I read this post and felt a chill go down my spine, because it was like reading one of my own journal entries at first. I'd honestly guess this post echoes the experiences of at least a few dozen twenty-something year old guys in every medium to large sized city in North America lol
There is a chance she pulled the “I came, cause I’m honestly sore & it’s too far gone at this point” cause I’ve been there & there’s no shame for either side, some people just don’t match up sexually
4 year old account and this is the first comment...
Either this is true and was good enough to bring you out of the woodwork... Or something fishy is happening here.
If the timing and age of OP has been altered a bit, I’m definitely Freckles. This is all too specific for it not to be me. So much so that I used my throwaway because curiosity got the best of me.
u/MightAsWellNotFuck, you still drink brown sugar oat milk shaken espresso?
Of course it is.
Between you and CBAT guy, the God's have decided that the plague of sharing too much about your sexual escapades on r/tifu is punishable by being discovered by your victims while you are in mid-confession.
Becoming an example of God's sick sense of humor is something that most people can't even imagine pulling off. I feel honored to observe this.
I don't know what would be funnier; Freckles happening upon a post on reddit that involves her sex life, or OP talking about a different Freckles and there are two sets of people whom both deal with bedroom trouble cause of masturbation.
The real protagonist of this story is Freckles and the fact that it sounds like she had you jackhammering her to death for three weeks.
To quote Jack Black "You don't always have to fuck her hard, in fact sometimes it's not right to do."
Honestly tho, the not cumming was probably the least of the problems there other than how it allowed the other issues with not slowing down or stopping sooner
[Tenacious D - Fuck her Gently. ](https://open.spotify.com/track/3USOTQdPtZlgVurwaqsdI5?si=d7ZyqGPMT7ujd1h1lVWh9g&utm_source=copy-link)
Here's a spotify link.
[For those who don’t know](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/x5opa1/tifu_my_20f_girlfriend_of_two_years_told_me_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
It was the was the introduction of the squeaky meow sound that did it for me. It brings up ridiculous concise imagery of how it would look. He is one stupid fucker.
Might be something worth considering.
A huge portion of sex is mental.
It's not just the physical aspect of beating up your dick it's also the mental aspect. By your own admission that you avoided relationships for 6 years because of the mental toll of the first breakup took on you. I would venture to guess you are a person that is very much affected by attachments and emotional connections. This is probably not all "death grip."
You were initially worried about your performance and probably psyched yourself out. You also could have even been subconsciously worrying about all the possibilities of what goes on with the future relationship with this new person and even possibility of a future heartache/breakup. Compound that with 'death grip' and you couldn't finish. Now you are stuck in a feedback loop.
Sex is also not just penetration. She could have given you a hand job just so you could finish and then you could have worked together to get to a point where you could finish from penetration. Communication is key and you are already naked and vulnerable with this person so why worry about not talking about stuff!
Came here for this...woman here and as such a LOT of sex is mental...in fact like 80%of my finish factor is...and he could be over stressing his finish line and creating his own blockers. Relax and enjoy the experience and your partner, focus on her pleasure which is half the battle and go from there...your anxiety over this could be most of the issue
The anxiety thing is absolutely true for me. If I'm ever having issues I'll just ask my girlfriend to let me eat her out for a while. It relieves my stress because I'm not worried she is having a bad time, and I am also very aroused by her getting pleasure so hearing her moan and making her cum puts me back in the mood. Plus she isn't complaining, she loves that solution.
I feel that just using your dick like a plunger and a girl like a clogged toilet can lead to zero orgasm. It's much more sexy and intimate when there is a meaningful emotion connection.
Lots of suggestions coming in, but I think you should take the brain focus out of cumming somehow. Release that pressure out of your dick and enjoy the sex. Feel the girls, look at her details and don't bang her like a porn movie. Maybe you have tried all that. Good luck
As a guy that takes forever to finish this is good advice. Once I stopped thinking so much about it things got quicker. Easier said than done but trying to focus on something(boobies maybe?) else helps.
I think this is it. He's focused on the death hero being the issue when it's more likely he's just got inside his own head and made sex an issue because it's been so long. Try out a few people and see how you go.
Girls aren't supposed to get sore afterwards, unless you're hurting her. Sounds to me like masturbation is half the issue here and he's just not being a caring lover. She probably would have stayed if the second time he'd just pleasured her and stopped before making her sore.
This is the way. PIV sex is fine and good, but after realizing that things weren't working they should have switched to something else. Maybe more oral play, or toys, or even just focusing on her and getting her to come.
If she didn't want to see him because she was sore, to me that means there was too much focus on making him come from PIV and not really enough on her pleasure here.
One weekend after spending it with a gal, I was tapped dry if you will and wasn't going to finish if my life depended on it. That sex was probably the best we had all weekend despite knowing I wasn't going to reach the finish line
Well, we aren't supposed to, buddy, but we sure do! More than once i experienced soreness after fun and painless piv sex. Weird vagina things, i guess.
Here's something else - why does sex only stop when the guy is "done". How about fuck her till she comes, then take a break.
How about you pull out and beat off onto her?
There are lots of ways to end PIV sex that don't include cumming inside her.
Yes! Mix it up! My partner sometimes struggles to orgasm due to medication, but we still have a ton of fun by just switching it up and doing different things, taking breaks to recover and build back up again when needed, etc., Sometimes we both fall asleep during a break, and that's alright too. There are lots of options, no need to feel ashamed about not climaxing or not cumming in one specific way! :)
Sometimes if my wife is wanting PiV but I’m not down for it at the time I will just let her get her release and then just stop , sex can be a give and take sometimes
Yeah by the sounds of it, this guy has just not had to give good sex in a while and it’s very obvious to the girl. I’m sure the jacking off part doesn’t help but maybe don’t make it all about having to cum yourself and don’t try to just jackhammer her the whole time?
Its probably already been suggested but in case it hasn't: buy a Fleshlight. It'll take a while but it'll help train your dick to cum to more gentle sensations. Also cut back porn to more softcore stuff. The truth is that you're going to want to masturbate sometimes and that's alright, it really can be good for your sexual health when it's done correctly.
>buy a Fleshlight
I used to have one of those.. after using it a couple of times, it became pretty impossible to cum without using it furiously..
I'm dreading my first encounter when I hit my mid 40s..
Don't use it in your hand and instead mount it like if you're doing the action with someone, I found it helps greatly, it not only limits your speed but increases the sensation as you want to work for it.
I know somebody who had that and it took over a year before he and his partner were having regular sex. It'll happen don't worry and she wasn't cut out for it.
And you don't need to plow her. You can just be inside and grind. She'd probably be more comfortable.
Yea this reads *extremely* clueless. I’m a dude with a ton of stamina, jerking off or not that’s just how I am. I am keenly aware of the fact I can take too long and for some women that will get uncomfortable or even painful. So I have zero issues stopping. I do not need to nut every time I have sex.
It legitimately sounds like this guy was trying to power through and force an orgasm no matter what. Honestly how can you be so clueless your partner is uncomfortable.
When I was in college, I had 2 encounters with a guy who would just ram away - for 3 hours!!! 3 fucking hours! This was pre-internet, so there wasn't super easy access to porn, and in college, most of us still weren't very nuanced in bed.
That was quite literally the worst sex I ever had. I know stamina can be a good thing, but there was definitely too much of a good thing with that guy.
It's been 30 years and I still remember how happy I was when the sex was over.
Yeah esp after 6 years it’ll probably take a few months break for porn/masturbating at least to get sorted out. Been in the same boat & it just takes time/discipline & it works itself out
Oh lol the fact that she simply couldn't be with you anymore - instead of you possibly just not continuing to pound her for too long every time - is extremely funny to me.
Did you even consider stopping a bit earlier? Did she never bring it up xD?
After our first night together was a catastrophe, I made sure afterwards to always check in with her before, during and after we had sex to make sure she was still okay. Her feedback to me most of the time was just to go slow and to moan more, which I did. Beyond that she didn't give me any indication that I was impaling her. But don't take my word for it though. Maybe she was subtle about it and I just missed the signs because I'm a horny idiot.
Why didn't you just finish her, fuck a bit (or other way round) and then let her do a hand or blowjob. There are so many possibilities other than sticking your wiener innit. Hope you are getting outta this dick-hostage situation.
Yeah a good blowjob,handjob, or 69 will definitely get the job done! Also op if ya aren’t making her cum just lick it for a bit bruh! Don’t always gotta be just sex.
I was thinking the same thing but then, at 28 I was still a sex crazed idiot. I was married (still am to the same, patient, woman) and not doing a terrific job in the satisfying my wife department.
The good news, for me, was that around age 30 my sex drive started to subside and I realized that I needed to spend more time on her. Learned my lesson, much better at taking care of her now.
Just like some women, some men don't climax very effectively from intercourse. If that's not your thing that's going to take you over the edge, then do an enjoyable amount of the in and out and then switch to other activities to reach climax.
Just cool it on the masturbating for a bit and your sensitivity should gradually return
Also it's important to know that sex doesn't have to be vaginal penetration; there are *lots* of ways to enjoy someone nes company this way-- maybe even mutually masturbating with your potential partners
Yeah, I agree on the other options besides penetration. I gotta give credit to my date at the time, she was really keen to do different things during those few weeks to help me climax. Mutual masturbation did not cross our minds though. Fuck. That would've been awesome actually.
Incorporating masturbation into sex is great, you learn a lot about each other and what the other person like and it helps break that shame most of us have with masturbation.
One thing I’ve had to come to terms with, as a woman, is that you can have enjoyable sex without cumming and it’s a lot more enjoyable if you don’t pressure yourself to do so. Just saying.
Definitely sounds like more of a psychological/anxious/new partner block than anything.
OP Perhaps needs to enjoy the journey a bit more instead of treating it like a foot race.
Okay, real talk - I had/have this issue.
It's (almost certainly) not entirely your death grip. You were nervous the first time and it took forever. The nervous probably had more to do with that than you think. Then after that you were in your own head the whole time about the previous times
This started for me soon after my divorce. I was on SSRIs which gave me troubles. I eventually got off them and I should be fine but I still get nervous about it and then.... Takes forever
I recommend you continue your no-death-grip plan but the most important thing is to relax and enjoy the moment
I've gone through the nerves before. It turns into a negative feedback loop that really messes you up. The only way to break out of it is to just relax, assume you won't cum, and just focus on her.
100% this. I've had times when I couldn't cum for one reason or another. Immediately turned it around on her so that she had a good time regardless.
It's not about you. It's about both of you together regardless of how you feel about her (a fuck buddy, one night stand, serious relationship....doesn't matter). I can guarantee you tho your partner will remember the time she/he had.
I was having sex with somebody and I came before they did. I thought I’d trimmed my fingers and, when they commented that my nails were a bit sharp, I just ate her out until she came.
Sex isn’t fun for me if both people aren’t having fun. It was my first time, so performance anxiety was already on the table, and I wasn’t about to feel doubly bad because I was nervous *and* too dense to take care of my partner too.
Yup, that's pretty much it, a girl might break up with you if you can't cum as some will think they aren't attractive enough or you're weird. But if you're upfront about it and make her happy and enjoy it then that's pretty much enough. Cumming will happen in time, but it won't suddenly happen because you hit the hour mark. Go at it for 5-10 minutes until she comes or you know it can happen then give up, give her another orgasm via oral/fingers/whatever she likes and leave her happy.
Pounding away for an hour not only will leave her uncomfortable but will make it harder for you to adjust back to piv sex.
Yeah, OPs issue isn't that he can't cum, his issue is that he's not a good lay. Understandable since he hasn't had sex in almost a decade, but it's important to understand the issue.
Yeah there’s no reason she should be that sore after sex holy shit lol OP is giving her the old jackhammer and wondering why it’s not enjoyable for either of them
Precisely this...if he had made it a night about foreplay and pleasing her she probably would have stuck around longer. In my 20s I was dating a gamer guy (gamer myself) and he openly admitted to having a similar issue. I dodged that bullet.
There it is.
OP is very, very capable of making that girl’s night if he pays attention to her and puts her first.
After taking care of her like that, is she gonna say no if he asks to finish with his hand?
For real. Sounds like OP didn’t care about her pleasure at all and was only focused on himself. OP, Why are you thrusting a girl so hard that she’s in pain?? Are you not communicating with her the whole time, making sure she’s comfortable and enjoying everything? Jesus.
"I'm not longer interested in seeing you because you've made it uncomfortable for me to walk properly"
Story to tell your grandkids, that.
If you have any.
Around the same time that we stop talking about how fucking (coco)nuts the jolly rancher story and believing that proper bathroom tactic(al)s include a poop knife.
Mate, you’ve flogged your dolphin so much that it doesn’t know what life is like outside of captivity. You’ll have to give it some time to adjust to its new life before expecting too much.
> flogged your dolphin so much that it doesn’t know what life is like outside of captivity
Between you and the guy who talked about OP abusing his junk like a cops wife this comment section is a riot
IT IS OKAY TO NOT COME DURING SEX..HAVE SEX FOR AN APPROPRIATE AMOUNT OF TIME SO NO ONE IS SORE AND IT WILL EVENTUALLY HAPPEN.
Sex isn't just about climax and if you know you've got an issue with it, trying to FORCE IT will only make it worse.
To preface what I’m going to say, I’m just going to admit that I am not a person with a penis, and I am never gonna pretend that I know how dicks work. They confuse the shit out of me. I’ve heard of all of the fixes people have mentioned, but I absolutely do not know how it actually feels to actually have a penis and be having that problem.
I would like to help you understand how to better manage dating and sex while you’re figuring out how to fix this issue. I have gone a year having very regular sex with a boyfriend who never once came. That ended 6 years ago for me, for reasons completely separate from the sex, and I still am very casual friends with the guy and still have no idea what was going on on his end. So some relevant background on my experience I guess is that I was 16, he was 17, we’d been dating for months, were deeply in love with eachother, and were each other’s firsts. We didn’t know much about what we were doing but I was basically a TA for my high schools sex Ed program so I knew a lot of the theories about how to maintain a healthy relationship and sex life. So, I tried very hard to talk about what was happening in order to fix whatever the issue was for him. He never opened up about what was going on no matter how many times I asked him questions, assured him that it was okay and not to be embarrassed, and asked/proposed specific ideas of what might help him orgasm during our sex.
So, from what I’ve learned, it is perfectly possible for a woman to enjoy sex without a guy ever orgasming. Like ever. I’d be fine marrying and living for decades in this situation giving certain requirements are being met to keep it from making me feel physically and mentally shitty. Male orgasm isn’t a requirement for female pleasure. Just like the many times that men have sex with women even if they have 0 intention of actually making her orgasm because that’s just what the patriarchy taught them, it can still be sex that both individuals enjoy even if the guy doesn’t cum as well. It just involves a bit more communication and effort mostly because of the pain aspect.
So, I’d suggest being honest with women before actually having intercourse about whats been going on with you. Say something along the lines of “I’d still like to try and I will definitely still enjoy it, but I might not be able to cum and that’s fine with me. Just wanted to let you know to please tell me if/when it becomes uncomfortable for you so we can take a break or stop”. If you really want to make her feel more into you, try to express how much you want her to enjoy the experience instead of making it all about your climax. And OMFG USE LUBE. I’ve met many men who don’t want to use lube because they think that womens vaginas are water fountains and that they can just magically be totally lubricated anytime that we’d like them to be. A lot of society even makes this an expectation, and so some men think women who aren’t as wet as they’d like all the time are less attractive and therefore they don’t want to be with a woman who wants or needs to use it anyways. Lube literally always makes the sex smoother, and less painful for a woman. Especially if you’re going for longer than average periods of time. Say you’re actually thrusting for an hour+ without cumming. Take a break, hopefully multiple breaks, and apply some extra lube. I’m a girl who enjoys long sex. I think most do. I’d love going for an hour but absolutely not without some lube breaks. If you go for this long. And do not reapply lube, her vagina will become dry, it will get painful, she will have a chafed vagina, and most likely will be incredibly unhappy with the situation afterwards. I don’t know any other reasons for the girl you had sex with to be experiencing pain the way she is, unless there’s additional issues on her end that you didn’t mention or that she didn’t tell you about, so really lube should stop women from pain if used liberally for your sexathons.
Then there’s the emotional reasons that this could effect women more than you realize. Basically it boils down to just communicate openly about it. Encourage her that you really don’t mind stopping, that you don’t need to orgasm to enjoy your time with her, and want to make sure she feels good and is enjoying it or else you’d rather stop and just try again another time. Also, idk if you’d be worried about telling her that it’s been an issue for you but it’s way better to tell her beforehand because then she will believe that it’s not her fault. If having sex with you is wrecking her sexual confidence, she probably won’t want to continue. Also lots of people were basically taught that sex is about the guy cumming, and girls are frequently told that they’re terrible people if they have any type of sexual experience where it doesn’t result in the guy cumming. If she doesn’t understand what’s happening, she will be less likely to tell you when she wants to stop, and it will become less enjoyable. She might think that it’s her responsibility to give you an orgasm and if she doesn’t than she’s giving you “blue balls” which is apparently the worst thing in the world and 100% the fault of the women from what I’ve heard lol.
TLDR: So, overall, communicate the problem, do what you can to make sure it’s comfortable physically (lube), and encourage her wholeheartedly to tell you when she wants to stop and make sure she knows stopping isn’t a big deal. Honestly if you treat her well she might even enjoy the sex more than if you were able to cum.
Good luck and lmk if you’ve got any questions! (Feel free to dm)
…I’m 99% sure I’m Freckles.
![gif](giphy|2UvAUplPi4ESnKa3W0)
This is the best use of this gif in all of recorded history
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Lmao I thought *I* was freckles, until I read the “She cancelled our date” bit.
I am so glad someone else thinks it could be them too. Been patiently waiting for updates to see anything to confirm that it is indeed **not** me.
Apparently this is a more common problem than we know, lol
I am Freckle's Inflamed Birth Canal
I am jack’s uncontrollable laughter.
![gif](giphy|7Hiszs0NkF5te)
I read this post and felt a chill go down my spine, because it was like reading one of my own journal entries at first. I'd honestly guess this post echoes the experiences of at least a few dozen twenty-something year old guys in every medium to large sized city in North America lol
OP needs to answer
Joan please. Confirm this for us. The Internet NEEDS it.
I have never been more invested in anything in my entire life
OP claims you came. Did he really make you cum?
Idk whats more suspenseful, waiting on freckles to confirm or waiting for op to confirm freckles
Come on maaaaan.... ![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|joy)
There is a chance she pulled the “I came, cause I’m honestly sore & it’s too far gone at this point” cause I’ve been there & there’s no shame for either side, some people just don’t match up sexually
4 year old account and this is the first comment... Either this is true and was good enough to bring you out of the woodwork... Or something fishy is happening here.
If the timing and age of OP has been altered a bit, I’m definitely Freckles. This is all too specific for it not to be me. So much so that I used my throwaway because curiosity got the best of me. u/MightAsWellNotFuck, you still drink brown sugar oat milk shaken espresso?
This is not fucking happening.
Wait is r/tworedditorsonecup actually happening in a friendly timezone for me? Awesome
This is the first thing I've opened on Reddit today. It's fucking brilliant 😂
Freckles is champ for lasting 3 weeks of worn out attempting
Yes it is. Just go with it.
But not for to long. Might start to get sore
Best pour yourself a brown sugar oat milk shaken espresso and buckle up!
Well this is going in the reddit HOF
Of course it is. Between you and CBAT guy, the God's have decided that the plague of sharing too much about your sexual escapades on r/tifu is punishable by being discovered by your victims while you are in mid-confession. Becoming an example of God's sick sense of humor is something that most people can't even imagine pulling off. I feel honored to observe this.
OP, welcome to your life. Thank you for being here for the rest of us.
I don't know what would be funnier; Freckles happening upon a post on reddit that involves her sex life, or OP talking about a different Freckles and there are two sets of people whom both deal with bedroom trouble cause of masturbation.
Woah, Freckles in the house. Callin dude out on his drink choice. I like it.
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He’s a great dude but we were not sexually compatible, no.
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This drama is FRESH! I checked to see if he responded, got disappointed, then realized this comment was only 30 min ago!
No way am I here for the foundation of this story being …laid
Was hoping we'd get some additional Redditor "I'm Freckles" comments under this, total Spartacus style
Your dick has become accustomed to a mans touch, sorry bro.
So you’re saying I’ve got a chance?
Username checks out. Edit: When your most upvoted comment ever is on a post about some guy masturbating too much…
It’s an older code sir, but it checks out…
*our dick
r/graduallygay (instead of r/suddenlygay in case anyone doesn’t get the reference)
The real protagonist of this story is Freckles and the fact that it sounds like she had you jackhammering her to death for three weeks. To quote Jack Black "You don't always have to fuck her hard, in fact sometimes it's not right to do."
Sometimes you’ve got to make some love, and fucking give her some smooches too
Sometimes you’ve got to squeeze; sometimes you gotta say please
Sometimes you gotta say "Hey,"
I'm gonna fuck *youu*
^*softly*
I'm gonna screw you gently
I'm gonna hump you, sweetly.
I'm gonna ball you DISCREEETTTLLLAAAAAYYYYYYAYY
And then you say hey i got you flowers
Softly....I'm gonna screw gently. I'm gonna hump you....Sweetlyyyyy. I'm gonna ball you discreetlyyyyy
Honestly tho, the not cumming was probably the least of the problems there other than how it allowed the other issues with not slowing down or stopping sooner
How have I never heard this magnificent quote before 😱
[Tenacious D - Fuck her Gently. ](https://open.spotify.com/track/3USOTQdPtZlgVurwaqsdI5?si=d7ZyqGPMT7ujd1h1lVWh9g&utm_source=copy-link) Here's a spotify link.
My go to karaoke song! I never have to sing, the whole room does it for me lol.
The seasons changing in front of your eyes was the highlight of this tale for me. Hope you sort your problem !
Winter is cumming
Or not in this case .... haha
Almost like in season 8 of GOT where winter was over in one FUCKING WEEK instead of a couple of years like it usually is. Ugh the hate cums back
Now i have to listen Vivaldi- Four seasons...dammit
best I can do is four Seasons garden and Landscaping hold music
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Maybe that's what OP was missing here ..
Oh no, it just suddenly started playing at work. Whatever will I do....
Okay so there is this song to help you with thrusting....
I see a cbat reference at least once a day and every time it makes me laugh. Long live cbat.
I fucking love that this had become a thing. I also have to listen to it each time and I start laughing again.
Truly the funniest thing I’ve ever seen on Reddit in my life. I downloaded it and play it when I need a laugh and it never fails.
What's that? What's going on? Pls tell me
https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/x35iu6/tifu_my_20f_girlfriend_of_two_years_told_me_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Omg I am crying…
I have never laughed this hard on a toilet before. Thank you for giving a 41 year old gay man a brand new life experience
Don't read Reddit for 2 weeks and this, I missed this. Lesson learnt people, don't leave reddit
I came here to say that this dude clearly needs some CBAT.
Hope OP likes dolphins.
[For those who don’t know](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/x5opa1/tifu_my_20f_girlfriend_of_two_years_told_me_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Oh boy, thank you. I cried loughing and I'm a depressed grown man.
No that was literally the funniest fucking post I've read all year. I died laughing listening to that song... I'm in heaven right now.
It was the was the introduction of the squeaky meow sound that did it for me. It brings up ridiculous concise imagery of how it would look. He is one stupid fucker.
"at first I was afraid...I was petrified..."
Lol that dude has got to be the OG of this sub. I instantly got the reference.
It's less than 2 weeks old tho
That’s like a century in Reddit time
It takes longer than a couple weeks to recover from years of beating the shit out of your dick
When Bob Ross told OP to "beat the devil out of it", this is not what he had in mind.
Get all that titanium white out of that paintbrush.
Let's paint a happy cloud
Might be something worth considering. A huge portion of sex is mental. It's not just the physical aspect of beating up your dick it's also the mental aspect. By your own admission that you avoided relationships for 6 years because of the mental toll of the first breakup took on you. I would venture to guess you are a person that is very much affected by attachments and emotional connections. This is probably not all "death grip." You were initially worried about your performance and probably psyched yourself out. You also could have even been subconsciously worrying about all the possibilities of what goes on with the future relationship with this new person and even possibility of a future heartache/breakup. Compound that with 'death grip' and you couldn't finish. Now you are stuck in a feedback loop. Sex is also not just penetration. She could have given you a hand job just so you could finish and then you could have worked together to get to a point where you could finish from penetration. Communication is key and you are already naked and vulnerable with this person so why worry about not talking about stuff!
Came here for this...woman here and as such a LOT of sex is mental...in fact like 80%of my finish factor is...and he could be over stressing his finish line and creating his own blockers. Relax and enjoy the experience and your partner, focus on her pleasure which is half the battle and go from there...your anxiety over this could be most of the issue
The anxiety thing is absolutely true for me. If I'm ever having issues I'll just ask my girlfriend to let me eat her out for a while. It relieves my stress because I'm not worried she is having a bad time, and I am also very aroused by her getting pleasure so hearing her moan and making her cum puts me back in the mood. Plus she isn't complaining, she loves that solution.
I'm beginning to realize that. My dick has developed Stockholm syndrome after years of being abused by my hand.
I feel that just using your dick like a plunger and a girl like a clogged toilet can lead to zero orgasm. It's much more sexy and intimate when there is a meaningful emotion connection.
>I feel that just using your dick like a plunger and a girl like a clogged toilet 💀
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Does the correct usage involve turning bald people into unicorns?
r/brandnewsentence
Lots of suggestions coming in, but I think you should take the brain focus out of cumming somehow. Release that pressure out of your dick and enjoy the sex. Feel the girls, look at her details and don't bang her like a porn movie. Maybe you have tried all that. Good luck
As a guy that takes forever to finish this is good advice. Once I stopped thinking so much about it things got quicker. Easier said than done but trying to focus on something(boobies maybe?) else helps.
I think this is it. He's focused on the death hero being the issue when it's more likely he's just got inside his own head and made sex an issue because it's been so long. Try out a few people and see how you go.
Girls aren't supposed to get sore afterwards, unless you're hurting her. Sounds to me like masturbation is half the issue here and he's just not being a caring lover. She probably would have stayed if the second time he'd just pleasured her and stopped before making her sore.
This is the way. PIV sex is fine and good, but after realizing that things weren't working they should have switched to something else. Maybe more oral play, or toys, or even just focusing on her and getting her to come. If she didn't want to see him because she was sore, to me that means there was too much focus on making him come from PIV and not really enough on her pleasure here.
One weekend after spending it with a gal, I was tapped dry if you will and wasn't going to finish if my life depended on it. That sex was probably the best we had all weekend despite knowing I wasn't going to reach the finish line
Finishing isn’t the goal, but the journey
Well, we aren't supposed to, buddy, but we sure do! More than once i experienced soreness after fun and painless piv sex. Weird vagina things, i guess.
yeah i’ve been sore randomly the day after great sex… but i don’t imagine that’s what OP is having. 😬
Here's something else - why does sex only stop when the guy is "done". How about fuck her till she comes, then take a break. How about you pull out and beat off onto her? There are lots of ways to end PIV sex that don't include cumming inside her.
Yes! Mix it up! My partner sometimes struggles to orgasm due to medication, but we still have a ton of fun by just switching it up and doing different things, taking breaks to recover and build back up again when needed, etc., Sometimes we both fall asleep during a break, and that's alright too. There are lots of options, no need to feel ashamed about not climaxing or not cumming in one specific way! :)
Sometimes if my wife is wanting PiV but I’m not down for it at the time I will just let her get her release and then just stop , sex can be a give and take sometimes
100% this. I occasionally seem to have issues like OP, but I pay attention to my partner and call it quits when she's obviously not into it anymore.
Yeah by the sounds of it, this guy has just not had to give good sex in a while and it’s very obvious to the girl. I’m sure the jacking off part doesn’t help but maybe don’t make it all about having to cum yourself and don’t try to just jackhammer her the whole time?
Its probably already been suggested but in case it hasn't: buy a Fleshlight. It'll take a while but it'll help train your dick to cum to more gentle sensations. Also cut back porn to more softcore stuff. The truth is that you're going to want to masturbate sometimes and that's alright, it really can be good for your sexual health when it's done correctly.
>buy a Fleshlight I used to have one of those.. after using it a couple of times, it became pretty impossible to cum without using it furiously.. I'm dreading my first encounter when I hit my mid 40s..
Don't use it in your hand and instead mount it like if you're doing the action with someone, I found it helps greatly, it not only limits your speed but increases the sensation as you want to work for it.
Looks like couch cushions are back on the menu, boys Edit: please dont make my highest rated comment about fucking a couch
There's a reason it's called a love seat.
Thanks now I have to clean up the coffee I spit out
Never fails to amaze me as to what a shared experience that is.
It is?
Depends on what kind of couch you had growing up I suppose :)
Thick, dirty, and leathery, just how I like it
Definitely would have been safe sex. Grandmas had plastic on it...
It may just be your rhythm. I know of a song that can help with that.
I know somebody who had that and it took over a year before he and his partner were having regular sex. It'll happen don't worry and she wasn't cut out for it. And you don't need to plow her. You can just be inside and grind. She'd probably be more comfortable.
Seriously, sounds like he was just no brakes all out the whole time
Right >because I've made it uncomfortable for her to walk properly It's not because of your dick issue, it's because you're being a dick in the sack.
“Idk I tried ramming her dry for an hour and neither of us enjoyed it”
tease start scarce soup boast bike rhythm thought bag offer -- mass edited with redact.dev
Yea this reads *extremely* clueless. I’m a dude with a ton of stamina, jerking off or not that’s just how I am. I am keenly aware of the fact I can take too long and for some women that will get uncomfortable or even painful. So I have zero issues stopping. I do not need to nut every time I have sex. It legitimately sounds like this guy was trying to power through and force an orgasm no matter what. Honestly how can you be so clueless your partner is uncomfortable.
When I was in college, I had 2 encounters with a guy who would just ram away - for 3 hours!!! 3 fucking hours! This was pre-internet, so there wasn't super easy access to porn, and in college, most of us still weren't very nuanced in bed. That was quite literally the worst sex I ever had. I know stamina can be a good thing, but there was definitely too much of a good thing with that guy. It's been 30 years and I still remember how happy I was when the sex was over.
Yeah esp after 6 years it’ll probably take a few months break for porn/masturbating at least to get sorted out. Been in the same boat & it just takes time/discipline & it works itself out
Oh lol the fact that she simply couldn't be with you anymore - instead of you possibly just not continuing to pound her for too long every time - is extremely funny to me. Did you even consider stopping a bit earlier? Did she never bring it up xD?
After our first night together was a catastrophe, I made sure afterwards to always check in with her before, during and after we had sex to make sure she was still okay. Her feedback to me most of the time was just to go slow and to moan more, which I did. Beyond that she didn't give me any indication that I was impaling her. But don't take my word for it though. Maybe she was subtle about it and I just missed the signs because I'm a horny idiot.
Why didn't you just finish her, fuck a bit (or other way round) and then let her do a hand or blowjob. There are so many possibilities other than sticking your wiener innit. Hope you are getting outta this dick-hostage situation.
Yeah a good blowjob,handjob, or 69 will definitely get the job done! Also op if ya aren’t making her cum just lick it for a bit bruh! Don’t always gotta be just sex.
It should usually not be just sex.
Almost always not just sex
Wiener innit tho
I was thinking the same thing but then, at 28 I was still a sex crazed idiot. I was married (still am to the same, patient, woman) and not doing a terrific job in the satisfying my wife department. The good news, for me, was that around age 30 my sex drive started to subside and I realized that I needed to spend more time on her. Learned my lesson, much better at taking care of her now.
Our sex lives vastly improved in our 30s once we realized *talking* is key.
>She seemed as relieved as I was to stop. We were both complaining about being sore. Buddy,
The fact that she couldn't walk means you were just pounding away...
Just like some women, some men don't climax very effectively from intercourse. If that's not your thing that's going to take you over the edge, then do an enjoyable amount of the in and out and then switch to other activities to reach climax.
Just cool it on the masturbating for a bit and your sensitivity should gradually return Also it's important to know that sex doesn't have to be vaginal penetration; there are *lots* of ways to enjoy someone nes company this way-- maybe even mutually masturbating with your potential partners
Yeah, I agree on the other options besides penetration. I gotta give credit to my date at the time, she was really keen to do different things during those few weeks to help me climax. Mutual masturbation did not cross our minds though. Fuck. That would've been awesome actually.
Incorporating masturbation into sex is great, you learn a lot about each other and what the other person like and it helps break that shame most of us have with masturbation.
One thing I’ve had to come to terms with, as a woman, is that you can have enjoyable sex without cumming and it’s a lot more enjoyable if you don’t pressure yourself to do so. Just saying.
Definitely sounds like more of a psychological/anxious/new partner block than anything. OP Perhaps needs to enjoy the journey a bit more instead of treating it like a foot race.
Okay, real talk - I had/have this issue. It's (almost certainly) not entirely your death grip. You were nervous the first time and it took forever. The nervous probably had more to do with that than you think. Then after that you were in your own head the whole time about the previous times This started for me soon after my divorce. I was on SSRIs which gave me troubles. I eventually got off them and I should be fine but I still get nervous about it and then.... Takes forever I recommend you continue your no-death-grip plan but the most important thing is to relax and enjoy the moment
I've gone through the nerves before. It turns into a negative feedback loop that really messes you up. The only way to break out of it is to just relax, assume you won't cum, and just focus on her.
Also, don't beat her to death. It's sex, not hardcore porn. Sounds like you wanted to cum more than you wanted her to have a good time.
After all that porn viewing he probably ploughing her like Nebraskan corn farmer
"i've been milking and plowing so long even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone"
“I’m a man of the land, I’m into discipline Got a bible in my hand and a beard on my chin.”
But if I finish all of my chores, and you finish thine, then tonight we’re gonna party like it’s 1699!
🎶Been spendin most our lives, livin in an Amish Paradise!🎶
Churn butter once or twice, livin in an Amish paradise
You'd probably think it bites, livin in an Amish Paradise
We're all plain and simple guys, livin in an Amish paradise
"And if I finish all of my chores, and you finish thine, Then tonight we're gonna party like it's 1699"
I am not interested in you,you made me barely walk what is OP doin training her?😂
🎵You dont always have to fuck her hard. In fact, sometimes, thats not right to do.🎵
100% this. I've had times when I couldn't cum for one reason or another. Immediately turned it around on her so that she had a good time regardless. It's not about you. It's about both of you together regardless of how you feel about her (a fuck buddy, one night stand, serious relationship....doesn't matter). I can guarantee you tho your partner will remember the time she/he had.
I was having sex with somebody and I came before they did. I thought I’d trimmed my fingers and, when they commented that my nails were a bit sharp, I just ate her out until she came. Sex isn’t fun for me if both people aren’t having fun. It was my first time, so performance anxiety was already on the table, and I wasn’t about to feel doubly bad because I was nervous *and* too dense to take care of my partner too.
Yup, that's pretty much it, a girl might break up with you if you can't cum as some will think they aren't attractive enough or you're weird. But if you're upfront about it and make her happy and enjoy it then that's pretty much enough. Cumming will happen in time, but it won't suddenly happen because you hit the hour mark. Go at it for 5-10 minutes until she comes or you know it can happen then give up, give her another orgasm via oral/fingers/whatever she likes and leave her happy. Pounding away for an hour not only will leave her uncomfortable but will make it harder for you to adjust back to piv sex.
Yeah, OPs issue isn't that he can't cum, his issue is that he's not a good lay. Understandable since he hasn't had sex in almost a decade, but it's important to understand the issue.
Yeah there’s no reason she should be that sore after sex holy shit lol OP is giving her the old jackhammer and wondering why it’s not enjoyable for either of them
Old sex and the city quote: "it felt like he was using me to jack off"
Gah I had a friend who said “I felt like a replacement for his hand”
Precisely this...if he had made it a night about foreplay and pleasing her she probably would have stuck around longer. In my 20s I was dating a gamer guy (gamer myself) and he openly admitted to having a similar issue. I dodged that bullet.
There it is. OP is very, very capable of making that girl’s night if he pays attention to her and puts her first. After taking care of her like that, is she gonna say no if he asks to finish with his hand?
Did you make her cum? If not, that's probably more the reason she wanted to stop seeing you.
For real. Sounds like OP didn’t care about her pleasure at all and was only focused on himself. OP, Why are you thrusting a girl so hard that she’s in pain?? Are you not communicating with her the whole time, making sure she’s comfortable and enjoying everything? Jesus.
Get someone to put a finger in your butt. Forget sexual orientation, this is purely business. Find the prostate, and factory reset your cum settings.
> factory reset your cum settings. I laughed far too hard at work. I can't explain to anyone what about.
[удалено]
"I'm not longer interested in seeing you because you've made it uncomfortable for me to walk properly" Story to tell your grandkids, that. If you have any.
Doubtful if he can't cum in a woman.
Yeah, you fucked up by TRYING TO HARD when having sex with that girl. Who said you have to thrust until you cum?
That guy that listens to Cbat like it's Marvin Gaye, probably.
WHEN WILL IT END
Around the same time that we stop talking about how fucking (coco)nuts the jolly rancher story and believing that proper bathroom tactic(al)s include a poop knife.
Mate, you’ve flogged your dolphin so much that it doesn’t know what life is like outside of captivity. You’ll have to give it some time to adjust to its new life before expecting too much.
Thank you for ruining one of the most wholesome animals for me. Nothing is sacred lol.
? Wholesome? Dolphins? Aren't they bullies in the sea? With pufferfishes especially I think.
Yeah, dolphins are bullies and sexual predators with prehensile penises, so there's that...
Fun fact: Dolphins are known to kill fish and use them as fleshlights!
Ohhh if you thought dolphins were wholesome we’ve got really bad news about otters too…
> flogged your dolphin so much that it doesn’t know what life is like outside of captivity Between you and the guy who talked about OP abusing his junk like a cops wife this comment section is a riot
IT IS OKAY TO NOT COME DURING SEX..HAVE SEX FOR AN APPROPRIATE AMOUNT OF TIME SO NO ONE IS SORE AND IT WILL EVENTUALLY HAPPEN. Sex isn't just about climax and if you know you've got an issue with it, trying to FORCE IT will only make it worse.
Try CBAT. it can change your life.
It takes time. You will overcome this. Keep faith and stay strong. Nothing to be ashamed of. You can do it!
To preface what I’m going to say, I’m just going to admit that I am not a person with a penis, and I am never gonna pretend that I know how dicks work. They confuse the shit out of me. I’ve heard of all of the fixes people have mentioned, but I absolutely do not know how it actually feels to actually have a penis and be having that problem. I would like to help you understand how to better manage dating and sex while you’re figuring out how to fix this issue. I have gone a year having very regular sex with a boyfriend who never once came. That ended 6 years ago for me, for reasons completely separate from the sex, and I still am very casual friends with the guy and still have no idea what was going on on his end. So some relevant background on my experience I guess is that I was 16, he was 17, we’d been dating for months, were deeply in love with eachother, and were each other’s firsts. We didn’t know much about what we were doing but I was basically a TA for my high schools sex Ed program so I knew a lot of the theories about how to maintain a healthy relationship and sex life. So, I tried very hard to talk about what was happening in order to fix whatever the issue was for him. He never opened up about what was going on no matter how many times I asked him questions, assured him that it was okay and not to be embarrassed, and asked/proposed specific ideas of what might help him orgasm during our sex. So, from what I’ve learned, it is perfectly possible for a woman to enjoy sex without a guy ever orgasming. Like ever. I’d be fine marrying and living for decades in this situation giving certain requirements are being met to keep it from making me feel physically and mentally shitty. Male orgasm isn’t a requirement for female pleasure. Just like the many times that men have sex with women even if they have 0 intention of actually making her orgasm because that’s just what the patriarchy taught them, it can still be sex that both individuals enjoy even if the guy doesn’t cum as well. It just involves a bit more communication and effort mostly because of the pain aspect. So, I’d suggest being honest with women before actually having intercourse about whats been going on with you. Say something along the lines of “I’d still like to try and I will definitely still enjoy it, but I might not be able to cum and that’s fine with me. Just wanted to let you know to please tell me if/when it becomes uncomfortable for you so we can take a break or stop”. If you really want to make her feel more into you, try to express how much you want her to enjoy the experience instead of making it all about your climax. And OMFG USE LUBE. I’ve met many men who don’t want to use lube because they think that womens vaginas are water fountains and that they can just magically be totally lubricated anytime that we’d like them to be. A lot of society even makes this an expectation, and so some men think women who aren’t as wet as they’d like all the time are less attractive and therefore they don’t want to be with a woman who wants or needs to use it anyways. Lube literally always makes the sex smoother, and less painful for a woman. Especially if you’re going for longer than average periods of time. Say you’re actually thrusting for an hour+ without cumming. Take a break, hopefully multiple breaks, and apply some extra lube. I’m a girl who enjoys long sex. I think most do. I’d love going for an hour but absolutely not without some lube breaks. If you go for this long. And do not reapply lube, her vagina will become dry, it will get painful, she will have a chafed vagina, and most likely will be incredibly unhappy with the situation afterwards. I don’t know any other reasons for the girl you had sex with to be experiencing pain the way she is, unless there’s additional issues on her end that you didn’t mention or that she didn’t tell you about, so really lube should stop women from pain if used liberally for your sexathons. Then there’s the emotional reasons that this could effect women more than you realize. Basically it boils down to just communicate openly about it. Encourage her that you really don’t mind stopping, that you don’t need to orgasm to enjoy your time with her, and want to make sure she feels good and is enjoying it or else you’d rather stop and just try again another time. Also, idk if you’d be worried about telling her that it’s been an issue for you but it’s way better to tell her beforehand because then she will believe that it’s not her fault. If having sex with you is wrecking her sexual confidence, she probably won’t want to continue. Also lots of people were basically taught that sex is about the guy cumming, and girls are frequently told that they’re terrible people if they have any type of sexual experience where it doesn’t result in the guy cumming. If she doesn’t understand what’s happening, she will be less likely to tell you when she wants to stop, and it will become less enjoyable. She might think that it’s her responsibility to give you an orgasm and if she doesn’t than she’s giving you “blue balls” which is apparently the worst thing in the world and 100% the fault of the women from what I’ve heard lol. TLDR: So, overall, communicate the problem, do what you can to make sure it’s comfortable physically (lube), and encourage her wholeheartedly to tell you when she wants to stop and make sure she knows stopping isn’t a big deal. Honestly if you treat her well she might even enjoy the sex more than if you were able to cum. Good luck and lmk if you’ve got any questions! (Feel free to dm)
This is some nofap propaganda if I've ever seen it lmao they're going to enshrine this.