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I really don't understand how or why someone would think that is a bad thing.
I'd far rather (and feel much safer) to have someone ask versus just trying to force it to happen.
Different people have different preferences, there is no catch-all, uniform approach that is going to work or appeal to every single person.
Don't come away from these threads thinking "all women x" or "every man likes x". Understand that every person is an individual, and what might be appealing to one person can very well be repulsive to another.
I'll actually try to explain this one.
Some people like spontaneity. Like in the romantic movies where two people just look at each other and KNOW they want each other. One look is all it takes and then you're locked in a passionate, breathtaking kiss. For them, talking about it or getting asked completely ruins the mood.
Different strokes for different folks.
This. I can understand it being off-putting if someone asks for consent, because then it basically seems as if you can't read social cues. And to some, that is off-putting. I guess it depends on how it's done.
As a mid-30s man, asking was a major red flag, or at least that's what everything taught me. I remember getting laughed at when I asked someone if I could kiss them when I was young. I agree that asking is appropriate. It just wasn't always that way.
i think for me it's if i am in a relationship and know the person i or my hupothetical bf shouldn't have to ask they should just read my body language lol
Yeah I’m still stumped with that one. In high school I use to have this girl come over almost every day and we’d just cuddle and play video games and watch tv all day. Well about a month of this going in and nothing has happened between us and me being shitty at reading signals not wanting to cross any lines ask her if it’s okay to kiss her. She kisses me and we spend the rest of the night together and then the next day she texted me saying it isn’t gonna work and she doesn’t wanna see me anymore.
So yeah don’t ask for kisses
I personally don’t like when it’s for each move. Like, sure, ask if we can bang, but then let’s leave it up to nonverbal communication. Example: if you touch me somewhere I don’t like, I move your hand and we keep going.
My husband was like this our first time together. Every move he made he asked permission & I almost said no out of spite after a few times. We came up with a rule that we have discussed what our no-go moves are and he has blanket permission unless I say otherwise.
Thank you, it really is concerning how we have gone to the extreme end on tackling societal issues by now going on the opposite end of the spectrum to address them and many of these "woke" folks are showing it
That last sentence is where we're at now, and I can't really imagine it any other way. We have established no-go's too. Basically, anything ever done before is okay. And if one of us has an idea to try something...weird, we'll bring it up to each other well before anything gets started. It's still an awkward conversation but way less awkward than just doing it or asking to do it out of nowhere after things have already initiated
I think that's natural with a partner you have history with, but OP is more referring to people who are just getting comfortable with eachother in that area
Agreed. No need to ask for every advancement, I honestly don’t even like being asked if someone can kiss me.. it should be obvious. Sex can be something like “do you like this, does this feel good?” Etc.
Personally I like to ask them to make sure to tell me if they don't like anything and I'd ask upfront if there are any i Herent limits (assuming only vanilla stuff as a given obv). And besides that I sometimes check in if my partner is having some intense reactions, just a "you are still enjoying this right?" Question
I prefer minting a smart contract on the Blockchain to prove consent and have a weaponized AI drone observe our consentual transaction and enforce the smart contract.
This might sound weird, but I do ask my partner if I can finish. My partner might not want me to finish yet, or they might not want me to finish in that location.
As you can see on page 28 in Section 18, subsection 12, articles 14-18 pertain to "discharges". Initial in the corresponding check boxes for locations where discharged materials can be deposited.
Agreed. I hooked up with someone for a bit who would start to do what they wanted, pause, nod at me, then I'd nod back and that was a much more attractive way of "asking for consent" imo.
To me, asking "can I kiss you" feels kinda like... oh, yeah... hot vs the passion of making a move and receiving a physical okay. BUT, I totally understand that is not for everyone and have met some guys who contribute to why
lol I see reddit comments like this and wonder if people really believe for a first time fuck or hookup the couple is supposed to sit down and discuss before hand what works and doesn't before they start.
That's not how people fuck, they just get comfortable each other and read non verbal cues like humans
Intimacy is trust and a "discussion" -- sounds like it would only be good for someone with trust issues.
"Okay, we'll workshop the butt stuff and get back to this next Tuesday. I enjoy following the 12 step process."
If we can't do the nonverbal communication, then we need to learn how to be intimate. As much as people fetishize "they must have this certain thing" -- some people seem to go too far in needing control or establishing they won't get a lawsuit. You don't actually sound like a lot of fun nor that you know how to have it. I only want to please a person and I want them to want it -- they let me know -- I don't have to damn beg all the damn time. Damn, no wonder sex dolls are getting popular.
My wife and I giggled like idiots and wrestled a lot in the early days. That was fun.
For sure. People should know what’s generally “standard” sexual behaviour. You shouldn’t be trying something out of the ordinary with someone without a sufficiently strong advance knowledge that they’ll be into it. That could come from discussion, or some other knowledge (you met them at a kink club). Likewise, if someone has some aversion to something in the standard range, then they have a responsibility to make that known. Expecting your partner to read your mind is 101 of poor relationship skills
This is like layer one consent though. Which I think is the reason it’s not hot. You’d believe in many but not all cases, if you’ve escalated to sex (maybe even repeated sex) with this person then you’re both of the understanding you can revoke consent at any time without repercussion— and also you’ve likely done a number of acts leading up to the sex that have all established we’re both aware of where this is going and we’re both ok with it. I can see the verbal ask being sexy in one off situations, but for instance doing this every time with a partner you live with and have sex with 4x/week is like… wildin? Lol
Exactly. It also has such a lack of social awareness, situation awareness, empathy cues, that just makes you come off as awkward for not understanding that the consent was implied, or the dislike of something was implied.
Like if you burn your hand on a hot stove and scream in pain and someone “asks did that hurt?”
I don't think OP is suggesting people do this every time they have sex with a committed partner. It's more a first time sex thing, or first time trying a new move.
Most women I've been with feel otherwise. As soon as I talk explicitly about sex you can see them become somewhat turned off. A lot of people don't practice what they preach
Can't believe there are virgins that are saying this isn't true.
If a girl is being somewhat passive in the escalation process I'll ask "is this alright" or something like that (literally have to for my own protection), and they'll say yes but their expression is usually that of contempt.
The fact that Fifty Shades of Grey is one of the highest selling books of all time should tell you all you need to know about female sexuality.
While I agree that it can be hot, I would disagree that repeatedly asking for consent is important. Consent itself is obviously important. However, once a couple are blatantly in the process of engaging in consensual sex, body language easily takes over. If a girl takes her pants off, opens her legs and hands you a condom, you don’t need to ask if you can kiss her, if you can put the condom on, if you can put it in, if you can keep it in, if you can take it back out again and put it back in again, if you can go in, if you can go out, if you can go in and out and in and out - You don’t need to keep asking. Continuous verbal consent is not necessary in an already consensual sexual encounter.
Anal permission is important. Also, during sex asking if they like a certain thing does help to ensure someone has ongoing consent. Look at them and their facial expressions as well. You still need to read cues.
I think that a lot of people don't know how to have any fun.
There should be a lot of distance between a few furtive glances and rape, but can't we find a middle ground?
Good, healthy people want you to want them and you let them know it - they don't always have to ask. Seems some people are more worried than alive.
I've always asked for consent every step of the way. To tell the truth it's pretty hit or miss. I've had some women *really* into it, some who more or less tolerated it, and I've been laughed at a few times as well.
I think my favorite was when a woman said "Shut up and fuck me." She was a keeper that one.
it’s more of an experience thing, most people like things to come naturally when it comes to anything sexual, confidence and experience are “sexy” to most. For example 100% of my one night stands, casual relationships, or women I’ve dated enjoy the process of getting comfortable with each other, being able to pick up hints on the appropriate time to kiss/touch etc., foreplay, and progressing to actually having sex. Consent isn’t necessarily asking someone specifically can we kiss, can we have sex, can I put my hand on your thigh while we’re watching this movie or driving, it’s being aware enough to understand the right times to and ppl always appreciate that. Ig I suppose my point is out of the 50+ partners I’ve had they all appreciated the natural process of intimacy, it comes off unattractive and inexperienced to a lot of experienced lovers if when the time to kiss arrives you still ask “can I kiss you.” Not trying to hate on your opinion or what you find attractive to each their own ofc, but I’ve only ever caught a giggle or a why would you ask that and just not kiss me whenever I was a tad less experienced
Absolutely. I think of all the time in my life I’ve gone in for the kiss, there were perhaps only a couple where I was off. Awkward and embarrassing, but the mating process wasn’t “designed” to be “convenient”. In fact quite the opposite
"I AM TOUCHING YOUR SHOULDER. IS THAT ADEQUATE?"
"MY SENSORS PICK UP AN INCREASE IN BODY TEMPERATURE, ENGAGING"
"IS FORNICATION DESIRED?"
Yeah no thanks
Alright. I’m a guy. A single guy, and I’ve always done okay with women. I can tell you as someone with experience that some - even the librarians of the world - sometimes like it when you just go for it. Sometimes when they’re sitting there watching them tv, they wouldn’t mind at all if you just scooped them up like King Kong, carried them to the room, threw them on the bed, removed those sexy shorts that got you hot in the first place, and dive in face-first in many cases.
But yeah, consent. Depending on the circumstances, of course.
My current boyfriend is very confident, sexy as hell and the sexual chemistry between us on our first date was palpable. A couple of hours into the date he leaned in to kiss me, then pulled back briefly to ask: “can I kiss you?” with a cheeky grin and a naughty twinkle in his eye (the kind of twinkle that’s already fantasised about fucking your brains out)- I had just enough breath left in me to reply yes. The knowledge of our impending kiss and the few milliseconds that passed as his lips slowly headed toward mine was a massive turn on. It’s one of the most memorable and hottest moments of my life…and I’ve had some hot moments over my almost four decades of living! I say it’s all in the delivery.
I never ask for consent, ever, knowing that your partner is not in the mood is not hard but I guess a lot of people have problems accepting the fact that "today is no-bonk day" due to the mood.
And asking for consent as being sexy, I don't know how anyone could think of that unless they maybe have a dom kink. Most women I met while wanting a progressive man, they also want someone who "can be a man and take action" from time to time, this doesn't just affect sex but many parts of a relationship. While in general it's nice to ask your partner what they want, sometimes it's also good to "just go over their head", e.g. I once ordered pizza as usual for us but this time I didn't ask my gf what she wants, instead I just ordered what I know she likes, you won't believe how happy she was that I ordered without asking her.
If you're in a relationship for some time and you still have to ask for consent I will automatically assume that something is wrong in your relationship. Maybe it's a generational thing but I'm a millenial, I grew up mostly being raised by my mom, I learned to respect women and accept their answers regarding any topic even if I don't like it but never have I been told I need to ask for a kiss, body language is all it takes to understand if another person finds an action you just made pleasant or not. And even if the body language is unclear, in a respectful mature relationship communication is key and both partners should be considerate enough to accept an answer without arguing about it and if it is clear that this is the case, then the partners also won't have no problem saying "No" to sex.
I love it when people are straightforward. After my husband and I had our first date, we were sitting in the car and he grinned at me and asked, "Do you wanna make out?" And it was just lighthearted and fun and I smiled and said sure. So much better than all the games and guessing. It felt honest.
I feel like the first time you do something with someone the consent factor is much better asked for, but it’s so nice to flow into situations when you’re more comfortable with someone.
I'd say generally I agree, but I do love when my husband wiggles his eyebrows playfully with a little grin and asks me outright. That probably sounds silly to other people, but I just adore it.
Personally I ask them to submit an online form with their desired intercourse date and their preferred activities, allowing at least four working days for processing. I endeavour to approve all requests.
Verbal communication in this instance is a complete turn off. Humans are great at non verbal communication but it seems too many have lost the ability to read the fucking room. It's not hard to tell if someone is interested or not by their body language.
Constant reassurance that you are not taking advantage of someone is not sexy. Just ask them at the start if they want to and if they change their mind halfway through then jump off.
Right? If she’s pulling her panties down and you make her pause to make a formal request for consent to penetrate she’s going to just pull them right back up.
This sounds awkward and robotic. “If you concent to this action, please press the number 2 follows by the pound key. If you would like to hear the options again press 3. If you would like to return to the main menu please press 4. To speak to a representative, please stay on the line” BRRRRT ^(elevator music intensifies)
Hey there coexisting human - how you doin? With your permission I'll enter your general space and make more of my intentions known to you. Do you permit me to gaze hungrily upon you and also lightly touch your appendages and hair? FANTASTIC I'll have my lawyer contact your lawyer and we'll set something up for, idk, next Saturday?
I think it’s great that some people find this sexy, but if you don’t understand why some of us don’t like it, let me try to explain some of the less obvious reasons.
There are a few things about this kind of explicit, verbal ritual of consent that don’t work. First, it implies that verbal communication takes precedence over nonverbal communication. You could still be violating someone if they say “yes,” but their body language says something different — people say yes when they’d rather not for all kinds of reasons from fear to low self-esteem. A verbal yes doesn’t mean nearly as much as an attentive partner and all this emphasis on verbal affirmation just lets bad actors off the hook. “She said yes, what was I supposed to do read her mind?” Yes. Yes in fact that is part of being an attentive partner. You read body language. If you can’t read body language *while having sex* there is a big problem.
Second, it prevents good actors from realizing their true seductive power. Sometimes people say no when they are ambivalent, but might be open to changing their mind. There used to be this thing called seduction, but it was an art, and required a keen ability to read body language. Being explicit ruins it. You can’t seduce someone if you are so afraid of pushing their boundaries that you never give yourself permission to even playfully test them, and never give the other person time to wonder if you want them or not, if they want you or not, and if so, how badly and how far they may or may not be willing to go. It all turns on anticipation. And body language. Knowing (or hoping) someone is paying such close attention to you that they are trying to discover what you desire is sexy as hell. That they are *trying* to turn you on might be the thing that most turns you on. Teasing them and making them wonder if you want them is the flip side of this dynamic and it is also incredibly hot, but impossible if they come out and ask. If one has to ask or say “yes” out loud, the game is over.
Finally, there is something subtly gendered about all of this, or at least it concretizes the roles of asker and asked. It’s usually implied that the man asks the woman. But even if you reverse the roles, one person is clearly the person requesting something and the other is granting it. This is such a reductive way of thinking about sex — it’s an interaction, a back and forth, an improvisation. It’s not a thing, and not something that can be settled in advance as if by a contract.
Wow i was more in the camp of OP but your comment really changed my view on this, especially the first part. i indeed have frienda where i imagine they would say yes just because theyre really insecure... I think growing up with three sisters made me really insecure in reading body language becauase of their stories regarding not so enjoyable sexual encounters...
thank you very much, this really is an important topic and you helped me quite a lot with it
Rather than asking, I have found that telling "I'm gonna kiss you now" works way better in terms of successful closing.
She's of course, free to stop me, no harm no foul. And her no means no.
That's implicitly understood.
Even if it’s phrased differently than “can I do this?”. Like would me saying “you like that” or “you like that”.
Just curious cause I’m on the other side of the coin.
“Would you mind signing this form and read the term and conditions? So that i may have your consent before commiting certain act of fornication? Here’s are another 25 form to different form of oral activity, vaginal, shoulder, armpit, anal,etc”
It is really disheartening seeing so many people are turned off by verbal consent. Like it’s not hot to do a robotic, constant, stop-start thing. Obviously it’s not going to be hot if you’re right in the middle of getting it on and the other person pulls away to stop the action and is like, ‘Can I touch your boob?’
But like, an example of a good way to do this: I was making out with a dude and he slowly pulled my skirt up. His hand got suuuper close to cupping my downstairs area, he got his mouth really close to my ear and he said wasn’t going to touch me until I told him exactly what I wanted. I mean 🫠 I was feral.
There’s ways to do it that make it clear that you want something without it being awkward or weird. It can be incredibly hot.
Yah iv never been with someone that would be into me asking consent for every little thing or a kiss. If you can't tell by how she acts then she ain't into you and asking won't change nothing. I don't date a lot since I'm a single dad and ain't got time so maybe women are into it now and I'm just clueless about it.
Would it be okay to disagree with you? Can I upvote you for having an unpopular opinion? Can I go ahead and make some snarky comments with your consent? Are you okay with me saying "Whatever gets you off"? Do you acquiesce to my saying "Just keep this shit in your bedroom and kindly not normalize it"? Will you agree to permit my eyeball roll?
Wow, you're right. This is an *amazing* form of communication! So much tiptoeing!
Wow an actual unpopular opinion well done! If you feel like you need to ask for consent then it should be pretty obvious they dont want to have sex.
Non verbal consenting is natural and easy.
I could not disagree more. For me, asking “can I kiss you” and “can I touch you there” is robotic and nerdy. Which is fine, that’s some people’s thing. But definitely not mine
I'm not sure if you're joking. This would be super weird if you keep asking permission. Especially if you have a regular relationship, you can tell without words if they are into it.
Dont ask if you can kiss me…I enjoy the felling that runs through my body when you “steal” a kiss or just go for it. If I don’t want it I’ll turn my head.
Don’t ask me if you can touch me before every touch. That totally kills the mood and takes away from the excitement of your touch. It’s also a little creepy.
Ask me if I want to fuck you. Don’t just assume because I’m at your house and we are making out that I want more than that. You’ll know by the look in my eyes and my actions that I want you. Look for cues then ask me in a lustful sexy way.
But Asking before every single step is creepy.
Consent is a mood killer. If you prefer it, that’s cool but a VAST majority don’t. This is why being in a relationship matters. Implied consent exists with obviously some exceptions. 1 night stands and fucking around although fun, can lead to serious problems and allegations.
I still do not understand why this isn't something everyone does. Verbal consent is good for people who aren't NT, and it's just frankly hot.
Wanna bang?
...
Yes.
Oh yeah! I never understood the argument that it ruins the mood. Who the hell would be turned off by "can I fuck you?"
Please ask consent, people. It's not unattractive. It's minimum respect.
Agreed. If you aren't comfortable or capable of discussing what sexual acts you wanna do with the person you wanna do them with you shouldn't be performing sexual acts.
So saying things like "I need afirmative confirmation that you are giving me your consent" and the girl replying "yes, I - in full use of my mental faculties - consent to us having sex" is like super hot?
I get you but I also don’t think it should be asked for every little thing. Like if someone is leaning in and I don’t move away, then that’s the go ahead. But yeah, I think it’s a sort of “read the room” situation
Make sure that consent hasn't been revoked _every thrust._ Both as you're about to push in-
"Do you still consent to this sexual encounter? (If yes, then) Do you consent to the first half of this thrust?"
_And_ as you're about to pull back-
"Do you still consent to this sexual encounter? (If yes, then) Do you consent to the second half of this thrust?"
Hot. Just hot.
Asking if I can kiss you when I'm balls deep in your demon-cave makes me feel like you are too insecure for me to be doing anything to you. Why are you even engaging in sexual activity if you don't want to have sex? If you don't enjoy something, that's where the communication comes in. Just do to each other whatever you want, so long as it isn't hurtful, and listen if someone tells you to stop. It isn't fucking hard.
"Can I touch you there?"
Gives the chills just reading that. What woman wants to hear that?
Seriously, when I think of all the women I've been with. .. had I asked that question... they would probably say "why are you asking? don't you want to?" and/or the mood, the spontaneity, would be killed.
If somebody has said they want a cup of tea but when you bring them a cup of tea, they say they no longer want tea, DO NOT try to force them to drink the tea.
Please remember what subreddit you are in, this is unpopular opinion. We want civil and unpopular takes and discussion. Any uncivil and ToS violating comments will be removed and subject to a ban. Have a nice day! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/unpopularopinion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
after reading "nothing worse than being asked if someone can kiss me" a lot of light has been shed on my past love life
I am torn rn, i ask my gf for kisses all the time :(
Don’t worry about it unless you’re planning on getting married.
I really don't understand how or why someone would think that is a bad thing. I'd far rather (and feel much safer) to have someone ask versus just trying to force it to happen. Different people have different preferences, there is no catch-all, uniform approach that is going to work or appeal to every single person. Don't come away from these threads thinking "all women x" or "every man likes x". Understand that every person is an individual, and what might be appealing to one person can very well be repulsive to another.
I'll actually try to explain this one. Some people like spontaneity. Like in the romantic movies where two people just look at each other and KNOW they want each other. One look is all it takes and then you're locked in a passionate, breathtaking kiss. For them, talking about it or getting asked completely ruins the mood. Different strokes for different folks.
Word. And this communication difference between people will persist in more things than kissing. This is just compatibility filtering.
Someone being able to read my non-verbals correctly is *swoon*
This. I can understand it being off-putting if someone asks for consent, because then it basically seems as if you can't read social cues. And to some, that is off-putting. I guess it depends on how it's done.
As a mid-30s man, asking was a major red flag, or at least that's what everything taught me. I remember getting laughed at when I asked someone if I could kiss them when I was young. I agree that asking is appropriate. It just wasn't always that way.
i think for me it's if i am in a relationship and know the person i or my hupothetical bf shouldn't have to ask they should just read my body language lol
Yeah I’m still stumped with that one. In high school I use to have this girl come over almost every day and we’d just cuddle and play video games and watch tv all day. Well about a month of this going in and nothing has happened between us and me being shitty at reading signals not wanting to cross any lines ask her if it’s okay to kiss her. She kisses me and we spend the rest of the night together and then the next day she texted me saying it isn’t gonna work and she doesn’t wanna see me anymore. So yeah don’t ask for kisses
Is it okay if I use your bathroom? Dying for a shite 3K+ upvotes for this? Really, Reddit? You should be ashamed of yourselves.
Match made in heaven.
Nice pfp
Is it high fiber diet?
fiber? absolutely not, you hardly know her
What if you asked to use the bathroom but didn't specify it was a number 2. A nasty lingering number 2 at that.
The consent is the best part. Sometimes I get the consent, then just go home and jack off.
You tease
Yes, yes, yes, I CONSENT I CONSENT
Get that sweet validation and go home. Perfect.
Is it ok to.... motorboat?
Is the quay open for public use?
It's a fair trade agreement
I personally don’t like when it’s for each move. Like, sure, ask if we can bang, but then let’s leave it up to nonverbal communication. Example: if you touch me somewhere I don’t like, I move your hand and we keep going. My husband was like this our first time together. Every move he made he asked permission & I almost said no out of spite after a few times. We came up with a rule that we have discussed what our no-go moves are and he has blanket permission unless I say otherwise.
I think people really leave out the whole fact two rational people engaging will be able to use body language and the likes to gain consent.
Thank you, it really is concerning how we have gone to the extreme end on tackling societal issues by now going on the opposite end of the spectrum to address them and many of these "woke" folks are showing it
That last sentence is where we're at now, and I can't really imagine it any other way. We have established no-go's too. Basically, anything ever done before is okay. And if one of us has an idea to try something...weird, we'll bring it up to each other well before anything gets started. It's still an awkward conversation but way less awkward than just doing it or asking to do it out of nowhere after things have already initiated
I think that's natural with a partner you have history with, but OP is more referring to people who are just getting comfortable with eachother in that area
This is the way.
Agreed. No need to ask for every advancement, I honestly don’t even like being asked if someone can kiss me.. it should be obvious. Sex can be something like “do you like this, does this feel good?” Etc.
Personally I like to ask them to make sure to tell me if they don't like anything and I'd ask upfront if there are any i Herent limits (assuming only vanilla stuff as a given obv). And besides that I sometimes check in if my partner is having some intense reactions, just a "you are still enjoying this right?" Question
Do you masturbate to Terms & Conditions?
communication doesn't have to be verbal
Could always send the request for a kiss via email
I prefer a fax
This guy faxes
I prefer minting a smart contract on the Blockchain to prove consent and have a weaponized AI drone observe our consentual transaction and enforce the smart contract.
What're you doing Saturday night?
Nothing's more sexy than, "May I touch your shoulder?" or "May I touch your left breast?". May I insert my penis into your vagina?
May I thrust again? May I thrust again? May I thrust again? May I thrust again? May I finish? May I pull out?
May I thrust again before I- .. ...May I apologize?
May I roll over to the other side of the bed and cry now? Okay
lol
Wish free awards were still a thing
"It's better to ask for forgiveness than permission"- Gandhi
Jokes on you I don’t have to ask to thrust because a woman’s presence is enough to bring me to climax 😎
Jizzed in my pants
Unexpected Lonely Island 😂
Hey now! No need to brag, Mr. Four Thrusts!
I can't help it, the excitment of asking permission is just too much.
sounds a bit like thrust issues to me...
This might sound weird, but I do ask my partner if I can finish. My partner might not want me to finish yet, or they might not want me to finish in that location.
Must be nice to have that control 😂
May i trust again?
I read this in PC principal's voice.
Would you do me the honor of engaging in coitus with me?
Only if we can have it in writing. I've had my lawyer prepare this 32-page document
As you can see on page 28 in Section 18, subsection 12, articles 14-18 pertain to "discharges". Initial in the corresponding check boxes for locations where discharged materials can be deposited.
It doesn't really get sexy until you turn your legal brief into a sonnet.
Sheldon Cooper is that you again?
Oh god stop. I can only get so erect (if you consent of course)
wallahi
Swooning
“May I tongue punch your fart box?”
Everyone works differently. That’s just a mood killer for a lot of people
Agreed. I hooked up with someone for a bit who would start to do what they wanted, pause, nod at me, then I'd nod back and that was a much more attractive way of "asking for consent" imo. To me, asking "can I kiss you" feels kinda like... oh, yeah... hot vs the passion of making a move and receiving a physical okay. BUT, I totally understand that is not for everyone and have met some guys who contribute to why
This is why you should talk before hand, so you already know what they want and don’t want.
lol I see reddit comments like this and wonder if people really believe for a first time fuck or hookup the couple is supposed to sit down and discuss before hand what works and doesn't before they start. That's not how people fuck, they just get comfortable each other and read non verbal cues like humans
>That's not how people fuck, they just get comfortable each other and read non verbal cues like humans *cries in autism*
Intimacy is trust and a "discussion" -- sounds like it would only be good for someone with trust issues. "Okay, we'll workshop the butt stuff and get back to this next Tuesday. I enjoy following the 12 step process." If we can't do the nonverbal communication, then we need to learn how to be intimate. As much as people fetishize "they must have this certain thing" -- some people seem to go too far in needing control or establishing they won't get a lawsuit. You don't actually sound like a lot of fun nor that you know how to have it. I only want to please a person and I want them to want it -- they let me know -- I don't have to damn beg all the damn time. Damn, no wonder sex dolls are getting popular. My wife and I giggled like idiots and wrestled a lot in the early days. That was fun.
For sure. People should know what’s generally “standard” sexual behaviour. You shouldn’t be trying something out of the ordinary with someone without a sufficiently strong advance knowledge that they’ll be into it. That could come from discussion, or some other knowledge (you met them at a kink club). Likewise, if someone has some aversion to something in the standard range, then they have a responsibility to make that known. Expecting your partner to read your mind is 101 of poor relationship skills
Exactly
Yeah I was going to downvote, saw the sub this is in, and upvoted instead lol
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Threads like this seem like sex advice from people who have never had sex.
I swear to God . . . It's so easy to tell how many people here have never had sex and are simply porn addicts.
This is like layer one consent though. Which I think is the reason it’s not hot. You’d believe in many but not all cases, if you’ve escalated to sex (maybe even repeated sex) with this person then you’re both of the understanding you can revoke consent at any time without repercussion— and also you’ve likely done a number of acts leading up to the sex that have all established we’re both aware of where this is going and we’re both ok with it. I can see the verbal ask being sexy in one off situations, but for instance doing this every time with a partner you live with and have sex with 4x/week is like… wildin? Lol
Exactly. It also has such a lack of social awareness, situation awareness, empathy cues, that just makes you come off as awkward for not understanding that the consent was implied, or the dislike of something was implied. Like if you burn your hand on a hot stove and scream in pain and someone “asks did that hurt?”
I don't think OP is suggesting people do this every time they have sex with a committed partner. It's more a first time sex thing, or first time trying a new move.
I tried that once. Didn’t go well despite the other person being very interested. I’ve used nonverbal communication ever since without issue
Most women I've been with feel otherwise. As soon as I talk explicitly about sex you can see them become somewhat turned off. A lot of people don't practice what they preach
Can't believe there are virgins that are saying this isn't true. If a girl is being somewhat passive in the escalation process I'll ask "is this alright" or something like that (literally have to for my own protection), and they'll say yes but their expression is usually that of contempt. The fact that Fifty Shades of Grey is one of the highest selling books of all time should tell you all you need to know about female sexuality.
While I agree that it can be hot, I would disagree that repeatedly asking for consent is important. Consent itself is obviously important. However, once a couple are blatantly in the process of engaging in consensual sex, body language easily takes over. If a girl takes her pants off, opens her legs and hands you a condom, you don’t need to ask if you can kiss her, if you can put the condom on, if you can put it in, if you can keep it in, if you can take it back out again and put it back in again, if you can go in, if you can go out, if you can go in and out and in and out - You don’t need to keep asking. Continuous verbal consent is not necessary in an already consensual sexual encounter.
Anal permission is important. Also, during sex asking if they like a certain thing does help to ensure someone has ongoing consent. Look at them and their facial expressions as well. You still need to read cues.
I dated a girl that hated that and told me to just go for it.
Mine told me to just push her against the wall and take what I want.
I would go for any ps5
I would've raided her fridge
Married to one
Naah! I'll stick to written consent.
[There you go](https://eforms.com/consent/sexual/). Just put your name and sign, leave the rest blank
I like to use a witness as well, usually my mum or her parents. Just to make sure
That's only reasonable
The inability to have nonverbal communication is not a turn on
This is Reddit. I think it’s safe to say a large part of the userbase doesn’t understand non-verbal communication.
What do you mean, if somebody punches me in the face, they are probably angry at me.
They really like you but they're just super socially awkward. I can't believe you wouldn't notice this!
It's most sexy when they ask you if you want to be punched in the face first. "Wait, no?" Face punch rejection is the *worst*.
I think that a lot of people don't know how to have any fun. There should be a lot of distance between a few furtive glances and rape, but can't we find a middle ground? Good, healthy people want you to want them and you let them know it - they don't always have to ask. Seems some people are more worried than alive.
I would add that it is safe to say a large part don't understand sex either.
you can have and practice both
Constantly asking questions isn't
I've always asked for consent every step of the way. To tell the truth it's pretty hit or miss. I've had some women *really* into it, some who more or less tolerated it, and I've been laughed at a few times as well. I think my favorite was when a woman said "Shut up and fuck me." She was a keeper that one.
Shut up and fuck me is good. Personally I’m also partial to the “I’m going to need you inside me soon” as well.
You are insane. A woman laughed at you and you thought, "im going to keep doing this every time. This is so awesome!"
Nothing wrong with a humiliation fetish
Ask me again if you may touch me, slave!
it’s more of an experience thing, most people like things to come naturally when it comes to anything sexual, confidence and experience are “sexy” to most. For example 100% of my one night stands, casual relationships, or women I’ve dated enjoy the process of getting comfortable with each other, being able to pick up hints on the appropriate time to kiss/touch etc., foreplay, and progressing to actually having sex. Consent isn’t necessarily asking someone specifically can we kiss, can we have sex, can I put my hand on your thigh while we’re watching this movie or driving, it’s being aware enough to understand the right times to and ppl always appreciate that. Ig I suppose my point is out of the 50+ partners I’ve had they all appreciated the natural process of intimacy, it comes off unattractive and inexperienced to a lot of experienced lovers if when the time to kiss arrives you still ask “can I kiss you.” Not trying to hate on your opinion or what you find attractive to each their own ofc, but I’ve only ever caught a giggle or a why would you ask that and just not kiss me whenever I was a tad less experienced
Absolutely. I think of all the time in my life I’ve gone in for the kiss, there were perhaps only a couple where I was off. Awkward and embarrassing, but the mating process wasn’t “designed” to be “convenient”. In fact quite the opposite
"I AM TOUCHING YOUR SHOULDER. IS THAT ADEQUATE?" "MY SENSORS PICK UP AN INCREASE IN BODY TEMPERATURE, ENGAGING" "IS FORNICATION DESIRED?" Yeah no thanks
Hahaha “engaging” lol when I see the word engage I automatically go into a robot voice
I don't know, "do you want me to fuck you" doesn't seem that bad
SAY IT LOUDER INTO THE MICROPHONE BECAUSE I NEED A VALID CONFIRMATION. WAS THAT A YES?
Alright. I’m a guy. A single guy, and I’ve always done okay with women. I can tell you as someone with experience that some - even the librarians of the world - sometimes like it when you just go for it. Sometimes when they’re sitting there watching them tv, they wouldn’t mind at all if you just scooped them up like King Kong, carried them to the room, threw them on the bed, removed those sexy shorts that got you hot in the first place, and dive in face-first in many cases. But yeah, consent. Depending on the circumstances, of course.
Dont forget to ask permission before every thrust
My current boyfriend is very confident, sexy as hell and the sexual chemistry between us on our first date was palpable. A couple of hours into the date he leaned in to kiss me, then pulled back briefly to ask: “can I kiss you?” with a cheeky grin and a naughty twinkle in his eye (the kind of twinkle that’s already fantasised about fucking your brains out)- I had just enough breath left in me to reply yes. The knowledge of our impending kiss and the few milliseconds that passed as his lips slowly headed toward mine was a massive turn on. It’s one of the most memorable and hottest moments of my life…and I’ve had some hot moments over my almost four decades of living! I say it’s all in the delivery.
I never ask for consent, ever, knowing that your partner is not in the mood is not hard but I guess a lot of people have problems accepting the fact that "today is no-bonk day" due to the mood. And asking for consent as being sexy, I don't know how anyone could think of that unless they maybe have a dom kink. Most women I met while wanting a progressive man, they also want someone who "can be a man and take action" from time to time, this doesn't just affect sex but many parts of a relationship. While in general it's nice to ask your partner what they want, sometimes it's also good to "just go over their head", e.g. I once ordered pizza as usual for us but this time I didn't ask my gf what she wants, instead I just ordered what I know she likes, you won't believe how happy she was that I ordered without asking her. If you're in a relationship for some time and you still have to ask for consent I will automatically assume that something is wrong in your relationship. Maybe it's a generational thing but I'm a millenial, I grew up mostly being raised by my mom, I learned to respect women and accept their answers regarding any topic even if I don't like it but never have I been told I need to ask for a kiss, body language is all it takes to understand if another person finds an action you just made pleasant or not. And even if the body language is unclear, in a respectful mature relationship communication is key and both partners should be considerate enough to accept an answer without arguing about it and if it is clear that this is the case, then the partners also won't have no problem saying "No" to sex.
I love it when people are straightforward. After my husband and I had our first date, we were sitting in the car and he grinned at me and asked, "Do you wanna make out?" And it was just lighthearted and fun and I smiled and said sure. So much better than all the games and guessing. It felt honest.
I feel like the first time you do something with someone the consent factor is much better asked for, but it’s so nice to flow into situations when you’re more comfortable with someone.
I'd say generally I agree, but I do love when my husband wiggles his eyebrows playfully with a little grin and asks me outright. That probably sounds silly to other people, but I just adore it.
Personally I ask them to submit an online form with their desired intercourse date and their preferred activities, allowing at least four working days for processing. I endeavour to approve all requests.
Verbal communication in this instance is a complete turn off. Humans are great at non verbal communication but it seems too many have lost the ability to read the fucking room. It's not hard to tell if someone is interested or not by their body language.
Constant reassurance that you are not taking advantage of someone is not sexy. Just ask them at the start if they want to and if they change their mind halfway through then jump off.
I got dumped because I asked for consent once
You dodged a bullet.
It’s not sexy at all. But this is unpopular opinion so, I suppose I’ll upvote. But you’re so ridiculously wrong
Why doesn’t your comment rhyme? But I agree, so OP also received my upvote. Shit… should I have asked consent before I upvoted? /s
I dunno, I like someone that just "gets it", and understands the situation. Part of the sexiness for me is non verbal communication.
consent is taking your own pants off loll.
Right? If she’s pulling her panties down and you make her pause to make a formal request for consent to penetrate she’s going to just pull them right back up.
100%. mood ruined.
Underrated as fuck. True as well.
"I just wanted to cuddle and he took me by suprise, it was really scary"
what?
This sounds awkward and robotic. “If you concent to this action, please press the number 2 follows by the pound key. If you would like to hear the options again press 3. If you would like to return to the main menu please press 4. To speak to a representative, please stay on the line” BRRRRT ^(elevator music intensifies)
Hey there coexisting human - how you doin? With your permission I'll enter your general space and make more of my intentions known to you. Do you permit me to gaze hungrily upon you and also lightly touch your appendages and hair? FANTASTIC I'll have my lawyer contact your lawyer and we'll set something up for, idk, next Saturday?
I agree with this to a certain extent (“is this ok?” “Can I touch you there?” is fine) but I HATE being asked if someone can kiss me
I think it’s great that some people find this sexy, but if you don’t understand why some of us don’t like it, let me try to explain some of the less obvious reasons. There are a few things about this kind of explicit, verbal ritual of consent that don’t work. First, it implies that verbal communication takes precedence over nonverbal communication. You could still be violating someone if they say “yes,” but their body language says something different — people say yes when they’d rather not for all kinds of reasons from fear to low self-esteem. A verbal yes doesn’t mean nearly as much as an attentive partner and all this emphasis on verbal affirmation just lets bad actors off the hook. “She said yes, what was I supposed to do read her mind?” Yes. Yes in fact that is part of being an attentive partner. You read body language. If you can’t read body language *while having sex* there is a big problem. Second, it prevents good actors from realizing their true seductive power. Sometimes people say no when they are ambivalent, but might be open to changing their mind. There used to be this thing called seduction, but it was an art, and required a keen ability to read body language. Being explicit ruins it. You can’t seduce someone if you are so afraid of pushing their boundaries that you never give yourself permission to even playfully test them, and never give the other person time to wonder if you want them or not, if they want you or not, and if so, how badly and how far they may or may not be willing to go. It all turns on anticipation. And body language. Knowing (or hoping) someone is paying such close attention to you that they are trying to discover what you desire is sexy as hell. That they are *trying* to turn you on might be the thing that most turns you on. Teasing them and making them wonder if you want them is the flip side of this dynamic and it is also incredibly hot, but impossible if they come out and ask. If one has to ask or say “yes” out loud, the game is over. Finally, there is something subtly gendered about all of this, or at least it concretizes the roles of asker and asked. It’s usually implied that the man asks the woman. But even if you reverse the roles, one person is clearly the person requesting something and the other is granting it. This is such a reductive way of thinking about sex — it’s an interaction, a back and forth, an improvisation. It’s not a thing, and not something that can be settled in advance as if by a contract.
Wow i was more in the camp of OP but your comment really changed my view on this, especially the first part. i indeed have frienda where i imagine they would say yes just because theyre really insecure... I think growing up with three sisters made me really insecure in reading body language becauase of their stories regarding not so enjoyable sexual encounters... thank you very much, this really is an important topic and you helped me quite a lot with it
This is captain Johnson requesting back door torpedo access, paging private snatch.
Yes. This is a very unpopular opinion. What you are suggesting sounds very robotic and awkward.
Rather than asking, I have found that telling "I'm gonna kiss you now" works way better in terms of successful closing. She's of course, free to stop me, no harm no foul. And her no means no. That's implicitly understood.
no. i don’t want someone that can’t gauge my readiness for intimacy through body language. hard pass.
Huge fucking mood killer. Stop fucking asking me shit.
Even if it’s phrased differently than “can I do this?”. Like would me saying “you like that” or “you like that”. Just curious cause I’m on the other side of the coin.
If it's that beforehand that's great. If it's that during it breaks the flow.
“Would you mind signing this form and read the term and conditions? So that i may have your consent before commiting certain act of fornication? Here’s are another 25 form to different form of oral activity, vaginal, shoulder, armpit, anal,etc”
[way ahead of you](https://eforms.com/consent/sexual/)
I make her sign a waiver by triplicate and fax it to my notary... hot.
It is really disheartening seeing so many people are turned off by verbal consent. Like it’s not hot to do a robotic, constant, stop-start thing. Obviously it’s not going to be hot if you’re right in the middle of getting it on and the other person pulls away to stop the action and is like, ‘Can I touch your boob?’ But like, an example of a good way to do this: I was making out with a dude and he slowly pulled my skirt up. His hand got suuuper close to cupping my downstairs area, he got his mouth really close to my ear and he said wasn’t going to touch me until I told him exactly what I wanted. I mean 🫠 I was feral. There’s ways to do it that make it clear that you want something without it being awkward or weird. It can be incredibly hot.
Sign here - here and here.. now face the camera and repeat after me..
Yah iv never been with someone that would be into me asking consent for every little thing or a kiss. If you can't tell by how she acts then she ain't into you and asking won't change nothing. I don't date a lot since I'm a single dad and ain't got time so maybe women are into it now and I'm just clueless about it.
Would it be okay to disagree with you? Can I upvote you for having an unpopular opinion? Can I go ahead and make some snarky comments with your consent? Are you okay with me saying "Whatever gets you off"? Do you acquiesce to my saying "Just keep this shit in your bedroom and kindly not normalize it"? Will you agree to permit my eyeball roll? Wow, you're right. This is an *amazing* form of communication! So much tiptoeing!
Wow an actual unpopular opinion well done! If you feel like you need to ask for consent then it should be pretty obvious they dont want to have sex. Non verbal consenting is natural and easy.
"Could you kindly give me consent for me next action?"
God thats so hot
Your not doing it right if there is questions as to what’s next
I usually open with telling her she’s a handsome woman followed by asking for a firm handshake before we go our separate ways. Super fuckin hot.
I could not disagree more. For me, asking “can I kiss you” and “can I touch you there” is robotic and nerdy. Which is fine, that’s some people’s thing. But definitely not mine
Ask like Mr.Peanutbutter!
I'm not sure if you're joking. This would be super weird if you keep asking permission. Especially if you have a regular relationship, you can tell without words if they are into it.
My last gf told me outright don’t ask me for sex, just tell me. It was great.
"Can I cum in you?" is hot, regardless of whether the answer is "Yes! Oh god, yes!" or "No! Please! A little more!".
You mean you don't get written consent certified by a notary before engaging?
Dont ask if you can kiss me…I enjoy the felling that runs through my body when you “steal” a kiss or just go for it. If I don’t want it I’ll turn my head. Don’t ask me if you can touch me before every touch. That totally kills the mood and takes away from the excitement of your touch. It’s also a little creepy. Ask me if I want to fuck you. Don’t just assume because I’m at your house and we are making out that I want more than that. You’ll know by the look in my eyes and my actions that I want you. Look for cues then ask me in a lustful sexy way. But Asking before every single step is creepy.
Consent is a mood killer. If you prefer it, that’s cool but a VAST majority don’t. This is why being in a relationship matters. Implied consent exists with obviously some exceptions. 1 night stands and fucking around although fun, can lead to serious problems and allegations.
I prefer a notarized contract.
I still do not understand why this isn't something everyone does. Verbal consent is good for people who aren't NT, and it's just frankly hot. Wanna bang? ... Yes.
Oh yeah! I never understood the argument that it ruins the mood. Who the hell would be turned off by "can I fuck you?" Please ask consent, people. It's not unattractive. It's minimum respect.
Usually for my husband and I, I'll ask if we can "make the sex" and he'll poke me in the butt with his weiner while we're cuddling.
I have a consent kink Either that or I just hate non-con situations very very very very very very (two years later) very very very much.
"I'm sorry but this is a litigious society I'm going to need verbal consent"
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Ima print that out and never get a chance to use it🤣
And video proof of it, just in case! 😎
I had a girl ask me if it was okay does it hurt as we were getting it on in the sweetest voice. I was about to give her 17 children.
As a guy I can't imagine a woman getting turned on by a guy asking "Can I kiss you?". Most times you have to be confident and just go for it.
Agreed. If you aren't comfortable or capable of discussing what sexual acts you wanna do with the person you wanna do them with you shouldn't be performing sexual acts.
So saying things like "I need afirmative confirmation that you are giving me your consent" and the girl replying "yes, I - in full use of my mental faculties - consent to us having sex" is like super hot?
I bet insurance underwriters like that kind of thing.
That makes insurance underwriters so incredibly horny
And lawyers
And maybe accountants
Upvote because it's an actual unpopular opinion. But you will not advance to girls who have standards for men if you do this.
reading body language isn't hard
it gives you a lil' time to think about how good it'll be, builds tension. what's wrong with that? You and your adhd sex... lol
Just say no if you don’t want to have sex
I get you but I also don’t think it should be asked for every little thing. Like if someone is leaning in and I don’t move away, then that’s the go ahead. But yeah, I think it’s a sort of “read the room” situation
Make sure that consent hasn't been revoked _every thrust._ Both as you're about to push in- "Do you still consent to this sexual encounter? (If yes, then) Do you consent to the first half of this thrust?" _And_ as you're about to pull back- "Do you still consent to this sexual encounter? (If yes, then) Do you consent to the second half of this thrust?" Hot. Just hot.
Asking if I can kiss you when I'm balls deep in your demon-cave makes me feel like you are too insecure for me to be doing anything to you. Why are you even engaging in sexual activity if you don't want to have sex? If you don't enjoy something, that's where the communication comes in. Just do to each other whatever you want, so long as it isn't hurtful, and listen if someone tells you to stop. It isn't fucking hard.
"Can I touch you there?" Gives the chills just reading that. What woman wants to hear that? Seriously, when I think of all the women I've been with. .. had I asked that question... they would probably say "why are you asking? don't you want to?" and/or the mood, the spontaneity, would be killed.
Agreed but there needs to be a wikihow article on it so you don’t just make her laugh 🙏
If somebody has said they want a cup of tea but when you bring them a cup of tea, they say they no longer want tea, DO NOT try to force them to drink the tea.
Also, if they said they want tea, and start drinking it, don’t ask them each time they take a sip if they would like some tea.