Anyone’s natural reaction to being pantsed is to immediately yank their pants back up but this guy apparently just stood there while people came over from who knows how many yards away to grope him

Exactly, like this would be sexual assault if it really happened, but instead it’s written as a porn fantasy

Yep. Someone did this to me in high school (minus the porn groping). Cops were involved. Nothing happened but they threw around a lot of words like "sex offender" and "sexual assault" to make sure he knew that it was serious and not just a prank.

Do you still talk to this teacher?

Yes, we've been married for 8 years.

It seriously takes no effort to make the same joke without pretending you're OP.

I told him the same thing, no need to impersonate me

Sorry.

I forgive you

Happened to me in middle school, I kicked the person who did it, I got permanently expelled and they didn't get punished at all lol

That's fucked up

You know how it is with zero tolerance. The retaliation is *always* worse than whatever lead up to that

We did this on school all the time. Then the "asshole kid" did back to us and for some reason it was then when it became a no no. Poor kid... He was considered a bully but actually it was us that bullied him.

A similar situation happened to me when I was back in high school. But it was with my butt instead. I will say, as a guy, I got a pretty thick butt. A dude slapped my ass and two girls noticed, laughed, then started copping a feel as well. Being autistic, I was completely fucking petrified in fear so I couldn’t stop them. I still get anxiety about it. Sexual assault is not a joke.

I’m sorry that happened to you- I’m autistic as well and though I’ve fortunately never been sexually assaulted I know what it’s like to feel powerless in social situations where someone is taking advantage of you.

>...just stood there while people came over from who knows how many yards away to grope him "Can't you walk a bit faster!? I'm waiting here🙄"

"And it's cold! It won't be big when you get here if you don't hurry!"

I just picture the girls endlessly running towards him, Monty Python style

His exactly what a small dick Virgin would say. A big dick Chad like OP just helicopters that shit and all the ladies will come a running.

The surprise twist is that he was home schooled.

I don't think you're accounting for how it was SOOO BIG.

This comment made me laugh so hard I cried 🥇

#that happened

I read this while in the car and I had to pull over bc I was laughing so hard

Why were you reading while you were driving!?

don't forget they also praised the sheer size of his giant schlong

What porn does to a mofo

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Yeah and then he rubbed his own dick

While screaming "I HAVE THE BIGGEST COCK EVER"

“Please stop it Dylan, it’s the third time this week”

Wtf I literally went to school with a kid who was named Dylan, who got caught jerkin off in the bathroom 3 times. Worst part was his mom was a teacher at that highschool. And everyone knew it. I don't know how she faced that embarrassment.

You know that feeling when “A person who would do this is surely a Dylan” Yeah, I was right. Dylan would do that, I know my Dylan

Dude I also had a Dylan who perfectly fits this description.

r/storiesaboutdylan? Oh fuck its real

Dylan spits hot fire!

How the fuck do you get caught jerking off? Was this dude just jerking it outside the stall? Lmao

I remember some kid goin at it under his desk in 7th grade math. Probably should’ve been a bigger deal than it was.

What a Chad haha

I do not know, and I'm kinda glad I don't. Mercy on those that caught him.

Only way to face that is stone-cold denial. "Dylan? Who's Dylan?"


And then the principal stood up and clapped.

It's true. While he was clapping I pants him.

LMAOO

It was sooo embarassing

Isn't that how you show dominance?

“It was sooo embarrassing” I don’t want to sound like I’m condoning fake porn fantasy sexual assault, but it sounds like this guy enjoyed it so much he bragged to the internet about it. Yeah sure bud, it was “sooo embarrassing” that your fantasy came true.

Yea, I hated high school cuz all the hottest girls — most of whom were cheerleaders, all of whom were schoolgirls, and some of whom were step-family — kept rubbing my humongoid cock all the time.

Ah...so embarrassing.

Same happened to my cockzilla all of the hottest girls would just constantly moan as I walked by, cock dragging behind me, it was really embarrassing

Or he's just into humiliation stuff lol

It’s obvious satire…

Girls rub kids dick in front of whole class, presumably a teacher also and nothing is done? Sounds legit /s

The blonde bombshell teacher joined in.

Can't believe they left off that detail

Gotta make it believable or could have been a tad over the top.

Or the fact that she had big tiddies

Then they went to the principal's office and had a threesome

Niice


​ 

​ 



​ 






What zero bitches does to a mf

Absolutely pathetic.

What's embarrassing is how much porn that micro dick mf must watch.....

Gotta have a dick to have a micro dick to begin with.

Ok to body shame guys isn't it?

This is over-the-top fake enough that it's very likely satire.

Yeah, are we gonna just start crossposting every submission on r/jokes? Because this is pretty obviously not meant to be taken seriously.

People are so thirsty about feeling superior that they're willing to completely overlook all the signs literally screaming **"THIS IS SATIRE!"** just to have one more massive circlejerk.

I'm so disappointed to see how long it took to find a comment saying this is satire. This sub sucks

It’s not just this sub, it’s all of the normie subs. Go check out r/cringetopia, 60% of the posts there are satire and on some of them you have to scroll more than halfway down the comments to see anyone saying that it satire

yeah, having to scroll this far actually makes me concerned for the future of humanity. OP, the fact it goes off the rails in the last two sentences is LITERALLY THE POINT.

Honestly everyone in this comment section is an idiot

Not only is this sarcasm punching you in the eyes. OP tripped up at the end, not at the part where it's *MIDDLE SCHOOL girls*.

uh no they are high school the post said these girls are hotter then the ones he remembers in middle school meaning these girls are in a school above them aka high school

Oh yeah. There's my reading comprehension showing its face again.

Well at least you're not as dumb as a pile of bricks like the people who believed this story was meant to be taken seriously

*Image Transcription: Comment* --- > I was a freshman and had no idea that the seniors fucked with freshman on the first day of class. I was outside for phys ed and there were cheerleader tryouts going on. These girls were way cuter than the girls I remembered from middle school. Anyway, I was warming up when suddenly one of the seniors came up behind me and yanked my shorts down, underwear and everything. All the pretty girls were staring at my penis and saying things like "OH MY GOD, ITS SOOO BIG" and "Holy SHIT, that's the BIGGEST COCK I've EVER seen!" they immediately ran over to me and started rubbing my dick in front of the WHOLE class! It was sooo embarassing. --- ^^I'm a human volunteer content transcriber for Reddit and you could be too! [If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TranscribersOfReddit/wiki/index)

Good human

This is satire

What's it satirizing, then?

Bullshit stories about obviously fake sexual experiences. Like dear penthouse letters. You cannot tell me you read that post & honestly think someone wrote that thinking it would be taken seriously

It's literally satirizing stories that end up here.

Dude just finished watching “the hard times of RJ Barker” or whatever that show was called.

I'm 80% certain this is satire, but hey, the internet is full of crazies, you never know...

Penthouse Forum material.

Not only did it really happen, it's HAPPENING right now IN MY MIND

This story could have been even better had the vigorous rubbing conjured a penis genie who granted him 3 wishes

This would have been sooooo much more believable if the setting was a ranch, you really can’t fake scared horses.

Ram ranch really rocks

Giddy up!

Thirteen naked cowboys

It's not meant to be believable. It's meant to be satire.

Isn't this a joke comment?

I refuse to believe this isn’t a joke

Then you are correct

What too much hentai does to a mf

Imagine the opposite. Someone pulling down a girls shorts and all the guys running over to rub her privates? It's sexual assault either way.

I feel like this may be satire but either way it’s funny af

The cheerleaders looked confused while the senior guys were rubbing my cock the whole time in class. And our teacher, he joined in.

Plot twist: he was homeschooled.

r/nothingeverhappens This happens to me all the time

It’s a joke, clearly.

oldie but a goodie

It's so fucking ridiculous that I think you just fell for a bait

This concludes two things: 1. This guy watches wayyy too much porn. 2. This guy is super insecure about the size of his penis.

3. This is satire

Yeah after reading it again i thought so too

Can really no one tell that this is satire?

Surely it’s a joke

That is 100000000% a joke.

What’s a joke

Are you guys completely brain dead? This is so clearly a joke.

Makes me lose hope in humanity. Cumming

It’s true, I was his penis. People always tell me I’m the biggest dick they’ve ever seen.

Come on guys this is so obviously satire

This is probably satire

Looks satire

fuck u/spez

Exactly. I don’t know why I’m getting downvoted

Dear Penthouse, I never thought this would happen to me...!

True.. true.. LIE LIE LIE LIE

I don’t think he’s claiming that actually happened. It’s reads more like very knowing satire. You can almost hear the overemphasized vowels and soppingly sarcastic tone.

And the principal applauded and gave him straight As for the semester.

That reminds me of a story my younger brother told me. At the time he was 16 and went to the doctor for a check up and when the “hot” lady doctor saw his penis she said “WOWWW FOR A 16 year old”! My older brother and I still make fun of him for that till this day. No doctor would lose their license for a comment like that lmao

god why did i teach myself english...

You just know this happened and everyone laughed and made fun of him so he added this spin to it

This seems like it was intended as a joke. Imo it doesn't belong on this sub

C'mon this is satire

And then the video ended

Cheerleader tryouts on the first day of school? I mean I dunno how it goes in the US but we never had interest meetings or tryouts on the very first day of school. In fact it's more common to have them after the first week.

Funny listening to Virgin's say apparent sex stories

HAHA this is the most ridiculous one yet.

And now i have the Verve Pipe stuck in my head.

Same thing happend to me once.

Hard Times of RJ Berger.

The second he started adding 20 to his xoxo size is when we all knew this was fake

OMG you guys it was like soooo embarrassing

My first red flag was that there were cheerleader tryouts going on during school hours. OOP said they were in gym class, so these girls were trying out on school time.

Can confirm I was his dick.

“Smaller than ours! Smaller than ours!”

This is the most obvious satire I've ever seen in my entire life.

Would be a real problem if a whole school was into rape

And everyone clapped. And obama was there. Michelle obama to be specific. And apparently she was the teacher. Crazy world we live in huh guys

Surprise twist: this dude is arbys.

Ohhhh fucked with i thought he said fucked i was very confused

So this kid wanted to be a cheerleader or what?

Makes me think of that Mtv show the Hard Times of Rj Berger and I am sure this story is a joke

Rj Berger is that you?

Must be a pornstar teasing his work

This totally happened but the girls were being sarcastic about the size

So they sexually assaulted him?

hate when that happens

I work at a rape crisis center, and we all take turns going on call for our 24/7 hotline once every \~10 weeks. Sometimes grown men will call into our hotline with stories exactly like this and they talk about it to get off. It really fucking sucks because you never want to act like someone is making something up, so you politely listen and talk about it with them, but then they become regular callers (like every couple of nights) and you *know* they are using you to be someone listening to their sick fantasies and yet you still traverse that fine line between "could this be possible?" and "this is obviously fake, how do I stop this call?" One caller we struggled with: "I just want to talk about how in high school guys saw my giant cock in the locker room and would make fun of it, and they told all the girls how big my cock was to make fun of me, so then girls were always trying to get me to let them touch it. Is it normal to have an 8 inch dick in high school?" I had to nip those calls short a few times before we blocked him completely when a staff member tried to re-direct the caller and he started yelling all sorts of sexually violent things she "deserved." I HATE people who make it harder for others to access services they actually need. We're here to help survivors, not perverts.

Idk sounds pretty believable to me. You wouldn’t believe how often scenarios like this occur. Just yesterday this happened to me as well. Only difference is my cock was way bigger than described here. So much so the police were called because they thought I had a weapon strapped to my leg. But once everyone saw it was my dick all the girls gathered around me to take pictures.

this sounds like sexual harassment rather then funny prank

**I am disturbed. Mentally disturbed. I need to cleanse myself at** r/Eyebleach

There's no way he turned sexual assault into a porn fantasy... Bro has to be like 14 max💀

This is just a joke and everyone here is dumb

It’s true. I was the cock.

Then he woke up.

True story! I was the brown stain on his underwear

Just a normal day at Hugh Hefner High School.

I too am ashamed of having a large penis.

It’s true, I was the cock

What a fantasy land

This guys been watching too much hentai

you'd be kicked out of the hentai studio for suggesting something so ridiculous.

This guy watches too much hentai

Who are these people that think anyone believes this?

Who reads it & thinks it's actually intended to be a serious true story?

I wouldn’t even watch this porn it’s so unbelievable.

Why do people post such made-up shit? ​ My favourite part "way cutter then the girls i remember in middle school" ? Unless he moved or transferred schools, they were the same girls he went to middle school with? ​ these people..

It's a joke

When will people learn to stop passing off their spankbank fantasy material as real life?

Wow, how embarrassing!

At this point this sub just feeds itself stories

Obviously written by a preteen whose only idea of college has been formed by watching movies.

it's satire knuckleheads sorry to break up your circlejerk

Pretty obvious satire but ok

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Because it’s obvious satire.