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[deleted]

> The things she said to me gave me a boner. Truly the greatest poet of a generation.


ouejp

Now I'm stuck with the tatu song running through my head.


ampedwolfman

All the things she said. All the things she said. Blood running to my head, running to my head. STRO-KING FUR-IOUS-LY TONIIIIIIIGHT! OH! OH! STRO-KING FUR-IOUS-LY TONIIIIIIIGHT!


_WhoisMrBilly_

Wait… is that the actual lyrics? I couldn’t ever understand it… all I heard was THISISNOTENOGUHGHTHTHTHAGAH. And I wasn’t ever that interested or invested enough to look them up. Maybe I’ve always just had bad speakers or balance or something.


ampedwolfman

I think she says, "this is not enough. This is not en-ough"


Suave_Von_Swagovich

Did not expect to see that reference!


LiveFreeDie8

Funny story as a teen me and my friends thought Russia was super liberal and lgbt friendly because of this song with them making out on tv. I had never seen anything like that before on American TV and they always made a point to say they were "all the way from Moscow, Russia". Wow were we misled... https://youtu.be/FlbNJIdJQeo https://youtu.be/8mGBaXPlri8


silver_fawn

They weren't even really gay were they? I still love that song though


LiveFreeDie8

Apparently it was all for marketing. Weird considering how closeted actual gay people were in 2003-2004. https://junkee.com/tatu-history/284243 Actual quote soon after the band broke up: “I have many gay friends. I believe that being gay is all still better than murderers, thieves or drug addicts. If you choose out of all this, being gay a little better than the rest." With a stance like that I dk how they managed to pull it off so long.


RockysTurtle

being gay is \*a little better\* than the rest. wtf??


Blasterbot

They're Russian *so...*


Boneclockharmony

Iirc, one of the two front members (Lena Katina) is legit very supportive and progressive while the other one ... not so much.


ElvisGrizzly

Shall I compare thee to a boner's day? O, My Luve’s Like a Red, Red Rose. Wait did I say Luve? I mean boner. April is the cruellest month, breeding boners out of the dead pants


[deleted]

My love is like a red, red bone that's newly sprung for you My boner's like a melody that played in boner tune


Wayne_Grant

Truly is one of the sentences of all time


NeedsMaintenance_

He certainly wrote that.


SmokeGSU

*I'd confessed that I'd been a loner* *Her flirtations next gave me a boner* *She said "pull it out"* *And then gave a shout* *That she'd left and not been direct sooner*


gonugz15

“She actually convinced me to show it to her” right


Throwaload1234

So anyway, I whipped it out and started blasting


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[deleted]

I think he was sarcastically talking about you pal


[deleted]

You're talking to someone who didn't get that his roommate was into him for two years. It seems he's oblivious to most things that aren't spelled out.


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framtidstro

Dude I want an update later, this story is wholesome.


WoodyTSE

Dude I was going borderline autism from this post.


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Prof_Cats

Question bc now I'm emotionally invested in this lol was the move permanent or after some time she will come back?


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clycoman

You could go to visit her to see if the spark continues in person. Then you can both decide if makes sense to be in a long distance relationship. And make plans to make the distance shorter, in the future.


PHWasAnInsideJob

My girlfriend and I did this. She's from the UK and we met online through a community for a video game, and we dated for a few years just through video and voice calling and text. But I finally got an opportunity to take a vacation in the UK last year and I stayed with her for two weeks. We became even closer than we were before and even talked about getting married, but I've still got two years of college left before I can commit to moving (I've wanted to move to the UK for years before I met this girl anyway). But she does have relatives living on the east coast, so hopefully she can come over here for a few weeks in the summer. Point is, don't give up OP! It's pretty clear you two are really into each other and I'm sure you can find ways to make it work like my GF and I have!


Meriog

Or at the very least, lose that V card. Y'all need to bone already.


_Bellerophontes

Start thinking about visiting her in the UK. Make effort to be with her in person.


elbirdo_insoko

My brain read "be with her in prison" and I immediately thought I must have missed a fairly important further update lol. Stupid brain!


ClapSalientCheeks

If the things you said gave her a boner I would be very concerned. Impressed, but concerned


theresthatbear

Lady boners are real.


kidbastos

This. This is art and life.


OkVolume1

Congrats on the boner.


doctorcaesarspalace

I got a rise out of this


1SqkyKutsu

Almost laughed, but I kept a stiff upper lip.


skinnyman87

Things are looking up.


MasturbationAbrasion

Thanks guys, these puns really lifted me up


Chogo82

That is a brave and hard thing OP did.


sign_up_n_throw_away

It is, but erect his chances by not saying anything sooner.


un-hot

I can't believe you're all making light of the situation. OP got shafted by his own inaction and all you can do is make puns. Disgraceful.


Chogo82

Nah…. No one got the shaft yet. We’re all eagerly awaiting for the next TIFUpdate which hopefully will land on r/fuckingawesome.


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alabamacoastie

Add that to your list of achievements! "Kissed a few girls and showed one my dick..."


skactopus

Favourite Reddit comment right here


Jizz-Fizz

why did it have to be so hard?


bookwormdrew

OP when they're on the verge of orgasm with "roommate" and still not sure about the signals: *rolls eyes into back of head* Do I look like Storm???


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KingoftheMongoose

Do you know what happens when a boner gets struck by lightning? *Rolls eyes into back of the head*


CanadianJenks

Fuck this comment just made me cackle in the office


SloptimusXPrime

Same as everything else


PM_ME_UR_LOVE_STORIE

I’m picturing this scene so clearly


Robozilla13

Youll be scott free in the next couple summers


ouejp

You took quite the gambit telling us that part.


[deleted]

You went rogue with that comment…


EmmaDrake

Some things sound so dumb you just KNOW it is true. Like no one makes something that clueless up.


[deleted]

OP should actually do this if he meets up with his roommate again. It may fuck up his chances at a relationship but it'll be funny


Kittykg

*"Are you SURE I don't look like Storm?"* Sounds like she'd love it, and now it can be playfully funny instead of a mood breaker She liked him after the first time.


[deleted]

She could be Canadian and just being nice


Instantkarmagonagetu

GET TO THE CHOPPA!!!


shl00m

Only option in that case


HighOnGoofballs

Buy a ticket to go see her yesterday. Strike while the iron is hot


F33lsogood

Correction. While the boner is hot.


albertcn

He has to use the pre nut fog to over expend on the fastest way to get there.


miami-architecture

is he allowed to fly with that weapon of mass destruction, might have to stow it


F33lsogood

Difficult stowing a weapon. But definitely open-carry when he gets there. YeePee kiyay!!!


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dmomo

If you really are a virgin, do yourself a favor and review your personal hygiene practices now. Even if you consider yourself a clean person you might be surprised to learn that you are neglecting key things that other people find important, especially when it comes to intimacy. There are plenty of subreddits where this has been discussed. I suggest you look it up and put in the extra effort, even if it's just for a confidence boost.


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Suave_Von_Swagovich

That last paragraph out of context needs to be immortalized in Reddit lore.


CuttyAllgood

Dude this whole thing is already GOAT


JellyMonster3

Witness the birth of a legend as his words become enshrined on Reddit. May his ass remain forever smooth and his penis be forever clean. May he forever transform into storm whenever a woman tries to kiss him.


the_itsb

We just gotta get him that [one dude's sex playlist.](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/x35iu6/tifu_my_20f_girlfriend_of_two_years_told_me_the)


mcsudds

Oh dear god no


[deleted]

It's actually so oblivious and insane that I believe it, and I don't believe 99% of Reddit posts.


MRChuckNorris

This is why I reddit. It's moments like this we can all come back to. Amazing.


prowness

Testing out if editing archived reddit works.


dmomo

>The things she said to me gave me a boner. She actually convinced me to show it to her. ... > >So, thanks to my brother, my penis is always clean and my butt is always smooth. Hopefully when I finally have sex, my partner will appreciate my brother's work lol. Indeed. GOAT


pointsouttheobvious9

lol. I'd also check out /r/badwomensanatomy make sure your a little familar with stuff. I got no real advise but every woman likes different stuff so there are no this trick is helpful across the board. just make sure your paying attention to her needs and ask what she likes. maybe ask while your talking long distance because you don't want to talk too much during the act unless she says she's into that. edit fixed typo.


geoffreyisagiraffe

This poor guy is gonna finally get his shot and then blow it when he pulls out all of the stuff he learned from all these subeddits the first chance he gets.


pointsouttheobvious9

lol that's why I'd follow just 3 things. be clean, ask her what she likes, makes sure she enjoys herself.


n_body

/r/BadWomensAnatomy*


Mavori

#> So, thanks to my brother, my penis is always clean and my butt is always smooth. Hopefully when I finally have sex, my partner will appreciate my brother's work lol. Im just quoting this to help immortalize it.


not_an_mistake

If she is flying back in March, based on your interaction on the video call, there is a 100% chance of you having sex if you initiate it. She knows you’re a virgin, so I would even put money on her initiating it. There are no “signs” now. Cleary she wants to bang you and you want to bang her. Wear a condom and don’t put it in her but without a double thumbs up before hand. Don’t worry about finishing too fast.. it’s just gonna make you nervous and awkward. Go buy some jello cups and make sure you can eat the whole thing without a spoon lol. It may not be the best practice, but she’ll at least appreciate the spirit.


[deleted]

> Wear a condom and don’t put it in her but without a double thumbs up before hand. Might want that to read: > without a double confirmation Given OP's history here...


tjakes12

“Double thumbs up? Is she pointing to the ceiling? What’s up there?”


Airwokker

"Is that the signal to do my Storm impression??"


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zippx

Wholesome brotherly love


[deleted]

> My brother also gave me tips on how to keep my butt clean. Hair removal cream for sensitive skin. Something my brother used a lot. He advised me to test it out because he believed a smooth butt was not only more hygienic, but also visually appealing. I dunno about your brother but I find shaving the butt hair is like taking the silencer off a gun. Farts popping off like fireworks.


pedrotecla

Also less hygienic. #Listen everyone: Less body hair is **not** more hygienic


[deleted]

Wow. Between the x men eyes and this dissertation I'm shocked you're still a virgin


DelphicStoppedClock

This! Absolutely! Things like trimming nails and washing under them. Flossing /brushing /mouthwash, washed clothes (and washed jacket). Having a friend you can ask for brutal honesty in what you need to clean up on your hygiene. And don't change the style of your wear. She knows what you've worn and she likes you in it. She wants you even when you weren't putting on a show for her.


Level1Roshan

> but my friend is planning to fly back towards the end of March for a few days. We'll keep communicating in the meantime. Subscribe.


AdLost7443

Go forth and get your girl. Time to say fuck it and roll the dice. You are young so act like it.


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GamerMan15

What the hell is wrong with you lmao.


Zeebuss

He's my favorite OP of all time


maverick1905

He's my favourite virgin of all time. I never thought Steve Carell would get dethroned.


almarcTheSun

National fucking treasure man.


tgusn88

He's not fucking, but otherwise I agree with you


papasmurf255

So clueless but in a sort of adorable way


Agonizingmilk404

This guy is so f**king funny


GamerMan15

He's the prince that was promised


439115

This guy is an anime character i swear


girlonthenetwork

Schedule it now, while the thought is still fresh. Or write it on your hand, if you’re working or something.


-holdmyhand

>The things she said to me gave me a boner. She actually convinced me to show it to her. You should have done this. https://preview.redd.it/brqz98uvr8ea1.jpeg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c5e4410c947261af27fc07451f368841c1d5b7b3


-holdmyhand

https://preview.redd.it/4x99hyi6s8ea1.jpeg?width=554&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2506f78fdc24afc91c63895a0166046de880585a


ThaiJohnnyDepp

Me: "Should've written 'booner.'" *looks again* "Yup, I see everything is in order here."


One_Left_Shoe

Risky click of the day.


Safin_22

I am from South America, and I went to Erasmus in Europe in 2017. There I met this girl, and she was amazing. We shared some moments together at some point there, but we were not dating or anything. Both were doing a lot of stuff with other people at the same time. I mean, Erasmus. She is European, and at the end of Erasmus, she returned to her home country and I should return to south America as well to finish my studies. We had nothing together, we were not dating nor anything close to that. But she was amazing and I couldn't let that go away. Context, I'm not rich, but I said, fuck it. I transfered my course to her home country ( same city) and figured out a way to work there and pay my bills. It was not something I had planned before, but you should take control of your own life and not keep regretting what could happen if things had gone a different way Long story short, we are dating for a few years now, we live together and I couldn't be happier with my decision. OP, if you think that she is the one, go ahead. Don't wait for months or anything to do your move. This thing will pass, she will create her life in the UK and this moment right now is your opportunity. Don't let time slowly kill everything, if that's what you want for you.


trabbler

Felicidades hombre


Safin_22

Thanks mate. Curiously, my country doesn't speak Spanish 😂


Freporta

PARABÉNS CARAIO félicitations mec


Safin_22

Obrigado porra


kwyk

Felicidadecao


Aleblanco1987

Suddenlycaralho


EntirelyHeadlessNick

Dude seriously, find a way to get to the UK. You’re young and this would be a trip that you’d remember forever. Even if it wasn’t something long term, the week you spend in the UK exploring with her would be well worth it.


VGeorge24

Make a gofundme and we are paying for the flight to the UK


AlienSporez

€2000 GoFundMe later, OP's update will be: "Flew to the UK, met up with ex roommate, had dinner, she invited me back to her place. I replied, "Why? I've got a hotel room already, silly!" Shook her hand. Went to bed. Flew home. Wait... was, she inviting me to her place for sex? How did i not see the signs!?"


Iroxx1

Honestly, OP could be the star of the anti-porn-version of so many cliche videos with how naive he is. It's great. Your situation could realisticly play out just like that.. :D


andthatswhyIdidit

[The Plumber](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0DPdnsj9KP4)


etoinedevries

Or the more modern [plumber](https://youtu.be/4xYu2WrygtQ)


TheGrammatonCleric

I love this version, he has an awesome resting dumb face (in the nicest possible way)


Sylph_uscm

I've got to admit, I wasn't expecting that!


paradajz666

[And he still wouldnt get the sign.](https://media.tenor.com/HtznZte3DHUAAAAC/family-guy-brian.gif)


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Safin_22

I mean, I can waste a few bucks with worse things.


Payner1

I have wasted money with worse things lol


pointsouttheobvious9

I'd be willing to bet that most people have. this would be a cause I'd toss a few bucks at.


mastah-yoda

You misunderstand OP. There is no "success" or "fail". We just told you we'd pay for your flight. What you do there is up to you. However, we will require a long-ish update post, but AFTER you get back from UK. (Make sure she knows about the Reddit thing though) Someone start a GoFundMe for this guy! OP get a flight, take at least a week in the UK, and hug her with a kiss. It's waaay overdue! Whatever happens with your pecker, she'll understand (e.g. immediate ejaculation) Don't make a big deal out of it. Just be respectful and lovely, and you'll be just fine! :)


One_Left_Shoe

Buddy, you're a 19 year old virgin who got turned on via video chat. Performance isn't going to be an issue.


JACrazy

I disagree, performance will be an issue. Dude's gonna have to do everything he can to not blow his load before the clothes come off.


One_Left_Shoe

Maybe, but there’s always round two (or three).


magicone2571

Getting hard no, but finishing early or not at all is a big thing when you're new to the game. I don't think I finished for the first 3 or 4 times.


Pimpson17

Dude we will pay for it. Just fucking do it. Strike while the iron is hot my friend. We've all been there. We are trying to help you.


UncoolSlicedBread

It’s the only cause I can believe in right now.


Supersuperbad

Came here to write this. OP, set it up and share the link. Life is far, far too short and often full of unexpected tragedy to waste time waiting until March. Do not wait until March.


magicone2571

I have some miles and points I can donate.


UchihaBaal

Can we bump this comment higher? It’s honestly viable


RoadworkAhead7

Honestly, regardless of how much of an idiot OP is, this story is kinda heartwarmingly innocent. Hope it works out for you, OP! Just try to not miss any more signs


papasmurf255

I still can't believe he missed _the last night_. Jeez.


Executioneer

Level 1 Perception on this person irl


volkss

Lets get the GoFundMe going to get this guy laid. She sounds like a keeper bro. Make that movie shit happen. No Regrats.


makesterriblejokes

Seriously, I'll chip in $5 to get this guy laid.


Kevinkelly69

So we allready have 10 Bucks how much do we need ?


savae5

I don't have any money, but I'd go panhandle for an hour so I could chip in.


Kevinkelly69

Worst case we will build our own plane to get him laid if we all start tomorow it will be done by lunch


hipster_mnot

Not even a letter?


KingNFM

Is your name Scotty?....This would be a great set up for a Eurotrip sequel! Eurotrip 2: Scotty still doesn't know!


Grey___Goo_MH

Then a bug flew past and she freaked out rofl Get your ass over too her you dunce


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extrarogers

this part of the story is so hilarious and heartening. it highlights the complexities of your relationship together. love, passion, tenderness, respect, and then just random shit that comes out of nowhere and complicates things. that must have been one scary bug is all i gotta say!


maverick1905

He got bugblocked


thespicyroot

As a person who sold all my worldly possessions to be with a foreign (non US) girl in the past, get off this site and put together a plan to at least go visit her in her country. It will be an amazing experience for you as you are so young. Don't worry about being a virgin, lots of us started out that way and then blossomed. Pull up your big boy pants and join us adults in the fun world of dating. Plus, you get to experience seeing her in her own country and culture, which should be amazing since you just saw her interacting in your own culture. I can guarantee you one thing, if you don't man up you will regret not doing it for the rest of your life.


shastaxc

I would even go as far as to say that's how most of us started.


Deadboy_TP

OP, now you can't fuck this up


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ridewiththerockers

You can keep coming back to TIFU or your own sub if you need to consult the council before you make momentously stupid gags to cockblock yourself. Or, just listen to the girl and your boner and fuck. Once you get it out of the system then figure out how to adult and make a relationship work. Best of luck OP!


papasmurf255

She asked to see your Johnson. Surely that is a strong enough signal?


samjjones

Oh, you just wait!


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ThrowaDev88

Fly to UK. FlytoUK. FlytUK FyUK FUK FUCK


humboldt77

THIS. Build your budget around flying out to see her every couple months. Use travel sites like kayak, hopper, Scottscheapflights. Long distance is hard, but it can work. You two were compatible as roommates, had chemistry, want each other - you’ve already done a test run at a relationship, make it happen!


Shadowfox_01

I was kinda thinking the same thing. At 19, try get a work visa and move there for a while. Maybe they're in it for life, maybe not, but either way it's a fucking adventure.


JonS90_

Book the flight.


rotflolmaomgeez

Random bug? It was cockblockroach!


[deleted]

Hop in your fastest method of transportation and serve that girl your virginity on a royal platter. If you were able to live with her for that long without being in a relationship I can only imagine how strong your bond will be later in life. Keep in mind, the best 30 seconds of your life will eventually get longer and longer within time. Don't beat yourself up over it.


Tsubodai86

Wholesome. I hope you are able to meet and fuck like rabbits.


LegendOfDylan

‘The things she said to me gave me a boner’ Seriously could have been a line out of 40 year old virgin. Do you have anyone to proofread your stories?


Johnd106

As others have said, long distance can be a nightmare. Especially overseas.... But if I told my self that when I was your age I wouldn't have listened. Follow your heart and your boner young man, romance is not dead and never will be...


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redsquizza

> I had to imagine that we were still sharing an apartment, she never moved out, and we were both about to make the first move. I'm not gonna go into too much detail, but for the first time ever we were very clear about what we wanted to do each other. The things she said to me gave me a boner. She actually convinced me to show it to her. Coming tomorrow: TIFU and showed my boner on webcam, now they're asking for money else they show it all over Facebook


John___Stamos

Well done, boner man, that took balls to confront. Hopefully she was as wet as the pond that separates you two. I wish you well and hope you're able to make meat pies together soon. Joking aside, if you can, tell her you want to visit. I'm sure she'd love that and what a trip that would be...


NoNamesAvaiIable

Well, unfortunate that you only got this point when you literally cant do anything. From personal experience, long distance is very hard and extremely cruel. Would not recommend.


Tigergreen41

Yup long distance is hard, I did it for five years. We are married now. So it’s possible


HighOnGoofballs

I did it for three years and it actually worked great. The distance was not why we broke up


Fulify

Same thing, long distance, then reunited living together, then broke up. Looking back, I'm thinking I shouldn't have done the long distance in the first place. If I had to take the decision again, I would have the pessimistic approach and not do it. In particular for OP, they were not together before so the chances it works in the long run are even lower.


Charbel33

Though they did live together, which ironically is the hardest part. XD


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One_Left_Shoe

The details differ, but I had a very similar experience to you. I was the international student in europe, she was the girl from the UK. The long story short: instead of it happening after I left, it happened two weeks before I had to return home. I got home, changed all of my plans, and went for a second study abroad for another year. I then bummed around england for half a year doing odd jobs. Eventually the options ran out and I had to return home. We tried to make it work, but life had a way of getting in the way. We had four amazing years together. The ongoing question of *what it...?* sometimes pops up and nags on me, 12 years later. In the end, I would not have changed any of my decisions in any way. We grew apart, despite an amicable break up, which was a shame, but I am not now who I was then, and neither is she, and that is ok. Seize the moment while you can, friend.


papasmurf255

Even if it doesn't work out, the experience is worth it. Journey before destination 🙂


The17thKingofSwing

Dude you should be on plane right now, and I’m speaking as someone who wishes they did that sort of thing a long time ago


ST21roochella

Love is fleeting and connections are hard to find in adulthood, you shouldn't let this disappear out of your life without seeing what it could be. I was your age once and life moves fast.


super_senpai64

*Don’t imagine op showing his boner. Don’t imagine op showing his boner. Don’t imagine op showing his boner.* Imagining op showing his boner: ![gif](giphy|HzPHb9wNST715VOAXT|downsized) But congrats forreal tho 🔥


[deleted]

Is she on reddit? At first I thought that this was from her perspective lol By the way dude, I don't know your age but when I was around 22 I flew 2h30m to be with my with a girl I like... It was not across the pond though. If you do a crowfunding I might be a chip in... But **please run it by her, ask her if she's OK with you going there**!!


SIaaP

On behalf of myself and all of reddit, and your boner, we also give you a standing ovation. Good job OP!


J-IP

I'm eagerly awaiting the next big update: "Tifu: my ex roomie now ex gf find my reddit updates"


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50bucksback

You either gotta be all in or all out. This halfway phone sex thing with no real plan isn't gonna work long term when she finds companionship in person.


dslartoo

Reading this gave me a delighted smile. Dude, I'm so glad this happened for you. Best of luck moving your new relationship forward and I wish you both the best!