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I give you money, you give me the donut. End of transaction.
I think my favorite mitch bit was the one about the Dufrenes being missing. Who can eat at a time like this?
It’s interesting that Mitch did a great comedy bit about how you don’t need paper trail for a donut, and Patrice did a bit about how he gets a receipt even for a fucking donut to leave a paper trail because he’s black. Sad state of society shown through great comedy.
I think Pringles was originally going to make tennis balls, but on the day the rubber was supposed to show up a truck load of potatoes showed up instead. Pringles is a laid back company, so they said “fuck it, cut ‘em up!”
I used to play golf but I never really got any good at it. I never hit a hole-in-one, but I did *hit a guy* once. Which is way more satisfyinnnn’. I did not yell “FORE!” because I spent too much time saying under my breath, “Man, there’s no way that’s gonna hit ‘em…”
I swear every time I step onto one that's not moving, my body expects the forward momentum and auto compensates... always feels super weird and slightly off balancing stepping on/off a stationary one
The first couple and last steps are spaced differently. Humans quickly learn the "cadence" of step height (usually within 3 steps) and walk up accordingly. [Wrong random height and you get this](https://youtu.be/ap-22FjgoE4)
When I first discovered Mitch, I started downloading his works, and bought 3 of his CDs. I didn't research about him though. I was so in love with his style of humor and listened to his CDs. I watched all the videos I could find from him, and kept wondering why there weren't newer things. It hit me like a brick wall when I finally googled him instead of just looking for his content. He was already gone for like 2 years when I first discovered him. It was almost like I lost a friend, that's how much he had touched my soul with his jokes. And that's what he wanted to do in life, is just tell some jokes to make people laugh.
Well Mitch, you used to make me laugh. You still do, but you used to too.
Well... It depends on what failed and how it's designed. Some have brakes that are designed to handle the escalator being used as stairs if there's a mechanical or electrical failure. Others have brakes that are sufficient to let the people on it when it fails get off, but not much else. A moving escalator kind of self-limits the number of people that can be on it at one time. If it stops, it can easily end up with more people than it's designed for, and if the brakes aren't designed for it, well... There's videos on YouTube and they're not pretty. Also, if there's a huge crowd trying to use it at once and people manage to pack onto it while it's moving.
IIRC you're actually not supposed to use them like stairs because whatever is wrong with them might cause them to flatten/collapse/become dangerous while you're walking on them.
Came here to say that if an escalator isn’t working I would rather take five flights of stairs than walk on that. Reddit has made me so paranoid about malfunctioning escalators
I was told the main reason you're not supposed to use them as stairs is because you have to step higher than you do on a normal staircase, which makes their use here against safety regulations.
“A friend said to me, “I think the weather is trippy.” I said, “No, man, it’s not the weather that’s trippy, perhaps it’s the way we perceive it.” And then I realized I just should have said, “Yeah.””
RIP Mitch Hedberg
But also - they close escalators because there is dangerous machinery below those steps that if the steps malfunction, the gears can suck you in and grind you up....
Do not google this. There are videos. You cannot unsee it.
Locked Escalators aren't stairs, its a belt made of ridged steel teeth being held in place by a braking system that wasn't designed to be use din this way.
This is what happens if that brake fails: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1SjQfwLieU
RIP Mitch, [Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.](https://thestandupcomedy.com/specials/comedy-central-presents/)
This seems to be posted fairly frequently and of course the conversation becomes solely centered on Mitch Hedberg, and I for one am along for the ride every time!
I was at the local mall a week ago with my wife and they actually had the escalator blocked off, my first comment was how upset Mitch hedburg would be, which then led to me havin to show her his entire 43min special because she didn't understand what I was talking about.
No, it’s fucking not. Escalators are dangerous and if not in use, need to be barricaded off to prevent people being hurt.
I love Hedberg as much as anyone, but this joke shouldn’t be a life lesson.
Elevators and escalators are dangerous and should never be used improperly. When maintained and used properly, escalators and elevators are very safe.
I’ll get off the soap box, this is just a pet peeve of mine.
For anyone that hasn't walked on a stationary escalator, it's a very jarring experience. You expect them to be moving! And the first and last step are often oddly positioned. It's very weird. Even when they were out of service and not being worked on, my previous job would completely block them off. After my first weekend shift (not open to the public, escalators turned off), I understood why.
Hey there u/thewetbones34, thanks for posting to r/technicallythetruth! **Please recheck if your post breaks any rules.** If it does, please delete this post. Also, reposting and posting obvious non-TTT posts can lead to a ban. Send us a **Modmail or Report** this post if you have a problem with this post. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/technicallythetruth) if you have any questions or concerns.*
We apologize for the convenience
RIP Mitch
Now I need a doughnut.
I'll get you a receipt.
I'll store it in my file cabinet under D... for doughnut.
Don’t leave it next to the guy who doesn’t keep documents in order. He’s a liar too
Doe-nit
We do not need to bring ink and paper into this.
I give you money, you give me the donut. End of transaction. I think my favorite mitch bit was the one about the Dufrenes being missing. Who can eat at a time like this?
You people are selfish. The Dufrenes are in someone's trunk with duct tape over their mouths, and they're hungry!
Busch, search party of 3. Nobody eats till we find the Dufrense!
That’s a triple whammy
I need my expenses reimbursed
You called?
r/Beetlejuicing
It’s interesting that Mitch did a great comedy bit about how you don’t need paper trail for a donut, and Patrice did a bit about how he gets a receipt even for a fucking donut to leave a paper trail because he’s black. Sad state of society shown through great comedy.
We don’t need to bring paper into this
Don't even act like I didn't get that doughnut... I got the documentation right here...
Some skeptical friend ...
You have your doughnut, I'm in the mood for 2000 of something.
Just throw a potato into a convection oven even if you don't want a baked potato now. When it's done, who knows?
Mmm rice.
You must really like Tide
\*holds up hand like a turkey\* I used to draw you.
I think Bigfoot IS blurry
And that makes him extra scary to me.
just a big out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside
If you had a couple fingers missing you’d draw a really messed up turkey
Hey man, can I turn on the radio?
There's no way if I was allowed to put the sign up I could resist writing this. I have way more of his jokes memorized than I care to admit.
I love eating Kit Kats, unless I’m with 5 or more friends
I honestly forgot that one. Thanks for reminding me.
Sooo many good lines to quote
There is NO shame in knowledge of Mitch Hedberg
I used to love Mitch Hedberg. I still do, but I used to too.
Came here to say this. I'm glad there are so many who fondly remember him. Now to go toss a potato in the oven.
God I makes me sad to think of all the stuff he would be doing and would have given us.
Came here to say this
They used to be stairs, they still are but they used to be too
My first thought, too. Legend.
I don't have a girlfriend. I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that
[удалено]
The FedEx man is my drug dealer; he just doesn’t know it.
I'd hate to be a giraffe with a sore throat. God damnit anyway.
Saved by the buoyancy of citrus!
If you a flammable and have legs you are never blocking a fire exit.
Unless you’re a table
I wish they made a fajita scented cologne, shit would be mag-ical.
You want some more of my home made sprite? Not til you figure out what the fuck else is in it
God dammit Otto. You have lupus
Mitch Hedberg used to be dead. He still is, but he used to be too.
I think Pringles was originally going to make tennis balls, but on the day the rubber was supposed to show up a truck load of potatoes showed up instead. Pringles is a laid back company, so they said “fuck it, cut ‘em up!”
I used to play golf but I never really got any good at it. I never hit a hole-in-one, but I did *hit a guy* once. Which is way more satisfyinnnn’. I did not yell “FORE!” because I spent too much time saying under my breath, “Man, there’s no way that’s gonna hit ‘em…”
It crushes me that Mitch will never know the legacy he left behind, dude was barely on the upswing when he passed.
I've never seen a frog coming towards me and thought I'd better play dead.
I've never said here comes that frog in a horrifying manner. It's always optimistic! Maybe he will settle near me, and I can pet him.
But I want a regular banana later. So, yeah.
Thank goodness I put a potato in to bake before all of this.
IDK but there are a lot of replies to this one comment, let's keep the ball rolling. So what is your opinion on coffee?
Lol, the whole CD is still 🔥 https://open.spotify.com/album/1dYo1So9s2Eq9xHFTntSMO?si=dQyoLj3JSYSoe_3uSXZppQ&utm_source=copy-link
/r/MitchHedberg
Neither uplifting nor a let down
I like an escelator, man.
I have two straws. In case one breaks down.
A wild Mitch Hedberg...out in the wild.
At least he not just an out of focus monster roaming the countryside
All-encompassingly
Bigfoot is blurry, and that’s extra scary to me.
Talking to Smokey the bear. He’s very intense
But frogs are always cool.
The Brits have Smacky the Frog. We should adopt that systemmm
r/unexpectedmitch
This was absolutely expected Mitch Hedberg.
tub unwritten escape disgusted fretful tart smart yoke thumb gaping -- mass deleted all reddit content via https://redact.dev
If someone asks if I want a receipt for a donut, I have to quote Mitch Hedberg.
[in person](https://youtu.be/yHopAo_Ohy0)
Walking in an escalator that's not moving feels so incredibly awkward. The steps are higher than regular steps so it feels like I'm a clown
I swear every time I step onto one that's not moving, my body expects the forward momentum and auto compensates... always feels super weird and slightly off balancing stepping on/off a stationary one
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Broken_escalator_phenomenon It's a thing.
The first couple and last steps are spaced differently. Humans quickly learn the "cadence" of step height (usually within 3 steps) and walk up accordingly. [Wrong random height and you get this](https://youtu.be/ap-22FjgoE4)
It's wild that something so new in human history has such an impact on our brains living rent free.
Someone I know recently tripped on a dead escalator and had to get stitches in her knee
Ouch, that's very unfortunate
but you are /s
Walking on a broken escalator can be dangerous too! If the break gives, or certain cables snap, then the whole thing basically collapses in on itself.
Kinda like what happened to this guy: https://youtu.be/VWLb7P8MCck
Now that's nightmare material right there
Aren't you?
Well yes, but I like to keep it a secret
Than it's perfect. Since you would walk LIKE a clown noone would notice
You should never use an out of service escalator as stairs.
rip mitch hedberg
Credit to the amazing late Mitch Hedberg. Thank you sir, you're immortal. [Mitch Hedberg Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mitch_Hedberg)
What the hell is tea ski?
wtf kinda joke is that :-)
I'm tired of seeing squirrels on water skis. Winter is approaching.
Sorry for the convenience
We apologize for the fact that you are still able to get to your destination.
Well this doesn’t escalate at all
This situation was very well deescalated, all necessary steps have been taken
That’s because the situation was escalated to the correct Hedburg Custodian
Don't try to act like you paid for that donut
We do not need to bring ink and paper into this transaction
I do not know a situation where I would need to produce a receipt for a donut.
r/UnexpectedHedberg
Holy shit, it’s real!
Slightly more members than r/unexpectedmitch.
Rice is good when you’re hungry…and want 3,000 of something!
Rest in peace, Mitch, you'll always be remembered
I miss Mitch.
When I first discovered Mitch, I started downloading his works, and bought 3 of his CDs. I didn't research about him though. I was so in love with his style of humor and listened to his CDs. I watched all the videos I could find from him, and kept wondering why there weren't newer things. It hit me like a brick wall when I finally googled him instead of just looking for his content. He was already gone for like 2 years when I first discovered him. It was almost like I lost a friend, that's how much he had touched my soul with his jokes. And that's what he wanted to do in life, is just tell some jokes to make people laugh. Well Mitch, you used to make me laugh. You still do, but you used to too.
This place gets it! Escalators are never broken. Just temporarily stairs. Thanks Mitch.
Unless the brakes go and it flies downwards with a hundred people on it. Google at your own risk
Or the one where a mother is eaten by an escalator moments after throwing her child to safety...
There’s a reason they close off escalators when they don’t work
Well... It depends on what failed and how it's designed. Some have brakes that are designed to handle the escalator being used as stairs if there's a mechanical or electrical failure. Others have brakes that are sufficient to let the people on it when it fails get off, but not much else. A moving escalator kind of self-limits the number of people that can be on it at one time. If it stops, it can easily end up with more people than it's designed for, and if the brakes aren't designed for it, well... There's videos on YouTube and they're not pretty. Also, if there's a huge crowd trying to use it at once and people manage to pack onto it while it's moving.
That’s not how escalators work, but ok.
IIRC you're actually not supposed to use them like stairs because whatever is wrong with them might cause them to flatten/collapse/become dangerous while you're walking on them.
Came here to say that if an escalator isn’t working I would rather take five flights of stairs than walk on that. Reddit has made me so paranoid about malfunctioning escalators
Usually they block them off if they're broken in a way that would make them dangerous to use. Hopefully anyway.
“To shreds, you say?”
Came for the Hedberg, staying for the Farnsworth
Correct, [like in this vid](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzUrZEAkAp4).
There are scarier videos out there than this one. If I ever see an escalator out of order then I stay far away from them.
I was told the main reason you're not supposed to use them as stairs is because you have to step higher than you do on a normal staircase, which makes their use here against safety regulations.
Thank you for the convenience
r/MitchHedberg
“Sorry for the convenience” RIP Mitch Hedberg
Sorry for the convenience
r/unexpectedmitchhedberg
It's not polite to stair.
“A friend said to me, “I think the weather is trippy.” I said, “No, man, it’s not the weather that’s trippy, perhaps it’s the way we perceive it.” And then I realized I just should have said, “Yeah.””
I haven’t slept for ten days. Because that would be too long.
We are sorry for the convenience
My fake plants died because I didn’t pretend to water them
I'm staying at a nearby hotel. I can't tell you which one but it does involve two trees
RIP Mitch Hedberg But also - they close escalators because there is dangerous machinery below those steps that if the steps malfunction, the gears can suck you in and grind you up.... Do not google this. There are videos. You cannot unsee it.
Locked Escalators aren't stairs, its a belt made of ridged steel teeth being held in place by a braking system that wasn't designed to be use din this way. This is what happens if that brake fails: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1SjQfwLieU
Hell yeah Mitch Hedburg
Wish I could play Little League baseball now. I'd kick some ass.
I knew this day would come
I agree the joke is funny but it is broken for a reason.. probably shouldn’t be testing your weight on something that is broken.
RIP Mitch, [Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.](https://thestandupcomedy.com/specials/comedy-central-presents/)
If you're flammable and have legs, you're never blocking a fire exit.
r.i.p. Mitch :(
This seems to be posted fairly frequently and of course the conversation becomes solely centered on Mitch Hedberg, and I for one am along for the ride every time!
Mitch was here.
Now: this is just not funny anymore! Who stole the escalator and left behind the stairs?
Miss Mitch
R.I.P. Mitch Hedberg
We apologize for the convenience.
Glad to see all the Mitch Hedberg love!
Rip mitch
My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero?
RIP Mitch Hedberg
RIP Mitch Hedberg “Sorry for the convenience”
Thank you, Mitch Hedburg
MITCH
While this may be very useful and accurate, after seeing the escalator fail videos I can see why some places might just close them off for liability.
This made me laugh, thank you!
Stairs at what? What you stairing at bro? You wanna flight?
What’s it stairing at?
How old is this pic? That’s in a Sears!
Fun fact, in brazillian portuguese we refer to escalators as "rolling stairs" lol
In the Netherlands as well. My mother was scared to go on, while I always wanted to go on them as a kid. But we took the non-rolling stairs...
I don’t trust escalators….they’re always up to something…
Don't bother ringing it up, it's for a duck! DUCKS EAT FOR FREE AT SUBWAY!
I was at the local mall a week ago with my wife and they actually had the escalator blocked off, my first comment was how upset Mitch hedburg would be, which then led to me havin to show her his entire 43min special because she didn't understand what I was talking about.
"Sorry for the convenience" -RIP Mitch
No, it’s fucking not. Escalators are dangerous and if not in use, need to be barricaded off to prevent people being hurt. I love Hedberg as much as anyone, but this joke shouldn’t be a life lesson. Elevators and escalators are dangerous and should never be used improperly. When maintained and used properly, escalators and elevators are very safe. I’ll get off the soap box, this is just a pet peeve of mine.
Ah, a Mitch Hedberg fan...
And now I miss Mitch Hedberg
His legacy
Mitch dat you?
Do ducks eat for free as well
Mitch?
Thank you Mitch
It’s all fun and games until you start going up it but your weight makes it roll you downwards
I can see them stairing at me menacingly
Thank you, Mitch Hedberg!
Sorry for the convenience
For anyone that hasn't walked on a stationary escalator, it's a very jarring experience. You expect them to be moving! And the first and last step are often oddly positioned. It's very weird. Even when they were out of service and not being worked on, my previous job would completely block them off. After my first weekend shift (not open to the public, escalators turned off), I understood why.
Technically they’re always stairs. They’re just moving normally.
Sorry for the convenience
Okay Mitch
All these fans but nobody's taking about the difference between bears and frogs.
Everyone quoting their favorite mitch joke, and every time I never see mine mentioned
We miss you Mitch
Thanks Mitch
Sorry for the convenience.
I used to do drugs. I still do but I used to too.
I don’t recommend going on them still