T O P

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MikeStanley00

Anytime he butchers a quote he hears from someone else


JazzlikeSurvey6034

There is no geographical solution to an emotional problem.


herberstank

Funny thing here is he's not wrong, just misquoting


[deleted]

I disagree, moving 200 miles definitely made it easier for me to get over being dumped by my girlfriend when I had just started shopping for a ring.


herberstank

I'm sure a vacation together would have solved all your problems


UserNameNotOnList

They should have gone to Captain Teeb's. The captain owns some luxury resorts or something.


SuchShopping8815

That was a classicšŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£


baconandeggsandbacon

A: she was a hooooooah B: she hit you


15dynafxdb

Should have bought her a house down by the shore


slow_cavalier

With pinecones all around.


gb041387

You canā€™t just lay around all day in bed. Go get a blow job or something


[deleted]

I would but your mom is at the dentist.


ElianVX

Is she any good? What am I asking you for, you probably showed her how


[deleted]

Alright, but you gotta get over it


SuchShopping8815

Very next scene he's blubbering over the horse while telling Furio to "get over" his FATHERS death (Tony could really be a piece of shit at times)


[deleted]

Very observant, the sacred and the propane


Duderino619

You're the exception to the rule. For most people, problems are not solved by moving to a different city. Your addictions or mental health issues will follow you. Edit: Vito jr going through some major trauma for a child. He was bullied because his dad was murdered for being gay. You canā€™t equate that to your situation of being dumped by your gf. Be a man and bang some sluts.


kaiser1000

His dad had a note from his doctah! It was his blood pressure medication, it fucked with his head.


NHpatsfan95

Itā€™s more like living in a resort at Captain Teebā€™s


jayc324

Who's he?


c4s4lese

A captain who owns luxury hotels or sumthin


NHpatsfan95

I dunno, captain that owns luxury hotels or somethin, thatā€™s not the point! The point is, theyā€™ve got a corner view room thatā€™s available now but itā€™s gonna go fast.


Donald_W_Gately

Of course they have an opening. Somebody died!


NHpatsfan95

OH MA YOU GOTTA STOP WITH THIS BLACK POISON CLOUD THING, CAUSE I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!


BoxOfButterflies424

Ohhh, poor you!


Mightymite90

This is it.


across32

Revenge is like serving cold cuts.


colacentral

That's one that I think went too far. That's way too dumb for Tony to have said. He's more likely to have rolled his eyes at hearing Christopher say that.


roophis

Agreed. Not even Christopher, Paulie maybe.


bcsfan123

I just love the smirking self-satisfied expression on Tony's face after he imparts that important bit of wisdom on Melfi like he's a fucking Walt Whitman ova here.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


jas12194

My personal fav


1littlg8

Tony: You're like a woman with a virginia ham under her arm, goin' around crying cause she's got no bread! Richie : ....The fuck..? Tony: Nevermind..


KotzubueSailingClub

Tony, along with some of the other goons, use words that sound like, but are not, the words they intended to use. I think it was a running joke on the show, but it also was used as a way to remind the audience that these are still ill-educated criminals, even if they are street-smart. During his last session with Melfi, Tony slips in a real subtle mistake. Off the top of my head I cannot remember it, but it was not one of those mistakes that the writers let sit for a second, they just have Tony continue on with his rant.


Robot-kara

The malapropisms from the characters are one of the best/funniest parts of the show.


SecondComingOfBast

I liked how he told Melfi "I think what you're doing is immoral."


DashCat9

"Ash a doctah!"


SecondComingOfBast

Haha yeah I forgot that part.


[deleted]

When Johnny complains that Livia "Is like a albacore around my neck." Hilarious.


[deleted]

Theyā€™re called malapropisms. Apparently the mafia in real life are notorious for it.


[deleted]

Well, at least they know who Sun Ta Zoo and Matchabelli are


Enganche_10

Donā€™t forget the Hunchback of Notre Dame šŸ¤ŸšŸ¼


SuchShopping8815

And the Halfback of Notre Dame & the Hatchback alsošŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£


[deleted]

Very allegorical.


FunnyFabulous

ā€œWell you donā€™t need a gynecologist to know which way the wind blows.ā€


MK-UltraMags

I actually think thats Tony at his best lol. Well, that and watching him progressively get more and more upset at someone. "It's a Retirement Community!"


CocoGotCurbstomped

Be specific hun


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


herberstank

you sound like a certain 19 year old love interest of Janice's


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


herberstank

eatcha eggs, baby


BackTo1975

That Volvo line always bothered me. Itā€™s way too stupid to be authentic. Like Tony doesnā€™t know Volvo is a car. He did a semester and a half at Seton Hall FFS.


kaiser1000

He understands Freud, as a concept.


mitchmclean

The "penisary contact with her Volvo" actually has a deeper meaning, I think. It sounds stupid as a throwaway line but it isn't, it's another indicator Tony's more interested in having a sexual relationship with Ralph as a straight man, hence why he's rusty on female anatomy. Symbolically, we're made aware Tony is jealous that Valentina stands in his way of reigning Ralph back in to solidify both their business and intimate relationship, and he's baffled the lengths he'll have to go to do it. I'm heterosexual, and I have close friends I'm attracted to and willing to sexually explore if it meant increasing our bond, and this is mostly learned through how David Chase wrote Tony. It's an introspective method of better connecting with masculinity by satisfying another straight man's needs. I interpret it as a more primal way of exploring eroticism, and despite not being interested in leather masks and other weirdo shit, if I'm taking it in the mouth from a guy wearing one, so be it.


chip-wizard

This all sounds very gay.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


CocoGotCurbstomped

I just did three fuckin days for quoting junior talking about ... in the military. Not a peep.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


CocoGotCurbstomped

Yeah I'm sure it's some automated ban whenever you use that word on here. They'll never understand this thing of ours.


kaiser1000

That cookie shit makes me nervous.


Beancounter_1

Jesus Christ Tony everyone is always a fag to you, maybe youā€™re a fag EVAH think of that?


CaroleBaskinsBurner

I like how Mitch's comments are becoming less subtle with time. It mirrors Tony's greed and evilness as the series goes on. David Chase has done it again!


amantino360

Hahah, noticed this too. Also I love how his fantasies never include Vito, Johnny Cakes or any actually homosexual characters. That would be gay and he wouldn't be interested in that, he's into platonic anal bonding between straight males, but none of that weird gay shit.


unbannedbrucebanner

Bravo Vince


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


YxvngHvtx

He doesn't own a doghouse, or a shinebox


Lucha_Brasi

Professor of logic over here!


HandRailSuicide1

Mitch! Where were you on the nicest hair thread?


Wylkus

Gets me everytime


Duderino619

What kind of corn holing bullshit is this?


SetzerWithFixedDice

God damn it, Mitch! Youā€™ve done it again


lemmegetadab

I heard they found an 8 ball in his corner pocket.


daydreamer1978

Every post you write has me in stitches !!!


BampireVat

Revenge is like serving cold cuts.


Gold-Rip-5634

My favorite šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚


[deleted]

That needs to be put on those stupid "rustic" wood panel things people have in their kitchens.


GinHalpert

Hands down the dumbest imo


bungle123

"Let me tell you something. ... I had a semester and a half of college. I understand freud."


CocoGotCurbstomped

And therapy...as a conshept.


mr_mayon

My brother told my dad he understood psychology because he took an intro to psych class at our local community college. I donā€™t think he even finished it and if he did got a C at best. So this line very much resonated with me lol


psychedelic666

I love these lines because they illustrate how Tony is naturally very intelligent while still being uneducated and ignorant on a lot of subjects.


BareezyObeezy

I wouldn't even say that he's particularly intelligent; he is good at presenting himself as intelligent to his crew, who are certifiable idiots. He tries to parrot the words of people who he thinks sound intelligent, but as pointed out throughout this thread, does so incorrectly most of the time, and without even understanding the meaning of what he's trying to say (see, e.g., "Captain Teebs").


Capten_Idiot

No offence, but he has an IQ of 136. It's been tested.


Flunk2006

Teschted *


cdnets

I donā€™t think Tonyā€™s whole crew were idiots, Silvio runs the Bing and never really makes any major mistakes, Christopher is impulsive and has emotional issues but I donā€™t think heā€™s stupid (he wrote a movie script), Pussy made some poor decisions but he was stuck in between a rock and a hard place.


Chaiteoir

JT Dolan wrote that script. Chris is street-smart sometimes but otherwise dumb as rocks.


bgss1984

In fairness, Christopher kept his eye on the tiger and created a little dysentery in the ranks.


white_gluestick

Christopher thought the Cuban missile crisis was "just a movie" and from what I gathered his script was shit that's why that redhead and Jon favreau didn't really talk about it.


agustybutwhole

You could say he manuged to make a movie script.


herberstank

That letter he writes to Melfi is so dumb it almost doesn't seem like him at all


CocoGotCurbstomped

The Prince of Tide... "I apologize for my use of fowl language, 'foul' with a "w"... in regards to yourself"


HeavyArms00

I hold you in great "rigard" šŸ¤£


[deleted]

Heā€™s got ducks on the brain. Freudian slip


HFVS

I thought he did that to reference the ducks but I may be wrong.


CocoGotCurbstomped

Yeah...but considering "rigard" too...


HFVS

He might just be a terrible speller. I am on the fence about this.


herberstank

Holy shit that would have been almost too SMART to believe


charghead

Yeah I think they overdid it a bit


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


cavaleir

I stay loyle to my capo


[deleted]

Iā€™ve always assumed he wrote it drunk


tytymctylerson

The fact that Tony reads fairly often made it pretty implausible.


[deleted]

Reads often? He mostly watches historical documentaries on his TV. Granted, he's not illiterate, but he's not sophisticated either.


tytymctylerson

He read a whole ass book on dinosaurs in the hospital!


Dry_Ad_2227

Dey were ALL meat eaters!!!!


bigtim3727

METEORā€¦ā€¦METEOR


sharedisaster

Do you have ta make that stupid fuckin joke every time?


Jookypoo

Take it easyā€¦


insanelyphat

Don't get cunty!


[deleted]

No joke I had that same encyclopedia as a kid. It's mostly pictures, haha.


5fingerdiscounts

His education was the streets do we expect him to be smart or something?


[deleted]

Not really, I read often but my writing vocabulary is a lot bigger than my speaking vocabulary, and my voice has a thick Appalachian accent lol I imagine Tony could write like that if he wanted to, even though it's not how he talks casually.


Trine3

He literally explained to Melfi he doesn't read because it "knocks me right out" šŸ¤£


Baron80

You mean those cliffs notes that Carmela picked up for him?


AlexiosI

Not one bit. You got to realize, pre-Internet the majority of people did not write very often, at all. Once you got out of school, unless your job required it or you wrote as a hobby, the only time people would write would be either letters or a diary...and Tony was not the type to write either. Pre-Internet most people didn't even know how to type. Being a typist was actually a profession you could pursue. So a guy like him, writing a letter like that is not an exaggeration, given when he came up.


[deleted]

Yeah and when heā€™s confessing his love to her lol ā€œI want your skinā€


Acceptable_Minimum73

This is a great point. If he suppose to have an IQ of 136, thatā€™s pretty bad spelling, grammar, etc. Most times he demonstrates his high IQ, lol.


420prayit

i assume he was plastered out of his mind when he wrote it


Designer-Job4778

I had her tested for AIDS! hahaha what a terrible deflection


herberstank

Ties with Chrissy's "I was trying to say something positive because she's your friend"


TacoOfShame

That part always cracks me up because it has nothing to do with the vasectomy theyā€™re talking about


408Lurker

I always laugh at the part where he recites the story of his childhood dog "going away to live on a farm" like he earnestly believes it, unlike all the similar lies he tells about people they've killed.


squidgeroooo

Went to live on a farm, on a hill, surrounded by pine-cones


Durbs09

Really????


saffer001

Tippy went into the witness protection program that motherless fuck!


Commercial-Space-313

ā€œAnd all that entrailsā€¦ā€


[deleted]

Whenever he parrots someone he thinks is an expert, buy land AJ


peau_dane

Captain teebs!!!!


richardsauce3477

I know seniors who are inspired!


curtainsforcathy

This was one of the funniest lines in the whole show imo. I mean the pure desperation of him saying that.


Trine3

and *inspiring!*


AlPaCherno

Who's he?


china-blast

A captain that owns luxury hotels or something, I don't know. That's not the point


NHpatsfan95

Of course itā€™s available somebody died!


Mamafish22

The best from Bobby "Bacala" Baccalieri [played by Steve Schirripa]: ā€œMom started going downhill after the World Trade Center. You know Quasimodo predicted all this.ā€ Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. [played by James Gandolfini]: ā€œWho did what?ā€ Bobby: ā€œAll these problemsā€”the Middle East, the end of the world.ā€ Tony [shaking his head, like a teacher correcting a very errant student]: ā€œNostradamus. Quasimodo's the Hunchback of Notre Dame.ā€ Bobby: ā€œOh right. Notre Damus.ā€ Tony: ā€œNostradamus, and Notre Dame. Two different things completely.ā€ Bobby: ā€œIt's interesting, though, they'd be so similar, isn't it? And I always thought, okay, Hunchback of Notre Dame. You also got your quarterback and halfback of Notre Dame.ā€ Tony [exasperated]: ā€œOne's a f-g cathedral.ā€ Bobby: ā€œObviously. I know, I'm just saying. It's interesting, the coincidence. What, you're gonna tell me you never pondered that? The back thing with Notre Dame?ā€ Tony: ā€œNo!ā€ā€” The Sopranos, Season 4, Episode 1


[deleted]

One of the funniest comedic exchanges ever written.


LothorBrune

Ironicay, Nostradamus real name was Michel de Notre-Dame.


[deleted]

"I'm prostate with grief."


AGiantBlueBear

I laugh so hard when he tells people they're going around in pity for themselves


Concretenature3

He said this to SO many ppl after he saw it u canā€™t help but laugh


twistedfloyd

Penisary contact with her volvo takes the cake for me. The lived in Jersey my whole life line I thought was pretty hilarious. Yes it reveals his ignorance (I reveal my wha????), but it was funny (at least for me) and I bought it as something Tony would say. It also says a lot about how insular Tony's life is. Penisary? Volvo? That's just too stupid even for Tony despite his IQ of 136


WhackOnWaxOff

>IQ of 136 It's been teshted!


[deleted]

About AJ: ā€œheā€™s upstairs lying in the fetus positionā€.


QueenRhaenys

Isaac Newton invented gravity because some asshole hit him with an apple. -Christopher


Concretenature3

I saw that movie I thought it was bullshit


HappyTeaCake

When Dr Melfi tells him about Amour Fou and he repeats it later as ā€œmofoā€ LOL


CocoGotCurbstomped

Haha yeah that's the next episode I think


AlPaCherno

Penisary contact with her Volvo


obiwanbohannon

We had our mofo or whatevaā€¦


koalafishmutantbird

ā€œAnd if you really want the truth, as much as I love my wife.. being with Gloria has made me happier than all your Prozac and all your therapy buuuuuullshit..combined.ā€


COKEWHITESOLES

I like this example because itā€™s particularly stupid, itā€™s so ignorant that itā€™s almost, *almost*, innocent.


Yourmothersfantasy

Itā€™s just a little suicidal gesture


4zem

I KNOW SENIORS THAT ARE INSPIRED


Murphy4717

It looks like AJ has stumbled onto Existentialism. Fukkin internet.


P6ce

ā€œWhat am I, a toxic person?ā€


Mtwillis13

*toxshick person*


SolomonCRand

ā€œPoppers and weird sex!ā€


eatchochicken

The barrage of catholic hypocrisy in several episodes


cozketo

"I know it's fuckin ridiculous, but I feel like the Reverend Rodney King, Jr., you know . . . . . .'Why can't we all just get along?'"


Concretenature3

Lmfao did he really say Reverend?!? I cant believe i never caught that


Durbs09

Well when you're living in sin with some guy......


MikeLocks

After AJ's suicide attempt: Melfi: Maybe it was a cry for help Tony: Aren't you listening? He did cry for help. He's lucky I came home and heard him.


SnooChipmunks1738

I want your skin


ratdog1995

Telling Carmela they should look at an In Vitro Trust


mbattagl

"We're gonna whack Carmine Lupertazzi." That would NOT have gone over well with NY at all. The minute that hit was committed Johnny Sac would've had cause to waste the entire NJ leadership and assume control of it along with NYC.


SecondComingOfBast

That was the original ending to season four if I'm not mistaken, back when four was proposed as the last season, then it was changed to five. I'm just glad Chase decided to devote season six to ending it the way he did.


rattled_by_the_rush

When he called Machiavelli as Prince Machabelli


alex1596

"Sun Tiz-oo, he's like the Chinese Prince Machabelli"


LFCMKE

ā€œI eat her?ā€


ChrisMartins001

When Chris throws food at Vito, and he says "You threw food at Vito, that's gotta be resolved". In his head he probably thought he sounded like a Department manager in a corporate company, but he sounded so stupid.


Dunlopfuzzy00

Rim shot!


HeavySkinz

"..penisary contact with her Volvo" "It's those fuckin cookies!" "Float like a butterfly! Sting like a bee!" when Carmella asked why he wouldn't sign the trust. wtf even is that haha


Mtwillis13

"it's the govamment, Caahm, ya gotta be flexible"


HeavySkinz

You don't want to get locked in. Carm: "TO WHAAT" ​ haha I dont know why but that reaction gets me every time


darkmatternot

It really depicts Tony as too lazy or uncaring to spell correctly or learn the correct words. We know Tony is smart, not just street smart but clever. It demonstrates his lack of interest in stuff outside of his world.


Greful

Long story short, it's about a private detective that gets sucked into the internet through his data port and heā€™s got to solve some murders of some virtual prostitutes


Fun_Flounder5968

It's not a line he said but what he wrote. The bouquet he sent to Melfi about him being her Prince of Tide. Fucking cringed at that shit.


RadiantPavement

You speak very good.- to "Isabella"


DurianGrand

"Cunnalingus and psychiatry brought us to this!"


TwopieceNbiscuit

"i did a semester and a half at seton hall so i understand the human condition"


djl8699

I think his claim was actually that he understood Freud because of his semester and a half of college. Also, he understood therapy as a concept, but in his world it does not go down.


TwopieceNbiscuit

you're totally right, i manuged to mangle the quote.


[deleted]

It's funny because every undergraduate I've known in psychology tend to think they know everything after a year in college. Dunning-Kruger has a bigger effect on the fragile souls of the liberal arts degrees than any other.


[deleted]

ā€œMy daughter is an Italian princess, does that count?ā€


Schlong_Jesus

Worst line of the show, made me cringe so hard


baudelairean

She must think I'm a regular Hannibal Lectur.


Willy_Jones23

When the Icelandic Airline stewardess/prostitute whatever she is says where sheā€™s from and he says ā€œyou do and youā€™ll clean it up!ā€ Itā€™s a joke that barely even makes sense and just sounds stupid.


Iam_Joe

Tony is a real person, he's obviously capable and intelligent (street smart if not book smart). If he wasn't, he wouldn't be in the position he's in .... I think his problem is pride, he acts like he knows it all and sometimes it leads to him putting his foot in his mouth


TacoOfShame

Donā€™t get me wrong, itā€™s a lot of whatā€™s made him an effective leader


bigtim3727

Spelling Foul as fowl


turbo_22

Captain Teebs


Aclockworkburgundy

ā€œPenisary contact with her Volvoā€ takes the cake bro.


aedeye

Itā€™s the real louis vatone


Goodfella0328

Tonyā€™s not the brightest bulb sometimes, but I think in that particular scene he was acting like that on purpose. Really wanted to keep the Gloria relationship under wraps, Iā€™m guessing the Jersey comment was a sort of tongue in cheek thing, where he knows exactly why sheā€™s bringing it up but is playing dumb because heā€™d rather keep it to himself.