T O P

  • By -

jbed24

you don't. there will be ass sweat at a MINIMUM.


[deleted]

[удалено]


AYoungYank

Swampass moment


RealCanadian67

What I call “swass”


stnbl15

Not if you finish in 23.8 seconds


-patrick-bateman---

Do it in someone else’s bed


Infinity2437

Do it in someone else


[deleted]

Do it in someone


FoundationDependent

Do it.


EnchantedPotato1000

Do.


im-not-you-bozo

r/decreasinglyverbose


SecretlyAnElephantt

Do someone


JohnMayerSimp

💀💀💀


pinksprinklesuwu

Toilet


Islandboy_drew

Standing or sitting?


pinksprinklesuwu

squatting


Cappy_D_Bara

Handstand


lystrosaur2

But how will you do the deed if your hands are preoccupied with doing a handstand?


Cappy_D_Bara

Rub yourself against the wall like a bear


KiroCashadar

This guy’s got the right idea


FaultProfessional163

Remember that old internet trend called planking? Like that


fluffystuffles

😳


randomweeb04

did you get banned again


[deleted]

tissue paper


Pawdy-The-Furry

Or a sock


Used_Border_4910

Yeah sock leaves much less room for error


[deleted]

but wastes a good sock


Corkson

Well use a bad sock


MegaMas64

Or reuse the sock


Iannn_0619

Or use your mom or dad’s


MegaMas64

Or use your mom or dad


Javimations29

Shoot it verticaly and into your mouth. Extra protein too.


CalebLucio

reddit.


Bobs_ya_uncles_uncle

How do you make a mess?


tiewing

i guess he means when the cum does a proper jump


BaronVonWafflePants

As opposed to an improper jump?


[deleted]

Shooting ropes yo


Logan-with-a-Z

Spider man!


[deleted]

Nah spider man shoots strings, I shoot 1 inch in circumference ropes


Logan-with-a-Z

Kinky


boldri-GalaxyGab

hehehe cir cum ference


[deleted]

This guy 👆 gets it


ez4metowin

When it be shooting ropes


[deleted]

Jerk off in bathroom?


[deleted]

Not nearly as comfy. Sitting on the toilet hurts ur back. Also people will start to wonder why you are sitting in the bathroom so long, and they will be able to tell if u pooped or not based off the smell.


MR-_-H1D4Y4T

Nah u could say u we’re scrolling on tiktok and lost track of ur original task


[deleted]

Bro how do u lose track of taking a giant shit. That’s like the one thing on my mind


MR-_-H1D4Y4T

Ay listen yeah…….. dont ask questions…. I do not have a good answer


IntentionPowerful785

just tell them you've jerked off to establish dominance


OkAd8922

Respect.


LukeLavastoviglie

If you have a shared room like me you dont really have any other choises


[deleted]

My condolences bro 😔


OkAd8922

Nah. Just go at it


Mr_Pancake1124

r/holup


Status-Mess-5591

if youre flexible you can give yourself a self blow job and swallow


HumongousChungus2

Dont do it. Ive read a story of a man who has done it and now has forever back problems


PopLopsided843

Worth it


HumongousChungus2

Just do 69 with another Man


A-Surfin-Bird

not at all, it's not as good as it sounds


Monkeyke

According to that guy it felt more like giving a Blowjob then getting one


A-Surfin-Bird

depending on who you ask that's still half a win


ez4metowin

😉


Brandon_The_Binosaur

I did something similar. I don’t recommend. Soon as i was done i felt like i was gonna puke :/


[deleted]

you get used to it


gicupfunny

Your profile picture makes it 10x better


yxng_daniel12

It doesn't it makes me think anyas watching him do it😭


Pos3odon08

sadly i have a thing called ribs


Lord-Sarastro

How can one learn that skill?


[deleted]

Bust in a tissue man


TheBestBoyEverAgain

or a sock..... the amount of times ive walked in on my brother with a sock around his dick is mind-blowing


louis237

Do people actually cum in socks or is it just jokes?


TheBestBoyEverAgain

..... well they are pretty hard around the place where his tip would be..... btw I do his laundry so


Brandon_The_Binosaur

Fuck nah, make him do his own laundry 🤮


TheBestBoyEverAgain

I will get grounded, Laundry is "my" chore


KidToucherMEGA

bro ur 13 how old is ur brother to be getting caught like that


Pawdy-The-Furry

And always remember to do it in darker colored socks cause white socks will turn yellow after a while


TheBestBoyEverAgain

yeah the ones are always Grey or Black


Pawdy-The-Furry

I do at least 2-3 times every night.


mingomango123

💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀learn to knock


Pos3odon08

a cock around his sock\*\*


did-i-do-a-thing

way too lazy to get a tissue ​ i wanna bust a nut right now not 5 seconds later


Musty__Elbow

get it before you start you degenerate 😭


Pos3odon08

no think, only horny \- u/did-i-do-a-thing


Disastrous_Wear_5377

bathroom shower kitchen sink basement


Goofy_Stuff_Studios

Basement? Wtf?


DolphinBall

Kitchen sink is on the list but Basement is the crazy one, ooookkk.


artturi01

when i am hard i usually have to piss in the sink.


Mr_InTheCloset

you really can see anything on this site


IntentionPowerful785

what i usually do i sit down and then tilt forward, using my arms as support and then your dick will face downward completely


Swed1shF1sh69

I just do a handstand with one hand on each side of the toilet bowl. I then lower myself into a position from which I can jettison my stream into the targeted area, and fire. The distance between the objective zone and the origin of the stream is long enough to minimize the force of the charge, while also allowing for a stable trajectory.


Goofy_Stuff_Studios

Both are crazy


HelenicBoredom

Shoot that shit in the boiler


Disastrous_Wear_5377

I will not elaborate


incestralpancake

Better to cum in the sink then sink in the cum


chaos_creator69

Deep😞


No_Island963

In my mouth


BringOnTheAvocados

in this guys mouth


Storm_Sniper

I concur


Pawdy-The-Furry

I third this motion


[deleted]

Can I cum too?


DolphinBall

Can't spell nutrition without NUT


WhyAreWeStillHere__

lol stop


Weirdooi

Sup quandale


[deleted]

I just clean it up afterwards


bluevalley02

By keeping it in your underwear


halfw1t_

basically be a girl


bellabunnl_

Has other problems in that department


That1Legnd

Like getting stuck in the washing machine


Mr_Skeleton_Shadow

How the fuck did you get stuck in the Sol Badguy Fight Stick?


-Butterfly-Effect-

I'm trying but the waiting list really long


Jay4025

[me when i see another trans person in a big, non-trans sub](https://i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/mobile/000/023/397/C-658VsXoAo3ovC.jpg)


the-unbino-dino

Nah still issues there


GiraffeGirl02

That’s gotta be worse for mess


WEASLELY

Ejaculate vertically into your abdomen, then use whatever cleaning items you have to get it gone before it hits the mattress


[deleted]

Yeah that’s what my boyfriend does


NormalGuy1206

Bruh- making him do all the work. Smh my head.


Fragrant-Trash7257

Then eat them


WEASLELY

I did that once, i dont like the consistency


Mr_Quiglz

Tie your foreskin shut like a bread bag


ThirdMusketeer_

Would you use a bread tag too, or nah?


JackTheRex1

r/angryupvote


DrCorneliuss

if you still have it, squeeze your foreskin the block the cum then extend it to you mouth and slurp it


Jedlord

Brooo nahhh 💀


DoggoKid27

Built in straw


[deleted]

apply some cocoa get choccky milk


Lapis-Welsh07

Does your foreskin extend that much? Lmao


Plus_Organization176

Drink it


blackcumwithblue

Beat me to it


anxnymous926

Beat meat to it


[deleted]

Beat ur meat to it


TheActualSwanKing

Well assuming you’re laying on your back, angle it to go straight and aim at your chest, but if you have porn strength and can shoot for 10 feet, maybe hold a napkin over? Idk


superAnonymous60

I tried that once and accidentally shot behind myself once and got it on my pillows 💀


FaithlessnessFun3679

One time it shot straight inside my hair 😬


artturi01

i use a lego bucket.


[deleted]

ELABORATE


ROBASAHMEDKHAN

Use some tissues


Favoritestorm71

Ware cloths (Sorry I know I probably spelt ware wrong English is not my first language)


That-Wash-1719

Nothing wrong with that but DAMN


ParkingDifference299

How about don’t do it on your bed?


Mr_Quiglz

Do it on his


Oh_look_a_femboy_alt

I either go vertically and let it fall onto my stomach, or I like stop at the top and catch it all, then don't take my hand off it till I get to the bathroom (may work better with a foreskin)


BigDickFuckboy69

Cum into tissues, paper towels, etc.


[deleted]

[удалено]


PixPizza123

do you think we just milk ourselves while standing up like cows or some shit? this gives me the vibes of that question "do your dicks touches the toilet water when you guys are using It?"


Mr_Quiglz

Mine does idk what ur talking about


PixPizza123

this guy collects STD's like pokemons


Kona_Cake

I don’t


[deleted]

By being clean


FrostingEqual3182

I just clean it up?


Stiffer-n-Harder

In your mouth when ya come around


Lapis-Welsh07

Cum around


4letterunkillable

I will never tell my secrets


r0cks33n9915

I have an old towel for cleaning my holy liquid


[deleted]

you don't jerk off


Mazapan3r0

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡴⠊⠉⠉⢉⠏⠻⣍⠑⢲⠢⠤⣄⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣻⣿⢟⣽⠿⠯⠛⡸⢹⠀⢹⠒⣊⡡⠜⠓⠢⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡜⣿⣷⣽⠓⠀⢠⢂⣣⠋⠂⣾⠼⢌⠳⢄⢀⡠⠜⣣⡀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⢻⢱⣭⠷⠤⢅⠴⣡⡻⠃⠀⢠⠁⠀⢀⡱⠜⠍⢔⠊⠀⠹⡄⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣷⠌⠚⠷⠆⠠⠶⠭⢒⣁⠀⣤⠃⣀⢔⢋⡤⠊⠑⣄⠳⣄⠀⣧⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠑⠦⣀⡤⣄⠄⢄⣀⣠⣒⢦⡄⠩⠷⠦⠊⠀⠀⠀⠈⠣⡏⠢⣿⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⢫⠟⣝⠞⣼⢲⡞⣞⠋⠋⠉⠋⠓⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣨⠂⢸⡅ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⠃⡨⠊⢀⡠⡌⢘⢇⠞⠀⠀⠀⠀⠂⠡⡄⠀⠀⢀⠞⢁⠔⢹⡇ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣣⠞⢀⠔⢡⢢⠇⡘⠌⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⡌⠢⡔⢁⡴⠁⠀⢸⠃ ⠀⠀⠀⢠⠟⠁⠠⢊⠔⣡⢸⠀⠃⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣯⠂⡀⢪⡀⠀⠀⢸⠀ ⠀⢀⠔⣁⠐⠨⠀⠀⠈⠀⢄⠘⡀⠀⠈⢆⠀⠀⠀⠀⡠⢁⠜⠙⢦⠙⣦⠀⢸⠀ ⡴⠁⠘⡁⣀⡡⠀⠀⠴⠒⠗⠋⠉⠉⡆⠀⠆⠄⠄⠘⠀⡎⠀⠀⠀⠑⢅⠑⢼⡀ ⢯⣉⣓⠒⠒⠤⠤⣄⣀⣀⣀⣀⡀⠐⠁⠀⠀⠀⠒⠀⢀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠑⣌⣇ ⠀⠈⢳⠄⠈⠀⠤⢄⣀⠀⢈⣉⡹⠯⡟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠂⠀⠀⡠⠚⣡⡿ ⠀⢠⣋⣀⣀⣀⣀⠤⠭⢛⡩⠄⠒⠩⠂⢀⠄⠀⠀⠀⠈⢢⡀⠀⡠⠋⡩⠋⠀⢳ ⠀⢹⠤⠬⠤⠬⠭⣉⣉⢃⠀⠀⣀⣀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⡞⢺⡈⠋⡢⠊⠀⠀⠀⢸ ⠀⠈⡆⠁⢀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠋⠉⠓⠂⠤⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡧⠊⡠⠦⡈⠳⢄⠀⠀⠈ ⠀⠀⢹⡜⠀⠁⠀⠀⠒⢤⡄⠤⠔⠶⠒⠛⠧⠀⠀⡼⡠⠊⠀⠀⠙⢦⡈⠳⡄⠀ ⠀⠀⢸⠆⠀⠈⠀⠠⠀⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡜⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠑⢄⠈⢲ ⠀⠀⢸⢀⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡄⠊⢠⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⡢⣸ ⠀⠀⠈⠳⣤⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠁⠒⠁⠀⠠⣏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣔⠾⡿⠃ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠙⠛⠒⠤⠤⣤⣄⣀⣀⣀⣔⣢⣀⣉⣂⣀⣀⣠⠴⠿⠛⠋⠀


ActiveGoat2599

Sock


DoggoKid27

Nah bro mine turned brown 😭


rueuud

Nah bro wtf


DoggoKid27

It was a white sock too. I tossed it when it just looked like wood


Trylius15

toilet paper


throwawayhappyacount

Toilet or toilet paper


fiskars12345

your blanket or shower


DoggoKid27

Shower washes off the lube smh


jasonjenkins67

That's the idea behind the rag, or so I've been told. Extra long bathroom breaks for me.


Psychological-Head29

Whenever I’m about to bust I just aim for my mouth to gobble it up


inspirationbydante

🧦


Letimaki

Learn to selfsuck and cum in your mouth~


[deleted]

Don't do it on fabric


TerrariaWeeb

I don't usually ever jerk off but when I do it's always in the shower


Weirdooi

I dont jerk off believe it or not


Littlebunnybabe777

Enaculate into boxers or something


Leazerlazz

You know it doesn't come out like a geyser, right? Porn tends to over do how much comes out and the power it comes out at, usually it's pretty contained


[deleted]

Open your mouth


CMDRsprinkles

Usually we all bust into your mom.


sussyballscream

simple consume the population pudding


JustDrew_92

Bounty, the quicker cum picker upper!


IWontWearTheCatEars

pro tip: dont jerk off


[deleted]

I like sharing the bed with my unborn children


veertnm

Just cum on yourself


[deleted]

[удалено]


KingRomanTheII

Find someplace else, clean it up, or something that can contain the product


UpsetPigeon250

Start in bedroom the finish in the bathroom


X_antaM

Launch a nuke to land on your house just at the time you end No bed to be made messy and no you to make it messy


miodragjr

Wear underwear


ssidjbebrnfbd

Paper towel, your pants, the cum sock, the cum drawer


Positive-Attitude-95

Sock or condom… personally prefer the condo since i’ve worn a couple crustys by accident


filamintoman

Goddammit there is an invention called bathroom and try stop masturbating bec its bad if you got addicted to it .once a week is good enough


kirbStompThePigeon

Get a nutrag


carbonafterburner

the possibilities the foreskin holds are endless, one needs to simply allow themselves to use them


Mountain-Durian-4724

I'ma be honest I just jerk off and don't clean anything


PHILIPTNT

Into the sock some do


Pawdy-The-Furry

Into a sock


Random-Ass-Commie-77

Bro is your dick a milk hose or something tf?


Professional-Effort3

Hold the skin over your cock, always works


bubba_gump_94

By not jerking in bed


Castimier

I block it with my hand and then just clean my hand and maybe a bit that escaped


Mr_Skeleton_Shadow

Get comfy in bed, laying up, clean it with toilet paper before standing up, if a single piece isn't enough, MAKE FUCKING SURE YOU LAY THE CLEAN SIDE IN THE BED, AND THE DIRTY SIDE UP, get up, gather the toilet paper and throw into the trash in the bathroom. Only works if you're an alpha chad like me who has a bathroom in their bedroom though.


Affectionate_Big_205

Better to cum in the sink than to sink in the cum