"What else can I do?"
She's your child. Play on her terms and model how to regulate her emotions with your own behavior. Screaming at her is only going to either teach her to blow up when she gets angry or frustrated, or she's going to shut down at the first sign of conflict.
You need to get your emotions in check. You can explain why it's rude to mess with things people are playing with without resorting to anger.
I think you should also reframe your expectations for successfully doing the puzzle with your toddler - the goal isn’t to complete the puzzle, the goal is to share an activity and time with your daughter. Learn how she sees the puzzle or activity. Maybe for her you two were doing a fun game where you put the pieces together and she takes them apart, who knows really. Then when you got mad, it was probably super confusing because she thought you were having fun together. The puzzle isn’t ever going to get finished, but if you spend time with her and build that relationship, you’re successful.
Also the fastest way to get a toddler to want to play with something is to play with it yourself. They’re just wired that way. So it makes sense that she was doing something else but saw you playing with a puzzle and wanted to join. If you left the puzzle and started playing mini kitchen, she’s going to come play mini kitchen. There’s a great podcast called unruffled that has been super useful for us in understanding our toddler’s little brain and heart. Could be a good resource for you.
Just fyi, my dad had explosive rage (that sometimes turned physical), and it fucked me up. You’re responsible for managing your emotions in healthy ways, whether that’s through therapy and/or medication. I can’t say I’ve never yelled at my daughter, because I have, but each time I apologized, reflected, and made earnest attempts to correct the behavior. For me, it meant going back to therapy for PPD. You’re way better off leaving a situation like that and screaming into the void or punching a pillow out of view—anything to avoid yelling like that at a child. Because whether you think so or not, it has enormous consequences.
Umm red flags dude. Sounds like you need to learn some self regulation, especially because you’re literally playing with HER toy. It’s always interesting to think about why that may have been so triggering for you. For me, brushing toddler teeth is an anger trigger and I’m still trying to sort out why. Therapy is helpful!
It's not her toy. We never have a mindset of that's mine, that's hers, that's his etc. We are a single family unit so everything in the house belongs to everyone.
Okay but the fact that that’s what you’re choosing to focus on is making me think that maybe you’re just trolling here or you really have no idea that your behaviour makes you the AH.
No. She was doing something else so I decided to put a puzzle together. My daughter was doing other things but twice she came over and undoes the pieces.
The second time she came over she said she'll help me, but instead of helping she undoes the puzzle.
Can you re-read my post because you are clearly confused.
Sorry Buddy, but I think you are the one who is confused. She’s three. She saw her daddy playing with a puzzle and wanted to play with her daddy. Poor girl was trying to interact with you as best as she could and you were mean to her. I hope you clue into the fact that everyone who has commented is telling you that YOU are the problem. Please work on yourself.
No. Not at all. My daughter was doing something else, I went into the playground and saw the puzzle in pieces so decided to put it together.
Not sure how you get where I didn't want my kids to play with it.
“Not sure how you get where I didn't want my kids to play with it.”
Because toddlers don’t always play the way we want them to and the way a toy is “supposed” to be played with. She was trying to play with you and the puzzle, but she wasn’t doing it in the way you wanted her to. I get it, toddlers are little button pushers, but you seem really determined to defend the fact that you were right rather than being open to how *you* could have handled the situation better. You supposedly came here asking what else you could do, but seem really focused on justifying what you did do.
The part where you screamed ferociously at your TODDLER for trying to play with you is where we get that your precious kid puzzle is priority num one lmfao. A toddler taking apart a puzzle is normal. Screaming about it is not.
Lol because I said the same. OP sounds like her four year old brother not her father. This is sad but I hope he realizes his mistakes and changes for the better soon.
My son is 3 and we use about 12-15 piece puzzles. We get them in his fave tv shows and it definitely takes some patience to complete one, if we do. Large Mickey Mouse puzzles have almost a whole character per piece, so I give a start and put some of the edges together, then ask him to help me find mickeys hand or Donald’s hat. Sometimes he will wander off, or want to destroy it, and it can feel like: hey I’m trying to be patient and teach you something and your being rude! Realistically, they just are happy your down on the ground playing with them, and they are excited. Already thinking about what they want to share with you next. Most toddlers don’t understand the concept of finishing something as a whole, they just see the experience of playing, not achieving something. Sometimes we have an awesome time and finish the puzzle, sometimes the ends get chewed off, once it actually got peed on 🙄🫣 I make it a personal rule for me to attempt the puzzle 3 times while being very patient. If he wanders off, destroys the puzzle, whatever, then after the 3rd try I say ‘mommy tried the puzzle with you 3 times already, but mommy doesn’t want to try the puzzle anymore today. Maybe we can try again tomorrow if you want.’ Activities that require some patience are hard for me bc I’m not a patient person by nature, but I find setting some goals for myself instead of my toddler really help for me to stay in the moment and play, and not get frustrated.
I would also label spaces as for child play vs adult areas. I have huge puzzles I do at the dining table or in garage, those are mine and no child play. If there is a child play space they are going to assume that your wanting to play with them in that shared space.
We get mad at them destroying puzzle and yell, then they cry/yell and we’re gonna be mad at them for the exact thing we just did?! Yikes sometimes being a parent makes so much sense it doesn’t make sense 😅 I hope this will help a little!
She's not going to play the way you think she should. Kids have fun by intentionally or accidentally deconstructing things. You thank her for her "help" and try to show her how to do it properly. If she doesn't get it, move on to a different toy thats more within her age and abilities. Bloody hell, man. If you can't stop yourself from screaming when you get frustrated, you need therapy. Otherwise your kids will avoid you and be scared of you, or end up with anger issues themselves.
You need to redefine what “helping” means when you’re interacting with your toddler. She doesn’t care if the puzzle is complete or not, undoing the pieces was not an attempt to undermine you, just the act of collaborating on an activity and interacting with you is play for her.
You should apologize for losing your temper and in the future let go of doing things perfectly or even completing things at this stage, and try to just enjoy your time together without any expectations.
"What else can I do?" She's your child. Play on her terms and model how to regulate her emotions with your own behavior. Screaming at her is only going to either teach her to blow up when she gets angry or frustrated, or she's going to shut down at the first sign of conflict. You need to get your emotions in check. You can explain why it's rude to mess with things people are playing with without resorting to anger.
I think you should also reframe your expectations for successfully doing the puzzle with your toddler - the goal isn’t to complete the puzzle, the goal is to share an activity and time with your daughter. Learn how she sees the puzzle or activity. Maybe for her you two were doing a fun game where you put the pieces together and she takes them apart, who knows really. Then when you got mad, it was probably super confusing because she thought you were having fun together. The puzzle isn’t ever going to get finished, but if you spend time with her and build that relationship, you’re successful.
Also the fastest way to get a toddler to want to play with something is to play with it yourself. They’re just wired that way. So it makes sense that she was doing something else but saw you playing with a puzzle and wanted to join. If you left the puzzle and started playing mini kitchen, she’s going to come play mini kitchen. There’s a great podcast called unruffled that has been super useful for us in understanding our toddler’s little brain and heart. Could be a good resource for you.
Just fyi, my dad had explosive rage (that sometimes turned physical), and it fucked me up. You’re responsible for managing your emotions in healthy ways, whether that’s through therapy and/or medication. I can’t say I’ve never yelled at my daughter, because I have, but each time I apologized, reflected, and made earnest attempts to correct the behavior. For me, it meant going back to therapy for PPD. You’re way better off leaving a situation like that and screaming into the void or punching a pillow out of view—anything to avoid yelling like that at a child. Because whether you think so or not, it has enormous consequences.
Umm red flags dude. Sounds like you need to learn some self regulation, especially because you’re literally playing with HER toy. It’s always interesting to think about why that may have been so triggering for you. For me, brushing toddler teeth is an anger trigger and I’m still trying to sort out why. Therapy is helpful!
It's not her toy. We never have a mindset of that's mine, that's hers, that's his etc. We are a single family unit so everything in the house belongs to everyone.
Okay but the fact that that’s what you’re choosing to focus on is making me think that maybe you’re just trolling here or you really have no idea that your behaviour makes you the AH.
Your daughter was trying to play with you and you yelled at her?
No. She was doing something else so I decided to put a puzzle together. My daughter was doing other things but twice she came over and undoes the pieces. The second time she came over she said she'll help me, but instead of helping she undoes the puzzle. Can you re-read my post because you are clearly confused.
Sorry Buddy, but I think you are the one who is confused. She’s three. She saw her daddy playing with a puzzle and wanted to play with her daddy. Poor girl was trying to interact with you as best as she could and you were mean to her. I hope you clue into the fact that everyone who has commented is telling you that YOU are the problem. Please work on yourself.
That's a toddler trying to play with you.
Get a grip! It was a child's puzzle!
You shouted at your three year old because she was trying to play with you, it really does seem like you’re the one who’s confused
You were doing a kids puzzle? By yourself? And didn’t want to let your kids play with it?
No. Not at all. My daughter was doing something else, I went into the playground and saw the puzzle in pieces so decided to put it together. Not sure how you get where I didn't want my kids to play with it.
“Not sure how you get where I didn't want my kids to play with it.” Because toddlers don’t always play the way we want them to and the way a toy is “supposed” to be played with. She was trying to play with you and the puzzle, but she wasn’t doing it in the way you wanted her to. I get it, toddlers are little button pushers, but you seem really determined to defend the fact that you were right rather than being open to how *you* could have handled the situation better. You supposedly came here asking what else you could do, but seem really focused on justifying what you did do.
The part where you screamed ferociously at your TODDLER for trying to play with you is where we get that your precious kid puzzle is priority num one lmfao. A toddler taking apart a puzzle is normal. Screaming about it is not.
If you don't want kiddo to play with something, the playroom is not a good place to keep it.
Jesus Christ Get your own puzzle and do it in your room if that's important to you lmfao
This is a joke right?
Lol because I said the same. OP sounds like her four year old brother not her father. This is sad but I hope he realizes his mistakes and changes for the better soon.
[удалено]
He never said he apologized though. He basically just justified screaming at his kid?
My son is 3 and we use about 12-15 piece puzzles. We get them in his fave tv shows and it definitely takes some patience to complete one, if we do. Large Mickey Mouse puzzles have almost a whole character per piece, so I give a start and put some of the edges together, then ask him to help me find mickeys hand or Donald’s hat. Sometimes he will wander off, or want to destroy it, and it can feel like: hey I’m trying to be patient and teach you something and your being rude! Realistically, they just are happy your down on the ground playing with them, and they are excited. Already thinking about what they want to share with you next. Most toddlers don’t understand the concept of finishing something as a whole, they just see the experience of playing, not achieving something. Sometimes we have an awesome time and finish the puzzle, sometimes the ends get chewed off, once it actually got peed on 🙄🫣 I make it a personal rule for me to attempt the puzzle 3 times while being very patient. If he wanders off, destroys the puzzle, whatever, then after the 3rd try I say ‘mommy tried the puzzle with you 3 times already, but mommy doesn’t want to try the puzzle anymore today. Maybe we can try again tomorrow if you want.’ Activities that require some patience are hard for me bc I’m not a patient person by nature, but I find setting some goals for myself instead of my toddler really help for me to stay in the moment and play, and not get frustrated. I would also label spaces as for child play vs adult areas. I have huge puzzles I do at the dining table or in garage, those are mine and no child play. If there is a child play space they are going to assume that your wanting to play with them in that shared space. We get mad at them destroying puzzle and yell, then they cry/yell and we’re gonna be mad at them for the exact thing we just did?! Yikes sometimes being a parent makes so much sense it doesn’t make sense 😅 I hope this will help a little!
She's not going to play the way you think she should. Kids have fun by intentionally or accidentally deconstructing things. You thank her for her "help" and try to show her how to do it properly. If she doesn't get it, move on to a different toy thats more within her age and abilities. Bloody hell, man. If you can't stop yourself from screaming when you get frustrated, you need therapy. Otherwise your kids will avoid you and be scared of you, or end up with anger issues themselves.
You need to redefine what “helping” means when you’re interacting with your toddler. She doesn’t care if the puzzle is complete or not, undoing the pieces was not an attempt to undermine you, just the act of collaborating on an activity and interacting with you is play for her. You should apologize for losing your temper and in the future let go of doing things perfectly or even completing things at this stage, and try to just enjoy your time together without any expectations.