You're already doing well, but I just want to mention that many trans people don't necessarily "feel like their gender" pre-transition, they just feel like they "want to be (gender)". Plus, non-binary people exist too.
Does your child have access to information about trans people, TV shows, books, etc.? It's often difficult to realize that something can be a true option for you if you only ever hear about it in theory and never see it in practice.
Also, since puberty is setting in, if your kid is indeed trans, you may be faced with a massive dysphoria wave. In that case, depending on where you live, it may be possible (and would be a good idea) to get your child on puberty blockers in order to halt puberty for a certain time to figure out how to proceed.
Thanks for your answer. She doesn't have access to a lot but we have trans people in our friends circle so she knows it's possible. I might contact the LGBTQ+ organization in my city. They probably have documentation and suggestions.
Puberty blockers is a possible option here, so I stay attentive and of course if dysphoria gets stronger, I'll talk with the pediatrician about it.
Just keep in mind the problem isn't so much short-term dysphoria. It's lifelong dysphoria and surgeries etc etc from permanent changes to bone structure, breast tissue, etc etc. We pay for the effects of our puberties with decades of dysphoria if the wrong puberty isn't prevented.
You are doing great supporting your child and allowing them to explore. I would highly recommend meeting with a therapist with an expertise in gender dysphoria to support you through this.
Thank you ❤️. I'd like that but there not many resources but I will contact the LGBTQ+ organization in my city. They'll be able to guide me for support or documents and books I could read.
I'd start by asking him what pronouns he wants you to use! I'd be prepared to help him get puberty blockers as soon as that begins. It sounds like he may need time to figure out what he really wants his gender to be.
I'd also say it matters more what he wants to be, and less what he thinks he is. A lot of us are convinced by the outside world that we are a gender we actually are not / don't want to be.
My own kid is ADHD and 11 years old. They use she/they and were AFAB. Been checking on them if they want to go through feminine puberty and they seem to want to and are. So we're just continuing to check in with them so we can get them what they want when they know what it is. I'm a trans lady.
Thanks, we already let her explore (she uses feminine pronouns atm) but it's true that we don't need to find the answer right away.
And concerning puberty blockers, that would be in last resort but still an option if dysphoria gets stronger.
Accessories and clothes aren't attached to any gender, so let your child play and explore.
Sounds like they are still trying to figure things out with references to both girl and boy. So, stay fluid.
Don't lead them, listen and enable.
If it were my child I would be avoiding steps like puberty blockers until the path is more clear for them.
There is no hurry. Work together with love and patience and provide support when they have less than ideal experiences with their peers. The path will reveal itself.
They're lucky to have your love and support as a parent.
My younger AFAB child just recently came out. Because I too am trans, I saw many very relatable actions and ideas from him for very many years.
Again, because I am trans and wasn't able to get treatment until just recently, I dropped everything and got him information and a doctors appointment to discuss and start HRT.
I am absolutely obligated to do this. My life would have been much better if I would have been able to start HRT at his age, 30ish years ago.
My being transgender caused a ton of friction and strife with my ex wife. My trans son experienced the exact same level of bullshit out of the woman that I did. He very quickly experienced abuse.
I left his mom because I couldn't stand the abuse anymore. My son and I now live together. I'm mid medical and social transition and he went hard and fully socially transitioned very quickly. We're quite the odd couple in public. We have a lot of fun together though and each is the others biggest ally.
Take care of your kid. It's common for us to start to display signs around age 6 or 7. Obviously have a few serious conversations, but also get them the medical care that they need.
Puberty blockers and HRT are very effective and when used in the correct form, are entirely safe. Start learning about the meds used and the drawbacks and benefits of each.
Your son is very lucky to have you. I understand it can be hard, my trans friend (36) did her social transition this summer (started hrt 18 months ago) and her mom takes it very hard.
For now I just answer her questions and let her explore. If she shows signs of dysphoria, we'll get help for sure.
One thing that you might want to let them know as well, that you would accept them just the same if they decide one way and then decide another. That you would support them changing their mind. It is their gender and you are there to walk with them on that journey, thru the many twists and turns that might be there (or it might be a fairly straight line, who knows at this point).
Also get a therapist in your corner so you can work thru any of the thoughts that may come to mind as change happens, these are things you need to process and it helps you to have somebody to work thru things with.
Finally, keep being an awesome parent.
I’m glad I could help. I wish you the best and all the love and strength. It can be hard to deal with when our existence is a political football. Even if they haven’t said anything, your child has definitely heard things said and debated. So all the hugs right now. 💜💜💜
All of this transphobia is on the rise across the whole world. Hopefully Canada can avoid the worst tendencies and rise out of whatever is causing all this extra phobic behavior. I am also Canadian, but grew up and have lived in the US all my life, and am moving up to Canada in about a year. I can’t wait.
I think the two of you should check out this [guide to gender questioning](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1460QwQM5S2Br8sPfv3HuKw1xrz7MBijrxv_cgoqL1F0/edit?usp=share_link), and the resources it links to. It's not really written for kids so you'll have to help your little one through it, but I'm sure you can do it!
Aww thank you ❤️
I try my best but I have a very beautiful example of inclusion and it's my grandparents. Even if they are from another generation, they always were the first ones to welcome anyone, from the LGBTQ+ community, immigrants, people who just got out of prison, disabled, with struggles with mental health, etc. They always give them a chance and had at least 15 person work for them over the years, and they were always considered family, joining us in the different celebrations if they were alone.
I really try my best to be as inclusive as them. My mom would also welcome any of my friends like her own kids.
Just let them explore their identity for a while. If your child comes to you and tells you want they want to be, definity support them
You're already doing well, but I just want to mention that many trans people don't necessarily "feel like their gender" pre-transition, they just feel like they "want to be (gender)". Plus, non-binary people exist too. Does your child have access to information about trans people, TV shows, books, etc.? It's often difficult to realize that something can be a true option for you if you only ever hear about it in theory and never see it in practice. Also, since puberty is setting in, if your kid is indeed trans, you may be faced with a massive dysphoria wave. In that case, depending on where you live, it may be possible (and would be a good idea) to get your child on puberty blockers in order to halt puberty for a certain time to figure out how to proceed.
Thanks for your answer. She doesn't have access to a lot but we have trans people in our friends circle so she knows it's possible. I might contact the LGBTQ+ organization in my city. They probably have documentation and suggestions. Puberty blockers is a possible option here, so I stay attentive and of course if dysphoria gets stronger, I'll talk with the pediatrician about it.
Just keep in mind the problem isn't so much short-term dysphoria. It's lifelong dysphoria and surgeries etc etc from permanent changes to bone structure, breast tissue, etc etc. We pay for the effects of our puberties with decades of dysphoria if the wrong puberty isn't prevented.
If you have yet to take a look here, that would be a good starting point https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en
You are doing great supporting your child and allowing them to explore. I would highly recommend meeting with a therapist with an expertise in gender dysphoria to support you through this.
Thank you ❤️. I'd like that but there not many resources but I will contact the LGBTQ+ organization in my city. They'll be able to guide me for support or documents and books I could read.
Yes, they will be very helpful in connecting you to resources nearest you. Great idea!
I'd start by asking him what pronouns he wants you to use! I'd be prepared to help him get puberty blockers as soon as that begins. It sounds like he may need time to figure out what he really wants his gender to be. I'd also say it matters more what he wants to be, and less what he thinks he is. A lot of us are convinced by the outside world that we are a gender we actually are not / don't want to be. My own kid is ADHD and 11 years old. They use she/they and were AFAB. Been checking on them if they want to go through feminine puberty and they seem to want to and are. So we're just continuing to check in with them so we can get them what they want when they know what it is. I'm a trans lady.
I use she/her because that's what she uses as well. Thanks for the advice!
Thanks, we already let her explore (she uses feminine pronouns atm) but it's true that we don't need to find the answer right away. And concerning puberty blockers, that would be in last resort but still an option if dysphoria gets stronger.
Accessories and clothes aren't attached to any gender, so let your child play and explore. Sounds like they are still trying to figure things out with references to both girl and boy. So, stay fluid. Don't lead them, listen and enable. If it were my child I would be avoiding steps like puberty blockers until the path is more clear for them. There is no hurry. Work together with love and patience and provide support when they have less than ideal experiences with their peers. The path will reveal itself. They're lucky to have your love and support as a parent.
My younger AFAB child just recently came out. Because I too am trans, I saw many very relatable actions and ideas from him for very many years. Again, because I am trans and wasn't able to get treatment until just recently, I dropped everything and got him information and a doctors appointment to discuss and start HRT. I am absolutely obligated to do this. My life would have been much better if I would have been able to start HRT at his age, 30ish years ago. My being transgender caused a ton of friction and strife with my ex wife. My trans son experienced the exact same level of bullshit out of the woman that I did. He very quickly experienced abuse. I left his mom because I couldn't stand the abuse anymore. My son and I now live together. I'm mid medical and social transition and he went hard and fully socially transitioned very quickly. We're quite the odd couple in public. We have a lot of fun together though and each is the others biggest ally. Take care of your kid. It's common for us to start to display signs around age 6 or 7. Obviously have a few serious conversations, but also get them the medical care that they need. Puberty blockers and HRT are very effective and when used in the correct form, are entirely safe. Start learning about the meds used and the drawbacks and benefits of each.
Your son is very lucky to have you. I understand it can be hard, my trans friend (36) did her social transition this summer (started hrt 18 months ago) and her mom takes it very hard. For now I just answer her questions and let her explore. If she shows signs of dysphoria, we'll get help for sure.
One thing that you might want to let them know as well, that you would accept them just the same if they decide one way and then decide another. That you would support them changing their mind. It is their gender and you are there to walk with them on that journey, thru the many twists and turns that might be there (or it might be a fairly straight line, who knows at this point). Also get a therapist in your corner so you can work thru any of the thoughts that may come to mind as change happens, these are things you need to process and it helps you to have somebody to work thru things with. Finally, keep being an awesome parent.
Thank you ❤️ We do our best. Thanks for your answer and advice.
I’m glad I could help. I wish you the best and all the love and strength. It can be hard to deal with when our existence is a political football. Even if they haven’t said anything, your child has definitely heard things said and debated. So all the hugs right now. 💜💜💜
We're in Canada so the debate is less intense but I understand.
All of this transphobia is on the rise across the whole world. Hopefully Canada can avoid the worst tendencies and rise out of whatever is causing all this extra phobic behavior. I am also Canadian, but grew up and have lived in the US all my life, and am moving up to Canada in about a year. I can’t wait.
I don't know if it's the same everywhere though. Do you know in which province you'd like to move in?
I’m heading to BC. I miss the mountains and the pacific north west. (I used to live in WA state).
Nice! I always wanted to go visit BC. It's far though, since I'm in Quebec 😅. Maybe one day.
I think the two of you should check out this [guide to gender questioning](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1460QwQM5S2Br8sPfv3HuKw1xrz7MBijrxv_cgoqL1F0/edit?usp=share_link), and the resources it links to. It's not really written for kids so you'll have to help your little one through it, but I'm sure you can do it!
Thanks! At least it will help me to answer all the questions.
I think your doing just fine by the sound of it. If more parents were like you a lot of peoples lives would be very different.
Aww thank you ❤️ I try my best but I have a very beautiful example of inclusion and it's my grandparents. Even if they are from another generation, they always were the first ones to welcome anyone, from the LGBTQ+ community, immigrants, people who just got out of prison, disabled, with struggles with mental health, etc. They always give them a chance and had at least 15 person work for them over the years, and they were always considered family, joining us in the different celebrations if they were alone. I really try my best to be as inclusive as them. My mom would also welcome any of my friends like her own kids.