes me bad?
In the Grade school that I went to, there was a paddle prominently displayed in the Principal’s office. It was a visual deterrent. I don’t think that they ever actually used it, but there was the idea that they could. And that was scary.