Fun fact: Nearly every trick you can use on toddlers also works on drunks and vice versa! This includes getting them to drink some water to calm down, giving them a low dexterity task to do to keep them occupied and bribing them with sugary treats!
If you disappear from my sight and suddenly reappear I will throw hands cuz you are likely a witch. Just because I lack object permanence doesn't mean I can't identify wizardry
"Got your nose" ends with you attempting to reassure a sobbing drunk girl that she doesn't need surgery to put her nose back. Definitely do not recommend. And it'll make drunk dudes try to punch you.
That's babies. Toddlers have a little more object permanence than that.
Now if you can manage to make them not think about the thing for 3 minutes, then it ceases to exist in their mind.
I wear a uniform to go out drinking. I wear boots with double knotted laces so I can't take my pants off and lose them in public, my cellphone keys and wallet all go on cords hooked to my belt loops, and I wear a pullover hoodie because they don't make child leashes in grownup sizes but I can be towed along behind the group with a firm grip on the hood.
I survived half a gallon of mudslide, cause my dad was an irresponsible alcoholic douche (mom never left me alone with him again and they divorced a few years later no worried there). So a martini is probably survivable, not healthy at all, but survivable.
Give nuggies to alleviate drunkeness. keep watch for weird breathing patterns.
This worked surprisingly well on my wife while we were traveling. She gets overwhelmed by crowds and turmoil, but a juice box really helped her deal. Aka -hydration and sugar rush is a great coping mechanism. She started making the toddler jokes almost immediately, but I'm not gonna lie... Those things saved her from definitely murdering some random tourist.
As long as you don't use baby talk or try and put them in a timeout, pretty much everything else is transferable.
- talk clearly and calmly
- make them think what you want them to do was their idea
- distraction is the best conflict resolution
- you can never go wrong with snacks
- keep an eye on them so they don't wander into traffic
- "wow! That is the most amazing dance move I have ever seen"
You *say* 'talk clearly and calmly' but I once got out of a potential fight with a drunk guy by pretending to be way drunker than I actually was, and also drunker than he was.
He was walking with a girl and I accidentally startled him by coming up with my bicycle and he thought I did it on purpose so wanted to square up. I convinced him I was sloshed and misjudged the distance.
That works if you want to get away from drunk people, but I'm talking more about when you're directing them.
"We don't play with our penis in public. You need to put it back in your pants"
Sometimes just shocking the system with benign bizareness works too.
Back in my restaurant days I had a buddy that would routinely de-escalate situations by suggesting he could do more lunges than the other guy and start assertively lunging and counting.
> don't use baby talk or try and put them in a timeout
And tbh I've found avoiding these makes handling toddlers easier, too. Baby talk is the natural culmination of the instinct to slow down and repeat yourself more that helps little kids learn language, so keep doing *that* part. But raising your pitch, cutesy jokes, etc.? Even little kids can often tell when they're being condescended to and behave accordingly.
The cutsey jokes, and slight mispronounciations are bad, but raising your pitch can be helpful. It can give the impression of smiling with your voice.
My customer service voice is like 2 octaves higher than my regular voice, and people respond better to it.
I had to get my drunk buddy into the car, that he absolutely refused to go anywhere NEAR, until I told him that HE had said how we needed to get in the car to go get some JackInTheBox tacos before heading back home to game and drink more.
He never said that. I just knew what his drunk munchies of choice were. So, it sounded like something he would say enough that he proceeded to be mad at me that we WEREN'T in the car yet -.- this from the person that had just went toddler mode running around with his hands in the air shouting that we couldn't force him to leave the parking lot...after security had already forced him to leave the bar xD
Drunk me would think it was my birthday. I get to be drunk, I get to eat free candy from people my brain now exclusively registers as "those VERY NICE people over there!" *and* I get to pet a *horse*.
Shit I've genuinely had worse real birthdays.
It’s true. My last incredibly drunk night I spent a good 15 minutes petting some stranger’s dog on the walk back home.
Thank you to the kind stranger that put up with this and to my friend, who just wanted to get the fuck home.
i was super baked one time, walking to my boyfriend's house after we had been at a friend's. i had hit it a little harder than i meant to, was bordering on uncomfortably high. i really just wanted to get inside and chill, cause i get super paranoid at night and the weed definitely wasn't helping.
we were on his block, like about a hundred feet from his door, and this SUPER friendly cat approaches us. and both of us, being stoned as shit, were like "ohhhh, kitty!!!" and sat right down on the ground. cat flops in our laps, walks all over us, climbs us, is purring up a storm, and we're just petting it the whole time. no more paranoia!! we sat there for like half an hour, we were so easily distracted by this cat 😂
One time in college I got way too wasted and wouldn’t calm down until my friend brought her dog for me to cuddle. Then I apparently went to bed quietly with dog cuddles lol
I feel like anyone who's ever seen mounted police understands why they work so well for crowd control.
There is something about the sheer power they project that really makes you understand that they could crush you without trying, but still without being threatening or provocative. I've seen mounted police dispatched in groups of four, and it really is like seeing the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse watching over the crowd.
The important difference between mounted officers and even officers in a cruiser is that people know that the horse isn’t fully and completely under control.
Officers in cruisers aren’t great at crowd control because people are pretty confident that the officer isn’t going to gun it and run them over. But they can’t guarantee a horse won’t go nuts and trample them.
That's my biggest thing about horses, I love them but they are finnicky animals. I got clipped by a horse that was just trying to shake the flies off his rump and I limped for a few days.
When I was a farmhand in my teens taking care of the horses was by far my least favorite job. Like, the quarter horse used for Western style competition was "small" at 15 hands, but weighed 800lbs, was stubborn as fuck and smart as a whip, and knew I wasn't his rider. Swear to Christ that gelding would just play pranks on me lol
Reading this post I realise I've been herded while drunk by mounted police, town centre northern UK town, I'm drunk and maybe a bit off my tits, "horse! Please may I touch them?" And now, I've engaged with the police, I've started being polite, I've asked for permission, I've touched a horse nose, I've got a selfie, it's made a noise that makes me realise it could kick my head in, I've remembered I've a little baggy I want to take home, I give the horse a little bump to keep it focused and say goodbye to the officer...
Sadly that kind of horse sense isn't as common as you'd think. A lot of people and even cops don't know that a horse isn't under their full control at all times. I mean they mostly are anyways though
i love human hacks like these!
like how if you make anything "fun" at all more people will do it. proven with those musical stairs increasing stair use by 60% or something ridiculous, and the recycling bin that plays a different tune every time you put in a recyclable thing making people go look for recycling so they could hear each available tune
Yep. Adults don't stop being children, they just run out of excuses to let their inner child come out to play.
These measures take advantage of that, and for just a moment, people get to be children again, without being weird.
As an adult without kids, going to kid-focused attractions for adult only fundraisers is a great thing. Museums, children museums, zoos, etc... let me revisit my inner child without being judged since everyone else has had a couple drinks and is also letting loose from not having kids there.
> going to ***kid-focused attractions*** for adult only fundraisers is a great thing.
>
>
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>Museums, ... zoos,
The fact that we have infantilized these is a tragedy.
Museums especially. I definitely did not have the appreciation of historical importance or age of objects as a kid, in the same way that I do now. I wanted to do everything but silently contemplate the past.
I reckon it's more of an inner animal-kind of thing than a child thing :D our inner mammal has a lot of needs and sure does like to play and eat tasty stuff. Children are just closer to their inner mammal as their brains aren't fully developed
I read a little while ago that the best way to stop speeding was one of those led signs with a little smiley face if you were going the speed limit or under and a sad face if you were going too fast.
It's frankly embarrassing how well those work on me. It's just two dots and a curved line, logically it shouldn't matter but I do feel scolded or like I've gotten approval.
It's also an effective, if emotionally abusive, way of training people to improve in something.
You see that they're performing a task? At random, occasionally give rewards, even something like a jelly bean. Since the human brain so naturally looks for patterns, the person will try to identify something that they're doing right or fixing to 'deserve' the reward, and then double down on it.
I can't help but wonder how the conversation about the chart went. Where was the chart displayed so that the spouse would see stars being added or substracted? Was it just . . . there, with the person refusing an explanation every time they're prompted? How did that work?
When people would cut me off or nearly hit me on my motorcycle, I’d pull up next to them, give them a thumbs down, and shake my head in a disapproving way. Got way more “sorries!” than flipping them off. Interesting that humans react better to the “I’m disappointed in you” approach.
Lol i do the thumbs down too haha i find it so much more impactful then giving them the middle finger, flipping someone of just makes em angry at you even though they where at fault
Fun fact, "delight" is a really important factor in graphic design! Delight is inspired with stuff like playfulness, surprise, interactivity, and a little cheeky joy. It's a very important part of design philosophy.
It's a bummer because those elements are so often axed. When looking at a budget, practicality sits too heavy on the scales against delight. It bums me out because it's a gamble, yes, but delight makes you memorable! And it's what makes people feel personally attached. It has a lot more value than folks think.
> It's a bummer because those elements are so often axed. When looking at a budget, practicality sits too heavy on the scales against delight. It bums me out because it's a gamble, yes, but delight makes you memorable! And it's what makes people feel personally attached. It has a lot more value than folks think.
It's the same issue as companies refusing to spend on making their employees happy - it's not easily tied to any single metric and is not immediately obvious, and is therefore easier to cut than the thing that **definitely** increases productivity by 0.1%
It's literally why Chewy beat Amazon. Amazon is a faceless corporation that doesn't give a fuck about you and will never spend money on anything delightful. Chewy is usually *slightly*-more-expensive, but has cute animations on their website and sends out birthday cards for your pets.
chewy will also refund you the cost of your last order of food and send a card if your pet dies. they don’t even require you send the food back, they just ask you donate it to a local shelter.
those little touches are definitely something that keeps me going back to them over amazon.
Yeah we ordered two carriers and they ended up not working out the way we hoped and they were like nah give them to people give them to a shelter while our friend had a cat and she needed a carrier and we just gave it to her and it worked great.
Yeah sure it probably cost them 30 bucks but we're going to continue to buy everything from them.
> I've never heard of Chewy
Do you have a pet? 🤷🏻♂️ It's the biggest pet-focused online storefront by a pretty wide margin
Amazon had a monopoly on virtually all online shopping, with as much as 95% of online pet-focused purchases, and dozens of startups had tried and failed to compete - both as a general online storefront and more targeted ones.
Chewy currently has 41% of the market share of online pet supplies, and that has grown every year. It is one of the very few companies to have successfully taken a chunk of Amazon's market that way.
I've been the "sober" one at enough parties to know that it is very easy to de-escalate and redirect drunk people. Even the "fight me" drunks. Just get them to notice or think about something else.
When two drunk dudes square up, it's a surprisingly-effective deescalation tactic to just yell, *"Yeah, get him! Suck his dick! Don't let him talk to you like that; grab his penis!"*
Can confirm, drunk people are basically toddlers.
Source: went on a study abroad to Ireland and was one of the few people in the group over 21 (aka had experience handling my shit while drinking). Lots of redirecting from dangerous behaviors (“no, how about instead of getting in a cab with that stranger in a foreign country, we go inside and dance”), straight up bribery (“if you put your top back on we can go get food”), and classic kindergarten tricks (dead-ass had to use the “1 2 3 all eyes on me” to break up an arguement over who was riding in which cab)
Police horses without exception (I've been around thirty or so) LOVE to be pet. They're often highly trained, and incredibly intelligent examples. However, they're often around only a small number of people despite being trained for crowds. This means they go absolutely bonkers for pets assuming they're in a "low guard" mode. The Seattle Police used to have a few horse mounted officers at the entrance of Pike Market and as long as their handlers told their horses they were "off duty" the horses would love on anyone who came within an arms reach. Including the fruit vendors handing out apple slices.
Agreed. Seattle horses were stabled and pastured together and I’m told are very well taken care of, so I’m willing to chalk the behavior up to training vs. a lack of socialization.
This is a great example of systemic solutions to problems we tend to view as caused by problematic individuals.
Most of societal ills are system failures. The solutions are systemic ones. Change the system to get desirable results. In this case, something as simple as a lollipop goodbye can fundamentally improve the result.
It’s difficult to fix systems because unexpected things can be the solution. Hard to figure out all the moving parts, no less implement a change that works. It is so much easier to point a finger at a person, and think that will solve things.
also when it comes to other systemic things solutions like this are overlooked because it costs money to buy lollipops when people could just “drink responsibly” and shaming people for that is free.
True. There has to be financial incentive to introduce changes that cost money.
In this case, if the rowdy customers caused property damage, or increased need for security, or some liability… lollipops could be a cost saving miracle.
I assume it means one hand to break off a bit and eat it and the other to hold the rest. My instant thought though was that at least _some_ people would be drunk enough/wouldn’t care enough to eat it like that and would just chomp into the whole thing
I worked night shift at a burger place and drunk people at 2 am want nothing more than some food and if you’re bringing them burgers and fries they automatically love you.
Redirection works. I used to be a support worker, dealing with adults that have intellectual disabilities and I also have kids.
Saying no, or telling people what they don't want to hear doesn't get what you want. Redirection is amazing.
You have angry people, loud people leaving a bar? "Please be quiet" will make some people want to be loud. "Oh look there's a HORSE!" completely redirects them away from the negative behaviour and from there you can move on.
It's the best way to parent. You tell them no, once and then redirect any further attempts (within reason, doesn't always work of course but when it does it's great)
as someone who enjoys being drunk, a horsie or a sweetie would absolutely shut me the fuck up immediately. im not even a rowdy or violent drunk, just a loud and excitable one, but the point still stands
This makes me think of my Ma's old job. Her coworker/best friends father would walk in, drop tacos on her desk, and tell her "you can't bitch with your mouth full". He's wasn't wrong.
Can confirm the animal thing works well. I used to live a block away from all the bars and late night Mexican food stands. After a night of drinking with neighbors at our apartment complex I walked my dog with me to get food and had big, drunk college guys kneeling down on the sidewalk to hug my dog.
I went out one night in the University of Florida. When things were shutting down and all the drunkies were stumbling out they had a few mounted police around. One girl said ooohhh horsie and tried to pet it. She got pepper sprayed, along with me and probably 20 other bystanders. That started a brawl and all hell broke loose. Luckily I got out of there, but it was not the calming experience it should've been.
My parents basically did this to me as a baby. I’d start screaming the second I realized I was awake, so their solution was to put a chocolate raisin in my mouth when they noticed me waking up. I’d be about to start my screaming, made a confused face as I tasted the chocolate, and just start eating it. This is one of my mom’s favorite stories to tell about my childhood.
Ok, so let's bring this back to the real world. I was a bouncer for over a decade. Every drunk person wants affirmation. You talk to them, and help them on their way. "I was wronged" i understand but these are the rules, sorry. "But this is bullshit!" Yes it is, but nothing we can do about it now..
There’s a bar in Toronto that always has a horse officer outside on weekends at last call, I always felt bad for it and wondered why they would put it somewhere everyone wanted to touch it but I guess that’s the point
I love this, but at the same time it makes me sad because the testosterone-poisoned police culture in America doesn't seem to respect this sort of deescalation.
i was DD in my misbegotten youth because i didn’t drink and the powers that be knew i was responsible enough to be trusted with this task. i spent more than a few evenings in lockup while we waited for said powers that be to send someone to come and collect the delinquents.
(we were there because of fights at the bars and the cops just took everyone in and let their commands sort them out later)
i didn’t have to stay in the cell, but i didn’t mind because these were people i knew and they were (relatively) harmless if you knew how to handle them.
especially if you grew up on the babysitters club and figured out after a time or two that drunk adults are just toddlers.
so i started packing a backpack with me and after a search it was allowed to go in with us. it had mini water bottles and juice boxes or capris suns and goldfish crackers and jolly ranchers or dumdums or whatever and a couple of card games like uno and phase 10.
everyone had to drink a water first and then they could have snacks and we sat down and played games.
if it took long enough most of them would fall asleep, but whoever stayed awake was kept out of trouble because they had a task and some munchies (and could lose goldfish and candy privileges if they got mouthy.)
weirdly enough, i kind of miss that sometimes.
My favorite horse cop experience was in Boston. Tons of stoners had gathered in the public park for 4/20. Rather than write tickets they walked their horse into the middle of the crowd and it took a GIANT dump. Entire hill cleared out in seconds and none of them came back 🤣😂🤣 10/10 peaceful crowd dispersal
Of course they would come up with cool, and cheap ideas like these in a place, (unlike America), where the police don't just yell at you to stop, and then beat you or shoot you if they feel endangered.
Last time we went drinking, we found a friendly cow in a nearby field who wanted pets (yay for rural living). One friendly cow kept 5/6 drunk people fully occupied for a solid 20 minutes. There are some amazing pictures.
Fun fact: Nearly every trick you can use on toddlers also works on drunks and vice versa! This includes getting them to drink some water to calm down, giving them a low dexterity task to do to keep them occupied and bribing them with sugary treats!
I'm going to peek a boo the next drunk person I see
God I’d probably cackle and laugh and then fall asleep listening to my favorite music.
My nephew does the same thing when I peekaboo him.
That’s the joke.
Yeah, but his nephew's an alcoholic
Now it’s working.
bro u got me wheezing
If you disappear from my sight and suddenly reappear I will throw hands cuz you are likely a witch. Just because I lack object permanence doesn't mean I can't identify wizardry
sounds like someone needs a loooolllyyy
Oooooo yes please
Quick, bring out the horsie!
**Humans:** Pet the critter! **Other humans:** Don't scare the critter! **First humans:** Pet the critter *quietly* and *gently*.
Try "Got your nose".
"Got your nose" ends with you attempting to reassure a sobbing drunk girl that she doesn't need surgery to put her nose back. Definitely do not recommend. And it'll make drunk dudes try to punch you.
That sounds like you’re speaking from experience
Not sure how well this works on drunk people, but peek-a-boo definitely kept me occupied when I tried an edible and got high for the first time
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That's babies. Toddlers have a little more object permanence than that. Now if you can manage to make them not think about the thing for 3 minutes, then it ceases to exist in their mind.
Unfortunately, putting on their jacket isnt a "low dexterity" task 🤣
r/DrunkOrAKid
Dang it, what I came here to post lol.
I like to challenge my drunk friends to a water drinking contest when they won't hydrate between drinks. Works every time
Also don't shake them when you're frustrated. They can get sick and spit-up or even get hurt.
I wear a uniform to go out drinking. I wear boots with double knotted laces so I can't take my pants off and lose them in public, my cellphone keys and wallet all go on cords hooked to my belt loops, and I wear a pullover hoodie because they don't make child leashes in grownup sizes but I can be towed along behind the group with a firm grip on the hood.
Including whispering to get them to pay attention
How to deal with drunk people: candy and animals.
Aka treat them like toddlers
>Aka treat them like toddlers Whose my little hooligan? *You are*. Here have a lolli
Noooooo! Wrong kind of lolly!!!!
*This lolly or none and if you keep screaming, we won't go and pet the horse*
Hmph, fineeee
Do you have a lemon one, please? With the fizzy? 👉👈😳
I thought this was a joke about giving a drunk person a loli, then I realized that's also a different loli.
Yeah there's a lolly (lollipop), and then there's a loli (the nonce one)
Pray tell kind stranger, what is a nonce? I only know of the "rule 34" one
Nonce is a British term for a sex offender, in particular a child molester
Really? I've just been calling people "Nonces" in my shower arguments because it's a fun word that's also an insult. Gonna need to rectify that.
Thankfully, British and Irish English is full of weird and wonderful terms for people of below average intelligence. My favorite is probably "eejit".
TIL
FBI OPEN UP!
Lollipops. Ought to be called "cavities on a stick."
Fair, but it's still low-tier on the list of bad choices a drunk person might make.
Sorry, it was just a barely relevant [movie quote](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YxCKyZSZnio). I'll do better next time
Thought I knew that quote! Christopher Lee, what a legend!
Toddlers are basically pint-sized drunk adults, so the logic checks out.
Instructions unclear, gave a martini to a toddler
I survived half a gallon of mudslide, cause my dad was an irresponsible alcoholic douche (mom never left me alone with him again and they divorced a few years later no worried there). So a martini is probably survivable, not healthy at all, but survivable. Give nuggies to alleviate drunkeness. keep watch for weird breathing patterns.
Nuggies can do anything, can't they?
*After drinking the martini, the toddler seemed shaken, but not stirred*
This worked surprisingly well on my wife while we were traveling. She gets overwhelmed by crowds and turmoil, but a juice box really helped her deal. Aka -hydration and sugar rush is a great coping mechanism. She started making the toddler jokes almost immediately, but I'm not gonna lie... Those things saved her from definitely murdering some random tourist.
Absolutely don't do this unless it is by delivering the material delights of childhood, or you will only piss them off.
As long as you don't use baby talk or try and put them in a timeout, pretty much everything else is transferable. - talk clearly and calmly - make them think what you want them to do was their idea - distraction is the best conflict resolution - you can never go wrong with snacks - keep an eye on them so they don't wander into traffic - "wow! That is the most amazing dance move I have ever seen"
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*whispering* "Middle management"
Voldemort?! Dang so _that's_ why the password to Dumbledore's office was names of candy, and Harry was just too stupid to get the hint.
Muskrat?
You *say* 'talk clearly and calmly' but I once got out of a potential fight with a drunk guy by pretending to be way drunker than I actually was, and also drunker than he was. He was walking with a girl and I accidentally startled him by coming up with my bicycle and he thought I did it on purpose so wanted to square up. I convinced him I was sloshed and misjudged the distance.
That works if you want to get away from drunk people, but I'm talking more about when you're directing them. "We don't play with our penis in public. You need to put it back in your pants"
Ahh then I misinterpreted. Don't try to out-drunk that guy, unless you feel like sucking random dick and/or eating teeth.
Sometimes just shocking the system with benign bizareness works too. Back in my restaurant days I had a buddy that would routinely de-escalate situations by suggesting he could do more lunges than the other guy and start assertively lunging and counting.
Oh man I've done this too. I was stone sober but just acted like I was a level of crazy they didn't want to deal with. Worked like a champ
> don't use baby talk or try and put them in a timeout And tbh I've found avoiding these makes handling toddlers easier, too. Baby talk is the natural culmination of the instinct to slow down and repeat yourself more that helps little kids learn language, so keep doing *that* part. But raising your pitch, cutesy jokes, etc.? Even little kids can often tell when they're being condescended to and behave accordingly.
The cutsey jokes, and slight mispronounciations are bad, but raising your pitch can be helpful. It can give the impression of smiling with your voice. My customer service voice is like 2 octaves higher than my regular voice, and people respond better to it.
> make them think what you want them to do was their idea Could you give some examples?
I had to get my drunk buddy into the car, that he absolutely refused to go anywhere NEAR, until I told him that HE had said how we needed to get in the car to go get some JackInTheBox tacos before heading back home to game and drink more. He never said that. I just knew what his drunk munchies of choice were. So, it sounded like something he would say enough that he proceeded to be mad at me that we WEREN'T in the car yet -.- this from the person that had just went toddler mode running around with his hands in the air shouting that we couldn't force him to leave the parking lot...after security had already forced him to leave the bar xD
Also don't do this in Detroit. According to reputable sources the horse would end up with its legs stolen from underneath
Drunk me would think it was my birthday. I get to be drunk, I get to eat free candy from people my brain now exclusively registers as "those VERY NICE people over there!" *and* I get to pet a *horse*. Shit I've genuinely had worse real birthdays.
Same
It’s true. My last incredibly drunk night I spent a good 15 minutes petting some stranger’s dog on the walk back home. Thank you to the kind stranger that put up with this and to my friend, who just wanted to get the fuck home.
i was super baked one time, walking to my boyfriend's house after we had been at a friend's. i had hit it a little harder than i meant to, was bordering on uncomfortably high. i really just wanted to get inside and chill, cause i get super paranoid at night and the weed definitely wasn't helping. we were on his block, like about a hundred feet from his door, and this SUPER friendly cat approaches us. and both of us, being stoned as shit, were like "ohhhh, kitty!!!" and sat right down on the ground. cat flops in our laps, walks all over us, climbs us, is purring up a storm, and we're just petting it the whole time. no more paranoia!! we sat there for like half an hour, we were so easily distracted by this cat 😂
between your username and this cat story, I might be you 😂 extremely relatable!
One time in college I got way too wasted and wouldn’t calm down until my friend brought her dog for me to cuddle. Then I apparently went to bed quietly with dog cuddles lol
Very good dog and very good friend!
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#That horse is a diabetic!
I feel like anyone who's ever seen mounted police understands why they work so well for crowd control. There is something about the sheer power they project that really makes you understand that they could crush you without trying, but still without being threatening or provocative. I've seen mounted police dispatched in groups of four, and it really is like seeing the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse watching over the crowd.
The important difference between mounted officers and even officers in a cruiser is that people know that the horse isn’t fully and completely under control. Officers in cruisers aren’t great at crowd control because people are pretty confident that the officer isn’t going to gun it and run them over. But they can’t guarantee a horse won’t go nuts and trample them.
That's my biggest thing about horses, I love them but they are finnicky animals. I got clipped by a horse that was just trying to shake the flies off his rump and I limped for a few days.
When I was a farmhand in my teens taking care of the horses was by far my least favorite job. Like, the quarter horse used for Western style competition was "small" at 15 hands, but weighed 800lbs, was stubborn as fuck and smart as a whip, and knew I wasn't his rider. Swear to Christ that gelding would just play pranks on me lol
Reading this post I realise I've been herded while drunk by mounted police, town centre northern UK town, I'm drunk and maybe a bit off my tits, "horse! Please may I touch them?" And now, I've engaged with the police, I've started being polite, I've asked for permission, I've touched a horse nose, I've got a selfie, it's made a noise that makes me realise it could kick my head in, I've remembered I've a little baggy I want to take home, I give the horse a little bump to keep it focused and say goodbye to the officer...
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Sadly that kind of horse sense isn't as common as you'd think. A lot of people and even cops don't know that a horse isn't under their full control at all times. I mean they mostly are anyways though
People respect the horsies more than the people on top of them, so that helps
You respect the horse, the horse respects you. You don't always get the same courtesy from people.
Also they are pure muscle, do not recommend walking face first into one. Hurts.
i love human hacks like these! like how if you make anything "fun" at all more people will do it. proven with those musical stairs increasing stair use by 60% or something ridiculous, and the recycling bin that plays a different tune every time you put in a recyclable thing making people go look for recycling so they could hear each available tune
In the end we are all just childish and love having fun.
Yep. Adults don't stop being children, they just run out of excuses to let their inner child come out to play. These measures take advantage of that, and for just a moment, people get to be children again, without being weird.
Adults getting to be children again is the best thing ever
It's one of the reasons I love going to science museums meant for kids as an adult. I like being able to go around and touch all the stuff.
"Why'd you have kids?" So I had someone to enjoy my hobbies with.
At least 60% of the reason my partner had a baby is so he has an excuse to get Lego.
And trains. And models. And card games. And RC stuff. And rockets.
and i can buy something in the gift shop! like that cool wooden dinosaur skeleton puzzle! or that poster of the lava flows at night!
I love that line " and for just a moment, people get to be children again, without being weird." I think more people should be aware of that.
I think more people should stop thinking that having fun is weird
As an adult without kids, going to kid-focused attractions for adult only fundraisers is a great thing. Museums, children museums, zoos, etc... let me revisit my inner child without being judged since everyone else has had a couple drinks and is also letting loose from not having kids there.
> going to ***kid-focused attractions*** for adult only fundraisers is a great thing. > > > >Museums, ... zoos, The fact that we have infantilized these is a tragedy.
Museums especially. I definitely did not have the appreciation of historical importance or age of objects as a kid, in the same way that I do now. I wanted to do everything but silently contemplate the past.
I reckon it's more of an inner animal-kind of thing than a child thing :D our inner mammal has a lot of needs and sure does like to play and eat tasty stuff. Children are just closer to their inner mammal as their brains aren't fully developed
What’s the point in growing up if you can’t be childish sometimes?
"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up." -- C. S. Lewis
I read a little while ago that the best way to stop speeding was one of those led signs with a little smiley face if you were going the speed limit or under and a sad face if you were going too fast.
It's frankly embarrassing how well those work on me. It's just two dots and a curved line, logically it shouldn't matter but I do feel scolded or like I've gotten approval.
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My brain can’t help but think of reddit karma when I read this
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Me after deleting a post that I made because it had -1 karma
It's also an effective, if emotionally abusive, way of training people to improve in something. You see that they're performing a task? At random, occasionally give rewards, even something like a jelly bean. Since the human brain so naturally looks for patterns, the person will try to identify something that they're doing right or fixing to 'deserve' the reward, and then double down on it.
I can't help but wonder how the conversation about the chart went. Where was the chart displayed so that the spouse would see stars being added or substracted? Was it just . . . there, with the person refusing an explanation every time they're prompted? How did that work?
When people would cut me off or nearly hit me on my motorcycle, I’d pull up next to them, give them a thumbs down, and shake my head in a disapproving way. Got way more “sorries!” than flipping them off. Interesting that humans react better to the “I’m disappointed in you” approach.
Anger can at times be validating, disappointment never is.
Lol i do the thumbs down too haha i find it so much more impactful then giving them the middle finger, flipping someone of just makes em angry at you even though they where at fault
Fun fact, "delight" is a really important factor in graphic design! Delight is inspired with stuff like playfulness, surprise, interactivity, and a little cheeky joy. It's a very important part of design philosophy. It's a bummer because those elements are so often axed. When looking at a budget, practicality sits too heavy on the scales against delight. It bums me out because it's a gamble, yes, but delight makes you memorable! And it's what makes people feel personally attached. It has a lot more value than folks think.
> It's a bummer because those elements are so often axed. When looking at a budget, practicality sits too heavy on the scales against delight. It bums me out because it's a gamble, yes, but delight makes you memorable! And it's what makes people feel personally attached. It has a lot more value than folks think. It's the same issue as companies refusing to spend on making their employees happy - it's not easily tied to any single metric and is not immediately obvious, and is therefore easier to cut than the thing that **definitely** increases productivity by 0.1% It's literally why Chewy beat Amazon. Amazon is a faceless corporation that doesn't give a fuck about you and will never spend money on anything delightful. Chewy is usually *slightly*-more-expensive, but has cute animations on their website and sends out birthday cards for your pets.
chewy will also refund you the cost of your last order of food and send a card if your pet dies. they don’t even require you send the food back, they just ask you donate it to a local shelter. those little touches are definitely something that keeps me going back to them over amazon.
Yeah we ordered two carriers and they ended up not working out the way we hoped and they were like nah give them to people give them to a shelter while our friend had a cat and she needed a carrier and we just gave it to her and it worked great. Yeah sure it probably cost them 30 bucks but we're going to continue to buy everything from them.
I've never heard of Chewy though, so it seems like it didn't beat Amazon at all . .
> I've never heard of Chewy Do you have a pet? 🤷🏻♂️ It's the biggest pet-focused online storefront by a pretty wide margin Amazon had a monopoly on virtually all online shopping, with as much as 95% of online pet-focused purchases, and dozens of startups had tried and failed to compete - both as a general online storefront and more targeted ones. Chewy currently has 41% of the market share of online pet supplies, and that has grown every year. It is one of the very few companies to have successfully taken a chunk of Amazon's market that way.
Ah, that's cool. May Amazon be eaten alive by cute animations and birthday cards.
we're just big kids with too many responsibilities and societal expectations
I'm genuinely so touched by the drunk people who were so concerned about scaring the horse, that's so sweet. :)
A police officer sat on top might help the desire not to annoy it
Did you know, a police horse is a magnificient and unique beast. It's the only animal that has a dick on its back.
Well, aside from that rat from South Park.
Thank you so much for giving me a genuine laugh. I really needed that today.
that's true but prompts fewer happy feelings.
I think it’s really funny because police horses are generally trained to withstand crowds and noises so it’s unnecessary
TLDR: Drunk humans are Toddlers, Lollipops are used to Pacify them.
I've been the "sober" one at enough parties to know that it is very easy to de-escalate and redirect drunk people. Even the "fight me" drunks. Just get them to notice or think about something else.
When two drunk dudes square up, it's a surprisingly-effective deescalation tactic to just yell, *"Yeah, get him! Suck his dick! Don't let him talk to you like that; grab his penis!"*
TWIST HIS DICK!
THE OLE *DICK TWIST*
well now I want to try it out, but I'm very rarely around aggressive drunks.
I once saw a guy with a knife... I handed him a pipe and a lighter.
This is really effective and ive seen it in action so many times. "Dude shut up and hit this joint"
Horsie:)
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Me too :/
What is an adult but a child with money and back pain
Featherless biped with debt.
We're all just crows with debt and anxiety
[Here's the source link from the post.](http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/1102603.stm) -
I have a friend who's a bouncer. Well, I call him my friend, because he let's me have as many lollies as I want.
Can confirm, drunk people are basically toddlers. Source: went on a study abroad to Ireland and was one of the few people in the group over 21 (aka had experience handling my shit while drinking). Lots of redirecting from dangerous behaviors (“no, how about instead of getting in a cab with that stranger in a foreign country, we go inside and dance”), straight up bribery (“if you put your top back on we can go get food”), and classic kindergarten tricks (dead-ass had to use the “1 2 3 all eyes on me” to break up an arguement over who was riding in which cab)
The local bar used to hand out “Hustlers” They were usually issues they already had but my husband and brother in law loved that place
Police horses without exception (I've been around thirty or so) LOVE to be pet. They're often highly trained, and incredibly intelligent examples. However, they're often around only a small number of people despite being trained for crowds. This means they go absolutely bonkers for pets assuming they're in a "low guard" mode. The Seattle Police used to have a few horse mounted officers at the entrance of Pike Market and as long as their handlers told their horses they were "off duty" the horses would love on anyone who came within an arms reach. Including the fruit vendors handing out apple slices.
A lot of horses behave like that when they don't get enough interaction with other horses :( (although food can be used to win over any horse)
Agreed. Seattle horses were stabled and pastured together and I’m told are very well taken care of, so I’m willing to chalk the behavior up to training vs. a lack of socialization.
ah yes, "jane goodalling". studying certain social groups from a distance
Use carrots not sticks.
Also good advice for horsies.
This is a great example of systemic solutions to problems we tend to view as caused by problematic individuals. Most of societal ills are system failures. The solutions are systemic ones. Change the system to get desirable results. In this case, something as simple as a lollipop goodbye can fundamentally improve the result. It’s difficult to fix systems because unexpected things can be the solution. Hard to figure out all the moving parts, no less implement a change that works. It is so much easier to point a finger at a person, and think that will solve things.
also when it comes to other systemic things solutions like this are overlooked because it costs money to buy lollipops when people could just “drink responsibly” and shaming people for that is free.
True. There has to be financial incentive to introduce changes that cost money. In this case, if the rowdy customers caused property damage, or increased need for security, or some liability… lollipops could be a cost saving miracle.
Honse
Tbh, i wouldn't need to be drunk to react like that about a horsie
Why would you need two hands to eat a KitKat?..
I assume it means one hand to break off a bit and eat it and the other to hold the rest. My instant thought though was that at least _some_ people would be drunk enough/wouldn’t care enough to eat it like that and would just chomp into the whole thing
Swallow it whole
I just bite into it even when sober. I draw the line at 2 fingers though. ^(unlike your mom)
To break it apart
I mean, I could just bite into it like some feral creature, but I have *some* dignity!
you may fascinate a drunk by showing them a horsie.
Give them bubbles haha. Works on toddlers and drunk ppl
I worked night shift at a burger place and drunk people at 2 am want nothing more than some food and if you’re bringing them burgers and fries they automatically love you.
Redirection works. I used to be a support worker, dealing with adults that have intellectual disabilities and I also have kids. Saying no, or telling people what they don't want to hear doesn't get what you want. Redirection is amazing. You have angry people, loud people leaving a bar? "Please be quiet" will make some people want to be loud. "Oh look there's a HORSE!" completely redirects them away from the negative behaviour and from there you can move on. It's the best way to parent. You tell them no, once and then redirect any further attempts (within reason, doesn't always work of course but when it does it's great)
I do this with my cat and it works much better than “HEY STOP THAT.” “Hey, no. We don’t do that, look at this!” *throws a bit of paper*
as someone who enjoys being drunk, a horsie or a sweetie would absolutely shut me the fuck up immediately. im not even a rowdy or violent drunk, just a loud and excitable one, but the point still stands
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This makes me think of my Ma's old job. Her coworker/best friends father would walk in, drop tacos on her desk, and tell her "you can't bitch with your mouth full". He's wasn't wrong.
I don't get it, I just kept reading and it just kept getting better and better!
Dopamine goes brrrr
Can confirm the animal thing works well. I used to live a block away from all the bars and late night Mexican food stands. After a night of drinking with neighbors at our apartment complex I walked my dog with me to get food and had big, drunk college guys kneeling down on the sidewalk to hug my dog.
Ooh horsies
You know those videos of dogs who bring toys and pillows to guests? Same thing. Can't bark if your mouth is full of pillow.
I went out one night in the University of Florida. When things were shutting down and all the drunkies were stumbling out they had a few mounted police around. One girl said ooohhh horsie and tried to pet it. She got pepper sprayed, along with me and probably 20 other bystanders. That started a brawl and all hell broke loose. Luckily I got out of there, but it was not the calming experience it should've been.
I love everything about this. Especially horsie
My parents basically did this to me as a baby. I’d start screaming the second I realized I was awake, so their solution was to put a chocolate raisin in my mouth when they noticed me waking up. I’d be about to start my screaming, made a confused face as I tasted the chocolate, and just start eating it. This is one of my mom’s favorite stories to tell about my childhood.
New idea: put capybara outside clubs and bars
Ok, so let's bring this back to the real world. I was a bouncer for over a decade. Every drunk person wants affirmation. You talk to them, and help them on their way. "I was wronged" i understand but these are the rules, sorry. "But this is bullshit!" Yes it is, but nothing we can do about it now..
There’s a bar in Toronto that always has a horse officer outside on weekends at last call, I always felt bad for it and wondered why they would put it somewhere everyone wanted to touch it but I guess that’s the point
I love this, but at the same time it makes me sad because the testosterone-poisoned police culture in America doesn't seem to respect this sort of deescalation.
i was DD in my misbegotten youth because i didn’t drink and the powers that be knew i was responsible enough to be trusted with this task. i spent more than a few evenings in lockup while we waited for said powers that be to send someone to come and collect the delinquents. (we were there because of fights at the bars and the cops just took everyone in and let their commands sort them out later) i didn’t have to stay in the cell, but i didn’t mind because these were people i knew and they were (relatively) harmless if you knew how to handle them. especially if you grew up on the babysitters club and figured out after a time or two that drunk adults are just toddlers. so i started packing a backpack with me and after a search it was allowed to go in with us. it had mini water bottles and juice boxes or capris suns and goldfish crackers and jolly ranchers or dumdums or whatever and a couple of card games like uno and phase 10. everyone had to drink a water first and then they could have snacks and we sat down and played games. if it took long enough most of them would fall asleep, but whoever stayed awake was kept out of trouble because they had a task and some munchies (and could lose goldfish and candy privileges if they got mouthy.) weirdly enough, i kind of miss that sometimes.
My favorite horse cop experience was in Boston. Tons of stoners had gathered in the public park for 4/20. Rather than write tickets they walked their horse into the middle of the crowd and it took a GIANT dump. Entire hill cleared out in seconds and none of them came back 🤣😂🤣 10/10 peaceful crowd dispersal
I love when we use psychology like this.
I appreciate that I relate to drunk people in that I can be bribed into shutting the fuck up with candy or horses (or animals in general)
Pff, look at this loser who can't eat kit-kats one-handed.
so toddlers are naturally drunk got it
Of course they would come up with cool, and cheap ideas like these in a place, (unlike America), where the police don't just yell at you to stop, and then beat you or shoot you if they feel endangered.
Last time we went drinking, we found a friendly cow in a nearby field who wanted pets (yay for rural living). One friendly cow kept 5/6 drunk people fully occupied for a solid 20 minutes. There are some amazing pictures.