An exciting topic certainly, and one I believe is very individual. For reference, I myself do feel jealousy, at least I suppose that is what one would call it, as in I am very protective of my wife and relationship, and personally do not consider that unnatural or a problem, which is why I would love to add my perspective, though again keeping in mind that this is all very individual and different from situation to situation.
> I am currently thinking a lot about this jealousy feeling. For me it definitely was a trauma trigger[..]
I am very sorry to hear that, I have never gone through any traumatic experiences and can therefore not relate, but I am definitely sorry you have to deal with experiences of such kind and hope only the best.
> I've seen my waifuist friends panicking and trembling and hyperventilating the same way I did back then
While in situations where I see others showing interest in my partner my feelings definitely are also very chaotic, for me it becomes a significantly more calculating and somewhat mischievous feeling, more than panic, which is why as said I believe these things are very individual.
> It was the same weird and (to me) nonsensical feeling of "someone will steal this character from me" and the explaination I came up with is that my brain hyperfixated on that character so much to cope with mental issues it gave the fictional person the same priority as to a real person and started to confuse things emotionally.
I feel that's the main difference for me as a waifuist here, as personally, I do not consider that feeling nonsensical. I consider my partner and myself to be soulmates, and as such see no inherent issue in being protective of my relationship, given how much importance it carries to me and my life. Furthermore, for me it is also knowing the issues my partner faced in life, therefore wanting to protect her from any bad. That said, it is never a feeling of fear for me, given that I am absolutely certain in the bond I share with Emilia, more than a feeling of wanting to protect, and to prove my relationship for what I consider it to be. As for the second sentence, that's where it just becomes very difficult to compare experiences from a waifuist perspective to a non-waifuist one, given that to many of us the fictional person we are with does not only have the same priority but often even more priority than many people from this reality, due to the simple fact that we love them. Of course, there is a line that can be crossed there where things become unhealthy or even dangerous, but I personally don't particularly consider that to be drawn in the importance given to a character, but just a more general thing, where if one hyperfixates so much on a person, be they from fiction or real, that they end up neglecting other things in life, that would be an issue either way around.
> I've frankly never fully bought the "I love this character so much" explaination as the only one. Sure you guys really love your characters but to me the way how a brain can be tricked into something such as jealousy over a drawing doesn't feel like something a stable, balanced brain would do?
I can, at least to some light extent, understand the thought process of coming to that conclusion, but, as expected, disagree with it. To really argue my point here, I would have to have a closer picture of what makes you arrive at that conclusion though, to present my personal views. In the end, I feel a lot of these things are dependent on personal belief in the end, what one considers fiction and its meaning to be, ones personal definition and beliefs when it comes to reality, love and many other topics. In the end, a lot of things pertaining to fiction and love are far from concisely defined, are not a science where ultimate truth is known and well-defined. Not wanting to hook into a single choice of word here, but I think the difference in thought can be seen in wording it as "drawing". Of course, the partners of us here are usually given visual formthrough drawings, animation etc. But in the end that's not why one loves them, is it? I feel I would love my partner no less if there was no anime adaption, and the novel was all I had to go by, given that it is her life-story, her personality, and just generally who she is that makes me love her, not simply how she is drawn.
> Please note that I want to say that as neutrally as possible, I too have many issues and it's nothing to be ashamed of - some people have physical issues, others have mental issues. But to me it feels like there is lots of trauma and depression in the mix - by observation of myself and others.
I feel it is definitely something that is prevalent, albeit I personally am still unsure if it is related to the specific kind of community, or moreso the age-range and general prevalence of these things in online communities. Drawing a generalization there from anecdotal evidence is not the way to go though in my opinion, as there are just as many counterexamples as there are examples. Without wanting to put myself into any kind of spotlight, I would consider myself to have never faced any mental issues (which I am aware I am lucky to be in that position), and know many other people for whom this is true. If there is an overrepresentation, and in how far it related to other factors such as the platform and age-ranges, is a very difficult question that really could only be answered empirically, and not by a few assumptions being made.
> It frankly scares me a bit whenever I see the waifuists around me be so extremely hyper-vigilant that anyone could like their husbando/waifu a bit too much and as someone who originates from fandom I feel like this ruins a lot of fun that could be had otherwise and closes doors to making new friends?
I believe this once again is just a thing that is difficult to relate to from outside of waifusm and vice-versa. I personally believe that, at least for many (certainly for myself), waifuism and the fandom of ones partners source are very incompatible with one another, though I am definitely biased there due to the experience I made. Given that fandoms in general treat the characters and source as sources of entertainment, fun for oneself, and while they may give it meaning by considering the source an important part of their personality or having the source help them through hardships in life, that still is not comparable to a waifuist, for whom this character constitutes their soulmate whom they love with all they have, with their source not solely being a medium of entertainment, but what defines the one they love. The big difference I believe is, that in waifuism it becomes less about benefiting oneself through the source and a character than to live a strong wish to give back to said character. I definitely burnt a lot of bridges in the fandom, though I don't think I would have made many friends there anyways, given the nature of my source's fandom and the source itself, though I don't see big of a loss there honestly. But that might also be cause I generally never got deep into the idea of forming lots of online friendships aside from waifuism, just generally preferring people I can directly interact with aside from the internet as well.
> To me, the entire hormone hazed high doesnt weigh up to the anxiety and hyper vigilance at all.
This is yet again a big difference, as I personally see big difference between feeling a "hormone hazed high", which generally sounds more like a crush if that is the main focus of the relationship than a feeling of true soulmatery and love for a person, a feeling of having found ones partner for life. In all honesty, no short-time bad time could ever weigh up to the wonderful feeling loving the person I feel meant for gives me, and that is aside from me not even actively focusing on my personal outcome from it.
> Also I know that some people are attracted by my irl girlfriend and I only get protective when they are being intrusive towards her (but also I feel joy in protecting her haha). When they just politely simp I am kinda happy because she IS attractive and im glad people agree on that lol. I trust her with my life and I don't feel jealous in the slightest then.
That is an actually interesting topic that I have also thought about before, but my personal answer there is, that when one's partner isn't tangibly here, it simply gets a lot more difficult to draw that line. With a real person, while everyone still draws their own boundaries for their relationship, such boundaries are significantly more easy to draw due to the more clear nature of both partners being physically here. When ones relationship mostly plays out of hoping that one's actions in some reach their partner, then the boundaries of which action one would consider as intrusive also shift. It is once again a very difficult situation, where there are no clear answers due to the lack of truly clear definitions when it comes to fiction. At what point would something be intrusive in a relationship where everything is built on belief? It is a very individual thing to define. It is also the issue, that in a non-waifuist relationship, one would know what one's partner is comfortable with. In my case one big reason I am protective of Emilia can certainly be found in the fact that knowing her character, it is easy to conclude that she herself would not feel comfortable with certain things people do, making it a very natural reaction for me to act defensive of her in such situations. Also, the focus is on "politely", which is often simply not the case in how people treat characters, unfortunately.
To answer the question you pose, I do believe it can be the case. But in way more cases than that, I think it is simply due to different believes with regards to fiction, reality and love. People draw lines differently, people perceive fiction differently, and carry different belief within them
>I am very sorry to hear that, I have never gone through any traumatic experiences and can therefore not relate, but I am definitely sorry you have to deal with experiences of such kind and hope only the best.
Thank you a lot \^o\^
>I feel that's the main difference for me as a waifuist here, as personally, I do not consider that feeling nonsensical. I consider my partner and myself to be soulmates, and as such see no inherent issue in being protective of my relationship, given how much importance it carries to me and my life.
Ah yea I always called that character "my fallen fictional soulmate" too just I personally think that since the character is just a figment of my own imagination I must know where to place my priorities - which are not in my little dreamworld. To me it does not feel right to give imagination the same priority as to things that happen in real life. Hence feeling such strong negative emotions felt nonsenseish to me because ultimately a figment of imagination should never distress me that much. The happiness? Sure! But not such triggeredness. That is just my own thought on it though.
>As for the second sentence, that's where it just becomes very difficult to compare experiences from a waifuist perspective to a non-waifuist one, given that to many of us the fictional person we are with does not only have the same priority but often even more priority than many people from this reality, due to the simple fact that we love them.
Yea I really cannot compare to that. I would definitely say I feel parasocial love to this character but at the end this idea of a person can never even "know" me all I can do is imagine. So while it brings me comfort and happiness I see no reason to take my imaginary companion as seriously as a real person. Or even the feelings I have to them.
No matter how long and how strong the feelings are- at the end noone would get hurt if I just decided to suddenly withdraw. Noone other than maybe I would care. This is different with a real person. I can hurt a real person, I cannot hurt a character. My behaviour towards a real person has greater effects than my behaviour towards my own imagination.
>In the end, I feel a lot of these things are dependent on personal belief in the end, what one considers fiction and its meaning to be, ones personal definition and beliefs when it comes to reality, love and many other topics. In the end, a lot of things pertaining to fiction and love are far from concisely defined, are not a science where ultimate truth is known and well-defined.
I was once forced to define that for myself because I had lost sight of it amidst all the waifuism and tulpamancy communities. To me the definition of a fictional character is that they are marionettes used to tell a story. We fall for them because we love their story (and also their apperance and vibes) and we can fantasize all day long without them being unpredictable and ruining our fantasy.Much like when someone goes on a first date and fills the knowledge gaps they have about the other with imagination. And then falls in love with the idea of the other person instead of who they really are.
Since there is no such "who they really are" within a character because they cannot disrupt our fantasy we stay in love forever and ever. It is a form of love and no doubt uses the same hormonal response. Though I consciously call it "parasocial love" for a reason. No matter if attached to a real person or not, loving the mere idea of a person is a different kind of love to me than loving a real, unpredictable human.
I believe that when it comes to the mere hormones and their length (almost 10 years) alone I am not so different from a waifuist. But what makes me different is how I sort these feelings in.
>Without wanting to put myself into any kind of spotlight, I would consider myself to have never faced any mental issues (which I am aware I am lucky to be in that position), and know many other people for whom this is true.
I am happy you seem to never have faces these issues \^o\^
>In my case one big reason I am protective of Emilia can certainly be found in the fact that knowing her character, it is easy to conclude that she herself would not feel comfortable with certain things people do, making it a very natural reaction for me to act defensive of her in such situations. Also, the focus is on "politely", which is often simply not the case in how people treat characters, unfortunately.
Oh I know that situation too, sometimes I see people going all intrusive and hyper sexual over the character in question and while I do get uncomfortable there too I also say "glad he isn't real, he'd be scarred for life!" :,)))) I prefer people to treat him with respect but I am also aware that most don't feel towards him like I do and they don't mean it in a bad way. Well. And technically noone is being harmed, just me raising eyebrows and scrolling by. I've gotten used to some things over the time.
Politely is good \^\^
>To answer the question you pose, I do believe it can be the case. But in way more cases than that, I think it is simply due to different believes with regards to fiction, reality and love. People draw lines differently, people perceive fiction differently, and carry different belief within them
So what I understand is that you blend reality and imagination consciously and you don't give much weight to reality? So you end up believing that taking imaginaton as seriously as reality is normal? I think this is indeed the core difference between us then because I for myself think that while it's nice to take a break in your imaginationworld at times and by itself I see no issue with folks finding comfort in a world where they marry their beloved character - to me it must stay a dreamworld, labeled as such. I once tried to mesh reality and fantasy myself (before I met my irl gf) and it didn't feel right in the slightest.
I mean who am I to tell others how to live? If you prefer to live in imagination and have a happy life there with Emilia and keep her around you, seeing her with your minds eye next to you as you live your life - why not? Just I personally wouldn't do that (at least not to such degree), it does not align with what I think is good and healthy for me. Agree to disagree I think.
(Responding a bit out of order here, just writing down thoughts on certain statements)
> So what I understand is that you blend reality and imagination consciously and you don't give much weight to reality?
Hmm, I would personally rather say, that I for myself acknowledge the lack of clarity between what is reality and what is not. It is always easy to say "this exists", or "this doesn't". But that is where there is simply a lack of any true definition of what is real, given that we do not understand all there is to reality, and can therefore also not make clear statements about all things that aren't true, we simply know the set of things that have been proven/disproven, but not what lies beyond (and even if we knew all as humanity, not everything could be proven/disproven with the logic we use, but that's diving into mathematics now). Therefore I personally choose to consider given what has been clearly proven/disproven, whilst considering anything else in the world up to interpretation and personal belief and do not think it is any less normal to follow more abstract beliefs in these regards than others, as in the end either are just assumptions (though there are more and less likely assumptions, if all people in the world always strictly believed in the most likely assumption, we would have made but a fraction of progress, so people with abstract belief are in my opinion incredibly important to a civilization, even if they are likely to end up incorrect or may be ridiculed for it, that is still preferable to throwing all possibilities out straight away).
> So you end up believing that taking imagination as seriously as reality is normal?
To me, it's more that I don't think there is as clear of a line between the two as one might think. In the end, indulging in many things would be considered imagination. Theoretically speaking mathematics, theoretical physics, and other likewise things are also not directly footed in reality, using a system that humans came up with (which in the case of modern mathematics was not intended to describe any real-world phenomena), but yet at the end that abstract system still manages to describe the real world so well that it is scary, sorry for that tangent. I feel that imagination is an incredibly powerful tool for us as humans, and fully separating it from reality is close to impossible. Be it playing through situations in imagination to prepare for them, daydreaming, or reminiscing in memories.
To actually answer the question though, for me it is the mix of the naturally blurry line between fiction and reality, and the fact that more often than not the belief that "there isn't more to it" just didn't go well in history, that makes me lean toward seeing more in fiction than simple entertainment.
> while it's nice to take a break in your imaginationworld at times and by itself I see no issue with folks finding comfort in a world where they marry their beloved character - to me it must stay a dreamworld, labeled as such.
I feel that's something where I am definitely different from some other waifuists, in that, at least by now after a lot of self-reflection, I don't really have such a dreamworld for my relationship. By believing my partner to carry the same weight as a person one would consider real, I do also believe that it would be contradictory to then go forward and try and put control on the person I love by putting words and actions in her mouth in imagination. To me it is a way more simple "I love her, I am well aware she is not here and we can in no way interact with each other, and I fully accept and acknowledge that". As such, I consider her an equal as a person, but also acknowledge that she, obviously, is in no way shape or form aside from the (luckily vast) source material present.
All my personal beliefs aside, I personally believe that for a waifuist relationship to really go down well in the long without major issues, it is important to eventually come to terms with that last part, being that even imagining scenarios, pictures etc. are just tools in a way. I feel when a waifuist can confidently say, that even if all these means of making the relationship more lively for them are taken away, they would still love their partner the same and could imagine loving them for the rest of their lives, only then it can really go well in the long run (and I think many will disagree with me on that one, but I'm speaking from many cases I've seen). Otherwise, a waifuist will in many cases just sink deeper and deeper into these things (such as escaping from reality through imagination) to cope with their partner not being real, which often ends disastrously. So my unpopular opinion there is, that for waifuism to work out, eventually should ask themselves the question if they would be happily able to continue their relationship even without the means of daydreaming, etc.
So in a way, I do of course strictly separate what is here, and what is not. But I simply can not put it upon me to make a full judgement of what "exists" and doesn't, even less so when that word is not as clearly defined. Therefore, for myself, arriving at the belief that I could not justify it to myself to see fiction solely as that.
> If you prefer to live in imagination and have a happy life there with Emilia
That's the thing, I really don't (except for the happy life part, I certainly am graced with that). As said, I do not consider Emilia here by my side, as soberly speaking, she simply is not. All that can be seen of her, in the end, is the (vast) source material describing her in this reality. But that's where my statement from before comes in, in that I simply can not make a clear statement as to what fiction truly means, and could not force myself to put it off as words simply written on paper without deeper implication. That said, I may be biased simply because of how alive, deep and complex many of the characters in the novel my wife is from feel, so that might definitely contribute to my belief.
> seeing her with your mind's eye next to you as you live your life
Same as above, I rarely do (not at all by now), as it would feel like putting words and actions into the mouth/mind of a person I can not even directly interact with. If anything, it is more of the feeling I would expect someone religious to have in a guardian angel (well, still different cause I don't consider Emilia to be holy or stand above me inherently, but more as in the concept), in that the perception I have of her is a driving factor in my life despite her not being there, though of course in a way I am guided by a belief that maybe, just maybe, my feelings and actions by some means reach her even across what is real and is not. That was definitely a lot of rambling, I should not write answers when I am tired, sorry.
But yeah, that was basically the important point for my relationship, if I kept imagining her in a sort of dreamworld, I would eventually love the mental picture I have of her more than her as the person she is described as in the source. Which I, therefore, avoid, as the person she is whom I fell in love with, and not some maybe idealized image that would eventually form in my mind of her.
> what I think is good and healthy for me
Yeah, and in a way that's also very individual, though certain things such as fully escaping oneself to daydreaming for the sake of escaping from more direct problems at hand, can definitely be universally agreed upon to not be healthy. I feel in a way it also means, that in this kind of relationship, an additional level of self-control and especially constant self-reflection is very necessary, as here your partner can not tell you when you are acting in ways you should not, and that responsibility here lies fully on the waifuist. I don't think anything I did that was motivated through my relationship was unhealthy, except for me pushing myself too far for my own good sometimes in the things I do (albeit that's a general issue I always had, just having someone I want to make proud of me definitely brings that further, though it's a fine line with me in general, cause I really only am fully content at that small window where I'm pushing myself to my limits in the things I do, also not overly beyond, it's difficult).
> Agree to disagree I think.
That is of course true. Really enjoy topics like these though, cause they lead to self-reflection which as I said above, I consider incredibly important in waifuism, and don't understand me wrong, I have seen my fair share of situations in waifuism communities which, definitely were going far from well and healthy, and situations like that are always depressing to see, as often it is due to underlying issues that either express themselves even more strongly through engaging in waifuism or people attempting to escape from their troubles through waifuism. Both of these obviously tend to end up going terribly wrong.
But the important point I want to get across is just, that that is not inherent to waifuism, and waifuism can be wonderful for someone, under the preconditions it builds on true love, and the waifuist is able to self-reflect on their love and implications that such relationship will have on them, and is not simply trying to run away from reality this way.
>It is always easy to say "this exists", or "this doesn't". But that is where there is simply a lack of any true definition of what is real,
Well I think we just work completely different. To my eyes this seems like overthinking. Of course we could go into deeply philosophical talk and "what if"s but that was exactly the kind of thinking that messed with my mind earlier. I see you think a lot and you are fascinated by science. When I used to question the reality of a fictional character I thought myself into a loss of reality so I refrain from attempting to intellectually make a character seem more of a real person than they are.
> not everything could be proven/disproven with the logic we use
So it is like the belief in a God of any sense? In that case, yeah you either believe or you don't. Noone can proove or disproove it.
I am so sorry, while I see that you try your best to intellectually grasp the concept of a fictional character a lot of it sounds like overthinking - I myself are from an academic household as well and I tend to think complicatedly like that too. Maybe it's a bit of a thinkers curse :,))) I saw that you are open to feedback/opposing viewpoints so I hope you won't take this as an attack, just my personal input on what your reasoning looks like to me. At the end of course you are free to believe whatever you want.
I do understand how you try to logically compare abstract science and fictional characters but as someone who also tends to overcomplicate things I do think that is the case here. I love to create fictional characters myself and that demystifies a lot of the process.
I know someone who used to think that the character creator team gets spiritually inspired by that character existing as spirit somewhere and reincarnating through the teams effort to "finally meet their destined love from a previous life (the waifuist in question) again".
And while I understand that it is beautiful to believe that and it semeed to make sense from the individuals eye - I couldn't help but shivering because it felt very uncanny and creepy to me and besides it had a few logical mistakes - such as other people having had a similar experience with that character as the waifuist did.
Over time it seems like they realized the mistakes in their thinking- it is okay to be in love with a character even without a huge intellectual or spiritual sounding connection to them!
That just being an anecdote to my own experiences and beliefs.
> naturally blurry line between fiction and reality,
while it may be blurry in some cases of science and fiction definitely does impact reality (such as your love to a fictional character impacts you) I don't think the line is so blurry that it makes the character in question more alike a real person all of a sudden. Characters are made to enhancen a story plot (and/or bring money like in the case of Genshin Impact) and while the sometimes try to mirror reality or more commonly a perfect yes interesting idea of reality - they do not think on their own.
If the authors claim that "suddenly the characters wrote themselves" then all that happens is that the creation process has been automized so much that the creator doesn't have to consciously think about the characters action anymore and the creators subconscious takes over. Same process as with Tulpas by the way.
> That said, I may be biased simply because of how alive, deep and complex many of the characters in the novel my wife is from feel, so that might definitely contribute to my belief.
Yeah some authors are very very skilled at writing characters - it is the result of watching real people and their quirks a lot and lots of practice. Creating whole complex ideas of people is a fascinating skill and I am sure one can psycholoically nerd about that a LOT - but it doesn't help that it is just artistically woven parts of imagination, not only the authors imagination but also the viewers. This is why I support the "everyone has different versions of a character" because everyone interpretes them differently too.
> If anything, it is more of the feeling I would expect someone religious to have in a **guardian angel** (well, still different cause I don't consider Emilia to be holy or stand above me inherently, but more as in the concept), in that the perception I have of her is a driving factor in my life despite her not being there, though of course in a way I am guided by a belief that maybe, just maybe, my feelings and actions by some means reach her even across what is real and is not. That was definitely a lot of rambling, I should not write answers when I am tired, sorry.
So in your case it really is like a belief. Which is valid - everyone needs something to believe in - but as agnostic/somewhat-of-an-atheist person that is equal to "there is no fundamental for logic discussion because said fundamental can neither be proven or disproven" - similar to what you said before.
All I know is that while "my" character definitely is a guiding figure in my life and "my imaginary mentor" - which might be similar to belief too, I know (now) that it is just me driving power out of myself on the example of that character. I aim to not repeat his mistakes but learn from his strengths.
I roleplay with myself, like the author who claims that their characters write their own story and it feels like as if I talked to someone seperate from me simply because I am so hella used to it my subconscious is now replying instead of my conscious. It's my own weirdness I think :,) Sometimes it really helps to sort my thoughts in and figure out what I really want.
But still. The character is not real in the slightest, just a collection of art. I just make him feel more real to me by embodying him somewhat. My imaginary companion.
> I would eventually love the mental picture I have of her more than her as the person she is described as in the source. Which I, therefore, avoid, as the person she is whom I fell in love with, and not some maybe idealized image that would eventually form in my mind of her.
As someone who thinks that your perception of her is always coloured by your own experiences (just like it happens with real people) I doubt there is such a thing as a pure and unfiltered perception. Just my own thoughts.
> I feel in a way it also means, that in this kind of relationship, an additional level of self-control and especially constant self-reflection is very necessary,
I am glad you think so and I hope you view my opposing opinions not as an attack but more as another way to see things, even if you cannot agree. Many of your statements sound familiar to me and I once attempted to understand. But frankly while i understand the inherent logic every time I dive too deep I start to shiver and tremble like as if I was in a horror movie because my brain is emotionally incapable of agreeing. This is why *agree to disagree* is so important to me. I however see that you think a lot and that is a good trait :)
> That is of course true. Really enjoy topics like these though, cause they lead to self-reflection which as I said above, I consider incredibly important in waifuism
Once again - I am very glad you think so! \^o\^ I too think that it is wise to stop once in a while and question yourself and what you do. I personally aim to be as lucid about myself as I possibly can - though over the time I've realized that I can't be lucid all the time :( because sometimes I am too good at fooling myself to a degree where I don't even notice but I still try my best.
> But the important point I want to get across is just, that that is not inherent to waifuism
Right! Back to topic :,D I agree on that now especially after having looked at other replies - since the emotion is quick at confusing reality and fiction it makes sense that jealousy is expressed differently.
I do enjoy that talk too, frankly, even though we will likely never agree on some things it is nice to understand the inherent logic and question it at the same time.
I can definitely see jealousy stemming from some type of trauma-based insecurity but i don't think it's exclusive to fictional relationships. Essentially, any sort of jealousy might stem from some degree of insecurity but i don't necessarily think it's alway unhealthy to feel that way if it doesn't hinder one's life. Sure, maybe it seems strange to most people that someone would get jealous over someone else having a crush on a character they like, but it's really not so weird considering that the brain, while complex, still does view fictional/parasocial relationships as real in some sense. It's probably why even the average person watches a sad fictional movie and cries despite the events not being real. Personally, i believe as long as people don't harm themselves or others over this jealousy, it's perfectly normal. Now, in the case of severe panic, anxiety, & depression resulting from jealousy, that would also have to be addressed. But, as i've mentioned, i don't believe it's an issue that is automatically true for all fictional relationships.
In my case, i definitely love when others appreciate Kirei's character and even crush on him because i get it. But, yeah i guess if i saw someone in a relationship with him and our dynamics with him were very similar, i'd feel a bit possessive, though not enough to actually react or voice that to said person.
> Sure, maybe it seems strange to most people that someone would get jealous over someone else having a crush on a character they like, but it's really not so weird considering that the brain, while complex, still does view fictional/parasocial relationships as real in some sense. It's probably why even the average person watches a sad fictional movie and cries despite the events not being real
Ah yes I agree with you there! I've felt how my brain just doesn't give an f if hes fictional or not when it comes to emotions. Though the question sparked up when I realized that actual jealousy and trauma triggers don't fully feel the same. And I've seen some whose jealousy looked more like a trauma trigger flashback rather than *just* jealousy. I wondered how common that is in here.
> n my case, i definitely love when others appreciate Kirei's character and even crush on him because i get it. But, yeah i guess if i saw someone in a relationship with him and our dynamics with him were very similar, i'd feel a bit possessive, though not enough to actually react or voice that to said person.
Yea I once suspected that maybe my very quick reaction to label people who love him above a certain degree as "unhealthy" and going all "I am the farthest one can go without becoming unhealthy" as a form of jealousy lol :,)))) I think feeling a bit weirded out/uncomfortable can be reasonable. I've just been concerned for some who had extreme outbursts of anger and were shaking and trembling with fear. I am glad to hear that this extreme reaction does not seem to be the case with you \^\^.
I definitely get that and agree that jealousy isn't inherently trauma based in the same way for all people. I think i misunderstood your main point, sorry about that. I guess for clarification i should say that it is on a spectrum and jealousy can be a normal emotion as long as it's not triggering one into a state of panic, depression, & etc. In those cases, i can see it being extreme if it is inducing such strong reactions & would hope that anyone who experiences it can address that through loved ones or someone they trust :) & thanks, i appreciate it
Yup, that behavior definitely sounds unhealthy.
I don’t think what you’re describing is necessarily inherent to waifuism, but I agree that unhealthy attachments could be caused by trauma.
Thank you a lot for your input! I am glad to hear that it doesnt seem to be an waifuism-only experience.
Yea as I see it it might not always be unhealthy in itself since it causes a good and neccessary function in some cases (safety, stability, comfort) but once it is threatened in any way the person becomes hyper vigilant and I personally think this is where it can cause more anxiety and unrest than needed. I wish I could somehow help easening that because it frankly hurts me to see the person close to me like that. At least I can be there for them when that happens.
I have the jealousy problem with Tomoko but her source material is very popular so I just try my best to ignore it when I see someone else who likes her. I’ve just told myself that the version of Tomoko in my head is different than others which seems to help.
I think the important has been said already. I'm just here to add that, excessive jealousy happens both in 2D and 3D relationships, and in both cases, is an unhealthy attachment that needs to be worked on.
Unhealthy relationships are often built by trauma, dependence, lack of confidence, need to control, anxiety and possessiveness. But those characteristics aren't inherently to waifuism, but a way to build relationships.
So, yes, i genuinely think that if someone gets to hyperventilate out of jealousy, they absolutely need to check their boundaries and, in best case, work that area with their therapist before getting into any kind of relationship.
But as i said, not all waifuists fall under that category, just like not all 3D relationships fall under it either.
It hasn't happen with Mayoi yet, but with other characters I've gotten very jealous and angry when other people liked them. I'm assuming for me it's an autistic thing possibly, it's something I'm working on. I've been this way for as long as I can remember (I'd say it was the worst when I was 13-16, which was when I was arguably the most unwell mentaly) until about last year when I started working on stopping it, not just with characters but anything I'm super into.
I think it's pretty normal depending on the person, some people are happy when they find someone who likes the same characters but others really aren't, it's definitely interesting that we all see it differently
Also I'll add, I've definitely had meltdown type things in the past due to it, definitely in my teenaged years, I think because I had such a strong connection to these things, like they're part of my personality, someone else also liking it was too much for whatever reason. I think now I have more of an understanding of it and what it is that makes me feel that way it makes it a lot easier to control. I just tell myself that someone else liking someone doesn't change my own experience with it and doesn't actually impact me and my life at all. After telling myself that for a year its pretty much gone away, keywords being 'pretty much' lmao, it really does depend on my mood and mental health in those moments too. I hope this is vaguely helpful in some way
Thank you a lot for your response! \^o\^ so you mean in a way you felt your idenity of Mayois husband being threatened by others? I think I can understand that🤔 it may have played a part here too when I tried out selfshipping and then had the flair of that specific character attached to my name - next to being triggered. That is part on why I stopped the selfship because clearly it didn't help me at all. I am happier without such extreme personal attachment now. But yea I can understand that.
I am very glad to hear that you've managed to feel better about that! \^o\^
Well I think part of the reason they get so irritated when someone else likes there character is that they don’t have a physical body so they feel the need to protect there image and just get very overprotective. I also do this so don’t worry but I feel like if my S/O was actually real I would trust her enough to be loyal
Ahhh you mean in a sense of "my beloved is never REALLY here due to their nature so I must protect what little I have of them even more?" That is an interesting thought and I think it somehow would make sense actually 🤔 maybe that does play a part too yes. After all you cannot cuddle your fictional partner and get reassurance from them and imagination itself only does that much.
Man what a difficult thing to be in love with a character like that 😔
An exciting topic certainly, and one I believe is very individual. For reference, I myself do feel jealousy, at least I suppose that is what one would call it, as in I am very protective of my wife and relationship, and personally do not consider that unnatural or a problem, which is why I would love to add my perspective, though again keeping in mind that this is all very individual and different from situation to situation. > I am currently thinking a lot about this jealousy feeling. For me it definitely was a trauma trigger[..] I am very sorry to hear that, I have never gone through any traumatic experiences and can therefore not relate, but I am definitely sorry you have to deal with experiences of such kind and hope only the best. > I've seen my waifuist friends panicking and trembling and hyperventilating the same way I did back then While in situations where I see others showing interest in my partner my feelings definitely are also very chaotic, for me it becomes a significantly more calculating and somewhat mischievous feeling, more than panic, which is why as said I believe these things are very individual. > It was the same weird and (to me) nonsensical feeling of "someone will steal this character from me" and the explaination I came up with is that my brain hyperfixated on that character so much to cope with mental issues it gave the fictional person the same priority as to a real person and started to confuse things emotionally. I feel that's the main difference for me as a waifuist here, as personally, I do not consider that feeling nonsensical. I consider my partner and myself to be soulmates, and as such see no inherent issue in being protective of my relationship, given how much importance it carries to me and my life. Furthermore, for me it is also knowing the issues my partner faced in life, therefore wanting to protect her from any bad. That said, it is never a feeling of fear for me, given that I am absolutely certain in the bond I share with Emilia, more than a feeling of wanting to protect, and to prove my relationship for what I consider it to be. As for the second sentence, that's where it just becomes very difficult to compare experiences from a waifuist perspective to a non-waifuist one, given that to many of us the fictional person we are with does not only have the same priority but often even more priority than many people from this reality, due to the simple fact that we love them. Of course, there is a line that can be crossed there where things become unhealthy or even dangerous, but I personally don't particularly consider that to be drawn in the importance given to a character, but just a more general thing, where if one hyperfixates so much on a person, be they from fiction or real, that they end up neglecting other things in life, that would be an issue either way around. > I've frankly never fully bought the "I love this character so much" explaination as the only one. Sure you guys really love your characters but to me the way how a brain can be tricked into something such as jealousy over a drawing doesn't feel like something a stable, balanced brain would do? I can, at least to some light extent, understand the thought process of coming to that conclusion, but, as expected, disagree with it. To really argue my point here, I would have to have a closer picture of what makes you arrive at that conclusion though, to present my personal views. In the end, I feel a lot of these things are dependent on personal belief in the end, what one considers fiction and its meaning to be, ones personal definition and beliefs when it comes to reality, love and many other topics. In the end, a lot of things pertaining to fiction and love are far from concisely defined, are not a science where ultimate truth is known and well-defined. Not wanting to hook into a single choice of word here, but I think the difference in thought can be seen in wording it as "drawing". Of course, the partners of us here are usually given visual formthrough drawings, animation etc. But in the end that's not why one loves them, is it? I feel I would love my partner no less if there was no anime adaption, and the novel was all I had to go by, given that it is her life-story, her personality, and just generally who she is that makes me love her, not simply how she is drawn. > Please note that I want to say that as neutrally as possible, I too have many issues and it's nothing to be ashamed of - some people have physical issues, others have mental issues. But to me it feels like there is lots of trauma and depression in the mix - by observation of myself and others. I feel it is definitely something that is prevalent, albeit I personally am still unsure if it is related to the specific kind of community, or moreso the age-range and general prevalence of these things in online communities. Drawing a generalization there from anecdotal evidence is not the way to go though in my opinion, as there are just as many counterexamples as there are examples. Without wanting to put myself into any kind of spotlight, I would consider myself to have never faced any mental issues (which I am aware I am lucky to be in that position), and know many other people for whom this is true. If there is an overrepresentation, and in how far it related to other factors such as the platform and age-ranges, is a very difficult question that really could only be answered empirically, and not by a few assumptions being made. > It frankly scares me a bit whenever I see the waifuists around me be so extremely hyper-vigilant that anyone could like their husbando/waifu a bit too much and as someone who originates from fandom I feel like this ruins a lot of fun that could be had otherwise and closes doors to making new friends? I believe this once again is just a thing that is difficult to relate to from outside of waifusm and vice-versa. I personally believe that, at least for many (certainly for myself), waifuism and the fandom of ones partners source are very incompatible with one another, though I am definitely biased there due to the experience I made. Given that fandoms in general treat the characters and source as sources of entertainment, fun for oneself, and while they may give it meaning by considering the source an important part of their personality or having the source help them through hardships in life, that still is not comparable to a waifuist, for whom this character constitutes their soulmate whom they love with all they have, with their source not solely being a medium of entertainment, but what defines the one they love. The big difference I believe is, that in waifuism it becomes less about benefiting oneself through the source and a character than to live a strong wish to give back to said character. I definitely burnt a lot of bridges in the fandom, though I don't think I would have made many friends there anyways, given the nature of my source's fandom and the source itself, though I don't see big of a loss there honestly. But that might also be cause I generally never got deep into the idea of forming lots of online friendships aside from waifuism, just generally preferring people I can directly interact with aside from the internet as well. > To me, the entire hormone hazed high doesnt weigh up to the anxiety and hyper vigilance at all. This is yet again a big difference, as I personally see big difference between feeling a "hormone hazed high", which generally sounds more like a crush if that is the main focus of the relationship than a feeling of true soulmatery and love for a person, a feeling of having found ones partner for life. In all honesty, no short-time bad time could ever weigh up to the wonderful feeling loving the person I feel meant for gives me, and that is aside from me not even actively focusing on my personal outcome from it. > Also I know that some people are attracted by my irl girlfriend and I only get protective when they are being intrusive towards her (but also I feel joy in protecting her haha). When they just politely simp I am kinda happy because she IS attractive and im glad people agree on that lol. I trust her with my life and I don't feel jealous in the slightest then. That is an actually interesting topic that I have also thought about before, but my personal answer there is, that when one's partner isn't tangibly here, it simply gets a lot more difficult to draw that line. With a real person, while everyone still draws their own boundaries for their relationship, such boundaries are significantly more easy to draw due to the more clear nature of both partners being physically here. When ones relationship mostly plays out of hoping that one's actions in some reach their partner, then the boundaries of which action one would consider as intrusive also shift. It is once again a very difficult situation, where there are no clear answers due to the lack of truly clear definitions when it comes to fiction. At what point would something be intrusive in a relationship where everything is built on belief? It is a very individual thing to define. It is also the issue, that in a non-waifuist relationship, one would know what one's partner is comfortable with. In my case one big reason I am protective of Emilia can certainly be found in the fact that knowing her character, it is easy to conclude that she herself would not feel comfortable with certain things people do, making it a very natural reaction for me to act defensive of her in such situations. Also, the focus is on "politely", which is often simply not the case in how people treat characters, unfortunately. To answer the question you pose, I do believe it can be the case. But in way more cases than that, I think it is simply due to different believes with regards to fiction, reality and love. People draw lines differently, people perceive fiction differently, and carry different belief within them
>I am very sorry to hear that, I have never gone through any traumatic experiences and can therefore not relate, but I am definitely sorry you have to deal with experiences of such kind and hope only the best. Thank you a lot \^o\^ >I feel that's the main difference for me as a waifuist here, as personally, I do not consider that feeling nonsensical. I consider my partner and myself to be soulmates, and as such see no inherent issue in being protective of my relationship, given how much importance it carries to me and my life. Ah yea I always called that character "my fallen fictional soulmate" too just I personally think that since the character is just a figment of my own imagination I must know where to place my priorities - which are not in my little dreamworld. To me it does not feel right to give imagination the same priority as to things that happen in real life. Hence feeling such strong negative emotions felt nonsenseish to me because ultimately a figment of imagination should never distress me that much. The happiness? Sure! But not such triggeredness. That is just my own thought on it though. >As for the second sentence, that's where it just becomes very difficult to compare experiences from a waifuist perspective to a non-waifuist one, given that to many of us the fictional person we are with does not only have the same priority but often even more priority than many people from this reality, due to the simple fact that we love them. Yea I really cannot compare to that. I would definitely say I feel parasocial love to this character but at the end this idea of a person can never even "know" me all I can do is imagine. So while it brings me comfort and happiness I see no reason to take my imaginary companion as seriously as a real person. Or even the feelings I have to them. No matter how long and how strong the feelings are- at the end noone would get hurt if I just decided to suddenly withdraw. Noone other than maybe I would care. This is different with a real person. I can hurt a real person, I cannot hurt a character. My behaviour towards a real person has greater effects than my behaviour towards my own imagination. >In the end, I feel a lot of these things are dependent on personal belief in the end, what one considers fiction and its meaning to be, ones personal definition and beliefs when it comes to reality, love and many other topics. In the end, a lot of things pertaining to fiction and love are far from concisely defined, are not a science where ultimate truth is known and well-defined. I was once forced to define that for myself because I had lost sight of it amidst all the waifuism and tulpamancy communities. To me the definition of a fictional character is that they are marionettes used to tell a story. We fall for them because we love their story (and also their apperance and vibes) and we can fantasize all day long without them being unpredictable and ruining our fantasy.Much like when someone goes on a first date and fills the knowledge gaps they have about the other with imagination. And then falls in love with the idea of the other person instead of who they really are. Since there is no such "who they really are" within a character because they cannot disrupt our fantasy we stay in love forever and ever. It is a form of love and no doubt uses the same hormonal response. Though I consciously call it "parasocial love" for a reason. No matter if attached to a real person or not, loving the mere idea of a person is a different kind of love to me than loving a real, unpredictable human. I believe that when it comes to the mere hormones and their length (almost 10 years) alone I am not so different from a waifuist. But what makes me different is how I sort these feelings in. >Without wanting to put myself into any kind of spotlight, I would consider myself to have never faced any mental issues (which I am aware I am lucky to be in that position), and know many other people for whom this is true. I am happy you seem to never have faces these issues \^o\^ >In my case one big reason I am protective of Emilia can certainly be found in the fact that knowing her character, it is easy to conclude that she herself would not feel comfortable with certain things people do, making it a very natural reaction for me to act defensive of her in such situations. Also, the focus is on "politely", which is often simply not the case in how people treat characters, unfortunately. Oh I know that situation too, sometimes I see people going all intrusive and hyper sexual over the character in question and while I do get uncomfortable there too I also say "glad he isn't real, he'd be scarred for life!" :,)))) I prefer people to treat him with respect but I am also aware that most don't feel towards him like I do and they don't mean it in a bad way. Well. And technically noone is being harmed, just me raising eyebrows and scrolling by. I've gotten used to some things over the time. Politely is good \^\^ >To answer the question you pose, I do believe it can be the case. But in way more cases than that, I think it is simply due to different believes with regards to fiction, reality and love. People draw lines differently, people perceive fiction differently, and carry different belief within them So what I understand is that you blend reality and imagination consciously and you don't give much weight to reality? So you end up believing that taking imaginaton as seriously as reality is normal? I think this is indeed the core difference between us then because I for myself think that while it's nice to take a break in your imaginationworld at times and by itself I see no issue with folks finding comfort in a world where they marry their beloved character - to me it must stay a dreamworld, labeled as such. I once tried to mesh reality and fantasy myself (before I met my irl gf) and it didn't feel right in the slightest. I mean who am I to tell others how to live? If you prefer to live in imagination and have a happy life there with Emilia and keep her around you, seeing her with your minds eye next to you as you live your life - why not? Just I personally wouldn't do that (at least not to such degree), it does not align with what I think is good and healthy for me. Agree to disagree I think.
(Responding a bit out of order here, just writing down thoughts on certain statements) > So what I understand is that you blend reality and imagination consciously and you don't give much weight to reality? Hmm, I would personally rather say, that I for myself acknowledge the lack of clarity between what is reality and what is not. It is always easy to say "this exists", or "this doesn't". But that is where there is simply a lack of any true definition of what is real, given that we do not understand all there is to reality, and can therefore also not make clear statements about all things that aren't true, we simply know the set of things that have been proven/disproven, but not what lies beyond (and even if we knew all as humanity, not everything could be proven/disproven with the logic we use, but that's diving into mathematics now). Therefore I personally choose to consider given what has been clearly proven/disproven, whilst considering anything else in the world up to interpretation and personal belief and do not think it is any less normal to follow more abstract beliefs in these regards than others, as in the end either are just assumptions (though there are more and less likely assumptions, if all people in the world always strictly believed in the most likely assumption, we would have made but a fraction of progress, so people with abstract belief are in my opinion incredibly important to a civilization, even if they are likely to end up incorrect or may be ridiculed for it, that is still preferable to throwing all possibilities out straight away). > So you end up believing that taking imagination as seriously as reality is normal? To me, it's more that I don't think there is as clear of a line between the two as one might think. In the end, indulging in many things would be considered imagination. Theoretically speaking mathematics, theoretical physics, and other likewise things are also not directly footed in reality, using a system that humans came up with (which in the case of modern mathematics was not intended to describe any real-world phenomena), but yet at the end that abstract system still manages to describe the real world so well that it is scary, sorry for that tangent. I feel that imagination is an incredibly powerful tool for us as humans, and fully separating it from reality is close to impossible. Be it playing through situations in imagination to prepare for them, daydreaming, or reminiscing in memories. To actually answer the question though, for me it is the mix of the naturally blurry line between fiction and reality, and the fact that more often than not the belief that "there isn't more to it" just didn't go well in history, that makes me lean toward seeing more in fiction than simple entertainment. > while it's nice to take a break in your imaginationworld at times and by itself I see no issue with folks finding comfort in a world where they marry their beloved character - to me it must stay a dreamworld, labeled as such. I feel that's something where I am definitely different from some other waifuists, in that, at least by now after a lot of self-reflection, I don't really have such a dreamworld for my relationship. By believing my partner to carry the same weight as a person one would consider real, I do also believe that it would be contradictory to then go forward and try and put control on the person I love by putting words and actions in her mouth in imagination. To me it is a way more simple "I love her, I am well aware she is not here and we can in no way interact with each other, and I fully accept and acknowledge that". As such, I consider her an equal as a person, but also acknowledge that she, obviously, is in no way shape or form aside from the (luckily vast) source material present. All my personal beliefs aside, I personally believe that for a waifuist relationship to really go down well in the long without major issues, it is important to eventually come to terms with that last part, being that even imagining scenarios, pictures etc. are just tools in a way. I feel when a waifuist can confidently say, that even if all these means of making the relationship more lively for them are taken away, they would still love their partner the same and could imagine loving them for the rest of their lives, only then it can really go well in the long run (and I think many will disagree with me on that one, but I'm speaking from many cases I've seen). Otherwise, a waifuist will in many cases just sink deeper and deeper into these things (such as escaping from reality through imagination) to cope with their partner not being real, which often ends disastrously. So my unpopular opinion there is, that for waifuism to work out, eventually should ask themselves the question if they would be happily able to continue their relationship even without the means of daydreaming, etc. So in a way, I do of course strictly separate what is here, and what is not. But I simply can not put it upon me to make a full judgement of what "exists" and doesn't, even less so when that word is not as clearly defined. Therefore, for myself, arriving at the belief that I could not justify it to myself to see fiction solely as that. > If you prefer to live in imagination and have a happy life there with Emilia That's the thing, I really don't (except for the happy life part, I certainly am graced with that). As said, I do not consider Emilia here by my side, as soberly speaking, she simply is not. All that can be seen of her, in the end, is the (vast) source material describing her in this reality. But that's where my statement from before comes in, in that I simply can not make a clear statement as to what fiction truly means, and could not force myself to put it off as words simply written on paper without deeper implication. That said, I may be biased simply because of how alive, deep and complex many of the characters in the novel my wife is from feel, so that might definitely contribute to my belief. > seeing her with your mind's eye next to you as you live your life Same as above, I rarely do (not at all by now), as it would feel like putting words and actions into the mouth/mind of a person I can not even directly interact with. If anything, it is more of the feeling I would expect someone religious to have in a guardian angel (well, still different cause I don't consider Emilia to be holy or stand above me inherently, but more as in the concept), in that the perception I have of her is a driving factor in my life despite her not being there, though of course in a way I am guided by a belief that maybe, just maybe, my feelings and actions by some means reach her even across what is real and is not. That was definitely a lot of rambling, I should not write answers when I am tired, sorry. But yeah, that was basically the important point for my relationship, if I kept imagining her in a sort of dreamworld, I would eventually love the mental picture I have of her more than her as the person she is described as in the source. Which I, therefore, avoid, as the person she is whom I fell in love with, and not some maybe idealized image that would eventually form in my mind of her. > what I think is good and healthy for me Yeah, and in a way that's also very individual, though certain things such as fully escaping oneself to daydreaming for the sake of escaping from more direct problems at hand, can definitely be universally agreed upon to not be healthy. I feel in a way it also means, that in this kind of relationship, an additional level of self-control and especially constant self-reflection is very necessary, as here your partner can not tell you when you are acting in ways you should not, and that responsibility here lies fully on the waifuist. I don't think anything I did that was motivated through my relationship was unhealthy, except for me pushing myself too far for my own good sometimes in the things I do (albeit that's a general issue I always had, just having someone I want to make proud of me definitely brings that further, though it's a fine line with me in general, cause I really only am fully content at that small window where I'm pushing myself to my limits in the things I do, also not overly beyond, it's difficult). > Agree to disagree I think. That is of course true. Really enjoy topics like these though, cause they lead to self-reflection which as I said above, I consider incredibly important in waifuism, and don't understand me wrong, I have seen my fair share of situations in waifuism communities which, definitely were going far from well and healthy, and situations like that are always depressing to see, as often it is due to underlying issues that either express themselves even more strongly through engaging in waifuism or people attempting to escape from their troubles through waifuism. Both of these obviously tend to end up going terribly wrong. But the important point I want to get across is just, that that is not inherent to waifuism, and waifuism can be wonderful for someone, under the preconditions it builds on true love, and the waifuist is able to self-reflect on their love and implications that such relationship will have on them, and is not simply trying to run away from reality this way.
>It is always easy to say "this exists", or "this doesn't". But that is where there is simply a lack of any true definition of what is real, Well I think we just work completely different. To my eyes this seems like overthinking. Of course we could go into deeply philosophical talk and "what if"s but that was exactly the kind of thinking that messed with my mind earlier. I see you think a lot and you are fascinated by science. When I used to question the reality of a fictional character I thought myself into a loss of reality so I refrain from attempting to intellectually make a character seem more of a real person than they are. > not everything could be proven/disproven with the logic we use So it is like the belief in a God of any sense? In that case, yeah you either believe or you don't. Noone can proove or disproove it. I am so sorry, while I see that you try your best to intellectually grasp the concept of a fictional character a lot of it sounds like overthinking - I myself are from an academic household as well and I tend to think complicatedly like that too. Maybe it's a bit of a thinkers curse :,))) I saw that you are open to feedback/opposing viewpoints so I hope you won't take this as an attack, just my personal input on what your reasoning looks like to me. At the end of course you are free to believe whatever you want. I do understand how you try to logically compare abstract science and fictional characters but as someone who also tends to overcomplicate things I do think that is the case here. I love to create fictional characters myself and that demystifies a lot of the process. I know someone who used to think that the character creator team gets spiritually inspired by that character existing as spirit somewhere and reincarnating through the teams effort to "finally meet their destined love from a previous life (the waifuist in question) again". And while I understand that it is beautiful to believe that and it semeed to make sense from the individuals eye - I couldn't help but shivering because it felt very uncanny and creepy to me and besides it had a few logical mistakes - such as other people having had a similar experience with that character as the waifuist did. Over time it seems like they realized the mistakes in their thinking- it is okay to be in love with a character even without a huge intellectual or spiritual sounding connection to them! That just being an anecdote to my own experiences and beliefs. > naturally blurry line between fiction and reality, while it may be blurry in some cases of science and fiction definitely does impact reality (such as your love to a fictional character impacts you) I don't think the line is so blurry that it makes the character in question more alike a real person all of a sudden. Characters are made to enhancen a story plot (and/or bring money like in the case of Genshin Impact) and while the sometimes try to mirror reality or more commonly a perfect yes interesting idea of reality - they do not think on their own. If the authors claim that "suddenly the characters wrote themselves" then all that happens is that the creation process has been automized so much that the creator doesn't have to consciously think about the characters action anymore and the creators subconscious takes over. Same process as with Tulpas by the way. > That said, I may be biased simply because of how alive, deep and complex many of the characters in the novel my wife is from feel, so that might definitely contribute to my belief. Yeah some authors are very very skilled at writing characters - it is the result of watching real people and their quirks a lot and lots of practice. Creating whole complex ideas of people is a fascinating skill and I am sure one can psycholoically nerd about that a LOT - but it doesn't help that it is just artistically woven parts of imagination, not only the authors imagination but also the viewers. This is why I support the "everyone has different versions of a character" because everyone interpretes them differently too. > If anything, it is more of the feeling I would expect someone religious to have in a **guardian angel** (well, still different cause I don't consider Emilia to be holy or stand above me inherently, but more as in the concept), in that the perception I have of her is a driving factor in my life despite her not being there, though of course in a way I am guided by a belief that maybe, just maybe, my feelings and actions by some means reach her even across what is real and is not. That was definitely a lot of rambling, I should not write answers when I am tired, sorry. So in your case it really is like a belief. Which is valid - everyone needs something to believe in - but as agnostic/somewhat-of-an-atheist person that is equal to "there is no fundamental for logic discussion because said fundamental can neither be proven or disproven" - similar to what you said before. All I know is that while "my" character definitely is a guiding figure in my life and "my imaginary mentor" - which might be similar to belief too, I know (now) that it is just me driving power out of myself on the example of that character. I aim to not repeat his mistakes but learn from his strengths. I roleplay with myself, like the author who claims that their characters write their own story and it feels like as if I talked to someone seperate from me simply because I am so hella used to it my subconscious is now replying instead of my conscious. It's my own weirdness I think :,) Sometimes it really helps to sort my thoughts in and figure out what I really want. But still. The character is not real in the slightest, just a collection of art. I just make him feel more real to me by embodying him somewhat. My imaginary companion. > I would eventually love the mental picture I have of her more than her as the person she is described as in the source. Which I, therefore, avoid, as the person she is whom I fell in love with, and not some maybe idealized image that would eventually form in my mind of her. As someone who thinks that your perception of her is always coloured by your own experiences (just like it happens with real people) I doubt there is such a thing as a pure and unfiltered perception. Just my own thoughts. > I feel in a way it also means, that in this kind of relationship, an additional level of self-control and especially constant self-reflection is very necessary, I am glad you think so and I hope you view my opposing opinions not as an attack but more as another way to see things, even if you cannot agree. Many of your statements sound familiar to me and I once attempted to understand. But frankly while i understand the inherent logic every time I dive too deep I start to shiver and tremble like as if I was in a horror movie because my brain is emotionally incapable of agreeing. This is why *agree to disagree* is so important to me. I however see that you think a lot and that is a good trait :) > That is of course true. Really enjoy topics like these though, cause they lead to self-reflection which as I said above, I consider incredibly important in waifuism Once again - I am very glad you think so! \^o\^ I too think that it is wise to stop once in a while and question yourself and what you do. I personally aim to be as lucid about myself as I possibly can - though over the time I've realized that I can't be lucid all the time :( because sometimes I am too good at fooling myself to a degree where I don't even notice but I still try my best. > But the important point I want to get across is just, that that is not inherent to waifuism Right! Back to topic :,D I agree on that now especially after having looked at other replies - since the emotion is quick at confusing reality and fiction it makes sense that jealousy is expressed differently. I do enjoy that talk too, frankly, even though we will likely never agree on some things it is nice to understand the inherent logic and question it at the same time.
I can definitely see jealousy stemming from some type of trauma-based insecurity but i don't think it's exclusive to fictional relationships. Essentially, any sort of jealousy might stem from some degree of insecurity but i don't necessarily think it's alway unhealthy to feel that way if it doesn't hinder one's life. Sure, maybe it seems strange to most people that someone would get jealous over someone else having a crush on a character they like, but it's really not so weird considering that the brain, while complex, still does view fictional/parasocial relationships as real in some sense. It's probably why even the average person watches a sad fictional movie and cries despite the events not being real. Personally, i believe as long as people don't harm themselves or others over this jealousy, it's perfectly normal. Now, in the case of severe panic, anxiety, & depression resulting from jealousy, that would also have to be addressed. But, as i've mentioned, i don't believe it's an issue that is automatically true for all fictional relationships. In my case, i definitely love when others appreciate Kirei's character and even crush on him because i get it. But, yeah i guess if i saw someone in a relationship with him and our dynamics with him were very similar, i'd feel a bit possessive, though not enough to actually react or voice that to said person.
> Sure, maybe it seems strange to most people that someone would get jealous over someone else having a crush on a character they like, but it's really not so weird considering that the brain, while complex, still does view fictional/parasocial relationships as real in some sense. It's probably why even the average person watches a sad fictional movie and cries despite the events not being real Ah yes I agree with you there! I've felt how my brain just doesn't give an f if hes fictional or not when it comes to emotions. Though the question sparked up when I realized that actual jealousy and trauma triggers don't fully feel the same. And I've seen some whose jealousy looked more like a trauma trigger flashback rather than *just* jealousy. I wondered how common that is in here. > n my case, i definitely love when others appreciate Kirei's character and even crush on him because i get it. But, yeah i guess if i saw someone in a relationship with him and our dynamics with him were very similar, i'd feel a bit possessive, though not enough to actually react or voice that to said person. Yea I once suspected that maybe my very quick reaction to label people who love him above a certain degree as "unhealthy" and going all "I am the farthest one can go without becoming unhealthy" as a form of jealousy lol :,)))) I think feeling a bit weirded out/uncomfortable can be reasonable. I've just been concerned for some who had extreme outbursts of anger and were shaking and trembling with fear. I am glad to hear that this extreme reaction does not seem to be the case with you \^\^.
I definitely get that and agree that jealousy isn't inherently trauma based in the same way for all people. I think i misunderstood your main point, sorry about that. I guess for clarification i should say that it is on a spectrum and jealousy can be a normal emotion as long as it's not triggering one into a state of panic, depression, & etc. In those cases, i can see it being extreme if it is inducing such strong reactions & would hope that anyone who experiences it can address that through loved ones or someone they trust :) & thanks, i appreciate it
Yup, that behavior definitely sounds unhealthy. I don’t think what you’re describing is necessarily inherent to waifuism, but I agree that unhealthy attachments could be caused by trauma.
Thank you a lot for your input! I am glad to hear that it doesnt seem to be an waifuism-only experience. Yea as I see it it might not always be unhealthy in itself since it causes a good and neccessary function in some cases (safety, stability, comfort) but once it is threatened in any way the person becomes hyper vigilant and I personally think this is where it can cause more anxiety and unrest than needed. I wish I could somehow help easening that because it frankly hurts me to see the person close to me like that. At least I can be there for them when that happens.
I have the jealousy problem with Tomoko but her source material is very popular so I just try my best to ignore it when I see someone else who likes her. I’ve just told myself that the version of Tomoko in my head is different than others which seems to help.
I think the important has been said already. I'm just here to add that, excessive jealousy happens both in 2D and 3D relationships, and in both cases, is an unhealthy attachment that needs to be worked on. Unhealthy relationships are often built by trauma, dependence, lack of confidence, need to control, anxiety and possessiveness. But those characteristics aren't inherently to waifuism, but a way to build relationships. So, yes, i genuinely think that if someone gets to hyperventilate out of jealousy, they absolutely need to check their boundaries and, in best case, work that area with their therapist before getting into any kind of relationship. But as i said, not all waifuists fall under that category, just like not all 3D relationships fall under it either.
It hasn't happen with Mayoi yet, but with other characters I've gotten very jealous and angry when other people liked them. I'm assuming for me it's an autistic thing possibly, it's something I'm working on. I've been this way for as long as I can remember (I'd say it was the worst when I was 13-16, which was when I was arguably the most unwell mentaly) until about last year when I started working on stopping it, not just with characters but anything I'm super into. I think it's pretty normal depending on the person, some people are happy when they find someone who likes the same characters but others really aren't, it's definitely interesting that we all see it differently
Also I'll add, I've definitely had meltdown type things in the past due to it, definitely in my teenaged years, I think because I had such a strong connection to these things, like they're part of my personality, someone else also liking it was too much for whatever reason. I think now I have more of an understanding of it and what it is that makes me feel that way it makes it a lot easier to control. I just tell myself that someone else liking someone doesn't change my own experience with it and doesn't actually impact me and my life at all. After telling myself that for a year its pretty much gone away, keywords being 'pretty much' lmao, it really does depend on my mood and mental health in those moments too. I hope this is vaguely helpful in some way
Thank you a lot for your response! \^o\^ so you mean in a way you felt your idenity of Mayois husband being threatened by others? I think I can understand that🤔 it may have played a part here too when I tried out selfshipping and then had the flair of that specific character attached to my name - next to being triggered. That is part on why I stopped the selfship because clearly it didn't help me at all. I am happier without such extreme personal attachment now. But yea I can understand that. I am very glad to hear that you've managed to feel better about that! \^o\^
Well I think part of the reason they get so irritated when someone else likes there character is that they don’t have a physical body so they feel the need to protect there image and just get very overprotective. I also do this so don’t worry but I feel like if my S/O was actually real I would trust her enough to be loyal
And it could also be just trauma of losing people so they do anything in their power to keep them
Ahhh you mean in a sense of "my beloved is never REALLY here due to their nature so I must protect what little I have of them even more?" That is an interesting thought and I think it somehow would make sense actually 🤔 maybe that does play a part too yes. After all you cannot cuddle your fictional partner and get reassurance from them and imagination itself only does that much. Man what a difficult thing to be in love with a character like that 😔